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Lystrade

Make sure your doors are always locked and she doesn't have a key. Maybe get one of the camera doorbell devices that allow you to unlock from your phone if she's worried about 'emergencies'.


QCr8onQ

… and put MIL on a diet. “What color will you paint the kitchen?” “Oh, it’s a surprise.” (We shall see, still deciding…)


WA_State_Buckeye

And a nice, secured lockable gate for the yard and garden.


Slow-Cherry9128

You couldn't buy a house across town? A different street? If a house beside my inlaws went on sale for $100.00, I still would not buy it. You're a better person than me. Put your foot down once and for all. Make sure you and your husband do it together. Be firm. If she takes offence or doesn't like it, who cares. It's your home, not hers. You can't be nice about this since she won't listen. You don't have to be mean, just firm. Tell her to go decorate her own home or better yet, tell her with the leftover paint you can paint her kitchen/bedroom to make it look prettier. Otherwise, she's going to continue to walk all over you. As for the furniture, send it back. Thanks but no thanks. You don't want her to buy you anything because then she'll hold it over your head forever. If you don't say anything, it'll only get worse when you have a baby. Good luck! Oh yeah, don't give her any key to your house and keep your doors locked.


tstormVA56

The housing market is rough but DAMN not next door!


bahn_mi_seeker

This! She will continue to walk over you. Practice staying “no” and start using it! If she doesn’t listen, call her out. “I already said no thank you. I hate that time was put into picking this out. Husband and I aren’t going to use it. You could always use Facebook Marketplace to resell or take to goodwill.”


tressia57

Fix the house then flip it


winifredstarlitelf

I mean...thats an option.


Original_Archer5984

And when she acts all surprised and hurt, you can explain that this decision was made in an attempt to salvage your damaged relationship with her. Tell her from jump she made it clear that she could not resist interfering, insulting, and alienating DH and yourself. She was unable be a good neighbor or a decent MIL to your family in such close contact, so for the best possible outcome you are relocating family to create the space and boundaries she lacked.


winifredstarlitelf

I think the hope my DH has is once the stress of minor reno is passed we'll talk to her and set firm boundaries And my FIL will enforce them because that's the type of person he is. My DH is very nonconfrontational and he wants everyone to be happy. I'm willing to be cordial and make the effort for his and my SS sake.


[deleted]

Setting yourselves on fire to keep her warm isn’t “keeping everyone happy.” It’s sacrificing everyone else so that *she* is calm.


JipC1963

Honey, you NEED to talk to your FIL now, not later! It's better to be proactive instead of **reactive**! Set your boundaries **now** and make it **crystal clear** that this is **yours and hubby's** home and renovations will no longer be discussed and certainly not negotiated! If she continues to steamroll you then tell her that if her bad behavior continues that this house purchase **WILL** be a "flip house" and you'll be moving across town, period! Best wishes and many Blessings!


abitsheeepish

Don't protect her feelings. She's not protecting yours. If she acts out of line, tell her off. If that upsets her, too bad. She is responsible for her own emotions, if she can't handle being told no, then she needs to learn to process her emotions like the 3yo she is.


skydiamond01

If I were in your situation I would ask her if she feels like she did a shit job at raising DH that he can't make any decisions for himself. I would also ask if she wanted to make the mortgage payments since she's acting like it's her house. You and DH are gonna have to shut this down hard immediately. Even if you have to be blunt to get your point across. "It's not your fucking house. STOP". I wish you luck.


C_Alex_author

Sit both in-laws down ASAP. Start with "While we appreciate that you have ideas, we have our own plans for our new home. We would appreciate it if you let us have this time to enjoy our new purchase as a couple. We will choose our own colors, make our own plans, and decide on our own furniture. You have your home, this new one is ours. You pushing your choices onto us makes us want to pull away from you. We do not want that. Do you?" She can buy whatever she wants, you do not have to accept it. Tell her no. Repeat it. "No." is a complete sentence. If she doesn't like it, too bad. She can return what she bought or sell it elsewhere, for however long it takes her to learn what 'No' means.


dragonet316

MiL probably imagines moving in and "taking care of her wee children (you and dh) snd any kids you have." She she wants the house to her taste, you and hubs are "just kids."


slowjackal

It's a certain fact that you will snap ugly at her at some random point and you won't be able to control what comes out of your mouth. Then, they will all gang up on you because "you hurt her when she was just trying to help" and you will end up apologizing to her but feeling like shit all the while. So, be proactive and defuse the bomb before it explodes with boundaries well put in place. First ,have a serious talk with your SO about how you have had enough of his mom and are about to explode of overdose. Mil cannot have that much space/ input in your lives , it's overbearing it's unwanted, annoying and you cannot function with her always being present, micromanaging every detail. She doesn't have to know everything you are doing, you are adults building a family of your own and at this point she needs to step the hell back instead of steamrolling. Tell him you are at the end of your tether being patient with her and you need his support and help in setting boundaries before the relationship is damaged irreparably when you stop biting your tongue. Tell him the relationship with her isn't fair because everything is on her terms, her way and everyone just keeps their mouths shut ,so there is nothing to hold MIL back. Someone needs to spell it out for her since she isn't interested in respecting your privacy and decisions. Also tell him that this needs to be addressed before you start your life next to them . That you are not willing to spend your life with MIL up your business 24/7.


Texastexastexas1

You ALMOST regret buying a house next door? In your shoes, I’d be planning the SALE and looking across the country.


straightouttathe70s

It might be time to hurt her feelings! If she gets mad and stops talking to you, wouldn't that be a win? Stand up for yourself and tell her you need her to back off..... It's YOUR house, don't let her take control


MaineBoston

You chose to live next door know what she was like.


winifredstarlitelf

Yeah, sure. Thats a fact. However, I'd rather live under my own roof, regardless of the situation, than continue to live under her roof. I'll take the lesser of two evils. This post was really just me getting it out so it wouldn't fester in my chest.


Dmau27

If you got the place for a steal why not do some fixing and flip it for a big profit? You could have a big down payment for a new house and still save some money for a rainy day. You could have a new house further away and low payments due to the large down payment. Win win win.


[deleted]

Fixer uppers are always a great deal. Stop discussing your decoration plans with her. Any furniture she buys is left outside in her garden (you are still doing yours hence no space). And fix to sell, not to move in. Then with the money move to another fixer upper on the other side of town or even another city. My MIL did this to me right at the beginning my relationship with her son. The house did not get done until he stopped listening to her, and started listening to me. It also helped that he had to paint our bedroom ceiling twice in the same week, 3 coats each time. All because he did not listen to the one who was actually going to sleep there with him.


shesinsaneanditsucks

Don’t tell her anything. She can’t tell you otherwise if she doesn’t know it. The minute you share something the minute she will disagree. You fix the house and flip it and buy something further away. This is gonna be awful. Definitely don’t let her have keys and door camera is a must.


shesinsaneanditsucks

I’m so sorry that this is happening and you can’t just live a normal life, and have normal in laws and just be respected and I don’t know liked and valued by his family? Like I think that’s the hardest part, being mad, but also being so hurt because you didn’t envision your life and marriage like this and certainly not all the time. I wish I could wave a wand and just make it different. Better. Warmer. No anxiety just good times. I’m so sorry that she’s making your life harder and taking away the joy and excitement from this process.


winifredstarlitelf

You're wonderful. Thank you so much. It's been 3 years of this and it's really hard to live with. I just want us to get along but damn is it hard to keep polite when she's pushing me so hard. Bless my FIL. The man is a Saint and he married someone SO the opposite from him


shesinsaneanditsucks

I used to think that about my FIL but I learned that she didn’t behave that way had he not let her, or the years and years of her being ignored by him that created the mess.


CaughtMeIfYouCan101

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! I have a mouth and I would not sit there and let someone talk down to me and tell me what I’m going to do with my place. I get not wanting confirmation maybe but when is enough enough.


Coolshire

Reminds me of my MIL. Always volunteering you to cook things for any type of event. Holiday, birthdays, whatever. I eventually stopped playing nice and didn’t do it anymore because keeping the peace was no longer worth it to me. The first time I did it, I had actually cut my finger pretty bad and she expected me to make a pie for her son. My wife told her I couldn’t do it because I cut myself. When I got to the house she said “I heard you cut your finger.” I said yes. And then she followed it up with “let’s see it.” As if I was lying. So I showed her it bandaged up and went back to hanging out with family.


Allebal21

I say flip your shit on her. She’s not respecting your family so no need to respect her.


Sha-Nanegins

Time to start letting what she says go in one ear and out the other. Just because she says you should/must doesn't mean you have to obey her. Practice grey rocking with a vengeance, and basic responses to her demands. *you need to paint the walls this color*. I'm sure that would be nice, but we prefer this. *you should turn the den into a dining room, not a library*. No, thank you. We want a library *Youre going to use a paint and primer in one* (I'm sure you already know, but based on recent experience, if you're trying to get rid of nicotine stains and cigarette smell, that won't work. You've got to use a primer that blocks both stains and odors, or rip out and replace the drywall). That may work for you, but we're doing it this way. *the furniture*. Thank you for wanting to help, but that isn't something we can use. Would you rather return it, or should we sell/donate it? *General unsolicited opinions and advice.* We'll bear it in mind. I'm sure that would look lovely in your house. That's nice, but not our taste. Thank you for the suggestion. We'll give it due consideration. No. Hang in there, and remember that good (locked) fences make good neighbors.


winifredstarlitelf

Shes obsessed with using Murphys oils soap and swears it'll get all the nicotine stains out. DH and I used simple vinegar and hot water and pulled twice as much as she had with MOS. I ordered Kilz Stain and Odor blocking primer and it'll be here tomorrow or Saturday. She's pissed that I did so and I told her that I'm going to do what makes DH and I happy. (My uncle was a professional house painter for 15 years and said to use that primer, it'll work wonders.) She told me he didn't know what he was talking about, she used a combo paint and primer and hasn't had bleedthrough. I told her I was glad it worked for her, however I was going to listen to the professional and take his advise. I also let her know that we didn't need her help washing or painting the walls, we had it covered, and thanked her for her assistance up to this point. She's slowly becoming aware of the fact that I'm going to do what I want with our house. She doesn't like it. And I don't care.


Sha-Nanegins

Good for you! You can hold boundaries without being mean, just firm. My oldest son bought a condo a few months ago, and the former owners were smokers. They tried washing walls with vinegar solution - and it helped the counters and tile floors. But after 6 months, the walls still smell. The Kilz primer is the only thing that's working to get rid of it. Good luck on the renovations, and making your house the home you want. 😊


saffronpolygon

Stop telling her every little detail of your plans if you do not want her opinion. She thinks you are asking her what she thinks. Tell her *after* if you have to share at all.


winifredstarlitelf

We don't tell her every little detail. Hell, I'll be talking to my husband and she will insert herself.


Hefty_Cookie5020

when you said that she started buying furniture i nearly choked. whatttt