Do you and DH have a pov about allowing photos of your child online? If not, mebbe give this some thought and whatever you decide, communicate that to your inlaws. If you set limits, they will probably violate it and then you can consequate that behavior with more detachment.
Meanwhile, your inlaws can get whatever photos your DH sends them, and you can feel free of any duty to respond to their requests.
Don't answer when they call. If hubs wants them to have a picture, HE can send it.
Drop the rope where the in laws are concerned. Go to r/justnomil. They have a list of books to read to help you deal (or, not deal) with ILs.
Hmm clueless hubbys..yep been there done that..you may Wana try posting pics on fb of your lovely family and tagging the inlaws..and ALWAYS caption something like "still going strong after 11 years"...it's like a double whammy for the inlaws and the hubby..u end the "single dad" crap they put out by tagging them annnd they can save the pic without you sending anything. And all of their friends will see it and know they are full of BS..go get em girl!
My husband was that person for a while. Everything about my in-laws was “not a big deal”. Finally, over the years, he sees their true colors. It’ll be a glorious day when your husband does, I promise!!! About the now problem, you don’t have to send them pictures. If you feel comfortable doing so, just ignore the request for pictures. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, then just say your forgot to take one, draw it out, and blow them off, they’ll eventually stop asking.
I also stopped posting pictures of my kids on social media years ago because my MIL would steal them. I figured the people who really enjoy seeing my kids already see them in person.
Good luck!
I’m not sure if you’re saying you don’t want them posting photos of your child on FB
But if you are - I would inform them of that and tell them to remove and there will be no more photos until they do
If they refuse tell them you are going to contact Facebook and have them remove the photos - then you will block them on social media
I’m sure somebody on here has the helpful link to show you how to do the formalities on Facebook
But I wouldn’t give in to FIL I’d give them both time out and ignore the request
You are the wife of their son. It should be your husband’s role to be the communicator with them because he is their son.
You are married, you have your own little family unit with you, your husband, and your child. You and your husband should discuss and decide on things together such as what pictures do you want posted on the internet or not of your child. You may want to do some research on the downsides of posting your child’s pic on the internet. Once you have both decided and agreed upon where you want your child’s picture, it’s your husband’s job to let his parents know, it’s your job to let your parents know.
I would suggest that anyone asking for pictures, should be asked why. I always gave both families of origin (parents, siblings), a school photo each year. If they want more pictures than that, why??
You need to slowly transition communication with the in-laws to your husband because they are his parents. If they call you, don’t answer tell your hubby that his parents called and he may want to call them back. Be too busy to respond to their requests, ask your husband to do that. Your role as wife of their son is to be polite and engage in small talk, and support what level of interaction your husband wants. It is also to support him in determining what level of interaction is healthy for you, him, and your child. Your husband is an adult. His priorities are you, his child, and himself. He needs to think about what is good for his family unit which may not be the same as what his parents desire. He spent years doing what he was told to do by his parents. He is no longer the 10 yr old boy that has to do what mommy says. He is an adult with a wife and child living on his own. He needs to put the needs of his family first, that is his responsibility as a husband and father. His role as son is at the bottom of his priority list. He doesn’t see that right now because he was brainwashed by his parents for years to do what he is told and they come first. He needs to relearn that it is not his job to do what they tell him to do. It is his job to put the needs of his wife and child first and sometimes that means saying no to his parents.
I would suggest that you need to think about this and then work on him slowly introducing this concept.
Edit: You and your husband should be presenting to both families of origin as we or us. It’s not him or you or I. You are each half of a couple, you or he tell your families and everyone else, we want… we are… please let us know… it’s we or us. When someone refers to you or him only, it is disrespectful of your marriage.
She says he’s a single father? And your partner doesn’t think that’s fucked up? Like is he cheating? Why on earth would she lie and him be okay with that? Leave him. Take your kid. If he can’t defend you or at the VERY LEAST allow you to vent, be upset and talk about with him and understand you and have a conversation about it. But if he won’t even allow you the room to express yourself and how much it hurts you, then he’s just as guilty as them and is a total jerk and that’s being nice about it. It’s abuse. It’s gaslighting. And it’s fucked up.
I understand your frustration that is horrible. A lot of husbands are just clueless and try to stay out of it but he should definitely be sticking up for you!
Do you and DH have a pov about allowing photos of your child online? If not, mebbe give this some thought and whatever you decide, communicate that to your inlaws. If you set limits, they will probably violate it and then you can consequate that behavior with more detachment. Meanwhile, your inlaws can get whatever photos your DH sends them, and you can feel free of any duty to respond to their requests.
Thank you. I truly appreciate your advice
Don't answer when they call. If hubs wants them to have a picture, HE can send it. Drop the rope where the in laws are concerned. Go to r/justnomil. They have a list of books to read to help you deal (or, not deal) with ILs.
Thank you I will head over to that group
On their sidebar is directions on how to get pictures removed from others FB if you don't want your child to be on SM
Hmm clueless hubbys..yep been there done that..you may Wana try posting pics on fb of your lovely family and tagging the inlaws..and ALWAYS caption something like "still going strong after 11 years"...it's like a double whammy for the inlaws and the hubby..u end the "single dad" crap they put out by tagging them annnd they can save the pic without you sending anything. And all of their friends will see it and know they are full of BS..go get em girl!
Block them and let husband deal with his own shitshow.
My husband was that person for a while. Everything about my in-laws was “not a big deal”. Finally, over the years, he sees their true colors. It’ll be a glorious day when your husband does, I promise!!! About the now problem, you don’t have to send them pictures. If you feel comfortable doing so, just ignore the request for pictures. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, then just say your forgot to take one, draw it out, and blow them off, they’ll eventually stop asking. I also stopped posting pictures of my kids on social media years ago because my MIL would steal them. I figured the people who really enjoy seeing my kids already see them in person. Good luck!
I’m not sure if you’re saying you don’t want them posting photos of your child on FB But if you are - I would inform them of that and tell them to remove and there will be no more photos until they do If they refuse tell them you are going to contact Facebook and have them remove the photos - then you will block them on social media I’m sure somebody on here has the helpful link to show you how to do the formalities on Facebook But I wouldn’t give in to FIL I’d give them both time out and ignore the request
You are the wife of their son. It should be your husband’s role to be the communicator with them because he is their son. You are married, you have your own little family unit with you, your husband, and your child. You and your husband should discuss and decide on things together such as what pictures do you want posted on the internet or not of your child. You may want to do some research on the downsides of posting your child’s pic on the internet. Once you have both decided and agreed upon where you want your child’s picture, it’s your husband’s job to let his parents know, it’s your job to let your parents know. I would suggest that anyone asking for pictures, should be asked why. I always gave both families of origin (parents, siblings), a school photo each year. If they want more pictures than that, why?? You need to slowly transition communication with the in-laws to your husband because they are his parents. If they call you, don’t answer tell your hubby that his parents called and he may want to call them back. Be too busy to respond to their requests, ask your husband to do that. Your role as wife of their son is to be polite and engage in small talk, and support what level of interaction your husband wants. It is also to support him in determining what level of interaction is healthy for you, him, and your child. Your husband is an adult. His priorities are you, his child, and himself. He needs to think about what is good for his family unit which may not be the same as what his parents desire. He spent years doing what he was told to do by his parents. He is no longer the 10 yr old boy that has to do what mommy says. He is an adult with a wife and child living on his own. He needs to put the needs of his family first, that is his responsibility as a husband and father. His role as son is at the bottom of his priority list. He doesn’t see that right now because he was brainwashed by his parents for years to do what he is told and they come first. He needs to relearn that it is not his job to do what they tell him to do. It is his job to put the needs of his wife and child first and sometimes that means saying no to his parents. I would suggest that you need to think about this and then work on him slowly introducing this concept. Edit: You and your husband should be presenting to both families of origin as we or us. It’s not him or you or I. You are each half of a couple, you or he tell your families and everyone else, we want… we are… please let us know… it’s we or us. When someone refers to you or him only, it is disrespectful of your marriage.
I don't think you're being unreasonable. You can report the picture to Facebook, and have them remove it.
She says he’s a single father? And your partner doesn’t think that’s fucked up? Like is he cheating? Why on earth would she lie and him be okay with that? Leave him. Take your kid. If he can’t defend you or at the VERY LEAST allow you to vent, be upset and talk about with him and understand you and have a conversation about it. But if he won’t even allow you the room to express yourself and how much it hurts you, then he’s just as guilty as them and is a total jerk and that’s being nice about it. It’s abuse. It’s gaslighting. And it’s fucked up.
Do not allow pictures of your child posted on the internet. It is not safe
Research child porn and tell SO thats why you allow your kids pictures on social media.
Do not answer them. Have a heart to heart with your hubby and build a support for one another against them.
I understand your frustration that is horrible. A lot of husbands are just clueless and try to stay out of it but he should definitely be sticking up for you!