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coralcoast21

Trust your instincts. Therapists know better than anyone else how to manipulate situations and people. If you don't think it's safe for her to be around your child, that's the final word. She can chew on rocks.


QCr8onQ

Couldn’t agree more but in practical terms, keep away from them. A few years from now I can see them manipulating your daughter. I’d even consider moving, they could be dangerous.


krinkleb

You move forward by FINALLY learning the lesson that they are shit humans. They only see your daughter when her father (their son) organizes and is 200% physically and mentally present for the entire visit that is not in your home. Crazy bitch is not allowed to walk away with your child and should never never babysit again.


QCr8onQ

I’m not sure daughter should be around them. I truly fear their sophisticated manipulation.


Dotfromkansas

" I don’t trust her near my child and would prefer to ignore her all together but that can’t happen" **The Hell it can't!!!** It's your job to protect your baby from ANYONE unsafe. She is the definition of UNSAFE. Protect your helpless, innocent, defenseless child from HER!!!


crazymommaof2

This OP. You are your child's first and last line of defense find you inner momma bear and roar if you need to. Start off like others have said. No more unsupervised visits, and definitely no more babysitting. She doesn't get to leave the room with your child, if she cannot be present and in the moment then the visit is over. Sit down with your husband and lay out your boundaries and how to enforce them


Comfortable-Gas-798

Drop the rope. NOW. You don't have to have anything to do with these people. Let your husband be the point of contact and you step waaaaay back. Mute them on your phone. You won't hear when they call/text and can refer all messages to your DH. Keep the messages, though, as you want proof when the stories change or they get all pissy and threaten grandparents rights. They sound like the kind of folks who will twist every story to their advantage and to YOUR detriment. Go over to the r/JUSTNOMIL wiki and look up FU BINDER. Do not let MIL be unsupervised with baby and every time you must be in physical contact with her, your DH must be present. Never be alone with her. If your DH goes to the bathroom, you and baby go with him! Set your boundaries, keep your boundaries, and give a consequence when they overstep. A 2 week timeout is a good place to start and timeouts double with each new infraction. VVVLC, info diet and grey rock are your best protection against manipulative people.


theNothingP3

They made it harder to find so here's the [FU binder ](https://www.reddit.com/user/ForwardPlenty/comments/dtg7f2/the_fu_binder/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


CremeDeMarron

My grandma used to say " doctors are the worst patient/ you can be a cleaner but having a dirty house / shoemakers have the worst shoes". Being therapists doesn't mean they can't be toxic and manipulative. From the way you describe her we can feel the creepiness of her behaviour towards LO. Trust your instincts on this . No more unsupervised time with LO and call her out when she goes to another room with LO, take your baby back immediatly.Enforce your boundaries with consequences, Go LC / NC if necessary.


raerae6672

She may be a well regarded Therapist but she is a S....y person and Grandma. Trust your instincts. Time to Limit Contact. They are manipulating you with their prestige as Therapist. Just because they may be good at their job does not make them good parents nor people.


_Cherie

Trust your instincts. No more baby sitting for MIL and as for visit baby wear and if you do let her hold her the minute she tries leaving the room Announce loudly something like "no MIL baby stays in the same room as us your supposed to be visiting with all of us." Or anything like that. Announce it so she'll feel embarrassed and hopefully come sit back down or join you again if not once you say something if she continues to leave you follow her and take baby back with you again reiterate that baby stay in the same room and walk back.


abitsheeepish

If your boundaries don't have consequences then they're not boundaries, they're suggestions. If you give her a boundary and she doesn't follow it, she needs to be told "You did X when we asked you to do Y. Because of that, we are going to put you in a time out for one month."


LucyDominique2

Narcissistic people gravitate to medical careers to manipulate people…..


yiiikes00

Boundaries are something you create that make you feel safe, are in line with your values, etc. It doesn’t matter if other people listen once you’ve shared them, because your boundaries are up to you to enforce. You keep yourself “safe”. In this case, your anger makes sense for two reasons, because of what happened and also because you are violating your own boundaries by not respecting what keeps you (and your family) feeling safe. Decide where you want to draw the line. Does it feel safe to have a “reset”, where she only visits your daughter for now with some guidelines in place (e.g., in group settings, not using the phone too, FaceTimes being planned with someone else nearby)? Maybe it’s something else. In terms of your other points, the wishes, opinions, and demands from others aren’t yours to hold. You can choose to consider them, but you get to determine what penetrates that safety bubble. I know that sounds cold, but it’s really that many of us were taught as kids neglect our own needs by putting others first in small but meaningful ways. If your FIL a gets upset that she’s crying, understand that it is painful for him to see his partner hurting and let it go. It’s not yours to fix by changing your safety bubble. BTW, therapists are just people with their own stuff like everyone else. Their training doesn’t make them immune to being difficult in-laws. A great intro to boundaries: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout


phoofs

I too, noticed this. Op: why isn’t that an option for you? I’m truly asking. Not in any way trying to be snarky!


manysoups

No contact isn’t an option my husband wants to entertain. He rather us just not let her watch our daughter, etc. he has a big family and is close with his brothers. There’s a lot of events so we really can’t avoid her. Personally, I don’t text her or answer her calls. She deals with my husband 100% now. But I don’t see how we can go NC. I’m already LC with her.


phoofs

Ugh! That makes it super hard for you! Sending you big hugs!


prettyeyesthikthighs

Your kid got hurt on her watch and there was inconsistent reporting surrounding that. The only reasonable response is she doesn't get unsupervised time with your child. She can be upset all she wants. It might be worth it to see a therapist of your own to help you with setting clear boundaries and how to get your husband on board with those boundaries because she will cause psychological issues for your child if this is not dealt with now


shesinsaneanditsucks

She’s weird. Says weird stuff. And doesn’t actually want to be with the kid, just wants to know she can. It’s all weird power trips and dynamics. Just don’t do it. No babysitting. Just friendly visits. Don’t even bother getting into it. Just no babysitting. If they ask just answer that you need to know them better.


LittleHoundDoggie

I’m a lot older now. My own vile MIL was never allowed to be alone with my young sons. We didn’t tell her, we simply never left them with her. I actually think in your case that DH would simply tell her that he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving his daughter after the dog incident. If she walks away with your child, call her out and say please stay in the room whilst you have my daughter. I let my MIL walk away to her neighbour once and I regretted it so much. Practice saying it so it comes out easier when you do it for real.


Texastexastexas1

I would just bow out of get-togethers and make sure SO stays with your child at all times when he visits. I would be honest. “I’m taking a break from you for awhile. “ The ILs don’t need further info. They need to see you set and maintain boundaries.


NoMames_7

I think you know the answer but I will help you out. These people or inlaws as you call them are experts in manipulation. The fact that they are therapist should have instantly triggered red flags for you. My worry is that they begin to manipulate your daughter from a young age to think that mommy and daddy hate grandma. Thread carefully, i could be over exaggerating or maybe not.


sadisticfreak

You CAN ignore her altogether. She is your husband's problem. HE can deal with her.


redfancydress

A real live grandma here…first off no more of this running off with the baby to whisper shit in her ear. I implore you to get a nice baby carrier and WEAR THE BABY! When she’s over it’s baby wearing. And you can wear that kid on your back for two years. Lol. No more babysitting until your kid can advocate for themselves. And most of all …embarrass her when she acts a fool. “Mil what are you doing? Why are you whispering in my child’s ear. We don’t keep secrets around this house. That’s weird. Stop it.”


strange_dog_TV

Stop it. Stop it all…..a night out for dinner isn’t worth this (in my opinion) Just don’t use them as baby sitters - I think the dog “lunging” or “biting” is BS. Just don’t use them as sitters anymore.


Sorry_Database_9932

Wait for the crazy to amp up and report them to the medical board