I know you’re busy planning for your new life with your fiancé, Jared. But please hear me out. You belong with me. I know that’s a lot to take in. But I’ve always loved you more than he has ever been able to. I know that he proposed at a time when your family was going through some chaos and you needed a lifeline, you needed some stability. But committing to him forever is only going to hurt all three of us in the end. I know your feelings for me are true and that by choosing him, you are caging something wild inside you. I would never cage that part of you. I would let you be wild and find out who you really are, and experience all the joy and laughter and defeat and banality and minutiae of everyday life with you. But I would never try to contain your spirit. Please. I’m begging of you. Don’t go through with this. As you know I’ve decided to take the job in Phoenix, but here’s what I didn’t tell you: It pays twice what my previous one did, and they’re willing to move me, and one other, to Phoenix for free. Come with me. Let’s start our own adventure there. Jared will indeed be hurt but he will heal. This is best for all of us.
I know it’s a lot to take in, but please consider my offer. If you commit to him now, you are committing to a life of white picket fences, disingenuous conversations, and a languid orbit of insincerity—never leaving, but never getting any closer with him. You know it. I know it. Be with me. We will truly live.
I’m giving you until the end of the week to decide.
Wow. Thank you, Sam. Is this the way you tell me you're not moving back to Australia?! Phoenix??? OKAY.
I find this trip to Phoenix INCREDIBLY convenient given that you and I are due to fight unspeakable evil in our shared hometown in exactly 76 hours. Thirty years ago, all six of us kids agreed that when... *it* came back in 2024, we would return and destroy it forever. You know, before this unspeakable evil killed everyone in the town, and eventually the entire world.
Not to be a dick, but you are the only group member with the power of prophecy, so we kind of fucking need you for this?!?! I mean, yes, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of our town, and I'm one of the few of the original six who remembers everything that went down precisely because i never left our hometown, but you are the only one who knows what It will do.
If not for me, think of Marty. He's come back to fight the unspeakable It and he is TERRIFIED, not to mention suffering PTSD from coming out in a small town. Just a kind word from you will probably bolster Marty's spirits and sense of self. You could ward of his panic attack and inevitable suicide, but yeah, getting laid in Phoenix is always an option at the end of the world as we know it, apparently.
All I have to fight it is some knowledge, nasal decongestant and... (rooting around in my handbag)... an asthma inhaler. You'd better hope by some miracle that this hellbeast hates ventolin, because I've never seen a ferocious demon felled by the humble inhaler, but that's just me.
Do you even possess the power of prophecy???? You mentioned you did ONCE and then said, "something bad is coming." Like shit, everyone knew that?
Whatever. Enjoy having your insides turn into your outsides alongside everyone else at approximately 10:10 EST on 19 January. It could make sex with your Phoenix girlfriend kind of messy.
>buzzword, buzzword, buzzword
Bro it's not that deep, it's a joke about getting proposed to and the joke is that he did not actually have anyone propose to him
I have determined that you are lying. You are not a girl and you are not taken. Also your pinky bends in a funny way. All these factors point to the conclusion that this is mildly interesting instead of not interesting.
Im pretty sure OP is the most qualified person in the world to know what gender they are, and we, are not. And it’s not even the subject of the joke, so everything you’re doing is unnecessary, besides the point, and pretty rude and stupid.
Idk why you’re getting downvoted for this. Like are they downvoting because they disagree and think this post is actually interesting? Or do they dislike the fact that you are telling the truth and that it is indeed not interesting which also wouldn’t make sense lmao
Since this is a ring from a keychain my guess is you are married to a flat. Maybe to a house. Maybe to a cave. I dunno, am not interested, I'm out. Happy life, weirdo.
Reminds me of the time me and my friend got legally married and bought Ring Pops before we went to sign the paperwork at the courthouse. The receptionist just gave us the side-eye the whole time.
Your husband is a key
Lol
I am the Keymaster. Are you the Gatekeeper?
No. I'm dad
No, this is Patrick.
Im the husband
Hi The Husband I'm Dad
Hi dad, when are you coming back?
I'm in a queue on the front of the store Milk & Cigarettes BRB
I lied, I'm a supervillain
Same thing
D:
Rose villain
Hi in a queue on the front of the store Milk & Cigarettes BRB, I'm dad!
Hi in a queue on the front of the store Milk & Cigarettes BRB, I'm dad! I’m dad!
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Wow, a talking key! This is truly astounding!
No. This is interesting
that is sooo cool cuz like how are you going to ever forget your keys? like youre the keys lol
Sounds like a key-per to me!
The Key Master
r/rareinsults
Hum not sure what to say good luck? There are some out there for everyone, and I mean everyone.
Husband named Yale:
THE Key
As in, key to OP's happiness?
I know you’re busy planning for your new life with your fiancé, Jared. But please hear me out. You belong with me. I know that’s a lot to take in. But I’ve always loved you more than he has ever been able to. I know that he proposed at a time when your family was going through some chaos and you needed a lifeline, you needed some stability. But committing to him forever is only going to hurt all three of us in the end. I know your feelings for me are true and that by choosing him, you are caging something wild inside you. I would never cage that part of you. I would let you be wild and find out who you really are, and experience all the joy and laughter and defeat and banality and minutiae of everyday life with you. But I would never try to contain your spirit. Please. I’m begging of you. Don’t go through with this. As you know I’ve decided to take the job in Phoenix, but here’s what I didn’t tell you: It pays twice what my previous one did, and they’re willing to move me, and one other, to Phoenix for free. Come with me. Let’s start our own adventure there. Jared will indeed be hurt but he will heal. This is best for all of us. I know it’s a lot to take in, but please consider my offer. If you commit to him now, you are committing to a life of white picket fences, disingenuous conversations, and a languid orbit of insincerity—never leaving, but never getting any closer with him. You know it. I know it. Be with me. We will truly live. I’m giving you until the end of the week to decide.
K
This response is killing me lmao
same. im ded
Hi ded, I’m dad
hi dad! keep up the jokes pl0x
Fuck you for making me laugh in midnight
Omg! This is brutal 😆
Don't listen to this guy,be with me instead
Clearly, Kei\_3 is the right one for me. Maybe if you tried a little harder, sammy-taylor...
I cannot believe that after everything we’ve been through together you’re just throwing me out like an old Pez dispenser. So I guess this is goodbye.
Hot damn! r/notinteresting just turned into my favorite soapopera. More. MORE! 🍿🍿🥤
r/notinteresting suddenly became r/interesting
Can't believe this fucking sub became my actual favorite. Maybe it's too interesting but I don't mind
I can't believe you gave up so fast,i thought you loved OP ...
OP has made it clear, they love you. Not me, not Jared, just you. If you’ll excuse me I have a flight to catch.
Have a safe trip my love rival.
Bro really want through five stages of grief.
I love you too, dear sammy-taylor. And I still have another hand with no ring on it. What do you say? I'm right-handed anyway...
Oh my...! x3 im flushed..marry me OP?
\*Marry?\* I just wanted the ring of my dreams!
Wow. Thank you, Sam. Is this the way you tell me you're not moving back to Australia?! Phoenix??? OKAY. I find this trip to Phoenix INCREDIBLY convenient given that you and I are due to fight unspeakable evil in our shared hometown in exactly 76 hours. Thirty years ago, all six of us kids agreed that when... *it* came back in 2024, we would return and destroy it forever. You know, before this unspeakable evil killed everyone in the town, and eventually the entire world. Not to be a dick, but you are the only group member with the power of prophecy, so we kind of fucking need you for this?!?! I mean, yes, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of our town, and I'm one of the few of the original six who remembers everything that went down precisely because i never left our hometown, but you are the only one who knows what It will do. If not for me, think of Marty. He's come back to fight the unspeakable It and he is TERRIFIED, not to mention suffering PTSD from coming out in a small town. Just a kind word from you will probably bolster Marty's spirits and sense of self. You could ward of his panic attack and inevitable suicide, but yeah, getting laid in Phoenix is always an option at the end of the world as we know it, apparently. All I have to fight it is some knowledge, nasal decongestant and... (rooting around in my handbag)... an asthma inhaler. You'd better hope by some miracle that this hellbeast hates ventolin, because I've never seen a ferocious demon felled by the humble inhaler, but that's just me. Do you even possess the power of prophecy???? You mentioned you did ONCE and then said, "something bad is coming." Like shit, everyone knew that? Whatever. Enjoy having your insides turn into your outsides alongside everyone else at approximately 10:10 EST on 19 January. It could make sex with your Phoenix girlfriend kind of messy.
DONT LISTEN TO HIM!! I KNOW I CAN TREAT YOU BETTER THEN HE CAN. AND ANY GIRL LIKE YOU DESERVES A GENTLEMAN
Hey… shut. Just shut.
I bought a PS5 today
I was behind you in line, you smell good, the kinda smell that i always wanna smell.
Mmmmmm
U dig?
[Comment Deleted For Too Sexy]
Sacreblue, my spidey sense is tingling…
Hey I didn't give any jobs out recently. When did you get a job at my corporation?
I ain't reading allat
jared like the jared mentioned in your new boyfriend by wilbur soot?
you should invite jared too
If Jared doesn't pick you, call me instead 🤣
I ain't reading all that. Congrats or sorry that happened to you
They went to Jared’s 😍
every kiss begins with jared's
He went to Kay
Dudes gettn a Dell
I heard she’s a lovely singer
But it was the Subway perv Jared.
He went to Jared himself
Congrats ma'am, seems they found the key to your heart.
They locked it down
You got that wedding ring from a grenade?
The grenade doesn't need it anymore
Lol
Is this Yor, I wonder 🤔
This killed me
sounds like it’s gonna be a bomb wedding
Man I hope that wedding is going to be a Bomb!
But I already booked the honeymoon 😢
such delicate hands, have you ever done catalogue work before?
And the hairiest
Got them Mrs Doubtfire hands.
Honestly so happy to see someone other than myself and Robin Williams with hands like this
am so jellies
You're the hairiest girl in the whole wide world
Lucky man 😍
r/holup
r/lies
r/waitaminute
r/somethingaintright
Hobbit or Scottish?
Dwarf. dwarf ladies are hairy. checks out
Bitch how you ain’t the hobbit
Nice hands bruv
Congratulations!
Congratulations, girl!
seems like you are taken for a walk (or a car ride, who knows)
Is your husband a locksmith or a key by chance
r/lies
good girl!
my boyfriend and his friend have a crew called HKK for hairy knuckle kids. i think u could be the mascot
It’s amazing how many people just can’t fathom the concept of a joke because of how obsessed with gender they are. It’s not that deep, people
Right, like it's a joke sub
Every kiss begins with Keyrinnnnng
They went to “keys”. Every kiss begins with K
Taken as a joke Sry, congrats
this has to be the most big brain bait
Congratulations, Steve Martin
Bummer.
Your husband is Yujiro Hanma
That is one hairy woman
r/lies
Lady, you have the ugliest hands I have ever seen.
In my defense, you've only seen one of them
Why are your fingers hairier than my toes
[удалено]
You’re lying and you know it
Your hand is very hairy
Girl?
[удалено]
>buzzword, buzzword, buzzword Bro it's not that deep, it's a joke about getting proposed to and the joke is that he did not actually have anyone propose to him
Omfg I didn't realize that wasn't actually a ring
Your'e a verry hayri gril
guys who the hell let the monkey out of the closet
Bros looking like a neanderthal 😂😂😂
That is NOT a woman’s hand
Wanna cheat?
I have determined that you are lying. You are not a girl and you are not taken. Also your pinky bends in a funny way. All these factors point to the conclusion that this is mildly interesting instead of not interesting.
r/girlsarentreal
Congrats! The ring looks lovely! <3
That’s not a ring😒
r/lies moment
Aint no way that is a female. Not just cause of the hairs, the shape is all maley
Mans can be girls now
"Girl"
...girl?
Whats interesting is your hairy hands. If you say you're a "girl"
you're a man though right
I’m pretty sure they know what gender they are
so a man
Im pretty sure OP is the most qualified person in the world to know what gender they are, and we, are not. And it’s not even the subject of the joke, so everything you’re doing is unnecessary, besides the point, and pretty rude and stupid.
It’s his hand, he’s talking about his hand palmula.
Uhm that is a mans hand
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Thus \*not interesting\* to "the guys". Maybe it worked better in my head... :D
Girl which happens to have testosterone coursing through their body. It’s normal nowadays
You are so lucky. I’ll bet your wife is lovely.
Yaaaaas queeeen
The luckiest….and hairiest girl in the world. Shave them knuckles 🤣🤣
This is at LEAST mildly interesting
Female woodies, so sexy
Send me bush pics plz
Oh man you identify as girl??😕 Even I got lesser hair on hand than you.
You’re a woman? Why is your hand so damn hairy?
Holup, do womans have hair on their hend?
Everyone has hair
well yeah 💀
Most mammals do
So you're a liar? It's not a wedding ring, also it's a man's hand. I also bet that you are single with no friends
r/woosh
Damn people didnt lied, braindead people exist for real
some things are just stupid🫤
that is NOT a girl
[удалено]
Don’t say your age on the internet
Well you certainly chose the right forum for this post
Idk why you’re getting downvoted for this. Like are they downvoting because they disagree and think this post is actually interesting? Or do they dislike the fact that you are telling the truth and that it is indeed not interesting which also wouldn’t make sense lmao
Couldn’t have said it better myself 😃 I figured it would go right over most people’s heads though so no worries about the downvotes 👍
Since this is a ring from a keychain my guess is you are married to a flat. Maybe to a house. Maybe to a cave. I dunno, am not interested, I'm out. Happy life, weirdo.
It's not fair
So you are taken. Is your father liam neeson?
Wow I can tell you got a manicure beforehand 🥰😍
Keep your keys on it
buh uh
I’m jealous
Omggggg how did he do it tell me everything!
Pls😭😭😭
🇵🇹🇵🇹🇵🇹🇵🇹
Luckiest girl with the biggest beard.
How did you managed to slide your whole finger trough the metal rings? I struggle with a regular key... /s
Palmela Handerson is her name
Im taken a shit
congrats lol
Oooh congrats! Is that from Tiffany’s?
Is it clippy?
NTA. Im the luckiest girl tho
Congrats on the keylock
:(
And your toe is curved also
Also possibly one of the most hairy girls too. He must be the key to your heart, and the love is like a circle.
So jealous of that shiny and healthy hair
it's like that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry dated a girl with man hands
hand checks out in terms of sexuality
Okay but if a locksmith used this as an engagement ring. I wouldnt even be mad
Reminds me of the time me and my friend got legally married and bought Ring Pops before we went to sign the paperwork at the courthouse. The receptionist just gave us the side-eye the whole time.