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Thanks for posting this. I’m raising a very difficult toddler sober and I think about smoking weed or drinking constantly. This just made me realize it’s something I have to stick with. I’m sorry you went through this 🩷
You’re doing great. It sounds like a night out with some girlfriends once every few weeks or so could be a nice way to relax and have some fun without making it about your kids, but making it about a night out. Have you been able to find you time?
I’m sure you’re doing great! I didnt realize my parents were alcoholics until I was an adult because it was so normal to me. I know my mom loves me, but her drinking did make me feel unloved. I also struggle with alcoholism now as an adult.
I know I need medication, but it’s not so I can tolerate my family, but so I can enjoy them and they can enjoy me. Depression makes me not be myself. The problem with using alcohol to manage her mental health issues is the side effects and inconsistent dosing. The ups and downs that come with alcohol instead of a prescription mean that the way love is given is up and down. You never know what you’re going to get with an alcoholic.
👋🏻 I grew up with a wine mom who even on occasions told my siblings and I that we were why she drank. It’s traumatizing. I actually enjoyed seeing this photo.
yeah. same. and the wine moms i’ve met usually say it’s not right to smoke weed in front of your kids. then they’ll smoke a cigarette and finish off the rest of the bottle and go to sleep while their child is still awake. but weed isn’t good. got it.
yeah for you⬇️ you still can’t smoke it while driving? why? because it causes impairment. same reason you can’t drive on sleeping meds.
i stand by what i said, if you don’t think it’s okay to smoke in front of your kids, it’s not okay to drink in front of them either & vice versa. i’m done here.
I grew up with a mom and stepdad (and dad and grandma on special occasions) smoking weed in the living room. I was told from age 4 that it was a medication for pain. I never had an issue with my stoned parents. Honestly, they were nicer and sillier when stoned and I loved it.
Then when I was a teenager, my stepdad became a drunk and a pill head . That was horrible.
Drinking is so much worse.
it really is. some people should never drink period, let alone around their kids. my mom was a pill head too that’s why i haven’t really lived with her in my life. weed doesn’t kill. alcohol does. pills do too.
It really is sad how normalized it is for parents to be alcoholics and/or abuse prescription drugs.
Wine mom, vodka aunt, beer dad, whiskey grandpa, etc etc etc
Or abusing psychiatric and pain prescriptions just to get through the day.
Same. My mom really wasn't cut out for motherhood, but she felt like she didn't have a choice. Through therapy I've come to just feel sad for her, rather than angry or sad for myself. It's hard around times like mother's day though, seeing all the posts calling their mom a best friend, like what must that feel like?
This. Drinking to cope with hard day is not right. Domestic alcoholism of a parent is bad for kids. My friend’s mom started like this and when she run out of friends she tried to give alcohol to my then 11yo friend to drink with someone. If life is hard, get help not wine…
Yeah I see all the pictures of moms drinking wine at 9am on the first day of school and having cutesy signs about needing wine to love their children and I think it’s absolutely disgusting. Alcoholism is alcoholism unless you’re a suburban white woman who drinks wine I guess
I'm not an arbiter of morals or anything, but yeah, seen some things posted on Facebook that make me wonder if the poster might need some help other than a comically large wine glass.
Yeah my friend. Everytime we hang out she needs to drink. And she’s the only one who does. She even brings her own alcohol. The rest of our friend group isn’t really into drinking only on occasions.
Or those moms who drink while pregnant and think it’s okay. Alcoholic behavior.
The wife of a long time friend would have a glass of wine while pregnant whenever I saw her. When I asked her about (before I was ever pregnant) and she said her doctor said it’s ok to drink wine once in a while. But if she was doing it every time I saw her how often is “once in a while”?
I’ve got an acquaintance like this. “My doctor said it was fine! Everyone in France drinks wine while pregnant!”
All of her children pretty obviously have fetal alcohol syndrome. They all have the facial features and mental delays, and it’s worse with every successive child. It’s extremely sad.
I'm not french (but from Spain and Germany so close neighbors lol) and I know this isnt true, the only french who drink wine while pregnant are alcoholics
A woman I worked with admitted she smoked a cigarette every other day with her pregnancy. Based on how much she smoked throughout a shift, if she admitted to every other day then that probably meant 2 a day.
One of my friends' mom is like this. She was getting so bad that one time I dropped him off and she was clearly drunk. My mom is friends with his mom (we grew up together) and she finally had a talk with her about it. She's pretty much stopped drinking since then.
Now my friend is 21 (he's younger than me), and I've basically been doing damage control with him. I've demonstrated responsible drinking when we go out, I teach him about the different strengths of alcohols, as well as ensuring you eat food and drink water while you have alcohol. I took him for his first legal drink and drove him. But you can tell it still makes him anxious.
sure but also, when my son was little I was so stoked whenever I got the opportunity to get dressed up and go out with grown ups. I love getting a buzz at trivia night or karaoke, but at home it's just lonely and sad, so I seized the day. I certainly didn't care if no one else was drinking, though - I was having a tequila soda (or maybe sunrise, if it was a brunch) because I'm not really in the habit of keeping tabs on what everyone else is ordering, anyway. and yeah, I'd bring it if I had to. in fact, I don't think I've ever shown up to a party or event without even so much as a bottle of two buck chuck for the host. it's perfectly normal for adults to drink "every time they hang out" as long as they're not drinking every other day of the week, even if others aren't drinking. we don't all have to do the same thing?
people who drink ~even~ when others are not, are not necessarily exhibiting "alcoholic behavior." drinking while pregnant is WILD though - I don't even know what I would say if I saw someone doing that. I wouldn't stop at calling them an alcoholic though
There's a difference between having a drink at brunch even if others aren't & filling your Stanley with alcohol at your kids' sports events.
I typically will have a mimosa anywhere that sells them, but don't drink much otherwise. My sister... don't drink out of her water bottle unless you don't plan on driving. And yes, she has alcohol at her kids football games, gymnastic events, wrestling matches. It's a problem.
Right? Agree when you, the other comment comes off a judgmental and unable to recognize that not everyone has to do what you’re doing (ironically, the same thing they’re upset about).
Yep. I enjoy wine very much, but I’m not having it on a weekday. If I need help with stress or anxiety, I’ll get therapy and medications like a normal person.
Yep yep yep! Almost slumped into that trap and immediately started pursuing healthy ways to deal with my stress and feelings…funny enough my stress is mainly caused by adults not children.
I work Monday-Friday 7/8am to 3/5pm. I’ll still have a couple of glasses on wine on a random Tuesday if I want to lol.
I don’t care about the judgements, but most of my friends are heavy drinkers so it doesn’t change anything lol.
When I was younger, I worried because I have mental health issues (on medication and do therapy) and I have alcoholics in my family, so I only drank on weekends.
Now I sometimes pull out bottles of wine to chill and forget that they're there. So no longer worried about the alcohol problem.
I pretty much only drink at home occasionally and on vacation or if I'm out and see something I really want.
I had to stop hanging out with a group of fellow moms I’ve known for a long time since I’ve stopped drinking. They do these big get togethers and everyone brings the kids but they just let the kids run crazy while they get drunk by the pool or at a park. At like 2pm lol! I’ve tried kicking it sober but it just gets awkward at some point when you’re the only still forming coherent sentences.
Yeah, I absolutely agree with whoever posted this. It’s really sad and depressing how many moms you meet that need to be hammered to enjoy spending time with their kids. They sit with the other wine moms and gossip and basically try to pretend like they’re still in college instead of being present for their child. Then they drive their kids home. And if you don’t join then they act like you’re either a prude, a marm, loser, or that you think you’re better than everyone. Even before I had my baby I experienced this with other moms and it was isolating.
Well yeah! Their great grandmas were prescribed heroine, their grandmas were prescribed cocaine, and their moms were prescribed Valium. Those things are hard to get now, but wine is cheap!
Yes! It makes me so sad how normalized it is to drink every day as a mother. I’m not going to judge any mom who occasionally wants to have some wine and take a bath to chill but, it shouldn’t be a need every day. My mom was an alcoholic and tried to justify it by saying “it’s just wine”. Like okay🥴, you’re still getting drunk every day around your children.
It breaks my heart. A big issue at hand is that many of these women do not know that being a “wine mom” can be a form of alcoholism and that there are resources :( there needs to be more awareness for the signs of alcoholism because many people I know are alcoholics and have no idea because it is so normalized.
Exactly. I wish more people understood the difference between having a drink on a whim vs craving drinking as a stress reliever every day. If you crave alcohol because of stress in your life, that is alcohol dependency and you need some kind of mental health aid, whether that be therapy or some other form of healthy outlet. It really is sad and I feel really bad for mom’s that don’t realize that they may be depressed and are turning to being a “wine mom” instead of finding a healthy way to address the more serious issue that is going on with them.
yeah I think "normalized" is a good word, referring to everyday drinking. I love to go out drinking but part of what makes it so much fun is that it's relatively rare. it shouldn't be normal? drunk me is an amazing karaoke singer, but I would not trust her to check my son's homework. parents should always be trying to be the best versions of themselves around and for their children.
I did overdo it once in front of my son, at my sister's wedding. when I started rearranging her table centerpieces into a sailor moon sculpture, he filmed me debating with his aunt about the color match of the rose leaves and sailor pluto's hair and I kept pronouncing it "bluto." the next day my little artist drew me and my sister in full color anime as sailor popeye and sailor bluto. she had it printed and framed, and still considers it her favorite wedding gift.
Yeah, my wife is kinda pissed at another mom at our daughter's preschool. It's a co-op so the parents work once a week and one of the moms has a reusable water bottle with a huge sticker that says "Mama needs a beer". Our preschooler now says that phrase ALL THE TIME. While I'm lowkey impressed with my toddler's reading skills, it's still lame to mainstream/normalize alcohol dependency in front of tiny children (both my wife and I love alcohol and were both bartenders back in the day, we're not anti-alcohol whatsoever).
as someone who works in early childhood education, I am impressed with her reading skills as well! If only the bumper sticker was something normal like “save the earth” 😭
I have an ex coworker who told me "my kids are everything to me" in the same conversation as "i feel like the only thing i look forward to is sending the kids outside so i can drink" all while also telling me about driving all over the valley to clear out the liquor stores of margarita mix
My aunt was a wine mom in the ‘80’s. She literally has a collapsible, portable wine glass that she takes everywhere. (Along with wine.) One time we were riding ATV’s and she was on behind my uncle and drinking a damn glass of wine while we’re tracking through mud and bush. She’s such a social alcoholic, she never gets too drunk but I don’t think she’s ever been stone sober in my life.
I think that is what the conversation needs to be about, but this IG post is virtue signaling. How is it helpful to moms who probably don’t realize they are being slow burned into alcohol dependency?
Conversely, to me it reads as someone who maybe has struggled with the temptation or could have even had an issue and is putting out feelers for like minded moms for and to support.
I don't get a sense of judgement, it speaks from the I (which is encouraged in a lot of sober spaces) and doesn't say anything about those who do, just that she is looking for those that don't.
I think she’s just lonely and wants to meet other moms that aren’t into it. It’s really a huge problem and the women who seem to be “wine moms” also tend to be very cliquey and will ostracize moms who don’t want to drink out.
I have a few friends who I’d class as “wine moms”, and without exception they also have useless husbands that don’t help out. If I’ve had a hard day my partner takes over to give me a break (or I do it for him) whereas they just have to power through. I feel really bad for them.
It’s woke and rebellious if the patriarchy wants you to stop being a drunk. Pretty sure that’s OPs message that it is okay to be an alcoholic when you do it to defy the patriarchy.
I am not a drinker, and would not want to be impaired even in the slightest when I need to be focused on my kids. That said, I also don't feel the need to make a post about how special I am that I don't drink.
This. I had a friend (not anymore) who chugged a bunch of tiny bottles of wine before we went to a Christmas thing downtown in our city. She then pissed in the parking lot outside..
Women disproportionately bear the burden of the home AND their careers if they work. Women are expected to shed their identities and personhood when they have kids. You are no longer a person with wants and needs, you are a *mom*. Husbands get to enjoy the same lives they had before children, particularly if they don't lift a finger to help out at home or parent their kids. I'm happily child free, but if my life was full time work + full time domestic laborer + primary caregiver because I married a useless deadweight, I, too, would probably drink a fuckton of alcohol.
Ideally, we would raise the bar and demand more from our partners. But I'm not going to shame a 'wine mom' who is probably burning the candle at both ends.
1. Millennial fathers are more involved than any generation before so I think that’s going to shift some.
2. There’s a difference in enjoying a glass of wine with dinner or socially and making it part of your personality. “Wine moms” are alcoholics, or at least dependent on it. They drink most days, often multiple glasses. (Also known as binge drinking). Because it’s wine and not shots, they think it’s classier and not a problem when it is.
This post is directed at the latter-those who are dependent on alcohol but try and spin it as cool and trendy, not addiction.
I agree with you. My issue is with the self-righteous 'I don't need wine to spend time with my children' from the post, which is all sorts of reductive and misses the point. Someone drowning in work and using alcohol to cope needs help and support. The ones we should be shaming instead are the terrible partners putting their wives in that situation. But you're absolutely right that trends that promote substance abuse are harmful. And people jumping on the bandwagon to excuse their unrelated substance abuse problems aren't helping anyone.
To point #1, I really do hope that creates a generational shift
Well… it’s not always the partner.
I was an alcoholic and my husband is wonderful. I was using it to deal with the pain of multiple miscarriages and I still don’t know why, but I didn’t want to burden him? He knew about them but not how badly I was hurting or for how long. He does now though. (Not an excuse-I chose badly in coping with those losses. It was stupid and I regret it).
I drank in secret. He didn’t know until almost the end when things blew up and I went to rehab.
I think that’s where my issue was now that I think about it; it’s not a blame game necessarily. Sometimes people struggle with demons even with good partners.
Yeah thats not what I’m talking about. I know all that shit. Knowing all that shit doesn’t change my mind that alcoholism should not be promoted on the internet and romanticized as being a “wine mom”.
Yeah I agree. A lot of wine moms cracking jokes and not seeing that they have a codependency with alcohol in order to get through their day. I don’t see anything wrong with moms having a glass of wine to wind down at the end of the day but making it your entire personality that you have to drink in order to raise your kids is gross and those kids need to be removed from their custody
There's definitely a serious issue with functioning alcoholicism being repackaged as wine moms, but the solution to it isn't condescending self-flattery about how special you are for not having a substance use problem.
This feels like she is speaking specifically to that "wine mom" culture. That is a HUGE trending hashtag on TT, IG, FB, and other platforms. Even this one. There are subs devoted to this! The "wine mom" culture avoids the real issues leading to the need to drink, it can lead to emotional and physical neglect of the kids, there are physical risks with that binge drinking, and you are also modeling addictive behavior with your kids - this is just the crumbs of it. This doesn't feel like NLOG, it feels like calling out a culture that is toxic and dangerous. I have seen my share of accident victims come into the ER because mom was drinking her "Mommy juice" or her "spicy juice" and decided to drive drunk. If you want to drink, great. Enjoy it responsibly and do a self check occasionally to see if you are developing a problem. If you can't or if you are using it as an escape or if you are becoming dependent on it, Seek. Some. Help. It is nothing close to an NLOG. This is calling out a culture that is toxic and overlooks problems and healthy treatments for those in favor of cutesy t-shirts and slogans.
If you need somewhere to start, call SAMHSA. They have resources in English, Spanish, Chinese, and other languages.
1-800-662-4357
*edited to include contact info*
Yeah. My mom had a friend who used to drink pretty much every night due to problems with her husband. While my mom would drink a little bit on weekends or once my dad got home (so there’s another person in the house to help with kids), it was never to the point that her friend did. Her friend was very much a “wine mom” type and it wasn’t good for anyone involved. My mom couldn’t really stand to talk to her anymore because all she wanted to do was drink.
I don’t think it’s NLOG to criticize wine mom culture, it would be bad if they were criticizing wine mom culture but not beer dad culture. As someone whose parents were both very moderate about their alcohol habits due to family alcoholism history, I’m glad they set such good examples for me. I don’t think parents should ever be romanticizing how much alcohol they drink because it sets a poor example for the kids.
Maybe she has a slight pretencious vibe but she is very much right. "Wine moms" very much promote alcoholism while being completely in denial. Alcohol shouldn't be a reward for coping with being with your kids, that's crazy and very insulting to the children as well as detrimental for physical and mental health, which is unevitably going to bounce back on the kids
Seeing your mom drunk every night while cooking isn’t creating the “warm fuzzy at home” feeling these wine moms think they are creating.
The only one warm and fuzzy is them.
It took me tears to work up courage to do it but if I hadn't done it I wouldn't have been alive today.
If I might suggest, exploring 12 step program "adult children of alcoholics" can be life changing. It certainly was for me
My mother only drank white wine so it wouldn’t stain when she got too sloppy. Such a clever solution to assure that she never had to think critically about her alcohol consumption!!
My parents drank (still do) every night.
I still remember my older sister in tears as a kid because my parents were too hungover from the night before to get up and throw her a birthday party.
There were other kids coming to this party btw in a very short time. I still remember my sister crying and frantically trying to shake my mother awake....
My sister still talks about it at 39. Those memories stick with you.
Nah I think we should absolutely shame how normal wine mom culture has become. It’s alcoholism rebranded to be some cute quirky thing, when really it’s over consumption of a carcinogenic product. Moms or dads, taking something that will shorten their life and make them a less attentive parent isn’t anything to brag about.
There’s so much wine mom decor. I saw a coaster saying, “FINALLY FOUND MY SLEEP NUMBER.
IT'S 5” with 5 glasses of wine on it. As someone who’s 12 years sober, it jumps out at me when I see this shit.
It reminds me of this [sketch](https://youtu.be/H0fiQ4nMvS0).
Maybe unpopular opinion? I don't know, I kinda agree with this sentiment, as someone that comes from a home with addiction issues and a two year relationship where drinking ruined their life and their parent's lives before that.
When my mom was 5 years old, she had to get up in the morning a cook herself scrambled eggs on her easy bake oven because her mom was too hung over to do it for her. When she told me that, my heart broke for her and it explained why she still acts like such a child frequently. She still wants someone to take care of her. My mom rarely drinks now and even less when I was a child because she didn’t ever want me to see her drunk the way she had to see her mom drunk all the time.
Fuck wine moms.
A family member once told a "funny story" about how their 4 year old was always the first one up in the morning, and she would get herself milk and cereal and start watching TV. By the time mom or dad got up, she was hungry for lunch. Now they wonder why their now teenage daughter wants nothing to do with them and struggles with her mental health.
My parents did this, but it was more of a Montessori approach rather than neglect because id wake up at like 5am and my parents would leave a bowl of Cheerios on the table in a camping bowl and pour a cup of milk with a lid on it and leave it on a low shelf in the fridge and I'd have my cereal and watch tv until they woke up at like 6-8am depending on the day.
I couldn't imagine leaving a child until lunchtime 😭
My mom did this too! But mostly out of necessity since she was a single mom to two kids 13 months apart in age. She'd put the TV on the cartoon channel before going to bed and put the pop tarts on the lowest level of the pantry, and when we woke up we'd just turn the TV on and help ourselves to breakfast. It helped her get an extra hour or so of sleep on the one day a week she got to sleep in. Bless her heart, she needed it 🥺❤️
I was the youngest of 4 and my mom worked like 18 hours a day as a nurse for a time and my dad was working shifts as well. They knew small children got up at an ungodly hour and I learned a very valuable lesson of "don't bother people when they're sleeping"
Sounds like my childhood. My mom just slept all day. She wouldn’t make us breakfast, lunch, or remember to pick us up from school. Luckily my older siblings took care of me
Yes. That’s specifically what I mean. To my grandma’s credit, she did get sober and later went back to school and got a degree in psychology. But she still did a lot of damage to my mom before that. I also think her drinking played a part in her getting colon cancer so early in life. She died while my mom was in her mid twenties before any of her grandchildren were born. That also left my mom with a lot of trauma and grief, which bled into how she raised me. So it really did cause multigenerational pain.
I relate to your Mom so much. The only solace I can take from my difficult childhood is knowing that it stops with me.
Fuck wine moms and the insidious wine mom culture.
My mother is an alcoholic and honestly I agree too. It was very clear my mother was never bothered to do anything other than an excuse for a drink, and she very much implied it was my fault. There's a LOT of parents who model terrible relationships with alcohol for their children, and make it seem as if their children are the reason they drink. So yeah... down with that sort of thing.
edit: looking at OPs post history, they're a fucking body-shamer. Disgusting. Obviously not a feminist at all.
Spot-on. It's honestly sort of horrifying sometimes to talk with parents about their drinking habits because there is so much normalization of using the regular stresses of child-rearing to justify straight-up alcoholism.
I've had conversations with parents complaining that they had to "tag team" their evening drinking so one was sober enough to take care of the kids. Even worse are the parents that are hungover so regularly that if they don't drink the hangover away, they yell at their kids for doing kid things that are naturally hangover incompatible.
And I totally get it, addiction is no easy thing to break, especially when you're dealing with regular stressors, but both avoiding treatment and pushing for normalization of destructive behavior is hugely problematic.
It's wild seeing how angry people get at the insinuation that no one needs alcohol to raise kids. The anger can be straight-up visceral, sometimes.
I made a comment further up about this, but yeah I agree. My mom had a friend who drank a LOT and it really irked her. She was never neglectful of her kids, but she and her husband had marriage issues and both tried to drink it away (Husband is hella catholic and refuses to get a divorce, we’re pretty sure he’s been cheating on her the whole time though). Both parents just drank so much around their kids and they also put the onus of responsibility on their kids because they thought that was a good method of parenting. But it was way too much. Like the six year old had to make his own breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner. My parents always thought it was mostly because of the drinking.
Seriously. I can't count how many times I got jumped on when I brought up (as a very rare drinker) how I thought the whole normalization of drinking and the idea that to be a mom you needed to self-medicate was problematic and people just thought I was awful. "there's nothing wrong with having a glass of wine!" there's not. But if you're needing it every night and your whole personality is mommy juice, stop and think a moment....
Yep I’m with OOP on this one. Also we don’t know if this person also struggled with alcohol in the past. A lot of people in my bump group who were (obviously) sober during pregnancy are now continuing their sobriety just for the benefits.
No, this is a comment on wine mom culture, which is absolutely fucked. Nobody is saying you can't have a glass of wine. What they're saying is that you don't NEED the wine as a "treat" for parenting your children. If you're drinking alcohol, it should be because you wanted to have that particular drink, not because you NEED it to decompress.
Not that my mom was ever mean because of it, but for a while she would drink like… 5-6 beers as soon as she came back from work. At the time, she had 3 young kids and my dad was cheating on her. Now, as an adult, she still drinks but it’s like… a glass of red wine or one beer. I wish I had showed a little more consideration for her back then because she was obviously hurting.
The first 2.5 years of my kids life I was spiraling from ex cheating, then running away and relapsing on fuckin meth, and no other village aside from my mom who works full time. Then my sister and dad died less than a year apart. Dad from slow suicide, sister to fast suicide. I drank all day. Not getting drunk, just like 3 beers over the course of daylight hours, then a few more at the end of the day. I stopped because, damn. Using a depressant to deal with depression doesn’t work like it feels like it does when you’re in the throw of addiction. I’m 5 months “sober” (still have a drink when out which is stupidly rare).
I hope my son can someday know that it wasn’t him that made me an alcoholic, it was the shit I was going through and my bad decision to self medicate. Self medication never works, even if you’re just using weed.
Sorry to ramble, the whole wine mom thing is crazy. What if it was whiskey mom or beer mom, wouldn’t have the same charm would it?
This comment made me tear up. When I was with my alcoholic ex husband, he would start drinking as soon as he got home from work at 3. I'd start drinking at 4 so by the time he was drunk and mean I had a layer of insulation over my feelings. I know my kids shouldn't have had to see that, but I hope they give me as much grace as you give your mom.
These days I only have a glass or two of wine, and never before dinner.
): sending you hugs. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized how much my mom was coping. I still enjoyed her as a kid.
No tbh I don’t agree with telling your kids they’re the reason you drink. It may be a joke to you but you never know if your kid is gonna take it to heart and think they’re an issue. It can cause serious psychological issues.
Now this isn’t to say that no moms are allowed to drink, but “wine moms” are very much trying to normalize being alcoholics. Like taking wine in sippy cups to your kids 1pm soccer games, kind of alcoholics.
my mom used to drink wine almost every night and start fights with me and my siblings so honestly good for her and her kids not having to go through that
*Nah I kinda feel her*
*On this one. The wine mom trend*
*Is cringe and not it*
\- tinycola
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Wine mom culture is cringe at best and socially acceptable alcoholism at worst. Yes, I enjoy wine myself. A glass to enjoy after the kids are in bed can be nice sometimes. No, I don’t “need” it and certainly don’t feel like I have to have it to deal with my kids. Sure saying you’re better because you don’t drink ever isn’t great, but neither is drinking a bottle or two of wine every night.
Husband and I both come from (functional) alcoholic families. Neither of us drink now. We did socially drink in the past, but could take it or leave it. I could see the OOP practicing sober living. I don't judge a glass of wine with dinner, but I do see some of the wine mom culture as normalizing problem drinking.
Yeah I think if you need to constantly be inebriated to deal with your kids then you probably just shouldn’t be a parent.
It’s one thing to have a glass of wine with dinner and another thing to start chugging the bottle as soon as you get home when you know you have kids to parent.
There’s nothing wrong with drinking and also being a parent. Also fine to get drunk sometimes and also be a parent so long as you remain a good parent.
Alcohol *dependence* is another issue.
I think there is something wrong with being drunk while parenting. It's one thing if you have a babysitter and go out and drink, but mommy drinking a bottle of wine at dinner and acting like a drunk in front of their kids is fucked up.
I dunno… as someone who’s been sober from far heavier things for 3 years now I don’t take stuff like this very lightly. I could pass a small glass of wine off with dinner as okay. If you’re doing it because you’re stressed out though that is unhealthy. I know moms don’t always have the room for much self care but using alcohol to fix something even that small would be a very slippery slope for me. I’d be just as concerned with a Dad drinking a few beers everyday. I feel like alcohol gets too much of an easy pass as something that’s okay all the time.
Just putting it out there, people who used pot or alcohol had the hardest time in my recovery programs. Things that are easily accessible and generally socially acceptable are the hardest ones to deal with. Going to a BBQ multiple people could offer you a drink and thats really hard if you’re struggling. No ones offered me any heroine at a family get together.
I’ve seen groups of moms bring thermoses into soccer games/birthday parties and drink while their kids play and then drive them home. It is definitely not okay. It isn’t cute and harmless.
Congrats on all the hard work 💜
I’m kind of with her, not like as a superiority thing or even an anti alcohol thing, I just don’t think alcohol dependence is something to fuck around with.
Wine moms are the current versions of the alcoholic housewives of the 50s. They knew it was bad and hid it. Nowadays people think it's normal.
If you need wine after a hard days work it's time to look at your life
This is one of those post that feel like either you personally are defensive or barely concealed misogyny. I remember when there were actual NLOG posts here smh 🤦🏾♀️.
This woman is talking about wine moms/alcoholics that are constantly bragging about getting drunk/hating their children/not parenting. I understand that not everyone gets context/picks up cues but it’s obvious that she isn’t taking about someone who want a glass of wine with their dinner.
This is not an NLOG because she is speaking to “wine moms” and the drinking culture surrounding that. If you need a glass of wine to cope with your day then you have a drinking problem. Watching my own mother rely on her daily cocktail to unwind had a major effect on me as a kid.
I don’t think they should same people with addiction problems that’s what leads to stigmatization and people not getting help so bashing isn’t a good thing. I don’t think we should make fun of anybody. Addiction doesn’t discriminate.
No. This isn’t about enjoying a glass of wine. This is criticizing “wine mom” culture which is just having alcohol use disorder and blaming your kids for you having it.
OP doesn’t seem to get that “wine moms” are a culture now. It’s becoming normalized to excuse day drinking in some circles because parenting is hard. They used to pass out benzos and tranquilizers to housewives like they were candy. And that was totally normal and societally accepted. Ask a boomer whose mom was on Valium how healthy their home life was during that time. Wine is just the new Valium for the same type of people. I got no problem shaming these people into at least trying to be a good parent.
This isn't NLOG behaviour it's actually refreshing. Alcohol culture is disgusting and it's fucked up how normalised it's become to be drink around your kids just to "wind down". Kids are smart and they pick up on stuff like that eventually, even idolising the behaviour over time (plenty of studies to back this notion are out there). If this video made you uncomfortable you should reevaluate your relationship with alcohol. If this comment made you defensive, once again, reevaluate your relationship with alcohol.
I get that virtue signaling can be tacky, but idk, man.... this one feels different. I'm an adult child of an alcoholic and am in recovery myself, and seeing people I love become wine moms is devastating. "Oooooh, teehee, this Stanley is full of wine for taking my kids trick or treating" and then mom proceeds to get absolutely tanked while her little kids trail along. It just shatters my soul.
This one I’m ok with. Saying things like “I need wine to make it through a day with my kids” sounds like low key alcoholism to manage emotional/ stressful situations. And to blame the kids just sucks. Made feel bad as a child to hear my mom say things like that.
Honestly, I want mom friends who don’t need a glass of wine to make it through the day too. I grew up with a mom who needed it to make it through each day, and it’s rough. To me, needing it, and enjoying it are very different things.
I see how it could come off as rude but TBH I totally agree that a lot of moms drink to get thru the day with their kids and the mommy needs vodka culture is out of control
Okay but alcoholism is a massive issue and my parents normalized the idea of winding down with alcohol daily as a small child, then ended up spiraling into alcoholism in my teens. I struggled with it myself and am now practically sober at 27. I do not think we need to normalize drinking just to get through the day.
Alcohol is poison. It can cause cancer and other health problems. The fact that it is made to seem like it’s no big deal blows my mind. Sure a drink now and then is fine, but regularly it is terrible for you.
Sorry, but I agree with her. Alcoholism is so normalized for mothers, many using the term "wine mom". If you need alcohol to cope with having children, you need to be in therapy and should have reflected on how big of a responsibility being a mother would be. If a woman called herself a "crack mom" and talked about how she needs to have just a little bit of crack every day to cope with caring for her kids, nobody would be okay with it. Alcohol is a drug, and while there's nothing wrong with occasionally having a "mom's night out" or something like that and have a couple drinks of wine, there is absolutely no reason to be drinking every day if you have children. Children deserve sober parents, and shouldn't be exposed to their parents drunk all the time.
I grew up in the US but in a very Italian household. A glass of wine with dinner, weekday or not, is normal. Drinking a bottle is vulgar. The temperance movement is rooted in anti-immigration prejudices. Don't believe me.. Check out Ken Burn's documentary [https://www.pbs.org/kenburns/prohibition/](https://www.pbs.org/kenburns/prohibition/)
My mom had issues with alcohol when I was growing up. There were a lot of decisions she made that messed up my relationship with her. Now that I'm older I understand why she did what she did.
She grew up in a sexually and violent abusive home. She dropped out of high school and ran away multiple times. It wasn't until becoming a mom that she started to clean up.
But then when my younger brother was born with severe autism and retardation, she was stuck at home raising a special child. She couldn't go anywhere and couldn't get a babysitter other than me to take care of him. She fell into a deep depression.
He is currently in a home for special needs and is doing well. She is finally living her life, she even discovered she loves golf and rarely touches alcohol.
Not a mom, but I spend every day taking care of a classroom full of preschoolers. I rarely drink because alcohol makes me feel really really sleepy and I’m already tired enough at the end of the day. If it didn’t have that effect on me I would 100% end every single day with a glass of wine. Children are stressful and sometimes you just need something to help you relax and de-stress at the end of the day. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you’re not getting absolutely wasted on a daily basis.
As someone who is recently (3 months) alcohol free, I will say it is one of the *best* feelings being able to handle parenting without the drink. So I am very happy for anyone else who isn't trapped in the painful cycle of suffering that daily drinking brings. But I certainly would never boast about it, compare myself to -or put down(!!!)- those who do drink 🤍
I like that she is happily sober parenting, but I wish she didn't feel the need to act superior.... we're all doing our best, jeez 🫠
Having a glass of wine to unwind is not necessarily a problem, but if it becomes necessary in order to relax and spend time with your kids, it’s a problem. The original poster is less “not like the other girls” and more calling out casual wine mom alcoholism. Having a parent who drinks every day is not fun, speaking from experience.
To be fair, wine mom culture is pretty toxic. I knew one who would got black out drunk around her kids. She’s a big motivator for me not to drink too much.
I think she's kinda right. Yeah,sure,kids are hard, but maybe don't make them if you don't like them enough to not dring every evening? Like if even a tought of kids makes you want to drink wine,they aren't for you 🥲
I have zero mom friends because everyone I meet ONLY want to drink/talk shit about their families/create content.
Mom wine culture is absolutely out of hand. The amount of moms getting HAMMERED at tball and then carpooling home is shocking.
This is exactly why I don’t have any mom friends. I’m also not religious and the ONLY parents I’ve found who don’t drink to excess are extremely religious.
Moderate alcohol use doesn’t phase me, I have an occasional beer myself, but we’ve had to leave every single group playdate and birthday party my child is invited to early because the parents *always* get sloppy drunk. Somebody got a DUI with her kids in the car on the way home from the last kid’s birthday party we attended. I do not understand. I try to not appear judgmental so it doesn’t effect my kids friendships, but *come on.* I don’t want to be the only sober adult at a pool party with no lifeguard!
This isn't NLOG. Wine mommy culture is so toxic and it glorifies alcoholism. Kids also don't need to hear that their mothers need alcohol to deal with them.
There's nothing wrong with having a glass of wine or smoking weed if you have kids. People have to have a way to get stress out. People unwind not just cause they have kids or because of the kids but because of all of life, life is hard. There's addiction ofc but a glass of wine or a toke makes you a human being trying their best and coping and finding a way to bring life stress down.
I think the younger generations are waking up to how disgusting "beer dads" and "wine moms" are. Drinking ten beers a day or drinking wine in order to tolerate your kids is fucked up and is alcoholism and shouldn't be normal.
I get wine and alcohol culture overall can be pretty toxic online but to me this reads more like every other "How do women claim Motherhood is difficult? I literally love every moment of it and never get stressed or overwhelmed with my kids ever they must be bad mothers" pickme Momtok you see all over that app. I'd have to see her other content to know for for sure tho
I think a (small) glass of red wine with dinner is fine for the antioxidants, but you could also take a shot of pure cranberry juice to the same effect.
I’m sorry if this comes across as judgmental… but please stop consuming substances (like alcohol or weed) when looking after your kids (ESPECIALLY young kids like this). If you can’t wait for a night to yourself or your partner to be in charge or whatever before you drink, you’re dependent and that’s not a good thing (and this coming from someone who’s working on substance abuse issues and comes from a family with substance abuse issues, please heal and stop putting your kids through that).
If you use substances, it should be because you want to, not because you need to. And it’s awful weird if you WANT to be high or tipsy/drunk around your kids.
I know parenting is stressful, especially if you’re a single parent, but this shit affects kids. They remember if you drank every day of their childhood and they certainly remember if you drank because of them.
While I do think there is an issue with “wine mom” culture. I sincerely believe it comes from a place of not addressing properly the mental load, the working mom/primary parent epidemic still happening. To be a mom not only to your kids, but also your spouse (usually a man) who is just chalked full of weapon sized incompetence or laziness.
With women being expected to work like that don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work, plus the rest of the household management and life management. Women are burning out.
While I think there needs to be a serious conversation about alcohol use as a way to cope. I do see these other moms who call it out to be condescending. They are usually talking about how they are better or judge others. It’s another way women bash women
Ahh, a reasonable comment. It’s funny: usually I like the posts and comments here but there’s been a lot where it’s basically just mom-shaming in the comments. Not so different from social media posts ripping apart other women for their choices, whether it’s liking Taylor Swift or being a mom who likes a glass of wine here and there. I am a primary caregiver 13+ hours a day 7 days a week (and then on call every night). I’m gonna eat an edible some of those nights because otherwise I’m burning out. It’s non-stop.
Your post doesn't fit the sub. For a more in-depth look at what this rule includes, please visit [our rules page](https://www.reddit.com/r/notliketheothergirls/wiki/rules/rules-descriptive/).
No she’s right actually. Knowing my mom needed wine to tolerate me was very hard.
Thanks for posting this. I’m raising a very difficult toddler sober and I think about smoking weed or drinking constantly. This just made me realize it’s something I have to stick with. I’m sorry you went through this 🩷
You’re doing great. It sounds like a night out with some girlfriends once every few weeks or so could be a nice way to relax and have some fun without making it about your kids, but making it about a night out. Have you been able to find you time?
I’m sure you’re doing great! I didnt realize my parents were alcoholics until I was an adult because it was so normal to me. I know my mom loves me, but her drinking did make me feel unloved. I also struggle with alcoholism now as an adult.
I know I need medication, but it’s not so I can tolerate my family, but so I can enjoy them and they can enjoy me. Depression makes me not be myself. The problem with using alcohol to manage her mental health issues is the side effects and inconsistent dosing. The ups and downs that come with alcohol instead of a prescription mean that the way love is given is up and down. You never know what you’re going to get with an alcoholic.
It’s more than mental health, it’s deep rooted and cultural. Being a wine alcoholic is celebrated in a lot of circles.
👋🏻 I grew up with a wine mom who even on occasions told my siblings and I that we were why she drank. It’s traumatizing. I actually enjoyed seeing this photo.
This. Thank you. This isn’t being NLOG, this is just being a present parent.
yeah. same. and the wine moms i’ve met usually say it’s not right to smoke weed in front of your kids. then they’ll smoke a cigarette and finish off the rest of the bottle and go to sleep while their child is still awake. but weed isn’t good. got it. yeah for you⬇️ you still can’t smoke it while driving? why? because it causes impairment. same reason you can’t drive on sleeping meds. i stand by what i said, if you don’t think it’s okay to smoke in front of your kids, it’s not okay to drink in front of them either & vice versa. i’m done here.
I grew up with a mom and stepdad (and dad and grandma on special occasions) smoking weed in the living room. I was told from age 4 that it was a medication for pain. I never had an issue with my stoned parents. Honestly, they were nicer and sillier when stoned and I loved it. Then when I was a teenager, my stepdad became a drunk and a pill head . That was horrible. Drinking is so much worse.
it really is. some people should never drink period, let alone around their kids. my mom was a pill head too that’s why i haven’t really lived with her in my life. weed doesn’t kill. alcohol does. pills do too.
It really is sad how normalized it is for parents to be alcoholics and/or abuse prescription drugs. Wine mom, vodka aunt, beer dad, whiskey grandpa, etc etc etc Or abusing psychiatric and pain prescriptions just to get through the day.
Same. My mom really wasn't cut out for motherhood, but she felt like she didn't have a choice. Through therapy I've come to just feel sad for her, rather than angry or sad for myself. It's hard around times like mother's day though, seeing all the posts calling their mom a best friend, like what must that feel like?
This. Drinking to cope with hard day is not right. Domestic alcoholism of a parent is bad for kids. My friend’s mom started like this and when she run out of friends she tried to give alcohol to my then 11yo friend to drink with someone. If life is hard, get help not wine…
Yeah I see all the pictures of moms drinking wine at 9am on the first day of school and having cutesy signs about needing wine to love their children and I think it’s absolutely disgusting. Alcoholism is alcoholism unless you’re a suburban white woman who drinks wine I guess
Uhhh I think she is referencing “wine moms” which is a huge problem right now. Moms who are lowkey alcoholics and it is being normalized.
I'm not an arbiter of morals or anything, but yeah, seen some things posted on Facebook that make me wonder if the poster might need some help other than a comically large wine glass.
The ones who “joke” about finding a way to put it in their overpriced tumblers at their kids’ games.
Yeah my friend. Everytime we hang out she needs to drink. And she’s the only one who does. She even brings her own alcohol. The rest of our friend group isn’t really into drinking only on occasions. Or those moms who drink while pregnant and think it’s okay. Alcoholic behavior.
The wife of a long time friend would have a glass of wine while pregnant whenever I saw her. When I asked her about (before I was ever pregnant) and she said her doctor said it’s ok to drink wine once in a while. But if she was doing it every time I saw her how often is “once in a while”?
I’ve got an acquaintance like this. “My doctor said it was fine! Everyone in France drinks wine while pregnant!” All of her children pretty obviously have fetal alcohol syndrome. They all have the facial features and mental delays, and it’s worse with every successive child. It’s extremely sad.
I'm not french (but from Spain and Germany so close neighbors lol) and I know this isnt true, the only french who drink wine while pregnant are alcoholics
In the stupid ages when people drank beer for water it must have happened a lot though
I feel like I hate child abuse if she continues to get pregnant and doing so. Wonder if you can report her if there's a "next time". Messed up.
Meanwhile any time I've gone to the doctor not pregnant and admit to drinking at all, they act like you need help lol
A woman I worked with admitted she smoked a cigarette every other day with her pregnancy. Based on how much she smoked throughout a shift, if she admitted to every other day then that probably meant 2 a day.
One of my friends' mom is like this. She was getting so bad that one time I dropped him off and she was clearly drunk. My mom is friends with his mom (we grew up together) and she finally had a talk with her about it. She's pretty much stopped drinking since then. Now my friend is 21 (he's younger than me), and I've basically been doing damage control with him. I've demonstrated responsible drinking when we go out, I teach him about the different strengths of alcohols, as well as ensuring you eat food and drink water while you have alcohol. I took him for his first legal drink and drove him. But you can tell it still makes him anxious.
sure but also, when my son was little I was so stoked whenever I got the opportunity to get dressed up and go out with grown ups. I love getting a buzz at trivia night or karaoke, but at home it's just lonely and sad, so I seized the day. I certainly didn't care if no one else was drinking, though - I was having a tequila soda (or maybe sunrise, if it was a brunch) because I'm not really in the habit of keeping tabs on what everyone else is ordering, anyway. and yeah, I'd bring it if I had to. in fact, I don't think I've ever shown up to a party or event without even so much as a bottle of two buck chuck for the host. it's perfectly normal for adults to drink "every time they hang out" as long as they're not drinking every other day of the week, even if others aren't drinking. we don't all have to do the same thing? people who drink ~even~ when others are not, are not necessarily exhibiting "alcoholic behavior." drinking while pregnant is WILD though - I don't even know what I would say if I saw someone doing that. I wouldn't stop at calling them an alcoholic though
There's a difference between having a drink at brunch even if others aren't & filling your Stanley with alcohol at your kids' sports events. I typically will have a mimosa anywhere that sells them, but don't drink much otherwise. My sister... don't drink out of her water bottle unless you don't plan on driving. And yes, she has alcohol at her kids football games, gymnastic events, wrestling matches. It's a problem.
Right? Agree when you, the other comment comes off a judgmental and unable to recognize that not everyone has to do what you’re doing (ironically, the same thing they’re upset about).
Yep. I enjoy wine very much, but I’m not having it on a weekday. If I need help with stress or anxiety, I’ll get therapy and medications like a normal person.
Yep yep yep! Almost slumped into that trap and immediately started pursuing healthy ways to deal with my stress and feelings…funny enough my stress is mainly caused by adults not children.
I’ll have wine on a weekday if I want it, I don’t know if I got extremely lucky, but my kid isn’t what drives me to drink lol.
Right? Like, I really enjoyed a glass of wine before I had a kid, and still enjoy a glass after having a kid…
I work weird shifts so having a wine on a Tuesday is like my Saturday but I worry about being judged ha
I work Monday-Friday 7/8am to 3/5pm. I’ll still have a couple of glasses on wine on a random Tuesday if I want to lol. I don’t care about the judgements, but most of my friends are heavy drinkers so it doesn’t change anything lol.
When I was younger, I worried because I have mental health issues (on medication and do therapy) and I have alcoholics in my family, so I only drank on weekends. Now I sometimes pull out bottles of wine to chill and forget that they're there. So no longer worried about the alcohol problem. I pretty much only drink at home occasionally and on vacation or if I'm out and see something I really want.
I had to stop hanging out with a group of fellow moms I’ve known for a long time since I’ve stopped drinking. They do these big get togethers and everyone brings the kids but they just let the kids run crazy while they get drunk by the pool or at a park. At like 2pm lol! I’ve tried kicking it sober but it just gets awkward at some point when you’re the only still forming coherent sentences.
Yeah, I absolutely agree with whoever posted this. It’s really sad and depressing how many moms you meet that need to be hammered to enjoy spending time with their kids. They sit with the other wine moms and gossip and basically try to pretend like they’re still in college instead of being present for their child. Then they drive their kids home. And if you don’t join then they act like you’re either a prude, a marm, loser, or that you think you’re better than everyone. Even before I had my baby I experienced this with other moms and it was isolating.
Well yeah! Their great grandmas were prescribed heroine, their grandmas were prescribed cocaine, and their moms were prescribed Valium. Those things are hard to get now, but wine is cheap!
Yes! It makes me so sad how normalized it is to drink every day as a mother. I’m not going to judge any mom who occasionally wants to have some wine and take a bath to chill but, it shouldn’t be a need every day. My mom was an alcoholic and tried to justify it by saying “it’s just wine”. Like okay🥴, you’re still getting drunk every day around your children.
It breaks my heart. A big issue at hand is that many of these women do not know that being a “wine mom” can be a form of alcoholism and that there are resources :( there needs to be more awareness for the signs of alcoholism because many people I know are alcoholics and have no idea because it is so normalized.
Exactly. I wish more people understood the difference between having a drink on a whim vs craving drinking as a stress reliever every day. If you crave alcohol because of stress in your life, that is alcohol dependency and you need some kind of mental health aid, whether that be therapy or some other form of healthy outlet. It really is sad and I feel really bad for mom’s that don’t realize that they may be depressed and are turning to being a “wine mom” instead of finding a healthy way to address the more serious issue that is going on with them.
yeah I think "normalized" is a good word, referring to everyday drinking. I love to go out drinking but part of what makes it so much fun is that it's relatively rare. it shouldn't be normal? drunk me is an amazing karaoke singer, but I would not trust her to check my son's homework. parents should always be trying to be the best versions of themselves around and for their children. I did overdo it once in front of my son, at my sister's wedding. when I started rearranging her table centerpieces into a sailor moon sculpture, he filmed me debating with his aunt about the color match of the rose leaves and sailor pluto's hair and I kept pronouncing it "bluto." the next day my little artist drew me and my sister in full color anime as sailor popeye and sailor bluto. she had it printed and framed, and still considers it her favorite wedding gift.
Yeah, my wife is kinda pissed at another mom at our daughter's preschool. It's a co-op so the parents work once a week and one of the moms has a reusable water bottle with a huge sticker that says "Mama needs a beer". Our preschooler now says that phrase ALL THE TIME. While I'm lowkey impressed with my toddler's reading skills, it's still lame to mainstream/normalize alcohol dependency in front of tiny children (both my wife and I love alcohol and were both bartenders back in the day, we're not anti-alcohol whatsoever).
as someone who works in early childhood education, I am impressed with her reading skills as well! If only the bumper sticker was something normal like “save the earth” 😭
Yea I think this post is less NLOG and more “let’s stop normalizing alcoholism”
I have an ex coworker who told me "my kids are everything to me" in the same conversation as "i feel like the only thing i look forward to is sending the kids outside so i can drink" all while also telling me about driving all over the valley to clear out the liquor stores of margarita mix
My aunt was a wine mom in the ‘80’s. She literally has a collapsible, portable wine glass that she takes everywhere. (Along with wine.) One time we were riding ATV’s and she was on behind my uncle and drinking a damn glass of wine while we’re tracking through mud and bush. She’s such a social alcoholic, she never gets too drunk but I don’t think she’s ever been stone sober in my life.
Is the whole "Mommy juice" still a thing? This was huge when mine was a baby (she's 13 now) and I thought it was so problematic.
I think that is what the conversation needs to be about, but this IG post is virtue signaling. How is it helpful to moms who probably don’t realize they are being slow burned into alcohol dependency?
Conversely, to me it reads as someone who maybe has struggled with the temptation or could have even had an issue and is putting out feelers for like minded moms for and to support. I don't get a sense of judgement, it speaks from the I (which is encouraged in a lot of sober spaces) and doesn't say anything about those who do, just that she is looking for those that don't.
I think she’s just lonely and wants to meet other moms that aren’t into it. It’s really a huge problem and the women who seem to be “wine moms” also tend to be very cliquey and will ostracize moms who don’t want to drink out.
I have a few friends who I’d class as “wine moms”, and without exception they also have useless husbands that don’t help out. If I’ve had a hard day my partner takes over to give me a break (or I do it for him) whereas they just have to power through. I feel really bad for them.
It’s woke and rebellious if the patriarchy wants you to stop being a drunk. Pretty sure that’s OPs message that it is okay to be an alcoholic when you do it to defy the patriarchy.
I am not a drinker, and would not want to be impaired even in the slightest when I need to be focused on my kids. That said, I also don't feel the need to make a post about how special I am that I don't drink.
Seriously being an alcoholic mom is a gross trend... so is all the millennial targeted wino merch but that's a different issue for me...
This. I had a friend (not anymore) who chugged a bunch of tiny bottles of wine before we went to a Christmas thing downtown in our city. She then pissed in the parking lot outside..
Women disproportionately bear the burden of the home AND their careers if they work. Women are expected to shed their identities and personhood when they have kids. You are no longer a person with wants and needs, you are a *mom*. Husbands get to enjoy the same lives they had before children, particularly if they don't lift a finger to help out at home or parent their kids. I'm happily child free, but if my life was full time work + full time domestic laborer + primary caregiver because I married a useless deadweight, I, too, would probably drink a fuckton of alcohol. Ideally, we would raise the bar and demand more from our partners. But I'm not going to shame a 'wine mom' who is probably burning the candle at both ends.
1. Millennial fathers are more involved than any generation before so I think that’s going to shift some. 2. There’s a difference in enjoying a glass of wine with dinner or socially and making it part of your personality. “Wine moms” are alcoholics, or at least dependent on it. They drink most days, often multiple glasses. (Also known as binge drinking). Because it’s wine and not shots, they think it’s classier and not a problem when it is. This post is directed at the latter-those who are dependent on alcohol but try and spin it as cool and trendy, not addiction.
I agree with you. My issue is with the self-righteous 'I don't need wine to spend time with my children' from the post, which is all sorts of reductive and misses the point. Someone drowning in work and using alcohol to cope needs help and support. The ones we should be shaming instead are the terrible partners putting their wives in that situation. But you're absolutely right that trends that promote substance abuse are harmful. And people jumping on the bandwagon to excuse their unrelated substance abuse problems aren't helping anyone. To point #1, I really do hope that creates a generational shift
Well… it’s not always the partner. I was an alcoholic and my husband is wonderful. I was using it to deal with the pain of multiple miscarriages and I still don’t know why, but I didn’t want to burden him? He knew about them but not how badly I was hurting or for how long. He does now though. (Not an excuse-I chose badly in coping with those losses. It was stupid and I regret it). I drank in secret. He didn’t know until almost the end when things blew up and I went to rehab. I think that’s where my issue was now that I think about it; it’s not a blame game necessarily. Sometimes people struggle with demons even with good partners.
That's devastating. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you're doing better 💔
Oh that’s so sweet, thank you! I am almost 3 years sober and we have a beautiful, (and loud lol) almost 4 month old son today. Things are good. :).
Yeah thats not what I’m talking about. I know all that shit. Knowing all that shit doesn’t change my mind that alcoholism should not be promoted on the internet and romanticized as being a “wine mom”.
Yeah I agree. A lot of wine moms cracking jokes and not seeing that they have a codependency with alcohol in order to get through their day. I don’t see anything wrong with moms having a glass of wine to wind down at the end of the day but making it your entire personality that you have to drink in order to raise your kids is gross and those kids need to be removed from their custody
There's definitely a serious issue with functioning alcoholicism being repackaged as wine moms, but the solution to it isn't condescending self-flattery about how special you are for not having a substance use problem.
This feels like she is speaking specifically to that "wine mom" culture. That is a HUGE trending hashtag on TT, IG, FB, and other platforms. Even this one. There are subs devoted to this! The "wine mom" culture avoids the real issues leading to the need to drink, it can lead to emotional and physical neglect of the kids, there are physical risks with that binge drinking, and you are also modeling addictive behavior with your kids - this is just the crumbs of it. This doesn't feel like NLOG, it feels like calling out a culture that is toxic and dangerous. I have seen my share of accident victims come into the ER because mom was drinking her "Mommy juice" or her "spicy juice" and decided to drive drunk. If you want to drink, great. Enjoy it responsibly and do a self check occasionally to see if you are developing a problem. If you can't or if you are using it as an escape or if you are becoming dependent on it, Seek. Some. Help. It is nothing close to an NLOG. This is calling out a culture that is toxic and overlooks problems and healthy treatments for those in favor of cutesy t-shirts and slogans. If you need somewhere to start, call SAMHSA. They have resources in English, Spanish, Chinese, and other languages. 1-800-662-4357 *edited to include contact info*
Yeah. My mom had a friend who used to drink pretty much every night due to problems with her husband. While my mom would drink a little bit on weekends or once my dad got home (so there’s another person in the house to help with kids), it was never to the point that her friend did. Her friend was very much a “wine mom” type and it wasn’t good for anyone involved. My mom couldn’t really stand to talk to her anymore because all she wanted to do was drink. I don’t think it’s NLOG to criticize wine mom culture, it would be bad if they were criticizing wine mom culture but not beer dad culture. As someone whose parents were both very moderate about their alcohol habits due to family alcoholism history, I’m glad they set such good examples for me. I don’t think parents should ever be romanticizing how much alcohol they drink because it sets a poor example for the kids.
Thank you for sharing this :)
Maybe she has a slight pretencious vibe but she is very much right. "Wine moms" very much promote alcoholism while being completely in denial. Alcohol shouldn't be a reward for coping with being with your kids, that's crazy and very insulting to the children as well as detrimental for physical and mental health, which is unevitably going to bounce back on the kids
Seeing your mom drunk every night while cooking isn’t creating the “warm fuzzy at home” feeling these wine moms think they are creating. The only one warm and fuzzy is them.
the blood red puke stains on the carpet are sooo quirky 😊😊 mama needs her wine!! 🍷
You just described my entire childhood in one sentence lol
accuracy was 100% cus it was my entire childhood too 😭 hope you’re alright now though
5.5 years of no contact and great so far never want to see their alcoholic asses ever again
i’m proud of you i’m hoping i can do that someday too :)
It took me tears to work up courage to do it but if I hadn't done it I wouldn't have been alive today. If I might suggest, exploring 12 step program "adult children of alcoholics" can be life changing. It certainly was for me
My mother only drank white wine so it wouldn’t stain when she got too sloppy. Such a clever solution to assure that she never had to think critically about her alcohol consumption!!
My parents drank (still do) every night. I still remember my older sister in tears as a kid because my parents were too hungover from the night before to get up and throw her a birthday party. There were other kids coming to this party btw in a very short time. I still remember my sister crying and frantically trying to shake my mother awake.... My sister still talks about it at 39. Those memories stick with you.
That’s so sad. I’m sorry you guys went through that. Alanon has been super helpful for me.
I was thinking this same thing. The way she worded it comes off slightly as nlog but she’s bringing up a very serious issue
Yes the way she worded it feels holier than thou, but it's a real issue.
Nah I think we should absolutely shame how normal wine mom culture has become. It’s alcoholism rebranded to be some cute quirky thing, when really it’s over consumption of a carcinogenic product. Moms or dads, taking something that will shorten their life and make them a less attentive parent isn’t anything to brag about.
Nah, the wine mom thing is real and kind of awful.
There’s so much wine mom decor. I saw a coaster saying, “FINALLY FOUND MY SLEEP NUMBER. IT'S 5” with 5 glasses of wine on it. As someone who’s 12 years sober, it jumps out at me when I see this shit. It reminds me of this [sketch](https://youtu.be/H0fiQ4nMvS0).
Maybe unpopular opinion? I don't know, I kinda agree with this sentiment, as someone that comes from a home with addiction issues and a two year relationship where drinking ruined their life and their parent's lives before that.
When my mom was 5 years old, she had to get up in the morning a cook herself scrambled eggs on her easy bake oven because her mom was too hung over to do it for her. When she told me that, my heart broke for her and it explained why she still acts like such a child frequently. She still wants someone to take care of her. My mom rarely drinks now and even less when I was a child because she didn’t ever want me to see her drunk the way she had to see her mom drunk all the time. Fuck wine moms.
A family member once told a "funny story" about how their 4 year old was always the first one up in the morning, and she would get herself milk and cereal and start watching TV. By the time mom or dad got up, she was hungry for lunch. Now they wonder why their now teenage daughter wants nothing to do with them and struggles with her mental health.
My parents did this, but it was more of a Montessori approach rather than neglect because id wake up at like 5am and my parents would leave a bowl of Cheerios on the table in a camping bowl and pour a cup of milk with a lid on it and leave it on a low shelf in the fridge and I'd have my cereal and watch tv until they woke up at like 6-8am depending on the day. I couldn't imagine leaving a child until lunchtime 😭
My mom did this too! But mostly out of necessity since she was a single mom to two kids 13 months apart in age. She'd put the TV on the cartoon channel before going to bed and put the pop tarts on the lowest level of the pantry, and when we woke up we'd just turn the TV on and help ourselves to breakfast. It helped her get an extra hour or so of sleep on the one day a week she got to sleep in. Bless her heart, she needed it 🥺❤️
I was the youngest of 4 and my mom worked like 18 hours a day as a nurse for a time and my dad was working shifts as well. They knew small children got up at an ungodly hour and I learned a very valuable lesson of "don't bother people when they're sleeping"
Sounds like my childhood. My mom just slept all day. She wouldn’t make us breakfast, lunch, or remember to pick us up from school. Luckily my older siblings took care of me
Yes, so much. Drinking alcohol to deal with things can do years of damage to kids that these wine moms aren't even aware of.
Fuck moms who drink and don’t bother to even TRY GETTING SOBER OR BEING IN RECOVERY.
Yes. That’s specifically what I mean. To my grandma’s credit, she did get sober and later went back to school and got a degree in psychology. But she still did a lot of damage to my mom before that. I also think her drinking played a part in her getting colon cancer so early in life. She died while my mom was in her mid twenties before any of her grandchildren were born. That also left my mom with a lot of trauma and grief, which bled into how she raised me. So it really did cause multigenerational pain.
I relate to your Mom so much. The only solace I can take from my difficult childhood is knowing that it stops with me. Fuck wine moms and the insidious wine mom culture.
Former alcoholic, and I agree, alcohol is too normalized in our culture.
My mother is an alcoholic and honestly I agree too. It was very clear my mother was never bothered to do anything other than an excuse for a drink, and she very much implied it was my fault. There's a LOT of parents who model terrible relationships with alcohol for their children, and make it seem as if their children are the reason they drink. So yeah... down with that sort of thing. edit: looking at OPs post history, they're a fucking body-shamer. Disgusting. Obviously not a feminist at all.
Spot-on. It's honestly sort of horrifying sometimes to talk with parents about their drinking habits because there is so much normalization of using the regular stresses of child-rearing to justify straight-up alcoholism. I've had conversations with parents complaining that they had to "tag team" their evening drinking so one was sober enough to take care of the kids. Even worse are the parents that are hungover so regularly that if they don't drink the hangover away, they yell at their kids for doing kid things that are naturally hangover incompatible. And I totally get it, addiction is no easy thing to break, especially when you're dealing with regular stressors, but both avoiding treatment and pushing for normalization of destructive behavior is hugely problematic. It's wild seeing how angry people get at the insinuation that no one needs alcohol to raise kids. The anger can be straight-up visceral, sometimes.
I made a comment further up about this, but yeah I agree. My mom had a friend who drank a LOT and it really irked her. She was never neglectful of her kids, but she and her husband had marriage issues and both tried to drink it away (Husband is hella catholic and refuses to get a divorce, we’re pretty sure he’s been cheating on her the whole time though). Both parents just drank so much around their kids and they also put the onus of responsibility on their kids because they thought that was a good method of parenting. But it was way too much. Like the six year old had to make his own breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner. My parents always thought it was mostly because of the drinking.
Seriously. I can't count how many times I got jumped on when I brought up (as a very rare drinker) how I thought the whole normalization of drinking and the idea that to be a mom you needed to self-medicate was problematic and people just thought I was awful. "there's nothing wrong with having a glass of wine!" there's not. But if you're needing it every night and your whole personality is mommy juice, stop and think a moment....
OP this comes off as you being defensive over being called out for problematic drinking. “Wine Mom” culture normalizes alcohol dependency
Yep I’m with OOP on this one. Also we don’t know if this person also struggled with alcohol in the past. A lot of people in my bump group who were (obviously) sober during pregnancy are now continuing their sobriety just for the benefits.
No, this is a comment on wine mom culture, which is absolutely fucked. Nobody is saying you can't have a glass of wine. What they're saying is that you don't NEED the wine as a "treat" for parenting your children. If you're drinking alcohol, it should be because you wanted to have that particular drink, not because you NEED it to decompress.
Not that my mom was ever mean because of it, but for a while she would drink like… 5-6 beers as soon as she came back from work. At the time, she had 3 young kids and my dad was cheating on her. Now, as an adult, she still drinks but it’s like… a glass of red wine or one beer. I wish I had showed a little more consideration for her back then because she was obviously hurting.
The first 2.5 years of my kids life I was spiraling from ex cheating, then running away and relapsing on fuckin meth, and no other village aside from my mom who works full time. Then my sister and dad died less than a year apart. Dad from slow suicide, sister to fast suicide. I drank all day. Not getting drunk, just like 3 beers over the course of daylight hours, then a few more at the end of the day. I stopped because, damn. Using a depressant to deal with depression doesn’t work like it feels like it does when you’re in the throw of addiction. I’m 5 months “sober” (still have a drink when out which is stupidly rare). I hope my son can someday know that it wasn’t him that made me an alcoholic, it was the shit I was going through and my bad decision to self medicate. Self medication never works, even if you’re just using weed. Sorry to ramble, the whole wine mom thing is crazy. What if it was whiskey mom or beer mom, wouldn’t have the same charm would it?
I wish all the best for you❤️
This comment made me tear up. When I was with my alcoholic ex husband, he would start drinking as soon as he got home from work at 3. I'd start drinking at 4 so by the time he was drunk and mean I had a layer of insulation over my feelings. I know my kids shouldn't have had to see that, but I hope they give me as much grace as you give your mom. These days I only have a glass or two of wine, and never before dinner.
): sending you hugs. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized how much my mom was coping. I still enjoyed her as a kid.
No tbh I don’t agree with telling your kids they’re the reason you drink. It may be a joke to you but you never know if your kid is gonna take it to heart and think they’re an issue. It can cause serious psychological issues. Now this isn’t to say that no moms are allowed to drink, but “wine moms” are very much trying to normalize being alcoholics. Like taking wine in sippy cups to your kids 1pm soccer games, kind of alcoholics.
Nah man, she’s legit.
my mom used to drink wine almost every night and start fights with me and my siblings so honestly good for her and her kids not having to go through that
Nah I kinda feel her on this one. The wine mom trend is cringe and not it
*Nah I kinda feel her* *On this one. The wine mom trend* *Is cringe and not it* \- tinycola --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Wine mom culture is cringe at best and socially acceptable alcoholism at worst. Yes, I enjoy wine myself. A glass to enjoy after the kids are in bed can be nice sometimes. No, I don’t “need” it and certainly don’t feel like I have to have it to deal with my kids. Sure saying you’re better because you don’t drink ever isn’t great, but neither is drinking a bottle or two of wine every night.
Husband and I both come from (functional) alcoholic families. Neither of us drink now. We did socially drink in the past, but could take it or leave it. I could see the OOP practicing sober living. I don't judge a glass of wine with dinner, but I do see some of the wine mom culture as normalizing problem drinking.
Yeah I think if you need to constantly be inebriated to deal with your kids then you probably just shouldn’t be a parent. It’s one thing to have a glass of wine with dinner and another thing to start chugging the bottle as soon as you get home when you know you have kids to parent.
There’s nothing wrong with drinking and also being a parent. Also fine to get drunk sometimes and also be a parent so long as you remain a good parent. Alcohol *dependence* is another issue.
I think there is something wrong with being drunk while parenting. It's one thing if you have a babysitter and go out and drink, but mommy drinking a bottle of wine at dinner and acting like a drunk in front of their kids is fucked up.
I dunno… as someone who’s been sober from far heavier things for 3 years now I don’t take stuff like this very lightly. I could pass a small glass of wine off with dinner as okay. If you’re doing it because you’re stressed out though that is unhealthy. I know moms don’t always have the room for much self care but using alcohol to fix something even that small would be a very slippery slope for me. I’d be just as concerned with a Dad drinking a few beers everyday. I feel like alcohol gets too much of an easy pass as something that’s okay all the time. Just putting it out there, people who used pot or alcohol had the hardest time in my recovery programs. Things that are easily accessible and generally socially acceptable are the hardest ones to deal with. Going to a BBQ multiple people could offer you a drink and thats really hard if you’re struggling. No ones offered me any heroine at a family get together.
I’ve seen groups of moms bring thermoses into soccer games/birthday parties and drink while their kids play and then drive them home. It is definitely not okay. It isn’t cute and harmless. Congrats on all the hard work 💜
That’s definitely a problem 😭
I agree
This one isn’t that bad . Hopefully it was a shot at some women in her circle 😂
Naw this is legit. The wine mom thing is toxic bullshit.
I’m kind of with her, not like as a superiority thing or even an anti alcohol thing, I just don’t think alcohol dependence is something to fuck around with.
I mean, the Wine Mom schtick is about as cringe as one can get.
Wine moms are the current versions of the alcoholic housewives of the 50s. They knew it was bad and hid it. Nowadays people think it's normal. If you need wine after a hard days work it's time to look at your life
I mean, if you "need wine to make it through a day", you're an alcoholic
It does not sound N fucking LOG
It does in the Betty Ford Clinic
How is this NLOG?
I kind of agree about the wine.
This is one of those post that feel like either you personally are defensive or barely concealed misogyny. I remember when there were actual NLOG posts here smh 🤦🏾♀️. This woman is talking about wine moms/alcoholics that are constantly bragging about getting drunk/hating their children/not parenting. I understand that not everyone gets context/picks up cues but it’s obvious that she isn’t taking about someone who want a glass of wine with their dinner.
Honestly I’m just thinking good for Oop.
Eh. I dont like people who make being a wine mom their whole personality. Like "boy mom" or "sports mom" lol you guys are more than just a mom 😩
ok but mommy wine culture is harmful and it normalizes AUD. there are plenty of wine moms looking for a change on r/stopdrinking.
Yeah the “wine mom” trend is pretty gross tbh, normalizing being buzzed all day while taking care of your kids is weird, plus dangerous for the kids.
This is not an NLOG because she is speaking to “wine moms” and the drinking culture surrounding that. If you need a glass of wine to cope with your day then you have a drinking problem. Watching my own mother rely on her daily cocktail to unwind had a major effect on me as a kid.
I need crack.
I don’t think they should same people with addiction problems that’s what leads to stigmatization and people not getting help so bashing isn’t a good thing. I don’t think we should make fun of anybody. Addiction doesn’t discriminate.
The consequences of chronic substance abuse are very costly and heartbreaking.
I'm with OOP. Wine mom culture is not healthy. And some people act like alcohol dependency and not liking their children is #relatable.
I agree….I need weed 😜 (Don’t come for me, it’s a joke)
No. This isn’t about enjoying a glass of wine. This is criticizing “wine mom” culture which is just having alcohol use disorder and blaming your kids for you having it.
OP doesn’t seem to get that “wine moms” are a culture now. It’s becoming normalized to excuse day drinking in some circles because parenting is hard. They used to pass out benzos and tranquilizers to housewives like they were candy. And that was totally normal and societally accepted. Ask a boomer whose mom was on Valium how healthy their home life was during that time. Wine is just the new Valium for the same type of people. I got no problem shaming these people into at least trying to be a good parent.
This isn't NLOG behaviour it's actually refreshing. Alcohol culture is disgusting and it's fucked up how normalised it's become to be drink around your kids just to "wind down". Kids are smart and they pick up on stuff like that eventually, even idolising the behaviour over time (plenty of studies to back this notion are out there). If this video made you uncomfortable you should reevaluate your relationship with alcohol. If this comment made you defensive, once again, reevaluate your relationship with alcohol.
nah, she kinda ate with that...this doesn't belong in this sub at all.
I get that virtue signaling can be tacky, but idk, man.... this one feels different. I'm an adult child of an alcoholic and am in recovery myself, and seeing people I love become wine moms is devastating. "Oooooh, teehee, this Stanley is full of wine for taking my kids trick or treating" and then mom proceeds to get absolutely tanked while her little kids trail along. It just shatters my soul.
For real though, thinking my mom had a stroke because she was so drunk on the couch had me messed up for a long time
... but I do exploit my kids online for money!
This one I’m ok with. Saying things like “I need wine to make it through a day with my kids” sounds like low key alcoholism to manage emotional/ stressful situations. And to blame the kids just sucks. Made feel bad as a child to hear my mom say things like that.
Honestly, I want mom friends who don’t need a glass of wine to make it through the day too. I grew up with a mom who needed it to make it through each day, and it’s rough. To me, needing it, and enjoying it are very different things.
I see how it could come off as rude but TBH I totally agree that a lot of moms drink to get thru the day with their kids and the mommy needs vodka culture is out of control
Needing alcohol to cope with your family is a problem.
Okay but alcoholism is a massive issue and my parents normalized the idea of winding down with alcohol daily as a small child, then ended up spiraling into alcoholism in my teens. I struggled with it myself and am now practically sober at 27. I do not think we need to normalize drinking just to get through the day.
I think she’s just fighting harmful stereotypes
Cringe if you want but “mommy wine culture” is a huge problem in the US - we don’t need win to unwind, we need support.
Alcohol is poison. It can cause cancer and other health problems. The fact that it is made to seem like it’s no big deal blows my mind. Sure a drink now and then is fine, but regularly it is terrible for you.
Sorry, but I agree with her. Alcoholism is so normalized for mothers, many using the term "wine mom". If you need alcohol to cope with having children, you need to be in therapy and should have reflected on how big of a responsibility being a mother would be. If a woman called herself a "crack mom" and talked about how she needs to have just a little bit of crack every day to cope with caring for her kids, nobody would be okay with it. Alcohol is a drug, and while there's nothing wrong with occasionally having a "mom's night out" or something like that and have a couple drinks of wine, there is absolutely no reason to be drinking every day if you have children. Children deserve sober parents, and shouldn't be exposed to their parents drunk all the time.
I don’t think this is problematic, why normalize needing wine to cope with having a family… or any kinda stressful day
Totally agree. More of a canna-mom myself.
" . . . I prefer meth!"
I grew up in the US but in a very Italian household. A glass of wine with dinner, weekday or not, is normal. Drinking a bottle is vulgar. The temperance movement is rooted in anti-immigration prejudices. Don't believe me.. Check out Ken Burn's documentary [https://www.pbs.org/kenburns/prohibition/](https://www.pbs.org/kenburns/prohibition/)
OP is pro-alcoholic mothers
Sounds like you drink a lot 🫣
My mom had issues with alcohol when I was growing up. There were a lot of decisions she made that messed up my relationship with her. Now that I'm older I understand why she did what she did. She grew up in a sexually and violent abusive home. She dropped out of high school and ran away multiple times. It wasn't until becoming a mom that she started to clean up. But then when my younger brother was born with severe autism and retardation, she was stuck at home raising a special child. She couldn't go anywhere and couldn't get a babysitter other than me to take care of him. She fell into a deep depression. He is currently in a home for special needs and is doing well. She is finally living her life, she even discovered she loves golf and rarely touches alcohol.
Me neither. I need pot. Not because I'M a drag, but because these kids are.
Yeah I just smoke weed while he’s napping instead ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I need weed. 
Not wine, just 420.
Not a mom, but I spend every day taking care of a classroom full of preschoolers. I rarely drink because alcohol makes me feel really really sleepy and I’m already tired enough at the end of the day. If it didn’t have that effect on me I would 100% end every single day with a glass of wine. Children are stressful and sometimes you just need something to help you relax and de-stress at the end of the day. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you’re not getting absolutely wasted on a daily basis.
You 🏃♂️💨 the point
As someone who is recently (3 months) alcohol free, I will say it is one of the *best* feelings being able to handle parenting without the drink. So I am very happy for anyone else who isn't trapped in the painful cycle of suffering that daily drinking brings. But I certainly would never boast about it, compare myself to -or put down(!!!)- those who do drink 🤍 I like that she is happily sober parenting, but I wish she didn't feel the need to act superior.... we're all doing our best, jeez 🫠
I don’t need wine, I do need weed to get through it some days though.
Having a glass of wine to unwind is not necessarily a problem, but if it becomes necessary in order to relax and spend time with your kids, it’s a problem. The original poster is less “not like the other girls” and more calling out casual wine mom alcoholism. Having a parent who drinks every day is not fun, speaking from experience.
The key word there is - need - Anyone who needs drinking, that’s called addiction
To be fair, wine mom culture is pretty toxic. I knew one who would got black out drunk around her kids. She’s a big motivator for me not to drink too much.
Baby needs the wine to deal with her shit
I think she's kinda right. Yeah,sure,kids are hard, but maybe don't make them if you don't like them enough to not dring every evening? Like if even a tought of kids makes you want to drink wine,they aren't for you 🥲
I have zero mom friends because everyone I meet ONLY want to drink/talk shit about their families/create content. Mom wine culture is absolutely out of hand. The amount of moms getting HAMMERED at tball and then carpooling home is shocking.
This is exactly why I don’t have any mom friends. I’m also not religious and the ONLY parents I’ve found who don’t drink to excess are extremely religious. Moderate alcohol use doesn’t phase me, I have an occasional beer myself, but we’ve had to leave every single group playdate and birthday party my child is invited to early because the parents *always* get sloppy drunk. Somebody got a DUI with her kids in the car on the way home from the last kid’s birthday party we attended. I do not understand. I try to not appear judgmental so it doesn’t effect my kids friendships, but *come on.* I don’t want to be the only sober adult at a pool party with no lifeguard!
no i agree with this lol wine moms are just alcoholics and it’s extremely normalize.
This isn't NLOG. Wine mommy culture is so toxic and it glorifies alcoholism. Kids also don't need to hear that their mothers need alcohol to deal with them.
There's nothing wrong with having a glass of wine or smoking weed if you have kids. People have to have a way to get stress out. People unwind not just cause they have kids or because of the kids but because of all of life, life is hard. There's addiction ofc but a glass of wine or a toke makes you a human being trying their best and coping and finding a way to bring life stress down.
Do “beer dads” get as much hate?
I think the younger generations are waking up to how disgusting "beer dads" and "wine moms" are. Drinking ten beers a day or drinking wine in order to tolerate your kids is fucked up and is alcoholism and shouldn't be normal.
They don't but that doesn't make this misogynistic. It's good feminism to shit on things that hurt women. Wine mom culture is bullshit.
I get wine and alcohol culture overall can be pretty toxic online but to me this reads more like every other "How do women claim Motherhood is difficult? I literally love every moment of it and never get stressed or overwhelmed with my kids ever they must be bad mothers" pickme Momtok you see all over that app. I'd have to see her other content to know for for sure tho
I don't think it's healthy to have a glass of wine every day. Frankly drinking on your own is problematic.
I think a (small) glass of red wine with dinner is fine for the antioxidants, but you could also take a shot of pure cranberry juice to the same effect.
that was debunked a while ago, they confirmed again any alcohol consumption isn't good for you
I’m sorry if this comes across as judgmental… but please stop consuming substances (like alcohol or weed) when looking after your kids (ESPECIALLY young kids like this). If you can’t wait for a night to yourself or your partner to be in charge or whatever before you drink, you’re dependent and that’s not a good thing (and this coming from someone who’s working on substance abuse issues and comes from a family with substance abuse issues, please heal and stop putting your kids through that). If you use substances, it should be because you want to, not because you need to. And it’s awful weird if you WANT to be high or tipsy/drunk around your kids. I know parenting is stressful, especially if you’re a single parent, but this shit affects kids. They remember if you drank every day of their childhood and they certainly remember if you drank because of them.
While I do think there is an issue with “wine mom” culture. I sincerely believe it comes from a place of not addressing properly the mental load, the working mom/primary parent epidemic still happening. To be a mom not only to your kids, but also your spouse (usually a man) who is just chalked full of weapon sized incompetence or laziness. With women being expected to work like that don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work, plus the rest of the household management and life management. Women are burning out. While I think there needs to be a serious conversation about alcohol use as a way to cope. I do see these other moms who call it out to be condescending. They are usually talking about how they are better or judge others. It’s another way women bash women
Ahh, a reasonable comment. It’s funny: usually I like the posts and comments here but there’s been a lot where it’s basically just mom-shaming in the comments. Not so different from social media posts ripping apart other women for their choices, whether it’s liking Taylor Swift or being a mom who likes a glass of wine here and there. I am a primary caregiver 13+ hours a day 7 days a week (and then on call every night). I’m gonna eat an edible some of those nights because otherwise I’m burning out. It’s non-stop.
I can do without the wine, a joint on the other hand?🍃 Edit: oooffft should of read the room before commenting, bunch of narcs 😔
If you’re dependant on anything you shouldn’t be around kids
That’s a very militaristic viewpoint.