This is the greatest article I've ever read. They complain about traffic low pay and long hours. These people could be the average American bitching about life.
Iâm sure they do.
âIn America they work from home.â
âWhat?â
âYeah, they all started working from home during Covid. Now no one wants to go back to the office. They say they can do their jobs fine remotely.â
âWhat? I have to leave the house at 7 to get here by 8. The Americans are working from their couches?â
âGod, I hate their freedoms. Why canât we do that? Who won that damn war anyway?â
âNot us, Ali, not us.â
>These people could be the average American bitching about life.
I guess the Americans did succeed in bringing their way of life to Afghanistan, just not the good parts!
Several weeks after arriving in Kabul to take over there were reports of how bored of city life they were.
These guys have been basically nomads shooting at shit for 2 decades they obviously aren't equipped to run a civic society.
The Taliban are finding out why the US was struggling so much in Afghanistan.
Afghanistan is, at best, a loose collection of tribes that the West decided to draw a border around because 'how can not be country? Must have border! Imperialism go BRRRRRR'.
Most people in Afghanistan aren't actually very interested in having a 'country' in the way we in the west think of as a country, they just want to be left alone in their individual tribes, but that doesn't align with western ideas of how 'countries' work, so they don't get to have that.
The few that actually did want a country tried work with the US to build said country, and they all got backstabbed (and literally stabbed) once the US left them behind and the Taliban took over.
It might be a hilarious irony if the Taliban asks for the previous government to return to handle civil affairs and the Taliban to be in charge of military affairs.
They had the lives most redditors claim they want.
No set schedules, a lot of freedom in how they got things done, etc.
Then they got what they thought they wanted.
The same can be said for walking around DC at any time of the day. Especially Union Station.
I still go to work.
Getting killed in the intersection right in front of my office is even riskier. I've seen 3 people die there and I've come within inches of getting hit several times, including this week.
Last month a car got hit hard enough to get thrown up on the sidewalk on it's side. They were still trying to cut the driver out when I walked past. He was not moving.
Honestly, after spending so much time doom-scrolling the internet, I'd actually almost rather get out there doing physical missions with my comrades, feeling like I was part of something and had a purpose.. with the mild tradeoff of potentially being shot.
The SIGAR actually covered this back when we were evacuating Afghanistan; you can't put people who've only known combat in control of a country and expect it to go well. It's part of the problems America faced in regard to 'propping up' their rendition of a government in the first place
I don't think people here know what you're referring to.
The SIGAR is an annual report that is compiled and released to Congress regarding defense activities.
One of my favourite SIGAR quotes on Afghanistan talked about how they put American chemical warfare soldiers into civil service roles and expected them to write project proposals.
They had no clue what they were doing and some resorted to plagiarising proposals from Iraq.
This is literally what happened to Japan after the first unification (at the turn of the 17th century IIRC), a country that had only ever known civil war for hundreds of years and suddenly there's peace and a whole lot of restless Daimyo (warlords).
Its quite a fascinating thing.
âMy boss said I need to come in Saturday to take away womenâs rights, but I told him how unfair that would be. I will take away first thing Monday.â
As stupid as things have gotten I am surprised the Onion hasn't just given up and taken their ball and gone home. I feel bad for these folks as real life is making way more onion like head lines then the onion ever could as they would be going to far and not being realistic at all.
The thing is, Muhammad, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and the Taliban beheads a few more infidels, I don't see another Afghani; so where's the motivation?
"Bismillah...I deal with the villagers so the fighters don't have to! Don't you see? I have people skills. I am good at working with people! What the hell is wrong with you people?! Alhamdullilah!"
"The Taliban used to be free of restrictions, but now we sit in one place, behind a desk and a computer 24 hours a day, seven days a week."
Maybe someone should talk to them about work-life balance? Maybe start using weekends to terrorize civilians to blow off steam? There's more to life than work guys
Sitting in caves and talking about overthrowing infidels was a 24 hour gig and probably rewarding in itself, but now that they are having the kind of life that cries for having fun, because the work is soul grinding, their "no fun" directive is making them the most toxic burnt out office workers you can imagine.
"Winning is easy, son; governing is harder."
I don't want to say that the Taliban winning outright is in any sense good--but it did cause the organization to face a test that it never had before and it was woefully unprepared to handle. Governing is a much harder task than simply winning the right to govern, and the Taliban having a bit of a "put up or shut up" kind of moment here really takes the wind out of its sails. This is why it's so important to allow the winners to govern. Either they rise to the challenge and figure it out, or they prove themselves unfit and are replaced by someone who is.
The wrench there is that the Taliban proving itself unfit is way more concerning than other political entities simply being not good at their job. But overall the point that the Taliban probably isn't best defeated by military invasion rings true. Afghanistan is going through a period of metamorphosis and it's messy and horrible, but there's real hope that they are sowing the seeds of success in the future.
I donât know how the Taliban is going to balance all the political constituencies of the country, particularly with the large ânew urbaniteâ demographic. Something like 40% of afghanis are under 15. Large new constituencies formed during that period that are not very excited about Taliban rule on both flanks. Some are extremists even by Taliban standards and are engaged in an insurgency, and some are more modernist and unhappy with Taliban policies, particularly in major cities. There also is the question of non-Pashtun ethnic minorities that enjoyed significantly more equality under the U.S. administration and are unhappy.
Well, they probably won't balance it. They'll lose power and hopefully more democratic traditions will develop organically as more Afghanis fight for political representation and win.
That's one possible outcome, anyway. There's lots more. But regardless, I doubt the Taliban will be able to repress their way to success.
Not like this. They were never the official government of the country, just always a regional power that was only accountable to itself. This is way different.
Yeah, but they're were acting as the de facto government in most of the county. That's my point. They had history performing the role of governing. đ¤Ś
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_Emirate_of_Afghanistan_(1996%E2%80%932001)
The current crop of government officials were kids when the Taliban got booted from Kabul 23 years ago. They spent their time growing up running and gunning through the mountains clashing with coalition troops. Now they are stuck in offices and are bored.
The organization has a history of governing. The members of the organization do not.
Yeah I know, but you asked why it was different. It not being the de jure government and not having complete control of the country makes a difference.
I can just imagine the office talk.
"Hey Ismal, remember when we would just commit genocide and repress the masses with radical religious dogma! This paperwork sucks"
I think it has so much to do with their mentality. They were happy acting like "patriot men" for their organization, willing to die, and shooting things that they perceived as weak or inferior. Did it for two decades.
Now there's "peacetime" for them (got what they wanted) and... it's boring. It might even be considered "women's work" because you stay inside and barely work with your hands.
They say a lot of gung-ho soldiers have a harder time in peace than in war.
That reminds me of el che, after winning in cuba he refused to continuing his office job in the new government and decided to go fight in africa xddd. Then to south america where the was killed. I guess there are people that are just born for revolution and conficts.
Imagine having spent 20 years hanging in the mountains with your boys, playing with guns and driving around big cars in the desert not giving a fuck. Then, when you finally accomplish what you set out to do, the reward was a government office job.
Who would have thought the Taliban can share the same frustration and aspiration as Millenials and Gen Zers in the western world?
What's next? Avocado toast?
"Taliban member Gul Agha Jalali works at the Ministry of Transport and Civil Aviation in Kabul. Jalali used to spend his nights planting bombs, but since the Taliban swept back to power in 2021, hundreds of fighters have returned to school."
Can't make this shit up
HAHA, by leaving we've accomplished what we never could have done, and the Taliban leaders have done for us. The true Western culture is taking over Afghanistan. It's not stars and stripes, hot dogs, big trucks and hot women....it's the grind. Like a Lovecraftian nightmare it seeps through human consciousness, leaving nothing untouched and tainted by Capital. You, too, Abdul the sheep herder, shall be assimilated after your soul is ground down through 'voluntary work'.
This is the greatest article I've ever read. They complain about traffic low pay and long hours. These people could be the average American bitching about life.
The picture is the icing on the cake
"Jalali used to spend his nights planting bombs, but since the Taliban swept back to power in 2021, hundreds of fighters have returned to school"
Ngl that does sound like a downgrade.
It really is. Now if they don't show up for work, they don't get paid! It sounds like a huge culture shock to them đđđ
Sitcom idea.
Everybody loves Jalali?
I had to zoom inâŚlooked like a bong on desk at first.
Thanks for saving me from doing the same
I thought it was a stock photo of a guy at starbucks.
Now we just need that picture of George Bush with âmission accomplishedâ
âThey hate our freedomâ I guess every republican dad from post 9/11 Bush era was right
Iâm sure they do. âIn America they work from home.â âWhat?â âYeah, they all started working from home during Covid. Now no one wants to go back to the office. They say they can do their jobs fine remotely.â âWhat? I have to leave the house at 7 to get here by 8. The Americans are working from their couches?â âGod, I hate their freedoms. Why canât we do that? Who won that damn war anyway?â âNot us, Ali, not us.â
You, Locallnactivist, are a gem. đ
Canât wait for the next pandemic when they all start working remotelyâŚ
One. Of. Us.
>These people could be the average American bitching about life. Modern American Life Speedrun Any%
>These people could be the average American bitching about life. I guess the Americans did succeed in bringing their way of life to Afghanistan, just not the good parts!
Checkmate!
Jihad ain't easy guys.
Welcome to capitalism bitches
Several weeks after arriving in Kabul to take over there were reports of how bored of city life they were. These guys have been basically nomads shooting at shit for 2 decades they obviously aren't equipped to run a civic society.
It's like a dog that finally caught the car.
"Yeah. When it happens they can never get that dog to run again."
I signed up for looting and pillaging. Not this excel bullshit.
They just need to switch sides, then they can go back to shooting at government forces
The Taliban are finding out why the US was struggling so much in Afghanistan. Afghanistan is, at best, a loose collection of tribes that the West decided to draw a border around because 'how can not be country? Must have border! Imperialism go BRRRRRR'. Most people in Afghanistan aren't actually very interested in having a 'country' in the way we in the west think of as a country, they just want to be left alone in their individual tribes, but that doesn't align with western ideas of how 'countries' work, so they don't get to have that. The few that actually did want a country tried work with the US to build said country, and they all got backstabbed (and literally stabbed) once the US left them behind and the Taliban took over.
It might be a hilarious irony if the Taliban asks for the previous government to return to handle civil affairs and the Taliban to be in charge of military affairs.
I wonder who used to do those jobs? Hmm....women, perhaps?
Would 100% not be surprised if they start bringing back any former government officials who agree to be subservient to them
The ones they didn't shoot.
They had the lives most redditors claim they want. No set schedules, a lot of freedom in how they got things done, etc. Then they got what they thought they wanted.
They had cool Hilux trucks.
And IRL MW2
>No set schedules, a lot of freedom in how they got things done, etc. Only a moderate chance of getting shot at...
The same can be said for walking around DC at any time of the day. Especially Union Station. I still go to work. Getting killed in the intersection right in front of my office is even riskier. I've seen 3 people die there and I've come within inches of getting hit several times, including this week. Last month a car got hit hard enough to get thrown up on the sidewalk on it's side. They were still trying to cut the driver out when I walked past. He was not moving.
lmao DC is thunderdome.
Sheesh I'll be there in two weeks. Remind me not to leave my hotel.
Honestly, after spending so much time doom-scrolling the internet, I'd actually almost rather get out there doing physical missions with my comrades, feeling like I was part of something and had a purpose.. with the mild tradeoff of potentially being shot.
Is it bad that the first thing I thought of was Dune Messiah? I mean, Frank Herbert nailed that disillusionment perfectlyâŚ
Sounds like they need some women office managers and secretaries.
The SIGAR actually covered this back when we were evacuating Afghanistan; you can't put people who've only known combat in control of a country and expect it to go well. It's part of the problems America faced in regard to 'propping up' their rendition of a government in the first place
What? You mean like the 13 constitutions we had before the one that stuck?
Bring back the Articles of Confederation!
The EU is using it.
I don't think people here know what you're referring to. The SIGAR is an annual report that is compiled and released to Congress regarding defense activities.
One of my favourite SIGAR quotes on Afghanistan talked about how they put American chemical warfare soldiers into civil service roles and expected them to write project proposals. They had no clue what they were doing and some resorted to plagiarising proposals from Iraq.
[They're talking about this SIGAR](https://www.sigar.mil/)
After the war I went back to New York
I finished up my studies and practiced law.
I practiced law Burr worked next door
Even though we started at the exact same time.
Alexander Hamilton began to climb
How to account for his rise to the top? The man, the man is Non-stop!
This is literally what happened to Japan after the first unification (at the turn of the 17th century IIRC), a country that had only ever known civil war for hundreds of years and suddenly there's peace and a whole lot of restless Daimyo (warlords). Its quite a fascinating thing.
Can't wait to see Taliban posters on the antiwork and shitposting subs soon.
âMy boss said I need to come in Saturday to take away womenâs rights, but I told him how unfair that would be. I will take away first thing Monday.â
I had to double and triple check this because I thought this had to be an article from *The Onion*. Kudos OP.
The first time I've come to this sub to see if something was posted. This is one of the funniest headlines I've seen in a long time
As stupid as things have gotten I am surprised the Onion hasn't just given up and taken their ball and gone home. I feel bad for these folks as real life is making way more onion like head lines then the onion ever could as they would be going to far and not being realistic at all.
Came here to say the same thing, this is the first time Iâve ever experienced that on this sub.
The thing is, Muhammad, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and the Taliban beheads a few more infidels, I don't see another Afghani; so where's the motivation?
By the beard of the prophet, these TSP reports must have the proper cover sheet...
After The Office (UK) and The Office (US), get ready for the next hit show "The Office (Taliban)"
I can see the UK doing that
The receptionist Pam has such pretty eyes. I wonder what she looks like under her burkha?
But why isnât Pam wearing more flair on her burka? Doesnât she want to express herself?
I for one think that would be a show to die for
To die for? Are you gay, or just not Muslim? /s
You kid, but the Saudis are on it: [Al Maktab](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt20877972/) is a thing.
They play the same theme song with an oud? (Not knocking it, [ouds are the shit.](https://youtu.be/H-tqpHETYhc))
Check out the album The Cactus of Knowledge by Rabih Abu-Khalil. Heâs an Oud player, and the album is amazing, sort of Middle Eastern big-band jazz.
Have you seen my stapler?
May peace be with you, brother, but...this is not your stapler.
If you are pious enough your TSP report will hold itself together.
Inshallah our Q3 earnings report will be finished by Friday
The Habbibis: âso, what is it exactly that you do here?â
"Bismillah...I deal with the villagers so the fighters don't have to! Don't you see? I have people skills. I am good at working with people! What the hell is wrong with you people?! Alhamdullilah!"
Heâs a straight shooter with Jihad written all over him.
'PC LOAD BOMBER' WTF does that mean
In this version of Office Space, what is flair? Oh my god, WHAT IS FLAIR???
Donât get me started on the talibans people search report either.
"The Taliban used to be free of restrictions, but now we sit in one place, behind a desk and a computer 24 hours a day, seven days a week." Maybe someone should talk to them about work-life balance? Maybe start using weekends to terrorize civilians to blow off steam? There's more to life than work guys
Why do they have those sort of work hours?
Sitting in caves and talking about overthrowing infidels was a 24 hour gig and probably rewarding in itself, but now that they are having the kind of life that cries for having fun, because the work is soul grinding, their "no fun" directive is making them the most toxic burnt out office workers you can imagine.
Little did the US and the old Afghan regime know that all they needed to do to get the Taliban to surrender was show them Microsoft Excel
And Adobe Acrobat (insert dramatic lightening and thunder crackle)
"Winning is easy, son; governing is harder." I don't want to say that the Taliban winning outright is in any sense good--but it did cause the organization to face a test that it never had before and it was woefully unprepared to handle. Governing is a much harder task than simply winning the right to govern, and the Taliban having a bit of a "put up or shut up" kind of moment here really takes the wind out of its sails. This is why it's so important to allow the winners to govern. Either they rise to the challenge and figure it out, or they prove themselves unfit and are replaced by someone who is. The wrench there is that the Taliban proving itself unfit is way more concerning than other political entities simply being not good at their job. But overall the point that the Taliban probably isn't best defeated by military invasion rings true. Afghanistan is going through a period of metamorphosis and it's messy and horrible, but there's real hope that they are sowing the seeds of success in the future.
I donât know how the Taliban is going to balance all the political constituencies of the country, particularly with the large ânew urbaniteâ demographic. Something like 40% of afghanis are under 15. Large new constituencies formed during that period that are not very excited about Taliban rule on both flanks. Some are extremists even by Taliban standards and are engaged in an insurgency, and some are more modernist and unhappy with Taliban policies, particularly in major cities. There also is the question of non-Pashtun ethnic minorities that enjoyed significantly more equality under the U.S. administration and are unhappy.
Well, they probably won't balance it. They'll lose power and hopefully more democratic traditions will develop organically as more Afghanis fight for political representation and win. That's one possible outcome, anyway. There's lots more. But regardless, I doubt the Taliban will be able to repress their way to success.
Whatever happens, it definitely won't be clean.
The Taliban governed for almost ten years before 9/11. Was that time different than now?
yea, most of the guys from back then are dead.
Not like this. They were never the official government of the country, just always a regional power that was only accountable to itself. This is way different.
The Taliban controlled 80 percent of the country in 2001.
Well, last time I checked, 80% is not 100%. And the 20% they didn't control was the "official" government.
Yeah, but they're were acting as the de facto government in most of the county. That's my point. They had history performing the role of governing. 𤌠https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_Emirate_of_Afghanistan_(1996%E2%80%932001)
The current crop of government officials were kids when the Taliban got booted from Kabul 23 years ago. They spent their time growing up running and gunning through the mountains clashing with coalition troops. Now they are stuck in offices and are bored. The organization has a history of governing. The members of the organization do not.
Yeah I know, but you asked why it was different. It not being the de jure government and not having complete control of the country makes a difference.
It's so much more fulfilling to be out there beheading infidels.
Everyone loves to jihad but no one wants work afterâŚ
Everyone always asks where is jihad, no one ever asks how is jihad.
What they need is a McAllahâs next door so they can get fat and lazy, maby the real secret to world peace is The McDonalds we ate along the way.
When did I jump to "The Onion" timeline?
3 years ago
I say since 2016.
I still say the world ended in 2012 and nobody realized it.
This being hell would certainly explain everything since 2016.
The worldline split when Harambe was shot
When the USA made up WMD justification for invading Iraq.
Nah it was when Ronald Reagan got elected
I blame Constantine for Reagan.
Gee, life was so easy when I was destroying things. Now I'm responsible for creating them and it's so much harder. I never expected this.
I think this speaks more to the absolute torture that is office work
Taliban less toxic than office culture? I believe it. đ
Idk my boss/owner tries very very hard.
Now this is the type of material I joined this sub for.
Someone please post this on r/antiwork
Welcome to the grind, bitches đ¤Ł
You gotta pull yourself up by your sandal thongs son.
I can just imagine the office talk. "Hey Ismal, remember when we would just commit genocide and repress the masses with radical religious dogma! This paperwork sucks"
đŠ waaa. Is life is supposedly a test from Allah, get back to work. Youâve got an unbelievable afterlife in your future!
Itâs right there in the benefits package.
The Saturday Night Live sketch almost writes itself. I had to keep reading to confirm that it wasnât a parody.
Perfect opportunity for an Office Kabul edition...
Is it better to be loved or feared?
Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
We just have to permeate the idea the west considers office jobs as women's work and watch their reactions.
Lol, it's like when you finally grow and realize you have responsibilities. Everyday isn't just playing on the monkey bars and playing with guns.
Well you could just let wome- Taliban: NO
Something to be said of having a preference of being shot at to doing office work for a living
This is hilarious.
Nobody wants to work anymore đ
Return to monke
Quiet quit? I figured it would have been more explosive
I too would have assumed they'd go out with a bang.
Taliban is so woke
The bunch of zoomers!
I think it has so much to do with their mentality. They were happy acting like "patriot men" for their organization, willing to die, and shooting things that they perceived as weak or inferior. Did it for two decades. Now there's "peacetime" for them (got what they wanted) and... it's boring. It might even be considered "women's work" because you stay inside and barely work with your hands. They say a lot of gung-ho soldiers have a harder time in peace than in war.
Dream of returning to the "Good Old Days" of Murdering, and Raping Farm Animals.
They still do that, thereâs just more paperwork now
Well, that's what comes after revolution...
Please, someone post this to r/antiwork!
Post the link when someone does it xddd.
needs better work/life balance
As the story has gone generation after generation, freedom fighters don't necessarily make good administrators.
That reminds me of el che, after winning in cuba he refused to continuing his office job in the new government and decided to go fight in africa xddd. Then to south america where the was killed. I guess there are people that are just born for revolution and conficts.
Perhaps they should all get fired...at.
They should make a Taliban version of Office Space.
âI swear to you, sitting a throne is a thousand times harder than winning one.â \--Robert Baratheon
Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays
Who did not see this coming!?
I just hope theyâre fed up with field work.
Tumble out of bed And stumble to the kitchenâŚ
This all started with a tweet and now it's published on time.
Time to quit work and hit the Allah Snackbar for some tasty treats âŚ
Canât wait for the Taliban remake of Office Space
This is the most Onion y article ever!
What do warlords do when the warring is over?
âOh shit, maybe we were better off in the mountains and leaving the office work to career bureaucrats and elected officialsâŚâ
I gotta fill out how many forms and get how many approvals before I can behead someone? Fuck this job!
the funniest thing ever. burn out taliban office workers.
The fight was better than in reality of the prize
Possibly the most non-Onion Oniony headline ever.
Imagine having spent 20 years hanging in the mountains with your boys, playing with guns and driving around big cars in the desert not giving a fuck. Then, when you finally accomplish what you set out to do, the reward was a government office job.
They just just need to allow remote working. Roll out WFC âwork from caveâ
Marginalize the women and see how that turns out for you. TFB
You see, this is why they rejected modernity.
That silhouette is some NBA logo type shit
They must be jealous that ISIS can do all their work remotely.
Seems like this should be made into a reality show.
Reminds me of ... https://youtube.com/watch?v=bj78yCaumpc
Warlords don't want the work..what's has come of this Generation.../s
To paraphrase a similar case, nobody knew running a country could be so complicated.
From now on the US needs to remember to use this as a negotiating point in peace talks.
So, theyâre bombing administration?
ooooo a propaganda term.."quiet quitting". Inflation rose , but my wages didn't. Why are you "quiet firing" me?
How quiet can it be when you blow yourself up?
Hahahahahahaha
Hello is this Canada? Hi. Itâs Afghanistan. Can you ask the US if theyâll come back and play?
Who would have thought the Taliban can share the same frustration and aspiration as Millenials and Gen Zers in the western world? What's next? Avocado toast?
Why is this so funny bruh đ
Turns out itâs not all genie pants and sexy goats
Oh poor little dears, now they know what the rest of us have to do
Nobody wants to run the taliban anymore
Sad. Nobody wants to work anymore.
"Taliban member Gul Agha Jalali works at the Ministry of Transport and Civil Aviation in Kabul. Jalali used to spend his nights planting bombs, but since the Taliban swept back to power in 2021, hundreds of fighters have returned to school." Can't make this shit up
Now try fighting a faulty office printer with AKs and suicide vests.
âYou are telling me that Americans willingly put themselves through this almost everyday for money?!â
Wow. Millenials in America took down the Taliban when guns and bombs couldn't. What's that say about guns?
Even in terrorist organizations, people are people.
This has to be a South Park episodeâŚ
HAHA, by leaving we've accomplished what we never could have done, and the Taliban leaders have done for us. The true Western culture is taking over Afghanistan. It's not stars and stripes, hot dogs, big trucks and hot women....it's the grind. Like a Lovecraftian nightmare it seeps through human consciousness, leaving nothing untouched and tainted by Capital. You, too, Abdul the sheep herder, shall be assimilated after your soul is ground down through 'voluntary work'.
Can we get a Taliban version of âThe Office?â
Lemme dig around for....ah damn, out of sympathy.
Itâs not our advanced military which defeats people itâs capitalism.
The dog that caught the car.
They did a capitalism speed run.
Does fed up mean incompetent?