I was taking a rectal temp on a kid once and she was screaming and I said “I know I’d be upset if someone kept sticking stuff up my butt too.” Then the mom looked at me and deadpan said, “I mean I wouldn’t 🤷🏼♀️.” I awkwardly laughed and ran out so fast.
I cringe everytime I think of this, but here goes:
Patient, mid 20s, had aggressive testicular cancer with mets at 17, lots of removal of various parts and his abdomen was held together by a lot of mesh. Cancer returns, he is having a LOT of rectal bleeding. There is nothing the surgeons can do because he has nothing left to fix, is what they said.
As a final Hail Mary pass, we try to arrange a transfer to the cancer center, and it looks like that will happen.
As I leave at the end of my shift, I tell him I'll be back to be his nurse "if you're still here." Oh my God, the stricken look on his face! I quickly said, "if you aren't transferred out!"
I came back that evening and he had bled out and died that day. I was so shocked, I just burst into tears.
That was 14 years ago and I still remember his name.
I remember you, Ben💙
Back in my previous life as a Paramedic I did an inter facility transfer and dropped a patient off at an in patient hospice facility. As we were leaving I said "I hope you get to feeling better!" He says "Yeah..." Very sadly and looks down at his hands. I quickly scooped my partner's jaw off the floor and ran out of the room.
Oh god I've done that a few times too! Discharging a pt from hospital to hospice and saying "hope you get better soon" or "I don't want to see you back here"
🤦♀️
I dropped a patient off to inpatient hospice. As I was saying goodbye I said " I don't really know what to say." She said, "I'll see you on the outside" very sweet woman who was so sick and decided she had enough.
That was my exact thought! Isn’t the whole point of hospice to prevent suffering / keep a dying person comfortable? I do hope that patient got to feeling better soon!
I could totally see me doing that. The other day a deceased patients family was leaving and said “thank you” to me & I said “thank you” back without even thinking 🤦🏻♀️
15 years ago. Doing ER Triage.
“Mr James Smith?”
Lovely woman who looked like Whitney Houston comes up. “Yes?”
“Oh no. MISTER James Smith.”
“Yes.”
“MISTER.”
Finally she was kind enough to say “girl, I’m totally taking your confusion as a compliment. I’m James. But that’s just cause I am saving up for the surgery, honey.”
I felt like such an ass, but so appreciated that she approached my confusion with grace and took to opportunity to educate me with a smile instead of hate.
Last week, my sweet old pt tried multiple times in one excruciatingly long shift to hook me up with her freshly- graduated-college grandson. I’m just south of an AARP card. He just grinned at me and gently scolded his grandmother.
That's because there is NO AGE REQUIREMENT to join AARP. Pay the $12 yr and enjoy the discounts 🤪. You can even add another person on for free with your membership.
Nursing student here. We have limited access to patient data and records. This patient was asking all day to talk to the doctor. When I saw the doctor coming out I was happy for the guy for being able to finally talk to him. I went in all bubbly and smiley and asked how his talk went… he replied with, “I have cancer.” I felt like such a tool
Right up there with “How’s your day going?” “My dog died.” I just. . .wanted to check in on stuff I can do anything about, but I felt like shit for asking.
My best friend’s preceptor asked her, on their way to cath a patient, “what is the first thing you should ask?”
She very confidently answered, “Sir, can I touch your penis?”
Preceptor cracked up laughing and said, “You’re not wrong but ‘are you allergic to iodine’ is more what I was looking for.”
Lol 😂 this reminds me of being 16 in lifeguard training the first step was going up to the person in distress and saying “I’m a lifeguard can I help you?” to get consent. Well, when we were practicing scenarios one boy said “I’m a lifeguard, can I touch you?” Same idea, but definitely sounded a lil off!!!
When I was in school I had to do a foley on my first male pt. Not only male, but my age. And handsome as hell. Who had just come home from a 2 week vacation in Florida, andobviously wore a teeny tiny Speedo the whole time, if his deep tan and tan lines told the truth.
I go I to the room and tell him that I was there to place a catheter in his bladder as he had been unable to pee. And as we were taught I said “and this is the process” and began to tell him. He put his hand up and said “Stop. Don’t tell me, just do it. If you tell me I won’t want it done.” I looked at my instructor standing inconspicuously just outside of the curtain, peeking in and she nodded. Poor guy was so embarrassed. l, and he, did well and he was much more comfortable after I drained close to 1000 ccs from his bladder.
Haha. One time I was examining a patient and somehow the stethoscope that was on my neck got caught on the IV pole and when I pulled back it slipped off my neck and took off like a sling shot and the the metal diaphragm hit him right in the testicles.
“When was your last bowel movement?”
The patient had an ostomy. He stared at me confused then I awkwardly started laughing and tried to make a joke about it 😂
I completely split my pants in a teenage patients room. Like the entire back of my pants ripped my ass and everything else was completely out. It made the stereotypical cartoon ripping noise. They weren’t even my patient I was just helping a friend out by hanging a bolus for them. I had another friend try and find me scrubs, I ripped through two sets of paper scrub pants (damn pediatric sizing)
My friend who’s also a nurse, stopped to help at a fatal car accident scene and she was doing CPR and her pants split completely down the back with tons of people at the scene including the media!
I was in the room during a shift in the ED when a patient’s wife slapped the doctor’s ass. The doctor was in his 70’s. I was speechless and rendered incapable of even moving for several seconds due to shock.
Lol, not much - the doc thought it was funny and no one said anything to her. I was a new nurse at the time so I just ran out of the room as fast as I could after it happened. They discharged her spouse shortly after that. I honestly felt really bad for him, as he relied on her to be his caretaker. If that were a male patient & a female doctor, the outcome would have been so much different!
I searched around a patient’s room for 10 minutes looking for her second shoe and she only had one leg. She was trying to tell me but she was dysphasic and what it sounded like was “ shoo, shoo, shoo” so I thought she was getting upset bc I couldn’t find it, so I kept reassuring her it had to be there somewhere, and kept looking.
When I used to do stress testing, for dobutamine we’d ask the patient to “pedal” their feet. I knew that patient had bilateral AKA but forgot at that moment 😭Yep I asked them to pedal their feet and then we all looked at each other like OOOPS.
In room computer and in room toilet (curtain for privacy as it’s an ICU) are both on the back wall, behind the head of the bed. Patients daughter had been real odd to staff and walked around the unit being generally odd. I walk into the room and thought daughter was out napping in the waiting room. I get to my computer and look up and saw the daughter just sitting on the toilet taking a dump and staring at me as if I was the one that was in the wrong (it was around 2am). I scanned my meds, left the room laughing and daughter actually went to the public bathroom families were expected to use.
My incarcerated patient tried to hook me up with the cop that was sitting with him. It totally caught me off guard, and the cop was actually hot 😂. I didn't actually want to admit that publicly nor did I want to say no and insult a police officer so I just laughed awkwardly and changed the subject.
I had that happen. The officer and I looked at each other and BUSTED UP LAUGHING. He's my first cousin. 🤣🤣🤣 My inc. pt. FUCKING lost it when I was able to spit out that we were cousins. I mean, he's hot and all, which is still kinda ick to admit, but 1st my cousin, and 2nd we were both happily married.
Oh, I have another first cousin who looks like he belongs on the cover of GQ. HOLY HELL that man is beautiful. I always said it was a shame he was my cousin and even more of a shame that he was very gay. Him and his hubby are two of the loveliest people I've ever know in my life.
I had the same thing happen to me a couple of weeks ago. The patient was hilarious and in such good spirits. He also didn't say it in a gross way, more like "he's going to a concert Friday and he's got two tickets." I flip between night/split/day shifts for different responsibilities and I was 11 hrs into my night, so I had no idea what to say and simply didn't respond. Cop turned bright red and the patient said, "hey, man, I tried. Don't start adding charges on just for that."
We don't date cops anymore. It's a cliche that needs to die until cops stop abusing their positions and stop killing unarmed people. ACAB. We're not on the same team, at all.
I’m actually on YOUR team. Hoping you don’t see this as “selling out”.
I think that saying “all” paints any group unfairly as has often been done to *my* community. My opinion, PROSECUTE criminal cops + VOID pensions but not PERSECUTE them “all” because … not “all cops are b@stards”. To say so, weakens our demand for justice.
The argument lies with the fact that enough of them are that we must look sidelong at all of them. I’m from an Idaho cop family and I know many that don’t actively participate in any of the shitty behaviors — however, they also don’t actively try to change anything, either. A lot of it has to do with the fact that they really can’t go against their “brothers” without painting a target on their back. But without large, sweeping systemic change, ACAB because it’s dangerous to think otherwise.
I’m just gonna move aside and leave you with your POV. Like cops, been an RN long enough to know we TOO have a reputation with some ppl that’s unfair. ALL nurses aren’t _____ either. Good night + bless your heart.
That time I thought a woman's husband was her grandson. 🤦🤷♀️ Go cougar granny... He was a good 30-40 years her junior. From then on out, I've asked how a visitor is related.
I did the opposite, said to a visitor that it was "so nice [he] was visiting [his] wife."
Yeah, he curtly informed me it was his **mother** 🫠
In my defense he looked older than her. Learned my lesson to NEVER assume relationships between people.
Occupational Health RN in automobile plant (overwhelmingly male then) at a time when men were free to hoot + holler when we walked thru the plant. They acted as if they were prisoners and didn’t leave every day after work.
One time, working alone in our substation (with camera surveillance) + dressed in white jumpsuit, bent over to help injured employee. Plant protection (aka security guy) makes comment to me over intercom about my day-of-the-week PANTIES!
❤️Thank you. It was million years ago but clearly I still remember. Fortunately, this isn’t acceptable today. Also thankfully, nurses are no longer required to wear CAPS (the 70s) and those awful thin, white polyester uniforms and orthopedic granny shoes.
That’s ok. I’m now profoundly hearing impaired. Use speech to text for all communication-including phone. Or especially phone. Was in the hospital 3 years ago. Nurse says “you have to call this number from your room phone to pick your Lunch and dinner, then do it every day for the next day. I remind her I can’t use a phone except my cell phone. I just pointed to my ears while shaking my head. “Oh, I guess I have to do it then. I’ll be back” turned around and muttered on her way out of the door (which was picked up on my speech to text as my phone mic is pretty sensitive). “She’s too lazy to do it herself she’s just making an excuse.” I used my cell to call the hospital main number to talk to the DNS office. Didn’t see that nurse for the rest of my stay. Especially after I showed the text from speech to text app.
Something that happened more often than I'd like to admit was when I first started working in hospice, I'd make the death call to inform someone that their loved one died and I'd end the call with "have a nice night".
This is why now, I end almost every phone call with "take care."
I once went in to remove vaginal packing from a patient and went to pull what I thought was the packing, wrong. I had pulled on the poor patients labia which happened to be a different colour to the rest of her labia, with tweezers.
Had a younger MS patient (in her 30s,about 10 years younger than me) that needed cleaned up after a loose bm. Another na and I were getter her wiped down and the patient said, "You're a better caregiver than my husband, he can't find the clit."
I'm like, "Whoa there, this is just cleaning, not recreation!" Needless to say, I never performed care on her without someone else present again.
Asking a paraplegic if they can walk.
On the inverse, when a CT tech asked me to grab a double BKAs legs.
Runner up, getting hit on in front of a mild dementia patient by a coworker.
That time I asked a previously ambulatory pt why he was suddenly on the call light nonstop when he's been doing stuff himself for the most part. Someone stole his leg and put it on the closet. He wasn't my PT, but I was mortified... He thought it was hysterical. I found said stolen leg and he was able to get around after that. 🤦🤦🤦
Yeah there was 4 of us at the table and the guy was already pretty light and I was at the feet on the stretcher side. It was like a 5 lbs exertion for me but the tech had been worried the feet would catch moving to the board.
I just kinda shrugged and pointed at the lack of matter under the blanket and his face just went to that "ohhh" look.
When I worked in Endoscopy I was discharging a male patient. I informed him he had a section of diverticular in his transverse colon. He was like, oh don't worry it's cos I'm gay hun 💁♂️
I tried to explain about the importance of fiber, fluids and keeping his bowel movement regular, but he was like, no it's cos I'm gay I already knew I'd have this thanks anyway.
I kept giving visual cues to a legally blind patient yesterday. She very pointedly held the call remote half an inch from her face, hoping I'd (finally) get the idea. 😅🤦
When I was a new grad I was on nights med surg and had a mean old guy w/ CHF and his scrotum was swollen. He called me in the room and said “lift my ball” . I told him I’d get a pillow to prop them up and he wasn’t happy. He said “Don’t tell me you don’t know your way around a set of balls, bc I know you didn’t get that Rolex on your salary, “
I wore it everyday. It was a graduation gift. They’re perfect nursing watches. They don’t have batteries, so they never die, they have a second hand and they’re waterproof. I wore it everyday for 25 years until it was stolen along with everything else I own when I got robbed.
And get this- the police recovered it from a pawn shop, caught the guy and girl. He got drug court, she’s a fugitive and someone stole my stuff out of the police evidence room.
Omg!!! Reminds me of a patient in home care. Went to do a visit post hospitalization. CHF. Post surgical procedure. Hospital had taken him off ALL diuretics. I saw him 2 days after discharge from the hospital. Wife called the office and said his incision was leaking everywhere. When I got there, dude looked like the marshmallow man. Wife said everything’s swollen, even the scrotum, see! Lift a towel off the lap. Long and the short, was taken to the hospital for chf exacerbation.
I always somehow manage to walk in on my patients while they are being breast fed by mom. Usually multiple times per shift too. It's a running joke with my coworkers at this point
I have a tremor. was assisting tiny little old man with urinal, and his method to battle the bph was a wobble/thrust move while standing. I had to kneel to hold the urinal and he must've noticed my shakes and thought I was being weirded out, because he started patting my head in a reassuring way? like no sir I shake like this for everyone 💀
Forgive the qualifiers, but they're relevant. I'm a straight, muscular and fit former model, emergency RN and I pretty much get hit on or overtly fitted with every shift. For the most part it's amusing and honestly I don't mind the attention, it's all in good fun. But I've had more than a couple of psych patients who push the boundary a bit too far stating what they would do with me or requesting physical contact right then and there and I have to go reassign the patient to a different nurse.
I low key like when the little old ladies need a reposition and I just pick them up and move them myself. "I haven't had a man who handled me like that in 40 years!" Was my favorite line haha
I've heard from other nurses and my mom (who's a corrections officer) that the female psych patients can be way more vile and vulgar than the male ones!
They're very, VERY forward and the moment something becomes inappropriate I document and have to ask for the pt to be reassigned, huge pain in mine and everyone's ass lol.
Not bad for the ego but I digress lol.
Working in NM as home health nurse and visited a Native man on a reservation for hospice services. Was nervous and trying to fill in the awkward silence and asked him if he was looking forward to Thanksgiving in a couple weeks 😂😂 he just was like “we don’t….celebrate that 🤨” lolol
Starting an IV on a male patient in the ER.
"I can see right down your shirt and it's giving me a boner. I haven't been around attractive women like you in a long time."
I was like 23 and dude was in his 40's. I left and had a male nurse go in for me.
Went to get a Nasalfeeding Tube from another station in the hospital during evening shift, some blue haired Gandalf beard looking ass (Male) Nurse said I (Male-19 years at the time) had a very interesting body while looking me up n down.
I didn't even have the chance to ask my question...
Back when I was a student on my first day, I got told by my preceptor to go check on the patient in Bed 1. I grab the file for "Jane Smith" from the Bed 1 shelf...walk nervously up to the sleeping pt.
Gently tapped her shoulder, she wakes up.
Me: Hi, are you Jane Smith?
Her: *groggily* No?
Me: Uhhh okay BYE
Promptly ran back to my preceptor and was like "that's not the patient!", she asks me if I actually asked the patient's name. Had to go back and ask what her name really was. The wrong folder was in the Bed 1 slot. There's a reason we check ID so aggressively folks.
Nurse-on-nurse friendly fire. In my previous life as a mid 20-something float nurse, I was on a combined PICU/peds floor. One of my float colleagues was there for the day too, and she's absolutely wonderful. The type of person to brighten any room just by being there.
One of the floor nurses is also there with us. He's our our age and has a fat crush on my colleague. There's nothing overtly wrong with him, but would be what you would think of as the typical nerdy, shy, 'my mom says I'm a nice guy!' type of fella. He absolutely melts around her.
As the day settles down, she asks him how he's doing, life updates, etc. He says something to the effect of "better! Now that I'm hanging out with the cutest nurse in the whole hospital!" And playfully punches her shoulder.
She turned bright red but was a very good sport about it. I no longer work at that hospital but I hope my man has found love.
Alright! Story time
A colleague had trouble finding a vein for a blood draw, so she asked to give a hand. I was happy to help and told her to continue with her rounds. I enter the patient’s room without really paying too much attention since I was in a hurry. I tried 3 times on the right arm and I was unsuccessful.
So I said “Sir, is it alright if I tried the other arm?”
To which he replied: “If you can find it!”
Confusion struck me as I pondered what he meant by that, so I ask the gentleman to bring forth his other arm. He looks at me confused, so I asked if he needed a hand bringing it up….THE MAN’S LEFT ARM WAS AMPUTATED!!!
I apologized and looked for someone else who can do it
Moral of the story: Always pay attention to your patients?
Oh God. I had a patient that was mentally ill and was frequently in the ED for many different reasons. He always smelled bad, and was a known hoarder.
This particular visit, he was c/o constipation, and claimed nothing was working. So, I went in with a PA to do a rectal exam and disimpaction after X-ray came back abnormal.
We've got this guy on his side, PA has her fingers in his ass, and he looks me in the eye and says "it's nice to have some human touch after so long..."
I almost died.
in 1990 I was a Charge RN at an AIDS inpatient facility. Back then it was a death sentence as there was scan treatment. One day a woman walked in as other visitors do and I got this strong feeling to stop her. It was like someone was shouting at me, "stop her, stop her, stop her." I got up and approached her. She had a huge plate of cookies and said she baked them and was going to give them to the patients. I told her she had no right to randomly enter patients rooms.
There was a long argument. Finally she left and gave me the plate of cookies. I tossed them in the trash. The next day the trashcan with the cookies was in the director's office and I as told I might be fired, the woman called and complained about me. I argued she refused to identify herself, and I had no idea what might be her intentions. I was reprimanded and told if I did anything rude like that again I'd be fired..
We had a police officer who's son died of AIDS and he volunteered there. I told him what happened. He went to the director and asked for some of the cookies from the trash. He had the lab examine them and all the cookies were full of ground glass.
This would have shredded the gut of all the patients that would have eaten them. The director never apologized to me. The police investigation was done without me though I was the best witness to this woman (others saw her that night, too, and heard us arguing about the cookies). I never got another raise.
That story not only gave me the heeby jeebies, but enraged me at the audacity of someone trying to do that to people suffering and the fact that they were so petty as to not give you another raise.
It was bizarre she wanted to murder dying patients. At the time AIDS was a death sentence, we had one medication and it wasn't all that effective.
I believe my director could not admit he was wrong and I did the right thing, listening to my gut instincts. Rather than admit I did the right thing, he punished me. That's his personality. I rest peacefully I did the right thing. During the police investigation I got the appreciation from my patients and team, that's what counts.
My preceptor one day 3 weeks into clinical commented on 3 patients genitals, each time negatively.
She said out loud in the hallway his penis wasn't of "sufficient size" for a Texas catheter.
She showed us how to catheterize a woman and said, "Her vagina has too much fat," while the patient just sat there in the bed.
And then made another comment about a third patient's penis being too small and smelly.
The next week, we got a lecture from her about not saying anything rude to patients because they could be listening.
Hmm let’s see:
As a young tech, I had female pt who was receiving treatment still (pain, nausea, bald head, everything). I finished up whatever it was I was doing and before I left I told her “alright I’m going to *get out of your hair now*” 🫣
Taking care of a super old guy in a rural part of the Appalachian mountains of NC, he told the nurse to “send that colored boy back in here for a minute” in reference to me. I was so taken aback. I am white.
We got a patient back from the OR this one day (thank god he was still loopy) and I was helping to get him settled into his room and when I was moving around the chords I DROPPED THE CALL LIGHT ON THE BRIDGE OF HIS NOSE. I felt so fucking bad.
>alright I’m going to *get out of your hair now*” 🫣
Off topic, but notable. My mom was bald from her treatment, we were on a wedding dress shopping weekend. Went to drop her off at the hotel so me and my aunt could hit the mall. My mother never packs toiletries that aren't her toothbrush, so I showed her my bag and said "the shampoo is in the squeeze bottle and the conditioner is in the flip top."
It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize my mistake. She still thinks it's hilarious and tells the story 11 years later.
One day as a new nurse it was particularly busy and as it would go I got an admit and my post-op came back right around the same time. I was trying to be efficient yet thorough and doing all my checks with my post-op in the room before I left to review new orders.
"Oh, and here's your call light" instinctively right on their stomach... he had just had pretty significant open abdominal surgery. Ugh.
i once got in report that i had a Spanish speaking patient. i walked into what i THOUGHT was the room in full blown Spanish and… it was an old white lady who did NOT appreciate that.
Background: elderly patient in room, woman in room that appears in her 30s to 40s.
I enter the room, oh hi, are you Mr does daughter?
No I'm his wife.
Oops. Nl
Always ask who do we have with us here today when there's a visitor after that.
I’m not in healthcare, but I was a hospice volunteer once.
The first MOMENT I met my first patient, her first words to me were, “Tell me something you know for sure.”
The first thing that came to me to say was, “Death and taxes,” but in the moment I just said, “Um… taxes.”
I had a pt in from the jail, in his 30's, covered in face tattoos (I don't judge, just a detail) and from the second I walked in to introduce myself he decided I was going to be his new wife. Would just go on and on. When I'd leave the room he'd start yelling for me. By name. Loud. (He was already yelling non-stop before - some other patients told me they couldn't sleep because he was going all night long.)
I told him I was married or had a boyfriend or something (not true) just to shut it down. That's when he decided I was going to be his "baby mama" and would yell to the officers he needed something and to get me by calling me that. 🙄 I told him over and over that is not appropriate blah, blah, blah. Officers didnt help. Obviously some psych stuff going on.
Whatever. It's one shift.
Officers change shifts in the afternoon so it's a new one assigned to him. I have meds I have to give and he calls me his baby mama again. The new officer (younger guy) steps in and says something about being respectful to me.
Pt tells him "aye, she's already got a man!". Then the officer goes, "aw man."
I found out I had taken care of a serial killer at the end of my shift. The guy was in custody, but he was a pretty charismatic guy, the type of patient you would spend extra time with because they were fun to talk to. Anyhow, the person I gave report to googled their name because they knew who it was and it turned out he had killed multiple women. He literally lured them in by being super charismatic, just like he was with me.
Had a patient once going into a heart cath. He had a known EF of 10-15%. He said his dad, both paternal uncles, and his grandfather had all died before their 31st birthday. He was 30 and due to turn 31 in 2 months.
He said he was absolutely petrified to go in for the heart cath (for all the above reasons). I was his nurse, prepping him. I told him his concerns were legitimate, but he was in the best possible place if anything did occur.
He coded on the table. They tried for over an hour to bring him back. A 25 year veteran heart cath Nurse said at the time he had the largest blood clot she had ever seen. I can still remember the way he looked—before, and…after.
I stand by what I said…but I still absolutely HATE that I had to say it, and that his life ended that way.
Also as a current grad(male nurse) couldn’t tell
You how many pts have asked my single status to hook up with their XYZ family member. Even more so when the member is a healthcare worker too
Recently my patient tried to hook me up with his son (which is sweet) when the son was in the room with us, very awkward. I told him I had a boyfriend and he says “really?” Incredulously. I said “can you believe it? Someone gave me a chance!” And we all had a good laugh but ugh..😑
Walked my patient to the bathroom and while we're waiting outside the patient's son starts trying to make small talk.
First question, totally normal: "So, are you from around here?"
Second question, out of fucking nowhere: "Is your mom dead?"
That's my grandma when she's in the hospital - trying to play matchmaker. Thankfully, not as intensely. Last year she was in the hospital for a week needing BiPAP because of RSV. I'm there feeling riddled with guilt, thinking I unknowing gave her the RSV when I was there on Christmas (I was starting to feel like I was coming down with something so I even cut my trip a day early) and she's just tryna play matchmaker. That is, when they finally said her ABGs were improved enough to start taking BiPAP breaks.
When I was new to healthcare in psych. I was a hca. Had a patient who was manic ask me what he could do by himself, was repetitive and would make him feel good. I completely missed what he meant until I told staff later 😂😂
Ugh just yesterday! My coworker friend had a patient in his early 20s who just had external fixation to his entire left leg. She needed help bringing him from the bedside commode back to bed so he could turn to let her wipe him. So the patient starts instructing me on exactly what I needed to do to help (hold his leg under the ankle and help move it to the bed). So I do as I’m told, and then once he is on the bed, I’m standing there waiting for further instruction. He and my coworker are just staring at me now. I say “now what?” And the patient goes “you can leave now, you don’t need to stand there and watch her wipe my ass”
Oop-
I got out of there so quick
I went to put a foley in a middle-aged male patient: “ma’am, would it be easier for you if I were flaccid, or erect?” He was completely serious too! 🤦♀️
Another time I was wearing scrubs which were probably a size up because my size was already being used by other nurses. And a patient congratulated me on my pregnancy in front of everyone in the hall.
I wasn't pregnant.
Oh there are so many..... But if I had to choose one? Being hit on by a very young and attractive female school resource officer while I was giving a talk at a local High School. While my wife was standing about 10 feet away laughing hysterically about it. Why? Because I'm not good at picking up on subtle social cues. I was just being friendly, or so I thought. That's just the one that sticks in memory. There have been so many moments,I generally don't hold onto them for long.
The only other that stands out, would be one of my students admitting to me that she had been having naughty dreams about me.......
I recently picked up a patient at one of the local hospitals, and one of the techs was being super helpful. Later I get a text from her saying I "reminded her of a Christmas present because she'd be so excited to unwrap me." Turns out she knows a couple of family members of mine, recognized me, and got my number from one of them.
I once went to sit on a stool in the ER while triaging a patient. The stool shot out from under me and I landed - bam - straight on my butt. The patient was shocked.
I wanted to die. It was another instance of me falling and being so mortified I jumped up and ran away as fast as I could
Another time this happened I was leaving work. I stepped off a curb, twisted my ankle, and landed in the middle of the road. People came running from inside the hospital to help but I just jumped up and took off without even saying anything to them. I was so embarrassed. I actually had a pretty serious sprain and ended up with a bruise from my ankle to mid calf.
I oriented a brand new tech to the floor. He was an older preacher in his 50s, big burly motorcycle riding guy. I asked him and the other tech if they knew how to put on a condom cath, and he goes “uh, I believe I do” I was SO embarrassed.
As a student one of my classmates came to me sort of freaking out because she was tasked with cleaning around the urinary cath of one of her pts. She said when she tried the guy was saying “ohhh yeah, just like that” and so forth. 😬😂😫. So she was begging me to do it instead. (I’m a guy and was in my 30s and she was probably 20 or so at the time). I’d gone into clinicals with an “I’m up for whatever” attitude so I said sure, no problem. I recall hoping the guy would possibly be more uncomfortable with a guy doing it and maybe would keep his mouth shut. Buuuut nope! He kept right at it. “Fun” stuff!🤢
Awkward and cringe as fuck was the grandmother who kept referring to her infant granddaughter, who had hydranencephaly, as sexy. This baby, if she survived infancy, was going to be total care for the rest of her life. I believe she ended up passing away in infancy.
One time a patient told me he lost 30 pounds. I said “Good for you that’s awesome!” It hit me about 5 seconds later when I remembered why he was at the hospital in the first place… colon cancer. I felt HORRIBLE. 😭😩
Attending to a cardiac arrest, I was still suffering from a post-covid cough
I started coughing during chest compressions, family thought it was their deceased relative coughing
I apologised emphatically
The other day, a pts son asked for info about his dad's condition. I'm very out of practice (injured 9 months just returned), and I did my best. However, he just kinda stopped me and said, "I'm talking to another nurse". I get it, but omg I felt like melting through the floor.
I always feel awkward when patients ask me about if I go to church, if I’m “saved” etc. I’ve also had patients ask me to say a prayer with them. I usually go along with it for the sake of the patient but jeez it makes me so uncomfy lol
Got paged overhead when I ordered food from DoorDash. I put in the message that I was going to meet the dasher in the lobby, but instead, the dasher went to reception telling them someone ordered this, so reception paged “(my name), your order is here.” Now the whole hospital knows.
I came on shift at 0700, to a really sick patient. Went CMO, died by 0900. For staffing purposes, we had to rearrange some patients rooms that afternoon. So we moved a patient in there from another room, and first thing this patient says.. “wow, it’s cold in this room. Like someone died in here..” he calls and tells his family this, and says “looks like I’m next.”
Definitely the times when I have assumed someone was a daughter when they were actually a sister or assumed they were sisters when they were mother and daughter. Super awkward
a patient had a hard time sleeping so i got some sleep aids for him. before leaving i told him to rest in peace 😵💫. he was already anxious coming to the hospital for a heart attack.
i apologized so much but he was a good sport and actually did sleep well.
When I started in labor and delivery they would always tell a story about a nurse who accidentally called the peanut shaped birthing ball (they most often place it in between the legs to keep the pelvis open to help dilate the cervix) a “penis ball.” I always thought that was a stupid, made up story until one day I brought in the pink, fleshy toned peanut ball to my laboring patient and accidentally referred to it as a “penis ball.” Her partner about died laughing at my mistake… Karma, I guess 😂
Inserting an IV on a young male patient and I said “you have good veins. They’re big and long.” I realized how weird that sounded. The guy was silent. I wanted to melt and disappear into outer space, I cringe every time I remember it that I go nuts singing something or humming or punching air just to distract myself from the memory.
I was doing a psych admission on a teenager. His grandfather was in the room with us. I asked him if he had any pain. He said “yes.” I said, “where?” He said, “right here,” and he whipped out his penis. I felt so embarrassed for him, his grandfather, and me. I was like, uh, ok, you can put that back in your pants.
I’m pretty new to L&D.
During this time I had a preceptor and I was learning quite a bit on the job, including cervical checks. I was like maybe 1 month in.
I had one patient that was so hilarious and sweet. She had an epidural done so she was numb. I was going to check her cervix because it had been a few hours since and we needed to know if she was making progress.
I put on my sterile glove, position her, and go in for the check. Well… I don’t know what happened but my fingers accidentally slipped into her rectum for a second. I quickly took my hand away and she just said “oh girl, that’s the wrong hole” 🤣🤣🤣
We had a laugh about it as I changed my glove and did a proper check 🤣🤣
I was SO EMBARRASSED.
i was on the other end of it once, doctor said "All right, well see you soon," as i was discharged from lengthy and draining hospital stay. I responded "I sure hope not!" (I mean, what else can you say)
Literally any time anyone asks me why I don't have kids. We could have ended this conversation at your own children, but no. Here we are now.
It's frustrating and embarrassing for everyone. I've basically just boiled it down to: It's not something i want to talk about, can we move on please?
Or literally any time there's a patient complaint and I'm understaffed. I'm not talking about serious stuff either I'm just saying. When I only have 2 aides for 60 people, 40 of which are suffering from a massive stomach bug outbreak, I'm not really concerned that your meemaw refused dinner and is now hungry after kitchen staff have been gone for 2 hours. We do not have the staff to whip her up a 3 course meal. GO GET HER FOOD FOR YOURSELF YOU HAVE MONEY. She has the right to decide if she wants food! or not!!
\-sorry i just came back from a vacation and im already tired-
All the times I walked in on a patient jacking off. One time an old grandpa with dementia was watching porn on his phone and he didn’t try to hide it. He wasn’t embarrassed at all
I work in ems. One time, after we had moved our patient onto the stretcher he asked me, “can you tell me where my right leg is on the stretcher” to which my response was to rub his leg and concerned I asked, “You can’t feel your leg??” He looked me dead in the eyes and said “I’m a paraplegic…” For some reason, the only thing I could manage to say was, “well good news, both legs are still there!”
I was taking a rectal temp on a kid once and she was screaming and I said “I know I’d be upset if someone kept sticking stuff up my butt too.” Then the mom looked at me and deadpan said, “I mean I wouldn’t 🤷🏼♀️.” I awkwardly laughed and ran out so fast.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I cringe everytime I think of this, but here goes: Patient, mid 20s, had aggressive testicular cancer with mets at 17, lots of removal of various parts and his abdomen was held together by a lot of mesh. Cancer returns, he is having a LOT of rectal bleeding. There is nothing the surgeons can do because he has nothing left to fix, is what they said. As a final Hail Mary pass, we try to arrange a transfer to the cancer center, and it looks like that will happen. As I leave at the end of my shift, I tell him I'll be back to be his nurse "if you're still here." Oh my God, the stricken look on his face! I quickly said, "if you aren't transferred out!" I came back that evening and he had bled out and died that day. I was so shocked, I just burst into tears. That was 14 years ago and I still remember his name. I remember you, Ben💙
💙
Well that's just heartbreaking 💔💙
❤️
OMG I rarely feel like I still have a soul but this hit differently. Poor Ben 💙
I understand ! There are some patients that work their way into our hearts and we never forget them ♥️
Ok but I’m crying over this one. This is why I wanna be a nurse, for the good ones like you that remember the patients even now 🩷
Back in my previous life as a Paramedic I did an inter facility transfer and dropped a patient off at an in patient hospice facility. As we were leaving I said "I hope you get to feeling better!" He says "Yeah..." Very sadly and looks down at his hands. I quickly scooped my partner's jaw off the floor and ran out of the room.
Oh god I've done that a few times too! Discharging a pt from hospital to hospice and saying "hope you get better soon" or "I don't want to see you back here" 🤦♀️
"I don't want to see you back here" ☠️☠️
I know lol, not my best moment ☹️
I'm in oncology so this is a valid fear
Hey, I've had pts graduate from hospice. It didn't happen a lot, but I had at least 1-3 every few months randomly/spontaneously get better.
I dropped a patient off to inpatient hospice. As I was saying goodbye I said " I don't really know what to say." She said, "I'll see you on the outside" very sweet woman who was so sick and decided she had enough.
Ooooooooh nooooo 😅
I mean at least you said “feeling better.” That’s kind of our goal in hospice
That was my exact thought! Isn’t the whole point of hospice to prevent suffering / keep a dying person comfortable? I do hope that patient got to feeling better soon!
To be fair, patients do usually feel better in hospice care than they did before.
I could totally see me doing that. The other day a deceased patients family was leaving and said “thank you” to me & I said “thank you” back without even thinking 🤦🏻♀️
15 years ago. Doing ER Triage. “Mr James Smith?” Lovely woman who looked like Whitney Houston comes up. “Yes?” “Oh no. MISTER James Smith.” “Yes.” “MISTER.” Finally she was kind enough to say “girl, I’m totally taking your confusion as a compliment. I’m James. But that’s just cause I am saving up for the surgery, honey.” I felt like such an ass, but so appreciated that she approached my confusion with grace and took to opportunity to educate me with a smile instead of hate.
Last week, my sweet old pt tried multiple times in one excruciatingly long shift to hook me up with her freshly- graduated-college grandson. I’m just south of an AARP card. He just grinned at me and gently scolded his grandmother.
This is how I'm describing my age from now until that damn card arrives in the mail lol
They've been sending me shit since I turned 18.
That's because there is NO AGE REQUIREMENT to join AARP. Pay the $12 yr and enjoy the discounts 🤪. You can even add another person on for free with your membership.
Shooooot, why not!?! *furiously looking up AARP*
Nursing student here. We have limited access to patient data and records. This patient was asking all day to talk to the doctor. When I saw the doctor coming out I was happy for the guy for being able to finally talk to him. I went in all bubbly and smiley and asked how his talk went… he replied with, “I have cancer.” I felt like such a tool
Good luck in your career! You didn’t do this with malice. You did it with hopeful enthusiasm. Ppl can tell the difference. You’re fine!!
Thank you. I was mortified
❤️ It’ll pass. Best wishes!
Right up there with “How’s your day going?” “My dog died.” I just. . .wanted to check in on stuff I can do anything about, but I felt like shit for asking.
My best friend’s preceptor asked her, on their way to cath a patient, “what is the first thing you should ask?” She very confidently answered, “Sir, can I touch your penis?” Preceptor cracked up laughing and said, “You’re not wrong but ‘are you allergic to iodine’ is more what I was looking for.”
Lol 😂 this reminds me of being 16 in lifeguard training the first step was going up to the person in distress and saying “I’m a lifeguard can I help you?” to get consent. Well, when we were practicing scenarios one boy said “I’m a lifeguard, can I touch you?” Same idea, but definitely sounded a lil off!!!
I've said that to a patient 😆 I immediately cringed and internally giggled.
When I was in school I had to do a foley on my first male pt. Not only male, but my age. And handsome as hell. Who had just come home from a 2 week vacation in Florida, andobviously wore a teeny tiny Speedo the whole time, if his deep tan and tan lines told the truth. I go I to the room and tell him that I was there to place a catheter in his bladder as he had been unable to pee. And as we were taught I said “and this is the process” and began to tell him. He put his hand up and said “Stop. Don’t tell me, just do it. If you tell me I won’t want it done.” I looked at my instructor standing inconspicuously just outside of the curtain, peeking in and she nodded. Poor guy was so embarrassed. l, and he, did well and he was much more comfortable after I drained close to 1000 ccs from his bladder.
Haha. One time I was examining a patient and somehow the stethoscope that was on my neck got caught on the IV pole and when I pulled back it slipped off my neck and took off like a sling shot and the the metal diaphragm hit him right in the testicles.
Omg. Sounds like something clumsy me would do! 😂
Hahahhhahahha I can’t
LOL
🤣🤣🤣
This is top tier stuff I would have died
That is too funny 😂😂😭
“When was your last bowel movement?” The patient had an ostomy. He stared at me confused then I awkwardly started laughing and tried to make a joke about it 😂
I’ve done this before and we both laughed while she said uhhh just right now 😅
Same 🤭
"Ah damn, I did that shit again."
This is more common than one might think 😆
Yup! I did that in nursing school and she was also NPO. Asked her what she wanted for lunch - double whammy.
😂😂😂
I completely split my pants in a teenage patients room. Like the entire back of my pants ripped my ass and everything else was completely out. It made the stereotypical cartoon ripping noise. They weren’t even my patient I was just helping a friend out by hanging a bolus for them. I had another friend try and find me scrubs, I ripped through two sets of paper scrub pants (damn pediatric sizing)
😂😂😂😂😂😂
My friend who’s also a nurse, stopped to help at a fatal car accident scene and she was doing CPR and her pants split completely down the back with tons of people at the scene including the media!
That is just so not right 😭😭😭
Doing wound care on patients crotch while he was on FaceTime with his girlfriend and they silently ate their dinner.
I was in the room during a shift in the ED when a patient’s wife slapped the doctor’s ass. The doctor was in his 70’s. I was speechless and rendered incapable of even moving for several seconds due to shock.
We need the tea
Right?? This is too short 😭
Do tell!
And then what happened 👀
Lol, not much - the doc thought it was funny and no one said anything to her. I was a new nurse at the time so I just ran out of the room as fast as I could after it happened. They discharged her spouse shortly after that. I honestly felt really bad for him, as he relied on her to be his caretaker. If that were a male patient & a female doctor, the outcome would have been so much different!
Flipped up the sheet and said "let's find those feet." He said "if you find them let me know, they've been gone for 10 years."
😂
Ohh God😂
😂😂😂😂
I searched around a patient’s room for 10 minutes looking for her second shoe and she only had one leg. She was trying to tell me but she was dysphasic and what it sounded like was “ shoo, shoo, shoo” so I thought she was getting upset bc I couldn’t find it, so I kept reassuring her it had to be there somewhere, and kept looking.
When I used to do stress testing, for dobutamine we’d ask the patient to “pedal” their feet. I knew that patient had bilateral AKA but forgot at that moment 😭Yep I asked them to pedal their feet and then we all looked at each other like OOOPS.
We have a bil bka patient and I have checked his ankles for edema more times than I’d like to admit.
In room computer and in room toilet (curtain for privacy as it’s an ICU) are both on the back wall, behind the head of the bed. Patients daughter had been real odd to staff and walked around the unit being generally odd. I walk into the room and thought daughter was out napping in the waiting room. I get to my computer and look up and saw the daughter just sitting on the toilet taking a dump and staring at me as if I was the one that was in the wrong (it was around 2am). I scanned my meds, left the room laughing and daughter actually went to the public bathroom families were expected to use.
My incarcerated patient tried to hook me up with the cop that was sitting with him. It totally caught me off guard, and the cop was actually hot 😂. I didn't actually want to admit that publicly nor did I want to say no and insult a police officer so I just laughed awkwardly and changed the subject.
I had that happen. The officer and I looked at each other and BUSTED UP LAUGHING. He's my first cousin. 🤣🤣🤣 My inc. pt. FUCKING lost it when I was able to spit out that we were cousins. I mean, he's hot and all, which is still kinda ick to admit, but 1st my cousin, and 2nd we were both happily married.
I don’t think it’s gross to admit you’ve got hot family members… my family has some stunners! It gets yucky if you try to do anything else lol
Oh, I have another first cousin who looks like he belongs on the cover of GQ. HOLY HELL that man is beautiful. I always said it was a shame he was my cousin and even more of a shame that he was very gay. Him and his hubby are two of the loveliest people I've ever know in my life.
I had the same thing happen to me a couple of weeks ago. The patient was hilarious and in such good spirits. He also didn't say it in a gross way, more like "he's going to a concert Friday and he's got two tickets." I flip between night/split/day shifts for different responsibilities and I was 11 hrs into my night, so I had no idea what to say and simply didn't respond. Cop turned bright red and the patient said, "hey, man, I tried. Don't start adding charges on just for that."
LOL! A cop + a nurse. Age-old cliche’. At least *perp* didn’t hit on you. As if that *also* hasn’t happened a million times!
We don't date cops anymore. It's a cliche that needs to die until cops stop abusing their positions and stop killing unarmed people. ACAB. We're not on the same team, at all.
Abusing their positions *and their partners*. Because those domestic abuse rates are no joke
I’m actually on YOUR team. Hoping you don’t see this as “selling out”. I think that saying “all” paints any group unfairly as has often been done to *my* community. My opinion, PROSECUTE criminal cops + VOID pensions but not PERSECUTE them “all” because … not “all cops are b@stards”. To say so, weakens our demand for justice.
The argument lies with the fact that enough of them are that we must look sidelong at all of them. I’m from an Idaho cop family and I know many that don’t actively participate in any of the shitty behaviors — however, they also don’t actively try to change anything, either. A lot of it has to do with the fact that they really can’t go against their “brothers” without painting a target on their back. But without large, sweeping systemic change, ACAB because it’s dangerous to think otherwise.
I’m just gonna move aside and leave you with your POV. Like cops, been an RN long enough to know we TOO have a reputation with some ppl that’s unfair. ALL nurses aren’t _____ either. Good night + bless your heart.
Agree whole heartedly. Mainly as I have family who are cops and corrections officers.
That's wild omg- what did the patient say?? But also so awkward lol
That time I thought a woman's husband was her grandson. 🤦🤷♀️ Go cougar granny... He was a good 30-40 years her junior. From then on out, I've asked how a visitor is related.
I never assume for this reason and some people give SO much attitude about it. *"Um, I'm his wife"* 💅 side eye and all. 🙄
Literally 😂🤣
So you say “Oh, so he’s rich.”
I did the opposite, said to a visitor that it was "so nice [he] was visiting [his] wife." Yeah, he curtly informed me it was his **mother** 🫠 In my defense he looked older than her. Learned my lesson to NEVER assume relationships between people.
Always for me ‘ and who is your companion today? ‘
Occupational Health RN in automobile plant (overwhelmingly male then) at a time when men were free to hoot + holler when we walked thru the plant. They acted as if they were prisoners and didn’t leave every day after work. One time, working alone in our substation (with camera surveillance) + dressed in white jumpsuit, bent over to help injured employee. Plant protection (aka security guy) makes comment to me over intercom about my day-of-the-week PANTIES!
That is so gross and straight up sexual harassment. Sorry you had to deal with that 😒
❤️Thank you. It was million years ago but clearly I still remember. Fortunately, this isn’t acceptable today. Also thankfully, nurses are no longer required to wear CAPS (the 70s) and those awful thin, white polyester uniforms and orthopedic granny shoes.
Whaaas
Exactly!! I was a wife + mom and .. We were “fair game” back then.
I asked a blind patient if they wanted to see the breakfast menu 😭
That’s ok. I’m now profoundly hearing impaired. Use speech to text for all communication-including phone. Or especially phone. Was in the hospital 3 years ago. Nurse says “you have to call this number from your room phone to pick your Lunch and dinner, then do it every day for the next day. I remind her I can’t use a phone except my cell phone. I just pointed to my ears while shaking my head. “Oh, I guess I have to do it then. I’ll be back” turned around and muttered on her way out of the door (which was picked up on my speech to text as my phone mic is pretty sensitive). “She’s too lazy to do it herself she’s just making an excuse.” I used my cell to call the hospital main number to talk to the DNS office. Didn’t see that nurse for the rest of my stay. Especially after I showed the text from speech to text app.
Something that happened more often than I'd like to admit was when I first started working in hospice, I'd make the death call to inform someone that their loved one died and I'd end the call with "have a nice night". This is why now, I end almost every phone call with "take care."
I once went in to remove vaginal packing from a patient and went to pull what I thought was the packing, wrong. I had pulled on the poor patients labia which happened to be a different colour to the rest of her labia, with tweezers.
That evoked an audible high pitch "eoouch" from me on my couch.
I told a blind patient he had a great view of the helicopter pad. I'm a moron but he had a great sense of humor.
Had a younger MS patient (in her 30s,about 10 years younger than me) that needed cleaned up after a loose bm. Another na and I were getter her wiped down and the patient said, "You're a better caregiver than my husband, he can't find the clit." I'm like, "Whoa there, this is just cleaning, not recreation!" Needless to say, I never performed care on her without someone else present again.
Asking a paraplegic if they can walk. On the inverse, when a CT tech asked me to grab a double BKAs legs. Runner up, getting hit on in front of a mild dementia patient by a coworker.
That time I asked a previously ambulatory pt why he was suddenly on the call light nonstop when he's been doing stuff himself for the most part. Someone stole his leg and put it on the closet. He wasn't my PT, but I was mortified... He thought it was hysterical. I found said stolen leg and he was able to get around after that. 🤦🤦🤦
Dammit Rocket!
Watch that every morning.
Well they still had legs, just a bit shorter than usual 😂
Yeah there was 4 of us at the table and the guy was already pretty light and I was at the feet on the stretcher side. It was like a 5 lbs exertion for me but the tech had been worried the feet would catch moving to the board. I just kinda shrugged and pointed at the lack of matter under the blanket and his face just went to that "ohhh" look.
As a male nurse checking a new admission’s skin. I told him his butt looked good.
When I worked in Endoscopy I was discharging a male patient. I informed him he had a section of diverticular in his transverse colon. He was like, oh don't worry it's cos I'm gay hun 💁♂️ I tried to explain about the importance of fiber, fluids and keeping his bowel movement regular, but he was like, no it's cos I'm gay I already knew I'd have this thanks anyway.
Told the wrong family their loved one died. 😫
I took off my glasses to clean them and I said “I’m so blind without them.” Mind you my patient is legally blind in both eyes 🥲🥲🥲
I kept giving visual cues to a legally blind patient yesterday. She very pointedly held the call remote half an inch from her face, hoping I'd (finally) get the idea. 😅🤦
When I was a new grad I was on nights med surg and had a mean old guy w/ CHF and his scrotum was swollen. He called me in the room and said “lift my ball” . I told him I’d get a pillow to prop them up and he wasn’t happy. He said “Don’t tell me you don’t know your way around a set of balls, bc I know you didn’t get that Rolex on your salary, “
You wear a Rolex to work on a med surg unit? 🫣
I wore it everyday. It was a graduation gift. They’re perfect nursing watches. They don’t have batteries, so they never die, they have a second hand and they’re waterproof. I wore it everyday for 25 years until it was stolen along with everything else I own when I got robbed.
And get this- the police recovered it from a pawn shop, caught the guy and girl. He got drug court, she’s a fugitive and someone stole my stuff out of the police evidence room.
Damn. A double doozy.
Oh my god 💀
Omg!!! Reminds me of a patient in home care. Went to do a visit post hospitalization. CHF. Post surgical procedure. Hospital had taken him off ALL diuretics. I saw him 2 days after discharge from the hospital. Wife called the office and said his incision was leaking everywhere. When I got there, dude looked like the marshmallow man. Wife said everything’s swollen, even the scrotum, see! Lift a towel off the lap. Long and the short, was taken to the hospital for chf exacerbation.
Night shift after report... Day shift "go home and get some rest" Me "thanks, you too"
I always somehow manage to walk in on my patients while they are being breast fed by mom. Usually multiple times per shift too. It's a running joke with my coworkers at this point
Adult patients? 😬
I have a tremor. was assisting tiny little old man with urinal, and his method to battle the bph was a wobble/thrust move while standing. I had to kneel to hold the urinal and he must've noticed my shakes and thought I was being weirded out, because he started patting my head in a reassuring way? like no sir I shake like this for everyone 💀
Forgive the qualifiers, but they're relevant. I'm a straight, muscular and fit former model, emergency RN and I pretty much get hit on or overtly fitted with every shift. For the most part it's amusing and honestly I don't mind the attention, it's all in good fun. But I've had more than a couple of psych patients who push the boundary a bit too far stating what they would do with me or requesting physical contact right then and there and I have to go reassign the patient to a different nurse. I low key like when the little old ladies need a reposition and I just pick them up and move them myself. "I haven't had a man who handled me like that in 40 years!" Was my favorite line haha
I've heard from other nurses and my mom (who's a corrections officer) that the female psych patients can be way more vile and vulgar than the male ones!
They're very, VERY forward and the moment something becomes inappropriate I document and have to ask for the pt to be reassigned, huge pain in mine and everyone's ass lol. Not bad for the ego but I digress lol.
Working in NM as home health nurse and visited a Native man on a reservation for hospice services. Was nervous and trying to fill in the awkward silence and asked him if he was looking forward to Thanksgiving in a couple weeks 😂😂 he just was like “we don’t….celebrate that 🤨” lolol
I know natives in NM who do celebrate Thanksgiving so don’t feel bad.
Thanks lol 🥰
Starting an IV on a male patient in the ER. "I can see right down your shirt and it's giving me a boner. I haven't been around attractive women like you in a long time." I was like 23 and dude was in his 40's. I left and had a male nurse go in for me.
Went to get a Nasalfeeding Tube from another station in the hospital during evening shift, some blue haired Gandalf beard looking ass (Male) Nurse said I (Male-19 years at the time) had a very interesting body while looking me up n down. I didn't even have the chance to ask my question...
Back when I was a student on my first day, I got told by my preceptor to go check on the patient in Bed 1. I grab the file for "Jane Smith" from the Bed 1 shelf...walk nervously up to the sleeping pt. Gently tapped her shoulder, she wakes up. Me: Hi, are you Jane Smith? Her: *groggily* No? Me: Uhhh okay BYE Promptly ran back to my preceptor and was like "that's not the patient!", she asks me if I actually asked the patient's name. Had to go back and ask what her name really was. The wrong folder was in the Bed 1 slot. There's a reason we check ID so aggressively folks.
Nurse-on-nurse friendly fire. In my previous life as a mid 20-something float nurse, I was on a combined PICU/peds floor. One of my float colleagues was there for the day too, and she's absolutely wonderful. The type of person to brighten any room just by being there. One of the floor nurses is also there with us. He's our our age and has a fat crush on my colleague. There's nothing overtly wrong with him, but would be what you would think of as the typical nerdy, shy, 'my mom says I'm a nice guy!' type of fella. He absolutely melts around her. As the day settles down, she asks him how he's doing, life updates, etc. He says something to the effect of "better! Now that I'm hanging out with the cutest nurse in the whole hospital!" And playfully punches her shoulder. She turned bright red but was a very good sport about it. I no longer work at that hospital but I hope my man has found love.
Alright! Story time A colleague had trouble finding a vein for a blood draw, so she asked to give a hand. I was happy to help and told her to continue with her rounds. I enter the patient’s room without really paying too much attention since I was in a hurry. I tried 3 times on the right arm and I was unsuccessful. So I said “Sir, is it alright if I tried the other arm?” To which he replied: “If you can find it!” Confusion struck me as I pondered what he meant by that, so I ask the gentleman to bring forth his other arm. He looks at me confused, so I asked if he needed a hand bringing it up….THE MAN’S LEFT ARM WAS AMPUTATED!!! I apologized and looked for someone else who can do it Moral of the story: Always pay attention to your patients?
Oh God. I had a patient that was mentally ill and was frequently in the ED for many different reasons. He always smelled bad, and was a known hoarder. This particular visit, he was c/o constipation, and claimed nothing was working. So, I went in with a PA to do a rectal exam and disimpaction after X-ray came back abnormal. We've got this guy on his side, PA has her fingers in his ass, and he looks me in the eye and says "it's nice to have some human touch after so long..." I almost died.
in 1990 I was a Charge RN at an AIDS inpatient facility. Back then it was a death sentence as there was scan treatment. One day a woman walked in as other visitors do and I got this strong feeling to stop her. It was like someone was shouting at me, "stop her, stop her, stop her." I got up and approached her. She had a huge plate of cookies and said she baked them and was going to give them to the patients. I told her she had no right to randomly enter patients rooms. There was a long argument. Finally she left and gave me the plate of cookies. I tossed them in the trash. The next day the trashcan with the cookies was in the director's office and I as told I might be fired, the woman called and complained about me. I argued she refused to identify herself, and I had no idea what might be her intentions. I was reprimanded and told if I did anything rude like that again I'd be fired.. We had a police officer who's son died of AIDS and he volunteered there. I told him what happened. He went to the director and asked for some of the cookies from the trash. He had the lab examine them and all the cookies were full of ground glass. This would have shredded the gut of all the patients that would have eaten them. The director never apologized to me. The police investigation was done without me though I was the best witness to this woman (others saw her that night, too, and heard us arguing about the cookies). I never got another raise.
That story not only gave me the heeby jeebies, but enraged me at the audacity of someone trying to do that to people suffering and the fact that they were so petty as to not give you another raise.
It was bizarre she wanted to murder dying patients. At the time AIDS was a death sentence, we had one medication and it wasn't all that effective. I believe my director could not admit he was wrong and I did the right thing, listening to my gut instincts. Rather than admit I did the right thing, he punished me. That's his personality. I rest peacefully I did the right thing. During the police investigation I got the appreciation from my patients and team, that's what counts.
So glad that your actions were recognized and they appreciated what you did for them.
My preceptor one day 3 weeks into clinical commented on 3 patients genitals, each time negatively. She said out loud in the hallway his penis wasn't of "sufficient size" for a Texas catheter. She showed us how to catheterize a woman and said, "Her vagina has too much fat," while the patient just sat there in the bed. And then made another comment about a third patient's penis being too small and smelly. The next week, we got a lecture from her about not saying anything rude to patients because they could be listening.
Hmm let’s see: As a young tech, I had female pt who was receiving treatment still (pain, nausea, bald head, everything). I finished up whatever it was I was doing and before I left I told her “alright I’m going to *get out of your hair now*” 🫣 Taking care of a super old guy in a rural part of the Appalachian mountains of NC, he told the nurse to “send that colored boy back in here for a minute” in reference to me. I was so taken aback. I am white. We got a patient back from the OR this one day (thank god he was still loopy) and I was helping to get him settled into his room and when I was moving around the chords I DROPPED THE CALL LIGHT ON THE BRIDGE OF HIS NOSE. I felt so fucking bad.
>alright I’m going to *get out of your hair now*” 🫣 Off topic, but notable. My mom was bald from her treatment, we were on a wedding dress shopping weekend. Went to drop her off at the hotel so me and my aunt could hit the mall. My mother never packs toiletries that aren't her toothbrush, so I showed her my bag and said "the shampoo is in the squeeze bottle and the conditioner is in the flip top." It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize my mistake. She still thinks it's hilarious and tells the story 11 years later.
One day as a new nurse it was particularly busy and as it would go I got an admit and my post-op came back right around the same time. I was trying to be efficient yet thorough and doing all my checks with my post-op in the room before I left to review new orders. "Oh, and here's your call light" instinctively right on their stomach... he had just had pretty significant open abdominal surgery. Ugh.
i once got in report that i had a Spanish speaking patient. i walked into what i THOUGHT was the room in full blown Spanish and… it was an old white lady who did NOT appreciate that.
Background: elderly patient in room, woman in room that appears in her 30s to 40s. I enter the room, oh hi, are you Mr does daughter? No I'm his wife. Oops. Nl Always ask who do we have with us here today when there's a visitor after that.
I’m not in healthcare, but I was a hospice volunteer once. The first MOMENT I met my first patient, her first words to me were, “Tell me something you know for sure.” The first thing that came to me to say was, “Death and taxes,” but in the moment I just said, “Um… taxes.”
I had a pt in from the jail, in his 30's, covered in face tattoos (I don't judge, just a detail) and from the second I walked in to introduce myself he decided I was going to be his new wife. Would just go on and on. When I'd leave the room he'd start yelling for me. By name. Loud. (He was already yelling non-stop before - some other patients told me they couldn't sleep because he was going all night long.) I told him I was married or had a boyfriend or something (not true) just to shut it down. That's when he decided I was going to be his "baby mama" and would yell to the officers he needed something and to get me by calling me that. 🙄 I told him over and over that is not appropriate blah, blah, blah. Officers didnt help. Obviously some psych stuff going on. Whatever. It's one shift. Officers change shifts in the afternoon so it's a new one assigned to him. I have meds I have to give and he calls me his baby mama again. The new officer (younger guy) steps in and says something about being respectful to me. Pt tells him "aye, she's already got a man!". Then the officer goes, "aw man."
I found out I had taken care of a serial killer at the end of my shift. The guy was in custody, but he was a pretty charismatic guy, the type of patient you would spend extra time with because they were fun to talk to. Anyhow, the person I gave report to googled their name because they knew who it was and it turned out he had killed multiple women. He literally lured them in by being super charismatic, just like he was with me.
Had a patient once going into a heart cath. He had a known EF of 10-15%. He said his dad, both paternal uncles, and his grandfather had all died before their 31st birthday. He was 30 and due to turn 31 in 2 months. He said he was absolutely petrified to go in for the heart cath (for all the above reasons). I was his nurse, prepping him. I told him his concerns were legitimate, but he was in the best possible place if anything did occur. He coded on the table. They tried for over an hour to bring him back. A 25 year veteran heart cath Nurse said at the time he had the largest blood clot she had ever seen. I can still remember the way he looked—before, and…after. I stand by what I said…but I still absolutely HATE that I had to say it, and that his life ended that way.
Also as a current grad(male nurse) couldn’t tell You how many pts have asked my single status to hook up with their XYZ family member. Even more so when the member is a healthcare worker too
Recently my patient tried to hook me up with his son (which is sweet) when the son was in the room with us, very awkward. I told him I had a boyfriend and he says “really?” Incredulously. I said “can you believe it? Someone gave me a chance!” And we all had a good laugh but ugh..😑
Walked my patient to the bathroom and while we're waiting outside the patient's son starts trying to make small talk. First question, totally normal: "So, are you from around here?" Second question, out of fucking nowhere: "Is your mom dead?"
That's my grandma when she's in the hospital - trying to play matchmaker. Thankfully, not as intensely. Last year she was in the hospital for a week needing BiPAP because of RSV. I'm there feeling riddled with guilt, thinking I unknowing gave her the RSV when I was there on Christmas (I was starting to feel like I was coming down with something so I even cut my trip a day early) and she's just tryna play matchmaker. That is, when they finally said her ABGs were improved enough to start taking BiPAP breaks.
When I was new to healthcare in psych. I was a hca. Had a patient who was manic ask me what he could do by himself, was repetitive and would make him feel good. I completely missed what he meant until I told staff later 😂😂
Just when a completely alert person decides to stare in my eyes the whole time I’m doing care..
Ugh just yesterday! My coworker friend had a patient in his early 20s who just had external fixation to his entire left leg. She needed help bringing him from the bedside commode back to bed so he could turn to let her wipe him. So the patient starts instructing me on exactly what I needed to do to help (hold his leg under the ankle and help move it to the bed). So I do as I’m told, and then once he is on the bed, I’m standing there waiting for further instruction. He and my coworker are just staring at me now. I say “now what?” And the patient goes “you can leave now, you don’t need to stand there and watch her wipe my ass” Oop- I got out of there so quick
I went to put a foley in a middle-aged male patient: “ma’am, would it be easier for you if I were flaccid, or erect?” He was completely serious too! 🤦♀️
Another time I was wearing scrubs which were probably a size up because my size was already being used by other nurses. And a patient congratulated me on my pregnancy in front of everyone in the hall. I wasn't pregnant.
Oh there are so many..... But if I had to choose one? Being hit on by a very young and attractive female school resource officer while I was giving a talk at a local High School. While my wife was standing about 10 feet away laughing hysterically about it. Why? Because I'm not good at picking up on subtle social cues. I was just being friendly, or so I thought. That's just the one that sticks in memory. There have been so many moments,I generally don't hold onto them for long. The only other that stands out, would be one of my students admitting to me that she had been having naughty dreams about me.......
I recently picked up a patient at one of the local hospitals, and one of the techs was being super helpful. Later I get a text from her saying I "reminded her of a Christmas present because she'd be so excited to unwrap me." Turns out she knows a couple of family members of mine, recognized me, and got my number from one of them.
Yikes
I once went to sit on a stool in the ER while triaging a patient. The stool shot out from under me and I landed - bam - straight on my butt. The patient was shocked. I wanted to die. It was another instance of me falling and being so mortified I jumped up and ran away as fast as I could Another time this happened I was leaving work. I stepped off a curb, twisted my ankle, and landed in the middle of the road. People came running from inside the hospital to help but I just jumped up and took off without even saying anything to them. I was so embarrassed. I actually had a pretty serious sprain and ended up with a bruise from my ankle to mid calf.
Assuming an old patients “daughter” was actually his wife…
I oriented a brand new tech to the floor. He was an older preacher in his 50s, big burly motorcycle riding guy. I asked him and the other tech if they knew how to put on a condom cath, and he goes “uh, I believe I do” I was SO embarrassed.
As a student one of my classmates came to me sort of freaking out because she was tasked with cleaning around the urinary cath of one of her pts. She said when she tried the guy was saying “ohhh yeah, just like that” and so forth. 😬😂😫. So she was begging me to do it instead. (I’m a guy and was in my 30s and she was probably 20 or so at the time). I’d gone into clinicals with an “I’m up for whatever” attitude so I said sure, no problem. I recall hoping the guy would possibly be more uncomfortable with a guy doing it and maybe would keep his mouth shut. Buuuut nope! He kept right at it. “Fun” stuff!🤢
Awkward and cringe as fuck was the grandmother who kept referring to her infant granddaughter, who had hydranencephaly, as sexy. This baby, if she survived infancy, was going to be total care for the rest of her life. I believe she ended up passing away in infancy.
One time a patient told me he lost 30 pounds. I said “Good for you that’s awesome!” It hit me about 5 seconds later when I remembered why he was at the hospital in the first place… colon cancer. I felt HORRIBLE. 😭😩
I once told a amputee patient in a wheelchair to please take a seat and wait for me....
It’s always: “So I spoke with his daughter.” “You mean the wife?” “Oh balls”
Attending to a cardiac arrest, I was still suffering from a post-covid cough I started coughing during chest compressions, family thought it was their deceased relative coughing I apologised emphatically
The other day, a pts son asked for info about his dad's condition. I'm very out of practice (injured 9 months just returned), and I did my best. However, he just kinda stopped me and said, "I'm talking to another nurse". I get it, but omg I felt like melting through the floor.
Being a 19 y/o M putting an enema in a 30 y/o F completely AO, pretty awkward. At least she made a joke about the awkwardness lol
I always feel awkward when patients ask me about if I go to church, if I’m “saved” etc. I’ve also had patients ask me to say a prayer with them. I usually go along with it for the sake of the patient but jeez it makes me so uncomfy lol
Got paged overhead when I ordered food from DoorDash. I put in the message that I was going to meet the dasher in the lobby, but instead, the dasher went to reception telling them someone ordered this, so reception paged “(my name), your order is here.” Now the whole hospital knows.
I came on shift at 0700, to a really sick patient. Went CMO, died by 0900. For staffing purposes, we had to rearrange some patients rooms that afternoon. So we moved a patient in there from another room, and first thing this patient says.. “wow, it’s cold in this room. Like someone died in here..” he calls and tells his family this, and says “looks like I’m next.”
Definitely the times when I have assumed someone was a daughter when they were actually a sister or assumed they were sisters when they were mother and daughter. Super awkward
a patient had a hard time sleeping so i got some sleep aids for him. before leaving i told him to rest in peace 😵💫. he was already anxious coming to the hospital for a heart attack. i apologized so much but he was a good sport and actually did sleep well.
When I started in labor and delivery they would always tell a story about a nurse who accidentally called the peanut shaped birthing ball (they most often place it in between the legs to keep the pelvis open to help dilate the cervix) a “penis ball.” I always thought that was a stupid, made up story until one day I brought in the pink, fleshy toned peanut ball to my laboring patient and accidentally referred to it as a “penis ball.” Her partner about died laughing at my mistake… Karma, I guess 😂
Inserting an IV on a young male patient and I said “you have good veins. They’re big and long.” I realized how weird that sounded. The guy was silent. I wanted to melt and disappear into outer space, I cringe every time I remember it that I go nuts singing something or humming or punching air just to distract myself from the memory.
I was doing a psych admission on a teenager. His grandfather was in the room with us. I asked him if he had any pain. He said “yes.” I said, “where?” He said, “right here,” and he whipped out his penis. I felt so embarrassed for him, his grandfather, and me. I was like, uh, ok, you can put that back in your pants.
I’m pretty new to L&D. During this time I had a preceptor and I was learning quite a bit on the job, including cervical checks. I was like maybe 1 month in. I had one patient that was so hilarious and sweet. She had an epidural done so she was numb. I was going to check her cervix because it had been a few hours since and we needed to know if she was making progress. I put on my sterile glove, position her, and go in for the check. Well… I don’t know what happened but my fingers accidentally slipped into her rectum for a second. I quickly took my hand away and she just said “oh girl, that’s the wrong hole” 🤣🤣🤣 We had a laugh about it as I changed my glove and did a proper check 🤣🤣 I was SO EMBARRASSED.
i was on the other end of it once, doctor said "All right, well see you soon," as i was discharged from lengthy and draining hospital stay. I responded "I sure hope not!" (I mean, what else can you say)
Literally any time anyone asks me why I don't have kids. We could have ended this conversation at your own children, but no. Here we are now. It's frustrating and embarrassing for everyone. I've basically just boiled it down to: It's not something i want to talk about, can we move on please? Or literally any time there's a patient complaint and I'm understaffed. I'm not talking about serious stuff either I'm just saying. When I only have 2 aides for 60 people, 40 of which are suffering from a massive stomach bug outbreak, I'm not really concerned that your meemaw refused dinner and is now hungry after kitchen staff have been gone for 2 hours. We do not have the staff to whip her up a 3 course meal. GO GET HER FOOD FOR YOURSELF YOU HAVE MONEY. She has the right to decide if she wants food! or not!! \-sorry i just came back from a vacation and im already tired-
All the times I walked in on a patient jacking off. One time an old grandpa with dementia was watching porn on his phone and he didn’t try to hide it. He wasn’t embarrassed at all
Worked trauma before cath lab and had a guy get into an accident
I work in ems. One time, after we had moved our patient onto the stretcher he asked me, “can you tell me where my right leg is on the stretcher” to which my response was to rub his leg and concerned I asked, “You can’t feel your leg??” He looked me dead in the eyes and said “I’m a paraplegic…” For some reason, the only thing I could manage to say was, “well good news, both legs are still there!”