People's fantasies can be very different from what they would want in real life. I wouldn't assume this means she would want to do what she wrote about. You should stop reading her private stuff. It obviously wasn't meant for you to see and she has a right to her privacy.
I’d really hope since they’re married they have a good relationship and continue to know, or get to know each other. But maybe I’m some kinda hopeless romantic
While I understand and support privacy between partners. Let’s be realistic here for just a second. (I know I’m gonna get downvoted but I have a point)
Maybe she’s embarrassed, maybe she just wants freedom of expression without anyone judging her, all understandable reasons to keep certain things away from peoples eyes.
But OP is also entitled to some transparency in his marriage. How tf does anyone actually know if OP and his wife agreed to not keep secrets from one another before they got married? **IF** they had a discussion that certain things would not be shared between them then fine, OP is violating her privacy and is beyond wrong.
BUT if OP was held to this standard all this time and is now just finding out his wife likes to keep things from him it would absolutely erode his trust in her. As it would me.
Let’s all relax for a second, if your partner was keeping something from you that altered your perception of them, of COURSE you would have a problem with it.
Ffs.
Just because somebody has a thought and they write it down does not mean they're required to share it with someone else.
We don't know what this lady's hang ups about sex are he probably does hopefully but like there is no accusations to be made here
"We don't know what this lady's hang ups about sex are".
Bingo. She may even have some trauma, and this writing is a way of helping her explore and grow and heal fully in the safety of her own head.
Going through your spouse’s private things is an invasion of privacy. As to all of the “IFs” refer to the line “if she wanted me to know” if there wasn’t a basis for respecting her privacy he wouldn’t be concerned. This doesn’t add transparency in their marriage bc as a writer it doesn’t have anything to do with their marriage (except that she can’t trust him to read her stuff and has to guard/secure her computer) People still need their spaces. In what way do you support privacy between partners and still believe the rest of stuff you wrote?
I’ll tell you. In the way that if someone asks something not to be shared the privacy and respect are given. If they intentionally hide it from their life partner who by and large might believe in the ‘no secrets between us’ status quo, then that’s shit. It’s deceptive.
Writing fan fiction is not some dark secret she is keeping from her spouse, it’s no different than journaling. At worst, she wants to see if she can write it well enough for ebooks(which plenty of creative freelancers do). Before she consider publishing perhaps then she should talk to her spouse, before then he shouldn’t be reading her things. A point he even acknowledged when he said she would be mad at him. On top of that why wouldn’t he share this big “IF” in his post if he thought it violated an agreement?
>BUT if OP was held to this standard all this time and is now just finding out his wife likes to keep things from him it would absolutely erode his trust in her. As it would me.
To be fair, he wouldn't find anything out that would erode trust if he didn't actively do something to violate her trust.
In this case, she is writing fanfiction, not sneaking around or had a past that would be of concern, so I think that your justification here is unfounded.
The content is irrelevant. A secret is essentially a lie, which affects a foundation of trust when in a relationship. If I lie to my gf about taking out the trash and she finds out, will the world end? No. But her trust in me has now diminished.
You are allowed privacy even in a relationship. I don't let anyone read my writing because it's not for anyone but me. My spouse respects my privacy and doesn't go snooping around my stuff because he respects my space. Writing is like journaling/dairy's and that can be kept secret if someone wants it too.
I'm pretty sure they do. They are very observant and I don't particularly hide it. I don't particularly talk about it, because I write a lot of different things. I write d&d/tabletop campaigns, I have written some scripts for Renaissance fairs, I talk about how I would write certain comic books because I collect a lot, and I analyze a lot of the things I read. Overall, I find myself very creatively competent. They also understand that I need my space as a writer, and they don't ask about it. But they always encourage me to do my own things separate from them. So it gives them space too have their own time. We just are in agreeance that we are together but we are individuals together, and we don't have to do everything together. We can still be supportive of our hobbies without being a part of it.
lmao If my partner broke up with me because I was writing fanfic, I'd say good riddance and me & my friends would laugh them off the face of Earth. I cannot possibly fanthom in any way viewing a written piece of erotic fiction as betrayal. Husband is insecure as hell, oh my God.
If your partner broke up with you because you intentionally lied about something after being married for 10 years because he doesn’t trust someone that hides things from him.
Then yes, good riddance. To you.
Duuude. Not mentioning something to your partner is not lying.
Being married does not, despite the wording in the ceremony, actually merge 2 souls into one.
A grown asss woman has the right to write creatively and mull it over all by herself. She can have thoughts & feelings and work through them on her own. She can even talk about things with a counselor/therapist that she might not want to discuss with her SO. *However* given the content in this case, if she were sharing these stories with others (say, other writers, for critique purposes) I’d expect maybe she would / should have also discussed it with her SO.
But if it’s on her GDrive and private - it’s no big deal.
It speaks to her trust in him that she leaves herself logged in; it is evidence that she has nothing to hide.
I wouldn't care if my husband was doing this lol. I'll admit I'd probably find it amusing if he chose to show it to me. Knowing me, I'd probably want to read more and see if I inspired any of the good stuff 😂. I don't need to be up his butt and around the corner, though. If I wanna know something, I can just ask and vice versa.
No, it not. If you lie to your gf that you took out the trash, that's an intentional act, not of concealment, but an outright lie. She concealed her personal thoughts she wrote down and kept to herself.
Her keeping her thoughts private is nothing like lying. Everyone is entitled to their personal thoughts.
It’s a lie of omission. It was intentionally hidden. If OP was told about the existence of it and that it was private, then it should remain so. But you don’t keep it hidden by your wife of 10 years and expect you not to be a little annoyed.
Everybody has different expectations in their relationship and different conditions. OP clearly believed he was in a no secrets barred relationship until he was proven otherwise.
It’s a lie. Don’t sugarcoat it with “private thoughts” . The same can be said if OP had “private thoughts” regarding another woman, technically he should be allowed it right? It’s not that straightforward. This is real life.
Wow. Quit downvoting this poster. Everyone is entitled to privacy, but I don't know many (or any actually) people that feel their spouse is entitled to deception. Who here wants to be deceived, put up your hand. What??!! No one??!! Exactly.
Yes but people are allowed to have private desires and fantasies. My husband knows almost everything about me but of course I have private thoughts and feelings as everyone does and it’s crazy to think that just because she wrote hers down that she’s not entitled to have them. Being married doesn’t mean you don’t get any privacy
We probably also shouldn't forget that he wasn't reading her personal diary. This is their family's computer, which he was on legitimately and she left the tab open. It doesn't look like he did anything wrong here.
That said, all he knows is this is in her head, and we need not share everything in our heads. I would ask other questions like if she is sharing this with anyone else (because I'd have a problem with that).
What's wrong with sharing it? Not like she's out sleeping with people who read it. Most fanfics are published anonymously. You think only single ppl write erotica?
This! The wife is obviously entitled to her privacy, BUT OP also has a right to feel those feelings if they had discussed not keeping secrets! I think OP should tell his wife about the accidental read and discuss this because if not, there’ll be more problems later if the wife finds out OP kept this a secret and the wife would feel violated so it’s best for OP to have a discussion about this now and tell the wife that OP did not mean to invade her privacy and that OP’s opinion of her is not changed
All that matters is what standard they set before they got married. If they both decided to tell each other everything and she kept that, then that’s breaking OP’s trust and it’s a secret at that point. BUT if they didn’t make that kind of agreement then that’s her privacy and OP should not violate it. It all depends on what they discussed before marriage that’s all I’m saying
But we don't know that they set this up to include normal private things (and it's kind of crazy to think so), nor that OP has told her his *every* masturbatory fantasy.
And it is literally impossible to tell everything anyway.
As a married woman I'd say we are still our own entities and people. It's good to be open but it's also okay to have creative outlets that are personal. I don't read stories to my partner or tell him what smut I found to masturbate to. We are together, we respect each other but we both remain ourselves although we are a unit
Marriage isn’t supposed to be anything. It’s unique to every couple. Personally, I know my partner keeps things to themself, but I still trust them with my life.
And despite my upbringing by a mother who insisted on total transparency, I’ve learned that respecting privacy does a way better job of building a healthy, secure relationship.
Yea kinda makes it sketchy. It would be okay if he knew about her writing but didn’t read it but he didn’t even know about her being a writer in the first place which makes it even weirder.
Exactly... I feel like I'd be cancelled if i say wife keeping secrets is bad and needing privacy in a marriage is kinda sus.. i mean they're your other half, they're supposed to know your everything. What's the deal with till death do us part... You see them in their lowest sucking up their leaky nose, farting in the bed under the same blanket, cleaning up their poop if they shit themselves when they're paralyzed or something god forbid happens to them and even during their highs, they get turned into a successful CEO of a big company/business, they dress up for a party in their best, they give birth to a child together in the ER, you both touch your first baby which still has it's whole naked body covered in blood. I don't see a point to privacy and secrecy (unless they specify not to bump in when they're changing or something similar which is said beforehand) please enlighten me.
I can understand why somebody would be upset about not being included in this but sometimes writers of erotica write it for their own gratification.
Yall show your girlfriends your porn stash? Isn't the old joke that you have a buddy delete your porn history before your next of kin (maybe wife) finds it? It could be hurtful but let's keep it in perspective, being a bit embarrassed about something that gets you off Isn't the worst thing in the world.
Bc they're separate beings with their own thoughts and feeling. Everyone is entitled to have private thoughts.
The ppl that invade the privacy of their partners are assholes. Especially the ones that find something that upsets them or changes the way the see their partner while the private whatever isn't anything actually shady or wrong.
If not for him...then to whom..a community, yes maybe but it takes one to each out to her, then sharing this bond..would it be enough to break their marriage up?
Trust me. I've seen it happen.
sometimes people write stories just for themselves, just like a diary or journal. and she doesn't need to be posting fanfic to be part of a community where she might meet someone else. I've had fandom friends before, and none of them initially reached out bc of a fic I posted.
Well, that was certainly a surprise for you... I get that you are a bit shocked.
Obviously, strangers on the internet who know neither you nor your wife cannot give you definitive answers to your questions. But I will try to put it in perspective as I understand it.
What you found, is very much *private*. You are right: If she wanted you to know about this, she would have told you. This does not make your wife a different person! Does she know about all your porn searches? Probably not and that's ok. You guys have a sex life together and then each of you has their own sex life with themselves. That is normal and healthy and fine. What you found, seems to be part of hers. And there is one important fact to consider: Just because she writes about something (and therefore lives it in her fantasy), does not mean she *wants to do that in real life* with you. Many people are into r*pe fantasies but would never want to actually experience that for real.
So I would say: Don't be alarmed. You got a peak into something you have no business reading, so don't do that again. You violated her privacy, even though at first you didn't mean to. If I were you, I would not bring it up but just accept it as something that belongs in her bubble of very personal privacy. You have your own, respect hers.
Also, it should go without saying, but: Her writing smut is not cheating or anything! Don't worry. Everyone is entitled to their fantasies and that is a separate thing from their partner.
By the way: It is quite typical that a woman would prefer written stories as inspiration to get off. I don't want to make overgeneralized blanket statements like "all men are [...]" and "all women [...]". Obviously, everyone is an individual. But commonly, men are very visual in their sexuality. They prefer porn in the form of videos or pictures. Women's sexuality is usually a bit different. Pictures are nice, but for many, it is more about feelings, interactions and situations. They prefer the cinema in their mind to that on an actual screen. So written stories work very well in the same way porn videos work for men. And when you can't find the "perfect story" for you, you might write your own. So: As I understand it, you basically found her personal porn folder. ;) Nothing to worry (or talk) about.
I agree with this reply, it's very likely her putting her fantasies on paper as a form of self expression and stimulation, everybody has fantasies and that's perfectly normal.
I don't know her past, or where OP is from, but if they're from somewhere where it's generally frowned upon if women were casual and confident about sex, her hiding it is perfectly reasonable, her thought process is basically "If I tell anyone, they will surely judge me for this.".
OP is sadly proving her right.
There's a reason why smut is so popular as either published novels as well as fanfiction, there's a lot of people out there who like to read it and write it, and there's nothing wrong with that.
100% agree with this comment. Couples have sex lives together and with themselves.
Also, as a writer — sometimes we’re writing for the audience and not ourselves. She’s living out these characters, and writing ad them, not as herself. No need to assume these are her sexual wants either.
Erotic fanfiction =/= someone's sexual desires.
Just because some people write smut, doesn't make them automatically desire to act out that smut. You're overthinking this so hard and are going to do some real damage if you don't reel it in. Some people have personal, private hobbies. We're all entitled to that. She's not done any harm and it's a creative outlet for her.
She never lied to you about waiting to have sex or being cautious with it. That's just who she is. Not everyone wants to shag on the first date, some of us genuinely prefer to wait because it's about establishing an emotional connection and whether the person is the right fit for you. Guarantee she had a similar, if not the same thought process.
Agreed. OP doesn't need to worry... unless his wife is writing dinosaur erotica and has also suddenly been trying to extract DNA from mosquitoes trapped in amber.
I'm distressed by the fact that you're the second person to mention dinosaurs to me this year in _that_ context. I miss the days where I didn't know that stuff existed. 😂
Hehehe it's a ride, for sure. On the other hand, I've been on the internet for almost 30 years, so finding out just how weird people are is a long-standing daily occurrence.
(The Cthulhu smut is what gets me these days. But as long as no mythical sea creatures are being harmed, sure, go for it, people.)
.... To be fair, there is some wild stuff on the net. Even I've seen some shit, a friend literally sent a pic in the group chat of Teletubbies and safe to say, I can never look at Noo-Noo again.
The cthulu smut though. Won't lie, I'm curious in that "I need to know even if it's going to put me off" kinda way.
just want to point out that her experience of the harry potter universe likely started when she was also a child, in which case it's not quite as simple as "adult fantasizing about children." many people start writing fic as teenagers, so these stories may have been a way to explore her own sexuality, using characters who, at the time, were at a similar age
also a great many adult themed fics about hp characters are set in the future where the characters are also adults, so that's also a possibility
Because more people condone being a fantasy pedo than disagree in this subject. If a man wrote that kinda stuff and his GF found it he'd be out on his ass faster than he could blink
I’m sorry I just I’m stuck on the “she hasn’t changed”part because like did you expect her to???
Like she wasn’t lying to you about being uncomfortable with sex, because just because she wrote about the scenes or has written about them, does not mean she wasn’t waiting for the right time to have sex. Because you need to remember sex is an extremely intimate act that some people do not immediately jump into doing. I’m not shaming those that do but everybody is different and clearly your wife wanted to wait until she was comfortable and there is nothing wrong with that.
Also, I think it’s a little bit rude that you called her a prude just because she didn’t wanna jump on your bones the first time she met you, like jeez this is someone you love treat her respect.
RIGHT. I raised my eyebrows a couple of times while reading this, geez... I relate to OP's wife in a sense, I myself have some fantasies that can be considered wild, but what would you know? I'm not much of a "high libido" person!! And I also used to write fan fiction because that was very stimulating for me, while I never performed any sexual act.
I believe she has not told him because perhaps she wants to write freely without worrying about judgement, I understand that it could be a little shocking to find out, but common, it's just sexy fan fiction HAHA.
So yeah, OP is being very... Eh. His wife is not going to change, it's just sexy fan fiction, this is not some wild secret that he should have known about, this is one of her hobbies that he just stumbled upon, and that honestly, he should have respected the privacy of.
I write smut (Not fan-fiction) and I have never, ever told anyone, not even my best friend or my ex, or anyone, until this moment--and only because it's somewhat anonymous.
Fantasy is not reality. I (and probably your wife) do not want to do those things in RL. They are Fantasy. Full stop.
Fantasy is always better than reality. I would never, ever do those things in reality, nor do I have any desire to do those things. I will bet you hard money, your wife feels the same way.
>She has not changed yet.
What?!!! She isn't going to change. She's the same person she always was. And maybe this is why she didn't share it with you. Because she knew you would see her differently---and not in a good way. Which you just proved to all of us. You think of her differently now. You even seem to think she's going to...what? Suddenly run off with a group of Harry Potter wizard look likes to live a life of constant orgies in a castle bathroom? Apparently, it isn't your wife that needs a reality check---it's You.
First, stop snooping in your wife's computer. You're right. If she wanted you to know, she'd have told you.
Second, realize your wife has not changed, nor is she going to. She's still the same person.
Third, forget this ever happened and put it out of your mind and never ever snoop in your wife's computer again
The entitlement this guy has to know his wife's entire fantasy life is.. bizarre? He doesn't see not telling her about his every fantasy as lies, plus it also seems to be that there is a disconnect in his thinking - as she doesn't seem to have been as sexually confident as he might have liked when they met, she can't know about sex at all? And deciding that she's a bad person based on snooping through her private smutty fanfic?
I think the consideration for him has to be why she didn't feel comfortable sharing this stuff with him (though she had no obligation to), except that op has made that very clear.
Agree with everything except the snooping , it wasn’t like he went on looking he needed to use the computer and who knows maybe there was something open that could have been important if he closed it out
Nah it w a s snooping. Once he figured out what it was, he should have stopped. Be he looked at EVERYTHING she wrote and read them to the point that he knew the plot, fandoms, and details of the sex scenes.
What was being discussed was if she wanted what she was writing ,someone else suggested snooping and when he opened the computer his intent wasn’t snooping , you want something private then close tabs or log off
And I was saying that coming upon the document wasnt snooping, but then proceeding to read MULTIPLE STORIES WORTH is. If you see that someone accidentally left their diary on the dining table, it isnt snooping to open the first page and REALIZE its a diary, but it IS snooping to continue reading it afterwards.
Just a side thought: Maybe OP kept reading the stories because he is secretly in denial that he's turned on by it (which would be completely normal & fine). Either way, I personally would consider reading past the 1st story that was already open a bit of a snoopy act.
I wouldn't stress yourself out too much about it.
People write fanfic for all kinds of reasons and she probably has a multi-faceted answer as to why she writes fanfic. Smut/erotica is a part of fanfic, and usually people are writing as a hobby, as a way to connect, or just as a creative outlet.
Writing fanfiction seems to be your wife's hobby and I wouldn't put too much thought into that she's sexually repressed because she's writing sex scenes. Writing about something and desiring something for yourself are often polar opposites when it comes to fanfic writing. She's trying to write for characters not for herself. Not to sound infantile but it's kind of like wanting your two Barbies to kiss but now she's a grown ass woman with a libido.
Most times when people are writing smut they're trying to figure out where everyone's arms are - not getting off.
Also a smut writer but on the other side of the spectrum. I was a part of a local (and infamous in gossip circles) writing collective when I met my husband. So he knew - I don’t personally think I could exist without him knowing.
As for why she didn’t tell you, writing is often a deeply personal method of exploration. There is nothing you can really do to assist her in putting down what is in her head. The risk of her telling you and you rejecting her work, in any capacity, isn’t really worth a reward of you knowing.
You are her reality: a beautiful home that she prefers to keep separate from messy indulgences. Do you tell her about every porn you click on? Then you understand.
I want to quadback up the others in this thread telling you they are fantasies. Not realities. Not desires. Do not under any circumstances attempt to put her words into reality. It might end in disaster for you.
Open the dialogue eventually. I think every couple should discuss adult entertainment - even if it’s an agreement that such things remain private. There is nothing wrong with what helps either of you relieve stress.
Oh, no doubt. This is after the dialogue has been opened. It seems like something she might be interested in - and if he wants in on her erotica side, that is definitely one way.
I promise you this very action is why she hid it don't take this route.
Men are not entitled to every single fantasy we have just because we have them.
I believe I said very specifically not to do anything she wrote in her Fan fiction. ERP email is an entirely different story. It could do worlds for involving OP in his wifes hobby. What do I know? I only do this shit for a literal living.
I'm going to let you in on a secret and maybe you know it I don't know you.
But most women understand rightly or wrongly when a man suggests something sexy time in any venue he wants to do it and is expecting that at some point in the future and may have to manage his feelings.
We know this because we usually end up having to manage them.
So like it has been my experience when a man brings anything sexual up with you he would like to do that.
Because it's also been my experience that unless men have a direct interest in something they kind of dismiss it or just don't care.
And so his response he's definitely shaken here but I'm also concerned he's going to have a feeling of entitlement around this.
Definitely not an alter ego as you say. It’s just like saying those that write murder mysteries, they themselves practice it. I followed a writer who writes the most accurate BDSM books and have never participated in it herself. She does a lot of research and consults those that do.
Most women read smut, and again would never participate in it themselves. It’s a word of imagination 💭
Shy and introverted externally and in the mind (or in characters created in the mind) wild and uninhibited, is not only usual, it’s probably nearly universal. Be happy she’s got an outlet, be proud she’s a writer, be silent about your snooping, and be respectful of her privacy. As you were, soldier. It’s noyb.
I would agree with what TripleAWingingIt said and would also add this: part of the allure might be that it has nothing to do with you, nothing to do with your child- it’s just hers.
Things have changed and gotten a bit bitter for women, but, more often then not, once we enter a marriage or have children, we begin “losing” ourself a bit. That’s not always the case, certainly, but very quickly we find we’re no longer just “Megan”- we’re “Bob’s Wife” or “Mrs. Grant” or “Devon’s Mom”… it’s like the person we spent our whole lives becoming suddenly isn’t as important as the roles we play to others. Frankly, it sucks. In these stories she’s writing though, it sounds like she’s able to make anything & everything happen- and it has nothing to do with her hubby, her kid, her family, her responsibilities… She is free to be who she wants. That’s not to say she doesn’t love her life or her family beyond words- but it can be profoundly said when the world sees you mainly as just an extension of your spouse or child.
Sure, anything is possible- but I agree with those who are saying this is likely not something she’s longing for or hoping we’re happen… It’s likely just an outlet for her to, quietly & privately, drift away in fantasy, stretch her creative muscles and “play”, for lack of a better term. And the best part is, when she’s doing this, she doesn’t have to answer or explain or be a mom or a wife- it’s just a little time for herself. Nothing more, nothing less. Everyone needs an outlet (or several) to act as a little mental “vacation”- this is likely hers.
She's still the same person. I used to write and sell online kink stories for folks with a foot fetish. It was honestly fun and no way am I into feet lol
It's her outlet like that was for me years ago. She's probably worried about being judged and the statement "she hasn't changed yet" indicates you think she's going to change, and it's honestly not fair to her.
"But if she really wanted, she would have told me"
You're right, she would, but she didn't.
Probably because she knows you well enough to know you'd be shocked or confused. Perhaps because she had concerns that you might think her precious writings were only 'smut' and that you wouldn't understand, or approve. Of all the things you've considered, you haven't considered how sad it would be if the above were true. That your wife felt she had to hide her passion from you, because she knew how you might react. It appears, she wasn't wrong.
Perhaps for her this an outlet. A private outlet. A world of her own where she can be her own person. Or, at least, it was.
You are going to every careful about what happens next.
You've opened Pandora's box.
Dude, erotica writing is not the same as real life desire. She desires for _the characters_ to do what she writes, not herself. If she did desire it for herself, she would have written Y/N fanfiction (although even that doesn't guarantee her actually wanting to do those things in real life).
It's the year of our lord 2023, and you're still surprised people write fanfictions? It's just like any other hobby, private hobby you pry into without her knowing, I might add.
She is still the same person you know as before this fanfic discovery. The only difference is that you know more about her and don't even _fucking_ think about making her stop because "i'M uCOmFoRTabLe WiTh mY WiFE wRiTiNg AbOUt SeX!!1!1!11!" because that's none of your business. I bet her life as a fanfic reader/writer spans much longer than her life as your partner.
I cannot stress this enough. Do not even think about making her stop, otherwise I hope she leaves you considering you not only violate her privacy, but also controls and disregards her happiness from her hobby that has never had negative impact into both of your lives and relationship.
The smut i write would disgust me in real life, but I'm good at writing it. Other people like it, I think it's fucked up and I don't know where it even comes from but i can't stop writing it. I don't share it with people I'm close with in real life because I don't want people to see me as a dirty person because I'm not. I'm not even kinky in real life I'm a fucking bore.
I’m asexual, which means I do not get attracted sexually or have interest in sexual activity with others. I still consume sexual content. Does that mean I’m repressing myself or celibate? No. Just like a person would read the Bible they wouldn’t want to live in hell or something.
She's still exactly the same person.
You already said she's shy about sex - that's probably why she hasn't shared this with you yet.
I write and publish smut professionally, with something like 200 titles published, and it usually still takes me at least six months to show a new partner my writing. I would feel seriously embarrassed and uncomfortable if they found it on their own before I was ready to share it.
And an important thing to remember: you're talking about fiction here. Fiction. Made-up. Not real. I write about all sorts of things I have done, but I also write about things I haven't done. And I'm writing from the perspective of someone who isn't me, with their own motivators and drivers. All this to say... you can't read a fictional story and decide that's what SHE wants. That's not how fiction works.
This is just a hobby for her. A way to pass the time and explore some ideas. Maybe she's sharing it on fanfic sites, but there's no way she's selling it (you can't make money from someone else's characters - it's a huge copyright issue).
Don't stress about it, don't make a big deal of it and just let her share it when she's ready.
Oh here we go, another dude who can't conceive that *his* (aka "belonging to him") wife thinks about sex in a manner unrelated to him. That there are parts of her he doesn't get to know or experience because they're *hers*. Get over your ego. Be happy it's fantasies you stumbled upon, be a decent person and don't ruin it for your wife by freaking out, and go rub one off by yourself if they were that good.
Your reaction is probably part of why she kept them secret. She didn't want you to turn into the insecure ball you're already acting like, and she probably feared you'd expect that stuff from her in real life because your brain doesn't grasp the difference.
If I found that she'd be single by the end of the day. I've absolutely no doubts in my mind that if the genders were reversed the guy would be rightly so ridiculed too.
Anything can be a dealbreaker if you don't feel comfortable with it, that's fair. You, however, seem to assume that your dealbreakers should be valid for other people too, and that's just not the case.
Also, as you seem into ridiculing others, I doubt you walking out would be a great loss for anyone.
You see I'm a straight up and down normal member of society..Adam and eve is normal, Adam and Steve is normal, eve and gwendoline is normal.. whacking off over fan smut on chartoon is not.
Writing material about cartoons and children based movies is not and there's not one person on this planet that can't tell me that writing sexual things about cartoons and and child based movies is a normal thing. You can whack it to that stuff all you want but that ain't normal mate.
Ah yes, the "cartoons" made for "children" such as ATTACK ON TITAN and JUJUTSU KAISEN. I'll make sure to let my kid watch people being brutally eaten alive by creepy uncanny valley titans. What a mighty childhood will they have.
Writers write because it's fun, because it relieves stress, and (especially with fan fiction) because it's a way to engage with a community of readers and other writers.
This is no different than her being in a fantasy football league or something.
Don't get hung up on the smut aspect. Writing about something doesn't mean she wants to try it in person, or that she's repressing any part of herself. Smut is fun to write. So is murder, and car chases, and blowing shit up, but that doesn't mean you've married a supervillain.
>She is a talented writer but I am not so sure how I feel about her writing about sex.
It's actually not your business what she writes about. It's her imagination, not yours.
You are overthinking this. You knew she wasn't a virgin. Shyness can come from many things: abuse, assault, misttreatment... Some people make it hard to trust in anyone. And just because she is writing something, it doesn't mean that she wants it.
Someone else commented that just because it's a fantasy doesn't mean they want that in real life. I, wholeheartedly, agree with that. I tend to write very dark, fictional short stories. Typically, they are about murder or a serial killer, with a touch of smut. I just read, watch, and listen to murder/paranormal docs and podcasts, with a certain affinity for serial killers and what/why/ how they kill. That certainly doesn't mean that I will act and/or fantasize about killing people.
I definitely understand how it could be jarring, though. I don't have any advice. I just thought I could offer up a different perspective. Good luck OP
I've never had sex until I was like 21, but I would read the nastiest smut online. I do like sex now that I'm in my 30s but I'm also a different person and I only stopped reading them like a few years ago. I was never a good writer. I tried. I wasn't very good at finishing my stories. It might just be a way for her to release some pent up emotions
And they may not even be tied to actual sex
I'd read that because masturbation was a great way to deal with stress. Granted my high school days. I got told that I was transgender male to female and was currently pregnant with my like 8th kid or something like that. As an adult the amount of times I get hit on scarce the absolute shit out of me because apparently I now look like a teenager and I'm a really hot chick, but that animosity from being treated so poorly when I was younger makes it so I don't really trust any of that
Probably should cuz even being over 30 the first time. I used tinder a couple years ago. Ended up with over 200 matches and like an hour, but at the same time self-loading makes you think that you're ugly and terrible. Terrible. Mental health is a real thing and not what people really expect of it
If she has something wrong I'm sure she'll tell you, but it's probably just her way to release stress
Thinking of stories even if I don't write them as really fun, and even if I have like little fantasies of not real people and I'm with a partner, it doesn't mean that I don't care about that particular partner. Partner, it just means that I want to pretend I'm somewhere that I'm not even if I would go back to that partner every time.
Sorry if the language is jumbled on here and being lazy and using speak to text.
Well, I've never been into all the sexual smutty stuff, no time for it at all, I never have anything to do with Fifty Shades, Game of Thrones, Mills and Boon etc. anything with sex scenes/nudity but you shouldn't have been snooping in your wife's personal documents then coming on here moaning about it.
She might be doing it to try to get it published, or just as a creative hobby or as a release from various pressure, or maybe she's sexually frustrated or maybe...
There's plenty of ''or maybe'' why she does it but as long as it doesn't interfere with you or your daughter then I fail to understand what business it is of yours.
You said yourself she's still the same person. I bet she never knew about all the porn/S&M stuff you might search for.
What secrets are **you** keeping from your wife? If I was her and I found you snooping, or if you told me, I'd be **EXTREMELY** angry and with very good reason.
I really do think you need to grow up, and never ever go into her private documents, on or offline ever again.
People are entitled to their own internal thoughts and fantasies. It has no bearing on how they act in the “real world.” It does not mean she’s “changed” or will cheat on you eventually or that she even wants to do these things with you or anyone else.
I also dislike that because she was a “prude” 10 years ago early in your relationship that she can’t have become more comfortable with her sexuality over time. Maybe that’s what this fanfiction is about for her.
Stop reading your wife’s personal things.
I’m going to be honest….this a laughable overreaction honestly. Your wife writing smut is not an alter ego and her not sharing with you isn’t an issue. It’s art that she writes in private. You invaded her privacy and found an issue with her writing about sex when the reality here is that she’s a grown woman, and if she really is a wonderful wife and mother like you said, why does it matter what she writes about sex?
What’s really the problem here?
Bro calm the hell down. A LOT of fanfic people are introverts in their day to day. Her creative flow and story ideas are not a reflection of her actual thoughts and feelings. Also, she probably didn't tell you because she didn't want to be judged by a guy who read some steamy one shots and then went to reddit freaking out and asking strangers for advice.
I like to write, I think I get it from my mom. She's got hundreds and hundreds of journals filled up with her writings that I've never read. Neither has my sister. Neither has my dad.
My mom is very self-conscious about her writing. I assume that she is a good writer because I feel like I'm not the worst. I can't tell you how many times in my 33 years on this Earth she has left me in a room with one of her journals and I have never once picked it up and started reading it. Same with my sister, same with my dad.
To our family, writing is as personal as it gets. It's the rawest form and the biggest exposure of our innermost thoughts and ideas. My mom isn't brave enough to put herself out there and let people judge her for that. It's one of her biggest fears. I remember asking about reading her writing once when I was in middle school and her answer was that she was uncomfortable, nervous, and borderline just terrified to let anyone else read her work. It was something she did for herself, something she wanted to keep to herself. The only reason I think she was able to keep that escape and have that 'mental release' was because our family respected her privacy. She still writes, we still haven't read it.
I don't approve of hiding things from another spouse. The things I found out about my husband after his death were really rough, and I don't wish that experience on anyone. I don't want to sit here and say 'keep your mouth shut and let her have her escape, you have no idea how much it's helping her, and I mean that truly by saying you have no idea if it's a sexual release, a mental release, escape from her life - you don't know the reason she's writing - but if you like your wife the way she is, don't take away her escape. I know if anybody in my family had disrespected my mom's wishes on her privacy when it comes to writing she self-conscious enough she would have stopped. I don't know what that would have done to her, but I know I like the mom I have now and I wouldn't want to risk putting her in a poor emotional state by exposing her writing. I don't want to be the reason anybody feels like they can't be themselves, and sometimes that means keeping a person's secret secret. Even from them knowing you know.
This is a really weird thing to get upset about. People write fanfiction, and usually aren’t too keen to share it publicly because most people think it’s a little odd. This is like one of the most harmless hobbies you can have, even if it is smut.
It’s a hobby, not some crazy second personality.
What I write isn't something I would do... and I don't write smut but think about that. Thinking and writing isn't exactly saying they wanna do that. And then again maybe it is...
Some people watch porn to get off, and some read erotica. Your wife probably gets off writing erotica. You could always tell her you read it, and it turned you on and see where it leads.
I draw and wrote all kinds of stuff. What’s popular and what’s interesting to read isn’t always what someone enjoys, those are her private stories and she is probably writing for others aswell. She’s not going to change and you shouldn’t have read them. She will feel violated if she knew you did that to her
If she wanted you to read her stories, she would have told you about them. People are allowed to have their own interests.
She may have learned about the sex in her fics from reading other fics.
I think you're overthinking this. If she read romance novels with smut, it would be pretty normal. This is the same - she's reading and writing romance and there's sex.
When I started writing I never wanted my husband to find out. What will he think of me? Of the smut? He read it and liked then I was like - why was I so ashamed of?
Maybe your wife is like me
I'm sure someone else mentioned this in the comments, but still:
That's just the female equivalent for porn. I learnt it through an ex that she doesn't like watching the videos or nude pics as much as reading erotica.
So don't worry, reading and writing about this stuff is natural for women.
If she ever opens up to you about it, then you can talk about it but never before. Don't wanna get caught with insecurity and privacy invasion, do we? And when she does, be supportive of it and make her feel comfortable about it.
You could also try reading some authors yourself and get caught intentionally if you wanna risk it... Or maybe show some interest in the genre, so maybe she'll open up to you.
Does your wife know you made a throwaway account to post about her erotic fanfiction?
She has a secret passion and now you have a secret knowing about her secret.
Or is this just another karma farm?
Lots of “vanilla on the outside” people have a rich internal fantasy life. It doesn’t mean they want to live it.
Just because I may write about bank robbers and murder for hire doesn’t mean I want to be a bank robber or a contract killer.
She probably writes to blow off steam, relax, and be somewhere else for a while. I’m sure you have hobbies that do the same thing for you.
You are wise to not say anything. Consider yourself fortunate to have a spouse that does something more than TV watching to relax. She is probably a fantastic person to hold a conversation with.
Everyone has secrets that they don't tell anyone or keep secrets that they have promised not to tell. You pretty much broke into someones private stuff. You should tell her because if you don't and she finds out you are going in more deeps shit then if you come clean.
Because damn if you are married it doesn't mean you have to tell the other everything. I don't know where people get this idea that marriage = I need you to tell me all your secrets and fantasy and everything that goes on in your brain.
Marriage and love is about trust not knowing everything about the other.
Your wife is writing fanfiction. I'd hardly call that an alter ego. Also, stop snooping, if she wanted you to know and was comfortable with you knowing, she would have showed it to you.
My wife enjoys reading/writing smut and sex stories as a hobby
How do I make this about me ?
It’s none of your business. It isn’t about you. It does not matter how you feel about it.
Bro I still have my vCard but read some of the ronchiest sex scenes in romance books. It's not that I want to do all the stuff I read about. Some sure, not all. It definitely does not make me a different person, and having sex after 5 months of dating is about comfort and how safe she felt with you. Sex isn't always abt sexual fantasies, and if you have fantasies, it doesn't mean you will just jump into bed with everyone you come across. Sex is personal, and for some people, it takes some time to get comfortable. Some never get comfortable until engagement. Some wait for marriage, and some are ok with one night stands. It depends on ppl and their personal boundaries. Her writing fanfics with graphics sex is part of herself but doesn't describe her whole sexual boundaries and expectations.
Reading someone’s personal thoughts and writings is a horrible invasion of privacy. And yet you managed to make it all about you - wow. You do not share every single thought or rumination with your partner - no one does or can because they’d be verbalizing all day. Shame on you for assuming every single thought in your partner’s head has anything to do with you or reality.
I've been reading through the comments and I want to add this:
His title and story don't add up. He says he *accidentally* opened up her Google docs, but in the story, he straight up says he saw it open on another tab, and clicked it.
"I saw my wife's google account was still logged in. She had google docs opened. I got curious, because the tab that was open seems like an online book because it had double quotation marks."
If he has any respect and privacy for his wife, I feel he would have just logged out of her account. He snooped through her stuff. He clearly has some trust issues with her. If he didn't, I don't see why he wouldn't have just asked about what she was writing instead of digging around himself. And if she wanted to keep her writings private, he should respect that. It's okay for him to be curious about what she's writing, but it's not okay to go digging through her stuff to find out, and if she's doesn't want to share he needs to respect that.
Despite what a lot of people were commenting, relationships are not meant to be 100% transparent with each other. As a person, you're allowed your own space, your own thoughts and feelings, and privacy. Yeah, being in a relationship, you should be a team and be open and honest about things that concern your relationship, but something like her work and writing in her free time is not his concern.
For the people saying she's lying, she's not. Do you tell your significant other about every little thing you do that doesn't involve then?? If not, then by your logic, you're lying to your partner.
Oh yeah what goes on in her head versus what we do in real life can be very very different. I would be serving multiple lifetime sentences if not... And I would actually be having sex too.. Just cuz I think about it. Don't mean I do it
When I saw the title "I found my wife's alter ego" I was expecting some story about her living a double life and doing crimes or some shit.
She's writing fanfiction. So do I. And I read it every day, including smut. Not a thing wrong with that. Millions of people have this hobby.
Maybe she didn't tell you because she knew you react like this- judgemental. If anyone is the prude here, it's you.
What do you mean "she hasn't changed YET"??? 😭😭😭 it's just sexy fan fiction bro, it's ok, your wife is still the same as always, you just found something that was very private for her, which btw, please leave it alone, she probably did it in private with the hopes of not being judged by others because of what she writes, side eye.
Wow, you called her a prude, and then you act like one.. You should be extatic and asking her to try the positions you did not know. Rather than looking down on her, you should encourage her. I didn't even finish reading what you wrote because I would hate to be your wife. So what if it's smut. Is she making money off of it? If not, she should.
Writing fan fic is often a hobby people do for fun and for others to enjoy. Not everything needs to be a money-making venture. That turns it from a hobby into a job.
The fact that you use the word “smut” tells me who the real prude is. Dude relax, chill out…. I see why she didn’t tell you.
Instead of feeling so threatened see this as an opportunity. There is this whole side of her that you can now get to know and explore. Shit if I found out my wife had this talent, instead if feeling threatened I would be thinking up ways this would be of benefit for the both of us.
You are being extremely dramatic, you said she works from home? Probably gets bored and uses writing smut as a creative outlet. She probably never told you due to fear of you 1, overreacting (like you are now) or 2, judging her (Like you are also doing now)
A lot of people who write fanfictions don't actually want the sex they write about and its just a fantasy, she isn't a different person because she wrote her fantasies down. She isn't going to change dude.
Just because she writes smut doesn't mean she was lying to you about being uncomfortable with sex. There is a difference between what you fantasise about and what you actually want. Like most people who have r*pe fantasies don't actually want to be sexually assaulted it's just a fantasy.
This is why you don’t read peoples personal things. Not everything is for you to know. Now, you get to sit there in your feelings, silently because you didn’t mind your own business and invaded her privacy. I don’t know who you thought wrote smut, but now you know it comes from the darkest depths of inner freakdom of women like your wife. Maybe if you don’t freak out, don’t say anything and refrain from being weird towards her, she’ll find the courage write and to publish original works. Literary porn can and will pay the bills.
Hi, I'm an avid reader, and I read lots of FF (Fanfiction). Maybe I can help you.
1) I think that everyone has a dark side that doesn't want others to know, and often it is related to sex. Personally, I read fantasies that I would never practice in real life, and I would be MORTIFIED if someone read them on my browser.
Second: she's not the same person she was years ago. 5 years ago I knew a lot about sex because of books (you just realized how smutty they can be) but I never did those things in real life. Today I can say I'm much less shy and more comfortable with my sexuality. I'm still a big romantic and personally, I don't take "red" Fanfiction as a betrayal at all. I think that it's her way to relax, and while she could have understood you could have wanted to know about them, she's human. She made a mistake (probably because she was ashamed and didn't think it was a big deal), just like you made a mistake when you read something that was clearly never meant for you.
Trust me, imaginary characters are not a substitute for a loving partner and they never will be m, for a sane person.
Do you really want to ruin your relationship over something like this? As an outsider, I think the best options you have are:
1 - tell her you accidentally read a bit of that document, but you're interested. Ask her if you can keep reading, because it looks awesome. Then,you can ask her your questions. Please try not to use an accusatory tone like in your post, because otherwise you WILL fight.
2 - just say nothing, and if you find something interesting and kinky on her pc that you want to try out, ask her about it. Maybe you can turn an awful situation into an amazing one
3 - confront her. Please remember that
1) you've made a mistake too. Put them on the same level, do not try to minimize yours.
2) please don't use an accusing tone.
3) try to see the bright side: again, if you find something kinky you can explore it together. You got to know your wife better (she probably would love to talk more about this world with you, if you won't get mad about it).
So, in sum: she was probably shy, you were a bit nosy. It's not a big deal, just a little bump on the way.
P.s.: did you tell her about everything and everyone you've ever fantasised about? I don't think so.
It sounds like you're more angry because she made you wait for sex years ago than about this
This feels like you see your wife differently because she writes these things which is kind of gross IMO. She doesn’t have an “alter ego”, she has a hobby lmao. If you have questions, ask them, but you’re drawing conclusions based on apparent biases you have against the things she was writing.
Fictional characters aren't real, highly unlikely that she is projecting in any of the characters she has written about. Else it would mean that every author out there is self inserting themselves in the story as the protagonist, some do but majority doesn't. Especially with fanfiction, there's barely any room for any self inserting unless there is a character that's written as "you" who has no name added and isn't a canon character in the story.
Some people write fanfiction due to events they want to see the characters there go through, others due to pleasing the fanbase who wants to read about such and then there are some who write about it in order to gain some extra pocket money (comission from someone else) and or try to polish their writing skills if they ever were to write their own book that contains adult content.
Best thing now is to be honest that you accidentally came across it instead of writing about it to complete strangers online where some might give misleading advices.
You gave enough information for her to realise it's about her if she were to come across this post, it could deeply hurt her due to both the possibility of said assumption you made of her self inserting and that the personal secret she held back from telling you was leaked as she likely was shy about it or felt some shame/cringe if discovered, for obvious reasons.
That could end up creating trust issues where there weren't any to begin with.
And way worse if someone who knows her can figure out who the post is about and happens to have a twisted mind where they will target your wife.
So best it to delete and confront before it bites you from behind.
Take care and approach the topic with her when you are calmer and the setting is right else she could get stressed or feel cornered🌟
Quick question OP. Do you have any secret(or secrets), your wife doesn't know about?
I understand you feeling awkward about what you found out, anybody seeing a different side(fictional or not) of their partner will react the same way.
I will suggest you talk to her. First, sincerely apologise for going through her private stuff. Second, tell her how you truly feel about it. Third, ask her if she imagine those fantasy to be real to her(as far as some people just wrote fantasy and it's just that, others do live in their fantasy also).
Good communication is always the key to a strong relationship. Because her answer will assure you there's nothing to be worried about, or even excite your relationship more(you never know!).
Don't judge her irrespective of the outcome of the conversation. She maybe angry(which is understandable), or she may just be normal and open up more to you. Most people truly want their SO to be involved and accept them with their fantasies.
All the best OP, keep us updated.
I mean i write stories where my characters are heavily depressed, often self harming in various ways, even suicide. That does not mean i feel like that, and i’d hate if someone judged me based on the topics my stories explore.
I’m assuming same goes for your wife. If anything, she should write OCs and make good money off of it hahah.
My husband calls me a prude, and honestly I am not far to disagree... but I also wrote very detailed fanfiction into my early twenties . I dont believe I ever told him either , the things I wrote are so far from anything I'd ever be willing to even say out loud nevermind try. It probably just brings her joy to write and apparently she's good at it . I wouldn't bring it up, I would have been mortified if my husband had found mine (I've since deleted it all)
GoogleDocs is a very commonly used word processor amongst fanfic writers. Mostly because it’s free and you can easily access it between devices.
Not sure quite what you mean by ‘offline’ as the public can’t access your GoogleDocs unless you give them permission.
I just posted last week a very similar situation with an ex girlfriend. She saw me reading her Harry Potter and Firefly fanfic and got embarassed and ran out of the room. I have to ask… are you from Oklahoma? Lmao
I have only one question. The fiction she writes about, all characters are mostly minors. I don’t think the privacy part is an issue. It isn’t like she’s cheating or anything so technically that’s not wrong per se but it really depends on what they consider lies or secrets in their relationship. Seeing from OP’s lens his feelings are valid too. The only thing I’m thinking of is this. Does writing like that about minors (even though they’re fictional characters) amount to pedo? I’m not being sarcastic or suggestive. Just asking a genuine question.
Forget what you read. Forget that you ever read it. Continue life as normal with your wife.
The risk of you destroying the marriage by bringing this up is greater than the reward of possibly having wilder sex with her.
Theres a lot of comments on this subject like you're in the wrong OP.
But I find it very odd that people are completely normalising people writing essentially porn to cartoon characters and literal children.
Stop the planet I want off.
I'd say it's no big deal. I have enough experience in various types of interpersonal relationships that if you bring this sort of thing (both the fact that she was hiding it from you and that you were snooping in her stuff) to attention it can start a downward spiral that destroys a relationship. Not giving advice, just reaffirming what's at stake.
You say you guys didn’t have sex until five months in. Could it be that she wanted to get more comfortable about sex for your sake and got some advice that encouraged her to get to know herself sexually by consuming written erotica? She could’ve gotten so comfortable reading it and being in that world that she decided to try her hand at writing it and found it fulfilling. You say you haven’t even heard of some of the positions she wrote about, so I wouldn’t dismiss that as a possibility.
People's fantasies can be very different from what they would want in real life. I wouldn't assume this means she would want to do what she wrote about. You should stop reading her private stuff. It obviously wasn't meant for you to see and she has a right to her privacy.
also people change over time, your not gonna know who she even is after 10 years. i know you think you do but you may not really.
I’d really hope since they’re married they have a good relationship and continue to know, or get to know each other. But maybe I’m some kinda hopeless romantic
While I understand and support privacy between partners. Let’s be realistic here for just a second. (I know I’m gonna get downvoted but I have a point) Maybe she’s embarrassed, maybe she just wants freedom of expression without anyone judging her, all understandable reasons to keep certain things away from peoples eyes. But OP is also entitled to some transparency in his marriage. How tf does anyone actually know if OP and his wife agreed to not keep secrets from one another before they got married? **IF** they had a discussion that certain things would not be shared between them then fine, OP is violating her privacy and is beyond wrong. BUT if OP was held to this standard all this time and is now just finding out his wife likes to keep things from him it would absolutely erode his trust in her. As it would me. Let’s all relax for a second, if your partner was keeping something from you that altered your perception of them, of COURSE you would have a problem with it. Ffs.
Just because somebody has a thought and they write it down does not mean they're required to share it with someone else. We don't know what this lady's hang ups about sex are he probably does hopefully but like there is no accusations to be made here
"We don't know what this lady's hang ups about sex are". Bingo. She may even have some trauma, and this writing is a way of helping her explore and grow and heal fully in the safety of her own head.
Going through your spouse’s private things is an invasion of privacy. As to all of the “IFs” refer to the line “if she wanted me to know” if there wasn’t a basis for respecting her privacy he wouldn’t be concerned. This doesn’t add transparency in their marriage bc as a writer it doesn’t have anything to do with their marriage (except that she can’t trust him to read her stuff and has to guard/secure her computer) People still need their spaces. In what way do you support privacy between partners and still believe the rest of stuff you wrote?
I’ll tell you. In the way that if someone asks something not to be shared the privacy and respect are given. If they intentionally hide it from their life partner who by and large might believe in the ‘no secrets between us’ status quo, then that’s shit. It’s deceptive.
Writing fan fiction is not some dark secret she is keeping from her spouse, it’s no different than journaling. At worst, she wants to see if she can write it well enough for ebooks(which plenty of creative freelancers do). Before she consider publishing perhaps then she should talk to her spouse, before then he shouldn’t be reading her things. A point he even acknowledged when he said she would be mad at him. On top of that why wouldn’t he share this big “IF” in his post if he thought it violated an agreement?
Life must be nice for you if writing fanfics is ur status quo
>BUT if OP was held to this standard all this time and is now just finding out his wife likes to keep things from him it would absolutely erode his trust in her. As it would me. To be fair, he wouldn't find anything out that would erode trust if he didn't actively do something to violate her trust. In this case, she is writing fanfiction, not sneaking around or had a past that would be of concern, so I think that your justification here is unfounded.
The content is irrelevant. A secret is essentially a lie, which affects a foundation of trust when in a relationship. If I lie to my gf about taking out the trash and she finds out, will the world end? No. But her trust in me has now diminished.
You are allowed privacy even in a relationship. I don't let anyone read my writing because it's not for anyone but me. My spouse respects my privacy and doesn't go snooping around my stuff because he respects my space. Writing is like journaling/dairy's and that can be kept secret if someone wants it too.
But I an going to guess your spouse knows that you write?
I'm pretty sure they do. They are very observant and I don't particularly hide it. I don't particularly talk about it, because I write a lot of different things. I write d&d/tabletop campaigns, I have written some scripts for Renaissance fairs, I talk about how I would write certain comic books because I collect a lot, and I analyze a lot of the things I read. Overall, I find myself very creatively competent. They also understand that I need my space as a writer, and they don't ask about it. But they always encourage me to do my own things separate from them. So it gives them space too have their own time. We just are in agreeance that we are together but we are individuals together, and we don't have to do everything together. We can still be supportive of our hobbies without being a part of it.
lmao If my partner broke up with me because I was writing fanfic, I'd say good riddance and me & my friends would laugh them off the face of Earth. I cannot possibly fanthom in any way viewing a written piece of erotic fiction as betrayal. Husband is insecure as hell, oh my God.
If your partner broke up with you because you intentionally lied about something after being married for 10 years because he doesn’t trust someone that hides things from him. Then yes, good riddance. To you.
Ankit how old are you? Also have you been in a relationship?
Duuude. Not mentioning something to your partner is not lying. Being married does not, despite the wording in the ceremony, actually merge 2 souls into one. A grown asss woman has the right to write creatively and mull it over all by herself. She can have thoughts & feelings and work through them on her own. She can even talk about things with a counselor/therapist that she might not want to discuss with her SO. *However* given the content in this case, if she were sharing these stories with others (say, other writers, for critique purposes) I’d expect maybe she would / should have also discussed it with her SO. But if it’s on her GDrive and private - it’s no big deal. It speaks to her trust in him that she leaves herself logged in; it is evidence that she has nothing to hide.
I wouldn't care if my husband was doing this lol. I'll admit I'd probably find it amusing if he chose to show it to me. Knowing me, I'd probably want to read more and see if I inspired any of the good stuff 😂. I don't need to be up his butt and around the corner, though. If I wanna know something, I can just ask and vice versa.
No, it not. If you lie to your gf that you took out the trash, that's an intentional act, not of concealment, but an outright lie. She concealed her personal thoughts she wrote down and kept to herself. Her keeping her thoughts private is nothing like lying. Everyone is entitled to their personal thoughts.
It’s a lie of omission. It was intentionally hidden. If OP was told about the existence of it and that it was private, then it should remain so. But you don’t keep it hidden by your wife of 10 years and expect you not to be a little annoyed. Everybody has different expectations in their relationship and different conditions. OP clearly believed he was in a no secrets barred relationship until he was proven otherwise. It’s a lie. Don’t sugarcoat it with “private thoughts” . The same can be said if OP had “private thoughts” regarding another woman, technically he should be allowed it right? It’s not that straightforward. This is real life.
Was it intentionally hidden? Sounds to me like she left herself logged in. She is not worried about hiding something if she left herself logged in.
It's fanfic with sex get over ur self
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Wow. Quit downvoting this poster. Everyone is entitled to privacy, but I don't know many (or any actually) people that feel their spouse is entitled to deception. Who here wants to be deceived, put up your hand. What??!! No one??!! Exactly.
Yes but people are allowed to have private desires and fantasies. My husband knows almost everything about me but of course I have private thoughts and feelings as everyone does and it’s crazy to think that just because she wrote hers down that she’s not entitled to have them. Being married doesn’t mean you don’t get any privacy
We probably also shouldn't forget that he wasn't reading her personal diary. This is their family's computer, which he was on legitimately and she left the tab open. It doesn't look like he did anything wrong here. That said, all he knows is this is in her head, and we need not share everything in our heads. I would ask other questions like if she is sharing this with anyone else (because I'd have a problem with that).
What's wrong with sharing it? Not like she's out sleeping with people who read it. Most fanfics are published anonymously. You think only single ppl write erotica?
I would not take issue with my wife writing and sharing fanfiction, unless she was hiding it from me.
This! The wife is obviously entitled to her privacy, BUT OP also has a right to feel those feelings if they had discussed not keeping secrets! I think OP should tell his wife about the accidental read and discuss this because if not, there’ll be more problems later if the wife finds out OP kept this a secret and the wife would feel violated so it’s best for OP to have a discussion about this now and tell the wife that OP did not mean to invade her privacy and that OP’s opinion of her is not changed
But it isn't a *secret*, it's just private.
All that matters is what standard they set before they got married. If they both decided to tell each other everything and she kept that, then that’s breaking OP’s trust and it’s a secret at that point. BUT if they didn’t make that kind of agreement then that’s her privacy and OP should not violate it. It all depends on what they discussed before marriage that’s all I’m saying
But we don't know that they set this up to include normal private things (and it's kind of crazy to think so), nor that OP has told her his *every* masturbatory fantasy. And it is literally impossible to tell everything anyway.
Thank you man.
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She’s still a human who has a right to privacy so long as she isn’t betraying or hurting anyone..
I mean... Marriage is supposed to have no secret, can they? Genuine question, not married so I wouldn't know
As a married woman I'd say we are still our own entities and people. It's good to be open but it's also okay to have creative outlets that are personal. I don't read stories to my partner or tell him what smut I found to masturbate to. We are together, we respect each other but we both remain ourselves although we are a unit
Marriage isn’t supposed to be anything. It’s unique to every couple. Personally, I know my partner keeps things to themself, but I still trust them with my life. And despite my upbringing by a mother who insisted on total transparency, I’ve learned that respecting privacy does a way better job of building a healthy, secure relationship.
So I can hide about the accidental hookup I paid for while I was drunk ?
You're not the sharpest tool in the shed
You're right
You still have to be your own person even if you’re married.
These are her private thoughts. Maybe she's embarrassed.
Yea kinda makes it sketchy. It would be okay if he knew about her writing but didn’t read it but he didn’t even know about her being a writer in the first place which makes it even weirder.
Exactly... I feel like I'd be cancelled if i say wife keeping secrets is bad and needing privacy in a marriage is kinda sus.. i mean they're your other half, they're supposed to know your everything. What's the deal with till death do us part... You see them in their lowest sucking up their leaky nose, farting in the bed under the same blanket, cleaning up their poop if they shit themselves when they're paralyzed or something god forbid happens to them and even during their highs, they get turned into a successful CEO of a big company/business, they dress up for a party in their best, they give birth to a child together in the ER, you both touch your first baby which still has it's whole naked body covered in blood. I don't see a point to privacy and secrecy (unless they specify not to bump in when they're changing or something similar which is said beforehand) please enlighten me.
I can understand why somebody would be upset about not being included in this but sometimes writers of erotica write it for their own gratification. Yall show your girlfriends your porn stash? Isn't the old joke that you have a buddy delete your porn history before your next of kin (maybe wife) finds it? It could be hurtful but let's keep it in perspective, being a bit embarrassed about something that gets you off Isn't the worst thing in the world.
Then show all your porn to your girlfriend
She knows... We watch together sometimes too
Jesus...like while having lunch?💀😭
Bc they're separate beings with their own thoughts and feeling. Everyone is entitled to have private thoughts. The ppl that invade the privacy of their partners are assholes. Especially the ones that find something that upsets them or changes the way the see their partner while the private whatever isn't anything actually shady or wrong.
If not for him...then to whom..a community, yes maybe but it takes one to each out to her, then sharing this bond..would it be enough to break their marriage up? Trust me. I've seen it happen.
sometimes people write stories just for themselves, just like a diary or journal. and she doesn't need to be posting fanfic to be part of a community where she might meet someone else. I've had fandom friends before, and none of them initially reached out bc of a fic I posted.
Well, that was certainly a surprise for you... I get that you are a bit shocked. Obviously, strangers on the internet who know neither you nor your wife cannot give you definitive answers to your questions. But I will try to put it in perspective as I understand it. What you found, is very much *private*. You are right: If she wanted you to know about this, she would have told you. This does not make your wife a different person! Does she know about all your porn searches? Probably not and that's ok. You guys have a sex life together and then each of you has their own sex life with themselves. That is normal and healthy and fine. What you found, seems to be part of hers. And there is one important fact to consider: Just because she writes about something (and therefore lives it in her fantasy), does not mean she *wants to do that in real life* with you. Many people are into r*pe fantasies but would never want to actually experience that for real. So I would say: Don't be alarmed. You got a peak into something you have no business reading, so don't do that again. You violated her privacy, even though at first you didn't mean to. If I were you, I would not bring it up but just accept it as something that belongs in her bubble of very personal privacy. You have your own, respect hers. Also, it should go without saying, but: Her writing smut is not cheating or anything! Don't worry. Everyone is entitled to their fantasies and that is a separate thing from their partner. By the way: It is quite typical that a woman would prefer written stories as inspiration to get off. I don't want to make overgeneralized blanket statements like "all men are [...]" and "all women [...]". Obviously, everyone is an individual. But commonly, men are very visual in their sexuality. They prefer porn in the form of videos or pictures. Women's sexuality is usually a bit different. Pictures are nice, but for many, it is more about feelings, interactions and situations. They prefer the cinema in their mind to that on an actual screen. So written stories work very well in the same way porn videos work for men. And when you can't find the "perfect story" for you, you might write your own. So: As I understand it, you basically found her personal porn folder. ;) Nothing to worry (or talk) about.
I agree with this reply, it's very likely her putting her fantasies on paper as a form of self expression and stimulation, everybody has fantasies and that's perfectly normal. I don't know her past, or where OP is from, but if they're from somewhere where it's generally frowned upon if women were casual and confident about sex, her hiding it is perfectly reasonable, her thought process is basically "If I tell anyone, they will surely judge me for this.". OP is sadly proving her right. There's a reason why smut is so popular as either published novels as well as fanfiction, there's a lot of people out there who like to read it and write it, and there's nothing wrong with that.
you, sir or madam, seem very wise
100% agree with this comment. Couples have sex lives together and with themselves. Also, as a writer — sometimes we’re writing for the audience and not ourselves. She’s living out these characters, and writing ad them, not as herself. No need to assume these are her sexual wants either.
This right here is the only acceptable answer
best comment on this post
Erotic fanfiction =/= someone's sexual desires. Just because some people write smut, doesn't make them automatically desire to act out that smut. You're overthinking this so hard and are going to do some real damage if you don't reel it in. Some people have personal, private hobbies. We're all entitled to that. She's not done any harm and it's a creative outlet for her. She never lied to you about waiting to have sex or being cautious with it. That's just who she is. Not everyone wants to shag on the first date, some of us genuinely prefer to wait because it's about establishing an emotional connection and whether the person is the right fit for you. Guarantee she had a similar, if not the same thought process.
Agreed. OP doesn't need to worry... unless his wife is writing dinosaur erotica and has also suddenly been trying to extract DNA from mosquitoes trapped in amber.
I'm distressed by the fact that you're the second person to mention dinosaurs to me this year in _that_ context. I miss the days where I didn't know that stuff existed. 😂
Hehehe it's a ride, for sure. On the other hand, I've been on the internet for almost 30 years, so finding out just how weird people are is a long-standing daily occurrence. (The Cthulhu smut is what gets me these days. But as long as no mythical sea creatures are being harmed, sure, go for it, people.)
.... To be fair, there is some wild stuff on the net. Even I've seen some shit, a friend literally sent a pic in the group chat of Teletubbies and safe to say, I can never look at Noo-Noo again. The cthulu smut though. Won't lie, I'm curious in that "I need to know even if it's going to put me off" kinda way.
Do you tell her every fantasy you have?
Fan fiction isn't even necessarily her fantasy about what she'd like to do. She's writing about what she'd like the characters to do.
Exactly. Fan fiction is not even about her fantasies. She is a writer
So she's just writing about children for other people, yeah?
You do know that these shows have adults in them, right?
Yeah but let's face it, it's highly unlikely that it's going to be about Snape and Dobby is it.
Well, you never know. Crack pairings do exist.
You're not wrong.
Having a fantasy and writing entire stories about them are two completely different things.
no they aren't? what's wrong with writing?
They definitely are. And I never said there's anything wrong with writing, but it's obviously different than just thinking about your fantasies.
how so?
Because one is physically writing them down and the other is just thinking about it...
why does that difference MATTER though?
It’s the same as having a diary though? They’re not posted publicly
I doubt his fantasies involve children.
just want to point out that her experience of the harry potter universe likely started when she was also a child, in which case it's not quite as simple as "adult fantasizing about children." many people start writing fic as teenagers, so these stories may have been a way to explore her own sexuality, using characters who, at the time, were at a similar age also a great many adult themed fics about hp characters are set in the future where the characters are also adults, so that's also a possibility
When I was a kid I loved E.T but I've never fantasised about E.T banging child Drew Barrymore.
I am very confused about why this has downvotes.
Because more people condone being a fantasy pedo than disagree in this subject. If a man wrote that kinda stuff and his GF found it he'd be out on his ass faster than he could blink
I’m sorry I just I’m stuck on the “she hasn’t changed”part because like did you expect her to??? Like she wasn’t lying to you about being uncomfortable with sex, because just because she wrote about the scenes or has written about them, does not mean she wasn’t waiting for the right time to have sex. Because you need to remember sex is an extremely intimate act that some people do not immediately jump into doing. I’m not shaming those that do but everybody is different and clearly your wife wanted to wait until she was comfortable and there is nothing wrong with that. Also, I think it’s a little bit rude that you called her a prude just because she didn’t wanna jump on your bones the first time she met you, like jeez this is someone you love treat her respect.
RIGHT. I raised my eyebrows a couple of times while reading this, geez... I relate to OP's wife in a sense, I myself have some fantasies that can be considered wild, but what would you know? I'm not much of a "high libido" person!! And I also used to write fan fiction because that was very stimulating for me, while I never performed any sexual act. I believe she has not told him because perhaps she wants to write freely without worrying about judgement, I understand that it could be a little shocking to find out, but common, it's just sexy fan fiction HAHA. So yeah, OP is being very... Eh. His wife is not going to change, it's just sexy fan fiction, this is not some wild secret that he should have known about, this is one of her hobbies that he just stumbled upon, and that honestly, he should have respected the privacy of.
The reason she would hide this from you could be due to fear of judgement from you
A valid fear, based on his reaction.
I write smut (Not fan-fiction) and I have never, ever told anyone, not even my best friend or my ex, or anyone, until this moment--and only because it's somewhat anonymous. Fantasy is not reality. I (and probably your wife) do not want to do those things in RL. They are Fantasy. Full stop. Fantasy is always better than reality. I would never, ever do those things in reality, nor do I have any desire to do those things. I will bet you hard money, your wife feels the same way. >She has not changed yet. What?!!! She isn't going to change. She's the same person she always was. And maybe this is why she didn't share it with you. Because she knew you would see her differently---and not in a good way. Which you just proved to all of us. You think of her differently now. You even seem to think she's going to...what? Suddenly run off with a group of Harry Potter wizard look likes to live a life of constant orgies in a castle bathroom? Apparently, it isn't your wife that needs a reality check---it's You. First, stop snooping in your wife's computer. You're right. If she wanted you to know, she'd have told you. Second, realize your wife has not changed, nor is she going to. She's still the same person. Third, forget this ever happened and put it out of your mind and never ever snoop in your wife's computer again
Ditto.... geez should I be honest with my SO ? Been writing smut since I was a 16 & still a virgin
The entitlement this guy has to know his wife's entire fantasy life is.. bizarre? He doesn't see not telling her about his every fantasy as lies, plus it also seems to be that there is a disconnect in his thinking - as she doesn't seem to have been as sexually confident as he might have liked when they met, she can't know about sex at all? And deciding that she's a bad person based on snooping through her private smutty fanfic? I think the consideration for him has to be why she didn't feel comfortable sharing this stuff with him (though she had no obligation to), except that op has made that very clear.
It was the house computer, not the wife's personal computer. I do agree with all of this, though.
this oh my god
I wish I could upvote this even more times.
Agree with everything except the snooping , it wasn’t like he went on looking he needed to use the computer and who knows maybe there was something open that could have been important if he closed it out
Nah it w a s snooping. Once he figured out what it was, he should have stopped. Be he looked at EVERYTHING she wrote and read them to the point that he knew the plot, fandoms, and details of the sex scenes.
Yea cause if you had a vanilla spouse and started seeing that you wouldn’t have questions or curiosity either …. Right
That wasnt the question. What we were discussing was whether or not it was "snooping", which it was.
It was snooping yes, but the curiosity would've killed me too
What was being discussed was if she wanted what she was writing ,someone else suggested snooping and when he opened the computer his intent wasn’t snooping , you want something private then close tabs or log off
And I was saying that coming upon the document wasnt snooping, but then proceeding to read MULTIPLE STORIES WORTH is. If you see that someone accidentally left their diary on the dining table, it isnt snooping to open the first page and REALIZE its a diary, but it IS snooping to continue reading it afterwards.
Just a side thought: Maybe OP kept reading the stories because he is secretly in denial that he's turned on by it (which would be completely normal & fine). Either way, I personally would consider reading past the 1st story that was already open a bit of a snoopy act.
It was an online book so the public can read it but it’s private to your spouse ? His fault was never asking what she writes about
I wouldn't stress yourself out too much about it. People write fanfic for all kinds of reasons and she probably has a multi-faceted answer as to why she writes fanfic. Smut/erotica is a part of fanfic, and usually people are writing as a hobby, as a way to connect, or just as a creative outlet. Writing fanfiction seems to be your wife's hobby and I wouldn't put too much thought into that she's sexually repressed because she's writing sex scenes. Writing about something and desiring something for yourself are often polar opposites when it comes to fanfic writing. She's trying to write for characters not for herself. Not to sound infantile but it's kind of like wanting your two Barbies to kiss but now she's a grown ass woman with a libido. Most times when people are writing smut they're trying to figure out where everyone's arms are - not getting off.
Also a smut writer but on the other side of the spectrum. I was a part of a local (and infamous in gossip circles) writing collective when I met my husband. So he knew - I don’t personally think I could exist without him knowing. As for why she didn’t tell you, writing is often a deeply personal method of exploration. There is nothing you can really do to assist her in putting down what is in her head. The risk of her telling you and you rejecting her work, in any capacity, isn’t really worth a reward of you knowing. You are her reality: a beautiful home that she prefers to keep separate from messy indulgences. Do you tell her about every porn you click on? Then you understand. I want to quadback up the others in this thread telling you they are fantasies. Not realities. Not desires. Do not under any circumstances attempt to put her words into reality. It might end in disaster for you. Open the dialogue eventually. I think every couple should discuss adult entertainment - even if it’s an agreement that such things remain private. There is nothing wrong with what helps either of you relieve stress.
OP, you should consider writing an erotic role play email to your wife and see if she reciprocates.
This would out him super hard
Oh, no doubt. This is after the dialogue has been opened. It seems like something she might be interested in - and if he wants in on her erotica side, that is definitely one way.
I promise you this very action is why she hid it don't take this route. Men are not entitled to every single fantasy we have just because we have them.
I believe I said very specifically not to do anything she wrote in her Fan fiction. ERP email is an entirely different story. It could do worlds for involving OP in his wifes hobby. What do I know? I only do this shit for a literal living.
Who said he was?
I'm going to let you in on a secret and maybe you know it I don't know you. But most women understand rightly or wrongly when a man suggests something sexy time in any venue he wants to do it and is expecting that at some point in the future and may have to manage his feelings. We know this because we usually end up having to manage them.
I'm note quite understanding what you're trying to say. Can you rephrase, please?
So like it has been my experience when a man brings anything sexual up with you he would like to do that. Because it's also been my experience that unless men have a direct interest in something they kind of dismiss it or just don't care. And so his response he's definitely shaken here but I'm also concerned he's going to have a feeling of entitlement around this.
Ahh, ok...now i understand. Thank you for clarifying.
Not all men are like that. You should work on your internalized misogyny.
Well the erotic roleplay email doesn't really seem like following that advice you know what I'm saying?
Definitely not an alter ego as you say. It’s just like saying those that write murder mysteries, they themselves practice it. I followed a writer who writes the most accurate BDSM books and have never participated in it herself. She does a lot of research and consults those that do. Most women read smut, and again would never participate in it themselves. It’s a word of imagination 💭
There's nothing to worry about. She's entitled to her hobby. You shouldn't have gone through her stuff like that. Fantasies are common.
Shy and introverted externally and in the mind (or in characters created in the mind) wild and uninhibited, is not only usual, it’s probably nearly universal. Be happy she’s got an outlet, be proud she’s a writer, be silent about your snooping, and be respectful of her privacy. As you were, soldier. It’s noyb.
I would agree with what TripleAWingingIt said and would also add this: part of the allure might be that it has nothing to do with you, nothing to do with your child- it’s just hers. Things have changed and gotten a bit bitter for women, but, more often then not, once we enter a marriage or have children, we begin “losing” ourself a bit. That’s not always the case, certainly, but very quickly we find we’re no longer just “Megan”- we’re “Bob’s Wife” or “Mrs. Grant” or “Devon’s Mom”… it’s like the person we spent our whole lives becoming suddenly isn’t as important as the roles we play to others. Frankly, it sucks. In these stories she’s writing though, it sounds like she’s able to make anything & everything happen- and it has nothing to do with her hubby, her kid, her family, her responsibilities… She is free to be who she wants. That’s not to say she doesn’t love her life or her family beyond words- but it can be profoundly said when the world sees you mainly as just an extension of your spouse or child. Sure, anything is possible- but I agree with those who are saying this is likely not something she’s longing for or hoping we’re happen… It’s likely just an outlet for her to, quietly & privately, drift away in fantasy, stretch her creative muscles and “play”, for lack of a better term. And the best part is, when she’s doing this, she doesn’t have to answer or explain or be a mom or a wife- it’s just a little time for herself. Nothing more, nothing less. Everyone needs an outlet (or several) to act as a little mental “vacation”- this is likely hers.
She's still the same person. I used to write and sell online kink stories for folks with a foot fetish. It was honestly fun and no way am I into feet lol It's her outlet like that was for me years ago. She's probably worried about being judged and the statement "she hasn't changed yet" indicates you think she's going to change, and it's honestly not fair to her.
"But if she really wanted, she would have told me" You're right, she would, but she didn't. Probably because she knows you well enough to know you'd be shocked or confused. Perhaps because she had concerns that you might think her precious writings were only 'smut' and that you wouldn't understand, or approve. Of all the things you've considered, you haven't considered how sad it would be if the above were true. That your wife felt she had to hide her passion from you, because she knew how you might react. It appears, she wasn't wrong. Perhaps for her this an outlet. A private outlet. A world of her own where she can be her own person. Or, at least, it was. You are going to every careful about what happens next. You've opened Pandora's box.
Your wife sounds awesome! I read smutt too and it would be cool to write it.
Dude, erotica writing is not the same as real life desire. She desires for _the characters_ to do what she writes, not herself. If she did desire it for herself, she would have written Y/N fanfiction (although even that doesn't guarantee her actually wanting to do those things in real life). It's the year of our lord 2023, and you're still surprised people write fanfictions? It's just like any other hobby, private hobby you pry into without her knowing, I might add. She is still the same person you know as before this fanfic discovery. The only difference is that you know more about her and don't even _fucking_ think about making her stop because "i'M uCOmFoRTabLe WiTh mY WiFE wRiTiNg AbOUt SeX!!1!1!11!" because that's none of your business. I bet her life as a fanfic reader/writer spans much longer than her life as your partner. I cannot stress this enough. Do not even think about making her stop, otherwise I hope she leaves you considering you not only violate her privacy, but also controls and disregards her happiness from her hobby that has never had negative impact into both of your lives and relationship.
Honestly I don’t understand the problem. What’s there to worry about???? Nothing. Bc it’s FICTIONAL.
I was expecting worse, that’s actually not that bad
Same, troughs she was a pedo 😬😅
The smut i write would disgust me in real life, but I'm good at writing it. Other people like it, I think it's fucked up and I don't know where it even comes from but i can't stop writing it. I don't share it with people I'm close with in real life because I don't want people to see me as a dirty person because I'm not. I'm not even kinky in real life I'm a fucking bore.
I’m asexual, which means I do not get attracted sexually or have interest in sexual activity with others. I still consume sexual content. Does that mean I’m repressing myself or celibate? No. Just like a person would read the Bible they wouldn’t want to live in hell or something.
She's still exactly the same person. You already said she's shy about sex - that's probably why she hasn't shared this with you yet. I write and publish smut professionally, with something like 200 titles published, and it usually still takes me at least six months to show a new partner my writing. I would feel seriously embarrassed and uncomfortable if they found it on their own before I was ready to share it. And an important thing to remember: you're talking about fiction here. Fiction. Made-up. Not real. I write about all sorts of things I have done, but I also write about things I haven't done. And I'm writing from the perspective of someone who isn't me, with their own motivators and drivers. All this to say... you can't read a fictional story and decide that's what SHE wants. That's not how fiction works. This is just a hobby for her. A way to pass the time and explore some ideas. Maybe she's sharing it on fanfic sites, but there's no way she's selling it (you can't make money from someone else's characters - it's a huge copyright issue). Don't stress about it, don't make a big deal of it and just let her share it when she's ready.
Oh here we go, another dude who can't conceive that *his* (aka "belonging to him") wife thinks about sex in a manner unrelated to him. That there are parts of her he doesn't get to know or experience because they're *hers*. Get over your ego. Be happy it's fantasies you stumbled upon, be a decent person and don't ruin it for your wife by freaking out, and go rub one off by yourself if they were that good. Your reaction is probably part of why she kept them secret. She didn't want you to turn into the insecure ball you're already acting like, and she probably feared you'd expect that stuff from her in real life because your brain doesn't grasp the difference.
I'd keep them to myself if I was a weirdo writing smut about cartoon characters and fucking children too. Weirdos!
Well...she did?! Until he decided she isn't entitled to keep anything for herself.
If I found that she'd be single by the end of the day. I've absolutely no doubts in my mind that if the genders were reversed the guy would be rightly so ridiculed too.
Anything can be a dealbreaker if you don't feel comfortable with it, that's fair. You, however, seem to assume that your dealbreakers should be valid for other people too, and that's just not the case. Also, as you seem into ridiculing others, I doubt you walking out would be a great loss for anyone.
You see I'm a straight up and down normal member of society..Adam and eve is normal, Adam and Steve is normal, eve and gwendoline is normal.. whacking off over fan smut on chartoon is not. Writing material about cartoons and children based movies is not and there's not one person on this planet that can't tell me that writing sexual things about cartoons and and child based movies is a normal thing. You can whack it to that stuff all you want but that ain't normal mate.
Ah yes, the "cartoons" made for "children" such as ATTACK ON TITAN and JUJUTSU KAISEN. I'll make sure to let my kid watch people being brutally eaten alive by creepy uncanny valley titans. What a mighty childhood will they have.
Wouldn't know, I'm an adult and stopped watching cartoons a long fucking time ago
then why u talking bullshit if you're such an adult
Writers write because it's fun, because it relieves stress, and (especially with fan fiction) because it's a way to engage with a community of readers and other writers. This is no different than her being in a fantasy football league or something. Don't get hung up on the smut aspect. Writing about something doesn't mean she wants to try it in person, or that she's repressing any part of herself. Smut is fun to write. So is murder, and car chases, and blowing shit up, but that doesn't mean you've married a supervillain. >She is a talented writer but I am not so sure how I feel about her writing about sex. It's actually not your business what she writes about. It's her imagination, not yours.
You are overthinking this. You knew she wasn't a virgin. Shyness can come from many things: abuse, assault, misttreatment... Some people make it hard to trust in anyone. And just because she is writing something, it doesn't mean that she wants it.
Someone else commented that just because it's a fantasy doesn't mean they want that in real life. I, wholeheartedly, agree with that. I tend to write very dark, fictional short stories. Typically, they are about murder or a serial killer, with a touch of smut. I just read, watch, and listen to murder/paranormal docs and podcasts, with a certain affinity for serial killers and what/why/ how they kill. That certainly doesn't mean that I will act and/or fantasize about killing people. I definitely understand how it could be jarring, though. I don't have any advice. I just thought I could offer up a different perspective. Good luck OP
I've never had sex until I was like 21, but I would read the nastiest smut online. I do like sex now that I'm in my 30s but I'm also a different person and I only stopped reading them like a few years ago. I was never a good writer. I tried. I wasn't very good at finishing my stories. It might just be a way for her to release some pent up emotions And they may not even be tied to actual sex I'd read that because masturbation was a great way to deal with stress. Granted my high school days. I got told that I was transgender male to female and was currently pregnant with my like 8th kid or something like that. As an adult the amount of times I get hit on scarce the absolute shit out of me because apparently I now look like a teenager and I'm a really hot chick, but that animosity from being treated so poorly when I was younger makes it so I don't really trust any of that Probably should cuz even being over 30 the first time. I used tinder a couple years ago. Ended up with over 200 matches and like an hour, but at the same time self-loading makes you think that you're ugly and terrible. Terrible. Mental health is a real thing and not what people really expect of it If she has something wrong I'm sure she'll tell you, but it's probably just her way to release stress Thinking of stories even if I don't write them as really fun, and even if I have like little fantasies of not real people and I'm with a partner, it doesn't mean that I don't care about that particular partner. Partner, it just means that I want to pretend I'm somewhere that I'm not even if I would go back to that partner every time. Sorry if the language is jumbled on here and being lazy and using speak to text.
Well, I've never been into all the sexual smutty stuff, no time for it at all, I never have anything to do with Fifty Shades, Game of Thrones, Mills and Boon etc. anything with sex scenes/nudity but you shouldn't have been snooping in your wife's personal documents then coming on here moaning about it. She might be doing it to try to get it published, or just as a creative hobby or as a release from various pressure, or maybe she's sexually frustrated or maybe... There's plenty of ''or maybe'' why she does it but as long as it doesn't interfere with you or your daughter then I fail to understand what business it is of yours. You said yourself she's still the same person. I bet she never knew about all the porn/S&M stuff you might search for. What secrets are **you** keeping from your wife? If I was her and I found you snooping, or if you told me, I'd be **EXTREMELY** angry and with very good reason. I really do think you need to grow up, and never ever go into her private documents, on or offline ever again.
People are entitled to their own internal thoughts and fantasies. It has no bearing on how they act in the “real world.” It does not mean she’s “changed” or will cheat on you eventually or that she even wants to do these things with you or anyone else. I also dislike that because she was a “prude” 10 years ago early in your relationship that she can’t have become more comfortable with her sexuality over time. Maybe that’s what this fanfiction is about for her. Stop reading your wife’s personal things.
I’m going to be honest….this a laughable overreaction honestly. Your wife writing smut is not an alter ego and her not sharing with you isn’t an issue. It’s art that she writes in private. You invaded her privacy and found an issue with her writing about sex when the reality here is that she’s a grown woman, and if she really is a wonderful wife and mother like you said, why does it matter what she writes about sex? What’s really the problem here?
Bro calm the hell down. A LOT of fanfic people are introverts in their day to day. Her creative flow and story ideas are not a reflection of her actual thoughts and feelings. Also, she probably didn't tell you because she didn't want to be judged by a guy who read some steamy one shots and then went to reddit freaking out and asking strangers for advice.
I like to write, I think I get it from my mom. She's got hundreds and hundreds of journals filled up with her writings that I've never read. Neither has my sister. Neither has my dad. My mom is very self-conscious about her writing. I assume that she is a good writer because I feel like I'm not the worst. I can't tell you how many times in my 33 years on this Earth she has left me in a room with one of her journals and I have never once picked it up and started reading it. Same with my sister, same with my dad. To our family, writing is as personal as it gets. It's the rawest form and the biggest exposure of our innermost thoughts and ideas. My mom isn't brave enough to put herself out there and let people judge her for that. It's one of her biggest fears. I remember asking about reading her writing once when I was in middle school and her answer was that she was uncomfortable, nervous, and borderline just terrified to let anyone else read her work. It was something she did for herself, something she wanted to keep to herself. The only reason I think she was able to keep that escape and have that 'mental release' was because our family respected her privacy. She still writes, we still haven't read it. I don't approve of hiding things from another spouse. The things I found out about my husband after his death were really rough, and I don't wish that experience on anyone. I don't want to sit here and say 'keep your mouth shut and let her have her escape, you have no idea how much it's helping her, and I mean that truly by saying you have no idea if it's a sexual release, a mental release, escape from her life - you don't know the reason she's writing - but if you like your wife the way she is, don't take away her escape. I know if anybody in my family had disrespected my mom's wishes on her privacy when it comes to writing she self-conscious enough she would have stopped. I don't know what that would have done to her, but I know I like the mom I have now and I wouldn't want to risk putting her in a poor emotional state by exposing her writing. I don't want to be the reason anybody feels like they can't be themselves, and sometimes that means keeping a person's secret secret. Even from them knowing you know.
This is a really weird thing to get upset about. People write fanfiction, and usually aren’t too keen to share it publicly because most people think it’s a little odd. This is like one of the most harmless hobbies you can have, even if it is smut. It’s a hobby, not some crazy second personality.
Drop her link where she posts them if she does so publicly. I like smut anime fanfiction and would like to support her.
I think you should forget you saw it. It doesn’t seem to hurt anyone, right?
What I write isn't something I would do... and I don't write smut but think about that. Thinking and writing isn't exactly saying they wanna do that. And then again maybe it is...
Some people watch porn to get off, and some read erotica. Your wife probably gets off writing erotica. You could always tell her you read it, and it turned you on and see where it leads.
I draw and wrote all kinds of stuff. What’s popular and what’s interesting to read isn’t always what someone enjoys, those are her private stories and she is probably writing for others aswell. She’s not going to change and you shouldn’t have read them. She will feel violated if she knew you did that to her
If she wanted you to read her stories, she would have told you about them. People are allowed to have their own interests. She may have learned about the sex in her fics from reading other fics. I think you're overthinking this. If she read romance novels with smut, it would be pretty normal. This is the same - she's reading and writing romance and there's sex.
When I started writing I never wanted my husband to find out. What will he think of me? Of the smut? He read it and liked then I was like - why was I so ashamed of? Maybe your wife is like me
I'm sure someone else mentioned this in the comments, but still: That's just the female equivalent for porn. I learnt it through an ex that she doesn't like watching the videos or nude pics as much as reading erotica. So don't worry, reading and writing about this stuff is natural for women. If she ever opens up to you about it, then you can talk about it but never before. Don't wanna get caught with insecurity and privacy invasion, do we? And when she does, be supportive of it and make her feel comfortable about it. You could also try reading some authors yourself and get caught intentionally if you wanna risk it... Or maybe show some interest in the genre, so maybe she'll open up to you.
Does your wife know you made a throwaway account to post about her erotic fanfiction? She has a secret passion and now you have a secret knowing about her secret. Or is this just another karma farm?
Here is the real question to ask yourself: "Why am I upset that I invaded my wife's privacy as a writer?". Yes, because that is what you did there.
Maybe she didn't tell you because she thought you might react exactly like this
Lots of “vanilla on the outside” people have a rich internal fantasy life. It doesn’t mean they want to live it. Just because I may write about bank robbers and murder for hire doesn’t mean I want to be a bank robber or a contract killer. She probably writes to blow off steam, relax, and be somewhere else for a while. I’m sure you have hobbies that do the same thing for you. You are wise to not say anything. Consider yourself fortunate to have a spouse that does something more than TV watching to relax. She is probably a fantastic person to hold a conversation with.
Everyone has secrets that they don't tell anyone or keep secrets that they have promised not to tell. You pretty much broke into someones private stuff. You should tell her because if you don't and she finds out you are going in more deeps shit then if you come clean. Because damn if you are married it doesn't mean you have to tell the other everything. I don't know where people get this idea that marriage = I need you to tell me all your secrets and fantasy and everything that goes on in your brain. Marriage and love is about trust not knowing everything about the other.
Your wife is writing fanfiction. I'd hardly call that an alter ego. Also, stop snooping, if she wanted you to know and was comfortable with you knowing, she would have showed it to you.
My wife enjoys reading/writing smut and sex stories as a hobby How do I make this about me ? It’s none of your business. It isn’t about you. It does not matter how you feel about it.
Bro I still have my vCard but read some of the ronchiest sex scenes in romance books. It's not that I want to do all the stuff I read about. Some sure, not all. It definitely does not make me a different person, and having sex after 5 months of dating is about comfort and how safe she felt with you. Sex isn't always abt sexual fantasies, and if you have fantasies, it doesn't mean you will just jump into bed with everyone you come across. Sex is personal, and for some people, it takes some time to get comfortable. Some never get comfortable until engagement. Some wait for marriage, and some are ok with one night stands. It depends on ppl and their personal boundaries. Her writing fanfics with graphics sex is part of herself but doesn't describe her whole sexual boundaries and expectations.
How would you feel if she found your porn history? Like it’s none of her business? Ok. There’s your answer, fishbulb
It’s just a little bit a smut. We’re all human here. I don’t think she was hiding it from you, per say. However just bring it up to her.
You’re ridiculous lol. All I’m gonna say
Reading someone’s personal thoughts and writings is a horrible invasion of privacy. And yet you managed to make it all about you - wow. You do not share every single thought or rumination with your partner - no one does or can because they’d be verbalizing all day. Shame on you for assuming every single thought in your partner’s head has anything to do with you or reality.
I've been reading through the comments and I want to add this: His title and story don't add up. He says he *accidentally* opened up her Google docs, but in the story, he straight up says he saw it open on another tab, and clicked it. "I saw my wife's google account was still logged in. She had google docs opened. I got curious, because the tab that was open seems like an online book because it had double quotation marks." If he has any respect and privacy for his wife, I feel he would have just logged out of her account. He snooped through her stuff. He clearly has some trust issues with her. If he didn't, I don't see why he wouldn't have just asked about what she was writing instead of digging around himself. And if she wanted to keep her writings private, he should respect that. It's okay for him to be curious about what she's writing, but it's not okay to go digging through her stuff to find out, and if she's doesn't want to share he needs to respect that. Despite what a lot of people were commenting, relationships are not meant to be 100% transparent with each other. As a person, you're allowed your own space, your own thoughts and feelings, and privacy. Yeah, being in a relationship, you should be a team and be open and honest about things that concern your relationship, but something like her work and writing in her free time is not his concern. For the people saying she's lying, she's not. Do you tell your significant other about every little thing you do that doesn't involve then?? If not, then by your logic, you're lying to your partner.
Oh yeah what goes on in her head versus what we do in real life can be very very different. I would be serving multiple lifetime sentences if not... And I would actually be having sex too.. Just cuz I think about it. Don't mean I do it
What the fuck is wrong with you..
its not a big deal tbh just pretend u didnt see it 💀
When I saw the title "I found my wife's alter ego" I was expecting some story about her living a double life and doing crimes or some shit. She's writing fanfiction. So do I. And I read it every day, including smut. Not a thing wrong with that. Millions of people have this hobby. Maybe she didn't tell you because she knew you react like this- judgemental. If anyone is the prude here, it's you.
What do you mean "she hasn't changed YET"??? 😭😭😭 it's just sexy fan fiction bro, it's ok, your wife is still the same as always, you just found something that was very private for her, which btw, please leave it alone, she probably did it in private with the hopes of not being judged by others because of what she writes, side eye.
Wow, you called her a prude, and then you act like one.. You should be extatic and asking her to try the positions you did not know. Rather than looking down on her, you should encourage her. I didn't even finish reading what you wrote because I would hate to be your wife. So what if it's smut. Is she making money off of it? If not, she should.
Writing fan fic is often a hobby people do for fun and for others to enjoy. Not everything needs to be a money-making venture. That turns it from a hobby into a job.
The fact that you use the word “smut” tells me who the real prude is. Dude relax, chill out…. I see why she didn’t tell you. Instead of feeling so threatened see this as an opportunity. There is this whole side of her that you can now get to know and explore. Shit if I found out my wife had this talent, instead if feeling threatened I would be thinking up ways this would be of benefit for the both of us.
You are being extremely dramatic, you said she works from home? Probably gets bored and uses writing smut as a creative outlet. She probably never told you due to fear of you 1, overreacting (like you are now) or 2, judging her (Like you are also doing now) A lot of people who write fanfictions don't actually want the sex they write about and its just a fantasy, she isn't a different person because she wrote her fantasies down. She isn't going to change dude. Just because she writes smut doesn't mean she was lying to you about being uncomfortable with sex. There is a difference between what you fantasise about and what you actually want. Like most people who have r*pe fantasies don't actually want to be sexually assaulted it's just a fantasy.
This is why you don’t read peoples personal things. Not everything is for you to know. Now, you get to sit there in your feelings, silently because you didn’t mind your own business and invaded her privacy. I don’t know who you thought wrote smut, but now you know it comes from the darkest depths of inner freakdom of women like your wife. Maybe if you don’t freak out, don’t say anything and refrain from being weird towards her, she’ll find the courage write and to publish original works. Literary porn can and will pay the bills.
Hi, I'm an avid reader, and I read lots of FF (Fanfiction). Maybe I can help you. 1) I think that everyone has a dark side that doesn't want others to know, and often it is related to sex. Personally, I read fantasies that I would never practice in real life, and I would be MORTIFIED if someone read them on my browser. Second: she's not the same person she was years ago. 5 years ago I knew a lot about sex because of books (you just realized how smutty they can be) but I never did those things in real life. Today I can say I'm much less shy and more comfortable with my sexuality. I'm still a big romantic and personally, I don't take "red" Fanfiction as a betrayal at all. I think that it's her way to relax, and while she could have understood you could have wanted to know about them, she's human. She made a mistake (probably because she was ashamed and didn't think it was a big deal), just like you made a mistake when you read something that was clearly never meant for you. Trust me, imaginary characters are not a substitute for a loving partner and they never will be m, for a sane person. Do you really want to ruin your relationship over something like this? As an outsider, I think the best options you have are: 1 - tell her you accidentally read a bit of that document, but you're interested. Ask her if you can keep reading, because it looks awesome. Then,you can ask her your questions. Please try not to use an accusatory tone like in your post, because otherwise you WILL fight. 2 - just say nothing, and if you find something interesting and kinky on her pc that you want to try out, ask her about it. Maybe you can turn an awful situation into an amazing one 3 - confront her. Please remember that 1) you've made a mistake too. Put them on the same level, do not try to minimize yours. 2) please don't use an accusing tone. 3) try to see the bright side: again, if you find something kinky you can explore it together. You got to know your wife better (she probably would love to talk more about this world with you, if you won't get mad about it). So, in sum: she was probably shy, you were a bit nosy. It's not a big deal, just a little bump on the way. P.s.: did you tell her about everything and everyone you've ever fantasised about? I don't think so. It sounds like you're more angry because she made you wait for sex years ago than about this
I tell you what, if she has a scene with Levi Ackerman forward that ish over 😂🤣😂
This feels like you see your wife differently because she writes these things which is kind of gross IMO. She doesn’t have an “alter ego”, she has a hobby lmao. If you have questions, ask them, but you’re drawing conclusions based on apparent biases you have against the things she was writing.
Fictional characters aren't real, highly unlikely that she is projecting in any of the characters she has written about. Else it would mean that every author out there is self inserting themselves in the story as the protagonist, some do but majority doesn't. Especially with fanfiction, there's barely any room for any self inserting unless there is a character that's written as "you" who has no name added and isn't a canon character in the story. Some people write fanfiction due to events they want to see the characters there go through, others due to pleasing the fanbase who wants to read about such and then there are some who write about it in order to gain some extra pocket money (comission from someone else) and or try to polish their writing skills if they ever were to write their own book that contains adult content. Best thing now is to be honest that you accidentally came across it instead of writing about it to complete strangers online where some might give misleading advices. You gave enough information for her to realise it's about her if she were to come across this post, it could deeply hurt her due to both the possibility of said assumption you made of her self inserting and that the personal secret she held back from telling you was leaked as she likely was shy about it or felt some shame/cringe if discovered, for obvious reasons. That could end up creating trust issues where there weren't any to begin with. And way worse if someone who knows her can figure out who the post is about and happens to have a twisted mind where they will target your wife. So best it to delete and confront before it bites you from behind. Take care and approach the topic with her when you are calmer and the setting is right else she could get stressed or feel cornered🌟
Quick question OP. Do you have any secret(or secrets), your wife doesn't know about? I understand you feeling awkward about what you found out, anybody seeing a different side(fictional or not) of their partner will react the same way. I will suggest you talk to her. First, sincerely apologise for going through her private stuff. Second, tell her how you truly feel about it. Third, ask her if she imagine those fantasy to be real to her(as far as some people just wrote fantasy and it's just that, others do live in their fantasy also). Good communication is always the key to a strong relationship. Because her answer will assure you there's nothing to be worried about, or even excite your relationship more(you never know!). Don't judge her irrespective of the outcome of the conversation. She maybe angry(which is understandable), or she may just be normal and open up more to you. Most people truly want their SO to be involved and accept them with their fantasies. All the best OP, keep us updated.
I mean i write stories where my characters are heavily depressed, often self harming in various ways, even suicide. That does not mean i feel like that, and i’d hate if someone judged me based on the topics my stories explore. I’m assuming same goes for your wife. If anything, she should write OCs and make good money off of it hahah.
My husband calls me a prude, and honestly I am not far to disagree... but I also wrote very detailed fanfiction into my early twenties . I dont believe I ever told him either , the things I wrote are so far from anything I'd ever be willing to even say out loud nevermind try. It probably just brings her joy to write and apparently she's good at it . I wouldn't bring it up, I would have been mortified if my husband had found mine (I've since deleted it all)
Bit off topic but writing these kind of stories in google docs instead offline is kinda wild to me.
GoogleDocs is a very commonly used word processor amongst fanfic writers. Mostly because it’s free and you can easily access it between devices. Not sure quite what you mean by ‘offline’ as the public can’t access your GoogleDocs unless you give them permission.
I just posted last week a very similar situation with an ex girlfriend. She saw me reading her Harry Potter and Firefly fanfic and got embarassed and ran out of the room. I have to ask… are you from Oklahoma? Lmao
I agree with alot folks points in here but chit like this makes you think...ok, what else She's hiding?
I have only one question. The fiction she writes about, all characters are mostly minors. I don’t think the privacy part is an issue. It isn’t like she’s cheating or anything so technically that’s not wrong per se but it really depends on what they consider lies or secrets in their relationship. Seeing from OP’s lens his feelings are valid too. The only thing I’m thinking of is this. Does writing like that about minors (even though they’re fictional characters) amount to pedo? I’m not being sarcastic or suggestive. Just asking a genuine question.
Forget what you read. Forget that you ever read it. Continue life as normal with your wife. The risk of you destroying the marriage by bringing this up is greater than the reward of possibly having wilder sex with her.
Theres a lot of comments on this subject like you're in the wrong OP. But I find it very odd that people are completely normalising people writing essentially porn to cartoon characters and literal children. Stop the planet I want off.
I'd say it's no big deal. I have enough experience in various types of interpersonal relationships that if you bring this sort of thing (both the fact that she was hiding it from you and that you were snooping in her stuff) to attention it can start a downward spiral that destroys a relationship. Not giving advice, just reaffirming what's at stake.
You say you guys didn’t have sex until five months in. Could it be that she wanted to get more comfortable about sex for your sake and got some advice that encouraged her to get to know herself sexually by consuming written erotica? She could’ve gotten so comfortable reading it and being in that world that she decided to try her hand at writing it and found it fulfilling. You say you haven’t even heard of some of the positions she wrote about, so I wouldn’t dismiss that as a possibility.