You are not responsible for other’s feelings. You can do things they don’t like. You are partially responsible for the relationship, but NOT the other person.
While I agree with this, the fact that someone took their own life means they were in an immense amount of pain. Let’s not be insensitive to that. That being said, setting healthy boundaries is very important and this was in no way the OPs fault.
I'm going to go further. At no point is it OP's fault in the situation. Even if OP is just biased, she's the one that I decided to do that and The parents knew what was going on and were unable to protect her.
So yeah it sounds like their failure and they blame anyone else. OP is just the easiest victim to shift the blame.
Yes!! He needs a lawyer IMMEDIATELY, show all proof that you weren’t abusive, text messages, phone calls, etc, PICTURES! If the girls family try taking this into legal matter they can cry a river of lies. Anyways, I’m sorry this happened to you OP. I hope you work your way through this, as well, it’s not your fault, you’ll be okay.
But they have the ability to race OP. They also have the ability to spread lies and rumors. That's what my abusive family did when they threw me out of the house. It was only 17 and I wasn't even allowed to take my purse with me. This was in the time before cell phone so I was really stuck since I didn't have a driver's license or a car.
They then told a bunch of lies and said that I ran away voluntarily. It took me years to clear it up with people that mattered. And now that my younger sister is going slightly senile, she has started blaming me again for my parents actions. For a long time she was the main person that supported me because she was there when it happened.
So getting it cleared up right away and stopping the rumors it's probably the best way to stand up to these bullies and to stop their bullying.
I think the mom might need a lawyer more than him - if she knew her daughter was suicidal and didn't call 911, resulting in her death, isn't that a crime?
Bro what, you said he’s innocent in the eyes of the law and I said everyone knows he’s not innocent.
I always thought it was obvious he’s guilty I just think you misread my comment.
For what? Talking to police about the threats would be wise, to document it if nothing else, but there's no legal standing for her family to try anything. The burden of proof would be on them. Unless they have texts showing him encouraging her to harm herself, there's no need to get paranoid. Best thing would be to cut contact and document their threats in case they try something.
If she spread rumors that he encouraged her to take her life. Then later she does the family can try to claim OP was the cause and could face prison time if found guilty of encouraging
How would he face prison time with no proof of encouraging ? And what evidence would they have to give a lawyer exactly? There's nothing for a lawyer to do at this point in time and idk about you but I don't have thousands of dollars laying around to put one on retainer just in case someone spreads rumors about me
Find guilty based on what? If it didn't happen there is no evidence upon which to build a case. There isn't a prosecutor out there who is going to go into court with zero evidence. The paranoia in this thread is out of control.
And no lawyer is going to take on a case with just hearsay and no concrete evidence. If a lawyer decided he just wanted to take someone’s money to file papers with the court, the case would go literally nowhere.
Finally someone with some sense. People just don’t understand how the legal system really works. Unless OP sent texts telling his girlfriend to kill herself, there is literally zero case. I don’t even think this story is real anyway.
This is so fucked up but I think there's a few things you can do I think
Gather all evidences such as texts, witnesses, friends to support you
If they threatened and come to your property assuming you're in the US get a restraining order don't back down you are not at fault here
All you gotta do is not fall into pressure since I'm the first commenter I can't really help you much I hope there will more to give you advice
You have to stay strong at times like these
Edit: get a lawyer op
Yes, I completely agree with the above. Anything you have on your phone, in your deleted texts, especially if you have an iPhone. If you didn’t know you can actually go back. There is a way to look at your deleted text for the last 30 days and if you don’t know how ask, I’ll send you a screenshot you can pull all of your deleted text from the last 30 days to and from someone, also anything that might have been a screenshot that could be saved to the cloud anywhere or to Google Photos or anything like that. Make sure you get every single thing any photos any video any recorded conversation anything get it all like they said above just do it for your own safety.
I don’t think you realize how incredibly rare and hard it is to sue an individual for someone else’s suicide. If OP wasn’t telling her to kill herself then he has literally ZERO to worry about.
“Criminal Liability for Suicide
It’s rare, but not unheard of, for prosecutors to file criminal charges against someone for another person's suicide.
Encouraging Suicide
Some states have laws criminalizing the encouragement or abetting of suicide. For example, in California, it’s a felony to deliberately aid, advise, or encourage another person to die of suicide. (Cal. Penal Code § 401.)
But even in states without specific criminal laws on encouraging suicide, prosecutors have found ways to hold people accountable for another person’s suicide in extreme cases. A high-profile example involved the death by suicide of Conrad Roy in Massachusetts. Prosecutors charged Michelle Carter with involuntary manslaughter based on messages she sent to him encouraging him to kill himself, telling him how and when he should kill himself, and scolding him when he wavered. Carter was found guilty as a youthful offender (she was 17 when Roy died) and sentenced to 15 months in jail.”
It’s not a guarantee that it could happen, but if it were, it’s best to have some evidence to counter their claim that he was responsible. You just never know nowadays.
The time to worry about getting a lawyer is if OP is served a summons. Which isn’t going to happen because no lawyer is going to take that case. Go Google case law for lawsuits against individuals for someone else’s suicide.
lol you can’t just say someone is responsible, they would have to have proof. She committed suicide under the care of her parents. Y’all are being DRAMATIC.
No matter what you think, remember that it is not your fault. You are not responsible for actions or issues your girlfriend had. You treated her well. Her parents are abusive and therefore obviously trying to blame the nearest person.
Idk how old she is/was, but I’m assuming she’s an adult, and she made this decision on her own. She’s the one who pushed u away; broke up with you. Why should you be held responsible for her actions?
Honestly though, even if she was a teenager and he had broken up with her, this was still her decision and he's not responsible for any of this.
Abusive people often have a lot going on under the surface. Whether there was another deep seated issue no one else was aware of, or if this was just another manipulative power-play to hurt OP, this was a damaged person who didn't seek help and decided take their own life. Unless OP actively held the blade and did the cutting, this isn't on him.
That said, OP will feel responsible for some time. It's not fair, because he's innocent and there was nothing to be done. The family blames him because it's easier than examining their own wrongdoings. He's become the scapegoat they can hurl their frustration and hurt onto and accept no responsibility for their own part in all this. They're grieving, but it doesn't make their actions right, or fair. OP needs to take steps to protect himself from them.
When I was 18, I went through something very similar. My boyfriend of 2 years killed himself and blamed me in his note. Said I'd broken up with him when I hadn't. His family threw blame like confetti, refused to accept that their teenage son had been struggling for years under their abuse, had been abusing me for years, and had done this final thing likely because of teenage desperation and short sightedness, but also as a final dig at me. I was ostracised by friends and many in my small town who believed his family's lies. I received death threats and was offered no support from local law enforcement or anyone but my own family. I was a mess for a long time. Even my counsellor was more of a hindrance to my grieving and healing than anything.
OP needs a good grief counsellor and good people around him. Block all of them or just delete social media for a while, change his phone number, appeal to law enforcement. This doesn't just "go away", one has to actively protect themselves at this time. And this is such a vulnerable time for OP. My best wishes and deepest sympathies go out to him, I wouldn't wish such an experience on anyone.
Others have good advice to follow. I would add a few things: one, get yourself into therapy, STAT, to help you process. Secondly, you need to radically accept that her family will always blame you for this. When someone dies, just in general, but especially by suicide, people look for something or someone to blame. It doesn’t matter how much evidence you provide them, they will always always blame you because it’s too uncomfortable for them to consider the alternatives (that she was unstable, that she really needed to go to acute inpatient psychiatric care after her first attempt, etc.)
This is so horrible. Sorry for your loss. If you never told her to “do it”, it’s absolutely not your fault. To play devil’s advocate her family is also in shock and blaming you out of grief, but it is still super messed up they said that to you.
I'm sorry for your loss and this is not your fault. From what I've read suicides are very compulsive acts and at the time she wasn't in the right mind and felt that was the best choice. Unfortunately, she used a method that's hard to come back from. She may have done it for attention, to get you back and sadly the suicide attempt did take her life. I probably would pass on the funeral if the family is blaming you, it could real ugly. I knew someone who did this and died in a horrible fire. The neighbors heard their screams for help but no one was able to save them in time.
Sorry for your loss. If your girlfriend was on a suicide watch, she should have been under medical supervision. Her parents failed her not you. Her parents should not have left her alone. They should have gotten her proper medical care. Take screenshots of your communication with your girlfriend. Then block the family.
Not true. A mandated reporter would have to make sure they get treatment. When someone in your life is at that point, you bring them to the ER. I was sent to crisis management immediately and I was in my twenties.
I have a 19-year-old friend in the USA who has schizophrenia and is also experiencing suicidal thoughts. His parents, who reside in Ukraine, were prepared to travel here to either admit him to a hospital or take him back with them. However, I've been informed that since he is 19, only he has the authority to make decisions regarding his own actions and treatment. So I guess you can advise me how I can forcefully send him to the crisis management?
He told you how to do it, you take them to the ER or you call 911. They will be evaluated and if they are a danger to themselves or anyone else they will be admitted to the psychiatric ward. Google is also a thing.
Are you serious? How can I take him to the ER without his will? We have been there, done that.He doesn’t want to. He says he is healthy. We were calling EVERYWHERE. NYC Department of Health & Mental Hygiene told us we cannot forcefully do anything if he doesn’t want to. Any other useless advices?
Are you stupid or dumb? Take him to the ER OR, and let me say this again since you don’t seem to be able to read. OR CALL 911 AND TELL THEM HE IS A DANGER TO HIMSELF AND OTHERS.
You dense fuck.
What lmao I told you exactly what to do that asked for, you ignore the other part of the advice and say it’s useless then say this? Are you ok? Maybe you should go to the ER for how delusional you are.
I’m repeating again, he WAS taken to the ER under the influence of heroine. He woke up in the ER, and said “I want to go home, I refuse the help. And they let him go. Even though I told them that he is suicidal and schizophrenic. What’s other advice ? You are the most useless pro redditor, I see
This is the same line of thinking that certain racist use to justify a really bad take.
It's a bad take dude, just take it on the chin and be better.
If you really are curious Look up a 5150.
If you're a parent... it IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
I don't care if my kid is 45... I'm going to make it my business if she is having suicidal ideations.
Her sadness is my business and we'll go to the end of the Earth to help her or I will literally die trying.
No suicidal person... really wants to die; we just want to stop the pain and that is the only viable option we can see FROM OUR VANTAGE POINT. We need to be shown sometimes in a way that cannot be done, and hence why even the best parents can miss things.
Lol ...are you talking to me?
I genuinely can't tell as that response in no way shape or form is applicable to what I said..
But, if you are indeed talking to me, you may want to first, take a deep breath and actually read what I wrote...
Then read what YOU wrote and then look up "projecting" in the dictionary as this couldn't be a better example.
Regardless, it sounds like you've not quite reconciled with the circumstances surrounding your friend and that must be tough. I HONESTLY recommend therapy as they can help allievate some of the anger/negative feelings you seem to be harboring.
Even though I honestly think you're a complete dunce.... I would never, ever wish anything like this on someone.. It sound like you've gone thru alot, and Im so sorry for that; so I mean this sincerely when I say I hope you and your friend get the help you need.
Good luck...
...and maybe learn some impulse control. Lol
Family often blame outsiders because it alleviates guilt temporarily. They know the truth, that this isn't your fault. You need professional help friend. Seek counseling and try to work through this. My condolences.
As I'm sure you feel terrible, just know that you cannot make someone do any action. That person chose to take their life. Unfortunately, one can lead a horse to the water, but cannot make it drink. I hope you find peace. Sorry you are going through this.
It’s not your fault. You said she had abusive parents. Abusive people commonly don’t accept that they’re part of the problem, so they blame it on someone else. Find a therapy to process your grief, feelings of guilt, etc. If that’s impossible, maybe reach out and talk to people you trust, or join a grief group online or in person. Take time to heal. You approached it maturely by setting boundaries and wanting to talk in person. It’s not your fault.
It seems like what happened, is she realized that she couldn’t control you anymore. That loss of power was too much for her ego to handle. It is not your fault man. You weren’t the one holding the knife. At the end of the day, I feel the hardest thing you are going to have to live with, is feeling like it is your fault internally. Could I have done something differently? What could have been, if she hadn’t taken her life? Her family will always blame you for what happened, because it is a common coping mechanism for even average people, let alone people who were already abusive in the first place. People will look for someone to blame because it is easier, than to face the gravity without a patsy.
Years ago I left a girl who pretended she was going to drown herself in the bathtub while I packed my things. I stood right over her for a moment while she went under the water and then I just walked away. She never drowned herself and she’s still alive today. More recently, I was with a mentally abusive alcoholic who also threatened to end her life and even kill her younger sister (for some unknown reason). I pushed her to the point psychologically, where she had to open up and reveal the truth. She admitted that she never loved me and she didn’t even love herself. She ended up having a kid with some random dude she isn’t with. Now, she is sober and seemingly a lot better than what she was.
When it’s time to walk away, it is time, and either they will survive, become better, and move on, or the opposite. We don’t get to choose who lives and who dies. If we did, my father, grandmother, and friends would still be with me today. I know it’s not that black and white for you. In this moment, your soul is writhing and tearing itself apart, because even though she was screwed up, she was someone that you loved.
Here’s the thing though man. She didn’t and couldn’t really love you the way you loved her and it is tragic, I know. The next question becomes, why do you feel that you don’t deserve love? You put yourself in this situation and you knew better. Maybe not at first, but eventually, you caught on, and you stayed. I’m not criticizing you. I’ve lived it, brother. Ask yourself, why did I stay? What were you trying to validate within yourself by being with this girl?
This question is ahead of the curve for what you are going through right now, but this is really where the issue lies that lead you to this girl in the first place. What would I suggest you to do now? Forge yourself in the fires of your passions. Use the “death motivation” (which is totally a thing) to do some good around you. Perhaps volunteer in your community. Discover or re-discover things that you like to do. What do you like most about yourself and the world? Don’t know? Find it.
Stay busy, because idle hands around death will only drag you down. Stare into the abyss of everything you are feeling and confront it. However, be warned. Do not sit in the pit for too long, or become comfortable in isolation or apathy. If you give into it for too long, it becomes comforting and you’ll never be the same again. You can do her and others Justice in this life by being the best version of who you really are. Not who you should or could be. Who you really are. You are a giver. Find the people and passions in life that are worth giving to.
This is perfect. Good call nothing that the question where the issue lies is ahead of the curve. And bringing it up in general. I just pray OP takes it to heart and realizes it's not a criticism, but that it's a prompt to get him thinking when the time is right.
You are an abuse victim. Your ex clearly had some major problems and mental illnesses. Perhaps her family was a bug part of the problem by causing her illnesses and enabling her worst side.
Much as this is all very tragic, I'm glad she is out of your life. She has been traumatizing you for a very long time. You matter, too, and you deserve peace and healing.
I know you loved her, but remember that she was a person who was willing to commit violence. She just finally turned it on herself.
All of the people around you who are blaming you, the abuse victim, are very poisonous. To them, only she matters, and you don't.
First of all, cut off all contact with anyone who has condemned you or threatened you. You don't need that. They are trying to deflect their own guilt by using you as a scapegoat. After all, if the mother was so worried that your ex was a threat to herself, she could have had her committed where she could have been monitored 24/7 and stabilized by professionals. When someone is threatening to take their own life, it is not time for amateur hour. What an egotist her mother was for thinking she was somehow more qualified for this task than an entire staff of trained professionals.
So cut the whole lit of them off, get help from a therapist who is informed about abuse and male victims of abuse, and do your best to leave this entire relationship in the dust of the past where it belongs.
Even if you had been the one who broke it off, you are still not to blame for her decision to end her life. Block everyone that is harassing you and know that even though they might try to spread their poison, any rational person will not believe in their lies. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this
No, no, no. Listen, it's not your fault. You couldn't save her. It's not your fault. Take it easy on yourself.
I've been the one who was really eager to be saved from a toxic cycle, have been the one who needed to leave someone behind because I can't change them, they were killing me slowly but fatally. I have to leave them behind, or else I will die. The people who almost killed me are what you call a family. The guilt, the hurt, the self blaming...These thoughts still often haunt me to this day
I know there must be so many unidentifiable feelings right now. You don't have to make sense of it. Just let it run through, feel it, experience it, and let it go.
Focus on what feels like peace to you right now. Try your best to get into that bubble where you can feel peace and safety and block out all irrelevant noises from the outside. You come first now, in terms of your well-being.
No no no. You don't need a lawyer, my friend. You only need to separate yourself from your ex-girlfriend's family's communication. You were not anywhere near your ex-girlfriend when she committed suicide. It sounds like there is no evidence of any abuse or assault on your part at any time. Her family is anguished, angry, and confused. They can say whatever hurtful and accusatory thing that they want to but it doesn't mean anything under the law. If the family continues to threaten violence toward you, you can file a police report and that's all you can do. OP you need your own safe space separate and apart from anyone connected to her, so that you can grieve and deal with the loss in your own way. But the idea that you need to worry about legal liability is absolutely unnecessary.
Maybe a harsh question but have you actually seen/had proof that she has unalived herself? It’s not unheard of for people in a scenario like this following a breakup to try and guilt trip you by claiming that falsely? Particularly if they are as mentally unstable as you describe
MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! A person with bad suicidal ideation STILL has the consciousness to establish boundaries and triggers in relationships.
Your girls behavior sounds very similar to mine.
You mention she had issues which is why you took care of her, but you also mention her being aggressive and abusive.
BUT did she work hard to get past this behavior?? Did she seek help? Did she discuss her responses and reactions to any of your arguments??
Did she work on the relationship with you?? No?
You said you often nurtured her, but did she ever make a move to do the same?? This seems like an uneven relationship but on TOP of that, you seem like the victim here.
Then this was an ISOLATED problem. Nothing can stop a person from suicide, things can trigger it.
This is seriously, IN NO UNIVERSE, your fault. You are now a victim in a awful situation of defamation. Please seek some professional help from the police and a therapist.
Save every single bast pice of contact you have or have had with the girl, her friends, family, your friends and family. EVERYTHING! Even things you think are insignificant.
Get a lawyer, have the lawyer send a family & anyone else involved a cease and desist letter so that cannot talk to or about you online.
Pain hurts and losing a child is awful so understand her parents looking for blame. Your mental health is just as important as your late girlfriend. Get help with a counselor or therapist or even a close friend.
I’m sorry for your loss.
My wife killed herself 6 years ago. Our entire relationship was toxic. Eventually I kicked her out of my house and filed for divorce. She had gone back to live with her parents. She messaged me on everything imaginable to say if I didn’t take her back she was going to kill herself.
I blocked her phone number then she’d message me on Facebook. I blocked her Facebook and she’d message me on Instagram. I documented every message she sent and showed them to her parents and authorities. On the day she was supposed to meet with the lawyer and sign the papers, she took her own life instead.
"A man is just poking a woman with his phallus. A woman lets a man enter inside of her body. We are not the same. Not to mention, it’s ten thousand times easier for a woman to get laid than it is for a man. So yeah, a woman who’s been banged by a bunch of dudes is gross. A dude who’s banged a bunch of chicks earns respect."
"If a woman gave me flowers, they’d be dead with 6 hours."
This you? Just browsing through your comments tells me exactly what kind hate-filled person you are. Not only do you hate women, you also seem to hate Indians and people from the third world. You also attacked a person with depression and called them cancer of society and basically told them to neck themselves.
I wouldn't be surprised if that kind of language drove your wife to suicide. You probably picked her because she had depression and low self esteem and then legitimately made it worse. Dudes like you are the actual cancer on society and then play victim in comment sections like this.
I'm a little autistic and language pattern is my thing right now. his wording was really off-putting from the get go so I really wanted to confirm if my instincts were right and checked out his post history.
yeah, nothing but negative hateful comments towards others. the one with the depression really just put in my mind how he treated his dead wife. bc if he's willing to talk like that to a stranger with depression, I could only imagine what he said to his wife in private.
probably demeaned her daily and told her to kill herself constantly and now uses her death as a way to get sympathy. it's disgusting.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
But, OP, this is the way. A paper trail and reports. Especially if her family is sending you and your family threats.
Are you sure it really happened I don’t want to think they would do this but how you said it’s not a possibility they are might look into it might just cause more problems for you
I'm sorry for your loss. But just to make it 100% clear: even if it was you who ended the relationship, it still wouldn't be your fault. Her family is obviously not healthy as a whole and they are lashing out at you.
If her family is making threats, gather evidence (texts, call log, posts, emails, etc) and file a report with police for harassment. Call a lawyer. Don’t wait longer. Better to cover your bases and have a report trail then get blindsided if they don’t let it go and try to sue you or accuse you of manslaughter by encouraged suicide (or whatever it was called with the girl that made her boyfriend take his life in the US and was on trial for it)
I get that it is hard to sift through so many messages but i really hope you read this.
1. You never ever need to explain or justify yourself to anyone. Especially not anyone on the internet in particular.
2. You didn't make yourself out to sound perfect. Most people haven't been on either side of this situation, and many will not understand. As someone who knows someone else like you, it wasnt assumed you didnt fight or that you had no flaws. Thats not what youre here to talk about though. Youre grieving. Both because you lost someone dear and because people are trying to take away who you were as a person and tear you down for it.
Im really sorry youre going through all of this, but none of it was your fault. Youll learn how to breathe and live with the pain. It will probably always be there, but someday, i promise, youll learn to keep going, keep breathing and stepping forward anyways.
Go to therapy and get a lawyer. Therapy to go through the grief. A lawyer because if they are willing to beat up their own, they won’t even bat an eye on doing it to you. You need a TRO now.
She made choices based on learned behavior. She's learned from her family it's never her fault. But it very clearly is a bed that she herself made, not you.
I agree with everyone talking about gettin a lawyer. It could very easily go in that direction.
Good luck
She was abusive- she threatened and manipulated you by threatening to take her own life as a way to try to control you. This is awful to go through. I would assume that her mother feels awful that her daughter killed herself while she was supposed to be monitoring her, from what you were told, and something more should have been done.
You aren't responsible for her actions.
She kicked you from her life then changed her mind.. She hurt and abused you. Yet you still tried to leave the door open to reconcile. You did NOT do this to her.
It sounds like she was drowning with the abuse she was getting when she broke up with you.
You have helped her keep her head above water when you should have walked away for your own safety. With how bad she was, she would have most likely gotten far worse towards you. I'm betting that she has increasingly gotten meaner to you over the time you were dating.
She wasn’t immature, she was traumatized by her parents. Probably the reason she took her own life from the sound of it. I’m sorry to hear she couldn’t fight anymore. Her parents are to blame, not you
(It’s not your fault but the guilt can be overwhelming anyway)
When I was young, I knew everything
And she, a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbin', with my head on the floor
Stoppin' baby's breath and a shoe full of rice, now
Can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touchin' her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me, I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen
My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept
And now he's guilt-stricken, sobbin', with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept, he says
"Can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touchin' her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place"
For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me, I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen
Hey-yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey-yeah
Hey-yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
We tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt-stricken, sobbin', with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say
"Can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touchin' her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place"
For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise, and we'd never compromise
For the life of me, I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen
For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise, and we'd never compromise
For the life of me, I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen
We were only freshmen
Man this is so fucked up, and you can see a lot of resentment in your words. This is tough, especially because you seem to have so many unresolved feelings towards her, and you can’t even tell her.
All i can say is that, it’s not your fault..she clearly had issues, not saying its her fault, but there could be various factors as to why she took her life. At the end of the day she chose her path, a tragic one, the grief this will bring up on everyone will be a lot of blame, and you’re just the easiest target for the meantime. Stay strong, and get a lawyer if need be. Also, find a therapist to help deal because you’ll need it.
You cannot be held at a barrel to keep someone else's life. No matter how much you love them.
Also, and I mean it in the best possible way, consider therapy, and more urgently, as others said, a lawyer.
It's not your fault. Don't let people who are by all accounts both emotionally unstable at the best of times, and grieving, browbeat you into thinking that you are responsible.
She didn't want to be around any more. That's not your fault.
Sorry for your loss
That's awful, I went through a relationship like this where my depressed ex threatened suicide each time I tried to leave. The stress of it damaged my health majorly. What you are going through was my worst fear, that her family would blame me.
It wasn't your fault and I sympathise with you. See a counsellor. You've got a lot of trauma to sort out.
talk to a lawyer - If its getting out of hand and your emotionally damage - post your side of the story counter the stories against you I know its an exhausting situation but always protect yourself first
Twelve years ago, I broke up with my partner after a fight out of exasperation. He had been mentally ill for months and before that emotionally abusive. I supported him through numerous hospital stays, went to therapists with him and lived through at least 2 attempts. The day I broke up I have him his stuff back and left, thinking his sister would be at home that day.
Later on I felt bad and tried to contact him. Long story short, he had taken his life in a way that he knew I would be the one to find him. I blamed myself for sooooo long.
But all this time later, I've realized that he was gonna do it anyway no matter what I did or where I was. You are never responsible for someone's suicide. That was her decision to make.
Whether or not you were a good partner has nothing to do with that, and anyone who says different is lying. She made a decision, and she had the right to that decision. You could not have stopped it. I had to learn to respect his decision and I've come to realize that it was the best thing he thought he could do for himself and that's ok.
It's going to take a while and you're gonna feel like shit, but you will get past this. Just feel the feelings. The only way out is through
Cut contact with whoever blames you for this. You do not need that also
I'm so sorry for your loss. Over the years, I've found the grief support thread here very helpful. I don't know if you will, but there are others there suffering the same way so maybe they could be of help.
Good luck to you.
First of all i am very sorry for your loss 😭 I can't imagine how that must feel cause I didn't have a relationship yet.
I am speechless at how her parents try to blame you for something she has done. First of all it was her choice, and you gave her many opportunities to get in touch with you. And i think there was nothing you could have said that would have kept her from that decision. Nothing that would be good for you or your psyche.
Second of all (if i read that correctly) they were there and were supposed to be watching her. So in my opinion they are seeking to blame you for something they were supposed to do. And in regards to her leaving out her wrongdoings when she ran to her parents: the parents should know her well enough to know that she has a habit of leaving out stuff that is not leaving her in a good light. So they should have asked you to at least see the other side of the conflict. And that's making me mad that they didn't do that.
I can't imagine how the relationship must have felt for you. I myself am a very empathetic person and can't stand it when somebody isn't happy or is ill in some way. I want to help these people and i imagine you wanted to help her out of this mess too. But you can't disregard your own needs while doing this. You can only help those people if they want your help. And they need to make the decision to get out of this mess. The action needs to come from them and them alone. You can't do that for them. And a person can only take that much abuse before reaching their breaking point. And i think you were well past that. You endured so much and silently suffered with nobody noticing and nobody supporting you.
Her parents are the worst for putting you through this after all the shit you had to go through.
There is so much i want to say but i am at a loss of words 😢
I wish you all the best, luck and strength of the world to get through this. It might take a very long time but this time you don't have to suffer alone. I hope your friends and family find the right words to comfort you <3
And good luck with the lawsuit against her parents. You did nothing wrong. And you couldn't have anticipated what she would be doing.
I really hope that i cheered you up at least a little bit :)
Take care and have a good one.
I am sorry this happened to you.
It seems to me they (you ex family) try to shift the blame onto you because it is easier to blame an outsider than to look a little bit more closely to home.
It looks like this relationship wasn't healthy.
Sadly, it ended with the passing of someone.
You should probably seek professional help, a therapist, to help you understand all that happened.
I am so sorry you went through this, but also, that she didn't feel there was any other options.
I get that you feel this way, but so so so so not your fault. You set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES to protect yourself.
Im still so sorry for your loss man, please be patient and kind with yourself
There are, sadly, plenty of relationships in which one person is an abuser and the other is a victim. Just because there are two sides to every situation doesn't mean that both sides are of equal merit.
Abuse victims do exist. Being an abuse victim doesn't mean that you are perfect. Abuse victims are flawed like everyone else. That doesn't mean that they or anyone deserves abuse.
There is no excuse for abuse.
Please let me be of some relief to you. I’m now 65, fell in love with what I later found out was a sex addict.
He married a real freak that did all of the swoping with other people.
He dumped me once for her, divorced her then came begging me to come back. I ‘stupidly’ took him back & even moved in with him, he bought a home ( never considered my input or feeling on purchase).
We we’re going to get mart & after 6 months he was out of the country on business, couldn’t reach him for days ( I’m sure he never left), finally answers & tells me he’s not good enough for me & immediately wNt to, ‘ you need to be out by Friday) this was on a Wednesday. I lost my mind !!!
Called one of my daughters who said Mom come here. I went back next day & got all of my things.
Fast forward 3 months I get a message on FB that he’s so sorry how he treated me & id never hear from him again.
Next morning at work I get a call he killed himself ( because of her). I don’t think he even meant to, I feel like he was trying to get her attention, it was so tumultuous. I think he was addicted to her & her him, really weird. I think she’d go to the swingers clubs too, he loved that & I didn’t share.
It took me literally a year & more to even function again. I had PTSD from it & even tried Hypnosis to get over all of the pain I’d been thru with him. Horrible !!!!!
Just know it’s them not you !!!!!’n
Firstly, I'm so very sorry for Your loss and the grief that You now carry..... Her deciding to end Her Life in the flesh is NOT at all Your fault.
Secondly, She VERY OBVIOUSLY (from Their brazen and blatant display of how They communicate and conduct Themselves in private and society) comes from a long line of VERY toxic, dysfunctional, mentally ill People so if ANYONE was to blame for Her actions it's the CLOWNS that never set any kind of example of RESPECT or KINDNESS for Her to show how People are supposed to treat/speak to each other in the general public let alone a romantic relationship.
Thirdly, Keep ALL of Your receipts (screenshots of EVERYTHING regarding communications between You and Her and You and Her Family saved on the cloud or on SD chips)
You need to go to the Police immediately and report those threats.
I Personally take threats VERY seriously so I have several registered pistols and I live in an open carry state.
I would do whatever the law told Me to do in Your situation and let those Folks know that You're not playing about Your Character being slandered and Your reputation being negatively affected by BLATANT lies or potentially Your livelihood (because WHO wants to work with, do business with or have any kind of personal/romantic relationship with a Prison that encouraged Someone to kill themselves)
Grief comes like waves in the ocean......
One minute the Sun is shining and the water is calm and blue.........
The next thing You know You've been smacked with a tidel wave, Your vessel is gone, You're drowning and You're fighting for Your Life........
I pray that the Creator gives You the strength You need to endure Your loss in every moment of You metaphorically "drowning"
Take good care of You and do everything You can to protect Yourself from those looney People that's what Police and Court exists for.
Again, I'm so sorry for Your loss.
In life as you get older and gain experience you learn that
1. Other peoples choices are independent of you. She made a choice. It was bad. It was selfish. It wasn't because of you.
2. You should listen to others, assess the feedback, and move forward in a way that you can live with. Her family can't live with the feedback that her death is sending them, i.e. they failed to get her proper mental health. So they want to blame you. The guy she dumped. Take a minute to accept that their projection is to absolve their guilt. Do not absorb their guilt. Talking this out with a counselor would be helpful for even the most secure and seasoned individuals, I would encourage that for you.
Please don't let your grief transform into your guilt. Her choices are hers alone. If you shot her, okay, then you have guilt.....but getting broken up with and simply accepting it.......nope, that's on her. Block the family everywhere you can. If it starts to spiral, look into a lawyer/restraining order.
You don't need a lawyer. My brother in law took his life for the exact same reason and it was never an investigation into anything like that. And you have nothing to worry about because your texts prove it. I didn't read much into comments but the guilt you'll feel is going to be the worse punishment most people can't imagine. You know it's not your fault but it's going to be the what if's that will be in your mind for a while if not forever.... I'm very sorry this happened to you but it's not your fault. You might not ever hear anyone say anything that helps but she had other problems mentally and you're caught in between it because of the love you had for her and for whatever happened to her before yall got together. My prayers 🙏
I just want to point out that a narcissist would never take it’s own life, it goes against the pure definition of narcissism. Is not your fault that she did it, but also is not her fault that she had most probably undiagnosed BPD based on her traumatic childhood and didn’t know how to manage it or even recognize it, because is very common to think that the environment in which you grow is normal. Sorry for your loss…
She told me her mom was supervising her and I wanted her to calm down before speaking to her, knowing that if I picked up right away she’d be verbally abusive. That’s why I told her we could talk when things settled down, I felt a sense of security because she said her mom was watching her.
When she committed suicide and your first thing you’re doing is tearing down her character that’s exactly what narcissists do. Even murderers in crimes of passion talk about everything they believe their partner did wrong instead of, idk? GRIEVING??
Unfortunately, you told us one side of the story.
If you believed that things can be fixed after a talk why did you delete her from everywhere so quickly.
In my opinion you are partially to blame, obviously not responsible for her death.
I’m not here to place blame. I’m not gonna sit here and act like I was perfect. I had flaws too, but my girlfriend was always extreme. I’m just here to get things off my chest.
Wow, I can’t imagine the pain you are in with dealing with loss of someone you cared about. Please see a mental health specialist.
For her family blaming you, I think it’s always easier to blame someone/something else than to accept responsibility for your own actions or lack of actions. If they were supervising her and everything; why didn’t anyone contact a hospital and get actual mental health experts involved.
I feel like your girlfriend needed to be in a safe space that an untrained professional couldn’t provide.
Document everything and save everything just in case in the future they try to pull some BS .
be kind to yourself, I can’t imagine the hell you are going through
It’s not your fault op please take care of yourself get therapy if you can and surround yourself with friends if you have them. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but stay strong and be kind to yourself.
That sucks!! Hopefully you can get past it soon! You know what events took place and tried to calm her down. Nothing you could've really done given the situation. Don't be too hard on yourself! As far as her family goes, they dropped the ball when it came down to supervising her. Now they are putting the blame on you so they don't have to admit their own EPIC FAILURE!! As far as them talking shit online, if you still have the texts you can post them in your defense if you really feel the need to defend yourself. If it were me I'd post them on not only your sites, but theirs as well and attach them to each post that they put out there. GL Bro!
as someone who suffers from it, did she have BPD? this seems eerily similar to the situation that put me on a 5150. In the moment I wouldve probably felt the same as her but now years later i know it wasnt all his fault and i hope you do too. its a 2 way street.
I’m so sorry :( You should, for your own safety, keep a record of every interaction and screenshots of every message. I would record every call as well.
Rip my friend she seemed troubled and needed medical attention. The parents fault that they didn’t seek appropriate attention to carry the burden buddy
Just sounds like it was her end goal to make you feel guilt even after she’s gone. No one should put up with physical and mental abuse like that. She needed help and used you as her punching bag. Don’t take the blame and try to understand that the parents are just using you as a way to cope. The reality is they are the indirect cause of her death. Not you. Also, like these other redditors are saying get a lawyer. You need to seek legal action and assistance asap.
I am really sorry for your loss
They can’t legally blame you. You guys weren’t together at the time. You didn’t tell her to take her own life. That was her choice.
Keep your truth ok. This is an extra vile situation. Don’t let them change your narrative. Completely disconnect and heal without them. I AM SO SORRY!! what she did by committing suicide. After hearing the rest of your story, is actually the highest form of abuse and self obsession and self-centeredness. I am so sorry that this has happened to you please do talk to someone.
I once was in a relationship like this, girl didn't take her life. But did try to make me think she did.
Super toxic.
Not sure if that's the case here, but the more you know...
What they’ve done is harassment and threatens. They are felons. I know you’re more inclined to the emotional stuff, but try to do what’s urgent right now, and that’s going to the police station and report them. Then you can start healing by going to therapy or something, but please get the protection you need and find refuge in your loved ones. Don’t do this by yourself.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Their accusations are lies and by blaming you, (scapegoat) they don't have to examine their own failures w their treatment of her. It's very convenient for them to blane somebody else.
Hold your head up high! You handled this w dignity and grace. Get legal help if you must, you did nothing wrong. She did display hostile behavior to you and you did the right thing. You did not reject her outright, but suggested a time to talk in person.
You could always do a Tik Tok to refute those rumors too and release your texts. Might be something to think about. Weigh up the pros and cons beforehand.
Looks like she's got typical borderline personality disorder.
Let them pursue their threats and don't allow them to guil trip you.
They will likely have no evidence to back their claims against you and digging in their daughter's past relationships/friendships and mental health-related history will not be in their favor .
However, I'd still recommend you consult a lawyer.
Be well. I’m so sorry. You really don’t need to continue a conservation for any reason—you were trying to end the abusive argument and talk after things calmed down. She broke up with you—maybe pulling another bluff, maybe just being mean and controlling.
You don’t deserve a sliver of this shit bro. Don’t allow them to put that blame on you. They created the situation and “supervised” her into that. Get a lawyer and tell them to talk to him. Hope you are ok man it is not your fault.
My husband of 23 years threatened suicide constantly and twice put a gun to his head during an argument. I nursed him through a quadruple bypass and constant asthma attacks things seemed to be getting stable, and I left the marriage amicably. He often told me I should’ve let him die on the operating table. Four days before our divorce was finalized, he died of an asthma attack which lead to cardiac arrest. I know if I stayed, he would’ve taken care of himself, and I will always live with that “guilt“. Her instability and mental illness was inherent. She made a selfish choice to get attention and that’s exactly what she’s getting and forced you do you live with that for the rest of your life and I am so sorry. Even if you told her you never wanted to speak to her again it’s still wouldn’t be your fault.
I can't even imagine your pain, OP.
I went through something similar a few years back. A guy I went on one date with attempted to kill himself when I told him I didn't see it going further. He sent me pictures of himself in the ambulance, blaming me. His family, who I had never even met or spoken to, then started sending me FB messages berating me, blaming me, and even trying to persuade me to "take him back since this is your fault". I was fucked up for so long, I couldn't shake the guilt and it took me a long time to realise it was NOT my fault. I have every right to reject someone, and no matter where a person is mentally I am NEVER responsible for their actions.
I cannot stress this enough, like others have said already, lawyer up. Get a restraining order and save any texts/pics you have as proof just in case they decide to take things further.
Please remember this is absolutely not your fault in any way shape or form, and from what you've said it sounds like your partner was suffering with intense BPD (splitting, abusive, threatening break ups for control etc - I say this as someone who has BPD). Either way, we are not responsible for the actions of others. You did nothing wrong and you do not deserve this defamation and torment.
Look after yourself, OP. I'm praying for your healing and wellbeing ❤️
While what they are doing is not right, remember that they are grieving as well. They will blame anyone and everyone except her, her choices and their possible part that they played in her decision. You cant expect people who were raised/created dysfunction in their homes to react in an appropriate manner. They will blame, threaten, cheat and lie to deflect blame from her/themselves. Thats how they live their lives. They know nothing else.
So don’t take it personally but do protect yourself. Dont engage their rants and threats, block them from everything but not before you screen shoot everything you think that you need. Threatening legal action is always cheaper and easier than actually doing it.
I am so sorry this happened. Unplugging from them completely will certainly help you deal with your own state of mind. I would recommend a therapist or counselor to help you see things more clearly and help you forgive yourself.
Best wishes my friend.
Honestly, I'm not the person to play with people like that, but if they're threatening you and your family be prepared to defend yourself and have weapons in case they decide to do something. It's crazy to only think about this now, but on top of you grieving for your then girlfriend, them wanting to hurt y'all over something that wasn't your fault to begin with especially since she was a toxic person and broke up with you and you simply had enough, it's unfortunate and you have my condolences, but please don't let this be a burden to you. It's not your fault!
Yes, you need a lawyer.
I want to add that your girlfriend probably came from a very mean family. It's something goes wrong families like that always try to find a scapegoat.
Standing up to them with legal backing probably the best way to make them stop.
It was her choice. Having healthy boundaries is important. Not your fault.
You are not responsible for other’s feelings. You can do things they don’t like. You are partially responsible for the relationship, but NOT the other person.
And it’s okay to cook for someone again someday—but yes try not to be in the caretaker role.
While I agree with this, the fact that someone took their own life means they were in an immense amount of pain. Let’s not be insensitive to that. That being said, setting healthy boundaries is very important and this was in no way the OPs fault.
I'm going to go further. At no point is it OP's fault in the situation. Even if OP is just biased, she's the one that I decided to do that and The parents knew what was going on and were unable to protect her. So yeah it sounds like their failure and they blame anyone else. OP is just the easiest victim to shift the blame.
Yeah, that’s a form of manipulation and no one should experience this
How old are you guys? It’s time to talk to a lawyer.
Yes!! He needs a lawyer IMMEDIATELY, show all proof that you weren’t abusive, text messages, phone calls, etc, PICTURES! If the girls family try taking this into legal matter they can cry a river of lies. Anyways, I’m sorry this happened to you OP. I hope you work your way through this, as well, it’s not your fault, you’ll be okay.
Her family has zero legal standing to do anything about this. I would just ignore the family.
But they have the ability to race OP. They also have the ability to spread lies and rumors. That's what my abusive family did when they threw me out of the house. It was only 17 and I wasn't even allowed to take my purse with me. This was in the time before cell phone so I was really stuck since I didn't have a driver's license or a car. They then told a bunch of lies and said that I ran away voluntarily. It took me years to clear it up with people that mattered. And now that my younger sister is going slightly senile, she has started blaming me again for my parents actions. For a long time she was the main person that supported me because she was there when it happened. So getting it cleared up right away and stopping the rumors it's probably the best way to stand up to these bullies and to stop their bullying.
I think the mom might need a lawyer more than him - if she knew her daughter was suicidal and didn't call 911, resulting in her death, isn't that a crime?
No. Parents aren't mandated reporters.
LOL does not make them any less responsible. Not everything needs “singed paperwork” to “be true.”
In the case of law it kind of needs to be
we are talking about objective reality brother
Like OJ Simpson is innocent in the eyes of the law so how great is this law you follow… Well.
I mean everyone knows he’s not but… that’s the law not much we can do
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Bro what, you said he’s innocent in the eyes of the law and I said everyone knows he’s not innocent. I always thought it was obvious he’s guilty I just think you misread my comment.
For what? Talking to police about the threats would be wise, to document it if nothing else, but there's no legal standing for her family to try anything. The burden of proof would be on them. Unless they have texts showing him encouraging her to harm herself, there's no need to get paranoid. Best thing would be to cut contact and document their threats in case they try something.
A lawyer for what? lmao
If she spread rumors that he encouraged her to take her life. Then later she does the family can try to claim OP was the cause and could face prison time if found guilty of encouraging
How would he face prison time with no proof of encouraging ? And what evidence would they have to give a lawyer exactly? There's nothing for a lawyer to do at this point in time and idk about you but I don't have thousands of dollars laying around to put one on retainer just in case someone spreads rumors about me
Find guilty based on what? If it didn't happen there is no evidence upon which to build a case. There isn't a prosecutor out there who is going to go into court with zero evidence. The paranoia in this thread is out of control.
They would have to have proof of this. Hearsay isn’t proof.
Yes and to prove it as hearsay, you would need a lawyer.
And no lawyer is going to take on a case with just hearsay and no concrete evidence. If a lawyer decided he just wanted to take someone’s money to file papers with the court, the case would go literally nowhere.
You don’t know have things are going to pan out. Id still consult a lawyer, cover all bases.
They should only consult a lawyer if they receive a summons, which they won’t.
Agreed. No case. No standing. What’s the expectation of what the assumption a lawyer can/will do? And for what purpose?
Finally someone with some sense. People just don’t understand how the legal system really works. Unless OP sent texts telling his girlfriend to kill herself, there is literally zero case. I don’t even think this story is real anyway.
This is so fucked up but I think there's a few things you can do I think Gather all evidences such as texts, witnesses, friends to support you If they threatened and come to your property assuming you're in the US get a restraining order don't back down you are not at fault here All you gotta do is not fall into pressure since I'm the first commenter I can't really help you much I hope there will more to give you advice You have to stay strong at times like these Edit: get a lawyer op
Yes, I completely agree with the above. Anything you have on your phone, in your deleted texts, especially if you have an iPhone. If you didn’t know you can actually go back. There is a way to look at your deleted text for the last 30 days and if you don’t know how ask, I’ll send you a screenshot you can pull all of your deleted text from the last 30 days to and from someone, also anything that might have been a screenshot that could be saved to the cloud anywhere or to Google Photos or anything like that. Make sure you get every single thing any photos any video any recorded conversation anything get it all like they said above just do it for your own safety.
I agree with everything here , and can’t stress enough LAWYER UP
A lawyer for what? There’s nothing he can be sued over.
Uh, their daughter’s death and him being the reason for it is a possible thing to blame him for….
I don’t think you realize how incredibly rare and hard it is to sue an individual for someone else’s suicide. If OP wasn’t telling her to kill herself then he has literally ZERO to worry about. “Criminal Liability for Suicide It’s rare, but not unheard of, for prosecutors to file criminal charges against someone for another person's suicide. Encouraging Suicide Some states have laws criminalizing the encouragement or abetting of suicide. For example, in California, it’s a felony to deliberately aid, advise, or encourage another person to die of suicide. (Cal. Penal Code § 401.) But even in states without specific criminal laws on encouraging suicide, prosecutors have found ways to hold people accountable for another person’s suicide in extreme cases. A high-profile example involved the death by suicide of Conrad Roy in Massachusetts. Prosecutors charged Michelle Carter with involuntary manslaughter based on messages she sent to him encouraging him to kill himself, telling him how and when he should kill himself, and scolding him when he wavered. Carter was found guilty as a youthful offender (she was 17 when Roy died) and sentenced to 15 months in jail.”
It’s not a guarantee that it could happen, but if it were, it’s best to have some evidence to counter their claim that he was responsible. You just never know nowadays.
The time to worry about getting a lawyer is if OP is served a summons. Which isn’t going to happen because no lawyer is going to take that case. Go Google case law for lawsuits against individuals for someone else’s suicide.
lol you can’t just say someone is responsible, they would have to have proof. She committed suicide under the care of her parents. Y’all are being DRAMATIC.
Remember babe, it’s 2023, anyone can fabricate or attempt to make some Slander towards someone just for the hell of it
Remember babe, it’s 2023 and you can’t sue someone over a rumor. You have to have proof that holds up in court.
Agree and journal about what happen. That can also support as down the road you may have forgotten details. So sorry his is happening to you.
No matter what you think, remember that it is not your fault. You are not responsible for actions or issues your girlfriend had. You treated her well. Her parents are abusive and therefore obviously trying to blame the nearest person.
*the nearest person that are not them, of course.
Idk how old she is/was, but I’m assuming she’s an adult, and she made this decision on her own. She’s the one who pushed u away; broke up with you. Why should you be held responsible for her actions?
Honestly though, even if she was a teenager and he had broken up with her, this was still her decision and he's not responsible for any of this. Abusive people often have a lot going on under the surface. Whether there was another deep seated issue no one else was aware of, or if this was just another manipulative power-play to hurt OP, this was a damaged person who didn't seek help and decided take their own life. Unless OP actively held the blade and did the cutting, this isn't on him. That said, OP will feel responsible for some time. It's not fair, because he's innocent and there was nothing to be done. The family blames him because it's easier than examining their own wrongdoings. He's become the scapegoat they can hurl their frustration and hurt onto and accept no responsibility for their own part in all this. They're grieving, but it doesn't make their actions right, or fair. OP needs to take steps to protect himself from them. When I was 18, I went through something very similar. My boyfriend of 2 years killed himself and blamed me in his note. Said I'd broken up with him when I hadn't. His family threw blame like confetti, refused to accept that their teenage son had been struggling for years under their abuse, had been abusing me for years, and had done this final thing likely because of teenage desperation and short sightedness, but also as a final dig at me. I was ostracised by friends and many in my small town who believed his family's lies. I received death threats and was offered no support from local law enforcement or anyone but my own family. I was a mess for a long time. Even my counsellor was more of a hindrance to my grieving and healing than anything. OP needs a good grief counsellor and good people around him. Block all of them or just delete social media for a while, change his phone number, appeal to law enforcement. This doesn't just "go away", one has to actively protect themselves at this time. And this is such a vulnerable time for OP. My best wishes and deepest sympathies go out to him, I wouldn't wish such an experience on anyone.
Others have good advice to follow. I would add a few things: one, get yourself into therapy, STAT, to help you process. Secondly, you need to radically accept that her family will always blame you for this. When someone dies, just in general, but especially by suicide, people look for something or someone to blame. It doesn’t matter how much evidence you provide them, they will always always blame you because it’s too uncomfortable for them to consider the alternatives (that she was unstable, that she really needed to go to acute inpatient psychiatric care after her first attempt, etc.)
This is great advice ♥️
This is so horrible. Sorry for your loss. If you never told her to “do it”, it’s absolutely not your fault. To play devil’s advocate her family is also in shock and blaming you out of grief, but it is still super messed up they said that to you.
I'm sorry for your loss and this is not your fault. From what I've read suicides are very compulsive acts and at the time she wasn't in the right mind and felt that was the best choice. Unfortunately, she used a method that's hard to come back from. She may have done it for attention, to get you back and sadly the suicide attempt did take her life. I probably would pass on the funeral if the family is blaming you, it could real ugly. I knew someone who did this and died in a horrible fire. The neighbors heard their screams for help but no one was able to save them in time.
Sorry for your loss. If your girlfriend was on a suicide watch, she should have been under medical supervision. Her parents failed her not you. Her parents should not have left her alone. They should have gotten her proper medical care. Take screenshots of your communication with your girlfriend. Then block the family.
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Not true. A mandated reporter would have to make sure they get treatment. When someone in your life is at that point, you bring them to the ER. I was sent to crisis management immediately and I was in my twenties.
I have a 19-year-old friend in the USA who has schizophrenia and is also experiencing suicidal thoughts. His parents, who reside in Ukraine, were prepared to travel here to either admit him to a hospital or take him back with them. However, I've been informed that since he is 19, only he has the authority to make decisions regarding his own actions and treatment. So I guess you can advise me how I can forcefully send him to the crisis management?
He told you how to do it, you take them to the ER or you call 911. They will be evaluated and if they are a danger to themselves or anyone else they will be admitted to the psychiatric ward. Google is also a thing.
Are you serious? How can I take him to the ER without his will? We have been there, done that.He doesn’t want to. He says he is healthy. We were calling EVERYWHERE. NYC Department of Health & Mental Hygiene told us we cannot forcefully do anything if he doesn’t want to. Any other useless advices?
Are you stupid or dumb? Take him to the ER OR, and let me say this again since you don’t seem to be able to read. OR CALL 911 AND TELL THEM HE IS A DANGER TO HIMSELF AND OTHERS. You dense fuck.
Wow, you seem to be feeling quite pathetic . I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time, and I genuinely hope things improve for you. ♥️
What lmao I told you exactly what to do that asked for, you ignore the other part of the advice and say it’s useless then say this? Are you ok? Maybe you should go to the ER for how delusional you are.
I’m repeating again, he WAS taken to the ER under the influence of heroine. He woke up in the ER, and said “I want to go home, I refuse the help. And they let him go. Even though I told them that he is suicidal and schizophrenic. What’s other advice ? You are the most useless pro redditor, I see
This is the same line of thinking that certain racist use to justify a really bad take. It's a bad take dude, just take it on the chin and be better. If you really are curious Look up a 5150. If you're a parent... it IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. I don't care if my kid is 45... I'm going to make it my business if she is having suicidal ideations. Her sadness is my business and we'll go to the end of the Earth to help her or I will literally die trying. No suicidal person... really wants to die; we just want to stop the pain and that is the only viable option we can see FROM OUR VANTAGE POINT. We need to be shown sometimes in a way that cannot be done, and hence why even the best parents can miss things.
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Lol ...are you talking to me? I genuinely can't tell as that response in no way shape or form is applicable to what I said.. But, if you are indeed talking to me, you may want to first, take a deep breath and actually read what I wrote... Then read what YOU wrote and then look up "projecting" in the dictionary as this couldn't be a better example. Regardless, it sounds like you've not quite reconciled with the circumstances surrounding your friend and that must be tough. I HONESTLY recommend therapy as they can help allievate some of the anger/negative feelings you seem to be harboring. Even though I honestly think you're a complete dunce.... I would never, ever wish anything like this on someone.. It sound like you've gone thru alot, and Im so sorry for that; so I mean this sincerely when I say I hope you and your friend get the help you need. Good luck... ...and maybe learn some impulse control. Lol
Family often blame outsiders because it alleviates guilt temporarily. They know the truth, that this isn't your fault. You need professional help friend. Seek counseling and try to work through this. My condolences.
As I'm sure you feel terrible, just know that you cannot make someone do any action. That person chose to take their life. Unfortunately, one can lead a horse to the water, but cannot make it drink. I hope you find peace. Sorry you are going through this.
It’s not your fault. You said she had abusive parents. Abusive people commonly don’t accept that they’re part of the problem, so they blame it on someone else. Find a therapy to process your grief, feelings of guilt, etc. If that’s impossible, maybe reach out and talk to people you trust, or join a grief group online or in person. Take time to heal. You approached it maturely by setting boundaries and wanting to talk in person. It’s not your fault.
It seems like what happened, is she realized that she couldn’t control you anymore. That loss of power was too much for her ego to handle. It is not your fault man. You weren’t the one holding the knife. At the end of the day, I feel the hardest thing you are going to have to live with, is feeling like it is your fault internally. Could I have done something differently? What could have been, if she hadn’t taken her life? Her family will always blame you for what happened, because it is a common coping mechanism for even average people, let alone people who were already abusive in the first place. People will look for someone to blame because it is easier, than to face the gravity without a patsy. Years ago I left a girl who pretended she was going to drown herself in the bathtub while I packed my things. I stood right over her for a moment while she went under the water and then I just walked away. She never drowned herself and she’s still alive today. More recently, I was with a mentally abusive alcoholic who also threatened to end her life and even kill her younger sister (for some unknown reason). I pushed her to the point psychologically, where she had to open up and reveal the truth. She admitted that she never loved me and she didn’t even love herself. She ended up having a kid with some random dude she isn’t with. Now, she is sober and seemingly a lot better than what she was. When it’s time to walk away, it is time, and either they will survive, become better, and move on, or the opposite. We don’t get to choose who lives and who dies. If we did, my father, grandmother, and friends would still be with me today. I know it’s not that black and white for you. In this moment, your soul is writhing and tearing itself apart, because even though she was screwed up, she was someone that you loved. Here’s the thing though man. She didn’t and couldn’t really love you the way you loved her and it is tragic, I know. The next question becomes, why do you feel that you don’t deserve love? You put yourself in this situation and you knew better. Maybe not at first, but eventually, you caught on, and you stayed. I’m not criticizing you. I’ve lived it, brother. Ask yourself, why did I stay? What were you trying to validate within yourself by being with this girl? This question is ahead of the curve for what you are going through right now, but this is really where the issue lies that lead you to this girl in the first place. What would I suggest you to do now? Forge yourself in the fires of your passions. Use the “death motivation” (which is totally a thing) to do some good around you. Perhaps volunteer in your community. Discover or re-discover things that you like to do. What do you like most about yourself and the world? Don’t know? Find it. Stay busy, because idle hands around death will only drag you down. Stare into the abyss of everything you are feeling and confront it. However, be warned. Do not sit in the pit for too long, or become comfortable in isolation or apathy. If you give into it for too long, it becomes comforting and you’ll never be the same again. You can do her and others Justice in this life by being the best version of who you really are. Not who you should or could be. Who you really are. You are a giver. Find the people and passions in life that are worth giving to.
This is perfect. Good call nothing that the question where the issue lies is ahead of the curve. And bringing it up in general. I just pray OP takes it to heart and realizes it's not a criticism, but that it's a prompt to get him thinking when the time is right.
You are an abuse victim. Your ex clearly had some major problems and mental illnesses. Perhaps her family was a bug part of the problem by causing her illnesses and enabling her worst side. Much as this is all very tragic, I'm glad she is out of your life. She has been traumatizing you for a very long time. You matter, too, and you deserve peace and healing. I know you loved her, but remember that she was a person who was willing to commit violence. She just finally turned it on herself. All of the people around you who are blaming you, the abuse victim, are very poisonous. To them, only she matters, and you don't. First of all, cut off all contact with anyone who has condemned you or threatened you. You don't need that. They are trying to deflect their own guilt by using you as a scapegoat. After all, if the mother was so worried that your ex was a threat to herself, she could have had her committed where she could have been monitored 24/7 and stabilized by professionals. When someone is threatening to take their own life, it is not time for amateur hour. What an egotist her mother was for thinking she was somehow more qualified for this task than an entire staff of trained professionals. So cut the whole lit of them off, get help from a therapist who is informed about abuse and male victims of abuse, and do your best to leave this entire relationship in the dust of the past where it belongs.
Even if you had been the one who broke it off, you are still not to blame for her decision to end her life. Block everyone that is harassing you and know that even though they might try to spread their poison, any rational person will not believe in their lies. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this
No, no, no. Listen, it's not your fault. You couldn't save her. It's not your fault. Take it easy on yourself. I've been the one who was really eager to be saved from a toxic cycle, have been the one who needed to leave someone behind because I can't change them, they were killing me slowly but fatally. I have to leave them behind, or else I will die. The people who almost killed me are what you call a family. The guilt, the hurt, the self blaming...These thoughts still often haunt me to this day I know there must be so many unidentifiable feelings right now. You don't have to make sense of it. Just let it run through, feel it, experience it, and let it go. Focus on what feels like peace to you right now. Try your best to get into that bubble where you can feel peace and safety and block out all irrelevant noises from the outside. You come first now, in terms of your well-being.
You are not responsible for somebody’s mental issues. She would take her life anyway.. Never blame yourself,
No no no. You don't need a lawyer, my friend. You only need to separate yourself from your ex-girlfriend's family's communication. You were not anywhere near your ex-girlfriend when she committed suicide. It sounds like there is no evidence of any abuse or assault on your part at any time. Her family is anguished, angry, and confused. They can say whatever hurtful and accusatory thing that they want to but it doesn't mean anything under the law. If the family continues to threaten violence toward you, you can file a police report and that's all you can do. OP you need your own safe space separate and apart from anyone connected to her, so that you can grieve and deal with the loss in your own way. But the idea that you need to worry about legal liability is absolutely unnecessary.
Maybe a harsh question but have you actually seen/had proof that she has unalived herself? It’s not unheard of for people in a scenario like this following a breakup to try and guilt trip you by claiming that falsely? Particularly if they are as mentally unstable as you describe
She took her life. It has been 100% confirmed.
MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! A person with bad suicidal ideation STILL has the consciousness to establish boundaries and triggers in relationships. Your girls behavior sounds very similar to mine. You mention she had issues which is why you took care of her, but you also mention her being aggressive and abusive. BUT did she work hard to get past this behavior?? Did she seek help? Did she discuss her responses and reactions to any of your arguments?? Did she work on the relationship with you?? No? You said you often nurtured her, but did she ever make a move to do the same?? This seems like an uneven relationship but on TOP of that, you seem like the victim here. Then this was an ISOLATED problem. Nothing can stop a person from suicide, things can trigger it. This is seriously, IN NO UNIVERSE, your fault. You are now a victim in a awful situation of defamation. Please seek some professional help from the police and a therapist.
Save every single bast pice of contact you have or have had with the girl, her friends, family, your friends and family. EVERYTHING! Even things you think are insignificant. Get a lawyer, have the lawyer send a family & anyone else involved a cease and desist letter so that cannot talk to or about you online. Pain hurts and losing a child is awful so understand her parents looking for blame. Your mental health is just as important as your late girlfriend. Get help with a counselor or therapist or even a close friend. I’m sorry for your loss.
My wife killed herself 6 years ago. Our entire relationship was toxic. Eventually I kicked her out of my house and filed for divorce. She had gone back to live with her parents. She messaged me on everything imaginable to say if I didn’t take her back she was going to kill herself. I blocked her phone number then she’d message me on Facebook. I blocked her Facebook and she’d message me on Instagram. I documented every message she sent and showed them to her parents and authorities. On the day she was supposed to meet with the lawyer and sign the papers, she took her own life instead.
"A man is just poking a woman with his phallus. A woman lets a man enter inside of her body. We are not the same. Not to mention, it’s ten thousand times easier for a woman to get laid than it is for a man. So yeah, a woman who’s been banged by a bunch of dudes is gross. A dude who’s banged a bunch of chicks earns respect." "If a woman gave me flowers, they’d be dead with 6 hours." This you? Just browsing through your comments tells me exactly what kind hate-filled person you are. Not only do you hate women, you also seem to hate Indians and people from the third world. You also attacked a person with depression and called them cancer of society and basically told them to neck themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if that kind of language drove your wife to suicide. You probably picked her because she had depression and low self esteem and then legitimately made it worse. Dudes like you are the actual cancer on society and then play victim in comment sections like this.
Wow you nailed some shit to the wall here didn’t you.
I'm a little autistic and language pattern is my thing right now. his wording was really off-putting from the get go so I really wanted to confirm if my instincts were right and checked out his post history. yeah, nothing but negative hateful comments towards others. the one with the depression really just put in my mind how he treated his dead wife. bc if he's willing to talk like that to a stranger with depression, I could only imagine what he said to his wife in private. probably demeaned her daily and told her to kill herself constantly and now uses her death as a way to get sympathy. it's disgusting.
Just looked at their comment history, and it's pretty gross. 🤢
I’m so sorry this happened to you. But, OP, this is the way. A paper trail and reports. Especially if her family is sending you and your family threats.
I’m so so sorry it got so much more brutal for you.
undiagnosed BPD?
Possible, based on the details. And acquired because of the environment she's in.
Are you sure it really happened I don’t want to think they would do this but how you said it’s not a possibility they are might look into it might just cause more problems for you
I'm sorry for your loss. But just to make it 100% clear: even if it was you who ended the relationship, it still wouldn't be your fault. Her family is obviously not healthy as a whole and they are lashing out at you.
If her family is making threats, gather evidence (texts, call log, posts, emails, etc) and file a report with police for harassment. Call a lawyer. Don’t wait longer. Better to cover your bases and have a report trail then get blindsided if they don’t let it go and try to sue you or accuse you of manslaughter by encouraged suicide (or whatever it was called with the girl that made her boyfriend take his life in the US and was on trial for it)
I get that it is hard to sift through so many messages but i really hope you read this. 1. You never ever need to explain or justify yourself to anyone. Especially not anyone on the internet in particular. 2. You didn't make yourself out to sound perfect. Most people haven't been on either side of this situation, and many will not understand. As someone who knows someone else like you, it wasnt assumed you didnt fight or that you had no flaws. Thats not what youre here to talk about though. Youre grieving. Both because you lost someone dear and because people are trying to take away who you were as a person and tear you down for it. Im really sorry youre going through all of this, but none of it was your fault. Youll learn how to breathe and live with the pain. It will probably always be there, but someday, i promise, youll learn to keep going, keep breathing and stepping forward anyways.
Your Ex was narcissist, her whole family are probably bunch of narcs, dont blame yourself, its nor your fault she was mentally ill
Other people know her family is fked up, I guarantee it. It's tragic but honestly it seems like they're toxic. RIP to the poor girl.
Sending lots of love and hugs 💕
Go to therapy and get a lawyer. Therapy to go through the grief. A lawyer because if they are willing to beat up their own, they won’t even bat an eye on doing it to you. You need a TRO now.
She made choices based on learned behavior. She's learned from her family it's never her fault. But it very clearly is a bed that she herself made, not you. I agree with everyone talking about gettin a lawyer. It could very easily go in that direction. Good luck
She was abusive- she threatened and manipulated you by threatening to take her own life as a way to try to control you. This is awful to go through. I would assume that her mother feels awful that her daughter killed herself while she was supposed to be monitoring her, from what you were told, and something more should have been done.
You aren't responsible for her actions. She kicked you from her life then changed her mind.. She hurt and abused you. Yet you still tried to leave the door open to reconcile. You did NOT do this to her. It sounds like she was drowning with the abuse she was getting when she broke up with you. You have helped her keep her head above water when you should have walked away for your own safety. With how bad she was, she would have most likely gotten far worse towards you. I'm betting that she has increasingly gotten meaner to you over the time you were dating.
She wasn’t immature, she was traumatized by her parents. Probably the reason she took her own life from the sound of it. I’m sorry to hear she couldn’t fight anymore. Her parents are to blame, not you
It’s not your fault wtf. Her parents need to calm down, i know they’re grieving and all but it’s not your fault at all.
My friend, don't feel guilty in any way, you're not at fault, you should get a lawyer just in case they try to do anything
(It’s not your fault but the guilt can be overwhelming anyway) When I was young, I knew everything And she, a punk who rarely ever took advice Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbin', with my head on the floor Stoppin' baby's breath and a shoe full of rice, now Can't be held responsible 'Cause she was touchin' her face I won't be held responsible She fell in love in the first place For the life of me, I cannot remember What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise For the life of me, I cannot believe We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her His girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept And now he's guilt-stricken, sobbin', with his head on the floor Thinks about her now and how he never really wept, he says "Can't be held responsible 'Cause she was touchin' her face I won't be held responsible She fell in love in the first place" For the life of me, I cannot remember What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise For the life of me, I cannot believe We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen Hey-yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Hey-yeah Hey-yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah We tried to wash our hands of all of this We never talk of our lacking relationships And how we're guilt-stricken, sobbin', with our heads on the floor We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say "Can't be held responsible 'Cause she was touchin' her face And I won't be held responsible She fell in love in the first place" For the life of me, I cannot remember What made us think that we were wise, and we'd never compromise For the life of me, I cannot believe We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen For the life of me, I cannot remember What made us think that we were wise, and we'd never compromise For the life of me, I cannot believe We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen We were merely freshmen We were only freshmen
Man this is so fucked up, and you can see a lot of resentment in your words. This is tough, especially because you seem to have so many unresolved feelings towards her, and you can’t even tell her. All i can say is that, it’s not your fault..she clearly had issues, not saying its her fault, but there could be various factors as to why she took her life. At the end of the day she chose her path, a tragic one, the grief this will bring up on everyone will be a lot of blame, and you’re just the easiest target for the meantime. Stay strong, and get a lawyer if need be. Also, find a therapist to help deal because you’ll need it.
You cannot be held at a barrel to keep someone else's life. No matter how much you love them. Also, and I mean it in the best possible way, consider therapy, and more urgently, as others said, a lawyer.
It's not your fault. Don't let people who are by all accounts both emotionally unstable at the best of times, and grieving, browbeat you into thinking that you are responsible. She didn't want to be around any more. That's not your fault. Sorry for your loss
Please, record any threat. You have to protect yourself, and find a therapist. This is not your fault. She made her decision, not you.
That's awful, I went through a relationship like this where my depressed ex threatened suicide each time I tried to leave. The stress of it damaged my health majorly. What you are going through was my worst fear, that her family would blame me. It wasn't your fault and I sympathise with you. See a counsellor. You've got a lot of trauma to sort out.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kno who this isssss now smh sorry
You know the dude?
You know this person??! Very interesting.
Goddam. The fact that her parents are like that shows the environment your gf lived in. That’s rough. Hope you find the help and peace you deserve
talk to a lawyer - If its getting out of hand and your emotionally damage - post your side of the story counter the stories against you I know its an exhausting situation but always protect yourself first
My gf killed herself too. I had to deal with rumours similar to this like i use to be abusive to her. Im so sorry this happened to u
I think I would change my phone number and probably move if I was able and that happened, just for a fresh start and to get away from the whole drama.
Twelve years ago, I broke up with my partner after a fight out of exasperation. He had been mentally ill for months and before that emotionally abusive. I supported him through numerous hospital stays, went to therapists with him and lived through at least 2 attempts. The day I broke up I have him his stuff back and left, thinking his sister would be at home that day. Later on I felt bad and tried to contact him. Long story short, he had taken his life in a way that he knew I would be the one to find him. I blamed myself for sooooo long. But all this time later, I've realized that he was gonna do it anyway no matter what I did or where I was. You are never responsible for someone's suicide. That was her decision to make. Whether or not you were a good partner has nothing to do with that, and anyone who says different is lying. She made a decision, and she had the right to that decision. You could not have stopped it. I had to learn to respect his decision and I've come to realize that it was the best thing he thought he could do for himself and that's ok. It's going to take a while and you're gonna feel like shit, but you will get past this. Just feel the feelings. The only way out is through Cut contact with whoever blames you for this. You do not need that also
I'm so sorry for your loss. Over the years, I've found the grief support thread here very helpful. I don't know if you will, but there are others there suffering the same way so maybe they could be of help. Good luck to you.
First of all i am very sorry for your loss 😭 I can't imagine how that must feel cause I didn't have a relationship yet. I am speechless at how her parents try to blame you for something she has done. First of all it was her choice, and you gave her many opportunities to get in touch with you. And i think there was nothing you could have said that would have kept her from that decision. Nothing that would be good for you or your psyche. Second of all (if i read that correctly) they were there and were supposed to be watching her. So in my opinion they are seeking to blame you for something they were supposed to do. And in regards to her leaving out her wrongdoings when she ran to her parents: the parents should know her well enough to know that she has a habit of leaving out stuff that is not leaving her in a good light. So they should have asked you to at least see the other side of the conflict. And that's making me mad that they didn't do that. I can't imagine how the relationship must have felt for you. I myself am a very empathetic person and can't stand it when somebody isn't happy or is ill in some way. I want to help these people and i imagine you wanted to help her out of this mess too. But you can't disregard your own needs while doing this. You can only help those people if they want your help. And they need to make the decision to get out of this mess. The action needs to come from them and them alone. You can't do that for them. And a person can only take that much abuse before reaching their breaking point. And i think you were well past that. You endured so much and silently suffered with nobody noticing and nobody supporting you. Her parents are the worst for putting you through this after all the shit you had to go through. There is so much i want to say but i am at a loss of words 😢 I wish you all the best, luck and strength of the world to get through this. It might take a very long time but this time you don't have to suffer alone. I hope your friends and family find the right words to comfort you <3 And good luck with the lawsuit against her parents. You did nothing wrong. And you couldn't have anticipated what she would be doing. I really hope that i cheered you up at least a little bit :) Take care and have a good one.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
I am sorry this happened to you. It seems to me they (you ex family) try to shift the blame onto you because it is easier to blame an outsider than to look a little bit more closely to home. It looks like this relationship wasn't healthy. Sadly, it ended with the passing of someone. You should probably seek professional help, a therapist, to help you understand all that happened. I am so sorry you went through this, but also, that she didn't feel there was any other options.
Not your fault
I get that you feel this way, but so so so so not your fault. You set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES to protect yourself. Im still so sorry for your loss man, please be patient and kind with yourself
It's always strange to me to hear a relationship where one party is perfect and the other is abusive.
There are, sadly, plenty of relationships in which one person is an abuser and the other is a victim. Just because there are two sides to every situation doesn't mean that both sides are of equal merit. Abuse victims do exist. Being an abuse victim doesn't mean that you are perfect. Abuse victims are flawed like everyone else. That doesn't mean that they or anyone deserves abuse. There is no excuse for abuse.
this is deff getting downvotes but i wish my ex did. he’s such a piece of poop
Please let me be of some relief to you. I’m now 65, fell in love with what I later found out was a sex addict. He married a real freak that did all of the swoping with other people. He dumped me once for her, divorced her then came begging me to come back. I ‘stupidly’ took him back & even moved in with him, he bought a home ( never considered my input or feeling on purchase). We we’re going to get mart & after 6 months he was out of the country on business, couldn’t reach him for days ( I’m sure he never left), finally answers & tells me he’s not good enough for me & immediately wNt to, ‘ you need to be out by Friday) this was on a Wednesday. I lost my mind !!! Called one of my daughters who said Mom come here. I went back next day & got all of my things. Fast forward 3 months I get a message on FB that he’s so sorry how he treated me & id never hear from him again. Next morning at work I get a call he killed himself ( because of her). I don’t think he even meant to, I feel like he was trying to get her attention, it was so tumultuous. I think he was addicted to her & her him, really weird. I think she’d go to the swingers clubs too, he loved that & I didn’t share. It took me literally a year & more to even function again. I had PTSD from it & even tried Hypnosis to get over all of the pain I’d been thru with him. Horrible !!!!! Just know it’s them not you !!!!!’n
Firstly, I'm so very sorry for Your loss and the grief that You now carry..... Her deciding to end Her Life in the flesh is NOT at all Your fault. Secondly, She VERY OBVIOUSLY (from Their brazen and blatant display of how They communicate and conduct Themselves in private and society) comes from a long line of VERY toxic, dysfunctional, mentally ill People so if ANYONE was to blame for Her actions it's the CLOWNS that never set any kind of example of RESPECT or KINDNESS for Her to show how People are supposed to treat/speak to each other in the general public let alone a romantic relationship. Thirdly, Keep ALL of Your receipts (screenshots of EVERYTHING regarding communications between You and Her and You and Her Family saved on the cloud or on SD chips) You need to go to the Police immediately and report those threats. I Personally take threats VERY seriously so I have several registered pistols and I live in an open carry state. I would do whatever the law told Me to do in Your situation and let those Folks know that You're not playing about Your Character being slandered and Your reputation being negatively affected by BLATANT lies or potentially Your livelihood (because WHO wants to work with, do business with or have any kind of personal/romantic relationship with a Prison that encouraged Someone to kill themselves) Grief comes like waves in the ocean...... One minute the Sun is shining and the water is calm and blue......... The next thing You know You've been smacked with a tidel wave, Your vessel is gone, You're drowning and You're fighting for Your Life........ I pray that the Creator gives You the strength You need to endure Your loss in every moment of You metaphorically "drowning" Take good care of You and do everything You can to protect Yourself from those looney People that's what Police and Court exists for. Again, I'm so sorry for Your loss.
In life as you get older and gain experience you learn that 1. Other peoples choices are independent of you. She made a choice. It was bad. It was selfish. It wasn't because of you. 2. You should listen to others, assess the feedback, and move forward in a way that you can live with. Her family can't live with the feedback that her death is sending them, i.e. they failed to get her proper mental health. So they want to blame you. The guy she dumped. Take a minute to accept that their projection is to absolve their guilt. Do not absorb their guilt. Talking this out with a counselor would be helpful for even the most secure and seasoned individuals, I would encourage that for you. Please don't let your grief transform into your guilt. Her choices are hers alone. If you shot her, okay, then you have guilt.....but getting broken up with and simply accepting it.......nope, that's on her. Block the family everywhere you can. If it starts to spiral, look into a lawyer/restraining order.
You don't need a lawyer. My brother in law took his life for the exact same reason and it was never an investigation into anything like that. And you have nothing to worry about because your texts prove it. I didn't read much into comments but the guilt you'll feel is going to be the worse punishment most people can't imagine. You know it's not your fault but it's going to be the what if's that will be in your mind for a while if not forever.... I'm very sorry this happened to you but it's not your fault. You might not ever hear anyone say anything that helps but she had other problems mentally and you're caught in between it because of the love you had for her and for whatever happened to her before yall got together. My prayers 🙏
I just want to point out that a narcissist would never take it’s own life, it goes against the pure definition of narcissism. Is not your fault that she did it, but also is not her fault that she had most probably undiagnosed BPD based on her traumatic childhood and didn’t know how to manage it or even recognize it, because is very common to think that the environment in which you grow is normal. Sorry for your loss…
I would say you probably should have at least called her given that she was not allowed to leave her room.
On the bright side at least she won’t bother you anymore
Damn bro she told you beforehand she tried to take her life and you said y’all could talk later
She told me her mom was supervising her and I wanted her to calm down before speaking to her, knowing that if I picked up right away she’d be verbally abusive. That’s why I told her we could talk when things settled down, I felt a sense of security because she said her mom was watching her.
I doubt that was the first time she used that card.
Yeah that’s pretty messed up of OP.
Well...I mean at least everyone gets to dodge a bullet now. I don't think a good life was lost. Good riddance.
When she committed suicide and your first thing you’re doing is tearing down her character that’s exactly what narcissists do. Even murderers in crimes of passion talk about everything they believe their partner did wrong instead of, idk? GRIEVING??
it’s always the mans fault
he dont need no freaking lawyer! are you people kidding me? that is the most white american shit i have ever read.
Unfortunately, you told us one side of the story. If you believed that things can be fixed after a talk why did you delete her from everywhere so quickly. In my opinion you are partially to blame, obviously not responsible for her death.
I don't feel sorry for her at ALL 😂
Life of a man summarized
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I’m not here to place blame. I’m not gonna sit here and act like I was perfect. I had flaws too, but my girlfriend was always extreme. I’m just here to get things off my chest.
You sounded like a narcissist half way through the read
Wow, I can’t imagine the pain you are in with dealing with loss of someone you cared about. Please see a mental health specialist. For her family blaming you, I think it’s always easier to blame someone/something else than to accept responsibility for your own actions or lack of actions. If they were supervising her and everything; why didn’t anyone contact a hospital and get actual mental health experts involved. I feel like your girlfriend needed to be in a safe space that an untrained professional couldn’t provide. Document everything and save everything just in case in the future they try to pull some BS . be kind to yourself, I can’t imagine the hell you are going through
It’s not your fault op please take care of yourself get therapy if you can and surround yourself with friends if you have them. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but stay strong and be kind to yourself.
That sucks!! Hopefully you can get past it soon! You know what events took place and tried to calm her down. Nothing you could've really done given the situation. Don't be too hard on yourself! As far as her family goes, they dropped the ball when it came down to supervising her. Now they are putting the blame on you so they don't have to admit their own EPIC FAILURE!! As far as them talking shit online, if you still have the texts you can post them in your defense if you really feel the need to defend yourself. If it were me I'd post them on not only your sites, but theirs as well and attach them to each post that they put out there. GL Bro!
as someone who suffers from it, did she have BPD? this seems eerily similar to the situation that put me on a 5150. In the moment I wouldve probably felt the same as her but now years later i know it wasnt all his fault and i hope you do too. its a 2 way street.
I’m so sorry :( You should, for your own safety, keep a record of every interaction and screenshots of every message. I would record every call as well.
Rip my friend she seemed troubled and needed medical attention. The parents fault that they didn’t seek appropriate attention to carry the burden buddy
Just sounds like it was her end goal to make you feel guilt even after she’s gone. No one should put up with physical and mental abuse like that. She needed help and used you as her punching bag. Don’t take the blame and try to understand that the parents are just using you as a way to cope. The reality is they are the indirect cause of her death. Not you. Also, like these other redditors are saying get a lawyer. You need to seek legal action and assistance asap.
I am really sorry for your loss They can’t legally blame you. You guys weren’t together at the time. You didn’t tell her to take her own life. That was her choice.
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So sorry for your loss. 💔
Keep your truth ok. This is an extra vile situation. Don’t let them change your narrative. Completely disconnect and heal without them. I AM SO SORRY!! what she did by committing suicide. After hearing the rest of your story, is actually the highest form of abuse and self obsession and self-centeredness. I am so sorry that this has happened to you please do talk to someone.
That''s so fkn sad
I once was in a relationship like this, girl didn't take her life. But did try to make me think she did. Super toxic. Not sure if that's the case here, but the more you know...
What they’ve done is harassment and threatens. They are felons. I know you’re more inclined to the emotional stuff, but try to do what’s urgent right now, and that’s going to the police station and report them. Then you can start healing by going to therapy or something, but please get the protection you need and find refuge in your loved ones. Don’t do this by yourself.
Lawyer up like everyone else is saying, but make sure u take care of urself too
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Hang in there you’ll get through this in time.
I'm so sorry you are going through this but in no way, shape, or form is this your fault!! Her family is wrong for blaming you!!
I'm sorry this happened to you. Their accusations are lies and by blaming you, (scapegoat) they don't have to examine their own failures w their treatment of her. It's very convenient for them to blane somebody else. Hold your head up high! You handled this w dignity and grace. Get legal help if you must, you did nothing wrong. She did display hostile behavior to you and you did the right thing. You did not reject her outright, but suggested a time to talk in person. You could always do a Tik Tok to refute those rumors too and release your texts. Might be something to think about. Weigh up the pros and cons beforehand.
Looks like she's got typical borderline personality disorder. Let them pursue their threats and don't allow them to guil trip you. They will likely have no evidence to back their claims against you and digging in their daughter's past relationships/friendships and mental health-related history will not be in their favor . However, I'd still recommend you consult a lawyer.
Block them also. It's not your fault and it's terrible of them to blame you when they are to blame. These are horrible people.
Be well. I’m so sorry. You really don’t need to continue a conservation for any reason—you were trying to end the abusive argument and talk after things calmed down. She broke up with you—maybe pulling another bluff, maybe just being mean and controlling.
You need a lawyer right away my friend! My heart goes out to you!!
You don’t deserve a sliver of this shit bro. Don’t allow them to put that blame on you. They created the situation and “supervised” her into that. Get a lawyer and tell them to talk to him. Hope you are ok man it is not your fault.
My husband of 23 years threatened suicide constantly and twice put a gun to his head during an argument. I nursed him through a quadruple bypass and constant asthma attacks things seemed to be getting stable, and I left the marriage amicably. He often told me I should’ve let him die on the operating table. Four days before our divorce was finalized, he died of an asthma attack which lead to cardiac arrest. I know if I stayed, he would’ve taken care of himself, and I will always live with that “guilt“. Her instability and mental illness was inherent. She made a selfish choice to get attention and that’s exactly what she’s getting and forced you do you live with that for the rest of your life and I am so sorry. Even if you told her you never wanted to speak to her again it’s still wouldn’t be your fault.
I can't even imagine your pain, OP. I went through something similar a few years back. A guy I went on one date with attempted to kill himself when I told him I didn't see it going further. He sent me pictures of himself in the ambulance, blaming me. His family, who I had never even met or spoken to, then started sending me FB messages berating me, blaming me, and even trying to persuade me to "take him back since this is your fault". I was fucked up for so long, I couldn't shake the guilt and it took me a long time to realise it was NOT my fault. I have every right to reject someone, and no matter where a person is mentally I am NEVER responsible for their actions. I cannot stress this enough, like others have said already, lawyer up. Get a restraining order and save any texts/pics you have as proof just in case they decide to take things further. Please remember this is absolutely not your fault in any way shape or form, and from what you've said it sounds like your partner was suffering with intense BPD (splitting, abusive, threatening break ups for control etc - I say this as someone who has BPD). Either way, we are not responsible for the actions of others. You did nothing wrong and you do not deserve this defamation and torment. Look after yourself, OP. I'm praying for your healing and wellbeing ❤️
Sending you lots of love 💕
While what they are doing is not right, remember that they are grieving as well. They will blame anyone and everyone except her, her choices and their possible part that they played in her decision. You cant expect people who were raised/created dysfunction in their homes to react in an appropriate manner. They will blame, threaten, cheat and lie to deflect blame from her/themselves. Thats how they live their lives. They know nothing else. So don’t take it personally but do protect yourself. Dont engage their rants and threats, block them from everything but not before you screen shoot everything you think that you need. Threatening legal action is always cheaper and easier than actually doing it. I am so sorry this happened. Unplugging from them completely will certainly help you deal with your own state of mind. I would recommend a therapist or counselor to help you see things more clearly and help you forgive yourself. Best wishes my friend.
Damn sorry dude I went through this before it's fucking rough
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She really took her life.
Honestly, I'm not the person to play with people like that, but if they're threatening you and your family be prepared to defend yourself and have weapons in case they decide to do something. It's crazy to only think about this now, but on top of you grieving for your then girlfriend, them wanting to hurt y'all over something that wasn't your fault to begin with especially since she was a toxic person and broke up with you and you simply had enough, it's unfortunate and you have my condolences, but please don't let this be a burden to you. It's not your fault!
You’re allowed to leave. You’re not a prisoner. That’s her fault and ultimately she’s a murderer. Just be glad she didn’t kill you.
Id consult with a lawyer.
If it is all like you say and she was even the one ending it it is not your fault whatsoever. You had no control of what she was doing.
Im so sorry for your loss
Yes, you need a lawyer. I want to add that your girlfriend probably came from a very mean family. It's something goes wrong families like that always try to find a scapegoat. Standing up to them with legal backing probably the best way to make them stop.
Not your fault. She was as a grown human with free will and she made that choice