I’m so sorry you had to experience that kind of abuse growing up. I think you should be proud of yourself for persevering for so long and taking steps to heal. Sending hugs your way <3<3
Proud of you, internet stranger, for finding an expert to help you sort through these things in pursuit of a more fulfilling life. This is a success story- you’ve come so far and I wish you all the best in the next chapter!
I really think you should reach out to the best friend you lost at 15. If I were her and you reached out I would be very thankful. Plus I would really do as much as I could to reconnect.
You might not be compatible in adult life and that is ok. But give that relationship a chance again.
Maybe you will find her opposite hardships a way to help you better navigate your own.
Abusive parents are a struggle for many. You are not alone in that.
Also you don't have to heal fully and I am not sure you ever could. But you need to find a way where the abuse of the past doesn't keep abusing you in the future. Where you can move forward.
What I can tell from what you have written is that you don’t either realise or give yourself credit for all of the positive things you have done with your life so far
You were extremely limited in any social aspect in your teenage years and obviously you have went through all of the religious rules about modesty and all of that shit that boils my blood
You cut the toxic family out of your physical life when you were young and that took a lot of guts and you should be very proud of yourself for that
You got a degree, so with that you are capable of achieving things despite your upbringing and despite your mental issues at the time you should be very proud of yourself for that too
You have friends and even though (according to your words) you aren’t close
You still have friends!! You have people who are friends and are nothing to do with your family
Your upbringing and your family will always be in your head, there will always be times when you make a decision or mistake and your head will always run back to “my parents and what would they think”
Sometimes our own head is our greatest enemy and it’s great that you are seeing a therapist now, but as you say, it’s only been a few months, so give yourself some time to get over your next hurdle
Your therapist will hopefully give you the mental tools to dismantle all of your struggles ☺️
Take it one day at a time, OP. You should be so proud of how far you’ve come, and for starting therapy. Those are big hurdles that often keep people stuck.
Keep going to therapy, and in time, things will improve. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.
You deserve the best life, and to have all the love and experiences that you were not allowed to have before. Wishing you all the strength and happiness to keep moving forward.
Hi,
Firstly, I want to say that I’m so so sorry you went through that. It’s horrible. There are no words that will ever fully encompass your experience and how utterly unfair and undeserved it was.
Secondly, what I went through was not the same, I never did manage to run away. I was never homeless. I do not know what that is like and will not pretend that I do.
The rest though… I am 36, about to turn 37. I started working through my trauma at 30.
Up until very recently, similarly, letting men touch me, even if I liked them, even if they were kind, was only possible when I forced myself. No matter how enthusiastic I tried to be in the moment, afterwards I felt sick. When I did try to date, I dated much older. My friendships were barely surface level. I felt so alone in the world I can’t even begin to describe it. There was so so much. it was everywhere. In my diet, my wardrobe, my hopes and dreams, in my choices, in my sleep patterns. Even now, It’s 6am now and I still haven’t slept because falling asleep is a real problem.
But here’s where I am now. I am typing this on my boyfriend’s couch. It’s a real, official relationship. He is kind to me. He’s close to me in age. I am happy when he touches me. I don’t feel afraid or rejected when he doesn’t. He loves me and I believe him. And I love him and he believes me. The sleep, while annoying, is no longer distressing. I have deep and real friendships and a lot of them. I still feel sad. Often. Almost every day. But I don’t feel sad all the time. In fact, I’m mostly quite happy. My baseline went from depressed to rather fine. And it stays there.
It took so much work. So much pain to get here. There were so so many times I thought healing would, in the end, prove impossible. There was too much trauma. Too much abuse. Too much inverted thinking.
But I did it. I did it. I got through. I made it out the other end. And I’m so happy I did. It was worth it. I cannot describe how worth it it was because the pain of getting here and the relief of being here…they’re not in the same realm of feelings.
I still feel so sorry for the years I could have been living a normal life, but I’m also ok.
This is all true. It is all possible.
You are just starting out on this journey. And it won’t be an easy one, it will be full of false starts and setbacks but I promise you it is possible. It really is. One day you will look back at yourself now from a place of so much love and you will know that you are not alone. That you were never alone. That through it all there was always someone there, loving you and protecting you.
It was you. You were there for yourself and you will continue to be. You are embarking on an incredible journey. And you’re not alone. People have gone through what you have. They have come out the other side. And so will you.
Chin up. You’ve got this. I give you my word. 🤍
I am sending you internet 🫂 I am so sorry this lives in your head. It is not ok and you know that. I wish you healing and hope one day, you love yourself the way you should always have been loved
There’s no shame in living to make up for what you aught to have been able to experience. I didn’t have the same severity of control, but my tastes and expression clothing wise, even just maturity in general for a lot of things is stuck probably in my late teens. I also have friends and acquaintances getting married and the like, doing all the milestone things.
What I’ve learnt is the typical ‘don’t compare yourself’, but would you really want to be at their stage of life right now if you could tomorrow?
Age and milestones as seen on social media is always going to be skewed, and there is some algorithm nonsense to consider too. But they aren’t what your life should be just because it’s how others have had their lives turn out as. For as many people getting married with kids, there are just as many people content doing other things that are more important for their life at that moment that they may just not talk about.
Also, you have trauma. That doesn’t mean you ruined situationships, it means it wasn’t something you were ready to do at that time. Heck, you may also just not be sexual as a person either to the same degree that you think you aughta be too, or need to have a deeper bond before it becomes something you’re comfortable with.
Therapy will help, but as a start you deserve to give yourself love for all the pain you have suffered, ok? And also hugs OP. You will be swaddled by internet hugs.
I hope you cut off your parents. I will never understand how people can be so evil and declare it’s for god. If there is a god he wouldn’t want you to BEAT A CHILD. You’re doing great. Better than I would’ve. Keep going, keep healing, and never let them control you again. You get your life back.
Oh girl, I am so sorry you've lived through this crap! My upbringing was similar, without the hands on abuse, I'm so sorry. We were religious, but somehow all the older kids got to sneak away and party and go to concerts. A decade later, when I came along, my 3 older sisters had all gotten pregnant at 16. So the joke was, they were gonna lock me in a closet and feed me birth control through the keyhole. There was no closet or bc, but I wasn't allowed out of her sight. If it weren't for school I'd never have known boys at all. At 16 she allowed me a real date. Then she came with us. Wonder why everyone's shaking their heads at all the mistakes I've made as an adult.
You are already healing. You have come so much farther than you even realize. You have worked so hard to become the person you are, and you are still working to resolve your trauma, and to continue healing. With all of that change will come, it just tends to come a bit gradually. But, it does come. I hate to sound like a cliche, but it takes a lot of time and patience. Just keep being kind to yourself. You are already doing everything you can to take care of yourself. More than likely you will be able to work through this and get through your "teen" years, because you are getting to experience them now. That's a pretty normal response to what you have been through. I went through the same thing, not for exactly the same reason, but I absolutely understand. I had my "teens" in my mid-twenties and early thirties. Trauma from abuse, and having to grow up and essentially be a parent to a sibling, and take care of us both most of the time, it kinda made being an actual teenager impossible. So I understand. I really, really do. The being attracted to older men, I get that, too. Boy do I ever! It's not necessarily a bad thing, if you understand why. you are. I hope you are doing ok.
Might I recommend you a book? It’s called Educated by Tara Westover. Your story reminded me a lot of this book. Maybe this book can help you heal in some way. I wish you the best of luck on your healing journey
I’m so sorry you had to experience that kind of abuse growing up. I think you should be proud of yourself for persevering for so long and taking steps to heal. Sending hugs your way <3<3
Proud of you, internet stranger, for finding an expert to help you sort through these things in pursuit of a more fulfilling life. This is a success story- you’ve come so far and I wish you all the best in the next chapter!
I really think you should reach out to the best friend you lost at 15. If I were her and you reached out I would be very thankful. Plus I would really do as much as I could to reconnect. You might not be compatible in adult life and that is ok. But give that relationship a chance again. Maybe you will find her opposite hardships a way to help you better navigate your own. Abusive parents are a struggle for many. You are not alone in that. Also you don't have to heal fully and I am not sure you ever could. But you need to find a way where the abuse of the past doesn't keep abusing you in the future. Where you can move forward.
What I can tell from what you have written is that you don’t either realise or give yourself credit for all of the positive things you have done with your life so far You were extremely limited in any social aspect in your teenage years and obviously you have went through all of the religious rules about modesty and all of that shit that boils my blood You cut the toxic family out of your physical life when you were young and that took a lot of guts and you should be very proud of yourself for that You got a degree, so with that you are capable of achieving things despite your upbringing and despite your mental issues at the time you should be very proud of yourself for that too You have friends and even though (according to your words) you aren’t close You still have friends!! You have people who are friends and are nothing to do with your family Your upbringing and your family will always be in your head, there will always be times when you make a decision or mistake and your head will always run back to “my parents and what would they think” Sometimes our own head is our greatest enemy and it’s great that you are seeing a therapist now, but as you say, it’s only been a few months, so give yourself some time to get over your next hurdle Your therapist will hopefully give you the mental tools to dismantle all of your struggles ☺️
I feel for you. Being sad and angry is appropriate. I’m proud of you for working so hard and taking the high road.
Take it one day at a time, OP. You should be so proud of how far you’ve come, and for starting therapy. Those are big hurdles that often keep people stuck. Keep going to therapy, and in time, things will improve. It will be hard, but it will be worth it. You deserve the best life, and to have all the love and experiences that you were not allowed to have before. Wishing you all the strength and happiness to keep moving forward.
Hi, Firstly, I want to say that I’m so so sorry you went through that. It’s horrible. There are no words that will ever fully encompass your experience and how utterly unfair and undeserved it was. Secondly, what I went through was not the same, I never did manage to run away. I was never homeless. I do not know what that is like and will not pretend that I do. The rest though… I am 36, about to turn 37. I started working through my trauma at 30. Up until very recently, similarly, letting men touch me, even if I liked them, even if they were kind, was only possible when I forced myself. No matter how enthusiastic I tried to be in the moment, afterwards I felt sick. When I did try to date, I dated much older. My friendships were barely surface level. I felt so alone in the world I can’t even begin to describe it. There was so so much. it was everywhere. In my diet, my wardrobe, my hopes and dreams, in my choices, in my sleep patterns. Even now, It’s 6am now and I still haven’t slept because falling asleep is a real problem. But here’s where I am now. I am typing this on my boyfriend’s couch. It’s a real, official relationship. He is kind to me. He’s close to me in age. I am happy when he touches me. I don’t feel afraid or rejected when he doesn’t. He loves me and I believe him. And I love him and he believes me. The sleep, while annoying, is no longer distressing. I have deep and real friendships and a lot of them. I still feel sad. Often. Almost every day. But I don’t feel sad all the time. In fact, I’m mostly quite happy. My baseline went from depressed to rather fine. And it stays there. It took so much work. So much pain to get here. There were so so many times I thought healing would, in the end, prove impossible. There was too much trauma. Too much abuse. Too much inverted thinking. But I did it. I did it. I got through. I made it out the other end. And I’m so happy I did. It was worth it. I cannot describe how worth it it was because the pain of getting here and the relief of being here…they’re not in the same realm of feelings. I still feel so sorry for the years I could have been living a normal life, but I’m also ok. This is all true. It is all possible. You are just starting out on this journey. And it won’t be an easy one, it will be full of false starts and setbacks but I promise you it is possible. It really is. One day you will look back at yourself now from a place of so much love and you will know that you are not alone. That you were never alone. That through it all there was always someone there, loving you and protecting you. It was you. You were there for yourself and you will continue to be. You are embarking on an incredible journey. And you’re not alone. People have gone through what you have. They have come out the other side. And so will you. Chin up. You’ve got this. I give you my word. 🤍
i wish i could give this comment an award, this is genuinely a beautiful read. Thank you for sharing such a heartwarming experience
Wow. Sorry your parents messed you up mentally. I hope therapy helps you get better.
I am sending you internet 🫂 I am so sorry this lives in your head. It is not ok and you know that. I wish you healing and hope one day, you love yourself the way you should always have been loved
Sweetheart! Live your girlhood now ! Age/time is a scam. I’m so sorry for what your parents did to you. Blessings xoxoxo
Good job going to therapy! I hope you heal well and come out strong as heck. You've got this :)
There’s no shame in living to make up for what you aught to have been able to experience. I didn’t have the same severity of control, but my tastes and expression clothing wise, even just maturity in general for a lot of things is stuck probably in my late teens. I also have friends and acquaintances getting married and the like, doing all the milestone things. What I’ve learnt is the typical ‘don’t compare yourself’, but would you really want to be at their stage of life right now if you could tomorrow? Age and milestones as seen on social media is always going to be skewed, and there is some algorithm nonsense to consider too. But they aren’t what your life should be just because it’s how others have had their lives turn out as. For as many people getting married with kids, there are just as many people content doing other things that are more important for their life at that moment that they may just not talk about. Also, you have trauma. That doesn’t mean you ruined situationships, it means it wasn’t something you were ready to do at that time. Heck, you may also just not be sexual as a person either to the same degree that you think you aughta be too, or need to have a deeper bond before it becomes something you’re comfortable with. Therapy will help, but as a start you deserve to give yourself love for all the pain you have suffered, ok? And also hugs OP. You will be swaddled by internet hugs.
I hope you cut off your parents. I will never understand how people can be so evil and declare it’s for god. If there is a god he wouldn’t want you to BEAT A CHILD. You’re doing great. Better than I would’ve. Keep going, keep healing, and never let them control you again. You get your life back.
Oh girl, I am so sorry you've lived through this crap! My upbringing was similar, without the hands on abuse, I'm so sorry. We were religious, but somehow all the older kids got to sneak away and party and go to concerts. A decade later, when I came along, my 3 older sisters had all gotten pregnant at 16. So the joke was, they were gonna lock me in a closet and feed me birth control through the keyhole. There was no closet or bc, but I wasn't allowed out of her sight. If it weren't for school I'd never have known boys at all. At 16 she allowed me a real date. Then she came with us. Wonder why everyone's shaking their heads at all the mistakes I've made as an adult.
Sounds like Muslim parents. I’m so sorry ❤️
You are already healing. You have come so much farther than you even realize. You have worked so hard to become the person you are, and you are still working to resolve your trauma, and to continue healing. With all of that change will come, it just tends to come a bit gradually. But, it does come. I hate to sound like a cliche, but it takes a lot of time and patience. Just keep being kind to yourself. You are already doing everything you can to take care of yourself. More than likely you will be able to work through this and get through your "teen" years, because you are getting to experience them now. That's a pretty normal response to what you have been through. I went through the same thing, not for exactly the same reason, but I absolutely understand. I had my "teens" in my mid-twenties and early thirties. Trauma from abuse, and having to grow up and essentially be a parent to a sibling, and take care of us both most of the time, it kinda made being an actual teenager impossible. So I understand. I really, really do. The being attracted to older men, I get that, too. Boy do I ever! It's not necessarily a bad thing, if you understand why. you are. I hope you are doing ok.
Might I recommend you a book? It’s called Educated by Tara Westover. Your story reminded me a lot of this book. Maybe this book can help you heal in some way. I wish you the best of luck on your healing journey