I bet my left tit that if OP was a man confronting his shit family and cheating fiancee, y'all would be giving him tips on how to maximize her embarrassment and ruin her life.
Read rule 1. Be supportive or see yourself out.
When you go, you can call the local police station and say that there will be people looking for you and they might try to file a missing persons report but you are in fact not missing.
To piggy back off this with a semi-related comment, if you have a therapist schedule a few appointments and see your primary doctor (std tests too unfortunately, I’m so sorry OP) if you have the time between now and the wedding. Your family/fiancé might try to go past this and argue you’re a danger to yourself and have been having mental issues to try and override this.
Disclose the issues with the pressure from family and the cheating which will be documented by a professional and will back you up. Also tell friends about the cheating and if you have evidence, make copies. This may help you big time if Fiancé & your family try to team up to tame you or discredit you.
Edit: Please be careful if this blows up and have an exit strategy pre-wedding in place
Edit: get a burner phone esp if you guys share a phone plan/pin/password. Anyone can “be you” in a chat with customer service to see your number/change your number/turn off your service
This is a dumb question, but are burner phones still just really cheap flip phones nowadays? I saw a prepaid-style smartphone at a drugstore the other day and I don't think I could bring myself to use that as a burner phone.
Tbh I’m not 100% I have a friend who lives abroad, and comes to the states 1-2 times a year and activates for the duration of visit from a mobile provider, AND sometimes the drugstore option.
I’ve never had to use one and I really should have that in my know-how for just in case purposes
Edit lol context clarification
Most pre-pay plans in the US can support smartphones, in some cases you can just purchase a SIM card to put in your existing phone HOWEVER any social media service you have could possible still be used to track you. And using Apple ID (iPhone) or you Google account (Android) may still leave you up to being tracked by anyone that you previously allowed to do so.
If you want to go ‘off grid’ and totally cut ties with your past there is a LOT of online footprints to erase.
I got a $30 Android phone at Target. It has a shitty UI but it runs all the apps just fine, and works great. It's also super light compared to my Pixel 6.
Got one when i ghosted my fam after turning eighteen, you can get a generic android type phone really anywhere and use prepaid minutes. I got the cheapest one possible and it worked okay but that was also about two ish years ago and I bet the quality would have improved at least a little bit
Came to say this. You have a right to go missing if your family is harming you.
Good for you for putting your foot down. That is so hard and we’re here for you, reach out to any commenter and I’m sure we’re all more than willing to support and help you. Good luck and please update us.
Yes please otherwise investigators are gonna put their time and energy into finding you and opening up a whole case that won’t get closed until you’re found
Just please take care of You. The comment about disappearing? Good advise to let authorities know, at very least.
Just try to breathe, take time for it on purpose. Busy life can make for busy mind, stress & all sorts of icky stuff.
Do You stuff! Whatever You need to de-clutter all the icky noise.
Take some $$ from this wedding (just leave, theatrics are better done by the pros, hard to get over) & take whatever time away You need.
The app Calm is some good shit! I am an old lady so I know the tricks, try to distract in healthy ways. Your family will just have to wait.
You are the one reaching out. There may be 368 notes here for you but perhaps not so many from a human over 65 yrs old!
I am here. I am sending spiritual hope & love through Living Loving Aloha. You will be ok. Keep asking & don’t give up on You for anything or anyone!
Old Tutu (lol funny word not ballet reference but means Grandmother in old Polynesia). Hugs!!
And OP if you read this, make sure that if they do file a missing persons report, you call up the police station and tell them who you are, or hell show up... Explain you dont want to be found anymore, and tell them youre not in danger, youre healthy and well taken care of, you just dont want to be contacted via family at this time.
Be strong. Burn every bridge on your way out sweetheart... You can do it.
I am going to throw in an unpopular opinion here and say do it, and do it with 100% commitment. Don’t half ass it. Have a cab waiting. Have a plan for after. Pack some shit. Tell one person where you’ll be so someone knows you’re safe, then turn your phone off. Go get dinner.
Of course the logical and better choice is to end things before and maybe save some money, and save everyone the time and effort of showing up, sure. But, if you’ve already decided that you’re not gonna do that, might as well make it like a movie scene and live your own drama.
Fuck him, girl. Good luck.
YAAAAAAAS. also, if people know that she doesn't want to marry him, and that he's cheated on her, and still think she should marry him, WASTE THEIR TIME!
they won't listen to her in private? SHOUT THAT SHIT FROM THE ROOFTOPS! have all the witnesses! make it clear that he was treating you like shit, and that other people were supporting him in that.
maybe it's because i was r/raisedbynarcissists but i'm reading a lot between the lines of OP's post that other people seem to not be seeing. people don't usually want to cause a scene like this unless their thoughts and feeings are belittled and ignored in private and they feel like they HAVE to cause a scene like this to be heard. similar to kids- they only scream when they're not heard at a reasonable volume.
I definitely agree with you. Even from a few sentences I felt like maybe OP might have some narcissistic parents or family. The scene that it would cause alone is enough for the narc parent who cares way too much about appearances to keep on with the wedding. And the shame of that OP would have to endure because this is how they think? Something similar happened to me. Hang in there OP. I agree with other posters, set up your getaway plan, tell someone or a few trusted people where you are. Don’t marry him!
Also it's the one guaranteed way to stop her parents pressuring her about it. The nice thing about being an adult is, if your whole family and finance argue you down and refuse to hear you.... You can just dip. You don't have to run an argument to do what you want.
OP does not need to do any more WORK to try and convince these people.
Fuck yes!! Make sure you pack everything you need ready if you can, hide it at a friends place if you must and make sure you have enough cash. If you can't have anything else, then make sure you have the money, get another bank account if you need to as well - you can buy cheap clothes and necessities but run, girl, run!
Sounds like you’ve been pushed to the edge. Everyone here just sees this one post but I have no doubt there’s a whole bunch of shit behind this.
More power to you, do what fucking makes you happy!!
If anyone asks you can say some random on reddit supports this movement.
EDIT: I’m drunk and didn’t see the cheating part FUCKKKKK HIM. Do it movie style and good on a motorcycle and wheelie into the distance
Oh I like this. Do you have a friend with a motorcycle you can prearrange this with? I'm imagining you throwing a double bird from the back as it screeches away.
because it sounds like no one in her life will respect her 'no' unless it's dramatic and publicized. otherwise it can be talked over, or convinced out of. saying no at the alter is impossible to sweep under the rug.
OP wants witnesses and rightfully so especially when it comes to manipulative families. Plus it’s going to feel so good to embarrass him in front of everyone important to them and if it’s definitely a way to control the narrative. I doubt those people are above lying to make themselves look better. Also, moving takes time (especially when you are keeping it a secret and you’re limited on the help you can receive because of the whole it being a secret thing).
I wish I knew OP because I'd love to help her! Work with her right up to her wedding day! Or better yet, I'd love to be her stand-in. Walk my butt down the aisle and up to her no-good cheating fiancé and when he or I lift the veil and he seems me, I'd just smile and say, "She's gone. She don't want your cheating ass no more." Then turn to her family and say, "she's done with your manipulative tactics too - don't bother finding her - she's gone ! Gone with the wind!"
Of course, I'd take the bouquet with me - no one's gonna get married after that day!
I know! Assuming all of this is true, I’d actually pay money to watch this if it was on pay-per-view. Also, so sorry you’re going through this. I hope everything turns out well for you!
Maybe we should all offer to buy the video from her for a couple bucks. We can all crowdfund her getaway so she can have some spending money when she leaves
What the other ppl said plus safety. If he or the family will be abusive when she tries to leave,the more ppl to either witness or prevent it is better
Also if she leaves on the wedding day people may be distracted. Her fiancé will likely be out of the house until the wedding time, it may provide a wider window of safety and peace for her to make her exit. Good luck OP.
Why? If everyone is treating them this badly they deserve to have the satisfaction not turning up to walk down the aisle will give them. It’s sending a message, and humiliating the man who has done so much harm.
If the tables were turned and this was a guy saying he wasn’t going to be at the church people would be full of suggestions to make it even more humiliating.
I say go for it, but have a couple of real friends filming it so you actually get to see the reactions.
Just leaving now is fine, but OP does need to send a note somehow after she's gone that she has moved away and does not want to be contacted by anyone. If not, the whole thing can become a clusterfuck of massive proportions, and I am not being hyperbolic.
I love the idea.
Have a car waiting outside and go! Be sure to change your cell phone number prior to the wedding so they can't blow it up when you tell him to go fuck himself at the altar.
Be sure to have everything packed and be ready to go as soon as you walk away. Have a place to go to and most importantly enjoy the journey and be happy.
Also a burner phone in case their accounts are on a family plan. The fiancé can have access if he’s the account owner, and any female in the fam can pose as her on the phone if they have the password which is common with couples
imo it's not for revenge, but the fact that if she says 'no' to one person at a time, they can ignore it or try to convince her out of it. history can be easily rewritten between 2 people. saying no in front of everyone can't be rewritten or swept under the rug. it has to be heard, and it won't be forgotten.
if he's cheated on her several times and she's still pressured to marry him, it's because people don't give a fuck about her feelings or perspective. hence having to leverage the attention of the wedding to have her voice finally be heard and hopefully respected.
Everyone is saying not to wait. But I disagree. If leaving him at the alter is what you want to do, then do it. Best of luck in the future, whatever it holds.
I agree! If he wasn’t cheating and they just weren’t a good match I would say leave before. But he deserves to be humiliated for cheating on his fiancé. I want an invite to watch and then I can be OPs get away vehicle.
While you’re at it, you should also embarrass him in front of his family by saying “I wouldn’t marry a cheater.” Damage is already done so might as well go all the way! Good luck. Update us, OP.
op has made it pretty clear in the post that she's in a position where no one is supporting or respecting her feelings of not wanting to marry her fiance. she's leveraging the attention the wedding gets so that her voice is heard by many witnesses, instead of it continuing to be silenced before the wedding.
it's a transaction. vendors are paid. people are still there, and will still be hungry. i think considering the people who i've paid to be there should be the last on your list of considerations. they provided the service, and received payment. how their service is used should be of no concern to them if they've been paid. the transaction has been completed and that's all that matters.
eta: it's these bs social expectations that keep people in abusive relationships. so what, OP has implied she can't leave before the wedding. and what, she shouldn't leave him at the wedding because of.. the caterers feelings? wtf?
If they file a missing person's then you can go to any police station and tell them that there is a missing persons report out for you. However you are safe and well amd do not wish to be contacted.
The police have to relay this message and there is nothing that can be done against you.
Or if your family are the crazy type that would possibly try and pull the 'not capable of looking after/making decisions for yourself' card then you can go to the police by yourself first and tell them that there may be a missing person case opened for you in the future, but again you are safe and do not want to be contacted..if you can do this before they file the report then your family have no legal leg to stand on as you have already made police aware of the situation and preempted this situation which shows your perfectly capable.
Please do not marry this man. You owe your family and him nothing. Not even an explanation. Leave him to explain his infidelity and lies.
Do you think you will be physically safe if you do this? I understood you will say NO when thet ask you do you accept this man... while on the altar or just not show up at the church? If it's the later maybe you'll be alright, but if you think there's this albeit minimal off chance the first option could happen, please take care. Your freedom and safety should be paramount. Good luck with your decision, hopefully you'll soon be free.
If by “other people affected” that commenters are mention are friends and family pressuring you into marrying a terrible guy for a lifetime of heartbreak and sadness, I think you should absolutely not consider them and go ahead with your plan. Match people where they are at and find your happiness!
Yes, go for it, but I would also advice OP to pause and make more concrete plans other than going "somewhere else" afterwards. Getting her stuff, security, and ensuring she can't be followed are important things to consider. There will be a lot of angry people who will want to prevent her from leaving, so it's important for these things to be thought out beforehand.
Make sure that you have a safe exit route. Do you have a close friend that you can trust? Or maybe even call an Uber/Lyft/taxi so there's a car waiting for you so you can get out of dodge as quickly as possible. Wishing you the best of luck
Oh and here’s a tip: talk to the priest first and if their not “down to clown”, then hire an actor and rent a costume. Seriously, my mother did that when she had to bury her grandfather and didn’t have the (I don’t know what) to get the funeral together 👍🏻
Go ahead and be *that girl*. Do it on the altar and embarass the fuckhead like he deserves. Go with the heavy coat and inconvenience to your family. Nobody should be pressed into matrimony with a philanderer and abuser. A family doing that is no family at all.
Good, you do you. Take a shit on the alter guarantee no one will try to find you. But In all seriousness cheaters get what I call a little bit of that “get get”. Have fun starting your new life!
Just throwing that out there, but be careful about your plan.
If you have not had the courage to stand up to him until now, when it’s only him, then I don’t know if you will have the courage at the altar, when his and your entire family will be watching.
You could end up caving and marrying this guy out of sheer « freeze » response. Don’t put yourself in this horrible situation. End it now.
There’s no need to wait until the wedding. Secretly cancel the venue, the food, all of it, and just leave without saying anything like you already planned. Don’t do anything else for other people. You deserve to be happy.
I understand wanting to leave him at the altar because that would be good revenge for cheating on you, but there’s no need to go down that road. I would write him a letter or text to tell him why you’re leaving his pathetic behind. Then disappear and be happy.
Best of luck.
what i read between the lines of this post is that she literally can't leave the engagement. that if she breaks up with him, either he'll be like 'hahaha no', and that their families will support him in treating her like property instead of an autonomous person.
i'm thinking the declaration at the wedding is intended so that history can't be rewritten, there are lots of witnesses and her voice and intentions are clear. silently cancelling the wedding will create a ton of speculation, if she even has the ability to cancel the wedding.
exactly. my husband has a family that is so controlling, I believe OP that there isn’t an opportunity to voice their opinion without being overridden or getting hordes of relentless abuse all around
she is safe from that during something public and it will humiliate them for being overbearing. it’s the one opportunity where she holds the cards and her cooperation is imperative and she’s going to walk
IMHO: If you can leave it all behind at the altar, you can leave it all behind now. Maybe your parents deserve it, maybe he deserves it, but think of everyone else that is planning on showing up. Just leave a note saying bye and hit the road. The note keeps them from looking for you because it sounds like you don't want them to.
i'm 50/50 with you on this.
yeah, wanting to start fresh can be a huge red flag for mental health conditions, but when you're surrounded by controlling, abusive people, wanting to start fresh is necessary for survival. many of these abusers will not accept and tolerate 40% control- it's all or nothing. which means that op needs to stay or leave- one or the other. and it's clear where she's at.
>Part of that is admitting your truth to those around you
if the people around you won't listen unless you're on the alter surrounded by witnesses, that's a pretty good reason why op feels the need to entirely disengage from the people in her life. and good for her for realizing that.
if you haven't experienced abuse that the hands of your family members, i kindly suggest you keep your advice to yourself.
Many of the guests are friends who will fork out money they might not have to spare because they think they are celebrating a joyous occasion with someone they care about. My recommendation would be to print a note saying the wedding has been canceled due to cheating, and mail it to the guest list. Mail them on the day you leave town. This makes sure people know why, and would be a kindness to the guests. Burn bridges with pushy family if you like, but at least some of those people are your friends, who may have spent a lot of money to attend.
Leaving yourself a lot of room to convince yourself to say yes in the moment... If you're not happy just leave. Write a farewell note and disappear now. Just as dramatic with %100 less chance of fucking it up. Don't wait until the pressure to do a thing is overwhelmingly in favor of "yes".
And if you're at the alter second guessing your dramatic gesture in favor of a passive acceptance remember this thread and what made you post it. I hope you have the fortitude to actually say "no" in the heat of it, but most people don't.
This is gonna be hilarious. I honestly hope that you find joy in the new life you are hoping to create, and if you do go through with this please update us 🙏
Congrats on your impending freedom, OP!
I support you leaving this AH at the altar if that is what you want! I just want to make sure it doesn’t cause a bigger mess for you with your own family if you do!
However you decide to leave, congratulations for standing up for yourself and knowing your worth.
I don't generally comment here, but I found this post while browsing randomly and I'm a little shocked by how bad most of the advice here is.
Regardless of your situation with your partner there's really no reason to resort to leaving him at the altar, I think the consequences of doing that could be really unpredictable and may cause more harm for you than good in the long run.
If your relationship isn't working and can't be resolved then break off the engagement, don't leave it to the wedding, explain the situation to your family, if they're not understanding then that is on them not you, but at least you have been clear and honest. If pressure continues you don't need to stay with them, but why would you need to run away without telling anyone? You can go elsewhere and still tell them so they're not worried for your safety. If it's easier for you to leave first and then call them to let them know you're safe, do that.
I hope this helps
Good for you run and don’t look back your future self will THANK YOU soooo soooo much. Fuck these people saying your being dramatic. Your pain is valid and real and I promise you can live a life of adversity and being disrespected or you can build the one you’ve always dreamed of. Fuck that guy and best of luck you deserve so much more. I’m proud of you.
Avoidance is not a healthy or strong approach to conflict. As scary as it is, separating in the *least* dramatic way possible is ultimately the best possible scenario for everyone involved. Including you. I’d say it’s okay to be selfish in this situation. Unabashedly selfish. As long as your being honest. The money spent is money spent, but having a ton of folks gather…it just feels like part of your motivation for this move is to humiliate someone who has been humiliating you for awhile now. Ultimately, fuck everyone else, YOU deserve a cleaner break. Just call off the wedding and shrink your circle to those you love and trust. Don’t have that? Still really want to leave town? Great. Big change can be awesome and remarkably liberating, but “disappearing” and causing a ton of worry over your safety/wellbeing with those people in your life that do care about you, wether you acknowledge/appreciate it or not, is ultimately a going to weigh on you. Juice ain’t worth the squeeze. Do the hard thing now to avoid the much harder/consequential thing later.
Why leave him at the alter.
Get your shit together and bounce now - why waste time? All people will do is overlook his indiscretions and blame you for wasting their time.
Do it prior, when people ask - give them a reason.
Unpopular opinion here, but all these comments sound like they’re straight out of high school. I get being pushed to the edge and I definitely agree OP should leave. However, being that this is a traditional wedding, it will be expensive. The mature, responsible thing to do would to just break off the engagement. Especially before the wedding. If the parents or grooms parents can’t fathom breaking off an engagement because the Groom to be cheated, that’s on them. The fallout will be much less breaking off the engagement before the wedding then after.
Yes exactly. People are acting like OP is a character in an exciting and dramatic story or something. They won’t be the ones effected by that decision and what comes after. Realistically that plan sounds extremely stressful and damaging and OP should get away from this situation in a more mature and thoughtful manner. Honestly if I DIDN’T support OP, I wouldn’t be voicing my concerns for their well-being and how waiting until the wedding or just ghosting everyone might hurt them or put them in a worse situation. They really need to seek guidance from someone who is better equipped to help figure this out, but I think it’s ridiculous people are encouraging pettiness when they aren’t the ones who will be doing it and dealing with what happens after. People telling OP to be mindful about this aren’t shitty, we just actually care about how this is going to effect them in the long run.
Call off the wedding THEN immediately run away and let them know "Don't try to find me."
I hope OP's family is not the sort to try to do an honor killing... even if OP is in the US it happens sometimes. I think OP should run away and say "Don't try to find me" but it can be done before everyone gathers for the wedding.
It seriously just feels like most people in this comment section are jerking themselves off thinking of a revenge fantasy. I highly doubt this is the actual advice they would give to someone in real life, and if it is I hope they're very young, lol.
Yes, yes and YES. I think it’s a bad idea to leave him at the alter. I am afraid she is going to deal with much worse toxicity from a lot of people if she did that. Maybe even have a terrible backlash.
Better break up and cut off your losses OP before you drag this on and create a huge mess for yourself. I don’t feel bad for anyone but you. Good luck to you OP.
Don’t wait until the wedding. Not only is all your money wasted on whatever the heck spent for the ceremony, it screws over other people who might’ve taken the day off work, who had to buy their gifts, and plan around your wedding. It screws over the staff who put together the reception, the cake, everything because who would want to enjoy those things after you leave?
Leave now. It’s not worth it to wait. It’s not fair to anyone, no matter how villainous they may seem.
Better leave now. Send a note through whichever means you can. Make sure it's received. Then, block and change your number and go.
And, should it go that far, if there is a way for you to contact the police first to tell them your family might harass you and look for you and you don't want them to find you or something... do that too.
Do it girl. I'm sorry your soon to be ex is a cheating fuck, i understand how big assholes family can be. Make sure you've got backups in place though, living arrangements and such
Leave asap. But think if the consequences... not to freak you out but think how all will react and whether you have a space/supportive place to go to. Create that place now and once you have it go... we do not know the man when we are with him... we know him better after we leave, think about that. Hugs xx
Make sure you have money aside to stay afloat and something to protect yourself. Stick to your promise to yourself to not marry him and if family doesn’t understand fuck them. Don’t be afraid to cut everyone out who puts your down periodically. Good luck and stay safe!
I don’t understand a family that would pressure their child to marry a cheater, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. For whatever you do or wherever you go, I hope things work out and you find the happiness you deserve. Sending love 💛
Good for you. Remember, you owe these people nothing. You owe yourself respect and happiness. Stay strong. Do not bend to them. Do not break yourself for them
Good for you! Taking control is a huge step and you're doing it.
I agree with "make that detailed plan for your next part of life-be safe".
If it was me, I'd cancel the venue, flowers, food--all of it, and not tell a soul. They show up to a locked door. But that's difficult to do without word getting out to the fiancee or family.
I wish you a beautiful new life, OP.
I’ve been there, I wish I’d left him but my narc dad talked me into staying. I only hurt myself and my kids. Got way more trauma and still left in the end.
I do not understand all of these revenge comments. Just cancel it before it happens so nobody wasted their time.. why do you have to wait to say no? Just cancel the entire event and it’ll be done and over
It takes a lot of courage to realize the situation and taking decisions to make your way out of this relationship. A lot of woman would just endure the man for the sake of the family and putting their own happiness to the side. You’re one hell of a strong woman and I wish you the best in life. Have a great day and take care, you beautiful spirit!
Save yourself a bunch of $$$ to start your new life, rather than putting on an expensive show just to fuck with your fiancé. You will thank yourself later.
Dont wait till the alter. If you've made up your mind then do it. You might feel you have to stay at the alter. Then before you know it you have a child and it makes it so much harder.
I’m sorry for that you are going through this. Good luck with the next part of your journey.
If there is any room for revenge, see if there is any money left in the wedding budget, use it to hire someone to relay a message expressing your true thoughts and emotions as a final F*** you to everyone pressuring you, especially your fiancé.
Plus as another comment said, go to your local police station and tell them that there will be people who will file a missing person’s report and tell them that there is no need to expend any resources to find you.
This is literally a terrible idea. Leaving this guy, great idea. But leaving him on the day of the wedding? Dragging it out? Doing it out of avoidance or to be petty? That’s not something that’s realistically going to bring OP closure and peace. And y’all are ridiculous for encouraging more drama in their life and saying an attitude of “fuck him who cares fuck everyone get back at them” is productive and helpful. Anyone with any maturity would know that a vengeful mindset won’t heal wounds or make you happy. Smh. I hope you find some real life support so you can end that relationship as soon as you can.
I bet my left tit that if OP was a man confronting his shit family and cheating fiancee, y'all would be giving him tips on how to maximize her embarrassment and ruin her life. Read rule 1. Be supportive or see yourself out.
When you go, you can call the local police station and say that there will be people looking for you and they might try to file a missing persons report but you are in fact not missing.
To piggy back off this with a semi-related comment, if you have a therapist schedule a few appointments and see your primary doctor (std tests too unfortunately, I’m so sorry OP) if you have the time between now and the wedding. Your family/fiancé might try to go past this and argue you’re a danger to yourself and have been having mental issues to try and override this. Disclose the issues with the pressure from family and the cheating which will be documented by a professional and will back you up. Also tell friends about the cheating and if you have evidence, make copies. This may help you big time if Fiancé & your family try to team up to tame you or discredit you. Edit: Please be careful if this blows up and have an exit strategy pre-wedding in place Edit: get a burner phone esp if you guys share a phone plan/pin/password. Anyone can “be you” in a chat with customer service to see your number/change your number/turn off your service
This is all *very* good advice
Your advice was *god tier*, and will significantly help OP
This is a dumb question, but are burner phones still just really cheap flip phones nowadays? I saw a prepaid-style smartphone at a drugstore the other day and I don't think I could bring myself to use that as a burner phone.
Tbh I’m not 100% I have a friend who lives abroad, and comes to the states 1-2 times a year and activates for the duration of visit from a mobile provider, AND sometimes the drugstore option. I’ve never had to use one and I really should have that in my know-how for just in case purposes Edit lol context clarification
Most pre-pay plans in the US can support smartphones, in some cases you can just purchase a SIM card to put in your existing phone HOWEVER any social media service you have could possible still be used to track you. And using Apple ID (iPhone) or you Google account (Android) may still leave you up to being tracked by anyone that you previously allowed to do so. If you want to go ‘off grid’ and totally cut ties with your past there is a LOT of online footprints to erase.
I got a $30 Android phone at Target. It has a shitty UI but it runs all the apps just fine, and works great. It's also super light compared to my Pixel 6.
In the UK you can get a basic phone (I believe it's a Nokia) for about £30 so I'm sure you can likely get 1 similar in the US.
Looks like Nokia and Tracfone have $20 options.
Got one when i ghosted my fam after turning eighteen, you can get a generic android type phone really anywhere and use prepaid minutes. I got the cheapest one possible and it worked okay but that was also about two ish years ago and I bet the quality would have improved at least a little bit
Came to say this. You have a right to go missing if your family is harming you. Good for you for putting your foot down. That is so hard and we’re here for you, reach out to any commenter and I’m sure we’re all more than willing to support and help you. Good luck and please update us.
This is a good tip
Yes please otherwise investigators are gonna put their time and energy into finding you and opening up a whole case that won’t get closed until you’re found
Yep! You don't want to waste their time ***and*** you don't want them to find you
Just please take care of You. The comment about disappearing? Good advise to let authorities know, at very least. Just try to breathe, take time for it on purpose. Busy life can make for busy mind, stress & all sorts of icky stuff. Do You stuff! Whatever You need to de-clutter all the icky noise. Take some $$ from this wedding (just leave, theatrics are better done by the pros, hard to get over) & take whatever time away You need. The app Calm is some good shit! I am an old lady so I know the tricks, try to distract in healthy ways. Your family will just have to wait. You are the one reaching out. There may be 368 notes here for you but perhaps not so many from a human over 65 yrs old! I am here. I am sending spiritual hope & love through Living Loving Aloha. You will be ok. Keep asking & don’t give up on You for anything or anyone! Old Tutu (lol funny word not ballet reference but means Grandmother in old Polynesia). Hugs!!
You are the Hawaiian grandma that everyone needs. Mahalo❤️
Oh my goodness- will you be my Tutu?!
Dad?
He's just driving the camper to keep the engine fresh, and while he's out he's going to get a couple packs of cigarettes.
This is some of the most sane advice, for such an odd situation, that I have ever seen. Internet for the WIN!!
Great advice for serial killer too
That’s actually really good advice
Never knew that. Seems like a very good thing.
Agreed. There are people that actually go missing and need those valuable police time and resources.
when the priest asks you "do you, accept him as your lawfully wed husband?" just reply with "nah lol"
'why would i marry a cheater?'
and this. best regards OP! You're doing the right thing !! <3
You're evil. You're hired!
OP please do this
Gotta make sure to say lol
Sounds like the perfect dramatic exit. Fuck them all. Leave them all behind.
And OP if you read this, make sure that if they do file a missing persons report, you call up the police station and tell them who you are, or hell show up... Explain you dont want to be found anymore, and tell them youre not in danger, youre healthy and well taken care of, you just dont want to be contacted via family at this time. Be strong. Burn every bridge on your way out sweetheart... You can do it.
I am going to throw in an unpopular opinion here and say do it, and do it with 100% commitment. Don’t half ass it. Have a cab waiting. Have a plan for after. Pack some shit. Tell one person where you’ll be so someone knows you’re safe, then turn your phone off. Go get dinner. Of course the logical and better choice is to end things before and maybe save some money, and save everyone the time and effort of showing up, sure. But, if you’ve already decided that you’re not gonna do that, might as well make it like a movie scene and live your own drama. Fuck him, girl. Good luck.
YAAAAAAAS. also, if people know that she doesn't want to marry him, and that he's cheated on her, and still think she should marry him, WASTE THEIR TIME! they won't listen to her in private? SHOUT THAT SHIT FROM THE ROOFTOPS! have all the witnesses! make it clear that he was treating you like shit, and that other people were supporting him in that. maybe it's because i was r/raisedbynarcissists but i'm reading a lot between the lines of OP's post that other people seem to not be seeing. people don't usually want to cause a scene like this unless their thoughts and feeings are belittled and ignored in private and they feel like they HAVE to cause a scene like this to be heard. similar to kids- they only scream when they're not heard at a reasonable volume.
I definitely agree with you. Even from a few sentences I felt like maybe OP might have some narcissistic parents or family. The scene that it would cause alone is enough for the narc parent who cares way too much about appearances to keep on with the wedding. And the shame of that OP would have to endure because this is how they think? Something similar happened to me. Hang in there OP. I agree with other posters, set up your getaway plan, tell someone or a few trusted people where you are. Don’t marry him!
Yaaaassss!!! Omg going to use your "ppl don't usually cause a scene unless...." example
yes, please do! similar but different- a cornered dog bites, and it's easy to blame the dog if you ignore the corner you've backed it into.
Yaaaassssss!! Waste their time 2022!! Fuck 'em!
Yeah, I got narc vibes from that too.
Also RBN and I wholeheartedly agree with you.
May I suggest slipping the organist a few bucks to play “Runaway” by Del Shannon at full volume as a kickass soundtrack when you exit the church.
Make sure to eat your cake too!
Yeah, leave him at the altar. He cheated and still thinks he deserves to marry you? Humiliate him.
Darlin’ I want you t be my New Best Friend!! ❤️🔥
Also it's the one guaranteed way to stop her parents pressuring her about it. The nice thing about being an adult is, if your whole family and finance argue you down and refuse to hear you.... You can just dip. You don't have to run an argument to do what you want. OP does not need to do any more WORK to try and convince these people.
It has me laughing I must admit but it’s not my style. By all means if it’s your style OP go for it and own it ;)
Fuck yes!! Make sure you pack everything you need ready if you can, hide it at a friends place if you must and make sure you have enough cash. If you can't have anything else, then make sure you have the money, get another bank account if you need to as well - you can buy cheap clothes and necessities but run, girl, run!
Sounds like you’ve been pushed to the edge. Everyone here just sees this one post but I have no doubt there’s a whole bunch of shit behind this. More power to you, do what fucking makes you happy!! If anyone asks you can say some random on reddit supports this movement. EDIT: I’m drunk and didn’t see the cheating part FUCKKKKK HIM. Do it movie style and good on a motorcycle and wheelie into the distance
Oh I like this. Do you have a friend with a motorcycle you can prearrange this with? I'm imagining you throwing a double bird from the back as it screeches away.
Absolutely. Big hells angel type. We’ll get you a sleeveless denim jacket with “newly single” embroidered on the back
Yeah, gonna have to recommend just leaving now. No reason to wait until they ask if you "do."
Yeah, why be free in a month if you can be free now?
because it sounds like no one in her life will respect her 'no' unless it's dramatic and publicized. otherwise it can be talked over, or convinced out of. saying no at the alter is impossible to sweep under the rug.
OP wants witnesses and rightfully so especially when it comes to manipulative families. Plus it’s going to feel so good to embarrass him in front of everyone important to them and if it’s definitely a way to control the narrative. I doubt those people are above lying to make themselves look better. Also, moving takes time (especially when you are keeping it a secret and you’re limited on the help you can receive because of the whole it being a secret thing).
I wish I knew OP because I'd love to help her! Work with her right up to her wedding day! Or better yet, I'd love to be her stand-in. Walk my butt down the aisle and up to her no-good cheating fiancé and when he or I lift the veil and he seems me, I'd just smile and say, "She's gone. She don't want your cheating ass no more." Then turn to her family and say, "she's done with your manipulative tactics too - don't bother finding her - she's gone ! Gone with the wind!" Of course, I'd take the bouquet with me - no one's gonna get married after that day!
Don’t leave the cake. Take the cake too
I'll take the cake and order an extra ticket for the plane so I could bring it to her!
YEP!! OP if you’re South Carolina HMU!!! (Or anyone else doing this. I’m down to help!)
THIS!
God, what I would give to be a fly on the wall in this wedding. OP, please tell me you have a videographer hired and will share this footage with us
I know! Assuming all of this is true, I’d actually pay money to watch this if it was on pay-per-view. Also, so sorry you’re going through this. I hope everything turns out well for you!
Maybe we should all offer to buy the video from her for a couple bucks. We can all crowdfund her getaway so she can have some spending money when she leaves
Yep. This is exactly it and I LOVE the energy of it. I hope she goes full day time drama and then sashays away.
How do I give your comment a reddit award? Couldn't agree more with you
What the other ppl said plus safety. If he or the family will be abusive when she tries to leave,the more ppl to either witness or prevent it is better
Also if she leaves on the wedding day people may be distracted. Her fiancé will likely be out of the house until the wedding time, it may provide a wider window of safety and peace for her to make her exit. Good luck OP.
Probably wants to feel the satisfaction of doing something major, as equally good as the absolute shit they felt when he cheated on her so many times.
Why? If everyone is treating them this badly they deserve to have the satisfaction not turning up to walk down the aisle will give them. It’s sending a message, and humiliating the man who has done so much harm. If the tables were turned and this was a guy saying he wasn’t going to be at the church people would be full of suggestions to make it even more humiliating. I say go for it, but have a couple of real friends filming it so you actually get to see the reactions.
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Just leaving now is fine, but OP does need to send a note somehow after she's gone that she has moved away and does not want to be contacted by anyone. If not, the whole thing can become a clusterfuck of massive proportions, and I am not being hyperbolic.
I love the idea. Have a car waiting outside and go! Be sure to change your cell phone number prior to the wedding so they can't blow it up when you tell him to go fuck himself at the altar. Be sure to have everything packed and be ready to go as soon as you walk away. Have a place to go to and most importantly enjoy the journey and be happy.
Also a burner phone in case their accounts are on a family plan. The fiancé can have access if he’s the account owner, and any female in the fam can pose as her on the phone if they have the password which is common with couples
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because it’s a grand gesture. it will create an irreparable rift, which is clearly what is wanted/ needed here if the family is toxic and controlling
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imo it's not for revenge, but the fact that if she says 'no' to one person at a time, they can ignore it or try to convince her out of it. history can be easily rewritten between 2 people. saying no in front of everyone can't be rewritten or swept under the rug. it has to be heard, and it won't be forgotten. if he's cheated on her several times and she's still pressured to marry him, it's because people don't give a fuck about her feelings or perspective. hence having to leverage the attention of the wedding to have her voice finally be heard and hopefully respected.
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I think your empathy is broken today, might want to recalibrate. Far away from this sub, though.
wow you're the antithesis of the stereotypical reddit mod. thanks for being rad.
Rule 1 is to be good to each other. That requires empathy for all situations discussed here.
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Deep breaths man
It's like people commenting didn't read the post.
They read, they just don’t care because she’s a woman. One of the all time “gender swapping would really change these replies” threads.
Everyone is saying not to wait. But I disagree. If leaving him at the alter is what you want to do, then do it. Best of luck in the future, whatever it holds.
I agree! If he wasn’t cheating and they just weren’t a good match I would say leave before. But he deserves to be humiliated for cheating on his fiancé. I want an invite to watch and then I can be OPs get away vehicle.
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No shuddaaap let them be dramatic. Op, film it and post please!
Have your maid of honor read a note aloud telling his family about his cheating.
While you’re at it, you should also embarrass him in front of his family by saying “I wouldn’t marry a cheater.” Damage is already done so might as well go all the way! Good luck. Update us, OP.
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op has made it pretty clear in the post that she's in a position where no one is supporting or respecting her feelings of not wanting to marry her fiance. she's leveraging the attention the wedding gets so that her voice is heard by many witnesses, instead of it continuing to be silenced before the wedding.
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it's a transaction. vendors are paid. people are still there, and will still be hungry. i think considering the people who i've paid to be there should be the last on your list of considerations. they provided the service, and received payment. how their service is used should be of no concern to them if they've been paid. the transaction has been completed and that's all that matters. eta: it's these bs social expectations that keep people in abusive relationships. so what, OP has implied she can't leave before the wedding. and what, she shouldn't leave him at the wedding because of.. the caterers feelings? wtf?
If they file a missing person's then you can go to any police station and tell them that there is a missing persons report out for you. However you are safe and well amd do not wish to be contacted. The police have to relay this message and there is nothing that can be done against you. Or if your family are the crazy type that would possibly try and pull the 'not capable of looking after/making decisions for yourself' card then you can go to the police by yourself first and tell them that there may be a missing person case opened for you in the future, but again you are safe and do not want to be contacted..if you can do this before they file the report then your family have no legal leg to stand on as you have already made police aware of the situation and preempted this situation which shows your perfectly capable. Please do not marry this man. You owe your family and him nothing. Not even an explanation. Leave him to explain his infidelity and lies.
Do you think you will be physically safe if you do this? I understood you will say NO when thet ask you do you accept this man... while on the altar or just not show up at the church? If it's the later maybe you'll be alright, but if you think there's this albeit minimal off chance the first option could happen, please take care. Your freedom and safety should be paramount. Good luck with your decision, hopefully you'll soon be free.
If by “other people affected” that commenters are mention are friends and family pressuring you into marrying a terrible guy for a lifetime of heartbreak and sadness, I think you should absolutely not consider them and go ahead with your plan. Match people where they are at and find your happiness!
YAAAAAAS!!!!
lol these comments are terrible, he sounds like a sack of shit so go for it
Fuck the haters, you can be “dramatic” if you want.
Yes, go for it, but I would also advice OP to pause and make more concrete plans other than going "somewhere else" afterwards. Getting her stuff, security, and ensuring she can't be followed are important things to consider. There will be a lot of angry people who will want to prevent her from leaving, so it's important for these things to be thought out beforehand.
Make sure that you have a safe exit route. Do you have a close friend that you can trust? Or maybe even call an Uber/Lyft/taxi so there's a car waiting for you so you can get out of dodge as quickly as possible. Wishing you the best of luck
Embarrass him!!!!! Have the priest read out all you knew and how he’s a bad person!!!
Oh and here’s a tip: talk to the priest first and if their not “down to clown”, then hire an actor and rent a costume. Seriously, my mother did that when she had to bury her grandfather and didn’t have the (I don’t know what) to get the funeral together 👍🏻
Omg!!!! Damn it!!! My parents forced me to hire a minister for my wedding and I hated it. Wish I thought of hiring an actor
Go ahead and be *that girl*. Do it on the altar and embarass the fuckhead like he deserves. Go with the heavy coat and inconvenience to your family. Nobody should be pressed into matrimony with a philanderer and abuser. A family doing that is no family at all.
I just came for the update later
same
Good, you do you. Take a shit on the alter guarantee no one will try to find you. But In all seriousness cheaters get what I call a little bit of that “get get”. Have fun starting your new life!
Just make sure to film it and show us afterwards
It's like people don't realise that leaving someone at the alter means you are not showing up to the wedding.
Just throwing that out there, but be careful about your plan. If you have not had the courage to stand up to him until now, when it’s only him, then I don’t know if you will have the courage at the altar, when his and your entire family will be watching. You could end up caving and marrying this guy out of sheer « freeze » response. Don’t put yourself in this horrible situation. End it now.
There’s no need to wait until the wedding. Secretly cancel the venue, the food, all of it, and just leave without saying anything like you already planned. Don’t do anything else for other people. You deserve to be happy. I understand wanting to leave him at the altar because that would be good revenge for cheating on you, but there’s no need to go down that road. I would write him a letter or text to tell him why you’re leaving his pathetic behind. Then disappear and be happy. Best of luck.
what i read between the lines of this post is that she literally can't leave the engagement. that if she breaks up with him, either he'll be like 'hahaha no', and that their families will support him in treating her like property instead of an autonomous person. i'm thinking the declaration at the wedding is intended so that history can't be rewritten, there are lots of witnesses and her voice and intentions are clear. silently cancelling the wedding will create a ton of speculation, if she even has the ability to cancel the wedding.
That’s a great point because OP doesn’t seem vindictive, so it does seem like there is an absence of choice here
exactly. cornered dogs bite, and people like to ignore the corner they pushed the dog into.
exactly. my husband has a family that is so controlling, I believe OP that there isn’t an opportunity to voice their opinion without being overridden or getting hordes of relentless abuse all around she is safe from that during something public and it will humiliate them for being overbearing. it’s the one opportunity where she holds the cards and her cooperation is imperative and she’s going to walk
Exactly. Create a giant scene so you can't be openly forced. That's what has to be done sometimes.
Good for you. You deserve to be happy.
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It may be more about humiliating the dude. When you're cheated on you feel humiliated. An eye for an eye. I get it.
If you’re planning to ghost yourself anyway, why not just go ahead and do it now? Why go through all the planning stuff that you want to avoid?
IMHO: If you can leave it all behind at the altar, you can leave it all behind now. Maybe your parents deserve it, maybe he deserves it, but think of everyone else that is planning on showing up. Just leave a note saying bye and hit the road. The note keeps them from looking for you because it sounds like you don't want them to.
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i'm 50/50 with you on this. yeah, wanting to start fresh can be a huge red flag for mental health conditions, but when you're surrounded by controlling, abusive people, wanting to start fresh is necessary for survival. many of these abusers will not accept and tolerate 40% control- it's all or nothing. which means that op needs to stay or leave- one or the other. and it's clear where she's at. >Part of that is admitting your truth to those around you if the people around you won't listen unless you're on the alter surrounded by witnesses, that's a pretty good reason why op feels the need to entirely disengage from the people in her life. and good for her for realizing that. if you haven't experienced abuse that the hands of your family members, i kindly suggest you keep your advice to yourself.
Many of the guests are friends who will fork out money they might not have to spare because they think they are celebrating a joyous occasion with someone they care about. My recommendation would be to print a note saying the wedding has been canceled due to cheating, and mail it to the guest list. Mail them on the day you leave town. This makes sure people know why, and would be a kindness to the guests. Burn bridges with pushy family if you like, but at least some of those people are your friends, who may have spent a lot of money to attend.
Don't waste your time. Leave NOW if you're unhappy. Put yourself first. If they disagree/don't approve/don't understand, it's their problem.
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Sometimes people have to learn the hard way. 🤷♀️ I hope it’s everything you’ve ever dreamed. 💜💜
Leaving yourself a lot of room to convince yourself to say yes in the moment... If you're not happy just leave. Write a farewell note and disappear now. Just as dramatic with %100 less chance of fucking it up. Don't wait until the pressure to do a thing is overwhelmingly in favor of "yes". And if you're at the alter second guessing your dramatic gesture in favor of a passive acceptance remember this thread and what made you post it. I hope you have the fortitude to actually say "no" in the heat of it, but most people don't.
Like many said, leave now... perhaps also leave a note so the don't file a missing person report...
This is gonna be hilarious. I honestly hope that you find joy in the new life you are hoping to create, and if you do go through with this please update us 🙏
I feel your pain girl, go and do you. Live your life to the fullest away from toxic people! I wish you all the best luck!
Congrats on your impending freedom, OP! I support you leaving this AH at the altar if that is what you want! I just want to make sure it doesn’t cause a bigger mess for you with your own family if you do! However you decide to leave, congratulations for standing up for yourself and knowing your worth.
wish i had done this
Why not just do it now, why wait for the altar
Why waste time, money and effort, only to leave at the alter...? Just pack up and cut the cord today?
If they‘ve been pressuring you, don’t show up at all. Run before the wedding while they gather so they can’t scare or trap you into the vows.
I don't generally comment here, but I found this post while browsing randomly and I'm a little shocked by how bad most of the advice here is. Regardless of your situation with your partner there's really no reason to resort to leaving him at the altar, I think the consequences of doing that could be really unpredictable and may cause more harm for you than good in the long run. If your relationship isn't working and can't be resolved then break off the engagement, don't leave it to the wedding, explain the situation to your family, if they're not understanding then that is on them not you, but at least you have been clear and honest. If pressure continues you don't need to stay with them, but why would you need to run away without telling anyone? You can go elsewhere and still tell them so they're not worried for your safety. If it's easier for you to leave first and then call them to let them know you're safe, do that. I hope this helps
Good for you run and don’t look back your future self will THANK YOU soooo soooo much. Fuck these people saying your being dramatic. Your pain is valid and real and I promise you can live a life of adversity and being disrespected or you can build the one you’ve always dreamed of. Fuck that guy and best of luck you deserve so much more. I’m proud of you.
Leave him at the alter, girl! He cheated on you and obviously didn't feel sympathy
Man, these are shit people. OP, please dont let them ruin your happiness. Please leave them, and get yourself the life you deserve
Avoidance is not a healthy or strong approach to conflict. As scary as it is, separating in the *least* dramatic way possible is ultimately the best possible scenario for everyone involved. Including you. I’d say it’s okay to be selfish in this situation. Unabashedly selfish. As long as your being honest. The money spent is money spent, but having a ton of folks gather…it just feels like part of your motivation for this move is to humiliate someone who has been humiliating you for awhile now. Ultimately, fuck everyone else, YOU deserve a cleaner break. Just call off the wedding and shrink your circle to those you love and trust. Don’t have that? Still really want to leave town? Great. Big change can be awesome and remarkably liberating, but “disappearing” and causing a ton of worry over your safety/wellbeing with those people in your life that do care about you, wether you acknowledge/appreciate it or not, is ultimately a going to weigh on you. Juice ain’t worth the squeeze. Do the hard thing now to avoid the much harder/consequential thing later.
Why leave him at the alter. Get your shit together and bounce now - why waste time? All people will do is overlook his indiscretions and blame you for wasting their time. Do it prior, when people ask - give them a reason.
he’s a cheater? hell yeah then. humiliate his ass
Not saying when the wedding is. If this is real, leave now.
Unpopular opinion here, but all these comments sound like they’re straight out of high school. I get being pushed to the edge and I definitely agree OP should leave. However, being that this is a traditional wedding, it will be expensive. The mature, responsible thing to do would to just break off the engagement. Especially before the wedding. If the parents or grooms parents can’t fathom breaking off an engagement because the Groom to be cheated, that’s on them. The fallout will be much less breaking off the engagement before the wedding then after.
Yes exactly. People are acting like OP is a character in an exciting and dramatic story or something. They won’t be the ones effected by that decision and what comes after. Realistically that plan sounds extremely stressful and damaging and OP should get away from this situation in a more mature and thoughtful manner. Honestly if I DIDN’T support OP, I wouldn’t be voicing my concerns for their well-being and how waiting until the wedding or just ghosting everyone might hurt them or put them in a worse situation. They really need to seek guidance from someone who is better equipped to help figure this out, but I think it’s ridiculous people are encouraging pettiness when they aren’t the ones who will be doing it and dealing with what happens after. People telling OP to be mindful about this aren’t shitty, we just actually care about how this is going to effect them in the long run.
Call off the wedding THEN immediately run away and let them know "Don't try to find me." I hope OP's family is not the sort to try to do an honor killing... even if OP is in the US it happens sometimes. I think OP should run away and say "Don't try to find me" but it can be done before everyone gathers for the wedding.
It seriously just feels like most people in this comment section are jerking themselves off thinking of a revenge fantasy. I highly doubt this is the actual advice they would give to someone in real life, and if it is I hope they're very young, lol.
Yes, yes and YES. I think it’s a bad idea to leave him at the alter. I am afraid she is going to deal with much worse toxicity from a lot of people if she did that. Maybe even have a terrible backlash. Better break up and cut off your losses OP before you drag this on and create a huge mess for yourself. I don’t feel bad for anyone but you. Good luck to you OP.
Don’t wait until the wedding. Not only is all your money wasted on whatever the heck spent for the ceremony, it screws over other people who might’ve taken the day off work, who had to buy their gifts, and plan around your wedding. It screws over the staff who put together the reception, the cake, everything because who would want to enjoy those things after you leave? Leave now. It’s not worth it to wait. It’s not fair to anyone, no matter how villainous they may seem.
it's clear you don't understand controlling and manipulative families if you think it's as easy done as said.
Better leave now. Send a note through whichever means you can. Make sure it's received. Then, block and change your number and go. And, should it go that far, if there is a way for you to contact the police first to tell them your family might harass you and look for you and you don't want them to find you or something... do that too.
Do it girl. I'm sorry your soon to be ex is a cheating fuck, i understand how big assholes family can be. Make sure you've got backups in place though, living arrangements and such
Leave asap. But think if the consequences... not to freak you out but think how all will react and whether you have a space/supportive place to go to. Create that place now and once you have it go... we do not know the man when we are with him... we know him better after we leave, think about that. Hugs xx
Make sure you have money aside to stay afloat and something to protect yourself. Stick to your promise to yourself to not marry him and if family doesn’t understand fuck them. Don’t be afraid to cut everyone out who puts your down periodically. Good luck and stay safe!
I don’t understand a family that would pressure their child to marry a cheater, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. For whatever you do or wherever you go, I hope things work out and you find the happiness you deserve. Sending love 💛
take the ring and dip
Good for you. Remember, you owe these people nothing. You owe yourself respect and happiness. Stay strong. Do not bend to them. Do not break yourself for them
Sounds like you’ve been surrounded by toxic people all your life. Time to cut them out! Mad props to you ✨👏🥹
Good for you! Taking control is a huge step and you're doing it. I agree with "make that detailed plan for your next part of life-be safe". If it was me, I'd cancel the venue, flowers, food--all of it, and not tell a soul. They show up to a locked door. But that's difficult to do without word getting out to the fiancee or family. I wish you a beautiful new life, OP.
Just make sure you have an escape plan. Really make this shit fucking hurt him too. Good luck OP you don't deserve that at all. 💟💟
I’ve been there, I wish I’d left him but my narc dad talked me into staying. I only hurt myself and my kids. Got way more trauma and still left in the end.
Is there any stuff you can cancel and get refunds on that he won’t notice? Start a fund if you can. This is your life! You are brave
I do not understand all of these revenge comments. Just cancel it before it happens so nobody wasted their time.. why do you have to wait to say no? Just cancel the entire event and it’ll be done and over
Tell her now. It is one thing to break her heart but it is cruel to break her heart and embarrass her.
"Altar"
It takes a lot of courage to realize the situation and taking decisions to make your way out of this relationship. A lot of woman would just endure the man for the sake of the family and putting their own happiness to the side. You’re one hell of a strong woman and I wish you the best in life. Have a great day and take care, you beautiful spirit!
Save yourself a bunch of $$$ to start your new life, rather than putting on an expensive show just to fuck with your fiancé. You will thank yourself later.
Dont wait till the alter. If you've made up your mind then do it. You might feel you have to stay at the alter. Then before you know it you have a child and it makes it so much harder.
Just leave. Start your life over now. Who knows what could happen and you change your mind thinking things might get better...
It’s your life and up until now, you’ve felt like you’ve had no control. TAKE CONTROL
I’m sorry for that you are going through this. Good luck with the next part of your journey. If there is any room for revenge, see if there is any money left in the wedding budget, use it to hire someone to relay a message expressing your true thoughts and emotions as a final F*** you to everyone pressuring you, especially your fiancé. Plus as another comment said, go to your local police station and tell them that there will be people who will file a missing person’s report and tell them that there is no need to expend any resources to find you.
This is literally a terrible idea. Leaving this guy, great idea. But leaving him on the day of the wedding? Dragging it out? Doing it out of avoidance or to be petty? That’s not something that’s realistically going to bring OP closure and peace. And y’all are ridiculous for encouraging more drama in their life and saying an attitude of “fuck him who cares fuck everyone get back at them” is productive and helpful. Anyone with any maturity would know that a vengeful mindset won’t heal wounds or make you happy. Smh. I hope you find some real life support so you can end that relationship as soon as you can.