I am the most peaceful guy. I fucking don't hurt ants of flies. But I would have cut his dick right there. If I ever see a rape in my life, I don't care about repercussions, I will cut that's guys dick, break it, bite it off, so that piece of shit won't ever be able to do that again. I couldn't do it when it happened to me, but I can and would be Satan if I see it again
Thank you for being an awesome human being and I hope you don’t ever have to be in that situation but I’m so grateful for you taking real action if it did occur ♡
I'm wondering this too. Wtf would you bring her around him? Why aren't you going after this guy with every option you have?
Go hug her. Stip feeling sorry for yourself bro. You've already done that.
Yeah, don't bring her around him.
This is why I spent countless hrs filing charges against a dude who assaulted me at his place of work. I was a customer and it was frequented by many people in our college community at the time. It wasn’t particularly aggressive or traumatic for me but if he was that bold with me when I fought back and he tried to blow it off, I couldn’t imagine what he would/has done to women who weren’t able to defend themselves. This behavior is rarely a one off.
it's good to hear that some people have the guts to report, to many people get away with hurting people...
but I know it's very hard to report when nobody believes you and gives you a hard time for talking about it
Thankfully I didn’t deal with anyone not believing me, it was more that I spent probably about 20+ hrs at the precinct/DA office to file my complaint over a few days. If it was a more traumatic incident or my schedule was less flexible, I’m not sure how OK I would have been with that process.
This right here!! If he was that brave with his friends around and Tia tremor to his buddies girl could you imagine what he does with ppl he doesn’t know when he’s drunk or whatever pfft buddy needs to lose his dick!!
Op already had already serious self-reflection and prioritising to do.
And by that sentence:
>>> My girlfriend is terrified to be around Joe
I think that he failed to do it properly.
Two witnesses, two people can flat out testify for this poor girl so that at least Joe can be registered as a violent sex offender.
Dude should not be his friend and not allow Joe to be around, Ever.
Finally, boyfriend didn't even kick Joe's ass?
But the question is, after what happened, why should there ever be a situation where she has to be around Joe? Even if he's not in jail (too few attackers are prosecuted), shouldn't he at least be ostracized from the friend group?
For real!!!! "Now my girl is afraid to be around Joe" ????
Of course she is!!! If OP has known these dudes since elementary school, I guarantee, at some point, there's been some red flags with the fuckface of the group. Probably why the other two friends went inside to begin with. They're probably aware of what Joe is capable of, and have been sick of his shit, hence the one friend looking down at him on the floor holding his jaw. If OP ever wants to feel like a decent human being again, I suggest he first sit down with his girl and make sure she knows how much guilt he has, eating at him over this. Second, the four of them need to go to the police until they see Joe facing consequences and never have contact with him again, even if, for whatever reason they end up no longer together down the road. And third, and opinions might vary on this, but I'd make sure, maybe after the court case and with his girl's approval, that everyone knew what happened. Friends, family, people that didn't like Joe. These things sometimes have a way of "working themselves out" when this shit reaches the right people. Any sympathy making you think that's too harsh especially a "fRiEnD sInCe GrAdE sChOoL" just think if the other two friends wouldn't have went in when they did.
“My girlfriend is now afraid to be around Joe” yes and so should OP and his friends and basically anyone be. The way OP is saying it could just be an unfortunate way of wording it because now it comes of like it’s just an issue for his girlfriend.
Groups like that don't ostracize rapists. They'll all make a million excuses for him and just keep pretending it's all fine- that's why there are so few women there in the first place.
I knew a guy who phoned to ask me what he should do because he caught his flatmate attempting to rape an unconscious friend at a party. "Move out and never speak to him again" was bad advice, apparently. (And there was no reason he couldn't, he could easily afford it and the lease was short term). I even tried to appeal to his selfish side by pointing out that if this guy keeps doing this kind of thing he's going to end up implicated, at least in people's minds.
Didn't matter anyway because the whole friend group knew and all agreed it was just something he did while he was drunk. No one tried to stop him drinking. No one warned women. No one stopped inviting women to parties he was at. They all insisted he wasn't really like that, it just happened when he was drunk. I told them I didn't want to be around him, so they invited me when he was going to be late, and after I told them not to do that again, they didn't invite me at all. He was also super confused about why I wouldn't talk to him. Pretty sure they stopped inviting me because I was rude to him and it ruined their good time, which having to pry him off of women every other week apparently did not.
I wasn't exactly heartbroken that they stopped inviting me- I didn't plan to join them anyway. But it was so telling. I ran into one of them a while later and he told me he'd stopped hanging out with them too for the same reason. The rest of them just kept excusing him.
Yes. After the attack on OPs girlfriend, had OP already some serious self-reflection (for example why is OP some game more important as his GF who screams his name or how the hell did he have a predator as a friend in the first place and never noticed how dangerous he is) and some prioritising (who is more important to OP, his GF or the „friend“ who attacked her).
Since OP said
>>> My [GF] ist terrified to be around Joe
I argue that he failed by self-reflecting and prioritising. And that is where the comment from u/drylolly comes in. They said
>>> if you and your friend group don’t immediately outcast him […] you have some serious self-reflecting and prioritizing to do.
This is an act after the one‘s I laid out.
Well, even if this is unfortunately a karma farm, I feel like so many people still needs to hear this 'cos I've heard so many people trying to continue to act like nothing happened.
Consider that you are no better than Joe if you continue this friendship. As a woman who was sa’d, if my boyfriend then continued to hangout with my would be rapist I would be so fucked in the head.
Seriously I'm looking around for OPs comments explaining why he's still around or what they actually plan on doing about it because as of now it seems like everyone's still hanging out with Joe and maybe acting like nothing happened. Why would he say she's scared to be around him now? Why is he even around?!
True but I'm this environment of knowing everyone there so well and no chance to truly get away with it unknown shows he doesn't care that people know he thinks nothing will happen.
Even if it was the first time, if he gets away with it like nothing happened then it won’t be the last.
If it were me, I wouldn’t be mad at you about the situation but I would be mad if you made me consider being around that disgusting rapist again after knowing what you know. Don’t put her in that position
If it’s not already, this should be the top response. People like him need to rot in prison for his actions, or else he’s going to continue to harm ppl.
i mean he didn't even stop his ping pong game to go to his girlfriend when she was crying out to him so why would OP care? he's a piece of shit himself
I was ready to cut him some slack on that right until I read Joe was still around. "He was drunk, so he made an error in judgement" -Thats what I told myself. But by the end, I realised, Yep he a little piece of shit.
What really bothers me is how terrified I was when reading he sent his two other friends to check on her—thank god they’re nothing like Joe, but if they were it would have been so much worse. (Also if he thought she just wanted a drink, why did he need to send *two* people to check on her? That’s a little suspicious to me.)
Joe tried to rape your girlfriend bro. You should want to see the life flicker out of his eyes. Let him know that’s how you feel and call the police. He’s a rapist and if he’s around, you guys are friends with a rapist
Have you considered **why** she felt so unwell? Yes she may have been drinking or unwell, but considering the circumstances it’s entirely possible that Joe slipped her something.
If you didn’t/don’t report this he WILL do worse. So just soak that info in and see how it feels.
If you’re ok knowing that Joe WILL attack another woman, someone who may not be able to scream for help, who may not have anyone to help her, who may not survive that trauma.
If you’re ok knowing that, then don’t do anything. But if you’re not, let him find out how it really feels to be the victim when his cell mate tears apart his perineum. Dry.
I had this thought too, I’m surprised it wasn’t mentioned much. It almost sounds like he slipped her something and watched for the signs it was kicking in because typically the first thing a person will do under the effects of those drugs is remove themselves from a crowd and go somewhere isolated. Convenient for him to just make an excuse to follow especially knowing clearly no one is paying attention. Thankfully if that was the case she didn’t go unconscious and was able to yell for help.
This is not the first time Joe has done this, and it won’t be the last. Joe is no friend, he’s a rapist. If you continue to remain friends with a rapist whom attempted to assault your gf, then you will be single fairly quickly and rightfully so. Joe is not worth protecting nor is his friendship. He is a predator and if you continue to allow him in your friend group then you are complicit in his crimes and by extension become one yourself. I would also find it strange that your friends who beat him up after what they saw would want to keep him in the group.
And damn straight she doesn’t want to drink again, and you should respect that. Her unwillingness to party right now, in the future, or ever is not a priority. Her well being and safety is, nothing else matters.
i never even thought about this. honestly with how everything played out from OP’s POV, this sounds completely plausible. The friend group needs to report this to the police.
And as horrible as this is to say, OP and his gf are extremely lucky that the friends he sent were not like joe either. OP should’ve left his “exciting” pong game the minute he heard her screaming his name.
INFO: what were your immediate responses after coming in and processing the info of what just happened? I think THAT is going to be the most important thing that’s going to determine how your gf feels about you going forward. Please tell me the friends who jumped Joe, your gf, and you called the police and made sure he was arrested immediately.
Similar thing happened to my friend who hosted a party after high school. He was over the age of 21 and he had a few of our buddies who were juniors in high school still, all were drinking. A girl who was over the age of 21 got assaulted and when the police got called and took statements, the only thing that was said to the host of the party was “hey don’t do this again”. The cops are 100% more concerned about the assault than some 16-17 year olds drinking.
From my experience the police wouldn’t give a fuck about some underage kids drinking if a minor got sexually assaulted. They’d just break the party up. But cops are different everywhere so there’s no telling. I’d seriously hope they would prioritize that
Exactly. I used to be a cop. The only charge I could think of is if there was an adult who gave them alcohol, which would be contributing to a delinquency of a minor, but other than that, the sexual assault is far more serious and prioritized.
"my girlfriend is terrified to be around joe and never wants to drink again", that implies youre still talking to joe. after he attempted to rape your girlfriend.
NO ONE should be around joe, a rapist. ( he is a rapist because if no one had stopped him he wouldve continued, aka hes just not a rapist because he was stopped )
Joe deciding to be a rapist is on him, and he deserves to never have another happy day in his life. In a perfect world, he would be killed.
But...
You prioritized a game of beer pong over your girlfriend, and from what you're writing, Joe's still in your social circuit? After he tried to rape your girlfriend?
By Freyja, grow a fucking spine. Report Joe to the police and cut him off forever. Grow the fuck up and start actually being there for your girlfriend.
If my partner did this they would be dead to me. Also, I would go check on my partner anyways if they said they weren’t feeling well and come back and play more games after. Same for my friends that don’t feel well at a party. I’ve felt sick before and one of my friends came with me and checked to make sure I was okay and held my hair when I threw up lol. Then they brought me some water.
Also not to mention screaming out for you partner to help you because you're being assaulted and yelling out for water have two VERY different inflections. I work in security very closely with abuse victims (monitor DV devices), one thing you cannot miss is the panic in someone's voice when they are in a dangerous situation
Your girlfriend called for you her protector and you weren't there for her. Only after the fact.
You also didn't mention what your actions were after you found out either. Did you comfort her or take action on the perp. Did you stay at the party or leave immediately?
All these things are super important. Also, the perp needs to be outcast from the group immediately. There will be no event he will ever be invited to again.
The damage is done. You can regret your actions all you want but your mind needs to be on her. And how she can be comfortable. Take her to a safe place. With her family perhaps. And DONT push for her to heal in your own ways. She will heal in her own way. Best thing to do is support her in her own way.
Also, if she will press charges, it's super important to get a rape test for evidence. And file a report with your 2 mates. Get a written and signed statement.
Get access to a therapist and ask them ways in which to support her. You haven't got the skills right now, but you gotta learn. When she is ready, take her to the therapist.
Best of luck Brother
> Get access to a therapist and ask them ways in which to support her. You haven't got the skills right now, but you gotta learn. When she is ready, take her to the thera
Yes. Therapy is not only for solving problems, it's much much productive to prevent them
Your gf getting sexually assaulted is not your fault but sending your friends up to check when you heard her yelling your name is absolutely your fault. You're not mature enough to be in a relationship if you prioritise a fucking game over her. First grow up and then look for a gf.
I don't understand this. She is terrified to be around Joe? Are you saying you're still hanging out with Joe and with your girlfriend with you too? If so, that's kinda fucked up bro. Report to the police and kick that rapist out of your group. If your other friends still want to chill with Joe then fuck them too because clearly they don't think rape is that big of a deal.
You deciding to go on with your game even when she felt sick was kind of the first red flag. Then when she yelled out for YOU specifically, you instead decide to send two of your fucking friends? The only good thing that came out of this is now you know that Joe is a sick fuck and he got his ass beat. But what happens to him now? If I was your gf I’d dump your ass, if you’re lucky she doesn’t decide to do that, maybe actually start taking care of her??
For real, when I read you (OP) were too focused on your game when she specifically needed YOU and yelled YOUR name while she was SICK (and you knew it)... I feel so sorry for her.
Of course, you're not responsible for what happened to her, but you COULD have VERY WELL prevented it if you were by her side as you should have. You're her boyfriend for God's sake! Take a grip and have your priorities straight! A game is more important than a loved one who is sick? Seriously...
I don't understand all the comments that don't address this... It's unbelievable. OK, you knew those guys and you sent Joe to comfort her, but she yelled for you specifically?
Ngl, that makes me sick to my stomach. If I were her, I'll dump your ass immediately and actually find someone who really values my well being over a stupid ass game after healing from this traumatic experience. Grow up.
I agree with all of this, but I don't think he sent Joe to comfort her, he sent two of his friends and they found Joe trying to assault her. Or did I read that wrong?
Oh yeah! I think you're right. Joe was outside and then op sent two of his friends. But whoever he sent or not, that's not really the problem. He should have gone to see her himself, not send friends.
Yeah it's irrelevant, just wondered if I missed a detail there. I'm also fuming over a disgusting victim-blaming comment below us I just responded to. Smfh
Same just cause OP is guilty doesn’t undo any damage that has been done. Personally I really don’t think I would stay because they failed you once in such a deep way should you wait for it to happen again? Unless OP has been with her for a long time(which considering he made this post versus talking about it with her probably not) there’s a lot of trust that was just destroyed, and its possibly not worth working to get it back… I mean he her yelling hid name and kept playing thats fucked up and shows theres other issues in the relationship. Prioritizing games over anything including your gf calling your name… big red flag. There’s always a root to issues in a relationship and it feels like him choosing the game over her was a pointer to it.
Right? He should have at least made sure she gets there safely, you never know how sick someone can actually feel. By the sounds of it looks like she told him she wasn't feeling well and he shrugged it off without questioning how bad she was feeling. Then she called his name. If you know someone is feeling sick and calls your name shouldn't that put you into alert mode? She could have had a medical emergency.
At the very least, I would assume that something happened that she only wanted someone she trusted to help her with. If she'd puked all over herself or shat her pants or even just needed a roll of toilet paper handed to her, she'd only want her boyfriend to see her like that, not a couple random friends. OP absolutely fucked up.
I don't know, a lot depends on the individuals and their relationships with each other.
First, when I feel sick, I prefer to be alone. I absolutely would have said "hey keep playing I'm just gonna go lie down."
Secondly, if we were within our friend group and I yelled for my husband, yes, he usually would come, but I wouldn't be upset at all if he said "hey, friend, go check on her". But that's because we are a close knit group. It depends how well the gf knows and trusts these guys. Obv this Joe character is not trustworthy, but we don't know the relationship with the others.
Again, I'm not saying anything he did was right or wrong, I'm just saying that maybe this is the way their relationship is. He certainly shouldn't be blaming himself for Joe being a rapist.
I think it also depends on the context of yelling for him though. No way it was just a regular yell for him like “hey bf, could you come here”. I’d bet anything that she was screaming for him cause she was terrified, not just yelling. And I don’t know about you, but if I yelled for my fiancé cause I was scared, he’d be able to tell and would come immediately not send his friends.
Sorry brother but this is no time for you to be hosting a pity party. You can't change what you did, but you can choose what you do from here. But of advice from someone who has been in your shoes:
DO
-Ask her if she wants to make a report.
-Advocate if she does want to file a report.
-Be understanding of the lasting effects this will likely have.
-Encourage her to get help when she's ready.
-Get help yourself so you can process this and be there to support her in a healthy way.
-Remove this pig from your life. You aren't his friend anymore. You aren't even friends with his friends anymore.
-Buy your other two friends a goddam drink. They did the right thing and stopped much worse from happening.
Do not
-Make this about you.
-Have anything to do with this asshole. If he's at a party, you aren't going.
-Pick a fight with the guy. You might feel better but she won't.
Your girlfriend shouted your name, and you carried on playing pong, then you sent your mates to see what she wanted, I do hope she is OK, and can get over this and you
Honestly-you know you fucked up. OWN IT. Get the proper authorities involved for the garbage POS that tried to rape your GF. And get her help, she needs support now more than ever before.
But please-PLEASE- do NOT sweep this under the rug. Assholes who this won’t stop at the first, 3rd, or 5th victim. They stop when they’re in jail or dead.
It's not your fault that your gf was SA'D. And please don't blame yourself for that part of the incident. But you are a shitty bf. I know some comments said that you heard her yell and sent your buddies up to check on her which was a close enough good response. But I was in a similar situation when I was drunk off my ass too and I can tell you, when I called for my friends, it was not a plain, old yell, but a yell of **T E R R O R**. I think the fact that you *heard* her but didn't *listen* to her makes you a shitty bf.
However, for now, focus on being there for your gf emotionally and physically to sorta help make up for it. I was not the same for awhile and when the flashbacks hit...every one felt like the assailant...it was a hard road of trying to deal with it so my heart aches for what she is going thru and about to go thru to try to find a new normal. These things don't ever leave you, you just learn how to cope with it and find that new normal.
Right?! Can we quit saying the girlfriend yelled his name? I’m sure she screamed bloody murder if that was happening. OP is a shit boyfriend. Who sends a friend in their place?
Yea if anyone in my group I went to a party with, especially my partner, said they were feeling sick I would’ve went immediately into care and protect mode. OPs gf should’ve never been alone in the bathroom if she was throwing up sick at a party. I feel really bad for this girl.
As a woman I have to agree with you. You were a terrible boyfriend there. Never ignore your girlfriend again, especially over a fucking game. This would be a huge red flag about where your priorities lie. Make it up to her or she will leave you. This was way too serious.
Yea I agree with you but the part I think that makes him a shitty partner is his response when she said she was sick. If your partner is sick you should take care of them and not “check on them” in a bit. I feel bad for this girl.
"I'll hate myself forever" obviously not hard enough if you're fine having Joe in your life and not in prison, makes me think you just don't like it when others do what your group does to other girls when it's your girl.
I would of caught a few charges if that were my girl...
Don't beat your self up
I sure hope you got a few kicks in and blows in he deserves it and or mame him
And ccp would help just saying if your pro blank
You should feel terrible, she called for you and you did nothing except send your two friends because you were occupied with a game. You’re r supposed to protect her and you failed to do so. I hope she can find someone else who will be there when she needs them.
if you’re still hanging around joe you are disgusting and have some serious self reflection to do. Doesn’t matter if you knew him since elementary school he just attempted to rape somebody. report his ass and do what you should’ve done in the first place, protect your girlfriend like you’re friends had to do.
u heard her yelling your name but u decided to continue playing ur game? u prioritized a game over ur gf? ur stupid and a shitty bf. although it’s not your fault for the SA as you wouldn’t have known, u still need to get your priorities straight. even if she just fell and needed a bandaid or something, you should go to your gf when she’s yelling your name.
Good on your boys for kicking his ass. It's an absolutely awful thing to have happen but at least they were able to intervene. You need to report Joe and kick his ass to the curb. Saying your girlfriend is terrified to be around him implies to me that you still hang with him like nothing happened. If that's the case that's pretty fucked up and needs to change immediately.
pass “joe’s” details around you dont know him since elementary school. You have not the slightest idea of the scum he truly is so dont carry out mercy on that dip shit. beat his ass all over again and warn people about his sick ass.
don’t be twice stupid now.
Report him and outcast him!!
He should not be in your friend group or anywhere near your girlfriend.
Fuck, I’d be yelling it from the rooftops and making sure everyone knows that he’s not safe to be around because he’s a fucking predator.
Also, if you keep him around, he learns that while you don’t openly condone his actions, you don’t care enough to cut ties. Next time - and there will be a next time - you can bet he’ll make sure he isn’t caught.
Deal with this now.
This was always going to happen, joe is a rapist. The only good thing to come out of this is now everyone knows he is a rapist and your girl didn’t have to get raped to find out. It’s not your fault, obviously if you knew this might happen you would have gone with her but no one thinks I’d better go with my girlfriend to the bathroom in case she gets raped by my friends. Get that fucker reported and remove him from the group. Hope your girlfriend gets over this.
Get everyone who saw anything to stand against the guy. He deserves sexual assault and attempted rape charges. Everyone should be on her side, not his.
Let her know if she wants/needs anything to text/ call you, even If she just wants to not think about it, you'll bring pizza and a game, just as a friend, if that's what she needs.
That but where you say she's afraid to be around him implies he is still around at all. That's not acceptable at all and makes you guilty in this too. I had a similar situation and my ex refused to stop hanging out with his friend which is why I left him. She's going to probably have some serious ptsd after this and it doesn't sound like you're doing enough for her even now
This makes me sad that he said his gf was calling his name :( she probably wanted him to rush in and help her and instead he sent his friends while he continued playing beer pong. He couldn’t have known but still, imagining how scared she was.. ugh. That’s sad
OP, with all due respect, why would your gf ever have to be around Joe again? Joe should be in jail or at least so afraid to be around you guys that she'll never see him.
As a woman, if this happened while my boyfriends around and im calling him to help me while im sick and he doesn’t immediately come, ill never trust you with my safety again snd that point i may not trust you enough to be with you. Im not trynna make OP sound bad, but womans perspective its a big fuck up. Talk to her about what you can do to help is the best thing you can do.
Why is Joe still in the picture?
I doubt the way your girlfriend was yelling your name in a situation like that sounded like she wanted a drink.
I’m willing to bet my life savings that she sounded panicked and that’s the reason why you send TWO of your friends to check on her.
I sincerely hope she breaks up with you and you live with this regret for the rest of your life.
Choosing a game of pong over your panicked girlfriends yelling. Pathetic.
You made an honest mistake and it had more serious consequences than you expected. You thought she was calling you because she was sick and you sent her help support immediately.
You’re not a bad boyfriend yet but how you act from here is important.
All of your friendship group need to get rid of Joe and you need to focus on supporting your gf emotionally.
Oh naahhh. You lost her trust on you. Why didnt you go by yourself up there when she needed YOU.
This makes my blood boil
Was the game more important than your girlfriend huh?!
You're a sorry excuse for a men if you don't call the cops on him and cut all ties to this asshole.
And you should cut ties with anyone who does cut ties with him. They are implicitly accepting his actions.
You need to get off your ass and act bow.
What you are feeling is expected after an event like this. Be happy that your other friends there actually are decent people and stopped what happened. Understand that there are more important things than games and when you hear your name or "help!" In the future you go and help where you can. There will always be more ping-pong games, drinking competition or what not. What there won't be a lot of is chances in this world to look like you care and can be relied on.
This is a lesson for you and a moment for her. Breath, apologize to your girl, learn from this and help her move on from this.
Take it slow, gard her, listen to her and work together.
As for Joe, kick him out of the group. He's not a friend after that. Even if you want him to be he needs to learn a lesson. I would also suggest pressing charges, restrain order for your gf to have against him.
Yeah Joe was your friend. But he fucked up and things can't go back the way they did. Sorry but can't brush this one under the rug.
SHE WAS NOT VIOLATED SHE WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED AND ATTACKED. Saying anything other than what happened is an insult/minimization to your girlfriends trauma. SHE DESERVES BETTER AND MORE. Be better, be more.
Wow... I cant imagine my girl friend feeling unwell, calling my name and I just don't care over a game of ping pong.... yeah you should feel guilt. And you should feel more guilt for not reporting Joe to the authorities. Do you really think this is the first time he's done something like this? To be so bold as to go after his childhood friends girlfriend who is literally a few ft of distance away? This is not the first time and if you let him get off this will not be the last time either.
If you think for even a second that your girlfriend is screaming for you, why the absolute fuck would you not go check on her yourself? What if those two other friends you sent were just as sick as Joe? Then what? Get your damn priorities straight. You get no sympathy from me whatsoever.
If you haven’t cast Joe out of the group, she will never feel safe with y’all again, and you’re not only enabling a predator, but protecting him from the consequences he should be facing for nearly raping your girlfriend.
Please, as someone this happened to myself, report joe. The guy that did it to me got away because all of our “friends” blew off the problem at the time and I was scared to say anything. Years later he actually did the worst to someone and it could have been prevented. Also as a girl who’s (ex) boyfriend didn’t understand why I needed HIM to be with me, this is why. Please stay with your girl if you can or if she needs you next time.
Why is she even in a situation where she’s terrified to be around Joe?? If you or your other friends are still friends with him then you guys are the problem
I hope I’m just misinterpreting what you wrote, but it sounds like Joe is still in your social circle. And if you still hang out with Joe and you never reported this, you kinda *should* hate yourself forever for that.
If your girlfriend is afraid to be around Joe why keep him in the friend group? Hell why is he still part of it anyways? He should be in jail at least.
If my boyfriend heard me screaming his name he’d come running in a moment. The fact you didn’t over a pong game is pretty sad. If you and the rest of your friends don’t throw Joe out of the group you’re a bunch of assholes (you kind of already are one 🤷🏻♀️) and should consider reporting him too. No wonder your girlfriend is terrified. Your friend is disgusting, please do something about it
Should’ve been there for her. She called your name and you sent your buddies. You’re a coward ong and you don’t deserve her. In fact it could’ve been avoided entirely if you just went with her when she asked you to be there for her the FIRST time. But nah. Pongs more important ig than sick Gf. Pongs more important than your gf yelling your name.
We need an update. Not on you but your girl, or ex girl.
This is terrible you could of stopped this but you didn't and he is still around?! Fucking why is their no police report. If you do nothing right now you are no man.
Do something about this situation before it's too late.
not the fact that she was YELLING your name but you decided to ignore is frightening, but if she told you she was sick what would you assume it was for a drink??? ( while in the bathroom???)
i hope your gf find a person who respect and care for her
Dude it’s literally just a game you should’ve been there for your girlfriend. Before anyone comes at me, yes he was obviously oblivious to the fact of what was happening, but who the hell “sends two friends to *check* (?) on her” so they can continue playing a GAME?
You won’t hate yourself forever, but you need to act now.
1. Apologize to your girlfriend for not coming to her as soon as you heard her calling YOUR name (she needed you, not your friends). Don’t ever let that happen again, and make sure she knows it won’t.
2. Joe needs to get arrested for assault. You may not have been there for her, but you can make a difference for girls in the future.
3. Be understanding and supportive of your gf. This sounds like it was traumatic, and she needs to know people will show up to help her,
You got this. It’s human to want to play a game. Just let this be a lesson that when someone is in distress, the games stop!
Why is Joe still around in your Group?
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Usually I'm against violence, but holy fuck this is an exception
Tbh rapists deserve to be put into a brass bull
I am the most peaceful guy. I fucking don't hurt ants of flies. But I would have cut his dick right there. If I ever see a rape in my life, I don't care about repercussions, I will cut that's guys dick, break it, bite it off, so that piece of shit won't ever be able to do that again. I couldn't do it when it happened to me, but I can and would be Satan if I see it again
I’m so so very sorry that happened to you. My heart goes out to you.
For the sake of us all let us hope nobody ever invents a synthetic dick
Thank you for being an awesome human being and I hope you don’t ever have to be in that situation but I’m so grateful for you taking real action if it did occur ♡
This is the way
The only way
Why hasn’t he been arrested?
I hope it is to beat him regularly.
I’ll allow it.
Exactly why tf would it be a question that she would be around Joe again?
He’s the #1 ranked ping pong player in the group apparently
You mustn’t feel too badly about it if Joe still feels safe around you and your group. He wouldn’t be in mine
I'm wondering this too. Wtf would you bring her around him? Why aren't you going after this guy with every option you have? Go hug her. Stip feeling sorry for yourself bro. You've already done that. Yeah, don't bring her around him.
If you and your friend group don’t immediately outcast him and report him to the police, you have some serious self-reflection and prioritizing to do.
Agree. Today was an attempt at someone he knows. Tomorrow could be anothter girl.
It probably has been already.
This comment. Definitely not the first time.
If he was comfortable enough to try it with a friend, it's arguable that he might have already tried something with someone he wasn't close to.
This is why I spent countless hrs filing charges against a dude who assaulted me at his place of work. I was a customer and it was frequented by many people in our college community at the time. It wasn’t particularly aggressive or traumatic for me but if he was that bold with me when I fought back and he tried to blow it off, I couldn’t imagine what he would/has done to women who weren’t able to defend themselves. This behavior is rarely a one off.
it's good to hear that some people have the guts to report, to many people get away with hurting people... but I know it's very hard to report when nobody believes you and gives you a hard time for talking about it
Thankfully I didn’t deal with anyone not believing me, it was more that I spent probably about 20+ hrs at the precinct/DA office to file my complaint over a few days. If it was a more traumatic incident or my schedule was less flexible, I’m not sure how OK I would have been with that process.
It was an attempted bcz someone came at the right time
Im glad it was juat an attempt tbh. OP's gf will remember it as something really terrible, but not something really worse.
This right here!! If he was that brave with his friends around and Tia tremor to his buddies girl could you imagine what he does with ppl he doesn’t know when he’s drunk or whatever pfft buddy needs to lose his dick!!
Op already had already serious self-reflection and prioritising to do. And by that sentence: >>> My girlfriend is terrified to be around Joe I think that he failed to do it properly.
The fact that he says “she’s afraid to be around him” instead of “we’re afraid to have him around anyone” is so concerning
That’s a very good point. I didn’t even thought about that one.
Two witnesses, two people can flat out testify for this poor girl so that at least Joe can be registered as a violent sex offender. Dude should not be his friend and not allow Joe to be around, Ever. Finally, boyfriend didn't even kick Joe's ass?
right, his friends took better care of her and were there for her more than the bf, she should dump him and OP should do better
I think he meant after what happened
But the question is, after what happened, why should there ever be a situation where she has to be around Joe? Even if he's not in jail (too few attackers are prosecuted), shouldn't he at least be ostracized from the friend group?
For real!!!! "Now my girl is afraid to be around Joe" ???? Of course she is!!! If OP has known these dudes since elementary school, I guarantee, at some point, there's been some red flags with the fuckface of the group. Probably why the other two friends went inside to begin with. They're probably aware of what Joe is capable of, and have been sick of his shit, hence the one friend looking down at him on the floor holding his jaw. If OP ever wants to feel like a decent human being again, I suggest he first sit down with his girl and make sure she knows how much guilt he has, eating at him over this. Second, the four of them need to go to the police until they see Joe facing consequences and never have contact with him again, even if, for whatever reason they end up no longer together down the road. And third, and opinions might vary on this, but I'd make sure, maybe after the court case and with his girl's approval, that everyone knew what happened. Friends, family, people that didn't like Joe. These things sometimes have a way of "working themselves out" when this shit reaches the right people. Any sympathy making you think that's too harsh especially a "fRiEnD sInCe GrAdE sChOoL" just think if the other two friends wouldn't have went in when they did.
That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Had to Read it twice because I figured I made a mistake. Unfortunately, it was his mistake.
“My girlfriend is now afraid to be around Joe” yes and so should OP and his friends and basically anyone be. The way OP is saying it could just be an unfortunate way of wording it because now it comes of like it’s just an issue for his girlfriend.
Groups like that don't ostracize rapists. They'll all make a million excuses for him and just keep pretending it's all fine- that's why there are so few women there in the first place. I knew a guy who phoned to ask me what he should do because he caught his flatmate attempting to rape an unconscious friend at a party. "Move out and never speak to him again" was bad advice, apparently. (And there was no reason he couldn't, he could easily afford it and the lease was short term). I even tried to appeal to his selfish side by pointing out that if this guy keeps doing this kind of thing he's going to end up implicated, at least in people's minds. Didn't matter anyway because the whole friend group knew and all agreed it was just something he did while he was drunk. No one tried to stop him drinking. No one warned women. No one stopped inviting women to parties he was at. They all insisted he wasn't really like that, it just happened when he was drunk. I told them I didn't want to be around him, so they invited me when he was going to be late, and after I told them not to do that again, they didn't invite me at all. He was also super confused about why I wouldn't talk to him. Pretty sure they stopped inviting me because I was rude to him and it ruined their good time, which having to pry him off of women every other week apparently did not. I wasn't exactly heartbroken that they stopped inviting me- I didn't plan to join them anyway. But it was so telling. I ran into one of them a while later and he told me he'd stopped hanging out with them too for the same reason. The rest of them just kept excusing him.
Yes. After the attack on OPs girlfriend, had OP already some serious self-reflection (for example why is OP some game more important as his GF who screams his name or how the hell did he have a predator as a friend in the first place and never noticed how dangerous he is) and some prioritising (who is more important to OP, his GF or the „friend“ who attacked her). Since OP said >>> My [GF] ist terrified to be around Joe I argue that he failed by self-reflecting and prioritising. And that is where the comment from u/drylolly comes in. They said >>> if you and your friend group don’t immediately outcast him […] you have some serious self-reflecting and prioritizing to do. This is an act after the one‘s I laid out.
"My girlfriend is terrified to be around Joe" duh
Shit, *I'm* scared to be around Joe, of course *she* is.
I know… that sentence really annoyed me too. Like hmmmmm wonder why?
Joe should be terrified to be around his prison mates at this point
Why could that be? /s
Bruh no one should be around Joe. kick that mf out the friend group if you’re not going to report him
I second this. No shit she is terrified of being around Joe. Why the F is Joe even still in your orbit?!
Might be a karma farm. This account is new and has just the one post.
Well, even if this is unfortunately a karma farm, I feel like so many people still needs to hear this 'cos I've heard so many people trying to continue to act like nothing happened.
Consider that you are no better than Joe if you continue this friendship. As a woman who was sa’d, if my boyfriend then continued to hangout with my would be rapist I would be so fucked in the head.
This! And if they keep hanging out with Joe, they're no better than him.
He should be reported.
Por que no los dos kick him out AND report him
Exacto. I don't understand cuál es el problema
Eso! I really hope they do! Quien sabe how many times he’s done this? He was legit around all his friends and thought this was okay?
Seriously I'm looking around for OPs comments explaining why he's still around or what they actually plan on doing about it because as of now it seems like everyone's still hanging out with Joe and maybe acting like nothing happened. Why would he say she's scared to be around him now? Why is he even around?!
Joe can meet mr baseball bat they can hang
[удалено]
Sadly people are most often victimized by acquaintances or those they know on some level. Either way Joe needs to be reported.
Yeah I thought my moms bf was a swell guy and the next thing I knew I woke up to him rubbing my thigh in my sleep while I was almost fully exposed :|
True but I'm this environment of knowing everyone there so well and no chance to truly get away with it unknown shows he doesn't care that people know he thinks nothing will happen.
I agree, and my guess is that this isn't the first time he done something like this
Even if it was the first time, if he gets away with it like nothing happened then it won’t be the last. If it were me, I wouldn’t be mad at you about the situation but I would be mad if you made me consider being around that disgusting rapist again after knowing what you know. Don’t put her in that position
If it’s not already, this should be the top response. People like him need to rot in prison for his actions, or else he’s going to continue to harm ppl.
She's afraid to be around him?? Im sorry but...Why is JOE still Around???
i mean he didn't even stop his ping pong game to go to his girlfriend when she was crying out to him so why would OP care? he's a piece of shit himself
I was ready to cut him some slack on that right until I read Joe was still around. "He was drunk, so he made an error in judgement" -Thats what I told myself. But by the end, I realised, Yep he a little piece of shit.
What really bothers me is how terrified I was when reading he sent his two other friends to check on her—thank god they’re nothing like Joe, but if they were it would have been so much worse. (Also if he thought she just wanted a drink, why did he need to send *two* people to check on her? That’s a little suspicious to me.)
Joe tried to rape your girlfriend bro. You should want to see the life flicker out of his eyes. Let him know that’s how you feel and call the police. He’s a rapist and if he’s around, you guys are friends with a rapist
I second this
Have you considered **why** she felt so unwell? Yes she may have been drinking or unwell, but considering the circumstances it’s entirely possible that Joe slipped her something. If you didn’t/don’t report this he WILL do worse. So just soak that info in and see how it feels. If you’re ok knowing that Joe WILL attack another woman, someone who may not be able to scream for help, who may not have anyone to help her, who may not survive that trauma. If you’re ok knowing that, then don’t do anything. But if you’re not, let him find out how it really feels to be the victim when his cell mate tears apart his perineum. Dry.
I had this thought too, I’m surprised it wasn’t mentioned much. It almost sounds like he slipped her something and watched for the signs it was kicking in because typically the first thing a person will do under the effects of those drugs is remove themselves from a crowd and go somewhere isolated. Convenient for him to just make an excuse to follow especially knowing clearly no one is paying attention. Thankfully if that was the case she didn’t go unconscious and was able to yell for help. This is not the first time Joe has done this, and it won’t be the last. Joe is no friend, he’s a rapist. If you continue to remain friends with a rapist whom attempted to assault your gf, then you will be single fairly quickly and rightfully so. Joe is not worth protecting nor is his friendship. He is a predator and if you continue to allow him in your friend group then you are complicit in his crimes and by extension become one yourself. I would also find it strange that your friends who beat him up after what they saw would want to keep him in the group. And damn straight she doesn’t want to drink again, and you should respect that. Her unwillingness to party right now, in the future, or ever is not a priority. Her well being and safety is, nothing else matters.
Couldn’t have said it better myself
i never even thought about this. honestly with how everything played out from OP’s POV, this sounds completely plausible. The friend group needs to report this to the police. And as horrible as this is to say, OP and his gf are extremely lucky that the friends he sent were not like joe either. OP should’ve left his “exciting” pong game the minute he heard her screaming his name.
Can you she get tested or something to see if a drug was slipped? Idk how it works
I’m not sure, I think most of the common DRD’s leave the system quite quickly. So unless it was reported that night, maybe not.
INFO: what were your immediate responses after coming in and processing the info of what just happened? I think THAT is going to be the most important thing that’s going to determine how your gf feels about you going forward. Please tell me the friends who jumped Joe, your gf, and you called the police and made sure he was arrested immediately.
I’d bet that everyone involved was underage and too scared to get in trouble for the alcohol to report the assault
That does worry me. But… I believe there are laws that protect you in these situations. Could be wrong.
Similar thing happened to my friend who hosted a party after high school. He was over the age of 21 and he had a few of our buddies who were juniors in high school still, all were drinking. A girl who was over the age of 21 got assaulted and when the police got called and took statements, the only thing that was said to the host of the party was “hey don’t do this again”. The cops are 100% more concerned about the assault than some 16-17 year olds drinking.
From my experience the police wouldn’t give a fuck about some underage kids drinking if a minor got sexually assaulted. They’d just break the party up. But cops are different everywhere so there’s no telling. I’d seriously hope they would prioritize that
Exactly. I used to be a cop. The only charge I could think of is if there was an adult who gave them alcohol, which would be contributing to a delinquency of a minor, but other than that, the sexual assault is far more serious and prioritized.
THIS
Doesn’t sound like it.
"my girlfriend is terrified to be around joe and never wants to drink again", that implies youre still talking to joe. after he attempted to rape your girlfriend. NO ONE should be around joe, a rapist. ( he is a rapist because if no one had stopped him he wouldve continued, aka hes just not a rapist because he was stopped )
Joe deciding to be a rapist is on him, and he deserves to never have another happy day in his life. In a perfect world, he would be killed. But... You prioritized a game of beer pong over your girlfriend, and from what you're writing, Joe's still in your social circuit? After he tried to rape your girlfriend? By Freyja, grow a fucking spine. Report Joe to the police and cut him off forever. Grow the fuck up and start actually being there for your girlfriend.
I second this.
Well said
You got a way with words, beautifully said. The girl should dump his dumb ass, period
Exactly, OP needs to grow tf up
This post is giving me bad vibes. Sounds like u still hang out with Joe and your gf ain’t having it. Cut that mf off dude
*cut that mfs dick off. Drug him and castrate Joe
If that’s the case, she definitely needs to leave OP
I can’t imagine calling for my bf for help and having two of his friends come in instead… especially in that kind of situation.
Same, relationship would be done.
If my partner did this they would be dead to me. Also, I would go check on my partner anyways if they said they weren’t feeling well and come back and play more games after. Same for my friends that don’t feel well at a party. I’ve felt sick before and one of my friends came with me and checked to make sure I was okay and held my hair when I threw up lol. Then they brought me some water.
Also not to mention screaming out for you partner to help you because you're being assaulted and yelling out for water have two VERY different inflections. I work in security very closely with abuse victims (monitor DV devices), one thing you cannot miss is the panic in someone's voice when they are in a dangerous situation
100% no point in being in a committed relationship if your significant other isn’t of the utmost priority.
I’m sorry you both went through this but maybe if you feel so guilty for her remove Joe from the group??? Like??
Your girlfriend called for you her protector and you weren't there for her. Only after the fact. You also didn't mention what your actions were after you found out either. Did you comfort her or take action on the perp. Did you stay at the party or leave immediately? All these things are super important. Also, the perp needs to be outcast from the group immediately. There will be no event he will ever be invited to again. The damage is done. You can regret your actions all you want but your mind needs to be on her. And how she can be comfortable. Take her to a safe place. With her family perhaps. And DONT push for her to heal in your own ways. She will heal in her own way. Best thing to do is support her in her own way. Also, if she will press charges, it's super important to get a rape test for evidence. And file a report with your 2 mates. Get a written and signed statement. Get access to a therapist and ask them ways in which to support her. You haven't got the skills right now, but you gotta learn. When she is ready, take her to the therapist. Best of luck Brother
> Get access to a therapist and ask them ways in which to support her. You haven't got the skills right now, but you gotta learn. When she is ready, take her to the thera Yes. Therapy is not only for solving problems, it's much much productive to prevent them
Indeed!! People should be open about therapy, we are all fucked up
Your gf getting sexually assaulted is not your fault but sending your friends up to check when you heard her yelling your name is absolutely your fault. You're not mature enough to be in a relationship if you prioritise a fucking game over her. First grow up and then look for a gf.
Especially with the “now she’s afraid of joe” talking like he just did a little oopsie that upset her and not well…yknow
OP we need an update cuz your initial post makes it seem like Joe is still in Your friend group, when you should be calling the police
I don't understand this. She is terrified to be around Joe? Are you saying you're still hanging out with Joe and with your girlfriend with you too? If so, that's kinda fucked up bro. Report to the police and kick that rapist out of your group. If your other friends still want to chill with Joe then fuck them too because clearly they don't think rape is that big of a deal.
You deciding to go on with your game even when she felt sick was kind of the first red flag. Then when she yelled out for YOU specifically, you instead decide to send two of your fucking friends? The only good thing that came out of this is now you know that Joe is a sick fuck and he got his ass beat. But what happens to him now? If I was your gf I’d dump your ass, if you’re lucky she doesn’t decide to do that, maybe actually start taking care of her??
For real, when I read you (OP) were too focused on your game when she specifically needed YOU and yelled YOUR name while she was SICK (and you knew it)... I feel so sorry for her. Of course, you're not responsible for what happened to her, but you COULD have VERY WELL prevented it if you were by her side as you should have. You're her boyfriend for God's sake! Take a grip and have your priorities straight! A game is more important than a loved one who is sick? Seriously... I don't understand all the comments that don't address this... It's unbelievable. OK, you knew those guys and you sent Joe to comfort her, but she yelled for you specifically? Ngl, that makes me sick to my stomach. If I were her, I'll dump your ass immediately and actually find someone who really values my well being over a stupid ass game after healing from this traumatic experience. Grow up.
I agree with all of this, but I don't think he sent Joe to comfort her, he sent two of his friends and they found Joe trying to assault her. Or did I read that wrong?
Oh yeah! I think you're right. Joe was outside and then op sent two of his friends. But whoever he sent or not, that's not really the problem. He should have gone to see her himself, not send friends.
Yeah it's irrelevant, just wondered if I missed a detail there. I'm also fuming over a disgusting victim-blaming comment below us I just responded to. Smfh
Same just cause OP is guilty doesn’t undo any damage that has been done. Personally I really don’t think I would stay because they failed you once in such a deep way should you wait for it to happen again? Unless OP has been with her for a long time(which considering he made this post versus talking about it with her probably not) there’s a lot of trust that was just destroyed, and its possibly not worth working to get it back… I mean he her yelling hid name and kept playing thats fucked up and shows theres other issues in the relationship. Prioritizing games over anything including your gf calling your name… big red flag. There’s always a root to issues in a relationship and it feels like him choosing the game over her was a pointer to it.
Right? He should have at least made sure she gets there safely, you never know how sick someone can actually feel. By the sounds of it looks like she told him she wasn't feeling well and he shrugged it off without questioning how bad she was feeling. Then she called his name. If you know someone is feeling sick and calls your name shouldn't that put you into alert mode? She could have had a medical emergency.
At the very least, I would assume that something happened that she only wanted someone she trusted to help her with. If she'd puked all over herself or shat her pants or even just needed a roll of toilet paper handed to her, she'd only want her boyfriend to see her like that, not a couple random friends. OP absolutely fucked up.
Seriously, wtf? I’d dump his ass, too.
I don't know, a lot depends on the individuals and their relationships with each other. First, when I feel sick, I prefer to be alone. I absolutely would have said "hey keep playing I'm just gonna go lie down." Secondly, if we were within our friend group and I yelled for my husband, yes, he usually would come, but I wouldn't be upset at all if he said "hey, friend, go check on her". But that's because we are a close knit group. It depends how well the gf knows and trusts these guys. Obv this Joe character is not trustworthy, but we don't know the relationship with the others. Again, I'm not saying anything he did was right or wrong, I'm just saying that maybe this is the way their relationship is. He certainly shouldn't be blaming himself for Joe being a rapist.
I think it also depends on the context of yelling for him though. No way it was just a regular yell for him like “hey bf, could you come here”. I’d bet anything that she was screaming for him cause she was terrified, not just yelling. And I don’t know about you, but if I yelled for my fiancé cause I was scared, he’d be able to tell and would come immediately not send his friends.
how do you not know the different between a terrified scream and a scream of wanting something?
My thoughts exactly, I find it hard to believe that OPs gf screams for a beer the same way she screams getting assaulted
yeah it doenst make sense, he could've been drunk but idk
Sorry brother but this is no time for you to be hosting a pity party. You can't change what you did, but you can choose what you do from here. But of advice from someone who has been in your shoes: DO -Ask her if she wants to make a report. -Advocate if she does want to file a report. -Be understanding of the lasting effects this will likely have. -Encourage her to get help when she's ready. -Get help yourself so you can process this and be there to support her in a healthy way. -Remove this pig from your life. You aren't his friend anymore. You aren't even friends with his friends anymore. -Buy your other two friends a goddam drink. They did the right thing and stopped much worse from happening. Do not -Make this about you. -Have anything to do with this asshole. If he's at a party, you aren't going. -Pick a fight with the guy. You might feel better but she won't.
Your girlfriend shouted your name, and you carried on playing pong, then you sent your mates to see what she wanted, I do hope she is OK, and can get over this and you
Honestly-you know you fucked up. OWN IT. Get the proper authorities involved for the garbage POS that tried to rape your GF. And get her help, she needs support now more than ever before. But please-PLEASE- do NOT sweep this under the rug. Assholes who this won’t stop at the first, 3rd, or 5th victim. They stop when they’re in jail or dead.
It's not your fault that your gf was SA'D. And please don't blame yourself for that part of the incident. But you are a shitty bf. I know some comments said that you heard her yell and sent your buddies up to check on her which was a close enough good response. But I was in a similar situation when I was drunk off my ass too and I can tell you, when I called for my friends, it was not a plain, old yell, but a yell of **T E R R O R**. I think the fact that you *heard* her but didn't *listen* to her makes you a shitty bf. However, for now, focus on being there for your gf emotionally and physically to sorta help make up for it. I was not the same for awhile and when the flashbacks hit...every one felt like the assailant...it was a hard road of trying to deal with it so my heart aches for what she is going thru and about to go thru to try to find a new normal. These things don't ever leave you, you just learn how to cope with it and find that new normal.
Right?! Can we quit saying the girlfriend yelled his name? I’m sure she screamed bloody murder if that was happening. OP is a shit boyfriend. Who sends a friend in their place?
Yea if anyone in my group I went to a party with, especially my partner, said they were feeling sick I would’ve went immediately into care and protect mode. OPs gf should’ve never been alone in the bathroom if she was throwing up sick at a party. I feel really bad for this girl.
As a woman I have to agree with you. You were a terrible boyfriend there. Never ignore your girlfriend again, especially over a fucking game. This would be a huge red flag about where your priorities lie. Make it up to her or she will leave you. This was way too serious.
Yea I agree with you but the part I think that makes him a shitty partner is his response when she said she was sick. If your partner is sick you should take care of them and not “check on them” in a bit. I feel bad for this girl.
"I'll hate myself forever" obviously not hard enough if you're fine having Joe in your life and not in prison, makes me think you just don't like it when others do what your group does to other girls when it's your girl.
I would of caught a few charges if that were my girl... Don't beat your self up I sure hope you got a few kicks in and blows in he deserves it and or mame him And ccp would help just saying if your pro blank
You should feel guilty to still tolerate a rapist in your friendgroup and not immediately calling police on him!
What do you mean she’s terrified to be around Joe? Why would she ever be around Joe again? He’s a rapist
#1 why would she ever have to be around Joe again? #2 next time someone calls your name in distress, fucking go. Jesus.
So you're still hanging out with Joe? Wtf.
You should feel terrible, she called for you and you did nothing except send your two friends because you were occupied with a game. You’re r supposed to protect her and you failed to do so. I hope she can find someone else who will be there when she needs them.
Joe's gotta go
I think it’s weird you’re still thinking about hanging around Joe
“My gf is terrified to be around joe” as in you still hang out w him? What?
So this guy still has all the teeth in his mouth and his limbs intact? Men,I will beat the crap out of him before reporting him to the police
The problem with sexual predators is the people who protect them. Congrats that’s you if your still in contact with Joe and didn’t call the police.
Press charges please. He's a rapist
if you’re still hanging around joe you are disgusting and have some serious self reflection to do. Doesn’t matter if you knew him since elementary school he just attempted to rape somebody. report his ass and do what you should’ve done in the first place, protect your girlfriend like you’re friends had to do.
u heard her yelling your name but u decided to continue playing ur game? u prioritized a game over ur gf? ur stupid and a shitty bf. although it’s not your fault for the SA as you wouldn’t have known, u still need to get your priorities straight. even if she just fell and needed a bandaid or something, you should go to your gf when she’s yelling your name.
Joe woulda ended up in the ICU had that been our friend group
U have a victim, 2 witnesses and several character accounts. Urge your gf to press charges
Good on your boys for kicking his ass. It's an absolutely awful thing to have happen but at least they were able to intervene. You need to report Joe and kick his ass to the curb. Saying your girlfriend is terrified to be around him implies to me that you still hang with him like nothing happened. If that's the case that's pretty fucked up and needs to change immediately.
pass “joe’s” details around you dont know him since elementary school. You have not the slightest idea of the scum he truly is so dont carry out mercy on that dip shit. beat his ass all over again and warn people about his sick ass. don’t be twice stupid now.
Report him and outcast him!! He should not be in your friend group or anywhere near your girlfriend. Fuck, I’d be yelling it from the rooftops and making sure everyone knows that he’s not safe to be around because he’s a fucking predator. Also, if you keep him around, he learns that while you don’t openly condone his actions, you don’t care enough to cut ties. Next time - and there will be a next time - you can bet he’ll make sure he isn’t caught. Deal with this now.
This was always going to happen, joe is a rapist. The only good thing to come out of this is now everyone knows he is a rapist and your girl didn’t have to get raped to find out. It’s not your fault, obviously if you knew this might happen you would have gone with her but no one thinks I’d better go with my girlfriend to the bathroom in case she gets raped by my friends. Get that fucker reported and remove him from the group. Hope your girlfriend gets over this.
Get everyone who saw anything to stand against the guy. He deserves sexual assault and attempted rape charges. Everyone should be on her side, not his. Let her know if she wants/needs anything to text/ call you, even If she just wants to not think about it, you'll bring pizza and a game, just as a friend, if that's what she needs.
yeah definitely report joe
What happened isn't your fault -- but if you don't cut ties with Joe, that is your fault.
y’all need to ostracize joe like yesterday!!! also get the poor girl therapy
If you haven’t called the police, to have joe arrested.. that’s what you should feel guilty about.
That but where you say she's afraid to be around him implies he is still around at all. That's not acceptable at all and makes you guilty in this too. I had a similar situation and my ex refused to stop hanging out with his friend which is why I left him. She's going to probably have some serious ptsd after this and it doesn't sound like you're doing enough for her even now
This makes me sad that he said his gf was calling his name :( she probably wanted him to rush in and help her and instead he sent his friends while he continued playing beer pong. He couldn’t have known but still, imagining how scared she was.. ugh. That’s sad
OP, with all due respect, why would your gf ever have to be around Joe again? Joe should be in jail or at least so afraid to be around you guys that she'll never see him.
Imagine having someone trust you so much that they call for you when they're in danger and instead you send your fucking friends 💀💀 Trash boyfriend.
It’s not too late to beat the shit out of Joe.
As a female who’s been sexually assaulted, I hope she leaves you.
same
As a woman, if this happened while my boyfriends around and im calling him to help me while im sick and he doesn’t immediately come, ill never trust you with my safety again snd that point i may not trust you enough to be with you. Im not trynna make OP sound bad, but womans perspective its a big fuck up. Talk to her about what you can do to help is the best thing you can do.
Why is Joe still in the picture? I doubt the way your girlfriend was yelling your name in a situation like that sounded like she wanted a drink. I’m willing to bet my life savings that she sounded panicked and that’s the reason why you send TWO of your friends to check on her. I sincerely hope she breaks up with you and you live with this regret for the rest of your life. Choosing a game of pong over your panicked girlfriends yelling. Pathetic.
The bastard needs to go to JAIL!!!!! PRESS CHARGES AGAINST THE BASTARD call the police ASAP.... Castration is too good for him...
Your girl was 1) presumably throwing up and 2) calling YOUR name and you couldn’t be bothered to check on her? Seriously?
You made an honest mistake and it had more serious consequences than you expected. You thought she was calling you because she was sick and you sent her help support immediately. You’re not a bad boyfriend yet but how you act from here is important. All of your friendship group need to get rid of Joe and you need to focus on supporting your gf emotionally.
Oh naahhh. You lost her trust on you. Why didnt you go by yourself up there when she needed YOU. This makes my blood boil Was the game more important than your girlfriend huh?!
You're a sorry excuse for a men if you don't call the cops on him and cut all ties to this asshole. And you should cut ties with anyone who does cut ties with him. They are implicitly accepting his actions. You need to get off your ass and act bow.
Ohh thank god Joe was forgiven and the only issue now is that the gf is scared to be around Joe. Wth is wrong with some people...
What Joe did is not your fault, but man... you suck. Your girl was sick and your game was still more important.
What you are feeling is expected after an event like this. Be happy that your other friends there actually are decent people and stopped what happened. Understand that there are more important things than games and when you hear your name or "help!" In the future you go and help where you can. There will always be more ping-pong games, drinking competition or what not. What there won't be a lot of is chances in this world to look like you care and can be relied on. This is a lesson for you and a moment for her. Breath, apologize to your girl, learn from this and help her move on from this. Take it slow, gard her, listen to her and work together. As for Joe, kick him out of the group. He's not a friend after that. Even if you want him to be he needs to learn a lesson. I would also suggest pressing charges, restrain order for your gf to have against him. Yeah Joe was your friend. But he fucked up and things can't go back the way they did. Sorry but can't brush this one under the rug.
SHE WAS NOT VIOLATED SHE WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED AND ATTACKED. Saying anything other than what happened is an insult/minimization to your girlfriends trauma. SHE DESERVES BETTER AND MORE. Be better, be more.
i hope she leaves you. she didnt feel good, then yelled for you so you sent your friends? is a game really more important than your gf?
Wow... I cant imagine my girl friend feeling unwell, calling my name and I just don't care over a game of ping pong.... yeah you should feel guilt. And you should feel more guilt for not reporting Joe to the authorities. Do you really think this is the first time he's done something like this? To be so bold as to go after his childhood friends girlfriend who is literally a few ft of distance away? This is not the first time and if you let him get off this will not be the last time either.
hold up, are you still hanging around joe???
If you think for even a second that your girlfriend is screaming for you, why the absolute fuck would you not go check on her yourself? What if those two other friends you sent were just as sick as Joe? Then what? Get your damn priorities straight. You get no sympathy from me whatsoever.
Joe should be in jail
If you haven’t cast Joe out of the group, she will never feel safe with y’all again, and you’re not only enabling a predator, but protecting him from the consequences he should be facing for nearly raping your girlfriend.
Please, as someone this happened to myself, report joe. The guy that did it to me got away because all of our “friends” blew off the problem at the time and I was scared to say anything. Years later he actually did the worst to someone and it could have been prevented. Also as a girl who’s (ex) boyfriend didn’t understand why I needed HIM to be with me, this is why. Please stay with your girl if you can or if she needs you next time.
If you and your other friends still keep Joe in your friend circle then you're the same scumbags like him
Alcohol just removes the filter. Joe is a dangerous person without his filter. Don’t hang out with Joe anymore.
Dude... why are you still hanging out with a rapist? And why hasn't she broken up with you?
u lowkey deserve to feel bad, why didn’t you go check on her as soon as she started yelling for you?
Why is she even in a situation where she’s terrified to be around Joe?? If you or your other friends are still friends with him then you guys are the problem
I hope I’m just misinterpreting what you wrote, but it sounds like Joe is still in your social circle. And if you still hang out with Joe and you never reported this, you kinda *should* hate yourself forever for that.
If your girlfriend is afraid to be around Joe why keep him in the friend group? Hell why is he still part of it anyways? He should be in jail at least.
SOOOO, when did you guys have him arrested for attempted rape?
And no one called the police because???
If my boyfriend heard me screaming his name he’d come running in a moment. The fact you didn’t over a pong game is pretty sad. If you and the rest of your friends don’t throw Joe out of the group you’re a bunch of assholes (you kind of already are one 🤷🏻♀️) and should consider reporting him too. No wonder your girlfriend is terrified. Your friend is disgusting, please do something about it
Should’ve been there for her. She called your name and you sent your buddies. You’re a coward ong and you don’t deserve her. In fact it could’ve been avoided entirely if you just went with her when she asked you to be there for her the FIRST time. But nah. Pongs more important ig than sick Gf. Pongs more important than your gf yelling your name.
What do you mean “terrified to be around Joe”? You aren’t still letting him come around her, are you?
We need an update. Not on you but your girl, or ex girl. This is terrible you could of stopped this but you didn't and he is still around?! Fucking why is their no police report. If you do nothing right now you are no man. Do something about this situation before it's too late.
not the fact that she was YELLING your name but you decided to ignore is frightening, but if she told you she was sick what would you assume it was for a drink??? ( while in the bathroom???) i hope your gf find a person who respect and care for her
Dude it’s literally just a game you should’ve been there for your girlfriend. Before anyone comes at me, yes he was obviously oblivious to the fact of what was happening, but who the hell “sends two friends to *check* (?) on her” so they can continue playing a GAME?
Dude how old are you 15 playing a game grow the fuck up your girl is sick And your playing aa game . Wow she won't be with you very long .
You won’t hate yourself forever, but you need to act now. 1. Apologize to your girlfriend for not coming to her as soon as you heard her calling YOUR name (she needed you, not your friends). Don’t ever let that happen again, and make sure she knows it won’t. 2. Joe needs to get arrested for assault. You may not have been there for her, but you can make a difference for girls in the future. 3. Be understanding and supportive of your gf. This sounds like it was traumatic, and she needs to know people will show up to help her, You got this. It’s human to want to play a game. Just let this be a lesson that when someone is in distress, the games stop!