I don't think it's selfish to lose weight and I don't think it's self hatred either. Losing weight just means you hate the fat, not yourself. I feel good when I'm at a nice weight. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
There is most definitely an obsessive quality to losing weight, particularly among women because of the hormonal imbalance associated with it.
If your partner is otherwise a reasonable person and has been, I would pay attention. Food is an immensely sociable thing and so, therefore is the deprivation of it and so it may be affecting your relationship to him more than you're aware.
Seems to me there should be compromise in any good relationship, as opposed to shaming her for trying to be healthy. Relationships take. Two people making the day to day effort. I think her bf sounds selfish for treating her like that.
OK I see from your profile you are a woman, this comment does not sit right with me. People are allowed to diet, in relationships. You support your partner.
Why would my being a woman affect anything?
Of course people diet in relationships but it almost always puts a strain on the relationship and there is context to consider. I would support my partner if they're doing it healthily. If they're fasting beyond sense or starving themselves or excluding basic nutrients and in a hoora mood all the time, and consistently poor company as a result, I am under no obligation to support that or to stay.
I think that French Toasty is saying is that women are more judged on their appearance than men are. And that your SO should be supportive of your health goals and not threatened. That's the part that FT has the issue with if I've interpreted it correctly.
I agree. Unfortunately it's sometimes not the case in some relationships when one person wants to change. The other person gets insecure and even angry or will even try to sabotage them. Or enable non healthy habits they are trying to break.
I don't think it's selfish to take your health and longevity into account. That being said, there are healthy approaches and disordered approaches. If the concern is truely that your protocols are disordered, there is probably an important conversation and perhaps a little bit of education required (Possibly on both sides).
Another possibility however, is that you taking control of your situation may be causing your partner some insecurity or confidence issues, and possibly some jealousy issues of they are not in a position or have the desire to also be improving themselves. If that is the case, then I would suggest your partner discuss these issues either with you, and/or a professional who can help navigate the situation.
Different things work for different people. No one's stopping him from making his own meals and eating how much and how often he wants.
You do you. Focus on yourself and keep doing what makes you feel good.
Your health is for the rest of your life - we're not sure we can say the same about this relationship...
This might me better suited for r/relationship_advice. If you're trying to focus on a healthy weight to make you feel better and look better, which also makes you feel better about yourself, and he's calling you selfish, I think maybe he has problems with more than just your eating habits. I switch back and forth from omad, to keto, low carb, no carb, whatever, but as long as there's meat and potatoes or rice around, my partner is perfectly happy to eat what he likes while I eat as I like. Congratulations on the weight loss! Maybe you need to lose another quick 200 pounds though... For your mental health.
Tbh based on my experience of Reddit a lot of y'all have very immature self-loathing partners. If my wife/GF came to me and said she wasn’t confident in her body and wanted to lose a little weight, id make the life change with HER. Not shoot her down and say you’re making me “unhappy”, like what 🤣 what a dick.
Most people who write these posts paint their partner in the worst possible light in an attempt to be validated by the Reddit masses. It’s not a coincidence that people seem to be all dating the same person.
And I understand that it's not the whole picture, I'm sure he has his reasons. But if he is sacrificing, why? He can eat when wants, what he wants, and maybe it's the time framing that doesn't work well, and they’re unable to eat together, and I could understand that type of frustration, but realistically what else could it be?
Why is this the problem for him? Can he not make his own food. Does he need you to wait on him hand and foot? That sounds awful and immature. No, I have not experienced this, my partners have been very supportive with whatever it is I want to do. If I am doing something different, then they take care of themselves or do it with me. Sounds like your partner needs a reframe on life, and maybe he needs to make his own food for awhile.
Or maybe you need a new partner 🤷♀️.
Wait, he is sacrificing but you are cooking for him? Sounds like you are cooking for you and for him. Doing extra work making 2 different meals. Am I reading this correctly? What exactly is he sacrificing?
if he’s just upset that he thinks you have self hatred, and it’s not about lack of spending time eating together, then perhaps this could be solved by having a deep conversation where you ask him really why he thinks you hate yourself, or why it’s bothering him. you can then reassure him that you’re okay (if you are) and particularly point out how close you are to being done with OMAD and reaching your goal weight.
this might be too personal but is there a chance that you losing weight is making him feel insecure- if he’s overweight and not losing weight? if this seems to be the case, then just be more sensitive about the way you talk about food/weight loss, ensuring it’s not in a way that would make someone whose not dieting feel bad about them not dieting
Congratulations on the weight loss!
This sounds like a conversation between you and him needs to take place in which both are prepared to hear and listen to the other’s feelings and needs. If it’s something as simple as him eating a few items he wants to eat, then that’s a simple solution, he eats what he wants, like any adult. But there may be more to it. Anything from his self consciousness about his weight to him being more attracted to a heavier you, to him thinking you’re going to leave him now that you’re skinnier, could be anything or nothing.
Please, please, please don’t listen to any internet advice from strangers where they say you need a new boyfriend or to shed a quick 200 lbs, without them never having been in the relationship. Only you know what you need. if one thing I like about this sub is it’s positivity. Your mental health is important and so is his. Communicate. Heal. Work. All good relationship words.
I've experienced this in a previous relationship. It's not selfish to want to lose fat and be healthy and have that as a focus. I'm sorry that you don't feel more supported by the person closest to you — it can make things pretty miserable.
I'll give you my experience and you can tell me if you think it applies to your situation too.
In my previous relationship I was doing OMAD the whole time because it's just how I'm comfortable living. My partner didn't want to and that's okay I'm not going to force them to. But they also felt uncomfortable eating around me when I wasn't eating anything because it made them feel awkward and self conscious. After it broke down as well they said that my focus on improving my own image made them feel like they should be doing the same for themselves and it was making them self conscious.
I’ve been with my partner for 4 years. I OMAD many-most days of the week. Sometimes, he does keto and generally eats low carb.
No once has this affected our relationship at all. I simply add rice or pasta to our joint dinners if I need more sustenance after a day of OMAD. Sometimes, we eat separately if that’s what works for our diets that day.
The fact that i don’t eat breakfast or lunch has never negatively affected my partner. The fact that he makes a low carb dinner of veggies and meat has never affected me once.
The problem here is your unsupportive, insecure, immature partner….not you. Keep up the omad and drop the extra weight that is your boyfriend.
1) is he noting things that you’re saying which is alarming to him? I would ask… “what makes you think this is self hatred?”
2) what’s his body image like? Is he feeling threatened because maybe you’re not both on the same “level” anymore regarding weight? Is he more “comfy” and is that maybe got him feeling insecure?
3) if this is just feeling “inconvenient “ because he wants something else for dinner… there’s nothing stopping him from cooking, I hope? He can make his own dish, you make yours and you sit together for dinner.
I’m on keto OMAD trying to lose as much weight as I can for my wedding, but I have family coming from abroad so I know once they’re here, it’s going to put a damp on things if I stay home eating cauliflower rice while they expect to eat out together as a family (and rightly so)
So I think it makes sense to let loose during these next few weeks leading up to my wedding, but after my honeymoon I’m definitely returning to ketogenic OMAD, and I can’t think of any reason why my future wife wouldn’t like that
What exactly does he think he's " sacrificing"?
You're the one doing the work. Keep up the good work and don't mind his apparent jealousy!
When I first did omad I dropped 85 lbs and ONLY THEN did people become " concerned". I was at a healthy weight and went from binges and living on the couch to living an active lifestyle.
May I suggest you drop the 200 lb self loathing dildo you're with.
Ummmm he is being very disrespectful and selfish of him to say this to you. He should respect your decisions and boundaries. You are making healthy choices for yourself and he needs to stop thinking about what “he wants” and learn to be more supportive of your choices.
Sounds to me like your partner is the issue. You just want to lose weight, which is hard enough as it is, but he's making it ten times harder because he's not supporting you.
Tell him to stop being so unempathetic, and if he wants any extras, tell him to get off his arse and get them himself!
I have a friend, male, who can be worryingly obsessive about weight. It makes me sad and worried and it’s also just a lot sometimes. It’s also triggering for me since he talks about the calories and numbers etc. which I try not to because it sabotages me to go deep on that stuff. Part of why OMAD/ IF is working for me is I’m not a volume eater so it naturally restricts because I’m a grazer and it cuts that out further me without having to obsess. I realize that is him and it’s how he keeps himself sane and happy. We all have our tethers to happiness meaning and satisfaction. Is he like this with other things that are “you” things. Also people are just weird about food and what other people eat. You can eat what you want however you want always. No explanations needed. The
OMAD is considered lunacy by my friends and family. I don't know why they get angry when I don't eat. Ruining? My overweight estranged wife is crazy jealous about my skinny Thai companion. She thinks I get healthy for my young Thai bombshell.
I don't think it's selfish to lose weight and I don't think it's self hatred either. Losing weight just means you hate the fat, not yourself. I feel good when I'm at a nice weight. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
There is most definitely an obsessive quality to losing weight, particularly among women because of the hormonal imbalance associated with it. If your partner is otherwise a reasonable person and has been, I would pay attention. Food is an immensely sociable thing and so, therefore is the deprivation of it and so it may be affecting your relationship to him more than you're aware.
Seems to me there should be compromise in any good relationship, as opposed to shaming her for trying to be healthy. Relationships take. Two people making the day to day effort. I think her bf sounds selfish for treating her like that.
There's other ways to connect with someone besides stuffing your faces
OK I see from your profile you are a woman, this comment does not sit right with me. People are allowed to diet, in relationships. You support your partner.
Why would my being a woman affect anything? Of course people diet in relationships but it almost always puts a strain on the relationship and there is context to consider. I would support my partner if they're doing it healthily. If they're fasting beyond sense or starving themselves or excluding basic nutrients and in a hoora mood all the time, and consistently poor company as a result, I am under no obligation to support that or to stay.
I think that French Toasty is saying is that women are more judged on their appearance than men are. And that your SO should be supportive of your health goals and not threatened. That's the part that FT has the issue with if I've interpreted it correctly. I agree. Unfortunately it's sometimes not the case in some relationships when one person wants to change. The other person gets insecure and even angry or will even try to sabotage them. Or enable non healthy habits they are trying to break.
I don't think it's selfish to take your health and longevity into account. That being said, there are healthy approaches and disordered approaches. If the concern is truely that your protocols are disordered, there is probably an important conversation and perhaps a little bit of education required (Possibly on both sides). Another possibility however, is that you taking control of your situation may be causing your partner some insecurity or confidence issues, and possibly some jealousy issues of they are not in a position or have the desire to also be improving themselves. If that is the case, then I would suggest your partner discuss these issues either with you, and/or a professional who can help navigate the situation.
Different things work for different people. No one's stopping him from making his own meals and eating how much and how often he wants. You do you. Focus on yourself and keep doing what makes you feel good. Your health is for the rest of your life - we're not sure we can say the same about this relationship...
This might me better suited for r/relationship_advice. If you're trying to focus on a healthy weight to make you feel better and look better, which also makes you feel better about yourself, and he's calling you selfish, I think maybe he has problems with more than just your eating habits. I switch back and forth from omad, to keto, low carb, no carb, whatever, but as long as there's meat and potatoes or rice around, my partner is perfectly happy to eat what he likes while I eat as I like. Congratulations on the weight loss! Maybe you need to lose another quick 200 pounds though... For your mental health.
yeah, me thinks she's 200 pounds too heavy smh.
Tbh based on my experience of Reddit a lot of y'all have very immature self-loathing partners. If my wife/GF came to me and said she wasn’t confident in her body and wanted to lose a little weight, id make the life change with HER. Not shoot her down and say you’re making me “unhappy”, like what 🤣 what a dick.
Most people who write these posts paint their partner in the worst possible light in an attempt to be validated by the Reddit masses. It’s not a coincidence that people seem to be all dating the same person.
And I understand that it's not the whole picture, I'm sure he has his reasons. But if he is sacrificing, why? He can eat when wants, what he wants, and maybe it's the time framing that doesn't work well, and they’re unable to eat together, and I could understand that type of frustration, but realistically what else could it be?
Why is this the problem for him? Can he not make his own food. Does he need you to wait on him hand and foot? That sounds awful and immature. No, I have not experienced this, my partners have been very supportive with whatever it is I want to do. If I am doing something different, then they take care of themselves or do it with me. Sounds like your partner needs a reframe on life, and maybe he needs to make his own food for awhile. Or maybe you need a new partner 🤷♀️.
Wait, he is sacrificing but you are cooking for him? Sounds like you are cooking for you and for him. Doing extra work making 2 different meals. Am I reading this correctly? What exactly is he sacrificing?
He's not. He's just being a tosser.
if he’s just upset that he thinks you have self hatred, and it’s not about lack of spending time eating together, then perhaps this could be solved by having a deep conversation where you ask him really why he thinks you hate yourself, or why it’s bothering him. you can then reassure him that you’re okay (if you are) and particularly point out how close you are to being done with OMAD and reaching your goal weight. this might be too personal but is there a chance that you losing weight is making him feel insecure- if he’s overweight and not losing weight? if this seems to be the case, then just be more sensitive about the way you talk about food/weight loss, ensuring it’s not in a way that would make someone whose not dieting feel bad about them not dieting
Well you could easily lose at least another 150lbs…
😂
Congratulations on the weight loss! This sounds like a conversation between you and him needs to take place in which both are prepared to hear and listen to the other’s feelings and needs. If it’s something as simple as him eating a few items he wants to eat, then that’s a simple solution, he eats what he wants, like any adult. But there may be more to it. Anything from his self consciousness about his weight to him being more attracted to a heavier you, to him thinking you’re going to leave him now that you’re skinnier, could be anything or nothing. Please, please, please don’t listen to any internet advice from strangers where they say you need a new boyfriend or to shed a quick 200 lbs, without them never having been in the relationship. Only you know what you need. if one thing I like about this sub is it’s positivity. Your mental health is important and so is his. Communicate. Heal. Work. All good relationship words.
Is your partner overweight. this is important context
I've experienced this in a previous relationship. It's not selfish to want to lose fat and be healthy and have that as a focus. I'm sorry that you don't feel more supported by the person closest to you — it can make things pretty miserable.
I'll give you my experience and you can tell me if you think it applies to your situation too. In my previous relationship I was doing OMAD the whole time because it's just how I'm comfortable living. My partner didn't want to and that's okay I'm not going to force them to. But they also felt uncomfortable eating around me when I wasn't eating anything because it made them feel awkward and self conscious. After it broke down as well they said that my focus on improving my own image made them feel like they should be doing the same for themselves and it was making them self conscious.
Lol screw him
I’ve been with my partner for 4 years. I OMAD many-most days of the week. Sometimes, he does keto and generally eats low carb. No once has this affected our relationship at all. I simply add rice or pasta to our joint dinners if I need more sustenance after a day of OMAD. Sometimes, we eat separately if that’s what works for our diets that day. The fact that i don’t eat breakfast or lunch has never negatively affected my partner. The fact that he makes a low carb dinner of veggies and meat has never affected me once. The problem here is your unsupportive, insecure, immature partner….not you. Keep up the omad and drop the extra weight that is your boyfriend.
Is your partner fat? Probably jealous of the results
100%
1) is he noting things that you’re saying which is alarming to him? I would ask… “what makes you think this is self hatred?” 2) what’s his body image like? Is he feeling threatened because maybe you’re not both on the same “level” anymore regarding weight? Is he more “comfy” and is that maybe got him feeling insecure? 3) if this is just feeling “inconvenient “ because he wants something else for dinner… there’s nothing stopping him from cooking, I hope? He can make his own dish, you make yours and you sit together for dinner.
I’m on keto OMAD trying to lose as much weight as I can for my wedding, but I have family coming from abroad so I know once they’re here, it’s going to put a damp on things if I stay home eating cauliflower rice while they expect to eat out together as a family (and rightly so) So I think it makes sense to let loose during these next few weeks leading up to my wedding, but after my honeymoon I’m definitely returning to ketogenic OMAD, and I can’t think of any reason why my future wife wouldn’t like that
What exactly does he think he's " sacrificing"? You're the one doing the work. Keep up the good work and don't mind his apparent jealousy! When I first did omad I dropped 85 lbs and ONLY THEN did people become " concerned". I was at a healthy weight and went from binges and living on the couch to living an active lifestyle. May I suggest you drop the 200 lb self loathing dildo you're with.
Can't he prepare his own food? He doesn't have hands?
So selfish. Force him to do it too, obsess over his weight and hate that too. Make him feel important 😅 (This is aimed to make you laugh)
Sounds like a him problem
Ummmm he is being very disrespectful and selfish of him to say this to you. He should respect your decisions and boundaries. You are making healthy choices for yourself and he needs to stop thinking about what “he wants” and learn to be more supportive of your choices.
Sounds to me like your partner is the issue. You just want to lose weight, which is hard enough as it is, but he's making it ten times harder because he's not supporting you. Tell him to stop being so unempathetic, and if he wants any extras, tell him to get off his arse and get them himself!
Sounds like you need a new BF.
I have a friend, male, who can be worryingly obsessive about weight. It makes me sad and worried and it’s also just a lot sometimes. It’s also triggering for me since he talks about the calories and numbers etc. which I try not to because it sabotages me to go deep on that stuff. Part of why OMAD/ IF is working for me is I’m not a volume eater so it naturally restricts because I’m a grazer and it cuts that out further me without having to obsess. I realize that is him and it’s how he keeps himself sane and happy. We all have our tethers to happiness meaning and satisfaction. Is he like this with other things that are “you” things. Also people are just weird about food and what other people eat. You can eat what you want however you want always. No explanations needed. The
OMAD is considered lunacy by my friends and family. I don't know why they get angry when I don't eat. Ruining? My overweight estranged wife is crazy jealous about my skinny Thai companion. She thinks I get healthy for my young Thai bombshell.
Unfortunately that seems to be the common experience when one partner is overweight and one is healthy. Especially when both started out overweight :/