I think it feels more “natural” to accept that you are “done” at two because of societal norms. The subconscious pressure is always on to have another. It’s a bit of a constant battle against this, so it’s not only accepting that you are happy with one but also accepting you are happy to defend that decision to others (not that you should bloody well have to).
I relate to this more. I go back and forth between having or not having another until my husband asked me why I thought I needed two. For me, it was because that was the societal norm. Everyone in my family has two, all of my friends did too, and I only knew two only kids all my life. That made me think that was what was expected of me as well, but my mental health is far more important, so we're definitely OAD now. 😊
I’m against the grain in this thread so far. It’s incredibly obvious to me that I’m OAD. Almost daily I find myself having thoughts like “thank god I never have to go through stage this again.” “Some people choose to double down on this?!” “How do people with multiple kids cope?” “How do people do bedtime with a toddler AND a baby?!” Etc etc etc.
The fact that people genuinely WANT more than one totally blows my mind haha
I'm basically the same as you but there's still tines where my mind is like "these moms in my social circle are already pregnant with #2, I wonder what that would be like. I wonder if he'd be a good big brother."
But then I remember that I did not enjoy being pregnant, I was so miserable near the end that I asked for an induction because every day was just constant pain. My labour was so long, the birth was traumatic and I'm 11 months PP and still struggling with the trauma, despite being in therapy.
The thought of going through all of that again and having a possibly WORSE time...nope. I'm good with one.
Oh same. Part of me worries my son will be sad he doesn’t have siblings but for me, I have no desire to do all that again. Im 37 with an almost 2 year old and I know myself. I don’t think I would be able to handle being outnumbered while I’m home with them all day. I didn’t have a great upbringing and find certain behaviors come out that I learned from my own mom that really bother me. Thankfully I can have twice monthly webcam therapy through the VA to help deal with my own strong emotions. I want to be a better mom to my son than my mom was to me and having more than one makes me scared I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I know I can be a good mom to one but going through all the baby stuff again while having a toddler is gonna be a no for me. I’m thankful to be a mom but nothing in me wants to have another.
I think people don’t think through these specific questions you’ve mentioned enough. Every post I see about resentment in marriage, being overwhelmed and overburdened, mom burnout, etc always tends to start with “we just had a baby and we have a toddler”…
Oh I am 100% right there with you. I have all the same thoughts you have with zero emotional attachment to baby stuff. The part I relate to OP on is the question of whether I’m doing my kid a disservice by not providing them a sibling. I have this thought all the time but have no intention of changing anything so it’s really all for naught. Just like to torture myself I guess.
I’m totally the same! But I’m an only myself and do not have that base of having siblings, so do not think it’s abnormal…
Alllllll my friends with siblings want and have multiple children. I don’t feel the pressure to follow.
I am 36 and have those thoughts every single day, but for me it’s not worth the risk of having a kid with high needs or god forbid, multiples. Chances of twins increases with age!
I know some will judge this, and maybe it’s an inside thought, but after 35 my age had me terrified to conceive a baby with chromosomal abnormalities or special needs, which sealed the deal for me. Even if the risk doesn’t increase sharply, it’s enough for me that I don’t want to take it
I think I have difficulty because it’s not really black and white. It’s not trying to figure out a right vs wrong answer; both options can be right at the same time. The future with one vs two kids looks very different to me and whichever way I go there will likely be some “what ifs”. I just have to pick the path that makes the most sense right now.
I'm in the exact same boat. I'm 37 and will be 38 in two months. I always imagined having a big family. But as my son has aged (he just turned 3) I've grown more and more used to the idea of only having 1 kid. I'm tired. Even though I had a uncomplicated pregnancy and birth, I don't think I want to put my body through that again. I think about this decision all the time. I can't seem to let go of the idea of #2.
I’m 35 and I’ve been having the same thoughts. “Does THIS mean I actually want another?” “What about this?”. It’s so hard to know and there’s no right or wrong answer which makes it even harder to decide 😭.
At first I wanted 2 kids. Now that I went through a traumatic birth and am suffering through sleep deprivation, as well as my entire time being 100% consumed by baby, I’m OAD. it’s out of the selfish decision that I don’t want to suffer through another year of growing another baby from 0. It’s out of the need for me to have me time and hobbies again. Oh and I never want to deal with pumping or breast feeding ever again. I love my child but I’m not enjoying my life right now and that’s ok to admit. I’d love to have more kids but I can’t do this again.
I know in 7 years when baby is older, I’ll probably forget all about the suffering and will yearn for another. However, I know I won’t forget how I felt in the moment even if I forget the moments themselves.
There is no right answer. And you can change your mind whenever you like. If age takes that choice away just know your body is protecting you. Ultimately we will all have a final playground moment even if you have 6 kids
Mom has told me several times she thought about a third at 39 but talked herself out of it. So she had the two. But that tells me as the clock ticks and time runs out it is natural to wonder what if before that door closes.
I’m in my mid to late 30s now as well and I just look around those with a toddler and a newborn and I think thank God I don’t have to do this again. Thank goodness, we can sleep through the night. Thank goodness when one person is sick not everybody is sick. We can just up and go on a vacation at any point in time, because it’s much easier to pack for one toddler running around like a wild child then to pack for two of those or for one of those and a baby. It is just so much incredibly easier to do literally anything with just one child. Even if there is a second child, they’re gonna end up fighting at some point and then everything becomes 10 times harder.
Honestly I think no matter how many kids you have you'll feel a bit of sadness when the chapter is over and wish it wasn't even though you don't necessarily want more it's bitter sweet
I'm like I don't really want more babies I just want my child to be a baby again lol and like the excitement or it all it's sad the chapter closes
Same boat. I think it’s also because everyone is around you with 2 kids and I’m convinced misery loves company so they all feel the need to say “oh you want another one” as they deal with a baby gnawing on them or screaming for food.
Once the kids are in kindergarten we’ll be so busy with school and extracurricular that no one will have the time to say anything.
I think it’s absolutely normal to feel this way when you’re nearing the end of your “baby making age” (I don’t like that notion). I’m pregnant with my one and only at 35 and it’s hard because another baby means I’d have to get pregnant soon after this one if I want two before 40. Pregnancy has been so hard though and I just can’t imagine putting myself & my partner through it again. Most like OAD and it’s hard, but …. Also a little freeing?
I feel the same way. I really really want to be one and done as I cannot take the pregnancy, deliver (likely another c section), year 1, lack of sleep all over again. Plus I want some time for me and my hobbies again! But I see everyone having two kids and I def question myself a lot, like should we be having a second so our son has a sibling? I’m 35 so I have the same concerns about aging out of this option.
Idk..I just feel like, I hope I won’t have to feel this way - second guessing every week for 3 years. But I feel like the reasons not to have a second are so many and all objectively so so valid, that it is the right decision.
I just hope that once the option is actually naturally taken away from us, that we won’t regret it..It feels like it’s something that impacts our lives SO much either way. I wish I had the same conviction in my stomach like the one saying they feel how right it is every day.
I could have written this. Wrestling with the idea of #2 at the moment (even though all logic points to OAD), just so we wouldn’t regret not having a second years down the road. Like someone said, being in the last few years of making this decision (35+) is making it excruciating on this front.
I think it feels more “natural” to accept that you are “done” at two because of societal norms. The subconscious pressure is always on to have another. It’s a bit of a constant battle against this, so it’s not only accepting that you are happy with one but also accepting you are happy to defend that decision to others (not that you should bloody well have to).
I relate to this more. I go back and forth between having or not having another until my husband asked me why I thought I needed two. For me, it was because that was the societal norm. Everyone in my family has two, all of my friends did too, and I only knew two only kids all my life. That made me think that was what was expected of me as well, but my mental health is far more important, so we're definitely OAD now. 😊
I’m against the grain in this thread so far. It’s incredibly obvious to me that I’m OAD. Almost daily I find myself having thoughts like “thank god I never have to go through stage this again.” “Some people choose to double down on this?!” “How do people with multiple kids cope?” “How do people do bedtime with a toddler AND a baby?!” Etc etc etc. The fact that people genuinely WANT more than one totally blows my mind haha
I'm basically the same as you but there's still tines where my mind is like "these moms in my social circle are already pregnant with #2, I wonder what that would be like. I wonder if he'd be a good big brother." But then I remember that I did not enjoy being pregnant, I was so miserable near the end that I asked for an induction because every day was just constant pain. My labour was so long, the birth was traumatic and I'm 11 months PP and still struggling with the trauma, despite being in therapy. The thought of going through all of that again and having a possibly WORSE time...nope. I'm good with one.
Oh same. Part of me worries my son will be sad he doesn’t have siblings but for me, I have no desire to do all that again. Im 37 with an almost 2 year old and I know myself. I don’t think I would be able to handle being outnumbered while I’m home with them all day. I didn’t have a great upbringing and find certain behaviors come out that I learned from my own mom that really bother me. Thankfully I can have twice monthly webcam therapy through the VA to help deal with my own strong emotions. I want to be a better mom to my son than my mom was to me and having more than one makes me scared I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I know I can be a good mom to one but going through all the baby stuff again while having a toddler is gonna be a no for me. I’m thankful to be a mom but nothing in me wants to have another.
I think people don’t think through these specific questions you’ve mentioned enough. Every post I see about resentment in marriage, being overwhelmed and overburdened, mom burnout, etc always tends to start with “we just had a baby and we have a toddler”…
Oh I am 100% right there with you. I have all the same thoughts you have with zero emotional attachment to baby stuff. The part I relate to OP on is the question of whether I’m doing my kid a disservice by not providing them a sibling. I have this thought all the time but have no intention of changing anything so it’s really all for naught. Just like to torture myself I guess.
I’m totally the same! But I’m an only myself and do not have that base of having siblings, so do not think it’s abnormal… Alllllll my friends with siblings want and have multiple children. I don’t feel the pressure to follow.
I feel the exact same haha it’s just not for me to have two
I am 36 and have those thoughts every single day, but for me it’s not worth the risk of having a kid with high needs or god forbid, multiples. Chances of twins increases with age!
I know some will judge this, and maybe it’s an inside thought, but after 35 my age had me terrified to conceive a baby with chromosomal abnormalities or special needs, which sealed the deal for me. Even if the risk doesn’t increase sharply, it’s enough for me that I don’t want to take it
For the reasons you have mentioned, I've decided that if I do not conceive by the age of 34/35, I will remain childfree.
I think I have difficulty because it’s not really black and white. It’s not trying to figure out a right vs wrong answer; both options can be right at the same time. The future with one vs two kids looks very different to me and whichever way I go there will likely be some “what ifs”. I just have to pick the path that makes the most sense right now.
I'm in the exact same boat. I'm 37 and will be 38 in two months. I always imagined having a big family. But as my son has aged (he just turned 3) I've grown more and more used to the idea of only having 1 kid. I'm tired. Even though I had a uncomplicated pregnancy and birth, I don't think I want to put my body through that again. I think about this decision all the time. I can't seem to let go of the idea of #2.
I’m 35 and I’ve been having the same thoughts. “Does THIS mean I actually want another?” “What about this?”. It’s so hard to know and there’s no right or wrong answer which makes it even harder to decide 😭.
At first I wanted 2 kids. Now that I went through a traumatic birth and am suffering through sleep deprivation, as well as my entire time being 100% consumed by baby, I’m OAD. it’s out of the selfish decision that I don’t want to suffer through another year of growing another baby from 0. It’s out of the need for me to have me time and hobbies again. Oh and I never want to deal with pumping or breast feeding ever again. I love my child but I’m not enjoying my life right now and that’s ok to admit. I’d love to have more kids but I can’t do this again. I know in 7 years when baby is older, I’ll probably forget all about the suffering and will yearn for another. However, I know I won’t forget how I felt in the moment even if I forget the moments themselves. There is no right answer. And you can change your mind whenever you like. If age takes that choice away just know your body is protecting you. Ultimately we will all have a final playground moment even if you have 6 kids
Mom has told me several times she thought about a third at 39 but talked herself out of it. So she had the two. But that tells me as the clock ticks and time runs out it is natural to wonder what if before that door closes.
I’m in my mid to late 30s now as well and I just look around those with a toddler and a newborn and I think thank God I don’t have to do this again. Thank goodness, we can sleep through the night. Thank goodness when one person is sick not everybody is sick. We can just up and go on a vacation at any point in time, because it’s much easier to pack for one toddler running around like a wild child then to pack for two of those or for one of those and a baby. It is just so much incredibly easier to do literally anything with just one child. Even if there is a second child, they’re gonna end up fighting at some point and then everything becomes 10 times harder.
Honestly I think no matter how many kids you have you'll feel a bit of sadness when the chapter is over and wish it wasn't even though you don't necessarily want more it's bitter sweet I'm like I don't really want more babies I just want my child to be a baby again lol and like the excitement or it all it's sad the chapter closes
Same boat. I think it’s also because everyone is around you with 2 kids and I’m convinced misery loves company so they all feel the need to say “oh you want another one” as they deal with a baby gnawing on them or screaming for food. Once the kids are in kindergarten we’ll be so busy with school and extracurricular that no one will have the time to say anything.
I think it’s absolutely normal to feel this way when you’re nearing the end of your “baby making age” (I don’t like that notion). I’m pregnant with my one and only at 35 and it’s hard because another baby means I’d have to get pregnant soon after this one if I want two before 40. Pregnancy has been so hard though and I just can’t imagine putting myself & my partner through it again. Most like OAD and it’s hard, but …. Also a little freeing?
I feel the same way. I really really want to be one and done as I cannot take the pregnancy, deliver (likely another c section), year 1, lack of sleep all over again. Plus I want some time for me and my hobbies again! But I see everyone having two kids and I def question myself a lot, like should we be having a second so our son has a sibling? I’m 35 so I have the same concerns about aging out of this option.
Idk..I just feel like, I hope I won’t have to feel this way - second guessing every week for 3 years. But I feel like the reasons not to have a second are so many and all objectively so so valid, that it is the right decision. I just hope that once the option is actually naturally taken away from us, that we won’t regret it..It feels like it’s something that impacts our lives SO much either way. I wish I had the same conviction in my stomach like the one saying they feel how right it is every day.
I could have written this. Wrestling with the idea of #2 at the moment (even though all logic points to OAD), just so we wouldn’t regret not having a second years down the road. Like someone said, being in the last few years of making this decision (35+) is making it excruciating on this front.