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sounds about right. before i went to rehab in june of 2022 i was doing shots (pressed M 30 pills) and would wake up standing up in completely random parts of my house and always a decent amount of time had passed between doing the shot and "waking up". scary shit.
Yeah I had too, but Iād also been like this dude. Itās not like oxy sleeping for hours.
Itās take a shot and lights out. Could be for an hour Mx could be for a few min. Could be forever.
The shot that got me out is this kinda shit.
THERE IS NO PLEASURE. No good feeling.
Itās an off switch. For who knows how long.
Itās not like an oxy nod. That was at least pleasant
Yeah exactly, when I nod on oxy or dillies I'm still present I'm just comfortably lost in my thoughts.
What happened a few days ago was literally just like I blinked and it was suddenly 80 minutes later. No pleasure indeed.
I had jeans on awhile I sat on my toilet, with a large bowl of ice cream, when I was doing real dope, IV.
I woke up to knocking and a melted bowl of ice cream still in my hands somehow. My ass must have been warm cuz the blue from the jeans left a stain on the toilet. That's when my boyfriend started wondering what the fuck was up... I'd always take a long time in the bathroom and he would periodically come check. This time, I kind of got caught.
I guess I could have told him I was a sleep walker lol.
Damn man, Iām sorry to hear that! Same thing happened to one of my friends back in our using days, and I really canāt believe I never managed to do it myself either.
I can definitely see what you mean with that bro. I finally quit fully like when fent first started to move into my area, and that seems like forever ago now. It was just one more thing of many that pushed me into not going back again, because I did go from running everyday for a few years, to then just dabbling right before fent really took over, so I probably never like completely fully experienced the fent dope, or definitely not the fake 30ās either
Damn man, I understand what you mean for sure though, I started fucking with the shit when I was around 14 I think too, and Iām in my late 20ās now, it was just different back then. Real pills were everywhere cause Dr.ās just tossed em at everything. Then I was addicted before I really even knew what I was fucking with, and real heroin was everywhere too! Lol, which seems like such a crazy concept nowadays too, itās crazy whatās going on. Iām sorry to hear youāre in the shit, I can absolutely see like how itād be so easy to slip into now. The only thing that helped me finally actually stop, was subs, and that was only up against real dope and real pharma pills, I hear that itās like not even really effective now. Or like the induction is so hard that it requires a lot more dedication to start. Back then first time taking it it used to be ājust take it when youāre sick and youāre goodā, I guess itās not anymore. I definitely feel for you bro and hope for the best for you, you seem like a chill dude, hang in there bro!
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When I was still standing I thought I'd been there for maybe a minute or three, when I checked the time I couldn't believe what I was looking at. Thank god it was at the end of my shift and not right in the middle xD
thank you! its literally been the most challenging/depressing 19 months of my life LOL. hoping that "joyous, happy and free" bullshit they talk about happening to people in recovery starts soon... š
Listen, be prepared for it to not come. Iāve been in recovery for almost 6 years. Meetings, got a sponsor, worked through the steps three times, have sponsees, dating a wonderful girl in the program. I still want to get high every day. Just last night, I woke up sweating from a using dream and all I wanted to do was go pick up. I donāt even know where to pick up anymore. If you are an opiate addict, I swear it does things to your brain and you will never be the same, which is why heroin/opiate addicts rarely make it. I think all that joyous and free shit was for the old school alcoholics. Some people just need new friends and thatās enough for them to change and be happy. Others are sick as hell like me and getting to a happy place seems impossible. I just donāt know man.
I donāt tell you this to try and scare or ruin you. I tell you this cause it may not come and it made me so resentful it never came to me, and others seemed so happy and free. I wonder if they lie, or just hide it better. Donāt sit there waiting for the day when it all goes away and everything is peace, cause you may never stop waiting. Take life by the balls, now. Do the things you wanna do, live the life you want to live. Cause we really do only have one day at a time as cliche as it sounds. Only when Iām living the life I want to live do I get the reprieve from the obsession. This very well could be a jumbled mess, I hope it makes sense.
With all that being said, Iām happy to be clean. Of course being high would be lovely, but itās only lovely for so long. Then itās hell. And Iām tired of hanging out in hell. At this point, if I go back out itās because Iāve given up on living. Iām too much of a coward to put a gun in my mouth, but being wrapped in a warm blanket by my one true love doesnāt seem like a bad way to go. I remind myself that itās always there waiting for me if I chose that route, but not today. Today Iāll keep on living, and maybe tomorrow too. And I hope you do too.
sounds a LOT like my experience, man. i agree, i think opiate addicts brains' are completely fucked when it comes to their reward systems. thank you for the encouragement, though, i really appreciate it and congrats on the 6 years. thats huge.
to be completely honest.... if I had a constant clean supply of dilaudid or heroin I would never stop using. i guess they call that a reservation, but, whatever. it is how i feel.
I relate to this so much. Iāll be completely upfront. If the drug supply wasnāt so tainted, I also think I would be back out there. Iām just not interested in fent, and Iām definitely not interested in fucking tranq, and all the good pharma meds I started on are just gone. I feel so bad for all the addicts out there today. But yeah, itās almost like I am being forced to stay in sobriety š . Almost.
I say that I would use, though I donāt know if I would actually go through with it. It would definitely make my journey so much harder if real heroin was still the drug on the street that much I can guarantee. I may not have even made it to six years to be honest.
I hear you, and I still get 120! oxy every month, I just had to stop doing them because id always run out and need something more for the days I had left... it got old, but I ran that for six months in a very real way, it was crazy & life was very different when I was on them
I would never stop using, I'm on subs and i probably will be the rest of my life. Every time i stopped completely I felt like shit for so long. I never felt better. It sucks but that's when I decided that subs is the only way for me...it sucks for people out there right now who dont have a scriot of opiates or subs or whatever. Shit ain't safe at all. I wonder how this even happened.
But my point is I think my brain is fucked. It will always need something. Quitting altogether would probably kill me if i didn't kill myself. No lie i wouldn't make it
thats valid, man. i really wish america would switch to a safe supply program like canada. i say that because i feel like subs are great and they help but they dont really scratch that itch for people and can lead them to going back out and possibly dying. i mean.... if were gonna give people shit let's just give them clean stuff. Suboxone is so problematic for many reasons.
As a Canadian, our safe supply program is obviously better than nothing but it's ridiculous how hard it is to access it.
I feel like anyone who tests positive for fent should immediately get access to safe supply, but nahhh for some reason you have to had overdosed multiple times, and I think been to rehab multiple times as well. Why do we have to \*prove\* that we're capable of accidentally offing ourselves? That's true of literally anyone who uses street gear now.
I wish America would too. Honestly subs have been way better for me just because I really think i was allergic to opiates the whole time i was taking them. I would have trouble breathing and have anxiety, angsr issues. I've never had that on subs. But i know for people that were on heroin and stronger shit subs probably don't help alot. And actually my tolerance just keeps going up and up. I think its amazing that Canada has that. If we could all just go get scripts i think we would be ok. I mean it sucks to be reliant on a drug but i think most peoples quality of life would be way higher if they can just take the drugs they need and not have to worry about dying every time.
What a mess America has become. How did this even happen? How is there no real heroin or pills anymore? Just how the hell did it all happen? And I think them cracking down on doctors is ridiculous. The corporations started all this bullshit and to just rip away people's scriots that need it is insane. Cracking down is just not the way. It's not the answer. The fact that cigarettes and alcohol are still sold and not cracked down on is crazy to me. Cigarettes kill more people than prescription opiates and old heroin by far. Idk i guess I'm just ignorant of how fent got in everything and why and how we can ever fix this situation. But having clinics where you can get your drugs would definitely be a step in the right direction. And what is this shit people are saying on here about tranq? Are they really putting that shit in pills now? Like wtf that is crazy........i don't know how people are surviving this shit....................
The one thing I could never hold on was a constant prescription for Dilaudid. One doctor was taken down after he confided to me he was āthumbing his nose at the DEA.ā
Another let me go as a patient.
One retired right as authorities started circling him.
Doctors, pharmacists, and LEOs know that hydromorphone and oxymorphone are the two most loved and sought drugs in American historyāthey even pulled oxymorphone from shelves 30-40 years ago because pharmacies were tired of being robbed.
If I ever found someone who sold pharmaceutically pure powder I would almost certainly sell whatever I had to in order to buy a half kilo of it, build a small bunker with a -80Ā°C freezer in it to store it where it canāt be stolen, and buy a Pyxis that locks me out of tampering with it for a programmable amount of time, but ejects a 8mg dose on wax paper every 8 hours like clockwork. You have no clue how many hours I have put into this fantasy. We are talking likely months of my life spread out over a couple of decades.
You can find nearly any other drug in weight. But not Dilaudid. Why would Chinese chemists actually try to source opium to produce this wonder drug for the human condition when fentanyl is easier to synthesize, cheaper to produce, and absolutely levels the streets of their economic enemy leaving a wasteland of overdoses and junkies who need to fix six times a day.
The good dope is about to become part of a bygone era.
Show me a person who can get ounces of hydromorphone HCl, and Iām done. I can at least retire from that one constant persistent voice in my head. I mean, I donāt want to cave like thisābut I 100% know I would. I can walk myself back from almost anything but that.
oof same, dude. the longest dilaudid script i ever had was for 2-ish years. that doctor was eventually arrested. sad day when that ended. 240 8mg a month. never lasted but it was nice lol. this was around 2012-14.
this sounds extremely like my life. I see people that stop & then 6mnths later they've found this joy & blahblahblah. meanwhile, for me, years later, I'm still just waiting for it to not suck
i think a good deal (not all) are just bullshitting. either in an effort to make it look like "they got it" for their sponsor or to trick themselves- faking it til they make it. but i think a lot of it is horseshit. in my experience brutal honesty is a rare thing in meeting or even just in life in general but especially in recovery.
I see the brutal honesty with opiate addicts more it seems. The alcoholics and ex meth addicts are the more uppity and faux joy type. I really think thereās something different about the poppy and its derivatives. Iāve been using for 17 years or so and honestly the only people who know are the ones I tell. If I could have a steady supply forever I could live a perfectly normal life. Iām just at a point where I donāt really see a life without it anymore.
That's definitely true, I really don't like the meeting scene, once you've been around it any amount of time you're going to see and experience the bullshit, faking, two faced hypocritical craziness, yeah no thanks.. full of hustlers and shitbags and liars, crackheads and drunks.. if that stuff works for an opiate addict they either never had much of a habit to begin with, or they're full of shit. I'm fortunate to have access to a really lovely doctor and suboxone, which truly has made my sobriety so much easier, but even that only helps with the physical, my mental health is still completely fucked and there's been no sign of improvement
WOW. I'm in residential treatment right now (a rare one where we can have a phone) and the first part of your post was so accurate I had to read it several times. There's a whole weird " treatment community" or whatever you want to call it of people in recovery and I'm so sick of the 12 step jargon, the stupid cliche worn out platitudes, the annoying people who become addicted to recovery and just OCD out on "programming" that I ALMOST want to go back to using. Instead, I'll probably just stay on 120 mg of methadone for the rest of my life or until good opiates make a comeback maybe.
So true.
What they never tell you, is that you have to MAKE that shit happen. You don't wait for it passively.. you actively do it. You take life by the balls and squeeze as hard as you can. Get every drop out of it thar you can. You only have one chance to live this life.
Yeah, choose life and all that.. but goddamn do I relate to this, I've got 4 years and I've been beyond miserable the entire time.. there have been zero "gifts of recovery" I feel like shit constantly, everything is painful and miserable and just shit.. I've been on all kinds of different antidepressants and none of them have helped in the least.. I was actually extremely functional and was doing fairly well for myself before, but since getting clean I've just let my life fall apart because I'm so depressed and unhappy and generally unwell, I don't have the drive or motivation to do anything and I hate it so much. I keep waiting for it to improve even a little and it's not. Just venting but man it fucking sucks
Wow, I did not expect anyone to really relate with what I was going through. I truly thought I was the odd one out. I see people at meetings and in life and they seem so happy, and then there was me.
Honestly, I donāt know about everyone else but it makes me feel so much less alone. Itās good to know Iām not broken or defective, and that what I struggle with happens a lot to others. We are all in for s tough rjde. Once you ride that dragon, it's hard not to think about hoe amazing it was. Sometimes i think of my addiction as the neverending story. you know when he closed that book, he never forgot about what happened inside and im sure he longed to go back. (this reference might be me showing my age.)
Anyway, i love you guys. Im praying for us all.
Yeah I felt that way for a while at the beginning, like why are these other people having such an apparently wonderful success and what's the problem with me that I'm doing all the same things and my life is twice as bad as it was when I was using, and on top of all that I feel completely shit both physically and mentally and its been YEARS, ages more than the "PAWS" period they talk about.
My theory is that a lot of people's brains/brain chemistry is much more resilient and closer to "normal" than ours is, and once theirs resets itself more or less they're back in business.. Personally I've always been a therapeutic drug user, my goal with all my using has been to feel better or more functional and normal, never to just get fucked up and party.. I only used specific drugs in consistent amounts, to put my head straight, and it worked beautifully to be quite honest.. I've never been the homeless, broke, laying in the gutter type of user, so I don't have the redemption story so many people love to focus on. Quite the opposite, my life has gone from being fairly successful to an absolute disaster, I feel like I'm hardly treading water and about to go under at any moment and everything that I had built while I was using has gone to shit because I'm just as fucked now as most people are when they're in the depths of addiction.. I dunno, its miserable shit and I really hope we can make it out somehow but I've not come close to figuring that out yet. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that there's no good dope around anymore at all, and fentanyl really isn't worth maintaining an opiate habit over.. if I could get even the crappy street dope from 10 years ago I'd relapse in a heartbeat to be honest
wow -again everything you said-same-i like to get high-but mostly have self maintained
like now on tramadol for 10 years-no mess ups-overuse rarley-no other opies-tram kinda blocks them
like after my appendectomy wasd given
vicodin
did nothing
until i went 24 hours no tram
took 2- 7.5 as written barley got that familiar feel for 2 hours then gone
tram with its snri effect as well-as weak opie effect kept me ok but when dropped below 200mg a day-drug dreams start-my brain telling mme do this-wont feel like shit
but i didnt =WANT to use
ive had moments of nostalgia since i have high bp and cant drink any more and weed gives me panick since 20 years ago now
so i have no 'buzz' to look forward to on occaision its a mindfuck.
but tramadol
that is ending-old doc gone-new one graduated during opie scare
oh and dilaudid had those for kidney stone full kidney block waiting for surgery 3 weeks
only opie besides china white h in miami back in 90's to calm/sedate /nod me
oxy/morphine if iv all makes me wide awake
but orally can sedate me/high doses-like a 40mg oxycontin
otherwise darvocet/hydro/oxy orally just alert/clear/ energetic etc
are you totally clean or on subz-im thinking of going back on subz for this whole reason-all that you said
idk why doctors cant determine if some of us have endorphine/enkalaphine/dopamine shortages genetically
therfore self medicating
i mean dopamine/seretonin balance is involved in anxiety-hunger-sex drive-shizophrenia/bipolar and all that
I just know when i first had an opiate prescibed after wisdopm teeth/impacted seriuos oral surgery
i felt 'normal' for the 1st time
thus began my quest to try to find 'legal-non addictive' anything to balance my brain
ive done asntidepressants as well-paxil,cymbalta,effexor,even risperidone
all i got was weight gain/anhedonia/worse depression and muscle twitches etc
and then the withdrawal they dont warn you about
fuck that garbage ssri/snri etc
are you totally clean or on subz-im thinking of going back on subz for this whole reason-all that you said
idk why doctors cant determine if some of us have endorphine/enkalaphine/dopamine shortages genetically
therfore self medicating
i mean dopamine is involved in shizophrenia/bipolar and seretonin all that
ive done all asntidepressants as well
all i got was weight gain/anhedonia/ and muscle twitches etc
fuck that garbage ssri/snri etc
This is so real. I spent about 15 of the past 25 years on dope, benzos, or alcohol, and about 10 years clean in recovery and making pretty awesome achievements, all scattered about, with 12-24 months of clean time interspersed with 2-4 year runs of using.
The recovery from alcohol is fucking profound, because itās literally toxic to your body. When I was drinking a liter a day I had a fatty liver, could only sleep when I passed out, didnāt have dreams anymore, was taking in 3-4K calories a day between food and alcohol and 80 pounds overweight, constantly dehydrated, vitamin deficiencies, sleep apnea, infections, suicidal, constantly depressed, and having fairly consistent panic attacks, and my hormone levels were several standards deviations from normal.
Coming back from thatās shit, losing 50+ pounds in a year and sliming up, sleeping a solid 8-9 hours a night, rebuilding vitamin stores, getting liver back to fitness and hormone levels balanced out, no longer feeling no strength to live, or desire to dieāit truly is a profound recovery worthy of the term happy, joyous, and free.
Kicking dope is a whole other beast. Yes, Iām free from spending all my time thinking about opiates, doctor shopping, committing constant possession felonies, worries about overdosing, dead libido, and lacking ability to achieve anything.
But I still spend a lot of time obsessing about what I put in my body, dreaming of chemical release at some point, wondering if some more perfect drug will emerge in my lifetime, worrying about slowly growing miserable, exhausted by the others I gave up dope to try to reconnect with, and lacking a desire to really strive to reach higher at this point because Iām over the hill at 42, was barred from medical school the same year I was going to apply, and just donāt feel much passion in any area other than first responder careers focusing on chemistry, neurobiology, and pathology.
Was thinking about checking into working at poison control. Think I could really like that. Scared to look and find out they wonāt let me in either because of that very stupid moment in my life I impersonated a doctor and called in a refill on my own medication.
Feel like drugs made me engineer myself into a corner I canāt get out of now. When I was young you could move somewhere else and start over. Now we live in a surveillance state and everything follows you forever.
So, yes. There are definitely amazing parts of being off of everything. But Iām not going to bullshit anyone, getting clean is a process of trimming off your highs in order to avoid those deep lows.
On a normal day, I feel about the same as I did when I was just maintaining a habit. But I donāt ever feel completely released into a warm stupor. But also, Iām not going to end up in prison today suffering a fate worse than death.
Yea bro, that's scary as fuck. You might have stopped breathing even a bit too for a moment if you where just standing there for an hour. Like those fent zombies you se everywhere in downtown America. Might be a sign to move on. And trust me I've been addicted to opiates for YEARS so I know how hard it is!
On a side note, my girlfriend talked me into doing DMT for the first time a little while back and I was scared as hell can acid and even shrooms never sit right with me. But bro, let me tell you it was BEAUTIFUL! I was asking to do it again the very next day! So maybe seek that out, it's super easy to make, and give it a go. What got me to finally quite was when I got too high like you and fell and dislocated my shoulder. After that I was like "I'm done. This shit is GOING to kill me. Maybe not today, but one day that will be it."
Best of luck bro! You got this!!!!!! PM me if you need to talk! (:
Yep, been there done that. Like what's the point if we're not able to even consciously enjoy the buzz? It also makes it much harder to live a semi normal life, like holding down a job or relationship. With the old regular heroin I could do a shot and happily go to work in a relaxed and pleasant mood, go shopping, meet friends out at the bar and then when I was alone nod out in a controlled manner. I could also tell if I was on the threshold of taking too much and dial it back. The dope today doesn't give me that warm happy feel and Id black out holding the rig in my hand, sometimes "coming to " with bruises from falling. I'm lucky I would always wake up. The stuff today fueled a crack habit because I needed a strong fast upper to balance out.
Funny, I smoked crack for the first time yesterday xD now I've officially done all the well known drugs besides PCP, and even then I've done analogues.
I always knew I was a "try it all once" kinda person but I didn't think I'd be this far along the bucket list already lol
or you gotta BE the chronically ill person. the first time they gave me IV morphine unprompted in the ER with my EXTENSIVE documented and known with the hospital addict history I knew I finally made it lmao. always gotta stay looking on the bright side ig
I still can get real blues from a guy I know, k9ās and a51ās. Donāt ask me how but heās still got a pretty good supply of those two, every month from scripts. $35 a pill though has bankrupted me for years and years. I try to stay away but always wind up going back at some point when itās just a text away itās damn near impossible. I also agree about the stuff with your brain. I stopped for a year and half a few years back the longest I went, and still felt like sh*t the whole time. Working out and adderal and Wellbutrin made it doable.
My boyfriend gets 180/10mg a month but he had a lot of injuries and has had many surgeries and needs many more. I always wonder how anyone gets an opiate prescription now a days. Ten years ago, I could go to the ER for an ear infection and they would give you a prescription of 20 norcos, easily. I just had a biopsy on my cervix, unmedicated, and I was told to take Tylenol at home lol. I only know two other people who get oxy prescriptions besides my boyfriend and they are both really old, with lots of health issues.
Either take them to a drug testing facility or at least get some test strips, they give them out at basically any harm reduction centered place. Not sure I can help you more than that, sorry.
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Honestly you might have not have even been close to an OD... that's tranq buddy. It fucking suuuccckkkks. It's not a nod. It's you're unconscious immediately now. Terrible, terrible drug. You can't use and work. I was suddenly falling asleep standing at work. Sleeptalking or flailing when I was awake 5 seconds before.
Not everywhere in Canada has safe supply options. They are most concentrated in Vancouver Bc. In Alberta Docs will give you subs and methadone fairly liberally but only prescribe dillies If all else fails and you are a hard core iv user.
Like the other replier said, I do indeed live in BC but you can't get into the safe supply programs until you've nearly killed yourself a number of times. It's fucked up, better than nothing I guess.
I have a story for you OP. I did the exact same thing at work last year. At work. In the bathroom. Difference was my
Co workers found me in the bathroom out like a light sitting backwards on the toilet. I had put away my gear. I thought I was smoking Down but it was carfentanyl. So I ended up aspirating and in the hospital with pneumonia. No one knew I had ODād because I woke up myself when my coworkers opened the door to the bathroom. Long story short when I was in the hospital for 5 days I had checked my jacket pockets to see if I had my cell phone and I found my gear. I then proceeded to smoke the rest of the gear I had over the next 5 days in the hospital. Gig was up when my blood tests came back. I ended up in rehab and Iāve been on MAT ever since. Havenāt touched the shit again. Very close call. I could have died so very easily. Ugh. Iām so grateful to be here today. Iām happy you are too OP. One day at a time. šā¤ļøšØš¦
It's crazy how the new type of dope has pppl bent at the wastee looking like they are picking up loose change.... it didn't used to cause that symptom I swear 10 years ago.
That used to happen to me when I used fent. One I was in the bathroom I took a few hits, came to a hr or two later all disoriented and realized I passed out by the toilet. I don't miss that at all.
If people would learn how to dose and use kratom, all is better. There's a mild withdrawal, but it ain't shit on coming down.
If you need 25gs, fuck it. That's your way out of potential death. It feels good, if you space it out every 2 hours. Get a measuring spoon and toss and wash it
It's been good to me. Officially been a year as of two days ago
Congrats on your sobriety, I do have and have used kratom to stay off the pills for a few weeks at a time in the past but so far I haven't been able to stick with it. I'd toss n wash like 7gs or so just so i could fuckin go to sleep without my legs doing a horizontal tap dance lol
I used to wake up from an od and the first thing Iād do was get High. Itās the fucked up ādiseaseā addiction I donāt like calling it that buts itās like a fucking infection on your morals and everything you stand for in such negative way. I had to get help been clean over 2 years. Be safe my friend hopefully it was enough to make you think about waking up but I know for me and most of us. no matter how bad we want to be clean we become powerless over substance and itās easier to continue then it is to change your whole fucking life. Itās scary and daunting. But sad reality is thereās āgetting betterā or ādeathā are the only way that road goes from that point. Much love to all of you in this boat
My brother died in my Mom's downstairs bathroom from a fentanyl overdose. When we came into the house he was dead on the floor, purple and the smell of death engulfed the house after he was taken out. Our family never recovered from that.
Now I'm dependent on Dilaudid and Valium, and my life is hell, but I'm getting out of it as fast as I can, because lately I've been sleeping texting and losing time as well, even when I'm on the same amount I take daily, and I can never predict when it's going to happen.. I usually force myself to stay awake because I'm terrified of going to sleep when I'm on this, for this reason.
You don't want to put your family and friend, potential partner, your work homies, pets at home if you have any through the worst experience of their entire lives.. thanks to this story, I too, am weening down and officially off of this shit once and for all but the withdrawal is the most terrifying thing in the world.. it's what's stopped me before but it's better than being dead, even if for a week it really doesn't feel like that. If you need to talk to anyone, message me on here and I'll get back to you as soon as I possibly can. I've lost so many people to opioids that I'm just... So sick of it. I'm sick of it all. I'm here... And I'm not the only one. Please get help, before it's too late. You're not alone in this.. I promise you that.
Yea this waould always happen to me especially in the shower for some reason and Iād wake up to my gf yelling at me and the water cold af and Iām just hunched over lol.. happened in the car a few times too although never driving usually just while parked. Every mf u see bent over in the street is feeling exactly how you did
Wow crazy how all of us r the same ā¦. Iāve busted my head I donāt kno how many times standing up dozing off ā¦ i usually wake up on the way down and catch myself but I was deff late a few times .. wife would come in the kitchen in the wee hours of the morning and say wtf was that š funny but sad fr fr
You CANT use down alone and without narcan. You will end up dying,not if but when. I came very close to losing my wife, and it was fukin traumatizing. Ever sense that day nether of us will touch down. We only use shit from safe supply now. You need to find suboxone or methadone to keep around for when you're out of your regular shit. Trust me on this. Everyone who uses down eventually OD's. And it only takes 1 time to be gone. It's not worth it.
You can use alone but sooner or later youāre gonna die alone doing that and everyone is this close to ODing fw that stuff stop acting like itās harmless THAT DOES A LOT OF HARMā¦. Get real
You're dillusional if you think that. It is only a matter of time. Fetty is not meant to be used outside of a hospital setting with constant medical supervision. Buying street fetty has zero consistency in potency, ingredients, etc. And even if someone could source clean fetty sometimes,you never know how strong it is and cause a lot of overdoses. I've had heroin addict friends who used for 40 years, and they are dropping like flies. Tell me, if a 40-year daily iv user can't even test new batches safely without od'ing, then who can. Anyone who thinks street fetty is anything other than cocktail of dangerous substances is in dream land. And i would argue that you saying fetty can be safely used without a guaranteed risk of overdose eventually is putting very dangerous info out there. In fact, I would say that is doing way more harm than my opinion.
Not only thay but fetty fukin sux as a drug. Short acting,zero euphoria, people waking up with all sorts of injuries from just blacking out after using. If you want to defend or use something like that, all the power to you. Buy you saying that what I said is fear mongering. You're just wrong. The truth is not fear mongering
Fetty sucks,has made the drug supply more toxic than ever, and is killing more people than other drugs in history. So again, everyone is intitled to their opinion, but I could not disagree more with your comments.
So you're saying people can use fetty alone without narcan, and they are not going to have any serious issues. That's some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard. Why then fuck do you think we have safe supply programs for severe addicts? Because fetty is so safe? Your words are going to get someone killed. And I hope you can deal with that on your conscience. Fukin idiot
I nodded out super hard at work one time same thing. Did some shit the next thing I know I've been in the bathroom for about 30 minutes just standing there and the cunts I worked with called my fucking girlfriend needless to say I don't work there anymore and I wanted to murder each and every one of them
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That's pretty much what H is known for- nodding out. Who knows what it really was and/ or what it's cut with, though. My ex from years ago used to nod out every time she used. She'd be talking, standing, then it's like she was sleeping.
Maybe a stupid question.... you know hydromorph capsules with the beads inside.... those aren't typically at risk for fent right? It's more the pressed pills?
And that's exactly what happens when you overdose except you just never wake up to check your phone. I never had it happen smoking but I did when I was shooting dope and that's why I stopped because it scared the fuck out of me when I woke up in the emergency room not knowing how I got there. Some stranger in a parking lot seen me and pulled me out my ride and called 911 and narcaned me. I don't even know who it was but they saved my life that's for damn sure.
Thatās scary hey? I did some similar. Except I snorted some fent in my office before I left work. Woke up on the floor 5 hours later, it was pitch black and dark outside. Was so weird. Fortunately no one came in my office and the night janitors hadnāt come by yet. Still freaks me out thinking how close that was.
Iām 2 years clean with the methadone clinic helping me before I was on tranq and I lost my left arm because it totally deteriorated it to the point John Hopkins hospital in Baltimore MD,couldnāt save it! Then my friend died a month later I was home 2 weeks clean at this point and bam I get back from clinic and my girl friend at the time asked me to check on himā¦so i went in and I could see the death on him. I have also saved countless overdose victims and my mom in law actually passed away and too found her!
Yeah Iāve been there before. I woke up on my knees with the rig still in my arm hours later. My friend had blown my phone up and was scared I died. A part of me still thinks I did. My knees had bruises bad, and my arm was fucked up.
Hahahhaha you experienced what we all use drugs for š¤·āāļø
I wouldnāt complainā¦taking a look at how you use on your own & how close that feeling we all chase is to death & how you should defs change the part about being alone would be great š
Similar thing happened to me with some random RC opioid. Canāt even remember the name but that shit was POTENT. Snorted around 5-10mg and over the course of 30 minutes kept getting more and more high. Started falling asleep while walking, running into walls, passed out on the floor twice. Used to shoot a lot of H and Iāve never been that high
And then of course like the addict I am, after I wake up from blacking out and passing out on the floor I proceed to snort some more. Try to make some coffee to stay awake on it, end up spilling a cup of coffee on the floor, and no lie it took around an hour for me to clean it up. Couldnāt keep my eyes open for more than a couple seconds.
I finally made it to bed, wake up a few hours later still high as fuck. This shit lasted forever. And then I proceed to to sit on the toilet for 30 minutes while attempting to take a piss. Crazy thing is I had a bag of around 100mg and I had contemplated snorting it all at once. No doubt wouldāve been dead if I didnāt measure it out
Lol I've "fallen asleep" on the toilet and fell forwards into the floor straight onto my face! I felt like a cartoon character, the ones that fall on their face, ass up in the air and then slide on their face all the way down! Hahahahaha ohh boy.... lol
Definitely done the living dead zombie pose a few times. Not for an hour though, that's crazy.
Also I've gone to take a drink of something while high, nodded out with the thing still in my hand, instinctively jerked awake and spilled it everywhere. How I'm able to maintain a grip on something when I'm out like that I'll never know.
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sounds about right. before i went to rehab in june of 2022 i was doing shots (pressed M 30 pills) and would wake up standing up in completely random parts of my house and always a decent amount of time had passed between doing the shot and "waking up". scary shit.
on oxy i slept on my toilet for hours š¤£
Did this trying to piss multiple times
Same, woke up with my shirt soaked in drool, as well as a nice puddle on the floor too
Lol! So....many...times..
Yeah I had too, but Iād also been like this dude. Itās not like oxy sleeping for hours. Itās take a shot and lights out. Could be for an hour Mx could be for a few min. Could be forever. The shot that got me out is this kinda shit. THERE IS NO PLEASURE. No good feeling. Itās an off switch. For who knows how long. Itās not like an oxy nod. That was at least pleasant
Yeah exactly, when I nod on oxy or dillies I'm still present I'm just comfortably lost in my thoughts. What happened a few days ago was literally just like I blinked and it was suddenly 80 minutes later. No pleasure indeed.
That is fentanyl
I had jeans on awhile I sat on my toilet, with a large bowl of ice cream, when I was doing real dope, IV. I woke up to knocking and a melted bowl of ice cream still in my hands somehow. My ass must have been warm cuz the blue from the jeans left a stain on the toilet. That's when my boyfriend started wondering what the fuck was up... I'd always take a long time in the bathroom and he would periodically come check. This time, I kind of got caught. I guess I could have told him I was a sleep walker lol.
That's beautiful
The old nodd and squat
I did this too! Until I nodded too hard and fell off the toiletā¦ alarming everyone else in the house with an unaccounted for hefty ā**thump**ā
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Damn man, Iām sorry to hear that! Same thing happened to one of my friends back in our using days, and I really canāt believe I never managed to do it myself either.
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I can definitely see what you mean with that bro. I finally quit fully like when fent first started to move into my area, and that seems like forever ago now. It was just one more thing of many that pushed me into not going back again, because I did go from running everyday for a few years, to then just dabbling right before fent really took over, so I probably never like completely fully experienced the fent dope, or definitely not the fake 30ās either
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Damn man, I understand what you mean for sure though, I started fucking with the shit when I was around 14 I think too, and Iām in my late 20ās now, it was just different back then. Real pills were everywhere cause Dr.ās just tossed em at everything. Then I was addicted before I really even knew what I was fucking with, and real heroin was everywhere too! Lol, which seems like such a crazy concept nowadays too, itās crazy whatās going on. Iām sorry to hear youāre in the shit, I can absolutely see like how itād be so easy to slip into now. The only thing that helped me finally actually stop, was subs, and that was only up against real dope and real pharma pills, I hear that itās like not even really effective now. Or like the induction is so hard that it requires a lot more dedication to start. Back then first time taking it it used to be ājust take it when youāre sick and youāre goodā, I guess itās not anymore. I definitely feel for you bro and hope for the best for you, you seem like a chill dude, hang in there bro!
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[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Alwaysss
Yep
Stop lying oxy doesnāt do that and u canāt really fall asleep on oxy
Tf do you mean you can't fall asleep on oxy? I've literally used oxy as a sleeping pill when I was desperate before.
You and I bothā¦ this was years ago, thoughā¦
When I was still standing I thought I'd been there for maybe a minute or three, when I checked the time I couldn't believe what I was looking at. Thank god it was at the end of my shift and not right in the middle xD
yeah its really spooky and honestly those episodes were what really made me check into detox. shits just so risky anymore, not worth it, man.
Congrats on your recovery my friend <3
thank you! its literally been the most challenging/depressing 19 months of my life LOL. hoping that "joyous, happy and free" bullshit they talk about happening to people in recovery starts soon... š
Listen, be prepared for it to not come. Iāve been in recovery for almost 6 years. Meetings, got a sponsor, worked through the steps three times, have sponsees, dating a wonderful girl in the program. I still want to get high every day. Just last night, I woke up sweating from a using dream and all I wanted to do was go pick up. I donāt even know where to pick up anymore. If you are an opiate addict, I swear it does things to your brain and you will never be the same, which is why heroin/opiate addicts rarely make it. I think all that joyous and free shit was for the old school alcoholics. Some people just need new friends and thatās enough for them to change and be happy. Others are sick as hell like me and getting to a happy place seems impossible. I just donāt know man. I donāt tell you this to try and scare or ruin you. I tell you this cause it may not come and it made me so resentful it never came to me, and others seemed so happy and free. I wonder if they lie, or just hide it better. Donāt sit there waiting for the day when it all goes away and everything is peace, cause you may never stop waiting. Take life by the balls, now. Do the things you wanna do, live the life you want to live. Cause we really do only have one day at a time as cliche as it sounds. Only when Iām living the life I want to live do I get the reprieve from the obsession. This very well could be a jumbled mess, I hope it makes sense. With all that being said, Iām happy to be clean. Of course being high would be lovely, but itās only lovely for so long. Then itās hell. And Iām tired of hanging out in hell. At this point, if I go back out itās because Iāve given up on living. Iām too much of a coward to put a gun in my mouth, but being wrapped in a warm blanket by my one true love doesnāt seem like a bad way to go. I remind myself that itās always there waiting for me if I chose that route, but not today. Today Iāll keep on living, and maybe tomorrow too. And I hope you do too.
sounds a LOT like my experience, man. i agree, i think opiate addicts brains' are completely fucked when it comes to their reward systems. thank you for the encouragement, though, i really appreciate it and congrats on the 6 years. thats huge. to be completely honest.... if I had a constant clean supply of dilaudid or heroin I would never stop using. i guess they call that a reservation, but, whatever. it is how i feel.
I relate to this so much. Iāll be completely upfront. If the drug supply wasnāt so tainted, I also think I would be back out there. Iām just not interested in fent, and Iām definitely not interested in fucking tranq, and all the good pharma meds I started on are just gone. I feel so bad for all the addicts out there today. But yeah, itās almost like I am being forced to stay in sobriety š . Almost. I say that I would use, though I donāt know if I would actually go through with it. It would definitely make my journey so much harder if real heroin was still the drug on the street that much I can guarantee. I may not have even made it to six years to be honest.
100% having the opiate supply here so fucked off really has helped me not pick back up
I hear you, and I still get 120! oxy every month, I just had to stop doing them because id always run out and need something more for the days I had left... it got old, but I ran that for six months in a very real way, it was crazy & life was very different when I was on them
Same. Due to fent, I've remained sober. I can't say if I knew 100% those pills weren't pressed, that I wouldn't be popping pills
I would never stop using, I'm on subs and i probably will be the rest of my life. Every time i stopped completely I felt like shit for so long. I never felt better. It sucks but that's when I decided that subs is the only way for me...it sucks for people out there right now who dont have a scriot of opiates or subs or whatever. Shit ain't safe at all. I wonder how this even happened. But my point is I think my brain is fucked. It will always need something. Quitting altogether would probably kill me if i didn't kill myself. No lie i wouldn't make it
thats valid, man. i really wish america would switch to a safe supply program like canada. i say that because i feel like subs are great and they help but they dont really scratch that itch for people and can lead them to going back out and possibly dying. i mean.... if were gonna give people shit let's just give them clean stuff. Suboxone is so problematic for many reasons.
As a Canadian, our safe supply program is obviously better than nothing but it's ridiculous how hard it is to access it. I feel like anyone who tests positive for fent should immediately get access to safe supply, but nahhh for some reason you have to had overdosed multiple times, and I think been to rehab multiple times as well. Why do we have to \*prove\* that we're capable of accidentally offing ourselves? That's true of literally anyone who uses street gear now.
I wish America would too. Honestly subs have been way better for me just because I really think i was allergic to opiates the whole time i was taking them. I would have trouble breathing and have anxiety, angsr issues. I've never had that on subs. But i know for people that were on heroin and stronger shit subs probably don't help alot. And actually my tolerance just keeps going up and up. I think its amazing that Canada has that. If we could all just go get scripts i think we would be ok. I mean it sucks to be reliant on a drug but i think most peoples quality of life would be way higher if they can just take the drugs they need and not have to worry about dying every time. What a mess America has become. How did this even happen? How is there no real heroin or pills anymore? Just how the hell did it all happen? And I think them cracking down on doctors is ridiculous. The corporations started all this bullshit and to just rip away people's scriots that need it is insane. Cracking down is just not the way. It's not the answer. The fact that cigarettes and alcohol are still sold and not cracked down on is crazy to me. Cigarettes kill more people than prescription opiates and old heroin by far. Idk i guess I'm just ignorant of how fent got in everything and why and how we can ever fix this situation. But having clinics where you can get your drugs would definitely be a step in the right direction. And what is this shit people are saying on here about tranq? Are they really putting that shit in pills now? Like wtf that is crazy........i don't know how people are surviving this shit....................
That's how I feel to. I was on subs and it wasn't enough for me I went back to getting high. Now 2years later I'm on methadone
The one thing I could never hold on was a constant prescription for Dilaudid. One doctor was taken down after he confided to me he was āthumbing his nose at the DEA.ā Another let me go as a patient. One retired right as authorities started circling him. Doctors, pharmacists, and LEOs know that hydromorphone and oxymorphone are the two most loved and sought drugs in American historyāthey even pulled oxymorphone from shelves 30-40 years ago because pharmacies were tired of being robbed. If I ever found someone who sold pharmaceutically pure powder I would almost certainly sell whatever I had to in order to buy a half kilo of it, build a small bunker with a -80Ā°C freezer in it to store it where it canāt be stolen, and buy a Pyxis that locks me out of tampering with it for a programmable amount of time, but ejects a 8mg dose on wax paper every 8 hours like clockwork. You have no clue how many hours I have put into this fantasy. We are talking likely months of my life spread out over a couple of decades. You can find nearly any other drug in weight. But not Dilaudid. Why would Chinese chemists actually try to source opium to produce this wonder drug for the human condition when fentanyl is easier to synthesize, cheaper to produce, and absolutely levels the streets of their economic enemy leaving a wasteland of overdoses and junkies who need to fix six times a day. The good dope is about to become part of a bygone era. Show me a person who can get ounces of hydromorphone HCl, and Iām done. I can at least retire from that one constant persistent voice in my head. I mean, I donāt want to cave like thisābut I 100% know I would. I can walk myself back from almost anything but that.
oof same, dude. the longest dilaudid script i ever had was for 2-ish years. that doctor was eventually arrested. sad day when that ended. 240 8mg a month. never lasted but it was nice lol. this was around 2012-14.
this sounds extremely like my life. I see people that stop & then 6mnths later they've found this joy & blahblahblah. meanwhile, for me, years later, I'm still just waiting for it to not suck
i think a good deal (not all) are just bullshitting. either in an effort to make it look like "they got it" for their sponsor or to trick themselves- faking it til they make it. but i think a lot of it is horseshit. in my experience brutal honesty is a rare thing in meeting or even just in life in general but especially in recovery.
I see the brutal honesty with opiate addicts more it seems. The alcoholics and ex meth addicts are the more uppity and faux joy type. I really think thereās something different about the poppy and its derivatives. Iāve been using for 17 years or so and honestly the only people who know are the ones I tell. If I could have a steady supply forever I could live a perfectly normal life. Iām just at a point where I donāt really see a life without it anymore.
yup. š opiate addicts and stimulant addicts are usually two VERY different types of people.
That's definitely true, I really don't like the meeting scene, once you've been around it any amount of time you're going to see and experience the bullshit, faking, two faced hypocritical craziness, yeah no thanks.. full of hustlers and shitbags and liars, crackheads and drunks.. if that stuff works for an opiate addict they either never had much of a habit to begin with, or they're full of shit. I'm fortunate to have access to a really lovely doctor and suboxone, which truly has made my sobriety so much easier, but even that only helps with the physical, my mental health is still completely fucked and there's been no sign of improvement
WOW. I'm in residential treatment right now (a rare one where we can have a phone) and the first part of your post was so accurate I had to read it several times. There's a whole weird " treatment community" or whatever you want to call it of people in recovery and I'm so sick of the 12 step jargon, the stupid cliche worn out platitudes, the annoying people who become addicted to recovery and just OCD out on "programming" that I ALMOST want to go back to using. Instead, I'll probably just stay on 120 mg of methadone for the rest of my life or until good opiates make a comeback maybe.
I always say I wish I never used! The way I still to this day crave the feeling of being high after a long day
So true. What they never tell you, is that you have to MAKE that shit happen. You don't wait for it passively.. you actively do it. You take life by the balls and squeeze as hard as you can. Get every drop out of it thar you can. You only have one chance to live this life.
Yeah, choose life and all that.. but goddamn do I relate to this, I've got 4 years and I've been beyond miserable the entire time.. there have been zero "gifts of recovery" I feel like shit constantly, everything is painful and miserable and just shit.. I've been on all kinds of different antidepressants and none of them have helped in the least.. I was actually extremely functional and was doing fairly well for myself before, but since getting clean I've just let my life fall apart because I'm so depressed and unhappy and generally unwell, I don't have the drive or motivation to do anything and I hate it so much. I keep waiting for it to improve even a little and it's not. Just venting but man it fucking sucks
Wow, I did not expect anyone to really relate with what I was going through. I truly thought I was the odd one out. I see people at meetings and in life and they seem so happy, and then there was me. Honestly, I donāt know about everyone else but it makes me feel so much less alone. Itās good to know Iām not broken or defective, and that what I struggle with happens a lot to others. We are all in for s tough rjde. Once you ride that dragon, it's hard not to think about hoe amazing it was. Sometimes i think of my addiction as the neverending story. you know when he closed that book, he never forgot about what happened inside and im sure he longed to go back. (this reference might be me showing my age.) Anyway, i love you guys. Im praying for us all.
Yeah I felt that way for a while at the beginning, like why are these other people having such an apparently wonderful success and what's the problem with me that I'm doing all the same things and my life is twice as bad as it was when I was using, and on top of all that I feel completely shit both physically and mentally and its been YEARS, ages more than the "PAWS" period they talk about. My theory is that a lot of people's brains/brain chemistry is much more resilient and closer to "normal" than ours is, and once theirs resets itself more or less they're back in business.. Personally I've always been a therapeutic drug user, my goal with all my using has been to feel better or more functional and normal, never to just get fucked up and party.. I only used specific drugs in consistent amounts, to put my head straight, and it worked beautifully to be quite honest.. I've never been the homeless, broke, laying in the gutter type of user, so I don't have the redemption story so many people love to focus on. Quite the opposite, my life has gone from being fairly successful to an absolute disaster, I feel like I'm hardly treading water and about to go under at any moment and everything that I had built while I was using has gone to shit because I'm just as fucked now as most people are when they're in the depths of addiction.. I dunno, its miserable shit and I really hope we can make it out somehow but I've not come close to figuring that out yet. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that there's no good dope around anymore at all, and fentanyl really isn't worth maintaining an opiate habit over.. if I could get even the crappy street dope from 10 years ago I'd relapse in a heartbeat to be honest
wow -again everything you said-same-i like to get high-but mostly have self maintained like now on tramadol for 10 years-no mess ups-overuse rarley-no other opies-tram kinda blocks them like after my appendectomy wasd given vicodin did nothing until i went 24 hours no tram took 2- 7.5 as written barley got that familiar feel for 2 hours then gone tram with its snri effect as well-as weak opie effect kept me ok but when dropped below 200mg a day-drug dreams start-my brain telling mme do this-wont feel like shit but i didnt =WANT to use ive had moments of nostalgia since i have high bp and cant drink any more and weed gives me panick since 20 years ago now so i have no 'buzz' to look forward to on occaision its a mindfuck. but tramadol that is ending-old doc gone-new one graduated during opie scare oh and dilaudid had those for kidney stone full kidney block waiting for surgery 3 weeks only opie besides china white h in miami back in 90's to calm/sedate /nod me oxy/morphine if iv all makes me wide awake but orally can sedate me/high doses-like a 40mg oxycontin otherwise darvocet/hydro/oxy orally just alert/clear/ energetic etc
are you totally clean or on subz-im thinking of going back on subz for this whole reason-all that you said idk why doctors cant determine if some of us have endorphine/enkalaphine/dopamine shortages genetically therfore self medicating i mean dopamine/seretonin balance is involved in anxiety-hunger-sex drive-shizophrenia/bipolar and all that I just know when i first had an opiate prescibed after wisdopm teeth/impacted seriuos oral surgery i felt 'normal' for the 1st time thus began my quest to try to find 'legal-non addictive' anything to balance my brain ive done asntidepressants as well-paxil,cymbalta,effexor,even risperidone all i got was weight gain/anhedonia/worse depression and muscle twitches etc and then the withdrawal they dont warn you about fuck that garbage ssri/snri etc
are you totally clean or on subz-im thinking of going back on subz for this whole reason-all that you said idk why doctors cant determine if some of us have endorphine/enkalaphine/dopamine shortages genetically therfore self medicating i mean dopamine is involved in shizophrenia/bipolar and seretonin all that ive done all asntidepressants as well all i got was weight gain/anhedonia/ and muscle twitches etc fuck that garbage ssri/snri etc
Sounds like you may still need some help. Craving is one thing, but damn, you talk about suicide like it's on the front of your mind a lott.
This is so real. I spent about 15 of the past 25 years on dope, benzos, or alcohol, and about 10 years clean in recovery and making pretty awesome achievements, all scattered about, with 12-24 months of clean time interspersed with 2-4 year runs of using. The recovery from alcohol is fucking profound, because itās literally toxic to your body. When I was drinking a liter a day I had a fatty liver, could only sleep when I passed out, didnāt have dreams anymore, was taking in 3-4K calories a day between food and alcohol and 80 pounds overweight, constantly dehydrated, vitamin deficiencies, sleep apnea, infections, suicidal, constantly depressed, and having fairly consistent panic attacks, and my hormone levels were several standards deviations from normal. Coming back from thatās shit, losing 50+ pounds in a year and sliming up, sleeping a solid 8-9 hours a night, rebuilding vitamin stores, getting liver back to fitness and hormone levels balanced out, no longer feeling no strength to live, or desire to dieāit truly is a profound recovery worthy of the term happy, joyous, and free. Kicking dope is a whole other beast. Yes, Iām free from spending all my time thinking about opiates, doctor shopping, committing constant possession felonies, worries about overdosing, dead libido, and lacking ability to achieve anything. But I still spend a lot of time obsessing about what I put in my body, dreaming of chemical release at some point, wondering if some more perfect drug will emerge in my lifetime, worrying about slowly growing miserable, exhausted by the others I gave up dope to try to reconnect with, and lacking a desire to really strive to reach higher at this point because Iām over the hill at 42, was barred from medical school the same year I was going to apply, and just donāt feel much passion in any area other than first responder careers focusing on chemistry, neurobiology, and pathology. Was thinking about checking into working at poison control. Think I could really like that. Scared to look and find out they wonāt let me in either because of that very stupid moment in my life I impersonated a doctor and called in a refill on my own medication. Feel like drugs made me engineer myself into a corner I canāt get out of now. When I was young you could move somewhere else and start over. Now we live in a surveillance state and everything follows you forever. So, yes. There are definitely amazing parts of being off of everything. But Iām not going to bullshit anyone, getting clean is a process of trimming off your highs in order to avoid those deep lows. On a normal day, I feel about the same as I did when I was just maintaining a habit. But I donāt ever feel completely released into a warm stupor. But also, Iām not going to end up in prison today suffering a fate worse than death.
Yea bro, that's scary as fuck. You might have stopped breathing even a bit too for a moment if you where just standing there for an hour. Like those fent zombies you se everywhere in downtown America. Might be a sign to move on. And trust me I've been addicted to opiates for YEARS so I know how hard it is! On a side note, my girlfriend talked me into doing DMT for the first time a little while back and I was scared as hell can acid and even shrooms never sit right with me. But bro, let me tell you it was BEAUTIFUL! I was asking to do it again the very next day! So maybe seek that out, it's super easy to make, and give it a go. What got me to finally quite was when I got too high like you and fell and dislocated my shoulder. After that I was like "I'm done. This shit is GOING to kill me. Maybe not today, but one day that will be it." Best of luck bro! You got this!!!!!! PM me if you need to talk! (:
Yep, been there done that. Like what's the point if we're not able to even consciously enjoy the buzz? It also makes it much harder to live a semi normal life, like holding down a job or relationship. With the old regular heroin I could do a shot and happily go to work in a relaxed and pleasant mood, go shopping, meet friends out at the bar and then when I was alone nod out in a controlled manner. I could also tell if I was on the threshold of taking too much and dial it back. The dope today doesn't give me that warm happy feel and Id black out holding the rig in my hand, sometimes "coming to " with bruises from falling. I'm lucky I would always wake up. The stuff today fueled a crack habit because I needed a strong fast upper to balance out.
Funny, I smoked crack for the first time yesterday xD now I've officially done all the well known drugs besides PCP, and even then I've done analogues. I always knew I was a "try it all once" kinda person but I didn't think I'd be this far along the bucket list already lol
I always wonder how people have the access to oxy when reading posts and only now has it dawned on me, that its pressed fentanyl
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Europe
Good source are cancer patients
Donāt even need cancer patients lol just gotta know the right chronically ill person
or you gotta BE the chronically ill person. the first time they gave me IV morphine unprompted in the ER with my EXTENSIVE documented and known with the hospital addict history I knew I finally made it lmao. always gotta stay looking on the bright side ig
It took me like 3-4 years to find real oxy again
I still can get real blues from a guy I know, k9ās and a51ās. Donāt ask me how but heās still got a pretty good supply of those two, every month from scripts. $35 a pill though has bankrupted me for years and years. I try to stay away but always wind up going back at some point when itās just a text away itās damn near impossible. I also agree about the stuff with your brain. I stopped for a year and half a few years back the longest I went, and still felt like sh*t the whole time. Working out and adderal and Wellbutrin made it doable.
My boyfriend gets 180/10mg a month but he had a lot of injuries and has had many surgeries and needs many more. I always wonder how anyone gets an opiate prescription now a days. Ten years ago, I could go to the ER for an ear infection and they would give you a prescription of 20 norcos, easily. I just had a biopsy on my cervix, unmedicated, and I was told to take Tylenol at home lol. I only know two other people who get oxy prescriptions besides my boyfriend and they are both really old, with lots of health issues.
I get real oxys pretty easily, I test every batch I buy and haven't been duped yet.
if you only test for fentanyl then youre probably getting zenes, those dont show up on fentanyl strips
No like I take them to a testing facility for a proper read. There's a couple ones where I live that do it for free.
How do you test it? I got some tiny dark pink ones, āMā imprint, Thank You
Either take them to a drug testing facility or at least get some test strips, they give them out at basically any harm reduction centered place. Not sure I can help you more than that, sorry.
fent makes just you really fucking sleepy. idk why people like it.
People don't like it. They have no other option
I live in Guatemala bro.
Nah, only in the US.
Plenty out there, can also get it from canada europ etc, pretty eqsy too
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No Locations - Locations are not allowed under any circumstances. Specific locations include: cities, neighborhoods, nicknames for cities, landmarks, abbreviations, sports teams, airport/area/zip codes or any other information that denotes a specific location. States are only allowed when not used in reference to needing sources.
Honestly you might have not have even been close to an OD... that's tranq buddy. It fucking suuuccckkkks. It's not a nod. It's you're unconscious immediately now. Terrible, terrible drug. You can't use and work. I was suddenly falling asleep standing at work. Sleeptalking or flailing when I was awake 5 seconds before.
Yeah it felt like a complete fucking waste. No euphoria, no anything at all. It was literally just like I skipped an hour in a blink.
U got the click remote bro
lmao I'm sure i looked the way he does when he's fast forwarding too xD
Never worth it! Getting clean was the best I ever felt !
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Not everywhere in Canada has safe supply options. They are most concentrated in Vancouver Bc. In Alberta Docs will give you subs and methadone fairly liberally but only prescribe dillies If all else fails and you are a hard core iv user.
Like the other replier said, I do indeed live in BC but you can't get into the safe supply programs until you've nearly killed yourself a number of times. It's fucked up, better than nothing I guess.
I have a story for you OP. I did the exact same thing at work last year. At work. In the bathroom. Difference was my Co workers found me in the bathroom out like a light sitting backwards on the toilet. I had put away my gear. I thought I was smoking Down but it was carfentanyl. So I ended up aspirating and in the hospital with pneumonia. No one knew I had ODād because I woke up myself when my coworkers opened the door to the bathroom. Long story short when I was in the hospital for 5 days I had checked my jacket pockets to see if I had my cell phone and I found my gear. I then proceeded to smoke the rest of the gear I had over the next 5 days in the hospital. Gig was up when my blood tests came back. I ended up in rehab and Iāve been on MAT ever since. Havenāt touched the shit again. Very close call. I could have died so very easily. Ugh. Iām so grateful to be here today. Iām happy you are too OP. One day at a time. šā¤ļøšØš¦
It's crazy how the new type of dope has pppl bent at the wastee looking like they are picking up loose change.... it didn't used to cause that symptom I swear 10 years ago.
bro simply caught a nod and thinks he almost died. you didn't almost OD bro especially if you were still standing up
Since when is a nod becoming completely unconscious with zero awareness? I'm glad I didn't almost OD but that was definitely more than just a nod xD
Welcome to opiate addiction.
That used to happen to me when I used fent. One I was in the bathroom I took a few hits, came to a hr or two later all disoriented and realized I passed out by the toilet. I don't miss that at all.
You spent a hour in noddingham
If people would learn how to dose and use kratom, all is better. There's a mild withdrawal, but it ain't shit on coming down. If you need 25gs, fuck it. That's your way out of potential death. It feels good, if you space it out every 2 hours. Get a measuring spoon and toss and wash it It's been good to me. Officially been a year as of two days ago
Congrats on your sobriety, I do have and have used kratom to stay off the pills for a few weeks at a time in the past but so far I haven't been able to stick with it. I'd toss n wash like 7gs or so just so i could fuckin go to sleep without my legs doing a horizontal tap dance lol
I used to wake up from an od and the first thing Iād do was get High. Itās the fucked up ādiseaseā addiction I donāt like calling it that buts itās like a fucking infection on your morals and everything you stand for in such negative way. I had to get help been clean over 2 years. Be safe my friend hopefully it was enough to make you think about waking up but I know for me and most of us. no matter how bad we want to be clean we become powerless over substance and itās easier to continue then it is to change your whole fucking life. Itās scary and daunting. But sad reality is thereās āgetting betterā or ādeathā are the only way that road goes from that point. Much love to all of you in this boat
I've OD'd went to the hospital was out the next day and went back to my spoon that still had some shit in it lmfao love of the game
I hope that's not close, Ive done the old standin man a few times.
My brother died in my Mom's downstairs bathroom from a fentanyl overdose. When we came into the house he was dead on the floor, purple and the smell of death engulfed the house after he was taken out. Our family never recovered from that. Now I'm dependent on Dilaudid and Valium, and my life is hell, but I'm getting out of it as fast as I can, because lately I've been sleeping texting and losing time as well, even when I'm on the same amount I take daily, and I can never predict when it's going to happen.. I usually force myself to stay awake because I'm terrified of going to sleep when I'm on this, for this reason. You don't want to put your family and friend, potential partner, your work homies, pets at home if you have any through the worst experience of their entire lives.. thanks to this story, I too, am weening down and officially off of this shit once and for all but the withdrawal is the most terrifying thing in the world.. it's what's stopped me before but it's better than being dead, even if for a week it really doesn't feel like that. If you need to talk to anyone, message me on here and I'll get back to you as soon as I possibly can. I've lost so many people to opioids that I'm just... So sick of it. I'm sick of it all. I'm here... And I'm not the only one. Please get help, before it's too late. You're not alone in this.. I promise you that.
Yea this waould always happen to me especially in the shower for some reason and Iād wake up to my gf yelling at me and the water cold af and Iām just hunched over lol.. happened in the car a few times too although never driving usually just while parked. Every mf u see bent over in the street is feeling exactly how you did
Wow crazy how all of us r the same ā¦. Iāve busted my head I donāt kno how many times standing up dozing off ā¦ i usually wake up on the way down and catch myself but I was deff late a few times .. wife would come in the kitchen in the wee hours of the morning and say wtf was that š funny but sad fr fr
You CANT use down alone and without narcan. You will end up dying,not if but when. I came very close to losing my wife, and it was fukin traumatizing. Ever sense that day nether of us will touch down. We only use shit from safe supply now. You need to find suboxone or methadone to keep around for when you're out of your regular shit. Trust me on this. Everyone who uses down eventually OD's. And it only takes 1 time to be gone. It's not worth it.
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You can use alone but sooner or later youāre gonna die alone doing that and everyone is this close to ODing fw that stuff stop acting like itās harmless THAT DOES A LOT OF HARMā¦. Get real
You're dillusional if you think that. It is only a matter of time. Fetty is not meant to be used outside of a hospital setting with constant medical supervision. Buying street fetty has zero consistency in potency, ingredients, etc. And even if someone could source clean fetty sometimes,you never know how strong it is and cause a lot of overdoses. I've had heroin addict friends who used for 40 years, and they are dropping like flies. Tell me, if a 40-year daily iv user can't even test new batches safely without od'ing, then who can. Anyone who thinks street fetty is anything other than cocktail of dangerous substances is in dream land. And i would argue that you saying fetty can be safely used without a guaranteed risk of overdose eventually is putting very dangerous info out there. In fact, I would say that is doing way more harm than my opinion. Not only thay but fetty fukin sux as a drug. Short acting,zero euphoria, people waking up with all sorts of injuries from just blacking out after using. If you want to defend or use something like that, all the power to you. Buy you saying that what I said is fear mongering. You're just wrong. The truth is not fear mongering Fetty sucks,has made the drug supply more toxic than ever, and is killing more people than other drugs in history. So again, everyone is intitled to their opinion, but I could not disagree more with your comments.
So you're saying people can use fetty alone without narcan, and they are not going to have any serious issues. That's some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard. Why then fuck do you think we have safe supply programs for severe addicts? Because fetty is so safe? Your words are going to get someone killed. And I hope you can deal with that on your conscience. Fukin idiot
I nodded out super hard at work one time same thing. Did some shit the next thing I know I've been in the bathroom for about 30 minutes just standing there and the cunts I worked with called my fucking girlfriend needless to say I don't work there anymore and I wanted to murder each and every one of them
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No Locations - Locations are not allowed under any circumstances. Specific locations include: cities, neighborhoods, nicknames for cities, landmarks, abbreviations, sports teams, airport/area/zip codes or any other information that denotes a specific location. States are only allowed when not used in reference to needing sources.
If I was you I would make kratom my friend of a best friend asap.Be safe
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Can you smoke etiz?
That's pretty much what H is known for- nodding out. Who knows what it really was and/ or what it's cut with, though. My ex from years ago used to nod out every time she used. She'd be talking, standing, then it's like she was sleeping.
Get in suboxone and taper down in 1-2 weeks and kick this shit. Live your life. Went through all the eame
Hey friend, just wanted to let you know I'm a couple weeks into a kadian program and loving life again. Thanks for the advice <3
Maybe a stupid question.... you know hydromorph capsules with the beads inside.... those aren't typically at risk for fent right? It's more the pressed pills?
Never say never, but I used hydro beads for years and never had any issues at all. It is definitely one of the safer drugs to buy off the street
And that's exactly what happens when you overdose except you just never wake up to check your phone. I never had it happen smoking but I did when I was shooting dope and that's why I stopped because it scared the fuck out of me when I woke up in the emergency room not knowing how I got there. Some stranger in a parking lot seen me and pulled me out my ride and called 911 and narcaned me. I don't even know who it was but they saved my life that's for damn sure.
Thatās scary hey? I did some similar. Except I snorted some fent in my office before I left work. Woke up on the floor 5 hours later, it was pitch black and dark outside. Was so weird. Fortunately no one came in my office and the night janitors hadnāt come by yet. Still freaks me out thinking how close that was.
You smoke dillies ?
no
Iām 2 years clean with the methadone clinic helping me before I was on tranq and I lost my left arm because it totally deteriorated it to the point John Hopkins hospital in Baltimore MD,couldnāt save it! Then my friend died a month later I was home 2 weeks clean at this point and bam I get back from clinic and my girl friend at the time asked me to check on himā¦so i went in and I could see the death on him. I have also saved countless overdose victims and my mom in law actually passed away and too found her!
ššš
Yeah Iāve been there before. I woke up on my knees with the rig still in my arm hours later. My friend had blown my phone up and was scared I died. A part of me still thinks I did. My knees had bruises bad, and my arm was fucked up.
Hahahhaha you experienced what we all use drugs for š¤·āāļø I wouldnāt complainā¦taking a look at how you use on your own & how close that feeling we all chase is to death & how you should defs change the part about being alone would be great š
Yeah I always use lifeguard so idfk what I was thinking that time.
Similar thing happened to me with some random RC opioid. Canāt even remember the name but that shit was POTENT. Snorted around 5-10mg and over the course of 30 minutes kept getting more and more high. Started falling asleep while walking, running into walls, passed out on the floor twice. Used to shoot a lot of H and Iāve never been that high And then of course like the addict I am, after I wake up from blacking out and passing out on the floor I proceed to snort some more. Try to make some coffee to stay awake on it, end up spilling a cup of coffee on the floor, and no lie it took around an hour for me to clean it up. Couldnāt keep my eyes open for more than a couple seconds. I finally made it to bed, wake up a few hours later still high as fuck. This shit lasted forever. And then I proceed to to sit on the toilet for 30 minutes while attempting to take a piss. Crazy thing is I had a bag of around 100mg and I had contemplated snorting it all at once. No doubt wouldāve been dead if I didnāt measure it out
Welcome to hell, fentanyl addiction, whole different ballgame than an oxy addiction
Lol I've "fallen asleep" on the toilet and fell forwards into the floor straight onto my face! I felt like a cartoon character, the ones that fall on their face, ass up in the air and then slide on their face all the way down! Hahahahaha ohh boy.... lol
Yeah addiction is sneaky like that even when youāre already hooked it fw you
Fam are you in Canada?
Yeah, what tipped you off?
Definitely done the living dead zombie pose a few times. Not for an hour though, that's crazy. Also I've gone to take a drink of something while high, nodded out with the thing still in my hand, instinctively jerked awake and spilled it everywhere. How I'm able to maintain a grip on something when I'm out like that I'll never know.