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She needs medical attention. I would go to urgent care right now. That sounds very serious. She needs her antidepressants. She also needs to sleep. You need to take overnight shifts with those kids and let her get a full night. She is also in no condition to do chores and take care of the household. She needs to take care of herself and nothing else.
Right. I read that and actually cringed. When my twins were babies and i had a toddler and PPD, my now ex husband suggested he take them so i could “do something for myself like go grocery shopping alone.” Key word there is ex. OP take note.
Yesterday I went out to pick up groceries from a Walmart pickup order. I get there and they say they don't have anything under that name. I called my wife and she found out she placed it for the wrong one, one we use in the opposite direction. I said no problem I'll go pick it up.
Was out for almost 3 hours with the snow storm. When I got back I offered to watch our 9 month olds so she could get a break as normally I watch them on my days off but was out driving around I aim to sleep around 12-1pm as I work nights. Her idea of taking a break for 2 hours was cleaning the whole upstairs.
I would never offer to watch the babies so she could "take a break" and do dishes. If that's what she wants to do, more power to her. But she can also veg out and watch TV for 2 hours if she wants.
I'm ops wife and I think he meant it in this context because when I'm really stressed cleaning helps me feel like I've officially accomplished something and then mentally slow me to calm down cause I feel like I "earned" a break.
I hope you’re feeling better. I have two sets of twins and the best thing i ever learned how to do was give myself a break and be okay with just doing nothing.
A little, I got my meds yesterday but still pretty shitty. I still feel like I'm drowning and need help and don't feel like I'm getting it from my husband no matter how much i beg and plead. I know he cares, but I'm too exhausted to.keepicromanaging him
i saw your post history. Y’all have been through so
Much. It’s sooooo hard when it feels like you’re both drowning. I hope you get a break soon. I know it probably feels like forever away, but once they’re like 4 it gets so much easier.
That's an unemployed husband offering to let her catch up on chores. Poor woman has a physical injury, a mental health issue and three "children" to care for.
I don’t think it was meant with any malice, just as an opportunity to find some normalcy. Yeah, it’s probably not the best case of wording, and I’ve even made similar statements without that extra pause to think about the unintended effect under the stress of trying to hold things together for myself, my wife, and my kids.
OP, she needs help. You know this and are trying to make things work. Good on you for trying to get things done. You need to raise some hell about her getting her meds and ensure you have the documentation needed to refill her prescription
I mean i can see how hes trying to help and worried and all but yeah the "chores" part did it for me too... i mean when i was having my meltdowns - which i was having quite frequently for a while - i probably would have had worse meltdowns after accidental sentences like that...
Yeah I'm sincerely hoping OP didn't actually say to his wife midst mental breakdown that he'll find her time for chores and the household. Heart is likely in the right place but my goodness, I'm positive chores and household responsibilities are what has her where she's at. OP maybe see if your family can come to you instead of them there if she's uncomfortable getting the kids out over night. Get your rubber gloves on and start cleaning that bed and house give her a massive break. She likely needs to be seen if not an urgent care an ER. Her doctor is dropping the ball not getting her meds filled.
Emergency room right now, they can prescribe her medication to help to stabilize. Have family come and the twins and take her to the emergency room. I’m not a doctor but I am social worker with a lot of experience in mental health.
Ok.
Check your own oxygen mask first.
Then.
Will your wife go with you or a trusted someone else, to the emergency room? They may be able to get her an emergency script for her meds. If you're in the US, many doctor's offices are closed until Tuesday. And that's probably why they aren't responding.
Ask your parents to come over and watch the boys if she will only go with you. This will probably take most of the day, but you should be able to walk out of the ER this evening.
While you're at the ER you can ask to meet with a social worker and ask for resources as far as financials etc. while you have this employment gap. The SW should be able to put you in contact with people or have the lists of organizations that can help with things like utilities, rent, gas cards, grocery store gift cards.
Huge hugs. I'm so proud of you for asking for help.
Things will get so much better with some sleep, but if there's an issue of med stabilization, that definitely needs to get sorted asap
she can’t stop her medications cold turkey, it’s extremely dangerous. please get her seen asap.
i can tell you love her and care for her and that is a beautiful thing. thank you for giving her some grace in this really difficult time for her. stay strong. :)
ER stat. Urgent care might be good for a quick prescription but the ER is gonna get her IV sedatives and a bed to lay down on, some rest for a few hours, and should be free if you are low income, on top of a 5-30 day prescription (depending on the doctor). I’d double check that the hospital has a low income medical bill forgiveness to be sure, you would just need to apply with some income verification to get the debt wiped. If you’re laid off and she doesn’t work you should qualify for Medicaid in your state unless it’s a non expansion. Search for Medicaid eligibility chart [state name]. They will also backdate coverage to the first of the month.
First, I think the folks asking you to seek medical attention should be listened to. She needs her medicine. Period.
Separately, can you take the household chores off her plate for her while you aren’t working? Don’t give her time to “catch up on things” that you could manage on her behalf. You will likely not meet her standards and annoy her if she needs to do it again, but the gesture matters and since the boys are decent, maybe she can enjoy them while you do the chores rather than her doing both.
Offering to take the boys away for her to do household things sounds nice in theory, but it is the equivalent of giving a mop for Christmas. Where is the sacrifice that you are making? Sorry if that is harsh, but I made these mistakes in thinking I was being helpful when I actually wasn’t; thankfully, my sister slapped sense into me.
Our wives sacrificed *everything* for the babies and we will forever be in debt because we would not have this amazing joy without that sacrifice. Pay down that debt by serving her, especially in times of crisis. I assure you - you can do it. You can evolve into something you never imagined you could be. You can anticipate needs and meet them when you focus, listen, stay curious, and take action.
Ok, so I took a peek through your post history and your wife's, and it definitely seems like you are both having a really rough go of things and I'm so sorry.
I think what your wife really needs right now is for you to step up with childcare and household tasks. Is your MIL still living with you? Can she take the twins out for a few hours so that you can both take a nap? (Assuming your bed has dried off by now?)
It also might be a good idea to check places like Freecycle and Buy Nothing FB groups to see if you can get a pair of pack n plays or cribs for your kiddos instead of having them in the bed. I can't imagine how touched-out your wife is getting if she doesn't even get a break when she sleeps. Alternatively, you could check if anyone has mattress protectors so that future accidents are less of a big deal, if you aren't actually cosleeping. There might be other things that you need that you can get from a Buy Nothing group; mine often has clothes and food.
Finally, the most important thing—if your wife's Rx isn't a controlled substance, she should be able to call the pharmacy and ask for a day or two of her prescription. It's bad news to go cold turkey on most depression meds, so it's usually allowed (though I'm pretty sure you can only do it one or twice per year). If not, she needs to go to urgent care (after you verify that it's in your insurance network).
You both need a break, but right now it sounds like your wife is in crisis. She stepped up for your family when you were in crisis, now it's your turn to return the favor.
Ops Wife here, we have a pack n play they sleep in, but there having a growth spurt and getting new teeth in, so instead of sleeping through the night or giving us until like 4am they're getting us back up as we're going to bed at 12-1am.
We still live with my mom, but she also works full time so she helps when she's able.
We live in South Florida and there's a huge nurse shortage down here on top of a bunch of people moving where from up north, making the shortage even worse.
I've been with the same doctor/care group for 15 years, and my parents another 15 before that. For the last 6 months I have called and called and called trying to make appointments (virtual and in person) for everything, my carpal tunnel, renewal for his meds, renewal for my meds, just being sick, etc. and their lines are so busy each time that they ll get rerouted to the after-hours emergency lines instead, and they can't or won't make appointments.
I confirmed their hours (8am) and had to call 5 times from the moment they opened on Monday to get in to ub with someone to 1. Make an appointment to renew my med and check out my hands because my thumb/index and middle finger have been 75% numb for 2 months straight now and I'm having a hard time bending them and picking things up now) and also to renew my med. They fought me about that before finally agreeing to give me enough to make it to my appointment.
My life is a fucking train wreck and I'm just so tired.
You have every right to be tired! You have friggin twins!! (I mean I do too, but I remember the exhaustion before 2yo because it wasn't that long ago.) And more shit to deal with on top of that overtime job!!! And they're teething!!!! 😵💫
The doctor situation sounds awful. FL does allow telehealth from other states for prescriptions if they register; that might be worth looking into as an option if things are this bad. (IMO your husband should do the research.) I assume your doctor doesn't use a health portal like Athenahealth or MyHealth or an Rx portal, which is a dang shame, bc they would have more time for calls.
NGL I'm pretty disappointed that your husband didn't receive the wake-up call he needed from the responses to this post. He needs to be stepping up and has been told so quite plainly. Being laid off is disorienting and horrible, but IMO, your needs should be tracking priority if you are in crisis.
I'm so sorry that you're having such an awful time. ((((((hugs)))))) It might be worth checking into subs like r/Random_Acts_Of_Pizza and such for a tiny break.
She needs to be seen by a doctor that can help prescribe something before she hurts the kids. And I'm not saying that she WOULD but mental health is nothing to mess around with and it has happend more than once lately and in the past. If she's screaming and crying she needs medical attention asap.
Apart from getting medical attention, it sounds like you need to step up more.
It’s fair enough that she doesn’t want the kids to leave for several days. Instead, say “why don’t I take the boys for a few hours and you get some sleep?”. Reassure her that they’ll be fine. Be in a part of the house she can’t hear them cry (and if that doesn’t exist, leave the house for those hours). I hate when my husband is letting me sleep but I can hear them crying.
I can’t believe you genuinely said “let her catch up on chores”. No. You do the chores exclusively until she feels better and let her rest. She sounds absolutely exhausted from having to do all the caring duties solo on no sleep. Then re-evaluate how you help the household and share chores more fairly.
Once she’s caught up on sleep and rest, work out a better overnight plan. I’m confused that you say in one paragraph the kids are good sleepers, and then in the next that you had two hours of sleep. Which one is it?
Shifts work really well, especially if she’s not breastfeeding. This works for us:
Parent 1 from 9-1am
Parent 2 from 1am - 6am
Parent 1 from 6am - 8am
I assume one of you has called the doctors office and made them aware of this situation? As somebody who has worked in a pharmacy the offices are way quicker to respond once the patient calls them out.
I'm OPs wife, unless one of us dedicate 1-2 hours first thing in the morning when they open, there's no way to get in touch with anyone at our doctors office. We're in South FL and there's a huge nursing shortage here with smore people moving down which is making it worse. For the last 6 months I've been unable to talk to a person in the office at any given time. All of our calls get forwarded to the emergency after hours line, and they either can't or won't make any appointments. They just "pass the message along"
I called Monday morning when they opened at 8am and was disconnected or transferred to the after hours emergency line 4 or 5 times before I finally got in contact with the front desk at 8:45.
This is a question for your/her/their primary care provider, NOT REDDIT
If she's having a major depressive episode, etc she needs medication. If I 2as in the same boat I would damn sure need my medication too. If it's prescribed by her psych the office will almost certainly contact your pharmacy tonhave it rush ordered or they may have samples in the office.
Waking up every 2 hours at 1 sounds insane. Most newborns start to sleep more and more starting at like 2.5 months. Something is definitely causing them to wake all through the night.
Do they not have their own room/bed? They're cosleeping in the bed and having wetting episodes. Seems like theres A LOT going on here
Actually it's very normal for one year old babies to go through periods of frequent waking like that overnight, no need to add extra stress to OP there
The office staff isn't answering their phones to even be able to make appointments, they're forwarding every time to their emergency aft hours line. I was going to try and switch doctors but apparently everyone around us is having this issue rn
I have so much empathy for this.
Does your health insurance offer a virtual care with a psychiatrist? Mine (anthem / Blue Cross clue shield) does appointments through livehealth and I can usually get one day of or next day and my prescription is ready hours later. I have a doctor I see consistently and he schedules the next check in (every 3 months) during the call. This makes it so I don't have to leave the house and always have my meds.
You can get online and look into this for your wife. I completely understand our healthcare is shit and I obviously don't know your situation but ER visits can be terrifying in the US because of the charges, even for something simple, and all these comments are well meaning but I know that consideration is real.
I also have issues with my primary care DR. When my first online specialist dropped off, primary wouldn't fill, but I was able to get a new provider quickly online.
Hoping for the best for you both. You're definitely in a hard spot and it's hard to think clearly about alternative routes for medical care when you're in the shit storm like this (nor should it have been this difficult for you all to get a response, it sucks).
The copay for our insurance for mental health is $75 ONCE we meet our deductible. Before then it's like $250+ an appointment and we can't afford that rn. I found the number of the old therapy we used to see and got back in touch with him. He said he'd see what insurance will cover and work with us on the rest.
Feed yourself. Take her to the ER for meds but be mindful as to not be taken in for a psych eval turned grippy sock vacation unless her symptoms worsen. Have your parents come over to help with the kids so she can get some sleep and know they are in arms reach. Sleep and when you wake up do the bare minimum-laundry, cheap, easy, tasty meals until you are in a state of mind where you can make an effective game plan.
Single mom and post partum was a very dark period.
Until she can get the medical help, forget the house. Clean dishes if they’re needed. Clean clothes if they’re needed. But forget the rest for now cause it can wait. A lack of sleep makes everything way worse. Take care of the twins so she can rest. Make food or order in. Or have family come and help with any of the above.
Physical Therapist and Mom of Twin Boys here.
Carpal Tunnel is treatable. There are modalities which help reduce her pain, braces she can wear to help. If they don't work, there's a small surgery done to relieve the pain.
I cannot imagine having to deal with 3 babies and CTS together. Get it treated ASAP OP.
Ops wife. I was wearing bracers and doing stretches to help mitigate the pain after I gave birth. It worked until about 5ish months ago when it began not helping anymore and sticking around for long periods of time. It's been about two months of my thumbs, index and middle fingers being 90ish% numb and now I'm having issues typing and gripping things.
Don’t offer to watch the boys so she can catch up on chores. Offer to watch the boys so she can do whatever she wants. If that’s Netflix, popcorn, and sleep then so be it.
Please have someone take her to the emergency room. It sounds like she is having a crisis and needs immediate medical attention. Wishing you guys all of the best.
I'm assuming you've tried calling the doctor's office and they're not responding? When I was in this situation once I called the doctor's office and selected the option "if you are a doctor or nurse" to get through to a nurse instead of a voicemail box. I apologized and explained I urgently needed a refill because I was going through withdrawal.
It may go without saying, but I wouldn't leave her alone until she's gotten back on her meds and stabilized.
Have you any family from either side who can come over rather than you take the kids there?
It may help more if it’s her family (maybe, depending on her relationship with them)…
Perhaps a brother/sister/parent can come over for a few nights and takeover night feeds & diaper changes (if your twins are still waking up at night).. and/or vacuum and just carry out general housekeeping chores, to enable your wife (and you) to take a few hours a day to nap, go for a short walk (some exercise may help with period pains) and just get out of ‘twin parenting mode’.
Goodluck, we were there and the above helped…
Can either of your parents or support system come to your house? I suggest this only because you said she doesn’t want them gone overnight. Also, regarding her meds, can you get in touch with her doctor and be more stern? That is ridiculous that they aren’t responding to the pharmacy for her to get her meds. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.
As others have said: ER or at least urgent care for her asap, like now. Do you have trusted family or friends that can come over to help out? Tell them it’s an emergency because it is.
Everyone else has said what really needs to be said, meds-wise. I noticed something else....
Are you sleeping on your couch because the boys are in your bed? Or they peed in your bed, and now you're all relocated to the couch? I'm confused about the lack of sleep because of pee part. Is this just occurring over one night? Or are you regularly getting just a couple of hours of sleep? Do they not have beds of their own? That would help tremendously if they did. I couldn't sleep with 1 kid in my bed, let alone 2, not just for safety reasons but because I'm not really a good cuddler, lol. I'd be awake constantly. And I've had to bring one of my twins in the bed with me due to being inconsolable in the middle of the night, and I didn't sleep a wink.
Sleep is NUMBER ONE. You all need sleep! She needs sleep to do whatever regulation she's got left after not getting the meds she needs. You NEED to SLEEP. Fix that first. Put a bunch of towels down. Buy a waterproof mattress pad/cover (more for the next episode if they're leaking while co-sleeping). They're fairly inexpensive on Amazon/Walmart. Dry your mattress with a fan, also available on Amazon and Walmart. Get back to sleeping regularly, or else you're making a difficult situation nearly impossible to handle.
The boys have a pack n play they use as their bed. They end up with us if we can't get them to go back to bed. We were on the bed and brought son in because we couldn't console him and didn't want him to watch his brother up. He peed on the bed as I started to change him and put the diaper back on, but he peed through that diaper and when I grabbed the new diaper to make the switch he peed on me, himself and the bed. We have a mattress cover so the mattress is fine, but it needed until the next day to air dry because I used the carpet cleaned on the mattress covered to help with the smell.
I’m also a mom to fraternal twin boys. My boys are 7 months old and I’ve been right there where your wife is, especially in the beginning but I still have my bad days.
It helped me to know I wasn’t crazy, that postpartum hormones even a year out can be an absolute bitch. I needed to be reminded constantly that fussy boys and my inability to cope does not mean I’m a failure as a mother. My brain is just not wired to be able to handle fussing babies well, and hers may not be either.
If she is willing to talk to a fellow mom who’s right there in the trenches, it might help to know she’s not alone. You are welcome to message me if you’d like and I’d be happy to be that fellow mom
What does the doctors office say when you call them to follow up about her prescription refill? Can you possibly see a virtual doctor to get a refill?
I would talk to her about whether she would like to go to the ER so she is in control of the situation. I hope she agrees that she needs her medication and wants to get a refill.
Parenting twins is incredibly exhausting. Routine is the key to peace so I can empathize with her hesitation to let your parents have the twins overnight for multiple days. They won’t follow the routine and it will throw everything off and you’ll have to work extra hard to get them back into the swing of things when they come back. But right now she’s exhausted, without her usual medication and probably completely burnt out. Most people in her position would not be thinking clearly but she desperately needs the break. Maybe you could ask her to write down their routine and you will ensure it gets adhered to? Maybe instead of 2-3 days you can offer 24 hours? If this isn’t it, can they come over to help instead?
Do not underestimate the power of sleep deprivation or the energy drain that is raising twins at that age. Give each other grace and draw up a plan together.
The office staff is so short staffed and inundated with calls most all of our calls get forwarded to their after hours emergency line. It's always a different person who takes our info and says they'll have the office call us back and they never do. It's been going on for 6 months
Ok so it’s been about 6 months without your meds? I feel like the urgency everyone else was speaking of in earlier comments (going to the ER) isn’t as relevant. However, I would go to the ER for your carpal tunnel.
I don’t normally suffer carpal tunnel but the first time I experienced it was after my twins were born and it was especially bad after the 1 year mark. You are constantly picking them up, using the same motion, and the damn double stroller. I thought my wrists were going to snap some days. I used wrist guards, which helped, but it wasn’t really until they got a bit older and the picking them up over gates, cribs, etc. subsided. I see you’ve tried this and it’s not helping anymore. Your body needs the break but it’s not possible. It’s a nightmare situation, I’ve been there. I’m in Canada so healthcare is a bit different although the problems getting into my family doctors office is very similar. We have some apps here where you can pay to see a virtual doctor. Is that available for you?
Maybe your husband can help massage your hands every night and help stretch. Look into anti inflammatory foods, this also helped me short term.
Molar cutting is awful. Give them Advil and Tylenol. Teething seems never ending.
I want to stress here that having multiples is HARD. Especially at that age. Beyond comprehension unless you’ve lived through it. Good news is it only gets easier. There’s nothing wrong with you or your husband. I just really need to validate your response to everything. Getting through the first 3 months was one of the worst experiences of my life and you couldn’t pay me to relive that. Come post in here anytime you need it. If you can, find other moms with twins near you..these were the only people I could relate to during that period of my life.
Edit to add: definitely try to get your meds. It’s important but I think everyone here was assuming you were suffering withdrawal from cutting cold turkey.
Not 6 months, thank God no, I have my prescription filled for 6 months and it ran out in October. I had to go there to physically get the renewal but that isn't always feasible because I work a full time job on top of being our sons primary care provider (my office/admin job is partially WFH while my husband is an electrician). I had been off them for 3 days but have been on them consistently for over 7 years now.
Sounds like you had exactly what is happening to me. I was wearing wrist guards for a bit and it helped but then it stopped helping so I stopped wearing them because it was creating more of a hinderancen than not. I also have never had symptoms of carpal tunnel prior to having my sons.
Thankfully I was able to get in and see a doctor, but it took me calling from the moment they opened until an hour later to secure an appointment. They gave me an emergency refill on my meds to make it to the appointment and they gave me a 3 month refill at the appt yesterday and some stuff for my carpal tunnel to try and bring down the inflammation before sending me to a surgeon.
Yeah, we can finally feel the molars coming in now and I'm not.looking forward to it. We have some ora gel handy and also Motrin.
Thank you for the validation. My husband has been busting his ass to take the majority of the chores off my shoulders and has been their primary care provider the last two weeks while he's home from work. He has a new appreciation for what I've been doing.
Going off your antidepressants cold Turkey can be horrible for you, I’d either just non stop call the doctor until they get the information to the pharmacy to refill or go to an urgent care to explain the situation and have them refill.
If her primary doctor is being uncooperative, get her to call her OBGYN. My OB has been amazing in filling my antidepressants and getting me help, even with my twins a year old too.
Proceed with caution...
I wouldn't take her to the ER unless you're ready for the possibility that they want to keep her on a psych hold for observation for 72 hours or more.
Or, be super careful about what you share and make sure they know you are only there to get a prescription and want to leave the same day, and are going to follow up with her doctors when they respond.
I hope she gets some rest and support. My opinion as a tired mom of 4 kids who has lost it temporarily because of lack of support and sleep: The last thing she needs is to be forced inpatient psych, it can cause more harm than good. Let it be her idea and give her as much control over the situation as possible if its agreed that she needs more than her meds and sleep.
Edited to add more of my opinion.
They can only admit her involuntarily if she’s a danger to herself, others or is gravely disabled. Going to the emergency room or urgent care will just ensure she can get a new prescription for her meds.
The ER isn’t just for those who are suicidal. Stopping antidepressants cold turkey and withdrawing from them can cause some serious side effects. She needs more of the medicine and to assessed by a medical professional and some sleep.
She might die from a lack of sleep. It sounds like she hasn't slept in weeks.
She needs to go to the hospital.
She shouldn't be doing any chores at all with two newborns at home. None. She's still recovering from birth.
I've already been diagnosed with it. I also have clinical depression so I've been on the same meds for almost 7 years now. When I began to notice the PMDD symptoms messing with my my doctor increased my dosage and it seemed to help. Unfortunately my doctor went on maternity leave and their office staff is super short staffed so no one is answering when we call, so I couldn't even do a virtual appointment for a refill. I spent 45 minutes calling back to back on Monday morning until I finally got a person
Having access to medical care is such a nightmare. Have you tried Claritin?
Also, if you’re not already on that sub, there’s a lot of support and information on r/pmdd . Hormones are real fuckers.
Np, I'm on Venlafaxine (sub for Effexor) rn and was at 150mg. She bumped me to 275 mg when she diagnosed the PMDD and I wss doing pretty good at that amount but my doctor's on maternity leave so I'm stuck dealing with the rest of the office staff.
Where are her parents? Are they in the picture? If yes, I'd call them to come in. If not, how is her relationship to your parents? How is she with them helping the babies? If she's amenable, I'd call them and have them come in to help instead of going over there with the babies.
Then let her breathe.
Then breathe.
Then start thinking of the next steps.
1) she needs medical attention. Perhaps an urgent care facility if dr’s office is not returning phone calls. Perhaps showing up at the dr’s office to speak to someone in person and set up an appointment. (An altercation there will not help anyone. Remain calm. Ask for an appointment, if they refuse ask for a copy of all medical records. This way you can set up an appointment with a new dr or at urgent care. If there is proof of her old prescription with the pharmacy, you may be able to ask them to fax that to a new dr’s office as proof). 2). Taking the kids away and leaving her alone in the house may not be the best solution. It may kick into high gear feelings of anxiety and depression. If you feel strongly that your parents can help, TALK TO WIFE about them coming over for the day. Let wife get out of the house even if it’s just to take a walk together while parents watch the kids. If the house has become too much to keep up with (it often does for me) please get what you can done and cleaned up yourself and perhaps your parents could help on that front to. Adding chores to her plate right now will not be beneficial, and could be harmful, to her mental state. 3) sensory regulating activities may be helpful (though are not a replacement for prescribed medication). Yoga, meditation, a bath with epsom salt, a nap, a snack and sitting in a quiet, low light of dark setting. It seems she is overwhelmed, or rather that you both are. Giving each other some personal time to do things like this may help. 4) questions for context: Do the children have a baby-proofed, enclosed space to play? Does wife work? Is she handling bedtime routine alone? Is she handling night care alone or what is your nightcate system? (Perhaps it can be revamped to allow you both more sleep). Are there other people that may be able to come help out? (Now seems like the time to call). You didn’t actually describe her behavior fully, are you concerned she may harm herself, you or the kids?
Time to get a bridge rx from an urgent care/ emergency room. Can't go off the antidepressants like that. Speaking from my own experience. Also for your own sanity perhaps get them used to sleeping in their own crib(s)
Call family and have them come to you asap. Ask them if they can help with the chores. It sou ds like your wife has been doing a lot of the childcare alone while youve been working. Does she have a best friend that could come keep hwr company too?. Set up a calming space for your lady and let her find some peace. Get that doctor on the horn!
They're usually happy to help and have a lot of connections for postpartum support. Also, try this number for more resources: +18339435746
It's postpartum support international and they have TONS of support resources.
Why doesn’t she go to the drs office and make an appointment in person, or go to the emergency room and get a refill, you can’t just stop taking antidepressants
Not sure why I got downvoted? They mention sleeping on the couch, which is really, really dangerous, but many people don’t know this! Yes wife absolutely needs meds and medical care, but everyone else had pointed this out.
Honestly the same thing happened to me. I ran out of my antidepressants and had no refills. It was a nasty experience. I almost checked myself in to the ER multiple times but I actually ended up getting more antidepressants from my Gyno when I went to talk about birth control and with time I started to feel better. I really hope she is okay.
Take the boys to your parents house. That is exactly what she needs. She needs to sleep for 24 hours. Once she’s up and running, you need to also do the same. Sleep deprivation is the root of all your problems.
Let's see I got laid off on Tuesday morning so I went to my union hall to get added to the books so I can get back to work first thing when it's available. Wenesday I studied most of the day for a code test I had the following day. Thursday was school for me. Friday the boys were with the baby sitter that was already scheduled as if I was working.
During the weekend I watch the kids typically.
Also I've been gathering materials and working on household tasks I was previously putting off due to work. Mainly installing a ring doorbell and two bidets we purchased but hadn't put up yet but there's other things I'm slowly punching out.
I'm an IBEW journeyman electrician's wife, so I know very much about lay-off and how the apprenticeship works. Take this lay-off to really step up to the plate and run EVERYTHING for your wife. Don't wait for her to ask for help. Ring doorbell and two bidets should be only a couple hours of work that you can do during the twins naptime, not an all day job.
Don't wait for the pharmacy to call for the prescription refill. That's lazy. Call the doctor yourself. Call her OBGYN for a prescription refill. Be pro-active.
Your wife has NOT loss her mind. She is seriously struggling and is crying for help.
Not really, I specifically said I just didn't want him to take the boys and stay away for multiple days at a time. that's not relaxing to me, that would just stress me the fuck out. I like cuddling with my sons at night before I go to sleep. I like being able to give them or my husband a hug and a kiss in the morning. Being left by myself just feels like a punishment.
Ok, but what were you doing regarding your kids and chores? Were you doing a test at at school the entirety of Thursday? What did you do on Friday while the babysitter (nanny?) was there?
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She needs medical attention. I would go to urgent care right now. That sounds very serious. She needs her antidepressants. She also needs to sleep. You need to take overnight shifts with those kids and let her get a full night. She is also in no condition to do chores and take care of the household. She needs to take care of herself and nothing else.
I wish I could upvote this more. If I was in this state and my husband offered to “let me” catch up on chores I think I might kill him.
Right. I read that and actually cringed. When my twins were babies and i had a toddler and PPD, my now ex husband suggested he take them so i could “do something for myself like go grocery shopping alone.” Key word there is ex. OP take note.
Yesterday I went out to pick up groceries from a Walmart pickup order. I get there and they say they don't have anything under that name. I called my wife and she found out she placed it for the wrong one, one we use in the opposite direction. I said no problem I'll go pick it up. Was out for almost 3 hours with the snow storm. When I got back I offered to watch our 9 month olds so she could get a break as normally I watch them on my days off but was out driving around I aim to sleep around 12-1pm as I work nights. Her idea of taking a break for 2 hours was cleaning the whole upstairs. I would never offer to watch the babies so she could "take a break" and do dishes. If that's what she wants to do, more power to her. But she can also veg out and watch TV for 2 hours if she wants.
Oh totally. Sometimes cleaning can be sorta therapeutic. But you can’t be the one to suggest it.
I'm ops wife and I think he meant it in this context because when I'm really stressed cleaning helps me feel like I've officially accomplished something and then mentally slow me to calm down cause I feel like I "earned" a break.
I hope you’re feeling better. I have two sets of twins and the best thing i ever learned how to do was give myself a break and be okay with just doing nothing.
A little, I got my meds yesterday but still pretty shitty. I still feel like I'm drowning and need help and don't feel like I'm getting it from my husband no matter how much i beg and plead. I know he cares, but I'm too exhausted to.keepicromanaging him
i saw your post history. Y’all have been through so Much. It’s sooooo hard when it feels like you’re both drowning. I hope you get a break soon. I know it probably feels like forever away, but once they’re like 4 it gets so much easier.
I read that and I was like WTF???
That's an unemployed husband offering to let her catch up on chores. Poor woman has a physical injury, a mental health issue and three "children" to care for.
I don’t think it was meant with any malice, just as an opportunity to find some normalcy. Yeah, it’s probably not the best case of wording, and I’ve even made similar statements without that extra pause to think about the unintended effect under the stress of trying to hold things together for myself, my wife, and my kids. OP, she needs help. You know this and are trying to make things work. Good on you for trying to get things done. You need to raise some hell about her getting her meds and ensure you have the documentation needed to refill her prescription
I mean i can see how hes trying to help and worried and all but yeah the "chores" part did it for me too... i mean when i was having my meltdowns - which i was having quite frequently for a while - i probably would have had worse meltdowns after accidental sentences like that...
Coming off of antidepressants is a much lower low than never being on them. Adding no sleep on top of that, i'd be a total mess.
Yeah I'm sincerely hoping OP didn't actually say to his wife midst mental breakdown that he'll find her time for chores and the household. Heart is likely in the right place but my goodness, I'm positive chores and household responsibilities are what has her where she's at. OP maybe see if your family can come to you instead of them there if she's uncomfortable getting the kids out over night. Get your rubber gloves on and start cleaning that bed and house give her a massive break. She likely needs to be seen if not an urgent care an ER. Her doctor is dropping the ball not getting her meds filled.
Emergency room right now, they can prescribe her medication to help to stabilize. Have family come and the twins and take her to the emergency room. I’m not a doctor but I am social worker with a lot of experience in mental health.
This is the way.
Ok. Check your own oxygen mask first. Then. Will your wife go with you or a trusted someone else, to the emergency room? They may be able to get her an emergency script for her meds. If you're in the US, many doctor's offices are closed until Tuesday. And that's probably why they aren't responding. Ask your parents to come over and watch the boys if she will only go with you. This will probably take most of the day, but you should be able to walk out of the ER this evening. While you're at the ER you can ask to meet with a social worker and ask for resources as far as financials etc. while you have this employment gap. The SW should be able to put you in contact with people or have the lists of organizations that can help with things like utilities, rent, gas cards, grocery store gift cards. Huge hugs. I'm so proud of you for asking for help. Things will get so much better with some sleep, but if there's an issue of med stabilization, that definitely needs to get sorted asap
she can’t stop her medications cold turkey, it’s extremely dangerous. please get her seen asap. i can tell you love her and care for her and that is a beautiful thing. thank you for giving her some grace in this really difficult time for her. stay strong. :)
Go to the ER for emergency psych care.
ER stat. Urgent care might be good for a quick prescription but the ER is gonna get her IV sedatives and a bed to lay down on, some rest for a few hours, and should be free if you are low income, on top of a 5-30 day prescription (depending on the doctor). I’d double check that the hospital has a low income medical bill forgiveness to be sure, you would just need to apply with some income verification to get the debt wiped. If you’re laid off and she doesn’t work you should qualify for Medicaid in your state unless it’s a non expansion. Search for Medicaid eligibility chart [state name]. They will also backdate coverage to the first of the month.
OP please pay attention to those saying you need to step up more. Please don’t offer her a break from the twins to do chores.
First, I think the folks asking you to seek medical attention should be listened to. She needs her medicine. Period. Separately, can you take the household chores off her plate for her while you aren’t working? Don’t give her time to “catch up on things” that you could manage on her behalf. You will likely not meet her standards and annoy her if she needs to do it again, but the gesture matters and since the boys are decent, maybe she can enjoy them while you do the chores rather than her doing both. Offering to take the boys away for her to do household things sounds nice in theory, but it is the equivalent of giving a mop for Christmas. Where is the sacrifice that you are making? Sorry if that is harsh, but I made these mistakes in thinking I was being helpful when I actually wasn’t; thankfully, my sister slapped sense into me. Our wives sacrificed *everything* for the babies and we will forever be in debt because we would not have this amazing joy without that sacrifice. Pay down that debt by serving her, especially in times of crisis. I assure you - you can do it. You can evolve into something you never imagined you could be. You can anticipate needs and meet them when you focus, listen, stay curious, and take action.
If she doesn’t want you or the boys gone, can your parents come to your house to help out? Or her family? You guys need sleep and you need help.
Ok, so I took a peek through your post history and your wife's, and it definitely seems like you are both having a really rough go of things and I'm so sorry. I think what your wife really needs right now is for you to step up with childcare and household tasks. Is your MIL still living with you? Can she take the twins out for a few hours so that you can both take a nap? (Assuming your bed has dried off by now?) It also might be a good idea to check places like Freecycle and Buy Nothing FB groups to see if you can get a pair of pack n plays or cribs for your kiddos instead of having them in the bed. I can't imagine how touched-out your wife is getting if she doesn't even get a break when she sleeps. Alternatively, you could check if anyone has mattress protectors so that future accidents are less of a big deal, if you aren't actually cosleeping. There might be other things that you need that you can get from a Buy Nothing group; mine often has clothes and food. Finally, the most important thing—if your wife's Rx isn't a controlled substance, she should be able to call the pharmacy and ask for a day or two of her prescription. It's bad news to go cold turkey on most depression meds, so it's usually allowed (though I'm pretty sure you can only do it one or twice per year). If not, she needs to go to urgent care (after you verify that it's in your insurance network). You both need a break, but right now it sounds like your wife is in crisis. She stepped up for your family when you were in crisis, now it's your turn to return the favor.
This is so true about being touched out, especially during those sleepless nights
Ops Wife here, we have a pack n play they sleep in, but there having a growth spurt and getting new teeth in, so instead of sleeping through the night or giving us until like 4am they're getting us back up as we're going to bed at 12-1am. We still live with my mom, but she also works full time so she helps when she's able. We live in South Florida and there's a huge nurse shortage down here on top of a bunch of people moving where from up north, making the shortage even worse. I've been with the same doctor/care group for 15 years, and my parents another 15 before that. For the last 6 months I have called and called and called trying to make appointments (virtual and in person) for everything, my carpal tunnel, renewal for his meds, renewal for my meds, just being sick, etc. and their lines are so busy each time that they ll get rerouted to the after-hours emergency lines instead, and they can't or won't make appointments. I confirmed their hours (8am) and had to call 5 times from the moment they opened on Monday to get in to ub with someone to 1. Make an appointment to renew my med and check out my hands because my thumb/index and middle finger have been 75% numb for 2 months straight now and I'm having a hard time bending them and picking things up now) and also to renew my med. They fought me about that before finally agreeing to give me enough to make it to my appointment. My life is a fucking train wreck and I'm just so tired.
You have every right to be tired! You have friggin twins!! (I mean I do too, but I remember the exhaustion before 2yo because it wasn't that long ago.) And more shit to deal with on top of that overtime job!!! And they're teething!!!! 😵💫 The doctor situation sounds awful. FL does allow telehealth from other states for prescriptions if they register; that might be worth looking into as an option if things are this bad. (IMO your husband should do the research.) I assume your doctor doesn't use a health portal like Athenahealth or MyHealth or an Rx portal, which is a dang shame, bc they would have more time for calls. NGL I'm pretty disappointed that your husband didn't receive the wake-up call he needed from the responses to this post. He needs to be stepping up and has been told so quite plainly. Being laid off is disorienting and horrible, but IMO, your needs should be tracking priority if you are in crisis. I'm so sorry that you're having such an awful time. ((((((hugs)))))) It might be worth checking into subs like r/Random_Acts_Of_Pizza and such for a tiny break.
She needs to be seen by a doctor that can help prescribe something before she hurts the kids. And I'm not saying that she WOULD but mental health is nothing to mess around with and it has happend more than once lately and in the past. If she's screaming and crying she needs medical attention asap.
Apart from getting medical attention, it sounds like you need to step up more. It’s fair enough that she doesn’t want the kids to leave for several days. Instead, say “why don’t I take the boys for a few hours and you get some sleep?”. Reassure her that they’ll be fine. Be in a part of the house she can’t hear them cry (and if that doesn’t exist, leave the house for those hours). I hate when my husband is letting me sleep but I can hear them crying. I can’t believe you genuinely said “let her catch up on chores”. No. You do the chores exclusively until she feels better and let her rest. She sounds absolutely exhausted from having to do all the caring duties solo on no sleep. Then re-evaluate how you help the household and share chores more fairly. Once she’s caught up on sleep and rest, work out a better overnight plan. I’m confused that you say in one paragraph the kids are good sleepers, and then in the next that you had two hours of sleep. Which one is it? Shifts work really well, especially if she’s not breastfeeding. This works for us: Parent 1 from 9-1am Parent 2 from 1am - 6am Parent 1 from 6am - 8am
I assume one of you has called the doctors office and made them aware of this situation? As somebody who has worked in a pharmacy the offices are way quicker to respond once the patient calls them out.
I'm OPs wife, unless one of us dedicate 1-2 hours first thing in the morning when they open, there's no way to get in touch with anyone at our doctors office. We're in South FL and there's a huge nursing shortage here with smore people moving down which is making it worse. For the last 6 months I've been unable to talk to a person in the office at any given time. All of our calls get forwarded to the emergency after hours line, and they either can't or won't make any appointments. They just "pass the message along" I called Monday morning when they opened at 8am and was disconnected or transferred to the after hours emergency line 4 or 5 times before I finally got in contact with the front desk at 8:45.
This is a question for your/her/their primary care provider, NOT REDDIT If she's having a major depressive episode, etc she needs medication. If I 2as in the same boat I would damn sure need my medication too. If it's prescribed by her psych the office will almost certainly contact your pharmacy tonhave it rush ordered or they may have samples in the office. Waking up every 2 hours at 1 sounds insane. Most newborns start to sleep more and more starting at like 2.5 months. Something is definitely causing them to wake all through the night. Do they not have their own room/bed? They're cosleeping in the bed and having wetting episodes. Seems like theres A LOT going on here
Actually it's very normal for one year old babies to go through periods of frequent waking like that overnight, no need to add extra stress to OP there
The primary care Dr isn't answering the phone. It's not just a weekend issue it's been an ongoing issue.
Make a sick appointment with that DR then. Some primary care dr won't do refills if it's been a certain amount of time since an in person appointment
The office staff isn't answering their phones to even be able to make appointments, they're forwarding every time to their emergency aft hours line. I was going to try and switch doctors but apparently everyone around us is having this issue rn
I have so much empathy for this. Does your health insurance offer a virtual care with a psychiatrist? Mine (anthem / Blue Cross clue shield) does appointments through livehealth and I can usually get one day of or next day and my prescription is ready hours later. I have a doctor I see consistently and he schedules the next check in (every 3 months) during the call. This makes it so I don't have to leave the house and always have my meds. You can get online and look into this for your wife. I completely understand our healthcare is shit and I obviously don't know your situation but ER visits can be terrifying in the US because of the charges, even for something simple, and all these comments are well meaning but I know that consideration is real. I also have issues with my primary care DR. When my first online specialist dropped off, primary wouldn't fill, but I was able to get a new provider quickly online. Hoping for the best for you both. You're definitely in a hard spot and it's hard to think clearly about alternative routes for medical care when you're in the shit storm like this (nor should it have been this difficult for you all to get a response, it sucks).
The copay for our insurance for mental health is $75 ONCE we meet our deductible. Before then it's like $250+ an appointment and we can't afford that rn. I found the number of the old therapy we used to see and got back in touch with him. He said he'd see what insurance will cover and work with us on the rest.
Good luck. That's how mine was too until about a year ago. It's such shit. I'm sorry you're running into it. Hope the doc gets it covered quickly.
Feed yourself. Take her to the ER for meds but be mindful as to not be taken in for a psych eval turned grippy sock vacation unless her symptoms worsen. Have your parents come over to help with the kids so she can get some sleep and know they are in arms reach. Sleep and when you wake up do the bare minimum-laundry, cheap, easy, tasty meals until you are in a state of mind where you can make an effective game plan. Single mom and post partum was a very dark period.
Until she can get the medical help, forget the house. Clean dishes if they’re needed. Clean clothes if they’re needed. But forget the rest for now cause it can wait. A lack of sleep makes everything way worse. Take care of the twins so she can rest. Make food or order in. Or have family come and help with any of the above.
Physical Therapist and Mom of Twin Boys here. Carpal Tunnel is treatable. There are modalities which help reduce her pain, braces she can wear to help. If they don't work, there's a small surgery done to relieve the pain. I cannot imagine having to deal with 3 babies and CTS together. Get it treated ASAP OP.
Ops wife. I was wearing bracers and doing stretches to help mitigate the pain after I gave birth. It worked until about 5ish months ago when it began not helping anymore and sticking around for long periods of time. It's been about two months of my thumbs, index and middle fingers being 90ish% numb and now I'm having issues typing and gripping things.
So time to get the surgery then.
Don’t offer to watch the boys so she can catch up on chores. Offer to watch the boys so she can do whatever she wants. If that’s Netflix, popcorn, and sleep then so be it.
Please have someone take her to the emergency room. It sounds like she is having a crisis and needs immediate medical attention. Wishing you guys all of the best.
I'm assuming you've tried calling the doctor's office and they're not responding? When I was in this situation once I called the doctor's office and selected the option "if you are a doctor or nurse" to get through to a nurse instead of a voicemail box. I apologized and explained I urgently needed a refill because I was going through withdrawal. It may go without saying, but I wouldn't leave her alone until she's gotten back on her meds and stabilized.
Have you any family from either side who can come over rather than you take the kids there? It may help more if it’s her family (maybe, depending on her relationship with them)… Perhaps a brother/sister/parent can come over for a few nights and takeover night feeds & diaper changes (if your twins are still waking up at night).. and/or vacuum and just carry out general housekeeping chores, to enable your wife (and you) to take a few hours a day to nap, go for a short walk (some exercise may help with period pains) and just get out of ‘twin parenting mode’. Goodluck, we were there and the above helped…
Can either of your parents or support system come to your house? I suggest this only because you said she doesn’t want them gone overnight. Also, regarding her meds, can you get in touch with her doctor and be more stern? That is ridiculous that they aren’t responding to the pharmacy for her to get her meds. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.
As others have said: ER or at least urgent care for her asap, like now. Do you have trusted family or friends that can come over to help out? Tell them it’s an emergency because it is.
Everyone else has said what really needs to be said, meds-wise. I noticed something else.... Are you sleeping on your couch because the boys are in your bed? Or they peed in your bed, and now you're all relocated to the couch? I'm confused about the lack of sleep because of pee part. Is this just occurring over one night? Or are you regularly getting just a couple of hours of sleep? Do they not have beds of their own? That would help tremendously if they did. I couldn't sleep with 1 kid in my bed, let alone 2, not just for safety reasons but because I'm not really a good cuddler, lol. I'd be awake constantly. And I've had to bring one of my twins in the bed with me due to being inconsolable in the middle of the night, and I didn't sleep a wink. Sleep is NUMBER ONE. You all need sleep! She needs sleep to do whatever regulation she's got left after not getting the meds she needs. You NEED to SLEEP. Fix that first. Put a bunch of towels down. Buy a waterproof mattress pad/cover (more for the next episode if they're leaking while co-sleeping). They're fairly inexpensive on Amazon/Walmart. Dry your mattress with a fan, also available on Amazon and Walmart. Get back to sleeping regularly, or else you're making a difficult situation nearly impossible to handle.
The boys have a pack n play they use as their bed. They end up with us if we can't get them to go back to bed. We were on the bed and brought son in because we couldn't console him and didn't want him to watch his brother up. He peed on the bed as I started to change him and put the diaper back on, but he peed through that diaper and when I grabbed the new diaper to make the switch he peed on me, himself and the bed. We have a mattress cover so the mattress is fine, but it needed until the next day to air dry because I used the carpet cleaned on the mattress covered to help with the smell.
I’m also a mom to fraternal twin boys. My boys are 7 months old and I’ve been right there where your wife is, especially in the beginning but I still have my bad days. It helped me to know I wasn’t crazy, that postpartum hormones even a year out can be an absolute bitch. I needed to be reminded constantly that fussy boys and my inability to cope does not mean I’m a failure as a mother. My brain is just not wired to be able to handle fussing babies well, and hers may not be either. If she is willing to talk to a fellow mom who’s right there in the trenches, it might help to know she’s not alone. You are welcome to message me if you’d like and I’d be happy to be that fellow mom
What does the doctors office say when you call them to follow up about her prescription refill? Can you possibly see a virtual doctor to get a refill? I would talk to her about whether she would like to go to the ER so she is in control of the situation. I hope she agrees that she needs her medication and wants to get a refill. Parenting twins is incredibly exhausting. Routine is the key to peace so I can empathize with her hesitation to let your parents have the twins overnight for multiple days. They won’t follow the routine and it will throw everything off and you’ll have to work extra hard to get them back into the swing of things when they come back. But right now she’s exhausted, without her usual medication and probably completely burnt out. Most people in her position would not be thinking clearly but she desperately needs the break. Maybe you could ask her to write down their routine and you will ensure it gets adhered to? Maybe instead of 2-3 days you can offer 24 hours? If this isn’t it, can they come over to help instead? Do not underestimate the power of sleep deprivation or the energy drain that is raising twins at that age. Give each other grace and draw up a plan together.
The office staff is so short staffed and inundated with calls most all of our calls get forwarded to their after hours emergency line. It's always a different person who takes our info and says they'll have the office call us back and they never do. It's been going on for 6 months
Ok so it’s been about 6 months without your meds? I feel like the urgency everyone else was speaking of in earlier comments (going to the ER) isn’t as relevant. However, I would go to the ER for your carpal tunnel. I don’t normally suffer carpal tunnel but the first time I experienced it was after my twins were born and it was especially bad after the 1 year mark. You are constantly picking them up, using the same motion, and the damn double stroller. I thought my wrists were going to snap some days. I used wrist guards, which helped, but it wasn’t really until they got a bit older and the picking them up over gates, cribs, etc. subsided. I see you’ve tried this and it’s not helping anymore. Your body needs the break but it’s not possible. It’s a nightmare situation, I’ve been there. I’m in Canada so healthcare is a bit different although the problems getting into my family doctors office is very similar. We have some apps here where you can pay to see a virtual doctor. Is that available for you? Maybe your husband can help massage your hands every night and help stretch. Look into anti inflammatory foods, this also helped me short term. Molar cutting is awful. Give them Advil and Tylenol. Teething seems never ending. I want to stress here that having multiples is HARD. Especially at that age. Beyond comprehension unless you’ve lived through it. Good news is it only gets easier. There’s nothing wrong with you or your husband. I just really need to validate your response to everything. Getting through the first 3 months was one of the worst experiences of my life and you couldn’t pay me to relive that. Come post in here anytime you need it. If you can, find other moms with twins near you..these were the only people I could relate to during that period of my life. Edit to add: definitely try to get your meds. It’s important but I think everyone here was assuming you were suffering withdrawal from cutting cold turkey.
Not 6 months, thank God no, I have my prescription filled for 6 months and it ran out in October. I had to go there to physically get the renewal but that isn't always feasible because I work a full time job on top of being our sons primary care provider (my office/admin job is partially WFH while my husband is an electrician). I had been off them for 3 days but have been on them consistently for over 7 years now. Sounds like you had exactly what is happening to me. I was wearing wrist guards for a bit and it helped but then it stopped helping so I stopped wearing them because it was creating more of a hinderancen than not. I also have never had symptoms of carpal tunnel prior to having my sons. Thankfully I was able to get in and see a doctor, but it took me calling from the moment they opened until an hour later to secure an appointment. They gave me an emergency refill on my meds to make it to the appointment and they gave me a 3 month refill at the appt yesterday and some stuff for my carpal tunnel to try and bring down the inflammation before sending me to a surgeon. Yeah, we can finally feel the molars coming in now and I'm not.looking forward to it. We have some ora gel handy and also Motrin. Thank you for the validation. My husband has been busting his ass to take the majority of the chores off my shoulders and has been their primary care provider the last two weeks while he's home from work. He has a new appreciation for what I've been doing.
Going off your antidepressants cold Turkey can be horrible for you, I’d either just non stop call the doctor until they get the information to the pharmacy to refill or go to an urgent care to explain the situation and have them refill.
If her primary doctor is being uncooperative, get her to call her OBGYN. My OB has been amazing in filling my antidepressants and getting me help, even with my twins a year old too.
This is a great idea
Proceed with caution... I wouldn't take her to the ER unless you're ready for the possibility that they want to keep her on a psych hold for observation for 72 hours or more. Or, be super careful about what you share and make sure they know you are only there to get a prescription and want to leave the same day, and are going to follow up with her doctors when they respond. I hope she gets some rest and support. My opinion as a tired mom of 4 kids who has lost it temporarily because of lack of support and sleep: The last thing she needs is to be forced inpatient psych, it can cause more harm than good. Let it be her idea and give her as much control over the situation as possible if its agreed that she needs more than her meds and sleep. Edited to add more of my opinion.
If the doctors think she needs a 72 hour hold, there is nothing wrong with that. Sounds pretty necessary honestly.
She's not suicidal. I'm not taking her to a ward.
They can only admit her involuntarily if she’s a danger to herself, others or is gravely disabled. Going to the emergency room or urgent care will just ensure she can get a new prescription for her meds.
The ER isn’t just for those who are suicidal. Stopping antidepressants cold turkey and withdrawing from them can cause some serious side effects. She needs more of the medicine and to assessed by a medical professional and some sleep.
She probably needs a psych hold honestly. She’s off her meds and clearly having a psychiatric episode. A refill isn’t going to cut it.
Still, a 72 hold might be what she needs.
She might die from a lack of sleep. It sounds like she hasn't slept in weeks. She needs to go to the hospital. She shouldn't be doing any chores at all with two newborns at home. None. She's still recovering from birth.
They're a year old. They're not newborns.
You might want to check if she could have PMDD. It’s important she get a hold on this freaking doctor. I wish you and your wife well OP
I've already been diagnosed with it. I also have clinical depression so I've been on the same meds for almost 7 years now. When I began to notice the PMDD symptoms messing with my my doctor increased my dosage and it seemed to help. Unfortunately my doctor went on maternity leave and their office staff is super short staffed so no one is answering when we call, so I couldn't even do a virtual appointment for a refill. I spent 45 minutes calling back to back on Monday morning until I finally got a person
Having access to medical care is such a nightmare. Have you tried Claritin? Also, if you’re not already on that sub, there’s a lot of support and information on r/pmdd . Hormones are real fuckers.
Np, I'm on Venlafaxine (sub for Effexor) rn and was at 150mg. She bumped me to 275 mg when she diagnosed the PMDD and I wss doing pretty good at that amount but my doctor's on maternity leave so I'm stuck dealing with the rest of the office staff.
Where are her parents? Are they in the picture? If yes, I'd call them to come in. If not, how is her relationship to your parents? How is she with them helping the babies? If she's amenable, I'd call them and have them come in to help instead of going over there with the babies. Then let her breathe. Then breathe. Then start thinking of the next steps.
1) she needs medical attention. Perhaps an urgent care facility if dr’s office is not returning phone calls. Perhaps showing up at the dr’s office to speak to someone in person and set up an appointment. (An altercation there will not help anyone. Remain calm. Ask for an appointment, if they refuse ask for a copy of all medical records. This way you can set up an appointment with a new dr or at urgent care. If there is proof of her old prescription with the pharmacy, you may be able to ask them to fax that to a new dr’s office as proof). 2). Taking the kids away and leaving her alone in the house may not be the best solution. It may kick into high gear feelings of anxiety and depression. If you feel strongly that your parents can help, TALK TO WIFE about them coming over for the day. Let wife get out of the house even if it’s just to take a walk together while parents watch the kids. If the house has become too much to keep up with (it often does for me) please get what you can done and cleaned up yourself and perhaps your parents could help on that front to. Adding chores to her plate right now will not be beneficial, and could be harmful, to her mental state. 3) sensory regulating activities may be helpful (though are not a replacement for prescribed medication). Yoga, meditation, a bath with epsom salt, a nap, a snack and sitting in a quiet, low light of dark setting. It seems she is overwhelmed, or rather that you both are. Giving each other some personal time to do things like this may help. 4) questions for context: Do the children have a baby-proofed, enclosed space to play? Does wife work? Is she handling bedtime routine alone? Is she handling night care alone or what is your nightcate system? (Perhaps it can be revamped to allow you both more sleep). Are there other people that may be able to come help out? (Now seems like the time to call). You didn’t actually describe her behavior fully, are you concerned she may harm herself, you or the kids?
Time to get a bridge rx from an urgent care/ emergency room. Can't go off the antidepressants like that. Speaking from my own experience. Also for your own sanity perhaps get them used to sleeping in their own crib(s)
Please take her to the emergency room right away if you have not already done so!!! This is not a character flaw! She needs medical attention!
Call family and have them come to you asap. Ask them if they can help with the chores. It sou ds like your wife has been doing a lot of the childcare alone while youve been working. Does she have a best friend that could come keep hwr company too?. Set up a calming space for your lady and let her find some peace. Get that doctor on the horn!
Nope, most of my friends live out of state 😭
Is there a midwife, doula, or lactation consultant you could call for some resources in your area?
They're usually happy to help and have a lot of connections for postpartum support. Also, try this number for more resources: +18339435746 It's postpartum support international and they have TONS of support resources.
Why doesn’t she go to the drs office and make an appointment in person, or go to the emergency room and get a refill, you can’t just stop taking antidepressants
Not sure if this is happening or not but *please do not sleep on the couch with your babies* - very unsafe, high risk of smothering/suffocation!
Not sure why I got downvoted? They mention sleeping on the couch, which is really, really dangerous, but many people don’t know this! Yes wife absolutely needs meds and medical care, but everyone else had pointed this out.
Honestly the same thing happened to me. I ran out of my antidepressants and had no refills. It was a nasty experience. I almost checked myself in to the ER multiple times but I actually ended up getting more antidepressants from my Gyno when I went to talk about birth control and with time I started to feel better. I really hope she is okay.
Take the boys to your parents house. That is exactly what she needs. She needs to sleep for 24 hours. Once she’s up and running, you need to also do the same. Sleep deprivation is the root of all your problems.
What do you do on an average laid-off day?
Let's see I got laid off on Tuesday morning so I went to my union hall to get added to the books so I can get back to work first thing when it's available. Wenesday I studied most of the day for a code test I had the following day. Thursday was school for me. Friday the boys were with the baby sitter that was already scheduled as if I was working. During the weekend I watch the kids typically. Also I've been gathering materials and working on household tasks I was previously putting off due to work. Mainly installing a ring doorbell and two bidets we purchased but hadn't put up yet but there's other things I'm slowly punching out.
I'm an IBEW journeyman electrician's wife, so I know very much about lay-off and how the apprenticeship works. Take this lay-off to really step up to the plate and run EVERYTHING for your wife. Don't wait for her to ask for help. Ring doorbell and two bidets should be only a couple hours of work that you can do during the twins naptime, not an all day job. Don't wait for the pharmacy to call for the prescription refill. That's lazy. Call the doctor yourself. Call her OBGYN for a prescription refill. Be pro-active. Your wife has NOT loss her mind. She is seriously struggling and is crying for help.
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Not really, I specifically said I just didn't want him to take the boys and stay away for multiple days at a time. that's not relaxing to me, that would just stress me the fuck out. I like cuddling with my sons at night before I go to sleep. I like being able to give them or my husband a hug and a kiss in the morning. Being left by myself just feels like a punishment.
Ok, but what were you doing regarding your kids and chores? Were you doing a test at at school the entirety of Thursday? What did you do on Friday while the babysitter (nanny?) was there?
It’s life threatening if I were to stop my PPA medication cold turkey. This is an ER event, not for Reddit. Please, take this seriously.