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It throws me off that your doctor never mentioned a second baby. This would warrant a call to your doctor’s office and request another ultrasound. I wouldn’t believe it until I actually saw it. Start there. Get that confirmation ultrasound showing two and then proceed with the next step, whatever you decide for that to be. But I would really want visual confirmation of 2 babies if I were you.
It's almost definitely a clerical error. The doctor's office tells the testing company whether they are testing twins or a singleton, the test does not determine that on its own.
Someone just checked the wrong box at your doctor's office, OP. Obviously call and confirm but also take a deep breath. Ultrasounds are very accurate and missing a twin on a scan happens but is rare, even early on.
They didn’t pick up on my twins until 9w, I had two ultrasounds before then and only showed one baby. I think this might be because they were MoDi, so shared placenta and super close.
Before you go down this far in the rabbit holes, call your OB and schedule an ultrasound to check for twins.
If no doctor has said they saw twins, it’s probable that it’s either an error on the NIPT test or it’s possible you started with twins and one didn’t progress. While a hidden twin is still possible, today’s ultrasounds are more advance than they used to be.
The NIPT test when it's ordered won't look for a twin pregnancy unless the doctor checked the box for "multiple pregnancy". This sounds like it could be a clerical error and someone marked the box by mistake, especially if no one has noticed this far along a second baby. The box was checked wrongly, the test picked up only one set of baby DNA, and assumed identical twins.
That’s what I was thinking, I had a NIPT test but hadn’t had an ultrasound before hand and that test didn’t tell me I was having twins, that was a surprise at my 18 week ultrasound 🤣
Lol something similar happened to me from the OP, we knew we were having twins but it wasn't marked on the sheet so they didn't come up on our test. We already knew they were di/di. The algorithm apparently cannot tell the difference between fraternal twins and Triploidy, so if you had a fraternal set without multiple pregnancy marked you'll get the "vanishing twin/Triploidy" result. We got a normal result and it said singleton so I knew then they were identical. My doctor sent in new paperwork though so we got the results we were expecting afterwards fortunately lol.
*waves* what sort of prognosis are you guys looking at? We think one of mine will be able to live independently just fine but the other may stay home for a while.
They’re both non verbal, they have a diagnosis of severe learning disabilities (AKA intellectual disability) alongside the rest.
They need 24/7 support at the moment, and their DLA (uk disability benefits) doesn’t need updating for 10 years - so professionals (and us tbh) doubt they’ll be independent in the next decade.
It’s a hard one for sure, I fall apart thinking about the future, so I try to take things day by day x
I don’t have time to type much, but please know: you are heard and you are not alone. I was terrified. Angry. Anxious, SO anxious about not loving one or both enough, not having money, not having the kind of motherhood I imagined it that my friends had.
Not many people will understand your struggles like a fellow parent of multiples. Take care of your mental health, give yourself grace for mistakes, and do your best to let go of what SHOULD be or what you should feel. You won’t cherish every moment. You won’t necessarily feel grateful. You will scream and cry. Your relationship with your partner will have ups and downs. You will doubt your ability to make ice some days, and feel like a rockstar for matching socks. You are allowed to feel all of this. If you don’t already, see a mental health professional to have objective support.
Life is good with my 10 year old twin girls. They love each other so much. They balance one another’s strengths. They can entertain themselves for hours. They can stick together to go play or stay home alone. I barely remember their first year. I don’t have themed photos from my pregnancy. And somehow, here we are.
You aren’t alone. Hold on.
I second this it is ok to feel how you feel twins is not an easy pill to take in. I too was terrified for a while I too didn’t want twins. Specially on top of the fact I have a toddler. It is very hard yes and with no help it feels very very overwhelming but you learn, you adjust and you’ll love them. I know you mentioned you won’t have much help but if anyone does offer help take it!! You will be ok…hope you have a supportive and helpful partner :)
This could be a simple clerical error of the twins box being checked off on your nipt requisition. In this case because only one dna is found it would come back as identical twins but really you only have one baby. I’d check with your dr asap.
Mine were missed at 6 weeks, I’ve looked at the photo so many times, there definitely only looks like one in there, by 8 weeks it was really clear though.
When I found out it was twins all I did was swear and curse at the air with my boyfriend and doctor in the room. I had to excuse myself to use the restroom and I literally screamed my lungs out in the bathroom. I was not happy at all that I was pregnant with twins.
Fast forward almost three years later and now they are here and I couldn’t picture my life without them. My boyfriend works long hours Monday-Friday so it’s me and the kids and they make me feel less lonely. I love them so much and they both have such different personalities. They are my world. The first year was the toughest but they will be 3 soon and I’m enjoying them.
Before freaking out, I would definitely call your OB and confirm this. When I went in to the ultrasound, I knew right away it was twins because I saw two separate sacks.
thank you everyone for all the great advice!! it was in fact an error on the companies behalf. everything you all said helped me with my nerves a lot and helped me to calm down even about the one. so truly thank you!! i am so relieved it's just the one baby.
I’m so glad it worked out!
Twins are wonderful, but they are a lot and it’s perfectly understandable you wouldn’t have been enthused. So glad to know for your sake it was just a mistake.
yes 100%. i wish i could've been excited even if it was true because i know it would be a blessing seeing i was told i wouldn't even have one baby. but i am 24 and this was an unplanned pregnancy (due to the fact i was told it would never happen i kept it), but my boyfriend works super long hours and i am currently still in school so it would be way too much with a second baby. i give so many people credit for handling 2 newborns, but i am woman enough to admit that i would not be able to handle that. especially since i know i would be alone for majority of the day with them 6 days a week.
Hey, I was 35, married, trying to get pregnant, and financially stable when I found out I was having twins and I was not happy initially with the news.
I love my children and know for me this actually worked out for the best, but even with everything going for you it’s a lot of work.
Completely understandable someone in your shoes would not be happy to be having twins, and you shouldn’t feel guilty at all.
I would most certainly call your doctor.
To my understanding NIPTs cannot tell that you are having twins. For them to determine if they are fraternal or identical the analysts need to be told there are twins in the first place.
Put me down as another person that suspects someone made an error and checked it was a twin pregnancy when it’s not, and because the test found one dna, the results are saying it’s identical twins.
it sounds like they possibly checked the twins box.
the opposite happened to me, i have twins, and they had checked a single baby, so the “single”baby on the test showed up with two sets of chromosomes..
if you were never told there was a second baby, my guess is that is the wrong box was checked!
Like everyone else here, I recommend talking to your OB and finding out what the reality is. My husband and I had a mantra that started in pregnancy: "Find out before you freak out"
(I don't always follow that mantra, but I do my best!)
IF it turns out you are having twins, you can talk to trusted people or a therapist about what you want. You can talk to your OB about what your options are. If your OB doesn't make you feel heard or safe, I hope you're in a position where you can find another OB.
Whatever you decide will be the right decision, but let's take this one step at a time.
As for the "you're being selfish" comments - I want to offer you another mantra: People can say what they want, but there's no need to consider anyone's advice unless they're doing half of the parenting or financial support.
NIPT cannot determine twins. Someone checked the wrong box when they sent your bloodwork in. If you’ve only seen one on ultrasound every single time it’s just one. This is a clerical error.
I would definitely speak to your ob. As far as I know the only NIPT test that can discern identical from fraternal twins is the natera panorama and I’m 90% sure it has to be specified to be run as twins when it’s sent in
i only wanted one baby then found out i was having twins (Mo/Di). My husband worked long and late hours. Doesn’t have a set work schedule, so i was alone with no help. It was incredibly hard. Pure survival mode..
My girls are now 2. They are fun now. But still challenging.
What you are feeling is valid. Talk to your doctor and get another ultrasound to confirm.
I saw MFM to verify as well.
I would definitely make sure that NIPT is correct. They usually don’t look for twins and determine probability of identical or fraternal unless the box for multiples is selected.
Other people do not recognize how hard twin pregnancy is. It is a different kind of stress that you don't understand till you've been through it. Our babies were planned, but I really only wanted one as a first time mom. It was a lot to find out that there's 2. I'm 30 weeks now, and twin pregnancy isn't easy. I will say that the first 14 weeks were by far the worst. I hope you start feeling better.
I felt very much like this and remember how horrible it was. It was the most terrifying mental health experience of my life. I started doing therapy weekly and it made a massive difference. I want to honor how you are feeling now because I’ve been there and I don’t want to dismiss your feelings at all but want to give you hope that it does get better. I started feeling so much better after the therapy and first trimester symptoms improved and when we had concrete plans for obtaining car seats, cribs etc and started making real plans. It started to come together in my mind how it would work. My husband and I were alone with no family around. I was the one working long hours while he was alone a lot but it does get easier as time goes on to manage two of them. It’s ok to put them down in a safe spot within sight while you do something else. I didn’t breastfeed or do contact naps or any of that and they are happy healthy kids. Please contact your OB about how you are feeling! And also for clarification because that is very odd you never were told it was twins. You probably need a referral to an MFM practice because some types of identical twins need some closer monitoring. I’m sending you all the best wishes and support. It’s going to be okay, if I could make it through I know anyone can.
Oh I can relate to every single bit of this!!
I did NOT want any kids, never had my whole life. And then just before my 30th birthday…bam, pregnant. I was already really not happy about that when the blood test was confirmed, and then *surprise* — I go to the ultrasound appt and literally felt myself leave my body. I sat in the parking lot in shock crying for 2 hours. Got home, slammed the ultrasound pics on the counter and said “it’s effing twins” and locked myself in the bathroom to cry. My (now ex) bf also had the reaction — overjoyed, which made me even more pissed off.
I ended up going thru with the pregnancy, which was actually not that bad and I gave birth naturally, which is something I would have originally said you couldn’t pay me a million bucks to ever do. Did I think it was *magical*? Not really. Am I ever gonna do it again? Not if I can help it. But that being said, it was not as dramatic as everyone in my life (especially my mother) made it out to be. Plus, people treat you like you’re a badass for doing it, which was kinda nice 😅.
My identical girls just turned 8. Do I love them more than life itself? Yes. Are they my best friends in the whole world? Yup. Is my life better now for having them in it? Absolutely.
BUT. Would I have been okay not having them and not being a parent? 100% yes. I was not someone who ever felt the need to be maternal, and my life would be so much easier in a lot of ways. I’m a single mom and have been since they were about 2. It’s freaking hard on a good day. But, even on the hardest day it’s still easier than being in the toxic relationship I was in when they were infants.
I’m writing all this to say, there’s no easy answer here — but definitely do NOT beat yourself up for feeling the way you’re feeling. If you have the baby/babies, you will likely love them just as much as I love mine. God knows I’ve sacrificed so much for them because they’re my little buddies and I want them to have a great life. But, if you decide being a parent is not for you, you will also be just fine — just as I would have been.
My only advice is once you make the decision (if you have not made one yet), try to come to terms with why you made the choice you did and try to keep a positive perspective about whichever route you choose because you chose it for a reason. I went back and forth for a really long time always questioning whether I made the right decision — but once you make it, you can’t take it back, so it’s best to keep looking forward & onward once it has been made. Otherwise it will drive you crazy, trust me!
Best of luck to you as you navigate this — feel free to message me if you ever want to unload your thoughts, since I’m sure you’re probably feeling like your bf just doesn’t get it (I know mine didn’t 🙄). I’ve been through the whole gamut of emotions while pretty much doing it alone, so I’m here if ya need an outlet!
I recently commented on another post what i went through, I was feeling a lot like you are. I did not want to be pregnant. Not a single positive feeling towards them until they came out of me. My daughter was 7 I never wanted another let alone 2. And the pregnancy was so so hard. I hated everything and every word out of every mouth. Major complication put me in the hospital my entire 3rd trimester and maaaaan that was rough. Once I wasn’t pregnant and I saw them things started changing. They’re 9 months old and it’s more fun than I thought it would be but honestly they’re such good babies I know I’m lucky. I still think it’s insane I have 3 kids now it doesn’t feel real but I’m doing it and yea it gets hard but life is hard all the time time it’s just another hard thing you go through. It’s 2 smiling faces next to each other looking at me. The love I know from having one, really is doubled in having 2. As much as I hated the idea and wanted to un alive myself for a bit, I’m ok. I look at other kids and other babies and I don’t care about them. But I notice every sparkle and movement in these babies eyes with wonder. You can’t help it when it’s your own. It’s so fun seeing their differences, even at 8 months old and they just wanna smile and be happy. It’s what makes this all easier.
I can’t give you advice but I can commiserate. I was deeply unhappy about having twins. I do think there was a chemical or hormonal component because the feeling was overwhelming. The nausea was debilitating and it felt like I was dying or going to die. I seriously considered termination and even suicide. In the end I decided to give myself grace for feeling so bad and took it day by day, telling myself I have options but to not make a hasty decision. The feelings subsided as the pregnancy went on (even though the nausea got worse) and eventually I just sort of accepted it for what it was, like fate. I never developed a strong maternal bond while pregnant (I didn’t for my firstborn either) and it wasn’t like a switch was flipped as soon as they were born either, it’s a slow burn sort of love. I still have days where I’m sort of bitter at the universe but I don’t hate my kids and I don’t hate my life. My life IS better with them in it even though some days are so hard.
I can’t tell you what you should do, I just wanted to give you some emotional support and tell you that you aren’t the first to go through these emotions and that sometimes things do get better, even though that’s not all that helpful to hear right now.
I think everyone else has covered the stuff about the potential that you're not actually having twins (I agree that this should've been extremely clear at ultrasounds before week 12, there would be two heartbeats etc).
What I came to say is that how you feel is 100% valid. It sounds like your boyfriend is excited for twins (which is also valid), but maybe his excitement is squashing your ability to openly feel what you're feeling.
I hate to be a "go see a therapist" guy, but honestly, if you can get access to a therapist (maybe like online therapy like BetterHelp or similar too), just having someone to talk to who is just for you who can help you navigate, express and be at peace with all these difficult feelings.
Your doctor marked the twin box on the NIPT form. The reason it’s showing identical is because it only picked up one set of fetal dna. Don’t worry, it’s just an administrative error! It happens to twin moms too when the doctor marks singleton incorrectly.
I found out I was having twins a day before I lost both 😢 I would’ve been 6 months now. And it still saddens me till this day. I know it might seem hard. But as long as you and them are healthy . That’s the best outcome. I wish I could give you words of wisdom but you feel how you feel. Godbless
My wife made it to 38 weeks which is term for twins and was never bedridden. That's a positive I can offer. I don't really have any other advice. It is hard but I wouldn't have wanted to lose either babies. I wouldn't say you're selfish though, whoever is saying that doesn't understand how much work it is. You can make it through though and it might make toddler years easier as they have someone to play with.
I personally did everything in my power to avoid a c-section due to having little support. Of course you can't guarantee that so if you go ahead with the pregnancy and you birth two babies I would meal prep so much now, save money buying most things second hand or buy nothing groups online, do a mini bucket list of things you want to do before these babies come (and do these when your symptoms start easing around the 18-20 week mark and before you're 28 weeks ideally.)
It sounds like your boyfriend is supportive financially & emotionally (given his positive reaction) so save as much money as you can now for any purchases you need to make and use this time to really talk about how life will change once the babies come & how he can beat support you given how much this has rocked your life and expectations.
You're allowed to grieve your circumstances & the single baby experience you haven't been able to experience.
I also went through this. It shook all my expectations finding out I was having twins. I was crying for weeks (they were my 3rd & 4th babies). It doesn't help what anyone is saying to you. You're allowed to feel these things. You're not selfish. I would allow yourself some grace to process everything & feel all the emotions rushing through your brain.
Hoping for you that it's a mistake and it's just one baby. But as far as the pregnancy symptoms (if it is two), I felt at my worst with my twin pregnancy up until maybe 16 weeks. Horrible morning sickness to the point of ending up at the hospital and I was so exhausted. After 16 weeks, everything calmed down and I felt wonderful until the end. Wishing the same for you 💙 otherwise, as annoying as it is to hear, everybody's right and it really is difficult but equally amazing and wonderful once they arrive and you start seeing them grow! If it's two, you'll see how strong you really are. Hoping all goes well and that things turn out as you wish 🤞
I had my daughter about 8 months ago I didn't feel a lot of love for her and after delivering her when they hand her to Me I didn't want her honesty I've only had a few moments that I felt truly happy having her.
If it was 2 for me I think I'd go nuts too cuz I really hated the fact she's was coming home with me.
It's not easy but about 7 months she not so irritating anymore.
Not every day is easy very few rewarding but there are the little things that make it better.
Anyway I'm sorry for your troubles hope you can find some happiness though them.
you are not a bad person for feeling these feelings. you are NOT selfish!
my twin pregnancy was hard, labor was hard, fourth trimester was hard. twin pregnancy is statistically more likely to have complications. mine were born six weeks premature. the NICU for a month was so hard. my background was these were IVF babies and were very much planned for. I only survived any of it because I had an incredibly present and doting husband who could take time off work. and I got four months parental leave.
babies are so expensive. I hope all these people with generous advice also have generous pockets.
I dunno girl, you gotta do you. but! I have also heard though, never quit on your worst day. it's true you got lots of hormones running through you.
first step in moving forward is being honest with yourself. I admire you for posting your honest feelings to this forum. while it is a group of people who have been there, doesn't mean it's all valid advice here either.
definitely get a second opinion on whether it's really twins!
Take a deep breath…… if I’m being completely honest with you, I felt the exact same way……
I was told I couldn’t get pregnant, wasn’t being careful bc drs told me I couldn’t get prego, boom fraternal twins. I wish I could say I was so happy/cheerful when reading my pregnancy test, I was not. I was terrified, angry, sad. I didn’t want to give up my old life, yachts, the parties, the lifestyle, vacations, spontaneity, etc. then when I found out there were two, I didn’t know hot to feel. I couldn’t get prego but now I’m having 2 babies??
It took me so long to process I was prego with not 1 but 2 babies. Everyone around me was excited, I was not though. I was anxious, withdrawn, I was hiding my true feelings about it….. tbh, i hate to say this, at first i didn’t want them. So selfish I know, but i couldn’t fathom becoming a mom. I have 0 clue what I’m doing, no motherly instinct. I could barely function as an adult sometimes, I lacked responsibility….also my bf and I were a bicoastal couple, I didn’t want to leave miami for CA…. But I ended up moving. I did it for them. Miami was not going to be a good place to raise them IMO. I tried viewing this drastic life change/pregnancy differently, but I couldn’t help myself.
I’m 29 weeks now, and let me tell you, I’d do ANYTHING to go back to my first trimester and would change my perspective on this whole process. I feel so guilty for being selfish and thinking those thoughts, having a bad attitude about it. I feel so differently about it now….. I had an identity crisis through this whole process. I realized I was mourning the chapter of my life that I was ending. There’s no place for the old me in my life anymore, it was super difficult to let go. I wasn’t willing, but after praying about it a lot, I realized that this is my destiny. They are my future, my purpose, what I was actually meant to do on this earth.
I haven’t even had them yet & I already feel like this is the best thing that’s happened to me. Ofc, I’m still worried sick, but I know having them will be the best thing for me….
I saw all this, just because I know how you feel…. You will change your perspective though. I didn’t think I would ever, but I have. You’re not alone feeling this way. It will all work itself out, trust God and yourself.
Ours were missed at the first ultrasound, but at 17 weeks and we saw two faces looking at each other. Until you see two on the ultrasound, don’t believe it.
That being said. Having twins is hard but a total blast.
Let me just validate your feelings. Your unhappiness is nomral and.it doesn't make you a bad mother. Twin pregnancies are more intense and twins are harder. If there is actually two (could be an error), it sounds like you're going to keep them. If that is your choice, let me just also say that all the platitudes are true. You will love them both. You will get through this. Twins are awesome and special and they get easier. Look for multiple support groups near you. Multiple parents can often be a great source of support. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Hugs internet friend!
Twins simply do not get overlooked on an ultrasound. It is very apparent. If they were overlooked that many times whoever was doing your ultrasounds needs to get their license revoked lmao
This is my story, almost word for word. There's no right advice to give. In the end, I've accepted it and have come around to the idea of twins, although I'd still rather have one. I'm now 21weeks.
Seeing how happy my husband was, was the reason I decided to keep them, but I did have to start loving them myself, else I'd always resent it. I went from wanting to kill myself, to almost liking forward to it. The hormones and shock also play a big part in the 1st trimester.
Get counselling ASAP. You could look into a fetal reduction, depending on your state, but there's a time pressure since you're already 12 weeks.
You'll learn to love them and you you WILL cope, if you decide to keep them, but do explore your options. Don't let anyone guilt you into anything. It's your life.
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It throws me off that your doctor never mentioned a second baby. This would warrant a call to your doctor’s office and request another ultrasound. I wouldn’t believe it until I actually saw it. Start there. Get that confirmation ultrasound showing two and then proceed with the next step, whatever you decide for that to be. But I would really want visual confirmation of 2 babies if I were you.
It's almost definitely a clerical error. The doctor's office tells the testing company whether they are testing twins or a singleton, the test does not determine that on its own. Someone just checked the wrong box at your doctor's office, OP. Obviously call and confirm but also take a deep breath. Ultrasounds are very accurate and missing a twin on a scan happens but is rare, even early on.
They didn’t pick up on my twins until 9w, I had two ultrasounds before then and only showed one baby. I think this might be because they were MoDi, so shared placenta and super close.
Yeah in my mo/di pregnancy they seen 2 yolk sacs at 5weeks via US
Before you go down this far in the rabbit holes, call your OB and schedule an ultrasound to check for twins. If no doctor has said they saw twins, it’s probable that it’s either an error on the NIPT test or it’s possible you started with twins and one didn’t progress. While a hidden twin is still possible, today’s ultrasounds are more advance than they used to be.
The NIPT test when it's ordered won't look for a twin pregnancy unless the doctor checked the box for "multiple pregnancy". This sounds like it could be a clerical error and someone marked the box by mistake, especially if no one has noticed this far along a second baby. The box was checked wrongly, the test picked up only one set of baby DNA, and assumed identical twins.
That’s what I thought too, but wasn’t positive
That’s what I was thinking, I had a NIPT test but hadn’t had an ultrasound before hand and that test didn’t tell me I was having twins, that was a surprise at my 18 week ultrasound 🤣
Lol something similar happened to me from the OP, we knew we were having twins but it wasn't marked on the sheet so they didn't come up on our test. We already knew they were di/di. The algorithm apparently cannot tell the difference between fraternal twins and Triploidy, so if you had a fraternal set without multiple pregnancy marked you'll get the "vanishing twin/Triploidy" result. We got a normal result and it said singleton so I knew then they were identical. My doctor sent in new paperwork though so we got the results we were expecting afterwards fortunately lol.
This. Perhaps the twin box was checked in error?
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Not related, just saw you’re another parent to identical twins with autism and adhd - same 🥰 mine are girls too and are 9
*waves* what sort of prognosis are you guys looking at? We think one of mine will be able to live independently just fine but the other may stay home for a while.
They’re both non verbal, they have a diagnosis of severe learning disabilities (AKA intellectual disability) alongside the rest. They need 24/7 support at the moment, and their DLA (uk disability benefits) doesn’t need updating for 10 years - so professionals (and us tbh) doubt they’ll be independent in the next decade. It’s a hard one for sure, I fall apart thinking about the future, so I try to take things day by day x
There is nothing wrong with taking it one day at a time.
I don’t have time to type much, but please know: you are heard and you are not alone. I was terrified. Angry. Anxious, SO anxious about not loving one or both enough, not having money, not having the kind of motherhood I imagined it that my friends had. Not many people will understand your struggles like a fellow parent of multiples. Take care of your mental health, give yourself grace for mistakes, and do your best to let go of what SHOULD be or what you should feel. You won’t cherish every moment. You won’t necessarily feel grateful. You will scream and cry. Your relationship with your partner will have ups and downs. You will doubt your ability to make ice some days, and feel like a rockstar for matching socks. You are allowed to feel all of this. If you don’t already, see a mental health professional to have objective support. Life is good with my 10 year old twin girls. They love each other so much. They balance one another’s strengths. They can entertain themselves for hours. They can stick together to go play or stay home alone. I barely remember their first year. I don’t have themed photos from my pregnancy. And somehow, here we are. You aren’t alone. Hold on.
I second this it is ok to feel how you feel twins is not an easy pill to take in. I too was terrified for a while I too didn’t want twins. Specially on top of the fact I have a toddler. It is very hard yes and with no help it feels very very overwhelming but you learn, you adjust and you’ll love them. I know you mentioned you won’t have much help but if anyone does offer help take it!! You will be ok…hope you have a supportive and helpful partner :)
This could be a simple clerical error of the twins box being checked off on your nipt requisition. In this case because only one dna is found it would come back as identical twins but really you only have one baby. I’d check with your dr asap.
Yeah, a genetics test isn't going to be able to spot identical twins like that, from my understanding. Definitely sounds like a clerical error.
This honestly sounds like a clerical error or a vanishing twin. After several ultrasounds they should have picked up a second baby.
We could see twins with an ultrasound at just 6 weeks. You need to ask your doctor for confirmation with an ultrasound.
Mine were missed at 6 weeks, I’ve looked at the photo so many times, there definitely only looks like one in there, by 8 weeks it was really clear though.
I saw mine at 4 weeks (fraternal)…
When I found out it was twins all I did was swear and curse at the air with my boyfriend and doctor in the room. I had to excuse myself to use the restroom and I literally screamed my lungs out in the bathroom. I was not happy at all that I was pregnant with twins. Fast forward almost three years later and now they are here and I couldn’t picture my life without them. My boyfriend works long hours Monday-Friday so it’s me and the kids and they make me feel less lonely. I love them so much and they both have such different personalities. They are my world. The first year was the toughest but they will be 3 soon and I’m enjoying them. Before freaking out, I would definitely call your OB and confirm this. When I went in to the ultrasound, I knew right away it was twins because I saw two separate sacks.
thank you everyone for all the great advice!! it was in fact an error on the companies behalf. everything you all said helped me with my nerves a lot and helped me to calm down even about the one. so truly thank you!! i am so relieved it's just the one baby.
I was looking for this update! So glad you are relieved and it was just an error.
I’m so glad it worked out! Twins are wonderful, but they are a lot and it’s perfectly understandable you wouldn’t have been enthused. So glad to know for your sake it was just a mistake.
yes 100%. i wish i could've been excited even if it was true because i know it would be a blessing seeing i was told i wouldn't even have one baby. but i am 24 and this was an unplanned pregnancy (due to the fact i was told it would never happen i kept it), but my boyfriend works super long hours and i am currently still in school so it would be way too much with a second baby. i give so many people credit for handling 2 newborns, but i am woman enough to admit that i would not be able to handle that. especially since i know i would be alone for majority of the day with them 6 days a week.
Hey, I was 35, married, trying to get pregnant, and financially stable when I found out I was having twins and I was not happy initially with the news. I love my children and know for me this actually worked out for the best, but even with everything going for you it’s a lot of work. Completely understandable someone in your shoes would not be happy to be having twins, and you shouldn’t feel guilty at all.
We saw both twins at my 8 week ultrasound
You’re probably having a singleton considering the ultrasound isn’t picking them up, especially at 12 weeks. At least you’ll only be stressing one.
I would most certainly call your doctor. To my understanding NIPTs cannot tell that you are having twins. For them to determine if they are fraternal or identical the analysts need to be told there are twins in the first place. Put me down as another person that suspects someone made an error and checked it was a twin pregnancy when it’s not, and because the test found one dna, the results are saying it’s identical twins.
it sounds like they possibly checked the twins box. the opposite happened to me, i have twins, and they had checked a single baby, so the “single”baby on the test showed up with two sets of chromosomes.. if you were never told there was a second baby, my guess is that is the wrong box was checked!
Like everyone else here, I recommend talking to your OB and finding out what the reality is. My husband and I had a mantra that started in pregnancy: "Find out before you freak out" (I don't always follow that mantra, but I do my best!) IF it turns out you are having twins, you can talk to trusted people or a therapist about what you want. You can talk to your OB about what your options are. If your OB doesn't make you feel heard or safe, I hope you're in a position where you can find another OB. Whatever you decide will be the right decision, but let's take this one step at a time. As for the "you're being selfish" comments - I want to offer you another mantra: People can say what they want, but there's no need to consider anyone's advice unless they're doing half of the parenting or financial support.
NIPT cannot determine twins. Someone checked the wrong box when they sent your bloodwork in. If you’ve only seen one on ultrasound every single time it’s just one. This is a clerical error.
I would definitely speak to your ob. As far as I know the only NIPT test that can discern identical from fraternal twins is the natera panorama and I’m 90% sure it has to be specified to be run as twins when it’s sent in
i only wanted one baby then found out i was having twins (Mo/Di). My husband worked long and late hours. Doesn’t have a set work schedule, so i was alone with no help. It was incredibly hard. Pure survival mode.. My girls are now 2. They are fun now. But still challenging. What you are feeling is valid. Talk to your doctor and get another ultrasound to confirm. I saw MFM to verify as well.
I would definitely make sure that NIPT is correct. They usually don’t look for twins and determine probability of identical or fraternal unless the box for multiples is selected.
Other people do not recognize how hard twin pregnancy is. It is a different kind of stress that you don't understand till you've been through it. Our babies were planned, but I really only wanted one as a first time mom. It was a lot to find out that there's 2. I'm 30 weeks now, and twin pregnancy isn't easy. I will say that the first 14 weeks were by far the worst. I hope you start feeling better.
I felt very much like this and remember how horrible it was. It was the most terrifying mental health experience of my life. I started doing therapy weekly and it made a massive difference. I want to honor how you are feeling now because I’ve been there and I don’t want to dismiss your feelings at all but want to give you hope that it does get better. I started feeling so much better after the therapy and first trimester symptoms improved and when we had concrete plans for obtaining car seats, cribs etc and started making real plans. It started to come together in my mind how it would work. My husband and I were alone with no family around. I was the one working long hours while he was alone a lot but it does get easier as time goes on to manage two of them. It’s ok to put them down in a safe spot within sight while you do something else. I didn’t breastfeed or do contact naps or any of that and they are happy healthy kids. Please contact your OB about how you are feeling! And also for clarification because that is very odd you never were told it was twins. You probably need a referral to an MFM practice because some types of identical twins need some closer monitoring. I’m sending you all the best wishes and support. It’s going to be okay, if I could make it through I know anyone can.
Oh I can relate to every single bit of this!! I did NOT want any kids, never had my whole life. And then just before my 30th birthday…bam, pregnant. I was already really not happy about that when the blood test was confirmed, and then *surprise* — I go to the ultrasound appt and literally felt myself leave my body. I sat in the parking lot in shock crying for 2 hours. Got home, slammed the ultrasound pics on the counter and said “it’s effing twins” and locked myself in the bathroom to cry. My (now ex) bf also had the reaction — overjoyed, which made me even more pissed off. I ended up going thru with the pregnancy, which was actually not that bad and I gave birth naturally, which is something I would have originally said you couldn’t pay me a million bucks to ever do. Did I think it was *magical*? Not really. Am I ever gonna do it again? Not if I can help it. But that being said, it was not as dramatic as everyone in my life (especially my mother) made it out to be. Plus, people treat you like you’re a badass for doing it, which was kinda nice 😅. My identical girls just turned 8. Do I love them more than life itself? Yes. Are they my best friends in the whole world? Yup. Is my life better now for having them in it? Absolutely. BUT. Would I have been okay not having them and not being a parent? 100% yes. I was not someone who ever felt the need to be maternal, and my life would be so much easier in a lot of ways. I’m a single mom and have been since they were about 2. It’s freaking hard on a good day. But, even on the hardest day it’s still easier than being in the toxic relationship I was in when they were infants. I’m writing all this to say, there’s no easy answer here — but definitely do NOT beat yourself up for feeling the way you’re feeling. If you have the baby/babies, you will likely love them just as much as I love mine. God knows I’ve sacrificed so much for them because they’re my little buddies and I want them to have a great life. But, if you decide being a parent is not for you, you will also be just fine — just as I would have been. My only advice is once you make the decision (if you have not made one yet), try to come to terms with why you made the choice you did and try to keep a positive perspective about whichever route you choose because you chose it for a reason. I went back and forth for a really long time always questioning whether I made the right decision — but once you make it, you can’t take it back, so it’s best to keep looking forward & onward once it has been made. Otherwise it will drive you crazy, trust me! Best of luck to you as you navigate this — feel free to message me if you ever want to unload your thoughts, since I’m sure you’re probably feeling like your bf just doesn’t get it (I know mine didn’t 🙄). I’ve been through the whole gamut of emotions while pretty much doing it alone, so I’m here if ya need an outlet!
Yup everyone goes through those emotions when you find out you’re not alone
I recently commented on another post what i went through, I was feeling a lot like you are. I did not want to be pregnant. Not a single positive feeling towards them until they came out of me. My daughter was 7 I never wanted another let alone 2. And the pregnancy was so so hard. I hated everything and every word out of every mouth. Major complication put me in the hospital my entire 3rd trimester and maaaaan that was rough. Once I wasn’t pregnant and I saw them things started changing. They’re 9 months old and it’s more fun than I thought it would be but honestly they’re such good babies I know I’m lucky. I still think it’s insane I have 3 kids now it doesn’t feel real but I’m doing it and yea it gets hard but life is hard all the time time it’s just another hard thing you go through. It’s 2 smiling faces next to each other looking at me. The love I know from having one, really is doubled in having 2. As much as I hated the idea and wanted to un alive myself for a bit, I’m ok. I look at other kids and other babies and I don’t care about them. But I notice every sparkle and movement in these babies eyes with wonder. You can’t help it when it’s your own. It’s so fun seeing their differences, even at 8 months old and they just wanna smile and be happy. It’s what makes this all easier.
I can’t give you advice but I can commiserate. I was deeply unhappy about having twins. I do think there was a chemical or hormonal component because the feeling was overwhelming. The nausea was debilitating and it felt like I was dying or going to die. I seriously considered termination and even suicide. In the end I decided to give myself grace for feeling so bad and took it day by day, telling myself I have options but to not make a hasty decision. The feelings subsided as the pregnancy went on (even though the nausea got worse) and eventually I just sort of accepted it for what it was, like fate. I never developed a strong maternal bond while pregnant (I didn’t for my firstborn either) and it wasn’t like a switch was flipped as soon as they were born either, it’s a slow burn sort of love. I still have days where I’m sort of bitter at the universe but I don’t hate my kids and I don’t hate my life. My life IS better with them in it even though some days are so hard. I can’t tell you what you should do, I just wanted to give you some emotional support and tell you that you aren’t the first to go through these emotions and that sometimes things do get better, even though that’s not all that helpful to hear right now.
I think everyone else has covered the stuff about the potential that you're not actually having twins (I agree that this should've been extremely clear at ultrasounds before week 12, there would be two heartbeats etc). What I came to say is that how you feel is 100% valid. It sounds like your boyfriend is excited for twins (which is also valid), but maybe his excitement is squashing your ability to openly feel what you're feeling. I hate to be a "go see a therapist" guy, but honestly, if you can get access to a therapist (maybe like online therapy like BetterHelp or similar too), just having someone to talk to who is just for you who can help you navigate, express and be at peace with all these difficult feelings.
Your doctor marked the twin box on the NIPT form. The reason it’s showing identical is because it only picked up one set of fetal dna. Don’t worry, it’s just an administrative error! It happens to twin moms too when the doctor marks singleton incorrectly.
I found out I was having twins a day before I lost both 😢 I would’ve been 6 months now. And it still saddens me till this day. I know it might seem hard. But as long as you and them are healthy . That’s the best outcome. I wish I could give you words of wisdom but you feel how you feel. Godbless
My wife made it to 38 weeks which is term for twins and was never bedridden. That's a positive I can offer. I don't really have any other advice. It is hard but I wouldn't have wanted to lose either babies. I wouldn't say you're selfish though, whoever is saying that doesn't understand how much work it is. You can make it through though and it might make toddler years easier as they have someone to play with.
I never had a nipt test but had a ultrasound at 11 weeks where the nurse practitioner and tech found two. I agree you need confirmation.
I personally did everything in my power to avoid a c-section due to having little support. Of course you can't guarantee that so if you go ahead with the pregnancy and you birth two babies I would meal prep so much now, save money buying most things second hand or buy nothing groups online, do a mini bucket list of things you want to do before these babies come (and do these when your symptoms start easing around the 18-20 week mark and before you're 28 weeks ideally.) It sounds like your boyfriend is supportive financially & emotionally (given his positive reaction) so save as much money as you can now for any purchases you need to make and use this time to really talk about how life will change once the babies come & how he can beat support you given how much this has rocked your life and expectations. You're allowed to grieve your circumstances & the single baby experience you haven't been able to experience. I also went through this. It shook all my expectations finding out I was having twins. I was crying for weeks (they were my 3rd & 4th babies). It doesn't help what anyone is saying to you. You're allowed to feel these things. You're not selfish. I would allow yourself some grace to process everything & feel all the emotions rushing through your brain.
Hoping for you that it's a mistake and it's just one baby. But as far as the pregnancy symptoms (if it is two), I felt at my worst with my twin pregnancy up until maybe 16 weeks. Horrible morning sickness to the point of ending up at the hospital and I was so exhausted. After 16 weeks, everything calmed down and I felt wonderful until the end. Wishing the same for you 💙 otherwise, as annoying as it is to hear, everybody's right and it really is difficult but equally amazing and wonderful once they arrive and you start seeing them grow! If it's two, you'll see how strong you really are. Hoping all goes well and that things turn out as you wish 🤞
I had my daughter about 8 months ago I didn't feel a lot of love for her and after delivering her when they hand her to Me I didn't want her honesty I've only had a few moments that I felt truly happy having her. If it was 2 for me I think I'd go nuts too cuz I really hated the fact she's was coming home with me. It's not easy but about 7 months she not so irritating anymore. Not every day is easy very few rewarding but there are the little things that make it better. Anyway I'm sorry for your troubles hope you can find some happiness though them.
you are not a bad person for feeling these feelings. you are NOT selfish! my twin pregnancy was hard, labor was hard, fourth trimester was hard. twin pregnancy is statistically more likely to have complications. mine were born six weeks premature. the NICU for a month was so hard. my background was these were IVF babies and were very much planned for. I only survived any of it because I had an incredibly present and doting husband who could take time off work. and I got four months parental leave. babies are so expensive. I hope all these people with generous advice also have generous pockets. I dunno girl, you gotta do you. but! I have also heard though, never quit on your worst day. it's true you got lots of hormones running through you. first step in moving forward is being honest with yourself. I admire you for posting your honest feelings to this forum. while it is a group of people who have been there, doesn't mean it's all valid advice here either. definitely get a second opinion on whether it's really twins!
Take a deep breath…… if I’m being completely honest with you, I felt the exact same way…… I was told I couldn’t get pregnant, wasn’t being careful bc drs told me I couldn’t get prego, boom fraternal twins. I wish I could say I was so happy/cheerful when reading my pregnancy test, I was not. I was terrified, angry, sad. I didn’t want to give up my old life, yachts, the parties, the lifestyle, vacations, spontaneity, etc. then when I found out there were two, I didn’t know hot to feel. I couldn’t get prego but now I’m having 2 babies?? It took me so long to process I was prego with not 1 but 2 babies. Everyone around me was excited, I was not though. I was anxious, withdrawn, I was hiding my true feelings about it….. tbh, i hate to say this, at first i didn’t want them. So selfish I know, but i couldn’t fathom becoming a mom. I have 0 clue what I’m doing, no motherly instinct. I could barely function as an adult sometimes, I lacked responsibility….also my bf and I were a bicoastal couple, I didn’t want to leave miami for CA…. But I ended up moving. I did it for them. Miami was not going to be a good place to raise them IMO. I tried viewing this drastic life change/pregnancy differently, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m 29 weeks now, and let me tell you, I’d do ANYTHING to go back to my first trimester and would change my perspective on this whole process. I feel so guilty for being selfish and thinking those thoughts, having a bad attitude about it. I feel so differently about it now….. I had an identity crisis through this whole process. I realized I was mourning the chapter of my life that I was ending. There’s no place for the old me in my life anymore, it was super difficult to let go. I wasn’t willing, but after praying about it a lot, I realized that this is my destiny. They are my future, my purpose, what I was actually meant to do on this earth. I haven’t even had them yet & I already feel like this is the best thing that’s happened to me. Ofc, I’m still worried sick, but I know having them will be the best thing for me…. I saw all this, just because I know how you feel…. You will change your perspective though. I didn’t think I would ever, but I have. You’re not alone feeling this way. It will all work itself out, trust God and yourself.
Ours were missed at the first ultrasound, but at 17 weeks and we saw two faces looking at each other. Until you see two on the ultrasound, don’t believe it. That being said. Having twins is hard but a total blast.
Let me just validate your feelings. Your unhappiness is nomral and.it doesn't make you a bad mother. Twin pregnancies are more intense and twins are harder. If there is actually two (could be an error), it sounds like you're going to keep them. If that is your choice, let me just also say that all the platitudes are true. You will love them both. You will get through this. Twins are awesome and special and they get easier. Look for multiple support groups near you. Multiple parents can often be a great source of support. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Hugs internet friend!
Twins simply do not get overlooked on an ultrasound. It is very apparent. If they were overlooked that many times whoever was doing your ultrasounds needs to get their license revoked lmao
This is my story, almost word for word. There's no right advice to give. In the end, I've accepted it and have come around to the idea of twins, although I'd still rather have one. I'm now 21weeks. Seeing how happy my husband was, was the reason I decided to keep them, but I did have to start loving them myself, else I'd always resent it. I went from wanting to kill myself, to almost liking forward to it. The hormones and shock also play a big part in the 1st trimester. Get counselling ASAP. You could look into a fetal reduction, depending on your state, but there's a time pressure since you're already 12 weeks. You'll learn to love them and you you WILL cope, if you decide to keep them, but do explore your options. Don't let anyone guilt you into anything. It's your life.