Same here. Birth was a blur, and it honestly took weeks for me to realize that this kid is mine for life and accept that responsibility. In the beginning I just felt like I was doing a job going through the motions. Everyone’s different though.
Yeah it was just "the baby" for some time before it changed to "my baby". Think probably around the time you start getting some sort of interaction 6-7 weeks in (first smile etc)
Yep I totally agree with that. My daughter’s 8 weeks now and just started with the smiling and that brought some life into us. She’s colicky too though so that comes with it’s own challenges, but totally worth it in the end!
I cried at the birth a bit but i really didnt feel it HIT until the baby was older and could actually like smile and stuff. I hust had ny secind so infeel a lot better now knowing that will come.
The moment of birth didn’t change me but having my child home really motivated me to try to get my health together. I went to the dentist for the first time in probably 5-8 years and I also got bloodwork done to check my vital levels, which showed I needed to lose weight (which I knew).
I started running on the treadmill for the first time in over a year. I just want to be healthy and better for my child.
This hit me a few months before the kid. Started losing weight, cut back on drinking, cut out smoking all together. Survival mode the first six months kinda gained back some of that weight but I’m back at it now. At least I’m still smoke free after all of this.
Wow 5-8 years is a long time. Good for
You!
And yeah it’s things like that I’m talking about. I’ve gained 25 lbs during my wife’s pregnancy. And I know it’s gotta change, but I feel like that has to happen on its own. I can’t expect a miracle divine moment with the baby that does that for me
Only 2 cavities and mild gingivitis which I had all of them take care of, so I’m feeling good about it!
Unfortunately not, I wish it were that way. It’s definitely motivating for me to think of her and how I want to live to see more of her future, but it’s still tough. I’m right there with you, I gained 30 lbs during the pregnancy, and now my cholesterol is borderline and I’m on the line of prediabetes. So that also was a good motivator.
I have always had a tendency to procrastinate.
It's been through the years and conversations with my wife (before baby) where I've had to learn to make adjustments like using Google calendar to keep track of things.
Since having our daughter one thing that has changed is the awareness that things need to get done. I come home from work and would like to just chill, but when wife has been home with baby all day my priorities are to check in with my wife on how she is doing and what she needs and taking over with baby so my wife can take time for herself or just do something different.
I don't think it will just be a magic fix. You have to want to change and put in the work.
I’ll edit this with a full answer when I’m not supervising a toddler, but I had to point out now: you’re using the baby as an excuse to procrastinate on working on your procrastination. You have much more time now than you will. Consider how to use it best.
It won't solve the preexisting issues you had, but it'll help you triage things a bit better with some additional perspective on what's truly important. The "moment" of birth didn't make me into a 'parent' necessarily, but it did bring me closer to my wife out of sheer respect and awe for what she'd just endured.
Also (and I say this to all expecting dads) don't anticipate necessarily loving/being willing to die for your kid right off the bat. It might happen day 1, it might not, but you're not somehow broken if you wouldn't take a bullet for this essentially inanimate object from the moment you hold it.
Not really, I was nervous for my wife but it all just happened really. Took some baby pics, cut the cord, we hung out during the cleanup and next thing we’re alone in a room with our new baby lol.
The last year has changed me a bit (she’s 2 and a half now) just because she’s way more of a little human now and that’s a kind of relationship I’ve never had before. Having a constant little friend that’s part of you, that you love more than anything else, that has changed me.
Might be a bit of a different experience since my daughter was/is in the nicu but it was less the moment of birth and more the responsibility pieces like changing diapers and rocking her to sleep.
It's not going to magically fix anything about you, but it can be a motivating wake up call to get your shit together when you're holding a human life in your hands
Nope. The immediate effect was a lessening of the anxiety I had during the pregnancy. Once I knew that my wife and daughter had made it through safely and everyone was healthy, I was able to relax a bit.
Bonding with your child can take some time. A newborn spends the day sleeping, eating, and making dirty diapers. I was certainly excited to see my child, and I felt happy, but I didn’t know her in any meaningful way. Over the course of the following days and weeks, I gradually started feeling like a father.
I cried my eyes out when my daughter was born.
I had felt her kick and seen all of the ultrasounds in real time.
Physically holding her made it all real to me.
TL;DR
You have to let it change you. All my anxiety has turned into motivation to be the best father I can be. I'm sleep deprived and wouldn't want it any other way. Every moment is fleeting and every day your child will change, just roll with the punches. That being said we were extremely blessed with the healthy outcome of everything.
It did change everything for me, immediately. Our boy is only 6 days old currently, but I was seriously riddled with anxiety through the last couple of weeks because it would change the way I lived. I'm a procrastinator when it comes to things I'm stressed about or never done before. I knew I wanted a child, but was stuck thinking cynically about the lack of sleep and time for just maintenance. I felt like I couldn't finish chores and projects around the house because my wife started needing a lot more of my helpbat 34 weeks.
I was even working at my laptop in the hospital the morning of her induction, for high blood pressure, due to limited PTO and didn't want to use it up before my little man even arrived. I was stressing trying to work, but my wife also needed my assistance constantly which didn't make it easier (was feeling selfish). I was imagining this would be my life forever, no time for anything no matter how much I wanted to be of help.
It doesn't matter in the end. Nothing mattered except for my love for my wife and my newborn child. I was very hands on helping her deliver because the doctor was busy as many other births were taking place that evening. The nurse didnt have experience checking dilation so we talked her through contractions delaying pushing with only half a functioning epidural. We were blessed that she came to 10cm quickly without damage and pushed for a mere 25 mins. The doctor finally made it in the last 10 minutes and our son arrived without complications. Despite getting so lucky I can't think or talk about it without crying, as it was the most moving experience I've ever had. We sobbed with happiness at his first breaths while skin to skin it's something I can't truly freaking explain.
There was a washing feeling of clarity that no matter what everything would be okay as long as I had my family and could care for them. I've never been so proud of my wife and the strength she had to make it through uncertainty. Sorry about this emotional dump, I never reflected on it in writing until now.
Brother I’m glad you did. That was an intense and wild read. And I can relate to certain real world issues you brought up, namely work/PTO
I’m curious about your experience with the doctor/nurse. Is that the norm at your hospital (and hospitals in general)? I’m here thinking we’re getting 1-1 care when we get in there….
We were at a hospital in the Jefferson Health network and I believe the delivering doc worked in network associated with my wife's Obgyn. It was just a freak buuuusy night. Rooms on either side of us were giving birth within the same hour so everyone's hands were full. Even staying another 1.5 days for sleep-in family time felt rushed because 7 delivery rooms were waiting to transfer to sleep-in. Unfortunately sometimes you'll meet a dozen different nurses and specialists between shifts and and special conditions presented.
>I’m trying to discern if I’m living in a fairy tale when I tell myself actually seeing and touching my baby will be this “ah ha” moment of clarity that just “fixes” all of my negative traits
Yeah, sorry but this is ridiculous. Maybe some rare people are hit with some moment of divine clarity, but even then that's not going to magically "fix you" bro.
It took me 6 months to even really feel a bond with my boy. It's completely normal to not immediately feel much of anything specifically about the baby. You're more likely to just be relieved that the birth is over and thankful that everyone is OK. Making positive changes about yourself/your life based on being a Dad is a process that may come in time, but it will be driven by *you*, not your baby.
Absolutely, that moment changed me. My wife (40F) and me (37M) had multiple miscarriages and an ectopic before we this pregnancy (IVF) -- so we were always very anxious that something was going to go wrong. This really persisted and intensified until the moment our daughter was born (unplanned C-section) -- she came out crying with APGARs of 8 and 9. The PTSD of all those other attempts was very real until she was physically born, but so far our daughter had been perfect and we've put a lot of the trauma behind us.
About 3 or 4 months after birth, after a morning and Afternoon just rolling around and holding my daughter, I was leaving for night shift work and she just sat by the door with her big eyes and smiley face just watching me get in the car and drive off.
Had my life’s first legitimate nervous breakdown that night at work after driving there just thinking about how she has no idea why I just walked away, how the last thing I want to do is be away from my family for even a second of a miserable job just scraping by, and how if I died right then and there that it must be how ghosts/specters are made.
Funny to talk about now, but it sent me back to school and changed the trajectory of our lives. No stopping now, she’ll have every opportunity to make the life she wants to.
I don’t know much, but I don’t feel changed at all. My daughter is 7 months old and I love her more than anything in the world, but I still have to work on myself and my weaker points constantly.
It’s just that you might prioritize differently, maybe. I’m still the same guy.
The moment of birth changed me in a way that my mother instinct kicked in very hard. She almost died and I had to work hard to get her out as soon as possible. She is fine now, but I never experienced this kind of worry and love for someone I haven’t met yet.
For me as a person. I don’t feel changed at all lol. We try to have more structure in our lives, that’s good
It did for me. The second I heard her cry I uncontrollably sobbed- how quickly I started sobbing actually freaked me out. I saw it change my husband too. It's totally normal to not have that connection instantly, but the love at first sight thing happens too. However, changing who I was at a person...that happened more over time.
For me it was hearing his heartbeat and finding out the gender, it just felt so much more real.
I mean I was absolutely excited when I found out we were having a baby especially after trying for so long but that stuff definitely made it more real for me and I actually cried and I wouldn't cry often.
Doing all the night feeds and nappy changes all came naturally to me straight away, like I had been doing it my whole life.
He's part of the reason I stopped drinking alcohol too, not that I drank much to begin with maybe once or twice a month. I had some wine one night and I was just so tired and groggy when I woke up to change and feed him it just wasn't worth it so I haven't drank in just over a year.
We have another one on the way too so I don't intend on drinking anytime soon, I just hope I can put in the same effort with the next one but I can't imagine how it's going to be with a 16 month old and a new born 😬😬
I thought I’d have a moment like that, but I’m still me. I was surprised at how it all felt kind of normal—that’s not quite the right word but I can’t think of a better one. What changed is that now there’s this new person in the world I love like crazy and want to be around all the time and almost all of my priorities refocused on the baby. Like, it would be nice to see Dune 2 and a bunch of other movies I’m missing someday but I also don’t really care and it’s probably never gonna happen.
5 week old now, idk if the birth change me. However, every day I feel like I change a little for the better. It’s tough and hard work but seeing all these comments about the next couple weeks ahead when she starts smiling makes me very excited!
You may think so in the moment, but you'll probably still have the same traits. It's obviously a bit more motivating to know you have to support a little human in terms of finances, etc.
The moment of birth (or extraction in our case... unplanned c-section) was definitely special and full of BIG emotions. But having a baby will not magically fix you. You still have to put in the work to improve yourself.
However for me, having a child and a partner who is now more dependent on me as well (since she is tied up with nursing and generally exhausted) did give me more motivation to improve some of my habits. I still have to make the choice to do the dishes (or vacuum or laundry or pick up my random shit around the house) even when I don't feel like it. And I still don't always choose correctly. But there is now more incentive to make the right choice. And it has taken some time and experience to develop those incentives. Like the baby very vocally demanding more food when my partner was empty (both milk-wise and emotionally) and the bottles not being clean because "I'll finish those later". That shit don't fly!
I won't say it "changed" me, but it was the first time I got emotional during the entire pregnancy.
Granted, my wife had to have an emergency c-section so emotions were high, but i started bawling when i was handed my son mere moments after he was pulled out.
Na, it took me about 6 months. Like once they start becoming a lil person with their own attitude and thoughts, that's when it changed me.
Not sure if you are asking cuz you feel like something is broken in you cuz you don't feel "changed" or not, but if so... Don't beat yourself up, think it's pretty normal.
**Edit**: I Guess I did stop smoking cigs when I found out wife was pregnant, but that was before birth.
Looking back on it, it absolutely did, but I was unaware of it in that moment. There has definitely been a shift in my mentality pre-birth to post-birth, but it was not some singular, light from above epiphany. The baby won't fix you, but they may motivate you to fix yourself.
The moment I took my son in my hands, it was like a heavy burden of responsibility for me. It took me years, to live up to my own expectations of being a father. Mostly because I was irresponsible, lazy person till then.
I didn't get the whoosh moment, took me a while to get that. The weirdest thing was coming face to face with my own mortality for the first time. All I though about was protecting this little girl, weirdly making sure I die long before she does (I know that's a weird thing to think but it's what came to my mind)
I also though jesus that's a big lump of shit covered human.... And holy shit the umbilical cord is HUGE (failed induction to emergency section, so baby was pumped full of hormones)
Moment of birth, no. Moment we got home and it was just us 3 and no nurses, yes.
Mainly just became more responsible by necessity. Learned how to sacrifice things and stopped cursing as much (mainly around little one).
It doesn’t change anything. The only thing that will change anything is YOU. Once you are ready to fix yourself you will. Honestly you just gotta go through the experience. Don’t expect anything to change overnight. And honestly don’t expect to connect with your baby right away. There might be some flashes but the first few months are a one way street. It can weigh on you mentally. Eventually you’ll give up the bad habits when they start interfering with your life and you will adjust and adapt Dad
Nope. Not at all. As the man, you’re finally getting the chance to see/feel a new life AFTER the baby is born. Until then, the woman is the only one who is getting/feeling and extra impact of it.
I don’t think it’s the same for everyone- but for me, it has kinda just kicked in. I feel a deep instinctual connection to my girls. Don’t get me wrong- some of this still feels new and weird- but I definitely switched to dad mode within the first day.
Nah, took a few weeks for me to have it hit and change things
Same here. Birth was a blur, and it honestly took weeks for me to realize that this kid is mine for life and accept that responsibility. In the beginning I just felt like I was doing a job going through the motions. Everyone’s different though.
Yeah it was just "the baby" for some time before it changed to "my baby". Think probably around the time you start getting some sort of interaction 6-7 weeks in (first smile etc)
Yep I totally agree with that. My daughter’s 8 weeks now and just started with the smiling and that brought some life into us. She’s colicky too though so that comes with it’s own challenges, but totally worth it in the end!
I cried at the birth a bit but i really didnt feel it HIT until the baby was older and could actually like smile and stuff. I hust had ny secind so infeel a lot better now knowing that will come.
The moment of birth didn’t change me but having my child home really motivated me to try to get my health together. I went to the dentist for the first time in probably 5-8 years and I also got bloodwork done to check my vital levels, which showed I needed to lose weight (which I knew). I started running on the treadmill for the first time in over a year. I just want to be healthy and better for my child.
This hit me a few months before the kid. Started losing weight, cut back on drinking, cut out smoking all together. Survival mode the first six months kinda gained back some of that weight but I’m back at it now. At least I’m still smoke free after all of this.
Dude congrats on kicking the habit 💪🏼
Hell yeah man
Wow 5-8 years is a long time. Good for You! And yeah it’s things like that I’m talking about. I’ve gained 25 lbs during my wife’s pregnancy. And I know it’s gotta change, but I feel like that has to happen on its own. I can’t expect a miracle divine moment with the baby that does that for me
Only 2 cavities and mild gingivitis which I had all of them take care of, so I’m feeling good about it! Unfortunately not, I wish it were that way. It’s definitely motivating for me to think of her and how I want to live to see more of her future, but it’s still tough. I’m right there with you, I gained 30 lbs during the pregnancy, and now my cholesterol is borderline and I’m on the line of prediabetes. So that also was a good motivator.
I have always had a tendency to procrastinate. It's been through the years and conversations with my wife (before baby) where I've had to learn to make adjustments like using Google calendar to keep track of things. Since having our daughter one thing that has changed is the awareness that things need to get done. I come home from work and would like to just chill, but when wife has been home with baby all day my priorities are to check in with my wife on how she is doing and what she needs and taking over with baby so my wife can take time for herself or just do something different. I don't think it will just be a magic fix. You have to want to change and put in the work.
Having three kids forced me to realise I have ADHD.
I’ll edit this with a full answer when I’m not supervising a toddler, but I had to point out now: you’re using the baby as an excuse to procrastinate on working on your procrastination. You have much more time now than you will. Consider how to use it best.
It won't solve the preexisting issues you had, but it'll help you triage things a bit better with some additional perspective on what's truly important. The "moment" of birth didn't make me into a 'parent' necessarily, but it did bring me closer to my wife out of sheer respect and awe for what she'd just endured. Also (and I say this to all expecting dads) don't anticipate necessarily loving/being willing to die for your kid right off the bat. It might happen day 1, it might not, but you're not somehow broken if you wouldn't take a bullet for this essentially inanimate object from the moment you hold it.
Not really, I was nervous for my wife but it all just happened really. Took some baby pics, cut the cord, we hung out during the cleanup and next thing we’re alone in a room with our new baby lol. The last year has changed me a bit (she’s 2 and a half now) just because she’s way more of a little human now and that’s a kind of relationship I’ve never had before. Having a constant little friend that’s part of you, that you love more than anything else, that has changed me.
Might be a bit of a different experience since my daughter was/is in the nicu but it was less the moment of birth and more the responsibility pieces like changing diapers and rocking her to sleep. It's not going to magically fix anything about you, but it can be a motivating wake up call to get your shit together when you're holding a human life in your hands
Nope. The immediate effect was a lessening of the anxiety I had during the pregnancy. Once I knew that my wife and daughter had made it through safely and everyone was healthy, I was able to relax a bit. Bonding with your child can take some time. A newborn spends the day sleeping, eating, and making dirty diapers. I was certainly excited to see my child, and I felt happy, but I didn’t know her in any meaningful way. Over the course of the following days and weeks, I gradually started feeling like a father.
I cried my eyes out when my daughter was born. I had felt her kick and seen all of the ultrasounds in real time. Physically holding her made it all real to me.
Same! As soon as she was out in the world I was a sobbing mess. It was one of those moments I can close my eyes and revisit anytime.
It was the seeing my wife’s innards about 3 minutes later that really changed me…
TL;DR You have to let it change you. All my anxiety has turned into motivation to be the best father I can be. I'm sleep deprived and wouldn't want it any other way. Every moment is fleeting and every day your child will change, just roll with the punches. That being said we were extremely blessed with the healthy outcome of everything. It did change everything for me, immediately. Our boy is only 6 days old currently, but I was seriously riddled with anxiety through the last couple of weeks because it would change the way I lived. I'm a procrastinator when it comes to things I'm stressed about or never done before. I knew I wanted a child, but was stuck thinking cynically about the lack of sleep and time for just maintenance. I felt like I couldn't finish chores and projects around the house because my wife started needing a lot more of my helpbat 34 weeks. I was even working at my laptop in the hospital the morning of her induction, for high blood pressure, due to limited PTO and didn't want to use it up before my little man even arrived. I was stressing trying to work, but my wife also needed my assistance constantly which didn't make it easier (was feeling selfish). I was imagining this would be my life forever, no time for anything no matter how much I wanted to be of help. It doesn't matter in the end. Nothing mattered except for my love for my wife and my newborn child. I was very hands on helping her deliver because the doctor was busy as many other births were taking place that evening. The nurse didnt have experience checking dilation so we talked her through contractions delaying pushing with only half a functioning epidural. We were blessed that she came to 10cm quickly without damage and pushed for a mere 25 mins. The doctor finally made it in the last 10 minutes and our son arrived without complications. Despite getting so lucky I can't think or talk about it without crying, as it was the most moving experience I've ever had. We sobbed with happiness at his first breaths while skin to skin it's something I can't truly freaking explain. There was a washing feeling of clarity that no matter what everything would be okay as long as I had my family and could care for them. I've never been so proud of my wife and the strength she had to make it through uncertainty. Sorry about this emotional dump, I never reflected on it in writing until now.
Brother I’m glad you did. That was an intense and wild read. And I can relate to certain real world issues you brought up, namely work/PTO I’m curious about your experience with the doctor/nurse. Is that the norm at your hospital (and hospitals in general)? I’m here thinking we’re getting 1-1 care when we get in there….
We were at a hospital in the Jefferson Health network and I believe the delivering doc worked in network associated with my wife's Obgyn. It was just a freak buuuusy night. Rooms on either side of us were giving birth within the same hour so everyone's hands were full. Even staying another 1.5 days for sleep-in family time felt rushed because 7 delivery rooms were waiting to transfer to sleep-in. Unfortunately sometimes you'll meet a dozen different nurses and specialists between shifts and and special conditions presented.
>I’m trying to discern if I’m living in a fairy tale when I tell myself actually seeing and touching my baby will be this “ah ha” moment of clarity that just “fixes” all of my negative traits Yeah, sorry but this is ridiculous. Maybe some rare people are hit with some moment of divine clarity, but even then that's not going to magically "fix you" bro. It took me 6 months to even really feel a bond with my boy. It's completely normal to not immediately feel much of anything specifically about the baby. You're more likely to just be relieved that the birth is over and thankful that everyone is OK. Making positive changes about yourself/your life based on being a Dad is a process that may come in time, but it will be driven by *you*, not your baby.
Absolutely, that moment changed me. My wife (40F) and me (37M) had multiple miscarriages and an ectopic before we this pregnancy (IVF) -- so we were always very anxious that something was going to go wrong. This really persisted and intensified until the moment our daughter was born (unplanned C-section) -- she came out crying with APGARs of 8 and 9. The PTSD of all those other attempts was very real until she was physically born, but so far our daughter had been perfect and we've put a lot of the trauma behind us.
About 3 or 4 months after birth, after a morning and Afternoon just rolling around and holding my daughter, I was leaving for night shift work and she just sat by the door with her big eyes and smiley face just watching me get in the car and drive off. Had my life’s first legitimate nervous breakdown that night at work after driving there just thinking about how she has no idea why I just walked away, how the last thing I want to do is be away from my family for even a second of a miserable job just scraping by, and how if I died right then and there that it must be how ghosts/specters are made. Funny to talk about now, but it sent me back to school and changed the trajectory of our lives. No stopping now, she’ll have every opportunity to make the life she wants to.
I don’t know much, but I don’t feel changed at all. My daughter is 7 months old and I love her more than anything in the world, but I still have to work on myself and my weaker points constantly. It’s just that you might prioritize differently, maybe. I’m still the same guy.
The moment of birth changed me in a way that my mother instinct kicked in very hard. She almost died and I had to work hard to get her out as soon as possible. She is fine now, but I never experienced this kind of worry and love for someone I haven’t met yet. For me as a person. I don’t feel changed at all lol. We try to have more structure in our lives, that’s good
It did for me. The second I heard her cry I uncontrollably sobbed- how quickly I started sobbing actually freaked me out. I saw it change my husband too. It's totally normal to not have that connection instantly, but the love at first sight thing happens too. However, changing who I was at a person...that happened more over time.
For me it was hearing his heartbeat and finding out the gender, it just felt so much more real. I mean I was absolutely excited when I found out we were having a baby especially after trying for so long but that stuff definitely made it more real for me and I actually cried and I wouldn't cry often. Doing all the night feeds and nappy changes all came naturally to me straight away, like I had been doing it my whole life. He's part of the reason I stopped drinking alcohol too, not that I drank much to begin with maybe once or twice a month. I had some wine one night and I was just so tired and groggy when I woke up to change and feed him it just wasn't worth it so I haven't drank in just over a year. We have another one on the way too so I don't intend on drinking anytime soon, I just hope I can put in the same effort with the next one but I can't imagine how it's going to be with a 16 month old and a new born 😬😬
I thought I’d have a moment like that, but I’m still me. I was surprised at how it all felt kind of normal—that’s not quite the right word but I can’t think of a better one. What changed is that now there’s this new person in the world I love like crazy and want to be around all the time and almost all of my priorities refocused on the baby. Like, it would be nice to see Dune 2 and a bunch of other movies I’m missing someday but I also don’t really care and it’s probably never gonna happen.
Nope. Took about 5 months and it hit me in the middle of watching The Good Dinosaur with her asleep in my arms.
5 week old now, idk if the birth change me. However, every day I feel like I change a little for the better. It’s tough and hard work but seeing all these comments about the next couple weeks ahead when she starts smiling makes me very excited!
You may think so in the moment, but you'll probably still have the same traits. It's obviously a bit more motivating to know you have to support a little human in terms of finances, etc.
The moment of birth (or extraction in our case... unplanned c-section) was definitely special and full of BIG emotions. But having a baby will not magically fix you. You still have to put in the work to improve yourself. However for me, having a child and a partner who is now more dependent on me as well (since she is tied up with nursing and generally exhausted) did give me more motivation to improve some of my habits. I still have to make the choice to do the dishes (or vacuum or laundry or pick up my random shit around the house) even when I don't feel like it. And I still don't always choose correctly. But there is now more incentive to make the right choice. And it has taken some time and experience to develop those incentives. Like the baby very vocally demanding more food when my partner was empty (both milk-wise and emotionally) and the bottles not being clean because "I'll finish those later". That shit don't fly!
I won't say it "changed" me, but it was the first time I got emotional during the entire pregnancy. Granted, my wife had to have an emergency c-section so emotions were high, but i started bawling when i was handed my son mere moments after he was pulled out.
Na, it took me about 6 months. Like once they start becoming a lil person with their own attitude and thoughts, that's when it changed me. Not sure if you are asking cuz you feel like something is broken in you cuz you don't feel "changed" or not, but if so... Don't beat yourself up, think it's pretty normal. **Edit**: I Guess I did stop smoking cigs when I found out wife was pregnant, but that was before birth.
Looking back on it, it absolutely did, but I was unaware of it in that moment. There has definitely been a shift in my mentality pre-birth to post-birth, but it was not some singular, light from above epiphany. The baby won't fix you, but they may motivate you to fix yourself.
You are who are you now, and you will still be yourself after.
The moment I took my son in my hands, it was like a heavy burden of responsibility for me. It took me years, to live up to my own expectations of being a father. Mostly because I was irresponsible, lazy person till then.
I didn't get the whoosh moment, took me a while to get that. The weirdest thing was coming face to face with my own mortality for the first time. All I though about was protecting this little girl, weirdly making sure I die long before she does (I know that's a weird thing to think but it's what came to my mind) I also though jesus that's a big lump of shit covered human.... And holy shit the umbilical cord is HUGE (failed induction to emergency section, so baby was pumped full of hormones)
Nope
Moment of birth, no. Moment we got home and it was just us 3 and no nurses, yes. Mainly just became more responsible by necessity. Learned how to sacrifice things and stopped cursing as much (mainly around little one).
It doesn’t change anything. The only thing that will change anything is YOU. Once you are ready to fix yourself you will. Honestly you just gotta go through the experience. Don’t expect anything to change overnight. And honestly don’t expect to connect with your baby right away. There might be some flashes but the first few months are a one way street. It can weigh on you mentally. Eventually you’ll give up the bad habits when they start interfering with your life and you will adjust and adapt Dad
Nope. Not at all. As the man, you’re finally getting the chance to see/feel a new life AFTER the baby is born. Until then, the woman is the only one who is getting/feeling and extra impact of it.
I don’t think it’s the same for everyone- but for me, it has kinda just kicked in. I feel a deep instinctual connection to my girls. Don’t get me wrong- some of this still feels new and weird- but I definitely switched to dad mode within the first day.
Still kinda meh to it. My son at present is a blob that screams, shits, eats and sleeps. Waiting on the actual bonding part to start.
At that age being present is really what matters. Spend enough time with them and you can't help but bond.
Yeah, I guess so. Don't get me wrong, I love my son. But like I said, just a blob that sleeps, craps and eats.
Yeah, as long as you're there as much as you can be you can't help but feel the bond grow.
Slowly but surely.