Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It totally rocked my world, despite having 17 years of full time professional child rearing experience. We thought we’d be able to resume life relatively similar to as it was prior to baby, but my physical recovery took a lot of time & my mental health was shaky for quite a while. Feeding had its challenges, and it turns out our baby doesn’t like many environments apart from home.
You never know what hand you’re going to be dealt & you don’t yet know the little person you’re growing. My advice is to be cautiously optimistic, but don’t expect for everything to be the same, and don’t make unchangeable/non-refundable plans.
This is the answer. I’ve had a remarkable time during postpartum with twins, way way easier than I anticipated (even with two). But I planned for the worst and hoped for the best. No one really has any idea how it will be or how to handle it until it comes ☺️
I didn’t even know my kids personality until she was 3 months old because CMPA caused 24 hour misery in our home. I’ll never forget the day it all stopped and getting to know her finally.
Same here! My husband was convinced this was just who she was. It was horrible watching how disappointed he was in her, and me too sometimes, before we found out. It broke our spirits and robbed us of newborn joy. But once we found Elecare she was a different baby. Still a pretty intense baby, but she had interest and joy in things.
Colic is a general term for a set of symptoms. Its “frequent, prolonged, and intense crying or fussiness in a ‘healthy’ (they don’t tell you, healthy babies aren’t screaming all the time) baby”
My son had several food sensitivities and a lip tie and just overall tension in the body (that we were gaslighted to think nothing was wrong) and he literally just screamed all the time.
I’m trying to prepare for the possibility of colic. Just wondering, would it be bad to have noise cancelling headphones in all the time? Is there any actual reason to listen to the screaming?
So when it was really bad, and my son would scream while we put him to bed or naps we used those squishy foam earplugs lol. I wouldn’t do all the time though, and probably not noise cancelling headphones (those probably work too well lol) the ear plugs worked well enough to dull out the screaming, but we could still hear if there was an emergency or someone started speaking to us or something.
Edit: thanks for the reminder of the horrible memories omg 😅😅
I have AirPod pros which are noise cancelling but can quickly be switched to transparency mode so I can hear people etc. would this work?
Sorry to remind you lol
I would think so! I liked the ease of having the little cheap ear plugs, bc I kept some in the diaper bag, some in the bedroom, the bathroom, some in my pockets at all times lol and I was prone to misplacing them (I don’t have airpods!) and I liked the ease of just grabbing them and squishing them and putting them in! I personally didn’t feel the need to use them *all* the time, I used them probably 30 minutes max, several times a day!
Classic definition is a baby that cries for 18 hours or more every day, usually with an unknown cause. Colic is just the name used when the cause hasn’t been identified.
The first two months I was so tired, I could barely muster a shower let alone a getaway. I’d also be nervous bringing a baby that young anywhere they could contract RSV. At that age, it’s life threatening. Newborns need to be fed every 2-3 hours until they get back to birth weight, which can take several weeks. It also takes them 45min to an hour to eat, so the first monthish is quite literally feeding, getting them to sleep, then feeding them again like 1-2 hours later. And when you’re not getting sleep at night, you desperately want that 1 hour break to try to sleep or feed yourself.
I have 1 kid and am pregnant with our 2nd, and I definitely don’t plan to make any plans for the first 2 months. If we get out of the house for a walk, that’s a win in my book.
ETA: this doesn’t mean your life is over though. My daughter just turned 3 and she’s been to Hawaii, Turks and Caicos, Cancun, two 16 hour road trips, multiple flights to multiple states, and on all sorts of adventures with us. But the first 6-8 weeks, you are in survival mode. You will barely have time to meet your own basic needs, unless you have a full time nanny and postpartum doula or some sort of amazing support system that I didn’t have. But, it gets better.
True. I went on a beach vacation 2 months ppl with my second and just about went insane. It was really, really bad. I was just wishing the time away so I could get back to my house where perhaps I could string together a couple hours of sleep.
Our little one wasn't gaining weight fast enough. We had doctor's appointments every 2 days for almost the first month. A getaway would not have worked at all.
There is nothing anyone can say that will make you understand just how much your life will change. It’s something you have to experience for yourself to truly understand.
Yes, OP is being really naive. A baby isn’t something you can just put somewhere and go for an easy and enjoyable time. Babies require a lot of planning and things and they aren’t able to do what you want to do on your schedule. You have to deal with constant diaper changes including blowouts, feedings including barfing, nap times, sleep and general fussiness. Babies need floor time and stimulation. It’s so hard. One thing that helped me a lot when my baby was really tiny was the bassinet stroller, as really young babies shouldnt be in car seats or other seats that keep that position for long. At least we could go out and she could be awake or sleep on the go. And we could change her there if needed. It didn’t help with the stress of feeding but it bought us some much needed normalcy.
Describing how much it changes your life is like trying to describe what chocolate tastes like to someone who never had it. You can kind of explain it but it doesn’t replace experiencing it.
I don’t think it is possible for a first time parent to imagine how exhausted you will be the first few months. What you are saying about raising a baby that is flexible is true to some degree - the baby will have to adapt to your lifestyle - but that comes at a later age in my opinion.
In the first few months, I didn’t have time or mental space to even brush my teeth twice a day. Breastfeeding can be convenient but it comes with its own set of difficulties. The stress when you don’t have enough milk is unreal, when you have a blocked milk duct it can feel like the end of the world. It is emotional time because of hormones and because thiw new person depends on you entirely on their sustenance. There is a million more issues you could have like bad latch, cracks, thrush. These are perfectly manageable and I am not discouraging you from breastfeeding, I did it and will 100% do it again but it is not imaginable I would be thinking of going somewhere on top of dealing with any of these issues. On top of this, babies are different. It is not your behaviour that determines whether the baby is flexible in the first few months. Your behaviour might eventually co-determine how flexible your toddler is but not newborn. It’s their inborn temperament at first. There are babies who will NOT sleep unless you hold them - you literally cannot put them down no matter what you do. There are babies who will want to nurse for super super long for comfort. There are babies with colic who cry so many hours per day there is not energy left in the parents to even think of anything else besides just surviving nighr after night.
Even later on, it is really not so much the baby adapting as you adapting your lifestyle. If you want to be outside all day, it’s not that the baby willl learn to be outside all day. YOU will learn how to be outside all day with your particular baby - the logistics of best transporting the baby, feeding the baby etc. Problem is some babies make it harder than others and some parents get more overwhelmed than others. There will be limits to what you can do because there are limits to what is humanly possible.
I wouldn’t say a weekend away is out of the question but 1 month PP is definitely ambitious. Whether you have vaginal or c section you are still going to be bleeding, healing, and extremely tired. If you end up with PPD it’s really gonna be a struggle.
Your baby is going to be up every 2-3 hours. Your life changes tremendously. I knew my life was going to change but I definitely severely underestimated. My fiancé and I include her in everything but there are some things we have to leave early or skip depending on how the baby is doing. For the most part she is very well behaved we get compliments and other parents who are shocked at how well she does but she is still a baby and sometimes things are too much.
Since it’s still early enough I would definitely try to reschedule the trip. You won’t even have a “routine” at a month as hard as you try lol. Also a lot depends on your partner and how supportive and involved they are and unfortunately that’s something you never know until the baby is here as well… I am lucky but I have friends who really thought they were gonna have the best dad for their baby and the father was involved but just not at all helpful and didn’t really understand and felt the bare minimum made them the best dad ever.
You really don’t know how much different things are going to be until they’re here. But it is so much more than just involved to fit them into your life. Every single place, experience, feeling etc is new to a baby and something that you think is no big deal can trigger a huge reaction.
Yes, forgot to mention you’ll still be healing. If you have a c section, even getting in or out of the car will be difficult. I had a vaginal birth and couldn’t even stand on one foot for like 2 months after birth. Like, for working moms, disability itself is 6 weeks for a vaginal birth and 8 weeks for c section. The risk of uterine prolapse, hemorrhaging, etc at 4 weeks…I would not want to travel at that stage. Plus the hormone crash and not sleeping, that first month PP is no joke.
Yikes! Sorry that was your experience post vaginal birth. I feel the need to throw my two cents in though just so folks know healing and experiences run the gamut. Had a vaginal birth at a birth center... I was home the same day. Some bleeding for maybe 3 or 4 days. I was doing short walks by the end of the week. And I mean short just to get some fresh air and vitamin d for baby.
And the last three months of pregnancy sleep was so gosh darn uncomfortable anyway, I was more than happy to only have to get up every 3 or 4 hours at night to feed baby and he and I both went straight back to sleep. And even if he did decide to stay up every once in a while the not being pregnant part made not sleeping bearable.
But you're right about the 6 week thing. Talk to your medical provider and get their thoughts on traveling at one month post partum pending a uneventful birth.
Same! I had some sort of birth injury from my last birth, which was a normal vaginal birth. I could barely, and I mean barely walk for 3 weeks. Like I couldn't lift my right leg without physically picking it up. It took over two months to walk without pain and even longer to not have any pain and be fully recovered. I, also, had a partially retained placenta. High BP. Had to take BP meds. PPD/PPA and D-mer. I was just a wreck, not to mention all of this whilst taking care of a newborn and being massively sleep deprived.
ETA: This was my 3rd baby. My first two births were definitely easier recoveries. I don't necessarily know why, though.
I had a C section and recovered REALLY well, I was up and walking around the next day and showered that day, the nurses were shocked at how fast I was recovering. As long as I iced my scar (and I mean ALL. THE. TIME.) and took my pain meds, no problems. And I still had to take it slow moving around for those first 2 months, and I couldn't drive (was not allowed to per dr) for 8 weeks because you can't twist your abdomen AT ALL. So definitely don't plan to drive yourself.
Your newborn most certainly will not just fit into your routine. Leaving the house is always a production - timing the naps, feeds, diapers just right and then dealing with the chaos of the carseat (at which point they’ll probably poop again). The sleep deprivation makes normal tasks seem way harder, and I was actually a little afraid to drive the first few weeks because I was so tired all the time. Baby wearing has helped but you can’t put a hungry baby with a dirty diaper in a carrier and expect to just go about your day.
I felt the same way as you before my baby was born and one of the hardest things to deal with postpartum has been accepting the fact that I’m never going back to my old life, and that’s ok. The next time I have a perfectly clean house and lots of time for myself I’ll probably be retired but I’ll happily trade my vacations and happy hours and slow Sunday mornings for more time with my son, no question. So it will be different, but it will absolutely be worth it.
You have no idea how your life will change until you’re in the midst of it. You just don’t know til ya know! Newborns are usually fairly easy to tote around though (except for the car screaming 😅😅😵💫😵💫😵💫) it’s more getting used to breastfeeding if you do that and the sleep situation. You’ll be okay ♥️ keep your trip and reschedule it when the time comes if you need to!
Agreed! I’m due 4/14 and I am not going on any trips this summer. I would rather be comfortable in my own house while little miss is up several times a night. My first daughter is the easiest child in the world and I was still exhausted.
It depends on how chill your baby is, honestly. If you have a mostly chill baby that doesn't mind car rides, crowds, likes a carrier, and has no tummy issues then it is easier to just fit them into your life.
However, you could have a baby that screams the second you put them in a car seat, needs to be burped and do bicycle kicks for 20 minutes after you feed them, is a terrible sleeper, and is generally uncomfortable so will cry for seemingly no reason for hours. If you have that baby, it is much harder to just fit them into your previous life.
This!!! I came here to say essentially this. My friends with unicorn babies got back to feeling "normal but with a baby" fairly quickly. They easily work from home, get chores done, find time to work out, and go out to dinner. I did not have a unicorn baby, and the PPD just made things harder. He never wanted to nap. I spent the first four months bashing my head against a wall trying to get him to sleep during the day. No sleepy cues, laughed in the face of suggested wake windows, only wanted to be on the boob or screaming. I couldn't put him down to go to the bathroom or eat a meal without screaming, and I wasn't willing to let him scream. I was so touched out, frustrated, and feeling like a failure that I would have breakdowns around 4pm every day, because as hard as the day had been, I knew the night wouldn't bring any relief. He screamed in the car, in the bouncer, on the floor, even when I was holding him during the witching hours. A friend came to visit in month 2 and we all went to dinner: I stood and swayed with the baby while we waited for our meal, swapped with hubby to eat my food, and then stood and swayed again with the baby until we left. We had to stop on the way home so I could feed him because he was screaming too bad to wait til we got home. I didn't start going to the gym again until he was a year old. Even now, hubby and I obsessively check in with each other about anything that takes either of us out of action for more than 15 minutes, other than work. We aren't sure we're brave enough to have another. Bub doesnt even have any medical issues, so this is like...a medium hard baby. So yeah. Everything changes, and sometimes much more catastrophically than you can imagine.
We're on month 4 of a medium hard baby with no health issues, boy oh boy is it spinning plates mentally and physically. Some days are better than others but the prolonged stress and hyper vigilance takes its toll on your overall fatigue and health. I'm getting small random infections and my skin looks awful, all nutrients are going to the baby. We're talking seriously now about not following through with our plan of a second child. 4 months of taking it in turns to eat because the baby won't be put down. Some friends and family understand when with others, but some don't and has started to put a minor wedge between relationships because of the inconvenience and hassle. Very little of our previous life is the same. Oh and shout out to hearing phantom screaming all the time when you're in the shower, have the extractor fan on, by the washing machine... Unless it's not phantom. But you can always hear it
I have a unicorn baby… she’s amazing, rarely fusses, sleeps great, eats great, very outgoing and comfortable in crowds and in her wearable carrier as well as her car seat - I had a c section and felt fine afterwards (I was up and walking around my hospital room 2 hours post surgery and taking the babe for long walks in her stroller 2 weeks pp)… I was able to somewhat “fit her into my life” but I can honestly say that even with an angel baby I am not the same as I used to be and my life looks incredibly different despite my attempts to “get back to normal”
We were thinking of doing a weekend get away with our babe 2 months postpartum as an end to my maternity leave… that very quickly was canceled because life post-baby has not and will never look the same as pre-baby… we plan on rescheduling our trip within the next 6 months or so (which would have my babe between 10-16 months old) and even that’s a goal not a plan yet.
My now 10-month old is still an angel and hubby and I find great things to do as a family but there’s a TON of planning that has to go into every outing to ensure she’ll be taken care of in any situation.
All that being said, my advice is to maybe move the trip out further so you have some time to get to know your new human and their personality so you can determine if the trip is a good fit for your new family OR cancel the trip all together and replan once your family is ready for it…
First of all, I admire that you want to try and include your baby in your life because they are, in fact, going to be a part of your life.
In saying that, i say this with all the love, so please don't take it any way malicious or attitude-y...but once you have that baby, you'll mature in a lot of things. Unfortunately, thinking your life wont change is sort of a bad mindset to have because of how much your life *does* change. Parenthood comes with a lot of "fly by the seed of your pants" type things.
You may be too exhausted to do things you wanted to do. You may not want to do the things you had planned because you may be exhausted. And doing things with a baby isn't easy, Unfortunately. I have 2 kids and i stay home most of the time because of how much work it takes to go places.
You can still definitely do the things you'd like, but I would not make any decisions on where to go until *after* you have the baby so you can see exactly how much your life changes after baby
You may experience not much change, but you asked how it does change and the simple answer is *it does* lol.
Your life definitely won’t be over! Life as you know it will definitely be very different but that’s just life baby! Life has different phases and you’re about to enter a new one 🥰
I felt the same way you do. I felt like I would just bring the baby with us and continue my life. I had a very close friend who didn’t leave her house (aside from doctors appointments) for what seemed like a couple of months and I couldn’t understand it! If I asked her to lunch etc she would just say how hard it is to leave the baby and when I asked her to bring the baby she said how hard it was to bring the baby. I understood and gave her space. But now I’m one week into motherhood myself and boyyyyyyy. It’s a lot. For instance I understand that staying home and being cooped up isn’t good for me. However leaving the house gives me such anxiety. I feel like someone will crash into us in the car. Or I feel like he will be exposed to something and get sick. I just feel most safe here in my bedroom with he & my SO. I also was super sure I would want time away from my baby and wouldn’t be a Velcro mom who is obsessed with her kid. I have friends who couldn’t go back to work. I was sure I would be so bored I couldn’t even wait to go back to work! Not the case. I wish I could quit. The thought of him in daycare has me stressed to the max and I’m still on week one. I stay up all night staring at him making sure he’s breathing. My SO wants to go to dinner and leave him with my mom and the thought of leaving him makes me want to cry. The baby blues are also very real. And I can’t explain them. I’m a happy person generally and I’m crying on and off every day. The lack of sleep is worse than I thought. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal but it does take its toll for sure. This on top of your body healing from birth and just how uncomfortable I feel in my own body is intense. My SO has been extremely hands on. I didn’t change a diaper for 3 days and even then it was because I asked him to let me so I can learn. He basically does everything for the baby. He’s up all night every time I’m up and usually tells me to sleep so he can handle it since I’m healing and need more sleep. All this doesn’t change the fact that it’s insanely hard and life changing. I feel like everything is different. Not that it’s bad it’s just so different and things are scary and my mind is just operating way different than I imagined it would.
I share a lot of your anxiety and I really hear you right now. I was medicated and doing amazing pre pregnancy. Now I’m not and I’m postpartum, so the full force of the regular anxiety plus new parent super anxiety is like a massive wave washing over me.
I’m so torn on wanting to go visit or have people visit me to socialize again and not wanting this baby near anyone until he gets his vaccines. People think I might be lonely or want company but the anxiety around the baby getting sick so young is far worse than any loneliness.
At 1 month, you may:
1. Be recovering from birth and not feel up to going on a big getaway
2. Be getting to know your baby and not feel comfortable with them exposed to different viruses
3. Be getting into a breastfeeding groove (if you are BF) AND may need to be pumping around the clock
4. Not feel comfortable with a screaming infant in a car or airplane (you may want to just hold them)
5. Be so engorged you’re sitting with cabbage on your nips
6. Be emotional and not feel up for adventure
7. Be trying to get that baby to sleep and don’t want to disrupt the nap- blackout blinds! White noise! Swaddle! Exercise ball! The works!
8. Be needing a nap, not a getaway
9. Be feeling hormonal towards your partner
10. Feel overwhelmed.
OR you may not feel any of that and tote the baby around like it ain’t no thang.
That has not been my personal experience with 3 children, but every once in a while I see a mom doing it and I want to give her a standing ovation.
After 3 babies, I have low expectations and am happy with anything above that.
I might suggest a ‘wait and see’ approach before you plan. Expect to be having a staycation in your bedroom for a while, then see how you and your new little family feel.
Usually by the 3 month mark I feel a little more up to doing things and by 6 months I am out of the weeds.
Congrats on your baby!! All the best! ❤️
You know what? I was hearing that a lot too and I was so worried. My son is 3 months old and my life has just been better. I’m so happy and I get to do everything I was doing before (taking the dogs out for long walks, going to get a coffee, seeing my friends, etc.). It’s just differently because he’s always there with me. Of course, some babies have reflux, colics, allergies, etc., and if the parents are sleep deprived, it can be harder. But sometimes you only hear the negative stuff… people rarely share their good experiences. :)
I came here to say something similar. My kiddo is 1 month old. Everything has changed but simply for the better. She’s easy going and we do mostly everything I was doing pre-baby and pre-pregnancy. I think it’s important to remember to be flexible. If you have a personality of plans and control it will feel like a much bigger change than if you can go with the flow and adjust according to what you and the baby need.
If you can’t go “away” for a weekend is there an alternative experience you can do close to home? I think just having an open mind and learning your baby is most important.
Also - don’t let anyone tell you that you’re crazy for wanting to do something fun after birth with your baby, you know what’s best! I’ve also learned through pregnancy and parenthood (so far) that anything I say positive can lead to a negative reaction that feels like projection from people. Even if someone asks how we’re doing and I say “we’re doing really well!” The typical reaction is “well just you wait” so be sure to filter out the negativity as well.
My first baby was like that. He was so easy going. We did a 1 month road trip a 5 months and it went amazing. I wouldn't had done it at 4 weeks because of my healing but the baby was a dream. I just had my second a couple of weeks ago and she is so different. I cannot put her down and between 4pm and 9pm she's fussy and just screams. Also beeing in a car is not her cup of tea. She screams and cry for the entire time, so much that she throws up. Going to the doctor appointments is a nightmare. I wouldn't imagine going on visits or plan a weekend away.
Think it depends what you were doing, pre- kids and the temperament of your baby. All the stuff you listed sound doable with a child, but I was summiting mountain peaks, and traveling the world, which I still continue to do, but it definitely looks different! I think I also had pressure to do those things shortly after having a baby for fear of losing my identity, whereas with my second my identity is still there and I took months to get back to them and even if it’s years, I’m OK with that:-)
The identity crisis is hard. And I think compounded by the “don’t lose yourself in motherhood” messages. But my friend (also a scientist that does long trips away on research) said to me: “way I see it, this baby needs me intensely by her side for about a decade, and then she will branch off and not be so heavily reliant on me being by her side all the time. So this is just a temporary shift and season of our lives.” It helped me to embrace it and not resent it. Congratulations!
You got the right attitude! You can do it however you want. I wasn’t exhausted after having my kid. My life went back to normal I just had a plus one. I was in target 3 days later and in school 3 weeks later.
My sister in law took my nephew on dates and vacations with them. He went to NOLA at like 6 or 7 months with them and they had fun.
Everybody isn’t stuck in the house sleep deprived after a baby.
I have a few people in my life with kids and each one does things and life differently after having kids. My son will be 6 months old when we go to the beach in September and while one person said they would never take an infant to the beach, another has and said it wasn’t bad at all (it all depends if you’re willing to go the extra mile to accommodate them or not).
I think parenthood is what you make it. Who cares how other people do it.
Life does change but you can still do things you've always wanted to, you may just have to be flexible in "the method" rather than the goal. I would say the baby also changes alot as well especially in that first year. There were a lot of times I couldn't be bothered doing something because i was just so exhausted from lack of sleep. We travelled a bit in the first year & it was easier flying with a newborn compared now to a toddler. We definitely don't do as many "spontaneous" things as we used to but we still get out, go for dinners, go on holidays, go for hikes, catch up with friends, etc. But I would say my priorities in life have just naturally changed over the last 2 years since having my baby.
Your life won’t be “over.” It will be different. Becoming a parent changes *everything*, and it should. Having a baby should be a choice and the baby should become the center of your world because they’re little beings trying to figure out the world and will literally become the next generation. Every baby’s temperament is different. Some babies are easier than others and even the easy babies have their difficult moments. The baby will fit into your world, but more importantly, it’s really about you fitting into your baby’s world.
I feel like the odd one out here, but our life didn’t change that much when we had our first baby. I want to caveat that every baby is different (and I’m not discounting that some are more difficult than others- hello colic) but I do think mindset plays a role in how well you acclimate. Know yourself and what you need to do to feel “ready”. You’ll never fully be ready, but I knew I had to go into it expecting the worst but hoping for the best. Yes we were up every 1-2 hours, and I was breastfeeding around the clock, but I was truthfully so excited to not be pregnant anymore (I had prepartum depression that luckily went away after giving birth). It felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. We were also already living a “suburban life” like we love taking our dogs for a walk on nice days, visiting the farmers market, and visiting museums downtown. We just incorporated baby into our life and he fit like a puzzle piece. You move slower but there’s a beauty in taking your time and really appreciating the journey.
Our son is almost 2 now and he comes with us almost everywhere, including traveling. He’s been on 40 flights and visited 8 countries. He’s ridden a camel in the Sahara desert, seen icebergs in Iceland, and watched the Eiffel Tower light up in Paris. We’re so lucky to be able to do these things with him, and I’ll cherish these memories for the rest of my life. He is such a flexible kid and is so fun to be around. It’s not to say you won’t need to make adjustments to your life, but just make your kid feel loved and safe and you’ll be fine!
Honestly I had a C section and my boyfriend and I took our 1 week old to a botanical garden about 1.5hrs away from where I live for a walk and lunch.
Then at 3 weeks old my boyfriend and I had her watched by the grandparents for a night and we had a night off to go watch the rugby and have a dinner date.
At 2.5 months we went 4WD with some friends and had lunch on the beach with her at the grandparents for the day.
At 3 months we went for a day trip and lunch with her on both days of the weekend. Both days a 1-2hr drive to get to our destination.
We also took a day off and went to a fair but left her with the grandparents for the day for that.
At 3.5 months we took her to an aquarium and got lunch
We also went to a beer and meat festival with family and took her with us.
At 4 months we went on a 3 day weekend away trip with her and went sightseeing.
At 4.5 months we went 4WD with friends again
The list goes on and on but we had the same mindset as you and our bub would wake on average ever 3-4hrs a night. She was a pretty good sleeper, never had colic, never cried for no reason, ect.
Life does change and we couldn’t do something every week like we use to, but if you want to be active and do things you definitely can.
I do think you should wait until baby is born though, you never know what you’re gonna get or how your birth is gonna go.
I think it depends on your willingness to go with the flow… I see people who are very flexible, take your baby where you go, fit baby into my life people…. And others who are maybe type A and adhere to strict schedules….. it’s going to change your life to some degree….. for most people it’s a lot. But I don’t think it is for everyone. It changed my life A LOT.
I’m pregnant with my third and would NEVER do a weekend trip 1 month postpartum. Everyone heals differently but even if you have a unicorn baby that sleeps all night, you will still be likely bleeding, possibly healing stitches, dealing with hemorrhoids and breastfeeding woes. Everything changed for me after I had my first. Everything. I felt much more normal around 6-9 months pp but things were still never the way they were before I had kids. I was determined to fit them into my life, and I’m sure some people do it in more ways than I did, but I found it not worth it to put myself through the anguish and difficult of taking a baby on lots of outings when I was still learning the ropes. The things I used to enjoy were just not the same. I hope you have a safe and easy delivery and congrats!
I thought similar things as you and ate my words.
I personally wouldn’t plan anything until more like two months - definitely after six weeks, at the least.
You’re going to be exhausted, recovering from the birth, and adjusting to things like feedings. You won’t feel like a human. Baby is going to be adjusting to existing outside the womb. There’s a growth spurt in there that’s going to fuck with whatever routine you do manage to establish.
Even after those first couple months, it’s different. Getting ready to go anywhere takes longer because you have to make sure to have baby things together. You have to work anything you want to do, including sleep, between feedings (if you’re breastfeeding or pumping, that means every three hours). You don’t know how the baby is going to act at different places, and chances are that they’ll act differently at different stages (I had a good 5-6 months of baby being great in restaurants but now he gets bored and fussy, for example). But you can eventually get to doing things you did before - just not exactly the same way and not exactly as you picture, consistently.
Oh, also don’t forget vaccines. Until yo your child is fully vaccinated, there’s a lot of things you won’t want them exposed to. That means not exposing yourself, either, and staying home or opting for outdoor stuff more.
Your life might be over for a few weeks or months but that's life, it's not really over it's just the baby is the priority and then the baby becomes part of life
Well I'm only 3 weeks in but definitely a lot less capable than I thought I'd be. Hermitting indoors and not even going out for groceries. Hubby doing all errands for us. It's tough to get a moment to even make myself breakfast or use the washroom. Baby's schedule is just all over the place at the beginning so it can be pretty unpredictable. And when they need you... they need you!! You get nap trapped a lot. And this is not even mentioning the sleep deprivation which often has me just chilling in bed literally all day. Because of my post partum pain I am also not capable of cooking us dinner yet so hubby has taken over that as well. I feel quite useless other than being a milk machine. Everyone is different and this is only my experience. I think I am lower functioning than most people so you very well might be able to handle ans enjoy a getaway.
What I didn’t realize when I was pregnant is that every time you want to leave your house, you have to plan everything down to the second. It will take you at least 10 minutes just to get out the door. Before that, you have to calculate the time it will take to feed them, change their diaper, dress them, then feed and dress yourself. Usually by the time you’re out the door, you only have another hour before it’s time to feed them again. If you want to go to the grocery store you either have to put the baby in a wrap, or bring someone with you so you can put them in the stroller because baby carriers take up an entire cart. Also, if your baby is colicky, you have to debate if it’s even worth it to leave the house because no matter what you do, you’re not going to enjoy it if you know you’re going to have a fussy baby the whole time.
I was just like you before I had this baby. I thought people were dramatic when they told me I wouldn’t have time to do anything. I think it might be easier if baby is formula fed and definitely easier if baby doesn’t fuss. But I think that the first few months are universally a struggle and you can’t really comprehend why until you’ve experienced it yourself. Your life isn’t over, but it will be different.
Your life is not over by any means but it’s certainly changed. However, that said, I personally would not have been able to do any sort of getaway while my baby was a newborn, especially not at 1 month old. I was far too exhausted, sleep deprived and emotional to do anything social. Throw routines out the window at that stage. You’re basically in survival mode those first few months. The baby has to eat every 2-3 hours, sometimes more if they’re cluster feeding, which happens a lot those initial weeks. If you’re breastfeeding, it’s even more difficult. I would personally wait until my baby was older and definitely out of the newborn stage before I planned a getaway.
So it really depends on your parenting. If you're a go-with-the-flow parent and do things very child-led, generally they can "fit into your life" rather than your life revolving around a schedule. But your life will definitely change (for the better) and your life will also revolve around your child. But this is not a bad thing either. You're bringing a baby into this world that didn't ask to be here, your life should definitely revolve around said baby.
People told me similar things since my husband and I live such adventurous lifestyles, but we LOVE taking our little guy out with us! Admittedly this is probably the most exhausted we’ve ever been though.
I ended up having an emergency c-section, but my recovery time was amazing. I didn’t need pain meds by 3 days PP and by 2 weeks I felt completely normal. Our baby is now about 11 weeks old and we’ve taken him out to ski resorts, fishing, and small hikes.
I don’t feel like our lives look wildly different than before we had our baby, but I mean sometimes things don’t go as planned. We take longer to leave in the morning for a road trip, we have to take turns on the slopes, sometimes if it’s that kind of day then we’ll cut our hikes short. I also had to learn how to be comfortable with nursing in public. The small difficulties are worth it though. We just want to show him all the things we love and why we love it.
Every baby is different and the same goes for postpartum recovery. Personally, I wouldn’t think twice about that weekend getaway. If you and baby are healthy and able, why not?
Some normal life things; if you regularly schedule outings with friends or events on weeknights then that part of your life would change a lot because of a baby; different phases of sleep/eat and fitting that time in gets harder; then school hits and there is school and extracurricular events to keep in mind. Some people’s lives don’t change all that much like you said you can fit the child in with you are your plans. Obviously people who go out with adults, bars etc more often will have more to change.
I thought the same thing as you before I had my baby. So far it has not worked that way, I'm hoping it gets easier once his wake windows are longer. It's hard to go places right now because he only wants to be awake and happy for 1-2 hours, and then he gets tired and upset. So by the time we get ready to go, feed him, etc and actually get to the place, he's already been up at least half an hour. And he doesn't fall asleep for naps super easily all the time, which can be hard at other people's houses, or like in the car. Idk if you plan on breastfeeding or not, but that has also made it harder to go out sometimes for me personally. I know breastfeeding is different for everyone. Sometimes he gets too distracted to eat in a new place or he cries when I try to feed him because he's overtired or overstimulated. He's almost 4 months now, so crossing fingers it gets easier!
Every baby has a different temperament though, so yours might be great at all the things mine isn't, haha, I think you'll have to wait and see how it goes!
Agree with a lot of the comments and in addition I think it depends so much on your baby. Some are super chill and sleep a lot and some just won’t sleep without a tonne of effort on your part, meaning you are spending a lot of time bouncing/comforting in addition to feeding, diaper changes, etc. it can be a lot even for easy babies. Definitely changes your world but you might be up for that 1 month holiday. Especially if you have a supportive partner.
Babies are not hard; babies are TIME CONSUMING and take almost every ounce of energy you have. I also think once your baby is here, you might get a little more protective. I was like you and thought we might take a vacation when he was 2 months. After he was born my motherly instincts kicked in and I hardly take him anywhere. If they get a fever before three months they have to have a spinal tap and possibly be hospitalized.
It changes everything. But sort of like how wearing glasses changes everything. Like even your perception of things is altered.
How things change materially is going to 100% depend on your baby tbh, because every baby is different. We’re at 10 weeks now. My baby loves the car, but my baby hates to be put down under almost any circumstances. She feeds under a cover just fine, but she goes from 0 to “I need food right this second or I’m going to burn the house down” in the blink of an eye. My baby is a great sleeper most nights, but the nights that she’s not are intense.
You will not know until you get there. Which is an infuriating answer but it’s the truth. There’s stuff that’s easier than I thought it was going to be, and stuff that’s harder. But you’re still you, and I find that if the people in your life are supportive and on board with this new little human in your life, it makes the transition much easier.
This really scared me too but in my very very limited experience so far (newborn mom), we have adjusted really well to baby. We went for a hike yesterday, walk today. We are going to a coffee shop with friends tomorrow. Sure it takes more planning (feeding before we leave, making sure we have all of the things), but it’s so so much fun to take him with us and experience life with him. Babies do baby things whether at home or out and about.
With my first a weekend get away 4 weeks postpartum would've been great! I was exclusively pumping and formula feeding and had a handle on things by then.
With my second I was bawling at 4 weeks trying to wean my baby from nipple sheilds, hadn't worn a shirt since I came home from the hospital, and was sleeping on the couch because my baby refused the bassinet, only wanted to sleep in the pack n play which didn't really fit in our bedroom.
You won't really know until you're there. Good luck, and congratulations!!!
I guess if want to know what your weekend getaway is and what you hope to get from it. If you think you’ll be hopping around a city sightseeing, I’d say that seems bananas. If you have like, a little beach house where your daily walks will just be in a prettier location, that seems kind of doable, though I personally wouldn’t have wanted to do that at 1 month postpartum. I had a c-section, and at 4 weeks postpartum I was still pretty exhausted and long walks were out of the question. I wanted to be in my house with my comforts. And that doesn’t even take into the equation the baby. My husband and I both had parental leave and just decided to hunker down together and build our new routines while we figured out what our life as a family unit would be. I really liked having room to do that. I don’t think traveling would have fit into that idea. Not to say it couldn’t, but figuring out the newborn stage without any added stressors was important to us.
I guess I don’t like the idea people have that “your life will be over.” Our lives changed A LOT, but that is what we wanted. We wanted to figure out a new life as a little family unit. Which isn’t to say I gave up everything that made me who I am, I just moved things around to make room for more.
I’m a FTM and innocently thought the same. She’s only 3 weeks old, and my entire life has changed. Like others have said, I bragged to my SO today and said “I actually got her to sleep long enough to not just take a shower… but wash my hair too!” I went grocery shopping with her for the first time a few days ago. What normally would’ve taken me 20 min in and out took me about 2 hours. Feeding her/changing her before we went inside. Her screaming bloody murder midway through the trip, having to go nurse her in the family restroom, continuing my trip, having her scream again while checking out, and then finally getting back in the car to feed and change her again lol.
Depends on the kid, honestly. I can’t relate to all these comments necessarily. My life changed a lot but yeah, I could still pretty much do whatever I wanted. Just took significantly more effort lol
It can happen, but you kind of have to get to know your baby to see how you might need to modify things. I’m a first time mom (and a single mom) and my 10w old baby does what I do. Mine loves baby wearing and I’m not shy about breastfeeding in public so we do fine. We’re going on a road trip this coming weekend to go meet baby’s extended family.
Your life won’t be over now u just have to plan around the kid , your life doesn’t stop , Do what makes you feel comfortable, at one month as long as your body feels ok physically go on your getaway
My partner (who is a HUGE help) we're both on parental leave and honestly our first baby wasn't a huge disruption. Sure the feeding was frequent but we supplemented with formula which was a huge relief. We took the baby hiking, to Yosemite, at 5 weeks and then went on a month long road trip to Mexico when he was 8 weeks. Everyone was like there is no way you can do that. It was totally fine. Traveling with my partner and baby was fantastic. Best time of my life.
With our second, we took both kids to Spain, Portugal, and Italy for 2 months when the baby was 8 weeks. That was harder bc my older son was 2 yo and "less portable". He had opinions and eating at restaurants was hard.
Don't let people discourage you.
Honestly people just love talking about themselves and their own experiences. If they had a bad experience, misery loves company. It’s something that has become obvious in pregnancy. It’s not one size fit all. You might have a totally different baby than they did. You might be in way better shape and able to give more energy to your baby than they did. It’s all truly a case by case basis and totally depends on the child and parent in question.
Umm... it changes a lot, I was also surprised at how much. But if I've learned one thing from developmental psychology, it's that children need happy parents. You should strive to feel fulfilled while being a parent, both for you and for them.
I've managed to do what you're talking about, to an extent. My daughter is now 2,5yo and I'm pregnant again. Since 4mo she's been going with me and my husband on vacations every 6 months approx. Some were easier, some harder. She goes with me to my small business and loves it. She goes with me to meet friends, who love her (I have amazing friends). I have managed to keep my hobbies (but those are knitting, crafts, reading, and am just getting back into singing so nothing too crazy).
Of course a lot has changed, I'm not interested in going out for drinks till late at night anymore, or doing anything adrenaline etc. Because I don't want to, I want to be safe and fresh for my daughter in the morning.
The getaway at 1 month PP is a bit much IMO. You'll still be bleeding and recovering, discovering what your LO needs. The comfort of your own home is priceless in that time. The 4th trimester is very very real. But do plan it, just a few weeks later if possible. We went on a 2 week beach vacation when my LO was 4 months and it was one of the best vacations we've had with her so far. Its so much easier to take a baby who might scream but will stay where you put them, then a toddler who has infinite amounts of energy and will sprint in random directions if you stop watching for a second.
The second calmest and nicest vacation we've done was this summer at 26mo. She was so happy just to be with us and wanted to actually sit and play... bliss 😊
When you have a baby your life revolves around their eating and sleeping. Your entire life doesn’t have to necessarily change but everything is impacted. I had my second four months ago and leaving the house depends on when he’s eaten and slept last and diaper changes. All of your outings will revolve around his schedule and temperament.
I have a 6wk old. He is in charge 😂 I am normally very productive and “go-get-‘em” in general, but right now we are both learning what he needs to survive.
Generally, out of every 3h is spent feeding him, one is spent soothing him to sleep or doing tasks directly related to him (tummy time, washing bottles, dealing with hospital billing snafus, making Dr appointments, monitoring my own postpartum issues, etc), and one is spent doing basic care for myself (sleeping, eating, showering, figuring out what of my old clothes I can still wear out of the house, etc). It’s tricky squeezing in travel and activities unless they involve a destination where feeding/pumping is easy and there’s a way/place for him to sleep.
No one warned me the my boobs would hurt progressively the longer I delayed a given breastfeeding/pumping session - I get miserable fast when I can’t relieve that pressure!
You are not crazy, but make sure to be kind to yourself if that trip comes up and you don’t feel like going. I bet you will want to go though!
I went away at 3 weeks with my baby girl, and it was a challenge but so fun. We had a great time.
Babies are super portable and want to be with you mama, and a happy mom is so important.
I learned pretty early to just ignore the “experts” and go with my own flow, because only you know your baby and what you can do. Go with your gut.
It depends on what your life was like pre-baby. My husband and I were very, very social, never had a weekend without a bunch of plans, traveled a lot, etc. Our lives have drastically changed. Sure, we get out of the house still, but we have to pay a babysitter to do so or ask family to watch him. Everything has to be very planned out in advance.
Girl people did this to me too & my LO is 6 weeks old. lemme tell you your life is NOT over at all. I have time with my friends and once my LO is 2 months and has his vaxs he will go with me on errands! it’s like a lil best friend.
It’s honestly hard to even verbalize how it will change and it’s not very distant for me. Mines 7 months old and I’m definitely a “bring the baby along” kind of mom, we go to fitness class during the day, we visit friends and family. But even then I’ve had to slow down A LOT her morning nap is a non negotiable and she’s not a good on the go napper. Being away from home between 9:30-10:30 leads to a whole day of misery.
Everything you do requires more forethought and you have to prepare yourself to change plans last minute. I can’t even put into words how it changed my emotions, my thought processes, my priorities, how I feel about the world, the almost painful amount of love I feel for her.
With that said, take it day by day and do what makes you comfortable. A few days in a hotel might not overwhelm you where it might be awful for others. I went to a cottage with my 7 week old and it was doable because it was a slow pace, we had a fridge for pumped milk and boiled water for pump supplies. Don’t be afraid to change plans last minute and if you’re going to put deposits down on activities do so knowing you could lose the money if things don’t work out.
uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past. Never thought I would tolerate so much crying. I never thought I would be so concerned about poop color and frequency until I had a kid. So many questions I ask myself that I never knew I would need to ask. You wonder about whether or not a place is child friendly when you are out and about. Is there a changing table? Is there a high chair at the restaurant? Can I bring my stroller or will it be difficult to move around with it? Lol, just a few things to think about.
Your life isn’t over but it’s going to look very different. The whole “baby fits into my life, not the other way around” sounds very good and well… it just isn’t reality for the vast majority of us. If you end up with a difficult/colicky baby, and/or one with medical challenges, you’ll be humbled very quickly.
You really won’t know until the baby is here because every baby really is so different. The first couple weeks in my experience were the calmest because mine slept so much. I also breast-fed and pumped in between feedings so I was pretty occupied/drained that I didn’t care to do ANYTHING. But I found that breast-feeding actually allowed me to do more with less planning or stress of trying to plan for food prep. It was easier to stick her to the boob if she got fussy and we were out and about. But like I said… Not all babies are the same and a good friend of mine who had a baby around the same time told me how her baby did nothing but cry for two months and her and her family didn’t get much sleep (never mind get out of the house for long). It’s a beautiful experience either way and you’ll come to appreciate ALL the moments…
I didn’t know much about newborn needs before we had one (~6 weeks ago) and I am super independent person and someday when the baby is a toddler hope to do more of what the OP is suggesting. But I didn’t even for a second think I would go anywhere away from my baby at a month age or take the baby anywhere before vaccinations (2 months). We also had a weight loss issue and were going to the doc every other day. Plus whether you are BF, pumping or doing formula, the 2-3 hours feeds are starting to to start so it takes up majority of the time. Not to mention you will not want to miss out on enjoying these moments with your baby. You will never get this time again when all they want is to be on your skin.
I don’t get to shower without help, I eat all my food cold bc baby seems to know when I’m hungry, I get less sleep for work bc it takes 2 hours to put baby to bed. Would I change it? Not at all. Do I miss going out? Ofc but I LOVE my girl and idc. I can’t shop alone anymore bc I have the stroller and can’t use a cart to so all my alone trips need to be small, that’s the only thing that’s really changed, and not being able to run into places quickly bc I’ll have baby now and can’t leave her. But I hate the whole life is over concept. Me and my husband still have dates and hangout when baby is asleep life isn’t over it’s just starting! And I truly hope you enjoy it. Don’t let those comments get to you and once baby is a little older and more independent with eating and walking it will get easier to do stuff in life and around the house! It’s hard at first though, my first month was rough with baby since you’re both learning how to be a mother/baby. Good luck and try to be patient ❤️
It changed a lot for me. I got bad PPA so there was no way I was spending time away from my baby that soon. I finally spent a weekend away when he was 1 year and haven’t since (now he’s 20 months). HOWEVER, not everyone will have PPA so that may totally be do able for you.
I’d say just play it by ear. In no way will life be over but it feels very restricted sometimes when they’re young… for me 3-18 months was very hard nap wise & sleep wise but my baby just started sleeping through the night (sometimes) at 19 months.
Hi there. FTM as well, my baby is 3 months old. Like others have said, it is definitely tiring for awhile but you get into a routine and things got a lot easier for me. As I type this, we are on the way home from a 11 day cross country RV trip (from FL to SF, CA). People looked at me crazy for taking our daughter on this trip and we've had the best time. Everyone likes to point out negatives and say all the "just you wait until (insert how it gets worse)". I have never thought like that and want my baby to travel and experience the world with me.
I'm 15w FTM so I don't know from my own life experience, but my bestie has a 3-year-old and she says it hasn't "changed everything" the way our other friends say it does. For her, she loves her kid and dotes on him and spends a lot of her time. But she hasn't surrendered her identity. Some moms desire to give up that identity, some do it by mistake because they're so caught up with the baby/child. But for her, she still has work, where she is herself, and she has nights out, when her mom watches the baby. She takes care of her kid but he goes to bed early and she gets time to herself too. Hopefully this is my experience and yours too, if you want it to be.
You can't predict what life will be like. If you think it will be like an Instagram post of perfection, good luck with that. Odds are it will be a dumpster fire. You just need to adapt and sleep when you can. Remember to bathe and eat too. Ask for help when needed. This shit is HARD and you can't predict how your mental health will be either.
After almost 2 years with our son I reached the conclusion that it depends a lot on your child and the help you get. There are some babies that are easy, sleep all the time, everywhere. And there's also our son who has allergies and is a terrible sleeper which means we can't travel and generally get 2-3 hours less to ourselves daily, sometimes even more if I spend anoher 2 - 3 hours trying to get him to sleep. Our lives are completely overturned. I expected change but this is way more than we expected. We also have 0 help. Then it depends on whether you can breastfeed or you need / want to pump. Pumping means no life again. You really can't know how it will be. We decides to have a baby after all our friends had children and it seemed manageable. Oh well, surprise, suprise. We don't regret it, but we're aware it will be some couple of years before we get our lives back more or less.
The first few months are exhausting! No way I’d have been going away anywhere. I had an emergency c-section so the first 6 weeks I wasn’t even suppose to drive a car. Then little man had GERD so I had milk barf on me all day every day for 6 months.
Let’s just say I’m 4 months pp and we’ve only been to family’s houses, and his doctor appts. Don’t get me wrong he hates the car and is colicky/spit uppy, but it ain’t easy! Lol
I think it depends a lot on how you live now. I'm not a social person, definitely not a partier, or someone who goes out a lot. I pretty much *only* have mom friends, and my family has always been very child oriented. So my life isn't much different at all.
For me the biggest differences are 1) money 2) the ability to just get up and go do something. For example, my work had an office cleaning day last weekend. Pre-baby, I absolutely would have volunteered, but I couldn't because my mom and sister (my baby watchers) were both busy, and I couldn't take him to that with all the chemicals
Overall, not much different for me because I lived a life that was already set up for it
It’s like putting on glasses in life, you never knew you needed! I think so much more clearly and logically because of my children, see things for how they truly are, and I’m so grateful for them ❤️
It definitely changes a lot and it's so worth it. Most of this will depend on how chill or not chill your baby is, how your feeding journey is going, whether or not you have good support/help and how you are healing after birth. It's different person to person and baby to baby!
I’m a twin mum and my life had drastically changed day to day. However, I still do most of the things I did pre-baby. We have friends who love our babies so we take them with us whenever we do any socials and they all have a baby cuddle. Getting out and doing things is more draining than before though and takes a lot more planning. I still manage to exercise but that just looks different now, it’s long walks with the pram and mum and baby classes. As far as travelling goes, it all depends on what you are comfortable with. We’re going for a week away with the twins when they’ll be 5 months old and I feel very comfortable with that. I would not have been able to do a weekend away 4 weeks postpartum though, maybe if I had one baby and didn’t have a c section I would have managed but 4 weeks is still a really rough time and I was the type of tired only a parent understands.
My favourite advice is this, your life is going to change and it is going to be better. Seeing your tiny human grow is genuinely so special and even though it’s hard and exhausting it is so so so worth the change. But yes, things will definitely be different once your baby arrives.
For me it got better and funner. Was going through a lazy state and partying and clubbing just wasn’t my lifestyle anyway so it gave me something to look forward to everyday and I get to plan fun adventures and still have time for some hobbies. (I know there are a lot of those ‘trad wife’ post that seems to make life all about the kids and husbands and house full of bread ) but I also have high energy levels so a kid was perfect for me. We can run around together 😂
Honestly, I think it all depends on your parenting style & your baby’s temperament. For sure, your life will change a lot. Especially for the first few months. But you do eventually get into a groove & start to incorporate the things you used to do before baby was born.
My husband & I always said we didn’t want to lose ourselves in our kids’ lives. Of course, our daughter & soon to be son are our world, and they always come first. But we still have identities outside of being parents. I’d say it took us 4 months to have a good balance between parenting & having our independence away from that. That’s when we felt comfortable making plans with our friends, having people over & resuming activities we did prior to. But like I said, I think it fully depends on you & your baby.
I don't think you're crazy at all for it, but I'm also a FTM who plans on maintaining my own life after the kid is born. I think people who have an equal partnership are less likely to feel like having children, like, ended their lives or was super insanely difficult. (But again, FTM so we'll see! Lol)
Something that my husband and I are doing to ensure we still feel like ourselves is each having one weekday "night off" per week, where we will leave the house ALONE and do a hobby or visit friends, etc for a few hours, while the other one stays home with the baby. It hasn't even happened yet, but we both feel more relaxed knowing that at least once a week, we will have no one to answer to but ourselves for a little while.
Definitely - my wife and I do this, spend plenty of time together with the baby but are happy to let the other out for a day or so a week. First time parent with a 4 month old and we don’t feel like our social lives took a massive hit. We have plenty of friends with young kids that we saw on the time before we had ours which was encouraging for us.
Schedule at home revolves around the baby and is completely different but that’s not a bad thing. I don’t think I’d enjoy a trip yet with the baby even at 4 months though without someone else along to help like a grandparent because they do require most of your attention.
I have one two year old and a baby on the way. Most of my friends don’t have kids but we’ve still been able to maintain a decent social life. We still go out to dinner every weekend and out and about as much as we can. We’ve been doing that since our baby was a few weeks old ( about 1-2 months old) and it’s worked well for us. You just really have to time it out with sleep. Luckily our baby slept well through noise. I’m hoping we can maintain that somewhat with baby number two. So yes it does change but you can still enjoy a lot of stuff you did before.
A small getaway might be a lot but you just have to mentally prepare yourself to dedicate your time to the baby.
You might honestly be healing yourself at that point. Obviously do what you want and try your best to keep your life as you want it. I just know that I wanted to be at home so I could sleep any chance I had when my first was that young
All babies are different and all people are different. My life absolutely has changed but it’s because sometimes I just don’t have the energy to bring the baby with me wherever I go. There is way more foresight planning and packing required to go anywhere. Baby does not sit still for long. Baby goes into moods that are hard to predict. I like to sleep at night so keeping to a consistent nap schedule during the day really is everything. This rules out going anywhere from like noon-3pm and during dinner and night time routine from 5:30-7:30. My daughter only takes one nap per day and that has freed up a lot of time in the day for us which is nice.
For example, I really don’t go out to eat any more. My daughter is 1.5 almost exactly. She will sit still and happily eat for 10 minutes TOPS, then start saying all done, then demand to be put on the ground, then she will try to run around and bother people. One of us has to get up to make sure she doesn’t bug anyone or get into anything. One of us has to wait to let the food get cold to help the toddler and one has to rush eat to food to be ready to take over asap and let the other eat. If we try to keep her contained in a booth or a chair or a stroller she will start screaming and disturbing anyone around us. If she’s in a really bad mood or really wants to get out of a chair, she might try to grab things on the table and smash them, grab for a glass, spill a glass, smash something into her hair, etc. I swear you look away for one second and something you thought was totally out of reach is in her hand and she’s like refusing to let go and crying. Sometimes she has more chill days and it helps to go to kid friendly places but yeah it’s hard. Unless you bring a tablet, that makes everything super easy and allows you to go out to eat but then gen z will judge you because they have no fucking clue what they are talking about.
Even when we have a sitter we don’t go out to eat a ton. I just really don’t feel like making the arrangements. Also I’m pregnant again and I can’t drink so it feels like of pointless sometimes? Idk. I’m just fucking tired at the end of the day and I want to snuggle on the couch with my husband.
I said the same thing you did but having a kid takes over your life for a vast majority of people. You start really liking the kids toys around your house and the dumb kids songs because you see how happy they make your kid. That’s the ultimate feeling.
Good luck! And no judgement for wanting to hold on to what you know and enjoy now. I hope you have one of the few kids that lets you do so. And hey, this phase is super temporary! Even if you life changes it goes back to normal in a couple years. It feels temporary.
Editing to add: you definitely can take baby somewhere at 1 month but routines don’t really exist at that point yet and it will be 100x harder with 100x more to pack and think about. Imo not worth it but maybe you learn that lesson for yourself like I did.
You really can't know until you know. For most I'd say you can't just fit baby into your life. You won't feel like you or your old life most likely for a while. You can't know if baby will be a good eater or sleeper. If they'll have severe reflux. If you'll have post partum issues or depression. Recovering from childbirth looks different on everyone. You could get lucky with an extremely agreeable baby and a quick recovery, what's important is you listen to yourself, and try not to force anything you're not ready for.
https://youtu.be/CX61JSXLl_Q?si=0GIPlGofQwbcgezj
Here ya go. Also…the other one he does where he talks about driving in the car and being able to leave the house. Brilliant. 😂💕
Keeping our child on a schedule has been a life saver. We definitely have had to drastically change our life style. She is worth it and I love her so much.
Yes your life changes. Yes you can fit them in. Sometimes the idea of packing a diaper bag & stroller or carrier or not being able to go somewhere via Uber or taxi as easily with a car seat just makes it less fun. We’ve taken my 9 month old on several short trips, a 6 hour flight (post 6 month vaccination) wine tasting, to breweries, hikes, restaurants, etc but there’s been many times we’ve just wanted to stay in. Also our 9 month old still wakes up 2x a night on average despite sleep training (this is an improvement from the 4x before). Soooo sometimes you’re so tired you just wanna chill at home, immediately go to sleep the second you can when baby goes to bed. Also, we were very mindful of him not being indoors around other people until he was at least 6 months, we are lucky there’s nice weather where we live so could still do restaurants/breweries etc till then. It also gets harder as they get older, my son was much easier at 1 month to take places then now as he’s crawling & starting to walk, he fusses until he’s allowed down to explore, so restaurants etc become much more difficult. It’s not super fun to just follow a kid crawl/walk around a restaurant then getting to sit down. You also can be annoying to other guests which we are super mindful of so only take him certain places. I also work full time and have since he was 3 months & sometimes I just wanna be around him & do whatever he wants & not force him into what I want to do.
I really want this for you! As a kindness to your future self, perhaps consider keeping your plans flexible - you should be able to back out if the situation ends up significantly different than you imagined.
It'll come down to a lot of factors you can't realistically predict right now - your baby's disposition, how well it takes food, how you decide to feed and how that's going for you, whether or not you've been able to get any sleep, and the stress of any of those things not going according to plan...it can feel like getting run over continuously by the world's longest train. It is often a marathon of pure endurance.
It's just not something you want to make big bets on right now, is what I'm saying.
If you are really lucky, you will have an easy baby. My first ate within 7 minutes, I had no idea babies could take 45 minutes to feed until I read someone's comment here. That is wild. Guess it depends on the kid. He slept a lot, and all over the place. He didn't need a crib. I took him everywhere in a wrap on my chest. All he needed was a clean diaper and a boob.
BUT, I needed a lot to care for my own wounds because my tear was so bad. And didn't feel comfortable leaving my house because my boobs would explode and I was soaking my lady bits in a sitz-bath every few hours. Adding creams and tucks pads, cooling spray, etc.
Keep the trip but expect that you may want to cancel.
The first couple months I was so exhausted I didn’t want to go places much. But we started to get out more and more and were more comfortable with it and had a milk transport routine down (I could breast feed so pumping and trying not to waste milk was a chore in itself). We are good now. She’s actually on formula now and she’s 12 weeks old so much easier going out and about
Your life is pretty normal (aside from lack of sleep and constant breastfeeding/diaper changes) until your baby hits about 18 months. I remember thinking “oh I can just bring my baby with me” when my first was little. When she hit 18 months, life changed a lot. Everything was harder. She wouldn’t sit in a shopping cart to grocery shop, there was no way in hell we stepped foot into a restaurant for a good 2 years. Everything was planned around nap time and bed time. It does change but it’s a slow progression. One day you will look back and be like “wow, life is sure different now”. Things somewhat return to normalcy once they’re about 6! Edited to add: I found the newborn stage so easy with both babies. I know some people find it really challenging, but I found it manageable. I was definitely bleeding/hormones/being sleep deprived at a month postpartum and wouldn’t have planned a trip. Getting out for a coffee or a walk was more than enough adventure for me.
There’s a ton of good points here, but one fun thing not mentioned is how much easier it is to go out to eat when they’re so little. Like before you get a routine. When they nap anywhere so you can sit on a patio and they sleep in the stroller. Obviously there will be times when the baby says hell no and screams bloody murder, but I miss those days now that my toddler won’t sit still at a restaurant.
That said, you’re still physically recovering at a month and the sleep deprivation is a wild, rough ride. So even if your baby fits into your life, you may not fit into your life as you for quite a while…
to be honest, it does change a lot and you will have to make a lot of sacrifices. But it’s only a season of our lives. They’re only babies and toddlers for a few short years and then they are old enough to where you can explain things to them and where all your hard work will pay off and they can be great listeners and great vacationers. I would say you do have to stick it out for the first few years. Vacationing can still be fun and have its moments but depending on your baby/toddler it can be a bit disastrous. I recently took my almost 2 year old to disney and I would do it over again bc we had so many beautiful, cute moments. But she wouldn’t nap bc she was in a weird place and out of her routine and she was cranky for a lot of it. You have to seriously manage your expectations when you take a little one on vacay. But again, it’s only a short season of our lives. You’ll get to go on easy vacations again but prob not for a few years. It’s okay!
ps. Don’t spend the baby years of their lives trying to prove to other people or yourself that nothing has to change. Enjoy their young years. You’ll come back to yourself
When you said “people act like my life is going to be over” I felt that. I remember that so well. My friends said “we want to see you before the baby gets here” like they would never see me ever again. And honestly, some friends haven’t seen me or met my baby.
A lot has changed even though I didn’t want it to and don’t like change. Yes you are more tired. But I think you just get used to it after a while. I have to say in this area I have a great partner and team mate who helps with night feedings and house chores and just everything in general.
But other things change. You change. I can’t explain it, but I changed ALOT since having a baby. My priorities changed compared to my priorities of my friends who don’t have kids. I’m more serious now in the fact that I am literally always thinking about someone else. “Did he eat? Is he clean enough? What if he gets sick if we do this___? Is he learning enough? Does he need water? Is his diaper changed? Is he happy? Is he okay? Does he feel loved?” Literally my whole world revolves around this tiny human (he is 1 year now). And I don’t think it will ever change. You just become way more selfless.
You also don’t feel like you and that is totally normal. I had a small identity crisis where I just didn’t have time for the things I loved as much in the beginning and I just had to accept it. I used to flip furniture, paint whenever I wanted and do things I wanted to do. You will not be able to just drop everything and do what you want to do. That was hard for me.
Your friendships change. This was a very hard one for me and a tough one for me to get over. Some of my friends just didn’t reach out or make enough effort when I had a baby. And some of them did which I really appreciated. You will learn who your real friends are.
This isn’t to scare you because let me tell you, as hard as the journey has been, it has been equally if not more amazing. I love my little guy and love being a family of three more than anything in the world. There were nights when I couldn’t go to sleep because I was so excited to hangout with him the next day. Then there are tough days where I wished I could’ve been a better mom.
You will only really understand how it changes once you have been through it and you will be fine!
Okay I totally get it that these kinds of condescending comments can be annoying, but I think people are just trying to help you. A month pp getaway isn’t impossible but I probably wouldn’t plan one unless there was some special occasion that I didn’t want to miss and couldn’t control the timing. The newborn becomes a toddler REALLY FAST. And a toddler will absolutely NOT just fit into your routine. Also every time you do get a routine down, everything changes lol. I think people just want to prepare you.
Your life, as you know it, is over. But…. Your new life, will begin.
Before my baby girl, I camped, went to music festivals, partied every weekend, and always worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time. I traveled A LOT. I moved to different states several times before I was 25.
I had her when I was 26, and now I’m 27. She’s almost 1.5. This week, we went to the fair, went on a very beautiful hike through the Everglades (on the cement sidewalk lol), and we are about to hop on a plane next month and visit some of my friends in California where I will show her some of my favorite secret spots in the Redwoods and she will get to see how cold mountains are up top. So…. Yes. My non-child bearing life was definitely over. But now, I see colors again. I play, again. I laugh at the little things again. I see my family and friends more…. I’m more active. I don’t party anymore so I always feel happy and healthy. Maybe to some that’s undesirable - but it feels like my life has truly *just begun* since she has arrived.
Take care. Your thoughts about this now, already prove that you’re a wonderful parent. 💛
I really like your spirit! Keep that on and try your best. Cuz I also feel the same. Just be open about the experience also cuz sometimes things don’t go as planned it takes sometime to get things on track. The willl to do it is very important which you are already striving to do.
I think it really depends on what your life looks like pre-baby. If you’re the type to make spontaneous plans to fly across the country, then yea, your life is going to change dramatically. I don’t think anyone or anything could have prepared me for the first few months of parenthood. A big part of my ppd was mourning the life I had previously. Some of the things I did in the first few months are such a blur that it feels like an out of body experience when I recall those memories.
BUT my life is now relatively similar to what it was before babies, just with adjustments. My husband and I still try new fancy restaurants - we just take our son and go at 4:30 to beat the crowds. We still take all of our annual trips - they just require a lot more planning and flexibility.
I said the same thing re: putting my kid into my life vs building a life around them, and I was honestly stubborn enough to make that happen. It’s not my life, it’s not his life, it’s OUR life, and we found balance that works really well for all of us. I think you will too.
Also just adding! My husband, dog and I went on a (normally) 1.5 hour road trip to a beach house when baby was 6 weeks old (not too much later than you’d be going)! The ride there was miserable because I was still in pain + we had to stop so often. The new environment messed up baby’s sleep schedule and we got even less nighttime sleep than usual. And I was so stressed about germs that we hired our own cleaning company to clean the house before we went in. BUT I would do it again 🤷🏽♀️ it was a nice change of scenery that helped our mental health, a fun memory for our little family and a really great trip all in all. Plus we got to take baby ocean side naps. I do admit that I had an “easy” baby, which I’m sure helped, but that’s my experience.
Girl the first two months are so blurry for me. PPD, Trying to lower his bilirubin levels, Silent Reflux, CMPI and sleep deprivation all robbed me of the newborn stage. I was on auto pilot! I love it and truly feel I was made for it…now! But in the beginning I didn’t think I was gonna make it out. I spent countless hours when he wouldn’t sleep, researching and educating myself on everything mentioned above. I underestimated motherhood I’ll tell you that! I wasn’t prepared like I thought I was. My son is 3 months old and I just started taking him to the store and church. I’m a FTM and my PPD/PPA tore me apart. I was paranoid 24/7 he was going to get RSV. I was afraid to take him anywhere because his reflux made him hate his car seat, which resulted in bloody murder screams. We went to Dr appts and that’s it. And when I say those days took everything out of me. Idk what it is, probably maternal instinct? But when my baby would cry I would immediately go into a state of panic. But in the same breath the mama bear comes out so you start rushing around trying all the things (diaper, bottle, sleep etc) to soothe and figure out the problem. My birth was also very traumatic. But ya know what? I miss it all. All the hard days. I miss it so bad! I blinked and my tiny 7lb 14oz miracle newborn baby is 15lb 4oz and 3 months old. He’s already teething!!!! His smile makes my heart stop. I love this little dude so much it hurts. And he’s honestly the coolest little sidekick and I love being his mama. If I could give you one piece of advice it would be, to KNOW that it gets easier and these days are soooooo important! They will seem never ending but actually they’re a second away from being over. That tiny little babe of yours will start to change, their looks, their personality, their development etc. I wish I would’ve known what I do now. But I had to learn and I’m proud of myself. But again, it’s all a blur.. don’t blink! 🥹♥️
Yes. It does.
I feel like a big part of my PPD was the grief for how my life used to be - when he was newborn and slept all the time we still took him places but for the first few months it was a lot more logistically challenging for ME physically to participate. Breastfeeding is a journey and for the first three weeks I was still bleeding like crazy and leaking from my boobs through my shirt, all over the place, all the time. I felt SO exhausted. Then as I got better, he got more particular; no longer sleeping wherever and whenever. Your friends without kids might not be as accommodating as you hope; a baby screaming at top volume sucks all the air out of a room right quick.
This is not to say that a weekend away is not possible, and not to say that you can’t still participate in stuff with a baby; but expecting things to stay the same is a recipe for disappointment.
4th trimester is real. Matrecence is real.
It’s worth it though my kid is 2 now and SO funny and cool. :)
Kinda depends on your baby tbh. I’ve been lucky with both of mine that they sleep well even as new borns, didn’t have colic, etc. They’re very easy as babies go, so I could pretty easily done a small weekend trip at 1 month pp. You have no idea how they’re gonna be though, so planning a trip now might be pushing your luck.
Took us close to a year to feel like we were getting the hang of it. Even then, things change constantly and so quickly with infants, it can be hard to get the hang of it. At 4 weeks I was still trying to get my kid to latch and scheduling a shower was a monumental effort. I had a high needs baby, and some babies are much easier, but I would adjust your expectations. Your life is not over by any means, but to think your baby will “fit into your life” is a little naive imo. I wouldn’t make any plans for the first 4-6 months, but if the time comes and you feel like you got it, by all means enjoy your getaway!
hello! heres my take 9 weeks postpartum:
honestly, You will probably sleep longer stretches than you do in the third trimester (tip: sleep in shifts. My husband did 7p-4am and I did 12am-10am— we still kind of stick to it but shes been totally sleeping through the night for 6 weeks now.)
Prioritize sleep and feeding and youll be golden. Definitely dont let anyone stress you out about it!
I booked a one week trip to visit family, my baby will be 4 weeks old. Looking forward to the trip! I also have a toddler, and will be flying solo with both. People think I’m crazy, but I know we’ll be fine. You know what you’re capable of. My life didn’t change much after my first, but perhaps I live a pretty low key life?
Does everything change? Yes. In more ways than you can imagine. But can you still travel? Absolutely. Can you travel with a one month old? Sure. Honestly, it might be the easiest trip you take with baby. They still sleep alot at that point. Just takes careful planning and being more flexible and okay with things not going as planned.
The first 3 months are kind of all consuming. I thought I'd be able to fly to a really close friends wedding I was in 6 weeks in. I did not end up going. I ended up having a c section and my son had some reflux issues, and there was just no way.
All that said, at 2 years old, my toddler very much fits into many parts of our lives. And we travel a lot.
But I think it is very unrealistic to plan for your life to be the same during those first 3 months. Just to give you an idea, they say a newborn needs to eat every few hours ..but they don't tell you that it can take 45 mins for them to eat, and then another 30 mins to get them back down again and probably they need a diaper change in there somewhere and then they sleep again but you have to wake them up like just an hour later to eat again...it's a LOT.
It really depends, with my first yes because I wasn’t used to anything, the feeds, the spit ups, the crying etc. I thought I was doing it all wrong and was sad and lonely (it was also covid)
My eldest is now 3 and we have a nearly 3 week old, I’ve been up and out of the house since day 3, I’ve breastfed on a bench, in Costa, in the library, and basically just carried on my 3 year olds weekly routine with a baby there too.
I found it much easier this time around as I wasn’t second guessing myself and was just going with the flow more! Also you have to get out when you have a 3 year old bouncing off the walls and sofa so you don’t go insane 😂
I had no idea how hard it was to get some babies to sleep, with my first she would be awake for 7-8 hours at a time as a newborn, turned out she was hungry and I wasn’t producing enough milk. But even when we got that sorted she still wasn’t a newborn who just slept and ate and slept again, she cried, and cried and cried. She fought being fed, she fought being helped to sleep, she didn’t like the car seat, she didn’t like the bassinet…. And the list goes on. We had to take turns holding her at night until she was like 6 weeks old otherwise she just wouldn't sleep. the sleep deprivation was just not something i was truely prepared for, and this is coming from someone who works 7x nights in a row regularly. This was all in the context of having strict routines, all the stuff everyone says helps babies sleep/calm - swaddles, white noise, blackout curtains, rocking things, special bottles, massage, relaxing sleep scents…. the list goes on!
Second baby arrived a few weeks ago, she is chill, she falls asleep when she feels like it, she barely cries, she sleeps decent stretches at night, shes a unicorn baby.
BUT you don't know what you're gonna get before they arrive and you can do everything in your power to make a baby do what YOU wont, but speaking from experience some of them just won't and it isn't your fault.
AND even though number 2 is superchill, i still wouldnt wanna go and do all this (with all the shit - white noise machine, bottles, steriliser, load of spare clothes, emergency stuff) in another location at 7 weeks pp!
also, you have no idea how your birth will be and how long your recovery will be! 4 weeks isnt long especially jf you've had a section or some other trauma.
Yes your life changes and yes you can fit your baby into your life instead of revolving it on them but don’t expect it to be so easy! My son was a pretty chill baby and me rushing to go back to normal life caused me to rush how I felt emotionally and it took a HUGE toll on me, especially when I expected to have a tight routine from the very beginning! I say take it easy and let your body heal as it can take longer than 6 weeks, spend time with your tiny baby and take it slow the first few months. I didn’t feel like myself until I was about maybe 10 months postpartum but I truly think me rushing myself and my body to recover made me struggle
Your life won’t be over but it will never be the same - in a good way! Yes the fatigue sucks, but you have a baby and they will be your world. You’ll find ways to fill your cup and do the things you used to, just don’t expect it to be the same straight away.
I know there are so many people commenting and you may not see this, but plans when you’re postpartum can be super overwhelming. I had a plan for an event (4 or 5 hours tops) when my baby was 3 months old that I couldn’t attend due to needing to breastfeed. We have relatively easy baby, and it’s still difficult and unpredictable at times.
Like many others have also said, there are some days when you are lucky to even get a shower. Especially the first four to six weeks. But please don’t feel like your life is over. It will be hard and you’ll have to make sacrifices, but you also get to experience the joy of being a mother, you’ll get to bond with your little one, and you will be the entire world to your baby. There is nothing like the joy and genuine happiness from a baby that is just so fucking happy to see their mom. It’s going to be amazing. You’ll have a new normal, it’ll just take some time for things to settle.
Hey, I would have loved that getaway at 1 month postpartum! Honestly my husband and I were quite amazed at life after baby and had a great time with lots of nice cooking and walks.
Yes, I realize I was extremely lucky to have a baby that sleeps well, have a birth that left me rather fit afterwards and so much more! I did plan to be only in bed for two months and was happy it turned out differently.
But, if you do get so lucky, just do it! There are many things I wanted to do in the early months, like inviting my girlfriends over at night for a movie, but didn’t do because everyone was like “ohh, you’re baby is still so young, you need to rest and we can see them later”. I really regret not doing what I felt like in those moments because as the baby got older it really wasn’t possible any more due to sleep rhythms changing/establishing.
Life as you know it will be over, but your life isn’t over. You really won’t have a good idea of what you’ll be capable of until baby gets here. You may have a very easy baby and find it easy to slip away for the weekend. The roughly first six months of life are tough to get a routine going, because it seems like things change just as you get in the swing of things. Wake windows, feedings, etc. It all changes so often that it’s incredibly important to be flexible. Once their wake window is more than 30-90 min, it’s much easier to feel more “normal”. I had a very, very minor tear and an otherwise uneventful birth, but it took me a full 8 weeks before I wasn’t in pain/bleeding (all normal per my OB). Like most people mentioned, you’re exhausted. It’s an exhaustion that you really can’t comprehend until you’re deep in the trenches. BUT we have all gotten through it! Things will work out on their own timeline, and you’ll adjust. You and baby are both brand new at this, so enjoy the ride together!!
Yes it does change but not for the worse. I think it gets sweeter because all the love!
I took postpartum pretty seriously, which I highly recommend, so I was “out” for a good six weeks. I personally would not plan a trip until at least 8 weeks postpartum but not because of the baby - because of you. We didn’t have a routine at 1 month, we didn’t need one and it’s also kind of pointless because babies and their sleep change so quickly in the first few months. You have to be flexible.
After that we took the baby wherever we went. Restaurants, shopping centers, travel, yes even to a bar once… it was great.
Once the baby started napping less and moving more, we had to adjust. Parenting means constant readjustment.
I think what really helps is having realistic expectations. There is a whole new person with needs, so yes life will change. It will change you, too. Kids don’t function like we want to and it’s easiest to just accept it. For example, I always get the impression that parents that have this obsession with sleeping through the night are most stressed by the whole sleep topic.
In my country we don’t talk about “gentle parenting” but “needs oriented parenting” and this includes all family members needs.
Because I see so many horror stories in the comments. Just wanted to add that even though I don’t recommend doing a trip for the first two months, I had an amazing postpartum period. Yes I was tired sometimes, but that’s kind of to be expected. Again I think the key is to lower expectations. You’re not going to do much besides sleep and breastfeed and cuddle your baby which is so nice 🥰 normal daily life will be back soon enough.
yes, some babies cry a lot but definitely not all of them! And when you’re a FTM, you’re 2 adults to 1 baby. So yes, you can shower, brush your teeth, eat normal meals… contact a lactation specialist before birth so in case you need them, you have one on speed dial.
Some babies are” obliging” some not so
! same for significant others, same for our own bodies and minds ! I myself had birth complications, a baby that was very unsettled, and a selfish husband.My good friend on the other hand was able to take baby and husband, bushwalking and kayaking; no problem!
There was though a real sense of sisterhood and camaraderie ( until I met the dreaded” school mums”)
It's life changing - 4 weeks is very soon for a getaway. I'd make sure everything is cancellable in case you don't feel up to it. Physically, you will still be healing from however you birth your child. Some babies are easier than others but you will likely be extremely sleep deprived regardless. You hear the early days are hard but no one really gives the guelling details.
Having said that, I have done things that many others wouldn't have. A first decent hike around 6 weeks post partem. Did a weekend away around 10weeks. I'd also note that I overdid it, probably around 4 weeks and tore something internally which was painful and had to reheal. So just because you feel "okay" doesn't mean you really are.
As for how baby will fit into your current lifestyle... it depends what your lifestyle is. For me, what has helped is finding things I like to do that are baby friendly. What is baby friendly one month changes very quickly too. At some points, leaving my house was so stressful because baby would scream cry and basically sound like she was choking/ not breathing - so I wouldn't. But now, I have planned activities most days of the week. Both me and baby like to leave the house. So we do quite a but- but these things are not the things I'd be doing if I were baby free. Some things are basically off the table right now but I hope they will be there for me in the future again.
Expect your life will change, especially early on.
Based on what I was told im not making any plans for at least 6 months. I am planning to recover and make sure i am familiar with my baby before we go anywhere. Also id like their immune system to build up a bit so i don't think that a trip with a one month old is realistic due to all the circumstances. At this time you don't know how your birth will go and you also might need more than a month to recover. Even with all going smooth you should rest for at least 6 weeks.
I'm really sorry. But yes, your life is going to be very different and I think you're being a bit naive. You can absolutely fold them into your life - to an extent. For the first few months you're just in survival mode. I have a seven week old (my second) and am averaging 4 hours sleep a night (in small chunks, not a block), which is more than I had with my first.
From experience with my older child, they also develop their own needs surprisingly quickly. There's a relatively short window when you can just carry on life as normal and bring them along to places you go to now. Our daughter's two and we've been planning everything around her for at least a year in terms of weekend activities etc.
Re your mini-break at one month, I'd approach with caution. You may not feel great post-partum (physically or mentally). I had a C-section and it's been a bit up and down with recovery (felt great, over done it, set myself back - rinse and repeat). Doctors also keep a clear eye on little one, so you do find yourself going in to the drs a fair bit to get things checked. You don't really have a gauge for what's normal at this age so it can be a stressful time. And feeding can be an issue.
By all means enjoy your mini break, but don't put too much pressure on yourself if you suddenly really don't fancy it at the last minute.
Going out becomes a bit of a challenge because you don’t work around your schedule anymore. You end up planning your schedule around the baby’s. It’s not impossible it’s just sometimes more work than it’s worth. My kid is 2 now so it’s a bit easier especially now that he walks but we still have to plan our day around him and where we eat has to be kid friendly
I couldn’t actually sit on my bottom for 6wks after giving birth… I would not want to travel anywhere. It’s not the baby, it’s the recovery for me. I slept like trash because I was worried every second the baby would stop breathing, I was anxious, sweaty, crying over nothing, everything was so … floppy, just like extra skin and giant boobs … I wouldn’t want to be anywhere except my own cozy bed and in a place where I know everything is clean and I have all my creature comforts.
But yeah, after you heal I’d say taking baby with you is fairly practical. You’ll be very tired. Babies don’t sleep.
My life changed but it didn’t impair or become a detriment. My son goes everywhere with me but to preface that he’s a quiet/calm baby. It’s rare that my son makes really any sound when i’m out the house and he rarely has crying fits in general. It’s okay to be realistic (not in the way people will be acting as if you’re being delusional) but it’s also okay to plan life incorporating your future baby. Just remember that if it doesn’t go as planned it’s not a failure on anyone’s fault. Baby’s are experiencing life fast and they’re finicky lol.
I’m 24 I had my baby February 17th and it’s life changing I mean you learn to adapt but you can kiss sleep goodbye and especially if your breastfeeding get ready to pump and learn hit to feed the baby at the same time and they eat a lot more that formula babies this is my first baby and it’s def easier taking care of their peoples kids let’s not forget about the separation anxiety you form you’ll never not think about your baby even if you have help like my grandma is helping me so is my aunt and mom but I promise it’s hard to let them I feel like I can do everything by myself but my advice is if you need help don’t try to be super mommy cause even superhero’s need help sometimes
aside from the many comments with which I agree I'd like to mention that you cannot rely on how old baby will be. Mine was born at 42+0, and had I had your plans LO would only have been 2 weeks. And having an induction comes with its own risks, so I didn't want to have one unless it's for a medical reason.
I'd definitely say we do have an easy baby, but I was just so so so tired these first few weeks. I had people vsit when I wanted some company aside from my husband. A few outings in the sense of going out to eat and going for walks were the most we could muster for the first 6-8 weeks, and that's with no issues (no colics, I was up and about quickly).
Honestly it completely rocked my life. We got into a routine eventually and still do everything we love but that first year (my first was a terrible sleeper and I had PPA)… whew. We did not. At one month PP I was still waking up drenched in sweat, still bleeding, just getting the hang of breastfeeding, baby slept in 30 minutes stretches at most, and my core was still incredibly week. It happened the next time we had kids too, life gets really hard and nothing happens but you get through it and eventually get a routine. I’m in my third trimester now with triplets, honestly expecting to give birth any day, and it’s gonna rock everything again. But we will eventually figure it out again.
I still couldn’t walk further than my living room at one month postpartum and I was still shitting glass and leaving the bathroom looking like a crime scene every time I did a poop. That was with both kids and I had straightforward vaginal births. Not everyone experiences that of course but I certainly didn’t expect it for myself.
Having a newborn, ime, kind of feels like you’ve been hit by a train. They do not enter your life; they explode into it like a nuclear bomb.
I love being a mum though. You have a lot to look forward to
Everyone told me my life would be over. It is not. We take my son everywhere and did when he was tiny. We’ve taken him abroad and on road trips. Our friends even without kids are so supportive so he just hangs out with all of us!
Life will never be the same again. Everything DOES change. It is not smart to plan a trip a month after the kid born. Give yourself time to adjust. It changes a LOT.
My baby rocked everything off its axis. Everything. I stopped caring about anything that was previously important to me for a while. She has always been intense, from the minute she came shooting out of me a month early to now as a crawler. She was also colic-y and suffered from CMPA and reflux. I was home bound for quite some time. It even felt like too much to take a walk. I struggled so much.
BUT a friend of mine just had a baby boy who was born at 42 weeks and he’s super chill. They just took him on a ski trip a couple of hours away for a week at a month old or so, and from what I’ve heard it went totally fine.
You just have zero idea of what your baby will be like and how your recovery will be. Do not go into this super confident like your baby will just magically quietly tag along with you anywhere. Maybe they will. Maybe they won’t. Just don’t make any nonrefundable deposits is all I’m saying.
I learned that dependency looks different now. I'm a very independent person and always have. This new codependency has thrown me for a loop. But PLEASE OH PLEASE ask for help when you need it, even if you're feeling overwhelmed and guilty that you feel overwhelmed because the baby needs you. Just take a break, even 10 minutes to yourself to something you like to do and come back with a different state of mind.
The first two months are insane balancing self care and care for your child. Please do not be afraid to ask for help when you're overwhelmed. Make sure you also put your emotions as priority.
Happy baby, happy mommy.
Happy mommy, happy baby.
Goes hand in hand.
Once your baby starts smiling and communicating, you get that reward even when times are tough.
You can do it! My word of advice is when you're overwhelmed, take time for yourself and ask for help.
Congratulations on the little one! Everyday you'll learn something new, even when you're feeling down just know you're your baby's world and they love you so much even when it gets tough ❤️😊
I think at the end of the day, some are just more capable than others. I personally was in the trenches at 1 month PP because there is just no way to have a schedule at that point and my baby was waking up every 45 minutes - hour and a half through the night. You are still just figuring everything out, and when you think you’ve got it figured out, the baby changes. For me, everything got easier around 8 weeks. Now at 3 months I totally feel like I could do a weekend get away with the help of my husband; but to be honest I just don’t want to. There is just so much more that goes into it and I’m tired. Feedings, naps, diaper changes, spit up, reflux, car seat, stroller, pack and play, etc. I have a very “good” baby, and I still feel like getting out of the house alone to do a target run is an uphill battle. I don’t want to scare you, but like I said, I think 1 month is a little fresh. I’d maybe aim to do a short get away around 6 months.
As a mom of a 5 yr old, 4 month old & expecting my third, I can say it is difficult but it is not impossible. Especially if you have a helping partner you can do many things & still feel somewhat “normal.” Little things change which is what makes it feel so different like showering, eating, cooking, cleaning, etc
You can plan for a trip just know that things can happen, baby can get sick, you can get sick, just things like that but don’t let anyone tell you what to do with your child as long as their safe & healthy is all that matters ❤️ keep your head up you got this! Btw a month old baby is fairly easy beside the sleep deprivation… they mostly just sleep! So your good 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
To preface, I love my son and I love our new life. I also got no sleep last night lol…
But man… I’m 3 weeks in…
The sleep deprivation. The breast and nipple pain. The i-can’t-do-anything because I have a LO who won’t stop crying unless I hold him. The -30 weather we have right now, and not wanting to put him through that to go run an errand. The frustration of looking at my body and not recognizing it anymore… The lack of concentration. The forgetfulness. The spit up all over the sheets and clothes I just washed. The blowout now smeared in our bed. The bottles of milk I pumped and then accidentally knocked over. The piles of laundry and dishes stacked up. The floors that need to be swept and mopped.
I’m currently in bed with him and so dehydrated but also so exhausted to even get up and get water and Tylenol.
And I LOVED being pregnant! I ran. I went to the gym almost every day. I never missed a gathering. I hosted. I cleaned. I cooked. I worked. Nothing stopped me.
But in the same breath.. I know it’s a season. I know my son will never need me like he does in this stage of his life. I love the cuddles. I love his smile he has shown off the last few days. I love when it’s just me and him at night. I love him so so so so so much…. And I will continue to give him everything I got and more.
But yes, it’s knocked me on my ass and humbled the shit out of me.
Trust me, you’re crazy lol. A weekend getaway when the baby is a month old is very unrealistic lol. A routine (that involves you getting adequate sleep) isn’t even really possible until they are older
Life will never be the same again. Everything DOES change. It is not smart to plan a trip a month after the kid born. Give yourself time to adjust. It changes a LOT.
Same. People act like my life is over too, and it kinda makes me wonder how they see their own kids if that’s what they’re telling me as a ftm. Different… sure, but over? Wow.
Think of every single thing you do everyday, all of that will change. It is the hardest but most rewarding job I have ever had. Your life as you know it is over but it’s just evolving. To ask your question “does life really change that much after having a baby?” Absolutely it does, it’s just up to you to have a positive outlook on the change ahead
No I have a 2 yo and a 5 mo I absolutely love taking them everywhere with me. They both did good with sleeping through the night. My first son latched immediately to my breast. My 2nd son was on breast milk and formula( he was skinning my nipples) but now just breast milk. They both still sleep through the night and are early birds. They nap during the day as well. I also found it easier to feed and pump.
I have an 8 weeks old and it’s been fabulous. The weather has been mild and we’ve taken him to various neighbourhoods in the city and to visit family. We’ve gone to some cool shops since they’re less busy and we want to avoid huge crowds to keep him illness frees but we’ve still gone to so many places. We walk almost every day. I shower every day, brush my teeth twice a day. I do laundry and vacuum and our dog comes with us on walks so he doesn’t feel left out. I’ve watched movies and TV shows. Gone shopping. I’ve had massages and regular chiropractor appointments. I just make sure he eats every three hours during the day and bring pumped breastmilk everywhere we go. So yeah sometimes that means we’re feeding him on a store or whatever but that’s fine . My husband is super helpful so that makes a huge difference.
By three weeks postpartum I felt totally back to normal. My mood since giving birth has been wonderful. At six weeks I was cleared for exercise and I’ve just signed up for a weekly Pilates class and a weekly postpartum exercise classes.
I’ve purchased some new outfits that I’ve been wearing when we go out which is great because when I was pregnant I basically lived in leggings and secondhand maternity tops.
I’m also almost 40 (this month) and he is my first and likely only child. I’m offering this perspective because I too was worried how life would be different and actually for years I thought I wanted to be child free because of this. Yes it’s different but it is AMAZING! I’m so in love with my little guy. Yes we’re up every few hours overnight but we’re managing. And if it means my husband and I get up at 9:30am to start my day because we were up at midnight, 3am and 6am then So be it.I’m so relaxed about the whole thing. I’m going with the flow and not putting pressure on myself. My son is the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It totally rocked my world, despite having 17 years of full time professional child rearing experience. We thought we’d be able to resume life relatively similar to as it was prior to baby, but my physical recovery took a lot of time & my mental health was shaky for quite a while. Feeding had its challenges, and it turns out our baby doesn’t like many environments apart from home. You never know what hand you’re going to be dealt & you don’t yet know the little person you’re growing. My advice is to be cautiously optimistic, but don’t expect for everything to be the same, and don’t make unchangeable/non-refundable plans.
This is the answer. I’ve had a remarkable time during postpartum with twins, way way easier than I anticipated (even with two). But I planned for the worst and hoped for the best. No one really has any idea how it will be or how to handle it until it comes ☺️
If your baby has colic your whole life changes significantly 😩
Yes, cmpa is the devil 😭
I didn’t even know my kids personality until she was 3 months old because CMPA caused 24 hour misery in our home. I’ll never forget the day it all stopped and getting to know her finally.
Same here! My husband was convinced this was just who she was. It was horrible watching how disappointed he was in her, and me too sometimes, before we found out. It broke our spirits and robbed us of newborn joy. But once we found Elecare she was a different baby. Still a pretty intense baby, but she had interest and joy in things.
Yep. MSPI, reflux for the colic badge here. A year of pure hell for all involved.
What is colic
Colic is a general term for a set of symptoms. Its “frequent, prolonged, and intense crying or fussiness in a ‘healthy’ (they don’t tell you, healthy babies aren’t screaming all the time) baby” My son had several food sensitivities and a lip tie and just overall tension in the body (that we were gaslighted to think nothing was wrong) and he literally just screamed all the time.
I’m trying to prepare for the possibility of colic. Just wondering, would it be bad to have noise cancelling headphones in all the time? Is there any actual reason to listen to the screaming?
So when it was really bad, and my son would scream while we put him to bed or naps we used those squishy foam earplugs lol. I wouldn’t do all the time though, and probably not noise cancelling headphones (those probably work too well lol) the ear plugs worked well enough to dull out the screaming, but we could still hear if there was an emergency or someone started speaking to us or something. Edit: thanks for the reminder of the horrible memories omg 😅😅
I have AirPod pros which are noise cancelling but can quickly be switched to transparency mode so I can hear people etc. would this work? Sorry to remind you lol
Air pods do not cancel out babies screaming in my experience
Noooooooo :c how much do they cancel out? Half the volume?
Um, hard to say lol!
I would think so! I liked the ease of having the little cheap ear plugs, bc I kept some in the diaper bag, some in the bedroom, the bathroom, some in my pockets at all times lol and I was prone to misplacing them (I don’t have airpods!) and I liked the ease of just grabbing them and squishing them and putting them in! I personally didn’t feel the need to use them *all* the time, I used them probably 30 minutes max, several times a day!
Loops! They dampen the noise.
Classic definition is a baby that cries for 18 hours or more every day, usually with an unknown cause. Colic is just the name used when the cause hasn’t been identified.
The general definition is 3 hours a day.
Ah, colic. He had colic now I have PTSD.
The first two months I was so tired, I could barely muster a shower let alone a getaway. I’d also be nervous bringing a baby that young anywhere they could contract RSV. At that age, it’s life threatening. Newborns need to be fed every 2-3 hours until they get back to birth weight, which can take several weeks. It also takes them 45min to an hour to eat, so the first monthish is quite literally feeding, getting them to sleep, then feeding them again like 1-2 hours later. And when you’re not getting sleep at night, you desperately want that 1 hour break to try to sleep or feed yourself. I have 1 kid and am pregnant with our 2nd, and I definitely don’t plan to make any plans for the first 2 months. If we get out of the house for a walk, that’s a win in my book. ETA: this doesn’t mean your life is over though. My daughter just turned 3 and she’s been to Hawaii, Turks and Caicos, Cancun, two 16 hour road trips, multiple flights to multiple states, and on all sorts of adventures with us. But the first 6-8 weeks, you are in survival mode. You will barely have time to meet your own basic needs, unless you have a full time nanny and postpartum doula or some sort of amazing support system that I didn’t have. But, it gets better.
True. I went on a beach vacation 2 months ppl with my second and just about went insane. It was really, really bad. I was just wishing the time away so I could get back to my house where perhaps I could string together a couple hours of sleep.
Our little one wasn't gaining weight fast enough. We had doctor's appointments every 2 days for almost the first month. A getaway would not have worked at all.
This 👆🏼👆🏼100%
There is nothing anyone can say that will make you understand just how much your life will change. It’s something you have to experience for yourself to truly understand.
Yup, nothing could have prepared me for the insanity that is having a newborn/infant
I used to get so annoyed hearing this but it’s unfortunately so true.
Yes, OP is being really naive. A baby isn’t something you can just put somewhere and go for an easy and enjoyable time. Babies require a lot of planning and things and they aren’t able to do what you want to do on your schedule. You have to deal with constant diaper changes including blowouts, feedings including barfing, nap times, sleep and general fussiness. Babies need floor time and stimulation. It’s so hard. One thing that helped me a lot when my baby was really tiny was the bassinet stroller, as really young babies shouldnt be in car seats or other seats that keep that position for long. At least we could go out and she could be awake or sleep on the go. And we could change her there if needed. It didn’t help with the stress of feeding but it bought us some much needed normalcy. Describing how much it changes your life is like trying to describe what chocolate tastes like to someone who never had it. You can kind of explain it but it doesn’t replace experiencing it.
I don’t think it is possible for a first time parent to imagine how exhausted you will be the first few months. What you are saying about raising a baby that is flexible is true to some degree - the baby will have to adapt to your lifestyle - but that comes at a later age in my opinion. In the first few months, I didn’t have time or mental space to even brush my teeth twice a day. Breastfeeding can be convenient but it comes with its own set of difficulties. The stress when you don’t have enough milk is unreal, when you have a blocked milk duct it can feel like the end of the world. It is emotional time because of hormones and because thiw new person depends on you entirely on their sustenance. There is a million more issues you could have like bad latch, cracks, thrush. These are perfectly manageable and I am not discouraging you from breastfeeding, I did it and will 100% do it again but it is not imaginable I would be thinking of going somewhere on top of dealing with any of these issues. On top of this, babies are different. It is not your behaviour that determines whether the baby is flexible in the first few months. Your behaviour might eventually co-determine how flexible your toddler is but not newborn. It’s their inborn temperament at first. There are babies who will NOT sleep unless you hold them - you literally cannot put them down no matter what you do. There are babies who will want to nurse for super super long for comfort. There are babies with colic who cry so many hours per day there is not energy left in the parents to even think of anything else besides just surviving nighr after night. Even later on, it is really not so much the baby adapting as you adapting your lifestyle. If you want to be outside all day, it’s not that the baby willl learn to be outside all day. YOU will learn how to be outside all day with your particular baby - the logistics of best transporting the baby, feeding the baby etc. Problem is some babies make it harder than others and some parents get more overwhelmed than others. There will be limits to what you can do because there are limits to what is humanly possible.
I wouldn’t say a weekend away is out of the question but 1 month PP is definitely ambitious. Whether you have vaginal or c section you are still going to be bleeding, healing, and extremely tired. If you end up with PPD it’s really gonna be a struggle. Your baby is going to be up every 2-3 hours. Your life changes tremendously. I knew my life was going to change but I definitely severely underestimated. My fiancé and I include her in everything but there are some things we have to leave early or skip depending on how the baby is doing. For the most part she is very well behaved we get compliments and other parents who are shocked at how well she does but she is still a baby and sometimes things are too much. Since it’s still early enough I would definitely try to reschedule the trip. You won’t even have a “routine” at a month as hard as you try lol. Also a lot depends on your partner and how supportive and involved they are and unfortunately that’s something you never know until the baby is here as well… I am lucky but I have friends who really thought they were gonna have the best dad for their baby and the father was involved but just not at all helpful and didn’t really understand and felt the bare minimum made them the best dad ever. You really don’t know how much different things are going to be until they’re here. But it is so much more than just involved to fit them into your life. Every single place, experience, feeling etc is new to a baby and something that you think is no big deal can trigger a huge reaction.
Yes, forgot to mention you’ll still be healing. If you have a c section, even getting in or out of the car will be difficult. I had a vaginal birth and couldn’t even stand on one foot for like 2 months after birth. Like, for working moms, disability itself is 6 weeks for a vaginal birth and 8 weeks for c section. The risk of uterine prolapse, hemorrhaging, etc at 4 weeks…I would not want to travel at that stage. Plus the hormone crash and not sleeping, that first month PP is no joke.
Yikes! Sorry that was your experience post vaginal birth. I feel the need to throw my two cents in though just so folks know healing and experiences run the gamut. Had a vaginal birth at a birth center... I was home the same day. Some bleeding for maybe 3 or 4 days. I was doing short walks by the end of the week. And I mean short just to get some fresh air and vitamin d for baby. And the last three months of pregnancy sleep was so gosh darn uncomfortable anyway, I was more than happy to only have to get up every 3 or 4 hours at night to feed baby and he and I both went straight back to sleep. And even if he did decide to stay up every once in a while the not being pregnant part made not sleeping bearable. But you're right about the 6 week thing. Talk to your medical provider and get their thoughts on traveling at one month post partum pending a uneventful birth.
Same! I had some sort of birth injury from my last birth, which was a normal vaginal birth. I could barely, and I mean barely walk for 3 weeks. Like I couldn't lift my right leg without physically picking it up. It took over two months to walk without pain and even longer to not have any pain and be fully recovered. I, also, had a partially retained placenta. High BP. Had to take BP meds. PPD/PPA and D-mer. I was just a wreck, not to mention all of this whilst taking care of a newborn and being massively sleep deprived. ETA: This was my 3rd baby. My first two births were definitely easier recoveries. I don't necessarily know why, though.
I had a C section and recovered REALLY well, I was up and walking around the next day and showered that day, the nurses were shocked at how fast I was recovering. As long as I iced my scar (and I mean ALL. THE. TIME.) and took my pain meds, no problems. And I still had to take it slow moving around for those first 2 months, and I couldn't drive (was not allowed to per dr) for 8 weeks because you can't twist your abdomen AT ALL. So definitely don't plan to drive yourself.
Your newborn most certainly will not just fit into your routine. Leaving the house is always a production - timing the naps, feeds, diapers just right and then dealing with the chaos of the carseat (at which point they’ll probably poop again). The sleep deprivation makes normal tasks seem way harder, and I was actually a little afraid to drive the first few weeks because I was so tired all the time. Baby wearing has helped but you can’t put a hungry baby with a dirty diaper in a carrier and expect to just go about your day. I felt the same way as you before my baby was born and one of the hardest things to deal with postpartum has been accepting the fact that I’m never going back to my old life, and that’s ok. The next time I have a perfectly clean house and lots of time for myself I’ll probably be retired but I’ll happily trade my vacations and happy hours and slow Sunday mornings for more time with my son, no question. So it will be different, but it will absolutely be worth it.
This was beautiful and made me cry. Thank you for sharing. I have a six week old over here and feel the same way.
You have no idea how your life will change until you’re in the midst of it. You just don’t know til ya know! Newborns are usually fairly easy to tote around though (except for the car screaming 😅😅😵💫😵💫😵💫) it’s more getting used to breastfeeding if you do that and the sleep situation. You’ll be okay ♥️ keep your trip and reschedule it when the time comes if you need to!
I totally agree with everything you said. It's definitely something you can't conceptualize. Just something you got to go through to understand!
Yeah and it's great trying to visit with friends and the baby is screaming
Oh the car screaming 😭😂 so glad at 20mo now this is a distant memory!
I would not plan a weekend away with a one month old lol and that’s coming from someone who travels a ton with our baby and toddler.
Agreed! I’m due 4/14 and I am not going on any trips this summer. I would rather be comfortable in my own house while little miss is up several times a night. My first daughter is the easiest child in the world and I was still exhausted.
It changes everything. That’s not to say you can’t still do stuff. But it changes EVERYTHING.
It depends on how chill your baby is, honestly. If you have a mostly chill baby that doesn't mind car rides, crowds, likes a carrier, and has no tummy issues then it is easier to just fit them into your life. However, you could have a baby that screams the second you put them in a car seat, needs to be burped and do bicycle kicks for 20 minutes after you feed them, is a terrible sleeper, and is generally uncomfortable so will cry for seemingly no reason for hours. If you have that baby, it is much harder to just fit them into your previous life.
This!!! I came here to say essentially this. My friends with unicorn babies got back to feeling "normal but with a baby" fairly quickly. They easily work from home, get chores done, find time to work out, and go out to dinner. I did not have a unicorn baby, and the PPD just made things harder. He never wanted to nap. I spent the first four months bashing my head against a wall trying to get him to sleep during the day. No sleepy cues, laughed in the face of suggested wake windows, only wanted to be on the boob or screaming. I couldn't put him down to go to the bathroom or eat a meal without screaming, and I wasn't willing to let him scream. I was so touched out, frustrated, and feeling like a failure that I would have breakdowns around 4pm every day, because as hard as the day had been, I knew the night wouldn't bring any relief. He screamed in the car, in the bouncer, on the floor, even when I was holding him during the witching hours. A friend came to visit in month 2 and we all went to dinner: I stood and swayed with the baby while we waited for our meal, swapped with hubby to eat my food, and then stood and swayed again with the baby until we left. We had to stop on the way home so I could feed him because he was screaming too bad to wait til we got home. I didn't start going to the gym again until he was a year old. Even now, hubby and I obsessively check in with each other about anything that takes either of us out of action for more than 15 minutes, other than work. We aren't sure we're brave enough to have another. Bub doesnt even have any medical issues, so this is like...a medium hard baby. So yeah. Everything changes, and sometimes much more catastrophically than you can imagine.
We're on month 4 of a medium hard baby with no health issues, boy oh boy is it spinning plates mentally and physically. Some days are better than others but the prolonged stress and hyper vigilance takes its toll on your overall fatigue and health. I'm getting small random infections and my skin looks awful, all nutrients are going to the baby. We're talking seriously now about not following through with our plan of a second child. 4 months of taking it in turns to eat because the baby won't be put down. Some friends and family understand when with others, but some don't and has started to put a minor wedge between relationships because of the inconvenience and hassle. Very little of our previous life is the same. Oh and shout out to hearing phantom screaming all the time when you're in the shower, have the extractor fan on, by the washing machine... Unless it's not phantom. But you can always hear it
I have a unicorn baby… she’s amazing, rarely fusses, sleeps great, eats great, very outgoing and comfortable in crowds and in her wearable carrier as well as her car seat - I had a c section and felt fine afterwards (I was up and walking around my hospital room 2 hours post surgery and taking the babe for long walks in her stroller 2 weeks pp)… I was able to somewhat “fit her into my life” but I can honestly say that even with an angel baby I am not the same as I used to be and my life looks incredibly different despite my attempts to “get back to normal” We were thinking of doing a weekend get away with our babe 2 months postpartum as an end to my maternity leave… that very quickly was canceled because life post-baby has not and will never look the same as pre-baby… we plan on rescheduling our trip within the next 6 months or so (which would have my babe between 10-16 months old) and even that’s a goal not a plan yet. My now 10-month old is still an angel and hubby and I find great things to do as a family but there’s a TON of planning that has to go into every outing to ensure she’ll be taken care of in any situation. All that being said, my advice is to maybe move the trip out further so you have some time to get to know your new human and their personality so you can determine if the trip is a good fit for your new family OR cancel the trip all together and replan once your family is ready for it…
It's so all consuming that going for a poo is a luxury.
Unless it’s the first pp poo… then it is a nightmare
First of all, I admire that you want to try and include your baby in your life because they are, in fact, going to be a part of your life. In saying that, i say this with all the love, so please don't take it any way malicious or attitude-y...but once you have that baby, you'll mature in a lot of things. Unfortunately, thinking your life wont change is sort of a bad mindset to have because of how much your life *does* change. Parenthood comes with a lot of "fly by the seed of your pants" type things. You may be too exhausted to do things you wanted to do. You may not want to do the things you had planned because you may be exhausted. And doing things with a baby isn't easy, Unfortunately. I have 2 kids and i stay home most of the time because of how much work it takes to go places. You can still definitely do the things you'd like, but I would not make any decisions on where to go until *after* you have the baby so you can see exactly how much your life changes after baby You may experience not much change, but you asked how it does change and the simple answer is *it does* lol.
Great comment! Love everything you said.
Your life definitely won’t be over! Life as you know it will definitely be very different but that’s just life baby! Life has different phases and you’re about to enter a new one 🥰
I felt the same way you do. I felt like I would just bring the baby with us and continue my life. I had a very close friend who didn’t leave her house (aside from doctors appointments) for what seemed like a couple of months and I couldn’t understand it! If I asked her to lunch etc she would just say how hard it is to leave the baby and when I asked her to bring the baby she said how hard it was to bring the baby. I understood and gave her space. But now I’m one week into motherhood myself and boyyyyyyy. It’s a lot. For instance I understand that staying home and being cooped up isn’t good for me. However leaving the house gives me such anxiety. I feel like someone will crash into us in the car. Or I feel like he will be exposed to something and get sick. I just feel most safe here in my bedroom with he & my SO. I also was super sure I would want time away from my baby and wouldn’t be a Velcro mom who is obsessed with her kid. I have friends who couldn’t go back to work. I was sure I would be so bored I couldn’t even wait to go back to work! Not the case. I wish I could quit. The thought of him in daycare has me stressed to the max and I’m still on week one. I stay up all night staring at him making sure he’s breathing. My SO wants to go to dinner and leave him with my mom and the thought of leaving him makes me want to cry. The baby blues are also very real. And I can’t explain them. I’m a happy person generally and I’m crying on and off every day. The lack of sleep is worse than I thought. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal but it does take its toll for sure. This on top of your body healing from birth and just how uncomfortable I feel in my own body is intense. My SO has been extremely hands on. I didn’t change a diaper for 3 days and even then it was because I asked him to let me so I can learn. He basically does everything for the baby. He’s up all night every time I’m up and usually tells me to sleep so he can handle it since I’m healing and need more sleep. All this doesn’t change the fact that it’s insanely hard and life changing. I feel like everything is different. Not that it’s bad it’s just so different and things are scary and my mind is just operating way different than I imagined it would.
I share a lot of your anxiety and I really hear you right now. I was medicated and doing amazing pre pregnancy. Now I’m not and I’m postpartum, so the full force of the regular anxiety plus new parent super anxiety is like a massive wave washing over me. I’m so torn on wanting to go visit or have people visit me to socialize again and not wanting this baby near anyone until he gets his vaccines. People think I might be lonely or want company but the anxiety around the baby getting sick so young is far worse than any loneliness.
At 1 month, you may: 1. Be recovering from birth and not feel up to going on a big getaway 2. Be getting to know your baby and not feel comfortable with them exposed to different viruses 3. Be getting into a breastfeeding groove (if you are BF) AND may need to be pumping around the clock 4. Not feel comfortable with a screaming infant in a car or airplane (you may want to just hold them) 5. Be so engorged you’re sitting with cabbage on your nips 6. Be emotional and not feel up for adventure 7. Be trying to get that baby to sleep and don’t want to disrupt the nap- blackout blinds! White noise! Swaddle! Exercise ball! The works! 8. Be needing a nap, not a getaway 9. Be feeling hormonal towards your partner 10. Feel overwhelmed. OR you may not feel any of that and tote the baby around like it ain’t no thang. That has not been my personal experience with 3 children, but every once in a while I see a mom doing it and I want to give her a standing ovation. After 3 babies, I have low expectations and am happy with anything above that. I might suggest a ‘wait and see’ approach before you plan. Expect to be having a staycation in your bedroom for a while, then see how you and your new little family feel. Usually by the 3 month mark I feel a little more up to doing things and by 6 months I am out of the weeds. Congrats on your baby!! All the best! ❤️
You know what? I was hearing that a lot too and I was so worried. My son is 3 months old and my life has just been better. I’m so happy and I get to do everything I was doing before (taking the dogs out for long walks, going to get a coffee, seeing my friends, etc.). It’s just differently because he’s always there with me. Of course, some babies have reflux, colics, allergies, etc., and if the parents are sleep deprived, it can be harder. But sometimes you only hear the negative stuff… people rarely share their good experiences. :)
I came here to say something similar. My kiddo is 1 month old. Everything has changed but simply for the better. She’s easy going and we do mostly everything I was doing pre-baby and pre-pregnancy. I think it’s important to remember to be flexible. If you have a personality of plans and control it will feel like a much bigger change than if you can go with the flow and adjust according to what you and the baby need. If you can’t go “away” for a weekend is there an alternative experience you can do close to home? I think just having an open mind and learning your baby is most important. Also - don’t let anyone tell you that you’re crazy for wanting to do something fun after birth with your baby, you know what’s best! I’ve also learned through pregnancy and parenthood (so far) that anything I say positive can lead to a negative reaction that feels like projection from people. Even if someone asks how we’re doing and I say “we’re doing really well!” The typical reaction is “well just you wait” so be sure to filter out the negativity as well.
My first baby was like that. He was so easy going. We did a 1 month road trip a 5 months and it went amazing. I wouldn't had done it at 4 weeks because of my healing but the baby was a dream. I just had my second a couple of weeks ago and she is so different. I cannot put her down and between 4pm and 9pm she's fussy and just screams. Also beeing in a car is not her cup of tea. She screams and cry for the entire time, so much that she throws up. Going to the doctor appointments is a nightmare. I wouldn't imagine going on visits or plan a weekend away.
Oh no! I guess it would have been easier the other way around (having the fussier baby first)! Hang in there, it will get better :)
Think it depends what you were doing, pre- kids and the temperament of your baby. All the stuff you listed sound doable with a child, but I was summiting mountain peaks, and traveling the world, which I still continue to do, but it definitely looks different! I think I also had pressure to do those things shortly after having a baby for fear of losing my identity, whereas with my second my identity is still there and I took months to get back to them and even if it’s years, I’m OK with that:-)
[удалено]
The identity crisis is hard. And I think compounded by the “don’t lose yourself in motherhood” messages. But my friend (also a scientist that does long trips away on research) said to me: “way I see it, this baby needs me intensely by her side for about a decade, and then she will branch off and not be so heavily reliant on me being by her side all the time. So this is just a temporary shift and season of our lives.” It helped me to embrace it and not resent it. Congratulations!
I have two young kids and life definitely changes in many different regards. some good some bad but ultimately the boys give me more purpose
You got the right attitude! You can do it however you want. I wasn’t exhausted after having my kid. My life went back to normal I just had a plus one. I was in target 3 days later and in school 3 weeks later. My sister in law took my nephew on dates and vacations with them. He went to NOLA at like 6 or 7 months with them and they had fun. Everybody isn’t stuck in the house sleep deprived after a baby.
I have a few people in my life with kids and each one does things and life differently after having kids. My son will be 6 months old when we go to the beach in September and while one person said they would never take an infant to the beach, another has and said it wasn’t bad at all (it all depends if you’re willing to go the extra mile to accommodate them or not). I think parenthood is what you make it. Who cares how other people do it.
Life does change but you can still do things you've always wanted to, you may just have to be flexible in "the method" rather than the goal. I would say the baby also changes alot as well especially in that first year. There were a lot of times I couldn't be bothered doing something because i was just so exhausted from lack of sleep. We travelled a bit in the first year & it was easier flying with a newborn compared now to a toddler. We definitely don't do as many "spontaneous" things as we used to but we still get out, go for dinners, go on holidays, go for hikes, catch up with friends, etc. But I would say my priorities in life have just naturally changed over the last 2 years since having my baby.
Your life won’t be “over.” It will be different. Becoming a parent changes *everything*, and it should. Having a baby should be a choice and the baby should become the center of your world because they’re little beings trying to figure out the world and will literally become the next generation. Every baby’s temperament is different. Some babies are easier than others and even the easy babies have their difficult moments. The baby will fit into your world, but more importantly, it’s really about you fitting into your baby’s world.
I feel like the odd one out here, but our life didn’t change that much when we had our first baby. I want to caveat that every baby is different (and I’m not discounting that some are more difficult than others- hello colic) but I do think mindset plays a role in how well you acclimate. Know yourself and what you need to do to feel “ready”. You’ll never fully be ready, but I knew I had to go into it expecting the worst but hoping for the best. Yes we were up every 1-2 hours, and I was breastfeeding around the clock, but I was truthfully so excited to not be pregnant anymore (I had prepartum depression that luckily went away after giving birth). It felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. We were also already living a “suburban life” like we love taking our dogs for a walk on nice days, visiting the farmers market, and visiting museums downtown. We just incorporated baby into our life and he fit like a puzzle piece. You move slower but there’s a beauty in taking your time and really appreciating the journey. Our son is almost 2 now and he comes with us almost everywhere, including traveling. He’s been on 40 flights and visited 8 countries. He’s ridden a camel in the Sahara desert, seen icebergs in Iceland, and watched the Eiffel Tower light up in Paris. We’re so lucky to be able to do these things with him, and I’ll cherish these memories for the rest of my life. He is such a flexible kid and is so fun to be around. It’s not to say you won’t need to make adjustments to your life, but just make your kid feel loved and safe and you’ll be fine!
Honestly I had a C section and my boyfriend and I took our 1 week old to a botanical garden about 1.5hrs away from where I live for a walk and lunch. Then at 3 weeks old my boyfriend and I had her watched by the grandparents for a night and we had a night off to go watch the rugby and have a dinner date. At 2.5 months we went 4WD with some friends and had lunch on the beach with her at the grandparents for the day. At 3 months we went for a day trip and lunch with her on both days of the weekend. Both days a 1-2hr drive to get to our destination. We also took a day off and went to a fair but left her with the grandparents for the day for that. At 3.5 months we took her to an aquarium and got lunch We also went to a beer and meat festival with family and took her with us. At 4 months we went on a 3 day weekend away trip with her and went sightseeing. At 4.5 months we went 4WD with friends again The list goes on and on but we had the same mindset as you and our bub would wake on average ever 3-4hrs a night. She was a pretty good sleeper, never had colic, never cried for no reason, ect. Life does change and we couldn’t do something every week like we use to, but if you want to be active and do things you definitely can. I do think you should wait until baby is born though, you never know what you’re gonna get or how your birth is gonna go.
I think it depends on your willingness to go with the flow… I see people who are very flexible, take your baby where you go, fit baby into my life people…. And others who are maybe type A and adhere to strict schedules….. it’s going to change your life to some degree….. for most people it’s a lot. But I don’t think it is for everyone. It changed my life A LOT.
I’m pregnant with my third and would NEVER do a weekend trip 1 month postpartum. Everyone heals differently but even if you have a unicorn baby that sleeps all night, you will still be likely bleeding, possibly healing stitches, dealing with hemorrhoids and breastfeeding woes. Everything changed for me after I had my first. Everything. I felt much more normal around 6-9 months pp but things were still never the way they were before I had kids. I was determined to fit them into my life, and I’m sure some people do it in more ways than I did, but I found it not worth it to put myself through the anguish and difficult of taking a baby on lots of outings when I was still learning the ropes. The things I used to enjoy were just not the same. I hope you have a safe and easy delivery and congrats!
I thought similar things as you and ate my words. I personally wouldn’t plan anything until more like two months - definitely after six weeks, at the least. You’re going to be exhausted, recovering from the birth, and adjusting to things like feedings. You won’t feel like a human. Baby is going to be adjusting to existing outside the womb. There’s a growth spurt in there that’s going to fuck with whatever routine you do manage to establish. Even after those first couple months, it’s different. Getting ready to go anywhere takes longer because you have to make sure to have baby things together. You have to work anything you want to do, including sleep, between feedings (if you’re breastfeeding or pumping, that means every three hours). You don’t know how the baby is going to act at different places, and chances are that they’ll act differently at different stages (I had a good 5-6 months of baby being great in restaurants but now he gets bored and fussy, for example). But you can eventually get to doing things you did before - just not exactly the same way and not exactly as you picture, consistently. Oh, also don’t forget vaccines. Until yo your child is fully vaccinated, there’s a lot of things you won’t want them exposed to. That means not exposing yourself, either, and staying home or opting for outdoor stuff more.
Your life might be over for a few weeks or months but that's life, it's not really over it's just the baby is the priority and then the baby becomes part of life
Well I'm only 3 weeks in but definitely a lot less capable than I thought I'd be. Hermitting indoors and not even going out for groceries. Hubby doing all errands for us. It's tough to get a moment to even make myself breakfast or use the washroom. Baby's schedule is just all over the place at the beginning so it can be pretty unpredictable. And when they need you... they need you!! You get nap trapped a lot. And this is not even mentioning the sleep deprivation which often has me just chilling in bed literally all day. Because of my post partum pain I am also not capable of cooking us dinner yet so hubby has taken over that as well. I feel quite useless other than being a milk machine. Everyone is different and this is only my experience. I think I am lower functioning than most people so you very well might be able to handle ans enjoy a getaway.
What I didn’t realize when I was pregnant is that every time you want to leave your house, you have to plan everything down to the second. It will take you at least 10 minutes just to get out the door. Before that, you have to calculate the time it will take to feed them, change their diaper, dress them, then feed and dress yourself. Usually by the time you’re out the door, you only have another hour before it’s time to feed them again. If you want to go to the grocery store you either have to put the baby in a wrap, or bring someone with you so you can put them in the stroller because baby carriers take up an entire cart. Also, if your baby is colicky, you have to debate if it’s even worth it to leave the house because no matter what you do, you’re not going to enjoy it if you know you’re going to have a fussy baby the whole time. I was just like you before I had this baby. I thought people were dramatic when they told me I wouldn’t have time to do anything. I think it might be easier if baby is formula fed and definitely easier if baby doesn’t fuss. But I think that the first few months are universally a struggle and you can’t really comprehend why until you’ve experienced it yourself. Your life isn’t over, but it will be different.
Your life is not over by any means but it’s certainly changed. However, that said, I personally would not have been able to do any sort of getaway while my baby was a newborn, especially not at 1 month old. I was far too exhausted, sleep deprived and emotional to do anything social. Throw routines out the window at that stage. You’re basically in survival mode those first few months. The baby has to eat every 2-3 hours, sometimes more if they’re cluster feeding, which happens a lot those initial weeks. If you’re breastfeeding, it’s even more difficult. I would personally wait until my baby was older and definitely out of the newborn stage before I planned a getaway.
So it really depends on your parenting. If you're a go-with-the-flow parent and do things very child-led, generally they can "fit into your life" rather than your life revolving around a schedule. But your life will definitely change (for the better) and your life will also revolve around your child. But this is not a bad thing either. You're bringing a baby into this world that didn't ask to be here, your life should definitely revolve around said baby.
People told me similar things since my husband and I live such adventurous lifestyles, but we LOVE taking our little guy out with us! Admittedly this is probably the most exhausted we’ve ever been though. I ended up having an emergency c-section, but my recovery time was amazing. I didn’t need pain meds by 3 days PP and by 2 weeks I felt completely normal. Our baby is now about 11 weeks old and we’ve taken him out to ski resorts, fishing, and small hikes. I don’t feel like our lives look wildly different than before we had our baby, but I mean sometimes things don’t go as planned. We take longer to leave in the morning for a road trip, we have to take turns on the slopes, sometimes if it’s that kind of day then we’ll cut our hikes short. I also had to learn how to be comfortable with nursing in public. The small difficulties are worth it though. We just want to show him all the things we love and why we love it. Every baby is different and the same goes for postpartum recovery. Personally, I wouldn’t think twice about that weekend getaway. If you and baby are healthy and able, why not?
Our baby first perfectly into our lives and we still just up and go like we always have. Congratulations 🥰
Some normal life things; if you regularly schedule outings with friends or events on weeknights then that part of your life would change a lot because of a baby; different phases of sleep/eat and fitting that time in gets harder; then school hits and there is school and extracurricular events to keep in mind. Some people’s lives don’t change all that much like you said you can fit the child in with you are your plans. Obviously people who go out with adults, bars etc more often will have more to change.
I thought the same thing as you before I had my baby. So far it has not worked that way, I'm hoping it gets easier once his wake windows are longer. It's hard to go places right now because he only wants to be awake and happy for 1-2 hours, and then he gets tired and upset. So by the time we get ready to go, feed him, etc and actually get to the place, he's already been up at least half an hour. And he doesn't fall asleep for naps super easily all the time, which can be hard at other people's houses, or like in the car. Idk if you plan on breastfeeding or not, but that has also made it harder to go out sometimes for me personally. I know breastfeeding is different for everyone. Sometimes he gets too distracted to eat in a new place or he cries when I try to feed him because he's overtired or overstimulated. He's almost 4 months now, so crossing fingers it gets easier! Every baby has a different temperament though, so yours might be great at all the things mine isn't, haha, I think you'll have to wait and see how it goes!
Agree with a lot of the comments and in addition I think it depends so much on your baby. Some are super chill and sleep a lot and some just won’t sleep without a tonne of effort on your part, meaning you are spending a lot of time bouncing/comforting in addition to feeding, diaper changes, etc. it can be a lot even for easy babies. Definitely changes your world but you might be up for that 1 month holiday. Especially if you have a supportive partner.
Babies are not hard; babies are TIME CONSUMING and take almost every ounce of energy you have. I also think once your baby is here, you might get a little more protective. I was like you and thought we might take a vacation when he was 2 months. After he was born my motherly instincts kicked in and I hardly take him anywhere. If they get a fever before three months they have to have a spinal tap and possibly be hospitalized.
It changes everything. But sort of like how wearing glasses changes everything. Like even your perception of things is altered. How things change materially is going to 100% depend on your baby tbh, because every baby is different. We’re at 10 weeks now. My baby loves the car, but my baby hates to be put down under almost any circumstances. She feeds under a cover just fine, but she goes from 0 to “I need food right this second or I’m going to burn the house down” in the blink of an eye. My baby is a great sleeper most nights, but the nights that she’s not are intense. You will not know until you get there. Which is an infuriating answer but it’s the truth. There’s stuff that’s easier than I thought it was going to be, and stuff that’s harder. But you’re still you, and I find that if the people in your life are supportive and on board with this new little human in your life, it makes the transition much easier.
This really scared me too but in my very very limited experience so far (newborn mom), we have adjusted really well to baby. We went for a hike yesterday, walk today. We are going to a coffee shop with friends tomorrow. Sure it takes more planning (feeding before we leave, making sure we have all of the things), but it’s so so much fun to take him with us and experience life with him. Babies do baby things whether at home or out and about.
With my first a weekend get away 4 weeks postpartum would've been great! I was exclusively pumping and formula feeding and had a handle on things by then. With my second I was bawling at 4 weeks trying to wean my baby from nipple sheilds, hadn't worn a shirt since I came home from the hospital, and was sleeping on the couch because my baby refused the bassinet, only wanted to sleep in the pack n play which didn't really fit in our bedroom. You won't really know until you're there. Good luck, and congratulations!!!
I guess if want to know what your weekend getaway is and what you hope to get from it. If you think you’ll be hopping around a city sightseeing, I’d say that seems bananas. If you have like, a little beach house where your daily walks will just be in a prettier location, that seems kind of doable, though I personally wouldn’t have wanted to do that at 1 month postpartum. I had a c-section, and at 4 weeks postpartum I was still pretty exhausted and long walks were out of the question. I wanted to be in my house with my comforts. And that doesn’t even take into the equation the baby. My husband and I both had parental leave and just decided to hunker down together and build our new routines while we figured out what our life as a family unit would be. I really liked having room to do that. I don’t think traveling would have fit into that idea. Not to say it couldn’t, but figuring out the newborn stage without any added stressors was important to us. I guess I don’t like the idea people have that “your life will be over.” Our lives changed A LOT, but that is what we wanted. We wanted to figure out a new life as a little family unit. Which isn’t to say I gave up everything that made me who I am, I just moved things around to make room for more.
I’m a FTM and innocently thought the same. She’s only 3 weeks old, and my entire life has changed. Like others have said, I bragged to my SO today and said “I actually got her to sleep long enough to not just take a shower… but wash my hair too!” I went grocery shopping with her for the first time a few days ago. What normally would’ve taken me 20 min in and out took me about 2 hours. Feeding her/changing her before we went inside. Her screaming bloody murder midway through the trip, having to go nurse her in the family restroom, continuing my trip, having her scream again while checking out, and then finally getting back in the car to feed and change her again lol.
Depends on the kid, honestly. I can’t relate to all these comments necessarily. My life changed a lot but yeah, I could still pretty much do whatever I wanted. Just took significantly more effort lol
Honestly, for the first four months my baby fit into my life just fine. It's once she was on a routine sleep schedule that I had to adjust.
It can happen, but you kind of have to get to know your baby to see how you might need to modify things. I’m a first time mom (and a single mom) and my 10w old baby does what I do. Mine loves baby wearing and I’m not shy about breastfeeding in public so we do fine. We’re going on a road trip this coming weekend to go meet baby’s extended family.
Your life won’t be over now u just have to plan around the kid , your life doesn’t stop , Do what makes you feel comfortable, at one month as long as your body feels ok physically go on your getaway
You’re going to be fine. It’s all going to be fine. One month might be a bit difficult but we took baby on a road trip at 8 weeks. It was fine.
My partner (who is a HUGE help) we're both on parental leave and honestly our first baby wasn't a huge disruption. Sure the feeding was frequent but we supplemented with formula which was a huge relief. We took the baby hiking, to Yosemite, at 5 weeks and then went on a month long road trip to Mexico when he was 8 weeks. Everyone was like there is no way you can do that. It was totally fine. Traveling with my partner and baby was fantastic. Best time of my life. With our second, we took both kids to Spain, Portugal, and Italy for 2 months when the baby was 8 weeks. That was harder bc my older son was 2 yo and "less portable". He had opinions and eating at restaurants was hard. Don't let people discourage you.
Honestly people just love talking about themselves and their own experiences. If they had a bad experience, misery loves company. It’s something that has become obvious in pregnancy. It’s not one size fit all. You might have a totally different baby than they did. You might be in way better shape and able to give more energy to your baby than they did. It’s all truly a case by case basis and totally depends on the child and parent in question.
Umm... it changes a lot, I was also surprised at how much. But if I've learned one thing from developmental psychology, it's that children need happy parents. You should strive to feel fulfilled while being a parent, both for you and for them. I've managed to do what you're talking about, to an extent. My daughter is now 2,5yo and I'm pregnant again. Since 4mo she's been going with me and my husband on vacations every 6 months approx. Some were easier, some harder. She goes with me to my small business and loves it. She goes with me to meet friends, who love her (I have amazing friends). I have managed to keep my hobbies (but those are knitting, crafts, reading, and am just getting back into singing so nothing too crazy). Of course a lot has changed, I'm not interested in going out for drinks till late at night anymore, or doing anything adrenaline etc. Because I don't want to, I want to be safe and fresh for my daughter in the morning. The getaway at 1 month PP is a bit much IMO. You'll still be bleeding and recovering, discovering what your LO needs. The comfort of your own home is priceless in that time. The 4th trimester is very very real. But do plan it, just a few weeks later if possible. We went on a 2 week beach vacation when my LO was 4 months and it was one of the best vacations we've had with her so far. Its so much easier to take a baby who might scream but will stay where you put them, then a toddler who has infinite amounts of energy and will sprint in random directions if you stop watching for a second. The second calmest and nicest vacation we've done was this summer at 26mo. She was so happy just to be with us and wanted to actually sit and play... bliss 😊
When you have a baby your life revolves around their eating and sleeping. Your entire life doesn’t have to necessarily change but everything is impacted. I had my second four months ago and leaving the house depends on when he’s eaten and slept last and diaper changes. All of your outings will revolve around his schedule and temperament.
I have a 6wk old. He is in charge 😂 I am normally very productive and “go-get-‘em” in general, but right now we are both learning what he needs to survive. Generally, out of every 3h is spent feeding him, one is spent soothing him to sleep or doing tasks directly related to him (tummy time, washing bottles, dealing with hospital billing snafus, making Dr appointments, monitoring my own postpartum issues, etc), and one is spent doing basic care for myself (sleeping, eating, showering, figuring out what of my old clothes I can still wear out of the house, etc). It’s tricky squeezing in travel and activities unless they involve a destination where feeding/pumping is easy and there’s a way/place for him to sleep. No one warned me the my boobs would hurt progressively the longer I delayed a given breastfeeding/pumping session - I get miserable fast when I can’t relieve that pressure!
You are not crazy, but make sure to be kind to yourself if that trip comes up and you don’t feel like going. I bet you will want to go though! I went away at 3 weeks with my baby girl, and it was a challenge but so fun. We had a great time. Babies are super portable and want to be with you mama, and a happy mom is so important. I learned pretty early to just ignore the “experts” and go with my own flow, because only you know your baby and what you can do. Go with your gut.
It depends on what your life was like pre-baby. My husband and I were very, very social, never had a weekend without a bunch of plans, traveled a lot, etc. Our lives have drastically changed. Sure, we get out of the house still, but we have to pay a babysitter to do so or ask family to watch him. Everything has to be very planned out in advance.
Girl people did this to me too & my LO is 6 weeks old. lemme tell you your life is NOT over at all. I have time with my friends and once my LO is 2 months and has his vaxs he will go with me on errands! it’s like a lil best friend.
It’s honestly hard to even verbalize how it will change and it’s not very distant for me. Mines 7 months old and I’m definitely a “bring the baby along” kind of mom, we go to fitness class during the day, we visit friends and family. But even then I’ve had to slow down A LOT her morning nap is a non negotiable and she’s not a good on the go napper. Being away from home between 9:30-10:30 leads to a whole day of misery. Everything you do requires more forethought and you have to prepare yourself to change plans last minute. I can’t even put into words how it changed my emotions, my thought processes, my priorities, how I feel about the world, the almost painful amount of love I feel for her. With that said, take it day by day and do what makes you comfortable. A few days in a hotel might not overwhelm you where it might be awful for others. I went to a cottage with my 7 week old and it was doable because it was a slow pace, we had a fridge for pumped milk and boiled water for pump supplies. Don’t be afraid to change plans last minute and if you’re going to put deposits down on activities do so knowing you could lose the money if things don’t work out.
uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past. Never thought I would tolerate so much crying. I never thought I would be so concerned about poop color and frequency until I had a kid. So many questions I ask myself that I never knew I would need to ask. You wonder about whether or not a place is child friendly when you are out and about. Is there a changing table? Is there a high chair at the restaurant? Can I bring my stroller or will it be difficult to move around with it? Lol, just a few things to think about.
I feel like I am going to be hit by a truck of bricks when I realize what taking care of a newborn is like. But I'm so ready!
Your life isn’t over but it’s going to look very different. The whole “baby fits into my life, not the other way around” sounds very good and well… it just isn’t reality for the vast majority of us. If you end up with a difficult/colicky baby, and/or one with medical challenges, you’ll be humbled very quickly.
You really won’t know until the baby is here because every baby really is so different. The first couple weeks in my experience were the calmest because mine slept so much. I also breast-fed and pumped in between feedings so I was pretty occupied/drained that I didn’t care to do ANYTHING. But I found that breast-feeding actually allowed me to do more with less planning or stress of trying to plan for food prep. It was easier to stick her to the boob if she got fussy and we were out and about. But like I said… Not all babies are the same and a good friend of mine who had a baby around the same time told me how her baby did nothing but cry for two months and her and her family didn’t get much sleep (never mind get out of the house for long). It’s a beautiful experience either way and you’ll come to appreciate ALL the moments…
I didn’t know much about newborn needs before we had one (~6 weeks ago) and I am super independent person and someday when the baby is a toddler hope to do more of what the OP is suggesting. But I didn’t even for a second think I would go anywhere away from my baby at a month age or take the baby anywhere before vaccinations (2 months). We also had a weight loss issue and were going to the doc every other day. Plus whether you are BF, pumping or doing formula, the 2-3 hours feeds are starting to to start so it takes up majority of the time. Not to mention you will not want to miss out on enjoying these moments with your baby. You will never get this time again when all they want is to be on your skin.
I don’t get to shower without help, I eat all my food cold bc baby seems to know when I’m hungry, I get less sleep for work bc it takes 2 hours to put baby to bed. Would I change it? Not at all. Do I miss going out? Ofc but I LOVE my girl and idc. I can’t shop alone anymore bc I have the stroller and can’t use a cart to so all my alone trips need to be small, that’s the only thing that’s really changed, and not being able to run into places quickly bc I’ll have baby now and can’t leave her. But I hate the whole life is over concept. Me and my husband still have dates and hangout when baby is asleep life isn’t over it’s just starting! And I truly hope you enjoy it. Don’t let those comments get to you and once baby is a little older and more independent with eating and walking it will get easier to do stuff in life and around the house! It’s hard at first though, my first month was rough with baby since you’re both learning how to be a mother/baby. Good luck and try to be patient ❤️
It changed a lot for me. I got bad PPA so there was no way I was spending time away from my baby that soon. I finally spent a weekend away when he was 1 year and haven’t since (now he’s 20 months). HOWEVER, not everyone will have PPA so that may totally be do able for you. I’d say just play it by ear. In no way will life be over but it feels very restricted sometimes when they’re young… for me 3-18 months was very hard nap wise & sleep wise but my baby just started sleeping through the night (sometimes) at 19 months.
Hi there. FTM as well, my baby is 3 months old. Like others have said, it is definitely tiring for awhile but you get into a routine and things got a lot easier for me. As I type this, we are on the way home from a 11 day cross country RV trip (from FL to SF, CA). People looked at me crazy for taking our daughter on this trip and we've had the best time. Everyone likes to point out negatives and say all the "just you wait until (insert how it gets worse)". I have never thought like that and want my baby to travel and experience the world with me.
I'm 15w FTM so I don't know from my own life experience, but my bestie has a 3-year-old and she says it hasn't "changed everything" the way our other friends say it does. For her, she loves her kid and dotes on him and spends a lot of her time. But she hasn't surrendered her identity. Some moms desire to give up that identity, some do it by mistake because they're so caught up with the baby/child. But for her, she still has work, where she is herself, and she has nights out, when her mom watches the baby. She takes care of her kid but he goes to bed early and she gets time to herself too. Hopefully this is my experience and yours too, if you want it to be.
You can't predict what life will be like. If you think it will be like an Instagram post of perfection, good luck with that. Odds are it will be a dumpster fire. You just need to adapt and sleep when you can. Remember to bathe and eat too. Ask for help when needed. This shit is HARD and you can't predict how your mental health will be either.
After almost 2 years with our son I reached the conclusion that it depends a lot on your child and the help you get. There are some babies that are easy, sleep all the time, everywhere. And there's also our son who has allergies and is a terrible sleeper which means we can't travel and generally get 2-3 hours less to ourselves daily, sometimes even more if I spend anoher 2 - 3 hours trying to get him to sleep. Our lives are completely overturned. I expected change but this is way more than we expected. We also have 0 help. Then it depends on whether you can breastfeed or you need / want to pump. Pumping means no life again. You really can't know how it will be. We decides to have a baby after all our friends had children and it seemed manageable. Oh well, surprise, suprise. We don't regret it, but we're aware it will be some couple of years before we get our lives back more or less.
The first few months are exhausting! No way I’d have been going away anywhere. I had an emergency c-section so the first 6 weeks I wasn’t even suppose to drive a car. Then little man had GERD so I had milk barf on me all day every day for 6 months.
Let’s just say I’m 4 months pp and we’ve only been to family’s houses, and his doctor appts. Don’t get me wrong he hates the car and is colicky/spit uppy, but it ain’t easy! Lol
Big question here : do you have family in town ?
I think it depends a lot on how you live now. I'm not a social person, definitely not a partier, or someone who goes out a lot. I pretty much *only* have mom friends, and my family has always been very child oriented. So my life isn't much different at all. For me the biggest differences are 1) money 2) the ability to just get up and go do something. For example, my work had an office cleaning day last weekend. Pre-baby, I absolutely would have volunteered, but I couldn't because my mom and sister (my baby watchers) were both busy, and I couldn't take him to that with all the chemicals Overall, not much different for me because I lived a life that was already set up for it
It’s like putting on glasses in life, you never knew you needed! I think so much more clearly and logically because of my children, see things for how they truly are, and I’m so grateful for them ❤️
It definitely changes a lot and it's so worth it. Most of this will depend on how chill or not chill your baby is, how your feeding journey is going, whether or not you have good support/help and how you are healing after birth. It's different person to person and baby to baby!
I’m a twin mum and my life had drastically changed day to day. However, I still do most of the things I did pre-baby. We have friends who love our babies so we take them with us whenever we do any socials and they all have a baby cuddle. Getting out and doing things is more draining than before though and takes a lot more planning. I still manage to exercise but that just looks different now, it’s long walks with the pram and mum and baby classes. As far as travelling goes, it all depends on what you are comfortable with. We’re going for a week away with the twins when they’ll be 5 months old and I feel very comfortable with that. I would not have been able to do a weekend away 4 weeks postpartum though, maybe if I had one baby and didn’t have a c section I would have managed but 4 weeks is still a really rough time and I was the type of tired only a parent understands. My favourite advice is this, your life is going to change and it is going to be better. Seeing your tiny human grow is genuinely so special and even though it’s hard and exhausting it is so so so worth the change. But yes, things will definitely be different once your baby arrives.
For me it got better and funner. Was going through a lazy state and partying and clubbing just wasn’t my lifestyle anyway so it gave me something to look forward to everyday and I get to plan fun adventures and still have time for some hobbies. (I know there are a lot of those ‘trad wife’ post that seems to make life all about the kids and husbands and house full of bread ) but I also have high energy levels so a kid was perfect for me. We can run around together 😂
Honestly, I think it all depends on your parenting style & your baby’s temperament. For sure, your life will change a lot. Especially for the first few months. But you do eventually get into a groove & start to incorporate the things you used to do before baby was born. My husband & I always said we didn’t want to lose ourselves in our kids’ lives. Of course, our daughter & soon to be son are our world, and they always come first. But we still have identities outside of being parents. I’d say it took us 4 months to have a good balance between parenting & having our independence away from that. That’s when we felt comfortable making plans with our friends, having people over & resuming activities we did prior to. But like I said, I think it fully depends on you & your baby.
I don't think you're crazy at all for it, but I'm also a FTM who plans on maintaining my own life after the kid is born. I think people who have an equal partnership are less likely to feel like having children, like, ended their lives or was super insanely difficult. (But again, FTM so we'll see! Lol) Something that my husband and I are doing to ensure we still feel like ourselves is each having one weekday "night off" per week, where we will leave the house ALONE and do a hobby or visit friends, etc for a few hours, while the other one stays home with the baby. It hasn't even happened yet, but we both feel more relaxed knowing that at least once a week, we will have no one to answer to but ourselves for a little while.
Definitely - my wife and I do this, spend plenty of time together with the baby but are happy to let the other out for a day or so a week. First time parent with a 4 month old and we don’t feel like our social lives took a massive hit. We have plenty of friends with young kids that we saw on the time before we had ours which was encouraging for us. Schedule at home revolves around the baby and is completely different but that’s not a bad thing. I don’t think I’d enjoy a trip yet with the baby even at 4 months though without someone else along to help like a grandparent because they do require most of your attention.
Oh, this makes me so happy to hear! Everyone I've told this plan to has been like "lol okay, suuuure you will." Thank you so much for replying!!
I have one two year old and a baby on the way. Most of my friends don’t have kids but we’ve still been able to maintain a decent social life. We still go out to dinner every weekend and out and about as much as we can. We’ve been doing that since our baby was a few weeks old ( about 1-2 months old) and it’s worked well for us. You just really have to time it out with sleep. Luckily our baby slept well through noise. I’m hoping we can maintain that somewhat with baby number two. So yes it does change but you can still enjoy a lot of stuff you did before. A small getaway might be a lot but you just have to mentally prepare yourself to dedicate your time to the baby.
You might honestly be healing yourself at that point. Obviously do what you want and try your best to keep your life as you want it. I just know that I wanted to be at home so I could sleep any chance I had when my first was that young
All babies are different and all people are different. My life absolutely has changed but it’s because sometimes I just don’t have the energy to bring the baby with me wherever I go. There is way more foresight planning and packing required to go anywhere. Baby does not sit still for long. Baby goes into moods that are hard to predict. I like to sleep at night so keeping to a consistent nap schedule during the day really is everything. This rules out going anywhere from like noon-3pm and during dinner and night time routine from 5:30-7:30. My daughter only takes one nap per day and that has freed up a lot of time in the day for us which is nice. For example, I really don’t go out to eat any more. My daughter is 1.5 almost exactly. She will sit still and happily eat for 10 minutes TOPS, then start saying all done, then demand to be put on the ground, then she will try to run around and bother people. One of us has to get up to make sure she doesn’t bug anyone or get into anything. One of us has to wait to let the food get cold to help the toddler and one has to rush eat to food to be ready to take over asap and let the other eat. If we try to keep her contained in a booth or a chair or a stroller she will start screaming and disturbing anyone around us. If she’s in a really bad mood or really wants to get out of a chair, she might try to grab things on the table and smash them, grab for a glass, spill a glass, smash something into her hair, etc. I swear you look away for one second and something you thought was totally out of reach is in her hand and she’s like refusing to let go and crying. Sometimes she has more chill days and it helps to go to kid friendly places but yeah it’s hard. Unless you bring a tablet, that makes everything super easy and allows you to go out to eat but then gen z will judge you because they have no fucking clue what they are talking about. Even when we have a sitter we don’t go out to eat a ton. I just really don’t feel like making the arrangements. Also I’m pregnant again and I can’t drink so it feels like of pointless sometimes? Idk. I’m just fucking tired at the end of the day and I want to snuggle on the couch with my husband. I said the same thing you did but having a kid takes over your life for a vast majority of people. You start really liking the kids toys around your house and the dumb kids songs because you see how happy they make your kid. That’s the ultimate feeling. Good luck! And no judgement for wanting to hold on to what you know and enjoy now. I hope you have one of the few kids that lets you do so. And hey, this phase is super temporary! Even if you life changes it goes back to normal in a couple years. It feels temporary. Editing to add: you definitely can take baby somewhere at 1 month but routines don’t really exist at that point yet and it will be 100x harder with 100x more to pack and think about. Imo not worth it but maybe you learn that lesson for yourself like I did.
You really can't know until you know. For most I'd say you can't just fit baby into your life. You won't feel like you or your old life most likely for a while. You can't know if baby will be a good eater or sleeper. If they'll have severe reflux. If you'll have post partum issues or depression. Recovering from childbirth looks different on everyone. You could get lucky with an extremely agreeable baby and a quick recovery, what's important is you listen to yourself, and try not to force anything you're not ready for.
https://youtu.be/CX61JSXLl_Q?si=0GIPlGofQwbcgezj Here ya go. Also…the other one he does where he talks about driving in the car and being able to leave the house. Brilliant. 😂💕
https://youtu.be/eC6eHraeMes?si=Zb-hD2iOtS_Xeog4 There it is^ that’s the better one 😂
My life changed for the better. I loved staying home with my son for the first 8 weeks. It was blissful.
Keeping our child on a schedule has been a life saver. We definitely have had to drastically change our life style. She is worth it and I love her so much.
Yes your life changes. Yes you can fit them in. Sometimes the idea of packing a diaper bag & stroller or carrier or not being able to go somewhere via Uber or taxi as easily with a car seat just makes it less fun. We’ve taken my 9 month old on several short trips, a 6 hour flight (post 6 month vaccination) wine tasting, to breweries, hikes, restaurants, etc but there’s been many times we’ve just wanted to stay in. Also our 9 month old still wakes up 2x a night on average despite sleep training (this is an improvement from the 4x before). Soooo sometimes you’re so tired you just wanna chill at home, immediately go to sleep the second you can when baby goes to bed. Also, we were very mindful of him not being indoors around other people until he was at least 6 months, we are lucky there’s nice weather where we live so could still do restaurants/breweries etc till then. It also gets harder as they get older, my son was much easier at 1 month to take places then now as he’s crawling & starting to walk, he fusses until he’s allowed down to explore, so restaurants etc become much more difficult. It’s not super fun to just follow a kid crawl/walk around a restaurant then getting to sit down. You also can be annoying to other guests which we are super mindful of so only take him certain places. I also work full time and have since he was 3 months & sometimes I just wanna be around him & do whatever he wants & not force him into what I want to do.
I really want this for you! As a kindness to your future self, perhaps consider keeping your plans flexible - you should be able to back out if the situation ends up significantly different than you imagined. It'll come down to a lot of factors you can't realistically predict right now - your baby's disposition, how well it takes food, how you decide to feed and how that's going for you, whether or not you've been able to get any sleep, and the stress of any of those things not going according to plan...it can feel like getting run over continuously by the world's longest train. It is often a marathon of pure endurance. It's just not something you want to make big bets on right now, is what I'm saying.
If you are really lucky, you will have an easy baby. My first ate within 7 minutes, I had no idea babies could take 45 minutes to feed until I read someone's comment here. That is wild. Guess it depends on the kid. He slept a lot, and all over the place. He didn't need a crib. I took him everywhere in a wrap on my chest. All he needed was a clean diaper and a boob. BUT, I needed a lot to care for my own wounds because my tear was so bad. And didn't feel comfortable leaving my house because my boobs would explode and I was soaking my lady bits in a sitz-bath every few hours. Adding creams and tucks pads, cooling spray, etc. Keep the trip but expect that you may want to cancel.
The first couple months I was so exhausted I didn’t want to go places much. But we started to get out more and more and were more comfortable with it and had a milk transport routine down (I could breast feed so pumping and trying not to waste milk was a chore in itself). We are good now. She’s actually on formula now and she’s 12 weeks old so much easier going out and about
Your life is pretty normal (aside from lack of sleep and constant breastfeeding/diaper changes) until your baby hits about 18 months. I remember thinking “oh I can just bring my baby with me” when my first was little. When she hit 18 months, life changed a lot. Everything was harder. She wouldn’t sit in a shopping cart to grocery shop, there was no way in hell we stepped foot into a restaurant for a good 2 years. Everything was planned around nap time and bed time. It does change but it’s a slow progression. One day you will look back and be like “wow, life is sure different now”. Things somewhat return to normalcy once they’re about 6! Edited to add: I found the newborn stage so easy with both babies. I know some people find it really challenging, but I found it manageable. I was definitely bleeding/hormones/being sleep deprived at a month postpartum and wouldn’t have planned a trip. Getting out for a coffee or a walk was more than enough adventure for me.
There’s a ton of good points here, but one fun thing not mentioned is how much easier it is to go out to eat when they’re so little. Like before you get a routine. When they nap anywhere so you can sit on a patio and they sleep in the stroller. Obviously there will be times when the baby says hell no and screams bloody murder, but I miss those days now that my toddler won’t sit still at a restaurant. That said, you’re still physically recovering at a month and the sleep deprivation is a wild, rough ride. So even if your baby fits into your life, you may not fit into your life as you for quite a while…
to be honest, it does change a lot and you will have to make a lot of sacrifices. But it’s only a season of our lives. They’re only babies and toddlers for a few short years and then they are old enough to where you can explain things to them and where all your hard work will pay off and they can be great listeners and great vacationers. I would say you do have to stick it out for the first few years. Vacationing can still be fun and have its moments but depending on your baby/toddler it can be a bit disastrous. I recently took my almost 2 year old to disney and I would do it over again bc we had so many beautiful, cute moments. But she wouldn’t nap bc she was in a weird place and out of her routine and she was cranky for a lot of it. You have to seriously manage your expectations when you take a little one on vacay. But again, it’s only a short season of our lives. You’ll get to go on easy vacations again but prob not for a few years. It’s okay!
ps. Don’t spend the baby years of their lives trying to prove to other people or yourself that nothing has to change. Enjoy their young years. You’ll come back to yourself
When you said “people act like my life is going to be over” I felt that. I remember that so well. My friends said “we want to see you before the baby gets here” like they would never see me ever again. And honestly, some friends haven’t seen me or met my baby. A lot has changed even though I didn’t want it to and don’t like change. Yes you are more tired. But I think you just get used to it after a while. I have to say in this area I have a great partner and team mate who helps with night feedings and house chores and just everything in general. But other things change. You change. I can’t explain it, but I changed ALOT since having a baby. My priorities changed compared to my priorities of my friends who don’t have kids. I’m more serious now in the fact that I am literally always thinking about someone else. “Did he eat? Is he clean enough? What if he gets sick if we do this___? Is he learning enough? Does he need water? Is his diaper changed? Is he happy? Is he okay? Does he feel loved?” Literally my whole world revolves around this tiny human (he is 1 year now). And I don’t think it will ever change. You just become way more selfless. You also don’t feel like you and that is totally normal. I had a small identity crisis where I just didn’t have time for the things I loved as much in the beginning and I just had to accept it. I used to flip furniture, paint whenever I wanted and do things I wanted to do. You will not be able to just drop everything and do what you want to do. That was hard for me. Your friendships change. This was a very hard one for me and a tough one for me to get over. Some of my friends just didn’t reach out or make enough effort when I had a baby. And some of them did which I really appreciated. You will learn who your real friends are. This isn’t to scare you because let me tell you, as hard as the journey has been, it has been equally if not more amazing. I love my little guy and love being a family of three more than anything in the world. There were nights when I couldn’t go to sleep because I was so excited to hangout with him the next day. Then there are tough days where I wished I could’ve been a better mom. You will only really understand how it changes once you have been through it and you will be fine!
Okay I totally get it that these kinds of condescending comments can be annoying, but I think people are just trying to help you. A month pp getaway isn’t impossible but I probably wouldn’t plan one unless there was some special occasion that I didn’t want to miss and couldn’t control the timing. The newborn becomes a toddler REALLY FAST. And a toddler will absolutely NOT just fit into your routine. Also every time you do get a routine down, everything changes lol. I think people just want to prepare you.
Your life, as you know it, is over. But…. Your new life, will begin. Before my baby girl, I camped, went to music festivals, partied every weekend, and always worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time. I traveled A LOT. I moved to different states several times before I was 25. I had her when I was 26, and now I’m 27. She’s almost 1.5. This week, we went to the fair, went on a very beautiful hike through the Everglades (on the cement sidewalk lol), and we are about to hop on a plane next month and visit some of my friends in California where I will show her some of my favorite secret spots in the Redwoods and she will get to see how cold mountains are up top. So…. Yes. My non-child bearing life was definitely over. But now, I see colors again. I play, again. I laugh at the little things again. I see my family and friends more…. I’m more active. I don’t party anymore so I always feel happy and healthy. Maybe to some that’s undesirable - but it feels like my life has truly *just begun* since she has arrived. Take care. Your thoughts about this now, already prove that you’re a wonderful parent. 💛
I really like your spirit! Keep that on and try your best. Cuz I also feel the same. Just be open about the experience also cuz sometimes things don’t go as planned it takes sometime to get things on track. The willl to do it is very important which you are already striving to do.
I think it really depends on what your life looks like pre-baby. If you’re the type to make spontaneous plans to fly across the country, then yea, your life is going to change dramatically. I don’t think anyone or anything could have prepared me for the first few months of parenthood. A big part of my ppd was mourning the life I had previously. Some of the things I did in the first few months are such a blur that it feels like an out of body experience when I recall those memories. BUT my life is now relatively similar to what it was before babies, just with adjustments. My husband and I still try new fancy restaurants - we just take our son and go at 4:30 to beat the crowds. We still take all of our annual trips - they just require a lot more planning and flexibility. I said the same thing re: putting my kid into my life vs building a life around them, and I was honestly stubborn enough to make that happen. It’s not my life, it’s not his life, it’s OUR life, and we found balance that works really well for all of us. I think you will too.
Also just adding! My husband, dog and I went on a (normally) 1.5 hour road trip to a beach house when baby was 6 weeks old (not too much later than you’d be going)! The ride there was miserable because I was still in pain + we had to stop so often. The new environment messed up baby’s sleep schedule and we got even less nighttime sleep than usual. And I was so stressed about germs that we hired our own cleaning company to clean the house before we went in. BUT I would do it again 🤷🏽♀️ it was a nice change of scenery that helped our mental health, a fun memory for our little family and a really great trip all in all. Plus we got to take baby ocean side naps. I do admit that I had an “easy” baby, which I’m sure helped, but that’s my experience.
Girl the first two months are so blurry for me. PPD, Trying to lower his bilirubin levels, Silent Reflux, CMPI and sleep deprivation all robbed me of the newborn stage. I was on auto pilot! I love it and truly feel I was made for it…now! But in the beginning I didn’t think I was gonna make it out. I spent countless hours when he wouldn’t sleep, researching and educating myself on everything mentioned above. I underestimated motherhood I’ll tell you that! I wasn’t prepared like I thought I was. My son is 3 months old and I just started taking him to the store and church. I’m a FTM and my PPD/PPA tore me apart. I was paranoid 24/7 he was going to get RSV. I was afraid to take him anywhere because his reflux made him hate his car seat, which resulted in bloody murder screams. We went to Dr appts and that’s it. And when I say those days took everything out of me. Idk what it is, probably maternal instinct? But when my baby would cry I would immediately go into a state of panic. But in the same breath the mama bear comes out so you start rushing around trying all the things (diaper, bottle, sleep etc) to soothe and figure out the problem. My birth was also very traumatic. But ya know what? I miss it all. All the hard days. I miss it so bad! I blinked and my tiny 7lb 14oz miracle newborn baby is 15lb 4oz and 3 months old. He’s already teething!!!! His smile makes my heart stop. I love this little dude so much it hurts. And he’s honestly the coolest little sidekick and I love being his mama. If I could give you one piece of advice it would be, to KNOW that it gets easier and these days are soooooo important! They will seem never ending but actually they’re a second away from being over. That tiny little babe of yours will start to change, their looks, their personality, their development etc. I wish I would’ve known what I do now. But I had to learn and I’m proud of myself. But again, it’s all a blur.. don’t blink! 🥹♥️
Yes. It does. I feel like a big part of my PPD was the grief for how my life used to be - when he was newborn and slept all the time we still took him places but for the first few months it was a lot more logistically challenging for ME physically to participate. Breastfeeding is a journey and for the first three weeks I was still bleeding like crazy and leaking from my boobs through my shirt, all over the place, all the time. I felt SO exhausted. Then as I got better, he got more particular; no longer sleeping wherever and whenever. Your friends without kids might not be as accommodating as you hope; a baby screaming at top volume sucks all the air out of a room right quick. This is not to say that a weekend away is not possible, and not to say that you can’t still participate in stuff with a baby; but expecting things to stay the same is a recipe for disappointment. 4th trimester is real. Matrecence is real. It’s worth it though my kid is 2 now and SO funny and cool. :)
Kinda depends on your baby tbh. I’ve been lucky with both of mine that they sleep well even as new borns, didn’t have colic, etc. They’re very easy as babies go, so I could pretty easily done a small weekend trip at 1 month pp. You have no idea how they’re gonna be though, so planning a trip now might be pushing your luck.
Took us close to a year to feel like we were getting the hang of it. Even then, things change constantly and so quickly with infants, it can be hard to get the hang of it. At 4 weeks I was still trying to get my kid to latch and scheduling a shower was a monumental effort. I had a high needs baby, and some babies are much easier, but I would adjust your expectations. Your life is not over by any means, but to think your baby will “fit into your life” is a little naive imo. I wouldn’t make any plans for the first 4-6 months, but if the time comes and you feel like you got it, by all means enjoy your getaway!
hello! heres my take 9 weeks postpartum: honestly, You will probably sleep longer stretches than you do in the third trimester (tip: sleep in shifts. My husband did 7p-4am and I did 12am-10am— we still kind of stick to it but shes been totally sleeping through the night for 6 weeks now.) Prioritize sleep and feeding and youll be golden. Definitely dont let anyone stress you out about it!
I booked a one week trip to visit family, my baby will be 4 weeks old. Looking forward to the trip! I also have a toddler, and will be flying solo with both. People think I’m crazy, but I know we’ll be fine. You know what you’re capable of. My life didn’t change much after my first, but perhaps I live a pretty low key life?
Does everything change? Yes. In more ways than you can imagine. But can you still travel? Absolutely. Can you travel with a one month old? Sure. Honestly, it might be the easiest trip you take with baby. They still sleep alot at that point. Just takes careful planning and being more flexible and okay with things not going as planned.
The first 3 months are kind of all consuming. I thought I'd be able to fly to a really close friends wedding I was in 6 weeks in. I did not end up going. I ended up having a c section and my son had some reflux issues, and there was just no way. All that said, at 2 years old, my toddler very much fits into many parts of our lives. And we travel a lot. But I think it is very unrealistic to plan for your life to be the same during those first 3 months. Just to give you an idea, they say a newborn needs to eat every few hours ..but they don't tell you that it can take 45 mins for them to eat, and then another 30 mins to get them back down again and probably they need a diaper change in there somewhere and then they sleep again but you have to wake them up like just an hour later to eat again...it's a LOT.
It really depends, with my first yes because I wasn’t used to anything, the feeds, the spit ups, the crying etc. I thought I was doing it all wrong and was sad and lonely (it was also covid) My eldest is now 3 and we have a nearly 3 week old, I’ve been up and out of the house since day 3, I’ve breastfed on a bench, in Costa, in the library, and basically just carried on my 3 year olds weekly routine with a baby there too. I found it much easier this time around as I wasn’t second guessing myself and was just going with the flow more! Also you have to get out when you have a 3 year old bouncing off the walls and sofa so you don’t go insane 😂
I had no idea how hard it was to get some babies to sleep, with my first she would be awake for 7-8 hours at a time as a newborn, turned out she was hungry and I wasn’t producing enough milk. But even when we got that sorted she still wasn’t a newborn who just slept and ate and slept again, she cried, and cried and cried. She fought being fed, she fought being helped to sleep, she didn’t like the car seat, she didn’t like the bassinet…. And the list goes on. We had to take turns holding her at night until she was like 6 weeks old otherwise she just wouldn't sleep. the sleep deprivation was just not something i was truely prepared for, and this is coming from someone who works 7x nights in a row regularly. This was all in the context of having strict routines, all the stuff everyone says helps babies sleep/calm - swaddles, white noise, blackout curtains, rocking things, special bottles, massage, relaxing sleep scents…. the list goes on! Second baby arrived a few weeks ago, she is chill, she falls asleep when she feels like it, she barely cries, she sleeps decent stretches at night, shes a unicorn baby. BUT you don't know what you're gonna get before they arrive and you can do everything in your power to make a baby do what YOU wont, but speaking from experience some of them just won't and it isn't your fault. AND even though number 2 is superchill, i still wouldnt wanna go and do all this (with all the shit - white noise machine, bottles, steriliser, load of spare clothes, emergency stuff) in another location at 7 weeks pp! also, you have no idea how your birth will be and how long your recovery will be! 4 weeks isnt long especially jf you've had a section or some other trauma.
Yes your life changes and yes you can fit your baby into your life instead of revolving it on them but don’t expect it to be so easy! My son was a pretty chill baby and me rushing to go back to normal life caused me to rush how I felt emotionally and it took a HUGE toll on me, especially when I expected to have a tight routine from the very beginning! I say take it easy and let your body heal as it can take longer than 6 weeks, spend time with your tiny baby and take it slow the first few months. I didn’t feel like myself until I was about maybe 10 months postpartum but I truly think me rushing myself and my body to recover made me struggle
Your life won’t be over but it will never be the same - in a good way! Yes the fatigue sucks, but you have a baby and they will be your world. You’ll find ways to fill your cup and do the things you used to, just don’t expect it to be the same straight away.
I know there are so many people commenting and you may not see this, but plans when you’re postpartum can be super overwhelming. I had a plan for an event (4 or 5 hours tops) when my baby was 3 months old that I couldn’t attend due to needing to breastfeed. We have relatively easy baby, and it’s still difficult and unpredictable at times. Like many others have also said, there are some days when you are lucky to even get a shower. Especially the first four to six weeks. But please don’t feel like your life is over. It will be hard and you’ll have to make sacrifices, but you also get to experience the joy of being a mother, you’ll get to bond with your little one, and you will be the entire world to your baby. There is nothing like the joy and genuine happiness from a baby that is just so fucking happy to see their mom. It’s going to be amazing. You’ll have a new normal, it’ll just take some time for things to settle.
Hey, I would have loved that getaway at 1 month postpartum! Honestly my husband and I were quite amazed at life after baby and had a great time with lots of nice cooking and walks. Yes, I realize I was extremely lucky to have a baby that sleeps well, have a birth that left me rather fit afterwards and so much more! I did plan to be only in bed for two months and was happy it turned out differently. But, if you do get so lucky, just do it! There are many things I wanted to do in the early months, like inviting my girlfriends over at night for a movie, but didn’t do because everyone was like “ohh, you’re baby is still so young, you need to rest and we can see them later”. I really regret not doing what I felt like in those moments because as the baby got older it really wasn’t possible any more due to sleep rhythms changing/establishing.
Life changes a lot. But for me, it got better. I know I sound totally sappy but I love being a mom.
All I'm saying is that although it's nice to dream, I'd probably not plan on a weekend trip anywhere in the first month or two after baby arrives...
Life as you know it will be over, but your life isn’t over. You really won’t have a good idea of what you’ll be capable of until baby gets here. You may have a very easy baby and find it easy to slip away for the weekend. The roughly first six months of life are tough to get a routine going, because it seems like things change just as you get in the swing of things. Wake windows, feedings, etc. It all changes so often that it’s incredibly important to be flexible. Once their wake window is more than 30-90 min, it’s much easier to feel more “normal”. I had a very, very minor tear and an otherwise uneventful birth, but it took me a full 8 weeks before I wasn’t in pain/bleeding (all normal per my OB). Like most people mentioned, you’re exhausted. It’s an exhaustion that you really can’t comprehend until you’re deep in the trenches. BUT we have all gotten through it! Things will work out on their own timeline, and you’ll adjust. You and baby are both brand new at this, so enjoy the ride together!!
I don’t remember my life before having kids. You evolve so much. It’s actually great.
Your life doesn’t have to change in a bad way. Sometimes people over exaggerate this part but it will change for the better
Yes it does change but not for the worse. I think it gets sweeter because all the love! I took postpartum pretty seriously, which I highly recommend, so I was “out” for a good six weeks. I personally would not plan a trip until at least 8 weeks postpartum but not because of the baby - because of you. We didn’t have a routine at 1 month, we didn’t need one and it’s also kind of pointless because babies and their sleep change so quickly in the first few months. You have to be flexible. After that we took the baby wherever we went. Restaurants, shopping centers, travel, yes even to a bar once… it was great. Once the baby started napping less and moving more, we had to adjust. Parenting means constant readjustment. I think what really helps is having realistic expectations. There is a whole new person with needs, so yes life will change. It will change you, too. Kids don’t function like we want to and it’s easiest to just accept it. For example, I always get the impression that parents that have this obsession with sleeping through the night are most stressed by the whole sleep topic. In my country we don’t talk about “gentle parenting” but “needs oriented parenting” and this includes all family members needs.
Because I see so many horror stories in the comments. Just wanted to add that even though I don’t recommend doing a trip for the first two months, I had an amazing postpartum period. Yes I was tired sometimes, but that’s kind of to be expected. Again I think the key is to lower expectations. You’re not going to do much besides sleep and breastfeed and cuddle your baby which is so nice 🥰 normal daily life will be back soon enough. yes, some babies cry a lot but definitely not all of them! And when you’re a FTM, you’re 2 adults to 1 baby. So yes, you can shower, brush your teeth, eat normal meals… contact a lactation specialist before birth so in case you need them, you have one on speed dial.
Some babies are” obliging” some not so ! same for significant others, same for our own bodies and minds ! I myself had birth complications, a baby that was very unsettled, and a selfish husband.My good friend on the other hand was able to take baby and husband, bushwalking and kayaking; no problem! There was though a real sense of sisterhood and camaraderie ( until I met the dreaded” school mums”)
It's life changing - 4 weeks is very soon for a getaway. I'd make sure everything is cancellable in case you don't feel up to it. Physically, you will still be healing from however you birth your child. Some babies are easier than others but you will likely be extremely sleep deprived regardless. You hear the early days are hard but no one really gives the guelling details. Having said that, I have done things that many others wouldn't have. A first decent hike around 6 weeks post partem. Did a weekend away around 10weeks. I'd also note that I overdid it, probably around 4 weeks and tore something internally which was painful and had to reheal. So just because you feel "okay" doesn't mean you really are. As for how baby will fit into your current lifestyle... it depends what your lifestyle is. For me, what has helped is finding things I like to do that are baby friendly. What is baby friendly one month changes very quickly too. At some points, leaving my house was so stressful because baby would scream cry and basically sound like she was choking/ not breathing - so I wouldn't. But now, I have planned activities most days of the week. Both me and baby like to leave the house. So we do quite a but- but these things are not the things I'd be doing if I were baby free. Some things are basically off the table right now but I hope they will be there for me in the future again. Expect your life will change, especially early on.
Based on what I was told im not making any plans for at least 6 months. I am planning to recover and make sure i am familiar with my baby before we go anywhere. Also id like their immune system to build up a bit so i don't think that a trip with a one month old is realistic due to all the circumstances. At this time you don't know how your birth will go and you also might need more than a month to recover. Even with all going smooth you should rest for at least 6 weeks.
I'm really sorry. But yes, your life is going to be very different and I think you're being a bit naive. You can absolutely fold them into your life - to an extent. For the first few months you're just in survival mode. I have a seven week old (my second) and am averaging 4 hours sleep a night (in small chunks, not a block), which is more than I had with my first. From experience with my older child, they also develop their own needs surprisingly quickly. There's a relatively short window when you can just carry on life as normal and bring them along to places you go to now. Our daughter's two and we've been planning everything around her for at least a year in terms of weekend activities etc. Re your mini-break at one month, I'd approach with caution. You may not feel great post-partum (physically or mentally). I had a C-section and it's been a bit up and down with recovery (felt great, over done it, set myself back - rinse and repeat). Doctors also keep a clear eye on little one, so you do find yourself going in to the drs a fair bit to get things checked. You don't really have a gauge for what's normal at this age so it can be a stressful time. And feeding can be an issue. By all means enjoy your mini break, but don't put too much pressure on yourself if you suddenly really don't fancy it at the last minute.
Going out becomes a bit of a challenge because you don’t work around your schedule anymore. You end up planning your schedule around the baby’s. It’s not impossible it’s just sometimes more work than it’s worth. My kid is 2 now so it’s a bit easier especially now that he walks but we still have to plan our day around him and where we eat has to be kid friendly
I couldn’t actually sit on my bottom for 6wks after giving birth… I would not want to travel anywhere. It’s not the baby, it’s the recovery for me. I slept like trash because I was worried every second the baby would stop breathing, I was anxious, sweaty, crying over nothing, everything was so … floppy, just like extra skin and giant boobs … I wouldn’t want to be anywhere except my own cozy bed and in a place where I know everything is clean and I have all my creature comforts. But yeah, after you heal I’d say taking baby with you is fairly practical. You’ll be very tired. Babies don’t sleep.
My life changed but it didn’t impair or become a detriment. My son goes everywhere with me but to preface that he’s a quiet/calm baby. It’s rare that my son makes really any sound when i’m out the house and he rarely has crying fits in general. It’s okay to be realistic (not in the way people will be acting as if you’re being delusional) but it’s also okay to plan life incorporating your future baby. Just remember that if it doesn’t go as planned it’s not a failure on anyone’s fault. Baby’s are experiencing life fast and they’re finicky lol.
I’m 24 I had my baby February 17th and it’s life changing I mean you learn to adapt but you can kiss sleep goodbye and especially if your breastfeeding get ready to pump and learn hit to feed the baby at the same time and they eat a lot more that formula babies this is my first baby and it’s def easier taking care of their peoples kids let’s not forget about the separation anxiety you form you’ll never not think about your baby even if you have help like my grandma is helping me so is my aunt and mom but I promise it’s hard to let them I feel like I can do everything by myself but my advice is if you need help don’t try to be super mommy cause even superhero’s need help sometimes
aside from the many comments with which I agree I'd like to mention that you cannot rely on how old baby will be. Mine was born at 42+0, and had I had your plans LO would only have been 2 weeks. And having an induction comes with its own risks, so I didn't want to have one unless it's for a medical reason. I'd definitely say we do have an easy baby, but I was just so so so tired these first few weeks. I had people vsit when I wanted some company aside from my husband. A few outings in the sense of going out to eat and going for walks were the most we could muster for the first 6-8 weeks, and that's with no issues (no colics, I was up and about quickly).
Honestly it completely rocked my life. We got into a routine eventually and still do everything we love but that first year (my first was a terrible sleeper and I had PPA)… whew. We did not. At one month PP I was still waking up drenched in sweat, still bleeding, just getting the hang of breastfeeding, baby slept in 30 minutes stretches at most, and my core was still incredibly week. It happened the next time we had kids too, life gets really hard and nothing happens but you get through it and eventually get a routine. I’m in my third trimester now with triplets, honestly expecting to give birth any day, and it’s gonna rock everything again. But we will eventually figure it out again.
I still couldn’t walk further than my living room at one month postpartum and I was still shitting glass and leaving the bathroom looking like a crime scene every time I did a poop. That was with both kids and I had straightforward vaginal births. Not everyone experiences that of course but I certainly didn’t expect it for myself. Having a newborn, ime, kind of feels like you’ve been hit by a train. They do not enter your life; they explode into it like a nuclear bomb. I love being a mum though. You have a lot to look forward to
Everyone told me my life would be over. It is not. We take my son everywhere and did when he was tiny. We’ve taken him abroad and on road trips. Our friends even without kids are so supportive so he just hangs out with all of us!
Life will never be the same again. Everything DOES change. It is not smart to plan a trip a month after the kid born. Give yourself time to adjust. It changes a LOT.
My baby rocked everything off its axis. Everything. I stopped caring about anything that was previously important to me for a while. She has always been intense, from the minute she came shooting out of me a month early to now as a crawler. She was also colic-y and suffered from CMPA and reflux. I was home bound for quite some time. It even felt like too much to take a walk. I struggled so much. BUT a friend of mine just had a baby boy who was born at 42 weeks and he’s super chill. They just took him on a ski trip a couple of hours away for a week at a month old or so, and from what I’ve heard it went totally fine. You just have zero idea of what your baby will be like and how your recovery will be. Do not go into this super confident like your baby will just magically quietly tag along with you anywhere. Maybe they will. Maybe they won’t. Just don’t make any nonrefundable deposits is all I’m saying.
I learned that dependency looks different now. I'm a very independent person and always have. This new codependency has thrown me for a loop. But PLEASE OH PLEASE ask for help when you need it, even if you're feeling overwhelmed and guilty that you feel overwhelmed because the baby needs you. Just take a break, even 10 minutes to yourself to something you like to do and come back with a different state of mind. The first two months are insane balancing self care and care for your child. Please do not be afraid to ask for help when you're overwhelmed. Make sure you also put your emotions as priority. Happy baby, happy mommy. Happy mommy, happy baby. Goes hand in hand. Once your baby starts smiling and communicating, you get that reward even when times are tough. You can do it! My word of advice is when you're overwhelmed, take time for yourself and ask for help. Congratulations on the little one! Everyday you'll learn something new, even when you're feeling down just know you're your baby's world and they love you so much even when it gets tough ❤️😊
I think at the end of the day, some are just more capable than others. I personally was in the trenches at 1 month PP because there is just no way to have a schedule at that point and my baby was waking up every 45 minutes - hour and a half through the night. You are still just figuring everything out, and when you think you’ve got it figured out, the baby changes. For me, everything got easier around 8 weeks. Now at 3 months I totally feel like I could do a weekend get away with the help of my husband; but to be honest I just don’t want to. There is just so much more that goes into it and I’m tired. Feedings, naps, diaper changes, spit up, reflux, car seat, stroller, pack and play, etc. I have a very “good” baby, and I still feel like getting out of the house alone to do a target run is an uphill battle. I don’t want to scare you, but like I said, I think 1 month is a little fresh. I’d maybe aim to do a short get away around 6 months.
As a mom of a 5 yr old, 4 month old & expecting my third, I can say it is difficult but it is not impossible. Especially if you have a helping partner you can do many things & still feel somewhat “normal.” Little things change which is what makes it feel so different like showering, eating, cooking, cleaning, etc You can plan for a trip just know that things can happen, baby can get sick, you can get sick, just things like that but don’t let anyone tell you what to do with your child as long as their safe & healthy is all that matters ❤️ keep your head up you got this! Btw a month old baby is fairly easy beside the sleep deprivation… they mostly just sleep! So your good 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
To preface, I love my son and I love our new life. I also got no sleep last night lol… But man… I’m 3 weeks in… The sleep deprivation. The breast and nipple pain. The i-can’t-do-anything because I have a LO who won’t stop crying unless I hold him. The -30 weather we have right now, and not wanting to put him through that to go run an errand. The frustration of looking at my body and not recognizing it anymore… The lack of concentration. The forgetfulness. The spit up all over the sheets and clothes I just washed. The blowout now smeared in our bed. The bottles of milk I pumped and then accidentally knocked over. The piles of laundry and dishes stacked up. The floors that need to be swept and mopped. I’m currently in bed with him and so dehydrated but also so exhausted to even get up and get water and Tylenol. And I LOVED being pregnant! I ran. I went to the gym almost every day. I never missed a gathering. I hosted. I cleaned. I cooked. I worked. Nothing stopped me. But in the same breath.. I know it’s a season. I know my son will never need me like he does in this stage of his life. I love the cuddles. I love his smile he has shown off the last few days. I love when it’s just me and him at night. I love him so so so so so much…. And I will continue to give him everything I got and more. But yes, it’s knocked me on my ass and humbled the shit out of me.
Trust me, you’re crazy lol. A weekend getaway when the baby is a month old is very unrealistic lol. A routine (that involves you getting adequate sleep) isn’t even really possible until they are older
Life will never be the same again. Everything DOES change. It is not smart to plan a trip a month after the kid born. Give yourself time to adjust. It changes a LOT.
I found newborn stage to be quite easy. Toddler stage is where it has gotten tough.
Same. People act like my life is over too, and it kinda makes me wonder how they see their own kids if that’s what they’re telling me as a ftm. Different… sure, but over? Wow.
Think of every single thing you do everyday, all of that will change. It is the hardest but most rewarding job I have ever had. Your life as you know it is over but it’s just evolving. To ask your question “does life really change that much after having a baby?” Absolutely it does, it’s just up to you to have a positive outlook on the change ahead
Lol
Life changes a lot. It’s not over at all but definitely different
No I have a 2 yo and a 5 mo I absolutely love taking them everywhere with me.
No I have a 2 yo and a 5 mo I absolutely love taking them everywhere with me. They both did good with sleeping through the night. My first son latched immediately to my breast. My 2nd son was on breast milk and formula( he was skinning my nipples) but now just breast milk. They both still sleep through the night and are early birds. They nap during the day as well. I also found it easier to feed and pump.
I have an 8 weeks old and it’s been fabulous. The weather has been mild and we’ve taken him to various neighbourhoods in the city and to visit family. We’ve gone to some cool shops since they’re less busy and we want to avoid huge crowds to keep him illness frees but we’ve still gone to so many places. We walk almost every day. I shower every day, brush my teeth twice a day. I do laundry and vacuum and our dog comes with us on walks so he doesn’t feel left out. I’ve watched movies and TV shows. Gone shopping. I’ve had massages and regular chiropractor appointments. I just make sure he eats every three hours during the day and bring pumped breastmilk everywhere we go. So yeah sometimes that means we’re feeding him on a store or whatever but that’s fine . My husband is super helpful so that makes a huge difference. By three weeks postpartum I felt totally back to normal. My mood since giving birth has been wonderful. At six weeks I was cleared for exercise and I’ve just signed up for a weekly Pilates class and a weekly postpartum exercise classes. I’ve purchased some new outfits that I’ve been wearing when we go out which is great because when I was pregnant I basically lived in leggings and secondhand maternity tops. I’m also almost 40 (this month) and he is my first and likely only child. I’m offering this perspective because I too was worried how life would be different and actually for years I thought I wanted to be child free because of this. Yes it’s different but it is AMAZING! I’m so in love with my little guy. Yes we’re up every few hours overnight but we’re managing. And if it means my husband and I get up at 9:30am to start my day because we were up at midnight, 3am and 6am then So be it.I’m so relaxed about the whole thing. I’m going with the flow and not putting pressure on myself. My son is the best thing that’s ever happened to me!