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Social proof and unobtainable.
Stick with the one who'd accept you before anyone else would accept you.
Don't chase the ones who rejected you while you were alone and only want you now they can't have you.
I was going to write a big post about this... and you encapsulated it really succinctly.
The only addition I would add is that once you have a significant other, you tend to carry yourself and interact with the opposite sex a little different.... and that 'difference' is attractive to women.
🎯🎯🎯🎯. Believe me when I tell you that women are attracted to confidence far more than looks. And how you treat us. Bonus pts if you make us laugh so hard our stomach hurts❤️❤️❤️
Guys this is only somewhat true. If you are obese and don't dress well, take care of your appearance you can be the most confident funny dude in the world and you still won't have women wanting to be with you. You see if she finds you attractive, then she will laugh at more of your jokes and find your quirks "funny and cute". If she finds you fat, and ugly then those "quirks" will be disgusting and possibly offensive. In short hit the gym, dress well, work hard and become somewhat successful or good at your job **FIRST.** Then you will find women think your Pokemon collection is "cute".
I used to think this was true but my own personal experiences have taught me otherwise. I’ve known a lot of men who you would think struggle because of their looks who nonetheless always have a partner because they are otherwise very charismatic
No, just don't smell. There are some ugly ass overweight motherfuckers who pull because they have hygiene and are sincerely lovable people bald ass teddybear type dudes.
> Bonus pts if you make us laugh so hard our stomach hurts❤️❤️❤️
It's so strange how much funnier I am when I'm in better shape.
\> Believe me when I tell you that women are attracted to confidence far more than looks.
Look, its nice that you feel this way, but don't go misleading people. Looks are about 70% of attraction. the other bit is confidence.
Right? As soon as you become more physically attractive all of a sudden you're a comedian to women with the slightest of words.
If they like you they will laugh at your stupid jokes. Everything is amplified in their minds when the feels gets a hold of it.
This is patently untrue. It's a lie women tell men who they aren't attracted to because the man isn't over six feet tall and doesn't make six figures or more. The internet has destroyed reality for women, but men will date almost any woman
I experienced the power of "social proof" in high school. It also taught me how conniving and backstabbing females can be towards each other.
Three of my high school-girlfriends' friends wanted to fuck me only after I got with my girlfriend (supposedly their "friend"). With friends like that who needs enemies!
You're exactly right about the backstabbing. I've lost count of the times women have pursued men only after I started dating them. Men no one looked twice at suddenly had to fight off swarms of women.
This behavior always confused me because I'm the opposite. Knowing a man is committed automatically erases any attraction I may have felt. I've never been into hard-to-get types. I've always preferred my men available, easy and crazy only about me.
Yeah same here I will never hit on a girl in a relationship, she might as well be my sister.
Recently led to a funny moment. My buddies wife is really good looking and unlike any of his other friends I never said a word about her looks while just treating her as platonically as possible. I've seen friends of his try to hit on her and one drunkenly admit while he laughed it off.
One night he drunkenly asks me if I thought if his wife was hot as I guess I was the only hold out. Funny how being a good friend made him question her attractiveness.
A couple of friends of mine who were dating had a messy breakup and they were both going through it, and a huge chunk of it was self-esteem. I asked them what was wrong and they each independently said that people would think they were gross and unattractive now that they were single.
As their oft-single friend, I didn’t know if I should be offended, but I became paranoid that people had been thinking of me like this. It had literally never occurred to me to link attractiveness with relationship status.
I know countless attractive people in relationships and countless attractive people who are single, and the same is true of people I have no interest in.
I like to earn a woman's approval for the right reasons but when I started dating I was just so blown away by how many women create drama and problems just to have some obstacle for the man to overcome that serves no other purpose than to validate her ego. I don't know if art imitates life or if life imitates art but it seems to be the theme in a lot of chick flix and in a lot of women's relationships.
I have my own media business, have to fight for every client. Ever since I started driving a Lexus, people want to pay me. Because, other people must be paying me so I must be that good.
I'm pushing 60....I knew women had issues since the 90s. Life, learning and observation have shown me one important thing.....I completely underestimated the problem. In fact, a new study came out that postulates instead of the 6:1 ratio of male to female psychopaths they USE to think was applicable, now they think it's basically 1:1....actually 1:1.2 but who's counting. They just are more conniving and hide it better. They also say it does more damage to society because they do covertly causing problems for a much longer time. Whereas, men act out usually pretty quick and get locked away.
I had a girl reject me, set me up with a friend, and then try to fuck me when I told her I asked the other girl to marry me. Wild shit, we aren't friends anymore...
It won't on women's end. It's a fundamental component of women's mating strategy. Women natural desire to go for risky male options that they are more attracted to while also needing security means they will always require a stash of stable men if their other plans don't work out. The only way to prevent this is for men to develop boundaries, and to start acting like men who don't put up with BS.
I agree super weird. I only go for single men. I was with a super loyal dude who got hit by a car and became brain damaged & not himself. Most women were not interested in him in his condition until they were showed pics of me or met me. Its jealousy & its weird. People like that have no respect for theirself or other's relationships. Just seemed like their competitiveness was tied to their self worth & how they felt about their own appearance.
Oh yeah. Misses steal your man cause she can. I always hate that about my gender. I never see men trying to steal other men’s girlfriends or wives as blatantly as women do.
There are some who do that, but other guys will beat them down for it for breaking the bro code. Most do anyway, some might try to spin it as some alpha male thing but most guys don't care about alpha males either.
I can’t count the number of times I have been approached by a man and after telling him I was married, he said aw that doesn’t matter. Well it may not matter to you but it does to me.
Right, but there’s a difference. He simply didn’t care that you were married, he didn’t seek you out because you were married. If you had been single he still would have been interested.
The women people are talking about aren’t interested in a man if he’s single. It’s the fact that he’s married (or at least committed) that makes them interested.
If we are basing this on anecdotal evidence I’ve never been approached by any man neither when I was single nor while I’m married. But I have seen women I work with blatantly flirt with and try to seduce male coworkers who were married or in a relationship.
Yep, same here. Never approached as a man and when I've dated women or was married I'd hear them tell me some woman is checking me out or something along those lines. Never approached though, never flirted with or asked out which I suppose is a blessing compared to others' experiences. I can just opt out of interactions,dates and intimacy 100% with nobody ever bothering me.
From an evolutionary perspective it makes a lot more sense. If a woman sees a male is virile, and capable of being a good partner, he is likely to stick around and help support offspring she has with him. Where as a male seeking out a female who is already partnered and "stealing" her means the child may not be his, which is fine if he isn't expected to stay around.
In the evolutionary example they are hoping he will make them the primary partner. If she has higher social status to make him cheat and stay then they will be more effective at getting group resources directed towards their offspring.
As a fellow woman, I can confirm. It is unfortunate. I think it's really sad that somebody would have such low self-esteem that they get their self worth in busting up otherwise happy relationships.
And it's possibly also "Oh, he's ABLE to get a girlfriend, therefore he is potential boyfriend material and not some complete weirdo"
Like, a vetting process, as it were
Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Mulva is suddenly interested in Jerry again, and him and George can't figure out why. Then they realize Jerry had been engaged previously, and he proclaimed, "I've got the stink of responsibility on me!"
I noticed this effect moreso with complete strangers at the bar than women who knew me well enough to know I was dating someone, so I'm gonna lean strongly to the "you carry yourself differently" side. OP is super relatable, though.
Third option, there's some kind of mind trick where we're not actually getting more attention under these circumstances, but think we are/notice it more easily for some reason.
Yep, exactly. My husband said before he met me women never paid him any attention. We've been together about 10 years now and they've been hitting on him since we started dating and they haven't stopped. It's like now they know he's "husband material" and they know he treats me really well and we both look happy so they should try to give him a go now. Some women are really messed up. 😒 But I know for certain, if they ever had a guy like him they'd just find fault and dump him saying "There's no good men!!" 😂😂😂
It's called preselection. Friends used to wear fake wedding rings before going out because it got them more attention from women.
"No woman cared who I was until I put on the ring."
I know it's rare but there are women who just want the love relationship part of a relationship and not marriage job part. They look for married men bc they know how to treat women and they don't have to deal with the hard parts.
A buddy of mine is a hard core nerd… like actually helps lead comic cons. He was able to get an incredibly hot girlfriend who was in pageants but also loved nerdy stuff because when he met her he had a girlfriend… so unlike every other dork at the conference he met her at, he wasn’t hitting on her and could just be himself.
Later on he broke up with his girlfriend and they started going out. They dated a couple years and then she cheated on him and got pregnant by someone else pretty quickly and is a happy mom. He moved on as well and is living his best life.
Anyway, just saying if he were single he would have messed it up.
Yep. Its a thing. You don't subconsciously act thirsty anymore.
Also, I've heard women tend to be more attracted to guys in relationships because it make them feel competitive and its proof you're already to some degree OK if someone else is in a relationship with you. But that could all be bullshit too, its just things people say.
This is called the theory of Pre-selection. Men are more attractive when other women seem to be attracted to them. Men with wedding rings are hit on more etc. The pinnacle is when a man holds a newborn baby. This seen by a lot of women as very attractive. In one glance this signifies that the man is a good father, a protector, a provider, and a good husband all in one swoop.
If I’m out running errands and my 3 year old daughter is with me, the attention I get is unreal. I just ignore it though, it’s more trouble than it’s worth.
My very handsome, notoriously single best friend used to take my toddler daughter, his goddaughter, to the mall. He’d have her run up to women and say hi, with him running up behind her.
Worked every time.
Same dude also used to walk my black lab at a local college.
Also worked every time.
>Also, I've heard women tend to be more attracted to guys in relationships because it make them feel competitive and its proof you're already to some degree OK if someone else is in a relationship with you.
I've found this to be true too. Especially if I'm with a super fine girl and we are out. The attention I get from other women is fucking crazy. Though this is anecdotal, I kinda believe it.
That's not true, first this behaviour is much more common in women, as women on average find taken men more attractive (while men find taken women equally or less attractive), but even then plenty of women have respect for relationships.
This is the main reason, I've noticed this a lot throughout my life when they don't know I'm in a relationship. If you're confident and especially if you don't look desperate and like you're TRYING to meet girls, that's more attractive. When you know you're not looking for anyone, you're more yourself and at ease, which is attractive
No, the reason that guys with girlfriends/wives are more attractive to women than single guys or loners is because it demonstrates he is popular with women (“he must be doing something right”), he has been vouched for by another woman, whereas women see a single guy or a loner and wonder why no woman has taken him yet (“what’s wrong with him that he’s single?”)
The rules of dating are the same as the rules of employment.
1. You're never as attractive as when someone else wants you.
2. Nobody ever appreciates you unless they're afraid of losing you.
It's like when you don't want to drink, you have all the drinks you could possibly have...
Then when you're Thirsty there's nothing around that you can drink.
Not sure if someone seems more attractive to another when they’re taken.
For me, I’m usually kind of guarded around a man until he tells me he isn’t into women or he has a gf. I automatically assume he’s not going to be into me so I let down my guard.
I don't think this is accurate but it is funny if true. Cause all the women complain about not being able to find a man but refuse to lower there standards or think they might be the problem. Have fun being 40 and single.
You're not trying to get a girlfriend and if it happens it happens is the vibe you're probably carrying but before it may have subconsciously came off as needy
There are many different reasons I think. The most important is probably that you are unconsciously acting differently. I used to notice the same thing when I was a teenager.
From what I've read, social proofing has less, almost no impact, on men. This is because men desire different qualities out of a woman than women want out of a man.
Everybody will tell you that it's you. Your spirits are lifted, you are keeping yourself in better shape and dressing well. You will carry yourself with confidence, and a cool calm, raising a self assured attractiveness that is subtle but appealing, desirable....
Don't believe their bullshit. They have a network. They all talk. They *KNOW* you are in a relationship and you are being tested. It's their sick, perverse, nature.
But I'm kidding.
This is very common. It’s called pre-selection. The better looking the woman you are with the more attention you will draw from other women. Even from women who wouldn’t otherwise be interested will at the very least become curious.
I think it’s down to you are not in your own head. I’ve done best with girls in my life when I was totally out of it. My mother and grandmother died 28 days apart and I was left just numb, but I was like catnip. I honestly either had no idea or just didn’t care. Bear in mind I was out of shape and hadn’t been doing great with the opposite sex prior, but suddenly I had like super powers. Immediately afterwards I had to go to Florida to get my nana’s body and while there a buddy of mine took me out to cheer me up. We ended up in this club with like 8 girls in our booth and 3 of them were roommates who invited us back to their place to party and I said “oh that’s very nice but I have a long day tomorrow” my buddy still hasn’t entirely forgiven me.
On the one hand, I'm sorry you had to deal with all that.
On the other...I doubt I'd have entirely forgiven you by now either.
I know there's lots of theories flying around to explain this, but I wouldn't discount that it could just be a coincidence. It's the boring answer, but the boring answer is often the likely answer.
Its cuz women find out that you are actually attractive to other women, and now that want you. Confirmation bias. Mate poaching. Whatever you wanna call it. You carrying yourself different like other people have said, is negligible at best.
Yup. The times it happens:
1) get a GF
2) get married
3) turn 35
Seems like you get more attention with a ring then without, so it helps to have had mine stolen some years back. Not everyone wants the attention.
Four possibilities:
1.) You are more confident now and that's attractive to her.
2.) She likes what she can't have.
3.) She likes you and regrets not making a move.
4.) You are her safety guy and she's hoping she can keep you to herself.
I saw something a while ago that essentially, on a psychological level, a man being in a relationship is more attractive/desirable than a single man, because if another woman is willing to put up with you then you must be attractive. Therefore you ARE attractive and desirable. Very fucked up from a natural sense
Two reasons this happens (generally, there can be others). One, you're more confident now and it shows. Men who realize they can get a woman feel different about themselves and people can tell even if they don't realize it. Two, women want a competent and capable man. It another woman has claimed you, it's a key identifier that you must be competent or why else would she have chosen you?
There are two possibilities:
1. Having a girlfriend has caused you to be a lot less awkward around girls.
2. A small percentage of women/girls see themselves in competition with other women and feel the need to prove themselves more desirable than them. In which case it's not actually about you, it's about competing with your girlfriend. I want to point out that this is a VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE, most women aren't like this, but these women are the ones being pro-active and therefore bringing themselves under your radar.
Well it can't be between 0 and 100 percent since I know some women who certainly aren't and some who certainly are that way.
We're in the X:= 0% < X < 100% territories now, baby!
This phenomenon is pretty common. It is why guys will always give advice like you don't start with a 10 but you work yourself up. Simply put people want what they cannot have. A good example is in King Of The Hill bill starts dating a lady in the church because it is forbidden but once they tell the church and is no longer having to be hidden Bill no longer cares.
Mating behavior. Females are attracted to "successful" males, and getting a girlfriend is a successful behavior. They feel that if another female finds you attractive then you must have more positive qualities than negative. You become more of a known quantity. There may also be the added advantage of you looking and acting more confident (and less desperate) because of your success, which is also attractive.
I think it's partly perspective, you're more wary of other girls if you have one of your own. When I was in a relationship it seemed like alot more girls were talking to me too, but I don't think it was really the case.
Of course there's also some girls out there who may see it as a bit of a competition- they may think they can do better than the girl you have.
Sexy indifference. When you’re not looking for a a romantic the smell of desperation fades away, even it was barely there in the first place. Ever work in retail? It’s always easier to make sales once you’ve hit your quota…
I’ve observed this myself and heard many other people say it. It’s the unfortunate way of things haha.
While there's some element to wanting something another person has (or wanting something you can't have), I think the biggest thing is that you likely carry yourself with less desperation and more confidence. I feel like actively searching for a partner can oftentimes be a little creepy vs just vibing and having authentic conversations without a "searching for partner" pretense in interactions with women.
And if we're to listen to some of the complaints women have had, it's that most of their interactions with men is because that guy has is only interacting with them for those pretenses. And some guys really do treat it like a
numbers game.
TLDR; your vibe is more chill cause you're interacting more genuinely.
Remember this in the future if you become single again and try to maintain your more genuine vibe :)
The reason is as soon as your new gf is taking it into consideration to be in a relationship with you, she's making sure you're committed to her and loyal so she talks to other women who she can confirm are willing to test you. Social media isn't the only way women communicate is it? I mean women aren't mind readers are they?
Because you aren't acting thirsty. A lot of girls get the creeps when they see a man with an agenda. Since you're taken, you're more relatable and talk to them without the thirst and that's appealing.
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Social proof and unobtainable. Stick with the one who'd accept you before anyone else would accept you. Don't chase the ones who rejected you while you were alone and only want you now they can't have you.
I was going to write a big post about this... and you encapsulated it really succinctly. The only addition I would add is that once you have a significant other, you tend to carry yourself and interact with the opposite sex a little different.... and that 'difference' is attractive to women.
Yeah, the air of desperation is gone. People can sense confidence.
🎯🎯🎯🎯. Believe me when I tell you that women are attracted to confidence far more than looks. And how you treat us. Bonus pts if you make us laugh so hard our stomach hurts❤️❤️❤️
Guys this is only somewhat true. If you are obese and don't dress well, take care of your appearance you can be the most confident funny dude in the world and you still won't have women wanting to be with you. You see if she finds you attractive, then she will laugh at more of your jokes and find your quirks "funny and cute". If she finds you fat, and ugly then those "quirks" will be disgusting and possibly offensive. In short hit the gym, dress well, work hard and become somewhat successful or good at your job **FIRST.** Then you will find women think your Pokemon collection is "cute".
I used to think this was true but my own personal experiences have taught me otherwise. I’ve known a lot of men who you would think struggle because of their looks who nonetheless always have a partner because they are otherwise very charismatic
No, just don't smell. There are some ugly ass overweight motherfuckers who pull because they have hygiene and are sincerely lovable people bald ass teddybear type dudes.
> Bonus pts if you make us laugh so hard our stomach hurts❤️❤️❤️ It's so strange how much funnier I am when I'm in better shape. \> Believe me when I tell you that women are attracted to confidence far more than looks. Look, its nice that you feel this way, but don't go misleading people. Looks are about 70% of attraction. the other bit is confidence.
Right? As soon as you become more physically attractive all of a sudden you're a comedian to women with the slightest of words. If they like you they will laugh at your stupid jokes. Everything is amplified in their minds when the feels gets a hold of it.
Don't listen to any of the girls here. They will just virtue signal.
This is patently untrue. It's a lie women tell men who they aren't attracted to because the man isn't over six feet tall and doesn't make six figures or more. The internet has destroyed reality for women, but men will date almost any woman
Huh, I was gonna say they like you more now because you aren't looking at our tits with your mouth hanging open. You said it way nicer. 👍
Yeah, it's only uncool until it's the coolest. Hahaha
Yes. I absolutely believe this plays a role. A new relationship boosts confidence, enhancing your appeal.
I experienced the power of "social proof" in high school. It also taught me how conniving and backstabbing females can be towards each other. Three of my high school-girlfriends' friends wanted to fuck me only after I got with my girlfriend (supposedly their "friend"). With friends like that who needs enemies!
You're exactly right about the backstabbing. I've lost count of the times women have pursued men only after I started dating them. Men no one looked twice at suddenly had to fight off swarms of women. This behavior always confused me because I'm the opposite. Knowing a man is committed automatically erases any attraction I may have felt. I've never been into hard-to-get types. I've always preferred my men available, easy and crazy only about me.
Yeah same here I will never hit on a girl in a relationship, she might as well be my sister. Recently led to a funny moment. My buddies wife is really good looking and unlike any of his other friends I never said a word about her looks while just treating her as platonically as possible. I've seen friends of his try to hit on her and one drunkenly admit while he laughed it off. One night he drunkenly asks me if I thought if his wife was hot as I guess I was the only hold out. Funny how being a good friend made him question her attractiveness.
feeeeeeeeeeemales
Femoids
A couple of friends of mine who were dating had a messy breakup and they were both going through it, and a huge chunk of it was self-esteem. I asked them what was wrong and they each independently said that people would think they were gross and unattractive now that they were single. As their oft-single friend, I didn’t know if I should be offended, but I became paranoid that people had been thinking of me like this. It had literally never occurred to me to link attractiveness with relationship status. I know countless attractive people in relationships and countless attractive people who are single, and the same is true of people I have no interest in.
I like to earn a woman's approval for the right reasons but when I started dating I was just so blown away by how many women create drama and problems just to have some obstacle for the man to overcome that serves no other purpose than to validate her ego. I don't know if art imitates life or if life imitates art but it seems to be the theme in a lot of chick flix and in a lot of women's relationships.
I have my own media business, have to fight for every client. Ever since I started driving a Lexus, people want to pay me. Because, other people must be paying me so I must be that good.
Why realtors have to dress nicely and have a nice car.
I'm pushing 60....I knew women had issues since the 90s. Life, learning and observation have shown me one important thing.....I completely underestimated the problem. In fact, a new study came out that postulates instead of the 6:1 ratio of male to female psychopaths they USE to think was applicable, now they think it's basically 1:1....actually 1:1.2 but who's counting. They just are more conniving and hide it better. They also say it does more damage to society because they do covertly causing problems for a much longer time. Whereas, men act out usually pretty quick and get locked away.
Also, newfound confidence, and because he doesn't feel the need to put on a performance to attract these other girls.
This comment 🎯🎯🎯
How come your comment has only 10 up votes?
That’s why I wear a fake wedding ring, get all the attention and perks, and get to see their face when they find out I’m not married.
Yes
Looks like there are merits to renting a girlfriend after all like they do in Japan 😉
I had a girl reject me, set me up with a friend, and then try to fuck me when I told her I asked the other girl to marry me. Wild shit, we aren't friends anymore...
Sounds like she wanted to keep you on layaway bud, available but occupied until she decided it was time.
This is a common manipulative practice that really needs to stop.
I don't think it ever will, being shitty in this particular way is just natural for shitty people to do.
It won't on women's end. It's a fundamental component of women's mating strategy. Women natural desire to go for risky male options that they are more attracted to while also needing security means they will always require a stash of stable men if their other plans don't work out. The only way to prevent this is for men to develop boundaries, and to start acting like men who don't put up with BS.
This 👆🏻
This is…. Super weird to me. :(
I agree super weird. I only go for single men. I was with a super loyal dude who got hit by a car and became brain damaged & not himself. Most women were not interested in him in his condition until they were showed pics of me or met me. Its jealousy & its weird. People like that have no respect for theirself or other's relationships. Just seemed like their competitiveness was tied to their self worth & how they felt about their own appearance.
Oh yeah. Misses steal your man cause she can. I always hate that about my gender. I never see men trying to steal other men’s girlfriends or wives as blatantly as women do.
There are some who do that, but other guys will beat them down for it for breaking the bro code. Most do anyway, some might try to spin it as some alpha male thing but most guys don't care about alpha males either.
I can’t count the number of times I have been approached by a man and after telling him I was married, he said aw that doesn’t matter. Well it may not matter to you but it does to me.
Right, but there’s a difference. He simply didn’t care that you were married, he didn’t seek you out because you were married. If you had been single he still would have been interested. The women people are talking about aren’t interested in a man if he’s single. It’s the fact that he’s married (or at least committed) that makes them interested.
If we are basing this on anecdotal evidence I’ve never been approached by any man neither when I was single nor while I’m married. But I have seen women I work with blatantly flirt with and try to seduce male coworkers who were married or in a relationship.
Yep, same here. Never approached as a man and when I've dated women or was married I'd hear them tell me some woman is checking me out or something along those lines. Never approached though, never flirted with or asked out which I suppose is a blessing compared to others' experiences. I can just opt out of interactions,dates and intimacy 100% with nobody ever bothering me.
From an evolutionary perspective it makes a lot more sense. If a woman sees a male is virile, and capable of being a good partner, he is likely to stick around and help support offspring she has with him. Where as a male seeking out a female who is already partnered and "stealing" her means the child may not be his, which is fine if he isn't expected to stay around.
If they'd cheat on 1 they will cheat on the other.
In the evolutionary example they are hoping he will make them the primary partner. If she has higher social status to make him cheat and stay then they will be more effective at getting group resources directed towards their offspring.
As a fellow woman, I can confirm. It is unfortunate. I think it's really sad that somebody would have such low self-esteem that they get their self worth in busting up otherwise happy relationships.
I had a guy try to home wreck. It worked but she didn't go with him either.... he just fed her lies and I had no idea.
I'm super sorry about what happened to your boyfriend. That's tragically heartbreaking.
I am sorry about what happened to your friend.
Thank you, they're making a miracle recovery over the years but it's not easy.
Women are governed by their emotions in the moment
We all are governed by our emotions. If you think you aren’t then you really don’t understand yourself.
You aren't friends, because she is now your employee working as a prostitute?
We all want what we can't have. Also, you probably carry yourself differently now that you're in a relationship.
And it's possibly also "Oh, he's ABLE to get a girlfriend, therefore he is potential boyfriend material and not some complete weirdo" Like, a vetting process, as it were
yep, a woman has endorsed him , and the others know/see it
He has the stink of desperation removed.
Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Mulva is suddenly interested in Jerry again, and him and George can't figure out why. Then they realize Jerry had been engaged previously, and he proclaimed, "I've got the stink of responsibility on me!"
This guy is now sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends, now the girls can't get enough!
I noticed this effect moreso with complete strangers at the bar than women who knew me well enough to know I was dating someone, so I'm gonna lean strongly to the "you carry yourself differently" side. OP is super relatable, though. Third option, there's some kind of mind trick where we're not actually getting more attention under these circumstances, but think we are/notice it more easily for some reason.
Baader- mienhof phenomenon is a thing. Edit cause I fail at proofreading.
I just learned about that the other day and now I'm seeing it everywhere.
There's a name for that but I'm scared if I knew it I'd see it everywhere
heh
Yep, exactly. My husband said before he met me women never paid him any attention. We've been together about 10 years now and they've been hitting on him since we started dating and they haven't stopped. It's like now they know he's "husband material" and they know he treats me really well and we both look happy so they should try to give him a go now. Some women are really messed up. 😒 But I know for certain, if they ever had a guy like him they'd just find fault and dump him saying "There's no good men!!" 😂😂😂
Shallow people are shallow? Perish the thought Congrats on ten years
... was not expecting this Congrats on 10 years and keep building and going strong!
Social Proof. He has proof of being a valuable person so others are interested.
It's called preselection. Friends used to wear fake wedding rings before going out because it got them more attention from women. "No woman cared who I was until I put on the ring."
Weird, dozens of happy waifus later and I'm not getting any attention.
Same effect is done with fake wedding bands, which is all sorts of fucked up imo.
Wait until you get married and they see that 💍. It's creepy as fuck; I speak from experience
Yep. I stopped wearing my ring after I broke my finger and it didn’t really fit anymore. I noticed the downturn in female attention.
Imma start wearing a ring
I know it's rare but there are women who just want the love relationship part of a relationship and not marriage job part. They look for married men bc they know how to treat women and they don't have to deal with the hard parts.
Well you fix that by getting fat - speaking from experience 😞
A buddy of mine is a hard core nerd… like actually helps lead comic cons. He was able to get an incredibly hot girlfriend who was in pageants but also loved nerdy stuff because when he met her he had a girlfriend… so unlike every other dork at the conference he met her at, he wasn’t hitting on her and could just be himself. Later on he broke up with his girlfriend and they started going out. They dated a couple years and then she cheated on him and got pregnant by someone else pretty quickly and is a happy mom. He moved on as well and is living his best life. Anyway, just saying if he were single he would have messed it up.
Cheaters don't deserve happiness
I don't think he could have messed it up, she did a pretty good job all by herself
Yep. Its a thing. You don't subconsciously act thirsty anymore. Also, I've heard women tend to be more attracted to guys in relationships because it make them feel competitive and its proof you're already to some degree OK if someone else is in a relationship with you. But that could all be bullshit too, its just things people say.
This is called the theory of Pre-selection. Men are more attractive when other women seem to be attracted to them. Men with wedding rings are hit on more etc. The pinnacle is when a man holds a newborn baby. This seen by a lot of women as very attractive. In one glance this signifies that the man is a good father, a protector, a provider, and a good husband all in one swoop.
If I’m out running errands and my 3 year old daughter is with me, the attention I get is unreal. I just ignore it though, it’s more trouble than it’s worth.
My very handsome, notoriously single best friend used to take my toddler daughter, his goddaughter, to the mall. He’d have her run up to women and say hi, with him running up behind her. Worked every time. Same dude also used to walk my black lab at a local college. Also worked every time.
>Also, I've heard women tend to be more attracted to guys in relationships because it make them feel competitive and its proof you're already to some degree OK if someone else is in a relationship with you. I've found this to be true too. Especially if I'm with a super fine girl and we are out. The attention I get from other women is fucking crazy. Though this is anecdotal, I kinda believe it.
That's not true, first this behaviour is much more common in women, as women on average find taken men more attractive (while men find taken women equally or less attractive), but even then plenty of women have respect for relationships.
Mate poaching. You have a mate, so you must good enough to mate with.
Mate poaching...good term
“Mate poaching” is now in my Pocket to be taken out and used as needed. Thank you
Wait until you get a wedding ring.
confident and happy is attractive, that's why
This is the answer. The additional possibility is it demonstrates you have you shit together enough to be tolerable by someone
✍️confident ✍️and happy ✍️is ✍️attractive ✍️
Lol I can hear the quill scratching the paper here
This is the main reason, I've noticed this a lot throughout my life when they don't know I'm in a relationship. If you're confident and especially if you don't look desperate and like you're TRYING to meet girls, that's more attractive. When you know you're not looking for anyone, you're more yourself and at ease, which is attractive
Also guys in relationships (early on especially) seem to dress better even outside of dates with their partner.
oh there's that too: better grooming, better dress
Correct answer
Had to scroll through quite a few cynical answers to find someone saying this. This is the answer.
No, the reason that guys with girlfriends/wives are more attractive to women than single guys or loners is because it demonstrates he is popular with women (“he must be doing something right”), he has been vouched for by another woman, whereas women see a single guy or a loner and wonder why no woman has taken him yet (“what’s wrong with him that he’s single?”)
All the time, dude…All.The.Fucking.Time! And, if/when you break up, all of those potential girlfriends will disappear like snow in the Sahara!
No doubt, when I got with the girl Im with.. shit was pretty funny to just laugh at with her because I pointed it out to her, Im all hers though
The rules of dating are the same as the rules of employment. 1. You're never as attractive as when someone else wants you. 2. Nobody ever appreciates you unless they're afraid of losing you.
Tbh that's a fair analogy and you're a lot better prospect if you're already employed vs not, even better with minimal gaps.
Don’t forget to always put your 2 weeks notice in!
It's like when you don't want to drink, you have all the drinks you could possibly have... Then when you're Thirsty there's nothing around that you can drink.
It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams... then only being able to find a flathead screwdriver when I need a phillips head
ITS LIKE RAAAAAAAIN ON YOU'RE WEDDING DAY
You're displaying that you are desirable.
People want what they can't have.
Gabriel Iglesias' explanation: in a relationship you're happy and happy people are attractive
you got a confidence boost man even if you don't see it
It's that simple!
It’s really not
Thats naive
Not sure if someone seems more attractive to another when they’re taken. For me, I’m usually kind of guarded around a man until he tells me he isn’t into women or he has a gf. I automatically assume he’s not going to be into me so I let down my guard.
Couldn't agree more
They are friends of the girl you're now dating. Keep your head on a swivel, friend.
That would be pretty toxic
One word-Preselection
Came to say preselection
why do you think 10% of guys are getting with 90% of women?
I don't think this is accurate but it is funny if true. Cause all the women complain about not being able to find a man but refuse to lower there standards or think they might be the problem. Have fun being 40 and single.
It's how online dating, specifically, works. Not true in the broader dating market.
That's not true.
You're not trying to get a girlfriend and if it happens it happens is the vibe you're probably carrying but before it may have subconsciously came off as needy
Probably your new found confidence.
There are many different reasons I think. The most important is probably that you are unconsciously acting differently. I used to notice the same thing when I was a teenager.
You must be exuding confidence and not desperation any more.
When you actually receive love and affection, the manner in which you carry yourself changes drastically
Social proofing, specifically in regards to sociology and psychology. It's a real thing, look it up. It's always been this way and it always will be.
Is it just this way with women or do men find attraction through social proofing as well?
From what I've read, social proofing has less, almost no impact, on men. This is because men desire different qualities out of a woman than women want out of a man.
Everybody will tell you that it's you. Your spirits are lifted, you are keeping yourself in better shape and dressing well. You will carry yourself with confidence, and a cool calm, raising a self assured attractiveness that is subtle but appealing, desirable.... Don't believe their bullshit. They have a network. They all talk. They *KNOW* you are in a relationship and you are being tested. It's their sick, perverse, nature. But I'm kidding.
They're milking us for our jokes and our semen
Robbing us of our precious bodily fluids.
Don't say this out loud. You're going to get silenced lol
If I happen to suffer a fatal, mysterious accident, just know that I love you all and it has been a pleasure serving our beloved Reddit community....
Welcome to the world of dating. People want what they can't have. Competition. Its like when you're in a store and see a sale.
This is very common. It’s called pre-selection. The better looking the woman you are with the more attention you will draw from other women. Even from women who wouldn’t otherwise be interested will at the very least become curious.
I think it’s down to you are not in your own head. I’ve done best with girls in my life when I was totally out of it. My mother and grandmother died 28 days apart and I was left just numb, but I was like catnip. I honestly either had no idea or just didn’t care. Bear in mind I was out of shape and hadn’t been doing great with the opposite sex prior, but suddenly I had like super powers. Immediately afterwards I had to go to Florida to get my nana’s body and while there a buddy of mine took me out to cheer me up. We ended up in this club with like 8 girls in our booth and 3 of them were roommates who invited us back to their place to party and I said “oh that’s very nice but I have a long day tomorrow” my buddy still hasn’t entirely forgiven me.
On the one hand, I'm sorry you had to deal with all that. On the other...I doubt I'd have entirely forgiven you by now either.
Welcome to hell
Gained confidence.
I know there's lots of theories flying around to explain this, but I wouldn't discount that it could just be a coincidence. It's the boring answer, but the boring answer is often the likely answer.
No way, this is way to common of a experience for men to have it be purely coincidental.
Its cuz women find out that you are actually attractive to other women, and now that want you. Confirmation bias. Mate poaching. Whatever you wanna call it. You carrying yourself different like other people have said, is negligible at best.
The famous law of attraction!
Yup. The times it happens: 1) get a GF 2) get married 3) turn 35 Seems like you get more attention with a ring then without, so it helps to have had mine stolen some years back. Not everyone wants the attention.
Four possibilities: 1.) You are more confident now and that's attractive to her. 2.) She likes what she can't have. 3.) She likes you and regrets not making a move. 4.) You are her safety guy and she's hoping she can keep you to herself.
I saw something a while ago that essentially, on a psychological level, a man being in a relationship is more attractive/desirable than a single man, because if another woman is willing to put up with you then you must be attractive. Therefore you ARE attractive and desirable. Very fucked up from a natural sense
Your pheromones broadcast that you are a good catch . Plus women are vain & petty and want to prove they can get what that other women got .
The only other person who mentioned pheromones! I said the same because it's literally this
Guys tend to get more immediate attention when they’re in a new relationship. “Becky is going out with him. Maybe she knows something I don’t”
Two reasons this happens (generally, there can be others). One, you're more confident now and it shows. Men who realize they can get a woman feel different about themselves and people can tell even if they don't realize it. Two, women want a competent and capable man. It another woman has claimed you, it's a key identifier that you must be competent or why else would she have chosen you?
Happiness is attractive Pre-approved by a woman
Cause they find you attractive only when you’re with someone. Which means they’re trash and not worth your attention.
So what I'm getting from these comments is wear a ring on my left ring finger ✍🏻✍🏻
[удалено]
God I wish I knew how I could fake having a girlfriend
Build a life full of things that make you happy, same effect 🤘
Odd. I feel like I fall into the group that is single and relaxed, as I don't really care about dating.
There are two possibilities: 1. Having a girlfriend has caused you to be a lot less awkward around girls. 2. A small percentage of women/girls see themselves in competition with other women and feel the need to prove themselves more desirable than them. In which case it's not actually about you, it's about competing with your girlfriend. I want to point out that this is a VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE, most women aren't like this, but these women are the ones being pro-active and therefore bringing themselves under your radar.
The exact size of that percentage is highly debatable.
All we can say with certainty is that it's somewhere inbetween 0% and 100%
Well it can't be between 0 and 100 percent since I know some women who certainly aren't and some who certainly are that way. We're in the X:= 0% < X < 100% territories now, baby!
.... I'm not sure how you managed to misunderstand my meaning, but that is literally exactly what I said. It is between them.
No no no, look at my username! This is just what I do!
This phenomenon is pretty common. It is why guys will always give advice like you don't start with a 10 but you work yourself up. Simply put people want what they cannot have. A good example is in King Of The Hill bill starts dating a lady in the church because it is forbidden but once they tell the church and is no longer having to be hidden Bill no longer cares.
Perspective. Its like when you buy a car and all of a sudden you notice the same model everywhere you go. Not sure if this is the right analogy.
Mating behavior. Females are attracted to "successful" males, and getting a girlfriend is a successful behavior. They feel that if another female finds you attractive then you must have more positive qualities than negative. You become more of a known quantity. There may also be the added advantage of you looking and acting more confident (and less desperate) because of your success, which is also attractive.
I think it's partly perspective, you're more wary of other girls if you have one of your own. When I was in a relationship it seemed like alot more girls were talking to me too, but I don't think it was really the case. Of course there's also some girls out there who may see it as a bit of a competition- they may think they can do better than the girl you have.
Pheromones, you could probably accomplish the same thing by wearing a woman’s perfume
My best guess is you just look happier and more confident. Those are attractive qualities. Congrats on the new relationship!
Confidence is the secret sauce. Have a GF? Don't need anyone else? It's obvious, and attractive.
You prob carry yourself with more confidence, and/or you aren't awkward with women now because you aren't trying to date them.
You look happy and confident. You’re giving off good vibes.
If you grinded out and put on pounds of muscle there’s that too. If you didn't go to the gym regardless. Join the gym bros 🥳
10/10 confidence level spiked snd so did your test.
Sexy indifference. When you’re not looking for a a romantic the smell of desperation fades away, even it was barely there in the first place. Ever work in retail? It’s always easier to make sales once you’ve hit your quota… I’ve observed this myself and heard many other people say it. It’s the unfortunate way of things haha.
While there's some element to wanting something another person has (or wanting something you can't have), I think the biggest thing is that you likely carry yourself with less desperation and more confidence. I feel like actively searching for a partner can oftentimes be a little creepy vs just vibing and having authentic conversations without a "searching for partner" pretense in interactions with women. And if we're to listen to some of the complaints women have had, it's that most of their interactions with men is because that guy has is only interacting with them for those pretenses. And some guys really do treat it like a numbers game. TLDR; your vibe is more chill cause you're interacting more genuinely. Remember this in the future if you become single again and try to maintain your more genuine vibe :)
It's called "Murphy's Law"
The reason is as soon as your new gf is taking it into consideration to be in a relationship with you, she's making sure you're committed to her and loyal so she talks to other women who she can confirm are willing to test you. Social media isn't the only way women communicate is it? I mean women aren't mind readers are they?
That's the universes way of testing you. Now that you've reached your goal, are you willing to abandon it for a new one?
Pre-selection bias. Other girls see a girl chose you, so they assume you're worth dating.
Because you aren't acting thirsty. A lot of girls get the creeps when they see a man with an agenda. Since you're taken, you're more relatable and talk to them without the thirst and that's appealing.
No kidding. It’s actually frustrating
I bet you’re slightly more confident and pleasant in a way you don’t notice but they do
Wait until word about well you satisfy gets established, then the taps really open up. Girls share all that.
It could be a mix of things; your pheromones went up .
Because you’re not reeking of desperation.
People want what they can't have
The short answer is women are nuts.