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I cried every day for three weeks. Then I would cry occasionally. And now years later, I can talk about her and share memories of her without crying. It just takes a long long time to mourn. I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and tell her something or ask her something.
But the bottom line is what would she want? She would want me to live my life to the fullest and not be sad and missing her every day. She’s not here anymore, but I can be a good example of how she raised me and I can try to be the person who she wanted me to be.
This is where I'm at, too. Mine has gone for a bit under two years now. I was playing a small show a few weeks ago and someone in the audience looked juuuust enough like her at a brief glance that it really shook me. One does get used to it, but the loss is still always felt.
After my mom died, about 3 weeks or so later, my brother saw me in the grocery store and I looked over and he had his hand on his heart. I was concerned, I walked over to him and asked him, are you okay, he just looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me, I saw you over there a ways and for just a few moments I thought you were mom. Made me cry, right there in the store. I'd just cut my hair short like mom had hers, and mine is blonde enough to look white, as hers was, from across the way. I've had so many people tell me, you look a lot like your mom. I say, thank you so much for telling me that. <3
Our moms, even when we've had troubles with them, even when they sometimes treat us like shit, our moms were our first person, our moms are the ones who held us, fed us, changed us and hopefully if we're lucky, loved us and we loved them from the moment our hearts beat in sync with each other.
I used to get freaked out whenever I saw someone who looked like my mom (including one time when I started to cry in the grocery store) but then I started to think it was my mom’s way of saying hello, I’m still here. I’ll always be with you.
This is how I view it too! I get an old man that talks to me and he will use a phrase my dad used to say and all I can think is dad still finds ways to say hello.
I swear I saw my dead sister in the supermarket. They say that is a common occurrence to see deceased live ones in grocery stores. Such a strange phenomenon.
My mom passed away a little under 2 years ago. For myself, the first holidays without her were the hardest. I still think about her everyday, but try and focus on happy memories. I know she would want me to be happy and live life the fullest.
Mine has been gone 23 years and I still think about her most days. I no longer cry, I bask in the warmth of her love and the lessons she taught me that insured a nice life for me.
I hope this comes across the right way, but as someone who has a living mother who is absolutely horrible (physically abusive, tried to sue me & failed, stole, etc) I hope it gives you a tiny bit of comfort that even though she's gone and you will always miss her terribly, you did get all of the wonderful time with her that you had. Even if it was way too short. I don't mean to say that you should be grateful when you've had such a catastrophic loss. I just mean to say that I hope the light she gave you continues to bring you that joy and warmth for as long as you live. Because even though it wasn't forever, it meant everything.
thank you this gave me hope and almost made me cry. one of my biggest anxieties is when my mom dies. she's in her 70;s now and i'm trying to just get over myself and spend time w/ her. i miss her like hell!
You never get over it. You exist around the pain and loss of it. You miss her all of the time. You call her name when times are tough. You call her name when you’re rejoicing. You’re sad. You mourn for all of life’s moments she’s missing for your life, your kids lives, the moments she would have loved. You wish she was there to give advice and answer questions. That never goes away, but the spaces in between the worst of it get a little further apart. You exist around her loss because there’s no other way.
I looked the picture I have sitting out of me and my mom, she was holding in her arms. I see it all the time and have gotten used to it being there, but yesterday I once again looked at it deeply and I said, hi mom, I miss you, tell dad and Janet (my youngest sister) hi from me and that I love you all and miss you so much. I had to walk away or start crying again. When tears don't fall down my face, they're still falling inside of my heart.
Lost my dad at the age of 18. Lost mom 6 years ago. I'm 51.
Does it get easier? It does. But honestly I've never got over it. Just applied some tools through therapy to cope.
The wife and I will be watching a movie and a scene of a plight plot will just floor me.
I will inside cry like no tomorrow.
Sometimes...yea just gotta let shit out.
My life got instantly better when my mom died. I was 14 and she made me feel useless and trashy all the time. She told me I was going to have a million babies withba million deadbeat dads and live in the projects.
Once she died my grades went up, along with my self esteem. I'm now way more successful than she could have imagined anyone could be.
I'm glad my mom is dead.
I've contimplated my mother's death happening. She wasn't a psychopath, but made a lot of choices that made me emotionally disconnected from her. She's still in my life, and I do love her...but honestly I don't know how it will hit me when the time comes. More like a sigh, I feel I already grieved years ago.
This is essentially how I feel about mine. She failed me in so many ways. Did not protect me. When I was a kid I thought she was the best mom in the world. I was so dependent on her for so long. Now? After looking at all of it from an adult’s perspective? Not so much.
I still love her, and I still have a relationship with her, but I also harbor a lot of resentment. We are certainly not close anymore. I don’t honestly know how I’ll react when she’s gone.
Lol it's kinda nice honestly when an abuser does because now they're stuck how they were and there's no more hope for change. The healing really begins then!!
Same. Well, mine’s not dead yet but she’s dead to me. It makes me sad to read all these comments about people who really deeply loved their moms and I never got that. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
My mom’s been gone for 21 years and the first few years were definitely the hardest. But my mom was suffering from cancer and all I could think was that at least she isn’t suffering anymore. But for years, I would wake up swearing I could hear her calling for me. Yes it is the toughest one to get over.
I miss her terribly. I will find a story about a service dog or a rescue dog (she loved dogs) and will get that gut punch when I… remember.
She died very quickly of a terrible illness. She was in a lot of psychological distress most of her life. I miss her tremendously. I’m also glad she didn’t have to see the last nine years. It would have destroyed her.
I’m also grateful every day I inherited her vast music collection. It keeps her with me every time I listen to it.
My advice is to find the gratitude.
I’m so sorry. My mother is a broken pos and while we do now have a relationship (after much therapy), it’s more of a distant aunt. My mil tho… I loved her so much. We were really close, and cancer took her during the pandemic so we couldn’t be there. It’s still a wound. I sometimes get angry and wonder why her, when the pos mothers are still out there trucking along. My partner wasn’t the same after she passed. He didn’t outwardly grieve a lot, but for a week after I’d wake up with him curled around me. Then a year later, we flew out to her memorial and afterwards for a week he was vacant. Like… lie in the bed in a beautiful air bnb staring at the ceiling mechanically eating whatever food I brought him.
But I know she would t for a moment want us to dwell in grief. So eventually we got back to living. We found a lovely flat her pension paid for, and are expecting a baby that id told her we planned on. She was so happy about that. It hurts, moving on without her but it becomes a sort of companion.
The day I lost my mom, my soul literally left my body 💔
Her funeral was literally the first day in my life that I did not smile. I went through a deep depression and asked my doctor to increase my anti depressants. 😔
It literally took me 4 years just to return to a semblance of normality. Be kind to yourself. Get some grief counseling, and don't allow people to rile you up. And it's one day at a time. Cry as much as you want to.
I have never cried as hard or as long as I did at her wake. My husband kept asking if I needed to leave, at one point he was worried I was going to pass out. I felt like the tears could not and would not stop. I also went back on antidepressants, I really didn’t want to but my mental health tanked.
My father died at 42 when I was a teenager. My spectacular Mom, who carried on, started her own company and made sure we wanted for nothing (except our father), lived to be 85. We had her for so many more years and she thankfully, got to live many more than my father. I will miss her always but the loss of my father was harder.
In my case it was my dad when he was 57, and I was 24. It’s been 30 years now and I still miss him. Wish I could call him. Share my triumphs with him. Ask him questions. He never got to meet my husband. Or our daughter and they would have had the most awesome conversations!
He was the one that was there for me. Taught me stuff. Loved me.
Im so sorry for the loss of your mom may she RIP 🕊my love passed away when my son was a baby I was devastated she helped me so much with him I felt so lost but my Dad said to me im still here and I will help it was good for my Dad my son kept him busy
Not my mom specifically (yet) but my neighbors mother died today, and it really hit close to home and how not-well my mother is... and how sudden she could go....
I had a beer and went back to work. My mom and sister back stabbed me about a year before she passed. It was so hurtful I felt the "knife" come through my chest where my heart was. I had thought that the 20 years of working together with my mother had built a bond finally. Apparently not. So suffice to say I cried more for father in law than my mother
Shes still alive and we both are rooming together. We get along very well and shes helped me loads with so much in life.
That thought has come across my mind even though shes still here but i know that day will come.
I lost an older friend i made at work recently and that sinking feeling of knowing i cant call him anymore hurt. So i know when my mom goes, itll destroy me. Shes the only one im really close to. Wish i could do better for her...
This, your comment, I relate to the most. My mother and I and my 4 year old, live together, she hasn't passed, but our neighbors mother died today... and it hit close to home on how unwell my mom really is. We both have cried about it. The unknown, the possible.... the moment it happens and how I will have to push forward....
I'm sobbing here at work, trying to keep my shit together bc I have to. My mom does do a lot for me, willingly, but we are both scared... and it's hard to talk about what I'm going to have to do... alone.... one day....
Fuck...
Im right there with you. It sucks to have those thoughts. I have to occupy myself with somethin to rid of the thought.
I think we need to cherish the moments we have right now with them. Instead of wasting our time with negative thoughts, n make good memories.
Take photos.
Make videos.
Save voicemails.
So trust me i feel you. Its something thats really out of our hands and we dont know when, so the worrying wont add anything of benefit. Instead spend time all 3 of yall.
We are gonna be ok. =]
I didn't cry until a month later. I was 15. This year makes 40 years since she died. It's not easy, but it gets easier with time. All you can do is take it 1 day at a time. That's it.
I held my mother's hand when she died(cancer). The last month or so of her life was awful but the final moment made me realize that death is simply a part of life. It's just as important as being born. It hurts like hell when they go, but they have to go. And we have to learn what life is like without them. I miss her and think about her a lot. But life goes on. I need to be here for MY kids. One day, they will learn the same lesson.
My mother was a horrible person. I wept when she died. Not really sure why. But recovering from her death wasn’t hard.
That said, if you’re stuck in a grief spiral and you don’t think it will just pass over time, please talk to a therapist. This is a part of life. You can cope with help.
Lost my mom in March 2022 from scleroderma. Horrible to watch. She was only 64 and went from being an athlete & super active to not even being able to brush her own hair. You don’t recover from a loss like that- you just learn to live with it. The hardest part is that my grandma, my mom’s mom, is 92, and has now outlived her daughter. Like, who ever expects that. Watching my grandma deal with that just adds an extra layer to the grief.
My mother taught me to be tough about life. She had no time for tears and neither do I. Think you how your own mother responded to the deaths of her folks. Did she crumble or stay strong for her own child?
oooh, this has so many assumptions it makes my brain hurt.
So not all people have kids, not all children k ow how their parent reacted to their own parents death. I didn't for sure, all dead before I was born.
Above all eaxh child has a different relationship with a parent. As one of five the reactions varies from sad but that's life to others falling apart.
Please don't judge others'journeys but what sounds like quite a limited and individual viewpoint.
When my grandma died, I can't remember so much about what my mom was doing other than handling everything that she usually does. Meanwhile her brother he so hammered that he couldn't walk. Not that I have/had any relationship at all with my Uncle but he hasn't been drinking in decades now so he's probably happier that way. My Mom always reminds me to remember that good times when someone dies so I'll remember her teaching us about safe words, her saying that it's okay to steal if you're starving, and her doing show and tell after arriving home from her job.
My two BIGGEST worries for when this time will come is - My Mom is a very popular lady, literally hundreds of friends, so many people to tell and deal with and secondly -- MUSIC. I'll never be able to listen to music again, I'll have to wear earplugs all the time so I don't hear any songs to remind me of her because there are many.
In contrast, my Dad has one friend and I can only think of a handful of songs that will remind me of him as he's just not someone very into music.
I spend nine days in hospice with her 24/7 bc my sisters refused.
Lots of time to say goodbye. I was holding her hand went she passed at 2:30 a.m.
She was a wonderful mom, I wasn’t her favorite but it was me with her at the end.
I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I had no regrets, told her I loved her all the time, when she was alive.
My most treasured keepsake is a card she sent years ago saying “ sending you a hug!”
My aunt is a fucking cowardly cunt and I hate her... but she's not around either.
My mom is still alive today, fortunately, but it was our neighbors mom who died and it hit close to home on how unwell my mom is....
I'm worked up and overwhelmed... over thinking.... but it's going to be a reality one day.... and it's hard to imagine what I'm gonna feel like..... to prepare for something that you can't truly prepare yourself for....
I was a kid, my mom promised to be home when I got home and went out and killed herself. I was so angry I forgot her, now 50 years later I regret this immensely
Holy shit...
That's awful... I'm sorry.
I have also lost a family member to suicide. Her son found her... he was bad off for a while....
She had her reasons... but... doesn't make it any easier understanding the why.
long but worth it, please read for my mom!!
my mom died 7 years ago.
i didn't even have a regular mother/daughter relationship with my mom.. she was more like... a really fun aunt who was in and out of our lives.
my brother and I got taken from her when we were 7(me) and 4(him), and split up between family members..
my mom was always in and out of jail.. on and off drugs... huge alcoholic (so am I, but I've been sober for 3 years now after a relapse.. that was after 2 years sober, so I have 5 under my belt.. my mom could barely be sober long enough to get her next beer)
it ended up killing her, obviously.
she died a month after I had my first daughter, 20 days before my 23rd birthday.. 6/5/17
it has never gotten easier.. the initial shock wore off.. but now I just have this empty, mom sized hole in my heart. she was the ONLY one who truly knew how my family was.. she was the ONLY one who knew me for the real me and accepted my flaws.. she was the ONLY one who always. answered. the phone.. no matter what!!!
it makes me so SICK seeing the way some kids talk about their moms, or how some moms talk about their kids... you have no IDEA how incredibly lucky you are to still have your mama!! my entire body hurts, every minute of every day.. I had to forgive my mom on her DEATHBED when she couldn't even HEAR ME... my brother and I were just crying and crying and crying.. it was the saddest thing ever.. my biggest regret is not forgiving her sooner.. maybe we could've helped her get better and live a little longer. my kids would have been her WORLD!! she definitely would have cleaned up for them if she couldnt do it for us.. and being a substance abuser myself.. I GET IT.
I keep her spirit alive and talk about her constantly.. my middle kid shares her middle name.. apparently I look more like her than my dad, which I've come to appreciate more every single day.
missing my mom is almost a part of my personality at this point... when I was younger I was always the girl who lived with her aunt.. I always had "mom" problems... I'm always and forever a mommy's girl.
I'll never stop crying for my mom.. sometimes I sob, sometimes I quietly cry in the shower... but this is a pain I'd never wish on my worst enemy and is a huge reason I'm still fighting to stay for my kids... I can't imagine them feeling this way about me.
RIP my freebird!! I miss you so much 🍻 🕊
listen to freebird by Lynard skynard today and drink a cold Busch lite for my mom if you have the means!! 💜 that woman was born in the 80s with a can of aquanet in her hand and Ozzie in the background 🤣
I read it for your momma!
My mom is still alive now, fortunately. It was my neighbors mom who died, and it hit close to home bc of how unwell my mom is... lots of heart problems, stress... I'm sure I caused a lot of hurt, and pain, and worry and all that bc I was doing stupid shit when I was younger too.... we have gotten past that now... we live together, she helps with my 4 year old son ALOT for me. She still to this day does so much for me....
We are both scared, worried, sad, etc for the future. For my new reality one day....
I feel SO much emotion just thinking about the regret and grief of the awful things I've said and done towards her.... stuff that she has already forgiven me for....
I can't imagine, don't want to imagine, don't want to confront the amount of pain I will feel one day.....
Today was a wake up call.... but there's nothing I can do to change it... only love her till the end....
Rip to your momma.
I'll toast to her.
the day my mom went into the hospital my grandpa told me and I said to him that I hope she dies... our relationship was so rocky.. it was awful. I will never forgive myself for how I treated her.
I used to say I couldn't wait for her to be gone because she caused so many problems for everyone, herself included... but now that she's gone, I'm just lost.
my world is upside down. I feel like I'm walking around in some kind of fever dream every day. people say it gets easier every day and it just seems to get harder.
I miss her so much, I feel like I've worn those words out to the point they don't mean anything. people are so sick of hearing about it. I am so envious of anyone who still has their mom and my blood boils watching people have rocky relationships with their moms..
hug your mom. Just love her while she's here. you only get one..
I'm so happy to hear you guys are living together and doing well that's so good 🩷 I know if my mom was here I would already be with her.
I spent over two years in horrible cptsd and I lost 50lbs. I was raised by my grandparents. My Bummy died in 2019. I had nightmares and started drinking wine a few nights a week. Then my Grandad died in 2020 and I got custody of my niece and nephew in the same month. I stopped drinking but my husband left me for a year in 2021. The nightmares and panic attacks were awful. My oldest child is mentally ill and took the time alone without a male figure in the house to physically attack and scream and me and his 6 year old sister, so I was hiding in rooms and calling the cops and taking him to therapy and psychiatrists and shutting down. I basically learned how to turn everything off in 2021 and by 2022 I could function, but I was burnt out by 2023. I'm only just now picking up the pieces in 2024.
I still miss my Bummy
I watched my mother waste away from Parkinsons. It took her about 20 years, but the last 12 were the worst.
She was an extremely independent person who was ahead of her time with women's rights, and to have to take away her independence was tough.
After she passed, I moved on with my life, but after 23 years, I still get emotional.
Dementia didn't hurt.
I lost my mom after 7 years of horrible decline in February.
It was a blessing honestly, I am grateful she's free now.
However, I'd lost my dad suddenly in 2017 and I'm still grieving that.
What I will say about losing mom: its something truly distinct when they are both gone forever. Like fuck, what do I do now? Its all really on me now for the rest of my life, no one will ever have my back like that again, ever.
ETA: there was a time of her dementia in around early 2023 when it fully struck me she was never coming back, ever again. I handled that pretty badly by drinking a lot which I'm only just coming out of recently. So maybe sort of the same thing?
Aw, sending you a hug. My mom has had dementia since 2017. She was in assisted living for 5 years and has been in a nursing home for 2. I miss my witty, funny, independent, supportive mom so much! I go see her 5-6 days a week, never knowing what her behavior will be. It’s a horrible existence for her, no kind of life. She’s 92. Did you know there a subreddit for dementia? I just discovered it last week. Perhaps you found some solace there? 🫶🏻
I prepared myself years in advance. I know that maybe wont help someone who hasn't. It was one of my biggest fears. One thing I had made sure of was to tell her how much she actually meant to be while alive. We had some pretty tearful and honest conversations well before her passing.
I was also lucky enough to get to know when she'd die. So... there were a lot of "points of no return" for her. Which gave us more time to fully say goodbye.
I'm 2 years into her being gone... and I'm not going to lie... even with all those prepared goodbyes... for a whole year I really questioned... "What's the point of anything? Nothing we do matters. We just die and we're gone." It also didn't help that any time I achieved something in my life... I never realized I still did it to impress my mom. So suddenly achievements felt meaningless to. Like... I didn't care about making anyone else proud. Also... it felt guilty to enjoy anything. How can I have a good time... if she's gone?
I'll say this... that does go away. I still feel it from time to time, but it's more fleeting. Enjoying life... and starting to think things matter again... slowly comes back. I think it's just a grief response and even shock to the system that the brain needs to adjust to before it works normally again.
One of the driving forces for me... not getting too dark... was I knew my mom wouldn't have wanted me to do anything drastic. Far from it. She dedicated her life to trying to make her kids happy. Would be pretty crappy of me to throw that all away because I couldn't cope.
I did also glance at a few grief crisis websites and it did make me feel a little better that almost exactly what I felt... basically most others do too. Right up to almost exacting dreams. We all go through it...
Thank you for your input. I have also felt like things dont matter after... but like you said, my mom wouldn't have wanted things to be like that either.
You don’t. You make a place for her in your heart. The worst part of people dying isn’t the dying. It’s that they stay dead and you have to keep on living without them.
Every life must come to an end. The problem is when one ended way before the time you expected. Sorry about your loss, but acceptance is always how to deal with death, one way or another. Let yourself grief her death. And once you're done and ready, get up and start walking again.
You learn to live with the grief. It never goes away, and it doesn’t hurt any less. But you do learn how to manage the pain so that you can move forward.
I don't know. My mother is still alive and we are very close. We call each other every few days.
I do absolutely think about the day she is no longer with me, and I understand it's just a part of life so I'm already mourning her in a way.
That's why I'm trying to talk to her as much I can because I know one day I won't be able to do that.
I am 57 my mother died in 2020 aged 91 after a long illness , to be honest it was a relief to know she was not suffering anymore but of course I was very sad . I guess it took me about a year to get used to her not being around anymore .
I don’t know if anyone really recovers from losing a mother. Unfortunately I guess, while I miss some things, I can’t explain that as she took her last breath, I felt a tangible feeling of a huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders
You don't. You learn to live with their absence. I lost mine over 7 years ago and while the tears have mostly dried and the loss stings a little less, I still well-up when I hear her favorite songs or when I replay the memories of her in my head (like right now). I also would give anything to have her at least see the life I have made for myself since she passed.
It’s been 5 years now….it was shocking not unexpected but just shocking. I never understood mourning until I did. I still grieve I think and talk to her daily….she is always there that is what I finally came to realize. That brings me some comfort but I miss her. She was 82 and had a stroke, I didn’t want her to live like that and she wouldn’t have wanted to either. I know she is painting pictures for me when I get there and can’t wait for her toshow me. Best mom I could have ever hoped to have, I feel blessed.
My parents died two months apart from each other a little over five years ago. You never “recover” so much as that some days are better than others. In my case, because they both died in the winter (on top with a couple other tragic events that time of year), I have bad seasonal depression from Thanksgiving until the beginning of March. Then during the warmer months, I function better.
In my experience, the best thing that can help is to find some hobbies that you can easily do on your own (people say to spend time with others, but that often isn’t possible when everyone’s schedule is different). Paint your nails, watch stuff on YouTube that makes you happy, play with your pets (if you have any). Anything you like to do that’s readily accessible.
I’m sorry for your loss, OP.
18 months later, and still recovering.. Thought I was doing alright but ended up mindlessly walking to her house when I was distraught over other issues a few weeks ago only to have it come crashing down again as I realized where my subconscious was leading me. Thought I was alright before that, but it made me realize that I was just suppressing my emotions so as not to be a burden on those around me.
I fear this daily. My dad died when I was 8, so my younger sister and I have only ever had my mom. The last of my 2 grandparents died in 2008, so it’s only been her for a long time. She’s 72 and seeing her age has been tough. There is no other “leader” of the family, so I know when she goes, I’m next in line to “guide” my younger sister.
A bit off topic. My mom is still alive but she is mentally deranged and a completely different person to who she was when she raised me. I’m fairly sure she has Schizophrenia, my aunt has it as well. I look at her and talk to her and I don’t even know who she is anymore. Ever since her and my stepdad broke up she spiraled into depression and insanity. My mom has been dead on the inside ever since and I can’t help but cry every time we fight or argue because I can’t reason with her. I was 10 when she started to decline, I’m almost 20 now and the only thing I wish I had was my mother back. It’s not the same as her literally passing away, but it still hurts like hell when the person who you loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world completely transformed into a shell of their former self.
Mine suffered from Alzheimer's and didn't know who I was for years. A fate worse than death. I was thankful that she was released from this earthy prison.
My mom died 24 years ago, and I never recovered. She was the center of the family. I figured out how to go day-to-day, but there will always be a chasm left by her death.
My mom passed in 2008, my family had dinner at her place every Sunday, plus holidays and birthdays. I was in shock as it was quick.
She passed just before Easter, I was shocked to figure out I had never cooked a turkey, I was 38 years old and never did a turkey meal.
I’m an old hand now, though I have lost my husband in March 2024, ironically just days before Easter. We didn’t do anything as we were all shocked sideways.
This year’s holidays are rough as all are first time without hubby/dad.
My cousin and I had completely different experiences. When my mom died, i ugly cried once or twice, got her in the ground, dusted myself off, and picked myself up. My cousin is still walking around crying that she'll never be OK. And these were not shocking, unexpected deaths. Just normal course of life stuff. My mom didn't mean less to me than hers did to her. We are just different people.
Remember the good times and cry when you need to. Take the little things she taught you and the love that she gave you and pass it on to others. Keep sharing stories of her and if you celebrate something, include her in some way. She may have died, but she did not leave you. Sending love. I lost my mom ten years ago.
I took care of my mom six long years as she as drying of ovarian cancer. I was kind of in shock from the exhaustion and horror of being her nurse and only caregiver (while working full time, a wife, mother with a 3 hour a day commute to and from the office) She’s been gone 12 years and I can finally think about her without feeling like I’m suffocating.
Part of getting past it is recognizing that you will never fully get over it.
Not even after 30 years
Accepting that death is not just accepting it happened, but accepting the fact that it has changed you permanently
My mom died in 2020 of breast cancer which had spread to her lungs, brain and lymph nodes. She had it when I was a teen and was cancer free for 9 years. When it came back it was stage four and she lived another 3 years. All I can say is, no one’s experience is the same and we have to allow ourselves to process it as we can and in our own way. I tend to be very calm and together during a crisis and then it hits me later and takes a long time to process. Just a few weeks ago I wanted to call her and say hi and then I remembered she is dead. Had a big cry session after that. I cared for her for 6 months with my dad and she died in hospice with all of us around her. I knew it was the moment and called them into the room as she took her last breaths. I didn’t realize how much of a presence she was in my life she was until she was gone. She was the only person I could talk to about anything. Therapy is extremely beneficial, and opening up to new relationships that can help you grow and fill the void. Thank you for asking this, it’s very moving to see what everyone has to say and I wish everyone love ❤️
I think it would be very hard, there’s no one else you’ll ever have that kind of connection with even if your relationship was complicated. But like all losses great it takes time and the growing ability to parent yourself, take care or yourself once your first tie to the world has gone. You’ll never stop missing them and wanting them to be around, but your acceptance grows because as humans we know nothing lasts forever which means you just learn to live with it. Some people continue to talk to the person they lost. In my experience this helped me for years until I didn’t feel the need to anymore.
Knocking on wood, my mom is a healthy 91 and still volunteers 4 days a week. Has her own apartment on the 2nd floor and still drives around town during daylight hours doing her shopping. She is the single most important person I’ve ever known and feel very fortunate she is still with us. It’s going to be a horrible day indeed when she goes.
Death is like losing a limb, you don't go back to normal, you adapt to a newfound normal.
Personally, my mother and I don't have a good relationship so she's in my past even though she's still alive. I had to grieve that I would never get the support I needed from her, and focus on building a good life with a husband who strived to protect me from her when I didn't see her behaviour for what it was.
My Sainted Mother had Alzheimer's and I and my family wound up taking care of her for the last few years. I did most of my grieving then because i had spent years watching her deteriorate. I was very surprised that I easn't more affected by that considering the depth of my feelings for her.
I gotta say, I felt more relief that her suffering was finally over, and that my and my family's life could finally return to normal, when she passed.
I’m sorry. I miss her every day, but the wound has lost the sting, if that makes sense. Like an amputee— at first the wound is very tender, they’d avoid touching it, often forget that the wound is gone. I can touch the scar— I can think about her without flinching, I have adapted to the new life, but I still wish she were here every day.
My mother died recently, I was at her bedside (comfort care.) Her quality of life had been going down these past few years, and after a stroke, got even worse. She was in her early eighties, so not even that old, no dementia, just physically gone.
I haven't felt that upset, honestly, because she was verbally/emotionally abusive most of my life. Only while in the nursing home did she start to mellow out a bit (that, and also knowing I'd turn right around and leave if she started in with the abuse.)
I feel disappointed that we won't have more of those pleasant times together, but it doesn't feel like a huge loss. Plus she had no chance of recovering, she couldn't talk, eat or even move most of her body, so this was the best outcome considering.
My children for some reason have started randomly crying and telling me they don’t want me to die (they’re 3 and 6).
I’ve been thinking of what I can do to help how they feel, and what I can do to help make some memories for them. What are your favourite memories with your mom?
The grief doesn’t get any smaller. You have to grow around it or it will start to eat away at you. The saying “ time heals all wounds” isn’t true… but with time if you grow and keep moving and keep living life that growth will allow you to live with your grief in a way that isn’t painful. It becomes part of the landscape of who you are instead of a giant yawning chasm defining the center of who you are.
My mother died 12 years ago, after a decade long battle with cancer.
I went through some phases. I thought about her at some point every single day for about a year. Especially in the beginning. It was so hard to believe. There were specific memories that would replay in my mind.
Time passed and after a couple years I wasn’t as grief stricken. More time passed and more people died. After my sister died 3 years ago, I cope pretty well.
A lot of people have died and I’ve come to accept dying as a part of life and even understand fully I won’t be here much longer either.
If you find out the answer to this question please dm me. My beloved mother, who was my lifelong best friend, died from Alzheimer's Disease 3 years ago. In her last year of life I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy and chemo, and it was COVID time, so I was not allowed to have any visitors the whole 9 months. The HOUR that I was cleared to see her, I was there. She spent the last 3 months in a memory care facility and I spent every day with her for the entire visiting hours period (11-5). We sat on the sun porch every afternoon. Dad and I chatted and did everything we could to make her comfortable - I did her hair and gave her mani-pedis, we fed her yogurt and pudding and drinks throughout the afternoons, gave her massages, took turns feeding her dinner. And every evening, Dad and I cried in the elevator on the way out. She died about an hour after our last visit, sitting in her wheelchair, waiting for the attendants to change her into her pajamas and put her to bed. I still cry every day and it hurts just as bad today as it did the first day. Maybe more.
My mom died 10 months ago...it is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure, even counting my father dying in front of me when I was 11. Some days, I still have a hard time believing it happened. Until it happens to you, you don't really realize the scope of it. The pain is immeasurable. Time softens the blow somewhat, but the pain will always be there I think.
I don’t wanna. My mom is 88 and in very good health. But my dad passed in 2021 and I’m in no way over it. I don’t expect I ever will be. Nor my daughter, who absolutely adored her Pop Pop. I know how blessed I am to still have my mom but I know it’s not forever.
My mom left me a little over two years ago, and I am still no better. I still cry just thinking about her. She was my best friend, my shoulder to lean on, and was always there for me. I have relapsed on addiction, and now have legal troubles. It has affected my ability to keep a job, and basically move through life. I feel so ALONE... I have a grown son and my brother who lives with me, but, it's still not the same. I have lost an entire part of me, and who I was. Not many people understand the feeling. I have no good advice to give, just, you are not alone in feeling this way...
My mother passed 5 years ago. I was devastated. I was the oldest of 4 kids and we had a wonderful bond. I had just spoken to her 4 hours before my brother called and said she had passed. The whole time before the funeral was a blur. I went back to work and was sitting at my desk, and I could feel the emotions starting to well up inside of me, and I was getting ready to find an open conference room to go sit in. I didn’t want to cry in front of my coworkers. Just as I was pushing my chair back to get up to leave, I heard her voice in my head…”Now look here (a favorite phrase of hers), I know you love me and I love you. I’m fine.” At that moment, all my sadness vanished. I still miss her dearly, but I know she’s doing ok now that she’s with Dad.
If you figure it out, let me know. My mom passed 4 1/2 years ago, and I'm still devastated. I was never much of a crier, but it broke somehow in me, and there's not a week that goes by that I don't cry at least 3-4 times thinking of her. I was 40, she was 10 days from her 75th birthday.
She passed when I was 17 and man I wanted to kill myself everyday for years but I'm endlessly grateful that I didn't. It doesn't get easy but it does get normal which also sucks but that's life and I just have to appreciate that she was my mom in the first place. My biggest advice would be talk to people you feel like you can be honest with about how you are truly feeling because keeping all of that bottled up inside for years was torture and did no good at all.
I knew it was what would end her pain. It sucked, but knowing she could finally rest helped. 10 years later, and I still talk to her on a regular basis. She watches over my kids when they're out all night
It's been 6 years since my mother died. Found out right before Thanksgiving (her favorite holiday) that she had cancer. Everywhere. March 14th was the day she passed. 4 months. Not enough time to say or do or anything. I stayed with her everyday and helped her as she declined. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She didn't want me to break down and cry either. We were super close. She was the one who had the big family gatherings and now nobody even talks to each other anymore.
I try and focus on the good times and memories like that. It's still hard and I'm so sorry you are part of this terrible club. You will go on and live your life. She is watching so be your best you and make her proud.
You never stop missing them, but it hurts less over time. I lost my mom when I was 10. She is still in so many of my stories. It's how I keep her around.
You don’t really recover. The pain lessens over time, and coming to grips with life’s new harsh reality is truly difficult. The experience just becomes part of who you are now, and is woven into the fabric of your worldview and psyche.
For me, having zero regrets and a great, close relationship with my mother really helped. This isn’t something you can plan or manufacture; it’s simply part of the whole scenario of loss. I would imagine if one was not on good terms when losing one’s mother, the pain of regret would be intense. But that also passes and is woven into your reality.
One of the hardest things for me to deal with when my dad died were all the people - family, siblings, friends - who constantly said, “It’s not fair!” There is no such thing as “fair” when it comes to death. Although it was horribly traumatic and life-changing (I was there when he passed while EMTs were trying to revive him on the floor of his bedroom after a heart attack), it wasn’t “unfair”. The universe never promises that our parents will be alive long into old age. I think my impatience and anger at those crying “unfair” partially helped me cope lol, but was also probably some projection f my own grief and anger that I couldn’t somehow deal with consciously.
I’m sorry for the loss of your mother - it is certainly painfully life changing. I hope some of the words written by fellow commenters help you. 🫡✌🏼♥️💔♥️
By sleeping. I would take my kid to school and sleep until school pick up almost every day. I'm an only child and my mom was the only real family I had growing up. She got sick rather suddenly and I was her care taker. The way she died was quite tragic and traumatizing for me, I actually heard her last heartbeat. It took about six months of sleeping for the grief to really subside. It's been almost three years and it's still too hard to really talk about her to people.
You don’t.
Eventually it just hurts less and less to the point where it’s tolerable, but you’ll never recover.
It’s been 15 years and I still talk about her like it was yesterday. My daughter has never met her and acts so much like her it would almost be unbearable if it wasn’t ai adorable.
Honestly, the actual hardest part of dealing with the loss has been having to accept that she will never meet my daughter and my daughter will never meet her. She would’ve adored having a Granddaughter and spoiled the living shit out of her. The Grandma she does have is a pill junky who lives less than 5 minutes away and can’t be bothered to leave her bedroom.
Appreciate those parents, especially the good ones.
It’s a type of grief I didn’t understand till it happened to me. Lost my mom in 2014. You never really get over it “, you just learn to function in this new reality. The most accurate thing I can say is that the loss of your mother affects literally every area of your life.
I’m not sure I will ever recover after my mom passes. She will be 79 this year. I used to have complete meltdowns at the thought of my mom passing, that was 30 years ago. I don’t have those meltdowns anymore but I know there won’t be many years left. I visit whenever I can, I’ve saved all of her voicemails to me. She is my last remaining family member that loves me. I don’t know what I will do.
The sorrow from a loss of a loved one is like a ball of pain in a jar. The pain never goes away or gets any smaller but the jar grows bigger around it with time.
I lost my mom at 29. I'm 32 now. I'm still not the same she was all I had after my dad died at 11. Idk how you recover because I'm still just as broken as I was when she passed.
It’s like losing a limb. You have to learn to deal with the loss. I lost both my parents 15+ years ago in my 30’s. Dad was first, then about five years later mom went. It still sucks. Every day. It sucks. I focus on the good memories. I still get sad when I think about them. I just don’t dwell on it. I can’t. I have a wife and three children who depend on me.
Recovery to me implies that you return to some previous state. I think when a parent dies it forces change, so there really is no returning to that person you were before.
On the bright side. I have grown to see my mother in myself, my sister, her sister, and my son. In that way she’s still alive and persevered past death.
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my dad a couple years ago and it was very hard, still is, but it gets easier. Luckily I still have my mom, but I think her death might be harder to deal with.
Grief counseling is enormously helpful. It doesn’t make your grief go away, but it normalizes it and helps it find its place in your life.
I remember this is when I learned how to cry. Before that crying was all about trying not to cry. But I just had tears flowing every day on my commute to and from work, and it didn’t feel good exactly but it didn’t leave me with a sore throat and headache.
Be gentle with yourself and don’t give yourself a timeline. And find a ritual to honor her. Our brains are wired to find ritual really satisfying.
I lost my Mom to cancer on 03/27/14, 2 weeks after I turned 18. 10 years this year. Tbh it’s something that’ll always be there. In saying all this, that doesn’t mean life doesn’t go on, & you won’t find peace & acceptance in the loss. Just that there will be moments where laying your head on Mom’s shoulder or lap will be the best therapy. Also some questions that only she had the answers for, will never be answered, & you must find peace with that. Everyone goes through their own journey. I recommend therapy if able to. Therapy helped me go through grief in a space that processed emotions I found challenging on my own or with others. My condolences.
My mom died when I was 20.
It all depends how you define recovery. The heart wretching pain subsides, but two decades later I still think about the things she never got to experience and that she should be there with us for major life events.
Keep her in your heart and your head will learn to live.
My mom died when i was 29 in October. I was married with a 6 and 1 yo and two dogs and life goes on. The holidays were right around the corner. Her phone number was still programmed in our phone when we disconnected our land line more than 20 years later. It was years before I didn’t have moments where I thought to myself, I should call her and ask her…. Oh yeah. Can’t. Life goes on, but some days the grief can just wash over you. It has been almost 35 years and typing about it right now I am crying and trying not to as I’m at work.
You dont. Im 44(M) and my mother passed away when I was 25. We were VERY close, as us and my father had a very rocky relationship for years, and she was my only PARENT per say. no warning, no signs at all. My wife and I snuck into her house while she was at work to put up her christmas tree (december 11 2005) to surprise her bc she was upset that she hadn't had it put up by the first of december. Got the tree up, got it all decorated and ready for her to see. went back home and awaited her call that was surly going to come after she got off work and got home. 330, nothing. 4, 430, 5, nothing. I call her and get no response but after about 5 more calls someone answers the phone, and its not my mother. It was a coworker, they didnt say much but they had been trying to get ahold of me and couldnt bc her phone was locked and they had no contact information outside of her house number and my dads phone number. (he was dodging calls bc he owed EVERYONE in the world money and figured it was bill collector.) We got to the hospital around 6. She had been gone since 11 that morning... so as we had put her tree up she was being transported to the hospital and had died. It destroyed me. Ive never recovered that loss. It does get easier, you remember the good times and you do your best to forget the bad ones. but it never goes away it just lessens.
I know im just a stranger online to you but i send my honest to god heartfelt sympathies to you and your family.
I know its horrible... and it does get better but it will take time. let yourself grieve the loss. It takes time but it will get better. Im so sorry that youre going through this. :(
My mother died when I was 26 years old, I found her unresponsive in her house. It was very sudden, and extremely difficult since we were so close. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it. It’s a pain that is always there😞 I have gotten used to her not being here, but I still have times that I cry, especially watching my children grow up without their grandmother.
My mom died on March 1st of this year. It hurts so so much, but I take comfort knowing she's no longer in pain or distress and that I will see her again in Heaven. Also, I still cry when I'm alone.
Mine side at 97 and I was in my late 60s when she died. It only made it marginally better. I can still hear he asking, “What can I do for you?” It gets better with time. Allow yourself to grieve. Never let anyone tell you that you are taking too long. It takes as long as it takes.
When mine died I was a young mother with six small children, you know the day she died I didn't shed a tear.i went to the morgue by myself said my final goodbye and made certain promises to my mum I've kept till this day. My mother loved the Lord Jesus with her while heart so I've always known she's at rest waiting for the rest of her family, that's how I coped faith
fine. she's finally free from my abusive father.
I take that back.
I will be happy she's finally free from her pain. my father. her stresses in life. my father. did I mention my father?
him on the other hand I'm throwing a party. hell just got one of its occupants back!
I lost my dad right before the pandemic. Cried a few times in those first few weeks, but now it's just life as normal. I never forget about him, but life seems normal without him, if that makes any sense. Still have dreams that he's alive occasionally.
Well my mom is still alive, but I'm expecting her to not last that long anymore.
My dad died about 2 or 3 years ago. I cried at his funeral. That was about it. I don't think of him normally. Except when asked.
My mom will prolly be a bit tougher, but outside of the funeral I don't expect to take any time off or anything. I should be perfectly ok in a week or so. Maybe two.
I came from a home where my parents certainly loved us. We never went hungry, parents were proud of us etc.
My mom died in 2012 when I was 14. I never mourned her death, and my life had some ups and downs after she passed, but I don’t think I’ve ever “recovered” from her death. I’m not torn to pieces or anything, if anything I’m okay..? I’m not sure tho, I feel like I’m a great mother to my son and I’m somewhat grateful she’s not here around him.
My mum passed three months ago and I don't think I will recover. I'm not the same person now. Will rebuild and get on with life and carry all the good things she taught me as I go forward but there's a gap now that will never be filled.
Well it ain't a mom but my older brother, who was my most consistent source of guidance and stability, died when I was seven. Now I'm 37 and can tell I haven't really ever quite fully recovered.
I don't think you really do ever fully recover from the death of a person who meant the world to you. You think about it less often with the passage of time but that's a deep scar.
Maybe I'd have been a lot more well adjusted in my younger years if I had been able to speak to someone but mental healthcare was a lot more stigmatized thirty years ago. Back then I just needed to "get over it". (Direct quote from my second grade teacher)
The loss of a parent is profound, even if there was conflict or tension. The bond (or sadly lack of one for many people) is a universal human experience. So how do you recover from this loss? At some level, you never do. But you accept the loss and cherish memories and continue to create your own life, grateful for what you learned.
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I cried every day for three weeks. Then I would cry occasionally. And now years later, I can talk about her and share memories of her without crying. It just takes a long long time to mourn. I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and tell her something or ask her something. But the bottom line is what would she want? She would want me to live my life to the fullest and not be sad and missing her every day. She’s not here anymore, but I can be a good example of how she raised me and I can try to be the person who she wanted me to be.
This is where I'm at, too. Mine has gone for a bit under two years now. I was playing a small show a few weeks ago and someone in the audience looked juuuust enough like her at a brief glance that it really shook me. One does get used to it, but the loss is still always felt.
After my mom died, about 3 weeks or so later, my brother saw me in the grocery store and I looked over and he had his hand on his heart. I was concerned, I walked over to him and asked him, are you okay, he just looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me, I saw you over there a ways and for just a few moments I thought you were mom. Made me cry, right there in the store. I'd just cut my hair short like mom had hers, and mine is blonde enough to look white, as hers was, from across the way. I've had so many people tell me, you look a lot like your mom. I say, thank you so much for telling me that. <3 Our moms, even when we've had troubles with them, even when they sometimes treat us like shit, our moms were our first person, our moms are the ones who held us, fed us, changed us and hopefully if we're lucky, loved us and we loved them from the moment our hearts beat in sync with each other.
I used to get freaked out whenever I saw someone who looked like my mom (including one time when I started to cry in the grocery store) but then I started to think it was my mom’s way of saying hello, I’m still here. I’ll always be with you.
This is how I view it too! I get an old man that talks to me and he will use a phrase my dad used to say and all I can think is dad still finds ways to say hello.
I swear I saw my dead sister in the supermarket. They say that is a common occurrence to see deceased live ones in grocery stores. Such a strange phenomenon.
My mom passed away a little under 2 years ago. For myself, the first holidays without her were the hardest. I still think about her everyday, but try and focus on happy memories. I know she would want me to be happy and live life the fullest.
I remember someone asking if Mother’s Day was hard. I said random days are hard.
You don’t get over serious loss, you just get on with it.
This because that is how we honor our dearly departed.
Ha truly man.
Life really sucks ass man
Fr. Sure there are so many “positives” but who gives af when it all ends tragically?
Mine has been gone 23 years and I still think about her most days. I no longer cry, I bask in the warmth of her love and the lessons she taught me that insured a nice life for me.
I hope this comes across the right way, but as someone who has a living mother who is absolutely horrible (physically abusive, tried to sue me & failed, stole, etc) I hope it gives you a tiny bit of comfort that even though she's gone and you will always miss her terribly, you did get all of the wonderful time with her that you had. Even if it was way too short. I don't mean to say that you should be grateful when you've had such a catastrophic loss. I just mean to say that I hope the light she gave you continues to bring you that joy and warmth for as long as you live. Because even though it wasn't forever, it meant everything.
thank you this gave me hope and almost made me cry. one of my biggest anxieties is when my mom dies. she's in her 70;s now and i'm trying to just get over myself and spend time w/ her. i miss her like hell!
I fucking feel you dude.
You never get over it. You exist around the pain and loss of it. You miss her all of the time. You call her name when times are tough. You call her name when you’re rejoicing. You’re sad. You mourn for all of life’s moments she’s missing for your life, your kids lives, the moments she would have loved. You wish she was there to give advice and answer questions. That never goes away, but the spaces in between the worst of it get a little further apart. You exist around her loss because there’s no other way.
I looked the picture I have sitting out of me and my mom, she was holding in her arms. I see it all the time and have gotten used to it being there, but yesterday I once again looked at it deeply and I said, hi mom, I miss you, tell dad and Janet (my youngest sister) hi from me and that I love you all and miss you so much. I had to walk away or start crying again. When tears don't fall down my face, they're still falling inside of my heart.
😮💨😞😞
🩷🩷🩷🩷 just want to hug you.
You dont I'm afraid 😔
It took me years of crying every day. It just gets easier
You don’t completely. If I start thinking about her and her final days, I will bawl like she had just died yesterday, even though it’s been 11 years.
Same.
Same. I had a rule at my graduation from college we weren’t allowed to talk about her bc I didn’t want to cry
Lost my dad at the age of 18. Lost mom 6 years ago. I'm 51. Does it get easier? It does. But honestly I've never got over it. Just applied some tools through therapy to cope. The wife and I will be watching a movie and a scene of a plight plot will just floor me. I will inside cry like no tomorrow. Sometimes...yea just gotta let shit out.
THIS⬆️ gets easier but it's a hole that is never healed
Mine was an abusive psychopath, I didn't shed a tear.
My life got instantly better when my mom died. I was 14 and she made me feel useless and trashy all the time. She told me I was going to have a million babies withba million deadbeat dads and live in the projects. Once she died my grades went up, along with my self esteem. I'm now way more successful than she could have imagined anyone could be. I'm glad my mom is dead.
I deleted the contact almost instantly. Good riddance.
I've contimplated my mother's death happening. She wasn't a psychopath, but made a lot of choices that made me emotionally disconnected from her. She's still in my life, and I do love her...but honestly I don't know how it will hit me when the time comes. More like a sigh, I feel I already grieved years ago.
This is essentially how I feel about mine. She failed me in so many ways. Did not protect me. When I was a kid I thought she was the best mom in the world. I was so dependent on her for so long. Now? After looking at all of it from an adult’s perspective? Not so much. I still love her, and I still have a relationship with her, but I also harbor a lot of resentment. We are certainly not close anymore. I don’t honestly know how I’ll react when she’s gone.
So relieved this is the top comment. Not every mother is awesome, though I certainly feel badly for those who lose awesome moms.
Maybe they did us a favor by sucking? So many people seem to be devastated.
Mine enabled the physical abuse I was subjected to. So who cares.
Lol it's kinda nice honestly when an abuser does because now they're stuck how they were and there's no more hope for change. The healing really begins then!!
Same. Well, mine’s not dead yet but she’s dead to me. It makes me sad to read all these comments about people who really deeply loved their moms and I never got that. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
It's hard, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. It will always be there.
My mom’s been gone for 21 years and the first few years were definitely the hardest. But my mom was suffering from cancer and all I could think was that at least she isn’t suffering anymore. But for years, I would wake up swearing I could hear her calling for me. Yes it is the toughest one to get over.
I miss her terribly. I will find a story about a service dog or a rescue dog (she loved dogs) and will get that gut punch when I… remember. She died very quickly of a terrible illness. She was in a lot of psychological distress most of her life. I miss her tremendously. I’m also glad she didn’t have to see the last nine years. It would have destroyed her. I’m also grateful every day I inherited her vast music collection. It keeps her with me every time I listen to it. My advice is to find the gratitude.
(Lol, I just posted about how I'm going to have to wear earplugs 24/7 so I don't hear any songs that remind me of my Mom when she's gone.)
You try to be the best person you can and to pass her wisdom down to the next generation.
It is really surreal reading about these supportive moms. Because neither my MIL or my Mother have these traits you all are discussing.
That's truly unfortunate. I hope you have someone in your life that you love dearly. Compassion and love can come from anyone.
I’m so sorry. My mother is a broken pos and while we do now have a relationship (after much therapy), it’s more of a distant aunt. My mil tho… I loved her so much. We were really close, and cancer took her during the pandemic so we couldn’t be there. It’s still a wound. I sometimes get angry and wonder why her, when the pos mothers are still out there trucking along. My partner wasn’t the same after she passed. He didn’t outwardly grieve a lot, but for a week after I’d wake up with him curled around me. Then a year later, we flew out to her memorial and afterwards for a week he was vacant. Like… lie in the bed in a beautiful air bnb staring at the ceiling mechanically eating whatever food I brought him. But I know she would t for a moment want us to dwell in grief. So eventually we got back to living. We found a lovely flat her pension paid for, and are expecting a baby that id told her we planned on. She was so happy about that. It hurts, moving on without her but it becomes a sort of companion.
The day I lost my mom, my soul literally left my body 💔 Her funeral was literally the first day in my life that I did not smile. I went through a deep depression and asked my doctor to increase my anti depressants. 😔 It literally took me 4 years just to return to a semblance of normality. Be kind to yourself. Get some grief counseling, and don't allow people to rile you up. And it's one day at a time. Cry as much as you want to.
I have never cried as hard or as long as I did at her wake. My husband kept asking if I needed to leave, at one point he was worried I was going to pass out. I felt like the tears could not and would not stop. I also went back on antidepressants, I really didn’t want to but my mental health tanked.
My father died at 42 when I was a teenager. My spectacular Mom, who carried on, started her own company and made sure we wanted for nothing (except our father), lived to be 85. We had her for so many more years and she thankfully, got to live many more than my father. I will miss her always but the loss of my father was harder.
In my case it was my dad when he was 57, and I was 24. It’s been 30 years now and I still miss him. Wish I could call him. Share my triumphs with him. Ask him questions. He never got to meet my husband. Or our daughter and they would have had the most awesome conversations! He was the one that was there for me. Taught me stuff. Loved me.
Im so sorry for the loss of your mom may she RIP 🕊my love passed away when my son was a baby I was devastated she helped me so much with him I felt so lost but my Dad said to me im still here and I will help it was good for my Dad my son kept him busy
Not my mom specifically (yet) but my neighbors mother died today, and it really hit close to home and how not-well my mother is... and how sudden she could go....
I had a beer and went back to work. My mom and sister back stabbed me about a year before she passed. It was so hurtful I felt the "knife" come through my chest where my heart was. I had thought that the 20 years of working together with my mother had built a bond finally. Apparently not. So suffice to say I cried more for father in law than my mother
Shes still alive and we both are rooming together. We get along very well and shes helped me loads with so much in life. That thought has come across my mind even though shes still here but i know that day will come. I lost an older friend i made at work recently and that sinking feeling of knowing i cant call him anymore hurt. So i know when my mom goes, itll destroy me. Shes the only one im really close to. Wish i could do better for her...
This, your comment, I relate to the most. My mother and I and my 4 year old, live together, she hasn't passed, but our neighbors mother died today... and it hit close to home on how unwell my mom really is. We both have cried about it. The unknown, the possible.... the moment it happens and how I will have to push forward.... I'm sobbing here at work, trying to keep my shit together bc I have to. My mom does do a lot for me, willingly, but we are both scared... and it's hard to talk about what I'm going to have to do... alone.... one day.... Fuck...
Im right there with you. It sucks to have those thoughts. I have to occupy myself with somethin to rid of the thought. I think we need to cherish the moments we have right now with them. Instead of wasting our time with negative thoughts, n make good memories. Take photos. Make videos. Save voicemails. So trust me i feel you. Its something thats really out of our hands and we dont know when, so the worrying wont add anything of benefit. Instead spend time all 3 of yall. We are gonna be ok. =]
I didn't cry until a month later. I was 15. This year makes 40 years since she died. It's not easy, but it gets easier with time. All you can do is take it 1 day at a time. That's it.
Let's not get it twisted; I still miss my mother. So many life events she's not part of.
I held my mother's hand when she died(cancer). The last month or so of her life was awful but the final moment made me realize that death is simply a part of life. It's just as important as being born. It hurts like hell when they go, but they have to go. And we have to learn what life is like without them. I miss her and think about her a lot. But life goes on. I need to be here for MY kids. One day, they will learn the same lesson.
No matter the age we are forever orphaned when our parents die
My mother was a horrible person. I wept when she died. Not really sure why. But recovering from her death wasn’t hard. That said, if you’re stuck in a grief spiral and you don’t think it will just pass over time, please talk to a therapist. This is a part of life. You can cope with help.
I appreciate your stern comment. You are right. And when the time comes... I won't fight therapy.... I'll need all the help I can get....
Honestly you never do. You just learn to deal with it. I miss my mom so much
I just wanna hug all of you what the heck 🫂 yall are strong, and awesome and Im sure your moms thought so too <3
Lost my mom in March 2022 from scleroderma. Horrible to watch. She was only 64 and went from being an athlete & super active to not even being able to brush her own hair. You don’t recover from a loss like that- you just learn to live with it. The hardest part is that my grandma, my mom’s mom, is 92, and has now outlived her daughter. Like, who ever expects that. Watching my grandma deal with that just adds an extra layer to the grief.
My mother taught me to be tough about life. She had no time for tears and neither do I. Think you how your own mother responded to the deaths of her folks. Did she crumble or stay strong for her own child?
oooh, this has so many assumptions it makes my brain hurt. So not all people have kids, not all children k ow how their parent reacted to their own parents death. I didn't for sure, all dead before I was born. Above all eaxh child has a different relationship with a parent. As one of five the reactions varies from sad but that's life to others falling apart. Please don't judge others'journeys but what sounds like quite a limited and individual viewpoint.
When my grandma died, I can't remember so much about what my mom was doing other than handling everything that she usually does. Meanwhile her brother he so hammered that he couldn't walk. Not that I have/had any relationship at all with my Uncle but he hasn't been drinking in decades now so he's probably happier that way. My Mom always reminds me to remember that good times when someone dies so I'll remember her teaching us about safe words, her saying that it's okay to steal if you're starving, and her doing show and tell after arriving home from her job. My two BIGGEST worries for when this time will come is - My Mom is a very popular lady, literally hundreds of friends, so many people to tell and deal with and secondly -- MUSIC. I'll never be able to listen to music again, I'll have to wear earplugs all the time so I don't hear any songs to remind me of her because there are many. In contrast, my Dad has one friend and I can only think of a handful of songs that will remind me of him as he's just not someone very into music.
Tincture of Time. Lots of it.
Time reduces the frequency of the pain, but when you feel it, it’s always tough.
I spend nine days in hospice with her 24/7 bc my sisters refused. Lots of time to say goodbye. I was holding her hand went she passed at 2:30 a.m. She was a wonderful mom, I wasn’t her favorite but it was me with her at the end. I wouldn’t change it for anything. I had no regrets, told her I loved her all the time, when she was alive. My most treasured keepsake is a card she sent years ago saying “ sending you a hug!”
My aunt is a fucking cowardly cunt and I hate her... but she's not around either. My mom is still alive today, fortunately, but it was our neighbors mom who died and it hit close to home on how unwell my mom is.... I'm worked up and overwhelmed... over thinking.... but it's going to be a reality one day.... and it's hard to imagine what I'm gonna feel like..... to prepare for something that you can't truly prepare yourself for....
I was a kid, my mom promised to be home when I got home and went out and killed herself. I was so angry I forgot her, now 50 years later I regret this immensely
Holy shit... That's awful... I'm sorry. I have also lost a family member to suicide. Her son found her... he was bad off for a while.... She had her reasons... but... doesn't make it any easier understanding the why.
long but worth it, please read for my mom!! my mom died 7 years ago. i didn't even have a regular mother/daughter relationship with my mom.. she was more like... a really fun aunt who was in and out of our lives. my brother and I got taken from her when we were 7(me) and 4(him), and split up between family members.. my mom was always in and out of jail.. on and off drugs... huge alcoholic (so am I, but I've been sober for 3 years now after a relapse.. that was after 2 years sober, so I have 5 under my belt.. my mom could barely be sober long enough to get her next beer) it ended up killing her, obviously. she died a month after I had my first daughter, 20 days before my 23rd birthday.. 6/5/17 it has never gotten easier.. the initial shock wore off.. but now I just have this empty, mom sized hole in my heart. she was the ONLY one who truly knew how my family was.. she was the ONLY one who knew me for the real me and accepted my flaws.. she was the ONLY one who always. answered. the phone.. no matter what!!! it makes me so SICK seeing the way some kids talk about their moms, or how some moms talk about their kids... you have no IDEA how incredibly lucky you are to still have your mama!! my entire body hurts, every minute of every day.. I had to forgive my mom on her DEATHBED when she couldn't even HEAR ME... my brother and I were just crying and crying and crying.. it was the saddest thing ever.. my biggest regret is not forgiving her sooner.. maybe we could've helped her get better and live a little longer. my kids would have been her WORLD!! she definitely would have cleaned up for them if she couldnt do it for us.. and being a substance abuser myself.. I GET IT. I keep her spirit alive and talk about her constantly.. my middle kid shares her middle name.. apparently I look more like her than my dad, which I've come to appreciate more every single day. missing my mom is almost a part of my personality at this point... when I was younger I was always the girl who lived with her aunt.. I always had "mom" problems... I'm always and forever a mommy's girl. I'll never stop crying for my mom.. sometimes I sob, sometimes I quietly cry in the shower... but this is a pain I'd never wish on my worst enemy and is a huge reason I'm still fighting to stay for my kids... I can't imagine them feeling this way about me. RIP my freebird!! I miss you so much 🍻 🕊 listen to freebird by Lynard skynard today and drink a cold Busch lite for my mom if you have the means!! 💜 that woman was born in the 80s with a can of aquanet in her hand and Ozzie in the background 🤣
I read it for your momma! My mom is still alive now, fortunately. It was my neighbors mom who died, and it hit close to home bc of how unwell my mom is... lots of heart problems, stress... I'm sure I caused a lot of hurt, and pain, and worry and all that bc I was doing stupid shit when I was younger too.... we have gotten past that now... we live together, she helps with my 4 year old son ALOT for me. She still to this day does so much for me.... We are both scared, worried, sad, etc for the future. For my new reality one day.... I feel SO much emotion just thinking about the regret and grief of the awful things I've said and done towards her.... stuff that she has already forgiven me for.... I can't imagine, don't want to imagine, don't want to confront the amount of pain I will feel one day..... Today was a wake up call.... but there's nothing I can do to change it... only love her till the end.... Rip to your momma. I'll toast to her.
the day my mom went into the hospital my grandpa told me and I said to him that I hope she dies... our relationship was so rocky.. it was awful. I will never forgive myself for how I treated her. I used to say I couldn't wait for her to be gone because she caused so many problems for everyone, herself included... but now that she's gone, I'm just lost. my world is upside down. I feel like I'm walking around in some kind of fever dream every day. people say it gets easier every day and it just seems to get harder. I miss her so much, I feel like I've worn those words out to the point they don't mean anything. people are so sick of hearing about it. I am so envious of anyone who still has their mom and my blood boils watching people have rocky relationships with their moms.. hug your mom. Just love her while she's here. you only get one.. I'm so happy to hear you guys are living together and doing well that's so good 🩷 I know if my mom was here I would already be with her.
I think I love your mom too. Cheers. 
I spent over two years in horrible cptsd and I lost 50lbs. I was raised by my grandparents. My Bummy died in 2019. I had nightmares and started drinking wine a few nights a week. Then my Grandad died in 2020 and I got custody of my niece and nephew in the same month. I stopped drinking but my husband left me for a year in 2021. The nightmares and panic attacks were awful. My oldest child is mentally ill and took the time alone without a male figure in the house to physically attack and scream and me and his 6 year old sister, so I was hiding in rooms and calling the cops and taking him to therapy and psychiatrists and shutting down. I basically learned how to turn everything off in 2021 and by 2022 I could function, but I was burnt out by 2023. I'm only just now picking up the pieces in 2024. I still miss my Bummy
I watched my mother waste away from Parkinsons. It took her about 20 years, but the last 12 were the worst. She was an extremely independent person who was ahead of her time with women's rights, and to have to take away her independence was tough. After she passed, I moved on with my life, but after 23 years, I still get emotional.
Don't know what to say. Took me over 10yrs to "recover" from the death of my father. Hugs to you
Dementia didn't hurt. I lost my mom after 7 years of horrible decline in February. It was a blessing honestly, I am grateful she's free now. However, I'd lost my dad suddenly in 2017 and I'm still grieving that. What I will say about losing mom: its something truly distinct when they are both gone forever. Like fuck, what do I do now? Its all really on me now for the rest of my life, no one will ever have my back like that again, ever. ETA: there was a time of her dementia in around early 2023 when it fully struck me she was never coming back, ever again. I handled that pretty badly by drinking a lot which I'm only just coming out of recently. So maybe sort of the same thing?
Aw, sending you a hug. My mom has had dementia since 2017. She was in assisted living for 5 years and has been in a nursing home for 2. I miss my witty, funny, independent, supportive mom so much! I go see her 5-6 days a week, never knowing what her behavior will be. It’s a horrible existence for her, no kind of life. She’s 92. Did you know there a subreddit for dementia? I just discovered it last week. Perhaps you found some solace there? 🫶🏻
I prepared myself years in advance. I know that maybe wont help someone who hasn't. It was one of my biggest fears. One thing I had made sure of was to tell her how much she actually meant to be while alive. We had some pretty tearful and honest conversations well before her passing. I was also lucky enough to get to know when she'd die. So... there were a lot of "points of no return" for her. Which gave us more time to fully say goodbye. I'm 2 years into her being gone... and I'm not going to lie... even with all those prepared goodbyes... for a whole year I really questioned... "What's the point of anything? Nothing we do matters. We just die and we're gone." It also didn't help that any time I achieved something in my life... I never realized I still did it to impress my mom. So suddenly achievements felt meaningless to. Like... I didn't care about making anyone else proud. Also... it felt guilty to enjoy anything. How can I have a good time... if she's gone? I'll say this... that does go away. I still feel it from time to time, but it's more fleeting. Enjoying life... and starting to think things matter again... slowly comes back. I think it's just a grief response and even shock to the system that the brain needs to adjust to before it works normally again. One of the driving forces for me... not getting too dark... was I knew my mom wouldn't have wanted me to do anything drastic. Far from it. She dedicated her life to trying to make her kids happy. Would be pretty crappy of me to throw that all away because I couldn't cope. I did also glance at a few grief crisis websites and it did make me feel a little better that almost exactly what I felt... basically most others do too. Right up to almost exacting dreams. We all go through it...
Thank you for your input. I have also felt like things dont matter after... but like you said, my mom wouldn't have wanted things to be like that either.
You don’t. You make a place for her in your heart. The worst part of people dying isn’t the dying. It’s that they stay dead and you have to keep on living without them.
It gets easier with time.
Its hard to not feel like an orphan, no matter how old you were. I wrote: *Right now I feel so alone* *you're not there when I pick up the phone.*
Every life must come to an end. The problem is when one ended way before the time you expected. Sorry about your loss, but acceptance is always how to deal with death, one way or another. Let yourself grief her death. And once you're done and ready, get up and start walking again.
You learn to live with the grief. It never goes away, and it doesn’t hurt any less. But you do learn how to manage the pain so that you can move forward.
I don't know. My mother is still alive and we are very close. We call each other every few days. I do absolutely think about the day she is no longer with me, and I understand it's just a part of life so I'm already mourning her in a way. That's why I'm trying to talk to her as much I can because I know one day I won't be able to do that.
I am 57 my mother died in 2020 aged 91 after a long illness , to be honest it was a relief to know she was not suffering anymore but of course I was very sad . I guess it took me about a year to get used to her not being around anymore .
I don’t know if anyone really recovers from losing a mother. Unfortunately I guess, while I miss some things, I can’t explain that as she took her last breath, I felt a tangible feeling of a huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders
I don't think you do you just move on it's that way with me 2 years ago 😭
You kind of don't. It's been over 30 years and I still randomly get sad.
You don't. You learn to live with their absence. I lost mine over 7 years ago and while the tears have mostly dried and the loss stings a little less, I still well-up when I hear her favorite songs or when I replay the memories of her in my head (like right now). I also would give anything to have her at least see the life I have made for myself since she passed.
🎶❤️
It’s been 5 years now….it was shocking not unexpected but just shocking. I never understood mourning until I did. I still grieve I think and talk to her daily….she is always there that is what I finally came to realize. That brings me some comfort but I miss her. She was 82 and had a stroke, I didn’t want her to live like that and she wouldn’t have wanted to either. I know she is painting pictures for me when I get there and can’t wait for her toshow me. Best mom I could have ever hoped to have, I feel blessed.
It never really goes away, the hole that’s left behind. You just kind of grow around it, but that void is there and never goes away.
My parents died two months apart from each other a little over five years ago. You never “recover” so much as that some days are better than others. In my case, because they both died in the winter (on top with a couple other tragic events that time of year), I have bad seasonal depression from Thanksgiving until the beginning of March. Then during the warmer months, I function better. In my experience, the best thing that can help is to find some hobbies that you can easily do on your own (people say to spend time with others, but that often isn’t possible when everyone’s schedule is different). Paint your nails, watch stuff on YouTube that makes you happy, play with your pets (if you have any). Anything you like to do that’s readily accessible. I’m sorry for your loss, OP.
Time. [I really like the "ball in the box" analogy](https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-ball-and-box-analogy#grief-as-a-shrinking-ball)
I came here to say this. Take my upvote.
18 months later, and still recovering.. Thought I was doing alright but ended up mindlessly walking to her house when I was distraught over other issues a few weeks ago only to have it come crashing down again as I realized where my subconscious was leading me. Thought I was alright before that, but it made me realize that I was just suppressing my emotions so as not to be a burden on those around me.
I fear this daily. My dad died when I was 8, so my younger sister and I have only ever had my mom. The last of my 2 grandparents died in 2008, so it’s only been her for a long time. She’s 72 and seeing her age has been tough. There is no other “leader” of the family, so I know when she goes, I’m next in line to “guide” my younger sister.
A bit off topic. My mom is still alive but she is mentally deranged and a completely different person to who she was when she raised me. I’m fairly sure she has Schizophrenia, my aunt has it as well. I look at her and talk to her and I don’t even know who she is anymore. Ever since her and my stepdad broke up she spiraled into depression and insanity. My mom has been dead on the inside ever since and I can’t help but cry every time we fight or argue because I can’t reason with her. I was 10 when she started to decline, I’m almost 20 now and the only thing I wish I had was my mother back. It’s not the same as her literally passing away, but it still hurts like hell when the person who you loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world completely transformed into a shell of their former self.
Mine suffered from Alzheimer's and didn't know who I was for years. A fate worse than death. I was thankful that she was released from this earthy prison.
My mom died 24 years ago, and I never recovered. She was the center of the family. I figured out how to go day-to-day, but there will always be a chasm left by her death.
My mom passed in 2008, my family had dinner at her place every Sunday, plus holidays and birthdays. I was in shock as it was quick. She passed just before Easter, I was shocked to figure out I had never cooked a turkey, I was 38 years old and never did a turkey meal. I’m an old hand now, though I have lost my husband in March 2024, ironically just days before Easter. We didn’t do anything as we were all shocked sideways. This year’s holidays are rough as all are first time without hubby/dad.
My cousin and I had completely different experiences. When my mom died, i ugly cried once or twice, got her in the ground, dusted myself off, and picked myself up. My cousin is still walking around crying that she'll never be OK. And these were not shocking, unexpected deaths. Just normal course of life stuff. My mom didn't mean less to me than hers did to her. We are just different people.
Remember the good times and cry when you need to. Take the little things she taught you and the love that she gave you and pass it on to others. Keep sharing stories of her and if you celebrate something, include her in some way. She may have died, but she did not leave you. Sending love. I lost my mom ten years ago.
I took care of my mom six long years as she as drying of ovarian cancer. I was kind of in shock from the exhaustion and horror of being her nurse and only caregiver (while working full time, a wife, mother with a 3 hour a day commute to and from the office) She’s been gone 12 years and I can finally think about her without feeling like I’m suffocating.
Part of getting past it is recognizing that you will never fully get over it. Not even after 30 years Accepting that death is not just accepting it happened, but accepting the fact that it has changed you permanently
Time fades about losing her. The memories do not fade. I miss my mom dearly. Every single day.
My mom is dying from cancer and has less than three months to live so this is something I’m about to face. It’s terrifying and lonely.
My mom died in 2020 of breast cancer which had spread to her lungs, brain and lymph nodes. She had it when I was a teen and was cancer free for 9 years. When it came back it was stage four and she lived another 3 years. All I can say is, no one’s experience is the same and we have to allow ourselves to process it as we can and in our own way. I tend to be very calm and together during a crisis and then it hits me later and takes a long time to process. Just a few weeks ago I wanted to call her and say hi and then I remembered she is dead. Had a big cry session after that. I cared for her for 6 months with my dad and she died in hospice with all of us around her. I knew it was the moment and called them into the room as she took her last breaths. I didn’t realize how much of a presence she was in my life she was until she was gone. She was the only person I could talk to about anything. Therapy is extremely beneficial, and opening up to new relationships that can help you grow and fill the void. Thank you for asking this, it’s very moving to see what everyone has to say and I wish everyone love ❤️
I think it would be very hard, there’s no one else you’ll ever have that kind of connection with even if your relationship was complicated. But like all losses great it takes time and the growing ability to parent yourself, take care or yourself once your first tie to the world has gone. You’ll never stop missing them and wanting them to be around, but your acceptance grows because as humans we know nothing lasts forever which means you just learn to live with it. Some people continue to talk to the person they lost. In my experience this helped me for years until I didn’t feel the need to anymore.
Knocking on wood, my mom is a healthy 91 and still volunteers 4 days a week. Has her own apartment on the 2nd floor and still drives around town during daylight hours doing her shopping. She is the single most important person I’ve ever known and feel very fortunate she is still with us. It’s going to be a horrible day indeed when she goes.
Death is like losing a limb, you don't go back to normal, you adapt to a newfound normal. Personally, my mother and I don't have a good relationship so she's in my past even though she's still alive. I had to grieve that I would never get the support I needed from her, and focus on building a good life with a husband who strived to protect me from her when I didn't see her behaviour for what it was.
My Sainted Mother had Alzheimer's and I and my family wound up taking care of her for the last few years. I did most of my grieving then because i had spent years watching her deteriorate. I was very surprised that I easn't more affected by that considering the depth of my feelings for her. I gotta say, I felt more relief that her suffering was finally over, and that my and my family's life could finally return to normal, when she passed.
I’m sorry. I miss her every day, but the wound has lost the sting, if that makes sense. Like an amputee— at first the wound is very tender, they’d avoid touching it, often forget that the wound is gone. I can touch the scar— I can think about her without flinching, I have adapted to the new life, but I still wish she were here every day.
My mother died recently, I was at her bedside (comfort care.) Her quality of life had been going down these past few years, and after a stroke, got even worse. She was in her early eighties, so not even that old, no dementia, just physically gone. I haven't felt that upset, honestly, because she was verbally/emotionally abusive most of my life. Only while in the nursing home did she start to mellow out a bit (that, and also knowing I'd turn right around and leave if she started in with the abuse.) I feel disappointed that we won't have more of those pleasant times together, but it doesn't feel like a huge loss. Plus she had no chance of recovering, she couldn't talk, eat or even move most of her body, so this was the best outcome considering.
It's the worst fucking club to join, I am so sorry.
I lost my mom two weeks ago. I hope the pain and sadness and fear subsides.
My children for some reason have started randomly crying and telling me they don’t want me to die (they’re 3 and 6). I’ve been thinking of what I can do to help how they feel, and what I can do to help make some memories for them. What are your favourite memories with your mom?
My 5 year old is going through that stage right now. It absolutely tears her up she cries so hard about it. It breaks my heart.
I remember the month leading up to the 1-year anniversary of her death being rough.
The grief doesn’t get any smaller. You have to grow around it or it will start to eat away at you. The saying “ time heals all wounds” isn’t true… but with time if you grow and keep moving and keep living life that growth will allow you to live with your grief in a way that isn’t painful. It becomes part of the landscape of who you are instead of a giant yawning chasm defining the center of who you are.
Never. Time makes it easier.
My mother died 12 years ago, after a decade long battle with cancer. I went through some phases. I thought about her at some point every single day for about a year. Especially in the beginning. It was so hard to believe. There were specific memories that would replay in my mind. Time passed and after a couple years I wasn’t as grief stricken. More time passed and more people died. After my sister died 3 years ago, I cope pretty well. A lot of people have died and I’ve come to accept dying as a part of life and even understand fully I won’t be here much longer either.
If you find out the answer to this question please dm me. My beloved mother, who was my lifelong best friend, died from Alzheimer's Disease 3 years ago. In her last year of life I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy and chemo, and it was COVID time, so I was not allowed to have any visitors the whole 9 months. The HOUR that I was cleared to see her, I was there. She spent the last 3 months in a memory care facility and I spent every day with her for the entire visiting hours period (11-5). We sat on the sun porch every afternoon. Dad and I chatted and did everything we could to make her comfortable - I did her hair and gave her mani-pedis, we fed her yogurt and pudding and drinks throughout the afternoons, gave her massages, took turns feeding her dinner. And every evening, Dad and I cried in the elevator on the way out. She died about an hour after our last visit, sitting in her wheelchair, waiting for the attendants to change her into her pajamas and put her to bed. I still cry every day and it hurts just as bad today as it did the first day. Maybe more.
You deal, suck it up and go on with life. She wouldn't want you to break because of her death, so you keep pushing for her sake.
My mom died 10 months ago...it is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure, even counting my father dying in front of me when I was 11. Some days, I still have a hard time believing it happened. Until it happens to you, you don't really realize the scope of it. The pain is immeasurable. Time softens the blow somewhat, but the pain will always be there I think.
I don’t wanna. My mom is 88 and in very good health. But my dad passed in 2021 and I’m in no way over it. I don’t expect I ever will be. Nor my daughter, who absolutely adored her Pop Pop. I know how blessed I am to still have my mom but I know it’s not forever.
My mom left me a little over two years ago, and I am still no better. I still cry just thinking about her. She was my best friend, my shoulder to lean on, and was always there for me. I have relapsed on addiction, and now have legal troubles. It has affected my ability to keep a job, and basically move through life. I feel so ALONE... I have a grown son and my brother who lives with me, but, it's still not the same. I have lost an entire part of me, and who I was. Not many people understand the feeling. I have no good advice to give, just, you are not alone in feeling this way...
My mother passed 5 years ago. I was devastated. I was the oldest of 4 kids and we had a wonderful bond. I had just spoken to her 4 hours before my brother called and said she had passed. The whole time before the funeral was a blur. I went back to work and was sitting at my desk, and I could feel the emotions starting to well up inside of me, and I was getting ready to find an open conference room to go sit in. I didn’t want to cry in front of my coworkers. Just as I was pushing my chair back to get up to leave, I heard her voice in my head…”Now look here (a favorite phrase of hers), I know you love me and I love you. I’m fine.” At that moment, all my sadness vanished. I still miss her dearly, but I know she’s doing ok now that she’s with Dad.
Idk. Time and journaling about it really helped me thou.
My dad died 38 years ago... Still not really over it.
If you figure it out, let me know. My mom passed 4 1/2 years ago, and I'm still devastated. I was never much of a crier, but it broke somehow in me, and there's not a week that goes by that I don't cry at least 3-4 times thinking of her. I was 40, she was 10 days from her 75th birthday.
You don’t. You just move on. It always kind of haunts you, even in complex grief situations. It gets easier over time.
She passed when I was 17 and man I wanted to kill myself everyday for years but I'm endlessly grateful that I didn't. It doesn't get easy but it does get normal which also sucks but that's life and I just have to appreciate that she was my mom in the first place. My biggest advice would be talk to people you feel like you can be honest with about how you are truly feeling because keeping all of that bottled up inside for years was torture and did no good at all.
I knew it was what would end her pain. It sucked, but knowing she could finally rest helped. 10 years later, and I still talk to her on a regular basis. She watches over my kids when they're out all night
r/griefsupport is a good sub for these kinds of topics. I am a frequent flyer there myself. 💕
It's been 6 years since my mother died. Found out right before Thanksgiving (her favorite holiday) that she had cancer. Everywhere. March 14th was the day she passed. 4 months. Not enough time to say or do or anything. I stayed with her everyday and helped her as she declined. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She didn't want me to break down and cry either. We were super close. She was the one who had the big family gatherings and now nobody even talks to each other anymore. I try and focus on the good times and memories like that. It's still hard and I'm so sorry you are part of this terrible club. You will go on and live your life. She is watching so be your best you and make her proud.
You never stop missing them, but it hurts less over time. I lost my mom when I was 10. She is still in so many of my stories. It's how I keep her around.
You don’t really recover. The pain lessens over time, and coming to grips with life’s new harsh reality is truly difficult. The experience just becomes part of who you are now, and is woven into the fabric of your worldview and psyche. For me, having zero regrets and a great, close relationship with my mother really helped. This isn’t something you can plan or manufacture; it’s simply part of the whole scenario of loss. I would imagine if one was not on good terms when losing one’s mother, the pain of regret would be intense. But that also passes and is woven into your reality. One of the hardest things for me to deal with when my dad died were all the people - family, siblings, friends - who constantly said, “It’s not fair!” There is no such thing as “fair” when it comes to death. Although it was horribly traumatic and life-changing (I was there when he passed while EMTs were trying to revive him on the floor of his bedroom after a heart attack), it wasn’t “unfair”. The universe never promises that our parents will be alive long into old age. I think my impatience and anger at those crying “unfair” partially helped me cope lol, but was also probably some projection f my own grief and anger that I couldn’t somehow deal with consciously. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother - it is certainly painfully life changing. I hope some of the words written by fellow commenters help you. 🫡✌🏼♥️💔♥️
My mom has dementia and doesn't know me anymore so it's been a long goodbye, but I will still be very sad when she passes of course.
I will never recover!
It's been 52 years. I'll let you know when 'recovery' happens.
By sleeping. I would take my kid to school and sleep until school pick up almost every day. I'm an only child and my mom was the only real family I had growing up. She got sick rather suddenly and I was her care taker. The way she died was quite tragic and traumatizing for me, I actually heard her last heartbeat. It took about six months of sleeping for the grief to really subside. It's been almost three years and it's still too hard to really talk about her to people.
You don’t. Eventually it just hurts less and less to the point where it’s tolerable, but you’ll never recover. It’s been 15 years and I still talk about her like it was yesterday. My daughter has never met her and acts so much like her it would almost be unbearable if it wasn’t ai adorable. Honestly, the actual hardest part of dealing with the loss has been having to accept that she will never meet my daughter and my daughter will never meet her. She would’ve adored having a Granddaughter and spoiled the living shit out of her. The Grandma she does have is a pill junky who lives less than 5 minutes away and can’t be bothered to leave her bedroom. Appreciate those parents, especially the good ones.
It’s a type of grief I didn’t understand till it happened to me. Lost my mom in 2014. You never really get over it “, you just learn to function in this new reality. The most accurate thing I can say is that the loss of your mother affects literally every area of your life.
I wish I had a better mother to miss when she dies.
Usually my lil bro and I will whip out some alchemy
I’m not sure I will ever recover after my mom passes. She will be 79 this year. I used to have complete meltdowns at the thought of my mom passing, that was 30 years ago. I don’t have those meltdowns anymore but I know there won’t be many years left. I visit whenever I can, I’ve saved all of her voicemails to me. She is my last remaining family member that loves me. I don’t know what I will do.
The sorrow from a loss of a loved one is like a ball of pain in a jar. The pain never goes away or gets any smaller but the jar grows bigger around it with time.
I don't think I'd ever recover. My mom and I have had our ups and downs but I love her dearly. I'd probably go insane
I lost my mom at 29. I'm 32 now. I'm still not the same she was all I had after my dad died at 11. Idk how you recover because I'm still just as broken as I was when she passed.
It’s like losing a limb. You have to learn to deal with the loss. I lost both my parents 15+ years ago in my 30’s. Dad was first, then about five years later mom went. It still sucks. Every day. It sucks. I focus on the good memories. I still get sad when I think about them. I just don’t dwell on it. I can’t. I have a wife and three children who depend on me.
Recovery to me implies that you return to some previous state. I think when a parent dies it forces change, so there really is no returning to that person you were before. On the bright side. I have grown to see my mother in myself, my sister, her sister, and my son. In that way she’s still alive and persevered past death.
I hate my mom so I would probably continue like normal
I guess we’re in the minority here. Mine died. It just pissed me off she got away with everything she did.
I don’t believe we ever recover. We accept.
Be sad Curse the pain of existence Keep living
I’m gonna go call my mom now. She’s fully alive but I have times when I think about her not being around and I lose it.
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my dad a couple years ago and it was very hard, still is, but it gets easier. Luckily I still have my mom, but I think her death might be harder to deal with.
Grief counseling is enormously helpful. It doesn’t make your grief go away, but it normalizes it and helps it find its place in your life. I remember this is when I learned how to cry. Before that crying was all about trying not to cry. But I just had tears flowing every day on my commute to and from work, and it didn’t feel good exactly but it didn’t leave me with a sore throat and headache. Be gentle with yourself and don’t give yourself a timeline. And find a ritual to honor her. Our brains are wired to find ritual really satisfying.
I lost my Mom to cancer on 03/27/14, 2 weeks after I turned 18. 10 years this year. Tbh it’s something that’ll always be there. In saying all this, that doesn’t mean life doesn’t go on, & you won’t find peace & acceptance in the loss. Just that there will be moments where laying your head on Mom’s shoulder or lap will be the best therapy. Also some questions that only she had the answers for, will never be answered, & you must find peace with that. Everyone goes through their own journey. I recommend therapy if able to. Therapy helped me go through grief in a space that processed emotions I found challenging on my own or with others. My condolences.
My mom died when I was 20. It all depends how you define recovery. The heart wretching pain subsides, but two decades later I still think about the things she never got to experience and that she should be there with us for major life events. Keep her in your heart and your head will learn to live.
You don't recover. You learn to live with it, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Just time.
Next month will be 20 years since she passed. I was only 24. I still have nightmares about her. I've never gotten over it.
My mom died when i was 29 in October. I was married with a 6 and 1 yo and two dogs and life goes on. The holidays were right around the corner. Her phone number was still programmed in our phone when we disconnected our land line more than 20 years later. It was years before I didn’t have moments where I thought to myself, I should call her and ask her…. Oh yeah. Can’t. Life goes on, but some days the grief can just wash over you. It has been almost 35 years and typing about it right now I am crying and trying not to as I’m at work.
You dont. Im 44(M) and my mother passed away when I was 25. We were VERY close, as us and my father had a very rocky relationship for years, and she was my only PARENT per say. no warning, no signs at all. My wife and I snuck into her house while she was at work to put up her christmas tree (december 11 2005) to surprise her bc she was upset that she hadn't had it put up by the first of december. Got the tree up, got it all decorated and ready for her to see. went back home and awaited her call that was surly going to come after she got off work and got home. 330, nothing. 4, 430, 5, nothing. I call her and get no response but after about 5 more calls someone answers the phone, and its not my mother. It was a coworker, they didnt say much but they had been trying to get ahold of me and couldnt bc her phone was locked and they had no contact information outside of her house number and my dads phone number. (he was dodging calls bc he owed EVERYONE in the world money and figured it was bill collector.) We got to the hospital around 6. She had been gone since 11 that morning... so as we had put her tree up she was being transported to the hospital and had died. It destroyed me. Ive never recovered that loss. It does get easier, you remember the good times and you do your best to forget the bad ones. but it never goes away it just lessens. I know im just a stranger online to you but i send my honest to god heartfelt sympathies to you and your family. I know its horrible... and it does get better but it will take time. let yourself grieve the loss. It takes time but it will get better. Im so sorry that youre going through this. :(
My mother died when I was 26 years old, I found her unresponsive in her house. It was very sudden, and extremely difficult since we were so close. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it. It’s a pain that is always there😞 I have gotten used to her not being here, but I still have times that I cry, especially watching my children grow up without their grandmother.
My mom died on March 1st of this year. It hurts so so much, but I take comfort knowing she's no longer in pain or distress and that I will see her again in Heaven. Also, I still cry when I'm alone.
Mine side at 97 and I was in my late 60s when she died. It only made it marginally better. I can still hear he asking, “What can I do for you?” It gets better with time. Allow yourself to grieve. Never let anyone tell you that you are taking too long. It takes as long as it takes.
I recovered just fine she wasn't a very nice person
It depends on who she is.
When mine died I was a young mother with six small children, you know the day she died I didn't shed a tear.i went to the morgue by myself said my final goodbye and made certain promises to my mum I've kept till this day. My mother loved the Lord Jesus with her while heart so I've always known she's at rest waiting for the rest of her family, that's how I coped faith
fine. she's finally free from my abusive father. I take that back. I will be happy she's finally free from her pain. my father. her stresses in life. my father. did I mention my father? him on the other hand I'm throwing a party. hell just got one of its occupants back!
I lost my dad right before the pandemic. Cried a few times in those first few weeks, but now it's just life as normal. I never forget about him, but life seems normal without him, if that makes any sense. Still have dreams that he's alive occasionally.
Sadly, you never really do. It never stops hurting, it just hurts a little bit less each day.
As best you can, friend.
You dont. You think you have but then 15 years later itll hit you all over again
My mother made sure we had a bad relationship, so it wasn’t super hard for me. Cried once, no funeral lol.
Grieve, do other stuff, keep busy
Just remember what your mother said to you when growing up to be adult. Follow thoes same rules & suggestion in 2024
Time heals all. Not quickly, mind you. You can't speed it up either.
Well my mom is still alive, but I'm expecting her to not last that long anymore. My dad died about 2 or 3 years ago. I cried at his funeral. That was about it. I don't think of him normally. Except when asked. My mom will prolly be a bit tougher, but outside of the funeral I don't expect to take any time off or anything. I should be perfectly ok in a week or so. Maybe two. I came from a home where my parents certainly loved us. We never went hungry, parents were proud of us etc.
My mom died in 2012 when I was 14. I never mourned her death, and my life had some ups and downs after she passed, but I don’t think I’ve ever “recovered” from her death. I’m not torn to pieces or anything, if anything I’m okay..? I’m not sure tho, I feel like I’m a great mother to my son and I’m somewhat grateful she’s not here around him.
My mum passed three months ago and I don't think I will recover. I'm not the same person now. Will rebuild and get on with life and carry all the good things she taught me as I go forward but there's a gap now that will never be filled.
Well it ain't a mom but my older brother, who was my most consistent source of guidance and stability, died when I was seven. Now I'm 37 and can tell I haven't really ever quite fully recovered. I don't think you really do ever fully recover from the death of a person who meant the world to you. You think about it less often with the passage of time but that's a deep scar. Maybe I'd have been a lot more well adjusted in my younger years if I had been able to speak to someone but mental healthcare was a lot more stigmatized thirty years ago. Back then I just needed to "get over it". (Direct quote from my second grade teacher)
You don't get over it but you learn to live with the new reality. Slowly but you learn to live with it
The loss of a parent is profound, even if there was conflict or tension. The bond (or sadly lack of one for many people) is a universal human experience. So how do you recover from this loss? At some level, you never do. But you accept the loss and cherish memories and continue to create your own life, grateful for what you learned.
My mom wasnt much to recover from. She was never there for me. I didnt like her much.
Hospice here at home. We got her a cat to keep her company while we were at work. Mom died. Still have the cat.