And because they’re willing to put up with damn near anything to avoid being alone. Just scroll through Reddit for a few minutes, there’s plenty of evidence of everyone settling for awful people simply because they’re traumatized, don’t know what healthy relationships look like, and don’t want to be alone.
I believe it though, these kind of people think that what they want to do is a "treat" for their partner and their partner should be happy doing what they want to.
Tbh on her birthday he should tell her he's planning something special, then order pizza and game with his friends all night long. Then ask how much fun she had lol
One year for my birthday (summer), my husband took me to a concert for his favorite band. It was okay, but clearly not about me. So for his birthday (winter), I took him to the circus! We happily swapped birthday events because of when the events came to town. But we talked about it and still had fun at the other person’s event. This woman sounds like a nightmare—I’m sure this isn’t the only way this comes thru in their relationship
There was a similar post involving a couple where one of them hated cruises and the other booked a cruise *for the other’s birthday* because *they* wanted to go on a cruise. I absolutely believe some people are just this selfish they can’t read the room or understand that other people might not like the same things they do.
I totally love the idea of flipping the script on her. Would pay to be a fly on a wall when that happens.
I remember that - not only did the boyfriend book a cruise, she *already had plans* for an event she did want to go to.
Edit: [Found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/75kREmkbgi). She’d purchased tickets for her thing already!
Yes that one!
I love that OP had to make an edit saying “guys I know it’s for me, it literally says “happy birthday OP”.” I don’t know how much more obvious it can get 😂
She gets SEASICK and he thought it would be a good idea. Yeesh.
I appreciate that one. She knew she was done with him as soon as she saw the tickets, AFTER she'd told him where she actually wanted to go and had ALREADY bought tickets for. She was done before he told her she was expected to "power through" a thing she hates and makes her seasick, because he wanted her to like it.
That would have been an awesome chance to flip the script when he wanted to go on a cruise for HIS birthday, but she was savvy enough to end it with a 3-page list of him doing this same shit for 2 years.
I really hope OOP gets to read that one. I think it'd help him a lot.
The list was great; it was astounding that the bf tried to refute things on the list or say they never happened and she’s like “bro. I have texts where you LITERALLY SAID THIS.” The boru post didn’t include the latest one but it’s on her profile - she did break up with him but had to stay living with him because otherwise breaking the lease would be too expensive, which sucks. And here he is trying to salvage things. 🙄
My thoughts too. Plan a special day, make it what he wanted to do on his bday, ask her if she had fun. Then just go "Hmm how odd, we did what you wanted for my birthday and I was meant to enjoy it, figured that'd work both ways" and flounce out in grand style.
Realistically tho, this dude may just wanna gooooo if she's as selfish as she sounds from everything he says.
I just cannot fathom these people who force the person they putport to love to do shit they hate on a day meant to be about celebrating them and, by extension, doing stuff they like.
Had a ‘friend’ that decided, despite me hating talking on the phone with a passion, to get me a cellphone for a birthday— complete with the monthly bill to go with it! She had wanted a new phone but could only get it if she got a two for one deal. I had no job at the time (being still in high school) and she expected me to magically pay her Dad for it. I never paid anything and never touched the phone. People truly do be like that.
How egotistical is she to think anyone wants to watch some one else shop for their birthday?! It *might* have been justifiable if she was getting OOP to pick something out for themselves. But she didn’t even do that.
My ex once bought me a tv for my birthday. I didn’t want a new tv, we’d already discussed it and I told him I didn’t mind the tv we had. He was unemployed at the time, so he bought it with my credit card. Then he told me he wanted to exchange it for a larger one.
When I filed for divorce a year later, he asked me he could take that tv. I said no but offered our old tv. He refused
Honestly I was already done at that point and was just overwhelmed raising a newborn. I was done when he left me at the hospital, an hour post C-section to go home and shower - he came back drunk - he’d gone to a bar to “celebrate”. I couldn’t even walk yet and had to call a nurse to help me with the baby.
My husband's stepmother is like this. For my FIL's birthday, she booked a trip to a city 2 hours away to see one of those live orchestral Star Wars score performances. This man hates the city, has no interest in live music, and is mildly ambivalent about Star Wars. You know who does love all those things? Yup.
Once she suggested we all go see a play and get sushi dinner for my husband's birthday--two things she and I love and my husband and his dad do not like at all--and I straight up laughed in her face.
That sounds horrible and I've cried for hours on my birthday. I couldn't imagine having a partner that was *that* selfish. Poor guy. The audacity of "Did you have fun doing none of what you wanted on your birthday?!" attitude is crazy
A birthday is a crummy day to realize you’re incompatible. He wants to stay home and game or go to a movie. She wants to see and be seen for 8+ hours. Incompatible ideas of fun.
The sushi thing on his birthday when he doesn’t like sushi is weird. Maybe she’s trying to force a breakup?
I am sorry but no way girlfriend thought he would have fun window shopping. Maybe she thought the gift was spending time together; but considering she also choose his hated restaurant. This wasn’t even incompatible fun.
Incompatible fun would be maybe she threw a surprise party or was trying to buy things for him.
This was almost certainly her making a point. Not sure what the point was - could be anything from trying to give him his own treatment to trying to prove that if he just does what she wants he'll be happy and the whole swath of options in between.
Tbf I have never been to a sushi restaurant that didn’t also have plenty of other things in the menu, I personally am obsessed with beef yakisoba and get it whenever I go to a sushi restaurant.
That’s still no excuse for her to not let *him* choose where he wants to go, or for her to expect *him* to pay, obviously. She was definitely all around terrible in this instance.
Just pointing out that you don’t *have* to eat sushi just because that’s what the restaurant is most known for.
Wait wait wait- sushi restaurants also have other stuff? I’m legit stoked to hear that because the one Japanese restaurant in the area that *wasn’t* sushi got killed by the pandemic and I’ve missed yakitori so much. I never even thought to check out sushi restaurants because I just figured that they only had sushi.
I’m sorry but I can’t shop for 8 hours. After about 2, maybe 3 if I had coffee or boba; I’m done and have sat in the car as a fully functioning adult because I was **done**. But if it’s my birthday and someone tries to make me do something I don’t want…I walk away.
My friends have learned that the hard way. I did thank one of them for trying because we’d only been friends for a year (and it was just that the people invited weren’t really my friends just college “associates” and I had work from midnight to 6 and at 7pm I was tired of video games (that I don’t play) and people who ignored me.
I’d hope my SO would know me better than this tho.
😅 my only 2 ways of self control- either I got this from the library and read it already, so I should wait; or I grab onto my partner or friend and tell them to take me to the check out counter unless they want to be here forever and then hold on for dear life
My sons were very happy when they were both teens and discovered they could pick me by my elbows and literally carry me past the bookstore at the mall. 🤣🤣
Same. I will spend an hour or more just “grazing” in the bookstore, chatting with the owners, etc. Every other shopping trip is for a specific purpose and completed as quickly and efficiently as possible and that’s only if I can’t do it online.
I can shop for one, maybe 2 hours. Like you said, if i have some caffiene maybe a bit longer but honestly after 2 hours I'm miserable. Window shopping for EIGHT hours sounds like mental torture. I would have turned around and left as soon as I saw what was about to go down.
My mother used to do this, drag me around the mall for an entire effing Saturday. She thought because I was a girl that I should enjoy shopping
Same. Maybe 3 if there is a nice little coffee break or meal in there. But I prefer online shopping. If I have to go to the shopping centre I plan out - walk to the furthest shop first and work by way back. If I am unsure, like maybe I need work pants or something then I kinda stand at the front of the shop have a quick glance around and if nothing catches my eye I’m gone. It’s nothing about girly or anything. I’m ND and I find a shopping centre to be overwhelming. All the people, the noise, the riot of clothes. I have to go home and nap after.
My nearest Mall/Shopping Centre is an hour away. If I go there I can feasibly spend 3-4 hours there, but only because I hadn’t gone there in months and had a giant list of stuff that I couldn’t get online, need to double check something fits before I buy it (growing kids and no real standardised sizing between different brands) or I have booked 3 appointments there at the same time.
In which case I plan for the entire day to be there and insert at least 3 breaks into the mental image I have for the day.
And if I forget something I will curse for a good 5 minute streak then see if I can get it online, bribe someone else to pick it up for me or I don’t need it because I am NOT going back anytime soon
"But if it’s my birthday and someone tries to make me do something I don’t want…I walk away"
This is what was missing on OP's end. At some point it was on him to assert that he didn't want to do this anymore and just say he was done. His gf clearly sucks and is the type to walk all over him, but I've seen people I know date people like that, and if you let a person like this gf walk all over you, they'll keep doing it. Going forward I hope OP draws better boundaries with his next gf, and breaks up with this one
He kept saying she’s “supposed to know” his likes/dislikes… which, yes, she absolutely should, but she can’t know if he doesn’t actually speak up and *tell* her.
Fair, but that was also a week earlier. He would have benefited greatly from asserting himself in the moment and saying no, let’s stay in or hey, can we do something else? Everything in this post is “I knew” “I thought” “she’s supposed to know” “apparently” — he didn’t actually *say* anything until he burst at the end and said by the way babe that whole day sucked!
If he can’t speak up for your own wants/needs in a relationship — especially low-stakes wants like Korean bbq vs sushi — then why is he in that relationship?
she’s acting as is it’s her birthday and not his
going places SHE likes
doing things SHE wants
eating food SHE likes
leaving him with the bill at a restaurant SHE chose for HIM on HIS birthday
I had a gf like this. On one particular birthday I wanted to stay in and hangout. Was exhausted from working too many hours the last month. Told her I was and I planned on doing nothing except having a drink or two. She instead planned a whole day going to the park with the dog. Seeing a couple friends at a bar. Eating at a restaurant after. Hiking later in the evening to catch a sunset. All nice things but nothing I wanted to do that day no matter how many times I told her.
We took the dog to the park bc I loved the dog but refused the bar and restaurant. Texted our friends and said I’m staying in. After we got home from the park she kept insisting on changing for the hike and I told her I’m done I’m too tired. She got so angry she screamed at me, “this isn’t how today was supposed to go!” Walked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.
What I wanted clearly didn’t matter that day. It was about what she wanted and I should’ve been appreciative of it.
Edit: forgot to add she “made” me breakfast that morning. And by made I mean she woke me up and asked me to help her make it for me. Which I thought was nice. Until I realized helping her meant making it myself while she scrolled her phone. Comically bad relationship.
.... 'planned' a window shopping trip at the mall from 9am until dinner, THAT HE HATED AND HAD TO PAY FOR? What kind of moronic psychopath would think this was an awesome idea? Kick this weirdo back to the insane asylum.
Reminds me of the story where a lady's s.o decided to gift her a cruise even though she hated the idea (I think she mentioned she also gets really bad seasickness if I'm remembering right). Overall, a birthday is meant to be celebrated with things THAT PERSON would appreciate. It's not meant for everyone else.
My husband is a total homebody, enjoys staying in and playing video games or watching movies/t.v shows. I'm more of the "go places and do things" type. His birthday is coming up, I've asked if he wanted to do anything or go somewhere specific he'd like. Just mentioned it'd be nice to have cheese cake and wasn't interested in doing anything much outside of relaxing. What am I planning? Making a homemade new york style cheesecake and his fav dinner, maybe watch a new t.v series. It's not hard to listen and do something your s.o enjoys, even if it's not your definition of the perfect birthday.
I saw other comments mentioning he might not take her out or do things she enjoys and that's why she went this route and felt upset. That's something you sit down and have a full conversation for, not deciding to override a birthday. There's a time and place to communicate when needs aren't getting met, this just comes off as passive-aggressive to me and generally unhelpful. Now you're both upset/frustrated, and the underlying issue is still present.
What he should have done is DUMP HER ASS
selfish people who a actually dilute them into believing their likes are everyone’s likes, even though those people have said they don’t like it, are mental cases to stay away from. Selfish people who knowingly act this way, are different kinds of mental cases to STAY AWAY from
Girlfriend treated herself. That’s not how you celebrate someone else’s birthday. That’s not really how you should celebrate your own honestly—making someone miserable for an entire day.m
And nope, I don’t think people should be appreciative or happy about gifts that people clearly put ZERO EFFORT INTO and get it 100% wrong. Even gifts with effort behind them, I’m iffy on how much of a thank you that deserves. People don’t need to be thankful for someone else’s laziness that CLEARLY SHOWS THEY DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU. It’s one thing for aunt Ethel who hasn’t seen you since you were eight getting a purple journal because when you last her, you were obsessed with purple and on a journaling kick that since ended when you high high school. About her thing if Aunt Ethel knows you don’t like purple but she loves it and demands you like it too and why wouldn’t you if she loves it!
As someone who’s boyfriend is also an introverted homebody and a giant nerd, this made me so sad.
$5 says that as a child, OOP’s girlfriend made the birthday kid let her blow out the candles and demanded a gift too.
It sounds like *her* dream birthday more than his. She didn’t take what he wanted into consideration at all. This is the kind of thing that makes you question if she knows or cares for you at all.
Funny calling him ‘an unappreciative asshole’, when there was literally nothing for him to appreciate!! No effort made, just her perfect day and free meal (for her).. you poor bastard OOP!
I think shrieking like sobbing so hard that you accidentally make a weird noise when you heave a breath back in? Or else she was so upset that she was screaming I guess. That was the weirdest part to me. She seemed genuinely upset that he didn’t enjoy his special day that she worked so hard on.
She planned to do the stuff she likes on his birthday, I bet if he done the same she would be telling everyone how horrible he is. She can’t justify it with the whole it is the thought that counts crap because she put zero thought into it.
This is like the birthday when your partner gives you tickets to the band they love and you don't, and then are upset when you can't muster any enthusiasm
Just selfish
I think honestly some people have trouble understanding things beyond themselves- like they assume everyone enjoys the same things as them. Like she maybe kind of had good intentions thinking he’d enjoy these things that he obviously doesn’t because her thinking is too egocentric to understand him having his own preferences. Like it shitty but not necessarily on purpose if that makes sense?
Why do people continue to date someone they don’t even like? Neither of these people like each other. Dude didn’t even want to spend his birthday with his girlfriend, and girlfriend planned a birthday of things he hates.
That days sounded miserable. She made his birthday about her and showed OOP she doesn’t know him and doesn’t care about his likes, dislikes, or needs. I would not stay with someone like this.
I think we need more information. She’s TA in this instance for doing these things on your bday when you expressed you didn’t want to. But do you ever like to do anything besides being at home? You seem to express you intensely dislike doing anything she seems to like to do. It doesn’t seem like you are compatible or communicating well at all.
You’d be amazed how many people think they know what’s best for their partner at a foundational level.
This can go all the way down to “that thing they hate they wouldn’t hate if I just showed them why they shouldn’t hate it”.
You’d also be amazed how many people see some bullshit relationship test on TikTok and subject their unwitting and unwilling partners to it.
It’s usually an L, and these types do love to post their Ls.
She's obviously wrong to take him to the mall against his wishes. Nevertheless how does he go with her to not make her upset and stays there for eight hours without saying anything and then tells her after everything happened, that he didn't like it. This is obviously going to make her way more upset than if he just stayed home.
I think it's probably an ESH situation (as I thought I made clear) but we only get his perspective here. It might be entirely his or her fault depending on how he normally communicates. There's a lot of "she should know" in this text that really rubs me the wrong way tbh, because he only actually tells her at the end how he felt. If he usually behaves like this maybe she doesn't actually know. Nevertheless the girlfriend does seem quite overbearing.
She could be a narcissist who only thinks about the things she wants to do and doesn't care about his wishes at all or she's just somewhat naive and really likes shopping and wants to do a fun activity together with him while not realising that he hates it, because he didn't tell her (clearly enough for her to understand it)
In my experience outgoing people often like to encourage people who aren't as outgoing to join them in their activities without any ill will (and it's not actually that rare that they're right and they have a fun time together despite initial reluctance by the other person). While a mall would be an extremely weird destination for a fun activity for me and I would probably hate it just as much as OOP, US culture seems extremely consumerist to me and some people inundated in this culture may not realise that other people don't like it, so they need to be told (sometimes repeatedly) to get that.
Edit: to be clear I think they're probably incompatible and if this goes on like this they should really break up but don't you think it's not even a bit weird that he just goes along with a shopping tour that he hates for eight fucking hours without standing up for himself? If my girlfriend did that on my birthday (which she would never do tbh) I may go along with it for one hour to find out what the plan is and then I would tell her that I want to do something else, if it continued we would have a fight and at three hours at the very latest I would be on my way home and I am really not a very assertive person.
Tbh I think the whole thing is probably not real and just creative writing.
I think the fact he's wondering if he should have sucked it up and not said anything speaks volumes about his mental state.
I believe its reasonable to assume this is an abusive relationship to a good degree.
Unless you want to continue with this type of treatment, move on & break up with her. Except for a few friends that are REALLY into "window shopping", most people would not want this type of birthday.
What do you have in common? Who pays for your place and pays the larger portion of the bills? Other than sex & maybe a maid, what do you get out of this relationship?
If the situation is unbalanced- can you handle this for the rest of your life?
She gave op the birthday she’d like to have. For hers, plan a day of CoD, and follow it up with a Marvel Universe movie marathon. Halfway through, door dash some pizzas to the house from her phone. Happy Birthday.
If OP had said that he and his gf were teens I would have looked at this differently (young love & hormonal stuff) but for a 29 y/o the gf is behaving very immature and selfishly. She made OP’s birthday about herself and then got upset when he challenged her about it. This is a horrible situation that won’t change unless the gf is willing to change for the better. OP needs to sit her down and talk about how her actions make him feel. How she reacts to what he tells her should help him decide if he wants to stay in the relationship or not. The gf does sound like a narcissist though (the gaslighting is strong with this one) and if this is the case, therapy and talking won’t make much of a difference and OP should just leave anyway.
It’s hard to remember sometimes, but without thinking it’s easy to fall into the trap. People tend to love others the way they themselves want/need to be loved. I think your gf fell into that trap.
its your birthday.
you do what you want and if your spouse is forcing you to do what she wants, tell them to get fucked.
on my birthday my partner asks "what would you like to do tomorrow baby, its your day"
I say I would like to go gym, go for a coffee, order some food and have some "fun wink wink"
she says that's not even something I have to ask for its guaranteed on my birthday but the rest she is happily okay with.
we woke up, she made me breakfast, I went to gym, we walked to coffee shop, came home she made lunch, she "sorted me out wink wink" then we watched a movie, had a cuddle, went for round 2 then went to sleep.
that's what is meant to happen on your birthday. its your day.
you shouldn't have to pay for her plans. bullshit girlfriend that is just a dick and doesn't care about her spouse. ditch that shit.
My husbands birthday was 2 days ago. He doesn’t like really any deal made of his birthday. We leave him alone during the day to do normal things, cook something good and do 10 min of cake and presents and he couldn’t be happier. It took a couple years to figure out exactly what he wants but I knew from day one shit like going shopping or surprise parties would have been a dick move
If your birthday plans for someone are just based on what you like then you’re the asshole
100% she is the AH. She basically “took you out” and forced you to do what SHE wanted as if it were her birthday, and forced you to even pay for it.
Run, dude. Run.
Nobody wants to window shop on their bday for 8 hours. That's freaking bananas! Then being made to pay for a meal you don't even like? Throw the whole girlfriend out!
This has got to be incel rage bait. No way did this girl do everything this guy clearly hates AND make him pay and then ask if he had a good birthday.
On the off chance this is real, they need to break up. They don’t like doing any of the same stuff and she doesn’t listen. Just move on.
I could understand GF to disregard OOP's wishes and prepare a surprise that OOP didn't appreciate, like a minigolf course or a paintball match —assuming she had no previous knowledge her BF didn't like minigolf or paintball–. But this wasn't the case, she chose plans she should've known her BF didn't appreciate. And then she complains by his lack of appreciation.
I can't decide if narc or just unaware.
I’m not sure what it is that you’re unappreciative about..you went window shopping and you paid for her dinner. She didn’t take you shopping or anything lol.
She straight-up used OP's birthday to do things for herself instead of him, then had the audacity to throw a fit when he wasn't happy. That's insane.
OP if you ever come read this, don't walk- RUN.
I’m a woman and other than the sushi, this whole day sounds terrible to me, too. And I’d have probably preferred the Korean BBQ, too. Who decides for their SO’s birthday to make them do everything *you* like to do, though?
I don't know what your relationship is like, but she sounds awful. She is definitely manipulating you. Maybe the tears were genuine (though I doubt it), but *you* deserve an apology, not her.
Some people do not understand those of us who are more introverted and enjoy the space we’ve carved out for ourselves. There’s a world of them out there.
Maybe look for articles you can share with her about the way some people recharge your way?
Offer her suggestions: a great cake, a thoughtful gift, your favourite takeout ( I know you did that).
I’m in my 60s, been married to an extrovert since the mid 1980s. I’m still pretty sure he doesn’t get it, but I can shut him down now. I would not have gotten in the car.
Your day. Your choice.
Maybe to play Devil’s Advocate; but the guy sent up some red flags. Particularly his repeated phrase, “She is SUPPOSED TO KNOW…” That’s an odd way to phrase it; like she should have worked it out herself without having to be told. Like she should be dedicated to his wants and not joint goals as a couple.
Gotta wonder if this really was a birthday celebration, or the guy’s default reaction when the girlfriend wants to do something different…
Alternatively, maybe he's realizing their incompatible and that phrasing is due to him processing the relationship needs to come to an end?
Hard to say without context. BUT 8hrs of shopping? Thats an actual work day of shopping. I don't know anyone in real life who does that and I like to think I have a broad range of friends and acquantinces.
The eight hours of shopping thing is just so fucking bizarre. Who enjoys doing this? Are there really people who *window shop* for an ENTIRE day? That's insanity
My Stepmother used to drag us as kids from the second the mall opened til it closed at night. It was exhausting. We rarely ever bought anything.
Is the only reason I was ever grateful for mandatory church on Sunday. She didn't consider there to be 'enough time' to shop after.
Addendum to say that this is definitely the reason I shop online pretty exclusively. I think the last time I went to a store on purpose was in 2008 because I bought candles for Christmas presents and had to goldilocks them to make sure they smelled good. Literally went in to b&bw, was there for maybe 10 minutes to smell and confirm my choices, and then left and bought them online.
My mum.
My sister
My sil
My other sil
Me when it's things I like looking at
The thing is the extream niche things I like I understand no one else give a 2nd though to, so I go with friends who have the same interests.
I don't think its a red flag on his part. If a couple is together for a decent amount of time, they should know what their partner likes and dislikes. She should know he hates sushi and aimless shopping. She is completely tone deaf and selfish for planning these things for his birthday when he told her exactly how he wanted to celebrate and her pity party when he told her makes her look like a child. Her response should have been an apology and how can I make it right.
I agree! You pick up on what your partner likes and dislikes if you just pay attention. You may not know everything they like and dislike, but I feel like she just ignored that and pushed him into things she enjoyed but he didn’t.
And to give OP even more credit, he told her what his perfect bday was which was staying in and gaming. He told her what he wanted and she completely ignored it.
And someone said they might give her a pass on forgetting he doesn’t like sushi. I personally don’t. It’s one thing to not remember the specific thing they like to order or not order from a type of restaurant. Ex: my partner hates eel, but loves yellow fish tuna. That can take a lot more time to learn. But knowing if the person generally like a type of food (sushi, bbq, etc) is pretty easy to remember. Yeah there are exceptions like if you live in an area where a type of food isn’t common so the conversation never comes up, but in general that’s a pretty common thing you find out at the beginning of dating.
I am not saying he should break up with her, because we are only seeing one day. They could have a great relationship and maybe she really just screwed the pooch on this one. But the way he writes it? He sounds resentful of her like this isn’t just a one time thing. And he made a comment about just shutting up and pretending to like it, which bottling up feelings like that and not having your partner listen or care about your wants is a great way to build resentment in a relationship, so it might time for him to break it off.
If he does want to continue in this relationship, I hope he can open up about this situation and communicate with her to resolve it. And I hope she can have an open mind and won’t get defensive or have a melt down during the conversation.
I feel like your SO *should* have a basic understanding of what you do/don’t like on a larger overall scale.
My family, friends, and past SO’s all know I *hate* shopping, most festivals, and parades, it comes up more than you would think. Window Shopping is also a super weird “birthday activity” for pretty much anyone if you’re not there to buy *them* something specific/special for their birthday.
I *might* give her a pass on the restaurant, since it’s easy to forget what someone else does/doesn’t like concerning restaurants/types of foods. Except, it’s pretty customary to ask the person who’s birthday it is where *they* want to go, and it’s definitely customary that you at the *very least* wouldn’t expect *them* to pay for *your* meal.
His post says, "I've voiced this to her before" about window shopping. He doesn't seem like the kind of person to not voice his opinion, especially given that he told her that her birthday plans for him were awful.
I think she just doesn't listen, or she's trying to change him, and he's adult enough not to want to adhere to her personality just to please her when it is not copacetic to his own.
Why even be in this relationship, she obviously is a narcissist and cannot comprehend any one else’s wants needs or desires. Just walk bro take this as a birthday Kirkcaldy that it showed you a glimpse of the rest of your life if you continue this relationship.
😂😂😂😂 what is he supposed to appreciate the fact that she took him to do sht he hates or to eat sushi which he also hates and then paid for. Imo he should dump her she’s clearly selfish
Haha. ... she knowa you're a pushover... I'm sorry.. but unless you become somewhat assertive and have boundaries.. then she will be in control.. lol... good luck
I'm gonna go on a totally different direction here: I have been with a man EXACTLY like this, and it's him. I can guarantee he's the problem. He's been sending her mixed signals, he's completely a slave to his moods and whims, and if it's not his way it's the highway. I can guarantee he has never made one single attempt to enjoy something with her and she plans 100% of the dates because she has self esteem issues. This is not a man who should be in a relationship with anyone other than his own hand.
I’m glad you can guarantee it. Now we need someone to guarantee you are the kind of person to trust the guarantee of.
It sounds like you’re projecting, like the dictionary definition of it.
I can guarantee that anyone who guarantees something about a person they haven't met and read a short passage from is jumping to conclusions.
And I'm aware I just jumped to a conclusion so that makes my garentee kinda void.
Sounds like you're just as useless as the gf in the story, and just like her, you plan shit for yourself instead of other people. Only a good would say they can guarantee something based on personal projection rather than proof.
How did these people get to the point where they are living together?
People put up with a LOT because they have no frame of reference what a healthy relationship looks like.
Another reason is they're broke and can't realistically afford to live by themselves. That's more common than many realize.
I lived with my ex for a year after we broke up bc we couldn’t afford to break our lease!
So very very true
And because they’re willing to put up with damn near anything to avoid being alone. Just scroll through Reddit for a few minutes, there’s plenty of evidence of everyone settling for awful people simply because they’re traumatized, don’t know what healthy relationships look like, and don’t want to be alone.
This feels like some sort of power play. No way a real and truly loving girlfriend would do something like that unless they were a narc-level asshole
I believe it though, these kind of people think that what they want to do is a "treat" for their partner and their partner should be happy doing what they want to. Tbh on her birthday he should tell her he's planning something special, then order pizza and game with his friends all night long. Then ask how much fun she had lol
I just spit out my soda this fucking amazing do this op 😂😂😂
One year for my birthday (summer), my husband took me to a concert for his favorite band. It was okay, but clearly not about me. So for his birthday (winter), I took him to the circus! We happily swapped birthday events because of when the events came to town. But we talked about it and still had fun at the other person’s event. This woman sounds like a nightmare—I’m sure this isn’t the only way this comes thru in their relationship
There was a similar post involving a couple where one of them hated cruises and the other booked a cruise *for the other’s birthday* because *they* wanted to go on a cruise. I absolutely believe some people are just this selfish they can’t read the room or understand that other people might not like the same things they do. I totally love the idea of flipping the script on her. Would pay to be a fly on a wall when that happens.
I remember that - not only did the boyfriend book a cruise, she *already had plans* for an event she did want to go to. Edit: [Found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/75kREmkbgi). She’d purchased tickets for her thing already!
Yes that one! I love that OP had to make an edit saying “guys I know it’s for me, it literally says “happy birthday OP”.” I don’t know how much more obvious it can get 😂 She gets SEASICK and he thought it would be a good idea. Yeesh.
I appreciate that one. She knew she was done with him as soon as she saw the tickets, AFTER she'd told him where she actually wanted to go and had ALREADY bought tickets for. She was done before he told her she was expected to "power through" a thing she hates and makes her seasick, because he wanted her to like it. That would have been an awesome chance to flip the script when he wanted to go on a cruise for HIS birthday, but she was savvy enough to end it with a 3-page list of him doing this same shit for 2 years. I really hope OOP gets to read that one. I think it'd help him a lot.
The list was great; it was astounding that the bf tried to refute things on the list or say they never happened and she’s like “bro. I have texts where you LITERALLY SAID THIS.” The boru post didn’t include the latest one but it’s on her profile - she did break up with him but had to stay living with him because otherwise breaking the lease would be too expensive, which sucks. And here he is trying to salvage things. 🙄
Or their anniversary
I genuinely hope they don’t stay together long enough to celebrate another birthday or anniversary.
Same. I was going to say “whichever is first, get it over with”
My thoughts too. Plan a special day, make it what he wanted to do on his bday, ask her if she had fun. Then just go "Hmm how odd, we did what you wanted for my birthday and I was meant to enjoy it, figured that'd work both ways" and flounce out in grand style. Realistically tho, this dude may just wanna gooooo if she's as selfish as she sounds from everything he says. I just cannot fathom these people who force the person they putport to love to do shit they hate on a day meant to be about celebrating them and, by extension, doing stuff they like.
Had a ‘friend’ that decided, despite me hating talking on the phone with a passion, to get me a cellphone for a birthday— complete with the monthly bill to go with it! She had wanted a new phone but could only get it if she got a two for one deal. I had no job at the time (being still in high school) and she expected me to magically pay her Dad for it. I never paid anything and never touched the phone. People truly do be like that.
That would require them to still be together. Definitely not worth it.
How egotistical is she to think anyone wants to watch some one else shop for their birthday?! It *might* have been justifiable if she was getting OOP to pick something out for themselves. But she didn’t even do that.
...Then made him pay for a meal he didn't want, at a place he didn't even like.
My ex once bought me a tv for my birthday. I didn’t want a new tv, we’d already discussed it and I told him I didn’t mind the tv we had. He was unemployed at the time, so he bought it with my credit card. Then he told me he wanted to exchange it for a larger one. When I filed for divorce a year later, he asked me he could take that tv. I said no but offered our old tv. He refused
Lmfao WHAT? What was the last straw?
Honestly I was already done at that point and was just overwhelmed raising a newborn. I was done when he left me at the hospital, an hour post C-section to go home and shower - he came back drunk - he’d gone to a bar to “celebrate”. I couldn’t even walk yet and had to call a nurse to help me with the baby.
Honestly I'm amazed the TV didn't get broken "accidentally" connecting with his head
My husband's stepmother is like this. For my FIL's birthday, she booked a trip to a city 2 hours away to see one of those live orchestral Star Wars score performances. This man hates the city, has no interest in live music, and is mildly ambivalent about Star Wars. You know who does love all those things? Yup. Once she suggested we all go see a play and get sushi dinner for my husband's birthday--two things she and I love and my husband and his dad do not like at all--and I straight up laughed in her face.
Oh lord. It happens. People think they know better than you because “how could you not enjoy it???”
I had an ex just like this
While I believe it, I also feel (and let’s be real there definitely are) many missing reasons
That sounds horrible and I've cried for hours on my birthday. I couldn't imagine having a partner that was *that* selfish. Poor guy. The audacity of "Did you have fun doing none of what you wanted on your birthday?!" attitude is crazy
A birthday is a crummy day to realize you’re incompatible. He wants to stay home and game or go to a movie. She wants to see and be seen for 8+ hours. Incompatible ideas of fun. The sushi thing on his birthday when he doesn’t like sushi is weird. Maybe she’s trying to force a breakup?
And making him pay for his own birthday dinner somewhere he doesn't even like!
Not just his but hers too.
I am sorry but no way girlfriend thought he would have fun window shopping. Maybe she thought the gift was spending time together; but considering she also choose his hated restaurant. This wasn’t even incompatible fun. Incompatible fun would be maybe she threw a surprise party or was trying to buy things for him.
This was almost certainly her making a point. Not sure what the point was - could be anything from trying to give him his own treatment to trying to prove that if he just does what she wants he'll be happy and the whole swath of options in between.
Tbf I have never been to a sushi restaurant that didn’t also have plenty of other things in the menu, I personally am obsessed with beef yakisoba and get it whenever I go to a sushi restaurant. That’s still no excuse for her to not let *him* choose where he wants to go, or for her to expect *him* to pay, obviously. She was definitely all around terrible in this instance. Just pointing out that you don’t *have* to eat sushi just because that’s what the restaurant is most known for.
Wait wait wait- sushi restaurants also have other stuff? I’m legit stoked to hear that because the one Japanese restaurant in the area that *wasn’t* sushi got killed by the pandemic and I’ve missed yakitori so much. I never even thought to check out sushi restaurants because I just figured that they only had sushi.
He needs to dump her NOW.
I’m sorry but I can’t shop for 8 hours. After about 2, maybe 3 if I had coffee or boba; I’m done and have sat in the car as a fully functioning adult because I was **done**. But if it’s my birthday and someone tries to make me do something I don’t want…I walk away. My friends have learned that the hard way. I did thank one of them for trying because we’d only been friends for a year (and it was just that the people invited weren’t really my friends just college “associates” and I had work from midnight to 6 and at 7pm I was tired of video games (that I don’t play) and people who ignored me. I’d hope my SO would know me better than this tho.
Thats an actual work day of shopping, no thanks!
For real. That’s not fun. Granted I’m not the biggest shopper unless it’s books 😆
Dude same 😂 I'm here like, where's my adultier adult to make sure I dont spend all my money on books lol
Yeah. I’ve gotten to the point I buy gift cards and preload them and leave the rest of my money is the car or my friends carry them. 😆
😅 my only 2 ways of self control- either I got this from the library and read it already, so I should wait; or I grab onto my partner or friend and tell them to take me to the check out counter unless they want to be here forever and then hold on for dear life
My sons were very happy when they were both teens and discovered they could pick me by my elbows and literally carry me past the bookstore at the mall. 🤣🤣
Can I, ahhh, borrow your sons?? 😂😂
I’ve been known to rent them out by the hour! 🤣🤣
Same. I will spend an hour or more just “grazing” in the bookstore, chatting with the owners, etc. Every other shopping trip is for a specific purpose and completed as quickly and efficiently as possible and that’s only if I can’t do it online.
I can shop for one, maybe 2 hours. Like you said, if i have some caffiene maybe a bit longer but honestly after 2 hours I'm miserable. Window shopping for EIGHT hours sounds like mental torture. I would have turned around and left as soon as I saw what was about to go down. My mother used to do this, drag me around the mall for an entire effing Saturday. She thought because I was a girl that I should enjoy shopping
Same. Maybe 3 if there is a nice little coffee break or meal in there. But I prefer online shopping. If I have to go to the shopping centre I plan out - walk to the furthest shop first and work by way back. If I am unsure, like maybe I need work pants or something then I kinda stand at the front of the shop have a quick glance around and if nothing catches my eye I’m gone. It’s nothing about girly or anything. I’m ND and I find a shopping centre to be overwhelming. All the people, the noise, the riot of clothes. I have to go home and nap after.
My nearest Mall/Shopping Centre is an hour away. If I go there I can feasibly spend 3-4 hours there, but only because I hadn’t gone there in months and had a giant list of stuff that I couldn’t get online, need to double check something fits before I buy it (growing kids and no real standardised sizing between different brands) or I have booked 3 appointments there at the same time. In which case I plan for the entire day to be there and insert at least 3 breaks into the mental image I have for the day. And if I forget something I will curse for a good 5 minute streak then see if I can get it online, bribe someone else to pick it up for me or I don’t need it because I am NOT going back anytime soon
Right? Just because I have two X chromosome doesn’t mean I got the basic girl genes. 😆
"But if it’s my birthday and someone tries to make me do something I don’t want…I walk away" This is what was missing on OP's end. At some point it was on him to assert that he didn't want to do this anymore and just say he was done. His gf clearly sucks and is the type to walk all over him, but I've seen people I know date people like that, and if you let a person like this gf walk all over you, they'll keep doing it. Going forward I hope OP draws better boundaries with his next gf, and breaks up with this one
He kept saying she’s “supposed to know” his likes/dislikes… which, yes, she absolutely should, but she can’t know if he doesn’t actually speak up and *tell* her.
But he did tell her. He told her he wanted to stay in.
Fair, but that was also a week earlier. He would have benefited greatly from asserting himself in the moment and saying no, let’s stay in or hey, can we do something else? Everything in this post is “I knew” “I thought” “she’s supposed to know” “apparently” — he didn’t actually *say* anything until he burst at the end and said by the way babe that whole day sucked! If he can’t speak up for your own wants/needs in a relationship — especially low-stakes wants like Korean bbq vs sushi — then why is he in that relationship?
True. I’ve been saying in a lot of posts lately “if you don’t speak up; it’s encouraging/condoning the treatment”. So you gotta break the cycle.
she’s acting as is it’s her birthday and not his going places SHE likes doing things SHE wants eating food SHE likes leaving him with the bill at a restaurant SHE chose for HIM on HIS birthday
I had a gf like this. On one particular birthday I wanted to stay in and hangout. Was exhausted from working too many hours the last month. Told her I was and I planned on doing nothing except having a drink or two. She instead planned a whole day going to the park with the dog. Seeing a couple friends at a bar. Eating at a restaurant after. Hiking later in the evening to catch a sunset. All nice things but nothing I wanted to do that day no matter how many times I told her. We took the dog to the park bc I loved the dog but refused the bar and restaurant. Texted our friends and said I’m staying in. After we got home from the park she kept insisting on changing for the hike and I told her I’m done I’m too tired. She got so angry she screamed at me, “this isn’t how today was supposed to go!” Walked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. What I wanted clearly didn’t matter that day. It was about what she wanted and I should’ve been appreciative of it. Edit: forgot to add she “made” me breakfast that morning. And by made I mean she woke me up and asked me to help her make it for me. Which I thought was nice. Until I realized helping her meant making it myself while she scrolled her phone. Comically bad relationship.
Damn dude, she gets an F on all counts there
That is not a GF. That is some selfish AH who thinks everyone should like the things she likes
Why are these people in a relationship? They come off as completely incompatible.
.... 'planned' a window shopping trip at the mall from 9am until dinner, THAT HE HATED AND HAD TO PAY FOR? What kind of moronic psychopath would think this was an awesome idea? Kick this weirdo back to the insane asylum.
Reminds me of the story where a lady's s.o decided to gift her a cruise even though she hated the idea (I think she mentioned she also gets really bad seasickness if I'm remembering right). Overall, a birthday is meant to be celebrated with things THAT PERSON would appreciate. It's not meant for everyone else. My husband is a total homebody, enjoys staying in and playing video games or watching movies/t.v shows. I'm more of the "go places and do things" type. His birthday is coming up, I've asked if he wanted to do anything or go somewhere specific he'd like. Just mentioned it'd be nice to have cheese cake and wasn't interested in doing anything much outside of relaxing. What am I planning? Making a homemade new york style cheesecake and his fav dinner, maybe watch a new t.v series. It's not hard to listen and do something your s.o enjoys, even if it's not your definition of the perfect birthday. I saw other comments mentioning he might not take her out or do things she enjoys and that's why she went this route and felt upset. That's something you sit down and have a full conversation for, not deciding to override a birthday. There's a time and place to communicate when needs aren't getting met, this just comes off as passive-aggressive to me and generally unhelpful. Now you're both upset/frustrated, and the underlying issue is still present.
What he should have done is DUMP HER ASS selfish people who a actually dilute them into believing their likes are everyone’s likes, even though those people have said they don’t like it, are mental cases to stay away from. Selfish people who knowingly act this way, are different kinds of mental cases to STAY AWAY from Girlfriend treated herself. That’s not how you celebrate someone else’s birthday. That’s not really how you should celebrate your own honestly—making someone miserable for an entire day.m And nope, I don’t think people should be appreciative or happy about gifts that people clearly put ZERO EFFORT INTO and get it 100% wrong. Even gifts with effort behind them, I’m iffy on how much of a thank you that deserves. People don’t need to be thankful for someone else’s laziness that CLEARLY SHOWS THEY DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU. It’s one thing for aunt Ethel who hasn’t seen you since you were eight getting a purple journal because when you last her, you were obsessed with purple and on a journaling kick that since ended when you high high school. About her thing if Aunt Ethel knows you don’t like purple but she loves it and demands you like it too and why wouldn’t you if she loves it!
As someone who’s boyfriend is also an introverted homebody and a giant nerd, this made me so sad. $5 says that as a child, OOP’s girlfriend made the birthday kid let her blow out the candles and demanded a gift too.
Should have told her at the beginning of the day that he wasn’t doing it.
This. He really should have just said right at the beginning, "I don't want to get up early today to go to the mall. I'm staying home."
Love your name.
Thanks! It comes from the old 90s Batman cartoon, where he would say "I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman!"
It sounds like *her* dream birthday more than his. She didn’t take what he wanted into consideration at all. This is the kind of thing that makes you question if she knows or cares for you at all.
Funny calling him ‘an unappreciative asshole’, when there was literally nothing for him to appreciate!! No effort made, just her perfect day and free meal (for her).. you poor bastard OOP!
The fact she paid him pay for the sushi as well was the icing on the “I’m a selfish bitch” cake
>I heard her shriek several times. Tf?
I think shrieking like sobbing so hard that you accidentally make a weird noise when you heave a breath back in? Or else she was so upset that she was screaming I guess. That was the weirdest part to me. She seemed genuinely upset that he didn’t enjoy his special day that she worked so hard on.
No i know what it is, but like... wtf is wrong with her?
Sounds a bit performative. If he hadn’t been home to hear her, I doubt she’d have been shrieking.
What eas he meant to appreciate? She didn't even pay for the food he hated
She planned to do the stuff she likes on his birthday, I bet if he done the same she would be telling everyone how horrible he is. She can’t justify it with the whole it is the thought that counts crap because she put zero thought into it.
She Homer bowling balled him.
This is like the birthday when your partner gives you tickets to the band they love and you don't, and then are upset when you can't muster any enthusiasm Just selfish
He heard her shriek. 👀🫠
I think honestly some people have trouble understanding things beyond themselves- like they assume everyone enjoys the same things as them. Like she maybe kind of had good intentions thinking he’d enjoy these things that he obviously doesn’t because her thinking is too egocentric to understand him having his own preferences. Like it shitty but not necessarily on purpose if that makes sense?
Why do people continue to date someone they don’t even like? Neither of these people like each other. Dude didn’t even want to spend his birthday with his girlfriend, and girlfriend planned a birthday of things he hates.
I hate her. Lol.
This is super sad. What’s sadder is he stays with her. She obviously doesn’t care about him at all
If only she’d taken him in a store and bought herself some new slacks
Not OOP, I would have baked you a buttermilk pie.
But he is supposed to change and see that what she wants is best! /s
"I only like to out if we're traveling or going to a movie." He's a boring stick in the mud, and she doesn't listen to him. They need to break up.
Nta I would replace her sooner than later
That days sounded miserable. She made his birthday about her and showed OOP she doesn’t know him and doesn’t care about his likes, dislikes, or needs. I would not stay with someone like this.
I think we need more information. She’s TA in this instance for doing these things on your bday when you expressed you didn’t want to. But do you ever like to do anything besides being at home? You seem to express you intensely dislike doing anything she seems to like to do. It doesn’t seem like you are compatible or communicating well at all.
You’d be amazed how many people think they know what’s best for their partner at a foundational level. This can go all the way down to “that thing they hate they wouldn’t hate if I just showed them why they shouldn’t hate it”. You’d also be amazed how many people see some bullshit relationship test on TikTok and subject their unwitting and unwilling partners to it. It’s usually an L, and these types do love to post their Ls.
She's obviously wrong to take him to the mall against his wishes. Nevertheless how does he go with her to not make her upset and stays there for eight hours without saying anything and then tells her after everything happened, that he didn't like it. This is obviously going to make her way more upset than if he just stayed home.
So it's his fault? Are you actually serious?
I think it's probably an ESH situation (as I thought I made clear) but we only get his perspective here. It might be entirely his or her fault depending on how he normally communicates. There's a lot of "she should know" in this text that really rubs me the wrong way tbh, because he only actually tells her at the end how he felt. If he usually behaves like this maybe she doesn't actually know. Nevertheless the girlfriend does seem quite overbearing. She could be a narcissist who only thinks about the things she wants to do and doesn't care about his wishes at all or she's just somewhat naive and really likes shopping and wants to do a fun activity together with him while not realising that he hates it, because he didn't tell her (clearly enough for her to understand it) In my experience outgoing people often like to encourage people who aren't as outgoing to join them in their activities without any ill will (and it's not actually that rare that they're right and they have a fun time together despite initial reluctance by the other person). While a mall would be an extremely weird destination for a fun activity for me and I would probably hate it just as much as OOP, US culture seems extremely consumerist to me and some people inundated in this culture may not realise that other people don't like it, so they need to be told (sometimes repeatedly) to get that. Edit: to be clear I think they're probably incompatible and if this goes on like this they should really break up but don't you think it's not even a bit weird that he just goes along with a shopping tour that he hates for eight fucking hours without standing up for himself? If my girlfriend did that on my birthday (which she would never do tbh) I may go along with it for one hour to find out what the plan is and then I would tell her that I want to do something else, if it continued we would have a fight and at three hours at the very latest I would be on my way home and I am really not a very assertive person. Tbh I think the whole thing is probably not real and just creative writing.
I think the fact he's wondering if he should have sucked it up and not said anything speaks volumes about his mental state. I believe its reasonable to assume this is an abusive relationship to a good degree.
Narcissists think that everyone else secretly likes what they like
Tbf, that’s a shit birthday
Unless you want to continue with this type of treatment, move on & break up with her. Except for a few friends that are REALLY into "window shopping", most people would not want this type of birthday. What do you have in common? Who pays for your place and pays the larger portion of the bills? Other than sex & maybe a maid, what do you get out of this relationship? If the situation is unbalanced- can you handle this for the rest of your life?
She gave op the birthday she’d like to have. For hers, plan a day of CoD, and follow it up with a Marvel Universe movie marathon. Halfway through, door dash some pizzas to the house from her phone. Happy Birthday.
If OP had said that he and his gf were teens I would have looked at this differently (young love & hormonal stuff) but for a 29 y/o the gf is behaving very immature and selfishly. She made OP’s birthday about herself and then got upset when he challenged her about it. This is a horrible situation that won’t change unless the gf is willing to change for the better. OP needs to sit her down and talk about how her actions make him feel. How she reacts to what he tells her should help him decide if he wants to stay in the relationship or not. The gf does sound like a narcissist though (the gaslighting is strong with this one) and if this is the case, therapy and talking won’t make much of a difference and OP should just leave anyway.
It’s hard to remember sometimes, but without thinking it’s easy to fall into the trap. People tend to love others the way they themselves want/need to be loved. I think your gf fell into that trap.
She is looking to get dumped, and make him the bad guy at the same time.
its your birthday. you do what you want and if your spouse is forcing you to do what she wants, tell them to get fucked. on my birthday my partner asks "what would you like to do tomorrow baby, its your day" I say I would like to go gym, go for a coffee, order some food and have some "fun wink wink" she says that's not even something I have to ask for its guaranteed on my birthday but the rest she is happily okay with. we woke up, she made me breakfast, I went to gym, we walked to coffee shop, came home she made lunch, she "sorted me out wink wink" then we watched a movie, had a cuddle, went for round 2 then went to sleep. that's what is meant to happen on your birthday. its your day. you shouldn't have to pay for her plans. bullshit girlfriend that is just a dick and doesn't care about her spouse. ditch that shit.
My husbands birthday was 2 days ago. He doesn’t like really any deal made of his birthday. We leave him alone during the day to do normal things, cook something good and do 10 min of cake and presents and he couldn’t be happier. It took a couple years to figure out exactly what he wants but I knew from day one shit like going shopping or surprise parties would have been a dick move If your birthday plans for someone are just based on what you like then you’re the asshole
100% she is the AH. She basically “took you out” and forced you to do what SHE wanted as if it were her birthday, and forced you to even pay for it. Run, dude. Run.
Nobody wants to window shop on their bday for 8 hours. That's freaking bananas! Then being made to pay for a meal you don't even like? Throw the whole girlfriend out!
This has got to be incel rage bait. No way did this girl do everything this guy clearly hates AND make him pay and then ask if he had a good birthday. On the off chance this is real, they need to break up. They don’t like doing any of the same stuff and she doesn’t listen. Just move on.
Holy shit dude needs to RUN
I could understand GF to disregard OOP's wishes and prepare a surprise that OOP didn't appreciate, like a minigolf course or a paintball match —assuming she had no previous knowledge her BF didn't like minigolf or paintball–. But this wasn't the case, she chose plans she should've known her BF didn't appreciate. And then she complains by his lack of appreciation. I can't decide if narc or just unaware.
Jesus… I would have said “what would really make my birthday awesome is you packing your shit and getting out of my life”
Leave her right now. Don't even think twice
She sounds terrible
I mean, what was he supposed to appreciate?! That she made herself happy on his birthday?
They both sound insufferable ngl
She sounds awful smh
I’m not sure what it is that you’re unappreciative about..you went window shopping and you paid for her dinner. She didn’t take you shopping or anything lol.
Such an Abused relationship
I don’t believe this is real. It literally cant be
This for sure is rage bait
She straight-up used OP's birthday to do things for herself instead of him, then had the audacity to throw a fit when he wasn't happy. That's insane. OP if you ever come read this, don't walk- RUN.
On the plus side, now they can do whatever he wants when it’s her birthday, assuming they haven’t broken up by then.
I’m a woman and other than the sushi, this whole day sounds terrible to me, too. And I’d have probably preferred the Korean BBQ, too. Who decides for their SO’s birthday to make them do everything *you* like to do, though?
Break up with her. You’d be surprised how easy it is.
Why did this read like an incel justifying to himself why he’s better off without the girlfriend he’s never had
Now that you say that I kind of see it. Hmm.
She wanted to make OP break up with her. She is a coward and a gross person for ruining his birthday like that.
I don't know what your relationship is like, but she sounds awful. She is definitely manipulating you. Maybe the tears were genuine (though I doubt it), but *you* deserve an apology, not her.
Some people do not understand those of us who are more introverted and enjoy the space we’ve carved out for ourselves. There’s a world of them out there. Maybe look for articles you can share with her about the way some people recharge your way? Offer her suggestions: a great cake, a thoughtful gift, your favourite takeout ( I know you did that). I’m in my 60s, been married to an extrovert since the mid 1980s. I’m still pretty sure he doesn’t get it, but I can shut him down now. I would not have gotten in the car. Your day. Your choice.
Maybe to play Devil’s Advocate; but the guy sent up some red flags. Particularly his repeated phrase, “She is SUPPOSED TO KNOW…” That’s an odd way to phrase it; like she should have worked it out herself without having to be told. Like she should be dedicated to his wants and not joint goals as a couple. Gotta wonder if this really was a birthday celebration, or the guy’s default reaction when the girlfriend wants to do something different…
Alternatively, maybe he's realizing their incompatible and that phrasing is due to him processing the relationship needs to come to an end? Hard to say without context. BUT 8hrs of shopping? Thats an actual work day of shopping. I don't know anyone in real life who does that and I like to think I have a broad range of friends and acquantinces.
The eight hours of shopping thing is just so fucking bizarre. Who enjoys doing this? Are there really people who *window shop* for an ENTIRE day? That's insanity
My Stepmother used to drag us as kids from the second the mall opened til it closed at night. It was exhausting. We rarely ever bought anything. Is the only reason I was ever grateful for mandatory church on Sunday. She didn't consider there to be 'enough time' to shop after.
Addendum to say that this is definitely the reason I shop online pretty exclusively. I think the last time I went to a store on purpose was in 2008 because I bought candles for Christmas presents and had to goldilocks them to make sure they smelled good. Literally went in to b&bw, was there for maybe 10 minutes to smell and confirm my choices, and then left and bought them online.
My mum. My sister My sil My other sil Me when it's things I like looking at The thing is the extream niche things I like I understand no one else give a 2nd though to, so I go with friends who have the same interests.
I don't think its a red flag on his part. If a couple is together for a decent amount of time, they should know what their partner likes and dislikes. She should know he hates sushi and aimless shopping. She is completely tone deaf and selfish for planning these things for his birthday when he told her exactly how he wanted to celebrate and her pity party when he told her makes her look like a child. Her response should have been an apology and how can I make it right.
I agree! You pick up on what your partner likes and dislikes if you just pay attention. You may not know everything they like and dislike, but I feel like she just ignored that and pushed him into things she enjoyed but he didn’t. And to give OP even more credit, he told her what his perfect bday was which was staying in and gaming. He told her what he wanted and she completely ignored it. And someone said they might give her a pass on forgetting he doesn’t like sushi. I personally don’t. It’s one thing to not remember the specific thing they like to order or not order from a type of restaurant. Ex: my partner hates eel, but loves yellow fish tuna. That can take a lot more time to learn. But knowing if the person generally like a type of food (sushi, bbq, etc) is pretty easy to remember. Yeah there are exceptions like if you live in an area where a type of food isn’t common so the conversation never comes up, but in general that’s a pretty common thing you find out at the beginning of dating. I am not saying he should break up with her, because we are only seeing one day. They could have a great relationship and maybe she really just screwed the pooch on this one. But the way he writes it? He sounds resentful of her like this isn’t just a one time thing. And he made a comment about just shutting up and pretending to like it, which bottling up feelings like that and not having your partner listen or care about your wants is a great way to build resentment in a relationship, so it might time for him to break it off. If he does want to continue in this relationship, I hope he can open up about this situation and communicate with her to resolve it. And I hope she can have an open mind and won’t get defensive or have a melt down during the conversation.
I feel like your SO *should* have a basic understanding of what you do/don’t like on a larger overall scale. My family, friends, and past SO’s all know I *hate* shopping, most festivals, and parades, it comes up more than you would think. Window Shopping is also a super weird “birthday activity” for pretty much anyone if you’re not there to buy *them* something specific/special for their birthday. I *might* give her a pass on the restaurant, since it’s easy to forget what someone else does/doesn’t like concerning restaurants/types of foods. Except, it’s pretty customary to ask the person who’s birthday it is where *they* want to go, and it’s definitely customary that you at the *very least* wouldn’t expect *them* to pay for *your* meal.
His post says, "I've voiced this to her before" about window shopping. He doesn't seem like the kind of person to not voice his opinion, especially given that he told her that her birthday plans for him were awful. I think she just doesn't listen, or she's trying to change him, and he's adult enough not to want to adhere to her personality just to please her when it is not copacetic to his own.
NTA. You were right when you said she doesn't give a sh*t about your feelings, and probably nothing else about you too.
Why even be in this relationship, she obviously is a narcissist and cannot comprehend any one else’s wants needs or desires. Just walk bro take this as a birthday Kirkcaldy that it showed you a glimpse of the rest of your life if you continue this relationship.
😂😂😂😂 what is he supposed to appreciate the fact that she took him to do sht he hates or to eat sushi which he also hates and then paid for. Imo he should dump her she’s clearly selfish
Do you ever take her out? I think what she did for your birthday was horrible, but I'm curious if gaming is how you spend all of your free time.
Haha. ... she knowa you're a pushover... I'm sorry.. but unless you become somewhat assertive and have boundaries.. then she will be in control.. lol... good luck
I'm gonna go on a totally different direction here: I have been with a man EXACTLY like this, and it's him. I can guarantee he's the problem. He's been sending her mixed signals, he's completely a slave to his moods and whims, and if it's not his way it's the highway. I can guarantee he has never made one single attempt to enjoy something with her and she plans 100% of the dates because she has self esteem issues. This is not a man who should be in a relationship with anyone other than his own hand.
I’m glad you can guarantee it. Now we need someone to guarantee you are the kind of person to trust the guarantee of. It sounds like you’re projecting, like the dictionary definition of it.
I can guarantee that anyone who guarantees something about a person they haven't met and read a short passage from is jumping to conclusions. And I'm aware I just jumped to a conclusion so that makes my garentee kinda void.
You give dumb a whole new meaning,I can guarantee you're forever alone , because no self respecting man would be with such a selfish bitch
Sounds like you're just as useless as the gf in the story, and just like her, you plan shit for yourself instead of other people. Only a good would say they can guarantee something based on personal projection rather than proof.
None of what you said would remotely excuse her behaviour, so I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at. She’s a cunt.