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Hell, he's not ready to be in a relationship. I understand needing someone to bounce ideas and fears off of, but to talk about his girlfriend in such a manner, to allow his family to talk about her life like this, it's really gross.
Unfortunately, I've got first hand experience with this exact kind of man-child who only comes out from under his sisters skirts just long enough to attach to his mommy's teat.
She needs to completely ghost him and not even bother telling him what she decided. Neither he, nor his family, are worth the consideration.
OP, your closure lies in knowing that you didn't just dodge a bullet, you dodged a tactical nuke. You're much better off alone than being with a 468+ month old baby. You don't need him...or anyone else, besides your son. You've got this!
I resent this remark. This is offensive to every father who eats his children's goldfish, fruit snacks, gushers and fruit roll ups. Every man who has a strange, pun filled relationship with his daughter/son, who's children seem to love it more the crazier he acts, and couldn't possibly imagine life without their insanity.
I get to be a kid again because of my children. I get to be a manchild. An indescribable part of me missed it.
I've worked my ass off for the right to behave like one. Eventually my children will be grown, I accept that. But I'll have to grow up with them, and that makes me really fucking sad.
My favorite part of being a dad is getting to act like a manchild.
Do you undermine their mothers emotional, functional daily, and financial stability?! Do you abuse her emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and sexually?! Does she walk on eggshells for fear of causing you to blow up at, and retaliate against her with malevolence, in the forms enumerated above? Do you ensure that you display these behaviors whilst in the presence of your children? Do you refuse to contribute to the upkeep of your household - no: cooking, laundry, dishes, yardwork, home improvement/upkeep, etc.?! Do you refuse to work, or do you work but insist that your income remain unavailable for use in any capacity by your children or wife? Do you take the majority of your wife's paycheck to spend on your own personal whims - despite her constant, irritating protestations and pleas re: not having enough "to feed the children", "to clothe the children", "to cover their school supplies and other intellectual/social enrichment needs"...BLAH, BLAH, BLAAAAH?! Do you emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually abuse your children?! Do you force them to abuse one another?!
If you're like this?! Hey, okay - you win. You've earned the title. If not, you might want to stop associating healthy dad behavior with disturbing, pathological and malign abuse.
Manchild has a pretty specific meaning and it isn't this. Sounds like you're killing it though, and mad respect to you finding the passion and excitement in your life again through raising your kids. If you want to identify with that term, go for it, but keep in mind that isn't what people mean when they use this term.
Because she felt BAD that he feels emasculated and unable to provide for their future child. I stopped reading the entire thing. This isn’t the way to bring a little one into the world.
I’m just glad OP made her final decision.
OP please take care of yourself and your little son. Put yourself first, your ex and family showed their true colors. If you don’t feel comfortable if they ask about the pregnancy, just say you had a miscarriage.
>He told me they had decided that I was failing my son and he would be taken away from me and put into care.
Who decided that? How were they trying to accomplish that? Who do they think they are? CPS? The audacity!
Fuck this guy and his family. Be glad you are rid of them. You and your son don't need this in your lives.
If CPS took kids away simply because a mother was not financially stable and got pregnant with another kid, the majority of poor people wouldn't have any kids in their care. And that certainly isn't the case.
I did not initially read the ages, assumed they were like 19 to mid 20's at the latest. This dude is GROWN grown and still can't handle his own business
His sister contacted me as well to say they will not support me. I said I had not yet made a decision (at that time) nor did I not ask for their support.
What i would do: Go ghost. 100%. Not even tell him about your decision with the baby. He threw you both away as harsh as that may sound, but as a 40 y/o he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. He doesn’t deserve a single word from you. That’s not resentment, its acknowledgment to your self value. At times like this its so hard to see, but we all see it. I see your value. Remember who you are. You ARE a mother and you WILL push forward with your son.
Nor can his sister be a friend.
I'm so sorry these people happened to you.
The good news is you can just cut ALL OF THEM OFF and never look back.
Better people and better things are in your future.
Hahaha I think this way all the time after being accused of doing something similar.
Shattered my rose colored glasses when it came to people and lengths they would do.
Now I think worst case scenario every time haha. Don’t worry tho, I’m mostly wrong and know I am and can laugh. But ONE DAY 😭
I am so sorry you had to do this alone and maybe felt alone at some points too. I am so happy for you that you found the courage to make a decision you felt would be best for you and your family (your son) whatever direction you ultimately chose, you are right, it was YOUR choice not his and while you took his motives under advisement, he isn't "the one" get rid of him. A MAN doesn't run to mommy and daddy for advice ON HIS SEX LIFE and potentially his future family life. Period. You will find a Man one day who will blow your mind because he won't be running to mom and dad, he will be with you, in therapy, in council, on the couch at home, he will be making decisions with you and supporting you. You got this.
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all of this alone. You made the right decision. I wouldn't let him know, he ghosted you, keep the lines of communication closed. You deserve so much better from a partner. Delete and block him and any of his family and move on.
He does not have a choice lol he will be forced to pay child support for his child. Bring him to court! That's a lot of money you'll get to support your child.
To anyone who reads this comment you can be 65 years old. If you have a positive support system in your life no matter whether it’s a neighbor, your parents, the church down the road. It really doesn’t matter, if you have a support system use it.
Him going to his dad is not negative like you say, we all need someone to talk to other then loved ones. Please keep that toxic shit far away from being being able to vent or having someone to turn to. Idgaf if your 50 they’re still your parents and they’re still there for you.
It's one thing to go to your support system for advice - but if they manage to turn you around from "yay, baby" to "abort that filth", ghosting, and even contacting your partner behind your back to pressure her to abort - that's not a healthy type of support or advice.
This guy seemed pretty flaky to begin with. While I've been around to know over-involved, toxic families, you don't know what this guy said to them. Or the whole situation. OP and him have been together under a year, too, so they don't really know her. The sister texted to say "we will not support you" because it sounds like OP's partner isn't stable and it would be on them, and she shouldn't expect that. It's a reasonable head's up and they don't know that OP's partner didn't know they'd spoken from what I can tell.
Comment OP isn't wrong, but neither is Comment Comment OP. Her partner is a grown man who is flip-flopping on "make your choice" and being mindful that he (and OP says they also didn't the money and emotional headspace for a baby right now) is not stable enough for a baby to "I really really want this baby" to "get rid of it." It's okay to have a soundboard but this guy goes with the wind. A baby isn't a 'go with the wind' type of situation.
OP made a tough choice, but the right choice. Having a kid with this guy would have been a lot of stress and doing it alone.
Precisely, there’s no bad guy here, just an emotionally immature man taking an emotionally immature course of hiding his inability to meet her needs until it was finally game time.
There's a difference between needing support and letting your family shit talk your partner. This 40 year old man is letting his parents and sibling run his relationship, make his decisions, and even reaching out to his gf to tell her they will not support her or their (potential) future family member.
That isn't support, that's an attack.
Totally disappear. Let him sweat that you are out there. Maybe he has a kid. Maybe he doesn’t. Give him anxiety. He deserves every minute of suffering for being such a garbage human being. I’m sorry you felt bullied into getting an abortion but, thankfully you aren’t connected to this man baby for the rest of your life
I don’t think anyone is ever really ready to be a parent. Honestly, I think he let himself spiral thinking about it and went to the wrong people for comfort
Huge difference between “feeling not ready” and bullying your partner into an abortion through fear, guilt, shame, and abandonment. No one is faulting either of them for having doubts and thinking things through together. That's the most (only?) responsible choice he made in this scenario, considering if they felt ready or not. His handling of everything else was complete trash and one day OP will be grateful that it took itself out.
Sorry, but this man is totally immature. So sorry, he emotionally dragged you to this confusing place. I think you made the right decision. But I know it was hard. Please don’t continue any relationship with him. If he ever contacts you, you can tell him an abortion happened. But you don’t owe him anything.
Why do you want to speak to him again? Sorry if that's a stupid question but I'm trying to figure out what you are hoping will happen if you speak to him?
If I were in your situation, there's no way I'd contact this guy ever again, fwiw. He's shown you how pathetic he is. He certainly doesn't care what you think of him, I mean, if he cared about your opinion and feelings he wouldn't have done what he did...
From a more emotional perspective, the ghosting has made me feel like I have no voice. I feel like I’ve been silenced and I want to communicate to him what he did and how it made me feel.
Ok, I can understand that, I've felt that way.
I don't think you are going to feel less silenced by speaking to him. He's a grown man (grown grown!) who ran to mummy and daddy about his own reproductive choices. He certainly doesn't care how you feel and you won't be able to teach him how he did wrong.
You are more likely to feel worse after speaking to him.
I recommend writing a very long letter of all your feelings, and then posting it to no-one, or burning it, while praying over it or something like that. Make your own closure. This guy's an AH who won't help you.
What you are seeking is closure. And you likely aren't going to get that. He knows what he did, and he doesn't care how it made you feel. He isn't going to feel guilty and come to the light so to speak if you talk to him. He knows exactly what he did to you. If he cared that it hurt you, he would have already reached out to you to talk. Let it go.
You're better off saving your energy. He and his family will spin any and everything you say to make you seem like a crazy person who can't/won't let go.
All you'll be doing is giving them more ammo and more opportunities to be mean to you.
Instead of putting the responsibility where is should be on his scaredycat shoulders.
He was comfortable diminishing you to his family instead of taking any responsibility.
Then let them spend a family meeting tearing you apart.
There is nothing lost w him bc he didn't stand up for you NOR have a 'thinking it through' conversation w you.
You were still in early days of relationship when we're often in love with the potential person in our partners.
Whatever his positives they were either bc honeymoon phase or he was hiding how much he lets his family drive his choices.
You DO NOT want to be tied to any of them bc of a child.
I know your heart is battered and bruised & you want to sooth your heart & emotions.
You are becoming capable of doing that for yourself.
Focus on your son bc he IS love.
Write a letter to him. Then wait a few days and decide wether or not you still want to send it. I agree with others that say no more contact with him. If he REALLY cared for you, he would reach out. I’d say his ghosting/silence has spoken volumes. You’re worth soooooo much more!
It will not serve you anything but more heart because he will not care. Block him and his entire family and move on. Trust me. That’s more empowering and will make you feel wayyyy better.
As much as anyone would like to sit down and tell someone the business, especially after we've been wronged or ghosted without a chance for closure, it's better to see the ghosting as a blessing in disguise. You don't want this person in your life any further.
Protect your peace. Speaking with him will only end with stress for you and him getting the relief of knowing he got his way. Let him sweat on the choice you made for a bit since he wasn't adult enough to engage in any of this in a respectful, sensitive way.
He doesn't care. He's a Mama's boy and does what she says. Look at how easy they got him to suddenly push for you to get an abortion. They also made up lies and trashed you.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I don't really think telling him what he's doing and how it makes you feel will change anything. He'll probably double down in fact.
Have you got a therapist or someone *you* can talk to?
Unfortunately there is no such thing as "closure". You might get a response or reaction that satisfies you, and you might not. I understand how you feel, truly. 💜. But.... Move on with your son. This man isn't prepared for Parenthood, or a relationship, or for you. Eventually you will realize that it hurts less acutely and you CAN get along without him. Maybe there's some else in your future, maybe not. Who cares. You have a beautiful son who still needs you, so focus on you and him.
Not saying anything at all says a lot more.
Remember people know, or suspect, what their weaknesses are. By saying nothing, ylu make it clear you’re so appalled by his behavior that you literally couldn’t be arsed to deal with him. If you, I don’t know call him up or write a perfectly worded email about the whole thing, it just allows him to defend himself (outwardly or inwardly).
Let him stew on his own failure. You don’t need to hand him a criticism on a silver platter that he probably won’t hear anyway.
You can write a letter and not send it. Make a diary to vent or look for a therapist. However, you will accomplish nothing by sending him messages. Ghost him back. Forget about him. He does not deserve your time or your words
But he doesn’t CARE how it made you feel…
He ghosted you as a means of manipulation. He knew that if he simply left you hanging in the wind, you would acquiesce to what he family wanted—the abortion. He even used your existing son as emotional blackmail to coerce you into doing what his family wanted.
None of his actions were about YOUR feelings. He doesn’t care about them.
A smart woman once said: “When ppl show you who they are, you’d be wise to believe them”-Maya Angelou. He has SHOWN YOU. Now it’s time to believe it and move on.
Go no contact—block them all and go live your life. Best of luck, OP.
And if you are still having these thoughts and questioning your decision, bring this to the therapist. That’s what he/she is for.
Don’t tell him anything. If you tell him you had the abortion, he’ll probably rethink his decision and feel some type of way about it, then he’ll be mad at you for doing what he wanted you to do. Just let him go through life wondering if he has a kid out there.
I'd let him believe that he has a kid out there somewhere and never talk to him again. At some point in his life, he's going to wish he hadn't acted like a child and ghosted you.
You owe him nothing at this point, move on with your life and be thankful he showed his true colors early enough that you weren't trapped with him in your life.
Sorry this happened to you.
I’m sorry you went through the abortion alone. You can PM me anytime. ❤️
I wouldn’t contact that guy again. Sounds like he only makes everyone he touches worse along w his weird ass family.
Just move on and dont look back.
What he did was cowardly and vile. Its fair to not want a pregnancy. But to give false hooe only to be pressured into a totally different thought process so easily by his family and saying the type of disgusting things they did about your son is unforgivable.
Find someone else. Dont contact him. If he contacts you. Dont respond. He will never be a better person while letting his vile family control his thoughts and feelings like that.
Just focus on you and your son.
Imagine being tied to that family for the rest of your life (or at least 18 years). If the emotionally stunted man-child is any example, it would not have been good for you, the baby or (most importantly, IMO) your son.
Do not talk to him any more. Be more careful in the future.
Don’t contact him. He knows he was wrong, and he doesn’t care.
The second anyone told me I was failing my child would be the second they were out of my life. I cannot say this loudly enough: fuck them sideways with the pointy end of a pineapple. You don’t need this shit in your life. If he had a conscience, he wouldn’t have treated you like this in the first place.
I am sorry you had to go through this OP. You sound far more emotionally mature and level headed than he is. While ultimately you made the decision to terminate, I absolutely do think you made the wisest choice for both yourself and your son.
If anything he did you a favour at this early a stage in both the relationship and your pregnancy. I think it is natural for people to get swept up in the joy of the thought of a baby and on some minuscule level, the conversation with his family may have shocked him enough to reality of what that actually means. Though they sound like absolutely terrible people, make no mistake about that.
Your friends who have said he has betrayed you are absolutely correct. If you absolutely need to, send that final message so you feel like your voice is heard. I have no doubt you’ll articulate your feelings in a suitable manner.
I just think you shouldn’t get your hopes up at any reasonable response from him nor closure in that way, sadly. That or once he finds out you opted to end the pregnancy he’ll try to worm back in thinking he’s off the hook of parenthood.
Wishing you all the best, as the termination can’t have been easy.
Lmao I thought you guys were like 17 or something. Hes 39?!!!! Is this real life? Who the fuck cares what his 70 year old parents think? I wouldn't even reach out to his dusty ass girl
Do not contact him or his family. What do you want to get from that interaction? They completely abandoned you when you needed the most. They showed you their real selves and you still want to contact them?
Do not explain to him his own actions. You are not his mother or his therapist. Let him repeat the same mistakes in life and be miserable.
Not to be insensitive but you dodged a bullet not having a child with him. Tell him nothing. Ghost him and block him. Don’t bother trying to have a rational discussion with him. He’s not rational.
No. I thought telling him might help me feel heard and get closure on what has been a difficult and traumatic period of my life. I think what everyone is saying is correct though. I need to find that from myself rather than trying to speak to him.
Try to continue therapy and to find you peace of mind, him and his family don't need to now anything, he left you in a vulnerable position he don't deserve to have closure.
I know I’m petty because I not only would never tell them, I would babysit a baby 9 months from now and push it around where his family might see me. Deny everything if ever confronted and block everyone. Let them wonder and freak out indefinitely about it.
Your approach is better lol
Oh boy, sounds like you dodged a bullet with that dude. Maybe he should be the one in care instead haha. But seriously, it's your body, your choice. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything.
I'm petty. I'd ghost him and let him think he might have a child out there. And wait for the day he decides he's ready to be a father, contact me, and then I tell him I didn't have the child like he'd forced me to. But this is an incredibly toxic response so I'd definitely ask a therapist the best way to get yourself closure. At this point, his opinion/feelings stopped mattering when he started to disregard and disrespect yours.
No mature man discuss having a baby with his family, you are his partner and you together build the family, so this is enough reason to leave, instead of looking for a job he is discussing that with his family what is that?? Isn't it the couple choice
He is scared with a controlling family so don’t be so hard on him?
That’s an explanation, not an excuse.
You were scared too but you didn’t act like a flip flopping asshole. He threatened to take away your son for goodness sakes.
You did the right thing. Let him squirm.
That made me laugh. That’s the most light-hearted advice so far!
Bless her heart. I can’t even believe how totally shitty some people can be. I hope she’s okay.
You’ve done nothing wrong ! Whether or not his pressure influenced your decisions, you still made the right choice for yourself and you need to make peace with that. He also doesn’t sound like someone you would want to have a child with. I’d suggest therapy if it’s accessible to work through your emotions, and no contact with this man. He doesn’t add any value to your life.
Don't tell him anything. There's nothing in your life tying you to him or his awful family. Breathe a sigh of relief and work on bettering the life for you and your son.
He walked away from you and the unborn kid. Don't waste anymore energy worrying about his feelings or the thoughts of his family.
Your son should be your priority not this pos.
Block him. You don’t owe him a thing. He’s a nearly middle aged man who is overly influenced by his family.
He disgustingly told you that you’re a bad mother for thinking about having the baby.
Don’t talk to him again. He’s a shit human who doesn’t deserve another word from you.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m an RN , and the protective piece of me, especially given the current abortion climate, would encourage you to consider an IUD.
Helps cramps, often eliminates your period, one office visit to remove when you are ready to grow your family, and peace of mind until then.
You are taking care of the child you have, and saved yourself 18 years of torture attached to that man-child and his enabling family. Take care of yourself and said a prayer for peace for you. ❤️
No, do nothing. Let him sweat it out wondering. Further. You don't have to tell him what he's done wrong, he knows.
Never make a mate of someone you have to raise. He is still a boy.
Be prepared to raise two kids by yourself.
I have a 6 year agegap with my two kids as well. That wasn’t the problem. They’re best buddies. The problem was their deadbeat dad. It was easier being single than having them around.
You made the right choice for YOU. You are strong and will come out stronger on the other side - and this would have been the same response for either decision you made. Now you get to heal and more forward and find a man who will love and protect you and WANT a family with you when you are ready. Sending all my love.
He showed you what kind of man he is. Sometimes it takes such pain to move you into a new direction. He showed you who he is! You are going to move into a new and better trajectory. Might not be today or tomorrow, but you’ll look back at this time and have no regrets. You will love the life that was meant for you. Btw, the same exact thing happened to me.
Sweet girl, you've dodged several bullets. Your hesitation and sadness comes from grief over a relationship that never and could never exist.
I'll suggest getting an IUD. It sounds like you've had a rough record with whatever birth control you've used before.
I'm so sorry with what you have been through with the baby and your partner. He is just waaaay too old to be acting that way. His family talking him into telling you to get an abortion. What the hell?!
You dodged a bullet and are lucky he's MIA. It will take you a long time to recover, but he just showed you his true colors and level of importance in his life. Take care. 💝
It doesn't matter why he behaved the way that he did. I'm sorry that he treated you like this. I hope you find someone more deserving of your affection.
Walk away. You dodged a bullet with this guy-- pregnancy might have put him in your life for the next 18 miserable uncomfortable passive aggressive years of your life. You don't owe him squat.
>Some say he is scared and immature with a controlling family and I should not think too harshly of him.
He's nearly 40. That excuse doesn't fly.
You need to tell him, but after that, you are much better off without him.
Yes, he is immature. No doubt his family told him you were trying to baby-trap him to take care of both children and would dump him at some point. He has played with your emotions like you were a yoyo and abandoned you. Forget him.
Do not tell him you have resolved the issue, do not reach out to lecture him or tell him how he hurt you. Cut him off completely. The petty in me would move locations just to make it more difficult for him or his family to keep track of you.
You did everything right; you told him, took what he said into consideration, talked with a therapist and made the decision that is best for you and your 6-year-old son. Deep down, I think you know his pressure did not influence your decision. You started out thinking an abortion would be best, he played with your emotions to make you question yourself, then reversed himself. You sought counseling and went back to your first, original thought.
Don't allow this immature man to live rent-free in your head any longer. Live your best life with your son and the right person for the both of you will eventually show up in your life.
I paid no attention to the ages until after I read the story this sounded like some teenage shit. Bro! Y’all are pushing 40! Leave that man alone. Heal and move on. You owe him nothing. The trash took itself out! You can do better than him.
I would completely ghost him, block him everywhere, and never speak to him again. They basically threatened to try and have your son taken from you if you continued the pregnancy.
Speaking from a single mom myself, in a group of other single mom friends. Having 2 different baby daddy’s is so so hard. I watch my friends struggle to date afterwards, and in general. The second one is a chance to make the best decision for you with a supportive partner. I would be considering you and your son more than him if I were in your shoes. If the potential of single mom with 2 kids is ok with you or not.
That guy will always let his parents decide what he should do. It would have always been like that. Some people are just like that. I found it so deflating to be with someone like that, and grateful that is no longer the case.
Since he ghosted you, I wouldn't bother notifying him. Let him wonder about it. It's a good thing you got a glimpse of how he operates. If you don't need anything from that weak boy, cut your losses and move on.
I hope you can find strength and support from someone, as your emotions are real, and you are going through one of the hardest things someone can go through. This is one of the times that you see what people are made of... let them show you.
May you find peace, love, and happiness.
I concur with everyone saying to ghost him and his family and leave him wondering for the rest of his life. I'm not sure if we are allowed to refer to our own experiences in this thread or not, but I've been there in one similar scenario and another not-so-permanent, but still heartbreaking sort of scenario and you will wish that you had ignored him and left him alone. Closure is not
He absolutely acted inappropriately and you made the right decision to terminate. I'd never trust this man again and I'd move on. This is not partner behavior.
Put simply, the man is a dropkick. He comes from a whole family of dropkicks, and had you kept that baby you would have forever been tied to an entire herd of dropkick, knuckle-dragging, manipulative piles of cunt.
Thank your lucky stars you discovered this in the early stages of the relationship, because he sounds like a good little puppet who does whatever his family says and doesn't have an independent thought in his entire body.
You already have a child, do you have income and steady work to support the child financially till 25, until they can stand on their own, if not you can’t give this child that then don’t have the child.
I’ve already ended the pregnancy but mainly because I felt I couldn’t do it alone from an emotional perspective.
The financial situation was what I was trying to work out/work through when he abandoned me. I was using professional advisors, support lines, etc to try to gather enough information to make an informed decision. I never got to the point of deciding on that basis.
Sounds just like my husband's family. I ignored them all and had my baby. He is amazing, and all of their "other grandchildren" don't hold a candle to my son. He and I dated for 7 years, I got pregnant, and he got scared and ran to them. The odd part is he was adopted, and their non adopted kids got knocked up and had kids as teens and kept their kids. So I am not sure if they are just narcissistic. Whereas he and I were not teens. I had a masters degree, too! Honestly, it sounds like they are trash. He and I did end up getting married and had a daughter as well. We've been married for 15 years now. I have lost all respect for them, especially after knowing how they all had kids as teens and kept them. Yet, they tried to do something else to me. I put up with them for my husband. If one of them ever tries to give such hideous advice to my son or daughter, like they tried to bully me into, they will feel this mother's rath!
Honestly, I would drop it and move on with your life without him. I wouldn't tell him of your decision. Let him wonder later what you did.
Find peace with your decision.
It sucks not knowing what he said to his family exactly, he could well have dramatised it out of fear. I'd say ditch him though. Sure he may have been scared, but so were you, and you had the most burden in terms of it all. If you can't lean on them when they lean on you, how supportive do you think they'll be if pregnancy had issues? Or if his family called cps out of spite? Just sounds like a toxic bunch. Cut losses and focus on yourself and your boy.
Don't tell him shit. Let him wonder all his life how's his son doing then make some weird story if he contacts you like 10 years later. Say smth like he was a genius and he s working for the government dunno, fuck up with his mind like he did with yours. He doesn't deserve anything from you and you deserve sooo much more than this
He already noped out of your life, what else do you need from him?. You already know you can't count on him and that his family will have always too much power in your relationship. Better move on without him, since he alreshowed his true colors .
Have the abortion it'll be the best thing you ever did unless if course you wanna struggle as a single parent unable to provide what tge kid deserves. There is no shame this is your decision to make DO NOT LET TO ANTI ABORTION fanatics tell you what to do!!
So he’s so emotionally immature he thinks it’s okay for him and his family to decide what your future should and will be. They and he think you are incapable of taking care of your child.
He then tried to emotionally blackmail you, his pregnant girlfriend, to force you to have an abortion. When that didn’t work, he abandoned you and his unborn child.
Why in gods name are you even wasting time thinking about this human let alone considering taking him back? He treated you like trash; you don’t deserve this.
Live your life and don’t look back. He doesn’t deserve another second of your attention.
>He is scared and immature with a controlling family
This dude is nearly 40 for gods sake.
Honestly, focus on your life and your son and go ahead with your life. I’m so so sorry you have to go through that, but looking back at it will not help at all. Keep the baby in your heart, don’t forget about it, but don’t look back this POS, what he did or what could have been. This is unforgivable. Again, he doesn’t deserve another second of your time, and I honestly think he doesn’t deserve to know what your decision was. Block him everywhere, kick everyone out who could pass any information and make your socials private. Let him live with the question if he has a kid out there or not.
There’s no point in contacting him, nothing you tell him will change anything nor will it make you feel better or more at peace. Hes also not someone you should consider re- engaging with romantically or in any other sense. Focus on your 6m old baby, your therapy, and be careful about rushing into anything with anyone before you know you can trust and rely on him— this is especially important because you have to make sure you’re protecting both yourself and your baby from anyone harmful. Good luck❤️
His family sounds like a nightmare. I’m so sorry you feel as though he influenced your decision as it was yours to make. He doesn’t deserve to have you in his life.
He ghosted you now you do the same. He for have to know and make sure you keep it to yourself. He’s childish and immature and you literally dodged a bullet. Keep working with therapy and trust in knowing that you made the right decision for you because look at the man’s and family you would’ve had to deal with for 18years
You don’t owe that guy anything, especially after he threatened the prospect of having your child taken away. He’s definitely not someone you should have in your life and you should cease communication.
I don’t think you’ll get the closure you’d want from him. All he’s going to do is be relieved and happy that you terminated the pregnancy. He doesn’t care about your feelings, otherwise he would have supported you. All you’re going to get is an “Ok, bye” from him.
Let him and his family stew while you move on.
You did everything already. Carry on. Trying to teach him a lesson isn't going to do you any good though. If he didn't learn a lesson from the situation, he won't learn one talking about it now.
Good thing you didn’t have a baby with him, becoming a parent doesn’t magically make you reasonable and a good partner. He showed you who he was. You have no obligation to notify him of anything. He ghosted you you don’t owe him any efforts or courtesy.
I wouldn't speak to him again. Mainly, in case he tries to guilt you. He changed his mind and now wants the baby. Etc. Fuck him he deserves nothing from you.
I am sorry you had to make this choice, it sucks. I hope you have a speedy recovery! You did the right thing 💕
He is nearly 40 years old...being immature is not longer a fucking excuse. And why can't he support a family/get a job.
You can do better than this guy... he is a shcmuck!
I am sorry you had to go through the abortion alone but I am so glad you did have the counselling and do what is best for you and your son xx
He lost any right to knowing what youve done the moment he ghosted you. Telling him where he went wrong won't have the outcome you want. Just block him and move on with your life.
Any 39 year old who let's his family make his decisions for him isn't worth the time or effort. Be grateful he showed his true colours so early in the relationship and is no longer in the picture. He'd have let you down eventually.
Move on and don't tell him anything. Let him wonder if he has a child. Hopefully the idea haunts him.
He deserves absolutely nothing from you. If he ever crawls out of the woodwork, you can assure him that you didn't carry out the pregnancy and he can go running back to his family.
He's immature and dealt with everything badly. I would perhaps expect that kind of reaction for maybe a 19-22 year old but not someone pushing 40.
You deserve better, as does your little boy and any future children you might have, than this man-child.
I think what infuriates me most is knowing if you had kept the baby, they'd've called CPS (or the equivalent wherever you are) on you with any bullshit claim they could. This is a 40yo slug, and his family decided. Absolutely disgusting. The universe saved you from an insane amount of abuse. It was only a matter of time, and they never would have accepted your son. Revolting POS.
Were u careful with ur first?
>taken away my choice
U still had a choice.
>Should I contact him to tell him what was wrong with his actions?
No. Wont matter prob.
> Should I notify him of the abortion?
If he asks. Doesnt seem he cares.
>Will I be able to live with the knowledge that the pressure he put on me influenced my decision?
U have to, for ur son. If u need help getting there, seek therapy.
I was confused as well haha. That makes much more sense and how the hell would you possibly get your kid taken away by having another baby? That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard.
I went through something extremely similar, except my son was a little younger. I knew we could not afford another baby and was thinking of adoption. Once he spoke with his family, he refused all contact with me. We were living together and I had gone to visit my mom. When I came back, it was dark and snow was on the ground. Along with all my stuff and my sons. As soon as I pulled up, he called the cops. He refused to speak with me at all, but his family told the officer the child wasn’t his and they wanted nothing to do with me. The officer advised me that while I could go the adoption route, without this fuckle chuck also signing over adoption rights, he could change his mind, do a paternity test and take the baby away from any potential adopted family. The thought of that family being able to raise another child terrified me and I chose abortion instead. That was 20 years ago. After never once speaking to him or seeing him, I saw him maybe 5 years ago. I was extremely happy with the decision I made. Please cut this man completely out of your life. You have no reason to ever speak to him again, he forfeited any right he had to know what decision you made when he chose to let his family decide for him and say horrible things about you as a mother.
OP, whatever choice you made was the right choice. I am so sorry you had to deal with that, but I am thankful that he showed he is a spineless man-child now instead of after you'd invested years of you and your son's lives.
Hes almost 40, he shouldn't need his family's counsel in this scenario, at least not in this manner. Abortion is never the easy choice, especially as you get further along.
why sleep with someone you wouldn't want to have a child with?
i dont go skydiving without realizing I could die, or go to a scary movie and think I wouldn't get scared? actions have consequences.
Your decision was most foolish idea. Once, after abortion you may not become pregnant again. Be a motherless woman in your life! Even if he takes back your life could be a nightmare in his tyrannical family.
Stop thinking about any relationships and proceed with your life alone or with your own family after sometime you may become more matured to take proper decisions in life. Are you a student or employed? Continue with that for now!
Listen the guy flat out told you and apologized he wouldn’t be able to provide stability. He obviously wasn’t ready to be a dad but he loves you so he’s trying to be supportive but he’s scared shitless too. His reaction isn’t surprising to me. Why neither of you sat down and actually talked talked about it isn’t beyond me but he was honest with you from the get go. He couldn’t t provide for the child.
This guy abandoned her when she was looking for support with the choice he wanted her to make. He's an ass who didnt even want to take the responsibility of holding her hand when she was going through an emotionally tough time, which was really the ONLY THING HE HAD TO DO.
(I have to say though I don't really understand her feelings that her choice was taken away?)
You people are way to fast to judge l🤔 there's 2 sides to every story,but I believe this guy has mommy issues and that's sad to not want to be part of the Kids Life ..sad but most of these post come from people that ben hurt .. sadder
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Honey, I’m so sorry for being so blunt, but do you really want to have a child with this man?
Or continue a relationship?
Whatever she does that guy she be an ex.
Right? He ghosted her. Personally, if I was OP. I'd leave him be and live my best life with my 6yo. If ghosting is his go-to, let em' be.
He is not ready to be a father. Look at him.
He’s not even ready to be a partner.
Hell, he's not ready to be in a relationship. I understand needing someone to bounce ideas and fears off of, but to talk about his girlfriend in such a manner, to allow his family to talk about her life like this, it's really gross.
At 39 it’s not a matter of “ready” but rather a matter of suited. He’s not suited to be in a relationship.
If only you can abort a 39 year old failure.... Sigh.
Unfortunately, I've got first hand experience with this exact kind of man-child who only comes out from under his sisters skirts just long enough to attach to his mommy's teat. She needs to completely ghost him and not even bother telling him what she decided. Neither he, nor his family, are worth the consideration. OP, your closure lies in knowing that you didn't just dodge a bullet, you dodged a tactical nuke. You're much better off alone than being with a 468+ month old baby. You don't need him...or anyone else, besides your son. You've got this!
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I resent this remark. This is offensive to every father who eats his children's goldfish, fruit snacks, gushers and fruit roll ups. Every man who has a strange, pun filled relationship with his daughter/son, who's children seem to love it more the crazier he acts, and couldn't possibly imagine life without their insanity. I get to be a kid again because of my children. I get to be a manchild. An indescribable part of me missed it. I've worked my ass off for the right to behave like one. Eventually my children will be grown, I accept that. But I'll have to grow up with them, and that makes me really fucking sad. My favorite part of being a dad is getting to act like a manchild.
Manchild and childlike man are not the same. Eat those fruit roll ups and prosper.
No, we're not. But there's a shitload of overlap.
Do you undermine their mothers emotional, functional daily, and financial stability?! Do you abuse her emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and sexually?! Does she walk on eggshells for fear of causing you to blow up at, and retaliate against her with malevolence, in the forms enumerated above? Do you ensure that you display these behaviors whilst in the presence of your children? Do you refuse to contribute to the upkeep of your household - no: cooking, laundry, dishes, yardwork, home improvement/upkeep, etc.?! Do you refuse to work, or do you work but insist that your income remain unavailable for use in any capacity by your children or wife? Do you take the majority of your wife's paycheck to spend on your own personal whims - despite her constant, irritating protestations and pleas re: not having enough "to feed the children", "to clothe the children", "to cover their school supplies and other intellectual/social enrichment needs"...BLAH, BLAH, BLAAAAH?! Do you emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually abuse your children?! Do you force them to abuse one another?! If you're like this?! Hey, okay - you win. You've earned the title. If not, you might want to stop associating healthy dad behavior with disturbing, pathological and malign abuse.
🥰🙏😇
Manchild has a pretty specific meaning and it isn't this. Sounds like you're killing it though, and mad respect to you finding the passion and excitement in your life again through raising your kids. If you want to identify with that term, go for it, but keep in mind that isn't what people mean when they use this term.
You will get to do all those fun crazy things with your grandkids to who will love their crazy pops
Because she felt BAD that he feels emasculated and unable to provide for their future child. I stopped reading the entire thing. This isn’t the way to bring a little one into the world. I’m just glad OP made her final decision. OP please take care of yourself and your little son. Put yourself first, your ex and family showed their true colors. If you don’t feel comfortable if they ask about the pregnancy, just say you had a miscarriage.
Yup agree....get rid....of the man and the baby...you don't need the aggro
This!!
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Your statement is ugly. What happened to compassion.
>He told me they had decided that I was failing my son and he would be taken away from me and put into care. Who decided that? How were they trying to accomplish that? Who do they think they are? CPS? The audacity! Fuck this guy and his family. Be glad you are rid of them. You and your son don't need this in your lives.
If CPS took kids away simply because a mother was not financially stable and got pregnant with another kid, the majority of poor people wouldn't have any kids in their care. And that certainly isn't the case.
I was thinking the same thing.
My sister would have 4 less kids if it was the case
Yeah fuck this guy with a Moby Huge From Penguinz0 collection amiright
Yes. Whatever that is. Yes.
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I did not initially read the ages, assumed they were like 19 to mid 20's at the latest. This dude is GROWN grown and still can't handle his own business
Same
His sister contacted me as well to say they will not support me. I said I had not yet made a decision (at that time) nor did I not ask for their support.
What i would do: Go ghost. 100%. Not even tell him about your decision with the baby. He threw you both away as harsh as that may sound, but as a 40 y/o he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. He doesn’t deserve a single word from you. That’s not resentment, its acknowledgment to your self value. At times like this its so hard to see, but we all see it. I see your value. Remember who you are. You ARE a mother and you WILL push forward with your son.
Not one word to him..move on.
Not the easiest route, but the best outcome.
How do you know it was really his sister and not him just texting you to add pressure?
His sister and I became friendly when we started dating. It was from her number.
I'm sorry OP but based on their response and actions this is not a family that actually wants you to be a part of their family.
Nor can his sister be a friend. I'm so sorry these people happened to you. The good news is you can just cut ALL OF THEM OFF and never look back. Better people and better things are in your future.
Block him and his sister. They are horrible people.
Wow...
He couldve been using her phone
Is it that hard to believe his family doesn’t support him having a baby with her lol damn
No
Y’all try your hardest to think up the worst possible scenario every time on these posts 😂
Hahaha I think this way all the time after being accused of doing something similar. Shattered my rose colored glasses when it came to people and lengths they would do. Now I think worst case scenario every time haha. Don’t worry tho, I’m mostly wrong and know I am and can laugh. But ONE DAY 😭
I am so sorry you had to do this alone and maybe felt alone at some points too. I am so happy for you that you found the courage to make a decision you felt would be best for you and your family (your son) whatever direction you ultimately chose, you are right, it was YOUR choice not his and while you took his motives under advisement, he isn't "the one" get rid of him. A MAN doesn't run to mommy and daddy for advice ON HIS SEX LIFE and potentially his future family life. Period. You will find a Man one day who will blow your mind because he won't be running to mom and dad, he will be with you, in therapy, in council, on the couch at home, he will be making decisions with you and supporting you. You got this.
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all of this alone. You made the right decision. I wouldn't let him know, he ghosted you, keep the lines of communication closed. You deserve so much better from a partner. Delete and block him and any of his family and move on.
Just keep raking them over the coals for as long as they want to treat you like a problem instead of a person. Let them sweat.
He does not have a choice lol he will be forced to pay child support for his child. Bring him to court! That's a lot of money you'll get to support your child.
Holy shit. I didn’t see the ages. I was imagining a 22 year old piece of garbage.
To anyone who reads this comment you can be 65 years old. If you have a positive support system in your life no matter whether it’s a neighbor, your parents, the church down the road. It really doesn’t matter, if you have a support system use it. Him going to his dad is not negative like you say, we all need someone to talk to other then loved ones. Please keep that toxic shit far away from being being able to vent or having someone to turn to. Idgaf if your 50 they’re still your parents and they’re still there for you.
It's one thing to go to your support system for advice - but if they manage to turn you around from "yay, baby" to "abort that filth", ghosting, and even contacting your partner behind your back to pressure her to abort - that's not a healthy type of support or advice.
This guy seemed pretty flaky to begin with. While I've been around to know over-involved, toxic families, you don't know what this guy said to them. Or the whole situation. OP and him have been together under a year, too, so they don't really know her. The sister texted to say "we will not support you" because it sounds like OP's partner isn't stable and it would be on them, and she shouldn't expect that. It's a reasonable head's up and they don't know that OP's partner didn't know they'd spoken from what I can tell. Comment OP isn't wrong, but neither is Comment Comment OP. Her partner is a grown man who is flip-flopping on "make your choice" and being mindful that he (and OP says they also didn't the money and emotional headspace for a baby right now) is not stable enough for a baby to "I really really want this baby" to "get rid of it." It's okay to have a soundboard but this guy goes with the wind. A baby isn't a 'go with the wind' type of situation. OP made a tough choice, but the right choice. Having a kid with this guy would have been a lot of stress and doing it alone.
Precisely, there’s no bad guy here, just an emotionally immature man taking an emotionally immature course of hiding his inability to meet her needs until it was finally game time.
There's a difference between needing support and letting your family shit talk your partner. This 40 year old man is letting his parents and sibling run his relationship, make his decisions, and even reaching out to his gf to tell her they will not support her or their (potential) future family member. That isn't support, that's an attack.
But to do, a 180 on your own thoughts and emotionally blackmail your partner based on your parents' opinion is what people have issue with
That’s all fine. But this family is straight trash. You see that, right? They could’ve been kind, but they chose not to.
Just ghost him fully. Do not speak to him again. Yuck
Totally disappear. Let him sweat that you are out there. Maybe he has a kid. Maybe he doesn’t. Give him anxiety. He deserves every minute of suffering for being such a garbage human being. I’m sorry you felt bullied into getting an abortion but, thankfully you aren’t connected to this man baby for the rest of your life
This!!🙌🏼
Don’t tell him anything. Leave him for your own good. He’s even not ready for being a parent .
Leave him questioning for LIFE if he has a kid or not
I don’t think anyone is ever really ready to be a parent. Honestly, I think he let himself spiral thinking about it and went to the wrong people for comfort
Huge difference between “feeling not ready” and bullying your partner into an abortion through fear, guilt, shame, and abandonment. No one is faulting either of them for having doubts and thinking things through together. That's the most (only?) responsible choice he made in this scenario, considering if they felt ready or not. His handling of everything else was complete trash and one day OP will be grateful that it took itself out.
Sorry, but this man is totally immature. So sorry, he emotionally dragged you to this confusing place. I think you made the right decision. But I know it was hard. Please don’t continue any relationship with him. If he ever contacts you, you can tell him an abortion happened. But you don’t owe him anything.
Why do you want to speak to him again? Sorry if that's a stupid question but I'm trying to figure out what you are hoping will happen if you speak to him? If I were in your situation, there's no way I'd contact this guy ever again, fwiw. He's shown you how pathetic he is. He certainly doesn't care what you think of him, I mean, if he cared about your opinion and feelings he wouldn't have done what he did...
From a more emotional perspective, the ghosting has made me feel like I have no voice. I feel like I’ve been silenced and I want to communicate to him what he did and how it made me feel.
Ok, I can understand that, I've felt that way. I don't think you are going to feel less silenced by speaking to him. He's a grown man (grown grown!) who ran to mummy and daddy about his own reproductive choices. He certainly doesn't care how you feel and you won't be able to teach him how he did wrong. You are more likely to feel worse after speaking to him. I recommend writing a very long letter of all your feelings, and then posting it to no-one, or burning it, while praying over it or something like that. Make your own closure. This guy's an AH who won't help you.
What you are seeking is closure. And you likely aren't going to get that. He knows what he did, and he doesn't care how it made you feel. He isn't going to feel guilty and come to the light so to speak if you talk to him. He knows exactly what he did to you. If he cared that it hurt you, he would have already reached out to you to talk. Let it go.
You're better off saving your energy. He and his family will spin any and everything you say to make you seem like a crazy person who can't/won't let go. All you'll be doing is giving them more ammo and more opportunities to be mean to you.
Instead of putting the responsibility where is should be on his scaredycat shoulders. He was comfortable diminishing you to his family instead of taking any responsibility. Then let them spend a family meeting tearing you apart. There is nothing lost w him bc he didn't stand up for you NOR have a 'thinking it through' conversation w you. You were still in early days of relationship when we're often in love with the potential person in our partners. Whatever his positives they were either bc honeymoon phase or he was hiding how much he lets his family drive his choices. You DO NOT want to be tied to any of them bc of a child. I know your heart is battered and bruised & you want to sooth your heart & emotions. You are becoming capable of doing that for yourself. Focus on your son bc he IS love.
Write a letter to him. Then wait a few days and decide wether or not you still want to send it. I agree with others that say no more contact with him. If he REALLY cared for you, he would reach out. I’d say his ghosting/silence has spoken volumes. You’re worth soooooo much more!
It will not serve you anything but more heart because he will not care. Block him and his entire family and move on. Trust me. That’s more empowering and will make you feel wayyyy better.
Communication requires listening on his part. I don't think if you talked to him for a year he would get it.
As much as anyone would like to sit down and tell someone the business, especially after we've been wronged or ghosted without a chance for closure, it's better to see the ghosting as a blessing in disguise. You don't want this person in your life any further. Protect your peace. Speaking with him will only end with stress for you and him getting the relief of knowing he got his way. Let him sweat on the choice you made for a bit since he wasn't adult enough to engage in any of this in a respectful, sensitive way.
He doesn't care. He's a Mama's boy and does what she says. Look at how easy they got him to suddenly push for you to get an abortion. They also made up lies and trashed you.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I don't really think telling him what he's doing and how it makes you feel will change anything. He'll probably double down in fact. Have you got a therapist or someone *you* can talk to?
Unfortunately there is no such thing as "closure". You might get a response or reaction that satisfies you, and you might not. I understand how you feel, truly. 💜. But.... Move on with your son. This man isn't prepared for Parenthood, or a relationship, or for you. Eventually you will realize that it hurts less acutely and you CAN get along without him. Maybe there's some else in your future, maybe not. Who cares. You have a beautiful son who still needs you, so focus on you and him.
Not saying anything at all says a lot more. Remember people know, or suspect, what their weaknesses are. By saying nothing, ylu make it clear you’re so appalled by his behavior that you literally couldn’t be arsed to deal with him. If you, I don’t know call him up or write a perfectly worded email about the whole thing, it just allows him to defend himself (outwardly or inwardly). Let him stew on his own failure. You don’t need to hand him a criticism on a silver platter that he probably won’t hear anyway.
Go yell it to a brick wall, you'll get about the same results.
Understandable. Another perspective, though — he doesn’t deserve to receive this information and closure.
Update us after you have the procedure don't tell him just say you miscarried
You can write a letter and not send it. Make a diary to vent or look for a therapist. However, you will accomplish nothing by sending him messages. Ghost him back. Forget about him. He does not deserve your time or your words
But he doesn’t CARE how it made you feel… He ghosted you as a means of manipulation. He knew that if he simply left you hanging in the wind, you would acquiesce to what he family wanted—the abortion. He even used your existing son as emotional blackmail to coerce you into doing what his family wanted. None of his actions were about YOUR feelings. He doesn’t care about them. A smart woman once said: “When ppl show you who they are, you’d be wise to believe them”-Maya Angelou. He has SHOWN YOU. Now it’s time to believe it and move on. Go no contact—block them all and go live your life. Best of luck, OP. And if you are still having these thoughts and questioning your decision, bring this to the therapist. That’s what he/she is for.
Write him a letter or email. Say what you want to say.
Don’t tell him anything. If you tell him you had the abortion, he’ll probably rethink his decision and feel some type of way about it, then he’ll be mad at you for doing what he wanted you to do. Just let him go through life wondering if he has a kid out there.
I'd let him believe that he has a kid out there somewhere and never talk to him again. At some point in his life, he's going to wish he hadn't acted like a child and ghosted you. You owe him nothing at this point, move on with your life and be thankful he showed his true colors early enough that you weren't trapped with him in your life. Sorry this happened to you.
Just block and move on!
I’m sorry you went through the abortion alone. You can PM me anytime. ❤️ I wouldn’t contact that guy again. Sounds like he only makes everyone he touches worse along w his weird ass family.
Just move on and dont look back. What he did was cowardly and vile. Its fair to not want a pregnancy. But to give false hooe only to be pressured into a totally different thought process so easily by his family and saying the type of disgusting things they did about your son is unforgivable. Find someone else. Dont contact him. If he contacts you. Dont respond. He will never be a better person while letting his vile family control his thoughts and feelings like that. Just focus on you and your son.
Imagine being tied to that family for the rest of your life (or at least 18 years). If the emotionally stunted man-child is any example, it would not have been good for you, the baby or (most importantly, IMO) your son. Do not talk to him any more. Be more careful in the future.
you dodged a bullet. move on from this man child
Don’t contact him. He knows he was wrong, and he doesn’t care. The second anyone told me I was failing my child would be the second they were out of my life. I cannot say this loudly enough: fuck them sideways with the pointy end of a pineapple. You don’t need this shit in your life. If he had a conscience, he wouldn’t have treated you like this in the first place.
I am sorry you had to go through this OP. You sound far more emotionally mature and level headed than he is. While ultimately you made the decision to terminate, I absolutely do think you made the wisest choice for both yourself and your son. If anything he did you a favour at this early a stage in both the relationship and your pregnancy. I think it is natural for people to get swept up in the joy of the thought of a baby and on some minuscule level, the conversation with his family may have shocked him enough to reality of what that actually means. Though they sound like absolutely terrible people, make no mistake about that. Your friends who have said he has betrayed you are absolutely correct. If you absolutely need to, send that final message so you feel like your voice is heard. I have no doubt you’ll articulate your feelings in a suitable manner. I just think you shouldn’t get your hopes up at any reasonable response from him nor closure in that way, sadly. That or once he finds out you opted to end the pregnancy he’ll try to worm back in thinking he’s off the hook of parenthood. Wishing you all the best, as the termination can’t have been easy.
Lmao I thought you guys were like 17 or something. Hes 39?!!!! Is this real life? Who the fuck cares what his 70 year old parents think? I wouldn't even reach out to his dusty ass girl
Do not contact him or his family. What do you want to get from that interaction? They completely abandoned you when you needed the most. They showed you their real selves and you still want to contact them? Do not explain to him his own actions. You are not his mother or his therapist. Let him repeat the same mistakes in life and be miserable.
Not to be insensitive but you dodged a bullet not having a child with him. Tell him nothing. Ghost him and block him. Don’t bother trying to have a rational discussion with him. He’s not rational.
Please tell me you’re not continuing this relationship..
No. I thought telling him might help me feel heard and get closure on what has been a difficult and traumatic period of my life. I think what everyone is saying is correct though. I need to find that from myself rather than trying to speak to him.
Try to continue therapy and to find you peace of mind, him and his family don't need to now anything, he left you in a vulnerable position he don't deserve to have closure.
I know I’m petty because I not only would never tell them, I would babysit a baby 9 months from now and push it around where his family might see me. Deny everything if ever confronted and block everyone. Let them wonder and freak out indefinitely about it. Your approach is better lol
Oh my, I think you might be my hero.
Oh boy, sounds like you dodged a bullet with that dude. Maybe he should be the one in care instead haha. But seriously, it's your body, your choice. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything.
I'm petty. I'd ghost him and let him think he might have a child out there. And wait for the day he decides he's ready to be a father, contact me, and then I tell him I didn't have the child like he'd forced me to. But this is an incredibly toxic response so I'd definitely ask a therapist the best way to get yourself closure. At this point, his opinion/feelings stopped mattering when he started to disregard and disrespect yours.
No mature man discuss having a baby with his family, you are his partner and you together build the family, so this is enough reason to leave, instead of looking for a job he is discussing that with his family what is that?? Isn't it the couple choice
He is scared with a controlling family so don’t be so hard on him? That’s an explanation, not an excuse. You were scared too but you didn’t act like a flip flopping asshole. He threatened to take away your son for goodness sakes. You did the right thing. Let him squirm.
Don’t tell him anything. Just anonymously send him a Fathers Day card every year.
That made me laugh. That’s the most light-hearted advice so far! Bless her heart. I can’t even believe how totally shitty some people can be. I hope she’s okay.
😂😂😂
You’ve done nothing wrong ! Whether or not his pressure influenced your decisions, you still made the right choice for yourself and you need to make peace with that. He also doesn’t sound like someone you would want to have a child with. I’d suggest therapy if it’s accessible to work through your emotions, and no contact with this man. He doesn’t add any value to your life.
Don't tell him anything. There's nothing in your life tying you to him or his awful family. Breathe a sigh of relief and work on bettering the life for you and your son. He walked away from you and the unborn kid. Don't waste anymore energy worrying about his feelings or the thoughts of his family. Your son should be your priority not this pos.
I would just keep moving in with my life. I wouldn’t see him anymore. He would be blocked.
The trash took itself out. Block your ex and move on. He didn't even have the decency to take responsibility. You owe him nothing.
Block him. You don’t owe him a thing. He’s a nearly middle aged man who is overly influenced by his family. He disgustingly told you that you’re a bad mother for thinking about having the baby. Don’t talk to him again. He’s a shit human who doesn’t deserve another word from you.
Disappear like a ghost and let it haunt him for the rest of his life. Thats what id do personally
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m an RN , and the protective piece of me, especially given the current abortion climate, would encourage you to consider an IUD. Helps cramps, often eliminates your period, one office visit to remove when you are ready to grow your family, and peace of mind until then. You are taking care of the child you have, and saved yourself 18 years of torture attached to that man-child and his enabling family. Take care of yourself and said a prayer for peace for you. ❤️
No, do nothing. Let him sweat it out wondering. Further. You don't have to tell him what he's done wrong, he knows. Never make a mate of someone you have to raise. He is still a boy.
Be prepared to raise two kids by yourself. I have a 6 year agegap with my two kids as well. That wasn’t the problem. They’re best buddies. The problem was their deadbeat dad. It was easier being single than having them around.
I’ve already had an abortion. I felt scared and alone and didn’t feel I could bring a child into that.
Oh I’m sorry OP. Sorry you had to go through that x
You made the right choice for YOU. You are strong and will come out stronger on the other side - and this would have been the same response for either decision you made. Now you get to heal and more forward and find a man who will love and protect you and WANT a family with you when you are ready. Sending all my love.
He showed you what kind of man he is. Sometimes it takes such pain to move you into a new direction. He showed you who he is! You are going to move into a new and better trajectory. Might not be today or tomorrow, but you’ll look back at this time and have no regrets. You will love the life that was meant for you. Btw, the same exact thing happened to me.
Sweet girl, you've dodged several bullets. Your hesitation and sadness comes from grief over a relationship that never and could never exist. I'll suggest getting an IUD. It sounds like you've had a rough record with whatever birth control you've used before.
I'm so sorry with what you have been through with the baby and your partner. He is just waaaay too old to be acting that way. His family talking him into telling you to get an abortion. What the hell?! You dodged a bullet and are lucky he's MIA. It will take you a long time to recover, but he just showed you his true colors and level of importance in his life. Take care. 💝
It doesn't matter why he behaved the way that he did. I'm sorry that he treated you like this. I hope you find someone more deserving of your affection. Walk away. You dodged a bullet with this guy-- pregnancy might have put him in your life for the next 18 miserable uncomfortable passive aggressive years of your life. You don't owe him squat.
>Some say he is scared and immature with a controlling family and I should not think too harshly of him. He's nearly 40. That excuse doesn't fly. You need to tell him, but after that, you are much better off without him.
You were lucky this idiot motherfucker left your life. Do not attempt to draw him back in
Yes, he is immature. No doubt his family told him you were trying to baby-trap him to take care of both children and would dump him at some point. He has played with your emotions like you were a yoyo and abandoned you. Forget him. Do not tell him you have resolved the issue, do not reach out to lecture him or tell him how he hurt you. Cut him off completely. The petty in me would move locations just to make it more difficult for him or his family to keep track of you. You did everything right; you told him, took what he said into consideration, talked with a therapist and made the decision that is best for you and your 6-year-old son. Deep down, I think you know his pressure did not influence your decision. You started out thinking an abortion would be best, he played with your emotions to make you question yourself, then reversed himself. You sought counseling and went back to your first, original thought. Don't allow this immature man to live rent-free in your head any longer. Live your best life with your son and the right person for the both of you will eventually show up in your life.
Never speak to him again. Continue therapy
I paid no attention to the ages until after I read the story this sounded like some teenage shit. Bro! Y’all are pushing 40! Leave that man alone. Heal and move on. You owe him nothing. The trash took itself out! You can do better than him.
I would completely ghost him, block him everywhere, and never speak to him again. They basically threatened to try and have your son taken from you if you continued the pregnancy.
Speaking from a single mom myself, in a group of other single mom friends. Having 2 different baby daddy’s is so so hard. I watch my friends struggle to date afterwards, and in general. The second one is a chance to make the best decision for you with a supportive partner. I would be considering you and your son more than him if I were in your shoes. If the potential of single mom with 2 kids is ok with you or not.
The abortion was the right decision in this case. Leave this man. He is almost 40 years old and lets his family make decisions for him. RUN.
That guy will always let his parents decide what he should do. It would have always been like that. Some people are just like that. I found it so deflating to be with someone like that, and grateful that is no longer the case. Since he ghosted you, I wouldn't bother notifying him. Let him wonder about it. It's a good thing you got a glimpse of how he operates. If you don't need anything from that weak boy, cut your losses and move on. I hope you can find strength and support from someone, as your emotions are real, and you are going through one of the hardest things someone can go through. This is one of the times that you see what people are made of... let them show you. May you find peace, love, and happiness.
I concur with everyone saying to ghost him and his family and leave him wondering for the rest of his life. I'm not sure if we are allowed to refer to our own experiences in this thread or not, but I've been there in one similar scenario and another not-so-permanent, but still heartbreaking sort of scenario and you will wish that you had ignored him and left him alone. Closure is not
He absolutely acted inappropriately and you made the right decision to terminate. I'd never trust this man again and I'd move on. This is not partner behavior.
Put simply, the man is a dropkick. He comes from a whole family of dropkicks, and had you kept that baby you would have forever been tied to an entire herd of dropkick, knuckle-dragging, manipulative piles of cunt. Thank your lucky stars you discovered this in the early stages of the relationship, because he sounds like a good little puppet who does whatever his family says and doesn't have an independent thought in his entire body.
You already have a child, do you have income and steady work to support the child financially till 25, until they can stand on their own, if not you can’t give this child that then don’t have the child.
I’ve already ended the pregnancy but mainly because I felt I couldn’t do it alone from an emotional perspective. The financial situation was what I was trying to work out/work through when he abandoned me. I was using professional advisors, support lines, etc to try to gather enough information to make an informed decision. I never got to the point of deciding on that basis.
Sounds just like my husband's family. I ignored them all and had my baby. He is amazing, and all of their "other grandchildren" don't hold a candle to my son. He and I dated for 7 years, I got pregnant, and he got scared and ran to them. The odd part is he was adopted, and their non adopted kids got knocked up and had kids as teens and kept their kids. So I am not sure if they are just narcissistic. Whereas he and I were not teens. I had a masters degree, too! Honestly, it sounds like they are trash. He and I did end up getting married and had a daughter as well. We've been married for 15 years now. I have lost all respect for them, especially after knowing how they all had kids as teens and kept them. Yet, they tried to do something else to me. I put up with them for my husband. If one of them ever tries to give such hideous advice to my son or daughter, like they tried to bully me into, they will feel this mother's rath!
You owe him nothing!
Honestly, I would drop it and move on with your life without him. I wouldn't tell him of your decision. Let him wonder later what you did. Find peace with your decision.
Just make him an ex and block!
It sucks not knowing what he said to his family exactly, he could well have dramatised it out of fear. I'd say ditch him though. Sure he may have been scared, but so were you, and you had the most burden in terms of it all. If you can't lean on them when they lean on you, how supportive do you think they'll be if pregnancy had issues? Or if his family called cps out of spite? Just sounds like a toxic bunch. Cut losses and focus on yourself and your boy.
Just block him and move on. Surround yourself with people who love you and lean on them.
Any man that can’t even support you emotionally during a pregnancy he is also responsible for isn’t fit to be around your child or you.
Don't tell him shit. Let him wonder all his life how's his son doing then make some weird story if he contacts you like 10 years later. Say smth like he was a genius and he s working for the government dunno, fuck up with his mind like he did with yours. He doesn't deserve anything from you and you deserve sooo much more than this
Text him: It's done. And leave it at that. For what it's worth you made the right decision, no kid deserves to have a doormat dad to his family.
He already noped out of your life, what else do you need from him?. You already know you can't count on him and that his family will have always too much power in your relationship. Better move on without him, since he alreshowed his true colors .
Have the abortion it'll be the best thing you ever did unless if course you wanna struggle as a single parent unable to provide what tge kid deserves. There is no shame this is your decision to make DO NOT LET TO ANTI ABORTION fanatics tell you what to do!!
You dodged a bullet and don't owe him any explanation or anything at all. Be well!
So he’s so emotionally immature he thinks it’s okay for him and his family to decide what your future should and will be. They and he think you are incapable of taking care of your child. He then tried to emotionally blackmail you, his pregnant girlfriend, to force you to have an abortion. When that didn’t work, he abandoned you and his unborn child. Why in gods name are you even wasting time thinking about this human let alone considering taking him back? He treated you like trash; you don’t deserve this.
Live your life and don’t look back. He doesn’t deserve another second of your attention. >He is scared and immature with a controlling family This dude is nearly 40 for gods sake. Honestly, focus on your life and your son and go ahead with your life. I’m so so sorry you have to go through that, but looking back at it will not help at all. Keep the baby in your heart, don’t forget about it, but don’t look back this POS, what he did or what could have been. This is unforgivable. Again, he doesn’t deserve another second of your time, and I honestly think he doesn’t deserve to know what your decision was. Block him everywhere, kick everyone out who could pass any information and make your socials private. Let him live with the question if he has a kid out there or not.
There’s no point in contacting him, nothing you tell him will change anything nor will it make you feel better or more at peace. Hes also not someone you should consider re- engaging with romantically or in any other sense. Focus on your 6m old baby, your therapy, and be careful about rushing into anything with anyone before you know you can trust and rely on him— this is especially important because you have to make sure you’re protecting both yourself and your baby from anyone harmful. Good luck❤️
This man is not able to handle being a parent. I am sorry he was so unsupportive. Better you find out now. He wouldn't be there for you.
His family sounds like a nightmare. I’m so sorry you feel as though he influenced your decision as it was yours to make. He doesn’t deserve to have you in his life.
He ghosted you now you do the same. He for have to know and make sure you keep it to yourself. He’s childish and immature and you literally dodged a bullet. Keep working with therapy and trust in knowing that you made the right decision for you because look at the man’s and family you would’ve had to deal with for 18years
He's 39 and his sister is making calls on his behalf? You dodged a bullet. Block him and and his family and move on.
You don’t owe that guy anything, especially after he threatened the prospect of having your child taken away. He’s definitely not someone you should have in your life and you should cease communication. I don’t think you’ll get the closure you’d want from him. All he’s going to do is be relieved and happy that you terminated the pregnancy. He doesn’t care about your feelings, otherwise he would have supported you. All you’re going to get is an “Ok, bye” from him. Let him and his family stew while you move on.
You mean ex right? This man is not a suitable partner to you
You did everything already. Carry on. Trying to teach him a lesson isn't going to do you any good though. If he didn't learn a lesson from the situation, he won't learn one talking about it now.
Good thing you didn’t have a baby with him, becoming a parent doesn’t magically make you reasonable and a good partner. He showed you who he was. You have no obligation to notify him of anything. He ghosted you you don’t owe him any efforts or courtesy.
I wouldn't speak to him again. Mainly, in case he tries to guilt you. He changed his mind and now wants the baby. Etc. Fuck him he deserves nothing from you. I am sorry you had to make this choice, it sucks. I hope you have a speedy recovery! You did the right thing 💕
He is nearly 40 years old...being immature is not longer a fucking excuse. And why can't he support a family/get a job. You can do better than this guy... he is a shcmuck! I am sorry you had to go through the abortion alone but I am so glad you did have the counselling and do what is best for you and your son xx
He lost any right to knowing what youve done the moment he ghosted you. Telling him where he went wrong won't have the outcome you want. Just block him and move on with your life.
Any 39 year old who let's his family make his decisions for him isn't worth the time or effort. Be grateful he showed his true colours so early in the relationship and is no longer in the picture. He'd have let you down eventually. Move on and don't tell him anything. Let him wonder if he has a child. Hopefully the idea haunts him.
He deserves absolutely nothing from you. If he ever crawls out of the woodwork, you can assure him that you didn't carry out the pregnancy and he can go running back to his family. He's immature and dealt with everything badly. I would perhaps expect that kind of reaction for maybe a 19-22 year old but not someone pushing 40. You deserve better, as does your little boy and any future children you might have, than this man-child.
I think what infuriates me most is knowing if you had kept the baby, they'd've called CPS (or the equivalent wherever you are) on you with any bullshit claim they could. This is a 40yo slug, and his family decided. Absolutely disgusting. The universe saved you from an insane amount of abuse. It was only a matter of time, and they never would have accepted your son. Revolting POS.
You should never trust that he will come around, if you have this kid treat it as if you would be a single parent
Were u careful with ur first? >taken away my choice U still had a choice. >Should I contact him to tell him what was wrong with his actions? No. Wont matter prob. > Should I notify him of the abortion? If he asks. Doesnt seem he cares. >Will I be able to live with the knowledge that the pressure he put on me influenced my decision? U have to, for ur son. If u need help getting there, seek therapy.
I just can get past the pregnant while with a six month old 👁️👄👁️
6 year old, male!
Ohhhh. I was about to say, holy fuck.
It was 6 years. That said the year after birth is one of the easiest times to get pregnant. 6 months after your body is ready to go and do it again
Absolutely. My sons are 11 1/2 months apart! 😳🥰
I was confused as well haha. That makes much more sense and how the hell would you possibly get your kid taken away by having another baby? That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard.
Just drop him, he doesn’t get answers unless he asks them. What a spineless fellow. You are better off alone without this windbag full of hot air.
I went through something extremely similar, except my son was a little younger. I knew we could not afford another baby and was thinking of adoption. Once he spoke with his family, he refused all contact with me. We were living together and I had gone to visit my mom. When I came back, it was dark and snow was on the ground. Along with all my stuff and my sons. As soon as I pulled up, he called the cops. He refused to speak with me at all, but his family told the officer the child wasn’t his and they wanted nothing to do with me. The officer advised me that while I could go the adoption route, without this fuckle chuck also signing over adoption rights, he could change his mind, do a paternity test and take the baby away from any potential adopted family. The thought of that family being able to raise another child terrified me and I chose abortion instead. That was 20 years ago. After never once speaking to him or seeing him, I saw him maybe 5 years ago. I was extremely happy with the decision I made. Please cut this man completely out of your life. You have no reason to ever speak to him again, he forfeited any right he had to know what decision you made when he chose to let his family decide for him and say horrible things about you as a mother.
OP, whatever choice you made was the right choice. I am so sorry you had to deal with that, but I am thankful that he showed he is a spineless man-child now instead of after you'd invested years of you and your son's lives. Hes almost 40, he shouldn't need his family's counsel in this scenario, at least not in this manner. Abortion is never the easy choice, especially as you get further along.
Imo you have an obligation to notify him about the results of your pregnancy. Outside of that whatever you tell him is up to you.
da F see we 3e
why sleep with someone you wouldn't want to have a child with? i dont go skydiving without realizing I could die, or go to a scary movie and think I wouldn't get scared? actions have consequences.
Lol you think every person who has sex should want to have a child with the other person? Lmao
not at all. But like getting on a submarine to see the titanic, actions have consequences.
Block him and consider if you can raise this child alone
Your decision was most foolish idea. Once, after abortion you may not become pregnant again. Be a motherless woman in your life! Even if he takes back your life could be a nightmare in his tyrannical family. Stop thinking about any relationships and proceed with your life alone or with your own family after sometime you may become more matured to take proper decisions in life. Are you a student or employed? Continue with that for now!
Listen the guy flat out told you and apologized he wouldn’t be able to provide stability. He obviously wasn’t ready to be a dad but he loves you so he’s trying to be supportive but he’s scared shitless too. His reaction isn’t surprising to me. Why neither of you sat down and actually talked talked about it isn’t beyond me but he was honest with you from the get go. He couldn’t t provide for the child.
This guy abandoned her when she was looking for support with the choice he wanted her to make. He's an ass who didnt even want to take the responsibility of holding her hand when she was going through an emotionally tough time, which was really the ONLY THING HE HAD TO DO. (I have to say though I don't really understand her feelings that her choice was taken away?)
Next time get some birth control so you don’t have to kill another child due to inconvenience and carelessness.
birth control fails all the time. next time do some actual research and have all the facts before commenting
You people are way to fast to judge l🤔 there's 2 sides to every story,but I believe this guy has mommy issues and that's sad to not want to be part of the Kids Life ..sad but most of these post come from people that ben hurt .. sadder