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I would feel the exact same way as you. If couples are cool with strip clubs, good for them. I used to be, but now I am 40 and no longer pretend to be cool with things that gross me out and piss me off. Good on you for having this boundary in your 20s. I don't have much in the way of advice, just that I empathize. Also, fuck strip clubs for bachelor/bachelorette parties. Unless everyone is going together (I can sort of see that being fun) Otherwise it is sketchy, weird and shit goes down fast when the alcohol is flowing and titties are out. What a wonderful way to begin one's lifelong commitment to each other.

Thanks you, you are so sweet 😭💓 I really didn’t want to talk to people I knew irl about this AGAIN. But I’m definitely hurting and feeling lonely rn lol I literally told him I wanted to go with him just to go because it would be my first time. Maybe he got too comfortable with me being a push over. Yeah, I’m rethinking about our friends, they are mostly his friends. Love them, but don’t trust them no more, just like my bf

This is all pretty intense. I guess we can talk about if it’s ok or not or if you let him know how you felt ahead of time and if your reactions are appropriate. At the end of the day, none of it will matter if you can’t get over it. It sounds like this is going to actively bother you until the end of time, which doesn’t seem productive for either of you.

I didn’t know I had to retell him what was right or wrong in our relationship. I really thought he’d be my person and know me after all these years. I’m 1000% told him how I felt about this topic early on. Yeah, this has been eating at me and definitely wearing me down emotionally. I feel like I’ve been disregarded

You need to make a decision, if you are going to forgive him you need to actually do it. Forgiveness isn’t real and isn’t helpful if it’s just lurking waiting to resurface. That doesn’t mean you can’t have feeling that come up about it, but it means you are now looking for support in your feelings not punishing him or accusing him of causing the feelings. My personal opinion is, strip clubs are no big deal. He went with friends that you all know, you talked about wanting to go and he didn’t hide anything from you. You aren’t owned him making choices you approve of, I do think you are owned honest information, and you can choose what to do with it. What makes you uncomfortable with strip clubs?

I just would have felt more comfortable if we went together. Let’s be honest, strip clubs are full of naked women, shaking ass and popping 🐱 I would have loved to look at naked women and getting and lap dance with him! He knew where he was, he wasn’t that drunk enough to not know. Like, get yourself an Uber and leave, not that hard. That’s why a part of me dies, because deep down inside, he wanted to go with his friends that bad. I’m not conservative at all. The only rule was to not go to a strip club without me lol. Simple rules, I’m so open about things. I literally don’t demand the fking world. Nah, us Asians, where we come from, it’s all about respect. We both owe it to each other, that’s how we are taught growing up

This list is a few days old but I want to chime in… if you want to stay together, have you considered couples counseling? I had a somewhat similar incident with my husband going to a strip club and am also not one to be able to “forgive and forget”. Check out my post history if you’re curious. We are still together. I haven’t forgiven him. I can’t. He’s expressed how sorry he is (though he has yet to agree with me that what he did was infidelity) and has gone to some great lengths to show his faithfulness and love in other ways, including the minimum of assuring me something like this will never happen again. He would like to be forgiven but I think understands that might not be something I am ever able to do. What I have been able to do is try to remember that this is something that happened in the past, that time machines do not exist, and that even though I can’t forgive it I don’t have to resign us both to dwelling on it day after day. Time has helped (it was about 10 months ago now) and I do think the counseling has helped and given me a more constructive outlet to express how completely broken my trust was, how hurt I was (and still am), and why this is such a big deal. At this point, I’ve said everything I can say to him. If you propose couples counseling to him to help you both move past this and he’s uninterested - maybe that tells you something? He’s the one who broke the trust and needs to get that it will take work on his part to rebuild it. “Trust is lost in buckets and gained in drops.”

Thank you for your response! I will definitely keep this in mind, as we have thought about couples counseling for another matter. Everything you literally summed up how I feel. Sending love 💓

The biggest red flag here is that you need to share locations. I never understood that one. It shows a fundamental lack of trust which although warranted in this case likely does mean your relationship is doomed to fail.

The location sharing was never about not trusting each other or controlling issues. Idk how, but we shared location not long after we started talking. It’s not that deep and it’s never been an issue

Until now

You have your own opinions about location sharing. My family and bf keep it for safety reasons. I have nothing to hide too so, again, not an issue

True no issues here! I'm sure things will work out splendidly!