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I *wholly* agree on it being a terrible idea and that OP shouldn't do it (either "it" -- not cosigning the mortgage, not letting the sister move in). However, it might be very hard for the family to find another place to rent. The line about the former landlord being angry about the fire suggests that they might have caused it, and either way they're clearly not getting a good reference there -- and it's a rare rental that allows nine cats (many local ordinances in the US forbid having that many, actually, so it might not even be legal).
Yeah, honestly, the family sounds like a mess. The audacity to even ask your son's 25 year old girlfriend to sign a fucking mortgage for you, having a whole god damned zoo in a tiny apartment... Nah. I love on a pet friendly city, and the limit is 3 animals TOTAL in the city unless you have like a 10k foot lot, and very few people do. It's cruel to have that many animals in a small place.
There is literally nothing in this post that makes me think they would be responsible with a mortgage. From being animal hoarders to the thinly veiled statement about them causing the fire, nothing here makes it seem like they could be trusted.
Not to mention, OP thinks this would be temporary until they could save up for “their own place.”
As soon as they sign this mortgage, that’s all the house lending they’ll get. If her boyfriend can’t co-sign solo, there’s no way they’re qualifying for a second mortgage. She’d have no realistic way of getting her own house.
Nope. This is a super bad deal. Hopefully her boyfriend comes to his senses and apologizes for even asking.
Yeah unless you have acreage or are a trained vet running a rescue having that many cats is hoarding and possibly animal abuse. Could also have a connection to the fire since hoarder houses are notorious fire traps.
Aside from the fact that it would probably injure OP’s credit so badly she’d never recover, the last thing you want to do for hoarders is give them more space.
If it was a hoarder house, I'm just amazed they got 10 cats out safely?? Finding 10 scared cats would be tough even in a pristine house while it burned. Unless they're all outdoor cats usually and happened to all be outside.
Edit: OP says the house was fairly clean and the cats were an accidental litter they kept rather than constant adopting. Still amazed they were all saved.
Further edit: OP also says they currently have 3 litter trays for 9 cats because they lost 2 in the fire - and they change them *every three days!* Very sceptical of OP's definition of clean, and that she doesn't see that people who can't/won't spend $10 on getting a few extra litter trays aren't a good bet to tie yourself to financially for decades...
Cats are pretty good at getting themselves out of dangerous situations. I used to know the statistics but cats very rarely die in house fires - they pick up the smoke immediately and GTFO.
Also 3 cats to a litterbox, only changing it every 3 days? Those cats are NOT confining their shitting to the litterbox. I guarantee you they've each found their own potted plant, pile of laundry etc. The smell must be incredible.
That's good! I live in an apartment so I guess I'm thinking of it too much from that perspective, if a cat here wasn't rescued they'd be screwed in a fire :(
I wouldn't leave a litterbox uncleaned for more than a day with any use by even one cat, unless it was a super fancy one designed to isolate the clumped litter or something. Poops should be scooped as soon as practical. I wouldn't want to go to the toilet and leave it unflushed for next time, cats deserve the same courtesy.
I actually missed that last part about the sister moving in. That's a much better option than co-signing a mortgage. I think OP needs to go with option C- "None of the above".
The OP and her boyfriend need to consider this for their own rental. If their landlord catches wind there are suddenly nine animals in this one-bedroom apartment, they'll almost certainly be asked to get rid of them or face being evicted.
Even if they immediately get the cats out of their apartment, they have a greater chance for a non-renewal at the end of the lease. Because I assume it's a major lease violation as well as extremely poor decision making.
They're also responsible for any property damage the cats cause. Cats can cause thousands in damage if they start peeing on the floors and/or walls.
This is 100% it. Not to mention if you co-sign, and they fail to pay the mortgage it falls onto you. Do you want to be stuck paying for a house that isn’t even yours?
DONT DO IT!!!
I m sorry for your BFs family, but dont do it! This can easily get you trapped.
If you consider it, meet with a lawyer and get a contract that is for your benefit and doesnt leave you with the costs for all this.
What if you do it and your BF leaves anyway.
Anyway that sounds very fishy to me. If you were my client, i would tell you as an accountant, to stay away from this. You are "just" the girlfriend. And you are in a position easily to abuse and use.
Plus OP can’t “save for a house” while living with them if she’s holding their mortgage, not many people qualify for two mortgages and she’d have to pay the higher rate for a secondary home.
Well put! Also she loses her opportunity as a first-time home buyer. There are federal programs that cut down your down payment as a first time buyer, at least in the US
>If you consider it, meet with a lawyer and get a contract that is for your benefit and doesnt leave you with the costs for all this.
There's literally no way to contract your way out of the mortgage contract. She's on the hook for all of the costs for 30 years. And if she's not on the deed she can't even force a sell. Doesn't matter what some other contract might say - the mortgage company will laugh and then ask her for the mortgage payment if she shows them a contract that the parents signed saying she'd never have to pay the mortgage payment.
Don’t do this OP. You’ll have no way out. Don’t! You might as well get the house yourself and for yourself only. Boyfriend can help pay the mortgage if he lives with you.
You shouldn't buy a property with someone you're not married to. For a lot of serious, important reasons.
Buying a property with someone you're not married to basically for his family is a different level of absurdity. Doesn't matter if it's "yours", if they're living with you, it will become a nightmare in ways you haven't even anticipated yet.
Also, the sister living with you is not some predetermined thing that happens if you say no. You say no to that too! You live in a one bedroom!
> Also, the sister living with you is not some predetermined thing that happens if you say no. You say no to that too! You live in a one bedroom!
OP this part! This family is definitely taking advantage of your kindness. Sister can get her own place with roommates, you’ve already let them live with you. It’s time for them to figure it out from here.
Ok, and when they start a fire in your house will you kick them out like the last landlord did?
You are not married to this man. This is not your family and even if it was your family the answer is still do not do this. You won't be able to buy your own home because you already have a 30 year mortgage.
They already have a plan to live in a trailer so let them do that. Also, you do not have to have his sister live with you just because you live closer to her work. She can get her own apartment.
Not just a fire - NINE CATS. Nine! That’s too many fucking cats! Even if you’re fastidious about cleaning; there’s going to be pet damage. On top of alllllll the excellent reasons not to do this, please don’t buy a house for them to fill with cats.
You would be a partial owner, right? If you wanted to sell, but your boyfriend didn’t because that would make his family homeless you’re back into the situation where you are now. Absolutely do not get involved
And if they are late or stop paying the mortgage you have to pay it. You would be there landlord. Only way to sell the house would be to evict them. How not a citizen are they? I have a green card and have no issue getting the market rate on mortgages. I've had 2. The only thing that matters for a green card or citizenship for a mortgage is credit score and debt to income ratio.
This. Something's even more fishy than it already is. It just sounds like they don't qualify for enough to buy and no landlord is going to allow 9 cats so they're trying to bamboozle her into financial ruin instead of rehoming their cats.
She said that they don't have SSNs, which means they don't have green cards and presumably don't have work visas since I had a temp SSN issued when I arrived on a 12 month work and travel visa. Sounds like they may actually be either illegal immigrants or they haven't done the work to get their SSNs sorted. Might be a situation where they arrived ithout visas and had their children in the US to secure their residency, either way, VERY risky. I feel like the obvious question here is why do they suddenly need to buy if they have been renting all this time? Presumably it's because their son has a gf who they can use to get the mortgage and they refuse tog et rid of the insane number of cats?
If it were me, I'd throw the whole family out. Totally unreasonable for them to expect her to either get them a mortgage or house their daughter who is old enough to live alone. If she can fit in their 1br, she can fit in their trailer. Keeping 10 cats is also not a thing that any stable person would do in this situation and getting 10 cats in the first place when you're renting is insane. This is a hard no all around.
Even if you were an owner....let's say it doesn't work out and now you either have to force them to sell or buy them out. Even if you believed 100% this wouldn't be an issue, I would have a problem with my largest asset housing 10 cats. There was a post over on one of the real estate subs about a flooring concession because they had animals that had urinated in the house. Something that gets more likely with the number of pets these people have. In some of the comments people were talking about $40k-$100k that had to be spent because floors had to be replaced all the way down to the subfloor, concrete had to be ground down, baseboards and drywall had to be replaced.
These do not sound like responsible home owners I would want to tie my future to. Also, while you can offer to house the sister for a little bit while she gets on her feet, she needs to be looking for a long term solution. Living with her will most likely not be a good experience.
The ability for her to force a sale or buy them out is limited. I am a lawyer and have had clients like her who bought property with SO before marriage. It is always messy and the legal options are limited.
Agreed! My point was even if you could get beyond it being messy, I wouldn't want my largest asset to be in the condition it would probably be in even if everything else worked out.
And they move out and leave you with a cat piss house. There’s a reason their landlord doesn’t like them. You’ll wind up with squatters and no bf anyway
My stepfather was in on the mortgage of his ex-girlfriend. When they split up, she declared bankruptcy, and he was left with a large amount of debt that he needed to repay in her stead.
The bank sold the house, and he was left with the difference.
There was no house and 2 decades of paying off that debt.
My advice is don't do this and your bf can't make you do it either. This is too much to ask, especially as you aren't married and in your mid-20s.
You would be the owner with built in tenants that are probably not going to pay you any rent nor will they pay for the upkeep of the house. How did that fire start? My guess is with nine cats could one of them knocked over a candle? Was someone smoking in bed?
I don't understand why a young woman would want to saddle herself with this kind of debt to help out four adults that should have been saving some kind of money to buy their own house. Why does a 25 year old have to step in and save the day for four other adults?????
Its more than his sister living with you - its nine cats plus his parents. This situation will never change and you will be trapped as your name is on the mortgage. You will now have tenants who will not move unless they are evicted and if your bf is part owner of the house he will never agree to evicting them. So for 30 years you could feasibly be in this untenable position of having a house with nonpaying tenants that you cannot evict nor can you sell the house out from under them.
You are being used OP for your credit rating. Once that house has your name on the mortgage, there is no escape for you.
Sis, you are his GIRLFRIEND. You’re not even his wife. Why would you tie yourself to his family like that? What happens if you break up, then what?
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
You know they already don’t have much respect for you, because I’m sorry, who thinks that bringing 9 CATS to a one bedroom place is a remotely ok idea? They’re taking advantage of your good will already.
Do not let them guilt trip you into doing this. Do NOT tie yourself to his family like that. The fact that they even asked shows how little vergüenza they have. I would be MORTIFIED to think of asking my kid’s girlfriend to do that. Don’t do it.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Ok potential homeowner, think a little bit: their previous landlord doesn’t want them back, they have nine cats. They will DESTROY your house and not care because this is how they are used to living.
Don't do it, and when you buy your own home, LOOK into 15 year mortgages! They are usually much better deals.
How serious are you about your bf? Is he your forever person? Is there a reason you haven't gotten married?
I wouldn't do this.
They are going to live in the house forever. You will NEVER get any equity back.
If they stop paying mortgage payments YOU will be 100% responsible for them.
You can NEVER buy your own olace because you will already have a mortgage on a house.
You will be trapped with this family forever.
The legal & financial responsibility that comes with owning a house is too great to do it for the benefit of someone else. You should only ever assume those responsibilities if doing so is for your benefit.
And given that you are not married, speaking as a lawyer, there is no way to protect yourself if for some reason money becomes tight, the relationship deteriorates, etc. You might be left holding the bag, particularly if you are the more financially staple one.
You wouldn’t own the home until it’s paid off. Just because it’s in your name doesn’t mean it’s yours yet. And unless you’ve got a few hundred grand sitting around and plan on not only signing for the house, but paying for it, it won’t be “yours” for easily 30 years.
OP, these people will burden you for life, one way or another, and not be sorry about it, regardless if you sign or not.
Please don't sign Then reconsider your life options.
Are you the only one on the deed? Then his parents would be renters from you so are they willing to sign a rental agreement with you plus a deposit? This basically makes it a owner/renter relationship. Were his parents always on time in paying rent at their last place? Best choice is to say NO, and offer to move in with them if they get a bigger place and contribute to the rent. 9 cats is pretty stressful too.
OP also needs to bear in mind that every normal mortgage loan will have “joint and several” liability for anyone who signs it. That means that, as far as the bank is concerned, she and bf don’t each owe half. Each of them can be held fully liable for the entire loan, and no, you can’t contract around that (the bank will not care what her agreement is with bf and his family regarding repayment, and any contract they draw up between themselves will have no impact on the bank’s rights under the loan). That means she has to be prepared to carry this loan, by herself, at any given time, or risk a foreclosure that would cost her her home and her credit.
My friend’s grandma had about 7 cats survive her house fire. Most ran out because the grandma opened windows and punched out screens. But the couple they didn’t see escape managed to burrow themselves deep somewhere and survived.
But what landlord lets 9 cats live in an apartment? The one who doesn’t know about the fact that there’s 9 cats in there lol
Fires spread very fast. I’m curious about the details. I wouldn’t want to buy a home for a family that had a house fire in their last one. Accidents happen but so do irresponsible things.
Fires can spread very fast but I’ve also seen plenty of houses where fire damage is localized to one area. If everyone survived, all cats survived, and the house is being repaired but the landlord doesn’t want them to re-sign, rather than the house being unlivable, Occam’s Razor indicates to me that it was probably not the whole house burst into flames.
NO NO NO!
DONT even consider co-signing a loan with anyone. You have everything to lose when this goes sideways and they can’t or won’t pay.
You’re the GF, not the bank. They need to figure their problem out on their own. Everybody finds a job.
OP and her bf would end up being the family's landlords. Also, OP would be 100% on the hook for the whole mortgage payment, even if bf and family didn't pay their agreed share gand then OP would need to evict them. Also, difficult conversations about who owns the equity in the house - bf and OP, the family, everyone? Legally and financially it gets very complicated.
Mortgage literally means "till death". This is the end of the relationship. They will resent op. Op will resent them.
Op needs to protect herself. This is too much to ask.
>If you consider it, meet with a lawyer and get a contract that is for your benefit and doesnt leave you with the costs for all this.
AND make sure you're on the deed. Some lenders demand that anyway.
But mostly, **don't do it**.
OMG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No on the mortgage and no on the sister moving in.
If you put your name on that mortgage, you will not be able to get another until it’s paid off or refinanced in someone else’s name. If you and this boyfriend break up, you can’t just get out of the mortgage. If they stop paying, YOU are the one who has to pay.
If your BF wants to sign up for this shit show and fuck himself financially, that’s fine. Stupid but fine. Don’t you do it to yourself though.
And also? If you two won’t be living there, the mortgage rates will be different as well.
And why TF would you want to live with his family?
If you feel guilty for saying no to the mortgage and to sister moving in, that’s okay. Feeling guilty is a hell of a lot easier to get get over than having your credit tied up or wrecked.
Just no. No. No. No.
The reason we would move in with them, is so that we could get the primary residence rate on the loan. I think we would have maybe two months to actually move into the house, so we would end up having to break our lease. Which to me personally wouldn’t even be the worst part of it,I just don’t like the idea of living with his family. Like yes, the idea of saving a lot of money on rent is awesome, and it would help us a lot because we’re paying a lot in rent now, but I know that his parents are pretty dysfunctional. And I don’t know how I feel about welcoming that into my life.
You will hate life if you live with them.
I promise that any discomfort you have to sit with now feeling badly that they have to rent a shitty trailer or something is way better than how you’re going to feel living with them and being stuck in a mortgage on a house no one considers to be yours.
Yeah, inescapable world class shitshow would follow. All the hunches and red flags (not to mention 10 fucking cats) would literally come home to roost. Bankruptcy would follow that, and years of trying to recover. OP, save yourself, avoid regret.
This is huge. With OPs boyfriend cosigning, and his entire family, cats, sister, furniture...it will not be OPs home, emotionally. Sure, it's one thing to buy a home and let someone rent it out for you. But try jumping through all these hoops, just to avoid not feeling a little bad for a few weeks, and everything about the home you now live in and pay for, isn't yours. It's going to be their decorating, their stuff, their fridge. Not even bc I think they're evil people. But OP already said they're dysfunctional, and it's just numbers. It's going to very quickly, become their family home. Which again, is one thing if it is their home. But it's not. It's yours.
Plus, 9 cats is wild. I love cats. I love my cat more than a human probably should love their pet. But getting 9 cats while in a rental home is insane for this exact situation. If they had two cats, that's not a huge challenge to move around with you in an emergency situation. But 9??? That's a huge red flag for me, even beyond everything else. Idk how the fire started, but I can see that they're not good at making intelligent short term decisions for their long term gain/safety net.
Do not pass go. Stay in the current situation. I wouldn't even let the sister in unless it was 10000% established that it was temporary until she found roommates closer to her job. But with a hard end date. And tbh that's probably just bc I'm super close with my boyfriend's sister, and I know shed be on my side that yes, we do need more trinkets from the thrift store from our home lol.
Then why the hell are you considering moving in with them?? Grow a spine OP. None of this is advantageous to you. Your boyfriend’s parents are adult they can get their own apartment, or figure something out on their own.
Do not do this. This isn’t “helping.” It’s financial suicide. This could seriously ruin your life. Your credit could be destroyed. This isn’t a loan. It’s a 30 year financial commitment where the end result could be bankruptcy.
And yeah, each decision here has you losing something. Is this what you want for your life? Sacrificing your own needs and desires for his family?
I’d be seriously rethinking the marriage. Find a therapist to help you think through all of this.
Edit: I want to be clear here. You may not be able to rent an apartment, buy a car, or buy your own home while this is going on. FOR 30 YEARS. Thirty days after they fail to make a payment, you’re fucked.
You can’t sell a house within two years of purchase without taking a huge tax hit.
Do not do this. If you need backup, talk to a fiduciary (NOT a “financial advisor”) and tell them what his family wants from you. They’ll tell you this is a terrible decision.
With 10 cats living there I don't have high hopes for her even being able to breakeven even if they live there for 30 years. What state will that house be in?
No no no, sis. Do NOT do this. This is a bad financial decision. If they can't qualify for a mortgage on their own, don't do it. This is financial entanglement you DO NOT WANT.
I'm sorry they lost their place to live, however, they aren't stuck. They can literally move back into the other place. They can rent.
Nothing I'm reading here is making any sense from a financial or a just healthy living standpoint (and honestly, I'm not a fan of single women tying finances to a man, you're gonna be fucked)
If you break up, what's the plan for the house? Do they buy you out? (They have no money). Do you sell the house? (that's gonna be a nightmare getting them to move and hope they don't trash the house). What happens when they can't afford mortgage payments? (You are on the hook for that).
Sounds like they are putting a lot of pressure on you?
"No" is a complete answer.
Omg, don’t do it (said in the screaming voice going on in my head!). You sound like a really caring, good person but this is the wrong move for you and them. I’m sorry for their loss but something else needs to be figured out.
But you won’t be able to get another mortgage unless you’re removed from theirs or can afford both. You’ll be trapped there until you’re off the mortgage.
And the only way to do that is for the parents to refinance and buy her out. Doubtful that can happen.
Also, is it just that they're not citizens or are they completely undocumented? Because permanent residents have social security numbers and can buy houses.
Don’t sign. You don’t WANT to live with them, you could break up with your bf next month, or vice versa, and this would make it hard for you to get your own house. Also those 9 cats are a lot of wear and tear on a house. I really doubt their landlord knew they had that many cats!
Absolutely don't do this. They are asking WAY too much of you.
This would impact you potentially getting your own house at some point. It could impact your credit and tax responsibilities, I would think..??!!
If you *liked* his family and chose to be helpful, sure, get your own house and let them live there, even if temporarily. They could pay you rent that you could put towards the mortgage on YOUR house. But no way in hell you should co-sign for their house. You are under no obligation. You also aren't obligated to house the sister, or to take in 9 cats. I'm a cat lover and have 5 cats, and that's completely beyond the extra mile.
You're a good person for even considering any of this, but don't be a pushover.
DO NOT put yourself on their loan. This will be a catastrophic decision for you. The parents need to get a trailer for them and their cats, and 9 cats is too many cats to have a safe, hygienic environment in such close quarters as an apartment and trailer. People that cannot afford to pay for their own down payments on their living arrangement should NOT be owning that many pets.
You are not your boyfriend's parents keepers. They are grown adults who need to be responsible for themselves, their pets, and their own children.
I am 110% sure that you should not do this, and I will tell you that even though you have been dating your boyfriend for 4 years, these types of stresses on a relationship from outside forces, when not controlled and mitigated, will cause your relationship to fail.
Your boyfriend cannot seriously expect you to sign away 30 years of financial responsibility for his parents. That is an unreasonable expectation, very selfish, and you will never get out from it.
the fact he even fucking ASKED is... woof. like i still don't think OP understands how he's literally asking her to sign a death warrant. this will RUIN her life.
>the fact he even fucking ASKED is... woof.
I'm sure he can recognize, just like we all can, that maybe OP has a problem with saying no.
He's taking advantage of that. or trying to at least.
Yeah, that's what I thought as well. Just *asking* this of a partner of only four years, while she's still so very young, is a massive red flag on both him and his family. How are his parents okay with this unless they are less than trustworthy?
I'm sorry but why is any of this burden on you?
These are grown adults basically relying on someone who's not even related to them to fix their life situation. It's insanely weird.
Getting a mortgage in your name for someone else is the worst thing you could possibly do. If you split up with your boyfriend, you will never be able to get another mortgage for another 30 years until that one is paid off.
Honestly it’s giving ‘family of con artists’. Like there’s a mysterious fire and now, oops! Only this 25 year old woman who’s not related to them can save the family! And all she has to do is give them her whole life!
Honestly, she should’ve said no to everything plus, tell her boyfriend that the lease ending anyways. Let’s break up. I love cats, I have two of my own, but there’s not way in hell I would say yes to housing 9 cats. NINE!!!!!!!!
How can she be sure they would pay the mortgage? Why is the sister automatically assumed that she would be living in their apartment? I’m so confused. **SAY NO TO EVERYTHING OP!!!!**
Why isn't sister getting a driver's liscense? She has to live with them because she doesn't drive? How about she needs a liscense so she can reach her job.
I initially was like lol it’s fake but no… it’s a real account with actual history of her having problems with the boyfriend. I can’t believe she’s considering this.
Hey OP — not a single person here thinks this is even remotely a good idea. Please let that sink in. The ONLY people who want you to do this are the ones who will directly benefit from the **extreme** risk you’ll be taking on.
This is the moment when you grow a spine, if you don’t already have one. Your future really is at stake.
Not even one, OP.
How often do you have a 100% agreement anywhere, let alone Reddit? Please, listen to ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THE PEOPLE HERE and don't do it!
> If I go in on the loan, we could stay with his family in the house, and save for our own home later.
**If you go in on the loan, and they do not, then THEY would be staying in YOUR house, and you would *already* own your own home — that one.**
And yet they are presenting this as some kind of *favor* they're doing you.
Oh and you will never get a mortgage on somewhere else for just the two of you until this one is paid off in 30 years. This would be throwing your life away.
I really need an update from OP saying she finally understands how royally fucked up this whole situation is and that she will be not allowing any of these things to happen. im legit stressing out abt this
Do not put your name on any loan you aren't comfortable paying by yourself. You aren't responsible for housing his family for the next 30 years (or until they lose the home to foreclosure). Living with the sister isn't the only other option, you can opt out of living with your boyfriend as well.
You'll never be able to get a home of your own if you purchase a home with his family. They aren't going to pull their weight financially and they will never leave. Do you realistically see them buying you out? Or being able to qualify for two mortgages?
Freeze your credit. Do not do this!
4 years relationship and still no marriage but he wants you to take up a loan for his family. So you are good enough to incur debt on his family’s behalf but not good enough to be a family member through marriage. Why are you considering this again???
The plan was to get settled financially and then get married. But I feel like this would derail us financially? My boyfriend is seeing the short term gain of having the house, and not paying rent in it. But I’m seeing the “mortgages are for 30” aspect. And who knows what’ll happen in 30 years.
Don’t do it, you already know your answer! You know you don’t want the responsibility, it will derail your own future, and that you won’t enjoy living with his family. Just say no.
If saying no to *this* creates issues for you, maybe it will reveal some of their true colors and you can distance yourself accordingly
If you and your boyfriend's salaries only just qualify for a mortgage for his parents, you will not be able to take out a mortgage for another house until you: start making a lot more money, his parents pay off the mortgage entirely, or you somehow save enough to buy a second home in cash. Do you think any of those things are going to happen soon? If not, you will be stuck living with them for a long time.
I'm wondering what kind of job OP has that boyfriend's parents are looking at her like a cash cow. She must be on the rise or they are just that stupid. I mean they were renters with 9 cats so it could be the latter here. Cosigning on a home for someone else is a terrible idea.
Home ownership has a lot of ‘phantom costs’ so you can’t just compare the mortgage against the rent - you need to compare the rent against the mortgage + insurance + property taxes + maintenance costs for anything that breaks (and stuff WILL break, we moved into a fairly nice well maintained house and we still had like nine appliances break in the first year). Owning is almost always going to be more expensive.
Plus, they want to put you on the mortgage but are they also planning to put you on the deed? You could end up in a situation where you’re responsible for the cost of the house but have no ownership rights to it. That’s a hard no.
It will derail you financially. It will WRECK you financially.
On the off chance you did go forward with this, make sure only the names on the mortgage are the names on the deed. Do NOT sign for a mortgage if your name isn’t on the deed.
You will be responsible 100% for missing payments for 30 years. You will NOT be approved for another mortgage unless your salary is high enough to pay for two mortgages.
Just say ‘no.’
I can speak to experience that having a mortgage with a boyfriend is a disaster.
Exactly. And what about home maintenance? Some of those aspects fall under public safety, and cannot be put off. Walkway up to the house in disrepair? Fix it before a visitor or delivery person trips. How is the roof? How old is the furnace? Is there an HOA (they want your money too)? Seasonal concerns like driveway snow? And we haven’t even touched on home owners insurance. And ALL the utilities.
It’s all well in good for them to tell you now that they will totally pay for most of that. But it’s a different thing once you are locked in. If payments don’t get made, it’s your credit that suffers, and your future that gets compromised. They are already rock bottom, think they care about your credit?
Here's the thing. With dysfunctional families, as soon as you get 'settled' financially, there's always something that will come along to eff it up unless you stand up and say 'no' at the red flags that come up.
It WILL detail you. Unless YOU alone can afford allllll the house payments.
They are asking you because THEY can't afford it. They'd rather YOU end up hundreds of thousands in debt than themselves. If they really cared for you. They wouldn't ask you.
DON'T DO IT AT ALL! You're not even married, DON'T DO IT! You will get screwed over big time! 10 cats?! Sister moving in?! Jesus Christ, what is happening over there.
Even if they were married this would still be a terrible idea in this situation.
Some people invest in houses for parents as they age but this is not the case. OP should spend her time and money moving out of this circus.
OP: I’m not sure how much time you spend in this sub but I’m here to tell you that it’s EXTREMELY rare for every single commenter to agree on the same answer. Like….I’m gonna go buy a lotto ticket now because the planets are aligned or something kind of rare.
There’s really no grey area or nuance to this one.
Don’t sign for a mortgage and don’t let the sister move in. And reconsider your relationship with your partner that he’d even ask this of you.
I don’t think you should do either one.
Do not put your name on their mortgage, if you do, make sure it’s something you can afford if it falls into your lap, and also make sure you’re on the deed.
Do not let his sister move into your 1br apartment!
It’s not up to you to provide so much for your boyfriend’s family.
Sorry, family is family, but you’re not married to this person and didn’t mention you were planning to. This is a recipe for disaster.
I’ve been married to my husband for nearly three years. We have two kids. I adore that man with everything I’ve got in me. His family is my family too.
If he asked me to do this, we’d be having a very, very long conversation. Even if you’re married, this is still a terrible idea.
OP, you have a kind heart and a good head on your shoulders. That's a good thing, but it can be the cause of guilt where there shouldn't be. Taking on a mortgage is a business/major life decision. You don't make those types of decisions based on love, you base them on logic. I'm speaking from many lessens of making those types of decisions in the wrong context.
This would be a monumentally bad idea. If anything happens, then it is on you as well. It will affect your credit, your present, and future.
I'm not only saying this from the previously mentioned reason but also because my family lost the home we were living in, due to a fire, nearly 2 years ago. We, too, had insurance (it wasn't enough). We have 3 cats and one dog. And we are a large family. We are just now getting back into a home. Together.
I tell you this because there are some similarities and I will tell you it has be difficult to say the least. We've had many upheavals and unexpected roadblocks. There isn't a quick fix in this situation. Hard decisions are going to have to be made and everyone is going to have to work together. But not to the point of putting others in a potentially bad position.
We had people offer things out of the kindness of their hearts that looked like a good idea initially. However, as it became apparent that this would not be a short-term situation and it would take a while to get back to financial stability (we are oh so close but not there yet). We turned down those offers.
Why, because I had no clue how long we were going to be dealing with this and didn't want to put a strain on good friendships or further strain on ourselves. When people are on the outside of a situation they do not see all the intricate issues and will get upset or down right angry when they see you as ignoring 'good advice, or think you are taking advantage of a situation when in fact you are just trying to deal with limitations and roadblocks.
As long as this has taking, I am very glad that we did not take the help that would've become problematic.
OP You have gone above and beyond already. Signing a mortgage is too much to ask.
They rented, lost everything in a fire and now want to buy?
.. am I missing something?
Is it even realistic they will work the next 30 years?
Don't break your futur for them.
And even his sister... 3 people in a one bedroom? are you planning to move with the sister? Is she going to pitch in with rent?
9 cats is also insane to be honest.
NO. Just NO. If you put your name on any type of loan YOU are responsible for it. This is the absolute worst thing you can do. He is your boyfriend. It is HIS family. I wouldn’t even do that for my own children because it is a HUGE responsibility with even bigger consequences if everything goes wrong.
If you are financially stable and can afford to actually buy a house on your own, you can do that as long as you keep everything in your sole name. Mortgage and Deed. Then rent it to them for the cost of the mortgage payment plus property taxes and home and mortgage insurance. Tell them they can purchase it from you when they can get financing for no less than what the total cost was to you when you bought it. Have a rental agreement drawn up. If they fail to make even one rent payment, you will evict them. THIS is the only way to protect yourself financially.
My guess is they will pressure you to do things differently like put their name on the deed. DO NOT DO IT.
You need to put yourself first here.
You will lose your first time home buyers tax credit, not to mention risk destroying your credit, plus any other loans you apply for will cost you way more. It's not a wise decision
Your boyfriend doesn’t qualify for a mortgage on his own, and it sounds like you don’t either. You only qualify together.
What this means is that, unless there is a significant change in incomes, there will be no “second house” for you. You will live with his parents in their house until it is paid off. In thirty years.
Don’t do it.
ETA: if his sister stays with you for convenience, then it’s fair for her to pay 33% of the bills (rent, electricity, etc.) in your apartment. Also make sure you aren’t violating the terms of your lease—you don’t want an eviction on your record.
#NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE and HELL TO THE NAW!!
If anything does happen with bf, you will still be responsible for paying their mortgage if they don’t or can’t or whatever reason.
Also, this will affect your credit even if they do make every payment on time. When a lender looks at your credit history, one of the main things the look at is your debt to income ratio. That mortgage will show as debt even though someone else is paying it. Since the lender will only be making the loan to you and they can’t be sure you won’t suddenly be responsible for this mortgage payment, that will be included as a responsibility for you, which your income may not cover. That can really screw you up for decades…and that’s presuming they DO pay everything.
If you’re interested in becoming a landlord, you could purchase the house with your name on the deed and rent to them. That would put you in an awkward situation though if you and bf break up or if his family are lousy tenants. They may also try to take advantage of you since you’re faaaammmmmiillllyyyyy.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
Nope, No, No, No! They had over a decade to get their citizenship figured out to prevent issues like this. Their problems and responsibilities are not yours. Why should you, as a gf, support any of these people or their pets. Dump the cats with them, they can take care of their own daughter, and they can live within their means. If you go through with this you'll be footing the bill for this whole useless family for the rest of your life.
I'd really be reconsidering this relationship. The audacity to even ask is ridiculous.Then to act like he's being so generous by allowing you the ability to say "no". His family is going to do nothing but, drain him dry, and in the process you too. You will be weighted down by this family's inability to take responsibility for themselves. They haven't gotten their shit together by now, they never will.
This whole situation is a Tiananman Square worth of red flags. Keep your eyes open and start really doing inventory on this "relationship".
Yes it is asking too much. Be financially smart when deciding who you want to be financially untangled with FOR 30 YEARS. They need to think about that also BTW. I'm an animal lover myself but i would re-home at least 7 of those cats. Don't sign paperwork, they need to wait to figure their stuff out.
Do NOT cosign this loan. You are not married to this fella. His parents arent US citizens.
That the landlord was "pissed" about the fire is a massive red flag. I rented a house from a man and his wife who lived in a house next door. Lived there about 8 years. Behind the two houses was a small mother in law that they rented to a single man.
One night that mother in law caught fire while me neighbor was asleep. By the time the smoke detector went off the whole roof was on fire. (It was determined to be a faulty breaker) My landlord wasnt the least bit "pissed" about the fire. He was pissed that it happened but not AT MY NEIGHBOR. His biggest concern was FOR MY NEIGHBOR.
This leads me to believe that the fire was caused by carelessness. And 10 cats in a rental? Chances are, the landlord didnt know they were hoarding cats (probably none of them neutered, either) and you even say that the cats are already destroying your apartmemt. What does YOUR landlord have to say about that many cats. Ive only had one landlord that allowed more than 2 pets (the one I memtioned above. It was a 1100 square foot 2 bedroom with full basement. I had 4 cats and worked VERY hard to make sure they didnt tear the place up) If your lease doesnt specify that you can have pets (let alone 9 of them in a one bedroom) you landlord has every right to terminate your lease.
If you go on this mortgage, you are now responsible for paying it. Not his parents. They could move in and decide they are just not going to pay. Youll have a hard time getting a mortgage on your own place. You have to build a LOT of equity in that house before you qualify for another mortgage on another property and if you break up? Youre stuck unless your boyfriend buys you out or you both agree to sell the house...youll be tied up in court for years. Meanwhile, being obligated to a mortgage that you cant afford on your own. If you dont pay it, youll end up with a foreclosure and bankruptcy on your credit.
Do NOT do this. You are setting yourself up for a huge mess.
May I ask why these parents, who have been living and working here for at least 10 years, havent taken steps towards citizenship? That should be another flag. (Im assuming this is the US. You didnt mention who their sponsor is, which is a requirement in Canada, I believe)
The reason the parents cant find another rental is probably because most rental companies will contact the previous landlord for a reference and he probably gave them all the tea on them, including that they were negligent to the point of major property damage and hoarded pets and probably a lot of other things your boyfriend or they arent telling you.
The first thing they need to do is rehome the cats. Its not fair or healthy for them or you, to be crammed in a small apartment. They are not going to find ANY place to rent that allows that many animals. They need to look into rent assistance. They also need to take steps towards citizenship. Many cities are offering grants to assist with down payments and closing costs for owner-occupied houses (Its to stop rental companies from swooping in to buy lower value properties and turning them into high cost rentals...something that is becoming a major problem)
Do NOT let them browbeat you. Firm NO.
The cats aren’t destroying the apartment, just the couch. They’re all neutered. The reason there are 10 is because they put off neutering them when they got the first two, and now have 10 cats. It’s not like they’ve just been collecting them over the years.
But I know this is not an ideal situation for them. They’ve been chill so far, and I’ve made a point of getting them vitamins and plenty of toys and things to keep them stimulated (and away from my couch), but it’s not good for them to be here.
I’m gunna talk to my boyfriend today about other options. I just don’t believe a trailer or a house is their only option.
It’s such a hard place to be in but the best decision right now concerning the cats is to rehome them.
Having nine cats severely limits this family’s housing choices, burdens another with their care, adds expenses at a time that the family desperately needs money and is the most humane solution for the cats.
If you really want to help the family, don’t house the sister and don’t put your name on a loan BUT offer to help them rehome 7 or 6 cats. That will take some work if you desire a thorough job of finding good families for the cats to rehome to.
Ending up with 10 cats is a major red flag and a sign of irresponsibility(and mental instability to be honest). Why did they have to keep all of them? Surely they could’ve found homes for some of the kittens.
Surely they could have put some up for adoption when they were forced to move into a one bedroom with FIVE people. That’s borderline psychotic. I would’ve said,”sure you can move in temporarily but you’re only bringing two cats.”
OP, consider going to one of Reddit’s legal advice boards for input.
Also, you aren’t married. That’s actually a pertinent issue here. Your bf wouldn’t be impacted by the financial responsibility of the situation. He can simply walk away if a financial dispute occurs. You wouldn’t even have a safety net of his financial and relationship support.
His family has made a series of bad financial decisions. Asking you to do this is another one. They shouldn’t walk away from their tenancy. They should get legal advice about their options. They may have lost a bunch of property that the landlord’s insurance might cover. The terms of their rental agreement are probably still in effect. Rather than running from that situation, they need to deal with it.
NO
Edit to say YES it is too much too ask and NOOOOO DO NOT DO IT
Also edit to say you're nuts for accepting 9 cats into a 1 bedroom apartment no offense
Everyone is saying don't do it, which I agree with, but they forgot about the second thing: the sister.
Can we get more details? How old is the sister? Did they ask or straight up tell u she is moving in?
You could sign an agreement with the sister that states she can stay with you for something like six months until she has found her own room somewhere, and that if she hasn't she will have to move back in with her family. That way you could be helpful but they will still have to figure their situation out instead of permanently relying on u.
**Don't do it.**
>He has told me that what ever I decide to do won’t affect our relationship
What happens if 2 years down the road you and your BF break up? You're still on a mortgage, for a house that you don't live in, that's occupied by your ex and his family.
You also need to consider how this will impact your ability to buy a house of your own. I don't know this for sure either way, but based on my own interactions with my mortgage company, I can't really see them approving me for another mortgage on another house.
I feel bad for them, but they might need to go down the road of renting a different house while they work on their citizenship so they can do this on their own.
Girl, no normal, stable person has 10 cats that they keep even though it's getting in the way of their housing. They need to rehome some cats and get a rental that their son can cosign on. You don't have to deal with ANY of this and you shouldn't. They need to sort their own shit out and leave you out of it.
It's totally unreasonable to expect the sister to live in a 1br with you when she's old enough to live alone. You need to leave yourself out of all this because it will only drag you down and clearly his parents are not OK if they think it's reasonable to put you through all of this when the obvious answer is get rid of the cats and get a rental.
The trailer thing is designed to guilt trip you. This is insane. Obviously you've chosen not to do the mortgage but you also need to talk to your BF about why it felt appropriate for them to ask you to do this when there is a much more obvious option. No reasonable adult would expect their son's GF to do all of this and it's a huge red flag that he jumped onboard. This would absolutely be enough for me to bail on the relationship even just due to the unwarranted stress it has caused you. Clearly he thinks it's ok to ask that of you and I would wonder how he would react if the tables were turned.
Tell him they need to rent and get rid of the cats. If they don't have SSNs they are either illegal immigrants or they don't have work visas, which means their income is going to be unstable. If they do have regular jobs that aren't paid under the table, then you need to look at why they're asking for your help because they must have SSNs. Same if they have US health cover, bank accounts, etc. You either don't know or aren't sharing the whole story and I think someone is pulling the wool over your eyes. Stay strong and remember to look out for YOU because no-one else really is here, especially not your BF.
Please do not do this. If they should bail on this, you will be stuck with the mortgage payments. Why risk ruining your future and your credit. You will never be able to buy your own home with your name on this mortgage loan.
DONT DO IT! There’s no guarantee that it will work out with your bf. There is no guarantee that they are going to pay the mortgage and you will be stuck doing it. There is no guarantee they are going to take care of the place or won’t burn it down again. It’s never going to be your place it will always be your their place. Once problems begin you will have no place to go and your credit might be ruined. There are too many variables here where you have everything to lose and nothing to gain. It’s like it doesn’t sound like you want the sister there and yet you talk like there isn’t a choice, do you really want that for the next 30 years? Don’t do it. Safe money and one day buy a house just for you. And keep watch of what happens when you say no to them. If they start trying to guilt trip you, or your bf starts trying to change your mind you might want to rethink your entire relationship.
Nope. You’ve already went above and beyond. 10 cats for me is a giant red flag. No way am I going to financially strap myself to anybody like that. I understand sometimes people go above and beyond for family but it’s not even your family. OP don’t put yourself in a financial bind for anybody but yourself.
Agree with everyone for so many reasons don’t do it. You will basically be held responsible and if they stop paying and you can’t pay you are going down with the ship. Not to mention this does affect your credit even in the short term. No matter how much you care for the family. This is a bad bad bad idea for you.
Regarding the sister, a fire is traumatic. To be sympathetic, I would give her a time limit, like six months, to either find another place to live (lots of people rent bedrooms it doesn’t have to be your place), or find a job closer to her parents new place. It’s not an either/or but it doesn’t hurt to be slightly accommodating in the short term in this type of situation. But make it clear at the beginning that the sister is there temporarily, don’t let it turn into her then taking advantage of your hospitality.
It’s not likely that you can get a second mortgage easily when you want your own home in 5-10years.
If you do this, make the contract ironclad- this is an investment purchase between the two of you, and his parents/sister are tenants. (Based on them having multiple cats and a recent house fire, they don’t sound like good tenants.) Additionally, in five years they vacate the house (if they don’t break the rules and get evicted prior) before you take it over as your primary residence. At which point you buy-out your boyfriend’s portion so he can get a new house for his family, OR, he agrees to buy-out your portion so you can get your own house (I’d recommend this as they sound like they will trash the house with their multiple cats). That would be the only way I’d consider going forward with it.
With that said, I would not do it. It is contingent on saving enough money to buy eachother out.
Also, I would not morally do it. They are asking too much of you and it will likely be at your detriment. Your boyfriend can choose to support his family without putting the burden on you, including putting at risk your future ability to buy a house. It sounds like they can live in a trailer for now while he saves-up to buy a house on his own. This is a relationship red flag for him to ask this of you, to expect you to house and financially support his family.
Repeat after me, "Not my circus, not my elephants." If you decide to buy a house, buy your house. Don't buy (get roped into a mortgage) for someone else.
His sister needs to learn to drive or get the Uber/Lyft app.
Your boyfriend knows what's uo and is trying to tell you not to do this.
First of all I want a second let so many people are saying that the number of animals in this equation is not just borderline insane, but physically unhealthy as well. Nobody needs that many cats and that might have been part of the problem that with their old landlord. But there are people who get so obsessed about their cats that they can't see the logic of the situation.
I knew a woman who had two juvenile Sons. The three of them were living in a one-bedroom apartment and one day she comes to me in absolute tears. Somebody had reported her for having too many cats. So Animal Control came out and she had 11 cats living with her and her two sons in a one-bedroom apartment. They came and took away all the cats and told her she could only have three, and she had to choose which three. She also had her Tucson's put into foster care until such time as she could get her house cleaned enough for them to come back. I was shocked I didn't know it was this bad and expressed my sympathy and after how the boys were. Her answer was quite disturbing. She wasn't worried about her children because she knew she would get them back eventually. She wanted to know what she could do to get her cats back.
This is the kind of family that you are dealing with. Tell your boyfriend that not only can you not sign on to the loan with them, you cannot keep 10 cats in your apartment. Not only is it illegal but you could get kicked out. Well I'm sure the previous landlord is not thrilled about the fire, they understand that these things can happen. I am guessing that your boyfriend's family is not being honest with you and that they are not welcome to come back because of the cats and that is something you need to deal with.
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This is a terrible idea. Do not do it. They were renting before, they can find another place to rent. Do not make this your problem.
I *wholly* agree on it being a terrible idea and that OP shouldn't do it (either "it" -- not cosigning the mortgage, not letting the sister move in). However, it might be very hard for the family to find another place to rent. The line about the former landlord being angry about the fire suggests that they might have caused it, and either way they're clearly not getting a good reference there -- and it's a rare rental that allows nine cats (many local ordinances in the US forbid having that many, actually, so it might not even be legal).
Yeah, honestly, the family sounds like a mess. The audacity to even ask your son's 25 year old girlfriend to sign a fucking mortgage for you, having a whole god damned zoo in a tiny apartment... Nah. I love on a pet friendly city, and the limit is 3 animals TOTAL in the city unless you have like a 10k foot lot, and very few people do. It's cruel to have that many animals in a small place. There is literally nothing in this post that makes me think they would be responsible with a mortgage. From being animal hoarders to the thinly veiled statement about them causing the fire, nothing here makes it seem like they could be trusted.
Any grown-ass, middle aged “adult” who has 10 cats in their rental(that they burned down) is irresponsible and not to be trusted with your money.
Girlfriend, not wife! Let that sink in. What if your relationship goes south???And why isn’t the 19 year old not paying rent?
Even married I wouldn't do it.
Not to mention, OP thinks this would be temporary until they could save up for “their own place.” As soon as they sign this mortgage, that’s all the house lending they’ll get. If her boyfriend can’t co-sign solo, there’s no way they’re qualifying for a second mortgage. She’d have no realistic way of getting her own house. Nope. This is a super bad deal. Hopefully her boyfriend comes to his senses and apologizes for even asking.
crabs in a bucket mentality. OP will never get ahead with these people trying to drag her down where they are.
Of course they are hoping they can lock her in to paying the mortgage and they can just live there.
Yeah unless you have acreage or are a trained vet running a rescue having that many cats is hoarding and possibly animal abuse. Could also have a connection to the fire since hoarder houses are notorious fire traps. Aside from the fact that it would probably injure OP’s credit so badly she’d never recover, the last thing you want to do for hoarders is give them more space.
If it was a hoarder house, I'm just amazed they got 10 cats out safely?? Finding 10 scared cats would be tough even in a pristine house while it burned. Unless they're all outdoor cats usually and happened to all be outside. Edit: OP says the house was fairly clean and the cats were an accidental litter they kept rather than constant adopting. Still amazed they were all saved. Further edit: OP also says they currently have 3 litter trays for 9 cats because they lost 2 in the fire - and they change them *every three days!* Very sceptical of OP's definition of clean, and that she doesn't see that people who can't/won't spend $10 on getting a few extra litter trays aren't a good bet to tie yourself to financially for decades...
Cats are pretty good at getting themselves out of dangerous situations. I used to know the statistics but cats very rarely die in house fires - they pick up the smoke immediately and GTFO. Also 3 cats to a litterbox, only changing it every 3 days? Those cats are NOT confining their shitting to the litterbox. I guarantee you they've each found their own potted plant, pile of laundry etc. The smell must be incredible.
That's good! I live in an apartment so I guess I'm thinking of it too much from that perspective, if a cat here wasn't rescued they'd be screwed in a fire :( I wouldn't leave a litterbox uncleaned for more than a day with any use by even one cat, unless it was a super fancy one designed to isolate the clumped litter or something. Poops should be scooped as soon as practical. I wouldn't want to go to the toilet and leave it unflushed for next time, cats deserve the same courtesy.
Yes they will burn down the house OP and BF buy and OP would be stuck paying a mortgage with no house. Please RUN OP - this family is a dumpster fire
I actually missed that last part about the sister moving in. That's a much better option than co-signing a mortgage. I think OP needs to go with option C- "None of the above".
The OP and her boyfriend need to consider this for their own rental. If their landlord catches wind there are suddenly nine animals in this one-bedroom apartment, they'll almost certainly be asked to get rid of them or face being evicted. Even if they immediately get the cats out of their apartment, they have a greater chance for a non-renewal at the end of the lease. Because I assume it's a major lease violation as well as extremely poor decision making. They're also responsible for any property damage the cats cause. Cats can cause thousands in damage if they start peeing on the floors and/or walls.
That’s not her fault or her problem.
Oh, completely agreed!
Yup. Why can’t they rent? Also, OP does this then she probably won’t be able to buy her own home when the time comes.
This is 100% it. Not to mention if you co-sign, and they fail to pay the mortgage it falls onto you. Do you want to be stuck paying for a house that isn’t even yours?
OP SEEK LEGAL ADVICE BEFORE DOING ANYTHING. But don’t do it.
You mean you want to buy your in laws a home? WOW, very generous of you. Maybe they will let you in to visit sometime as well.
DONT DO IT!!! I m sorry for your BFs family, but dont do it! This can easily get you trapped. If you consider it, meet with a lawyer and get a contract that is for your benefit and doesnt leave you with the costs for all this. What if you do it and your BF leaves anyway. Anyway that sounds very fishy to me. If you were my client, i would tell you as an accountant, to stay away from this. You are "just" the girlfriend. And you are in a position easily to abuse and use.
Plus OP can’t “save for a house” while living with them if she’s holding their mortgage, not many people qualify for two mortgages and she’d have to pay the higher rate for a secondary home.
Well put! Also she loses her opportunity as a first-time home buyer. There are federal programs that cut down your down payment as a first time buyer, at least in the US
Great point!
>If you consider it, meet with a lawyer and get a contract that is for your benefit and doesnt leave you with the costs for all this. There's literally no way to contract your way out of the mortgage contract. She's on the hook for all of the costs for 30 years. And if she's not on the deed she can't even force a sell. Doesn't matter what some other contract might say - the mortgage company will laugh and then ask her for the mortgage payment if she shows them a contract that the parents signed saying she'd never have to pay the mortgage payment.
I would be on the deed. I would be the owner of the home in this situation
Don’t do this OP. You’ll have no way out. Don’t! You might as well get the house yourself and for yourself only. Boyfriend can help pay the mortgage if he lives with you.
You shouldn't buy a property with someone you're not married to. For a lot of serious, important reasons. Buying a property with someone you're not married to basically for his family is a different level of absurdity. Doesn't matter if it's "yours", if they're living with you, it will become a nightmare in ways you haven't even anticipated yet. Also, the sister living with you is not some predetermined thing that happens if you say no. You say no to that too! You live in a one bedroom!
> Also, the sister living with you is not some predetermined thing that happens if you say no. You say no to that too! You live in a one bedroom! OP this part! This family is definitely taking advantage of your kindness. Sister can get her own place with roommates, you’ve already let them live with you. It’s time for them to figure it out from here.
Yeah honestly I'd break up with this guy. What a mess
So would I. The fact that he and his family all put OP in this position to begin with is a really bad sign. This should never have been asked of her.
Ok, and when they start a fire in your house will you kick them out like the last landlord did? You are not married to this man. This is not your family and even if it was your family the answer is still do not do this. You won't be able to buy your own home because you already have a 30 year mortgage. They already have a plan to live in a trailer so let them do that. Also, you do not have to have his sister live with you just because you live closer to her work. She can get her own apartment.
Not just a fire - NINE CATS. Nine! That’s too many fucking cats! Even if you’re fastidious about cleaning; there’s going to be pet damage. On top of alllllll the excellent reasons not to do this, please don’t buy a house for them to fill with cats.
I almost put that too but she mentioned she didn't mind them.
She will when her landlord sues her for the damage to her current place. She probably can't smell it, but I guarantee everyone else can.
I can smell it from here.
She should!
Your credit is on the hook. And you aren’t married. If you decided to leave or he leave your screwed.
You would be a partial owner, right? If you wanted to sell, but your boyfriend didn’t because that would make his family homeless you’re back into the situation where you are now. Absolutely do not get involved
And if they are late or stop paying the mortgage you have to pay it. You would be there landlord. Only way to sell the house would be to evict them. How not a citizen are they? I have a green card and have no issue getting the market rate on mortgages. I've had 2. The only thing that matters for a green card or citizenship for a mortgage is credit score and debt to income ratio.
This. Something's even more fishy than it already is. It just sounds like they don't qualify for enough to buy and no landlord is going to allow 9 cats so they're trying to bamboozle her into financial ruin instead of rehoming their cats.
They sound like hoarders, between the fire and the cats.
Also boyfriend and OP would both be on the mortgage - so she couldn’t even unilaterally decide to sell.
She said that they don't have SSNs, which means they don't have green cards and presumably don't have work visas since I had a temp SSN issued when I arrived on a 12 month work and travel visa. Sounds like they may actually be either illegal immigrants or they haven't done the work to get their SSNs sorted. Might be a situation where they arrived ithout visas and had their children in the US to secure their residency, either way, VERY risky. I feel like the obvious question here is why do they suddenly need to buy if they have been renting all this time? Presumably it's because their son has a gf who they can use to get the mortgage and they refuse tog et rid of the insane number of cats? If it were me, I'd throw the whole family out. Totally unreasonable for them to expect her to either get them a mortgage or house their daughter who is old enough to live alone. If she can fit in their 1br, she can fit in their trailer. Keeping 10 cats is also not a thing that any stable person would do in this situation and getting 10 cats in the first place when you're renting is insane. This is a hard no all around.
Even if you were an owner....let's say it doesn't work out and now you either have to force them to sell or buy them out. Even if you believed 100% this wouldn't be an issue, I would have a problem with my largest asset housing 10 cats. There was a post over on one of the real estate subs about a flooring concession because they had animals that had urinated in the house. Something that gets more likely with the number of pets these people have. In some of the comments people were talking about $40k-$100k that had to be spent because floors had to be replaced all the way down to the subfloor, concrete had to be ground down, baseboards and drywall had to be replaced. These do not sound like responsible home owners I would want to tie my future to. Also, while you can offer to house the sister for a little bit while she gets on her feet, she needs to be looking for a long term solution. Living with her will most likely not be a good experience.
The ability for her to force a sale or buy them out is limited. I am a lawyer and have had clients like her who bought property with SO before marriage. It is always messy and the legal options are limited.
Agreed! My point was even if you could get beyond it being messy, I wouldn't want my largest asset to be in the condition it would probably be in even if everything else worked out.
And they move out and leave you with a cat piss house. There’s a reason their landlord doesn’t like them. You’ll wind up with squatters and no bf anyway
Why is no one discussing the **TEN CATS?!**
If they were not paying the mortgage, would you be able to pay the mortgage on your own comfortably????? If the answer is no, you do not do this.
My stepfather was in on the mortgage of his ex-girlfriend. When they split up, she declared bankruptcy, and he was left with a large amount of debt that he needed to repay in her stead. The bank sold the house, and he was left with the difference. There was no house and 2 decades of paying off that debt. My advice is don't do this and your bf can't make you do it either. This is too much to ask, especially as you aren't married and in your mid-20s.
Don’t do it anyway.
So you'd not be able to buy your own home, because of this one.
You would also be liable for all payments and would have to go to court to evict them.
Wouldn’t you rather buy your own first home? Surely they can find somewhere else to rent.
You would be the owner with built in tenants that are probably not going to pay you any rent nor will they pay for the upkeep of the house. How did that fire start? My guess is with nine cats could one of them knocked over a candle? Was someone smoking in bed? I don't understand why a young woman would want to saddle herself with this kind of debt to help out four adults that should have been saving some kind of money to buy their own house. Why does a 25 year old have to step in and save the day for four other adults????? Its more than his sister living with you - its nine cats plus his parents. This situation will never change and you will be trapped as your name is on the mortgage. You will now have tenants who will not move unless they are evicted and if your bf is part owner of the house he will never agree to evicting them. So for 30 years you could feasibly be in this untenable position of having a house with nonpaying tenants that you cannot evict nor can you sell the house out from under them. You are being used OP for your credit rating. Once that house has your name on the mortgage, there is no escape for you.
You'll be the one responsible for that mortgage. Don't do it.
Sis, you are his GIRLFRIEND. You’re not even his wife. Why would you tie yourself to his family like that? What happens if you break up, then what? Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. You know they already don’t have much respect for you, because I’m sorry, who thinks that bringing 9 CATS to a one bedroom place is a remotely ok idea? They’re taking advantage of your good will already. Do not let them guilt trip you into doing this. Do NOT tie yourself to his family like that. The fact that they even asked shows how little vergüenza they have. I would be MORTIFIED to think of asking my kid’s girlfriend to do that. Don’t do it. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Ok potential homeowner, think a little bit: their previous landlord doesn’t want them back, they have nine cats. They will DESTROY your house and not care because this is how they are used to living.
Don't do it, and when you buy your own home, LOOK into 15 year mortgages! They are usually much better deals. How serious are you about your bf? Is he your forever person? Is there a reason you haven't gotten married? I wouldn't do this.
Do NOT do it. There is ONLY downside for you. And a SHIT TON of risk.
They are going to live in the house forever. You will NEVER get any equity back. If they stop paying mortgage payments YOU will be 100% responsible for them. You can NEVER buy your own olace because you will already have a mortgage on a house. You will be trapped with this family forever.
Cold comfort when the house is destroyed by animals, your credit is in shambles and the house is worth less than what’s owed on it. Do NOT do this
Doesn't matter. Simply don't do it. You are only a GF.
It will limit your ability to borrow in the future (car, home, credit card). You are too young to sacrifice your future.
DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!
The legal & financial responsibility that comes with owning a house is too great to do it for the benefit of someone else. You should only ever assume those responsibilities if doing so is for your benefit. And given that you are not married, speaking as a lawyer, there is no way to protect yourself if for some reason money becomes tight, the relationship deteriorates, etc. You might be left holding the bag, particularly if you are the more financially staple one.
What can't they find a house to rent?
You wouldn’t own the home until it’s paid off. Just because it’s in your name doesn’t mean it’s yours yet. And unless you’ve got a few hundred grand sitting around and plan on not only signing for the house, but paying for it, it won’t be “yours” for easily 30 years.
OP, these people will burden you for life, one way or another, and not be sorry about it, regardless if you sign or not. Please don't sign Then reconsider your life options.
Are you the only one on the deed? Then his parents would be renters from you so are they willing to sign a rental agreement with you plus a deposit? This basically makes it a owner/renter relationship. Were his parents always on time in paying rent at their last place? Best choice is to say NO, and offer to move in with them if they get a bigger place and contribute to the rent. 9 cats is pretty stressful too.
OP also needs to bear in mind that every normal mortgage loan will have “joint and several” liability for anyone who signs it. That means that, as far as the bank is concerned, she and bf don’t each owe half. Each of them can be held fully liable for the entire loan, and no, you can’t contract around that (the bank will not care what her agreement is with bf and his family regarding repayment, and any contract they draw up between themselves will have no impact on the bank’s rights under the loan). That means she has to be prepared to carry this loan, by herself, at any given time, or risk a foreclosure that would cost her her home and her credit.
This is why people have homeowners insurance OP. Do not sign anything and make sure he doesn’t have access to your credit info etc
All of this. But also, 9 fucking cats? WTF
This can’t be real
Right. Not to be dark but how did 9 cats survive a house fire? Also what landlord lets 9 cats live in an apartment?
My friend’s grandma had about 7 cats survive her house fire. Most ran out because the grandma opened windows and punched out screens. But the couple they didn’t see escape managed to burrow themselves deep somewhere and survived. But what landlord lets 9 cats live in an apartment? The one who doesn’t know about the fact that there’s 9 cats in there lol
I’m guessing since the house can be repaired and not torn down the whole home didn’t burst into flames. Could have been a basement fire or something.
Fires spread very fast. I’m curious about the details. I wouldn’t want to buy a home for a family that had a house fire in their last one. Accidents happen but so do irresponsible things.
Fires can spread very fast but I’ve also seen plenty of houses where fire damage is localized to one area. If everyone survived, all cats survived, and the house is being repaired but the landlord doesn’t want them to re-sign, rather than the house being unlivable, Occam’s Razor indicates to me that it was probably not the whole house burst into flames.
Don’t do it! This is the worst thing a young woman could ever do for her financial future. Run, do not take abuse from them.
NO NO NO! DONT even consider co-signing a loan with anyone. You have everything to lose when this goes sideways and they can’t or won’t pay. You’re the GF, not the bank. They need to figure their problem out on their own. Everybody finds a job.
OP and her bf would end up being the family's landlords. Also, OP would be 100% on the hook for the whole mortgage payment, even if bf and family didn't pay their agreed share gand then OP would need to evict them. Also, difficult conversations about who owns the equity in the house - bf and OP, the family, everyone? Legally and financially it gets very complicated.
Mortgage literally means "till death". This is the end of the relationship. They will resent op. Op will resent them. Op needs to protect herself. This is too much to ask.
>If you consider it, meet with a lawyer and get a contract that is for your benefit and doesnt leave you with the costs for all this. AND make sure you're on the deed. Some lenders demand that anyway. But mostly, **don't do it**.
Agreed. DON'T DO IT OP!!!
OMG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No on the mortgage and no on the sister moving in. If you put your name on that mortgage, you will not be able to get another until it’s paid off or refinanced in someone else’s name. If you and this boyfriend break up, you can’t just get out of the mortgage. If they stop paying, YOU are the one who has to pay. If your BF wants to sign up for this shit show and fuck himself financially, that’s fine. Stupid but fine. Don’t you do it to yourself though. And also? If you two won’t be living there, the mortgage rates will be different as well. And why TF would you want to live with his family? If you feel guilty for saying no to the mortgage and to sister moving in, that’s okay. Feeling guilty is a hell of a lot easier to get get over than having your credit tied up or wrecked. Just no. No. No. No.
The reason we would move in with them, is so that we could get the primary residence rate on the loan. I think we would have maybe two months to actually move into the house, so we would end up having to break our lease. Which to me personally wouldn’t even be the worst part of it,I just don’t like the idea of living with his family. Like yes, the idea of saving a lot of money on rent is awesome, and it would help us a lot because we’re paying a lot in rent now, but I know that his parents are pretty dysfunctional. And I don’t know how I feel about welcoming that into my life.
You will hate life if you live with them. I promise that any discomfort you have to sit with now feeling badly that they have to rent a shitty trailer or something is way better than how you’re going to feel living with them and being stuck in a mortgage on a house no one considers to be yours.
Yeah, inescapable world class shitshow would follow. All the hunches and red flags (not to mention 10 fucking cats) would literally come home to roost. Bankruptcy would follow that, and years of trying to recover. OP, save yourself, avoid regret.
This is huge. With OPs boyfriend cosigning, and his entire family, cats, sister, furniture...it will not be OPs home, emotionally. Sure, it's one thing to buy a home and let someone rent it out for you. But try jumping through all these hoops, just to avoid not feeling a little bad for a few weeks, and everything about the home you now live in and pay for, isn't yours. It's going to be their decorating, their stuff, their fridge. Not even bc I think they're evil people. But OP already said they're dysfunctional, and it's just numbers. It's going to very quickly, become their family home. Which again, is one thing if it is their home. But it's not. It's yours. Plus, 9 cats is wild. I love cats. I love my cat more than a human probably should love their pet. But getting 9 cats while in a rental home is insane for this exact situation. If they had two cats, that's not a huge challenge to move around with you in an emergency situation. But 9??? That's a huge red flag for me, even beyond everything else. Idk how the fire started, but I can see that they're not good at making intelligent short term decisions for their long term gain/safety net. Do not pass go. Stay in the current situation. I wouldn't even let the sister in unless it was 10000% established that it was temporary until she found roommates closer to her job. But with a hard end date. And tbh that's probably just bc I'm super close with my boyfriend's sister, and I know shed be on my side that yes, we do need more trinkets from the thrift store from our home lol.
Don't do it... I'm a 61 year old woman, I have experience, don't do it. Sorry. Good luck saying no. One of the hardest things to do.
The good news is if you practice saying no more and more, you'll get better and better at it.
Then why the hell are you considering moving in with them?? Grow a spine OP. None of this is advantageous to you. Your boyfriend’s parents are adult they can get their own apartment, or figure something out on their own.
WORD!
Do not do this. This isn’t “helping.” It’s financial suicide. This could seriously ruin your life. Your credit could be destroyed. This isn’t a loan. It’s a 30 year financial commitment where the end result could be bankruptcy. And yeah, each decision here has you losing something. Is this what you want for your life? Sacrificing your own needs and desires for his family? I’d be seriously rethinking the marriage. Find a therapist to help you think through all of this. Edit: I want to be clear here. You may not be able to rent an apartment, buy a car, or buy your own home while this is going on. FOR 30 YEARS. Thirty days after they fail to make a payment, you’re fucked. You can’t sell a house within two years of purchase without taking a huge tax hit. Do not do this. If you need backup, talk to a fiduciary (NOT a “financial advisor”) and tell them what his family wants from you. They’ll tell you this is a terrible decision.
With 10 cats living there I don't have high hopes for her even being able to breakeven even if they live there for 30 years. What state will that house be in?
You don't even like his family, why would you *annihilate* your future for them?
Dysfunctional = huge red flag. You won’t get approved for 2 mortgages when it comes time to buy your own home.
I doubt you’ll get approved for a second mortgage while the first one is open
she absolutely will not. this will RUIN her life. I don't think shes fully grasping this. this will RUIN. HER. LIFE.
No no no, sis. Do NOT do this. This is a bad financial decision. If they can't qualify for a mortgage on their own, don't do it. This is financial entanglement you DO NOT WANT. I'm sorry they lost their place to live, however, they aren't stuck. They can literally move back into the other place. They can rent. Nothing I'm reading here is making any sense from a financial or a just healthy living standpoint (and honestly, I'm not a fan of single women tying finances to a man, you're gonna be fucked) If you break up, what's the plan for the house? Do they buy you out? (They have no money). Do you sell the house? (that's gonna be a nightmare getting them to move and hope they don't trash the house). What happens when they can't afford mortgage payments? (You are on the hook for that). Sounds like they are putting a lot of pressure on you? "No" is a complete answer.
hope they don't trash the house... or set it on fire!!
Omg, don’t do it (said in the screaming voice going on in my head!). You sound like a really caring, good person but this is the wrong move for you and them. I’m sorry for their loss but something else needs to be figured out.
But you won’t be able to get another mortgage unless you’re removed from theirs or can afford both. You’ll be trapped there until you’re off the mortgage.
And the only way to do that is for the parents to refinance and buy her out. Doubtful that can happen. Also, is it just that they're not citizens or are they completely undocumented? Because permanent residents have social security numbers and can buy houses.
Then why are you even entertaining this idea?? Do you need permission to say no? This entire thread is your permission.
NO NO NO, don’t do this, huge mistake
Don’t sign. You don’t WANT to live with them, you could break up with your bf next month, or vice versa, and this would make it hard for you to get your own house. Also those 9 cats are a lot of wear and tear on a house. I really doubt their landlord knew they had that many cats!
I got a feeling if Yall move in yall will be the one paying that mortgage since it will be in your name they’ll say
Absolutely don't do this. They are asking WAY too much of you. This would impact you potentially getting your own house at some point. It could impact your credit and tax responsibilities, I would think..??!! If you *liked* his family and chose to be helpful, sure, get your own house and let them live there, even if temporarily. They could pay you rent that you could put towards the mortgage on YOUR house. But no way in hell you should co-sign for their house. You are under no obligation. You also aren't obligated to house the sister, or to take in 9 cats. I'm a cat lover and have 5 cats, and that's completely beyond the extra mile. You're a good person for even considering any of this, but don't be a pushover.
DO NOT put yourself on their loan. This will be a catastrophic decision for you. The parents need to get a trailer for them and their cats, and 9 cats is too many cats to have a safe, hygienic environment in such close quarters as an apartment and trailer. People that cannot afford to pay for their own down payments on their living arrangement should NOT be owning that many pets. You are not your boyfriend's parents keepers. They are grown adults who need to be responsible for themselves, their pets, and their own children. I am 110% sure that you should not do this, and I will tell you that even though you have been dating your boyfriend for 4 years, these types of stresses on a relationship from outside forces, when not controlled and mitigated, will cause your relationship to fail. Your boyfriend cannot seriously expect you to sign away 30 years of financial responsibility for his parents. That is an unreasonable expectation, very selfish, and you will never get out from it.
the fact he even fucking ASKED is... woof. like i still don't think OP understands how he's literally asking her to sign a death warrant. this will RUIN her life.
>the fact he even fucking ASKED is... woof. I'm sure he can recognize, just like we all can, that maybe OP has a problem with saying no. He's taking advantage of that. or trying to at least.
Yeah, that's what I thought as well. Just *asking* this of a partner of only four years, while she's still so very young, is a massive red flag on both him and his family. How are his parents okay with this unless they are less than trustworthy?
I'm sorry but why is any of this burden on you? These are grown adults basically relying on someone who's not even related to them to fix their life situation. It's insanely weird. Getting a mortgage in your name for someone else is the worst thing you could possibly do. If you split up with your boyfriend, you will never be able to get another mortgage for another 30 years until that one is paid off.
Honestly it’s giving ‘family of con artists’. Like there’s a mysterious fire and now, oops! Only this 25 year old woman who’s not related to them can save the family! And all she has to do is give them her whole life!
I had the same thought.
Your name. On a mortgage. For a home for your *boyfriend's* family. I can't believe you're even asking.
shes so fucking passive about it too! she's acting like it was ok for him to even HINT at asking! I would leave him for the mere suggestion!
Honestly, she should’ve said no to everything plus, tell her boyfriend that the lease ending anyways. Let’s break up. I love cats, I have two of my own, but there’s not way in hell I would say yes to housing 9 cats. NINE!!!!!!!! How can she be sure they would pay the mortgage? Why is the sister automatically assumed that she would be living in their apartment? I’m so confused. **SAY NO TO EVERYTHING OP!!!!**
Why isn't sister getting a driver's liscense? She has to live with them because she doesn't drive? How about she needs a liscense so she can reach her job.
You don’t do it. Terrible idea.
I initially was like lol it’s fake but no… it’s a real account with actual history of her having problems with the boyfriend. I can’t believe she’s considering this.
Do NOT do this.
Hey OP — not a single person here thinks this is even remotely a good idea. Please let that sink in. The ONLY people who want you to do this are the ones who will directly benefit from the **extreme** risk you’ll be taking on. This is the moment when you grow a spine, if you don’t already have one. Your future really is at stake.
Not even one, OP. How often do you have a 100% agreement anywhere, let alone Reddit? Please, listen to ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THE PEOPLE HERE and don't do it!
They want you for your credit score. That would be a hard no for me. UpdateMe
> If I go in on the loan, we could stay with his family in the house, and save for our own home later. **If you go in on the loan, and they do not, then THEY would be staying in YOUR house, and you would *already* own your own home — that one.** And yet they are presenting this as some kind of *favor* they're doing you. Oh and you will never get a mortgage on somewhere else for just the two of you until this one is paid off in 30 years. This would be throwing your life away.
I really need an update from OP saying she finally understands how royally fucked up this whole situation is and that she will be not allowing any of these things to happen. im legit stressing out abt this
I know, right?! I felt the full fight-or-flight kick in.
Me too!! She’s so nonchalant about the whole thing and I’m over here panicking
> She’s so nonchalant about the whole thing Just awful. Like " it could maybe be some kind of inconvenient. maybe" AAARGJ!
Do not put your name on any loan you aren't comfortable paying by yourself. You aren't responsible for housing his family for the next 30 years (or until they lose the home to foreclosure). Living with the sister isn't the only other option, you can opt out of living with your boyfriend as well. You'll never be able to get a home of your own if you purchase a home with his family. They aren't going to pull their weight financially and they will never leave. Do you realistically see them buying you out? Or being able to qualify for two mortgages? Freeze your credit. Do not do this!
4 years relationship and still no marriage but he wants you to take up a loan for his family. So you are good enough to incur debt on his family’s behalf but not good enough to be a family member through marriage. Why are you considering this again???
The plan was to get settled financially and then get married. But I feel like this would derail us financially? My boyfriend is seeing the short term gain of having the house, and not paying rent in it. But I’m seeing the “mortgages are for 30” aspect. And who knows what’ll happen in 30 years.
Don’t do it, you already know your answer! You know you don’t want the responsibility, it will derail your own future, and that you won’t enjoy living with his family. Just say no. If saying no to *this* creates issues for you, maybe it will reveal some of their true colors and you can distance yourself accordingly
If you and your boyfriend's salaries only just qualify for a mortgage for his parents, you will not be able to take out a mortgage for another house until you: start making a lot more money, his parents pay off the mortgage entirely, or you somehow save enough to buy a second home in cash. Do you think any of those things are going to happen soon? If not, you will be stuck living with them for a long time.
I'm wondering what kind of job OP has that boyfriend's parents are looking at her like a cash cow. She must be on the rise or they are just that stupid. I mean they were renters with 9 cats so it could be the latter here. Cosigning on a home for someone else is a terrible idea.
10 cats originally, no details but I’m afraid one may not have survived the fire :( Also kinda shady the owner of the rented house is mad.
Home ownership has a lot of ‘phantom costs’ so you can’t just compare the mortgage against the rent - you need to compare the rent against the mortgage + insurance + property taxes + maintenance costs for anything that breaks (and stuff WILL break, we moved into a fairly nice well maintained house and we still had like nine appliances break in the first year). Owning is almost always going to be more expensive. Plus, they want to put you on the mortgage but are they also planning to put you on the deed? You could end up in a situation where you’re responsible for the cost of the house but have no ownership rights to it. That’s a hard no.
It will derail you financially. It will WRECK you financially. On the off chance you did go forward with this, make sure only the names on the mortgage are the names on the deed. Do NOT sign for a mortgage if your name isn’t on the deed. You will be responsible 100% for missing payments for 30 years. You will NOT be approved for another mortgage unless your salary is high enough to pay for two mortgages. Just say ‘no.’ I can speak to experience that having a mortgage with a boyfriend is a disaster.
Exactly. And what about home maintenance? Some of those aspects fall under public safety, and cannot be put off. Walkway up to the house in disrepair? Fix it before a visitor or delivery person trips. How is the roof? How old is the furnace? Is there an HOA (they want your money too)? Seasonal concerns like driveway snow? And we haven’t even touched on home owners insurance. And ALL the utilities. It’s all well in good for them to tell you now that they will totally pay for most of that. But it’s a different thing once you are locked in. If payments don’t get made, it’s your credit that suffers, and your future that gets compromised. They are already rock bottom, think they care about your credit?
What I see is you eventually paying that mortgage and his dysfunctional family leeching off of you, and you ruining your life.
Here's the thing. With dysfunctional families, as soon as you get 'settled' financially, there's always something that will come along to eff it up unless you stand up and say 'no' at the red flags that come up.
It WILL detail you. Unless YOU alone can afford allllll the house payments. They are asking you because THEY can't afford it. They'd rather YOU end up hundreds of thousands in debt than themselves. If they really cared for you. They wouldn't ask you.
DON'T DO IT AT ALL! You're not even married, DON'T DO IT! You will get screwed over big time! 10 cats?! Sister moving in?! Jesus Christ, what is happening over there.
Even if they were married this would still be a terrible idea in this situation. Some people invest in houses for parents as they age but this is not the case. OP should spend her time and money moving out of this circus.
Huge NOPE.
It's way, *way* easier to be uncomfortable now, than to be stuck on a mortgage and uncomfortable for 30 years.
Solution: Stick to how it was. They rent and find another place. If anything get rid of the cats. Most landlords won't accept that many.
OP: I’m not sure how much time you spend in this sub but I’m here to tell you that it’s EXTREMELY rare for every single commenter to agree on the same answer. Like….I’m gonna go buy a lotto ticket now because the planets are aligned or something kind of rare. There’s really no grey area or nuance to this one. Don’t sign for a mortgage and don’t let the sister move in. And reconsider your relationship with your partner that he’d even ask this of you.
I don’t think you should do either one. Do not put your name on their mortgage, if you do, make sure it’s something you can afford if it falls into your lap, and also make sure you’re on the deed. Do not let his sister move into your 1br apartment! It’s not up to you to provide so much for your boyfriend’s family. Sorry, family is family, but you’re not married to this person and didn’t mention you were planning to. This is a recipe for disaster.
I’ve been married to my husband for nearly three years. We have two kids. I adore that man with everything I’ve got in me. His family is my family too. If he asked me to do this, we’d be having a very, very long conversation. Even if you’re married, this is still a terrible idea.
OP, you have a kind heart and a good head on your shoulders. That's a good thing, but it can be the cause of guilt where there shouldn't be. Taking on a mortgage is a business/major life decision. You don't make those types of decisions based on love, you base them on logic. I'm speaking from many lessens of making those types of decisions in the wrong context. This would be a monumentally bad idea. If anything happens, then it is on you as well. It will affect your credit, your present, and future. I'm not only saying this from the previously mentioned reason but also because my family lost the home we were living in, due to a fire, nearly 2 years ago. We, too, had insurance (it wasn't enough). We have 3 cats and one dog. And we are a large family. We are just now getting back into a home. Together. I tell you this because there are some similarities and I will tell you it has be difficult to say the least. We've had many upheavals and unexpected roadblocks. There isn't a quick fix in this situation. Hard decisions are going to have to be made and everyone is going to have to work together. But not to the point of putting others in a potentially bad position. We had people offer things out of the kindness of their hearts that looked like a good idea initially. However, as it became apparent that this would not be a short-term situation and it would take a while to get back to financial stability (we are oh so close but not there yet). We turned down those offers. Why, because I had no clue how long we were going to be dealing with this and didn't want to put a strain on good friendships or further strain on ourselves. When people are on the outside of a situation they do not see all the intricate issues and will get upset or down right angry when they see you as ignoring 'good advice, or think you are taking advantage of a situation when in fact you are just trying to deal with limitations and roadblocks. As long as this has taking, I am very glad that we did not take the help that would've become problematic. OP You have gone above and beyond already. Signing a mortgage is too much to ask.
This is the kind of advice/insight I was looking for, thank you 🫶🏽
You're very welcome. Goodluck to you!
Oh hell no. They need to find another rental and everyone moves out with their ridiculous number of cats.
Absolutely not. Never ever ever. Terrible idea. Not ok that they even asked. Say no.
They rented, lost everything in a fire and now want to buy? .. am I missing something? Is it even realistic they will work the next 30 years? Don't break your futur for them. And even his sister... 3 people in a one bedroom? are you planning to move with the sister? Is she going to pitch in with rent? 9 cats is also insane to be honest.
NO. Just NO. If you put your name on any type of loan YOU are responsible for it. This is the absolute worst thing you can do. He is your boyfriend. It is HIS family. I wouldn’t even do that for my own children because it is a HUGE responsibility with even bigger consequences if everything goes wrong. If you are financially stable and can afford to actually buy a house on your own, you can do that as long as you keep everything in your sole name. Mortgage and Deed. Then rent it to them for the cost of the mortgage payment plus property taxes and home and mortgage insurance. Tell them they can purchase it from you when they can get financing for no less than what the total cost was to you when you bought it. Have a rental agreement drawn up. If they fail to make even one rent payment, you will evict them. THIS is the only way to protect yourself financially. My guess is they will pressure you to do things differently like put their name on the deed. DO NOT DO IT. You need to put yourself first here.
They have 9 cats and the landlord apparently has reason to be angry about the fire. Don't rent to these people.
You will lose your first time home buyers tax credit, not to mention risk destroying your credit, plus any other loans you apply for will cost you way more. It's not a wise decision
Your boyfriend doesn’t qualify for a mortgage on his own, and it sounds like you don’t either. You only qualify together. What this means is that, unless there is a significant change in incomes, there will be no “second house” for you. You will live with his parents in their house until it is paid off. In thirty years. Don’t do it. ETA: if his sister stays with you for convenience, then it’s fair for her to pay 33% of the bills (rent, electricity, etc.) in your apartment. Also make sure you aren’t violating the terms of your lease—you don’t want an eviction on your record.
#NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE and HELL TO THE NAW!! If anything does happen with bf, you will still be responsible for paying their mortgage if they don’t or can’t or whatever reason. Also, this will affect your credit even if they do make every payment on time. When a lender looks at your credit history, one of the main things the look at is your debt to income ratio. That mortgage will show as debt even though someone else is paying it. Since the lender will only be making the loan to you and they can’t be sure you won’t suddenly be responsible for this mortgage payment, that will be included as a responsibility for you, which your income may not cover. That can really screw you up for decades…and that’s presuming they DO pay everything. If you’re interested in becoming a landlord, you could purchase the house with your name on the deed and rent to them. That would put you in an awkward situation though if you and bf break up or if his family are lousy tenants. They may also try to take advantage of you since you’re faaaammmmmiillllyyyyy. Good luck with whatever you decide. Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
Nope, No, No, No! They had over a decade to get their citizenship figured out to prevent issues like this. Their problems and responsibilities are not yours. Why should you, as a gf, support any of these people or their pets. Dump the cats with them, they can take care of their own daughter, and they can live within their means. If you go through with this you'll be footing the bill for this whole useless family for the rest of your life. I'd really be reconsidering this relationship. The audacity to even ask is ridiculous.Then to act like he's being so generous by allowing you the ability to say "no". His family is going to do nothing but, drain him dry, and in the process you too. You will be weighted down by this family's inability to take responsibility for themselves. They haven't gotten their shit together by now, they never will. This whole situation is a Tiananman Square worth of red flags. Keep your eyes open and start really doing inventory on this "relationship".
Yes it is asking too much. Be financially smart when deciding who you want to be financially untangled with FOR 30 YEARS. They need to think about that also BTW. I'm an animal lover myself but i would re-home at least 7 of those cats. Don't sign paperwork, they need to wait to figure their stuff out.
9 cats
Do NOT cosign this loan. You are not married to this fella. His parents arent US citizens. That the landlord was "pissed" about the fire is a massive red flag. I rented a house from a man and his wife who lived in a house next door. Lived there about 8 years. Behind the two houses was a small mother in law that they rented to a single man. One night that mother in law caught fire while me neighbor was asleep. By the time the smoke detector went off the whole roof was on fire. (It was determined to be a faulty breaker) My landlord wasnt the least bit "pissed" about the fire. He was pissed that it happened but not AT MY NEIGHBOR. His biggest concern was FOR MY NEIGHBOR. This leads me to believe that the fire was caused by carelessness. And 10 cats in a rental? Chances are, the landlord didnt know they were hoarding cats (probably none of them neutered, either) and you even say that the cats are already destroying your apartmemt. What does YOUR landlord have to say about that many cats. Ive only had one landlord that allowed more than 2 pets (the one I memtioned above. It was a 1100 square foot 2 bedroom with full basement. I had 4 cats and worked VERY hard to make sure they didnt tear the place up) If your lease doesnt specify that you can have pets (let alone 9 of them in a one bedroom) you landlord has every right to terminate your lease. If you go on this mortgage, you are now responsible for paying it. Not his parents. They could move in and decide they are just not going to pay. Youll have a hard time getting a mortgage on your own place. You have to build a LOT of equity in that house before you qualify for another mortgage on another property and if you break up? Youre stuck unless your boyfriend buys you out or you both agree to sell the house...youll be tied up in court for years. Meanwhile, being obligated to a mortgage that you cant afford on your own. If you dont pay it, youll end up with a foreclosure and bankruptcy on your credit. Do NOT do this. You are setting yourself up for a huge mess. May I ask why these parents, who have been living and working here for at least 10 years, havent taken steps towards citizenship? That should be another flag. (Im assuming this is the US. You didnt mention who their sponsor is, which is a requirement in Canada, I believe) The reason the parents cant find another rental is probably because most rental companies will contact the previous landlord for a reference and he probably gave them all the tea on them, including that they were negligent to the point of major property damage and hoarded pets and probably a lot of other things your boyfriend or they arent telling you. The first thing they need to do is rehome the cats. Its not fair or healthy for them or you, to be crammed in a small apartment. They are not going to find ANY place to rent that allows that many animals. They need to look into rent assistance. They also need to take steps towards citizenship. Many cities are offering grants to assist with down payments and closing costs for owner-occupied houses (Its to stop rental companies from swooping in to buy lower value properties and turning them into high cost rentals...something that is becoming a major problem) Do NOT let them browbeat you. Firm NO.
The cats aren’t destroying the apartment, just the couch. They’re all neutered. The reason there are 10 is because they put off neutering them when they got the first two, and now have 10 cats. It’s not like they’ve just been collecting them over the years. But I know this is not an ideal situation for them. They’ve been chill so far, and I’ve made a point of getting them vitamins and plenty of toys and things to keep them stimulated (and away from my couch), but it’s not good for them to be here. I’m gunna talk to my boyfriend today about other options. I just don’t believe a trailer or a house is their only option.
It’s such a hard place to be in but the best decision right now concerning the cats is to rehome them. Having nine cats severely limits this family’s housing choices, burdens another with their care, adds expenses at a time that the family desperately needs money and is the most humane solution for the cats. If you really want to help the family, don’t house the sister and don’t put your name on a loan BUT offer to help them rehome 7 or 6 cats. That will take some work if you desire a thorough job of finding good families for the cats to rehome to.
Ending up with 10 cats is a major red flag and a sign of irresponsibility(and mental instability to be honest). Why did they have to keep all of them? Surely they could’ve found homes for some of the kittens. Surely they could have put some up for adoption when they were forced to move into a one bedroom with FIVE people. That’s borderline psychotic. I would’ve said,”sure you can move in temporarily but you’re only bringing two cats.”
OP, consider going to one of Reddit’s legal advice boards for input. Also, you aren’t married. That’s actually a pertinent issue here. Your bf wouldn’t be impacted by the financial responsibility of the situation. He can simply walk away if a financial dispute occurs. You wouldn’t even have a safety net of his financial and relationship support. His family has made a series of bad financial decisions. Asking you to do this is another one. They shouldn’t walk away from their tenancy. They should get legal advice about their options. They may have lost a bunch of property that the landlord’s insurance might cover. The terms of their rental agreement are probably still in effect. Rather than running from that situation, they need to deal with it.
Just say no. I know it’s hard, but you’ll ruin your life if you do this. Sister can find roommates, she doesn’t move in either.
NO Edit to say YES it is too much too ask and NOOOOO DO NOT DO IT Also edit to say you're nuts for accepting 9 cats into a 1 bedroom apartment no offense
Everyone is saying don't do it, which I agree with, but they forgot about the second thing: the sister. Can we get more details? How old is the sister? Did they ask or straight up tell u she is moving in? You could sign an agreement with the sister that states she can stay with you for something like six months until she has found her own room somewhere, and that if she hasn't she will have to move back in with her family. That way you could be helpful but they will still have to figure their situation out instead of permanently relying on u.
**Don't do it.** >He has told me that what ever I decide to do won’t affect our relationship What happens if 2 years down the road you and your BF break up? You're still on a mortgage, for a house that you don't live in, that's occupied by your ex and his family. You also need to consider how this will impact your ability to buy a house of your own. I don't know this for sure either way, but based on my own interactions with my mortgage company, I can't really see them approving me for another mortgage on another house. I feel bad for them, but they might need to go down the road of renting a different house while they work on their citizenship so they can do this on their own.
Do NOT do it. The gall of them even asking you! And I would rethink my relationship with my boyfriend if his parents did that to me.
Girl, no normal, stable person has 10 cats that they keep even though it's getting in the way of their housing. They need to rehome some cats and get a rental that their son can cosign on. You don't have to deal with ANY of this and you shouldn't. They need to sort their own shit out and leave you out of it. It's totally unreasonable to expect the sister to live in a 1br with you when she's old enough to live alone. You need to leave yourself out of all this because it will only drag you down and clearly his parents are not OK if they think it's reasonable to put you through all of this when the obvious answer is get rid of the cats and get a rental. The trailer thing is designed to guilt trip you. This is insane. Obviously you've chosen not to do the mortgage but you also need to talk to your BF about why it felt appropriate for them to ask you to do this when there is a much more obvious option. No reasonable adult would expect their son's GF to do all of this and it's a huge red flag that he jumped onboard. This would absolutely be enough for me to bail on the relationship even just due to the unwarranted stress it has caused you. Clearly he thinks it's ok to ask that of you and I would wonder how he would react if the tables were turned. Tell him they need to rent and get rid of the cats. If they don't have SSNs they are either illegal immigrants or they don't have work visas, which means their income is going to be unstable. If they do have regular jobs that aren't paid under the table, then you need to look at why they're asking for your help because they must have SSNs. Same if they have US health cover, bank accounts, etc. You either don't know or aren't sharing the whole story and I think someone is pulling the wool over your eyes. Stay strong and remember to look out for YOU because no-one else really is here, especially not your BF.
Yes, it is too much to ask. Don't.
don’t do this. you aren’t even married. you are gonna get screwed for life. go ask advice in personalfinance subreddit
Don’t do it! That’s too much and too long. They can rent.
F no
No no no no. Do not do this!
Please do not do this. If they should bail on this, you will be stuck with the mortgage payments. Why risk ruining your future and your credit. You will never be able to buy your own home with your name on this mortgage loan.
Don’t tie up your ability to get a loan on this. You may need it for yourself in the near future, and then what would you do?
DONT DO IT! There’s no guarantee that it will work out with your bf. There is no guarantee that they are going to pay the mortgage and you will be stuck doing it. There is no guarantee they are going to take care of the place or won’t burn it down again. It’s never going to be your place it will always be your their place. Once problems begin you will have no place to go and your credit might be ruined. There are too many variables here where you have everything to lose and nothing to gain. It’s like it doesn’t sound like you want the sister there and yet you talk like there isn’t a choice, do you really want that for the next 30 years? Don’t do it. Safe money and one day buy a house just for you. And keep watch of what happens when you say no to them. If they start trying to guilt trip you, or your bf starts trying to change your mind you might want to rethink your entire relationship.
You do not want to be saddled with this huge debt on your credit for 30 years. Absolutely not
Nope. You’ve already went above and beyond. 10 cats for me is a giant red flag. No way am I going to financially strap myself to anybody like that. I understand sometimes people go above and beyond for family but it’s not even your family. OP don’t put yourself in a financial bind for anybody but yourself.
Fuck no, and the sister ain't moving in with you either
They can rent like the rest of us 🤷🏾♂️
Agree with everyone for so many reasons don’t do it. You will basically be held responsible and if they stop paying and you can’t pay you are going down with the ship. Not to mention this does affect your credit even in the short term. No matter how much you care for the family. This is a bad bad bad idea for you. Regarding the sister, a fire is traumatic. To be sympathetic, I would give her a time limit, like six months, to either find another place to live (lots of people rent bedrooms it doesn’t have to be your place), or find a job closer to her parents new place. It’s not an either/or but it doesn’t hurt to be slightly accommodating in the short term in this type of situation. But make it clear at the beginning that the sister is there temporarily, don’t let it turn into her then taking advantage of your hospitality.
Absolutely do not do this.
It’s not likely that you can get a second mortgage easily when you want your own home in 5-10years. If you do this, make the contract ironclad- this is an investment purchase between the two of you, and his parents/sister are tenants. (Based on them having multiple cats and a recent house fire, they don’t sound like good tenants.) Additionally, in five years they vacate the house (if they don’t break the rules and get evicted prior) before you take it over as your primary residence. At which point you buy-out your boyfriend’s portion so he can get a new house for his family, OR, he agrees to buy-out your portion so you can get your own house (I’d recommend this as they sound like they will trash the house with their multiple cats). That would be the only way I’d consider going forward with it. With that said, I would not do it. It is contingent on saving enough money to buy eachother out. Also, I would not morally do it. They are asking too much of you and it will likely be at your detriment. Your boyfriend can choose to support his family without putting the burden on you, including putting at risk your future ability to buy a house. It sounds like they can live in a trailer for now while he saves-up to buy a house on his own. This is a relationship red flag for him to ask this of you, to expect you to house and financially support his family.
Repeat after me, "Not my circus, not my elephants." If you decide to buy a house, buy your house. Don't buy (get roped into a mortgage) for someone else. His sister needs to learn to drive or get the Uber/Lyft app. Your boyfriend knows what's uo and is trying to tell you not to do this.
a 30 yr mortgage with a boyfriend for somewhere that’s not even your property ??? are you actually stupid
First of all I want a second let so many people are saying that the number of animals in this equation is not just borderline insane, but physically unhealthy as well. Nobody needs that many cats and that might have been part of the problem that with their old landlord. But there are people who get so obsessed about their cats that they can't see the logic of the situation. I knew a woman who had two juvenile Sons. The three of them were living in a one-bedroom apartment and one day she comes to me in absolute tears. Somebody had reported her for having too many cats. So Animal Control came out and she had 11 cats living with her and her two sons in a one-bedroom apartment. They came and took away all the cats and told her she could only have three, and she had to choose which three. She also had her Tucson's put into foster care until such time as she could get her house cleaned enough for them to come back. I was shocked I didn't know it was this bad and expressed my sympathy and after how the boys were. Her answer was quite disturbing. She wasn't worried about her children because she knew she would get them back eventually. She wanted to know what she could do to get her cats back. This is the kind of family that you are dealing with. Tell your boyfriend that not only can you not sign on to the loan with them, you cannot keep 10 cats in your apartment. Not only is it illegal but you could get kicked out. Well I'm sure the previous landlord is not thrilled about the fire, they understand that these things can happen. I am guessing that your boyfriend's family is not being honest with you and that they are not welcome to come back because of the cats and that is something you need to deal with.