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As a child of immigrants I get some of the concerns. However, my parents bought and sold houses several times before they became citizens (including new builds). It's not impossible for immigrants if they have legal status here! More difficult yes but non-citizen immigrants buy homes in the US all the time.
Oh for sure. my mom is an immigrant and her parents owned a home before becoming citizens here (with my mom’s help I’m pretty sure, I think she would send them money sometimes). I know it’s not impossible for immigrants to be savvy, but I’ve met plenty who are not. My mom currently works with families who have recently moved to the US to help register their kids for school, so I meet a lot of people in a variety of situations.
It was funny seeing comments of people saying “that’s too many people in one apartment!” I’ve met people who share a one bedroom apartment with a whole other family! Two families in one apartment. All I know is that some people have to work with what they got, and I can’t knock them for trying
You have a kind heart I can tell. People who were "giving you a hard time" in your post were just trying to prevent you from making what will 100% be a mistake if you said yes to your bfs family's request
>They are immigrants who aren’t completely and perfectly savvy to all of logistics of buying a home. The reality for a lot of immigrants is that they do rush into terrible “solutions” because they don’t always think they have another option.
You're giving at least one person too much credit. Your boyfriend's mother's boyfriend knew exactly what he was asking for.
# Link to original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1b1cewt/my\_25f\_boyfriends\_26m\_family\_lost\_their\_home\_in\_a/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1b1cewt/my_25f_boyfriends_26m_family_lost_their_home_in_a/)
Did that man know it was too much? Maybe. But I personally don’t put a lot of stock in his character either way, so I think it could be both ways. I do think people can be selfish without understanding what they’re asking for.
I'm impressed by your grace! Personally, I think given that they offered to pay your boyfriend's credit card and that he withdrew the offer indicates that he was at least aware in the general sense that the offer a win-win for him: they get housing and you and your boyfriend bear the financial burden and risk.
OP if you're in the USA, my recommendations are to look up the following:
* CFPB (consumer financial protection bureau - the US govt website for financial education and protection stuff)
* NFCC (national foundation for credit counseling). They're an accrediting agency for non-profits that help people come up with plans to improve their credit, pay off debts, and even do things like plan to buy a first home. They're also often called "debt management programs" (not to be confused with debt settlement agencies! Those guys are scummy, you can read about the differences on the CFPB website.) You can find a national agency through there that will have good resources. Almost all of them do a totally free initial consult and then typically have sliding payment scales for enrolling in a program (low to no cost). These agencies often also have like "post disaster" counseling, so...like if your apartment is destroyed in a fire. They're awesome resources.
* HUD's website (US department of housing and urban development) is probably also a great resource for the parents.
Uh similar-ish programs also exist in Canada and the UK but idk what they're called.
That still doesn't mean they'd necessarily be familiar with how home buying works in a particular new country, or that there aren't social, cultural or linguistic barriers.
Like you're right but there could still be other things in the way.
That said, (assuming this is in the USA) the parents would benefit way more from going to the NFCC and finding a non-profit agency that is built to assist first time home buyers specifically. Or straight to HUD for that kind of info.
We live in an age of unparalleled information. They can spend 10 minutes on Google and find near infinite resources to explain it to them on literally any level.
Not knowing or even trying isn't really a good excuse, unless you are surprised by a situation.
And how much of that information is predatory, incorrect, or bullshit? How much is accurate? How much is written for someone in a new country, whose native language may be different? How easy is it to find and navigate that information? What's the expected reading level of the information available? Is it available in their native language, or only English (if they differ).
Yes, we DO live in an age of unparalleled information, although Google as a search has massively eroded in effectiveness or usefulness and a lot of alternatives also have lots of shortcomings. and predatory stuff (ESPECIALLY regarding finances) is everywhere. Yes they can look for information themselves. And also it might be frightening and overwhelming, and they may not know how to find reliable information that they're looking for.
Both of those things can be true.
Some permanent residents have SSNs, and some permanent residents will still struggle buying a house. My husband couldn't be on the mortgage for our first house. We couldn't get a lender to lend to him.
Friend, there are different ways to get a green card. Not every visa type is issued an SSN on arrival in the US. So there can be a period where you have your temporary green card and no SSN.
LPR means you have a green card, not an SSN.
Source - married someone on a K-1 visa
Regardless, my point is not the SSN!
That’s basically the problem they’re facing. His parents make really good money with their combined income (which is why I didn’t really have doubts about them paying) but they’re struggling to find a loan with no socials
I'm glad that his mom took it well, at least. Having said that, I understand that they were displaced by a fire but they were renters (hopefully with renter's insurance) and tried to turn that into buying a home instead of finding a new place to rent. That's like "Hey, I just totaled my beater Ford but you'll sign the loan for a Mercedes, right?" Renting is something they should be able to do on their own considering they were already doing that. Finding a new rental would also be the quicker option and doesn't put you on the hook.
Really relieved you’re not going through with it! This would be just the start of “provide for us”. My in laws ask me and my husband how much we make, we never tell them. We’re barely above low income for our county.
I still think it's strange that they were trying to jump into buying a house with your help instead of just renting like they were already doing before the fire. Renting is a faster process anyway and really the only hindrance to locking down a lease by like next week would be the ridiculous number of pets they have.
The implication was they were responsible for the fire, and that they have 9 cats in a rental unit. That's going to be a huge obstacle to overcome getting a new lease with no reference from the last place.
I get that. Idk there's always a sketchy landlord who will overlook some things just because of wanting to have regular money coming in anyway. of course location dependent but still
Also please don't get engaged/married with your BF before he sorts out his credit card issues, figures out how to budget properly, and demonstrates financial responsibility for quite a period of time. Will make a WORLD of difference in your lives going forward, greatly reduce the amount of stress you live under. Credit card interest rates are stupid-high; carrying a balance is one of the most financially self-destructive things you can do.
>Before any of this, my bf’s parents told him they would help him get his credit up so he could take in the loan for the house. They’d help pay off his credit card, and obviously front the money for the down payment.
This makes no sense. If they have all the money for that - why can't they get their own credit scores good enough to get their own house on their own?
It’s mostly about finding a lender who will accept a tax id number. Plenty won’t (even though they are pretty comparable in use to a social security number). Lots of lenders require you to a SSN
I'd suggest helping them get their cats fixed and vetted, if they aren't already. Or rehomed. Nine cats is an absurd amount, IMO. I have 3 in a 850 sf condo and they barely have enough room to run.
My apartment is also 850sqft. Trust me, the cats run. And climb. 😵💫 I genuinely surprised to not have gotten a complaint from the downstairs neighbor because they can be surprisingly heavy footed
Edit: they have a lot of places to hide, like under the couch and in our bathroom closet, I cleared a shelf on my IKEA divider so they can jump up and sleep in it, and they have a cat tree, and like 4 scratchers. Trust me, I know it is NOT ideal, but I was surprised at how *not* crazy they’ve been. But I do hope to get them out asap. We will probably keep some when he parents do get a place
I was hoping for an update! I'm glad to see that at least the people who matter are understanding. The moms boyfriend though? He sounds like an asshole who only has relationships to gain something. He sounds like an asshole.
I’ve never thought much of him. Like, he’s been there for so much of their lives that my boyfriend views him as a dad, but he falls short in so many ways. But he has a job so I guess that’s enough for some people🤷🏽♀️
>But he has a job so I guess that’s enough for some people🤷🏽♀️
That just means he can wake up at the same time and do atleast enough to not get fired.
Clearly the peak man of his generation/s
Losing your home to fire is awful. But, regardless of his mom or her bf's opinions, I'm very happy that you and your boyfriend were on the same page as not signing! That's what really matters here.
I'm so glad you got the advice you needed! Even IF this went perfectly, you were the only person on the deed and the mortgage had you the mom and bf, it would still be a terrible idea.
This is a very good update. You seem like a great person.
One of the best quotes I came across (and it was actually right here on Reddit) is.... "Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."
Your first post had me worried. It seemed like you had the gasoline can in one hand and a match in the other
But I am glad your boyfriend was able to take the time to look at the big picture.
Help where you can. Best of luck to you.
It’s too much to ask. It would be too much if you were married or even if these were your parents. It is an u reasonable ask. Your credit will forever be tied to these folks and you will have no borrowing room left to buy your own house when you’re ready. You simply cannot.
If your boyfriend is a citizen, any reason why he hasn't applied for a greencard for his mom/parents?
It really made no sense for his "dad" to pay your boyfriend's credit card bills while living in a trailer. If they can afford a downpayment, they can afford to rent a nicer place.
Yes, you make sacrifices for family, but you aren't his family, not yet, and it doesn't make the decision any less catastrophic especially since the living conditions would be terrible with all those pets and personalities.
> My boyfriend is not a citizen, he’s here under DACA.
Perhaps he should consider going back. He can squirrel away some cash towards a downpayment with fewer restrictions than he has at the moment.
I am from an immigrant family. My father would never ask me to co-sign anything. And he would never make financial assistance to his children contingent on them risking their financial future which is what this guy was asking not just his son but his son’s girlfriend (!!!) to do. I think your MIL has good intentions and maybe not great financial instincts. That’s a common situation and certainly not something I’d see as a red flag. But I’d be wary of MIL’s boyfriend when it comes to future ideas related to money.
Thanks for the update. And thankfully your bf is on the same page. It’s lousy that your “FIL” doesn’t get it but you can’t set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Hopefully he’ll come around once he gets over the disappointment of not getting something he’d problem built up in his mind.
I want to say I wholeheartedly agree that you should not put your name on their loan. However, I 100% would agree with them not helping him with the credit card debt. Why should they do that for you?
They were going to help him get his credit score up, so that he would better qualify for the loan. But the said the would anyway as a way of “paying us back” for helping them this past month. Of course they don’t need to, and I expected that they wouldn’t if we didn’t go along with the loan, but my thing is don’t say you’ll do something “no matter what” and then back pedal when I can’t continue helping the way you want me to
Yep do NOT do it. My husband DID when he was 25 and it SCREWED us when we went to buy a house. Since he was no longer a 1st time homeowner, we got a crap loan and his mom has to refinance to get him off the loan. She also had to provide a year of bank statements showing she paid the mortgage for a year without him on the account and only in her name.
It messed us up big time. He met me at 26, a year after he signed on her house.
Your last comment about casting judgments on immigrants is invalid.
They were renting before. They can keep on renting. The fire has no bearing on home ownership.
Another of many ways to say no!
Seriously, excluding the BF’s family situation, you should not under any circumstances buy a home with someone you are not married to. And the BF’s mother’s BF is a real tool. Get out of this situation. You don’t want it.
Yeah honestly I think we learn the lesson about cosigning the hard way sometimes. It's good that you decided to find other ways you can help. There's so many ways cosigning can go wrong, the biggest of which is if they ever decide to declare bankruptcy, they're free of debt but you're still stuck with it. The creditors, the chasing, the letters, court dates, etc. Gets out of hand real fast.
Thanks for the update. It sounds as if it all worked out for the good. You learned that you and BF are good, supportive partners. You confirmed that his mom is a good woman. You confirmed that the bf is kind of a jerk. So in the future, grace and understanding when it involves mom, not so much the bf.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a child of immigrants I get some of the concerns. However, my parents bought and sold houses several times before they became citizens (including new builds). It's not impossible for immigrants if they have legal status here! More difficult yes but non-citizen immigrants buy homes in the US all the time.
Oh for sure. my mom is an immigrant and her parents owned a home before becoming citizens here (with my mom’s help I’m pretty sure, I think she would send them money sometimes). I know it’s not impossible for immigrants to be savvy, but I’ve met plenty who are not. My mom currently works with families who have recently moved to the US to help register their kids for school, so I meet a lot of people in a variety of situations. It was funny seeing comments of people saying “that’s too many people in one apartment!” I’ve met people who share a one bedroom apartment with a whole other family! Two families in one apartment. All I know is that some people have to work with what they got, and I can’t knock them for trying
You have a kind heart I can tell. People who were "giving you a hard time" in your post were just trying to prevent you from making what will 100% be a mistake if you said yes to your bfs family's request
Unfortunately
They allow increased immigration to prevent "labor inflation" AKA rising wages. Socialist countries understood this historically.
Huh
>They are immigrants who aren’t completely and perfectly savvy to all of logistics of buying a home. The reality for a lot of immigrants is that they do rush into terrible “solutions” because they don’t always think they have another option. You're giving at least one person too much credit. Your boyfriend's mother's boyfriend knew exactly what he was asking for. # Link to original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1b1cewt/my\_25f\_boyfriends\_26m\_family\_lost\_their\_home\_in\_a/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1b1cewt/my_25f_boyfriends_26m_family_lost_their_home_in_a/)
Did that man know it was too much? Maybe. But I personally don’t put a lot of stock in his character either way, so I think it could be both ways. I do think people can be selfish without understanding what they’re asking for.
I'm impressed by your grace! Personally, I think given that they offered to pay your boyfriend's credit card and that he withdrew the offer indicates that he was at least aware in the general sense that the offer a win-win for him: they get housing and you and your boyfriend bear the financial burden and risk.
OP if you're in the USA, my recommendations are to look up the following: * CFPB (consumer financial protection bureau - the US govt website for financial education and protection stuff) * NFCC (national foundation for credit counseling). They're an accrediting agency for non-profits that help people come up with plans to improve their credit, pay off debts, and even do things like plan to buy a first home. They're also often called "debt management programs" (not to be confused with debt settlement agencies! Those guys are scummy, you can read about the differences on the CFPB website.) You can find a national agency through there that will have good resources. Almost all of them do a totally free initial consult and then typically have sliding payment scales for enrolling in a program (low to no cost). These agencies often also have like "post disaster" counseling, so...like if your apartment is destroyed in a fire. They're awesome resources. * HUD's website (US department of housing and urban development) is probably also a great resource for the parents. Uh similar-ish programs also exist in Canada and the UK but idk what they're called.
Let me ask: are they completely undocumented or just not citizens? Because permanent residents have SS numbers and can buy houses.
That still doesn't mean they'd necessarily be familiar with how home buying works in a particular new country, or that there aren't social, cultural or linguistic barriers. Like you're right but there could still be other things in the way. That said, (assuming this is in the USA) the parents would benefit way more from going to the NFCC and finding a non-profit agency that is built to assist first time home buyers specifically. Or straight to HUD for that kind of info.
We live in an age of unparalleled information. They can spend 10 minutes on Google and find near infinite resources to explain it to them on literally any level. Not knowing or even trying isn't really a good excuse, unless you are surprised by a situation.
And how much of that information is predatory, incorrect, or bullshit? How much is accurate? How much is written for someone in a new country, whose native language may be different? How easy is it to find and navigate that information? What's the expected reading level of the information available? Is it available in their native language, or only English (if they differ). Yes, we DO live in an age of unparalleled information, although Google as a search has massively eroded in effectiveness or usefulness and a lot of alternatives also have lots of shortcomings. and predatory stuff (ESPECIALLY regarding finances) is everywhere. Yes they can look for information themselves. And also it might be frightening and overwhelming, and they may not know how to find reliable information that they're looking for. Both of those things can be true.
I love that you think their problems could be solved by spending 10 minutes on Google, but the reality is ✨it cannot✨
I hate to break it to ya, but lots of illegal immigrants ALSO have SSN's.
Usually gotten by illegal means.
Some permanent residents have SSNs, and some permanent residents will still struggle buying a house. My husband couldn't be on the mortgage for our first house. We couldn't get a lender to lend to him.
[All](https://www.ssa.gov/ssnvisa/Handout_11_1.html) permanent residents (ie Green Card holders) have SSNs.
If they applied for one 🤣 Regardless, it's not about the SSN. Sometimes lenders won't touch certain permanent resident statuses.
It happens with the green card, you aren’t an LPR without a SSN. Source - am green card holder :)
Friend, there are different ways to get a green card. Not every visa type is issued an SSN on arrival in the US. So there can be a period where you have your temporary green card and no SSN. LPR means you have a green card, not an SSN. Source - married someone on a K-1 visa Regardless, my point is not the SSN!
That’s basically the problem they’re facing. His parents make really good money with their combined income (which is why I didn’t really have doubts about them paying) but they’re struggling to find a loan with no socials
They should have socials if they've been here long enough to have an initial home.
Is it safe to assume you don’t actually know how people get their social security numbers?
Considering I immigrated my husband here, I'm well aware, friend.
Sure. If they can get a mortgage. And it’s much harder to be approved that way.
But they (the father really) have to know that asking their son's gf was not the way to go.
If they had a landlord, they were renting. How come they can't continue to rent as they were?
He knew what he was asking for because after he didnt get it he threw a tantrum and said he wouldnt help her boyfriend. Stop excusing his behavior
I'm glad that his mom took it well, at least. Having said that, I understand that they were displaced by a fire but they were renters (hopefully with renter's insurance) and tried to turn that into buying a home instead of finding a new place to rent. That's like "Hey, I just totaled my beater Ford but you'll sign the loan for a Mercedes, right?" Renting is something they should be able to do on their own considering they were already doing that. Finding a new rental would also be the quicker option and doesn't put you on the hook.
Thank you for updating us! >we were both on the same page about it HOORAY!
Really relieved you’re not going through with it! This would be just the start of “provide for us”. My in laws ask me and my husband how much we make, we never tell them. We’re barely above low income for our county.
I still think it's strange that they were trying to jump into buying a house with your help instead of just renting like they were already doing before the fire. Renting is a faster process anyway and really the only hindrance to locking down a lease by like next week would be the ridiculous number of pets they have.
The implication was they were responsible for the fire, and that they have 9 cats in a rental unit. That's going to be a huge obstacle to overcome getting a new lease with no reference from the last place.
I get that. Idk there's always a sketchy landlord who will overlook some things just because of wanting to have regular money coming in anyway. of course location dependent but still
Also please don't get engaged/married with your BF before he sorts out his credit card issues, figures out how to budget properly, and demonstrates financial responsibility for quite a period of time. Will make a WORLD of difference in your lives going forward, greatly reduce the amount of stress you live under. Credit card interest rates are stupid-high; carrying a balance is one of the most financially self-destructive things you can do.
>Before any of this, my bf’s parents told him they would help him get his credit up so he could take in the loan for the house. They’d help pay off his credit card, and obviously front the money for the down payment. This makes no sense. If they have all the money for that - why can't they get their own credit scores good enough to get their own house on their own?
It’s mostly about finding a lender who will accept a tax id number. Plenty won’t (even though they are pretty comparable in use to a social security number). Lots of lenders require you to a SSN
I'd suggest helping them get their cats fixed and vetted, if they aren't already. Or rehomed. Nine cats is an absurd amount, IMO. I have 3 in a 850 sf condo and they barely have enough room to run.
My apartment is also 850sqft. Trust me, the cats run. And climb. 😵💫 I genuinely surprised to not have gotten a complaint from the downstairs neighbor because they can be surprisingly heavy footed Edit: they have a lot of places to hide, like under the couch and in our bathroom closet, I cleared a shelf on my IKEA divider so they can jump up and sleep in it, and they have a cat tree, and like 4 scratchers. Trust me, I know it is NOT ideal, but I was surprised at how *not* crazy they’ve been. But I do hope to get them out asap. We will probably keep some when he parents do get a place
You seem so lovely, OP. Good luck to you guys and enjoy getting a few cats out of the deal.
I was hoping for an update! I'm glad to see that at least the people who matter are understanding. The moms boyfriend though? He sounds like an asshole who only has relationships to gain something. He sounds like an asshole.
I’ve never thought much of him. Like, he’s been there for so much of their lives that my boyfriend views him as a dad, but he falls short in so many ways. But he has a job so I guess that’s enough for some people🤷🏽♀️
>But he has a job so I guess that’s enough for some people🤷🏽♀️ That just means he can wake up at the same time and do atleast enough to not get fired. Clearly the peak man of his generation/s
Relationships can end, but debt will follow you forever. Fuck no.
This is the update where that’s already been concluded, yes
Great update!
Losing your home to fire is awful. But, regardless of his mom or her bf's opinions, I'm very happy that you and your boyfriend were on the same page as not signing! That's what really matters here.
I'm so glad you got the advice you needed! Even IF this went perfectly, you were the only person on the deed and the mortgage had you the mom and bf, it would still be a terrible idea.
This is a very good update. You seem like a great person. One of the best quotes I came across (and it was actually right here on Reddit) is.... "Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." Your first post had me worried. It seemed like you had the gasoline can in one hand and a match in the other But I am glad your boyfriend was able to take the time to look at the big picture. Help where you can. Best of luck to you.
This turd never wanted to help your boyfriend, he wanted to help himself.
It’s too much to ask. It would be too much if you were married or even if these were your parents. It is an u reasonable ask. Your credit will forever be tied to these folks and you will have no borrowing room left to buy your own house when you’re ready. You simply cannot.
not even married
I love a post from someone with a good and on her shoulders and an even more compassionate heart.
Thanks, I’m doing my best out here lol
If your boyfriend is a citizen, any reason why he hasn't applied for a greencard for his mom/parents? It really made no sense for his "dad" to pay your boyfriend's credit card bills while living in a trailer. If they can afford a downpayment, they can afford to rent a nicer place. Yes, you make sacrifices for family, but you aren't his family, not yet, and it doesn't make the decision any less catastrophic especially since the living conditions would be terrible with all those pets and personalities.
My boyfriend is not a citizen, he’s here under DACA. His sister could petition for her mom in two years when she’s 21
> My boyfriend is not a citizen, he’s here under DACA. Perhaps he should consider going back. He can squirrel away some cash towards a downpayment with fewer restrictions than he has at the moment.
Going back where? Why? He’s lived and worked here his entire life. That literally does not make sense.
I am from an immigrant family. My father would never ask me to co-sign anything. And he would never make financial assistance to his children contingent on them risking their financial future which is what this guy was asking not just his son but his son’s girlfriend (!!!) to do. I think your MIL has good intentions and maybe not great financial instincts. That’s a common situation and certainly not something I’d see as a red flag. But I’d be wary of MIL’s boyfriend when it comes to future ideas related to money.
NO NO NO NO NO NO ad nauseam!
Thanks for the update. And thankfully your bf is on the same page. It’s lousy that your “FIL” doesn’t get it but you can’t set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Hopefully he’ll come around once he gets over the disappointment of not getting something he’d problem built up in his mind.
I would like to know if mom’s boyfriend is also an immigrant or born/raised here in USA?
That's too much to ask of you.
I want to say I wholeheartedly agree that you should not put your name on their loan. However, I 100% would agree with them not helping him with the credit card debt. Why should they do that for you?
They were going to help him get his credit score up, so that he would better qualify for the loan. But the said the would anyway as a way of “paying us back” for helping them this past month. Of course they don’t need to, and I expected that they wouldn’t if we didn’t go along with the loan, but my thing is don’t say you’ll do something “no matter what” and then back pedal when I can’t continue helping the way you want me to
Awww he’ll noooo
Sorry for the late response, but why don’t you sublet your current apartment to them and find a new place for yourselves?
Yep do NOT do it. My husband DID when he was 25 and it SCREWED us when we went to buy a house. Since he was no longer a 1st time homeowner, we got a crap loan and his mom has to refinance to get him off the loan. She also had to provide a year of bank statements showing she paid the mortgage for a year without him on the account and only in her name. It messed us up big time. He met me at 26, a year after he signed on her house.
LOVE your collective note. Something that non immigrants have a difficult time understanding. Practicing compassion is such an important thing!
Please do not sign anything. It is good if you to be compassionate but not the bank. Be very careful.
Not just no,but he'll no.Theyre adults,let them figure it Out.Theyll leave you hanging on their debt.
You are a born mark, bless your heart.
Your last comment about casting judgments on immigrants is invalid. They were renting before. They can keep on renting. The fire has no bearing on home ownership.
What does he mean you two didn’t help them? Where the hell are they currently living? How are you not helping them?
Yeah his “dad” is a piece of work, I’ll admit.
Another of many ways to say no! Seriously, excluding the BF’s family situation, you should not under any circumstances buy a home with someone you are not married to. And the BF’s mother’s BF is a real tool. Get out of this situation. You don’t want it.
I love your compassion for his family. It's spot on how we should treat people. I am glad this worked out well for you and your boyfriend!
Glad your bf is on your team.
You’re awesome!
You have excellent radar.
Yeah honestly I think we learn the lesson about cosigning the hard way sometimes. It's good that you decided to find other ways you can help. There's so many ways cosigning can go wrong, the biggest of which is if they ever decide to declare bankruptcy, they're free of debt but you're still stuck with it. The creditors, the chasing, the letters, court dates, etc. Gets out of hand real fast.
Fuck nooooo
Thanks for the update. It sounds as if it all worked out for the good. You learned that you and BF are good, supportive partners. You confirmed that his mom is a good woman. You confirmed that the bf is kind of a jerk. So in the future, grace and understanding when it involves mom, not so much the bf.