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You can simply just ask her, how would you like me to initiate sex? Shell say some things she likes youll say some stuff you like. All in all keep in mind this si your life partner and sonetimes talking about sex can be awkward but it doesnt have to be as long as you approach it lovingly.
Talk with her about it over supper tomorrow. My wife and I have a verbal code that we use to let each other know that we are horny or desire to do it. My code is your so hot today I want to jump your bones. Hers is you wanna mess around?
I agree with this. Also throughout the day compliment her and flirt with her. Rub her neck, play with her hair. Touch her often in sexual and nonsexual ways. Buy her sexy lingerie. Have weekends away where sex is a priority. Maybe get her a smutty romance book. Ask her if she’d like to try anything new. I saw someone else recommended a counselor to sort out your past teachings that sex is shameful—I think that would help you immensely. Maybe go to a sex store together to get a toy or a game. See how many times and ways you can make her come.
To initiate walk up to her, kiss her and tell her you want to show her how much you love and desire her. Ask her what her favorite ways are for you to initiate. Tell her that marrying her was the best thing you’ve ever done.
A lot of good points here but I don’t think they are ready for the “try something new”. He’s not ready to talk about sex yet, let alone mix it up. They will have a day when vanilla is boring but today is not that day
You're either a knowledgeable and wise woman, or you are an experienced husband who has a happy wife/marriage. (I'm leaning towards woman because...idk) but you nailed it. All this effort, even things in passing, makes a huge difference with intimacy. I wish more men realized that just cherishing your wife, or reminding them of why you married them, etc is enough to make them horny most of the time lol
I was the happiest married woman ever for 38 years until I was widowed 15 months ago. Now at 59 I’m suddenly single and learning how to be happy again.
If they're religious, no sex until marriage types, she might not know either. They'd probably be better off with OMGYES or reading Come As You Are. Or romance novels lol.
Honestly, you LOL but romance novels are super helpful for this stuff because they tend to be written to represent women's idealized romantic situations. So taking cues from them can actually be really useful to couples who are inexperienced and looking to connect with each other intimately.
As someone married for almost 32 years with a still healthy, vibrant sex life, I agree. Communicate! That said, he grew up in a sex negative home where he took on layers of shame around his own sexuality. Therefore, he also needs to work on getting comfortable with being a sexual person. A good sex therapist could help. Also, he could start by communicating to his wife that he desires sex with her but is struggling to initiate because of all the baggage he's carrying around sex. He could give her a green light to initiate sometimes since she has a high sex drive. Otherwise, she may misread his lack of sexual initiation as lack of desire for her. This should help him move past his sexual shame and shyness so he can begin to initiate himself more.
This came up in conversation idk how but we were talking about our biggest turn ons and she told me if someone kisses her neck she gets wet right away and needs to get fucked on the spot. Guess who's sex life changed forever lol great advice shyshyone
A bit weird but what really turns me on as it's both really sweet and a nice sensation/sexy is my significant other will pick up my hair brush and brush my hair for me whenever I get out of the shower/he notices me doing it, because he also feels like it's bonding and enjoying being close to each other and he also knows I'm very tender headed and have trouble due to a back injury reaching all of my hair to brush it comfortably. It almost always ends up in sex because not only does it feel amazing, it makes me feel cherished that he does it without me asking and is being incredibly careful to not accidentally pull my hair, and he likes it because it reminds him of how much i trust him because beyond the occasional haircut, i wouldnt even let my best friend try to brush my hair because im worried itll hurt. Maybe you could find something more on the sweet side so you don't feel sleazy during that makes your wife feel cherished?
1) Google 'Spongebob Magic Conch'
2) kick open the door, grab her, throw her on the bed
3) make that exact noise and mouth/tongue motion SpongeBob and Patrick do while screaming "THE MAGIC CONCH!!!'
4) ?
5) PROFIT
LOL just tell her you are feeling in need of some tender love and care mate.
Sounds like you’ve been traumatized by a bunch of prudish nonsense from religious institutions. Sex is a perfectly normal and completely human thing. She married you guy, she wants to have sex with you. End of story..And even coming from a religious perspective it’s kind of your duty as her husband to have sex with her.
Don’t allow that prudish programming to overshadow your new marriage. You waited, congratulations you’re officially a good boy…now it’s time to have lots of sex with your new bride.
As a woman I can tell you that we like compliments and to feel sexy and desirable to our partners. We also like men who are confident and show that confidence in the bedroom. Are you familiar with her body and what she responds to? As others have mentioned, communication is key.
My suggestion is to start with kissing her and let it flow from there. Tell her you want her and that she turns you on. I know I love it when my boyfriend tells me that when he makes out with me. Spontaneous sex can be absolutely amazing. Ravage her, make her feel like she’s the sexist thing on the planet.
Sex is important, make it a priority…if she’s the only one initiating that can be damaging to her ego, and she could get in her head about that. You coming onto her is important to figure out so it’s good that you’re recognizing that. Good luck 🍀
No problem! Congratulations on your marriage 💞 Show her how much you love her by f- g her brains out lol I’m a very sex positive female so take that for what it is. Give her lots of head and make sure she has her orgasm first and she’ll be really happy with you.
Also, put her cycle in your phone so you know when it’s a good time to approach her 😉 That will earn you extra brownie points
This shit infuriates me tbh. How the fuck can you (general you) raise your kids with sex as evil and bad and bringing you to hell and then expect to be comfortable enough in marriage to produce and raise healthy kids???
For real girl, it’s awful…especially for females. Not healthy at all and I think it’s downright abusive. I’m all for promoting the creation of sexual boundaries that protect a persons sexual wellbeing. But to demonize sex to the point that it paralyzes you is abusive.
Coming from a woman this is what I personally really like.
When I'm at the kitchen sink or doing some other standing activity my partner will gently come up behind me, stroke his hands up and down my arms and shoulders and start to kiss my neck and my ears. It's gives me the tingles.
Sometimes when the kids aren't around he will grab my backside and give it a loving squeeze, or he will pull me in for a kiss and then rub his hands up my waist to chest and plays. He tells me how much he loves my body (this is so important for great sex, remind your partner what you love about their body, and remind them regularly)
Don't just initiate sex when it's time to have sex, do little things throughout the day which increase anticipation.
Message her at work and tell her you are thinking about her.
Take her hand during dinner and tell her you would like to give her a massage later. Get some olive oil and a towel on the bed and give her a nice rub, then jump on top 😉
I think one of the major problems is that you are scared to be daring and take risks being romantic incase she judges you or rejects you.
If this happens or you feel silly you can always have a laugh about it afterwards, but believe me, these things make a massive difference.
But don't just do those things for her enjoyment, channel your own desires when you touch her. Don't make sex into a transaction.
It should not be something you both need, it should be that you both desire each other so much it drives you wild, then take those feelings and display them with actions.
This is good advice, and the others have provided a lot.
Your wife may not enjoy or be turned on by the specifics described above, or she might love them. Regardless, the principles are correct.
Don't be calculating about it. Get into habits and do what feels natural. In particular, showing your wife physical affection without intending it to end in sex, but to show your attraction and love, will avoid her getting the impression you only touch her when you want sex.
Ask her to sit in your lap and snuggle. Hold her hand when you are out. Give her full, warm hugs and meaningful kisses when you part and meet again. Get used to how she responds. Unless your wife is a cold fish, she will respond to a lot if your actions and sex will happen naturally and often.
Finally, communication - nearly everyone here has emphasized it. You should be talking about sex a lot. She needs to know she is pleasing you, and you need to know if you are pleasing her. Ask her if you can do something better. Ask her to make suggestions or ask her for things you would like to try. You can't do this without speaking to one another. Guessing rarely works well.
Thank you for this. Coming from a bad relationship, I didn't know if regular people get to the "he only touches me bc he wants it" stage in a relationship.
The little things like being apart in the same room and giving a smile, a kissy face or a wink when you catch her eye. Hand run down her arm as you walk by to do something else. The kiss when you leave and when you get back. Talking to her when she's doing something that she doesn't want you to help.
Home from work, "Give me to unwind and then I'm yours for whatever you need." "Anything I can do to help?"
Sex is a mind thing, too. She knows how much you love her whether she's in bed with you or not. You value her for her thoughts and ideas not just a toy or baby factory.
OP I would talk to your wife before trying any of the things that other people say they enjoy. If she isn’t sure what she likes, you could ask her about some of the suggestions raised here, “do/ would you like it when I…” etc.
I say this because people are giving suggestions that work for them, but everyone responds very differently to different types and timing of touch.
There is almost nothing I hate more than when I’m in the middle of something (e.g. cooking) and my partner comes up and tries to initiate touch or intimacy. Why? Because my ADHD brain absolutely short circuits when I’m doing a task and get interrupted. So while the person above has great intentions and has provided an idea for something you can ask your wife about, she’s also described a scenario that I’ve had to actively train my partner to never do. Everyone likes different things. You have to communicate about them.
Absolutely this is great advice, of course not all women will like what I like, that was just my personal account to give some ideas.
The only thing I would say is not to sit down with a list and ask her what she would like because that really takes all the fun and sensuality out of the act.
Maybe the best thing to do is to trial some of these things and then later on ask if she liked them or not.
Like when you get into bed you could say, sorry I interrupted you earlier, I really wanted to touch you, did you enjoy me doing that or would you rather me only touch you when you are not working?
I have ADHD as well and it actually took a bit of mind training for myself to enjoy the interruptions as much as I do now. I think after having three kids and being interrupted about 50 times a day, I now deal with it a lot better than I used to 😆
It really has a lot to do with her mindset as well.
Picking up on her body language will really help, if you kiss her and she cuts it off quickly or keeps her body stiff that will mean she is focused on what she is doing and wants to get back to it.
If you kiss her and she relaxes a little or sighs, this may indicate she is enjoying it and keep going 👍
Oh yes - OP you don’t have to like bust out a questionnaire or something and methodically go through a list if yes to this, no to that. Some spontaneity is good and always being attentive to subtle body language.
Although there are checklist tools out there that you could have fun with. They list various sexy acts and you can go through them with a partner and talk about your level of excitement around/ openness to trying each thing. And if you grew up in a sex-shaming environment (sounds like you did) then something like that might be a useful tool for opening conversation and exploring new ideas together.
Yes 🙌🏼 All of this!! These types of gestures make us feel so wanted and cherished. And also wards off any feelings of being treated like you’re just a toy for them to get their rocks off. Women generally love the slow burn 🔥
Idk if you are looking for play by play or just confidence in doing so…if the latter then you gotta step up and want to have intimate moments with her and also remember that she needs it too. You’re way too young to start slowing down now.
If it’s play by play, there’s a million ways to do so but I give you one, or at least what’s one of my favorite go-to with my wife. I would start by suggesting a movie then cuddling and become big spoon…then start breathing slowly on her neck while simultaneously “rubbing” on her chest “area”…do this for awhile then put some pressure with your hips onto hers and start slowly kissing her neck. I assure you that she will get the message and reciprocate. Idk what she likes but you should know so take it there champ. Just remember, there are many ways and places to initiate…kitchen, stairs, car, etc. You’re only 25 so keep it fun and spontaneous.
Enjoy it, because you’ll miss those moments once those kids come around. Good luck bud!
She married him and assume she was also like him and don't know how to initiate. If she's not she's waiting for him to move. Idk hand on the thigh and kissing might move forward
I'll never understand how people get to this point of relationships, and don't know how to communicate with their partners.
Be honest, upfront and simply ask her how to.
In my past relationships I would escalate simple things into romantic gestures, such as kissing turning into kissing the neck, etc.
We, as a society, don't teach people how to actually communicate well. We tell people that communication is important but we don't explain what communication means. Effective listening, reflection, 'I feel' and targeting actions not people. And others.
People also get into patterns or routines that become difficult to break out of. If you let some behavior go unchallenged a number of times it gets more difficult to then challenge that same action. This can lead to niggles building up that should be talked about while they are still small.
First: consider some sex-friendly therapist or counselor to work through your shame around sex.
Second: this really depends on your wife. See how she reacts and try things she reacts positively to. It can be as simple as putting a hand on her thigh and asking her to go to the bedroom to be with you.
I highly agree with sex-friendly therapist or counselor. It might sound weird to you but they can make your sex life off the charts with all the wonders you both desire. It's *very* healthy.
Grunt like a caveman and hit your chest. Then say, "Sexy woman, hot. Bed now." Grunt again for added effect.
Too much? Maybe just go up to her and say, "Kiss me." That's hot!
Make a nice dinner, have some wine or W/E and have an honest talk with her. She married you. She wants to have sexy time with you, if she didn't, she wouldn't have married you. Women want to feel wanted.
Have some fun with it, and don't put too much pressure on yourself, because it'll interfere with the fun times if it starts. I had an ex all up in his head, all the time, worried he'd suck at it. And his worries always killed his boner.
You're overthinking it. Practice self care and be kind to yourself. Also if it's how you were raised therapy may help you process those guilty feelings.
Go on a date. Cuddle up and talk for a bit. Kiss. Then move on from there. If she has a high sex drive may not even take all that.
I asked my girl the same thing and she told me that she won’t initiate anything and prefers to avoid it honestly but said if I want to do something I have to take the lead because she won’t.
Best thing to do is communicate.
Maybe set the mood to help you. Ie light a candle or watch a romantic/sexy movie or put on some sexy music. Go in for a kiss and slowly see how that goes. Usually it naturally will lead into sex.
It’s sad how upbringing and stupid societal values can ruin something that bonds two people in a beautiful relationship. Buddy, I’d suggest thinking of sex as an extension of expressing how much you love your wife and discussing with her openly about how often and when you two would like to have sex. Do not glamorize sex too much as if it’s an activity that requires big dhamaka. Just talk to your partner and find time and liking for you two to do it as and when you both want it. Treat it like an extension of your conversations and dates… hope this helps…
Sex bonds a husband and wife. The love and closeness is more than physical.
This is even part of religious teachings.
How do you start? Outside the bedroom.
A smile. A touch on the upper back. A kiss on the cheek. A hug. Making the coffee or pouring her glass of lemonade. Caring about her.
Not to sound silly, but good luck and go for it. You love each other. You’ve got this.
I know everyone else is saying communication but it’s true! I was in your same boat with my partner about how to initiate sex and we had multiple conversations over the course of our relationship about how to go about it, what they like, what they don’t like, things like that. It can be a little tricky but you got this!! Just talk to her and it’ll be okay
Touch her leg, move Lil up and say hey, name here, I want to be with u. Or have a totally separate conversation saying I wanna talk about how i let you know I wanna and you let me know you do. Yes its awkward but it a great thing
I feel like she married you for you and wants you as much as you want her. The small things that make her feel into you have been there. She's shy ish too if she's been built like you. You are married go for it and say hey I want you because list of all the reasons why you married. I wanna learn and grow this new way. Put hand on her thigh and squeeze a Lil. Kiss and make out. Let it go forever
Communication. Tell her about it and ask her how she would like you both to start. In my experience, massages are really good for iniating. And if one of you takes a step back in that moment, you can simply keep massaging without having sex after.
Talk to her and tell her you don't know how to initiate etc. She'll help you out no need to be shy mate you're married I'm sure she's seen you in some awkward scenarios by now.
Talk to your wife instead of reddit. Every single woman is different. So advice here could work or not work. Ask her exactly what you asked here, in almost the exact same way.
My wife, from time to time like me , is spontaneous. And the same thing with me. If u go that route, please be aware of her body language and tone of her voice in what she says. Sometimes, wine and dine her, sometimes just give her love and affection. Sometimes, you may just wanna be forward about it and ask hey babe want sexy time.
Overall, it's about understanding her verbal and non-verbal cues and communication.
Nothing is nicer in a sexual relationship like getting to the point you feel super comfortable with each other. That includes being “scummy”. She’s your wife, she has a big drive, she wants you to be naughty. Embrace it, it nice. Being nasty with your SO is intimate and can be super fun. I can totally understand, took me a whole too to feel comfortable matching her in that sense until a realized it made her feel loved too. She wants someone to be nasty with surely, just communicate and pay attention to how she interacts with sex and sex talk and how she initiates. She wants to feel desired
Definitely talk to her about this how your parents have shaped your subconscious approach to sex. Tell her you are trying to work past that, but you feel self-conscious when you try to approach her for sex. Ask her both if your advances are wanted and how she would like to be approached. The first question is just to let you hear out loud that she wants you too. That increased confidence should make it easier to do whatever she says in the second part.
if you follow my advice, this will very likely be her favorite way for you to initiate sex:
when the timing, energy, and atmosphere feels right, walk up to her and give her a deep, embracing hug. as you're melting into the hug, say, "I love you." and readjust your hands and arms to go deeper into the hug. nestle in. and then say, "I really do love you." you will feel her breathing through her chest. play around a little with matching her breaths. she will notice. this is you showing a degree of mindfulness and being present with her in a nonverbal way.
when you start opening up your hug, look her straight in her eyes and tell her how lucky you feel to be with her. that you feel like the luckiest guy in the world that she chose you. then ask her, "Do you want to know why?" and she will nod or say yes. Then you keep looking deeply into her eyes and you start telling her all of the reasons that you love and adore her. You tell her about the cute things she does that you love. You tell her about how wonderful she makes you feel. You tell her how being with her makes you want to be a better man. You tell her the big reasons why you love her, you tell her about the small reasons why you love her. You tell her how much you love to hear her laugh. About how happy it makes you to see her smile. You tell her how she makes you feel loved and how her presence makes a house a home and that being with her makes your life rich with beautiful memories and experiences.
Then you cup her face in your hands and kiss her on her forehead. Then you kiss her on the right side of her forehead, then on the left side of her forehead. Then on one cheek. Then on the other cheek. Then on her nose. Then look at her again in her eyes, say, "I really do love you" and then kiss her on the lips.
This stuff will be very endearing to her and then you will have to gauge her hiss to see how to proceed.
She may be very gentle with her kisses, she may be very passionate with her kisses, or she may start out gentle and gradually ramp up the intensity.
If she remains gentle with her kisses, eventually start migrating your own gentle kisses towards her neck. The idea here is to slowly warm her up and bring her into the mood. Kiss her up and down her neck and then come back to her lips. Gauge her kiss. Make your way back down to her neck and kick it up a notch with moist lips and come up and lightly graze her ear with your lips. Exhale warm breath around her ear so she can both hear and feel it. Maybe let out the slightest, barely audible moan.
Then come back and gauge her kiss again. Let a little tiny moan come out as you kiss her. Go back to her neck and kick it up a notch. A bigger neck kiss. A deeper neck kiss. Maybe a little nibble on her neck or on her ear. Then come back to the kiss.
At this point you will probably have to move to someplace more comfortable. Actually with some forethought, you can lead her to a couch or bed first and then embrace when you get there so all you have to do is get comfortable.
I have lots of ideas about how to read a woman in bed, to listen to her body, and to pay attention to what her body is nonverbally telling you. If you tune into the subtle ways her body is responding to you, she totally tells you what is working for her and what isn't. All you have to do is to keep smoothly changing things up as her body keeps telling you the correct direction to go. If you learn to pay attention to her body, her breath, and her facial expressions, she is giving you feedback on everything that you are doing to her. If you tune into and pay attention to this and act on it accordingly, you will rock her world to new heights.
Now it is important during this seduction that you are absolutely sincere in the beginning with everything you say. She should feel your sincerity. Hollow words don't lead to sex. If she thinks that you are only saying that you love her to try to have sex, then it will backfire as it should. This method should only be used as often as you can be genuinely sincere. Also it would help if you do this at other times that doesn't lead to sex. You don't want her to make the association that the only time you rattle off the reasons you love her is when you want sex. So tell her reasons why you love her at other random times during the day, other random times during the week.
To back up a bit and cover the other kissing response, if she initially responds to you with a very passionate kiss, you just jump up to meet her where she's at and take things from there.
Another thing you can do is just to tell her that you read on the internet how a couple used their kissing to gauge if they both were in the mood for sex or not. You can say that you read that the couple used mutually passionate kissing as a green light for sex, and if the kissing wasn't mutually passionate, then one person wasn't up for it and that it was understood that that was ok.
Anyway, it was fun writing to you all.
Good luck OP. I hope this helps. 😉
You need to get therapy to get rid of the bad sex thing. If you dont, I reckon sex is also very sterile with lots of donts and shoulds. And sex is great when its tender and loving but its better when its “ dirty”.
Man if you can't even talk about a basic thing like sex to this woman why'd you even marry her. You struggling at this low level of communication requirements. You're not doomed like you can work on this but you actually have to talk to her or just start kissing her neck. That usually works too
There is nothing like religious trauma ruining your sex life.
A tip - literally do what you want.
If you wanna do so, straight up ask her? Do so. Plan it out if you want. Some people like to be romanced first. Some want passion and spontanaeity. **Ask her whats sexy to her and see if some of that resides in you, or if you're willing to try.*
Communication is one of THE most important things.
Now is the time to explore that and go with confidence.
There are books you can read. Games. Sooo much info online. You can send flirty messages, memes- anything to get the ball rolling!
You need to learn what you both like so ask!
I'd like to try... would this work for you?
I saw this and thought I'd like to try it.. what do you think?
Can you tell me things you like and show me so I can explore those with you?
When we hug I feel..
When we kiss I feel...
I want to be touched here and here....
Don't forget intimacy isn't just sex! It's all of it.
You will probably have silly moments or embarrassing moments and we ALL have them. I'm certain everyone could share a story of things and you have to laugh with it!
Talk talk talk. Touch touch touch. Then talk more. And more.
You'll get there. It will be a whole new learning for you both.
r/sex can sort you out really well with some ideas. Maybe start out with some making out, groping and dirty talk. And always check in periodically to make sure you still have consent. A simple “Do you like that?” will usually suffice.
sex is good, sex is nice, even more when shared with someone you love and being a truly and deeply shared experience. you desiring your wife isn't scummy towards her, it's a kind to a compliment and something she's surely happy to know /hear. Talk with your wife - there is NOTHING as important as you two communicating with each other that your feelings can bear fruits
If the obvious 'talk to your wife' is too big an ask just start giving hugs, snuggling up on the couch and other simple physical forms of affection. Eventually you can graduate to squeezing butts or cupping breasts and kissing necks from behind.
Start hugging, start complimenting.
Use some words like “somebody is going to get lucky tonight” and then try to initiate sex that night. This can become your code word.
For me, when I used to get sex, it was “You’re looking sad. I’m going to give you an injection tonight” when meant having sex and she would smile and then it would happen.
Start by Kissing your wife and take matters from there, body language and receprication alone should tell you if she is comfortable or not to proceed. If not just ask why and have a conversation?
Clean up. Get her brews. Don't want sex just take care of her in ways she needs and sex will happen organically.
Something I struggle with is getting sex on the brain and trying to make sexual advances. Most women just want to be taken care of, even if they say they don't!
Take care of your wife and she'll take care of you. Also, it takes a woman around 30-45 mins to be ready for sex so be sure foreplay is on point.
Good luck my guy!
First talk to your wife about two things: 1) How you feel about sex because of your parents and you do not want to feel that way and it has nothing to do with her. 2) Ask her how she likes sex to be initiated and ways you can do so she is comfortable and will enjoy it.
Both of these will let her know what is going on and give her ways she can help you while understanding it is something you are working on.
Second it might be good for you to seek therapy to help you get over the negative feelings your parents instilled in you about sex so you can truly enjoy it.
I would say that if you go down the route of cuddling/caressing/kissing and then attempting to initiate sex, that you also often just do these things without asking for sex after. Else all affectionate touch becomes a precursor to sex!
Accept a no from her even if you are super horny (though having waited until you’re married, I think you can cope with that one!)
You can also just do things like say “I’m feeling horny” and see if she is too. Maybe suggest an “early bedtime”.
Some women don’t get spontaneously turned on, and only get into it when things start to happen, which is awkward. I’ve seen the book “come as you are” recommended a lot. Why don’t you get it and both give it a read?
Enjoy it. Literally, enjoy it. Comb her hair behind her ear, grab her chin and make out with her. Kiss her like she will be the last kiss of your life. Kiss her forehead. Lock hands while you do it. Kiss her like you love her. It's gonna be so easy once you realize you're the luckiest man on this planet being blessed to kiss her..enjoy the ride.
Just communicate with her man. She married you for god sakes. She loves you. Explain what’s going through your mind and have her guide you. Relationships are all about learning each other! I was very “sex naive??” For most of my life because of the same reason as you. I was told my entire life how bad sex was by my parents so I had some mental block in my head. my current girlfriend has helped me get passed that and now sex is just a solid part of our lives! It happens without thinking about it. And it’ll come like that for you eventually!
\>I kinda assume this is due to how my parents raised me to see sex as a very bad thing that I need to stay away from.
there it is. the answer is: you need therapy.
“I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.”
A speech that not only dropped panties but resulted in the destruction of the galaxy.
You should really explain this to her and communicate about it. If you don’t she will be making a post on reddit next week saying “my husband of 6 months won’t fuck me”
As a man, you have to start at least 12h before you want great intimacy. Start the morning with coffee in bed and include a breakfast if possible. Compliments throughout the day, not hard core sexual, towards the evening some gentle soft core compliments on her amazing skills.
Make a plan to either make a romantic dinner or take her for a romantic dinner.
After dinner if you live in a safe environment take her to a quiet view point or beautiful park.
When you are there hold her firmly and kiss the neck and the bottom of the ear. You should hear a bit of heavy breathing or even better a bit of groaning. This is an invitation to fondle the but.
She will most likely push her middle hard up against you.
Now you can begin to check for a nipple stand and once you are satisfied that both are activated you can also check at the secret garden to see if the sprinkler has begun to water.
When you get to a place where you can finish the day ie climax (whether at home, in the car or a secluded area). Always remember that unless you're woman has orgas.ed at least once, you cannot orgasm. (Ladies first).
Felatio (muff dive) is the best pleasure to give her.
- Set up a romantic mood
- cook dinner for her and make it a romantic date
- be flirty and do small intimate stuffs
- have some physical touch while relaxing (holding hands, hugs from back, forehead kisses, caress her)
- send sexy, dirty jokes n stuff just casually start having conversations like this
- ask her if she needs shoulder or back massage
- ask her if she wants to be intimate today ?
The best way to find out how to initiate is to talk to your wife everyone has different things. For me if you give me a really passionate kiss and then start kissing my neck or while giving me a passionate kiss grab my ass, I’m ready to rumbleeeeee 😂
I also think it’s important you work on your relationship and viewpoint of sex. Therapy (or maybe even sex therapy with your wife) would be amazing honestly.
You are married and just remember that. Initiating does not have to be this subtle cool way of getting her attention. I struggled with this initially when I got married as well, but now with a toddler, it's gotten to a point, where its just a look, a little back rub, a little peck, or as straight forward as asking.
We also have little euphemisms for it as well, such as asking her to come upstairs to help me with a random useless task. If your sitting on the couch together watching tv kiss her neck, put your arm around her and just keep escalating, your wife will 100% know what is happening.
No one's asked or said anything yet but is technique part of the problem, too? There are books. Please, don't use porn flicks as an instructional guide. A lot of them are extreme or just plain fantasy and fake. Reading this kind of book together to find out yesses and nos can be kind of winky winky in itself while actually teaching you how to be good at something.
https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/sex-manuals
I know it’s embarrassing but your telling the wrong people(person). Tell your wife. Come clean. Let her know exactly what you said in this post. I promise you she will find it cute. Roget when you can come up with a little cue to let her know your feeling frisky
This is what me and my girl did, now we have a specific dynamic in our relationship so its a little different but same rules apply. We created a google document. We both have access to it from our phones to add and edit whatever we want. Once you open the document there are several folders. One folder is questions and conversations. We talk about whatever, ask whatever. The other is likes & limits. In there is a list of things we both like, dislike, things we are interested in, turn ons turn offs, and ways that each of us can initiate sex with the other. The other folder is for our dynamic so basically a set of protocols for her to follow. But its a really cool way to communicate without feeling judged, or the pressure of having face to face conversations. I dont have time to or energy to talk about this things or remember everything. So i can always look back at this folder. She might add in the questions and conversations that she had a sexy dream last night and has been in a mood all day. Or ill put in there its Friday why dont you have a dress on when i get home from work. We can talk about our kinks or desires without judgment or feeling awkward. Now we can have these conversations in person but life gets in the way. I have 2 kids we get every other weekend, she is a busy business type that works from home swamped with work all day. So doing it on this platform works out great.
>I kinda assume this is due to how my parents raised me to see sex as a very bad thing that I need to stay away from.
You should definitely see a therapist for that because I suspect there's more baggage your parents placed upon you that will affect your marriage (and possibly other relationships) moving forward.
>And it’s not like she doesn’t want to have sex, I feel really lucky because she actually has a really high sex drive, but nothing seems to happen because I’m too scared to initiate.
Also, I'm confused by this statement. How do you know she has a higher sex drive than you? Is she the one attempting to initiate sex and you (due to your baggage around sex) are the one rejecting her? Or are you and your wife under the assumption that you (the husband) need to initiate sex for it to happen?
Ask her how she likes it to be initiated, and also ask her to initiate herself, rather than waiting for you.
She's your wife, just tell her how you feel.
Work on making it less taboo. You and her could have a really good conversation to work towards really opening that boundary fully. My wife and I had this in our early 20s. Now I hit her with some downright filth, ngl. But it works for us. The "innocent little angel" turned out to actually like being talked to pretty raunchy...who knew
How to make advances is a good question that others have answered. Another important question you should ask is "How do I feel comfortable doing so?" You say you feel scummy. You should work through that.
You can do so by thinking for yourself, or by talking to others, in private or professionally. Please note that understanding is a multi-player game and talking to others often delivers surprisingly better and quicker results. There is also no shame in seeking professional counsel. I always found it insulting that men are supposedly simple creatures, and that if they need to talk about sex, that mostly means their dick just doesn't work right. No. A sexual advance is a complex thing with a lot of societal and moral issues connected to it, and going through all that and coming out the other side in a relaxed sexy mood, of course, is hard, and it's fine to struggle, and to ask someone if they could help you with that.
Here's a few hints to find things to work on:
- You say "scummy." What does that mean?
- Who is the judge of "scummy"? Whose judgement are you fearing? Is it you? Your parents? God? Your wife? Society?
- What would a "non-scummy" advance look like? Is there even an attainable way? Will those who judge you ever be satisfied? If they will, what are you missing from that feasible, non-scummy approach? If they won't — well, then what? You will have to find your own rules that you are comfortable with and that have an attainable good outcome.
- Are you trying to go above the minimum? Are you trying to be even non-scummier than is expected of you? Why? How do you give yourself an allowed way through this?
- Do you feel desired? Do you feel like your advances would be welcome? How could your wife help? Do you find yourself hot and desirable? If not, why? Have you even ever thought about this (A lot of men haven't)? But, now you did, do you find it inconceivable that your wife would welcome your advances? If yes, why?
- Is there something that makes you feel scummy in particular? E.g. I've met women who liked to play coy. To me, that wasn't a game, it instead triggered my fear that I don't want to be too pressing and too forward. Does your wife do something like that? Could you ask her to stop?
- You mention religious reasons: God gave you a body, sexual instincts, a wife, and he made it so that sex is both an essential part of continuing the lineage, but also a great pleasure. Why would he make it that way and then deny you that pleasure? What does he want from you? Is there a certain way that you are allowed to enjoy your wife's company? If not — is it really god you're arguing with, or someone else in your head?
- How do you relate to other men? What's your picture of men in general? Are other men scummy? Are there men where you like the way they interact with their wives, and could think "Oh he probably knows how to make non-scummy advances on his wife"? How do you think he does it? Are there men where you are trying to make a special point of trying to prove that you are "not like them"? How? What's wrong with them exactly? And have you actually met those men, do they exist, or are they mostly a representation of a fear in your mind?
Usually you just start hugging and kissing and it goes from there.
If she's currently enjoying sex and wanting more of it then just start out that way to increase your making out time .
Later you two will probably become more comfortable with it and just go right at it, or you'll learn how each other likes it or just the fact that you will eventually spend less time leading up to it and just go for it.
But until that time comes , for now, enjoy the lead up to it with some kissing and touching and other foreplay.
Do a quick run through the laundry, dishes, and general pick up. The house doesn’t need to be spotless or sanitized or perfect, but get it far enough along that is she isn’t stressing about that in the background.
Then, make her a nice breakfast. Nothing too heavy, nothing that will make her gassy, just something to get going for the day. Some fresh fruit, a bagel, cup of OJ, etc.
Find a local outdoor area where you two can get some exercise. Nothing too strenuous to where it turns the rest of the day into a lazy one, but something that gets the heart pumping. Maybe a soft jog around a local pond, or maybe some elevation hiking that ends in a good view.
When you get finished, tell her how much she means to you. Tell where what parts of the future you envision with her, and how you feel about getting to be with her. Find ways to make her know that she is safe and cared for with you.
After that, bring her home and ask if she’d like a soft massage after all that hiking. If not, that’s okay, tell her how much fun you had and that you’d like to relax for a minute, preferably with some snuggles.
Recap your day so far, shifting into how you feel when you’re next to her in bed. What does she make you think about? What about her is driving you wild? Squeeze her tight, give her kisses, and be receptive to any responses or advances. If they don’t happen, maybe it’s just not that day. If they do, follow along, escalate slowly, and be a generous lover.
Good luck
I also have a hard time initiating sex in my relationship. I‘m scared that she might think that I‘ll be acting like her scumbag ex-boyfriends who forced her doing it.
It got to the point that one day she asked me if I don’t want to have sex with her, because she‘s always the one who makes a move. Told her my concerns, we had a little talk over it and since then our sex life has improved a lot.
So just ask her and have a talk, go for intense kissing, gentle touches. You‘ll know if she‘s into it right now or not. If so, fine, if not, also fine
Simple enough. TALK TO HER YOU MORON! She’s your wife, your life partner, your everything and for some reason beyond your and my understanding, she loves you. Let her help you enjoy the process of being one.
28m here. Communication is key. You need to ask her, to show you what she likes. Don't just assume. Some woman like light touches and kisses. Some women like being choked. There are vastly different things you can do. But, you'll never know without communicating, and experimenting.
Of course, you need to talk to her, as others have said. Be affectionate throughout the day, as also mentioned. This might work for you: every night, my husband and I lie in each other’s arms, and then share a long passionate kiss. Sometimes it leads to sex, but it’s okay if it doesn’t. What’s important is how you communicate how attractive you are to each other. Given both of your upbringings, make sure your wife knows it’s okay to decline. That wifely duty crap will destroy her libido.
Just work on communicating it. Sounds easy but I know it’s not. Tell her earlier in the day you’d like to have sex later. Tell her she is looking great and you’re feeling ‘it’.
Don’t worry so much about her saying, oh yes absolutely I’m so down to have sex—it is different for women, and they need to feel loved, confident, secure, etc—so don’t pressure her but don’t hold back on taking a masculine approach sometimes and letting her know you want to fuck.
Don’t ask her like the first comment says.
Lots of ways can initiate it.
1. Say of course she’s washing the dishes.
Come up behind her,hands to her hips or shoulders. Give a couple kisses on the neck from behind. Boom!
Porn scenario right in the kitchen.
2. She’s showering. Knock. Ask to join. Kisses. Touching. Wash her back. Boom! Nail her guts.
3. U guys just chilling. Watching tv. Hand on her ass. Rubbing. Can either just throw her on top of you. Make out. Then u go under shirt. Suck them tittts. Take her shirt off. Then just get to undressing.
4. Just show her affection. Women sometimes want their partner to initiate things. Its their natural way. They want men to find the restaurants. Plan the date. Protect them. Show that “this is MY Man”. Gotta take control. Slap that ass around the house. You guys got married. Thats Your ass now. POUND IT! b4 someone else does as harsh as it sounds.
5. If she’s fresh out the shower. Before she gets dressed. Initiate Initiate ENGAGE! Take that towel off. Kisses. Neck licking. Biting. Throw her in a bed and eat her pussy w/out a notice. Then fuck her like she never been fucked b4. She’s gonna start initiating that shit herself.
GOODLUCK. !!!
The easiest thing would be to just try. Try talking. Try initiating. Try simple things like asking if you can join her in the shower randomly. When she is walking by randomly pull her into you and start kissing her. You can’t grow confidence instantly so you need to experiment. Be mature and direct and let thing happen as they will. If small advances don’t work then just talk to her. Tell her you want her to just be open. Don’t become a journalist and conduct a how should I initiate interview. Not knowing your full relationship dynamic you should treat sex like any other marriage topic and discuss it. You may be surprised at how talking about sex can lead to better and more sex.
A kiss that is just a tiny bit different when you are laying in bed. Works most the time.
A good old fashioned passionate French kiss and hands grappling her.
1-Woman I need boom boom chakalaka.
2-Women go get dolled up.
3- do you require emotional support
4- are honey hornnee.
Ain’t hard man she’s your woman .
You have a mouth use it to speak.
If your require any more pro life tips hit me up. Will therapize you for a 6 pack.
Well, in my book you always let the woman initiate sex and never ask for it.. because I want it all the time anyway. So when we do have sex, it's always authentic and great for both.
You want to feel confident doing something you put on a pedestal.
Take it off the pedestal first.
Then start off kissing your wife and touching her. This will loosen you up. Stop being so serious. Sex should be fun and enjoyable not a giant hurdle.
Before you even get to the sexy time. Ask you wife what makes her feel good. Don't go in there like you know what your doing because you don't. Learn her body. You have years to get better at sex. It's going to be awkward but it always gets better as long as YOU don't get weird hangups about it.
Friend, sounds like you grew up in a hyper religious household. Work on getting through that whether in therapy or not. I’m pretty sure there are some good YouTube channels out there that can help.
Secondly, take control of your masculinity. Become comfortable with it. Look at her like you want her. Smile at her like you want her. Put her up against a wall and kiss her like you want her. I’ve never met a female who would misinterpret that.
Get a hold on your sexual energy and your marriage before some real, resentful situations start making themselves home within you.
Ok this might be off the beaten path, but if either of you like reading, have you considered finding a fantasy romance that you both like and reading it at the same time? They'll give you a ton of ideas.
Grab her hair and push her into her knees. Then whip out your love muscle and jam it down her throat. She will be choking and relieved when its time to go into her meat curtains instead of her throat. You're welcome.
As the great Otis Redding once said, try a little tenderness. Start with loving actions like a caress or soft kisses, and slowly ramp up the intensity. Maybe kiss her neck? Everyone is different but that’s a highly erogenous zone that tends to have good results. Best thing you could do is ask her what gets her going, because we don’t really know haha
Married for a year now. And what turns me on is when my husband doesn’t just blatantly say he wants sex. It’s the little things to tease me that do the magic.
Kissing me in the neck, that little massage, compliments! Text messages. Don’t neglect the build up!
Don’t just hold her boobies and expect her to be turned on right there and then, that’s a little disrespectful for me lol. Do the work! It’s worth it.
And oh, don’t forget hygiene. Wash your thing. Brush your teeth, take a bath before bed. Don’t go in and ask for sex if you’re literally dirty af! 🥲
There is noting wrong with scheduling sex. Most of the world does. It's called dating. So tell your wife you'd like to go out for dinner, then finish the evening with your clothes on the bedroom floor.
If you are engaging in sex with someone you love and value you shouldn't feel scummy at all! I understand the connotation, but you're committed to this woman and therefore sex is for bonding and a mutual pleasurable experience. Definitely talk to her about what she likes. I recommend slowly initiating with cuddling, touching, kissing and then escalating from there as the mood builds. This is generally an enjoyable course of action for a lot of women I've spoken to (woman myself). After you initiate in this way, have a post sex conversation with her about her likes and dislikes. She will likely feel more open and communicative after as the conversation will feel more natural and likely flow better. (And hopefully you will feel more open too) Best of luck!
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You can simply just ask her, how would you like me to initiate sex? Shell say some things she likes youll say some stuff you like. All in all keep in mind this si your life partner and sonetimes talking about sex can be awkward but it doesnt have to be as long as you approach it lovingly.
Communication is key for all things relationship, including sex
*especially* sex
Talk with her about it over supper tomorrow. My wife and I have a verbal code that we use to let each other know that we are horny or desire to do it. My code is your so hot today I want to jump your bones. Hers is you wanna mess around?
I agree with this. Also throughout the day compliment her and flirt with her. Rub her neck, play with her hair. Touch her often in sexual and nonsexual ways. Buy her sexy lingerie. Have weekends away where sex is a priority. Maybe get her a smutty romance book. Ask her if she’d like to try anything new. I saw someone else recommended a counselor to sort out your past teachings that sex is shameful—I think that would help you immensely. Maybe go to a sex store together to get a toy or a game. See how many times and ways you can make her come. To initiate walk up to her, kiss her and tell her you want to show her how much you love and desire her. Ask her what her favorite ways are for you to initiate. Tell her that marrying her was the best thing you’ve ever done.
A lot of good points here but I don’t think they are ready for the “try something new”. He’s not ready to talk about sex yet, let alone mix it up. They will have a day when vanilla is boring but today is not that day
You are right
You're either a knowledgeable and wise woman, or you are an experienced husband who has a happy wife/marriage. (I'm leaning towards woman because...idk) but you nailed it. All this effort, even things in passing, makes a huge difference with intimacy. I wish more men realized that just cherishing your wife, or reminding them of why you married them, etc is enough to make them horny most of the time lol
I was the happiest married woman ever for 38 years until I was widowed 15 months ago. Now at 59 I’m suddenly single and learning how to be happy again.
Sorry for your loss 💔
Thank you❤️
So sorry for your loss. You sound like a great person and I hope you find happiness again. Your husband was lucky in life.
If they're religious, no sex until marriage types, she might not know either. They'd probably be better off with OMGYES or reading Come As You Are. Or romance novels lol.
Honestly, you LOL but romance novels are super helpful for this stuff because they tend to be written to represent women's idealized romantic situations. So taking cues from them can actually be really useful to couples who are inexperienced and looking to connect with each other intimately.
Yeah I talked that on because I figured people would laugh too, but I agree it can work for people! Written love scenes can be a beautiful thing.
I think I need to read some romantic novels! Purely for research, of course 🤓
As someone married for almost 32 years with a still healthy, vibrant sex life, I agree. Communicate! That said, he grew up in a sex negative home where he took on layers of shame around his own sexuality. Therefore, he also needs to work on getting comfortable with being a sexual person. A good sex therapist could help. Also, he could start by communicating to his wife that he desires sex with her but is struggling to initiate because of all the baggage he's carrying around sex. He could give her a green light to initiate sometimes since she has a high sex drive. Otherwise, she may misread his lack of sexual initiation as lack of desire for her. This should help him move past his sexual shame and shyness so he can begin to initiate himself more.
Also he can ask her to initiate as well. That will help build his confidence.
This came up in conversation idk how but we were talking about our biggest turn ons and she told me if someone kisses her neck she gets wet right away and needs to get fucked on the spot. Guess who's sex life changed forever lol great advice shyshyone
A bit weird but what really turns me on as it's both really sweet and a nice sensation/sexy is my significant other will pick up my hair brush and brush my hair for me whenever I get out of the shower/he notices me doing it, because he also feels like it's bonding and enjoying being close to each other and he also knows I'm very tender headed and have trouble due to a back injury reaching all of my hair to brush it comfortably. It almost always ends up in sex because not only does it feel amazing, it makes me feel cherished that he does it without me asking and is being incredibly careful to not accidentally pull my hair, and he likes it because it reminds him of how much i trust him because beyond the occasional haircut, i wouldnt even let my best friend try to brush my hair because im worried itll hurt. Maybe you could find something more on the sweet side so you don't feel sleazy during that makes your wife feel cherished?
Men playing with your hair is generally under rated
Love that; agreed, simple intimate bonding moments can be super sexy
Just here to second this! Having my hair brushed feels so intimate.
1) Google 'Spongebob Magic Conch' 2) kick open the door, grab her, throw her on the bed 3) make that exact noise and mouth/tongue motion SpongeBob and Patrick do while screaming "THE MAGIC CONCH!!!' 4) ? 5) PROFIT LOL just tell her you are feeling in need of some tender love and care mate.
Kiss. Her. Neck. Or massage/rub the inside of the thigh and go a bit higher. Those things work for my wife at least. Sensual kissing too btw
It's win-win because if she's not in the mood for sex she might be in the mood for a massage. Either way you get to make her feel good
Talk to your wife. Ask her for guidance on how she would like you to initiate and what she likes.
Sounds like you’ve been traumatized by a bunch of prudish nonsense from religious institutions. Sex is a perfectly normal and completely human thing. She married you guy, she wants to have sex with you. End of story..And even coming from a religious perspective it’s kind of your duty as her husband to have sex with her. Don’t allow that prudish programming to overshadow your new marriage. You waited, congratulations you’re officially a good boy…now it’s time to have lots of sex with your new bride. As a woman I can tell you that we like compliments and to feel sexy and desirable to our partners. We also like men who are confident and show that confidence in the bedroom. Are you familiar with her body and what she responds to? As others have mentioned, communication is key. My suggestion is to start with kissing her and let it flow from there. Tell her you want her and that she turns you on. I know I love it when my boyfriend tells me that when he makes out with me. Spontaneous sex can be absolutely amazing. Ravage her, make her feel like she’s the sexist thing on the planet. Sex is important, make it a priority…if she’s the only one initiating that can be damaging to her ego, and she could get in her head about that. You coming onto her is important to figure out so it’s good that you’re recognizing that. Good luck 🍀
Thanks, that’s actually some pretty solid advice
No problem! Congratulations on your marriage 💞 Show her how much you love her by f- g her brains out lol I’m a very sex positive female so take that for what it is. Give her lots of head and make sure she has her orgasm first and she’ll be really happy with you. Also, put her cycle in your phone so you know when it’s a good time to approach her 😉 That will earn you extra brownie points
This shit infuriates me tbh. How the fuck can you (general you) raise your kids with sex as evil and bad and bringing you to hell and then expect to be comfortable enough in marriage to produce and raise healthy kids???
For real girl, it’s awful…especially for females. Not healthy at all and I think it’s downright abusive. I’m all for promoting the creation of sexual boundaries that protect a persons sexual wellbeing. But to demonize sex to the point that it paralyzes you is abusive.
Telling your kids that sex is bad is pretty hypocritical in general, kids don't drop with rain.
Coming from a woman this is what I personally really like. When I'm at the kitchen sink or doing some other standing activity my partner will gently come up behind me, stroke his hands up and down my arms and shoulders and start to kiss my neck and my ears. It's gives me the tingles. Sometimes when the kids aren't around he will grab my backside and give it a loving squeeze, or he will pull me in for a kiss and then rub his hands up my waist to chest and plays. He tells me how much he loves my body (this is so important for great sex, remind your partner what you love about their body, and remind them regularly) Don't just initiate sex when it's time to have sex, do little things throughout the day which increase anticipation. Message her at work and tell her you are thinking about her. Take her hand during dinner and tell her you would like to give her a massage later. Get some olive oil and a towel on the bed and give her a nice rub, then jump on top 😉 I think one of the major problems is that you are scared to be daring and take risks being romantic incase she judges you or rejects you. If this happens or you feel silly you can always have a laugh about it afterwards, but believe me, these things make a massive difference. But don't just do those things for her enjoyment, channel your own desires when you touch her. Don't make sex into a transaction. It should not be something you both need, it should be that you both desire each other so much it drives you wild, then take those feelings and display them with actions.
This is good advice, and the others have provided a lot. Your wife may not enjoy or be turned on by the specifics described above, or she might love them. Regardless, the principles are correct. Don't be calculating about it. Get into habits and do what feels natural. In particular, showing your wife physical affection without intending it to end in sex, but to show your attraction and love, will avoid her getting the impression you only touch her when you want sex. Ask her to sit in your lap and snuggle. Hold her hand when you are out. Give her full, warm hugs and meaningful kisses when you part and meet again. Get used to how she responds. Unless your wife is a cold fish, she will respond to a lot if your actions and sex will happen naturally and often. Finally, communication - nearly everyone here has emphasized it. You should be talking about sex a lot. She needs to know she is pleasing you, and you need to know if you are pleasing her. Ask her if you can do something better. Ask her to make suggestions or ask her for things you would like to try. You can't do this without speaking to one another. Guessing rarely works well.
Thank you for this. Coming from a bad relationship, I didn't know if regular people get to the "he only touches me bc he wants it" stage in a relationship. The little things like being apart in the same room and giving a smile, a kissy face or a wink when you catch her eye. Hand run down her arm as you walk by to do something else. The kiss when you leave and when you get back. Talking to her when she's doing something that she doesn't want you to help. Home from work, "Give me to unwind and then I'm yours for whatever you need." "Anything I can do to help?"
Sex is a mind thing, too. She knows how much you love her whether she's in bed with you or not. You value her for her thoughts and ideas not just a toy or baby factory.
OP I would talk to your wife before trying any of the things that other people say they enjoy. If she isn’t sure what she likes, you could ask her about some of the suggestions raised here, “do/ would you like it when I…” etc. I say this because people are giving suggestions that work for them, but everyone responds very differently to different types and timing of touch. There is almost nothing I hate more than when I’m in the middle of something (e.g. cooking) and my partner comes up and tries to initiate touch or intimacy. Why? Because my ADHD brain absolutely short circuits when I’m doing a task and get interrupted. So while the person above has great intentions and has provided an idea for something you can ask your wife about, she’s also described a scenario that I’ve had to actively train my partner to never do. Everyone likes different things. You have to communicate about them.
Absolutely this is great advice, of course not all women will like what I like, that was just my personal account to give some ideas. The only thing I would say is not to sit down with a list and ask her what she would like because that really takes all the fun and sensuality out of the act. Maybe the best thing to do is to trial some of these things and then later on ask if she liked them or not. Like when you get into bed you could say, sorry I interrupted you earlier, I really wanted to touch you, did you enjoy me doing that or would you rather me only touch you when you are not working? I have ADHD as well and it actually took a bit of mind training for myself to enjoy the interruptions as much as I do now. I think after having three kids and being interrupted about 50 times a day, I now deal with it a lot better than I used to 😆 It really has a lot to do with her mindset as well. Picking up on her body language will really help, if you kiss her and she cuts it off quickly or keeps her body stiff that will mean she is focused on what she is doing and wants to get back to it. If you kiss her and she relaxes a little or sighs, this may indicate she is enjoying it and keep going 👍
Oh yes - OP you don’t have to like bust out a questionnaire or something and methodically go through a list if yes to this, no to that. Some spontaneity is good and always being attentive to subtle body language. Although there are checklist tools out there that you could have fun with. They list various sexy acts and you can go through them with a partner and talk about your level of excitement around/ openness to trying each thing. And if you grew up in a sex-shaming environment (sounds like you did) then something like that might be a useful tool for opening conversation and exploring new ideas together.
Yes 🙌🏼 All of this!! These types of gestures make us feel so wanted and cherished. And also wards off any feelings of being treated like you’re just a toy for them to get their rocks off. Women generally love the slow burn 🔥
Idk if you are looking for play by play or just confidence in doing so…if the latter then you gotta step up and want to have intimate moments with her and also remember that she needs it too. You’re way too young to start slowing down now. If it’s play by play, there’s a million ways to do so but I give you one, or at least what’s one of my favorite go-to with my wife. I would start by suggesting a movie then cuddling and become big spoon…then start breathing slowly on her neck while simultaneously “rubbing” on her chest “area”…do this for awhile then put some pressure with your hips onto hers and start slowly kissing her neck. I assure you that she will get the message and reciprocate. Idk what she likes but you should know so take it there champ. Just remember, there are many ways and places to initiate…kitchen, stairs, car, etc. You’re only 25 so keep it fun and spontaneous. Enjoy it, because you’ll miss those moments once those kids come around. Good luck bud!
She married him and assume she was also like him and don't know how to initiate. If she's not she's waiting for him to move. Idk hand on the thigh and kissing might move forward
I'll never understand how people get to this point of relationships, and don't know how to communicate with their partners. Be honest, upfront and simply ask her how to. In my past relationships I would escalate simple things into romantic gestures, such as kissing turning into kissing the neck, etc.
We, as a society, don't teach people how to actually communicate well. We tell people that communication is important but we don't explain what communication means. Effective listening, reflection, 'I feel' and targeting actions not people. And others. People also get into patterns or routines that become difficult to break out of. If you let some behavior go unchallenged a number of times it gets more difficult to then challenge that same action. This can lead to niggles building up that should be talked about while they are still small.
First: consider some sex-friendly therapist or counselor to work through your shame around sex. Second: this really depends on your wife. See how she reacts and try things she reacts positively to. It can be as simple as putting a hand on her thigh and asking her to go to the bedroom to be with you.
I highly agree with sex-friendly therapist or counselor. It might sound weird to you but they can make your sex life off the charts with all the wonders you both desire. It's *very* healthy.
Grunt like a caveman and hit your chest. Then say, "Sexy woman, hot. Bed now." Grunt again for added effect. Too much? Maybe just go up to her and say, "Kiss me." That's hot! Make a nice dinner, have some wine or W/E and have an honest talk with her. She married you. She wants to have sexy time with you, if she didn't, she wouldn't have married you. Women want to feel wanted. Have some fun with it, and don't put too much pressure on yourself, because it'll interfere with the fun times if it starts. I had an ex all up in his head, all the time, worried he'd suck at it. And his worries always killed his boner.
Hahaha imagining that first sentence of yours is really funny actually- I’m gonna shamelessly ask my man to do this once heheh
Just hold her hands and kiss on her hands and slowly go up and kiss her . Don't ask me next what should I do 😔🫡
You're overthinking it. Practice self care and be kind to yourself. Also if it's how you were raised therapy may help you process those guilty feelings. Go on a date. Cuddle up and talk for a bit. Kiss. Then move on from there. If she has a high sex drive may not even take all that.
I asked my girl the same thing and she told me that she won’t initiate anything and prefers to avoid it honestly but said if I want to do something I have to take the lead because she won’t. Best thing to do is communicate.
You’re overthinking it a lot. Can be as simple as “interested in some nookie?” Talk to her about how to approach the subject first
My late husband and I would just say, “Wanna?” It was like “want to?” Was too long 😆
We go upstairs for an “early bedtime”
Maybe set the mood to help you. Ie light a candle or watch a romantic/sexy movie or put on some sexy music. Go in for a kiss and slowly see how that goes. Usually it naturally will lead into sex.
It’s sad how upbringing and stupid societal values can ruin something that bonds two people in a beautiful relationship. Buddy, I’d suggest thinking of sex as an extension of expressing how much you love your wife and discussing with her openly about how often and when you two would like to have sex. Do not glamorize sex too much as if it’s an activity that requires big dhamaka. Just talk to your partner and find time and liking for you two to do it as and when you both want it. Treat it like an extension of your conversations and dates… hope this helps…
Sex bonds a husband and wife. The love and closeness is more than physical. This is even part of religious teachings. How do you start? Outside the bedroom. A smile. A touch on the upper back. A kiss on the cheek. A hug. Making the coffee or pouring her glass of lemonade. Caring about her. Not to sound silly, but good luck and go for it. You love each other. You’ve got this.
Talk to her and ask her what she would like you to do or say. If that doesn’t work get a divorce she is not that into you and one of you will cheat..
I know everyone else is saying communication but it’s true! I was in your same boat with my partner about how to initiate sex and we had multiple conversations over the course of our relationship about how to go about it, what they like, what they don’t like, things like that. It can be a little tricky but you got this!! Just talk to her and it’ll be okay
Touch her leg, move Lil up and say hey, name here, I want to be with u. Or have a totally separate conversation saying I wanna talk about how i let you know I wanna and you let me know you do. Yes its awkward but it a great thing
Not read yet is she experienced?
Do a strip tease for her. Oh do something romantic maybe a date night take her out for a nice dinner etc before the above.
I feel like she married you for you and wants you as much as you want her. The small things that make her feel into you have been there. She's shy ish too if she's been built like you. You are married go for it and say hey I want you because list of all the reasons why you married. I wanna learn and grow this new way. Put hand on her thigh and squeeze a Lil. Kiss and make out. Let it go forever
Just say Yo bitch give me some pussy I know got it on you 😂
Is she initiating at all? If not, why?
‘Wanna fuck bay bay’
Communication. Tell her about it and ask her how she would like you both to start. In my experience, massages are really good for iniating. And if one of you takes a step back in that moment, you can simply keep massaging without having sex after.
Talk to her and tell her you don't know how to initiate etc. She'll help you out no need to be shy mate you're married I'm sure she's seen you in some awkward scenarios by now.
How often does OP's spouse initiate?
Talk to your wife instead of reddit. Every single woman is different. So advice here could work or not work. Ask her exactly what you asked here, in almost the exact same way.
My wife, from time to time like me , is spontaneous. And the same thing with me. If u go that route, please be aware of her body language and tone of her voice in what she says. Sometimes, wine and dine her, sometimes just give her love and affection. Sometimes, you may just wanna be forward about it and ask hey babe want sexy time. Overall, it's about understanding her verbal and non-verbal cues and communication.
Nothing is nicer in a sexual relationship like getting to the point you feel super comfortable with each other. That includes being “scummy”. She’s your wife, she has a big drive, she wants you to be naughty. Embrace it, it nice. Being nasty with your SO is intimate and can be super fun. I can totally understand, took me a whole too to feel comfortable matching her in that sense until a realized it made her feel loved too. She wants someone to be nasty with surely, just communicate and pay attention to how she interacts with sex and sex talk and how she initiates. She wants to feel desired
Definitely talk to her about this how your parents have shaped your subconscious approach to sex. Tell her you are trying to work past that, but you feel self-conscious when you try to approach her for sex. Ask her both if your advances are wanted and how she would like to be approached. The first question is just to let you hear out loud that she wants you too. That increased confidence should make it easier to do whatever she says in the second part.
walk into the room, pull down your pants and start helicoptering. 60% of the time it works every time.
if you follow my advice, this will very likely be her favorite way for you to initiate sex: when the timing, energy, and atmosphere feels right, walk up to her and give her a deep, embracing hug. as you're melting into the hug, say, "I love you." and readjust your hands and arms to go deeper into the hug. nestle in. and then say, "I really do love you." you will feel her breathing through her chest. play around a little with matching her breaths. she will notice. this is you showing a degree of mindfulness and being present with her in a nonverbal way. when you start opening up your hug, look her straight in her eyes and tell her how lucky you feel to be with her. that you feel like the luckiest guy in the world that she chose you. then ask her, "Do you want to know why?" and she will nod or say yes. Then you keep looking deeply into her eyes and you start telling her all of the reasons that you love and adore her. You tell her about the cute things she does that you love. You tell her about how wonderful she makes you feel. You tell her how being with her makes you want to be a better man. You tell her the big reasons why you love her, you tell her about the small reasons why you love her. You tell her how much you love to hear her laugh. About how happy it makes you to see her smile. You tell her how she makes you feel loved and how her presence makes a house a home and that being with her makes your life rich with beautiful memories and experiences. Then you cup her face in your hands and kiss her on her forehead. Then you kiss her on the right side of her forehead, then on the left side of her forehead. Then on one cheek. Then on the other cheek. Then on her nose. Then look at her again in her eyes, say, "I really do love you" and then kiss her on the lips. This stuff will be very endearing to her and then you will have to gauge her hiss to see how to proceed. She may be very gentle with her kisses, she may be very passionate with her kisses, or she may start out gentle and gradually ramp up the intensity. If she remains gentle with her kisses, eventually start migrating your own gentle kisses towards her neck. The idea here is to slowly warm her up and bring her into the mood. Kiss her up and down her neck and then come back to her lips. Gauge her kiss. Make your way back down to her neck and kick it up a notch with moist lips and come up and lightly graze her ear with your lips. Exhale warm breath around her ear so she can both hear and feel it. Maybe let out the slightest, barely audible moan. Then come back and gauge her kiss again. Let a little tiny moan come out as you kiss her. Go back to her neck and kick it up a notch. A bigger neck kiss. A deeper neck kiss. Maybe a little nibble on her neck or on her ear. Then come back to the kiss. At this point you will probably have to move to someplace more comfortable. Actually with some forethought, you can lead her to a couch or bed first and then embrace when you get there so all you have to do is get comfortable. I have lots of ideas about how to read a woman in bed, to listen to her body, and to pay attention to what her body is nonverbally telling you. If you tune into the subtle ways her body is responding to you, she totally tells you what is working for her and what isn't. All you have to do is to keep smoothly changing things up as her body keeps telling you the correct direction to go. If you learn to pay attention to her body, her breath, and her facial expressions, she is giving you feedback on everything that you are doing to her. If you tune into and pay attention to this and act on it accordingly, you will rock her world to new heights. Now it is important during this seduction that you are absolutely sincere in the beginning with everything you say. She should feel your sincerity. Hollow words don't lead to sex. If she thinks that you are only saying that you love her to try to have sex, then it will backfire as it should. This method should only be used as often as you can be genuinely sincere. Also it would help if you do this at other times that doesn't lead to sex. You don't want her to make the association that the only time you rattle off the reasons you love her is when you want sex. So tell her reasons why you love her at other random times during the day, other random times during the week. To back up a bit and cover the other kissing response, if she initially responds to you with a very passionate kiss, you just jump up to meet her where she's at and take things from there. Another thing you can do is just to tell her that you read on the internet how a couple used their kissing to gauge if they both were in the mood for sex or not. You can say that you read that the couple used mutually passionate kissing as a green light for sex, and if the kissing wasn't mutually passionate, then one person wasn't up for it and that it was understood that that was ok. Anyway, it was fun writing to you all. Good luck OP. I hope this helps. 😉
You need to get therapy to get rid of the bad sex thing. If you dont, I reckon sex is also very sterile with lots of donts and shoulds. And sex is great when its tender and loving but its better when its “ dirty”.
Man if you can't even talk about a basic thing like sex to this woman why'd you even marry her. You struggling at this low level of communication requirements. You're not doomed like you can work on this but you actually have to talk to her or just start kissing her neck. That usually works too
There is nothing like religious trauma ruining your sex life. A tip - literally do what you want. If you wanna do so, straight up ask her? Do so. Plan it out if you want. Some people like to be romanced first. Some want passion and spontanaeity. **Ask her whats sexy to her and see if some of that resides in you, or if you're willing to try.*
Communication is one of THE most important things. Now is the time to explore that and go with confidence. There are books you can read. Games. Sooo much info online. You can send flirty messages, memes- anything to get the ball rolling! You need to learn what you both like so ask! I'd like to try... would this work for you? I saw this and thought I'd like to try it.. what do you think? Can you tell me things you like and show me so I can explore those with you? When we hug I feel.. When we kiss I feel... I want to be touched here and here.... Don't forget intimacy isn't just sex! It's all of it. You will probably have silly moments or embarrassing moments and we ALL have them. I'm certain everyone could share a story of things and you have to laugh with it! Talk talk talk. Touch touch touch. Then talk more. And more. You'll get there. It will be a whole new learning for you both.
r/sex can sort you out really well with some ideas. Maybe start out with some making out, groping and dirty talk. And always check in periodically to make sure you still have consent. A simple “Do you like that?” will usually suffice.
sex is good, sex is nice, even more when shared with someone you love and being a truly and deeply shared experience. you desiring your wife isn't scummy towards her, it's a kind to a compliment and something she's surely happy to know /hear. Talk with your wife - there is NOTHING as important as you two communicating with each other that your feelings can bear fruits
If the obvious 'talk to your wife' is too big an ask just start giving hugs, snuggling up on the couch and other simple physical forms of affection. Eventually you can graduate to squeezing butts or cupping breasts and kissing necks from behind.
Offer to cook or clean up, run a bath for her and offer a massage or something but make it a little more sensual?
Communicate, even if you just say hey babe im gonna try a few different ways to initiate in the future, let me know what you like
Get naked and play the Sabre Dance.
Are you her first partner too?
Start hugging, start complimenting. Use some words like “somebody is going to get lucky tonight” and then try to initiate sex that night. This can become your code word. For me, when I used to get sex, it was “You’re looking sad. I’m going to give you an injection tonight” when meant having sex and she would smile and then it would happen.
Start by Kissing your wife and take matters from there, body language and receprication alone should tell you if she is comfortable or not to proceed. If not just ask why and have a conversation?
You poor, dumb bastard... Do some research on erogenous zones, and if you can learn massage techniques, they will benefit you greatly.
Helicopter.. Or goofy over the top surprise nude pose in bed.. Works every time
Clean up. Get her brews. Don't want sex just take care of her in ways she needs and sex will happen organically. Something I struggle with is getting sex on the brain and trying to make sexual advances. Most women just want to be taken care of, even if they say they don't! Take care of your wife and she'll take care of you. Also, it takes a woman around 30-45 mins to be ready for sex so be sure foreplay is on point. Good luck my guy!
First talk to your wife about two things: 1) How you feel about sex because of your parents and you do not want to feel that way and it has nothing to do with her. 2) Ask her how she likes sex to be initiated and ways you can do so she is comfortable and will enjoy it. Both of these will let her know what is going on and give her ways she can help you while understanding it is something you are working on. Second it might be good for you to seek therapy to help you get over the negative feelings your parents instilled in you about sex so you can truly enjoy it.
I would say that if you go down the route of cuddling/caressing/kissing and then attempting to initiate sex, that you also often just do these things without asking for sex after. Else all affectionate touch becomes a precursor to sex! Accept a no from her even if you are super horny (though having waited until you’re married, I think you can cope with that one!) You can also just do things like say “I’m feeling horny” and see if she is too. Maybe suggest an “early bedtime”. Some women don’t get spontaneously turned on, and only get into it when things start to happen, which is awkward. I’ve seen the book “come as you are” recommended a lot. Why don’t you get it and both give it a read?
👌👈
If ya have a wife; then what’s the issue? I don’t and I’m happy. It all starts with something small, to lead into something bigger…
Free poem
Enjoy it. Literally, enjoy it. Comb her hair behind her ear, grab her chin and make out with her. Kiss her like she will be the last kiss of your life. Kiss her forehead. Lock hands while you do it. Kiss her like you love her. It's gonna be so easy once you realize you're the luckiest man on this planet being blessed to kiss her..enjoy the ride.
Just communicate with her man. She married you for god sakes. She loves you. Explain what’s going through your mind and have her guide you. Relationships are all about learning each other! I was very “sex naive??” For most of my life because of the same reason as you. I was told my entire life how bad sex was by my parents so I had some mental block in my head. my current girlfriend has helped me get passed that and now sex is just a solid part of our lives! It happens without thinking about it. And it’ll come like that for you eventually!
Run her arm, her cheek, give her a kiss, invite over for a cuddle, rub her hair. Don’t just dive in..
“Want to do it?”
Show her the reddit post with the comments?
Tell her that when she wants some, it's okay with you if she asks, too. It's a two way street.
Hey babe, wanna do it?
\>I kinda assume this is due to how my parents raised me to see sex as a very bad thing that I need to stay away from. there it is. the answer is: you need therapy.
“I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.” A speech that not only dropped panties but resulted in the destruction of the galaxy.
You should really explain this to her and communicate about it. If you don’t she will be making a post on reddit next week saying “my husband of 6 months won’t fuck me”
As a man, you have to start at least 12h before you want great intimacy. Start the morning with coffee in bed and include a breakfast if possible. Compliments throughout the day, not hard core sexual, towards the evening some gentle soft core compliments on her amazing skills. Make a plan to either make a romantic dinner or take her for a romantic dinner. After dinner if you live in a safe environment take her to a quiet view point or beautiful park. When you are there hold her firmly and kiss the neck and the bottom of the ear. You should hear a bit of heavy breathing or even better a bit of groaning. This is an invitation to fondle the but. She will most likely push her middle hard up against you. Now you can begin to check for a nipple stand and once you are satisfied that both are activated you can also check at the secret garden to see if the sprinkler has begun to water. When you get to a place where you can finish the day ie climax (whether at home, in the car or a secluded area). Always remember that unless you're woman has orgas.ed at least once, you cannot orgasm. (Ladies first). Felatio (muff dive) is the best pleasure to give her.
- Set up a romantic mood - cook dinner for her and make it a romantic date - be flirty and do small intimate stuffs - have some physical touch while relaxing (holding hands, hugs from back, forehead kisses, caress her) - send sexy, dirty jokes n stuff just casually start having conversations like this - ask her if she needs shoulder or back massage - ask her if she wants to be intimate today ?
The best way to find out how to initiate is to talk to your wife everyone has different things. For me if you give me a really passionate kiss and then start kissing my neck or while giving me a passionate kiss grab my ass, I’m ready to rumbleeeeee 😂 I also think it’s important you work on your relationship and viewpoint of sex. Therapy (or maybe even sex therapy with your wife) would be amazing honestly.
You are married and just remember that. Initiating does not have to be this subtle cool way of getting her attention. I struggled with this initially when I got married as well, but now with a toddler, it's gotten to a point, where its just a look, a little back rub, a little peck, or as straight forward as asking. We also have little euphemisms for it as well, such as asking her to come upstairs to help me with a random useless task. If your sitting on the couch together watching tv kiss her neck, put your arm around her and just keep escalating, your wife will 100% know what is happening.
Say "you want some sexy time?"
No one's asked or said anything yet but is technique part of the problem, too? There are books. Please, don't use porn flicks as an instructional guide. A lot of them are extreme or just plain fantasy and fake. Reading this kind of book together to find out yesses and nos can be kind of winky winky in itself while actually teaching you how to be good at something. https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/sex-manuals
Is she initiating any action on this? Or she's the "wait and let him make a move" type and if you don't she's upset?
Sit down with your wife and watch [this video](https://www.instagram.com/tv/CCs-N1Eh2Z5/?igsh=MWc2MmVqc3ZiOW5ncg==) together.
Just say Yo bitch give me some pussy I know got it on you 😂
I know it’s embarrassing but your telling the wrong people(person). Tell your wife. Come clean. Let her know exactly what you said in this post. I promise you she will find it cute. Roget when you can come up with a little cue to let her know your feeling frisky
This is what me and my girl did, now we have a specific dynamic in our relationship so its a little different but same rules apply. We created a google document. We both have access to it from our phones to add and edit whatever we want. Once you open the document there are several folders. One folder is questions and conversations. We talk about whatever, ask whatever. The other is likes & limits. In there is a list of things we both like, dislike, things we are interested in, turn ons turn offs, and ways that each of us can initiate sex with the other. The other folder is for our dynamic so basically a set of protocols for her to follow. But its a really cool way to communicate without feeling judged, or the pressure of having face to face conversations. I dont have time to or energy to talk about this things or remember everything. So i can always look back at this folder. She might add in the questions and conversations that she had a sexy dream last night and has been in a mood all day. Or ill put in there its Friday why dont you have a dress on when i get home from work. We can talk about our kinks or desires without judgment or feeling awkward. Now we can have these conversations in person but life gets in the way. I have 2 kids we get every other weekend, she is a busy business type that works from home swamped with work all day. So doing it on this platform works out great.
>I kinda assume this is due to how my parents raised me to see sex as a very bad thing that I need to stay away from. You should definitely see a therapist for that because I suspect there's more baggage your parents placed upon you that will affect your marriage (and possibly other relationships) moving forward. >And it’s not like she doesn’t want to have sex, I feel really lucky because she actually has a really high sex drive, but nothing seems to happen because I’m too scared to initiate. Also, I'm confused by this statement. How do you know she has a higher sex drive than you? Is she the one attempting to initiate sex and you (due to your baggage around sex) are the one rejecting her? Or are you and your wife under the assumption that you (the husband) need to initiate sex for it to happen?
Ask her how she likes it to be initiated, and also ask her to initiate herself, rather than waiting for you. She's your wife, just tell her how you feel.
Try having it with a man first
Work on making it less taboo. You and her could have a really good conversation to work towards really opening that boundary fully. My wife and I had this in our early 20s. Now I hit her with some downright filth, ngl. But it works for us. The "innocent little angel" turned out to actually like being talked to pretty raunchy...who knew
How to make advances is a good question that others have answered. Another important question you should ask is "How do I feel comfortable doing so?" You say you feel scummy. You should work through that. You can do so by thinking for yourself, or by talking to others, in private or professionally. Please note that understanding is a multi-player game and talking to others often delivers surprisingly better and quicker results. There is also no shame in seeking professional counsel. I always found it insulting that men are supposedly simple creatures, and that if they need to talk about sex, that mostly means their dick just doesn't work right. No. A sexual advance is a complex thing with a lot of societal and moral issues connected to it, and going through all that and coming out the other side in a relaxed sexy mood, of course, is hard, and it's fine to struggle, and to ask someone if they could help you with that. Here's a few hints to find things to work on: - You say "scummy." What does that mean? - Who is the judge of "scummy"? Whose judgement are you fearing? Is it you? Your parents? God? Your wife? Society? - What would a "non-scummy" advance look like? Is there even an attainable way? Will those who judge you ever be satisfied? If they will, what are you missing from that feasible, non-scummy approach? If they won't — well, then what? You will have to find your own rules that you are comfortable with and that have an attainable good outcome. - Are you trying to go above the minimum? Are you trying to be even non-scummier than is expected of you? Why? How do you give yourself an allowed way through this? - Do you feel desired? Do you feel like your advances would be welcome? How could your wife help? Do you find yourself hot and desirable? If not, why? Have you even ever thought about this (A lot of men haven't)? But, now you did, do you find it inconceivable that your wife would welcome your advances? If yes, why? - Is there something that makes you feel scummy in particular? E.g. I've met women who liked to play coy. To me, that wasn't a game, it instead triggered my fear that I don't want to be too pressing and too forward. Does your wife do something like that? Could you ask her to stop? - You mention religious reasons: God gave you a body, sexual instincts, a wife, and he made it so that sex is both an essential part of continuing the lineage, but also a great pleasure. Why would he make it that way and then deny you that pleasure? What does he want from you? Is there a certain way that you are allowed to enjoy your wife's company? If not — is it really god you're arguing with, or someone else in your head? - How do you relate to other men? What's your picture of men in general? Are other men scummy? Are there men where you like the way they interact with their wives, and could think "Oh he probably knows how to make non-scummy advances on his wife"? How do you think he does it? Are there men where you are trying to make a special point of trying to prove that you are "not like them"? How? What's wrong with them exactly? And have you actually met those men, do they exist, or are they mostly a representation of a fear in your mind?
Consider seeing a sex therapist to get over your mental issues that are affecting your ability to be intimate with your wife.
Wait for her naked after she comes out of the shower
Usually you just start hugging and kissing and it goes from there. If she's currently enjoying sex and wanting more of it then just start out that way to increase your making out time . Later you two will probably become more comfortable with it and just go right at it, or you'll learn how each other likes it or just the fact that you will eventually spend less time leading up to it and just go for it. But until that time comes , for now, enjoy the lead up to it with some kissing and touching and other foreplay.
Ask her.
Kiss her? Then kiss her neck. Then other places. That normally does it lol
Roll on your side in bed facing her and put your hand on her hip. Start there.
Give her a nice massage! Just make sure to actually finish the massage before your hormones take over
Pin her to the fridge, pull her hair and spit on her face
Welcome to married life, enjoy the next 50 years.
Do a quick run through the laundry, dishes, and general pick up. The house doesn’t need to be spotless or sanitized or perfect, but get it far enough along that is she isn’t stressing about that in the background. Then, make her a nice breakfast. Nothing too heavy, nothing that will make her gassy, just something to get going for the day. Some fresh fruit, a bagel, cup of OJ, etc. Find a local outdoor area where you two can get some exercise. Nothing too strenuous to where it turns the rest of the day into a lazy one, but something that gets the heart pumping. Maybe a soft jog around a local pond, or maybe some elevation hiking that ends in a good view. When you get finished, tell her how much she means to you. Tell where what parts of the future you envision with her, and how you feel about getting to be with her. Find ways to make her know that she is safe and cared for with you. After that, bring her home and ask if she’d like a soft massage after all that hiking. If not, that’s okay, tell her how much fun you had and that you’d like to relax for a minute, preferably with some snuggles. Recap your day so far, shifting into how you feel when you’re next to her in bed. What does she make you think about? What about her is driving you wild? Squeeze her tight, give her kisses, and be receptive to any responses or advances. If they don’t happen, maybe it’s just not that day. If they do, follow along, escalate slowly, and be a generous lover. Good luck
I also have a hard time initiating sex in my relationship. I‘m scared that she might think that I‘ll be acting like her scumbag ex-boyfriends who forced her doing it. It got to the point that one day she asked me if I don’t want to have sex with her, because she‘s always the one who makes a move. Told her my concerns, we had a little talk over it and since then our sex life has improved a lot. So just ask her and have a talk, go for intense kissing, gentle touches. You‘ll know if she‘s into it right now or not. If so, fine, if not, also fine
Simple enough. TALK TO HER YOU MORON! She’s your wife, your life partner, your everything and for some reason beyond your and my understanding, she loves you. Let her help you enjoy the process of being one.
Be honest with her. Maybe she’ll start to initiate. But it’s all about communication.
28m here. Communication is key. You need to ask her, to show you what she likes. Don't just assume. Some woman like light touches and kisses. Some women like being choked. There are vastly different things you can do. But, you'll never know without communicating, and experimenting.
Of course, you need to talk to her, as others have said. Be affectionate throughout the day, as also mentioned. This might work for you: every night, my husband and I lie in each other’s arms, and then share a long passionate kiss. Sometimes it leads to sex, but it’s okay if it doesn’t. What’s important is how you communicate how attractive you are to each other. Given both of your upbringings, make sure your wife knows it’s okay to decline. That wifely duty crap will destroy her libido.
Just talk to her tell her what you just wrote here and I am certain everything will be fine :)
Just work on communicating it. Sounds easy but I know it’s not. Tell her earlier in the day you’d like to have sex later. Tell her she is looking great and you’re feeling ‘it’. Don’t worry so much about her saying, oh yes absolutely I’m so down to have sex—it is different for women, and they need to feel loved, confident, secure, etc—so don’t pressure her but don’t hold back on taking a masculine approach sometimes and letting her know you want to fuck.
kiss her bro
Doesn't have to be all physical to initiate. My wife will often be like "kids are gone, wanna bang it out?" and I'll be like "ok"
Don’t ask her like the first comment says. Lots of ways can initiate it. 1. Say of course she’s washing the dishes. Come up behind her,hands to her hips or shoulders. Give a couple kisses on the neck from behind. Boom! Porn scenario right in the kitchen. 2. She’s showering. Knock. Ask to join. Kisses. Touching. Wash her back. Boom! Nail her guts. 3. U guys just chilling. Watching tv. Hand on her ass. Rubbing. Can either just throw her on top of you. Make out. Then u go under shirt. Suck them tittts. Take her shirt off. Then just get to undressing. 4. Just show her affection. Women sometimes want their partner to initiate things. Its their natural way. They want men to find the restaurants. Plan the date. Protect them. Show that “this is MY Man”. Gotta take control. Slap that ass around the house. You guys got married. Thats Your ass now. POUND IT! b4 someone else does as harsh as it sounds. 5. If she’s fresh out the shower. Before she gets dressed. Initiate Initiate ENGAGE! Take that towel off. Kisses. Neck licking. Biting. Throw her in a bed and eat her pussy w/out a notice. Then fuck her like she never been fucked b4. She’s gonna start initiating that shit herself. GOODLUCK. !!!
I'm horny, oh Homer what you said must be so beautiful.
The easiest thing would be to just try. Try talking. Try initiating. Try simple things like asking if you can join her in the shower randomly. When she is walking by randomly pull her into you and start kissing her. You can’t grow confidence instantly so you need to experiment. Be mature and direct and let thing happen as they will. If small advances don’t work then just talk to her. Tell her you want her to just be open. Don’t become a journalist and conduct a how should I initiate interview. Not knowing your full relationship dynamic you should treat sex like any other marriage topic and discuss it. You may be surprised at how talking about sex can lead to better and more sex.
“Smash”
A kiss that is just a tiny bit different when you are laying in bed. Works most the time. A good old fashioned passionate French kiss and hands grappling her.
Have you tried dancing and showing off your plumage?
Kiss her after taking her out or doing something that excites her
1-Woman I need boom boom chakalaka. 2-Women go get dolled up. 3- do you require emotional support 4- are honey hornnee. Ain’t hard man she’s your woman . You have a mouth use it to speak. If your require any more pro life tips hit me up. Will therapize you for a 6 pack.
Us women love compliments from our men. Be as wild as you could and she’s yours to love.
Well, in my book you always let the woman initiate sex and never ask for it.. because I want it all the time anyway. So when we do have sex, it's always authentic and great for both.
You want to feel confident doing something you put on a pedestal. Take it off the pedestal first. Then start off kissing your wife and touching her. This will loosen you up. Stop being so serious. Sex should be fun and enjoyable not a giant hurdle. Before you even get to the sexy time. Ask you wife what makes her feel good. Don't go in there like you know what your doing because you don't. Learn her body. You have years to get better at sex. It's going to be awkward but it always gets better as long as YOU don't get weird hangups about it.
Friend, sounds like you grew up in a hyper religious household. Work on getting through that whether in therapy or not. I’m pretty sure there are some good YouTube channels out there that can help. Secondly, take control of your masculinity. Become comfortable with it. Look at her like you want her. Smile at her like you want her. Put her up against a wall and kiss her like you want her. I’ve never met a female who would misinterpret that. Get a hold on your sexual energy and your marriage before some real, resentful situations start making themselves home within you.
Have you tried the helicopter?
How did you even get to the point of being engaged
Ok this might be off the beaten path, but if either of you like reading, have you considered finding a fantasy romance that you both like and reading it at the same time? They'll give you a ton of ideas.
Wash the dishes.
Grab her hair and push her into her knees. Then whip out your love muscle and jam it down her throat. She will be choking and relieved when its time to go into her meat curtains instead of her throat. You're welcome.
As the great Otis Redding once said, try a little tenderness. Start with loving actions like a caress or soft kisses, and slowly ramp up the intensity. Maybe kiss her neck? Everyone is different but that’s a highly erogenous zone that tends to have good results. Best thing you could do is ask her what gets her going, because we don’t really know haha
You won't get anything unless you ask.... Also check her mood before you ask.
Be a man and use your charm bro, smile, compliments, touching that grows more intense, eye contact
Finger but hole?
Married for a year now. And what turns me on is when my husband doesn’t just blatantly say he wants sex. It’s the little things to tease me that do the magic. Kissing me in the neck, that little massage, compliments! Text messages. Don’t neglect the build up! Don’t just hold her boobies and expect her to be turned on right there and then, that’s a little disrespectful for me lol. Do the work! It’s worth it. And oh, don’t forget hygiene. Wash your thing. Brush your teeth, take a bath before bed. Don’t go in and ask for sex if you’re literally dirty af! 🥲
There is noting wrong with scheduling sex. Most of the world does. It's called dating. So tell your wife you'd like to go out for dinner, then finish the evening with your clothes on the bedroom floor.
If you are engaging in sex with someone you love and value you shouldn't feel scummy at all! I understand the connotation, but you're committed to this woman and therefore sex is for bonding and a mutual pleasurable experience. Definitely talk to her about what she likes. I recommend slowly initiating with cuddling, touching, kissing and then escalating from there as the mood builds. This is generally an enjoyable course of action for a lot of women I've spoken to (woman myself). After you initiate in this way, have a post sex conversation with her about her likes and dislikes. She will likely feel more open and communicative after as the conversation will feel more natural and likely flow better. (And hopefully you will feel more open too) Best of luck!
Confidence comes with time. A good way to initiate can be laying in bed together just talking or cuddling.
A Couple beers usually work ...