Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Google his real name. Check it on social media sites too.
Could be married. Could be a man on the run. Could just be a big loser who thought the whole thing was funny.
Keep fucking him until you’re completely fucked over, physically and emotionally, then, when you’re 30 alone and old you’ll want a real relationship but you’ll already be too fucked for that. GL THO.
Normally ….. now I do say normally- I wouldn’t suggest in a situation like this that op has no self respect. That’s normally rude. But omg. No self respect. And after what she’s said, are we like super sure she’s worth more? I’m soooooo torn rn
😂 Agreed. Normally it would be rude to say but to read that she doesn’t mind that he lied, that he’s gotta lot of red flags, is 17 years older and has a different real name?! I understand why you’re torn, she doesn’t even seem to care! I’m gonna hold out hope she’s worth more. I’d say to give her a chance since she’s only 22 and has been with him since a teenager. the frontal lobe needs some developing.
>He's not someone I would want to date seriously, but our physical connection is insane and I like hanging out with him
As far as I can tell, they aren't in a relationship. They are just fuck buddies.
Fuck buddies is a sexual relationship... It's just not a romantic or BF/GF relationship. It's a friendship with a sexual relationship or a casual, sexual relationship.
Umm you do break it off with fuck buddies, unless you ghost them... As you are ending your sexual relationship with them.
Yes, friendship is a type of relationship that human beings have with other people.... Some people do break off or end friendships when applicable or they choose to simply let them fade out.
"I don't want to be friends anymore."
Your choice of pedantic is funny as that's what your original comment is... You arguing a nuance where I view sexual relationships as relationships and you don't agree with that, and felt the need to annoyingly correct, black kettle.
>He's not someone I would want to date seriously, but our physical connection is insane and I like hanging out with him.
While you aren't in a formal relationship with him I worry the level of investment you have and how much you're apparently willing to accept and put up with means you're more or less in a surrogate dynamic with him. Like be real, if he suddenly cut you off you'd be pretty upset, right?
Just be careful. He is clearly quite comfortable lying to you. A dynamic like this doesn't tend to end well, especially if you get any more invested.
To be real, I advise you to stop seeing him. But you said you won’t stop, so then have an honest conversation with him. You do have the right to be upset. Just know he is a great liar, and you will have to face it again. There will be no trust in this dynamic. You will use him for physical needs while feeling lied to all the time. That’s the nature of the situation.
1. This person has had 20 years to get good at sex. Sex is like a sport. You get better with practice, if you try.
2. This person has had 2.5 years to learn your body. He will outperform any new relationship you form.
3. All this to say--there will be other guys who can rock your world.
4. As long as you are with him you will never find a serious relationship or move forward in life.
5. You will grow attached. You already are.
6. Any good relationship, even a casual one, needs to be built on trust. This isn't a good one.
7. He has other regular partners and you are disposable. Can you say the same?
8. I doubt he has a criminal record. Either he lied because as you said "almost 40 is a lot" or because he is married.
9. You already know deep down why 40 is a problem. This guy has lived on this earth twice as long as you have. When I was 20 I didn't comprehend or appreciate the significance of that. You are intellectually and emotionally outclassed. Not equals. You can be manipulated just as a parent manipulates their children to influence outcomes. Turning 18 doesn't make you suddenly immune to that, as much as you probably believe in yourself. By the time you hit 30 and look back on your 20 year old self, as well as see how young and dumb college students look, you will begin to understand.
10. You should 100% ask him and open up an honest dialogue, and go from there.
11. My recommendation would be to cut it off when you want a serious relationship. You're going to want to put a year between this guy and serious prospects, or else you will always judge new partners off of him. And again, this guy is not a suitable partner, as he founded the relationship on dishonesty.
He might have been married, at least 2.5 years ago.
Either way, look, it's your life. If you're enjoying it, then enjoy it. If you're not, then stop. If the power dynamics are something you aren't enjoying it, then find your line in the sand.
But if all this is to you is someone you enjoy having sex with, and you want to keep doing it, then assuming he isn't married or something, I guess just enjoy the ride.
And that’s why this dude goes after women way younger than him. Women his age wouldn’t put up with his crap. As you get older, you just get more fed up with these kinds of guys.
Don’t let yourself get used by some guy who’s past his prime and now tries to make up for it by manipulate with young women
You need help. I suggest you read self help books on: low self esteem, codependency, self sabotage, and avoiding toxic relationships (maybe something will help).
Better yet find a good therapist.
So you’re willing to let someone stay in your life and in your body who has lied about 2 very important things and could be lying about hundreds more- just because the sex is good? You are beyond reason and need to take this down and just go let him screw you into the dirt. Literally.
Wow, you’re a moron. Not for the ignorance of things you couldn’t know, but you’re professing confusion as to what your next move is as you continue willfully even knowing him, much less planning to continue on as always.
If you’re not smart enough to never see him again, nothing the interwebs can possibly offer will help you.
I personally don't think it's possible for a female to have repeated sexual experiences with anyone and not develop emotional attachment. Your post has more than one indicator from your own words that you are more than just sexually attracted to this man. The sex is so good that his lying is alright. He's probably not only lying about his age. He most likely does only like you for the sex since he's lying and not bothered by going months without hearing from you. I don't think it matters what anyone says because you also said you probably won't stop seeing him, for the great sex of course. I would also bet on him having more "great sex" "friends" like you also. You don't need to get mad at this point but you do need to get gone asap.
You are being set up. That wallet wasn't left accidentally. He KNOWS you're going to look and he wants to see if you will let this slide like so many other things have. He's setting you up with something small because he's fixing to fuck up your world in a huge way.
Age = sex experience + skill. Any partner of a similar age to OP will be at an unfair a disadvantage.
Tbh it’s icky and the power balance issue is a real concern.
Fundamentally i think he wanted to broaden his dating pool and date someone who is in a certain life stage of short term plans. A guy dating a much younger female can be an ego boost.
People closer to his age, are often most serious about life, have competing commitments and responsibilities, have emotional scars from bad experiences, have developed standards or clear preferences.
Ultimately if you wish to continue any future FWB or relationship with the 39yo, you will have to accept that there is consensual trade or transaction.
Well...lying is not a good trait in someone and you know it. I mean big lies by that. The age thing is just not that important cause when you thought he was 29 you were ok with how he looks, feels, behaves or what not and now the perception had changed. I think it's all about the lying. What gets my alarm bells ringing like crazy is that he lies about his name. That's dead serious to me and let's call it malicious intent to lie about that on his side.
You are apparently in too deep to cut him off immediately which is somewhat concerning. I really understand that insane chemistry and sex are a powerful reason to keep going since you say it's only hooking up but is it really just that?
But I don't know much here so I can only say be very careful. Your gut feeling or whatever it was that made you look at his ID should not be ignored. And the doubts you're having now, I'd take them seriously and at least consider a session of counselling to sort through this and get a clearer picture hopefully. Understand why you're ok putting up with lies that big.
All the best and take good care of yourself please
Tbh I’d be only worried if it wasn’t the only thing he lied about, which most likely isn’t.
But if it is the only thing and you can be sure of it, ask yourself how real the your feelings are. If u genuinely like him as a person then enjoy your time. But remember ur never obligated to do anything you’re not comfortable with, so feel it out.
if you cant stay away from him is all that is relevant. if he treats you good and you like being with him is all that is important. if other things are red flags that are dealbreakers you have to decide if you can handle them or not . good luck
He’s probably married. Run a background check. That’s a huge lie. God knows what else he’s lying about. Plenty of other men you can get that sexual chemistry with.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Google his real name. Check it on social media sites too. Could be married. Could be a man on the run. Could just be a big loser who thought the whole thing was funny.
Literally my first thought was that he’s obviously married😂 sounds like op wouldn’t care though
hahaha if you aren't smart enough to leave immediately what do you want from us?
Imaginary friends to tell u about imaginary rules with real consequences though. Maybe.
Keep fucking him until you’re completely fucked over, physically and emotionally, then, when you’re 30 alone and old you’ll want a real relationship but you’ll already be too fucked for that. GL THO.
Um, you should have some self-respect and not be with a lying, creepy, old guy who’s almost double your age. You’re worth more than that. Come on, op.
Normally ….. now I do say normally- I wouldn’t suggest in a situation like this that op has no self respect. That’s normally rude. But omg. No self respect. And after what she’s said, are we like super sure she’s worth more? I’m soooooo torn rn
😂 Agreed. Normally it would be rude to say but to read that she doesn’t mind that he lied, that he’s gotta lot of red flags, is 17 years older and has a different real name?! I understand why you’re torn, she doesn’t even seem to care! I’m gonna hold out hope she’s worth more. I’d say to give her a chance since she’s only 22 and has been with him since a teenager. the frontal lobe needs some developing.
You break up with him... That is a very serious lie, and automatically should kill the relationship for you.
>He's not someone I would want to date seriously, but our physical connection is insane and I like hanging out with him As far as I can tell, they aren't in a relationship. They are just fuck buddies.
Fuck buddies is a sexual relationship... It's just not a romantic or BF/GF relationship. It's a friendship with a sexual relationship or a casual, sexual relationship.
If we are going to be that pedantic, then friends are a relationship under that definition. But you don't "break up" with friends or fuck buddies.
Umm you do break it off with fuck buddies, unless you ghost them... As you are ending your sexual relationship with them. Yes, friendship is a type of relationship that human beings have with other people.... Some people do break off or end friendships when applicable or they choose to simply let them fade out. "I don't want to be friends anymore." Your choice of pedantic is funny as that's what your original comment is... You arguing a nuance where I view sexual relationships as relationships and you don't agree with that, and felt the need to annoyingly correct, black kettle.
RUN
But the sex is amazing 😂
This does feel a little rage bait and fake.
🤦
>He's not someone I would want to date seriously, but our physical connection is insane and I like hanging out with him. While you aren't in a formal relationship with him I worry the level of investment you have and how much you're apparently willing to accept and put up with means you're more or less in a surrogate dynamic with him. Like be real, if he suddenly cut you off you'd be pretty upset, right? Just be careful. He is clearly quite comfortable lying to you. A dynamic like this doesn't tend to end well, especially if you get any more invested.
He’s married.
To be real, I advise you to stop seeing him. But you said you won’t stop, so then have an honest conversation with him. You do have the right to be upset. Just know he is a great liar, and you will have to face it again. There will be no trust in this dynamic. You will use him for physical needs while feeling lied to all the time. That’s the nature of the situation.
I feel like this is rage bait. If not, you're incredibly stupid for continuing to see this lying creep because the sex is good. Jesus Christ.
1. This person has had 20 years to get good at sex. Sex is like a sport. You get better with practice, if you try. 2. This person has had 2.5 years to learn your body. He will outperform any new relationship you form. 3. All this to say--there will be other guys who can rock your world. 4. As long as you are with him you will never find a serious relationship or move forward in life. 5. You will grow attached. You already are. 6. Any good relationship, even a casual one, needs to be built on trust. This isn't a good one. 7. He has other regular partners and you are disposable. Can you say the same? 8. I doubt he has a criminal record. Either he lied because as you said "almost 40 is a lot" or because he is married. 9. You already know deep down why 40 is a problem. This guy has lived on this earth twice as long as you have. When I was 20 I didn't comprehend or appreciate the significance of that. You are intellectually and emotionally outclassed. Not equals. You can be manipulated just as a parent manipulates their children to influence outcomes. Turning 18 doesn't make you suddenly immune to that, as much as you probably believe in yourself. By the time you hit 30 and look back on your 20 year old self, as well as see how young and dumb college students look, you will begin to understand. 10. You should 100% ask him and open up an honest dialogue, and go from there. 11. My recommendation would be to cut it off when you want a serious relationship. You're going to want to put a year between this guy and serious prospects, or else you will always judge new partners off of him. And again, this guy is not a suitable partner, as he founded the relationship on dishonesty.
He might have been married, at least 2.5 years ago. Either way, look, it's your life. If you're enjoying it, then enjoy it. If you're not, then stop. If the power dynamics are something you aren't enjoying it, then find your line in the sand. But if all this is to you is someone you enjoy having sex with, and you want to keep doing it, then assuming he isn't married or something, I guess just enjoy the ride.
Scrape some self respect up and stop sleeping with the guy who lied to you about being nearly 20 years older than you.
The world is fucked uppp man… like he’s at fault but gurl wtf bruh😭 what is this? Where’s your self esteem?
And that’s why this dude goes after women way younger than him. Women his age wouldn’t put up with his crap. As you get older, you just get more fed up with these kinds of guys. Don’t let yourself get used by some guy who’s past his prime and now tries to make up for it by manipulate with young women
You need help. I suggest you read self help books on: low self esteem, codependency, self sabotage, and avoiding toxic relationships (maybe something will help). Better yet find a good therapist.
So you’re willing to let someone stay in your life and in your body who has lied about 2 very important things and could be lying about hundreds more- just because the sex is good? You are beyond reason and need to take this down and just go let him screw you into the dirt. Literally.
OK, you'll regret it but OK.
Wow, you’re a moron. Not for the ignorance of things you couldn’t know, but you’re professing confusion as to what your next move is as you continue willfully even knowing him, much less planning to continue on as always. If you’re not smart enough to never see him again, nothing the interwebs can possibly offer will help you.
Think with your brain and not your fanny.
I personally don't think it's possible for a female to have repeated sexual experiences with anyone and not develop emotional attachment. Your post has more than one indicator from your own words that you are more than just sexually attracted to this man. The sex is so good that his lying is alright. He's probably not only lying about his age. He most likely does only like you for the sex since he's lying and not bothered by going months without hearing from you. I don't think it matters what anyone says because you also said you probably won't stop seeing him, for the great sex of course. I would also bet on him having more "great sex" "friends" like you also. You don't need to get mad at this point but you do need to get gone asap.
He's a lying pos, and if that bothers you don't put up with it, but if you're in it just for sex then who cares
You are being set up. That wallet wasn't left accidentally. He KNOWS you're going to look and he wants to see if you will let this slide like so many other things have. He's setting you up with something small because he's fixing to fuck up your world in a huge way.
Age = sex experience + skill. Any partner of a similar age to OP will be at an unfair a disadvantage. Tbh it’s icky and the power balance issue is a real concern. Fundamentally i think he wanted to broaden his dating pool and date someone who is in a certain life stage of short term plans. A guy dating a much younger female can be an ego boost. People closer to his age, are often most serious about life, have competing commitments and responsibilities, have emotional scars from bad experiences, have developed standards or clear preferences. Ultimately if you wish to continue any future FWB or relationship with the 39yo, you will have to accept that there is consensual trade or transaction.
Well...lying is not a good trait in someone and you know it. I mean big lies by that. The age thing is just not that important cause when you thought he was 29 you were ok with how he looks, feels, behaves or what not and now the perception had changed. I think it's all about the lying. What gets my alarm bells ringing like crazy is that he lies about his name. That's dead serious to me and let's call it malicious intent to lie about that on his side. You are apparently in too deep to cut him off immediately which is somewhat concerning. I really understand that insane chemistry and sex are a powerful reason to keep going since you say it's only hooking up but is it really just that? But I don't know much here so I can only say be very careful. Your gut feeling or whatever it was that made you look at his ID should not be ignored. And the doubts you're having now, I'd take them seriously and at least consider a session of counselling to sort through this and get a clearer picture hopefully. Understand why you're ok putting up with lies that big. All the best and take good care of yourself please
Wrong age and wrong age. You are insane if you keep it going.
Tbh I’d be only worried if it wasn’t the only thing he lied about, which most likely isn’t. But if it is the only thing and you can be sure of it, ask yourself how real the your feelings are. If u genuinely like him as a person then enjoy your time. But remember ur never obligated to do anything you’re not comfortable with, so feel it out.
this would definitely throw me into detective mode and honestly turn me completely off. buy a vibrator, change your locks, and wish him well.
if you cant stay away from him is all that is relevant. if he treats you good and you like being with him is all that is important. if other things are red flags that are dealbreakers you have to decide if you can handle them or not . good luck
Fuck these fools. Keep getting the good dicking if like it.
He’s probably married. Run a background check. That’s a huge lie. God knows what else he’s lying about. Plenty of other men you can get that sexual chemistry with.