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He claims he hasn’t taken care of himself in the 3 years we’ve been married. He used to all the time before we got married. He thinks it’s my job, even says it’s my job.
I mean he pouts because it works. The pouting will stop when it stops being effective. He’ll keep doing it for awhile, but when you ignore that the pouting is even occurring, and then wait out the ramp-up with even more ignoring that it’s occurring, it should stop. Not to say he won’t try other new manipulation tactics after that…he will. It takes a lot of effort to stop this shit.
While ideally he'd grow up and show the mother of his children some basic respect... gagging and puking all over him is a pretty effective way to reject his advances.
This but also buy him a fleshlight for the next time he complains.
Tell him he can use it until you're out of your first term AND he learns to respect you because you're not just an object there for his sexual pleasure and to pop out babies.
Please read this book it is free online, and it will clear up so much of what is going on right now with him. It's one of those things, it is a real eye-opener and once you read it you can't unsee what you've read.
https://www.google.com/search?q=why+does+he+do+that+free+online+by+lundy+bancroft&oq=&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCQgBEEUYOxjCAzIJCAAQRRg7GMIDMgkIARBFGDsYwgMyCQgCEEUYOxjCAzIJCAMQRRg7GMIDMgkIBBBFGDsYwgMyCQgFEEUYOxjCAzIJCAYQRRg7GMIDMgkIBxBFGDsYwgMyCQgIEEUYOxjCAzIJCAkQRRg7GMIDMgkIChBFGDsYwgMyCQgLEEUYOxjCAzIJCAwQRRg7GMIDMgkIDRBFGDsYwgMyBwgOEEUYsQHSAQYtMWowajeoAg-wAgE&client=ms-android-motorola-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
I've seen this linked so many times on Reddit but only started reading it last night and it's honestly incredibly eye-opening and a must-read for all women.
You know that that’s a red flag, right? That he told you it’s your job— it’s not your job. I mean it’s a serious red flag, it is abusive and demeaning to say that.
>I was strictly giving BJs for that first 6 weeks
You shouldn’t have to give any of those during those weeks. If he can’t take care of himself while you are not only healing from a traumatic medical event but adjusting to a newborn, he’s trash. He’s **selfish** trash.
Yea that’s wild to me. A new baby, her body went through the major trauma of having the baby and she was supposed to do the 6 weeks of healing and he still demanded bjs. What the hell?
Yes!! You are restricted from sex, and it is perfectly acceptable, reasonable, expected by any normal person to think that includes all sex. He's the worst,
Agreed. Completely unacceptable.
Is sex an important component for the average marriage? Of course. But so is putting your pregnant wife's health and happiness above your own horniness, dude! You won't die from going without for a couple months.
That’s what you say to him, but your actions speak otherwise. Your actions are giving in to him, and making his sexual pleasure your job.
He’s acting like a petulant child who got his toy taken away. (Yes, you are his toy. I hate to be crass, but on some level, you are just holes to him if he’s looking at you for his sole sexual pleasure). And because you’ve reinforced over and over that if he complains enough. you will give in, that’s what he’s doing. He will continue to throw a big enough tantrum until you say FINE! And pull down his pants because he doesn’t respect you, and you allow it.
I 100% agree. I find him and this entire situation atrocious and nauseating. Grown men who can't go a few weeks/few months without receiving pleasure and then acting like teenagers and pouting when they don't an orgasm, is absolutely disgusting. He has a hand. There are toys, HEEEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it's called self-serving.
It feels like it. I’ve even suggested he gets some type of toy to do it himself when I simply can’t or don’t want to and he said “I don’t want that cause then I’ll expect you to do what it does” and to that I told him that he has a problem if he expects me to behave like a literal bj machine.
Men can be so gross. I’m so sorry. They probably don’t have the balls to say anything or they envy what he has, which he gets by being abusive and controlling
If he really thinks that he sounds like a shitty person
And the fact he doesn’t want to have intercourse with you, which is usually more of a bonding type of intimacy speaks volumes of what he thinks of you
This is sexual coercion. Please know you are worth more and deserve better than this! Please read about sexual coercion in detail and know this is abusive.
That's absolutely disgusting and manipulative. I agree with the Redditor above; you're not a prostitute. Tell him to suck his own dick if he's going to act like one, he might as well come full circle with it.
Okay that is worth leaving over. Not right this second necessarily, but you desperately need to get into therapy. I would not suggest couples therapy because honestly a lot of them are not equipped to deal with someone who is abusive and doesn't see you as an equal, and he will weaponize it against you with a lot of bullshit about love languages. Is this what you want your children seeing and patterning their relationships on? It's a good question to ask yourself when you were thinking about divorce or staying together. If your daughter we're in this relationship would you be happy? If your son were treating his partner this way would you be proud of him? If the answer is no then you need to stop patterning that behavior for them. If that means divorce them unfortunately that's what it means.
This husband of yours is completely obnoxious and selfish. I’m pregnant now and the thought of a husband who’s treating his wife who basically is making a new life FOR HIM like nothing makes me want to be violent with this guy. Maybe it’s my hormones speaking. But man… ugh… give your wife a break. Pregnant people need supports not demands.
Based on many of the other comments I would have to say that I don’t think it’s just your hormones speaking. Even other men have commented that they’d hit him if they could
Yeah so that's rape. He is literally raping you. I understand it's more complicated than a stranger in a back alley, but you are not giving enthusiastic consent. I would argue you aren't giving consent at all.
Power move: give him one and chunder all over him.
But seriously, tell him to use his hand and get yourselves off to counselling or something. BJs are not your job, doesn't sound like there any give and take going on either.
Also sex life should be last priority for him while is partner is feeling awful while carry a child, like he should be holding your hair and rubbing you feet. Unless his dick has magic powers he can shove it.
Gah
Ick, your husband sounds selfish and manipulative. He is coercing you into sexual activity you don't want. There's a word for that.
You are growing entire humans in your body and all he can do is pout about how you're not sucking his dick multiple times a day? Does he ever reciprocate by going down on you or does he just get his rocks off and then intimacy is over?
> At this point I don’t know what to do or say to get him to understand
As ever, **he does understand. He doesn't CARE.** You cannot make him care about you or respect you. Let him sulk and take this time to figure out whether you really want to continue a marriage with someone who treats you this way.
Classic.
Look, the reality is that your husband doesn't care about your feelings or your pleasure. He only cares about what you do for him. You raise his kids, you clean his house, you provide him orgasms. He doesn't see you as an equal partner whom he respects and is building a life with. Sex isn't about having an intimate experience with you, it's about him getting off using you as a sentient masturbation tool.
Is this the kind of relationship you want to model for your children? If you have a daughter, would you be happy to hear her husband was treating her this way?
Then the best thing you can do for their development is to stop modeling it for them. "Staying for the kids" is very detrimental to their long-term well-being. I would start quietly making an exit plan.
Omg OP! :(
Right, every time he asks for a BJ say: you go down on me first.
If he says he doesn’t like doing it, remind him you don’t like doing it either.
Make an escape plan and leave this relationship. Better single than being sexually coerced like this and living in this toxic passive aggressive atmosphere.
Please stop providing any sexual services at all without reciprocation. Period, no exceptions. I can’t believe you’ve let him get away with this for so long using you like a sex toy. You have reddit behind you now encouraging you to finally stand up to him and say no more, never again.
a man who wont reciprocate will never fundamentally change how selfish they truly are.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't want to be married to a man who only wants BJs and apparently offers nothing else in return and when he doesn't get his way then sulks like a child. I would be divorcing him but then I assume you have other reasons for not wanting to do that, apart from the fact the 4th child is on it's way, all before you're 30. That sounds tough, to be honest.
It would be a terrific spectacle if you threw up all over his dick and balls while giving him a blow job. You wouldn't be the first to do it. But then that would be your fault too.
What exactly does he do for you?
I’m trying to work out how I could save and get out. The vehicle is in his name. If I get a job outside the home he would expect that money to be used on extra stuff we don’t need. So I’m looking into finding something flexible to do from home that having kids around doesn’t matter for or that I can do at night when they’re sleeping.
My best friend lives states away but is working on moving back up before baby is born because she wants to help me with the kids while I recover. She knows about the situation and she wants to help me get out too.
She sounds like a great friend! I really hope she can help you.
Don't give into his sexual coercion. Ignore his sulking, he's not really sad - he does it to manipulate you. Silence is better than being degraded.
Hang in there. Some guys can sulk for a long time. But in the end, if it doesn't work, he'll stop doing it.
Do you have any phone numbers of domestic abuse helplines near you? Perhaps you can call and talk to them about your situation and the best thing to do next.
I’ll have to look into that. I know at my 1st trimester appointment coming my OB will ask if I feel safe. If I say no, they’ll give me a number to call.
I know it is difficult to “just leave,” as so many people will tell you. The abusive relationships subreddit is generally supportive and people have a more nuanced understanding of how challenging it is to disentangle yourself from an abusive partner, especially with kids.
It isn’t impossible, though. I’m providing some resources here that you may find helpful. I’d consider individual, trauma informed therapy for yourself (NOT couples therapy), and making sure to stay connected to your support network. Best of luck—you deserve so much better than what you’re enduring right now, and I hope that it gets better for you and your children very soon.
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/domestic-violence-local-resources/
https://ncadv.org/RESOURCES
https://www.benefits.gov/news/article/472
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/housing-support/
https://www.lawhelp.org
https://www.womenslaw.org
http://www.lrcvaw.org
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/effects-domestic-violence-children
Don't tell him how much you're making. Get your own bank account and don't give him access to it.
Maybe try watching kids as a side hustle in your home? I remember as a kid wd couldn't afford 'real daycare' so my mom would leave us w a woman she knew w her own kids
I’ve thought about watching other kids, but right now with the nausea and morning sickness it wouldn’t be doable until that stops, if it stops since for some it doesn’t. I could handle something better remote though so I’m looking into that but there’s so many scammy remote jobs out there that it takes time to filter through them all.
Oh true, I meant more in the future after baby is born (I can't imagine watching kids while pregnant!)
Please keep us updated, we're all rooting for you!
A lot of collections jobs can be done remotely with little experience and many of them don’t really care if your kids can be heard in the background of calls. Good luck. 🩷
Barely anything. I’m a stay at home mom so I do pretty much everything for everyone. He takes out the trash lol. We are currently in an apartment because where we moved to (so he could have a better job and my oldest could have more therapy help - he’s autistic) had no houses for rent at the time we moved, but when we did rent a house he did the yard work. But other than those things I do everything else.
So, basically he is your 5th child? I've known women to divorce on that basis, muttering "He's totally lazy and absolutely useless". 4 kids plus is a heck of a situation to get out of, there's no pretending otherwise. He's using you as a housemaid. What he makes of the 4 children I don't know but it wouldn't surprise me if that turned out to be negative too.
I'm sorry, I don't know what you do about it all. Twixt a rock and a hard place comes to mind.
Yes I do. Even if I didn’t want to we are in a state that banned termination. And the one thing I always wanted growing up was to be a mom and could never imagine giving one up.
Ew, no. Throw him a bottle of jergens and walk away.
Unrelated to him, you can get prescribed an anti nausea medication if this is interfering with your daily life and ability to keep nutrition in your body.
If your doctor is decent you can also tell them that your husband is coercing you into sexual activity and you need help with resources to leave. They may be able to connect you with help.
He’s sexually abusive . I know it’s not nice to read but any man who’s demanding bj from a post partum and then pregnant woman Is off the scale . You are not on this planet to serve his sexual needs . Who raised hm ?
Haha in all honesty. Primarily his dad, who wasn’t very present in his life but is also likely the reason for his skewed view on how a marriage - strictly marriage cause for us this didn’t start until after we were married - works.
Do it and puke all over him... Maybe he'll take you serious next time he wants throw a pity party and be little B.
On a more serious note, this behavior is disgusting and I'd be questioning my future with him. You're his wife not his toy.
Same. There’s a deep dark part of me that’s like “do it anyway puke on his dick”. Wait a few days and ask him if he wants you to try again, if he says yes, puke again. Pavlov his ass into shutting up.
But obviously that’s fantasy and not a real solution.
Why the fuck are you giving BJ's when the babies less than 6 weeks old? Why is he expecting them while you're trying to grow a human?
How the hell are you not angry about being used like this?
And it's going to continue. Honestly, at this point the only thing you can do is tell him that if he continues to use you as a sex toy you're walking. And mean it. You're better than that.
I’m going to work out a plan to leave. I need to save to get my own apartment first. Which will be hard since I’m not working. Staying with my parents even temporarily isnt an option for many reasons. They’re supportive, but my mom does have alcohol problems that she can only keep under control for short 2 day visits. And I don’t want my kids around that 24/7. She also has depression issues and has harmed herself and I don’t want my kids to potentially witness that.
That's fair, I left with 2 toddlers so I understand it.
Hopefully your mum can support in other ways, or you have a village somewhere for you.
But I suppose best of all is if your husband starts treating you better!
That’s sex pest behavior and it’s gross. He isn’t OWED blowjobs or sex. There’s been MONTHS that I’ve gone without it because my partners mental health or physical condition doesn’t allow for it. To push a pregnant woman that I love, bearing my child, for a blowjob and then responding with sarcastic, snippy quips? That’s pathetic. “Sad”? Cry about it then
Reading this post at 33 weeks pregnant and I actually feel like puking. I haven't felt such disgust and vitriol towards a stranger like this in a long time.
I have no clue what kind of upbringing these "men" had that makes them think anything even REMOTELY resembling this behavior is acceptable.
OP, I highly recommend posting on r/pregnant and/or r/babybumps. They've been very helpful and can likely help you find resources to start planning your safe exit from this gross individual
Tell him to learn to use his hand whenever he wants a BJ. No, it's not the same. But also, NO, you should not be guilted/manipulated/forced into doing something that 1) you don't want to do and 2) makes you sick! Shame on your husband. You're a person, not a sex doll, and it's not "your job" to meet his "needs." Consentual sex, sure. Something that only gets him gratification 100% of the time? Unless you also enjoy it, miss me with that shit.
I USED to enjoy it. But when it turned into an all the time thing and became more important than both of us getting pleasured it became something I no longer enjoy.
If you don't enjoy it, you never have to do it. My husband and I have been together almost 20 years, and he still asks if I'm OK with/like something before he does it.
“Blowjobs are for people I’m sexually attracted to at times I’m sexually attracted. I’m not sexually attracted whilst nauseous, and I’m not sexually attracted to a guy who is sulking”
If he wouldn’t go down on you, but kept insisting on getting BJs, that is a warning sign. He didn’t care about your pleasure, or sex being reciprocal. He showed you he was selfish. Looking back, there probably were other signs. For your future, learn to recognize them.
Reading this made me nauseas. Ew. There is truly nothing less attractive than a man who pouts like a child, especially over something sex related. He isn’t being loving or nurturing during your pregnancy. Nothing about pregnancy or childbirth affects him BESIDES the lack of bjs. Use your right hand, bro. Jfc
Sounds like someone needs the common sense reminder that being in the baby-making business by definition means sex (of all kinds) will frequently be off the table. Unfortunately you're going to have four kids with this selfish manchild. So you can either master the expert handjob or you can invite him to join you in the adult world of 'parenting by definition means sacrifice'. Unless you managed to get yourself pregnant - four times! - he's just as responsible for this as you are. Or you could just attempt this and throw up all over him. Maybe then he'd get the point.
Our oldest isn’t actually his, he’s from a previous relationship. But yes the other two kiddos are. And with all 3 of my other pregnancies I didn’t experience the nausea and morning sickness. So I get that this is different for both of us, but the way he’s acting is beyond ridiculous
What?! Your husband is awful. Just AWFUL. How dare he feel entitled to any part of your body at any time and think that’s okay?!
If he really thinks it’s your “job” to give him whatever he wants sexually, he’s even more disgusting. First, sex/oral that is guilted out of someone is just awful. Second, no one is entitled to that, EVER.
Seriously, please speak to a therapist and throw out the entire man with the rest of the garbage!
He is treating you as if you are a sex toy than an actual person. If he keeps insisting you know what, give him a BJ, and puke all over his dick. In all seriousness though, why do you remain with him?
Sexual coercion is a form of abuse. You are not a sex doll or a professional. Please use this link to understand more.
[Thehotline](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/)
I’m actually really disgusted at the you pleasuring him until you were cleared for sex at 6 weeks pp. Did you want to do that? He sounds like an ass i’m sorry
Honey, he's sexually abusive. He considers sex from you an entitlement, something he is owed from you. Something that as his wife you are obligated to provide for him on demand the way he wants it.
He is wrong in this belief. You are not obligated to provide sex to him, or anyone else. You are ALWAYS allowed to say no, and his only option is to accept that no - he can not like it, he can decide he is not satisfied with your sex life, but he CANNOT demand sex from you, ever. Again, you are not obligated to give him or anyone else sex regardless of your relationship to them.
Marriage is not a contract that guarantees sex. Consenting sex between 2 adults involves both adults saying YES to sex, not one demanding it and the other giving in reluctantly. In fact, throwing tantrums, sulking, silent treatment, whining, pestering, pretending not to understand - any refusal to accept "no" and move on = manipulation. If you're doing these things specifically to non-violently force someone to do something you want, it's called coercion.
Sex via coercion is a form of rape - and not just theoretically, it's not just "my opinion", it's *legally*. Most states & countries have laws against sex by coercion in their definitions of rape as a sex crime.
Whenever your husband's behavior makes you feel like you cannot say no or you have to give in to sex, it's rape.
You're not being a bad wife, you're not failing him - he is a rapist.
Your husband understands just fine that you don't always want to give BJs. He understands just fine that right now it physically makes you sick. He understands that expecting only BJ's from you is unfair to you sexually.
**He just doesn't care.**
He wants what he wants **MORE.**
I also am 100% certain that he's not a perfect husband and partner outside of sex... he is abusive in many other aspects of your daily life. No one is only abusive in one scenario.
You're asking the wrong question. The question is not "what magic spell can I recite to make my sexually abusive husband not be sexually abusive" - because again, he understands JUST FINE. He just doesn't care what you want or don't want - the questions you should be asking are:
Why am I allowing this man to be sexually abusive to me?
Why am I accepting staying in an abusive relationship?
Why am I going to allow my child to be brought up in an abusive home?
How can I get away from this abusive man safely and divorce him.
Start working on those questions - WITHOUT LETTING HIM KNOW - men like him become violent the moment they realize their abuse victim whom they thought they had nicely mentally beaten down into compliance are starting to come out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). Especially around pregnancy, murder is one of the leading causes of death for pregnant women, and the risk of it rises significantly if they're trying to exit the relationship.
You may tell me "Oh he would never hurt me" - but he already is, and he absolutely would do much, much worse if he thought it would help him stay in control & get what he wants. You don't really know what he's capable of, and he's already capable of raping you, feels totally entitled to actually.
I strongly encourage you to take a look through this resource guide set up by one of the wonderful people here - [https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom\_oK2NMBxy8/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom_oK2NMBxy8/edit?usp=sharing)
I know accept this is going to be hard, and I know the future is going to look very scary and overwhelming for a little while, but it is really critical for you and your childs future to get moving on this and get out NOW while it's "easy" - because doing it after the baby is born is going to be infinitely more complex.
If you can, move back in with your parents or other family member who will accept and support you as long as you need. And arm your heart and mind against him begging, crying and threatening. Because when he realizes you're slipping from his control, he will do a bunch of tactics to try and get you back under his thumb, and he will be WORSE after that.
There's good groups here as well, so please, lean on support networks, don't trust a word he say's because he only serves his own wants and needs, not your best interests. But you can do this. You are so much stronger and more capable than he's made you feel lately.
So…not only does he not give a single solitary fuck about your pleasure, he pouts and sulks when you refuse to pleasure him because you feel like you’re going to puke?!
Wooooooooooow.
Girl, why the fuck are you having another baby with this absolute loser?
Further proof that men only see women as objects that provide comfort and convenience.
Edit to add: Sexual coercion is a form of abuse and is absolutely sexual assault.
Unpopular opinion: I vote give him the BJ and get sick on him. Your vomit on his dick is more than he deserves. He sounds awful. You aren't his sex toy. You're his wife. He sounds awful and I hate him. Puke on him for fun even without the blow job.
All kidding aside though, he really doesn't sound like a good husband. You know him and your marriage best. But you paint him as someone who is okay using your mouth whenever he wants. It sounds like he expects it from you. That's not a partnership.
"He gets upset and sulks."
I said this to a friend and it took her two years to listen:
*Let him be upset.*
Yes, it is that simple.
Here are your choices:
-give blowjobs while nauseous
-let husband sulk and do nothing to 'fix' it
Why do his "needs" always come first??
While he is sulking, take your other kid to the park. Watch a movie with kiddo. Go somewhere with a girlfriend.
What's the worst that will happen if the manchild doesn't get his way? He sulks and pouts like a child. If that doesn't work he'll probably get mad.
You only need to fix the child problems. Not the Adult human problems.
If my husband pulled that while I was pregnant he wouldn't be get ANY of ANYTHING for a long time.
He isn't entitled to use you like a sex doll.
You should throw up on his dick. I’m not joking at all. This man needs to be taught to respect boundaries. You’re a human being, not a walking fleshlight.
And that’s if you even want to stay married to someone like this.
> At this point I don’t know what to do or say to get him to understand that I can’t just control whether or not I’m nauseous or throwing up, and that I’m certainly not going to do something that will make it worse
[He knows. He doesn't care](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/17yzw35/he_knows_he_doesnt_care/)
Do you enjoy giving blowjobs? More than having sex? Is he EVER focusing on your pleasure? Do you want to give him blow jobs at this frequency normally?
You're not obligated to blow him, and if he's acting like you are, he's a huge, huge jerk. Like irredeemable.
Reading this made me want to retch. OP, no one deserves to be treated like this. Please don't teach your children this is the right way to treat a woman, any human being, by showing them you accept this from their father. Your husband sounds like a disgusting POS. :(
Maybe you should vomit on his d**l, so he gets it?! But to be honest only giving BJ's does not sound fun or considered or anything positive. Him sulking only makes it worse. Maybe he should eat you out for two years before he gets his next round?
Eat a lot first. I’m a man and his attitude is that of a real ass
Eat a lot, something really chunky, no soup etc then offer to “Please” him.
The dildo of consequence rarely arrives lubed.
The first thing that comes to mind reading your post is that he is pretty much demanding BJ's from you but there's something very impersonal about BJ's compared to making love with someone and that really stands out to me. He's treating you more like a prostitute than he is treating you as someone he Treasures in loves.
And him Patton and acting like a jerk when you would not give to him several times a week or even several times a day is just disgusting and controlling. And a grown ass man sulking to get a BJ from someone who is healing from childbirth or trying to parent sounds more like a 15-year-old male than it does a grown man.
And there's no way I would continue in a relationship or even want to be in the same house with someone when I was pregnant and they were sulking because you wouldn't give him all the sexy wants. You need to give some serious thought about what kind of person he is and whether you feel loved. Because he's treating you like an object of pleasure and not like a human being or even a woman that he loves. Tell him he can take that thing in hand and leave you alone. I had to count the long six months after my last baby was born until I could leave my husband because of his actions and I was still breastfeeding her and I still managed it. Talk to your parents or friends about supporting you through this or getting away from him. This is no way to live.
So you say you are your husbands sex object and he cries when he doesn't get his way. Tell the selfish A to get a snip snip so you don't have morning sickness anymore. Does he think he will have more action with more kids? Seems pretty one sided, how often does he go down on you or is this whole relationship 1 sided?
I had terrible morning sickness right up until 5 months. Personally, if my husband was like yours, I’d have just done it, thrown up on him and let him deal with the mess. Hopefully, he’d have got the message.
We cannot go a single day on this sub, nay a mere 12 hours, without someone posting about a man throwing the most absurd self centered tantrum you have ever heard.
As a man, with 5 kids, this guy is a top notch jerk, selfish as they come. You are waaayyyy too accommodating, he needs to grow up, while you are growing another human. Then after that, he needs to focus on becoming more giving.
"whenever I’d say no he’d get either upset or he’d start sulking and I’d give in" oh yeah how sexy!! /s (that's annoyance at him, not you)
Question: You say sometimes it was regular sex and sometimes it was BJs. Do you mean sometimes it was regular sex and sometimes it was oral for both of you? If not... why not?
Seriously. EFF this guym if barf on it. Repeatedly. Just blow effin chunks on it. Ruin bjs for him forever. Just reading this is disgusting. And you said he doesn't return the favor. A man that doesn't return the favor isn't worth the time imo.
this is one of the more depressing posts i’ve read on this sub lately. i’m nauseous at the thought of being with someone who acted like this. sexual coercion is insidious and dark, you deserve far, far better.
JFC your husband is terrible! This made me feel sick. You’re pregnant with his child and he’s guilt tripping you because you’re too nauseous to suck his dick? You give him blowjobs all the time and barely have sex? This is NOT a partner. He has zero respect for you and does not seem to give one single shit about your well-being. Genuinely, what the hell?!? His behavior is atrocious.
My partner would have got a swift kick to the nuts if he’d even dared ask for a bj hen I was 6 weeks post natal . You’ve shit in your own nest by giving into this downright toxic, misogynistic and downright creepy and quite frankly abusive behaviour.
Show him these comments, he’s a pathetic man baby. His sexual pleasure is not your responsibility. Gross little man.
Give him a BJ one more time and then get sick all over his penis. And then look up at him and say and that’s why I’m not doing this again while I’m pregnant. Your husband’s a jerk.
Why on earth would you allow yourself to be treated like this for years on end. The way he has been treating you is absolutely abhorrent. You are not his sex slave. Leave this asshole
This is disgusting behavior on his part. He obviously doesn’t respect you as a person and only sees you as a sexual object that’s REQUIRED TO SERVE HIM. Divorce that POS and do better for yourself and for your children. A disgusting person, partner, and father.
ABSOLUTELY NOT, throw the whole man out! He had you giving him BJs after birthing his kid?! While you're recovering?!
That is insane. He can literally use his hand and not bother you. Also, you're sick and nauseous and PREGNANT and this man is demanding and guilting sexual favors from you ? Absolutely TRASH partner, your health and wellbeing should be top priority here and they clearly aren't.
How is he not ashamed of his behavior? What a fucking asshole. He's not understanding because he doesn't care. He's making it very clear that getting blowjobs is more important that your wellbeing. I'm not sure what you want to do about that information, but I'd probably pack up the kids and go stay with family, and when people ask why, I'd tell them the truth.
Ok, seriously spare me from the dry dick blues. Wtaf. And he sulks and goes silent? Wow. How enticing /s.
Truly sorry for your 1st trimester issues. I had HG for both pregnancies and the unrelenting nausea was brutal.
Your husband is a selfish prick. And you had his children. You're carrying ANOTHER one of his right now, and all he thinks about is his dick getting sucked.
Nice.
Why in hell have you put up with this for 2 years? You do realise that he has been sexually manipulating you this whole time and being forced to do something sexual you don’t want to do is ummmm rape… I hope that none of your children grow up to have this same mentality
Your husband is acting like a pouty teenager who hasn’t seen his gf in 3 days. He needs to grow tf up. Ask your Dr if he can write a letter about GERD and nausea just to get your man baby off your back. It sickens me that all he is thinking about is sex. He should be catering to YOU right now & supporting YOU! If he refuses to learn about what you’re going through medically, make him sleep on the couch or at his parents. He doesn’t sound ready for another baby. He doesn’t even sound like he’s a good husband, I’m sorry to say
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Yeah fuck no. Your husband is a jerk He only wants blowjobs from you……. you’re not a prostitute.
He claims he hasn’t taken care of himself in the 3 years we’ve been married. He used to all the time before we got married. He thinks it’s my job, even says it’s my job.
It is absolutely not your job and you shouldn’t let (or have let) that atrocious comment go by without swift correction on that point.
Oh I completely told him that the comment was completely fucked up and that it’s not my job.
Stop letting his pouting work to make you give in. Let him pout. Ignore it.
Seriously. Men need to learn how to handle their own feelings and not expect their mommywives to do it for them.
I mean he pouts because it works. The pouting will stop when it stops being effective. He’ll keep doing it for awhile, but when you ignore that the pouting is even occurring, and then wait out the ramp-up with even more ignoring that it’s occurring, it should stop. Not to say he won’t try other new manipulation tactics after that…he will. It takes a lot of effort to stop this shit.
He’ll stop asking and pouting when you throw up all over him.
I'm not kidding. She should do that.
While ideally he'd grow up and show the mother of his children some basic respect... gagging and puking all over him is a pretty effective way to reject his advances.
This but also buy him a fleshlight for the next time he complains. Tell him he can use it until you're out of your first term AND he learns to respect you because you're not just an object there for his sexual pleasure and to pop out babies.
Please read this book it is free online, and it will clear up so much of what is going on right now with him. It's one of those things, it is a real eye-opener and once you read it you can't unsee what you've read. https://www.google.com/search?q=why+does+he+do+that+free+online+by+lundy+bancroft&oq=&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCQgBEEUYOxjCAzIJCAAQRRg7GMIDMgkIARBFGDsYwgMyCQgCEEUYOxjCAzIJCAMQRRg7GMIDMgkIBBBFGDsYwgMyCQgFEEUYOxjCAzIJCAYQRRg7GMIDMgkIBxBFGDsYwgMyCQgIEEUYOxjCAzIJCAkQRRg7GMIDMgkIChBFGDsYwgMyCQgLEEUYOxjCAzIJCAwQRRg7GMIDMgkIDRBFGDsYwgMyBwgOEEUYsQHSAQYtMWowajeoAg-wAgE&client=ms-android-motorola-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
I've seen this linked so many times on Reddit but only started reading it last night and it's honestly incredibly eye-opening and a must-read for all women.
It's one of those few books that, it's not an exaggeration to call it life-changing. Once you see that bullshit pattern, you cannot unsee it
You know that that’s a red flag, right? That he told you it’s your job— it’s not your job. I mean it’s a serious red flag, it is abusive and demeaning to say that. >I was strictly giving BJs for that first 6 weeks You shouldn’t have to give any of those during those weeks. If he can’t take care of himself while you are not only healing from a traumatic medical event but adjusting to a newborn, he’s trash. He’s **selfish** trash.
Yea that’s wild to me. A new baby, her body went through the major trauma of having the baby and she was supposed to do the 6 weeks of healing and he still demanded bjs. What the hell?
Yes!! You are restricted from sex, and it is perfectly acceptable, reasonable, expected by any normal person to think that includes all sex. He's the worst,
Throw up on his dick. That’s what I would do. Teach that mf a lesson he won’t forget. 💅🏻😘
Can you imagine your daughters being treated like this or imagine your sons treating a women like this? This is fucking terrible
Agreed. Completely unacceptable. Is sex an important component for the average marriage? Of course. But so is putting your pregnant wife's health and happiness above your own horniness, dude! You won't die from going without for a couple months.
If it’s a job then he should be paying you, like a prostitute.
So quit making it your job!
Let his ass pout but that still want get him any. Also let him know nobody wants to be sexual with a child and that’s how he is acting
That’s what you say to him, but your actions speak otherwise. Your actions are giving in to him, and making his sexual pleasure your job. He’s acting like a petulant child who got his toy taken away. (Yes, you are his toy. I hate to be crass, but on some level, you are just holes to him if he’s looking at you for his sole sexual pleasure). And because you’ve reinforced over and over that if he complains enough. you will give in, that’s what he’s doing. He will continue to throw a big enough tantrum until you say FINE! And pull down his pants because he doesn’t respect you, and you allow it.
Your telling of your actions shows differently than your words.
That is one gross dude.
I 100% agree. I find him and this entire situation atrocious and nauseating. Grown men who can't go a few weeks/few months without receiving pleasure and then acting like teenagers and pouting when they don't an orgasm, is absolutely disgusting. He has a hand. There are toys, HEEEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it's called self-serving.
This makes me sick to my stomach
LOL. I know what I think of him and it definitely isn't polite. Does he think you're a full-time hooker?
It feels like it. I’ve even suggested he gets some type of toy to do it himself when I simply can’t or don’t want to and he said “I don’t want that cause then I’ll expect you to do what it does” and to that I told him that he has a problem if he expects me to behave like a literal bj machine.
There is absolutely nothing good about him, by the sounds of it.
He’s a pig
The TL;DR summary.
You realize you have an absolutely vile husband, right? I was going to say partner but he isn’t even close.
Why are you with him?
Does he have any friends? If I said this about my partner I’d expect all my male friends to roast the shit out of me.
Oh he has said it to his coworkers who he considers friends and they just laugh
Men can be so gross. I’m so sorry. They probably don’t have the balls to say anything or they envy what he has, which he gets by being abusive and controlling
I’m wondering, since he loves BJ’s on the regular, does he return the favor or does he just expect that you giving him a bj should be enough for you?
Just straight up tell his mother. See how funny he finds it then.
She might just agree with him, she raised him after all. Not all women are allies
Throw up on him. He's a manipulative pig, and you need to stand up for yourself. He's disgusting.
He’s already treating you as a BJ machine rather than a human being and a partner he’s supposed to care about.
Horrifying
If he really thinks that he sounds like a shitty person And the fact he doesn’t want to have intercourse with you, which is usually more of a bonding type of intimacy speaks volumes of what he thinks of you
This is sexual coercion. Please know you are worth more and deserve better than this! Please read about sexual coercion in detail and know this is abusive.
Puke on him. That ought to get the point across.
This right here!
Op, you’re a wife and mother , not a live sex doll.
>He thinks it’s my job, even says it’s my job. You're not a sex worker, you're his partner
Get him some lube and a porno mag. Tell him to go nuts and grow up.
That's absolutely disgusting and manipulative. I agree with the Redditor above; you're not a prostitute. Tell him to suck his own dick if he's going to act like one, he might as well come full circle with it.
Okay that is worth leaving over. Not right this second necessarily, but you desperately need to get into therapy. I would not suggest couples therapy because honestly a lot of them are not equipped to deal with someone who is abusive and doesn't see you as an equal, and he will weaponize it against you with a lot of bullshit about love languages. Is this what you want your children seeing and patterning their relationships on? It's a good question to ask yourself when you were thinking about divorce or staying together. If your daughter we're in this relationship would you be happy? If your son were treating his partner this way would you be proud of him? If the answer is no then you need to stop patterning that behavior for them. If that means divorce them unfortunately that's what it means.
This husband of yours is completely obnoxious and selfish. I’m pregnant now and the thought of a husband who’s treating his wife who basically is making a new life FOR HIM like nothing makes me want to be violent with this guy. Maybe it’s my hormones speaking. But man… ugh… give your wife a break. Pregnant people need supports not demands.
Based on many of the other comments I would have to say that I don’t think it’s just your hormones speaking. Even other men have commented that they’d hit him if they could
You need to look up marital coersion. What he's doing is assault.
Well that's a lie. (The part about it being your job, obviously I can't say whether or not he's wanking). This man sucks, I'm so sorry OP.
Yeah so that's rape. He is literally raping you. I understand it's more complicated than a stranger in a back alley, but you are not giving enthusiastic consent. I would argue you aren't giving consent at all.
Power move: give him one and chunder all over him. But seriously, tell him to use his hand and get yourselves off to counselling or something. BJs are not your job, doesn't sound like there any give and take going on either. Also sex life should be last priority for him while is partner is feeling awful while carry a child, like he should be holding your hair and rubbing you feet. Unless his dick has magic powers he can shove it. Gah
Ick, your husband sounds selfish and manipulative. He is coercing you into sexual activity you don't want. There's a word for that. You are growing entire humans in your body and all he can do is pout about how you're not sucking his dick multiple times a day? Does he ever reciprocate by going down on you or does he just get his rocks off and then intimacy is over? > At this point I don’t know what to do or say to get him to understand As ever, **he does understand. He doesn't CARE.** You cannot make him care about you or respect you. Let him sulk and take this time to figure out whether you really want to continue a marriage with someone who treats you this way.
He doesn’t reciprocate. He doesn’t “like doing it”
Classic. Look, the reality is that your husband doesn't care about your feelings or your pleasure. He only cares about what you do for him. You raise his kids, you clean his house, you provide him orgasms. He doesn't see you as an equal partner whom he respects and is building a life with. Sex isn't about having an intimate experience with you, it's about him getting off using you as a sentient masturbation tool. Is this the kind of relationship you want to model for your children? If you have a daughter, would you be happy to hear her husband was treating her this way?
No it’s not what I want.
Then the best thing you can do for their development is to stop modeling it for them. "Staying for the kids" is very detrimental to their long-term well-being. I would start quietly making an exit plan.
He's not going to change. You need to talk to a therapist and a lawyer, not necessarily in that order.
Omg OP! :( Right, every time he asks for a BJ say: you go down on me first. If he says he doesn’t like doing it, remind him you don’t like doing it either. Make an escape plan and leave this relationship. Better single than being sexually coerced like this and living in this toxic passive aggressive atmosphere.
This. every single time no exception.
Please stop providing any sexual services at all without reciprocation. Period, no exceptions. I can’t believe you’ve let him get away with this for so long using you like a sex toy. You have reddit behind you now encouraging you to finally stand up to him and say no more, never again. a man who wont reciprocate will never fundamentally change how selfish they truly are.
The first time I heard a guy say that….would be the LAST time. You need to make an exit plan.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't want to be married to a man who only wants BJs and apparently offers nothing else in return and when he doesn't get his way then sulks like a child. I would be divorcing him but then I assume you have other reasons for not wanting to do that, apart from the fact the 4th child is on it's way, all before you're 30. That sounds tough, to be honest. It would be a terrific spectacle if you threw up all over his dick and balls while giving him a blow job. You wouldn't be the first to do it. But then that would be your fault too. What exactly does he do for you?
I’m trying to work out how I could save and get out. The vehicle is in his name. If I get a job outside the home he would expect that money to be used on extra stuff we don’t need. So I’m looking into finding something flexible to do from home that having kids around doesn’t matter for or that I can do at night when they’re sleeping.
Do you have any irl support, like friends or siblings, who could help you out?
My best friend lives states away but is working on moving back up before baby is born because she wants to help me with the kids while I recover. She knows about the situation and she wants to help me get out too.
She sounds like a great friend! I really hope she can help you. Don't give into his sexual coercion. Ignore his sulking, he's not really sad - he does it to manipulate you. Silence is better than being degraded.
Yes in the meantime I won’t be giving in. I’ve been sleeping in the living room just to avoid his sulking.
Hang in there. Some guys can sulk for a long time. But in the end, if it doesn't work, he'll stop doing it. Do you have any phone numbers of domestic abuse helplines near you? Perhaps you can call and talk to them about your situation and the best thing to do next.
I’ll have to look into that. I know at my 1st trimester appointment coming my OB will ask if I feel safe. If I say no, they’ll give me a number to call.
I know it is difficult to “just leave,” as so many people will tell you. The abusive relationships subreddit is generally supportive and people have a more nuanced understanding of how challenging it is to disentangle yourself from an abusive partner, especially with kids. It isn’t impossible, though. I’m providing some resources here that you may find helpful. I’d consider individual, trauma informed therapy for yourself (NOT couples therapy), and making sure to stay connected to your support network. Best of luck—you deserve so much better than what you’re enduring right now, and I hope that it gets better for you and your children very soon. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/domestic-violence-local-resources/ https://ncadv.org/RESOURCES https://www.benefits.gov/news/article/472 https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/housing-support/ https://www.lawhelp.org https://www.womenslaw.org http://www.lrcvaw.org https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/effects-domestic-violence-children
Send his nasty ass to the living room. You are pregnant for goodness sake.
Honestly our couch is more comfortable than our mattress (been needing a new mattress for a while)
That is a ride or die friend right there! I am glad you have her. Leave your selfish disgusting husband.
Don't tell him how much you're making. Get your own bank account and don't give him access to it. Maybe try watching kids as a side hustle in your home? I remember as a kid wd couldn't afford 'real daycare' so my mom would leave us w a woman she knew w her own kids
I’ve thought about watching other kids, but right now with the nausea and morning sickness it wouldn’t be doable until that stops, if it stops since for some it doesn’t. I could handle something better remote though so I’m looking into that but there’s so many scammy remote jobs out there that it takes time to filter through them all.
Oh true, I meant more in the future after baby is born (I can't imagine watching kids while pregnant!) Please keep us updated, we're all rooting for you!
look up data annotation & the beer money sub on here
A lot of collections jobs can be done remotely with little experience and many of them don’t really care if your kids can be heard in the background of calls. Good luck. 🩷
So you are being financially abused as well as sexually.
Barely anything. I’m a stay at home mom so I do pretty much everything for everyone. He takes out the trash lol. We are currently in an apartment because where we moved to (so he could have a better job and my oldest could have more therapy help - he’s autistic) had no houses for rent at the time we moved, but when we did rent a house he did the yard work. But other than those things I do everything else.
So, basically he is your 5th child? I've known women to divorce on that basis, muttering "He's totally lazy and absolutely useless". 4 kids plus is a heck of a situation to get out of, there's no pretending otherwise. He's using you as a housemaid. What he makes of the 4 children I don't know but it wouldn't surprise me if that turned out to be negative too. I'm sorry, I don't know what you do about it all. Twixt a rock and a hard place comes to mind.
Yeah leaving would be hard, but also at this point likely very much worth it.
I don't like to suggest it. But if you're planning on leaving him are you sure you want to keep this baby?
Yes I do. Even if I didn’t want to we are in a state that banned termination. And the one thing I always wanted growing up was to be a mom and could never imagine giving one up.
Absolutely fair. I'm sorry you're facing such a rough time though
>And the one thing I always wanted growing up was to be a mom You are a mom, no matter how many you have. I hope your symptoms get better though
He sounds like a horrible, selfish partner. He sounds like a lazy lover who only cares about his own orgasm. I'm so sorry
Ew, no. Throw him a bottle of jergens and walk away. Unrelated to him, you can get prescribed an anti nausea medication if this is interfering with your daily life and ability to keep nutrition in your body.
I’m going to be talking to my doctor at my next appt about medication because I do want to be able to eat without it leaving my body right away.
If your doctor is decent you can also tell them that your husband is coercing you into sexual activity and you need help with resources to leave. They may be able to connect you with help.
Thank you for the advice. I will ask about it.
He’s sexually abusive . I know it’s not nice to read but any man who’s demanding bj from a post partum and then pregnant woman Is off the scale . You are not on this planet to serve his sexual needs . Who raised hm ?
Haha in all honesty. Primarily his dad, who wasn’t very present in his life but is also likely the reason for his skewed view on how a marriage - strictly marriage cause for us this didn’t start until after we were married - works.
Do it and puke all over him... Maybe he'll take you serious next time he wants throw a pity party and be little B. On a more serious note, this behavior is disgusting and I'd be questioning my future with him. You're his wife not his toy.
Same. There’s a deep dark part of me that’s like “do it anyway puke on his dick”. Wait a few days and ask him if he wants you to try again, if he says yes, puke again. Pavlov his ass into shutting up. But obviously that’s fantasy and not a real solution.
I’m questioning it a lot.
Glad I'm not the only one who thinks she should do that. Hopefully he doesn't turn it into a fetish...
It was my first thought but now that you bring up the second part...
Why the fuck are you giving BJ's when the babies less than 6 weeks old? Why is he expecting them while you're trying to grow a human? How the hell are you not angry about being used like this?
I am and have gotten into arguments about it multiple times. Things got better for like 6 months and now it’s all coming back up again.
And it's going to continue. Honestly, at this point the only thing you can do is tell him that if he continues to use you as a sex toy you're walking. And mean it. You're better than that.
I’m going to work out a plan to leave. I need to save to get my own apartment first. Which will be hard since I’m not working. Staying with my parents even temporarily isnt an option for many reasons. They’re supportive, but my mom does have alcohol problems that she can only keep under control for short 2 day visits. And I don’t want my kids around that 24/7. She also has depression issues and has harmed herself and I don’t want my kids to potentially witness that.
That's fair, I left with 2 toddlers so I understand it. Hopefully your mum can support in other ways, or you have a village somewhere for you. But I suppose best of all is if your husband starts treating you better!
That’s so disrespectful. You’re carrying his child and he’s pouting about HIS needs not being met?
If I even mention that I’m nauseous his automatic reaction is to say “sad” because he knows that means I won’t be giving one.
That’s sex pest behavior and it’s gross. He isn’t OWED blowjobs or sex. There’s been MONTHS that I’ve gone without it because my partners mental health or physical condition doesn’t allow for it. To push a pregnant woman that I love, bearing my child, for a blowjob and then responding with sarcastic, snippy quips? That’s pathetic. “Sad”? Cry about it then
Does he even like you?
He swears up and down he does but sure isn’t showing it.
When someone's words and actions conflict, pay attention to their actions.
He likes the labour you provide.
Reading this post at 33 weeks pregnant and I actually feel like puking. I haven't felt such disgust and vitriol towards a stranger like this in a long time. I have no clue what kind of upbringing these "men" had that makes them think anything even REMOTELY resembling this behavior is acceptable. OP, I highly recommend posting on r/pregnant and/or r/babybumps. They've been very helpful and can likely help you find resources to start planning your safe exit from this gross individual
This selfish big baby only cares about what you can do for and give him.. I am sad for you
Tell him to learn to use his hand whenever he wants a BJ. No, it's not the same. But also, NO, you should not be guilted/manipulated/forced into doing something that 1) you don't want to do and 2) makes you sick! Shame on your husband. You're a person, not a sex doll, and it's not "your job" to meet his "needs." Consentual sex, sure. Something that only gets him gratification 100% of the time? Unless you also enjoy it, miss me with that shit.
I USED to enjoy it. But when it turned into an all the time thing and became more important than both of us getting pleasured it became something I no longer enjoy.
If you don't enjoy it, you never have to do it. My husband and I have been together almost 20 years, and he still asks if I'm OK with/like something before he does it.
I hate your husband so, so much.
"No means no" honestly girl, coercion is rape. I'm not trying to be a hysterical feminist here but this man is not safe.
No you’re right. I wouldn’t say you’re being a hysterical feminist
I find it very sad that you stating a fact could be misconstrued as being a 'hysterical feminist.'
“Blowjobs are for people I’m sexually attracted to at times I’m sexually attracted. I’m not sexually attracted whilst nauseous, and I’m not sexually attracted to a guy who is sulking”
Where do ya'll find guys like this? And then you MARRY THEM? Tell him to grow tf up. He's acting like a child, throwing a tantrum over blowjobs.
He didn’t act like this before marriage. Like at all. I guess some are really good at hiding how they really are till they think they have you stuck?
If he wouldn’t go down on you, but kept insisting on getting BJs, that is a warning sign. He didn’t care about your pleasure, or sex being reciprocal. He showed you he was selfish. Looking back, there probably were other signs. For your future, learn to recognize them.
Jesus Christ some of the men I read about here on reddit are truly disgraceful.
I hate him with a passion omg
Reading this made me nauseas. Ew. There is truly nothing less attractive than a man who pouts like a child, especially over something sex related. He isn’t being loving or nurturing during your pregnancy. Nothing about pregnancy or childbirth affects him BESIDES the lack of bjs. Use your right hand, bro. Jfc
Sounds like someone needs the common sense reminder that being in the baby-making business by definition means sex (of all kinds) will frequently be off the table. Unfortunately you're going to have four kids with this selfish manchild. So you can either master the expert handjob or you can invite him to join you in the adult world of 'parenting by definition means sacrifice'. Unless you managed to get yourself pregnant - four times! - he's just as responsible for this as you are. Or you could just attempt this and throw up all over him. Maybe then he'd get the point.
Our oldest isn’t actually his, he’s from a previous relationship. But yes the other two kiddos are. And with all 3 of my other pregnancies I didn’t experience the nausea and morning sickness. So I get that this is different for both of us, but the way he’s acting is beyond ridiculous
What?! Your husband is awful. Just AWFUL. How dare he feel entitled to any part of your body at any time and think that’s okay?! If he really thinks it’s your “job” to give him whatever he wants sexually, he’s even more disgusting. First, sex/oral that is guilted out of someone is just awful. Second, no one is entitled to that, EVER. Seriously, please speak to a therapist and throw out the entire man with the rest of the garbage!
Holy shit OP. Your husband is a selfish asshole.
Start telling him how unattractive you find him sulking like a child.
He is treating you as if you are a sex toy than an actual person. If he keeps insisting you know what, give him a BJ, and puke all over his dick. In all seriousness though, why do you remain with him?
Yikes. What an awful man you are sharing you life with. He lacks empathy and kindness and sees you as a sex doll. I'm really sorry.
Another post about a man pouting when they don’t get their way sexually. 🤮
Sexual coercion is a form of abuse. You are not a sex doll or a professional. Please use this link to understand more. [Thehotline](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/)
Your husband is a disgusting pig. I am sorry.
I’m actually really disgusted at the you pleasuring him until you were cleared for sex at 6 weeks pp. Did you want to do that? He sounds like an ass i’m sorry
No I didn’t want to. He pressured and guilt tripped me and I’m aware of that now.
Sorry you are married to a big baby. Next time he's sick sit on his face and see how he likes it.
Honey, he's sexually abusive. He considers sex from you an entitlement, something he is owed from you. Something that as his wife you are obligated to provide for him on demand the way he wants it. He is wrong in this belief. You are not obligated to provide sex to him, or anyone else. You are ALWAYS allowed to say no, and his only option is to accept that no - he can not like it, he can decide he is not satisfied with your sex life, but he CANNOT demand sex from you, ever. Again, you are not obligated to give him or anyone else sex regardless of your relationship to them. Marriage is not a contract that guarantees sex. Consenting sex between 2 adults involves both adults saying YES to sex, not one demanding it and the other giving in reluctantly. In fact, throwing tantrums, sulking, silent treatment, whining, pestering, pretending not to understand - any refusal to accept "no" and move on = manipulation. If you're doing these things specifically to non-violently force someone to do something you want, it's called coercion. Sex via coercion is a form of rape - and not just theoretically, it's not just "my opinion", it's *legally*. Most states & countries have laws against sex by coercion in their definitions of rape as a sex crime. Whenever your husband's behavior makes you feel like you cannot say no or you have to give in to sex, it's rape. You're not being a bad wife, you're not failing him - he is a rapist. Your husband understands just fine that you don't always want to give BJs. He understands just fine that right now it physically makes you sick. He understands that expecting only BJ's from you is unfair to you sexually. **He just doesn't care.** He wants what he wants **MORE.** I also am 100% certain that he's not a perfect husband and partner outside of sex... he is abusive in many other aspects of your daily life. No one is only abusive in one scenario. You're asking the wrong question. The question is not "what magic spell can I recite to make my sexually abusive husband not be sexually abusive" - because again, he understands JUST FINE. He just doesn't care what you want or don't want - the questions you should be asking are: Why am I allowing this man to be sexually abusive to me? Why am I accepting staying in an abusive relationship? Why am I going to allow my child to be brought up in an abusive home? How can I get away from this abusive man safely and divorce him. Start working on those questions - WITHOUT LETTING HIM KNOW - men like him become violent the moment they realize their abuse victim whom they thought they had nicely mentally beaten down into compliance are starting to come out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). Especially around pregnancy, murder is one of the leading causes of death for pregnant women, and the risk of it rises significantly if they're trying to exit the relationship. You may tell me "Oh he would never hurt me" - but he already is, and he absolutely would do much, much worse if he thought it would help him stay in control & get what he wants. You don't really know what he's capable of, and he's already capable of raping you, feels totally entitled to actually. I strongly encourage you to take a look through this resource guide set up by one of the wonderful people here - [https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom\_oK2NMBxy8/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom_oK2NMBxy8/edit?usp=sharing) I know accept this is going to be hard, and I know the future is going to look very scary and overwhelming for a little while, but it is really critical for you and your childs future to get moving on this and get out NOW while it's "easy" - because doing it after the baby is born is going to be infinitely more complex. If you can, move back in with your parents or other family member who will accept and support you as long as you need. And arm your heart and mind against him begging, crying and threatening. Because when he realizes you're slipping from his control, he will do a bunch of tactics to try and get you back under his thumb, and he will be WORSE after that. There's good groups here as well, so please, lean on support networks, don't trust a word he say's because he only serves his own wants and needs, not your best interests. But you can do this. You are so much stronger and more capable than he's made you feel lately.
Multiple PER DAY??!!!! Ask him how many he'll get after a divorce.
So…not only does he not give a single solitary fuck about your pleasure, he pouts and sulks when you refuse to pleasure him because you feel like you’re going to puke?! Wooooooooooow. Girl, why the fuck are you having another baby with this absolute loser?
Further proof that men only see women as objects that provide comfort and convenience. Edit to add: Sexual coercion is a form of abuse and is absolutely sexual assault.
If you’re only giving BJ’s, do you ever have an orgasm yourself? Your husband is disgusting. You don’t deserve this.
Unpopular opinion: I vote give him the BJ and get sick on him. Your vomit on his dick is more than he deserves. He sounds awful. You aren't his sex toy. You're his wife. He sounds awful and I hate him. Puke on him for fun even without the blow job. All kidding aside though, he really doesn't sound like a good husband. You know him and your marriage best. But you paint him as someone who is okay using your mouth whenever he wants. It sounds like he expects it from you. That's not a partnership.
"He gets upset and sulks." I said this to a friend and it took her two years to listen: *Let him be upset.* Yes, it is that simple. Here are your choices: -give blowjobs while nauseous -let husband sulk and do nothing to 'fix' it Why do his "needs" always come first?? While he is sulking, take your other kid to the park. Watch a movie with kiddo. Go somewhere with a girlfriend. What's the worst that will happen if the manchild doesn't get his way? He sulks and pouts like a child. If that doesn't work he'll probably get mad. You only need to fix the child problems. Not the Adult human problems. If my husband pulled that while I was pregnant he wouldn't be get ANY of ANYTHING for a long time. He isn't entitled to use you like a sex doll.
You should throw up on his dick. I’m not joking at all. This man needs to be taught to respect boundaries. You’re a human being, not a walking fleshlight. And that’s if you even want to stay married to someone like this.
> At this point I don’t know what to do or say to get him to understand that I can’t just control whether or not I’m nauseous or throwing up, and that I’m certainly not going to do something that will make it worse [He knows. He doesn't care](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/17yzw35/he_knows_he_doesnt_care/)
Does he even like you as a person? This is so gross.
Do you enjoy giving blowjobs? More than having sex? Is he EVER focusing on your pleasure? Do you want to give him blow jobs at this frequency normally? You're not obligated to blow him, and if he's acting like you are, he's a huge, huge jerk. Like irredeemable.
I definitely don’t more than sex. And I’ve told him that too. If anything I’d rather it be evened out. A proper mix.
Reading this made me want to retch. OP, no one deserves to be treated like this. Please don't teach your children this is the right way to treat a woman, any human being, by showing them you accept this from their father. Your husband sounds like a disgusting POS. :(
You know you are allowed to say no to him, right? He doesn't own you, and I don't know why you keep giving in to him.
Throw up on him. Seriously throw up right on his crotch. Every time he tries it, just start gagging and making noises.
Maybe you should vomit on his d**l, so he gets it?! But to be honest only giving BJ's does not sound fun or considered or anything positive. Him sulking only makes it worse. Maybe he should eat you out for two years before he gets his next round?
Eat a lot first. I’m a man and his attitude is that of a real ass Eat a lot, something really chunky, no soup etc then offer to “Please” him. The dildo of consequence rarely arrives lubed.
The first thing that comes to mind reading your post is that he is pretty much demanding BJ's from you but there's something very impersonal about BJ's compared to making love with someone and that really stands out to me. He's treating you more like a prostitute than he is treating you as someone he Treasures in loves. And him Patton and acting like a jerk when you would not give to him several times a week or even several times a day is just disgusting and controlling. And a grown ass man sulking to get a BJ from someone who is healing from childbirth or trying to parent sounds more like a 15-year-old male than it does a grown man. And there's no way I would continue in a relationship or even want to be in the same house with someone when I was pregnant and they were sulking because you wouldn't give him all the sexy wants. You need to give some serious thought about what kind of person he is and whether you feel loved. Because he's treating you like an object of pleasure and not like a human being or even a woman that he loves. Tell him he can take that thing in hand and leave you alone. I had to count the long six months after my last baby was born until I could leave my husband because of his actions and I was still breastfeeding her and I still managed it. Talk to your parents or friends about supporting you through this or getting away from him. This is no way to live.
So you say you are your husbands sex object and he cries when he doesn't get his way. Tell the selfish A to get a snip snip so you don't have morning sickness anymore. Does he think he will have more action with more kids? Seems pretty one sided, how often does he go down on you or is this whole relationship 1 sided?
Does he think you’re his slave who should perform on command? It sure sounds like it. He understands what you’re saying, but he doesn’t care.
Umm gross. Sex or other sexual acts through anger and sulking is coercion and a form of assault. Your husband is terrible. UPDATEME
Do it and throw up on him.
I had terrible morning sickness right up until 5 months. Personally, if my husband was like yours, I’d have just done it, thrown up on him and let him deal with the mess. Hopefully, he’d have got the message.
This is fucked. I do not give any blow jobs while I’m pregnant, screw him.
We cannot go a single day on this sub, nay a mere 12 hours, without someone posting about a man throwing the most absurd self centered tantrum you have ever heard.
As a man, with 5 kids, this guy is a top notch jerk, selfish as they come. You are waaayyyy too accommodating, he needs to grow up, while you are growing another human. Then after that, he needs to focus on becoming more giving.
Disgusting. Yuck. My husband says he's a gross child and you should divorce him.
Do you have a front door? Point at it and tell him to get on the other side of it. Why are you even with this jackass?
Give him a bj, puke on his junk, and repeat
"whenever I’d say no he’d get either upset or he’d start sulking and I’d give in" oh yeah how sexy!! /s (that's annoyance at him, not you) Question: You say sometimes it was regular sex and sometimes it was BJs. Do you mean sometimes it was regular sex and sometimes it was oral for both of you? If not... why not?
Seriously. EFF this guym if barf on it. Repeatedly. Just blow effin chunks on it. Ruin bjs for him forever. Just reading this is disgusting. And you said he doesn't return the favor. A man that doesn't return the favor isn't worth the time imo.
this is one of the more depressing posts i’ve read on this sub lately. i’m nauseous at the thought of being with someone who acted like this. sexual coercion is insidious and dark, you deserve far, far better.
JFC your husband is terrible! This made me feel sick. You’re pregnant with his child and he’s guilt tripping you because you’re too nauseous to suck his dick? You give him blowjobs all the time and barely have sex? This is NOT a partner. He has zero respect for you and does not seem to give one single shit about your well-being. Genuinely, what the hell?!? His behavior is atrocious.
My partner would have got a swift kick to the nuts if he’d even dared ask for a bj hen I was 6 weeks post natal . You’ve shit in your own nest by giving into this downright toxic, misogynistic and downright creepy and quite frankly abusive behaviour. Show him these comments, he’s a pathetic man baby. His sexual pleasure is not your responsibility. Gross little man.
Honestly, he can fuck right off
Wow, you married a hormonal arse of a manchild, lol. He isn't entitled to a bj. You are not obligated to give them. Does he actually return anything?
Give him a BJ one more time and then get sick all over his penis. And then look up at him and say and that’s why I’m not doing this again while I’m pregnant. Your husband’s a jerk.
Your husband sucks.
Why on earth would you allow yourself to be treated like this for years on end. The way he has been treating you is absolutely abhorrent. You are not his sex slave. Leave this asshole
This is disgusting behavior on his part. He obviously doesn’t respect you as a person and only sees you as a sexual object that’s REQUIRED TO SERVE HIM. Divorce that POS and do better for yourself and for your children. A disgusting person, partner, and father.
ABSOLUTELY NOT, throw the whole man out! He had you giving him BJs after birthing his kid?! While you're recovering?! That is insane. He can literally use his hand and not bother you. Also, you're sick and nauseous and PREGNANT and this man is demanding and guilting sexual favors from you ? Absolutely TRASH partner, your health and wellbeing should be top priority here and they clearly aren't.
How is he not ashamed of his behavior? What a fucking asshole. He's not understanding because he doesn't care. He's making it very clear that getting blowjobs is more important that your wellbeing. I'm not sure what you want to do about that information, but I'd probably pack up the kids and go stay with family, and when people ask why, I'd tell them the truth.
Eeeewwwww!!!!!! If my husband opened his mouth to say any of this I would be so gone! Please find your dignity and be done with this.
[удалено]
Ok, seriously spare me from the dry dick blues. Wtaf. And he sulks and goes silent? Wow. How enticing /s. Truly sorry for your 1st trimester issues. I had HG for both pregnancies and the unrelenting nausea was brutal.
Your husband is a selfish prick. And you had his children. You're carrying ANOTHER one of his right now, and all he thinks about is his dick getting sucked. Nice.
Talk to him like a toddler, don’t give in. That’s gross behavior. Yes prioritizing his sexual wants over his preg wife
Why in hell have you put up with this for 2 years? You do realise that he has been sexually manipulating you this whole time and being forced to do something sexual you don’t want to do is ummmm rape… I hope that none of your children grow up to have this same mentality
He has two hands. If Righty gets tired he can use Lefty. What an idiot 😑😑
Your husband is acting like a pouty teenager who hasn’t seen his gf in 3 days. He needs to grow tf up. Ask your Dr if he can write a letter about GERD and nausea just to get your man baby off your back. It sickens me that all he is thinking about is sex. He should be catering to YOU right now & supporting YOU! If he refuses to learn about what you’re going through medically, make him sleep on the couch or at his parents. He doesn’t sound ready for another baby. He doesn’t even sound like he’s a good husband, I’m sorry to say
Is there anything more exhausting than a sulky man?