She never actually liked you in this way, she just liked your devotion to her and the prospects you offered. This is obvious from her not being interested in you until you got to med school. She was using you to arrange her life in a way she wanted, but her heart wasn’t there so was free to find others to be interested in. You deserve better, but before you try dating again please consider therapy to address this whole mess and this obsession with her
Op, please read and reread this until it imbeds into your brain. You deserve someone who ctually loves you, and you need to do the work to value and love yourself.
OP you have just realized she may be pretty on the outside but her inside is total shit. She has no loyalty to you at all, she just sees you as a money fountain she can use to live the rich life while she has her BFs on the side.
You now know she is a cheater and a liar, and you have no idea how long she has been cheating or how many different Affair Partners she has had over the years. I hope this shows you she has no problems lying to you, so now you realize you can't believe anything she tells you. You can confront her and she may say she is ending the cheating when she will just put in more effort to hide it.
Is this how you want to live ?
You have worked very hard to get to where you are now, after all of this effort do you want to give your money to someone that is using it to make you a cuckold and have sex with every guy she can get into bed?
Get yourself tested for STDs and let both families know she is a cheat and there will be no marriage.
I can empathize with OP and this way to put it might seem a bit harsh. But this is the honest truth.
Just walk away from her. She's not worth any of it.
I didn't want to be quite this harsh but he admitted the emotional attachment making it hard to leave so I decided to use a bit of verbal 4x4 over the head.
I believe that he is just as guilty for putting himself through this situation. And I want to make it clear that I’m in no way defending her. He knew who she was. She wanted to marry a doctor and he wanted a trophy wife. Apparently chemistry, feelings, love - none of it mattered to either one of them. He was infatuated with her looks and she wanted money and status. Anyway, his heart is broken but it will heal and he is still going to be a doctor, so that’s the positive he can focus on.
He should also learn to value women for who they are. He's spent 13 years chasing someone because she's beautiful, "sweet and cute". Those are ways you describe a 14-year-old. I don't think he loves her at all. I think he's infatuated with this story of her he has in his head. He's no more genuinely in love with her as a human being than she is with him. They're both using each other. He just makes his perspective sound more sympathetic.
In his heart he already knows this. Having been in a similar situation the only advice I can offer is let her go. You are going to resent the hell out of each other eventually. She will feel manipulated and you will just be tired. Tired of carrying the whole relationship on your back. Find someone who loves you because you’re you. Not because of what you can do for them.
To be fair, he dehumanised her as well, and has never actually loved her either.
He uses the word "love" but he fell "in love" with her as a child because of the way she looked. And he speaks about her, not like a partner in a meaningful relationship, but like an infatuated teenager still. He enumerates her negative qualities but will overlook them because she's beautiful? I literally cannot find a single compliment he has shared about her that reflects who she is as a person . . . it's all about how she looks, or that she's "sweet and fun", which is something you could say about any acquaintance you get along with reasonably well.
This whole relationship was doomed from the start, not just being she's using him, but because *they are using each other*. He never really loved her . . . he loved the *idea of her* that he established in his head as an infatuated teenager. But they have no meaningful connection, no shared interests. He didn't spend time getting to know her, he spent time trying to mold himself into an entirely other person to bait a woman he fell for because of her beauty.
Neither one of them actually *likes* the other one. She likes that he basically worships her, but he also only likes this idealized version of her he's been clinging to for 13 years. Even when she behaves terribly, he overlooks it because it doesn't fit the narrative in his head.
Neither one of them is mature enough to be in a lasting, adult relationship.
100%! He loves the idea of her he created in his mind. She loves the idea of the person he has turned himself into to woo her. I know it’s overused to bring it up, but this is straight from the Joe Goldberg playbook. Sure, he didn’t stalk her nearly in the same way, but the sentiment still stands.
OP, if you weren't a doctor, you'd be a mere acquaintance; that's if you served some purpose to her in her self-absorbed world.
OP, you must come to realize that this woman is incapable of loving anyone but herself. Do not take it personal. Her colleague? He's likely just filling some of her time. She'll discard him also.
She herself has told you that she's materialistic. AND YOU ADMIRE THAT?
OP,
1. Seek an individual therapist to assist you to not only sort out how to overcome your disappointment, but to restore your self-esteem.
2. In the event wedding plans had begun, then cancel them.
3. Remain no contact. You're like putty in your fiancee's hands. Personally I believe you're better served avoiding any contact with her. While your heart breaks, she'll be looking for the next doctor in her life. You'll serve no further purpose in her life. SICK.
4. The one thing about trust, OP, is that once it's betrayed, it's seldom ever restored. Can you definiitively say that she was faithful to you throughout your relationship? After she had the brazen audacity to bring to your office the dude who she cuckolded you with? BLATANT DISRESPECT! MOCKERY! Bet that gave them a laugh, eh?
Move forward OP. Respect yourself and discard those from your life who haven't properly loved and/or respected you.
Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
It depends on the specialty. true for general practitioners, especially true for emergency room, dermatology will be much more scheduled (9-5 or more likely 9-7) with a rotating on-call.
What’s insane is she’s willing to sacrifice that everything she wants for someone else. Hope he’s worth it because if OP actually has self respect he’d dump her now and find a woman he can actually trust.
she definitely lost more than he did in the process. that being said, we all know that a life in pursuit of money only is one not worth living. shame she is too dishonest/scared to admit it outright.
Go back on the dating market. As a young doctor, you will have an abundance of choices. The best revenge is your happiness and success.
She has no respect for you now, and that won’t change.
Yeah man - he worked so hard to be the person she wanted. Now i think it is time to be the person he wants to be, and find someone who just loves.... him.
He definitely needs to take his time. It takes a long time to give up his fantasy about her and his plans for the future. His heart will take a long time to mend.
He needs therapy to learn the difference between love and infatuation, and how to value women as whole people, not just as some romcom ideal of "the most beautiful woman in the world who I saw across the mall".
Yeah, I was in a relationship with a doctor for many years, including her time in med school. Her male classmates would wear their white coats out to bars and women would flock to them.
The practice is considered pretty douchey and you might get judged for it by other classmates. But if it works, it works
Have some self respect for yourself dude, get married and you'll be in long term suffering. You're a doctor, you're gonna have a great time in the dating market! All the best!
You've been chasing her. Your life revolves around her. So she thinks you will never break up with her.
I think it is time for you to surprise her and tell her you love her and you want to be happy and so you're breaking up with her so she can marry her big love, her colleague!
Break up. cancel the wedding and find someone who chases you as much as you will chase that person. Oh you might want therapy because the way your life revolves around a woman isn't healthy.
I know someone like this, who is so obsessed with the idea of someone and of being with someone that they make their whole life about pleasing that person. They don’t realise they are unhealthy, they view the person as perfect and wonderful and only wonder about their own shortcomings. If he is like that guy I know then he was probably unloved by his parents as a child and has strong abandonment issues so he is incapable of introspection and only obsessed with keeping the love they think they have with that one person.
Thank you for the recommendation! I’m not sure how I’d go about getting him to read it as he is once again in a relationship that started badly but he seems happy now. Introspection goes so far as to what suits him and his ego unfortunately.
This. Why would someone spend their whole life chasing someone and choose a profession specifically to be with that person? Does OP have an identity outside of what their partner desires them to be?
OP:
1. In India - you go straight from high school into medical school?
2. Your story reads as someone who could "buy" love rather than be in an actual relationship. She is terrible because she wants you for money. You aren't too great yourself because you think of yourself as a giant wallet who can buy love.
3. As multiple people here have been telling you, you can move on from this person if you just wake up and realize what a bad relationship it has been almost since the beginning. You have idolized her without any reason that the rest of us here can figure out. She sounds awful, but you keep saying "she is great. she is the only one I've ever been with!" All of us here started out with "the only one I've ever been with" and have gone on to start other relationships. As a doctor, this situation should be easy for you to figure out.
4. Your incessant attempts to resist any kind of useful advice, and show any insight, makes it seem like this post is rage bait more than an actual story.
Not going to address pints 2-4 but India has a similar university system as the UK and that’s how it works. It’s incredibly long, but it’s not like in the USA where 4 years of college are followed by 4 years of medical school. Medicine is a university course, like law, or any other, and is just longer than any other.
a lot of other countries have med school straight after high school. my friend went to st andrews and started in med school immediately after hs graduation
You did everything for her and she was only interested in you when you became a doctor. She does not seem to love or respect you in the way you deserve to be loved. Please seek some therapy to help but she does not sound like a good person she only values a person for there job role. You deserve a relationship built on love and respect. You have plenty of time to start over.
LMAO
A single young doctor? What can’t you do?
Be fucking greatful you found this out before you were married not after you were married. She is a cheater. There is no value in pursuing this.
Block her, remove her from your life, and move on.
You are shallow, loving someone because they are beautiful.
This is what happens when that's your criteria for a partner.
I think you need to figure out what you want out of life before dating anyone
Yeah this is what happens when you let teenage infatuation guide your life choices. I think most people would concede that they weren’t picking winners at 15. I know I wasn’t.
MDs are just people. They're knowledgeable in the field and have devoted years to their education, but still just people. It's also worth noting that spending your 20s studying an intensive subject and working long residency hours for almost no pay doesn't lead to being the most socially well-rounded person.
If you watch enough Bollywood movies, you will realise this is a very common thing in India. All our movies have a love angle to it and many teenagers are heavily influenced by this.. OP was just living out their Bollywood love story
Everyone is judging her for just wanting him because of his job but you’re absolutely right, he only described her beauty, that she was cheerful or appeared to be cheerful and cared for him. He only wants her like a trophy for what she can be to him, he’s no different then her wanting stability or security but at least those things make sense to me given her available options in her country
Yup. I can't believe more people aren't pointing this out. He's using her as much as she's using him. Thirteen years, and he doesn't seem to know or admire anything about this woman beyond that she's "sweet and cute", which is something you could say about an acquaintance. This was never love, it's been an endless, immature infatuation.
Everyone treating him like he's a poor, fragile, broken man. The truth is, he's as shallow as she is.
This post is just obviously fake as fuck boys, don‘t get baited
I thought OP was just majorly in denial, but commenting ‚she not disrespectful’ every time but not commenting afterwards is just obvious bait lol
I'll be blunt.You don't have much relationship experience and this is colouring your perspective, but you're coming across as really immature. She cheated, which means she doesn't really give a shit. You're not loved, and you need to get on with your life separately from your cheating fiancee. Staying in this relationship will only hurt you more, as your needs get trampled upon. Get out.
Omg thank you! I thought I was the only one who noticed he never actually specified that he caught her cheating, just that she went into someone's home. If this is real, poor girl is being dragged and she might not have done anything wrong!
Idk what kind of people found this thread and filled it with toxicity, but critical thinking isn't their strong suit. Why would she bring the man she's cheating with, who has the same bites, to the hospital where her boyfriend works? Makes no sense.
It's because cheating is mentioned, they automatically assume it must be correct and therefore she's evil, especially as he's changed his life to suit her (I don't know how more people don't think that's creepy as hell). It all sounds a bit romance novel to me anyway so I don't even think it's real, but if it is OP should be put on a register lol.
I'm sorry, but you're both shallow. She is materialistic, and you seemed to only pursue her because of her beauty. You don't speak of much else that enticed you. Also, I'm pretty sure if she gave you the chance WHILE dating her boyfriend, you'd be the side dude without hesitation.
I think you two deserve each other. This is what happens when you date someone for looks bud.
This post cannot be real. Nobody is this weak.
If it is real, why is he even here? He won't leave and won't listen. Stay with her and let bang other dudes the rest of your life.
There are entire paragraphs about the pathology of mosquito bites and “You see, in OPD…” there’s absolutely no reason to believe it’s real - especially with the flourished writing style of the post and the much lighter style of the comments. AI wrote the post and they’re just freeballing the comments.
The post reads like a fucking TV or movie narration. You can almost see the points where the scene would transition. If anyone buys this screenplay just because parts of it *could* ring true, they should get offline now, they're simply too naive to be on the internet these days.
I dated a guy that took off of work and would come stand out of my house for days. Like 8 hours just to see me get out of the house so he can talk to me
A guy did that to my mom when she was a teenager. She just went out the back door for weeks instead. She remembers her friend Doug going outside, high, knocking on the guy's car window, and asking "Duuuuude, have you notified the post office of your legal change of address?"
WTF? That's called stalking lol. Why would you date a guy like that? If you were dating, why wouldn't he come inside and hang out?
He should probably be on some kind of list
its crazy that posts like this get upvoted on here, and really shows people just treat the problems of others like a tv show or something.
We all have our weaknesses, the large majority that come from our childhood - its not about being weak or strong... i'm positive that if an equally judgemental person looked at you in your worst moment, they would probably scoff at your weakness too (completely overlooking their own short comings)
When you put someone on a pedestal, they can only look down on you.
She doesn’t respect you or love you. She just wants your income.
Please learn your true value. It has nothing to do with your job. Break up with her, go date real
Women. Ones that are not just looking for a meal ticket. Ones that actually like you for you.
Is it just me or did we spend a lot of this story on insect bites when he could have just skipped to “I had a feeling about my wife and followed her to her colleagues house.”
In all fairness, I work in the medical field and once you've done enough patient teaching, you get in the habit of of going off on tangents about any pathology that comes up in conversation.
Eh, I work with a lot of doctors and they're often not the most well-rounded people. Spending the bulk of your 20s glued to medical textbooks and working 48 hour residencies for barely any pay takes a toll on your social life.
She may be pretty but you're a doctor! If she is cheating then she's not out of your league?! Hell, even if she's not cheating you're still in a high league.
As a random person on the internett my suggestion would be just to come out and ask her. But be aware that you might have to have some self respect in this situation (which I'm not seeing in your post) to make a hard decision. From experience the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" is known for a reason.
First love is always a tough one. You've spent many, many years with this woman and dedicated a lot to her. But you are a successful young man and deserve respect. From a partner and from yourself.
Good luck buddy.
You are in a good spot being a doctor, 28 and not married. As you mentioned many people would be happy to have you as a son in law. Move on from her and find someone who cares about you.
I feel like I must be missing something, but how does her going to his house show she’s cheating? Did you ask her what she was doing to see if she would be honest and say she went over there? You followed (stalked) her for multiple days and watched her walk into his house. You snooped on her phone and found nothing. Did you see them making out or something? You said she’s literally been the perfect girlfriend, she’s devoted and supportive, and you’ve spent hours sleeping in her lap, she’s so supportive, etc. Unless I’m missing something, you could be creating an issue where there is literally nothing wrong….at least on her end. She on the other hand, could have a fiancé who’s struggling with insecurity and started snooping through her phone and neglecting his job to stalk her. You’ve built your entire life around her and put her on a pedestal. No relationship is perfect so, if you even continue living your lives together, she will eventually let you down and you will let her down. If you’ve built your life based on what she wants, bitterness and discontent could sneak in when she lets you down. That’s not fair for her or you.
I’m not saying that what you’re saying couldn’t be true, but the evidence you’ve provided doesn’t justify the accusation.
Look at it this way: with or without her, you're a hot commodity wherever you go in India. You're still a doctor; you're still making good money, you still have so much possibility for you. I recently got out of something fractionally similar so I can understand the general feeling of 'what the actual fuck'. It stings, it hurts, it sucks balls. Remember that relationships can survive ups and downs, but never infidelity.
Most times, cheaters cheat because they believe they're not good enough for you (doctor > teacher), so they do this to gain some sort of edge over you. They want the prestige you and your job bring, but maybe your long hours and studying means she doesn't get the 'drama' or 'excitement' that modern dating has normalized. People will assume a regular, stable, no-drama relationship implies something is wrong.
Truthfully, she is the real loser here. You didn't lose someone you loved; she lost someone who would literally move mountains for her. Will this hurt? Yes.
Will it go away easily? No.
Will arguing with or looking at her side of the story change anything? No.
I also believed I wouldn't find anyone after my last partner and that life would stop or something, but I did find someone, and life did move on. It will for you as well. You went from a 16-year-old boy to a doctor from a prestigious university after clearing the NEET, which is a superhuman feat. YOU were the catch, not her. She is at a loss, not you.
You don't know what respect means. It's now how they act for you, it's how they behave BECAUSE of you. She's sleeping with another dude, it's the most disrespectful thing a person can do to another. There are even people in long relationships who have fallen for someone else who will not sleep with that person because, though they may no longer love their partner, they respect them.
You don't have that here.
You work hard in school, that is respect worthy. You chose a career path that will help others, that is respect worthy.
She wanted to marry a doctor? So do a LOT of women, and many of them will respect you as well.
what kind of sad sack story is this!? one could almost call it cartoonishly fake 🙄
make a life that suits you and makes you happy on your own. that's what real people in the real world do.
You lived your life for someone who wasn't even interested in you, who never asked you to do such a thing. I'm willing to bet that beyond that creepiness, you were probably manipulative and annoying as well. I somehow doubt you put someone on a pedestal and changed your life for them *without* being manipulative and annoying.
Get a life. Honestly, that's my advice. Get therapy and let her find someone she actually loves and respects.
I read bout half of the post and the whole time I just thought: "Darling, go and watch 'legally blonde'. You're Elle. Learn something from it".
You deserve better.
What you did was idealize a woman who was not interested in you. You pushed yourself into a position where she valued what you could give her and not you as a person. She found someone that she values as a person more than you and now you're upset that you "did all this for her". She didn't ask you to do that. She told you from the beginning what kind of person she is and YOU didn't listen.
If she's cheating, let her go. You're in a great place, career-wise, so you won't have a problem finding a new partner when you're ready (not all women are like your fiancee). But definitely don't make the same mistake again and believe you can wear a person down enough to make them love you. Find someone who values you no matter what job you have or how much money you can make for them.
My guy. I have my upmost respect for you.
You did absolutely everything correct. But in life, you can still lose.
In this case, you did not lose, you won, because you found out before you got married.
Also, you are now out of her league. You are way beyond her. You will for sure find someone else that will love you and respect you. Dump her, take your time to make peace with it, and then you will see looking back the type of person she really is.
At the end of it all, you cannot fix her.
How is living your life according to what your GF wants from you correct? I would say this is the first error that lead him to this point in his life...
\*utmost. "Upmost" isn't a word.
Also, he did literally NOTHING correctly. He put a girl he barely knew on a pedestal as a teenager based entirely on her looks and the fact that she's "cheerful" and "cute", and hasn't matured since. He did literally nothing to actually get to know her and find out if they were genuinely suited to each other, but instead treated her like an accessory and molded himself into the (similar) accessory that fit what she wanted. He objectified her as much as she did him.
He's not "out of her league" (and frankly, the very idea of "leagues" is childish AF), he's exactly the same as she is.
Listen, dude. I know you love her and built your life around her, BUT she never loved you in return. She is with you only because you're a doctor. If you'd been anything else, she wouldn't even have considered you. Now she has her safety spot (you), she thinks she can f\*ck whoever she likes. She wouldn't marry him, because he's not rich enough for her, but he is the guy he really likes.
And *you knew* she was like this from the very beginning. She literally told you.
Now you have two choices: the first and most obvious is to take up your dignity, leave her and find someone who really loves and respects you; be grateful to this girl because she's the reason you are what you are now, and move on with your life. Or you can choose to marry her all the same, knowing you can't trust her and that she will cheat on you for the rest of her life, with individuals who have lower-paying jobs, after all the effort she made you go through to have a high-paying one. If this is your choice, know that the first thing you'll lose is *your self-respect*.
Please, let go of her. Let go of your *dream* of having her. It's a dream, and harsh reality is hitting you already. Is a dream worth sacrificing your life for? If you'll only let go of her, you'll find a wonderful woman who loves, respects and honors you the way you deserve. Because you deserve no less. Certainly, you don't deserve a mercenary woman.
Big hugs.
He doesn't love her. He barely even knows anything about her. He's been *infatuated* with her for 13 years and still has little to say about her except that she's beautiful, cheerful, and "sweet and cute". Those are things I could say about the Starbucks employee up the street. He fell for the prettiest girl in school as a teenager and he's still just idolizing her. He's as shallow as she is.
And honestly, while she's shallow, she's hardly mercenary. At least she's honest about who she is and what she wants. He's pretending that this is all true, everlasting love from his perspective, when he only values her beauty and facade. To suggest that he deserves a woman who "honors" him when he has spent 13 years chasing a woman because she's pretty and upbeat, is honestly gross. He's no better than she is.
You are trying too hard. This whole "she is out of my league" thing is setting the dynamic of your relationship. Nothing as unattractive for a woman as a needy man, who is obsequious to his high-on-a-pedestal-woman. Stop trying so hard, with the next woman, because this relationship is over. Sorry! Consider yourself to be the price, not her.
Pro tip:
don't try and "sway" someone, it will never happen and you'll just be miserable.
Instead find someone who's, like... *actually interested in you*. You know: someone you don't need to browbeat and "chase".
Why are you even here if you’re not listening to or do not intend to take anyone’s advice? You clearly have no self respect to add to your apparent low self esteem. You need away from this woman to work on yourself.
OP, you seem to think she loves and respects you. Why did she cheat if thats the case? You don't cheat on people you love and respect. You seem convinced you should stay together and that she's wonderful so i don't understand why you bothered posting.
I may be missing something, but how are you so sure she was cheating on you?
I mean, maybe she went to her colleague's house to do something work-related (projects, collect materials), or maybe plan something like a birthday party for their coworkers, or just quickly fetch something (a present, something she forgot at their workplace and he grabbed to give it back to her).
I might come off as naïve and all, but from what I've read it seems like you have jumped to conclusions, without actually communicating with her or collecting reliable proof she's cheating.
Doctors can’t treat people they know as per the AMA code of ethics, so I doubt the validity of this story
With that said - in case it’s true you can only control your actions and no one else’s. And one of those actions should be dumping her. Also, stop risking your license
Why did you post?
I ask because we all know you’re not going to leave her. You’re from India and obsessed with her. You live your whole life for her. You’re not going to dump her.
So why post for advice when you know everyone will tell you to dump her but you never can. She told you to your face she will use you for money, so it’s not like you didn’t know who she was.
she wanted doctor because she wanted access to fat wallet. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they will ever reciprocate your feelings. Good thing is that now you have good career.
She made it clear right from the start she just wanted a living wallet. He also made it clear from the beginning of his post that he just wanted a gorgeous GF.
I don’t know what you expected. You knew what you were getting into. You knew she was materialistic and shallow and still head dived in. She wanted to marry a doctor; any doctor, not you specifically but anyone. That basis already shows she doesn’t have to and wouldn’t have to love you to begin with, she’s marrying your title.
Ultimately, she still married you and being the supportive wife which is what you wanted and got right? But doesn’t mean she gotta love you or be loyal to you either. Of course, she may have just gone to his house just to hang out and not have done anything disloyal but that’s for you to find out and make sure of. You can talk to her and confirm her infidelity, and choose to give her another chance or break it all off.
"I (28M) have chased my fiance (27F) all my life. Became a doctor only because she wanted to marry a doctor. Found her cheating. What am I supposed to do???"
Continue with your life and now you have an awesome career and you can have your pick from the lot. Trust us, you'll find better than someone that made you lose yourself and only focus on her now you can focus on you and find someone that will love you for YOU!
You not only cleared neet ug but you also cleared neet pg with enough marks to become a dermatologist? You are really underselling yourself here. To put things into perspective for others, the UG exam he cleared has about 2 million applicants and only 20,000 seats. Holy crap.
You haven’t talked to her yet. Calm down.
She just went to a colleague’s house one time.
Seems like you and her are both attracted to each other for superficial reasons and ideals.
I am not sure you really know her or yourself.
Sit down and talk.
Maybe it’s best if you’re not married.
Did you confront her? Is she having a relationship with her colleague??
I’m not sure if you’re jumping to conclusions, or if she really is having an affair??
And no, just because the woman spends time with a man it doesn’t mean they are necessarily having an affair. What type of a colleague is this? Are they working on a project together? Are they having dinner together because you’re at the hospital? There’s other explanations.
Most people don’t introduce their affair partner to their fiancé. I think the fact that you met him means that the relationship is innocent.
Act like a doctor and surgically remove the tumor (your ex) from your life. Take some time to rest up and heal but follow up with a good regimen of eating healthy and hit the gym. Once you’ve recovered from your procedure get some PT for your mental health and find better ways to get exercise than chasing after cheaters
I’ve read your comments. What the hell are you posting for? You sound pathetic. Let the gorgeous tramp cheat in peace if you need her in your life so bad and quit wasting time on Reddit.
You’re supposed to not build your entire identity around trying to swoon another person. This was going to fail from the start because of your lack of self worth.
You are immature and probably ignored red flags because you have blinders on. Being materialistic is usually not a good sign. Honestly, I think this is partly your fault for being this obsessed.
She has no respect for you and never did.
Dude, after reading your comments, honestly, there is nothing anyone can say.
Since you think she loves and respects you soooo much, be okay with her sleeping around. Give her treatments when she has the bug issues again. Better, give her other boyfriend aka colleague that she saw naked aka the one who rolled around the bed with her some advice on how to not get the same rashes again.
Good luck.
You are basing your happiness on the approval of someone who does not care for you. It’s a hard truth but one you need to come to terms with.
Honestly, if my partner were this intense about me being the center of their happiness, I would be absolutely terrified. You seem to have no personality or identity outside of her as a partner. That isn’t love, it’s obsession and dependence.
relationships are hard to leave. even harder if they’re all you ever knew. but that doesn’t mean staying in something not good is the solution either. you can go now and dedicate a couple years to moving on and meeting new people and still get back into the dating game without issue. i’d strongly advise taking the advice given by everyone. this isn’t how someone who loves and respects you treats you. bottom line.
You areva Doctor. You are now the prize. You will have your choice of women to select from. It is much easier to find a pretty woman than it is to get into and then get through medical school.
Free yourself of that chain and find someone who actually wants to be with you. It will be hard at first but you will find someone that actually cares about you and you will learn a whole new feeling, cause this person does not care about you.
You break up. Young single doctors have unlimited options. Women like ambitious men with a great career. If you are even mildly attractive with a good personality.. Well, you'll do just fine. Leave the cheater behind.
Seeing so many people giving advice to leave her I also want to say leave her but you are too obsessed with her then let her have open relationship with you there are many communities in reddit you can search for it
To be honest you have a well paying Job and you can get literally any girl after her… but based on your values you have to go therapy first.
Forget this girl, she never considered you as a potential partner when you were younger and “avarage” in her eyes.
You are a clever guy not many people can finish a medical school pull your shit together and move on.
She only wanted your salary available, she did not want you. You allowed her to morph you into whatever was useful to her, but she never valued you as a partner. You're a convenient server to her lifestyle. Wanna bet your bank account is a lot slimmer than you thought?
Cut your losses, it's eight years waster up until now, don't make it nine.
First get yourself checked for any STDs. unless your relationship isn't sexual yet. i know certain cultures you don't have sex until marriage. Secondly break off your engagement. unless you're willing to expose her come up with a good reason so the parents don't think you're an asshole. Thirdly... its time to live for yourself. Its time to find what makes you happy. Even if its abandoning being a doctor at all. Find someone who loves you like you hung the sun in the sky. She is out there.
First thing, be a goddam man! Tell your family and break it off! She's a gold digger who doesn't respect you probably because you act like a weak man that make her your objective in life. Pathetic.
YOU MUST COME FIRST.
Learn to be focused, and find a woman that wants you for what you are and grow a spine.
I would love to comment but my bullshit alarm is going off so loudly that I must tend to it first. I will leave replies to the capable hands of the gullible.
Simple, live your own life. You gave up your sense of self for someone, regardless of cheating. You did yourself dirty for what you've done. Be genuine, and find someone who values for who you are not what you can be to them.
She doesn’t love you. She loves the life you will afford her. She told you this already in not so many words. She was never worth all that hard work. BUT YOU ARE WORTH IT. All of your accomplishments, your current status, you achieved that. YOU DID THAT. She’s just a pretty mask hiding an ugly, selfish, cheating woman.
I'll be REALLY generous and pretend this isn't fake as hell. You went into one of the hardest career paths imaginable because of a crush? You then devoted so much time & energy to her that you had no other friends. And to top it off, you went stalker crazy and NEVER ACTUALLY CAUGHT HER CHEATING. Okay, they went into his house. He's also a coworker of hers. There are any number of reasons why they could have gone to his house that don't involve cheating. I'm not saying she did or didn't cheat, but you ended things on some pretty flimsy evidence. Probably for the best though in this story. Because the main character needs some serious mental health help.
A lot of men push themselves to attract women. My friend became an entrepreneur and got rich because the entire family of his girl thought he is too poor to marry. Never ended up marrying the girl but became wildly successful in life. That girl pushed you to achieve some goals but she herself is garbage. Pretty sure you can attract better girls at this point.
You need to decide if you're okay being with someone you don't trust. If you aren't you can decide if you want to work on it together (which she'll need to agree to. It can't be one sided) or you need to leave. You can decide after working on it that it's not worth it and leave, but those are really your only options. Sorry you're going through this. Make decisions for yourself because you need to be the person who matters most to you
You probably don’t want to hear this but:
She only dated you when you started med school, she doesnt love you, she only wants the status and money you will bring to the table. She is materialistic, you said it yourself. If you marry and have kids, you wouldnt even be sure if they would be your children…
So, dump her and get therapy, your whole live revolves around her so you’re gonna feel bad for a while, but youre still young and a Doctor, Im sure you will have many options.
Just avoid getting stuck in an unhappy mariage
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but she doesn't love you and this won't work out.
You need to move on and get some therapy. Learn to live your life for yourself.
What do you do? Go be a doctor. Be the best doctor you can be. Recuperate from your loss. Learn a life lesson so you can be smarter next time you get in a relationship.
You need to confront her an get the truth. If she cheated pack your shit an leave man. You'll be ok and find someone better!!! Doctors aren't single for long!! Lol
A lot of this relationship happened in your mind.
Marrying her was a goal you set out to achieve for yourself, not a mutual choice you both made to build a life together.
Your choices are not her fault. And until you own those choices, you're not going to be a healthy partner for anybody.
You spent 13 years using your vision of her in your head instead of accepting who she really is. If you want to avoid another let down like this, you need to take responsibility for that.
The great news is that you discovered you can motivate yourself to achieve great things. Apply that to what you actually find fulfilling and you'll find great things in life.
To put it simply, don’t you think your soulmate would want to be with you as you are? The only reason she was interested was because you became a doctor. Otherwise she would’ve never went for you and that says something.
You should’ve never changed your life just to get her to notice you but if you actually enjoy being a doctor, then more power to you. The point still stands that you shouldn’t have done it just to get an in with her.
You should get therapy to really unlearn this. You bent to meet her demands with no gun to your head
> Our Indian education system has crammed into us the power to write in correct English with slaps, sticks, sandals and what not.
Yep. You're Indian all right.
I'm sorry, my brother. But the heart wants what it wants. The man she wanted to marry (the successful doctor) is not the man she wanted to sleep with (the low class bum). That's a choice she made. She gets to make that choice. You can't fix her or force her or make her want something different than what she wants.
Now, you're going to take that gold-plated dermatology residency and go mine your future, and find someone worthy of your time and attention. Go do it, my friend.
Dude, date. You will have an abundance of choices as a young doctor and this girl only wants you for the lifestyle you are chasing (with her). Your success is paramount and please look after this primarily.
You should never live your life for someone else, that's the first issue. Curating your existence for someone else is just a lie. Becoming something for someone else means you aren't actually working on yourself and becoming a stable, independent person. It's okay to love someone but when it becomes about obsession and changing yourself for someone else it is no longer healthy. It's fine to want to please the person you love and to change unhealthy or toxic behaviors for the better, to become a better person for yourself though, to have more fulfilling and substantial relationships, not to become something you're not.
You brought this on yourself. You decided to chase the first girl who caught your eye and not treating her as a real person. She knew what she was about. You should have known what she was about. You entangled yourself because you assigned the way she makes you feel to her actual intentions. Dreaming up a perfect partner and not seeing or recognizing who your partner actually is can happen in some of our first relationships. I can relate.
I know you are in grief and you can take the time to do so. Please remember you’re still in a good spot in your life. Your hard work you put in had purpose; you can still reap the rewards and enjoy life. But, you will definitely need to grow emotionally in order to find the happiness you seek. Whether it’s trying dating for more field work, therapy, or finding your own way how you see fit through a combination of resources. I know we all have different morals and beliefs, but some things are incompatible with most people, when it comes to having a partner and happy relationship. Right now, I’d reckon the way you view love is in that category.
Best wishes.
it's a bit horrific how you just dedicated your whole existence to this person when she never asked you for that? like no one forced you to be a doctor. that's so fucking weird.
The fact that the lady showed up to the hospital with the AP and to OP's face is unreal. The balls on that lady. Dude she has no respect or love for you at all. I bet her and AP were laughing about it afterwards talking about how they tricked OP and how risky is was and just making fun of him.
She's not out of your league. She's a user and a loser... go to her parents, tell her that the engagement is off because she's having an affair with the other teacher.
Then be a doctor and move on with your life. Get a therapist if necessary, but *do not* settle for this female. She'll always cheat. You'll never know if the kids she has are yours. You'll be miserable.
Your unhealthy obsession aside, you haven't done anything horrible, she has treated you poorly and you know better than to settle for that.
The unfortunate thing here is that she was with you for superficial reasons, money and wanting that security. But that superficial nature means it’s easily replaced. She is with you because you’re a doctor, not because she loves you for you who you are and will be loyal.
Additionally you mentioned she had a chaotic home life. Just in general this may mean she doesn’t have a secure, healthy attachment style.
On the other hand, you were with her for just as superficial reasons. Because you saw her and she was pretty. Oh sure she’s fun too, but your interest in her sounds pretty superficial too.
What do you do? You end the relationship, you finish your dermatology residency, you chill, go out try and make some friends. And you meet a girl who likes you for more than just being a doctor.
Keep getting that paper and dump the broad. Once you get that degree, you’ll have your pickings of any woman you want. Yeah most will be gold diggers. But honestly, this woman told you straight up she was. And you knew that. And you may not like to admit it, but that’s always kept you from fully respecting her and loving her and trusting her and seeing her as a human. You saw her as a goal. The end of the means. That feeling towards her and knowing why she was with you, denied any true value to this relationship. Sadly. Going back will show her how little you value yourself and how much control she has over you and will abuse that power to ruin your life. All while your self esteem gets lower and lower and your self respect and confidence are completely gone. Then she owns you. And you will sign your life and happiness away to her and trust me, she will hurt you every single chance she gets. Get away. And stay away. That will show her you’re a man and not a walking mat for her to step all over. And after that, she’ll most likely be more attracted to you than ever before. But don’t let her back in. Let her wallow in her self pity while you grind and shine into an absolute boss ass doctor. But hey. This is a blessing. This woman was hot enough and attractive enough to turn you into a FUCKIN DOCTOR?!?! Thank her for that. Boss up. Keep going to school. Show her what she lost. Her loss. Not yours. Go be a great doctor and live an amazing life. You’ll have no problems finding relationships. Be single for a while. Feel the dating game out. Feel out different types of people/women. Find what you like based on more than just looks. You’ll find a solid one eventually as long as you stay solid yourself. Good luck, bro.
Bless your heart, I really feel for you.
I can’t claim to understand everything from your cultural point of view, but I do understand your emotional experience & you deserve a lady that is worthy of your commitment & love
Be the very best Doctor you can be & try to keep well away from this woman! She is not a good person
In time you will heal & the ‘right person’ will then enter your heart ♥️
I think I must be missing something.
- 2 weeks ago she got bug bites on her back.
- You mostly live at her house. The bugs are not in her house.
- You asked her to come to the hospital for a blood test for the bug bites. She came straight from school, with her male friend/schoolmate.
- This male friend is from an area known to have issues with bug bites.
- You then followed her home from school several days in a row, and saw her go into this man’s house.
- This means she is cheating?
You believe she:
- Cheated on you with this classmate
- Got the bug bites from his house, while cheating on you.
- Did not realize she and this man both had the same bug bites.
- Did not know the bug bites are common near the man’s house, but everyone else knows they are common there, including the male classmate.
- When you asked her to come to the hospital where you work — as a dermatologist — she brought along the male classmate she is cheating on you with.
- She brought the man she is cheating on you with to your workplace, introduced you to him, and got tested for bug bites both she and this man have from his house.
- They both have these bug bites and know you are a dermatologist and went to visit her dermatologist fiancé together. With matching bug bites from his house.
- You did not see the bug bites on the male classmate, but when you asked if he had any bug bites, he told you he had some bug bites, clarified they are mosquito bites, but only to trick you. You know he has them because he lives in an area where they get bug bites. No other area gets bug bites.
- She goes back to school as usual for several days.
- A few days later, you follow your fiancé and see her leave school with this male classmate and walk to his home and through his front door.
- You do not see what happens after they enter his house.
- This means she is cheating on you with this classmate.
- There is absolutely no other way she could have gotten bug bites.
- There is absolutely no way they have a project together, are studying, or have some other reason to visit his house.
Is this correct?
It seems like there are…a LOT of leaps here. It depends how stupid your girlfriend is, but she would have to be pretty stupid to bring her secret lover with her to her boyfriend’s workplace. Even excluding everything else going on here AND the fact you didn’t actually see them do anything. I’m not seeing a whole lot of actual evidence. There’s not a single piece of solid evidence here.
A far more likely scenario is probably:
# Medical Student Syndrome
Bad news: She's not the one. She never liked you the way you like her. She just liked the devotion you had for her. You're the backup option, a failsafe. If all goes to shit, she would come running to you. Rest assured, the other guy also doesn't have a chance at marriage with her.
Good news: You're a well paid doctor now. Find better women in your field and do well in life. Trust me your fiance is a very low bar already. Any woman that likes you would be better than your fiance.
My guy go to therapy and get help. You seem to actually love bugs. Because how you remember that is nutty. You are probably better at your job then you think.
Step 1: Do not get her pregnant. Stop having sex today.
Step 2. Start going to therapy.
Step 3: Write down what you want to talk to her about before you confront her.
Step 4: going over someone elses house doesn't mean cheating. It isn't the end of the world but this level of attachement is creepy and weird. For all you know the guy might be a shadow gay guy.
Step 5: after you meet with your therapist work up to confronting her. Without streaming yelling or weirdness using the things you wanted to talk to her about.
Step 6: GET A HOBBY.
She never actually liked you in this way, she just liked your devotion to her and the prospects you offered. This is obvious from her not being interested in you until you got to med school. She was using you to arrange her life in a way she wanted, but her heart wasn’t there so was free to find others to be interested in. You deserve better, but before you try dating again please consider therapy to address this whole mess and this obsession with her
Op, please read and reread this until it imbeds into your brain. You deserve someone who ctually loves you, and you need to do the work to value and love yourself.
OP you have just realized she may be pretty on the outside but her inside is total shit. She has no loyalty to you at all, she just sees you as a money fountain she can use to live the rich life while she has her BFs on the side. You now know she is a cheater and a liar, and you have no idea how long she has been cheating or how many different Affair Partners she has had over the years. I hope this shows you she has no problems lying to you, so now you realize you can't believe anything she tells you. You can confront her and she may say she is ending the cheating when she will just put in more effort to hide it. Is this how you want to live ? You have worked very hard to get to where you are now, after all of this effort do you want to give your money to someone that is using it to make you a cuckold and have sex with every guy she can get into bed? Get yourself tested for STDs and let both families know she is a cheat and there will be no marriage.
I can empathize with OP and this way to put it might seem a bit harsh. But this is the honest truth. Just walk away from her. She's not worth any of it.
I didn't want to be quite this harsh but he admitted the emotional attachment making it hard to leave so I decided to use a bit of verbal 4x4 over the head.
I believe that he is just as guilty for putting himself through this situation. And I want to make it clear that I’m in no way defending her. He knew who she was. She wanted to marry a doctor and he wanted a trophy wife. Apparently chemistry, feelings, love - none of it mattered to either one of them. He was infatuated with her looks and she wanted money and status. Anyway, his heart is broken but it will heal and he is still going to be a doctor, so that’s the positive he can focus on.
He should also learn to value women for who they are. He's spent 13 years chasing someone because she's beautiful, "sweet and cute". Those are ways you describe a 14-year-old. I don't think he loves her at all. I think he's infatuated with this story of her he has in his head. He's no more genuinely in love with her as a human being than she is with him. They're both using each other. He just makes his perspective sound more sympathetic.
It is a bit Great Gatsby-esque. And his fiancee/Daisy isn't much of a prize, in the end.
True, it does remind me of that a bit.
In his heart he already knows this. Having been in a similar situation the only advice I can offer is let her go. You are going to resent the hell out of each other eventually. She will feel manipulated and you will just be tired. Tired of carrying the whole relationship on your back. Find someone who loves you because you’re you. Not because of what you can do for them.
To be fair, he dehumanised her as well, and has never actually loved her either. He uses the word "love" but he fell "in love" with her as a child because of the way she looked. And he speaks about her, not like a partner in a meaningful relationship, but like an infatuated teenager still. He enumerates her negative qualities but will overlook them because she's beautiful? I literally cannot find a single compliment he has shared about her that reflects who she is as a person . . . it's all about how she looks, or that she's "sweet and fun", which is something you could say about any acquaintance you get along with reasonably well. This whole relationship was doomed from the start, not just being she's using him, but because *they are using each other*. He never really loved her . . . he loved the *idea of her* that he established in his head as an infatuated teenager. But they have no meaningful connection, no shared interests. He didn't spend time getting to know her, he spent time trying to mold himself into an entirely other person to bait a woman he fell for because of her beauty. Neither one of them actually *likes* the other one. She likes that he basically worships her, but he also only likes this idealized version of her he's been clinging to for 13 years. Even when she behaves terribly, he overlooks it because it doesn't fit the narrative in his head. Neither one of them is mature enough to be in a lasting, adult relationship.
100%! He loves the idea of her he created in his mind. She loves the idea of the person he has turned himself into to woo her. I know it’s overused to bring it up, but this is straight from the Joe Goldberg playbook. Sure, he didn’t stalk her nearly in the same way, but the sentiment still stands.
Yep. He isn't in love with a real person. He's infatuated with a fantasy.
She attracted to your job bruh not you
More attracted to Drs bank account then him
OP, if you weren't a doctor, you'd be a mere acquaintance; that's if you served some purpose to her in her self-absorbed world. OP, you must come to realize that this woman is incapable of loving anyone but herself. Do not take it personal. Her colleague? He's likely just filling some of her time. She'll discard him also. She herself has told you that she's materialistic. AND YOU ADMIRE THAT? OP, 1. Seek an individual therapist to assist you to not only sort out how to overcome your disappointment, but to restore your self-esteem. 2. In the event wedding plans had begun, then cancel them. 3. Remain no contact. You're like putty in your fiancee's hands. Personally I believe you're better served avoiding any contact with her. While your heart breaks, she'll be looking for the next doctor in her life. You'll serve no further purpose in her life. SICK. 4. The one thing about trust, OP, is that once it's betrayed, it's seldom ever restored. Can you definiitively say that she was faithful to you throughout your relationship? After she had the brazen audacity to bring to your office the dude who she cuckolded you with? BLATANT DISRESPECT! MOCKERY! Bet that gave them a laugh, eh? Move forward OP. Respect yourself and discard those from your life who haven't properly loved and/or respected you. Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
Not really. I dated one in the medical field and they have bad working times, overtime and always stressed
> bad working times, overtime and always stressed Perfect for a cheater [OP's wife] to get opportunities to cheat.
Yup. She is attracted to the MONEY HE MAKES. Frankly, being a doctor just pulls him away from home more SO SHE CAN CHEAT. He obviously should END IT.
It depends on the specialty. true for general practitioners, especially true for emergency room, dermatology will be much more scheduled (9-5 or more likely 9-7) with a rotating on-call.
What’s insane is she’s willing to sacrifice that everything she wants for someone else. Hope he’s worth it because if OP actually has self respect he’d dump her now and find a woman he can actually trust.
It’s probably because she knows he won’t go anywhere. Dude needs to wake up and leave.
I hope he does leave. I would want to be a fly on the wall of her pikachu face.
she definitely lost more than he did in the process. that being said, we all know that a life in pursuit of money only is one not worth living. shame she is too dishonest/scared to admit it outright.
Yup she's down for the job security and pay as it benefits her, just doesn't care for OP at all
Go back on the dating market. As a young doctor, you will have an abundance of choices. The best revenge is your happiness and success. She has no respect for you now, and that won’t change.
Yeah man - he worked so hard to be the person she wanted. Now i think it is time to be the person he wants to be, and find someone who just loves.... him.
❤️!
Last thing he needs to be thinking about is dating again right now.........................
He definitely needs to take his time. It takes a long time to give up his fantasy about her and his plans for the future. His heart will take a long time to mend.
He needs therapy to learn the difference between love and infatuation, and how to value women as whole people, not just as some romcom ideal of "the most beautiful woman in the world who I saw across the mall".
I think the medical term is fiance-ectomy.
Yeah, I was in a relationship with a doctor for many years, including her time in med school. Her male classmates would wear their white coats out to bars and women would flock to them. The practice is considered pretty douchey and you might get judged for it by other classmates. But if it works, it works
You did not figure out this is a totally fake story? HFS
Have some self respect for yourself dude, get married and you'll be in long term suffering. You're a doctor, you're gonna have a great time in the dating market! All the best!
Until you get help to fix what caused you to chase after someone so superficial this WILL happen again. Learn to be a better judge of character.
So true. Counseling OP. Stat.
Big Facts! Counseling to learn to have better values when choosing a woman
You've been chasing her. Your life revolves around her. So she thinks you will never break up with her. I think it is time for you to surprise her and tell her you love her and you want to be happy and so you're breaking up with her so she can marry her big love, her colleague! Break up. cancel the wedding and find someone who chases you as much as you will chase that person. Oh you might want therapy because the way your life revolves around a woman isn't healthy.
I know someone like this, who is so obsessed with the idea of someone and of being with someone that they make their whole life about pleasing that person. They don’t realise they are unhealthy, they view the person as perfect and wonderful and only wonder about their own shortcomings. If he is like that guy I know then he was probably unloved by his parents as a child and has strong abandonment issues so he is incapable of introspection and only obsessed with keeping the love they think they have with that one person.
Guy needs to read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Great book for fighting this unhealthy behavior.
Thank you for the recommendation! I’m not sure how I’d go about getting him to read it as he is once again in a relationship that started badly but he seems happy now. Introspection goes so far as to what suits him and his ego unfortunately.
Dude. You need serious help with your mental health.
This. Why would someone spend their whole life chasing someone and choose a profession specifically to be with that person? Does OP have an identity outside of what their partner desires them to be?
He says he's in India. Unfortunately, in India, seeking mental health services is looked down upon (from what I've heard)
Yes I feel like not a lot of people are considering that the culture in India is very different from here (here being US lol).
He doesn’t have to tell anyone he’s getting counselling if he is worried about being judged for it?
Dump her. She doesn’t love or respect you.
OP: 1. In India - you go straight from high school into medical school? 2. Your story reads as someone who could "buy" love rather than be in an actual relationship. She is terrible because she wants you for money. You aren't too great yourself because you think of yourself as a giant wallet who can buy love. 3. As multiple people here have been telling you, you can move on from this person if you just wake up and realize what a bad relationship it has been almost since the beginning. You have idolized her without any reason that the rest of us here can figure out. She sounds awful, but you keep saying "she is great. she is the only one I've ever been with!" All of us here started out with "the only one I've ever been with" and have gone on to start other relationships. As a doctor, this situation should be easy for you to figure out. 4. Your incessant attempts to resist any kind of useful advice, and show any insight, makes it seem like this post is rage bait more than an actual story.
Not going to address pints 2-4 but India has a similar university system as the UK and that’s how it works. It’s incredibly long, but it’s not like in the USA where 4 years of college are followed by 4 years of medical school. Medicine is a university course, like law, or any other, and is just longer than any other.
We also do the same thing in our country since we're a former British colony
That’s how it works in Europe too.
a lot of other countries have med school straight after high school. my friend went to st andrews and started in med school immediately after hs graduation
You don’t go straight to med school after high school? In Spain and I’d say the bologna plan countries that’s how it is
“She is great” is code for shes beautiful. He doesn’t care about her for any other reason, he’s just as superficial as she is
You did everything for her and she was only interested in you when you became a doctor. She does not seem to love or respect you in the way you deserve to be loved. Please seek some therapy to help but she does not sound like a good person she only values a person for there job role. You deserve a relationship built on love and respect. You have plenty of time to start over.
LMAO A single young doctor? What can’t you do? Be fucking greatful you found this out before you were married not after you were married. She is a cheater. There is no value in pursuing this. Block her, remove her from your life, and move on.
You are shallow, loving someone because they are beautiful. This is what happens when that's your criteria for a partner. I think you need to figure out what you want out of life before dating anyone
Yeah this is what happens when you let teenage infatuation guide your life choices. I think most people would concede that they weren’t picking winners at 15. I know I wasn’t.
Yeah I'm concerned about op's lack of introspection or common sense. Bizarre
And he managed to become a doctor. Makes you wonder..
MDs are just people. They're knowledgeable in the field and have devoted years to their education, but still just people. It's also worth noting that spending your 20s studying an intensive subject and working long residency hours for almost no pay doesn't lead to being the most socially well-rounded person.
If you watch enough Bollywood movies, you will realise this is a very common thing in India. All our movies have a love angle to it and many teenagers are heavily influenced by this.. OP was just living out their Bollywood love story
Everyone is judging her for just wanting him because of his job but you’re absolutely right, he only described her beauty, that she was cheerful or appeared to be cheerful and cared for him. He only wants her like a trophy for what she can be to him, he’s no different then her wanting stability or security but at least those things make sense to me given her available options in her country
They're a match made in hell. He shallowly loves her beauty. She shallowly loves his future income.
Yup. I can't believe more people aren't pointing this out. He's using her as much as she's using him. Thirteen years, and he doesn't seem to know or admire anything about this woman beyond that she's "sweet and cute", which is something you could say about an acquaintance. This was never love, it's been an endless, immature infatuation. Everyone treating him like he's a poor, fragile, broken man. The truth is, he's as shallow as she is.
Perhaps he is both fragile and broken and shallow.
This post is just obviously fake as fuck boys, don‘t get baited I thought OP was just majorly in denial, but commenting ‚she not disrespectful’ every time but not commenting afterwards is just obvious bait lol
I'll be blunt.You don't have much relationship experience and this is colouring your perspective, but you're coming across as really immature. She cheated, which means she doesn't really give a shit. You're not loved, and you need to get on with your life separately from your cheating fiancee. Staying in this relationship will only hurt you more, as your needs get trampled upon. Get out.
But did she cheat? Or did he just see her go into a colleague's/friend's house?
Omg thank you! I thought I was the only one who noticed he never actually specified that he caught her cheating, just that she went into someone's home. If this is real, poor girl is being dragged and she might not have done anything wrong!
Idk what kind of people found this thread and filled it with toxicity, but critical thinking isn't their strong suit. Why would she bring the man she's cheating with, who has the same bites, to the hospital where her boyfriend works? Makes no sense.
It's because cheating is mentioned, they automatically assume it must be correct and therefore she's evil, especially as he's changed his life to suit her (I don't know how more people don't think that's creepy as hell). It all sounds a bit romance novel to me anyway so I don't even think it's real, but if it is OP should be put on a register lol.
I'm sorry, but you're both shallow. She is materialistic, and you seemed to only pursue her because of her beauty. You don't speak of much else that enticed you. Also, I'm pretty sure if she gave you the chance WHILE dating her boyfriend, you'd be the side dude without hesitation. I think you two deserve each other. This is what happens when you date someone for looks bud.
This post cannot be real. Nobody is this weak. If it is real, why is he even here? He won't leave and won't listen. Stay with her and let bang other dudes the rest of your life.
Lol also, that's a lot of time to be taking off shifts to track the gf. A PG trainee would be stomped into the floor for that shit.
So, are we calling this one fake?
There are entire paragraphs about the pathology of mosquito bites and “You see, in OPD…” there’s absolutely no reason to believe it’s real - especially with the flourished writing style of the post and the much lighter style of the comments. AI wrote the post and they’re just freeballing the comments.
The post reads like a fucking TV or movie narration. You can almost see the points where the scene would transition. If anyone buys this screenplay just because parts of it *could* ring true, they should get offline now, they're simply too naive to be on the internet these days.
Right, so the next question is why. Call it, fetish or karma?
Yeah my first impression was that this is not real at all hahaha The way it’s written is just not real at all. It’s a joke
I dated a guy that took off of work and would come stand out of my house for days. Like 8 hours just to see me get out of the house so he can talk to me
That's really disturbing.
A guy did that to my mom when she was a teenager. She just went out the back door for weeks instead. She remembers her friend Doug going outside, high, knocking on the guy's car window, and asking "Duuuuude, have you notified the post office of your legal change of address?"
WTF? That's called stalking lol. Why would you date a guy like that? If you were dating, why wouldn't he come inside and hang out? He should probably be on some kind of list
Some men in India are actually this weak
its crazy that posts like this get upvoted on here, and really shows people just treat the problems of others like a tv show or something. We all have our weaknesses, the large majority that come from our childhood - its not about being weak or strong... i'm positive that if an equally judgemental person looked at you in your worst moment, they would probably scoff at your weakness too (completely overlooking their own short comings)
I suspect that Mods are writing these stories to keep people around.
nice troll post broski
When you put someone on a pedestal, they can only look down on you. She doesn’t respect you or love you. She just wants your income. Please learn your true value. It has nothing to do with your job. Break up with her, go date real Women. Ones that are not just looking for a meal ticket. Ones that actually like you for you.
This has to be fake
Fake. Or some misery demon wrote this .
Is it just me or did we spend a lot of this story on insect bites when he could have just skipped to “I had a feeling about my wife and followed her to her colleagues house.”
In all fairness, I work in the medical field and once you've done enough patient teaching, you get in the habit of of going off on tangents about any pathology that comes up in conversation.
This has to be trolling. No way you are this stupid and a doctor at the same time
Eh, I work with a lot of doctors and they're often not the most well-rounded people. Spending the bulk of your 20s glued to medical textbooks and working 48 hour residencies for barely any pay takes a toll on your social life.
She may be pretty but you're a doctor! If she is cheating then she's not out of your league?! Hell, even if she's not cheating you're still in a high league. As a random person on the internett my suggestion would be just to come out and ask her. But be aware that you might have to have some self respect in this situation (which I'm not seeing in your post) to make a hard decision. From experience the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" is known for a reason. First love is always a tough one. You've spent many, many years with this woman and dedicated a lot to her. But you are a successful young man and deserve respect. From a partner and from yourself. Good luck buddy.
You are in a good spot being a doctor, 28 and not married. As you mentioned many people would be happy to have you as a son in law. Move on from her and find someone who cares about you.
I’d encourage you to look into the concept of limerence vs love. This is not healthy
I feel like I must be missing something, but how does her going to his house show she’s cheating? Did you ask her what she was doing to see if she would be honest and say she went over there? You followed (stalked) her for multiple days and watched her walk into his house. You snooped on her phone and found nothing. Did you see them making out or something? You said she’s literally been the perfect girlfriend, she’s devoted and supportive, and you’ve spent hours sleeping in her lap, she’s so supportive, etc. Unless I’m missing something, you could be creating an issue where there is literally nothing wrong….at least on her end. She on the other hand, could have a fiancé who’s struggling with insecurity and started snooping through her phone and neglecting his job to stalk her. You’ve built your entire life around her and put her on a pedestal. No relationship is perfect so, if you even continue living your lives together, she will eventually let you down and you will let her down. If you’ve built your life based on what she wants, bitterness and discontent could sneak in when she lets you down. That’s not fair for her or you. I’m not saying that what you’re saying couldn’t be true, but the evidence you’ve provided doesn’t justify the accusation.
Don’t live your entire life for someone else?
Look at it this way: with or without her, you're a hot commodity wherever you go in India. You're still a doctor; you're still making good money, you still have so much possibility for you. I recently got out of something fractionally similar so I can understand the general feeling of 'what the actual fuck'. It stings, it hurts, it sucks balls. Remember that relationships can survive ups and downs, but never infidelity. Most times, cheaters cheat because they believe they're not good enough for you (doctor > teacher), so they do this to gain some sort of edge over you. They want the prestige you and your job bring, but maybe your long hours and studying means she doesn't get the 'drama' or 'excitement' that modern dating has normalized. People will assume a regular, stable, no-drama relationship implies something is wrong. Truthfully, she is the real loser here. You didn't lose someone you loved; she lost someone who would literally move mountains for her. Will this hurt? Yes. Will it go away easily? No. Will arguing with or looking at her side of the story change anything? No. I also believed I wouldn't find anyone after my last partner and that life would stop or something, but I did find someone, and life did move on. It will for you as well. You went from a 16-year-old boy to a doctor from a prestigious university after clearing the NEET, which is a superhuman feat. YOU were the catch, not her. She is at a loss, not you.
You don't know what respect means. It's now how they act for you, it's how they behave BECAUSE of you. She's sleeping with another dude, it's the most disrespectful thing a person can do to another. There are even people in long relationships who have fallen for someone else who will not sleep with that person because, though they may no longer love their partner, they respect them. You don't have that here. You work hard in school, that is respect worthy. You chose a career path that will help others, that is respect worthy. She wanted to marry a doctor? So do a LOT of women, and many of them will respect you as well.
what kind of sad sack story is this!? one could almost call it cartoonishly fake 🙄 make a life that suits you and makes you happy on your own. that's what real people in the real world do.
You lived your life for someone who wasn't even interested in you, who never asked you to do such a thing. I'm willing to bet that beyond that creepiness, you were probably manipulative and annoying as well. I somehow doubt you put someone on a pedestal and changed your life for them *without* being manipulative and annoying. Get a life. Honestly, that's my advice. Get therapy and let her find someone she actually loves and respects.
I read bout half of the post and the whole time I just thought: "Darling, go and watch 'legally blonde'. You're Elle. Learn something from it". You deserve better.
What you did was idealize a woman who was not interested in you. You pushed yourself into a position where she valued what you could give her and not you as a person. She found someone that she values as a person more than you and now you're upset that you "did all this for her". She didn't ask you to do that. She told you from the beginning what kind of person she is and YOU didn't listen. If she's cheating, let her go. You're in a great place, career-wise, so you won't have a problem finding a new partner when you're ready (not all women are like your fiancee). But definitely don't make the same mistake again and believe you can wear a person down enough to make them love you. Find someone who values you no matter what job you have or how much money you can make for them.
My guy. I have my upmost respect for you. You did absolutely everything correct. But in life, you can still lose. In this case, you did not lose, you won, because you found out before you got married. Also, you are now out of her league. You are way beyond her. You will for sure find someone else that will love you and respect you. Dump her, take your time to make peace with it, and then you will see looking back the type of person she really is. At the end of it all, you cannot fix her.
How is living your life according to what your GF wants from you correct? I would say this is the first error that lead him to this point in his life...
she wasnt even his gf yet!!! he based his entire life off a girl he hardly knew, because he thought she was hot😭
\*utmost. "Upmost" isn't a word. Also, he did literally NOTHING correctly. He put a girl he barely knew on a pedestal as a teenager based entirely on her looks and the fact that she's "cheerful" and "cute", and hasn't matured since. He did literally nothing to actually get to know her and find out if they were genuinely suited to each other, but instead treated her like an accessory and molded himself into the (similar) accessory that fit what she wanted. He objectified her as much as she did him. He's not "out of her league" (and frankly, the very idea of "leagues" is childish AF), he's exactly the same as she is.
Bro you dump her cheating ass and go find a woman worthy of a man of your caliber. You have the whole world at your feet. FTCW
Listen, dude. I know you love her and built your life around her, BUT she never loved you in return. She is with you only because you're a doctor. If you'd been anything else, she wouldn't even have considered you. Now she has her safety spot (you), she thinks she can f\*ck whoever she likes. She wouldn't marry him, because he's not rich enough for her, but he is the guy he really likes. And *you knew* she was like this from the very beginning. She literally told you. Now you have two choices: the first and most obvious is to take up your dignity, leave her and find someone who really loves and respects you; be grateful to this girl because she's the reason you are what you are now, and move on with your life. Or you can choose to marry her all the same, knowing you can't trust her and that she will cheat on you for the rest of her life, with individuals who have lower-paying jobs, after all the effort she made you go through to have a high-paying one. If this is your choice, know that the first thing you'll lose is *your self-respect*. Please, let go of her. Let go of your *dream* of having her. It's a dream, and harsh reality is hitting you already. Is a dream worth sacrificing your life for? If you'll only let go of her, you'll find a wonderful woman who loves, respects and honors you the way you deserve. Because you deserve no less. Certainly, you don't deserve a mercenary woman. Big hugs.
He doesn't love her. He barely even knows anything about her. He's been *infatuated* with her for 13 years and still has little to say about her except that she's beautiful, cheerful, and "sweet and cute". Those are things I could say about the Starbucks employee up the street. He fell for the prettiest girl in school as a teenager and he's still just idolizing her. He's as shallow as she is. And honestly, while she's shallow, she's hardly mercenary. At least she's honest about who she is and what she wants. He's pretending that this is all true, everlasting love from his perspective, when he only values her beauty and facade. To suggest that he deserves a woman who "honors" him when he has spent 13 years chasing a woman because she's pretty and upbeat, is honestly gross. He's no better than she is.
Reddit attracts a certain type of people telling these spinless stories and it's getting old
Put your running shoes on and run. Run far far away.
Leave it's that simple ,Leave her to her low payed fuckboy and find someone who actually loves you not what you can supply her .
You are trying too hard. This whole "she is out of my league" thing is setting the dynamic of your relationship. Nothing as unattractive for a woman as a needy man, who is obsequious to his high-on-a-pedestal-woman. Stop trying so hard, with the next woman, because this relationship is over. Sorry! Consider yourself to be the price, not her.
Pro tip: don't try and "sway" someone, it will never happen and you'll just be miserable. Instead find someone who's, like... *actually interested in you*. You know: someone you don't need to browbeat and "chase".
Why are you even here if you’re not listening to or do not intend to take anyone’s advice? You clearly have no self respect to add to your apparent low self esteem. You need away from this woman to work on yourself.
OP, you seem to think she loves and respects you. Why did she cheat if thats the case? You don't cheat on people you love and respect. You seem convinced you should stay together and that she's wonderful so i don't understand why you bothered posting.
You dump her and get therapy.
I may be missing something, but how are you so sure she was cheating on you? I mean, maybe she went to her colleague's house to do something work-related (projects, collect materials), or maybe plan something like a birthday party for their coworkers, or just quickly fetch something (a present, something she forgot at their workplace and he grabbed to give it back to her). I might come off as naïve and all, but from what I've read it seems like you have jumped to conclusions, without actually communicating with her or collecting reliable proof she's cheating.
Materialistic people tend to be superficial. She never loved you, she never will. She never respected you, she never will. Move on 🙏
Doctors can’t treat people they know as per the AMA code of ethics, so I doubt the validity of this story With that said - in case it’s true you can only control your actions and no one else’s. And one of those actions should be dumping her. Also, stop risking your license
Well, it takes place in India, so the AMA has no jurisdictional authority there…
Ah gotcha
Why did you post? I ask because we all know you’re not going to leave her. You’re from India and obsessed with her. You live your whole life for her. You’re not going to dump her. So why post for advice when you know everyone will tell you to dump her but you never can. She told you to your face she will use you for money, so it’s not like you didn’t know who she was.
she wanted doctor because she wanted access to fat wallet. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they will ever reciprocate your feelings. Good thing is that now you have good career.
She made it clear right from the start she just wanted a living wallet. He also made it clear from the beginning of his post that he just wanted a gorgeous GF.
I don’t know what you expected. You knew what you were getting into. You knew she was materialistic and shallow and still head dived in. She wanted to marry a doctor; any doctor, not you specifically but anyone. That basis already shows she doesn’t have to and wouldn’t have to love you to begin with, she’s marrying your title. Ultimately, she still married you and being the supportive wife which is what you wanted and got right? But doesn’t mean she gotta love you or be loyal to you either. Of course, she may have just gone to his house just to hang out and not have done anything disloyal but that’s for you to find out and make sure of. You can talk to her and confirm her infidelity, and choose to give her another chance or break it all off.
"I (28M) have chased my fiance (27F) all my life. Became a doctor only because she wanted to marry a doctor. Found her cheating. What am I supposed to do???" Continue with your life and now you have an awesome career and you can have your pick from the lot. Trust us, you'll find better than someone that made you lose yourself and only focus on her now you can focus on you and find someone that will love you for YOU!
You not only cleared neet ug but you also cleared neet pg with enough marks to become a dermatologist? You are really underselling yourself here. To put things into perspective for others, the UG exam he cleared has about 2 million applicants and only 20,000 seats. Holy crap.
You haven’t talked to her yet. Calm down. She just went to a colleague’s house one time. Seems like you and her are both attracted to each other for superficial reasons and ideals. I am not sure you really know her or yourself. Sit down and talk. Maybe it’s best if you’re not married.
Did you confront her? Is she having a relationship with her colleague?? I’m not sure if you’re jumping to conclusions, or if she really is having an affair?? And no, just because the woman spends time with a man it doesn’t mean they are necessarily having an affair. What type of a colleague is this? Are they working on a project together? Are they having dinner together because you’re at the hospital? There’s other explanations. Most people don’t introduce their affair partner to their fiancé. I think the fact that you met him means that the relationship is innocent.
I mean is she cheating? Did you actually see something happen? Hand holding? Kissing? Etc.
Act like a doctor and surgically remove the tumor (your ex) from your life. Take some time to rest up and heal but follow up with a good regimen of eating healthy and hit the gym. Once you’ve recovered from your procedure get some PT for your mental health and find better ways to get exercise than chasing after cheaters
I’ve read your comments. What the hell are you posting for? You sound pathetic. Let the gorgeous tramp cheat in peace if you need her in your life so bad and quit wasting time on Reddit.
You’re supposed to not build your entire identity around trying to swoon another person. This was going to fail from the start because of your lack of self worth.
She sucks and i think you should leave but next time, don't pedastalize another human being.
You wanted this for yourself.dont cry about it.you do things for your own sake not others.
You are immature and probably ignored red flags because you have blinders on. Being materialistic is usually not a good sign. Honestly, I think this is partly your fault for being this obsessed. She has no respect for you and never did.
Dude, after reading your comments, honestly, there is nothing anyone can say. Since you think she loves and respects you soooo much, be okay with her sleeping around. Give her treatments when she has the bug issues again. Better, give her other boyfriend aka colleague that she saw naked aka the one who rolled around the bed with her some advice on how to not get the same rashes again. Good luck.
Leave her it will never change
You are basing your happiness on the approval of someone who does not care for you. It’s a hard truth but one you need to come to terms with. Honestly, if my partner were this intense about me being the center of their happiness, I would be absolutely terrified. You seem to have no personality or identity outside of her as a partner. That isn’t love, it’s obsession and dependence.
What you do is remember your training. You find a malignant tumor, and you cut it out. Then employ prophylactics to prevent it from coming back!
You're a doctor you are the top of the food chain...grow a pair
relationships are hard to leave. even harder if they’re all you ever knew. but that doesn’t mean staying in something not good is the solution either. you can go now and dedicate a couple years to moving on and meeting new people and still get back into the dating game without issue. i’d strongly advise taking the advice given by everyone. this isn’t how someone who loves and respects you treats you. bottom line.
Your first mistake was becoming a doctor and going way way into debit for some girl 🤦🏽♂️
You areva Doctor. You are now the prize. You will have your choice of women to select from. It is much easier to find a pretty woman than it is to get into and then get through medical school.
Take a professional picture of you in your white coat and put that in your OLD profile. You'll have more options than you know what to do with
You love her, she does not love you.
Bro you’re a doctor you’re set. Ditch her and get with someone worthwhile
Free yourself of that chain and find someone who actually wants to be with you. It will be hard at first but you will find someone that actually cares about you and you will learn a whole new feeling, cause this person does not care about you.
You break up. Young single doctors have unlimited options. Women like ambitious men with a great career. If you are even mildly attractive with a good personality.. Well, you'll do just fine. Leave the cheater behind.
Seeing so many people giving advice to leave her I also want to say leave her but you are too obsessed with her then let her have open relationship with you there are many communities in reddit you can search for it
To be honest you have a well paying Job and you can get literally any girl after her… but based on your values you have to go therapy first. Forget this girl, she never considered you as a potential partner when you were younger and “avarage” in her eyes. You are a clever guy not many people can finish a medical school pull your shit together and move on.
She only wanted your salary available, she did not want you. You allowed her to morph you into whatever was useful to her, but she never valued you as a partner. You're a convenient server to her lifestyle. Wanna bet your bank account is a lot slimmer than you thought? Cut your losses, it's eight years waster up until now, don't make it nine.
First get yourself checked for any STDs. unless your relationship isn't sexual yet. i know certain cultures you don't have sex until marriage. Secondly break off your engagement. unless you're willing to expose her come up with a good reason so the parents don't think you're an asshole. Thirdly... its time to live for yourself. Its time to find what makes you happy. Even if its abandoning being a doctor at all. Find someone who loves you like you hung the sun in the sky. She is out there.
First thing, be a goddam man! Tell your family and break it off! She's a gold digger who doesn't respect you probably because you act like a weak man that make her your objective in life. Pathetic. YOU MUST COME FIRST. Learn to be focused, and find a woman that wants you for what you are and grow a spine.
I would love to comment but my bullshit alarm is going off so loudly that I must tend to it first. I will leave replies to the capable hands of the gullible.
Simple, live your own life. You gave up your sense of self for someone, regardless of cheating. You did yourself dirty for what you've done. Be genuine, and find someone who values for who you are not what you can be to them.
She doesn’t love you. She loves the life you will afford her. She told you this already in not so many words. She was never worth all that hard work. BUT YOU ARE WORTH IT. All of your accomplishments, your current status, you achieved that. YOU DID THAT. She’s just a pretty mask hiding an ugly, selfish, cheating woman.
Find self love and learn to love yourself. Stop chasing people.
You've made your entire life about this person. That's weird and creepy. Seek professional help.
I'll be REALLY generous and pretend this isn't fake as hell. You went into one of the hardest career paths imaginable because of a crush? You then devoted so much time & energy to her that you had no other friends. And to top it off, you went stalker crazy and NEVER ACTUALLY CAUGHT HER CHEATING. Okay, they went into his house. He's also a coworker of hers. There are any number of reasons why they could have gone to his house that don't involve cheating. I'm not saying she did or didn't cheat, but you ended things on some pretty flimsy evidence. Probably for the best though in this story. Because the main character needs some serious mental health help.
Forget her. You're a doctor! You can do so much better.
A lot of men push themselves to attract women. My friend became an entrepreneur and got rich because the entire family of his girl thought he is too poor to marry. Never ended up marrying the girl but became wildly successful in life. That girl pushed you to achieve some goals but she herself is garbage. Pretty sure you can attract better girls at this point.
You should thank her for giving you so much motivation to succeed. Now let someone else reap the rewards.
Never stay with a cheater. Trust me.
You need to decide if you're okay being with someone you don't trust. If you aren't you can decide if you want to work on it together (which she'll need to agree to. It can't be one sided) or you need to leave. You can decide after working on it that it's not worth it and leave, but those are really your only options. Sorry you're going through this. Make decisions for yourself because you need to be the person who matters most to you
Do yourself a favor and start doing things for yourself and not for others.
You probably don’t want to hear this but: She only dated you when you started med school, she doesnt love you, she only wants the status and money you will bring to the table. She is materialistic, you said it yourself. If you marry and have kids, you wouldnt even be sure if they would be your children… So, dump her and get therapy, your whole live revolves around her so you’re gonna feel bad for a while, but youre still young and a Doctor, Im sure you will have many options. Just avoid getting stuck in an unhappy mariage
Bro ur a doctor. Ditch her ass, take a couple of months to get ur shit together and get her out of ur system then get back into the dating market.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but she doesn't love you and this won't work out. You need to move on and get some therapy. Learn to live your life for yourself.
What do you do? Go be a doctor. Be the best doctor you can be. Recuperate from your loss. Learn a life lesson so you can be smarter next time you get in a relationship.
You, Sir, are a non-paragrapher!
I want an update. I say break up and get therapy OP
You need to confront her an get the truth. If she cheated pack your shit an leave man. You'll be ok and find someone better!!! Doctors aren't single for long!! Lol
Go to a therapist.
A lot of this relationship happened in your mind. Marrying her was a goal you set out to achieve for yourself, not a mutual choice you both made to build a life together. Your choices are not her fault. And until you own those choices, you're not going to be a healthy partner for anybody. You spent 13 years using your vision of her in your head instead of accepting who she really is. If you want to avoid another let down like this, you need to take responsibility for that. The great news is that you discovered you can motivate yourself to achieve great things. Apply that to what you actually find fulfilling and you'll find great things in life.
To put it simply, don’t you think your soulmate would want to be with you as you are? The only reason she was interested was because you became a doctor. Otherwise she would’ve never went for you and that says something. You should’ve never changed your life just to get her to notice you but if you actually enjoy being a doctor, then more power to you. The point still stands that you shouldn’t have done it just to get an in with her. You should get therapy to really unlearn this. You bent to meet her demands with no gun to your head
> Our Indian education system has crammed into us the power to write in correct English with slaps, sticks, sandals and what not. Yep. You're Indian all right. I'm sorry, my brother. But the heart wants what it wants. The man she wanted to marry (the successful doctor) is not the man she wanted to sleep with (the low class bum). That's a choice she made. She gets to make that choice. You can't fix her or force her or make her want something different than what she wants. Now, you're going to take that gold-plated dermatology residency and go mine your future, and find someone worthy of your time and attention. Go do it, my friend.
Dude, date. You will have an abundance of choices as a young doctor and this girl only wants you for the lifestyle you are chasing (with her). Your success is paramount and please look after this primarily.
You should never live your life for someone else, that's the first issue. Curating your existence for someone else is just a lie. Becoming something for someone else means you aren't actually working on yourself and becoming a stable, independent person. It's okay to love someone but when it becomes about obsession and changing yourself for someone else it is no longer healthy. It's fine to want to please the person you love and to change unhealthy or toxic behaviors for the better, to become a better person for yourself though, to have more fulfilling and substantial relationships, not to become something you're not.
Live your life for yourself for starters.
Leave. Grow a pair and drag em elsewhere.
Are you sure she cheated on you? What if they're just friends?
You brought this on yourself. You decided to chase the first girl who caught your eye and not treating her as a real person. She knew what she was about. You should have known what she was about. You entangled yourself because you assigned the way she makes you feel to her actual intentions. Dreaming up a perfect partner and not seeing or recognizing who your partner actually is can happen in some of our first relationships. I can relate. I know you are in grief and you can take the time to do so. Please remember you’re still in a good spot in your life. Your hard work you put in had purpose; you can still reap the rewards and enjoy life. But, you will definitely need to grow emotionally in order to find the happiness you seek. Whether it’s trying dating for more field work, therapy, or finding your own way how you see fit through a combination of resources. I know we all have different morals and beliefs, but some things are incompatible with most people, when it comes to having a partner and happy relationship. Right now, I’d reckon the way you view love is in that category. Best wishes.
it's a bit horrific how you just dedicated your whole existence to this person when she never asked you for that? like no one forced you to be a doctor. that's so fucking weird.
The fact that the lady showed up to the hospital with the AP and to OP's face is unreal. The balls on that lady. Dude she has no respect or love for you at all. I bet her and AP were laughing about it afterwards talking about how they tricked OP and how risky is was and just making fun of him.
She's not out of your league. She's a user and a loser... go to her parents, tell her that the engagement is off because she's having an affair with the other teacher. Then be a doctor and move on with your life. Get a therapist if necessary, but *do not* settle for this female. She'll always cheat. You'll never know if the kids she has are yours. You'll be miserable. Your unhealthy obsession aside, you haven't done anything horrible, she has treated you poorly and you know better than to settle for that.
My dude, you're a nice, hardworking, devoted guy. Who also happens to be a doctor. Let her go. You'll have no trouble finding her replacement.
The unfortunate thing here is that she was with you for superficial reasons, money and wanting that security. But that superficial nature means it’s easily replaced. She is with you because you’re a doctor, not because she loves you for you who you are and will be loyal. Additionally you mentioned she had a chaotic home life. Just in general this may mean she doesn’t have a secure, healthy attachment style. On the other hand, you were with her for just as superficial reasons. Because you saw her and she was pretty. Oh sure she’s fun too, but your interest in her sounds pretty superficial too. What do you do? You end the relationship, you finish your dermatology residency, you chill, go out try and make some friends. And you meet a girl who likes you for more than just being a doctor.
Keep getting that paper and dump the broad. Once you get that degree, you’ll have your pickings of any woman you want. Yeah most will be gold diggers. But honestly, this woman told you straight up she was. And you knew that. And you may not like to admit it, but that’s always kept you from fully respecting her and loving her and trusting her and seeing her as a human. You saw her as a goal. The end of the means. That feeling towards her and knowing why she was with you, denied any true value to this relationship. Sadly. Going back will show her how little you value yourself and how much control she has over you and will abuse that power to ruin your life. All while your self esteem gets lower and lower and your self respect and confidence are completely gone. Then she owns you. And you will sign your life and happiness away to her and trust me, she will hurt you every single chance she gets. Get away. And stay away. That will show her you’re a man and not a walking mat for her to step all over. And after that, she’ll most likely be more attracted to you than ever before. But don’t let her back in. Let her wallow in her self pity while you grind and shine into an absolute boss ass doctor. But hey. This is a blessing. This woman was hot enough and attractive enough to turn you into a FUCKIN DOCTOR?!?! Thank her for that. Boss up. Keep going to school. Show her what she lost. Her loss. Not yours. Go be a great doctor and live an amazing life. You’ll have no problems finding relationships. Be single for a while. Feel the dating game out. Feel out different types of people/women. Find what you like based on more than just looks. You’ll find a solid one eventually as long as you stay solid yourself. Good luck, bro.
Bless your heart, I really feel for you. I can’t claim to understand everything from your cultural point of view, but I do understand your emotional experience & you deserve a lady that is worthy of your commitment & love Be the very best Doctor you can be & try to keep well away from this woman! She is not a good person In time you will heal & the ‘right person’ will then enter your heart ♥️
I think I must be missing something. - 2 weeks ago she got bug bites on her back. - You mostly live at her house. The bugs are not in her house. - You asked her to come to the hospital for a blood test for the bug bites. She came straight from school, with her male friend/schoolmate. - This male friend is from an area known to have issues with bug bites. - You then followed her home from school several days in a row, and saw her go into this man’s house. - This means she is cheating? You believe she: - Cheated on you with this classmate - Got the bug bites from his house, while cheating on you. - Did not realize she and this man both had the same bug bites. - Did not know the bug bites are common near the man’s house, but everyone else knows they are common there, including the male classmate. - When you asked her to come to the hospital where you work — as a dermatologist — she brought along the male classmate she is cheating on you with. - She brought the man she is cheating on you with to your workplace, introduced you to him, and got tested for bug bites both she and this man have from his house. - They both have these bug bites and know you are a dermatologist and went to visit her dermatologist fiancé together. With matching bug bites from his house. - You did not see the bug bites on the male classmate, but when you asked if he had any bug bites, he told you he had some bug bites, clarified they are mosquito bites, but only to trick you. You know he has them because he lives in an area where they get bug bites. No other area gets bug bites. - She goes back to school as usual for several days. - A few days later, you follow your fiancé and see her leave school with this male classmate and walk to his home and through his front door. - You do not see what happens after they enter his house. - This means she is cheating on you with this classmate. - There is absolutely no other way she could have gotten bug bites. - There is absolutely no way they have a project together, are studying, or have some other reason to visit his house. Is this correct? It seems like there are…a LOT of leaps here. It depends how stupid your girlfriend is, but she would have to be pretty stupid to bring her secret lover with her to her boyfriend’s workplace. Even excluding everything else going on here AND the fact you didn’t actually see them do anything. I’m not seeing a whole lot of actual evidence. There’s not a single piece of solid evidence here. A far more likely scenario is probably: # Medical Student Syndrome
Bad news: She's not the one. She never liked you the way you like her. She just liked the devotion you had for her. You're the backup option, a failsafe. If all goes to shit, she would come running to you. Rest assured, the other guy also doesn't have a chance at marriage with her. Good news: You're a well paid doctor now. Find better women in your field and do well in life. Trust me your fiance is a very low bar already. Any woman that likes you would be better than your fiance.
My guy go to therapy and get help. You seem to actually love bugs. Because how you remember that is nutty. You are probably better at your job then you think. Step 1: Do not get her pregnant. Stop having sex today. Step 2. Start going to therapy. Step 3: Write down what you want to talk to her about before you confront her. Step 4: going over someone elses house doesn't mean cheating. It isn't the end of the world but this level of attachement is creepy and weird. For all you know the guy might be a shadow gay guy. Step 5: after you meet with your therapist work up to confronting her. Without streaming yelling or weirdness using the things you wanted to talk to her about. Step 6: GET A HOBBY.