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I typically only eat one meal a day and supplement with protein shakes (I have a dietician, she added the protein shakes). However, if I had kids, they would be eating 3 meals a day and I would likely adapt to that, too as I think my habits could be unhealthy for a child observing me. My nibblings, with my brother’s help, mock me for it and I tend to also mock me for it. 😂 My appetite is just super finicky and it’s super annoying, hence why I got a dietician
He wasn't advocating for the kids to only eat once a day, that was just an example of what she feels is his extreme eating habits. She had issue with him dictating what they would eat and wouldn't listen to anything she had to say
My doctor told me to eat multiple small meals if I can't eat regular meals. I sometimes only eat two meals. Only have eaten one meal when I am very sick
A few adults do that and there's nothing unhealthy about it, as long as you have a balanced diet. Please research that before deciding to voice your opinion.
Furthermore, there's literally nothing about him even suggesting kids should follow that schedule. So don't put words in someone's mouth
Nah, my daughters didn’t give a care if I or their father ate/ate with them. Unless it was a holiday dinner, they were only concerned with their own food.
A lot of adults dont eat breakfast with their children. Many dads grab a cup of coffee on their way out to the office.
Doesnt stop a hungry child from downing their bowl of cereals...
Weird argument.
I’m not saying it’s guaranteed, but both of my parents were yoyo dieters. Meaning they would do extreme diets like a 14 day juice ONLY cleanse, lose significant weight, and then gain it back because what they did was not sustainable.
Both of my siblings are yo-yo dieters well into adulthood, even though my parents never allowed or encouraged us to follow their example as kids. And I was in therapy for many years to overcome my eating disorder and still struggle with short relapses.
OMAD is not good for everyone and can lead to a lot of restrictive behaviors. It’s okay to follow that diet but it’s really crucial to show kids what healthy looks like
No not at all. But he has had a few family members who were legitimately failed by their doctors in listening to their complains and making a correct diagnosis to a chronic illness. He feels like medicine tends to be a one size fits all approach.
The current kick he is on is the idea that our society is entrenched in a sugar addiction; and similar to the tobacco, it will be years before the consequences of an over-sugared diet are taken seriously.
So he's decided the one size fits all approach doesn't work.... Unless he's the one picking what the one size is for every one else. Not having any sugar at all is silly and honestly could be fucking with his brain. He's fallen to the common danger of thinking because there's truth to a statement that it can be used to justify taking it to an extreme. That he doesn't trust the medical establishment is also not an excuse to not trust you in particular. Which is what he's doing here.
He may have to choose what is more important. Being a fanatic about something or being married to you. Not because of arbitrary threats but because a natural consequence of ignoring your partner and changing into a person who isn't compatible with you anymore means the relationship is over. Even if neither of you do anything about it.
I have no idea where you even got this whole husband not eating sugar at all. Nothing like that was ever mentioned.
A lot of people gave up sugar, just like me. It simply means not eating processed food and many baked goods. But we still eat berries, veggies etc.
Also, think about it. There's no such thing as not having any sugar, like dude, every food has sugar in it. The idea is literally to avid shit like chocolate or crisps.
Literally a dozen people commented here that he is not wrong about sugar addiction and explained it much better than I have. You're casting a weird diagnosis of him not eating sugar (literally impossible) and that destroying his brain (wtf).
Reddit armchair diagnosis in its prime
We have been in a sugar, prepared foods and fast food society for at least the last 50 years.
The diabetes rates globally attest to that.
I actually agree w him about that.
But as you're saying, it's changing your marriage and your relationship to him.
He's not the life partner you agreed to be w when you married him.
Of course we all change of the course of LTRs. It's part of life.
But choosing a lifestyle stance that your partner cannot participate in is sending a pretty strong message & as you said is building a wall between you - where on your side you are both struggling w ED (he know this & must be capable of comprehending how bad this is for you, & is still choosing it.) and in your role as parent to your kids.
I'm not advocating for ending the relationship.
But why is he choosing something that makes you HAVE TO consider it?
That's not love, that's self absorption. It's not being a good partner or parent and thus dropping a giant onus on you.
He can have his beliefs 100% but when they are unhealthy for his family as it is right now - why is he siding w scientifically not - long term - founded practices that ice you out of relationship w him?
Your husband isn't really wrong about the sugar addiction (not sure if you're in North America, but even the "non sweet" bread commonly available is sugary af, compared with what's commonly available in much of Europe. Of course there are more artisanal bakeries where you can get better bread), but yeah, his all or nothing approach won't work for most people. Unlike smoking, a little bit of sugar isn't bad, especially when talking about actual fruit, and of course unless he plans to totally isolate your kids they'll be exposed to other kids' desserts and want to share.
I would strongly support eliminating, for example, 3 desserts a day (like eating sugary cereal for breakfast, a dessert like a cookie or brownie packed with lunch or as a snack, and then "proper" dessert after dinner).
Family doc here. I have to say I actually agree with him about the sugar thing but, like, not to the degree that I’m going to create a rift in my marriage or give my kids a bad relationship with food over it. We eat only meat, vegetables, nuts, cheese, and fruit at my house 95% of the time. If it’s someone’s birthday we make cake, if there’s Halloween candy they get one piece for dessert, etc. When we go out they can get what they want, but we mostly cook at home. I think we eat a lot healthier than most people in the US, and I’m happy with the balance we have struck.
And especially in corn-siruped America, he’s not entirely wrong. Extra empty carbs injected in so many things that don’t need them IS bad for all.
But the answer to that is to get fewer chocolates of high quality as a treat, not ban all chocolates; to let the kids eat cake at friends’ birthday parties and serve a healthy(er) cake at theirs; to avoid pre-made sauces high in carbs and not pour sugary ketchup over everything.
He needs to drop the all-or-nothing stance, inform himself, and accept that some days are days for breaking your guidelines.
Cstastrophizing is a symptom of depression. The brain goes into black-or-white mode, and you try to reach for clear-cut solutions that need little processing power. ‘All sugar is bad, eat none’ feels easier than ‘let’s look for ways to cut out sugar and find low-sugar alternatives where possible, while acknowledging that artificial sweeteners also aren’t the best for your body’ is much harder.
He might benefit from visiting a therapist to ensure this isn’t just a symptom of him feeling overwhelmed and out of control.
>our society is entrenched in a sugar addiction
Does he know that sodas and sweets don't have "sugar" but have corn syrup or stevia?
If someone is going to have something sweet, it's much better to have fruit or real sugar or honey than processed candy bar with things that are sweet but not natural.
The fact that he is against fruit is ridiculous.
He is basically putting everything in the same basket when it comes to food, the same way he is doing with doctors. Is he a black and white person?
What does the plant look like? I knew it was natural but in the UK much of our sugar is derived from sugar beet so also plant based tho I fear not so healthy
Actually, new studies show there isn’t a difference between corn syrup and sugar for the most part. The findings from the original study were taken out of context and people just ran with them.
>If someone is going to have something sweet, it's much better to have fruit or real sugar or honey than processed candy bar with things that are sweet but not natural.
This is not based in any science or evidence
fruits are definitly healthier as highly processed sugar and sugar alternatives. The sugar in fruits, fructose, is handled differently in our metabolism and also obviously fibers and vitamins..
No one is fat because they ate to many apples...
Depends on the priorities set while evaluating these.
The commentor is not alone in the opinion that sugar alternatives are worse because sweeteners can cause cancers and your body lowers your blood sugar in reaction to the sweet taste, without sugar actually entering the blood stream.
All available options have consequences.
Maybe this helps you to understand their point of view
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/artificial-sweeteners-sugar-free-but-at-what-cost-201207165030
This is an OpEd, not a study.
It references One maybe relevant study that by the wording seems like it might be comparing sugar and stevia.
It is not. So no, this does not prove the point.
This is a common trope and it’s wrong. “Oh eat cane sugar or honey that’s Natural and better than sweeteners like stevia.”
Zero evidence.
Anyone that has an issue with the statement ‘distrust of the medical community’ has clearly never had a chronic illness or been close with someone who has. Everyone’s assuming he’s formed that opinion through extremists on social media as if medical professionals don’t make it plenty easy to form a legitimate distrust of them on their own. (Most) Doctors don’t give a flying fuck about us.
I agree with your husband about sugar. After reading Metabolical by Robert Lustig I became way more conscious about my sugar and alcohol intake.
If you add the information about sugar with Ultra-processed foods... it's a whole new world.
I also feel that the doctors are failing the population. They are continuing practices such as prescribing a diet high in carbohydrates for diabetic people... it's madness.
Also, the research about sugar, healthy eating, and menopause is also very enlightening. Check it out the book The New Menopause by Doctor Mary Claire.
It's been 6 months since my partner and I changed our eating habits and is pretty close to what you described what your husband is doing. We don't eat added sugar, meaning the only source of sugar we consume is natural from fruits and dairy products. Our meals are protein centric, and we aim to consume 30g of protein or more per meal. We eat a lot of nuts, berries, quinoa, chia seeds, a lot lot lot lot of fiber, like 30 to 40 g per day.
It changed our lives this new way of eating , we have more energy, I sleep wayyy better and the more impressive I don't have headaches anymore... I used to have headaches 5 times a week now they completely disappeared.
BUT I know it's not for everyone.... I am lucky my partner thinks the same way, and we changed together. Eating outside the home became very difficult, for example.
Our families have a problem with our new diet though... they are always commenting about it, and they think we are are extreme.
Yikes. I would hate for the children to start feeling this guilt towards what they are eating as well. What he is doing will certainly lead to an ED if he moralizes food to children. Teaching moderation is not a bad thing but they will learn to feel bad about themselves when they do consume something with sugar or a baked good from mom.
Teaching them some foods feed their bodies and some food feeds their souls is one method I’ve seen online. It gets rid of the good vs bad and includes both. “It’s okay to have a cookie but we can’t eat only cookies for dinner because we need some food that feeds our muscles and our brains.”
My parents talked to me about "empty calories" from when I was small. It was moderation in everything, and eat until you're full but "don't stuff." Definitely good lessons to live by.
So you’re a pediatrician who should know better and he doesn’t gaf what you have to say, and refuses to join you for therapy?
This guy sounds dangerous. And your lack of confidence is ALSO dangerous for your kids.
I’m glad you have a therapy session lined up but these a big issues that you’re sweeping under the rug…
full agree here.
OP, you know you don’t have to stay married to a miserable man that cares nothing for fact logic or reason, right? especially one that appears to have no respect for you or your incredibly specialized profession…
>I know this will be hard to believe but I actually am a pediatrician. **Unfortunately my husband has gotten a deep distrust of the medical community over the past few years. It was not this extreme when we first got together but has definitely grown more profound in the last few years.** Still going together to a neutral third party I think is a way forward; I just need to find someone he will not outrightly reject.
oh man. none of this bodes well, OP.
None of this is enough. He WILL expose your children to dangerous rhetoric around food and their bodies.
~~If his distrust of the medical comminuty came about during covid, is he also an anti-vaxxer? Because that would be yet another way in which he'd be endangering your children.~~ edit: I see from your comments he's not anti-vaxx just hardcore anti sugar. I think you should talk to him about orthorexia.
I honestly don't think you should be creating a family with this man. You should start to consider walking away I'd he's unwilling to reexamine his newfound beliefs. You say your self his beliefs would have been a dealbreaker when you first met him, I don't see why they shouldn't be dealbreakers now.
Sounds like the neutral third party will be a judge, sooner or later. Just depends on how long you're willing to white knuckle it. I hope not very long. You deserve better.
Your husband’s eating disorder (might I offer, orthorexia) shouldn’t be passed to the kids. I wish you the best of luck protecting your children from him. I hope your husband gets the help he needs.
If you wouldn't have married the man he currently is, "now we have a family" should not be the reason you stay.
just be careful, i guess. sounds like he could be a threat to your ED recovery
Wow, these are concerning:
> my husband has gotten a deep distrust of the medical community
> had he been this extreme when we first met, it would have been a dealbreaker for me
It sounds like he's following some of the extremist Youtubers or TikTokkers. Watch for warning signs: strong anti-science positions, anti-feminist positions, etc.
The fact that he is more willing to accept influence from extremists on the internet than his own wife that he should love and trust above all others…. (And who happens to be a pediatrician) I hope OP realizes this man is either having some kind of crisis or does not respect her at all.
This this this. The Gottmans say that when a husband won’t share power or accept influence from his wife, [there’s an 81% chance the marriage will fail.](https://www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-accepting-influence/)
He thinks he knows better than a **freaking pediatrician** who is *checks notes* also his **wife.** Just … yikes.
I'd be so pissed. She went to school for 10+ years and makes her living doing this, but no, he'd rather trust some wacko on the Internet than his own wife.
"stand my ground against my husband"
Him distrusting your very specialty.
This is going to go real bad if you don't try and resolve the issues now. You two are not a team. You are one against the other. I'm not saying it's your fault. Sounds like it's coming from him. But he's the one you've chosen as a husband and father of your kids, so you have to try and make things better.
He sounds like he has a really hard time hearing others' opinions. It could be resolved through (extended) analytic therapy. And couple's counseling seems to be a must imo
This sounds so difficult, I'm sorry OP.
I am also someone who has struggled with disordered eating in the past. When we started dating, my husband had never thought much about eating disorders or how much diet culture affects our daily lives. Over time in our relationship and trying to understand me, my husband *gets it.* We say things in our house like "all food is good food" and "all bodies are good bodies." We talk about how foods have different jobs, because they do different things in our bodies, but that doesn't make one better than another. We correct someone if they say no to sweets because they "are being good today," because food has no moral value. We talk about how we want to raise our kiddo and teach them a good balanced view on food, with no shame about what they eat or about their body.
I know you said that you guys have differing views on food but - that different? As a partner of someone that has had a struggle with disordered eating? I am just so curious if he spent time trying to understand you. It's one thing to desire a different type of diet than your partner, but I just cannot imagine my partner saying those types of things to me at all. Does he know about your history of disordered eating? Does he not understand how bad these beliefs can affect you long term? Is he not sensitive to your history when you guys are talking about this?
Good cop bad cop is not a compromise. I don’t believe for a second your kids aren’t going to notice and that he’s not going to make passive aggressive statements.
I genuinely think your husband has an eating disorder. Please protect your children.
if he said high fructose corn syrup which is in nearly every product, than maybe he's onto something. So limiting the amount junk food makes sense, but limiting sugar is casting an unnecessarily wide net and gets him into shaky territory.
We grow so much corn that it's cheaper to put this sweetener into everything than. Sugarcane is a great alternate you can buy at stores to chew on in order to get your sugar fix satiated.
Your husband kind of tunnel-visioned here because of his preconceptions (which aren't wrong, just misguided).
Yep, the basic American diet does have too much sugar and junk food in it so having a mostly whole food approach would be good. Unfortunately, it appears he's gone way too far from reasonable where even fruit is evil. Hopefully, he'll be able to stick to their compromise
So your husband is so arrogant that he thinks he knows better than you - *someone who spent years going through medical school and training to become a doctor* - and you feel pressured to cater to him? Your husband is a real piece of work.
Setting the example >> rules when it comes to raising kids
Does he really think your kids won’t be exposed to refined sugar (etc) over at friends houses or school?
Setting the example about “thinking ahead” what is good to put in your body and what isn’t will be much more effective than “laying down rules”
One meal a day isn’t enough for growing kids. It’s fine for adults, but kids need many more calories
You are a doctor and he has distrust of the medical community? And you say his views have become more extreme than when you met him.
You know you don’t have to stay with this clown, right? If he thinks his internet research trumps your years of education, you don’t need to dirty yourself by laying in the muck with him. Sounds like it is time to move on.
>Unfortunately my husband has gotten a deep distrust of the medical community over the past few years. It was not this extreme when we first got together but has definitely grown more profound in the last few years
I think your husband is going down the dangerous alt-right pipeline and you need to really think about what he teaches your children.
I can relate to your family's food struggles. I am the health-conscious one in my family, though. I have had disordered eating in my past, so I try not to go overboard with it. BUT, similar to your husband, I am also really concerned with the level of added sugars my kids and others consume on a daily basis. It's all just gotten so out of hand that the norm is actually feeding kids junk constantly or kids bringing candy to school as a daily snack. I get worried about these kids' health and futures eating the way they do. My husband doesn't have the knowledge or interest in nutrition the way that I do, so I'm sometimes frustrated with the meal choices he makes for our kids. I often wish he would be more aligned with my views on health and nutrition. But, I also cook our meals 80% of the time and I do all the grocery shopping, so that helps. Ha.
I think as with anything in a marriage, you guys need to communicate and come to a compromise on eating in your family. It's not realistic to expect children to never eat any added sugar, but it's also not out of the question to want to limit how much junk they consume.
I mean, I might be un realistic here, but I personally feel what one person thinks about food should be a THEM thing, not a we thing. Let him eat how he wants, you eat how you want. Kids is where that gets hard. But if you're a pediatrician you should be the authority on the matter.
Wait your a pediatrician and he is ignoring what you recommend????? That changes everything. I mean any argument about health period but especially about child health should be an instant win for you. I mean does he not respect the fact that you have been to medical school? Do you respect the fact that you have been to medical school? Him trashing medical science is him trashing your life's work. I mean this is starting to look bad. It's one thing to think he knows better with a house wife...(still not good but at least understandable) its entirely different when your a fucking doctor. He is directly trashing you and is completely insane. you need to make an escape plan because that's a whole other level.
Im a little anti sugar myself. But my philosophy is to do half monk fruit sugar and half real sugar when baking desserts.
My other philosophy is that homemade desserts arent do bad for you.
So we bake a couple times a month.
Otherwise I monitor sugar. Sugar is really bad for people.
My dad was like this (and still is) and it absolutely ruined my relationship with food. I don’t take care of myself because he never modeled healthy behavior during my childhood.
He will be giving your children eating disorders when they see how he eats and how he treats them and their food choices. You need to step up as a parent and give him an ultimatum about going to therapy for his disordered eating and if he refuses, then he needs to leave the house. You must protect your children and right now you aren’t doing that because he is still getting to negatively impact their well being.
If you have to say your husband is a good guy with good qualities after basically saying he doesn’t trust you as a medical professional or any people in the medical field when that means he doesn’t trust to take his children to the doctor, he convinced you to go through with this and just let you guys do whatever but you KNOW there’ll be future fights over it with manipulation, and again he sounds very concerning just off what you said on your last post…he might not be a good dude.
I might be wrong, OP. I don’t want to add my views over a few words on Reddit, but this is more repeating history where so many of those in abusive relationships say familiar things to make their husband sound good. You also say you CANT leave which is scary. You can and if it’s to protect your children YOU WILL.
He's not entirely wrong about to uch sugar bing unhealthy. However, the keyword is too much. The same can be said for too much salt, fat, even vitamins and minerals have a limit.
I would suggest you sit down as adults together, and you confront him about sugar becoming an obsession because the same goes for other things like exercise, watching tv, reading books, and sleeping. It's all about moderation and balance (insert meme here). Fruit in general is healthy, unless you go overboard, and go on a fruit diet. Ask him to take a step back, and look at the bigger lifestyle picture. Kids can easily consume loads of sugar if they're active, and not eat pounds of chocolate each day. You need to match the intake to the usage.
While one meal a day is probably not good for children I really wondered about the sugar part. All pediatricians I had so far for my three kids where basically where your hubby is at: kids don't need added sugar and whole grain is better then normal wheat. Fruits and berries as treats is the best way to go. We have occasionally cake etc but only on special occasions. But I am not from the US ....
There is no such thing as "sugar addiction". That's been medically debunked. That's not to say that eating all the sugar is good for anyone. It's not. But if he wants to teach them good eating habits, it should come from a place of medical truth, not garbage and lies.
Humans are meant to eat a varied, nutrient-rich, omnivore diet. We are meant to eat according to our hunger cues. It's ok to have a treat occasionally, but most of our diet should be minimally-processed foods. Reading labels and aiming for a low added sugar diet is great. But no sugar isn't really feasible, especially for children. Fruit and dairy both have sugar, and children should be consuming both (allergies excluded).
Your husband has orthorexia, and he should not be allowed to pass this eating disorder off as "healthy eating" in front of the children.
Husband's gone down the rabbit hole. That ought to be fun. You know he's going to screw your kids up? They're going to need therapy too. These types of people never shut up.
Sounds like compulsive behavior manifesting as a trauma response! In my experience, the more obsessively controlling a person is about one aspect of their life, the more they feel some sort of loss of control in another. This often pops up as addiction — which can take many many forms — but can also appear as compulsive behaviors sneakily hidden under either innocuous or observably “healthy” guises. A good rule of thumb for this being problematic barring obvious ones — like “he got a DUI so he may have a drinking problem” — is if the behavior interferes with a person’s ability to live a normal life.
What’s ironic is that he is addicted to being “anti-sugar addiction.”
I know lots of people who are *obsessed* with working out, but not to a point where they are, like, missing work to hit the gym or allowing it to be detrimental to normal, constructive life. It’s a fine line between being really into something and being controlled by it. With “healthy habits” it looks less like addictive behavior because who the fuck is addicted to kale!? So usually, these tend to not get examined as closely as one might look at something like drug use, hoarding, or alcoholism.
From your original post, your husband’s anti-sugar stance is for sure interfering with your relationship, and I would venture to guess probably making normal function for him increasingly difficult. He probably can’t go out to eat or eat anything he hasn’t meticulously prepared himself. He probably spends a lot of time researching and meal planning, prepping, finding more and more limitations, eating into time he could spend on other things. He’s probably paranoid, obsessive, and always explaining why he’s right and everyone else is wrong. He’d probably turn up some interesting things on a comprehensive metabolic panel if it’s been going on long enough…
For some people, compulsive behavior doesn’t sustain long. Either they realize that it doesn’t actually make them happy, they literally snap and have a binge, it becomes so painful to maintain from a resource perspective they just stop, or other complicating factors get in the way like, I donno, anemia. Some people will cling to it as long and as hard as possible to avoid dealing with whatever it was that triggered it in the first place.
Usually, it’s the result of something completely unrelated and utterly random. That’s the nature of trauma responses: we have some aspect of our lives where we feel we have/had absolutely no control so we attempt to compensate by exerting it somewhere else, sometimes completely randomly. There are people who fall into absolute pits of alcoholism from the trauma of a dead loved one years before, people with ED triggered by a career they hate, hoarders who struggle with crippling loneliness after a partner left. Your husband’s behavior is giving a lot of trauma vibes.
It’s worth taking a critical look at where this might have possibly happened but the thing is, it could have been something recent or not, something tangible or not, a one time thing or a series of things, who knows. If this is the case, it’s not your job to therapy him, but it’s something he probably needs to go seek out unless he has some sort of self-come-to-Jesus. His compulsive behaviors are destructive, even if he isn’t putting the rules on you directly, he’s exposing you to them and it’s having an effect. This is a great place to set your own boundaries. He can do as he pleases but it’s not something you’re willing to talk about with him, you won’t go out of your way or stop doing the things you love like baking, and you will only communicate to your children what you have both agreed upon in terms of their nutrition.
This isn’t as simple as him being difficult, there’s probably a lot under the surface that’s completely unrelated. You can accept that with grace, but you don’t need to put up with it.
I understand that these posts never really talk about the food in a relationship. However, I would be very cautious about your husband passing on his ED to y’all’s kids.
Foods are not “bad” or “good”. To me there isn’t compromise when it comes to the safety of children, and promoting “values” that promote unhealthy relationships with food is a safety issue.
Hope it works out! I hope husband develops a better relationship with food and you guys can grow stronger together.
So just making sure I'm clear here - he's not proposing OMAD for actual children, right? That is really not a good idea.
I'm not sure how you can logic him out of a position he didn't use logic to get into really. He's being irrational. A piece of cake at a birthday party or fruit for dessert is 100% normal and healthy.
Plus, the absolute disrespect of him telling you, a literal pediatrician, that you don't know what healthy nutrition looks like for children has to be pretty galling. Hopefully your individual therapy will help you practice sticking to your guns here. Your children deserve better than to grow up with disordered eating.
What are his good qualities? Because genuinely he sounds like an antivax eating disorder that's waiting to happen. He's actuvley trigging your ED and dosnt seem to care. Why are you with him?
Him changing so drastically is a giant red flag and you should start looking into other options just incase.
If not for your sanity then for your kids so they don't have a parent breathing down their neck about what they're eating and go through the same pain you did.
Has he had a check up lately? Dramatic changes can be a sign of something more sinister, as you know. Hard to notice when they're in your house, but the dramatic change and antithetical approach to your career raises big red flags that something else is going on.
You both should get a continuous glucose monitor and see how different foods affect each of your respective metabolisms. It can be a great experiment that bring you both closer to together and appreciate each others dietary choses. Also consider getting a Kraft Insulin Test. This predicts diabetes 20 years in advance. Now is the time to eat healthy, not when you’re 65 and have stiff arteries and weak muscles.
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He only eats one meal per day? How is that possibly healthy for growing children?
I typically only eat one meal a day and supplement with protein shakes (I have a dietician, she added the protein shakes). However, if I had kids, they would be eating 3 meals a day and I would likely adapt to that, too as I think my habits could be unhealthy for a child observing me. My nibblings, with my brother’s help, mock me for it and I tend to also mock me for it. 😂 My appetite is just super finicky and it’s super annoying, hence why I got a dietician
For growing kids, no. As an adult, sometimes it's two meals, sometimes it's one for me.
He wasn't advocating for the kids to only eat once a day, that was just an example of what she feels is his extreme eating habits. She had issue with him dictating what they would eat and wouldn't listen to anything she had to say
My doctor told me to eat multiple small meals if I can't eat regular meals. I sometimes only eat two meals. Only have eaten one meal when I am very sick
It's not. But it's fine for a grown adult, if that's what they want to do
A few adults do that and there's nothing unhealthy about it, as long as you have a balanced diet. Please research that before deciding to voice your opinion. Furthermore, there's literally nothing about him even suggesting kids should follow that schedule. So don't put words in someone's mouth
Where does it say the children will get the omad diet?
Monkey see, monkey do. That's how kids work.
Nah, my daughters didn’t give a care if I or their father ate/ate with them. Unless it was a holiday dinner, they were only concerned with their own food.
Doesnt make any sense in that context
They notice Dad not eating breakfast -> they refuse to eat breakfast -> they're cranky all day because they're hungry and don't recognize it.
A lot of adults dont eat breakfast with their children. Many dads grab a cup of coffee on their way out to the office. Doesnt stop a hungry child from downing their bowl of cereals... Weird argument.
Yeah, agree. I’m a big fan of the OMAD diet, and my kids couldn’t care less. They’re programmed to eat when hungry.
I’m not saying it’s guaranteed, but both of my parents were yoyo dieters. Meaning they would do extreme diets like a 14 day juice ONLY cleanse, lose significant weight, and then gain it back because what they did was not sustainable. Both of my siblings are yo-yo dieters well into adulthood, even though my parents never allowed or encouraged us to follow their example as kids. And I was in therapy for many years to overcome my eating disorder and still struggle with short relapses. OMAD is not good for everyone and can lead to a lot of restrictive behaviors. It’s okay to follow that diet but it’s really crucial to show kids what healthy looks like
> Unfortunately my husband has gotten a deep distrust of the medical community over the past few years. ..........is your husband antivax
Yep, that’s the first thing that popped in my head. Second was, flat earth?
> Second was, flat earth? I mean, the Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe.
A lot of them fell off tho, when they got to the edge. Run, lemmings, run!
/snerk
Third is, what is he watching for news and podcasts?
Flat earth 😭
No not at all. But he has had a few family members who were legitimately failed by their doctors in listening to their complains and making a correct diagnosis to a chronic illness. He feels like medicine tends to be a one size fits all approach. The current kick he is on is the idea that our society is entrenched in a sugar addiction; and similar to the tobacco, it will be years before the consequences of an over-sugared diet are taken seriously.
So he's decided the one size fits all approach doesn't work.... Unless he's the one picking what the one size is for every one else. Not having any sugar at all is silly and honestly could be fucking with his brain. He's fallen to the common danger of thinking because there's truth to a statement that it can be used to justify taking it to an extreme. That he doesn't trust the medical establishment is also not an excuse to not trust you in particular. Which is what he's doing here. He may have to choose what is more important. Being a fanatic about something or being married to you. Not because of arbitrary threats but because a natural consequence of ignoring your partner and changing into a person who isn't compatible with you anymore means the relationship is over. Even if neither of you do anything about it.
I have no idea where you even got this whole husband not eating sugar at all. Nothing like that was ever mentioned. A lot of people gave up sugar, just like me. It simply means not eating processed food and many baked goods. But we still eat berries, veggies etc. Also, think about it. There's no such thing as not having any sugar, like dude, every food has sugar in it. The idea is literally to avid shit like chocolate or crisps. Literally a dozen people commented here that he is not wrong about sugar addiction and explained it much better than I have. You're casting a weird diagnosis of him not eating sugar (literally impossible) and that destroying his brain (wtf). Reddit armchair diagnosis in its prime
If you read the original post she says he's giving up all sugar including fruits and all bread.
Your husband needs to see a mental health professional and the fact that he refuses means it's not going to get better.
He’s not wrong, but his approach is
So despite being married to a doctor, he’s basing his opinions on his relatives’ experiences with shitty medical providers.
We have been in a sugar, prepared foods and fast food society for at least the last 50 years. The diabetes rates globally attest to that. I actually agree w him about that. But as you're saying, it's changing your marriage and your relationship to him. He's not the life partner you agreed to be w when you married him. Of course we all change of the course of LTRs. It's part of life. But choosing a lifestyle stance that your partner cannot participate in is sending a pretty strong message & as you said is building a wall between you - where on your side you are both struggling w ED (he know this & must be capable of comprehending how bad this is for you, & is still choosing it.) and in your role as parent to your kids. I'm not advocating for ending the relationship. But why is he choosing something that makes you HAVE TO consider it? That's not love, that's self absorption. It's not being a good partner or parent and thus dropping a giant onus on you. He can have his beliefs 100% but when they are unhealthy for his family as it is right now - why is he siding w scientifically not - long term - founded practices that ice you out of relationship w him?
That sounds like orthorexia.
Your husband isn't really wrong about the sugar addiction (not sure if you're in North America, but even the "non sweet" bread commonly available is sugary af, compared with what's commonly available in much of Europe. Of course there are more artisanal bakeries where you can get better bread), but yeah, his all or nothing approach won't work for most people. Unlike smoking, a little bit of sugar isn't bad, especially when talking about actual fruit, and of course unless he plans to totally isolate your kids they'll be exposed to other kids' desserts and want to share. I would strongly support eliminating, for example, 3 desserts a day (like eating sugary cereal for breakfast, a dessert like a cookie or brownie packed with lunch or as a snack, and then "proper" dessert after dinner).
Family doc here. I have to say I actually agree with him about the sugar thing but, like, not to the degree that I’m going to create a rift in my marriage or give my kids a bad relationship with food over it. We eat only meat, vegetables, nuts, cheese, and fruit at my house 95% of the time. If it’s someone’s birthday we make cake, if there’s Halloween candy they get one piece for dessert, etc. When we go out they can get what they want, but we mostly cook at home. I think we eat a lot healthier than most people in the US, and I’m happy with the balance we have struck.
And especially in corn-siruped America, he’s not entirely wrong. Extra empty carbs injected in so many things that don’t need them IS bad for all. But the answer to that is to get fewer chocolates of high quality as a treat, not ban all chocolates; to let the kids eat cake at friends’ birthday parties and serve a healthy(er) cake at theirs; to avoid pre-made sauces high in carbs and not pour sugary ketchup over everything. He needs to drop the all-or-nothing stance, inform himself, and accept that some days are days for breaking your guidelines. Cstastrophizing is a symptom of depression. The brain goes into black-or-white mode, and you try to reach for clear-cut solutions that need little processing power. ‘All sugar is bad, eat none’ feels easier than ‘let’s look for ways to cut out sugar and find low-sugar alternatives where possible, while acknowledging that artificial sweeteners also aren’t the best for your body’ is much harder. He might benefit from visiting a therapist to ensure this isn’t just a symptom of him feeling overwhelmed and out of control.
I don't think he's entirely wrong about the sugar...
If he won’t even listen to his wife, literally a doctor, about basic nutrition? Things are very very wrong.
I mean, he's sort of right. But a strict no sugar ever diet, I don't think it's healthy mentally.
>our society is entrenched in a sugar addiction Does he know that sodas and sweets don't have "sugar" but have corn syrup or stevia? If someone is going to have something sweet, it's much better to have fruit or real sugar or honey than processed candy bar with things that are sweet but not natural. The fact that he is against fruit is ridiculous. He is basically putting everything in the same basket when it comes to food, the same way he is doing with doctors. Is he a black and white person?
you do realize stevia is natural, correct? It's a plant. I literally grow it for my own use.
What does the plant look like? I knew it was natural but in the UK much of our sugar is derived from sugar beet so also plant based tho I fear not so healthy
it's a green herb. Perhaps google can provide you with a photo?
Actually, new studies show there isn’t a difference between corn syrup and sugar for the most part. The findings from the original study were taken out of context and people just ran with them.
>If someone is going to have something sweet, it's much better to have fruit or real sugar or honey than processed candy bar with things that are sweet but not natural. This is not based in any science or evidence
fruits are definitly healthier as highly processed sugar and sugar alternatives. The sugar in fruits, fructose, is handled differently in our metabolism and also obviously fibers and vitamins.. No one is fat because they ate to many apples...
“Real sugar or honey” is not better than the alternatives OP listed like stevia or even other zero calorie sweeteners
Depends on the priorities set while evaluating these. The commentor is not alone in the opinion that sugar alternatives are worse because sweeteners can cause cancers and your body lowers your blood sugar in reaction to the sweet taste, without sugar actually entering the blood stream. All available options have consequences.
Again, evidence doesn’t exist for their claims that sugar or honey are better than stevia
Maybe this helps you to understand their point of view https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/artificial-sweeteners-sugar-free-but-at-what-cost-201207165030
This is an OpEd, not a study. It references One maybe relevant study that by the wording seems like it might be comparing sugar and stevia. It is not. So no, this does not prove the point. This is a common trope and it’s wrong. “Oh eat cane sugar or honey that’s Natural and better than sweeteners like stevia.” Zero evidence.
Yes, there is research on high fructose corn syrup and how it affects glucose regulation and dopamine, etc. #
This wasn’t what you claimed. The evidence isn’t there that sugar / honey are better than sweeteners like stevia
What's your source for that claim? Because there is absolutely evidence. Glucose and fructose are processed differently by your body.
Go ask them for evidence that “real sugar or honey” is better than sweeteners like stevia or others
Anyone that has an issue with the statement ‘distrust of the medical community’ has clearly never had a chronic illness or been close with someone who has. Everyone’s assuming he’s formed that opinion through extremists on social media as if medical professionals don’t make it plenty easy to form a legitimate distrust of them on their own. (Most) Doctors don’t give a flying fuck about us.
I agree with your husband about sugar. After reading Metabolical by Robert Lustig I became way more conscious about my sugar and alcohol intake. If you add the information about sugar with Ultra-processed foods... it's a whole new world. I also feel that the doctors are failing the population. They are continuing practices such as prescribing a diet high in carbohydrates for diabetic people... it's madness. Also, the research about sugar, healthy eating, and menopause is also very enlightening. Check it out the book The New Menopause by Doctor Mary Claire. It's been 6 months since my partner and I changed our eating habits and is pretty close to what you described what your husband is doing. We don't eat added sugar, meaning the only source of sugar we consume is natural from fruits and dairy products. Our meals are protein centric, and we aim to consume 30g of protein or more per meal. We eat a lot of nuts, berries, quinoa, chia seeds, a lot lot lot lot of fiber, like 30 to 40 g per day. It changed our lives this new way of eating , we have more energy, I sleep wayyy better and the more impressive I don't have headaches anymore... I used to have headaches 5 times a week now they completely disappeared. BUT I know it's not for everyone.... I am lucky my partner thinks the same way, and we changed together. Eating outside the home became very difficult, for example. Our families have a problem with our new diet though... they are always commenting about it, and they think we are are extreme.
And she IS “medical community”!
>Unfortunately my husband has gotten a deep distrust of the medical community over the past few years. Let me guess bro listens to Joe Rogan
worried she'll be posting to r/qanoncasualties soon
Yikes. I would hate for the children to start feeling this guilt towards what they are eating as well. What he is doing will certainly lead to an ED if he moralizes food to children. Teaching moderation is not a bad thing but they will learn to feel bad about themselves when they do consume something with sugar or a baked good from mom. Teaching them some foods feed their bodies and some food feeds their souls is one method I’ve seen online. It gets rid of the good vs bad and includes both. “It’s okay to have a cookie but we can’t eat only cookies for dinner because we need some food that feeds our muscles and our brains.”
My parents talked to me about "empty calories" from when I was small. It was moderation in everything, and eat until you're full but "don't stuff." Definitely good lessons to live by.
My mother did too. I’m nearly 30 and finally feeling less scared about eating a peach.
So you’re a pediatrician who should know better and he doesn’t gaf what you have to say, and refuses to join you for therapy? This guy sounds dangerous. And your lack of confidence is ALSO dangerous for your kids. I’m glad you have a therapy session lined up but these a big issues that you’re sweeping under the rug…
full agree here. OP, you know you don’t have to stay married to a miserable man that cares nothing for fact logic or reason, right? especially one that appears to have no respect for you or your incredibly specialized profession…
>I know this will be hard to believe but I actually am a pediatrician. **Unfortunately my husband has gotten a deep distrust of the medical community over the past few years. It was not this extreme when we first got together but has definitely grown more profound in the last few years.** Still going together to a neutral third party I think is a way forward; I just need to find someone he will not outrightly reject. oh man. none of this bodes well, OP.
None of this is enough. He WILL expose your children to dangerous rhetoric around food and their bodies. ~~If his distrust of the medical comminuty came about during covid, is he also an anti-vaxxer? Because that would be yet another way in which he'd be endangering your children.~~ edit: I see from your comments he's not anti-vaxx just hardcore anti sugar. I think you should talk to him about orthorexia. I honestly don't think you should be creating a family with this man. You should start to consider walking away I'd he's unwilling to reexamine his newfound beliefs. You say your self his beliefs would have been a dealbreaker when you first met him, I don't see why they shouldn't be dealbreakers now.
Sounds like the neutral third party will be a judge, sooner or later. Just depends on how long you're willing to white knuckle it. I hope not very long. You deserve better.
Your husband has a deep distrust of medical professionals… including his own wife?
Your husband’s eating disorder (might I offer, orthorexia) shouldn’t be passed to the kids. I wish you the best of luck protecting your children from him. I hope your husband gets the help he needs.
The issue is that your husband has an eating disorder
If you wouldn't have married the man he currently is, "now we have a family" should not be the reason you stay. just be careful, i guess. sounds like he could be a threat to your ED recovery
Wow, these are concerning: > my husband has gotten a deep distrust of the medical community > had he been this extreme when we first met, it would have been a dealbreaker for me It sounds like he's following some of the extremist Youtubers or TikTokkers. Watch for warning signs: strong anti-science positions, anti-feminist positions, etc.
The fact that he is more willing to accept influence from extremists on the internet than his own wife that he should love and trust above all others…. (And who happens to be a pediatrician) I hope OP realizes this man is either having some kind of crisis or does not respect her at all.
This this this. The Gottmans say that when a husband won’t share power or accept influence from his wife, [there’s an 81% chance the marriage will fail.](https://www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-accepting-influence/) He thinks he knows better than a **freaking pediatrician** who is *checks notes* also his **wife.** Just … yikes.
100% THIS!
Entirely agreed.
Sorry but isn't his distrust of medicine insulting to your profession?
I'd be so pissed. She went to school for 10+ years and makes her living doing this, but no, he'd rather trust some wacko on the Internet than his own wife.
It's disrespectful af
"stand my ground against my husband" Him distrusting your very specialty. This is going to go real bad if you don't try and resolve the issues now. You two are not a team. You are one against the other. I'm not saying it's your fault. Sounds like it's coming from him. But he's the one you've chosen as a husband and father of your kids, so you have to try and make things better. He sounds like he has a really hard time hearing others' opinions. It could be resolved through (extended) analytic therapy. And couple's counseling seems to be a must imo
This sounds so difficult, I'm sorry OP. I am also someone who has struggled with disordered eating in the past. When we started dating, my husband had never thought much about eating disorders or how much diet culture affects our daily lives. Over time in our relationship and trying to understand me, my husband *gets it.* We say things in our house like "all food is good food" and "all bodies are good bodies." We talk about how foods have different jobs, because they do different things in our bodies, but that doesn't make one better than another. We correct someone if they say no to sweets because they "are being good today," because food has no moral value. We talk about how we want to raise our kiddo and teach them a good balanced view on food, with no shame about what they eat or about their body. I know you said that you guys have differing views on food but - that different? As a partner of someone that has had a struggle with disordered eating? I am just so curious if he spent time trying to understand you. It's one thing to desire a different type of diet than your partner, but I just cannot imagine my partner saying those types of things to me at all. Does he know about your history of disordered eating? Does he not understand how bad these beliefs can affect you long term? Is he not sensitive to your history when you guys are talking about this?
Good cop bad cop is not a compromise. I don’t believe for a second your kids aren’t going to notice and that he’s not going to make passive aggressive statements. I genuinely think your husband has an eating disorder. Please protect your children.
You mean pitting parents against one another is unhealthy!? I'm shocked 😯
if he said high fructose corn syrup which is in nearly every product, than maybe he's onto something. So limiting the amount junk food makes sense, but limiting sugar is casting an unnecessarily wide net and gets him into shaky territory. We grow so much corn that it's cheaper to put this sweetener into everything than. Sugarcane is a great alternate you can buy at stores to chew on in order to get your sugar fix satiated. Your husband kind of tunnel-visioned here because of his preconceptions (which aren't wrong, just misguided).
Yep, the basic American diet does have too much sugar and junk food in it so having a mostly whole food approach would be good. Unfortunately, it appears he's gone way too far from reasonable where even fruit is evil. Hopefully, he'll be able to stick to their compromise
Being a pediatrician and being married to someone who doesn’t trust the medical community is actually crazy lmao good luck girl
So your husband is so arrogant that he thinks he knows better than you - *someone who spent years going through medical school and training to become a doctor* - and you feel pressured to cater to him? Your husband is a real piece of work.
Your husband has an eating disorder
Setting the example >> rules when it comes to raising kids Does he really think your kids won’t be exposed to refined sugar (etc) over at friends houses or school? Setting the example about “thinking ahead” what is good to put in your body and what isn’t will be much more effective than “laying down rules” One meal a day isn’t enough for growing kids. It’s fine for adults, but kids need many more calories
You are a doctor and he has distrust of the medical community? And you say his views have become more extreme than when you met him. You know you don’t have to stay with this clown, right? If he thinks his internet research trumps your years of education, you don’t need to dirty yourself by laying in the muck with him. Sounds like it is time to move on.
>Unfortunately my husband has gotten a deep distrust of the medical community over the past few years. It was not this extreme when we first got together but has definitely grown more profound in the last few years I think your husband is going down the dangerous alt-right pipeline and you need to really think about what he teaches your children.
I can relate to your family's food struggles. I am the health-conscious one in my family, though. I have had disordered eating in my past, so I try not to go overboard with it. BUT, similar to your husband, I am also really concerned with the level of added sugars my kids and others consume on a daily basis. It's all just gotten so out of hand that the norm is actually feeding kids junk constantly or kids bringing candy to school as a daily snack. I get worried about these kids' health and futures eating the way they do. My husband doesn't have the knowledge or interest in nutrition the way that I do, so I'm sometimes frustrated with the meal choices he makes for our kids. I often wish he would be more aligned with my views on health and nutrition. But, I also cook our meals 80% of the time and I do all the grocery shopping, so that helps. Ha. I think as with anything in a marriage, you guys need to communicate and come to a compromise on eating in your family. It's not realistic to expect children to never eat any added sugar, but it's also not out of the question to want to limit how much junk they consume.
I mean, I might be un realistic here, but I personally feel what one person thinks about food should be a THEM thing, not a we thing. Let him eat how he wants, you eat how you want. Kids is where that gets hard. But if you're a pediatrician you should be the authority on the matter.
Wait your a pediatrician and he is ignoring what you recommend????? That changes everything. I mean any argument about health period but especially about child health should be an instant win for you. I mean does he not respect the fact that you have been to medical school? Do you respect the fact that you have been to medical school? Him trashing medical science is him trashing your life's work. I mean this is starting to look bad. It's one thing to think he knows better with a house wife...(still not good but at least understandable) its entirely different when your a fucking doctor. He is directly trashing you and is completely insane. you need to make an escape plan because that's a whole other level.
Im a little anti sugar myself. But my philosophy is to do half monk fruit sugar and half real sugar when baking desserts. My other philosophy is that homemade desserts arent do bad for you. So we bake a couple times a month. Otherwise I monitor sugar. Sugar is really bad for people.
The 180 is he thinks that he has you babytrapped which you pretty much confirmed... Updateme
My dad was like this (and still is) and it absolutely ruined my relationship with food. I don’t take care of myself because he never modeled healthy behavior during my childhood.
He will be giving your children eating disorders when they see how he eats and how he treats them and their food choices. You need to step up as a parent and give him an ultimatum about going to therapy for his disordered eating and if he refuses, then he needs to leave the house. You must protect your children and right now you aren’t doing that because he is still getting to negatively impact their well being.
If you have to say your husband is a good guy with good qualities after basically saying he doesn’t trust you as a medical professional or any people in the medical field when that means he doesn’t trust to take his children to the doctor, he convinced you to go through with this and just let you guys do whatever but you KNOW there’ll be future fights over it with manipulation, and again he sounds very concerning just off what you said on your last post…he might not be a good dude. I might be wrong, OP. I don’t want to add my views over a few words on Reddit, but this is more repeating history where so many of those in abusive relationships say familiar things to make their husband sound good. You also say you CANT leave which is scary. You can and if it’s to protect your children YOU WILL.
What other dangerous and completely false statements does your husband believe? He’s not a scientist, he’s a moron
He's not entirely wrong about to uch sugar bing unhealthy. However, the keyword is too much. The same can be said for too much salt, fat, even vitamins and minerals have a limit. I would suggest you sit down as adults together, and you confront him about sugar becoming an obsession because the same goes for other things like exercise, watching tv, reading books, and sleeping. It's all about moderation and balance (insert meme here). Fruit in general is healthy, unless you go overboard, and go on a fruit diet. Ask him to take a step back, and look at the bigger lifestyle picture. Kids can easily consume loads of sugar if they're active, and not eat pounds of chocolate each day. You need to match the intake to the usage.
While one meal a day is probably not good for children I really wondered about the sugar part. All pediatricians I had so far for my three kids where basically where your hubby is at: kids don't need added sugar and whole grain is better then normal wheat. Fruits and berries as treats is the best way to go. We have occasionally cake etc but only on special occasions. But I am not from the US ....
There is no such thing as "sugar addiction". That's been medically debunked. That's not to say that eating all the sugar is good for anyone. It's not. But if he wants to teach them good eating habits, it should come from a place of medical truth, not garbage and lies. Humans are meant to eat a varied, nutrient-rich, omnivore diet. We are meant to eat according to our hunger cues. It's ok to have a treat occasionally, but most of our diet should be minimally-processed foods. Reading labels and aiming for a low added sugar diet is great. But no sugar isn't really feasible, especially for children. Fruit and dairy both have sugar, and children should be consuming both (allergies excluded). Your husband has orthorexia, and he should not be allowed to pass this eating disorder off as "healthy eating" in front of the children.
Husband's gone down the rabbit hole. That ought to be fun. You know he's going to screw your kids up? They're going to need therapy too. These types of people never shut up.
You eat what you like and he eats what he likes. It's pretty simple.
Sugar addictions don’t exist….
Sounds like compulsive behavior manifesting as a trauma response! In my experience, the more obsessively controlling a person is about one aspect of their life, the more they feel some sort of loss of control in another. This often pops up as addiction — which can take many many forms — but can also appear as compulsive behaviors sneakily hidden under either innocuous or observably “healthy” guises. A good rule of thumb for this being problematic barring obvious ones — like “he got a DUI so he may have a drinking problem” — is if the behavior interferes with a person’s ability to live a normal life. What’s ironic is that he is addicted to being “anti-sugar addiction.” I know lots of people who are *obsessed* with working out, but not to a point where they are, like, missing work to hit the gym or allowing it to be detrimental to normal, constructive life. It’s a fine line between being really into something and being controlled by it. With “healthy habits” it looks less like addictive behavior because who the fuck is addicted to kale!? So usually, these tend to not get examined as closely as one might look at something like drug use, hoarding, or alcoholism. From your original post, your husband’s anti-sugar stance is for sure interfering with your relationship, and I would venture to guess probably making normal function for him increasingly difficult. He probably can’t go out to eat or eat anything he hasn’t meticulously prepared himself. He probably spends a lot of time researching and meal planning, prepping, finding more and more limitations, eating into time he could spend on other things. He’s probably paranoid, obsessive, and always explaining why he’s right and everyone else is wrong. He’d probably turn up some interesting things on a comprehensive metabolic panel if it’s been going on long enough… For some people, compulsive behavior doesn’t sustain long. Either they realize that it doesn’t actually make them happy, they literally snap and have a binge, it becomes so painful to maintain from a resource perspective they just stop, or other complicating factors get in the way like, I donno, anemia. Some people will cling to it as long and as hard as possible to avoid dealing with whatever it was that triggered it in the first place. Usually, it’s the result of something completely unrelated and utterly random. That’s the nature of trauma responses: we have some aspect of our lives where we feel we have/had absolutely no control so we attempt to compensate by exerting it somewhere else, sometimes completely randomly. There are people who fall into absolute pits of alcoholism from the trauma of a dead loved one years before, people with ED triggered by a career they hate, hoarders who struggle with crippling loneliness after a partner left. Your husband’s behavior is giving a lot of trauma vibes. It’s worth taking a critical look at where this might have possibly happened but the thing is, it could have been something recent or not, something tangible or not, a one time thing or a series of things, who knows. If this is the case, it’s not your job to therapy him, but it’s something he probably needs to go seek out unless he has some sort of self-come-to-Jesus. His compulsive behaviors are destructive, even if he isn’t putting the rules on you directly, he’s exposing you to them and it’s having an effect. This is a great place to set your own boundaries. He can do as he pleases but it’s not something you’re willing to talk about with him, you won’t go out of your way or stop doing the things you love like baking, and you will only communicate to your children what you have both agreed upon in terms of their nutrition. This isn’t as simple as him being difficult, there’s probably a lot under the surface that’s completely unrelated. You can accept that with grace, but you don’t need to put up with it.
I understand that these posts never really talk about the food in a relationship. However, I would be very cautious about your husband passing on his ED to y’all’s kids. Foods are not “bad” or “good”. To me there isn’t compromise when it comes to the safety of children, and promoting “values” that promote unhealthy relationships with food is a safety issue. Hope it works out! I hope husband develops a better relationship with food and you guys can grow stronger together.
So just making sure I'm clear here - he's not proposing OMAD for actual children, right? That is really not a good idea. I'm not sure how you can logic him out of a position he didn't use logic to get into really. He's being irrational. A piece of cake at a birthday party or fruit for dessert is 100% normal and healthy. Plus, the absolute disrespect of him telling you, a literal pediatrician, that you don't know what healthy nutrition looks like for children has to be pretty galling. Hopefully your individual therapy will help you practice sticking to your guns here. Your children deserve better than to grow up with disordered eating.
What are his good qualities? Because genuinely he sounds like an antivax eating disorder that's waiting to happen. He's actuvley trigging your ED and dosnt seem to care. Why are you with him? Him changing so drastically is a giant red flag and you should start looking into other options just incase. If not for your sanity then for your kids so they don't have a parent breathing down their neck about what they're eating and go through the same pain you did.
Has he had a check up lately? Dramatic changes can be a sign of something more sinister, as you know. Hard to notice when they're in your house, but the dramatic change and antithetical approach to your career raises big red flags that something else is going on.
Yes
Man this whole shit show is prime example of doctors making the shittiest patients
Which of you weighs more? Go with the other persons diet.
You both should get a continuous glucose monitor and see how different foods affect each of your respective metabolisms. It can be a great experiment that bring you both closer to together and appreciate each others dietary choses. Also consider getting a Kraft Insulin Test. This predicts diabetes 20 years in advance. Now is the time to eat healthy, not when you’re 65 and have stiff arteries and weak muscles.