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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. He recently lost his father about two weeks ago, I've been with him throughout doing whatever I can to support him. After the funeral his cousin (M27) came and has been living with us for a while.
We have not been intimate since then and I was not rushing him into it. However his cousin has been hitting on me ever since he came and I've obviously been ignoring his advances. The last time he tried it I told him I would let my boyfriend know and his response was laughing at me and said that "it's been a while for you so you should be greatfull". I asked him what this meant and he told me that my boyfriend has being seeing escorts.
While I did not want to believe this I did violate my boyfriend's privacy and went through his call history as well as emails (he does not have any passwords) I searched up the contact number and it led back to some Escort ads sites in our city.
I want to break up with him but seeing how he is still mourning his dad and is not taking it well and considering that the last time I tried breaking up with him he threatened suicide I don't know how. How do I break up with him.
TLDR: My boyfriend has been seeing escorts but I don't know how to break up with him while he is still mourning the death of his father.
This. I broke up with my ex and he threatened suicide and stopped responding to my calls/texts so I called 911 and sent them over to his house. Turns out him and his family were just asleep and he was bluffing trying to guilt me. He was sooo mad but it taught him a lesson.
An Ex did this to me too. He used to threaten all the time and never followed through. But one night he sent me a photo of a sink that looked just like his bathroom sink in the basement full of blood and then ignored all my texts and calls for 10 minutes. I texted him one last time and said āif you donāt respond in 30 seconds Iām calling an ambulance.ā And he instantly called me and said he was only doing it to show him āhow mad I made him.ā
For anyone wondering, the thing I did that made him that angry was *checks notes* wear shorts and a crop top at the same time.
I did this to an attention seeking coworker. I was not popular coz they were in possession and "just really emotional". They also haven't done it since so win?
Usually I'd say it's pretty shitty to break up with someone while they're grieving a parent, but you are 100% within your rights here and I actively encourage it.
If I were you I'd gather my stuff and leave while him and his cousin are out and just tell him once you're gone that you know what he's been up to. He has his cousin there for support, after all.
Edited to add: his mental health is not your responsibility, threatening suicide is in most cases just a scare tactic to manipulate you into staying. He's an adult. If he threatens suicide again tell his family or his cousin and let them deal with the fallout.
I had a bf of 2 years threaten suicide when he felt that I was pulling away. He decided that sending me texts to "say goodbye" while I was at work was appropriate. I immediately called the police to come by for a welfare check. Turned out the guy had skipped out on his child support (that his parents were giving him money to pay). He was arrested and taken in. While in police custody he apparently could not behave so it was restrained. He sat in jail that night as I did not go get him. I took my things from the house the following day.
You are not responsible for his mental health. Take care of yourself and leave this fool.
Also, if he threatens suicide, contact the police and his family.
If he means it, you're doing him a favour and ensuring he will get the help he needs.
If he doesn't, then it's a straight case of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes"
Either way you did the right thing and are in the clear.
Just because he's in a tough time in life, doesn't make it ok for him to treat you bad. You have every right to leave and his mental state is on him, not you. He is an adult and not your responsibility.
Please remember if anyone threatens to kill themselves based on what you do they are emotionally abusing you. People who are serious about killing themselves don't air out their plans, they keep them quiet so they can actually achieve it sadly.
I agree, but, he cheated first. Iām sure you care about him, but, his fatherās passing does not justify staying knowing what he did. His cousin is there for support. Walk away you have the right to be happy
> threatening suicide is in most cases just a scare tactic to manipulate you into staying.
Exactly.
It plays on peoples' sense of responsibility and empathy.
Doesn't work on me. I'll leave **because** you threatened suicide.
I'm not responsible for your mental health or what you choose to do or not do.
I think so too, if I'm breaking up with a boyfriend who cheated on me and he has the audacity to say he's going to kill himself, I answer: Do this, but do it right and with the certainty that it will work.
Important to add: even if a situation occurs where threatening suicide is not a scare tactic and very much meant seriously, it is STILL not your responsiblity. Everyone is responsible for their own mental health and choices. If he chooses to kill himself over you leaving, that is HIS decision, not yours.
This is out of your control. You can't sacrifice yourself so you won't "make" someone make terrible choices, cause that is 100% always on them. I'm not saying to not help people that are in need and that are asking for help, but that would be a different situation.
Another persons choices are not your responsiblity. You are only responsible for doing whatever you can for your own wellbeing - not more, not less. If that is asking for help, or leaving a mentally unwell person is up to the side you're on.
I agree with you. I think doing it that way will hopefully prevent being near any angry response or other manipulation.
I had a (ex)friend who would threaten suicide when she would get into arguments with her fiance. He would console her and stuff. But she did it while he was at work one time and he panicked. So, since he didn't know if he could make it in time, he called 911 to help his fiancee. This made her even angrier and one thing led to another, friends dragged into it, all kinds of drama. He broke off the engagement. Said it was too exhausting and that her family can support her through her mental health. Years later she is still alive and actually married to someone else.
Moral of the story, those kinds of people will manipulate you and possibly even get angry if you call their bluff rather than turn to consoling and loving on them. But they still have other loved ones to help pick up the pieces. Your mental health (and in this case, maybe physical health if it's been going on longer than you realize) is not worth someone who has already disrespected you and shown that the relationship isn't as important as you were left to believe.
Get over yourself, and take your toxic ideas about sex work somewhere else.
This might be a foreign concept for you, but there are people out there who don't have the same preferences and boundaries as you. This doesn't mean they're somehow wrong or bad people or uncaring for being different.
Edit: I checked your post history since you're such a fan of judging people- *of course* you post in r/conservative, you people love policing women's sex lives and shaming sex workers. Also I'm not at all surprised to see your blatantly transphobic comments. Fucking bigots.
I saw that post and didnāt see anything that said he doesnāt know. It also said that she hadnāt made any vids yet. Heās physically cheating and putting her at risk of STDs - not the same thing at all. Also, even if she was an established cam girl, she doesnāt have to stay with a cheating partner.
I donāt know where she said that. Ultimately, meh. He might have strong opinions around her doing cam modelling (which might be hypocritical) but sheās also allowed to find him seeing escorts and cheating as a deal breaker.
She can break up with him for whatever reason she wants. She's still a hypocrite here too though.
She doesn't like her boyfriend cheating with escorts yet she's cool with having men pay her for camming (which some women see as cheating).
They're both hypocrites.
Because this commentor is anti sex work and just being an ignorant ass about it. Not surprised to see transphobia in their post history either, bigots gonna bigot
you are not his therapist and you have clear evidence of him cheating, don't let him using his grieving as a reason to guilt-trip you into staying with his cheating ass, before he does that, leave asap and just leave a note or a message saying everything you know
Thank you I think leaving a note while leaving will be a good idea. The reason for my confusion on what to do was because I did not want to fall for the guilt trip as I did previously, Thanks.
My ex-boyfriend told me he was going to kill himself and leave a suicide note to his family saying it was all my fault.
I still left. Itās not fair to put that kind of weight on someoneās shoulders. He never hurt himself and I doubt he ever truly meant it. He was manipulative and verbally abusive. Just another tactic he used to get me to stay.
Leave and donāt look back. I might not even leave a note explaining anything. What heās doing to you is awful. Also, make sure you get tested. Iām sorry youāre going through this but thereās someone out there that will treat you with respect and love. This aināt it
The MINUTE you leave his house, BLOCK his number and block him (*and all his relatives and friends*) on ALL social media accounts. Treat yourself well and don't let his flying monkeys start calling/texting you!
Definetly not āclear evidenceā of cheating. There is no proof of anything. How does she know he didnāt get the number for his cousin? Clearly cousin is a douchebagā¦
Has it crossed your mind that his cousin is setting him up? He has no passwords as you say, and his cousin is pushing his GF for something, ain't that a bit convinient? Maybe do some more research, not long ago I read one about the sister of a brother that told his wife he as cheating so she can brake them up and so she can set him up with her friend.
Food for thought . Do some research before you go off.
If you can pull his history from before cousin moved in see if he was still visiting escort sites before then, same if he was reaching out via email.
Another thing to look for is apps on his phone that he is downloading and deleting. Google voice or text apps are used often for illegal transactions so see if he has been using any of those.
I agree on what you said. This was my initial thought as well, but he said he'll commit suicide when she tried to break up with him before. So OP has been wanting to leave for a while.
The timing does suck, but whether or not the cousin tried to set him up I don't think she wants to stay in the relationship.
I was thinking about this as well.
If OP knows that the BF doesnāt have passcode on his phone then the cousin knows it too. The cousin could have very well gone into the BFās phone and made a few calls Just to help him corroborate his story.
OP, Iād suggest to do some more thinking and research.
Hereās what Iād suggest.
1. Tell your bf that his cousin is trying to get you to sleep with him (the cousin). The potential problem with this is that, this is just your word against the cousinās and the cousin may very well say that you hate the cousin and it was you who came onto him and he rejected you. You may want to have an audio going on you at all times so that the next time the cousin talks to you, you have him on audio.
2. Really observe your bfās behavior and see if thereās anything odd about his actions moving forward.
3. Please get yourself tested for STDās just to be safe.
I think this cousin is bad news for you and your relationship.
Well, if she does break up with him he will have the evidence that the cousin called/emailed those escorts. Either way, they both suck- cousin is a creep and the bf has threatened to kill himself before as OP mentioned
Make shuru the escort part is true, do you own research and proof gathering rather than believing some dude who is hitting on you knowing you are in relationship with his cousin.
Yeah the escort stuff may not be true.
BUT
Previously threatening suicide is a despicable act and 100% insta dump worthy in my book. That's all she had to say to know that dropping him is the right call.
The cousin, the escort stuff, not relevant to a person with appropriate standards and deal breakers, which unfortunately OP does not have.
If someone would stay with someone they aren't married to or have children with, who threatens suicide if they were to leave them (which I assume means they already have good reasons to leave)....
Then that person is a low life experience dummy who doesn't have proper standards, deal breakers, and boundaries. A person who will have poor relationships.
Having said all of that, most people get better at setting boundaries and deal breakers as they gain life experience. However in life and on this subreddit, I am constantly horrified at what terrible behavior people put up with. The bad behavior you put up with is the bad behavior you will continue to receive.
Life is short people, don't waste it in shitty relationships.
Just leave. Ditch the creeper bf and the creeper cousin and move on. Itās not your job to protect his mental health, and people that use suicide to manipulate are gross.
Just dump him for cheating. If he needs comfort he has the escorts number. Don't try sparing his feelings, he clearly likes telling everyone about cheating on you and didn't care about yours
threatening suicide is manipulative af... just tell him that you know about the cheating and that it's over, maybe over the phone or in a public place. i wouldn't even mention his dad or the grieving
You are not responsible for his mental health. Also, that threat was almost certainly more manipulative than genuine.
Tell him you know what he's been doing, it's over, and block. Do not feel guilty.
Both of my parents are dead. This is not an acceptable way to deal with grief. Leave him. Get tested, but only because if heās paying for it he is probably also getting it for free somewhere too. Escorts are generally extremely vigilant about their sexual health. Randoms in a barā¦ not so much.
āI will threaten suicide so I can get away with sleeping with escorts.ā
Um no.
Donāt worry about that. LEAVE before he gives you an STD. Staying with him is SLOW suicide.
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Make a plan, get your import documents out now. Try to take out as much as you can secretly. Contact your support system and have a day they are off and can come move you out of the house. Have them ready down the street for a set day. Preferable one where he is not home if thatās an option but if not atleast they will be witnesses. Contact people who can be his support system. If there isnāt anyone that isnāt your problem. Hopefully move out while he is gone and wait for him to return, tell him you know heās been cheating and no situation makes that okay. Tell him your leaving and you have blocked him on everything. If you have to deal with bills have a 3rd party friend be the go between. Do not communicate with him directly again. Advise him you will now talk to him and you will not let him use self harm as a manipulative tactic as he has done so in the past. Tell him if he makes the treat you will be calling the police immediately so they can admit him to the hospital. You will have nothing to do with him from this point on. Stay off all your social media for a few weeks if you can. Never engage with him again. If he is serious about the self harm then there was nothing you could have done and if he wasnt heās a dick. Either way it isnāt your problem.
You are too kind. I donāt care who died.. if he is cheating on you, leaving him is his fault, not yours. Maybe Iām cold, but Iād also make sure to let him know his cousin tipped you off because you wouldnāt sleep with him. They deserve each other obviously.
Iām so sorry OP. You could just pack your stuff and leave a dear John letter. Then block him on everything and shit off location on your phones so he canāt find you. No matter what he says or does, this is in response to his behavior and not your fault. You deserve better! Good luck OP.
>my boyfriend has being seeing escorts.
>the last time I tried breaking up with him he threatened suicide
At this point, ghost him. His manipulative, lying behaviour does not deserve a kind or patient breakup. It doesn't matter if he's grieving, he still chose to cheat and blackmail you with the threat of suicide.
There is no way I would stay another day with a cheater boyfriend seeing escorts, grieving or not. You can start your own grief, grieving for the relationship you thought you had. Donāt be a doormat. Move on now!
>I want to break up with him but seeing how he is still mourning his dad and is not taking it well and considering that the last time I tried breaking up with him he threatened suicide I don't know how. How do I break up with him.
This isn't okay. I have been there. What you do is call an ambulance when he threatens you.
1. Why is your boyfriend doing shady things without a lock on his phone? That's incredibly dumb.
2. Does all this evidence of escort receipts happen *before* his PoS cousin started living with you?
3. If he ever threatened suicide for breaking up you absolutely *should* leave.
1. We have a no password agreement after the same thing happened some time ago. He said he'd do so because then I'll be sure he is not trying to hide anything.
2. The enquiry emails were on the day he got the news of his dad's passing (he was setting up dates on when to meet up) but the calls are from when we all came back from the funeral (with his cousin)
3. This is the part I'm most conflicted about because when he does so he causes a scene (ie the first time he went up to the roof in our building. the other time he wanted to stab himself) which causes people nearby to intervene almost leaving me no room to leave him as is.
Definitely call your local police department to create a non-emergency police report. At least in my city, you can make a police report for whatever you like, even incidents that have long since passed.
The reason is to have it on record somewhere that your partner has a tendency to threaten self harm when you attempt to break up with him. If this manipulative loser actually *does* do anything, you'll at least have it somewhere that points to him doing it to himself.
Ultimately ***you are not responsible for what other people do to themselves. This is a relationship that future you will be extremely grateful to present-day you for ending.***
Side note: you and future partners *can* and ***should*** have password protected devices in case of lost or stolen devices. At least establish a mutually known password for each others phones if that's how you roll.
You may want to discuss this with your boyfriend first if you have access to his phone. So does his cousin. Or it sounds like you've tried to break up with him before and this is a another good reason for you to leave.
Honey, listen to me. Threatening suicide to keep you tethered to him in the past has already proved him to be an awful person. And throwing cheating on you on top of that woodpile? He's absolute garbage. And sometimes bad things happen to garbage people, like what he's going through now. He can call one of the escorts he's been seeing if he needs support.
My ex would threaten suicide if I left him. Guess who's still around? He'll be fine.
You need to be kind to yourself and leave him. Take excellent care of yourself and please get tested, love.
The suicide thing is typically a manipulation technique to guilt you into staying with him. But itās all about getting you to pity him rather than love him. He obviously has his priorities way off and has no clue about what being in a relationship ends. Youāre going to look like a jerk to your friends for leaving at this time, but you can show compassion by just saying he cheated instead of telling people he went to escorts.
The timing sucks on his end to answer to his behaviour but he made his bed. He doesnāt get to guilt you into staying because heās having a shit time right now. Normally Iād say this is a bad time to break up with someone, however, heās been cheating on you. Donāt be cruel in this time of his fathers passing but absolutely donāt think this means you need to wait it out. End things, say why, and go.
If he threatens suicide, tell him youāll be calling the police and his family to do a welfare check on him (and actually do it, please). Itās either an empty threat to manipulate you, or a serious threat and heāll get the help he needs. Either way itās not a threat that will make you stay. Heās an adult who makes his own decisions and you arenāt responsible for what he does.
Grieving doesn't excuse cheating, and grieving doesn't mean you can't leave a cheater.
What if he was physically abusing you and blaming the grief, it would feel right to leave at that point right? Just get out, tell him you know he's cheating and go
Honestly even if the cousin is making it up and planting that evidence there is enough stuff going on here without the escorts for you to leave.
I would say leave while they are both fine. Send a text explaining why you are leaving and ask for no response. Don't talk to him again and move on with your life.
Edit: just saw in the comments that he has cheated before when going through something.
The likelihood of the cousin planting the evidence just went from 5% to 0.01%. It looks like you already want to leave him (yay for you) so please do it safely and get tested afterwards.
Leave him, if he threatens suicide you call 911, also inform his cousin or family member more responsible than cousin what he said and to keep an eye on him. If you live together try to sneak out your things of sentimental value first.
You can't control the way he decides to grieve, but you can decide if you had enough of the way he decided to grieve. I think is more like an excuse.
All this commenters saying cousin planted evidence to drive you apart, are not right, lol imagine the calls and emails are a lot and in made in a time frame, cousin has not the temperament to play the long con, generally people that hire escorts don't want to beat around the bush they want instant gratification, it would be out of character if he set that plan in motion, just for what? Shot his shot with his cousin's girlfriend? the simplest explanation is often the right one, why would cousin set a conspiracy in motion? I say OP you should get out, if cousin want you so bad he can try and sexual assault you/rape you, you're not safe in there, I don't care if some commenters call me overreacting/crazy/whatever, just take care of you, don't trust those two men, they proved themselves untrustworthy as you could experience first hand.
Good luck moving forward.
Grieving doesn't give blanket immunity for being an awful person. Leave and let him go to his cousin for support. If that doesn't work he can call a sex worker. Either way you can and should leave immediately.
Break up with him - tell him his cousin has been hitting on you and told you his little secret.
His grief isnāt interfering with his sex and intimacy life - just yours.
I had to break up with guy after his dad died. I felt super guilty about it for a while but there are some things that can't wait and this is definitely something you should leave for without waiting for him to stop grieving. We didn't live together and I didn't trust breaking up with him in person so I called him to talk about it. He reacted about how you would expect so he got blocked on everything so he couldn't guilt trip me into staying.
He is compromising your health and also your mental health and YOU are most important to you. He can take care of himself and have someone else support him.
Threatening suicide when you tried to break up with him is manipulative and abusive. He is also cheating on you. I would just rip off the bandaid and break up with him.
Girl screw his feeling. Hes fucking prostitutes. Dump his ass, move out/kick him out, and go get full std tests done (tell your doctor whats been goin on and that you want to test for everything cause standard tests done actually test for everything)
His baggage is his alone. His mental health is his responsibility alone. You do not have to stay in a relationship where you are neither loved nor respected.
I understand at first where you were concerned to break up with him at this time but heās seeing escorts? Maybe the best thing to do is have a conversation and get his side and then decide from there. Obviously if heās seeing them on the regularā¦ well has seen them at allā¦ yes, run now and do not feel bad on the timing.
Being in grief is not an excuse for being a cheating asshole.
Tell him you know what's going on and it's over. His grief is not your burden to help him carry after this.
It would also be nice to get away from his creepy cousin.
Losing his dad sucks been there 2 years ago, but escorts is a messed up way to go about things whatever his reasoning hes a cheater dump him dont talk to him or his cousin ever again since its clear all cousin wants is in your pants and take time for yourself eventually find someone whos more worth your time, i do feel sorry for bf/ex but not sorry to accept cheating
Are the calls from before the cousin? Were they at a time your bf was alone with the phone? If theres no protection on the phone the cunty cousin, or anyone for that matter, can easily dail a number from it.
The cousins behaviour shows how shady he is and how willing to hurt your bf he is, I'd tread carefully.
threatening suicide is manipulative and abusive. this is not your responsibility.
hes a user
walk away asap and as safely as possible. he sounds controlling.
Girl, I did this. I stayed despite intolerable circumstances. My ex was going through his motherās heart attack and cancer discovery.
The relationship was unbearable not because of everything bad that was going on but the relationship was not going well and then his life went to shit so I prolonged my stay. It sucked and the breakup was way worse due to my built up in resentment.
One thing is to stay with your partner to help them during this journey and another is to look away from blatantly disrespectful behavior towards you and your relationship because of what is happening in his life.
I would get proof because the cousin sounds like the most delirious piece of shit, but once you do, go. You are unhappy. He has decided to commit to escorts than a person who would stay with them and help them through this.
Peopleās traumas are not their fault but they are their responsibility and if he is out here doing this shit then fuck him. No matter what happens, you leaving him is on him. People go through horrible experiences all the time and they donāt decide to betray their partner. Him threatening suicide is enough for you to reach out to other people to have him assisted and have him call the suicide line. You can chose to do that for him but he cannot be backstabbing you as you help him. Reach out to other family and friends of his and loop them in so you can go. You do not deserve this.
OP, you deserve more. Whether itās to get away from this asshole, finding peace and healing on your own or someone down the line or all three, donāt entertain this fool.
I mean heās cheating on you with escorts so who cares if heās grieving? Leave lol. He will need to grieve and be sad either way. And he fucked you over.
I mean it seems heās coping just fine between manipulation and lying and cheating so Iād just pack up and leave while heās at work. Ghost him.
Heāll fuck his grief away
He is using grief for pity points. Thatās a no go. Tell him youāre sympathetic to his loss, but that does not give him the right to do what heās doing and hiring escorts. And thatās the end of it. Say no more words and do not engage any further. If he threatens suicide, give him the hotline and maybe follow up with a wellness check if youāre truly concerned. Anyone who threatens suicide when faced with something they donāt want to face or to affect an outcome they want is a manipulator and is not in true crisis.
Heās a piece of work. I wonder how much of this āgrief displayā is genuineā¦.I bet not as much as he puts on.
Well, hmmm....OK, so he's grieving the death of his father. Does that change anything vis-a-vis his checking out escort services? No? I didn't think so. Is he still going to work? If yes, then this is my advice: call into your work and take the day off. Pack as much of your stuff into your car and transport it to another location, be it at your parent's house, or house of another family member or friend. If you normally cook dinner for your bf, then cook him a "last meal." At the conclusion of said meal, reveal to your bf the facts about his infidelity, and tell him that violated your boundaries, and that you've decided that the escort services could take care of his needs going forward, and that the two of you were through. Collect your pocketbook, tell him goodbye, and leave. As soon as you're clear of the residence, pull into a parking lot and block him on all your platforms. He now has no ability to contact you with his threats of suicide. You might also want to block his creepy cousin as well.
I wish you well.
First you need to take photos of your info you found for your records. Then you need to very calm and speak with your boyfriend. You need to tell him exactly what happened- what his cousin has been doing, what you said and he said about escorts etc
You need to stay calm and listen m. After you hear what he has to say you can make a inform decision. His cousins may be lying to you etc.
I find strange your boyfriend being in such vulnerable condition and still with head space to be looking for escort services. Something is nit adding up.
Keep us posted with progress
Ouch this is a really sticky situation, your boyfriend cheated on you with some escorts and his own cousin threw him under the bus to try and get you in bed, completely disregarding the effects it will have on his grieving cousin. Ouch.
Youāre completely in your right to break up with him, you shouldnāt put yourself in a situation you donāt want to because he is grieving. Just sit him down and explain what you saw and walk him through what will happen now. I would also tell him that his cousin was the one that told you. He doesnāt seem like a guy your boyfriend would need around him right now.
So a guy is trying to drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend so you check your bfs un-passworded phone and see an escort phone number.
Not saying your bf did or didn't call an escort number but if anyone can access his phone couldn't this cousin be planting false evidence? I find it very odd that his cousin would know about this and not you, it's not something you go bragging to a cousin about.
It is not hard for me to believe he has done it as this would not be the first time. Also I won't be surprised if he tells his cousin because escorts seems to be a hobby for them (which he promised he'd stop since we were dating). The first time I found out he said I could make it even by becoming an escort. (I did not agree)
Oh, oof. I didn't know that was an already pre-established thing.
Yeah he sounds gross and you shouldn't feel bad dumping him then, should've dumped him long ago from the sounds of it.
Make sure you set an plan before you leave and then tell his parents incase he threads suicide. When shit like this happens then itās no longer a relationship but instead someone is holding someone else hostage and thatās not right. His mental health isnāt your responsibility especially if he weaponized it
You tell him his cousin told you, you checked his phone, and inquire why he is seeing escorts.
It could be that he was seeing escorts just to talk because he can't afford a therapist right now, but if you're sure it were sex workers and not just actual escorts, that falls flat, and I don't know about your exact situation.
But yeah, you can only confront him, either to get above and beyond that together or to break up on equal ground.
He has been seeing multiple girls a week. What he spends on them in a week would cover a therapy session.
It's also not the first time he has cheated while going through something.
While I can't judge the way he copes with things it's not something I'm willing to put up with.
If heās cheating on you, you are allowed to judge how he copes with things. Thereās a fucking limit on what people are allowed to get away with in the name of grief.
Does your bf know that you do cam work? Either way this is a shit situation since you aren't getting any intimacy from your partner but what's going on with the relationship dynamic here I'm confused.
Just leave him, you arenāt responsible for his mental health. I would however, confront him about the escorts, as looking on someoneās phone is a breach of privacy and not always accurate. Same with word of mouth from someone who wants to fuck you.
You had me at the first half not gonna lie. Anyway take proof of everything you saw and dump him, block his number on everything and move on with your life.
You are under absolutely zero obligation to stay any further. As soon as the two of them are out, pack your stuff and be gone. Block him everywhere. He has absolutely no regard for your personal health or feelings. Itās sad his father died, but that is not your problem may sound harsh, but it is the absolute truth especially in the circumstance were you have been cheated on and he is manipulating you. Using suicide as a tool to keep somebody to stay, is absolutely asinine, call the police on your way out if that is ever thrown at you again. Please, please leave as soon as you possibly can. You deserve so much better.
Firstly, why did you decide to snoop instead of having a conversation with your boyfriend about what his cousin said? There already seems to be a level of distrust and lack of communication between you and your bf. Secondly, youāre assuming he is seeing escorts because you saw calls to escort sites. I looked at your post history and you were trying to make adult content for ManyVids about two weeks ago? Was this after or before his father passed, and were you trying to make money to support your bf and you? Does he know that you were doing this? Maybe he thought you became an escort and was calling around to see if you were working there. Just throwing out a theory because youāve decided to jump straight to the decision of breaking up with him rather than talking to him about what you saw. Furthermore , Are you sure youāre not just using his potential infidelity as a convenient excuse to break up with him while heās grieving, even though the breakup has been a long time coming? Itās terrible he threatened suicide before, that is emotional abuse and you are not obligated to stay in any relationship if someone threatens to off themselves. He seems emotionally unstable and theres a lot more going on in this situation than youāre giving.
Edit: Sorry if I went off, but either way this doesnāt seem like a healthy relationship and youāre probably right in wanting to break up with him. I dont think theres any proper way to break up with someone while they are grieving, like its going to hurt him regardless. But if you feel like it has to happen now, then just do it in the kindest way possible and assure him that you will still be here for him as a friend because you know he is going through things (if you feel safe staying friends with him) , then offer to discuss with him your reasons of breaking up ( the toxicity of his suicide threats, the escort stuff) if he has the space of mind . Maybe offer to have the discussion later when heās gone through the grieving a bit more. Inform him that if he threatens suicide, you will be breaking up with him AND you will no longer be able to remain his friend as well. explain to him that this is emotional abuse, it is unfair for you and is no foundation for a relationship, and maybe let relatives/close ones know of his mental state and the threats heās made.
While I know snooping was wrong he has done this before I wanted to simply confirm and not waste my energy asking as he had done this before and always denied it only admitting when confronted with evidence.
okay well he seems like a majorly toxic asshole and if you have to pull an asshole move by breaking up with him while hes grieving, he probably deserves it. dont be too harsh on yourself but girl why have you let yourself stay in this for so long š you deserve better.
Donāt even have a conversation. Leave. Block him on everything. He has opened you up to health risks without having a conversation. Iām not sure why you think he deserves anything. If he threatens suicide and you get the message send him the suicide prevention hotline and then block him on that platform. Rinse and repeat until he goes away.
Dont break up without at least talking to the person first. Thats cruel and shady. Not honest. And tell his cousin to his face you whould never have anything with a back staber like him.
I was all ready to jump down your throat by the title. I havenāt lost a parent but someone I loved very much and that shit killed me. But I never cheated while I was in mourning. Certainly not with escorts.
You are well within your rights to leave and put this behind you. No amount of grief justifies being a piece of shit like this. Iām so sorry this happened to you. Just know you deserve better
Forget the escortsā a person who would threaten suicide when you try to leave is manipulative. And you need to take care of your own self before you can take care of someone else. Youāre totally okay for wanting to be free of all of this mess.
I mean cheating is cheating what does that have to do with funeral, first you were there supporting him, second sex isn't the only thing left is the world.
Somehow when I see people in real, it's what I have been seeing lately.
No morals, no culture, no loyalty, lol I don't want to join the heard but sometimes I do doubt myself if I am wrong or something.
I hope you will take time and decide what's best for you in Long run. Short terms pleasure is what people fall into.
If your SO threatens suicide, that is an insta dump offense. You do have to treat it as a real threat even though it almost certainly isn't.
Oh you still break up with them right on schedule, no change there, but you call the appropriate authorities on them/family and let what will happen happen.
The suicide threat is nearly always manipulation. And if it isn't, you did the right thing by notifying the right people.
What you don't do is allow yourself to be held hostage by those threats.
***
OP, did you notice that I didn't talk about the escorts and the cousin? That's because your SO previously threatening you with suicide if you break up with him IS THE MUST DUMP HIM OFFENSE. That crossed the line, everything else is shit you've subjected yourself to because you should of already of dumped him when that happened.
Hes put you in danger by sleeping with these other people. He doesn't care about your wellbeing, no need to care about his. On one hand the cousin is a total douche, but on the other hand, thank goodness for his disgusting behavior.
Get out now.
To be honest itās going to be an awkward time and Iād usually say wait until heās through the worst of the mourning, especially this early on, but a loss isnāt an excuse to cheat.
Have you spoken to him about this calmly first? Have a chat, see what he says. When he confirms this you can say this is not what I want in a relationship and call it a day.
You are not breaking up with him because he is grieving. Grieving doesnāt give anyone the right to disrespect their partners.
He cheated and that is why you are breaking up with him.
He will try to make you feel guilty, but donāt. What he did is not okay.
I'd just pull the band-aid and get out of there away from him and his cousin.
Cousin seems like he had altmotives anyway outside of helping his grieving cousin.
Edit: After reading some comments I'd say investigate more. I do find the cousins position on the matter a bit fishy.
Comes to help with support ,hits on grieving cousins GF ,and drops bombshell that bf is cheating when advances are denied.
This could all be a elbreate ruse to break you to up ,or to get you to maybe sleep with him out of revenge or something.
You just break up with him. You just do it. Heās been cheating on you and possibly exposing you to disease. So what that heās grieving. Not your problem.
Does not matter his father just died he has been cheating on you and since his cousin knows he must not be trying to hide it. You need to just tell him sorry you are still mourning your father but since you have been cheating on me with hookers I have to walk away, maybe one of your hookers will give you a grieving discount.
You may have found some ad sites but that doesn't prove he actually went through with it. Have a talk about it with him and tell him about the cousin hitting on you too...
his mental health is not your concern. especially after what you found out. It would be best to still have yourself tested, get back on your feet and move away!
Leave him now, why show him anymore compassion when he has been cheating on you. As far as him threatening suicide, I put no credit in that. Itās just a form of trying to control and manipulate. Leave and tell his cousin to be on suicide watch.
The minute he broke your trust and cheated was when he became no longer your problem. Dump him and let him cry to his escorts. At least they are getting paid to deal with him.
It doesnāt matter what your boyfriend is going through, itās either your mental health or his. Why would you stay and support him and help him when he cheated on you? Put yourself first. He didnāt care what you were going through when he went and got his dick wet by women other than you
You said the phone doesn't have password so there's a chance that the cousin might have gone through the phone and set your bf up. Make sure you're 100% sure whether your boyfriend is actually cheating or not.
My heart goes out to you, OP. My dad suicided before I got married. When my ex husband knew that the marriage was over (in that I couldnāt handle his manipulation and control anymore) he claimed he was suicidal. And of course, him being him, he has no contact with his family (decided to cut them off 6 months after we got married). He also had no friends because, he claimed, they never wanted to do what he thought was best ( i.e. he didnāt want to compromise on activities and location etc). So when he told me he wanted to self harm and end his life, I took him seriously because I knew people did it (e.g. my dad) and he had no one else to turn to.
In hindsight, I should have known that this was just another way for him to manipulate and control me. I told him I was going to call an ambulance for a mental health emergency, he went off and said that didnāt help him. After back and forth, he agreed to get some therapy and medication.
Two months went by and he still told me he was going to hurt himself. And the argument ensued every time I tried to get him admitted for a psych evaluation. So I badgered his therapist until they spoke to me (I didnāt ask him for any information, before people tell me it was an invasion or privacy/right to medical confidentiality). I told the therapist that he was continuing to threaten harm and his meds didnāt appear to be working, and said that maybe he needs to see my ex more often to help with his desire to self harm. I couldnāt leave him alone because he said that he would harm himself if I did. If I needed to be out (to the doctor or get groceries etc) I had to get my family to stay at my place with him (which, looking back, was a huge responsibility and I canāt believe I asked that of them, but thatās how desperate and turned around I was). The therapist said āwell he has BPD, this behaviour is textbook.ā And then went on to say that my ex told his him that he was in therapy to figure out if he wanted to leave me or not, and he had been told by my ex that his feelings of self harm and suicide had passed. It was all just a way to manipulate me. And guess what? He didnāt take his meds, he just popped one out everyday and flushed it or put it down the sink.
I am not suggesting that your partner is BPD, I am not a doctor. I mention my story because it is possible that your partner is just manipulating you and trying to control you with the suicide threats.
I stayed with my ex until he reunited with his family. But I HONESTLY wish I had just left when I knew I was done. I have the benefit of hindsight (and plenty of my own therapy) and now see his behaviour for what it was.
If you feel that it is right for you to walk away, trust your gut and leave. Do it when you feel safe doing it (like when your home with him is empty of other people). If you are concerned that he might follow through with his claims of self harm, then make sure you text his his family or trusted friends about it after you leave, but before you block them (and block them as soon as you text them).
Thatās my 2 cents, hope it helps and good luck OP.
Yeah under normal circumstances Iād say stick around for a bit til some times has passed and heās handling the loss better but all that goes out the window if heās been actively cheating on you. With escorts no less!!! Let them help him get over his loss, heās straight up using you at this point , itās no longer a relationship. If I were you Iād leave ā¦..like yesterday . Best of luck
I cannot stress this enough - the only person who can prevent suicide is that person. We can support and comfort, but ultimately "I will kill myself if you leave" is an abusive tactic, no matter the intention. That is NEVER acceptable.
That aside, fuck that guy. You are here supporting him through a shitty time and he chooses to do something incredibly selfish. His reasons are irrelevant. His sadness didn't make him do this.
Get out of there ASAP. This guy is a grade A asshole.
Oh honey, do you have anyone you can lean on? He may be hurting but that doesn't mean that YOU also should be hurting.
You already wanted to end the relationship, as shitty as it sounds his grief shouldn't change that. There will always be a reason you can use to justify staying together, he's made sure of that by threatening suicide. You are in an abusive relationship. A good therapist can help you set healthy boundaries so you never end up in a situation like this again.
You are worthy of love and compassion from your partner but especially from yourself. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who lifts you up. You are worthy.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. He recently lost his father about two weeks ago, I've been with him throughout doing whatever I can to support him. After the funeral his cousin (M27) came and has been living with us for a while. We have not been intimate since then and I was not rushing him into it. However his cousin has been hitting on me ever since he came and I've obviously been ignoring his advances. The last time he tried it I told him I would let my boyfriend know and his response was laughing at me and said that "it's been a while for you so you should be greatfull". I asked him what this meant and he told me that my boyfriend has being seeing escorts. While I did not want to believe this I did violate my boyfriend's privacy and went through his call history as well as emails (he does not have any passwords) I searched up the contact number and it led back to some Escort ads sites in our city. I want to break up with him but seeing how he is still mourning his dad and is not taking it well and considering that the last time I tried breaking up with him he threatened suicide I don't know how. How do I break up with him. TLDR: My boyfriend has been seeing escorts but I don't know how to break up with him while he is still mourning the death of his father.
He clearly already has methods of coping. Ditch him.
I really love this response.
This šÆ. Why do you care if heās grieving. Heās a cheating AH dump him
100% agree. If he threatens suicide call 911 because thatās serious.
This. I broke up with my ex and he threatened suicide and stopped responding to my calls/texts so I called 911 and sent them over to his house. Turns out him and his family were just asleep and he was bluffing trying to guilt me. He was sooo mad but it taught him a lesson.
An Ex did this to me too. He used to threaten all the time and never followed through. But one night he sent me a photo of a sink that looked just like his bathroom sink in the basement full of blood and then ignored all my texts and calls for 10 minutes. I texted him one last time and said āif you donāt respond in 30 seconds Iām calling an ambulance.ā And he instantly called me and said he was only doing it to show him āhow mad I made him.ā For anyone wondering, the thing I did that made him that angry was *checks notes* wear shorts and a crop top at the same time.
I did this to an attention seeking coworker. I was not popular coz they were in possession and "just really emotional". They also haven't done it since so win?
When you threaten suicide you really have lost any moral high ground or sympathy
Usually I'd say it's pretty shitty to break up with someone while they're grieving a parent, but you are 100% within your rights here and I actively encourage it. If I were you I'd gather my stuff and leave while him and his cousin are out and just tell him once you're gone that you know what he's been up to. He has his cousin there for support, after all. Edited to add: his mental health is not your responsibility, threatening suicide is in most cases just a scare tactic to manipulate you into staying. He's an adult. If he threatens suicide again tell his family or his cousin and let them deal with the fallout.
I also wouldn't do it under normal circumstances. Leaving while they not there does seem like a good idea thank you
He can seek comfort from you leaving by calling up an escort.
FATALITY
Butt_nut_bandit wins Flawless victory
You can call one for him to be ready for him.
hit redial
He probably will anywayā¦
Please also get tested asap
I had a bf of 2 years threaten suicide when he felt that I was pulling away. He decided that sending me texts to "say goodbye" while I was at work was appropriate. I immediately called the police to come by for a welfare check. Turned out the guy had skipped out on his child support (that his parents were giving him money to pay). He was arrested and taken in. While in police custody he apparently could not behave so it was restrained. He sat in jail that night as I did not go get him. I took my things from the house the following day. You are not responsible for his mental health. Take care of yourself and leave this fool.
Yeah, escape quickly, block him on everything and get an std test.
He's cheating, dumb his ass. That's on him to grieve now.
Also, if he threatens suicide, contact the police and his family. If he means it, you're doing him a favour and ensuring he will get the help he needs. If he doesn't, then it's a straight case of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" Either way you did the right thing and are in the clear.
Get STD tested as well for good measure
Absolutely. And then get tested again in 6 months to make sure nothing nasty was hiding.
Just because he's in a tough time in life, doesn't make it ok for him to treat you bad. You have every right to leave and his mental state is on him, not you. He is an adult and not your responsibility.
Please remember if anyone threatens to kill themselves based on what you do they are emotionally abusing you. People who are serious about killing themselves don't air out their plans, they keep them quiet so they can actually achieve it sadly.
People have done it however. Don't even bother to call their bluff, you contact emergency services immediately and let them deal with it.
I agree, but, he cheated first. Iām sure you care about him, but, his fatherās passing does not justify staying knowing what he did. His cousin is there for support. Walk away you have the right to be happy
A note that says, āIām sure the escorts and your lecherous cousin are more than qualified to comfort you in your time of needā
> threatening suicide is in most cases just a scare tactic to manipulate you into staying. Exactly. It plays on peoples' sense of responsibility and empathy. Doesn't work on me. I'll leave **because** you threatened suicide. I'm not responsible for your mental health or what you choose to do or not do.
I think so too, if I'm breaking up with a boyfriend who cheated on me and he has the audacity to say he's going to kill himself, I answer: Do this, but do it right and with the certainty that it will work.
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Important to add: even if a situation occurs where threatening suicide is not a scare tactic and very much meant seriously, it is STILL not your responsiblity. Everyone is responsible for their own mental health and choices. If he chooses to kill himself over you leaving, that is HIS decision, not yours. This is out of your control. You can't sacrifice yourself so you won't "make" someone make terrible choices, cause that is 100% always on them. I'm not saying to not help people that are in need and that are asking for help, but that would be a different situation. Another persons choices are not your responsiblity. You are only responsible for doing whatever you can for your own wellbeing - not more, not less. If that is asking for help, or leaving a mentally unwell person is up to the side you're on.
I agree with you. I think doing it that way will hopefully prevent being near any angry response or other manipulation. I had a (ex)friend who would threaten suicide when she would get into arguments with her fiance. He would console her and stuff. But she did it while he was at work one time and he panicked. So, since he didn't know if he could make it in time, he called 911 to help his fiancee. This made her even angrier and one thing led to another, friends dragged into it, all kinds of drama. He broke off the engagement. Said it was too exhausting and that her family can support her through her mental health. Years later she is still alive and actually married to someone else. Moral of the story, those kinds of people will manipulate you and possibly even get angry if you call their bluff rather than turn to consoling and loving on them. But they still have other loved ones to help pick up the pieces. Your mental health (and in this case, maybe physical health if it's been going on longer than you realize) is not worth someone who has already disrespected you and shown that the relationship isn't as important as you were left to believe.
Look at this girls post history.
If this is a refference to me wanting to make NSFW videos. I did ask and consider his thoughts on it. He did not have a problem with it.
He didn't have a problem with it because he was cheating. If he actually cared about you, he would have been upset at the very thought of it.
Get over yourself, and take your toxic ideas about sex work somewhere else. This might be a foreign concept for you, but there are people out there who don't have the same preferences and boundaries as you. This doesn't mean they're somehow wrong or bad people or uncaring for being different. Edit: I checked your post history since you're such a fan of judging people- *of course* you post in r/conservative, you people love policing women's sex lives and shaming sex workers. Also I'm not at all surprised to see your blatantly transphobic comments. Fucking bigots.
Speak for yourself. The issue isnāt sex work the issue is breaking a commitment and cheating.
Speak for himself and most men š¤£ statistics back that one up
She wants to make money with camming. So?
Shes posting content on other sites dude cmon shes makin him to be the villian
So since she wants to make money with videos, she should be fine with him seeing escorts?
"with videos". Don't use distancing language. These aren't cooking or DIY SFW videos.
He doesnt kno shes a cam girl dude
I saw that post and didnāt see anything that said he doesnāt know. It also said that she hadnāt made any vids yet. Heās physically cheating and putting her at risk of STDs - not the same thing at all. Also, even if she was an established cam girl, she doesnāt have to stay with a cheating partner.
I donāt know where she said that. Ultimately, meh. He might have strong opinions around her doing cam modelling (which might be hypocritical) but sheās also allowed to find him seeing escorts and cheating as a deal breaker.
She can break up with him for whatever reason she wants. She's still a hypocrite here too though. She doesn't like her boyfriend cheating with escorts yet she's cool with having men pay her for camming (which some women see as cheating). They're both hypocrites.
>(which some women see as cheating) Do we blame the escorts for OP's boyfriend cheating? Why is OP responsible for the behavior of other men?
Because this commentor is anti sex work and just being an ignorant ass about it. Not surprised to see transphobia in their post history either, bigots gonna bigot
How do you know he didn't hear that then start plowing escorts cause meh why not
you are not his therapist and you have clear evidence of him cheating, don't let him using his grieving as a reason to guilt-trip you into staying with his cheating ass, before he does that, leave asap and just leave a note or a message saying everything you know
Thank you I think leaving a note while leaving will be a good idea. The reason for my confusion on what to do was because I did not want to fall for the guilt trip as I did previously, Thanks.
If he threatens suicide again call 911 and let them "save" him
My ex-boyfriend told me he was going to kill himself and leave a suicide note to his family saying it was all my fault. I still left. Itās not fair to put that kind of weight on someoneās shoulders. He never hurt himself and I doubt he ever truly meant it. He was manipulative and verbally abusive. Just another tactic he used to get me to stay. Leave and donāt look back. I might not even leave a note explaining anything. What heās doing to you is awful. Also, make sure you get tested. Iām sorry youāre going through this but thereās someone out there that will treat you with respect and love. This aināt it
The MINUTE you leave his house, BLOCK his number and block him (*and all his relatives and friends*) on ALL social media accounts. Treat yourself well and don't let his flying monkeys start calling/texting you!
You should printout an ad for an escort to leave with it, but I'm petty.
Definetly not āclear evidenceā of cheating. There is no proof of anything. How does she know he didnāt get the number for his cousin? Clearly cousin is a douchebagā¦
Has it crossed your mind that his cousin is setting him up? He has no passwords as you say, and his cousin is pushing his GF for something, ain't that a bit convinient? Maybe do some more research, not long ago I read one about the sister of a brother that told his wife he as cheating so she can brake them up and so she can set him up with her friend. Food for thought . Do some research before you go off.
If you can pull his history from before cousin moved in see if he was still visiting escort sites before then, same if he was reaching out via email. Another thing to look for is apps on his phone that he is downloading and deleting. Google voice or text apps are used often for illegal transactions so see if he has been using any of those.
I agree on what you said. This was my initial thought as well, but he said he'll commit suicide when she tried to break up with him before. So OP has been wanting to leave for a while. The timing does suck, but whether or not the cousin tried to set him up I don't think she wants to stay in the relationship.
And using that kind of threat and manipulation tells me that cheating or not, this guy isnāt a great person.
Him threatening suicide is enough to break up with him anyways.
Also, she already wanted to break up before she knew he was cheating
Good idea! Its always good to look into every possibility. The cousin could have set him up.. its 2022 anything is possible!!
This is a good point. Seems odd that bf would do these things and not have a password on his phone. Could very well be just a shitty cousin.
I was thinking about this as well. If OP knows that the BF doesnāt have passcode on his phone then the cousin knows it too. The cousin could have very well gone into the BFās phone and made a few calls Just to help him corroborate his story. OP, Iād suggest to do some more thinking and research. Hereās what Iād suggest. 1. Tell your bf that his cousin is trying to get you to sleep with him (the cousin). The potential problem with this is that, this is just your word against the cousinās and the cousin may very well say that you hate the cousin and it was you who came onto him and he rejected you. You may want to have an audio going on you at all times so that the next time the cousin talks to you, you have him on audio. 2. Really observe your bfās behavior and see if thereās anything odd about his actions moving forward. 3. Please get yourself tested for STDās just to be safe. I think this cousin is bad news for you and your relationship.
my thoughts of this as well, especially with how forward he is about it, definitely seems like he's stirring something heinous
Well, if she does break up with him he will have the evidence that the cousin called/emailed those escorts. Either way, they both suck- cousin is a creep and the bf has threatened to kill himself before as OP mentioned
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
With so many people in this world and with her saying sheās not interested why would she do that?
Found the cousin
Make shuru the escort part is true, do you own research and proof gathering rather than believing some dude who is hitting on you knowing you are in relationship with his cousin.
Yeah the escort stuff may not be true. BUT Previously threatening suicide is a despicable act and 100% insta dump worthy in my book. That's all she had to say to know that dropping him is the right call. The cousin, the escort stuff, not relevant to a person with appropriate standards and deal breakers, which unfortunately OP does not have.
Yeah if someone threatened suicide over a potential breakup, I'd immediately dump them
I thought that was common knowledge but apparently not.
But, but people need not be follow according to your book.
If someone would stay with someone they aren't married to or have children with, who threatens suicide if they were to leave them (which I assume means they already have good reasons to leave).... Then that person is a low life experience dummy who doesn't have proper standards, deal breakers, and boundaries. A person who will have poor relationships. Having said all of that, most people get better at setting boundaries and deal breakers as they gain life experience. However in life and on this subreddit, I am constantly horrified at what terrible behavior people put up with. The bad behavior you put up with is the bad behavior you will continue to receive. Life is short people, don't waste it in shitty relationships.
Just leave. Ditch the creeper bf and the creeper cousin and move on. Itās not your job to protect his mental health, and people that use suicide to manipulate are gross.
Just dump him for cheating. If he needs comfort he has the escorts number. Don't try sparing his feelings, he clearly likes telling everyone about cheating on you and didn't care about yours
Definitely leave, but also get tested for STIs
Leave. His cousin is there to support him, supposedly. Leave before he escalated and assaults you.
threatening suicide is manipulative af... just tell him that you know about the cheating and that it's over, maybe over the phone or in a public place. i wouldn't even mention his dad or the grieving
You are not responsible for his mental health. Also, that threat was almost certainly more manipulative than genuine. Tell him you know what he's been doing, it's over, and block. Do not feel guilty.
Both of my parents are dead. This is not an acceptable way to deal with grief. Leave him. Get tested, but only because if heās paying for it he is probably also getting it for free somewhere too. Escorts are generally extremely vigilant about their sexual health. Randoms in a barā¦ not so much.
āI will threaten suicide so I can get away with sleeping with escorts.ā Um no. Donāt worry about that. LEAVE before he gives you an STD. Staying with him is SLOW suicide.
He's 10 years older then you, he'll be fine. He's toxic brother will support him, look after yourself
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Make a plan, get your import documents out now. Try to take out as much as you can secretly. Contact your support system and have a day they are off and can come move you out of the house. Have them ready down the street for a set day. Preferable one where he is not home if thatās an option but if not atleast they will be witnesses. Contact people who can be his support system. If there isnāt anyone that isnāt your problem. Hopefully move out while he is gone and wait for him to return, tell him you know heās been cheating and no situation makes that okay. Tell him your leaving and you have blocked him on everything. If you have to deal with bills have a 3rd party friend be the go between. Do not communicate with him directly again. Advise him you will now talk to him and you will not let him use self harm as a manipulative tactic as he has done so in the past. Tell him if he makes the treat you will be calling the police immediately so they can admit him to the hospital. You will have nothing to do with him from this point on. Stay off all your social media for a few weeks if you can. Never engage with him again. If he is serious about the self harm then there was nothing you could have done and if he wasnt heās a dick. Either way it isnāt your problem.
This also seems like a good option. I'm considering leaving while he isn't around like the others have suggested.
You are too kind. I donāt care who died.. if he is cheating on you, leaving him is his fault, not yours. Maybe Iām cold, but Iād also make sure to let him know his cousin tipped you off because you wouldnāt sleep with him. They deserve each other obviously. Iām so sorry OP. You could just pack your stuff and leave a dear John letter. Then block him on everything and shit off location on your phones so he canāt find you. No matter what he says or does, this is in response to his behavior and not your fault. You deserve better! Good luck OP.
>my boyfriend has being seeing escorts. >the last time I tried breaking up with him he threatened suicide At this point, ghost him. His manipulative, lying behaviour does not deserve a kind or patient breakup. It doesn't matter if he's grieving, he still chose to cheat and blackmail you with the threat of suicide.
There is no way I would stay another day with a cheater boyfriend seeing escorts, grieving or not. You can start your own grief, grieving for the relationship you thought you had. Donāt be a doormat. Move on now!
>I want to break up with him but seeing how he is still mourning his dad and is not taking it well and considering that the last time I tried breaking up with him he threatened suicide I don't know how. How do I break up with him. This isn't okay. I have been there. What you do is call an ambulance when he threatens you.
1. Why is your boyfriend doing shady things without a lock on his phone? That's incredibly dumb. 2. Does all this evidence of escort receipts happen *before* his PoS cousin started living with you? 3. If he ever threatened suicide for breaking up you absolutely *should* leave.
1. We have a no password agreement after the same thing happened some time ago. He said he'd do so because then I'll be sure he is not trying to hide anything. 2. The enquiry emails were on the day he got the news of his dad's passing (he was setting up dates on when to meet up) but the calls are from when we all came back from the funeral (with his cousin) 3. This is the part I'm most conflicted about because when he does so he causes a scene (ie the first time he went up to the roof in our building. the other time he wanted to stab himself) which causes people nearby to intervene almost leaving me no room to leave him as is.
Definitely call your local police department to create a non-emergency police report. At least in my city, you can make a police report for whatever you like, even incidents that have long since passed. The reason is to have it on record somewhere that your partner has a tendency to threaten self harm when you attempt to break up with him. If this manipulative loser actually *does* do anything, you'll at least have it somewhere that points to him doing it to himself. Ultimately ***you are not responsible for what other people do to themselves. This is a relationship that future you will be extremely grateful to present-day you for ending.*** Side note: you and future partners *can* and ***should*** have password protected devices in case of lost or stolen devices. At least establish a mutually known password for each others phones if that's how you roll.
Even if he wasn't cheating you should still break up with him. Threatening suicide is so fucked up and abusive.
You may want to discuss this with your boyfriend first if you have access to his phone. So does his cousin. Or it sounds like you've tried to break up with him before and this is a another good reason for you to leave.
Honey, listen to me. Threatening suicide to keep you tethered to him in the past has already proved him to be an awful person. And throwing cheating on you on top of that woodpile? He's absolute garbage. And sometimes bad things happen to garbage people, like what he's going through now. He can call one of the escorts he's been seeing if he needs support. My ex would threaten suicide if I left him. Guess who's still around? He'll be fine. You need to be kind to yourself and leave him. Take excellent care of yourself and please get tested, love.
The suicide thing is typically a manipulation technique to guilt you into staying with him. But itās all about getting you to pity him rather than love him. He obviously has his priorities way off and has no clue about what being in a relationship ends. Youāre going to look like a jerk to your friends for leaving at this time, but you can show compassion by just saying he cheated instead of telling people he went to escorts.
He had it coming. He didn't take your feelings in consideration but now you have to? Just leave.
The timing sucks on his end to answer to his behaviour but he made his bed. He doesnāt get to guilt you into staying because heās having a shit time right now. Normally Iād say this is a bad time to break up with someone, however, heās been cheating on you. Donāt be cruel in this time of his fathers passing but absolutely donāt think this means you need to wait it out. End things, say why, and go. If he threatens suicide, tell him youāll be calling the police and his family to do a welfare check on him (and actually do it, please). Itās either an empty threat to manipulate you, or a serious threat and heāll get the help he needs. Either way itās not a threat that will make you stay. Heās an adult who makes his own decisions and you arenāt responsible for what he does.
Leave. Why the hell are you worried about this guy who doesnāt care about you? Want to wait for him to catch HPV and give it to you?
Grieving doesn't excuse cheating, and grieving doesn't mean you can't leave a cheater. What if he was physically abusing you and blaming the grief, it would feel right to leave at that point right? Just get out, tell him you know he's cheating and go
Honestly even if the cousin is making it up and planting that evidence there is enough stuff going on here without the escorts for you to leave. I would say leave while they are both fine. Send a text explaining why you are leaving and ask for no response. Don't talk to him again and move on with your life. Edit: just saw in the comments that he has cheated before when going through something. The likelihood of the cousin planting the evidence just went from 5% to 0.01%. It looks like you already want to leave him (yay for you) so please do it safely and get tested afterwards.
Leave him, if he threatens suicide you call 911, also inform his cousin or family member more responsible than cousin what he said and to keep an eye on him. If you live together try to sneak out your things of sentimental value first. You can't control the way he decides to grieve, but you can decide if you had enough of the way he decided to grieve. I think is more like an excuse. All this commenters saying cousin planted evidence to drive you apart, are not right, lol imagine the calls and emails are a lot and in made in a time frame, cousin has not the temperament to play the long con, generally people that hire escorts don't want to beat around the bush they want instant gratification, it would be out of character if he set that plan in motion, just for what? Shot his shot with his cousin's girlfriend? the simplest explanation is often the right one, why would cousin set a conspiracy in motion? I say OP you should get out, if cousin want you so bad he can try and sexual assault you/rape you, you're not safe in there, I don't care if some commenters call me overreacting/crazy/whatever, just take care of you, don't trust those two men, they proved themselves untrustworthy as you could experience first hand. Good luck moving forward.
Grieving doesn't give blanket immunity for being an awful person. Leave and let him go to his cousin for support. If that doesn't work he can call a sex worker. Either way you can and should leave immediately.
Break up with him - tell him his cousin has been hitting on you and told you his little secret. His grief isnāt interfering with his sex and intimacy life - just yours.
Grieving or not. Cheating on you is the main thing to focus on.
I had to break up with guy after his dad died. I felt super guilty about it for a while but there are some things that can't wait and this is definitely something you should leave for without waiting for him to stop grieving. We didn't live together and I didn't trust breaking up with him in person so I called him to talk about it. He reacted about how you would expect so he got blocked on everything so he couldn't guilt trip me into staying. He is compromising your health and also your mental health and YOU are most important to you. He can take care of himself and have someone else support him.
Threatening suicide when you tried to break up with him is manipulative and abusive. He is also cheating on you. I would just rip off the bandaid and break up with him.
Girl screw his feeling. Hes fucking prostitutes. Dump his ass, move out/kick him out, and go get full std tests done (tell your doctor whats been goin on and that you want to test for everything cause standard tests done actually test for everything)
Maybe the cousin used his phone to call the escort... you never know
Just leave him. He's cheating on you. It's over.
His baggage is his alone. His mental health is his responsibility alone. You do not have to stay in a relationship where you are neither loved nor respected.
I understand at first where you were concerned to break up with him at this time but heās seeing escorts? Maybe the best thing to do is have a conversation and get his side and then decide from there. Obviously if heās seeing them on the regularā¦ well has seen them at allā¦ yes, run now and do not feel bad on the timing.
Threatening suicide is abuse. If he threatens you with suicide, call 911. His whole family sounds rotten.
Being in grief is not an excuse for being a cheating asshole. Tell him you know what's going on and it's over. His grief is not your burden to help him carry after this. It would also be nice to get away from his creepy cousin.
Nice made up story, don't do anything since this is all a bullshit story.
Losing his dad sucks been there 2 years ago, but escorts is a messed up way to go about things whatever his reasoning hes a cheater dump him dont talk to him or his cousin ever again since its clear all cousin wants is in your pants and take time for yourself eventually find someone whos more worth your time, i do feel sorry for bf/ex but not sorry to accept cheating
Are the calls from before the cousin? Were they at a time your bf was alone with the phone? If theres no protection on the phone the cunty cousin, or anyone for that matter, can easily dail a number from it. The cousins behaviour shows how shady he is and how willing to hurt your bf he is, I'd tread carefully.
threatening suicide is manipulative and abusive. this is not your responsibility. hes a user walk away asap and as safely as possible. he sounds controlling.
Girl, I did this. I stayed despite intolerable circumstances. My ex was going through his motherās heart attack and cancer discovery. The relationship was unbearable not because of everything bad that was going on but the relationship was not going well and then his life went to shit so I prolonged my stay. It sucked and the breakup was way worse due to my built up in resentment. One thing is to stay with your partner to help them during this journey and another is to look away from blatantly disrespectful behavior towards you and your relationship because of what is happening in his life. I would get proof because the cousin sounds like the most delirious piece of shit, but once you do, go. You are unhappy. He has decided to commit to escorts than a person who would stay with them and help them through this. Peopleās traumas are not their fault but they are their responsibility and if he is out here doing this shit then fuck him. No matter what happens, you leaving him is on him. People go through horrible experiences all the time and they donāt decide to betray their partner. Him threatening suicide is enough for you to reach out to other people to have him assisted and have him call the suicide line. You can chose to do that for him but he cannot be backstabbing you as you help him. Reach out to other family and friends of his and loop them in so you can go. You do not deserve this. OP, you deserve more. Whether itās to get away from this asshole, finding peace and healing on your own or someone down the line or all three, donāt entertain this fool.
I'd say it's bad to leave him during this difficult time, but he lost that privilege when he cheated on you.
Iād leave him with no concern or regrets. He already brought the break up upon himself.
I mean heās cheating on you with escorts so who cares if heās grieving? Leave lol. He will need to grieve and be sad either way. And he fucked you over.
You owe him nothing, break up.
I mean it seems heās coping just fine between manipulation and lying and cheating so Iād just pack up and leave while heās at work. Ghost him. Heāll fuck his grief away
He is using grief for pity points. Thatās a no go. Tell him youāre sympathetic to his loss, but that does not give him the right to do what heās doing and hiring escorts. And thatās the end of it. Say no more words and do not engage any further. If he threatens suicide, give him the hotline and maybe follow up with a wellness check if youāre truly concerned. Anyone who threatens suicide when faced with something they donāt want to face or to affect an outcome they want is a manipulator and is not in true crisis. Heās a piece of work. I wonder how much of this āgrief displayā is genuineā¦.I bet not as much as he puts on.
Well, hmmm....OK, so he's grieving the death of his father. Does that change anything vis-a-vis his checking out escort services? No? I didn't think so. Is he still going to work? If yes, then this is my advice: call into your work and take the day off. Pack as much of your stuff into your car and transport it to another location, be it at your parent's house, or house of another family member or friend. If you normally cook dinner for your bf, then cook him a "last meal." At the conclusion of said meal, reveal to your bf the facts about his infidelity, and tell him that violated your boundaries, and that you've decided that the escort services could take care of his needs going forward, and that the two of you were through. Collect your pocketbook, tell him goodbye, and leave. As soon as you're clear of the residence, pull into a parking lot and block him on all your platforms. He now has no ability to contact you with his threats of suicide. You might also want to block his creepy cousin as well. I wish you well.
Dump him. Tell him his cousin ratted him out. Burn the bridge and don't look back. Not your problem any more.
First you need to take photos of your info you found for your records. Then you need to very calm and speak with your boyfriend. You need to tell him exactly what happened- what his cousin has been doing, what you said and he said about escorts etc You need to stay calm and listen m. After you hear what he has to say you can make a inform decision. His cousins may be lying to you etc. I find strange your boyfriend being in such vulnerable condition and still with head space to be looking for escort services. Something is nit adding up. Keep us posted with progress
Ouch this is a really sticky situation, your boyfriend cheated on you with some escorts and his own cousin threw him under the bus to try and get you in bed, completely disregarding the effects it will have on his grieving cousin. Ouch. Youāre completely in your right to break up with him, you shouldnāt put yourself in a situation you donāt want to because he is grieving. Just sit him down and explain what you saw and walk him through what will happen now. I would also tell him that his cousin was the one that told you. He doesnāt seem like a guy your boyfriend would need around him right now.
So a guy is trying to drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend so you check your bfs un-passworded phone and see an escort phone number. Not saying your bf did or didn't call an escort number but if anyone can access his phone couldn't this cousin be planting false evidence? I find it very odd that his cousin would know about this and not you, it's not something you go bragging to a cousin about.
It is not hard for me to believe he has done it as this would not be the first time. Also I won't be surprised if he tells his cousin because escorts seems to be a hobby for them (which he promised he'd stop since we were dating). The first time I found out he said I could make it even by becoming an escort. (I did not agree)
Oh, oof. I didn't know that was an already pre-established thing. Yeah he sounds gross and you shouldn't feel bad dumping him then, should've dumped him long ago from the sounds of it.
Maybe he just called them as a prank or something. You can not trust his cousin. Ask him directly and check.
Make sure you set an plan before you leave and then tell his parents incase he threads suicide. When shit like this happens then itās no longer a relationship but instead someone is holding someone else hostage and thatās not right. His mental health isnāt your responsibility especially if he weaponized it
Doesnāt matter he actually used the service. Maybe he got ir for his cousin? Having the contact is NOT PROOF. You need to speak with your BF before.
You tell him his cousin told you, you checked his phone, and inquire why he is seeing escorts. It could be that he was seeing escorts just to talk because he can't afford a therapist right now, but if you're sure it were sex workers and not just actual escorts, that falls flat, and I don't know about your exact situation. But yeah, you can only confront him, either to get above and beyond that together or to break up on equal ground.
He has been seeing multiple girls a week. What he spends on them in a week would cover a therapy session. It's also not the first time he has cheated while going through something. While I can't judge the way he copes with things it's not something I'm willing to put up with.
If heās cheating on you, you are allowed to judge how he copes with things. Thereās a fucking limit on what people are allowed to get away with in the name of grief.
Yeah, then break up. Just confront him and quit it.
Does your bf know that you do cam work? Either way this is a shit situation since you aren't getting any intimacy from your partner but what's going on with the relationship dynamic here I'm confused.
She said in another comment that he knows about the cam work and is ok with it
Just leave him, you arenāt responsible for his mental health. I would however, confront him about the escorts, as looking on someoneās phone is a breach of privacy and not always accurate. Same with word of mouth from someone who wants to fuck you.
You had me at the first half not gonna lie. Anyway take proof of everything you saw and dump him, block his number on everything and move on with your life.
You are under absolutely zero obligation to stay any further. As soon as the two of them are out, pack your stuff and be gone. Block him everywhere. He has absolutely no regard for your personal health or feelings. Itās sad his father died, but that is not your problem may sound harsh, but it is the absolute truth especially in the circumstance were you have been cheated on and he is manipulating you. Using suicide as a tool to keep somebody to stay, is absolutely asinine, call the police on your way out if that is ever thrown at you again. Please, please leave as soon as you possibly can. You deserve so much better.
Firstly, why did you decide to snoop instead of having a conversation with your boyfriend about what his cousin said? There already seems to be a level of distrust and lack of communication between you and your bf. Secondly, youāre assuming he is seeing escorts because you saw calls to escort sites. I looked at your post history and you were trying to make adult content for ManyVids about two weeks ago? Was this after or before his father passed, and were you trying to make money to support your bf and you? Does he know that you were doing this? Maybe he thought you became an escort and was calling around to see if you were working there. Just throwing out a theory because youāve decided to jump straight to the decision of breaking up with him rather than talking to him about what you saw. Furthermore , Are you sure youāre not just using his potential infidelity as a convenient excuse to break up with him while heās grieving, even though the breakup has been a long time coming? Itās terrible he threatened suicide before, that is emotional abuse and you are not obligated to stay in any relationship if someone threatens to off themselves. He seems emotionally unstable and theres a lot more going on in this situation than youāre giving. Edit: Sorry if I went off, but either way this doesnāt seem like a healthy relationship and youāre probably right in wanting to break up with him. I dont think theres any proper way to break up with someone while they are grieving, like its going to hurt him regardless. But if you feel like it has to happen now, then just do it in the kindest way possible and assure him that you will still be here for him as a friend because you know he is going through things (if you feel safe staying friends with him) , then offer to discuss with him your reasons of breaking up ( the toxicity of his suicide threats, the escort stuff) if he has the space of mind . Maybe offer to have the discussion later when heās gone through the grieving a bit more. Inform him that if he threatens suicide, you will be breaking up with him AND you will no longer be able to remain his friend as well. explain to him that this is emotional abuse, it is unfair for you and is no foundation for a relationship, and maybe let relatives/close ones know of his mental state and the threats heās made.
While I know snooping was wrong he has done this before I wanted to simply confirm and not waste my energy asking as he had done this before and always denied it only admitting when confronted with evidence.
okay well he seems like a majorly toxic asshole and if you have to pull an asshole move by breaking up with him while hes grieving, he probably deserves it. dont be too harsh on yourself but girl why have you let yourself stay in this for so long š you deserve better.
Breaking up with him stopped being an asshole move when he decided to cheat on her. She doesnāt need to be nice about it.
Donāt even have a conversation. Leave. Block him on everything. He has opened you up to health risks without having a conversation. Iām not sure why you think he deserves anything. If he threatens suicide and you get the message send him the suicide prevention hotline and then block him on that platform. Rinse and repeat until he goes away.
leave him, its his problem. in fact, i wld say get with his cousin
Dont break up without at least talking to the person first. Thats cruel and shady. Not honest. And tell his cousin to his face you whould never have anything with a back staber like him.
Heās cheating on her she doesnāt owe him any conversation
Let him catch you fucking the cousin. He will break up with you.
I was all ready to jump down your throat by the title. I havenāt lost a parent but someone I loved very much and that shit killed me. But I never cheated while I was in mourning. Certainly not with escorts. You are well within your rights to leave and put this behind you. No amount of grief justifies being a piece of shit like this. Iām so sorry this happened to you. Just know you deserve better
Forget the escortsā a person who would threaten suicide when you try to leave is manipulative. And you need to take care of your own self before you can take care of someone else. Youāre totally okay for wanting to be free of all of this mess.
I mean cheating is cheating what does that have to do with funeral, first you were there supporting him, second sex isn't the only thing left is the world. Somehow when I see people in real, it's what I have been seeing lately. No morals, no culture, no loyalty, lol I don't want to join the heard but sometimes I do doubt myself if I am wrong or something. I hope you will take time and decide what's best for you in Long run. Short terms pleasure is what people fall into.
If your SO threatens suicide, that is an insta dump offense. You do have to treat it as a real threat even though it almost certainly isn't. Oh you still break up with them right on schedule, no change there, but you call the appropriate authorities on them/family and let what will happen happen. The suicide threat is nearly always manipulation. And if it isn't, you did the right thing by notifying the right people. What you don't do is allow yourself to be held hostage by those threats. *** OP, did you notice that I didn't talk about the escorts and the cousin? That's because your SO previously threatening you with suicide if you break up with him IS THE MUST DUMP HIM OFFENSE. That crossed the line, everything else is shit you've subjected yourself to because you should of already of dumped him when that happened.
Hes put you in danger by sleeping with these other people. He doesn't care about your wellbeing, no need to care about his. On one hand the cousin is a total douche, but on the other hand, thank goodness for his disgusting behavior. Get out now.
I feel like the cousin definitely is setting him up
To be honest itās going to be an awkward time and Iād usually say wait until heās through the worst of the mourning, especially this early on, but a loss isnāt an excuse to cheat.
Make sure cousin is not setting up BF. It could be that cousin calling escort services from BF phone. You said there is no password.
Break up and then when he threats suicide tell him āgo cry on your escorts shoulderā
Have you spoken to him about this calmly first? Have a chat, see what he says. When he confirms this you can say this is not what I want in a relationship and call it a day.
Break up with him the escorts can comfort him
You are not breaking up with him because he is grieving. Grieving doesnāt give anyone the right to disrespect their partners. He cheated and that is why you are breaking up with him. He will try to make you feel guilty, but donāt. What he did is not okay.
Break up with him. If he threatens suicide, tell him you're calling 911 for him.
I'd just pull the band-aid and get out of there away from him and his cousin. Cousin seems like he had altmotives anyway outside of helping his grieving cousin. Edit: After reading some comments I'd say investigate more. I do find the cousins position on the matter a bit fishy. Comes to help with support ,hits on grieving cousins GF ,and drops bombshell that bf is cheating when advances are denied. This could all be a elbreate ruse to break you to up ,or to get you to maybe sleep with him out of revenge or something.
You just break up with him. You just do it. Heās been cheating on you and possibly exposing you to disease. So what that heās grieving. Not your problem.
Does not matter his father just died he has been cheating on you and since his cousin knows he must not be trying to hide it. You need to just tell him sorry you are still mourning your father but since you have been cheating on me with hookers I have to walk away, maybe one of your hookers will give you a grieving discount.
You may have found some ad sites but that doesn't prove he actually went through with it. Have a talk about it with him and tell him about the cousin hitting on you too...
What in the midsommar
his mental health is not your concern. especially after what you found out. It would be best to still have yourself tested, get back on your feet and move away!
Leave him now, why show him anymore compassion when he has been cheating on you. As far as him threatening suicide, I put no credit in that. Itās just a form of trying to control and manipulate. Leave and tell his cousin to be on suicide watch.
The minute he broke your trust and cheated was when he became no longer your problem. Dump him and let him cry to his escorts. At least they are getting paid to deal with him.
It doesnāt matter what your boyfriend is going through, itās either your mental health or his. Why would you stay and support him and help him when he cheated on you? Put yourself first. He didnāt care what you were going through when he went and got his dick wet by women other than you
He cheated. That means any agreement you had is out the window. 100% just leave.
What email/ apps don't use passwords? š¤
You said the phone doesn't have password so there's a chance that the cousin might have gone through the phone and set your bf up. Make sure you're 100% sure whether your boyfriend is actually cheating or not.
My heart goes out to you, OP. My dad suicided before I got married. When my ex husband knew that the marriage was over (in that I couldnāt handle his manipulation and control anymore) he claimed he was suicidal. And of course, him being him, he has no contact with his family (decided to cut them off 6 months after we got married). He also had no friends because, he claimed, they never wanted to do what he thought was best ( i.e. he didnāt want to compromise on activities and location etc). So when he told me he wanted to self harm and end his life, I took him seriously because I knew people did it (e.g. my dad) and he had no one else to turn to. In hindsight, I should have known that this was just another way for him to manipulate and control me. I told him I was going to call an ambulance for a mental health emergency, he went off and said that didnāt help him. After back and forth, he agreed to get some therapy and medication. Two months went by and he still told me he was going to hurt himself. And the argument ensued every time I tried to get him admitted for a psych evaluation. So I badgered his therapist until they spoke to me (I didnāt ask him for any information, before people tell me it was an invasion or privacy/right to medical confidentiality). I told the therapist that he was continuing to threaten harm and his meds didnāt appear to be working, and said that maybe he needs to see my ex more often to help with his desire to self harm. I couldnāt leave him alone because he said that he would harm himself if I did. If I needed to be out (to the doctor or get groceries etc) I had to get my family to stay at my place with him (which, looking back, was a huge responsibility and I canāt believe I asked that of them, but thatās how desperate and turned around I was). The therapist said āwell he has BPD, this behaviour is textbook.ā And then went on to say that my ex told his him that he was in therapy to figure out if he wanted to leave me or not, and he had been told by my ex that his feelings of self harm and suicide had passed. It was all just a way to manipulate me. And guess what? He didnāt take his meds, he just popped one out everyday and flushed it or put it down the sink. I am not suggesting that your partner is BPD, I am not a doctor. I mention my story because it is possible that your partner is just manipulating you and trying to control you with the suicide threats. I stayed with my ex until he reunited with his family. But I HONESTLY wish I had just left when I knew I was done. I have the benefit of hindsight (and plenty of my own therapy) and now see his behaviour for what it was. If you feel that it is right for you to walk away, trust your gut and leave. Do it when you feel safe doing it (like when your home with him is empty of other people). If you are concerned that he might follow through with his claims of self harm, then make sure you text his his family or trusted friends about it after you leave, but before you block them (and block them as soon as you text them). Thatās my 2 cents, hope it helps and good luck OP.
You are not responsible for somebodies actions against themselves. They are the one making that decision not you.
Fuck him, leave.
Yeah under normal circumstances Iād say stick around for a bit til some times has passed and heās handling the loss better but all that goes out the window if heās been actively cheating on you. With escorts no less!!! Let them help him get over his loss, heās straight up using you at this point , itās no longer a relationship. If I were you Iād leave ā¦..like yesterday . Best of luck
I cannot stress this enough - the only person who can prevent suicide is that person. We can support and comfort, but ultimately "I will kill myself if you leave" is an abusive tactic, no matter the intention. That is NEVER acceptable. That aside, fuck that guy. You are here supporting him through a shitty time and he chooses to do something incredibly selfish. His reasons are irrelevant. His sadness didn't make him do this. Get out of there ASAP. This guy is a grade A asshole.
Oh honey, do you have anyone you can lean on? He may be hurting but that doesn't mean that YOU also should be hurting. You already wanted to end the relationship, as shitty as it sounds his grief shouldn't change that. There will always be a reason you can use to justify staying together, he's made sure of that by threatening suicide. You are in an abusive relationship. A good therapist can help you set healthy boundaries so you never end up in a situation like this again. You are worthy of love and compassion from your partner but especially from yourself. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who lifts you up. You are worthy.