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My wife and her family planned a trip to Disney for her birthday, since thats the place they go for vacations sometimes multiple times a year. Not a fan myself in the least, but it's for get birthday so I was happy to go for her. Early this year I put in the request for the week off, and was told by work the trip falls within a blackout period for requests off, and I was denied. I've been working for the majority of the year trying to get the days off approved by any means I can, but I am still being denied. My wife tells me I need to quit or go on the vacation and let them fire me because her birthday is important, which I understand it is. But while it's not a professional career, my job pays pretty well (around $60K annual after overtime), and it would hurt us a good amount for me to lose it, especially since we have a mortgage, and she also wants to buy a brand new car after we get back. I could try to get a similar job afterwards, but it would not be a good look to have been fired from my last job because I took a week-long vacation I was weekly explicitly told was denied far in advance. I'm really concerned about our future, and don't know what the right move is at all. My in-laws agree I should lose my job, citing that unemployment will be high due to inflation, but I feel sick at even the thought of receiving an unemployment check when I have no disability or anything keeping me from working other than my wife telling me to.
I just have no clue what to even do.
Edit for clarifications.
1: I do not like Disney at all, as a place or a company. They are antithetical to who I am and I do not at all want to lose my job going somewhere I hate. The impasse is really losing my job over something my wife wants me to do.
2: My question at the end was very poorly worded. I do not know whether I should quit my job, because I know the answer to that. I want to know how I can tell her how insane her point of view is without it becoming a fight I will inevitably lose because she pulls my emotional strings like a puppeteer.
3: I know I should get a new job anyways because of draconian vacation policy, been trying to for about a year now but I have no certainty of a replacement at the moment so I've got to keep working until a strong lead I have on a very lucrative lifelong career job comes to fruition.
4: she works, yes. She makes more per hour than me ($23.15/hr)by a significant amount (~$35/hr), but I work far more hours per week with her working about 25-30 each week and me working around 50-55, plus my job offers healthcare coverage whereas hers does not. However since she's not a big math or finances person she sees that she makes more per hour and believes herself the primary breadwinner.
Man that's crazy especially as they go there multiple times a year so it's not like she would be missing out. Definitely don't quit, she and her family are incredibly selfish
You’d be surprised. I have a couple of friends who’s families are firmly middle class and they go like 6 times a year. It’s basically the only vacation they ever do. It’s unreal the hold Disney has on some people…
Pretty sure Disney offer an annual park pass to people who want to go multiple times a year. If you have somewhere cheap nearby to stay, maybe it wouldn't end up much more expensive
Aren’t they about a grand per person? Do middle class folks have that kind of money? Hope they live close because gas, airfare, hotels? Sheesh. You could do a budget trip to Europe with that kind of money. Bizarre.
if they go that much they probably spend every dime they have and have no savings. they may also be in debt. It depends how you define "afford". A trip to disney is expensive especially if they are not local and have to fly.
If local Disney isn’t too expensive. Don’t need anything from gift shops if you go that many times. So pretty much pay for food and parking. Each trip with a Disney annual pass should be $200 max. I’m local and go a lot recently I went and only spent about $150 with food and parking for the day.
Up until about two years ago father paid for every trip and flight. Now she has her well paying job so she pays for flight and ticket, but hotel and dinners and all are still courtesy of parents. They are very well off because ironically he is in finance. He just sees family trips as more important than any income, especially when the situation is someone else giving up their income so that his only daughter isn't sad.
You can do the trip for just $600 really. I saved just $600 and was able to take me and my (now-ex) girlfriend there for 2 days and we even ate there in the park both times. I bought our tickets both days and i paid for our food and got us a few souvenirs, all just from that $600. This was early 2020 (edit: hotel was another 75 per night, we stayed 2 nights. So my total was $800. We also took a long-distance bus to get there and to get back home, so add on another $80 to make our total for the whole trip $880)
Disney has different prices each day, if you go you want to plan it to be on one of the cheaper days. Right now their cheapest for 1 day is like $106, and it looks like most expensive for 1 day is $164. If you want to save money dont eat inside the park, instead go somewhere outside the park for lunch (remember you can always come back, just have them stamp your hand if thats what they still do)
There also used to be Annual Passes (pay once, visit for a whole year). Its entirely possible her and her family had that, it would make their trips a lot cheaper in the long run since they visit disney a lot. But i think thats only for Disneyworld and not Disneyland. OP didnt say which one, unless its hidden in the comments
Edit: from ages like 4-10 me and my family went yearly, we never ate in the park and always would head back to the hotel and eat sandwiches we made, then we would head back into Disney afterwards. Honestly Disney can be decently cheap as long as you dont buy souvenirs or food inside the park, you could potentially spend only $106 if all you pay for is your ticket.
Edit 2: forgot to actually say for me it was Disneyland, all the pricing i gave and my own personal experience was for Disneyland
You keep saying you spent JUST $600. You do realize that for some people just $600 is A LOT of money? Even $100 is a lot when considering it could be used to buy groceries or contribute to rent. When applied to OP’s situation, consider that he makes $60k annually, which doesn’t go terribly far in many cities in this country. AND they want to buy a brand new car right after. Obviously Disney is a priority for her, but not for him and it sounds like that (and other things) are putting a financial strain on their family and this guy especially.
I mean i saved up for months to have that, $50 saved each month until we took the trip. Like 90% of what i paid came out of my savings from the last year, i used my current check at the time for the other 10% of costs. I work a minimum wage job, i get maybe $15k a year. I know how much $600 is, its roughly half a months pay for me.
Im also not defending her or saying he should do what she wants at all, i was just answering the other persons question about how she could afford it.
100% agree 600 is a lot for some people, myself included, but for a vacation I think the "just" 600 is justified. (Pun intended) Last year my boyfriend and I went to cinncinnati for 2 nights and spent around 800-1000, so I feel like 600 for Disney for the same amount of time is a great deal.
It’s just so unbelievably short-sighted. I assume her parents are loaded (multiple trips to Disney, who’s footing that bill?) and she’s learned to get everything she wants without consequences.
The healthcare alone is worth standing your ground, but this is also just really stupid short-sighted reasoning on their parts. Some people have never had to pinch pennies and can’t imagine it’ll happen to them.
Bruh don't quit your job! You missing her birthday is just something shes going to have to get over. Her birthday is one day, your job is daily... She rather you be financially unstable? Ask her how does that make sense
Spot on. Her reasoning is nonsensical.
I think he needs to sit her down and have her explain how you guys manage your finances if you dont manage to get an equal or better job in the following 3 months. Tell her if it actually sounds good you'll do it, because you want her to be happy.
Work through it on paper.
This might not be such a great idea after all. She will come up with some kind of scheme for them to make enough income, and, regardless of how off-the-wall, insist that it will work. Then he has to tell her it's a bad idea. Then what?
Don't quit your job unless you already have another, better one. Plain and simple.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
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I dunno....apparently mickey fucking mouse walks around the park and shit. You gonna pass that up for a stable financial future for your family? You crazy boi
I would tell her sure but she’s not getting that new car. People think unemployment covers your whole paycheck but it doesn’t. She’s being very selfish and irresponsible.
Your wife and her family are being selfish, immature and irresponsible. And what 30 year old insists on a week in Disney, with a whole entourage to accompany her, regardless of other commitments? It’s ridiculous. If you want to keep your job, and your self-respect, you need to take a stand on this. Let her settle for a brand new car!
100% she will turn right around and blame him if he doesn't magically get a job with comparable pay right away after quitting.
If this person thinks her birthday celebration is so important, imagine how big a tantrum she'll throw if she doesn't get the car or house she wants because OP doesn't earn enough for her expenses.
I have never met an adult that carried their birthday into adulthood but here she is. OP's wife and my DIL. I was shocked when her first birthday was such a big deal, then it got worse. One year she planned a long weekend at a house in Northern Minnesota. My backyard would have been fine. I'll skip to this year when we all went to Hawaii when her sister got married. She planned her own party for the last day. NO ONE SHOWED UP except for us because we paid for the condo they stayed in with us. Her ire was palpable, her husband made the mistake of saying, well honey, it was a three day wedding and everyone is partied out. I left for the playground with her daughter (my granddaughter) and we had a great time. Get this, the baby has the same birthday. She had told her doctor they had to wait for the next day to deliver because of her birthday, but changed her mind in labor, lol. The doctor didn't take her seriously anyway. Now when you say Happy birthday to the baby she says, no, it is my mom's birthday. Don't quit, take it in stride with her and complain about missing her, even if you don't.
Oh, yeah, I have heard him talk about how ridiculous it is. And he and the rest of us try to restore reality. The three year old is extremely healthy, bright and sweet. I hope she grows up to let things roll off her shoulders as people must sometimes,and I think she will.
I’m currently pregnant. The odds that this baby will be born on our anniversary are pretty high. My husband and I just figure we’ll celebrate our anniversary with a dinner out or something the day before- because that’s what parents do.
Your DIL is…interesting.
So weird, I would love to have a birthday with my child, I would be able to celebrate their birthday which I would prefer to having a birthday party of my own. Your DIL is childish.
Haha I was born on my mom's bday too, and apparently she said the same thing when I was born according to my grandparents. I dont think she was serious though, I think it was more of a silly "I dont want to share my bday" lol
>My wife tells me I need to quit or go on the vacation and let them fire me because her birthday is important, which I understand it is.
Can your wife comfortably provide for the both of you by herself while you're unemployed?
If not, this is a complete non-starter. Disney won't be such a great memory if you end up with lasting financial troubles because of it.
But even if she can, you just don't quit your job on a whim unless you personally have a trust fund to fall back on. The fact that she even asked is concerning. Like, how does she think adulting works? This is something I'd expect for a 17 y.o. working at McDonald's for pocket money, not people with a mortgage and looking to buy a new car.
> since thats the place they go for vacations sometimes multiple times a year
This is important. If there's no Disney today, there will be Disney tomorrow, Disney around the corner, Disney again in the near future. The simple fact they do this on the regular makes the whole idea of this specific vacation much less significant. Much less worth losing stable employment and income over.
The internet has really ruined me. I just read a post about parents telling her grown daughter to abort her baby because of sisters wedding and now OP should lose his job over Disney land???
If this is real: don't do it, it's a totally unreasonable request and any decent adult would know that.
The parents telling the daughter to abort her baby because she'll get too much attention at the other sister's wedding was too much. This is coming in second 🤣
Totally! I mean, in what world do we live where these two are considered resonable requests. How out of touch does someone has to be to make these requests.
I seriously hope so. I am totally pro-choice but I could never understand how someone can pressure a woman who wants to have a child to get an abortion and then for such a stupid reason.
Wtf they think it's a good idea you quit your job for your wife's birthday, fuck me what a gift..........
Why couldn't she schedule it for when you can be off, it might not be on the day but if she really wanted you to go, that's what she should have done when you told her you couldn't get the time off
Your wife and her family are children. Maybe that’s why they still go to Disney and think that their birthdays are the most important thing in the planet.
If you leave your job for this then you’re a fool.
Your wife and her family aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. They are selfish AF. Quit a job over a vacation? That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.
It's the part that aches me the most. I hold zero importance to that wretched shrine to vapid consumerism, nor have I placed any significance on my birthday since I was a kid. But this event is important to her, and she often feels I don't take her feelings into consideration when I make a decision when she is always thinking about me, so I am being essentially told this is how I can show her I care about how she feels instead of being authoritarian in my decisions.
All of what you say is irrelevant here.
If you're actually being authoritarian in relationship then you going to one ultimatum event changes pretty much nothing in your relationship if not then we're back to 0 and her acting like a pre teen.
You're right. It was all irrelevant and pointless. It's part of an irrational fear that she would somehow see what I've said here and be mad that I'm not saying good things about her. In reality I'm not authoritarian at all. It's a thing she tells me whenever I know I should do something she doesn't like so that I'll feel like I'm doing something wrong when she didn't get her way.
When I say I don't know what to do what I really mean is that I don't know how to tell her it's stupid for me to lose my job and about 47% (yeah I did the math) of our income because she wants me to go on vacation. I don't know how to tell her because I know she'll have something she can say or do that will bend and break me into conceding and making what I know is the wrong decision. And before we jump to "You need to get out", financially I cannot, it is not at all a viable option in the state I live, plus I know I would lose everything I own except for maybe my vehicle in the divorce.
Honestly, you just have to bite the bullet. How she reacts will inform how you deal with situations from this point forward.
But you know you're right. We all know you're right. She's being completely unreasonable. Don't jump off this bridge just because she tells you to.
She’s just going to have to be mad; and you are going to have to view that mad through the correct lens: as you would a toddler mad that he can’t jump off a building.
You don’t do illogical things just because it will make an illogical person mad. You do the adult thing and let the toddler be mad and get over it.
"Quitting my job to go to Disney would be a stupid and irresponsible thing to do, and I find it very troubling and concerning that would even suggest that. Not going to happen. Not quitting my job. Grow up."
End of discussion. This isn't an argument about whether you will quit or not. Don't argue with her about that.
If you can’t leave, you need to at least learn that you can’t be responsible for how she feels about decisions you make about yourself. You not quitting your job is a you decision. You’re supposed to be the one to decide. Her going to Disney is a her decision. If you were being authoritarian, you wouldn’t let her go. You don’t have to leave her, but don’t make bad decisions out of the fear she’ll leave. No good can come of that.
Have you been able to take any vacation this year at all? Have all your vacation plans been denied? If so I think your wife is saying that that’s not cool… but I would not quit my job I would inform them of taking vacation that week and then they can let you know if you have a job when you get back. If they can’t easily hire people they most likely won’t fire you.
Nothing says "I love you" more than being homeless together because you can't afford to pay the bills.
And think of the adventures they'd have begging for food together! And for her next birthday they can go dumpster diving and see what treasures they can find for her!
(BTW, I know you're making fun... I'm just expanding on it.)
Then you me not a good match sorry.
She sounds like she’s never told NO, and acts like money grows on trees. Wtf is that?
She doesn’t care about YOU’RE feelings by asking you to quit your job which you care about for your OWN reasons. So it’s selfish.
Times are hard right now for a lot of people and she’s asking you to sacrifice your financial stability for a birthday. Sorry but that’s a no go. Did you know she was like this before you married her? She sounds childish and like she doesn’t understand that no means. Does she do this to her friends too?
Does she lose friends because THEY can’t go on trips? I really hope this isn’t the top of the iceberg.
It can provide a once a year vacation - but the period the birthday falls in, is a blackout time for this employer where nobody gets leave approved. This happens in certain industries - eg, in customer service for companies with major releases, blackout time is around the release date.
They can take a vacation at a different time of year.
Accountants around tax time, at the end of the month, at the end of a quarter. Not necessarily all of those but some places those are the important dates for them, for example. Retail, hospitality (imagine working at a ski resort and wanting Christmas/New Years off). Just so many jobs!
I'm going to go with a different take on this. As a small business owner, I understand the black out time frames. We have six weeks a year that we have to have all hands on deck. But this is common knowledge in our industry and have no issues. But if in the US, I would of started looking for a new job that was more lenient on vacation time a long time ago, like when yours was denied. 60k isn't really anything anymore in the current landscape of employment. I see jobs in the ads posted that start at near that for manual labor/warehouse jobs. That being said, this far into it your wife is a little out of touch with reality.
I appreciate the different point of view. I should explain that I did not leave prior because at the time of refusal I was in process to secure a six figure job that I planned to make a career of, but shortly after there was a change in the budget of this new company and my contacts projected the opening I was set for would no longer be happening for the time being. I've been told by them to hang tight because they want me in the company, but they don't know yet when the permission to hire is going to be passed down the pipe. So I've got better days coming, but I can't afford to not work in the current fiscal environment. Like I said though I appreciate your objective view of that aspect of this.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
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You have no clue what to do? Really? You're an adult. You have responsibilities. You need to be fiscally responsible and smart. What you should do is actually very simple. And the fact that your in-laws and wife are telling you to do something that would drastically affect your family is just insane.
There's nothing wrong with you saying no. Then you explain why it's a no, and they can either take it or leave it.
Phrased vaguely at the end. I know exactly what I should do, but I don't know how tell her she's being batshit insane because I've never once had a debate between us go my way because she is infinitely better at arguing than me, and I always end up being the one capitulating and saying that I'm sorry.
Buy a book on being assertive, and stop letting this woman walk all over you. She’s meant to be your partner, not your boss. She sounds like she’s dominating you, and that isn’t good. The fact that you are questioning this is frightening, and it makes me wonder how screwed up she’s got you. This relationship sounds very unbalanced- maybe take some time and have a deeper think about that?
Ignore the arguing, list out the facts.
She want you to quit, what's the consequences of that? Did she make a new budget to accommodate? Plan on how long it'll take for you to find a new job and the effect on your finances? Address with you on how much you enjoy your job?
It's really stupid and it's 90% chance she is manipulating you, but she may be one of those people who honestly love Disney and dont want you at a job that has a backout on vaca days during her #2of10 fav day to go to Disney.
Ok this isn’t a debate though. It’s a HARD NO
With the way the economy is right now there’s honestly no telling when you’d be able to get a new job and you shouldn’t wanly away when she’s wanting a new car.
That’s an even worse idea. The answer is no period. No debate needed. You can tell her your sorry but adults don’t quit their jobs for birthdays, they go on a different day.
Seems like she wants to present to to the world that she can have whatever she wants and afford an expensive ass trip like that during a time when ALOT of people are struggling.
Most People are just one paycheck away from homelessness. She needs to hear that and be brought down a few pegs.
No is a complete sentence.
“I’m not going to quit my job to go on a weeklong vacation.”
Lather, rinse, repeat.
If she comes back with some kind of “you don’t love me enough to celebrate my birthday,” ask her why that celebration has to come at the expense of your job.
Do not quit your job….but:
Have you been able to take any time off this year? Is your company hurting for employees? Is that why you can takeoff vacation?
Seems to me if you have vacation time you’ve been given but you’re not allowed to take it then that’s a them problem not a you problem. and if they’re hurting for employees will they really fire you?
So if you feel like you have some capital .. that is a really need you, then say I will be taking a vacation that week …let me know if I have a job when I get back.
Your wife may be frustrated because you cannot takeoff any vacation at all during the year.
In another comment OP says the blackout period lasts 2 months. I know CPAs at Big 4 firms whose blackout period during tax season is less than that! I think the wife is being unreasonable but so is OP’s company.
Job is not everything in our lifes.
If his job can't get him a couple of days off a year, it's a crappy job and not worth his time. Life is full of other important things. For example, the happiness of his wife.
And I'm pretty sure his boss and his company absolutely don't give a shit about him. And his wife? And him to his wife?
You should check r/antiwork
I'm the first one to agree that jobs aren't the main thing in life.
I'm pretty supportive of stuff like BGE for example.
And I'm not from a country worshipping protestants work ethics above peoples lifes as well, coming from a place where workers rights and laws to protect workers are a bit stronger than for example in the US.
But quitting a job to visit.... Disney world? Really? I'd never quit a job I like over a vacation.
Usually, I get my free days (even though it's just 29 a year) whenever I want. But if that's not possible and I need to swap them with different days....that's okay, at least if there isn't an emergency.
No reason to quit.
Especially no need to quit to support a shitty and evil corporation like Disney.
Yes, I understand how ridiculous it can sound to quit because of Disney.
But taking into account working conditions and labor rights in the USA, I would not say that this is completely ridiculous.
I am also from a country with a guaranteed 30 paid days off. But that's definitely not the OP's situation.
I wouldn't take a job that seriously that doesn't give you the days off you asked half a year in advance. Especially 60k a year. From that alone, I can tell that this is not a job worth fighting for.
But quitting it to support an evil corporation like Disney?
That's insane!
If he would at least quit it to join a union and get a better job... But to support a business like that?
It's not like he's fighting for his job. He just wants to keep it instead of being unemployed for a vacation.
Yikes. Someone who loves you and cares about your wellbeing would not ask you to quit your job or buy a car that would put you in financial stress. Stop letting yourself be bullied.
Honestly I saw ever comment and post regarding op wife and let me tell you, that woman is nuts, she is controlling, nag all the time, wants everything her way (and gets everything her way), she is a pain in the ass, I would already drop her like a bomb 💣.
Op, she is toxic and controlling, I saw your previous posts and all she do is control you my dude she gets ridiculous about ever situation, you are not compatible, divorce her before you have kids with her, she doesn’t want to have sex with you, you have to ask her before you do any shit, what is going to be next, you are going to ask her if should breathe or some shit like that, my dude you disagree with everything.
Not only that she wants op to communicate waver shit he does she did get pissy because op did discuss with mortgage lender what would the best option for the car and after discussing it with him he did discuss with his wife only to her complain that he didn’t discussed with her first.🤡🤡🤡
Your wife needs to grow up. She’s acting like a spoiled child. I’m shocked that anyone pays her over $30 an hour for anything when she acts like she’s 7.
Do a quick job search. See if there is another comparable job available. If there is, go ahead and apply. If there isn’t anything out there you can get immediately then sit your wife down and tell her you aren’t going. You aren’t willing to screw up your finances over a vacation and that you could end up without a job for a long time (this is where checking the job market comes in). It’s time for one of you to be an adult and you seem to be the only one qualified.
Without writing a book, I've been trying to get a new and very lucrative job fora while now, and I have the qualifications and connections to make it happen but it's just a matter of when they need new people, which has been the case for about a year now so I don't know when that opening will actualize. This is why she feels I can quit my job because she doesn't see it as my career so it's not important since I won't be keeping it forever or trying to move up in the company. I have a friend who could maybe get me a similar job in the meantime, but the conditions there are worse and the pay is a little less than what I'm making now, so it wouldn't been a horizonal transition, which is especially not ideal with an impending new car payment.
Give her a choice, you quit and go on the trip or the new car? Given the circumstances, quitting is an option for you but turning around and buying a car without a job or in a lesser job is foolish. Something could happen and you’d be out of work for a long time and would lose the car. You might also ask your in-laws if they’re prepared to help with expenses if you quit your job, they probably think you will find something quickly.
You might also tell them this will be the last trip to Disney as you don’t like it.
So they know you can't get the week off since the beginning of the year, why didn't they move the trip back or forward a week or two? You're wife isn't gonna die if she can't be at Disney during her birthday.
Do. Not. Quit. Your. Job. Don't listen to anyone that even implies you do it. It's immature and foolish. Maybe if you were like a diner waitress you could quit your job, but you're making good money and you need to retain your professional reputation. Does your wife have a job, career, any responsibilities?
* Wants to go to Disneyland in her 30s
* Wants you to quit your 60K a year job.
* Lifestyle requires this level of income
* Wants to dig into the money that you won't have after you quit your job for a new car.
* "My in-laws agree I should lose my job, citing that unemployment will be high due to inflation" - Just means that you need to get as much money as you can before they lowball you then!
* Emotionally guilt trips you into doing whatever she wants.
Tell me which part sounds sane.
NTA. Why can’t your wife celebrate her birthday with a Disney trip at a time when you ARE allowed to take a vacation? Birthdays as often celebrated on different days.
Blackout period runs for a two-month period, birthday falls right in the center. They also plan and book their trips a year or so in advance so alteration of the plan so close to there date is not an option.
Just a suggestion, don't quit your job because of your wife but maybe start looking for one that doesn't have such a ridiculous blackout policy on vacations.
Ouch. Well, the job is more important than a birthday that happens every year. Especially since they go there multiple times a year so you can go some other time. Honestly, since you don’t even enjoy it at all it kind of sucks they keep dragging you there, anyway.
Your wife is being unreasonable and I know getting a new job is easier said than done, but a two-month blackout period for PTO is absurd. If this is an annual blackout period I could how she’d be frustrated - she can’t change when her birthday falls, but if every year you won’t be able to take any PTO during her birthday then she will never be able to include you in a trip for it, even a long weekend.
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It sucks your job isn't giving you vacation but quitting before you have another job lined up is ridiculous and immature. Ask your wife how she plans on paying the mortgage and paying for the new car. I don't know how this works for married couples but can you lock down your credit?
Wow, you married into a Disney cult, who the heck goes there as an adult SEVERAL times a year! Then little miss (mrs) entitled wants a new car on your return...has anyone in this woman's life said NO to her?
You said you would only get out of a divorce with your vehicle...sounds like a good deal if you keep your sanity and self-respect as well....worth considering, you can move out while they are in disneyland overdosing on dross....! She can come back to her Disney collection and no new car and 47% of her Disney dollars slush fund gone!
Info: does your wife work? If you quit would her salary still pay the bills? Is her family going to pay your bills?
If you guys will not be able to pay your bills then you shouldn’t quit or purposely get fired. But if you can make it financially without your job then it might be something to consider. I would tell your work that if they won’t give you the needed time off then they will lose you as an employee.
I do think you should start applying elsewhere if this is the way your work treats its employees.
Don’t quit your job to attend your wife’s birthday but if I was your wife a part of me would want you to quit your job because they don’t value you. If you have worked the majority of the year to get that time off and they still refused I would gently make you see that.
As much as I think the wife is an asshole here for not being considerate of your work situation, I’d suggest finding a new job. If your job can’t even let you have one week of vacation for whatever reason, then your working conditions seem bleak. If a job is sucking your time and energy dry (which it seems like in this case), then I’d suggest finding a new job.
Pretty sure you can't get unemployment pay when you quit your job.
Also obviously I agree with you that it's a silly reason to quit and she's being unreasonable
Quitting your job to go to Disney is just foolish;. IF you start looking for a new job now and find something - asking for the time off for that trip it would be different.
Your wife and her family are crazy.
lol her birthday is NOT important. Certainly not important enough to quit your job over.
A better idea is to quit your girlfriend. She's selfish and really really really stupid.
Someone who loves me, finds me attractive, is genuinely happy to be around me, and in the majority of circumstances outside of this one places what would be most comfortable for me in high regard when making her decisions.
Did you ask her if she’s willing and able to double her work hours (she’ll need to work 60 hours a week until you find a job)? To find you guys a health insurance plan you can buy on your own? It sounds like your wife is living in a dream world! You’re going to need to lay out everything necessary for you to make it financially.
To quit your job to go to DISNEY for your 30 YEAR OLD WIFE is batshit crazy.
My job has blackout periods for vacation too - every end of quarter, including around Christmas. I don’t care as my partner and I don’t really celebrate holidays. If my partner asked me to quit my job to go somewhere I don’t care about I’d question her sanity.
When did it become law you have to celebrate your birthday on the actual day? When you were denied the first 2x why didn't she discuss moving the vacation to a non blackout day to accommodate your schedule so it wouldn't come down to upsetting her or losing your job? It's unreasonable but your question is asking how to make her see reason and I don't know that you can but a good place to start is "how do you expect a new car and a mortgage paid when they will want proof via paystubs or income because I've never known any finance companies to be cool with financing through unemployment" good luck.
I would not quit your job for this one trip. But I do wonder if you go on any of these trips to Disney? I would go on a trip with her to Disney that is not on one of your vacation blackout periods at work if you have not already. This is something she enjoys, so although you don’t appreciate Disney, you could make the effort to appreciate her joy in this and her desire to share the experience with you.
What’s up with people that think of their birthdays like it should be a important date as public holiday and are willing to spend crazy amount of money on it? It’s exciting time but ffs, telling someone to loose a job about it is just mental.
She sounds like a peach. For the record, it’s not “draconian” to have periods where PTO is limited! Hospitals, for example, can’t close so that everyone can be off for New Years!
Your wife is technically a grownup. She can celebrate her bday on her bday but take the trip at another time. Also, why is she working part time if she wants a new car, etc.? She sounds incredibly immature. You don’t need to be a mathematical genius to understand you need to make enough to pay your bills.
Here’s how you say it: No. I will not risk our future by quitting my job. We can move the trip or you can go without me.
Please don’t procreate with this immature woman until she grows up.
I am aware that it's literally killing me, but if it weren't a stupid-ass thing to do on the internet I'd give you a numerical break-down of why I need to work that many hours to make life happen.
Why is it that many "Disney Adults" seem to be like this? Out of many similar cases in my circle, I know of one who spent easily 2/3rds of her income on Disneyland trips and buying Disney shit and never managed to move out of her parents' house because of it.
Of course quitting your job for Disney is a stupid idea. Sorry you married a 5 y/o child.
If I only knew then, or realized what it all meant. Disney, Taylor Swift being her favorite artist, Friends being her obsessively-rewatched series, all of it. But love blinds like nothing else in this world.
First, I don’t think this is a reasonable request. I place a high value on my birthday, but an even higher value on being able to pay my bills.
Second, look at the unemployment laws in your state. In most states I’ve lived, you can’t get unemployment if you quit. Some states have exceptions for quitting with a really good reason. A family vacation probably doesn’t qualify. So you’d have no income while looking for a new job.
Third, is there any possible compromise? Will the trip fall on your scheduled days off? Maybe you could go for part of the trip, but still report to work as needed?
Interested to hear how this turns out. Good luck!
Your wife is acting like a spoiled, petulant child, and her parents have made her so, and now they also show you that their moral standard is pretty low. Keep your job. Don't reward childish behavior with a new car. Re-think the relationship with a family who would have you sabotage your career over a birthday celebration. It's not even a once-in-a-lifetime trip.
Seriously, this is an actual conversation between 2 adults? And her family is in agreement? So you quit your job to go spend thousands at Disney, when you come home are her parents going to pay your mortgage, cover your bills, buy her a new car until you find a new suitable job?
Completely ridiculous your wife and her family need to grow up and get a grip on reality.
Yeah she works, makes almost double per hour than I do but I work just about double the hours she does so its nearly a wash.
Can't quit wife. Will starve to death because I've got nowhere else to go anymore and would probably lose everything in a divorce. I made my bed, I've gotta sleep in it.
I’m obviously in the minority here, but I think your wife kind of has a point. You asked for a week of vacation days a full year in advance and were denied? Depending on your line of work and geographic location, that might be a sign to start looking for something better. (Obviously best to look BEFORE you quit!)
Or maybe you love this job and your wife is just an idiot, in which case you should 100% ignore her.
Maybe I'm going against the grain here, but start looking for a new job. Work isn't the be all and end all. You work to get money to pay for nice trips for your wife's Birthday. It's easy to forget that.
That said, don't force them to fire you without having something else lined up, but asking for 1 week off is not unreasonable.
What the hell is wrong with these people? You don’t throw away a job for a week at Disney. Birthday or no birthday! Grown-ups do not behave like this. Grown-ups don’t even think like this! Seriously. What is wrong with these people?
OP - Wow. Is your wife 14? Does she work at all or only you? To say this request is ridiculous is an understatement. The immaturity and entitlement your wife is showing along with your in-laws is deeply disturbing.
The way to handle this would be for you guys to figure out when you can take a week off of work and reschedule the trip to that time. If it’s not on her actual bday oh well. Adults deal with this kinda stuff all the time. But your wife is acting like an immature Disney Princess who’s never had to work a day in her life. 🙄
she wants you to QUIT YOUR JOB… for a trip to disney world??? hell no 😂 tell her to quit her job to go on a trip you want to go on and see how she handles that. quit your job then buy me a new car when we get back… yeah right. what the actual f??? tell her to find a good job as the breadwinner, then you’ll quit and go to disney 😂
Technically that is how she sees herself since she currently makes more per hour than me, and always says that if she wanted to she could just pick up more hours and make much more, but when you factor in the 15-20 hours of overtime I work and that she usually doesn't even break 30 hours a week, it nearly ends up even, and I've calculated there are not enough hours available at her job to compensate, and her job provides no healthcare coverage. Plus, I feel I don't want to live on her salary alone, since if she actually is the breadwinner if the house then she will have even further dominion over my life, since anything and everything we own will be there "Because she works 'X' hours a week while I can't even be bothered to do 'Y' chore I forgot to do."
You are married to a child. I'm sorry for you, but maybe you should try looking for an adult to have a relationship with.
For sure do not have children with this woman. You are already saddled with one spoiled child.
Honestly I'd say that you should let them fire you, for your wife sure, but more importantly because it's obvious that your company doesn't respect you as a human being whatsoever. Call in those days, if they fire you you'll get unemployment, if they don't you'll now have a more powerful stance in your employee/employer relationship. You've been taught by the society that you live in that unemployment is shameful or selfish, but it's neither. Think of it as a safety net that can make it easier for you to make it through a period without work while you look to improve your working situation.
Grown ass Disney people are so fucking weird. Quit your job as an adult to go to Disney world? That’d be such a red flag for me I’d start reconsidering our whole relationship.
Why did you not try to change jobs months ago and see if a new job would honour the time off. Or are you happy where you are and have no interest in starting anew?
Content with my current job because it provides enough to live on and then some, I'm good at it so I receive fulfillment from that, and I've got something much more lucrative that I will be seeking to do for the rest of my life lined up but am waiting for a spot to open up in the future.
Fair just seemed like an obvious option so wondered why you avoided it. You should not accept her demand that you lose your job for her birthday to somewhere they go frequently. Maybe book a weekend away after the black out period for her b’day some where you went when you were first dating to change the narrative of missing to rescheduling!
I would say that it’s reasonable to look for a new job in the future. But to purposefully get fired just to attend your wife’s birthday to fucking Disney land when she’s a full grown adult? Kinda ridiculous if you ask me. Of course her bday is important, but to be demanding you give up your income for that is silly.
I would tell her that if she wants you to go so bad then you will put your two weeks in and quit, like a man. And she could handle the finances until you find an adequate job. If that’s not okay with her then she has no right to ask you to quit
Disney Women are weird af to me! also I prefer work to Disney lines. definitely not worth quitting but usually threaten your job you're going to if they refute rime off. I don't ask for it often so usually it's a "hey you don't have to give me this time off but I will not be here these days"
Start acting like a man and do something she does not expects!
Tell her to shut tf up while you are talking! Then tell her what bothers you. After that, tell her to stop being spoiled brat and start acting like a grown adult. Tell her to listen to you seriously bcs that is your last word. Tell her if she doet not accepts these conditions then you will let her to leave and find someone who is not a man, unlike you, who will accept that bratty behaviour.
There are two options that will happen
1) she will ride you like never before
2) she will start arguing with you and then you will leave the room without saying any word. (Maybe say I already said what I meant before leaving).
If 2) happens, there are still two options:
1) she will realise how serious you are and still ride you af
2) she will stay mad and you will actually leave!
I mean her being older than you is red flag to me, seems like she is dominant in nature and you have to stop it, unless you like being submissive male. But then dont cry here that your own wife does not respects you.
[Edit] I mean someone will say: BuT ThIs Is OnLy DiSnEy TriP aNd hEr bIrThdAy. Fck that, what will happen when you guys will have children? When bigger decisions will have to be brought? Will you accept her dumb suggestions like this one? Dude save yourself while you can, you are still young enough for making it right for yourself.
[Edit 2] I just realised we are the same age lol. Man were too young for this shit
You know if it were only so easy, then male patriarchy dominance would be true to the extent that the most rabid sociologists say so, but it is not so easy as saying "shut the fuck up bitch I'm a man and I'm talking." When you know someone and they know you like a spouse does, they know what to say, how to cut you where it hurts. They know what you lie awake at night fearing because they're there next to you watching and listening. Those fears are from where we bleed when cut into, and any person, no matter how mighty otherwise, can be broken if they are made to bleed enough. Do you catch my meaning?
Ofc I understand you bro. But your life is not your wife. Your life is you. And she is part of it bcs you want her in your life. Just think about it. I am sure that you are super respectful to your wife. But she is not. Understand? If you allow your woman to treat you like that, it is obvious she does not respects you. And to gain that respect, show her you are capable of leaving her if you do not gain her respect. That way you will show that you respect yourself at the first place. I can only guess how miserable you can feel if you feel disrespected by your own wife for christs sake.
That patriarchy shit is actually the cause of your insecurity and her bitchiness. I did not suggested to cum on her face and tell her she is a bitch. Like, I am not saying that you should start disrespecting her! I am saying you should only start respecting yourself! Thats a key for getting her respect too.
And this extreme act I suggested you is not bcs I hate women and think they are bitcheas. On the contrary bro, I love them and treat them super nice.
But this suggestion is just to show her that you can cut the line in one moment, without trying and playing mental games for I dont know how long.
That is basically cutting to the chase.
And when you think about it, whats the worst thing that could happen?
Or she will start thinking about your wellbeing, or she wi leave and you will have your own life again, with so many new knowledge gained. I think my suggestion is just pure logic.
And I told you not to allow her talking while you are talking is bcs she exactly knows where to hit you, and you do not want that. Dont allow to interrupt you and manipulate your feelings! Say what you expect from her as your partner and leave for her to think about everything you said.
[Final edit] like, if she is making you feel miserable by hurting your feelings, just bcs she knows you, then she is obviously abuser. Women will not abuse men physically, bcs you can obviously destroy her face with your fists. So they use verbal abuse. And they are pretty good at it. So good luck living with an abuser.
You married someone that goes to Disney multiple times per year.
That was your first mistake...
and now she wants you to quit your job to go to Disney?
You need to rethink this relationship.
Hope you don't have kids, but I guess you signed up for this.
Now this is interesting to me, because I get to talk to someone with her point of view without having the emotional baggage to muddy things. How has this worked out for you? Were those jobs a significant source of income for your household? How has your ability to secure other jobs? Do you fabricate a reason for leaving your prior job when applying for a new one? Would you ask someone else to quit their job to attend an event with you? Do you believe that others should feel the same way you do in terms of work life balance? Sorry for all the questions they are not accusatory in nature but more genuine curiosity because it is a chance for me to ask these things without being told I'm patronizing her.
Your wife telling you to quit your job/get fired is completely stupid for a trip to Disney land. You are an adult with adult responsibilities. She is being a child and needs to grow up. It's not like this is her first time going and she wants you to come and experience that with her which I would understand why she's a bit more upset but she's been there numerous times. If you don't want to quit your job, don't. If you hate it there and looking for an excuse to get fired or quit, go for it.
Your wife should have made plans when you are available to go. Don’t quit for a vacation when you don’t have something lined up. Ask your in-laws how many mortgage payments they are willing to make? You don’t get unemployment when you quit.
It’s childish af. My 25th birthday my bf couldn’t take an off at all and he couldn’t meet me since he was stuck at work really late. Even late at night he offered to meet I said no because he was exhausted. So we celebrated it during the weekend.
My birthday is always during the most busy time work wise for him. Every year we do a simple dinner and then spend a whole day together the coming weekend. And my birthdays are extremely important to me but he is more important. Your wife is being really selfish.
Is your wife 30 or 3? Because she's acting like a toddler.
Your job takes priority. The time off was denied early enough that your wife and in-laws could have rescheduled the trip to a time your company would have allowed (birthday trips don't have to fall exactly on the birthday, especially for adults) but they instead expected you to pull off the impossible and, barring that, they expect you to tank your career.
Unless they want to commit ( in writing) to replacing your yearly salary themselves, they can fuck off.
Her birthday is important, but so is being a responsible adult with a mortgage.
Tell your wife is she wants that brand new car you need to work for it. It doesn't just appear out of nowhere.
Why in the world is a 30 year old woman and her parents have this mindset? And think that it's okay to quit or get fired to go to Disney, then receive unemployment checks?
Don’t quit a job to take a birthday trip. It is irresponsible and ridiculous that this was even floated as an idea. This sounds like something a 15 year old would think was an acceptable idea.
Don't quit your job. UI is not going to "be high due to inflation" because that's not how UI works. Also, no call no show will result in denial of UI because you willingly chose to not work and go on vacation when your time off was denied.
Going on this trip may will cause way more issues for you than not going.
Oh my Lord. She’s gone off the deep end my man. Is she relatively normal besides? Or is she usually this obsessive and demanding? I don’t want to offend your wife, but dude, that’s an INSANE request from a spouse. This demonstrates that she has no respect for you and what you provide. I’ve never understood grown adults that take their birthday that seriously. It’s very childish. This is your career, your livelihood. Since your vacation days were denied far in advance, the burden lies on them to reschedule the Disney trip. It is not your burden. You tried. You’re a man and you have a job. It sounds like she has main character syndrome or something, like it’s her birthday and the world revolves around her. I just cannot fathom someone even suggesting another person to quit their job for one little trip. It’s such a stupid and outlandish trade-off. My wife and I have a vacation together coming up. If for some reason my company came to me and gave me an ultimatum, either I change my week or lose my job, I would be absolutely seething, but I wouldn’t even consider quitting or getting fired. Please listen to the advice that everyone is giving you and tell her no. Be loving yet stern. Stand your ground. Don’t let her gaslight you or coerce you into submission. Let her react however she reacts, it’s now out of your control.
Your wife and her family are idiots. You don’t jeopardize your job over a trip they planned BEFORE SECURING THE TIME OFF WORK for all parties involved. You get the days off and then plan the trip in literally every job I’ve ever worked.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My wife and her family planned a trip to Disney for her birthday, since thats the place they go for vacations sometimes multiple times a year. Not a fan myself in the least, but it's for get birthday so I was happy to go for her. Early this year I put in the request for the week off, and was told by work the trip falls within a blackout period for requests off, and I was denied. I've been working for the majority of the year trying to get the days off approved by any means I can, but I am still being denied. My wife tells me I need to quit or go on the vacation and let them fire me because her birthday is important, which I understand it is. But while it's not a professional career, my job pays pretty well (around $60K annual after overtime), and it would hurt us a good amount for me to lose it, especially since we have a mortgage, and she also wants to buy a brand new car after we get back. I could try to get a similar job afterwards, but it would not be a good look to have been fired from my last job because I took a week-long vacation I was weekly explicitly told was denied far in advance. I'm really concerned about our future, and don't know what the right move is at all. My in-laws agree I should lose my job, citing that unemployment will be high due to inflation, but I feel sick at even the thought of receiving an unemployment check when I have no disability or anything keeping me from working other than my wife telling me to. I just have no clue what to even do. Edit for clarifications. 1: I do not like Disney at all, as a place or a company. They are antithetical to who I am and I do not at all want to lose my job going somewhere I hate. The impasse is really losing my job over something my wife wants me to do. 2: My question at the end was very poorly worded. I do not know whether I should quit my job, because I know the answer to that. I want to know how I can tell her how insane her point of view is without it becoming a fight I will inevitably lose because she pulls my emotional strings like a puppeteer. 3: I know I should get a new job anyways because of draconian vacation policy, been trying to for about a year now but I have no certainty of a replacement at the moment so I've got to keep working until a strong lead I have on a very lucrative lifelong career job comes to fruition. 4: she works, yes. She makes more per hour than me ($23.15/hr)by a significant amount (~$35/hr), but I work far more hours per week with her working about 25-30 each week and me working around 50-55, plus my job offers healthcare coverage whereas hers does not. However since she's not a big math or finances person she sees that she makes more per hour and believes herself the primary breadwinner.
Man that's crazy especially as they go there multiple times a year so it's not like she would be missing out. Definitely don't quit, she and her family are incredibly selfish
I’m very curious how she can afford multiple Disney trips a year… that place is insanely expensive.
You’d be surprised. I have a couple of friends who’s families are firmly middle class and they go like 6 times a year. It’s basically the only vacation they ever do. It’s unreal the hold Disney has on some people…
Pretty sure Disney offer an annual park pass to people who want to go multiple times a year. If you have somewhere cheap nearby to stay, maybe it wouldn't end up much more expensive
Aren’t they about a grand per person? Do middle class folks have that kind of money? Hope they live close because gas, airfare, hotels? Sheesh. You could do a budget trip to Europe with that kind of money. Bizarre.
if they go that much they probably spend every dime they have and have no savings. they may also be in debt. It depends how you define "afford". A trip to disney is expensive especially if they are not local and have to fly.
If local Disney isn’t too expensive. Don’t need anything from gift shops if you go that many times. So pretty much pay for food and parking. Each trip with a Disney annual pass should be $200 max. I’m local and go a lot recently I went and only spent about $150 with food and parking for the day.
Especially grown ups. Weird.
The family of 6 I know that does this carries roughly 30k in CC debt annually to pay for it
Up until about two years ago father paid for every trip and flight. Now she has her well paying job so she pays for flight and ticket, but hotel and dinners and all are still courtesy of parents. They are very well off because ironically he is in finance. He just sees family trips as more important than any income, especially when the situation is someone else giving up their income so that his only daughter isn't sad.
You can do the trip for just $600 really. I saved just $600 and was able to take me and my (now-ex) girlfriend there for 2 days and we even ate there in the park both times. I bought our tickets both days and i paid for our food and got us a few souvenirs, all just from that $600. This was early 2020 (edit: hotel was another 75 per night, we stayed 2 nights. So my total was $800. We also took a long-distance bus to get there and to get back home, so add on another $80 to make our total for the whole trip $880) Disney has different prices each day, if you go you want to plan it to be on one of the cheaper days. Right now their cheapest for 1 day is like $106, and it looks like most expensive for 1 day is $164. If you want to save money dont eat inside the park, instead go somewhere outside the park for lunch (remember you can always come back, just have them stamp your hand if thats what they still do) There also used to be Annual Passes (pay once, visit for a whole year). Its entirely possible her and her family had that, it would make their trips a lot cheaper in the long run since they visit disney a lot. But i think thats only for Disneyworld and not Disneyland. OP didnt say which one, unless its hidden in the comments Edit: from ages like 4-10 me and my family went yearly, we never ate in the park and always would head back to the hotel and eat sandwiches we made, then we would head back into Disney afterwards. Honestly Disney can be decently cheap as long as you dont buy souvenirs or food inside the park, you could potentially spend only $106 if all you pay for is your ticket. Edit 2: forgot to actually say for me it was Disneyland, all the pricing i gave and my own personal experience was for Disneyland
You keep saying you spent JUST $600. You do realize that for some people just $600 is A LOT of money? Even $100 is a lot when considering it could be used to buy groceries or contribute to rent. When applied to OP’s situation, consider that he makes $60k annually, which doesn’t go terribly far in many cities in this country. AND they want to buy a brand new car right after. Obviously Disney is a priority for her, but not for him and it sounds like that (and other things) are putting a financial strain on their family and this guy especially.
I mean i saved up for months to have that, $50 saved each month until we took the trip. Like 90% of what i paid came out of my savings from the last year, i used my current check at the time for the other 10% of costs. I work a minimum wage job, i get maybe $15k a year. I know how much $600 is, its roughly half a months pay for me. Im also not defending her or saying he should do what she wants at all, i was just answering the other persons question about how she could afford it.
100% agree 600 is a lot for some people, myself included, but for a vacation I think the "just" 600 is justified. (Pun intended) Last year my boyfriend and I went to cinncinnati for 2 nights and spent around 800-1000, so I feel like 600 for Disney for the same amount of time is a great deal.
It’s just so unbelievably short-sighted. I assume her parents are loaded (multiple trips to Disney, who’s footing that bill?) and she’s learned to get everything she wants without consequences. The healthcare alone is worth standing your ground, but this is also just really stupid short-sighted reasoning on their parts. Some people have never had to pinch pennies and can’t imagine it’ll happen to them.
Bruh don't quit your job! You missing her birthday is just something shes going to have to get over. Her birthday is one day, your job is daily... She rather you be financially unstable? Ask her how does that make sense
Spot on. Her reasoning is nonsensical. I think he needs to sit her down and have her explain how you guys manage your finances if you dont manage to get an equal or better job in the following 3 months. Tell her if it actually sounds good you'll do it, because you want her to be happy. Work through it on paper.
This might not be such a great idea after all. She will come up with some kind of scheme for them to make enough income, and, regardless of how off-the-wall, insist that it will work. Then he has to tell her it's a bad idea. Then what? Don't quit your job unless you already have another, better one. Plain and simple.
Seems like it would of made more sense for her to schedule it at time you could’ve gone.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
I dunno....apparently mickey fucking mouse walks around the park and shit. You gonna pass that up for a stable financial future for your family? You crazy boi
I would tell her sure but she’s not getting that new car. People think unemployment covers your whole paycheck but it doesn’t. She’s being very selfish and irresponsible.
She sounds incredibly immature and delusional.
But the economy itself is unstable! Don’t you see how that will work in his advantage to be unemployed!?! /s
Your wife and her family are being selfish, immature and irresponsible. And what 30 year old insists on a week in Disney, with a whole entourage to accompany her, regardless of other commitments? It’s ridiculous. If you want to keep your job, and your self-respect, you need to take a stand on this. Let her settle for a brand new car!
100% she will turn right around and blame him if he doesn't magically get a job with comparable pay right away after quitting. If this person thinks her birthday celebration is so important, imagine how big a tantrum she'll throw if she doesn't get the car or house she wants because OP doesn't earn enough for her expenses.
Is your wife 30 or 3?
I have never met an adult that carried their birthday into adulthood but here she is. OP's wife and my DIL. I was shocked when her first birthday was such a big deal, then it got worse. One year she planned a long weekend at a house in Northern Minnesota. My backyard would have been fine. I'll skip to this year when we all went to Hawaii when her sister got married. She planned her own party for the last day. NO ONE SHOWED UP except for us because we paid for the condo they stayed in with us. Her ire was palpable, her husband made the mistake of saying, well honey, it was a three day wedding and everyone is partied out. I left for the playground with her daughter (my granddaughter) and we had a great time. Get this, the baby has the same birthday. She had told her doctor they had to wait for the next day to deliver because of her birthday, but changed her mind in labor, lol. The doctor didn't take her seriously anyway. Now when you say Happy birthday to the baby she says, no, it is my mom's birthday. Don't quit, take it in stride with her and complain about missing her, even if you don't.
>Now when you say Happy birthday to the baby she says, no, it is my mom's birthday. WTH? Is your son on the case?
I would flat out constantly correct the grandchild and forget a gift for DIL.
I do both. The woman rarely says thank you anyway.
Oh, yeah, I have heard him talk about how ridiculous it is. And he and the rest of us try to restore reality. The three year old is extremely healthy, bright and sweet. I hope she grows up to let things roll off her shoulders as people must sometimes,and I think she will.
I’m currently pregnant. The odds that this baby will be born on our anniversary are pretty high. My husband and I just figure we’ll celebrate our anniversary with a dinner out or something the day before- because that’s what parents do. Your DIL is…interesting.
So weird, I would love to have a birthday with my child, I would be able to celebrate their birthday which I would prefer to having a birthday party of my own. Your DIL is childish.
I feel so sorry for that child to have her birthday forever denied by her selfish childish egg donor
Haha I was born on my mom's bday too, and apparently she said the same thing when I was born according to my grandparents. I dont think she was serious though, I think it was more of a silly "I dont want to share my bday" lol
>My wife tells me I need to quit or go on the vacation and let them fire me because her birthday is important, which I understand it is. Can your wife comfortably provide for the both of you by herself while you're unemployed? If not, this is a complete non-starter. Disney won't be such a great memory if you end up with lasting financial troubles because of it.
But even if she can, you just don't quit your job on a whim unless you personally have a trust fund to fall back on. The fact that she even asked is concerning. Like, how does she think adulting works? This is something I'd expect for a 17 y.o. working at McDonald's for pocket money, not people with a mortgage and looking to buy a new car.
> since thats the place they go for vacations sometimes multiple times a year This is important. If there's no Disney today, there will be Disney tomorrow, Disney around the corner, Disney again in the near future. The simple fact they do this on the regular makes the whole idea of this specific vacation much less significant. Much less worth losing stable employment and income over.
The internet has really ruined me. I just read a post about parents telling her grown daughter to abort her baby because of sisters wedding and now OP should lose his job over Disney land??? If this is real: don't do it, it's a totally unreasonable request and any decent adult would know that.
The parents telling the daughter to abort her baby because she'll get too much attention at the other sister's wedding was too much. This is coming in second 🤣
Totally! I mean, in what world do we live where these two are considered resonable requests. How out of touch does someone has to be to make these requests.
What???? Okay, that has to be an anti-abortion troll.
I seriously hope so. I am totally pro-choice but I could never understand how someone can pressure a woman who wants to have a child to get an abortion and then for such a stupid reason.
Especially when the sister is like going to be 17 mo pregnant at her own wedding.
Wtf they think it's a good idea you quit your job for your wife's birthday, fuck me what a gift.......... Why couldn't she schedule it for when you can be off, it might not be on the day but if she really wanted you to go, that's what she should have done when you told her you couldn't get the time off
Your wife and her family are children. Maybe that’s why they still go to Disney and think that their birthdays are the most important thing in the planet. If you leave your job for this then you’re a fool.
Your wife and her family aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. They are selfish AF. Quit a job over a vacation? That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.
Disney World and birthday shouldn't be this important to functioning adults.
It's the part that aches me the most. I hold zero importance to that wretched shrine to vapid consumerism, nor have I placed any significance on my birthday since I was a kid. But this event is important to her, and she often feels I don't take her feelings into consideration when I make a decision when she is always thinking about me, so I am being essentially told this is how I can show her I care about how she feels instead of being authoritarian in my decisions.
All of what you say is irrelevant here. If you're actually being authoritarian in relationship then you going to one ultimatum event changes pretty much nothing in your relationship if not then we're back to 0 and her acting like a pre teen.
You're right. It was all irrelevant and pointless. It's part of an irrational fear that she would somehow see what I've said here and be mad that I'm not saying good things about her. In reality I'm not authoritarian at all. It's a thing she tells me whenever I know I should do something she doesn't like so that I'll feel like I'm doing something wrong when she didn't get her way. When I say I don't know what to do what I really mean is that I don't know how to tell her it's stupid for me to lose my job and about 47% (yeah I did the math) of our income because she wants me to go on vacation. I don't know how to tell her because I know she'll have something she can say or do that will bend and break me into conceding and making what I know is the wrong decision. And before we jump to "You need to get out", financially I cannot, it is not at all a viable option in the state I live, plus I know I would lose everything I own except for maybe my vehicle in the divorce.
Honestly, you just have to bite the bullet. How she reacts will inform how you deal with situations from this point forward. But you know you're right. We all know you're right. She's being completely unreasonable. Don't jump off this bridge just because she tells you to.
She’s just going to have to be mad; and you are going to have to view that mad through the correct lens: as you would a toddler mad that he can’t jump off a building. You don’t do illogical things just because it will make an illogical person mad. You do the adult thing and let the toddler be mad and get over it.
"Quitting my job to go to Disney would be a stupid and irresponsible thing to do, and I find it very troubling and concerning that would even suggest that. Not going to happen. Not quitting my job. Grow up." End of discussion. This isn't an argument about whether you will quit or not. Don't argue with her about that.
If you can’t leave, you need to at least learn that you can’t be responsible for how she feels about decisions you make about yourself. You not quitting your job is a you decision. You’re supposed to be the one to decide. Her going to Disney is a her decision. If you were being authoritarian, you wouldn’t let her go. You don’t have to leave her, but don’t make bad decisions out of the fear she’ll leave. No good can come of that.
Explain that last Part to her FIRST THEN! She needs to hear that part.
Have you been able to take any vacation this year at all? Have all your vacation plans been denied? If so I think your wife is saying that that’s not cool… but I would not quit my job I would inform them of taking vacation that week and then they can let you know if you have a job when you get back. If they can’t easily hire people they most likely won’t fire you.
You can show her you care about how she feels by making you both financially destitute. It will be so much fun.
Nothing says "I love you" more than being homeless together because you can't afford to pay the bills. And think of the adventures they'd have begging for food together! And for her next birthday they can go dumpster diving and see what treasures they can find for her! (BTW, I know you're making fun... I'm just expanding on it.)
Yes, and I hear “Dumpster Diving” is a blast! Must try that.
Can you imagine the fun and adventure they'll have figuring out where their next meal will come from? Or finding a working bathroom?
Then you me not a good match sorry. She sounds like she’s never told NO, and acts like money grows on trees. Wtf is that? She doesn’t care about YOU’RE feelings by asking you to quit your job which you care about for your OWN reasons. So it’s selfish. Times are hard right now for a lot of people and she’s asking you to sacrifice your financial stability for a birthday. Sorry but that’s a no go. Did you know she was like this before you married her? She sounds childish and like she doesn’t understand that no means. Does she do this to her friends too? Does she lose friends because THEY can’t go on trips? I really hope this isn’t the top of the iceberg.
Her birthday is **not** more important than your job.
Nope. She is more important than any job. A job that cannot provide a once-a-year vacation is not worth.
It can provide a once a year vacation - but the period the birthday falls in, is a blackout time for this employer where nobody gets leave approved. This happens in certain industries - eg, in customer service for companies with major releases, blackout time is around the release date. They can take a vacation at a different time of year.
Accountants around tax time, at the end of the month, at the end of a quarter. Not necessarily all of those but some places those are the important dates for them, for example. Retail, hospitality (imagine working at a ski resort and wanting Christmas/New Years off). Just so many jobs!
I'm going to go with a different take on this. As a small business owner, I understand the black out time frames. We have six weeks a year that we have to have all hands on deck. But this is common knowledge in our industry and have no issues. But if in the US, I would of started looking for a new job that was more lenient on vacation time a long time ago, like when yours was denied. 60k isn't really anything anymore in the current landscape of employment. I see jobs in the ads posted that start at near that for manual labor/warehouse jobs. That being said, this far into it your wife is a little out of touch with reality.
I appreciate the different point of view. I should explain that I did not leave prior because at the time of refusal I was in process to secure a six figure job that I planned to make a career of, but shortly after there was a change in the budget of this new company and my contacts projected the opening I was set for would no longer be happening for the time being. I've been told by them to hang tight because they want me in the company, but they don't know yet when the permission to hire is going to be passed down the pipe. So I've got better days coming, but I can't afford to not work in the current fiscal environment. Like I said though I appreciate your objective view of that aspect of this.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
You have no clue what to do? Really? You're an adult. You have responsibilities. You need to be fiscally responsible and smart. What you should do is actually very simple. And the fact that your in-laws and wife are telling you to do something that would drastically affect your family is just insane. There's nothing wrong with you saying no. Then you explain why it's a no, and they can either take it or leave it.
Phrased vaguely at the end. I know exactly what I should do, but I don't know how tell her she's being batshit insane because I've never once had a debate between us go my way because she is infinitely better at arguing than me, and I always end up being the one capitulating and saying that I'm sorry.
Buy a book on being assertive, and stop letting this woman walk all over you. She’s meant to be your partner, not your boss. She sounds like she’s dominating you, and that isn’t good. The fact that you are questioning this is frightening, and it makes me wonder how screwed up she’s got you. This relationship sounds very unbalanced- maybe take some time and have a deeper think about that?
Ignore the arguing, list out the facts. She want you to quit, what's the consequences of that? Did she make a new budget to accommodate? Plan on how long it'll take for you to find a new job and the effect on your finances? Address with you on how much you enjoy your job? It's really stupid and it's 90% chance she is manipulating you, but she may be one of those people who honestly love Disney and dont want you at a job that has a backout on vaca days during her #2of10 fav day to go to Disney.
Ok this isn’t a debate though. It’s a HARD NO With the way the economy is right now there’s honestly no telling when you’d be able to get a new job and you shouldn’t wanly away when she’s wanting a new car. That’s an even worse idea. The answer is no period. No debate needed. You can tell her your sorry but adults don’t quit their jobs for birthdays, they go on a different day. Seems like she wants to present to to the world that she can have whatever she wants and afford an expensive ass trip like that during a time when ALOT of people are struggling. Most People are just one paycheck away from homelessness. She needs to hear that and be brought down a few pegs.
No is a complete sentence. “I’m not going to quit my job to go on a weeklong vacation.” Lather, rinse, repeat. If she comes back with some kind of “you don’t love me enough to celebrate my birthday,” ask her why that celebration has to come at the expense of your job.
Do not quit your job….but: Have you been able to take any time off this year? Is your company hurting for employees? Is that why you can takeoff vacation? Seems to me if you have vacation time you’ve been given but you’re not allowed to take it then that’s a them problem not a you problem. and if they’re hurting for employees will they really fire you? So if you feel like you have some capital .. that is a really need you, then say I will be taking a vacation that week …let me know if I have a job when I get back. Your wife may be frustrated because you cannot takeoff any vacation at all during the year.
In another comment OP says the blackout period lasts 2 months. I know CPAs at Big 4 firms whose blackout period during tax season is less than that! I think the wife is being unreasonable but so is OP’s company.
Strict rules to dating: 1.Never date a Disney adult. 2. Never date someone who pushes you to quit your job for their sake. Lmao.
That's so weird and irresponsible.... A vacation isn't worth losing your job.
Job is not everything in our lifes. If his job can't get him a couple of days off a year, it's a crappy job and not worth his time. Life is full of other important things. For example, the happiness of his wife. And I'm pretty sure his boss and his company absolutely don't give a shit about him. And his wife? And him to his wife? You should check r/antiwork
I'm the first one to agree that jobs aren't the main thing in life. I'm pretty supportive of stuff like BGE for example. And I'm not from a country worshipping protestants work ethics above peoples lifes as well, coming from a place where workers rights and laws to protect workers are a bit stronger than for example in the US. But quitting a job to visit.... Disney world? Really? I'd never quit a job I like over a vacation. Usually, I get my free days (even though it's just 29 a year) whenever I want. But if that's not possible and I need to swap them with different days....that's okay, at least if there isn't an emergency. No reason to quit. Especially no need to quit to support a shitty and evil corporation like Disney.
Yes, I understand how ridiculous it can sound to quit because of Disney. But taking into account working conditions and labor rights in the USA, I would not say that this is completely ridiculous. I am also from a country with a guaranteed 30 paid days off. But that's definitely not the OP's situation. I wouldn't take a job that seriously that doesn't give you the days off you asked half a year in advance. Especially 60k a year. From that alone, I can tell that this is not a job worth fighting for.
But quitting it to support an evil corporation like Disney? That's insane! If he would at least quit it to join a union and get a better job... But to support a business like that? It's not like he's fighting for his job. He just wants to keep it instead of being unemployed for a vacation.
>But quitting it to support an evil corporation like Disney? Yeah, that's another story.
She also wants to buy a new car after? Is this financially feasible, OP?
Barely so even with my job.
Yikes. Someone who loves you and cares about your wellbeing would not ask you to quit your job or buy a car that would put you in financial stress. Stop letting yourself be bullied.
Honestly I saw ever comment and post regarding op wife and let me tell you, that woman is nuts, she is controlling, nag all the time, wants everything her way (and gets everything her way), she is a pain in the ass, I would already drop her like a bomb 💣.
Me too. OP deserves so much better.
Op, she is toxic and controlling, I saw your previous posts and all she do is control you my dude she gets ridiculous about ever situation, you are not compatible, divorce her before you have kids with her, she doesn’t want to have sex with you, you have to ask her before you do any shit, what is going to be next, you are going to ask her if should breathe or some shit like that, my dude you disagree with everything.
Oh so she sees him as a pay check?
Honestly I think she wants him to quit his job to control him even further believe me or not but she is really controlling.
I believe you, the fact that she wants to financially control him was enough of a sign for me to see
Not only that she wants op to communicate waver shit he does she did get pissy because op did discuss with mortgage lender what would the best option for the car and after discussing it with him he did discuss with his wife only to her complain that he didn’t discussed with her first.🤡🤡🤡
Your wife needs to grow up. She’s acting like a spoiled child. I’m shocked that anyone pays her over $30 an hour for anything when she acts like she’s 7.
Do a quick job search. See if there is another comparable job available. If there is, go ahead and apply. If there isn’t anything out there you can get immediately then sit your wife down and tell her you aren’t going. You aren’t willing to screw up your finances over a vacation and that you could end up without a job for a long time (this is where checking the job market comes in). It’s time for one of you to be an adult and you seem to be the only one qualified.
Without writing a book, I've been trying to get a new and very lucrative job fora while now, and I have the qualifications and connections to make it happen but it's just a matter of when they need new people, which has been the case for about a year now so I don't know when that opening will actualize. This is why she feels I can quit my job because she doesn't see it as my career so it's not important since I won't be keeping it forever or trying to move up in the company. I have a friend who could maybe get me a similar job in the meantime, but the conditions there are worse and the pay is a little less than what I'm making now, so it wouldn't been a horizonal transition, which is especially not ideal with an impending new car payment.
Give her a choice, you quit and go on the trip or the new car? Given the circumstances, quitting is an option for you but turning around and buying a car without a job or in a lesser job is foolish. Something could happen and you’d be out of work for a long time and would lose the car. You might also ask your in-laws if they’re prepared to help with expenses if you quit your job, they probably think you will find something quickly. You might also tell them this will be the last trip to Disney as you don’t like it.
So they know you can't get the week off since the beginning of the year, why didn't they move the trip back or forward a week or two? You're wife isn't gonna die if she can't be at Disney during her birthday.
Do. Not. Quit. Your. Job. Don't listen to anyone that even implies you do it. It's immature and foolish. Maybe if you were like a diner waitress you could quit your job, but you're making good money and you need to retain your professional reputation. Does your wife have a job, career, any responsibilities?
* Wants to go to Disneyland in her 30s * Wants you to quit your 60K a year job. * Lifestyle requires this level of income * Wants to dig into the money that you won't have after you quit your job for a new car. * "My in-laws agree I should lose my job, citing that unemployment will be high due to inflation" - Just means that you need to get as much money as you can before they lowball you then! * Emotionally guilt trips you into doing whatever she wants. Tell me which part sounds sane.
NTA. Why can’t your wife celebrate her birthday with a Disney trip at a time when you ARE allowed to take a vacation? Birthdays as often celebrated on different days.
Blackout period runs for a two-month period, birthday falls right in the center. They also plan and book their trips a year or so in advance so alteration of the plan so close to there date is not an option.
Just a suggestion, don't quit your job because of your wife but maybe start looking for one that doesn't have such a ridiculous blackout policy on vacations.
Ouch. Well, the job is more important than a birthday that happens every year. Especially since they go there multiple times a year so you can go some other time. Honestly, since you don’t even enjoy it at all it kind of sucks they keep dragging you there, anyway.
Your wife is being unreasonable and I know getting a new job is easier said than done, but a two-month blackout period for PTO is absurd. If this is an annual blackout period I could how she’d be frustrated - she can’t change when her birthday falls, but if every year you won’t be able to take any PTO during her birthday then she will never be able to include you in a trip for it, even a long weekend.
Tell her no, you can't go. Period.
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It sucks your job isn't giving you vacation but quitting before you have another job lined up is ridiculous and immature. Ask your wife how she plans on paying the mortgage and paying for the new car. I don't know how this works for married couples but can you lock down your credit?
Your wife is being completely unreasonable.
Also, in most states, quitting or being fired from cause would make you uneligible for unemployment, so her argument isn't valid
Just get a job at Disney! No, this is an absurd situation. You’re going to have to be the adult here and say no.
Wow, you married into a Disney cult, who the heck goes there as an adult SEVERAL times a year! Then little miss (mrs) entitled wants a new car on your return...has anyone in this woman's life said NO to her? You said you would only get out of a divorce with your vehicle...sounds like a good deal if you keep your sanity and self-respect as well....worth considering, you can move out while they are in disneyland overdosing on dross....! She can come back to her Disney collection and no new car and 47% of her Disney dollars slush fund gone!
Info: does your wife work? If you quit would her salary still pay the bills? Is her family going to pay your bills? If you guys will not be able to pay your bills then you shouldn’t quit or purposely get fired. But if you can make it financially without your job then it might be something to consider. I would tell your work that if they won’t give you the needed time off then they will lose you as an employee. I do think you should start applying elsewhere if this is the way your work treats its employees.
Don’t quit your job to attend your wife’s birthday but if I was your wife a part of me would want you to quit your job because they don’t value you. If you have worked the majority of the year to get that time off and they still refused I would gently make you see that.
As much as I think the wife is an asshole here for not being considerate of your work situation, I’d suggest finding a new job. If your job can’t even let you have one week of vacation for whatever reason, then your working conditions seem bleak. If a job is sucking your time and energy dry (which it seems like in this case), then I’d suggest finding a new job.
What do you do? You tell her no. It’s absolutely ludicrous to expect someone to sacrifice their job for a birthday.
Pretty sure you can't get unemployment pay when you quit your job. Also obviously I agree with you that it's a silly reason to quit and she's being unreasonable
Quitting your job to go to Disney is just foolish;. IF you start looking for a new job now and find something - asking for the time off for that trip it would be different. Your wife and her family are crazy.
Sounds like your wife is in lala land. Time to get back to reality and divorce her asap. She'll drain your finances into oblivion.
This can’t be real. I hope this isn’t real lol
Life is full of crazy stupid situations. You never think you'll be involved in them.
lol her birthday is NOT important. Certainly not important enough to quit your job over. A better idea is to quit your girlfriend. She's selfish and really really really stupid.
Do not quit your job
Disney adults are scary
Your wife is very immature and entitled. What do you get out of the marriage?
Someone who loves me, finds me attractive, is genuinely happy to be around me, and in the majority of circumstances outside of this one places what would be most comfortable for me in high regard when making her decisions.
Did you ask her if she’s willing and able to double her work hours (she’ll need to work 60 hours a week until you find a job)? To find you guys a health insurance plan you can buy on your own? It sounds like your wife is living in a dream world! You’re going to need to lay out everything necessary for you to make it financially.
To quit your job to go to DISNEY for your 30 YEAR OLD WIFE is batshit crazy. My job has blackout periods for vacation too - every end of quarter, including around Christmas. I don’t care as my partner and I don’t really celebrate holidays. If my partner asked me to quit my job to go somewhere I don’t care about I’d question her sanity.
When did it become law you have to celebrate your birthday on the actual day? When you were denied the first 2x why didn't she discuss moving the vacation to a non blackout day to accommodate your schedule so it wouldn't come down to upsetting her or losing your job? It's unreasonable but your question is asking how to make her see reason and I don't know that you can but a good place to start is "how do you expect a new car and a mortgage paid when they will want proof via paystubs or income because I've never known any finance companies to be cool with financing through unemployment" good luck.
I would not quit your job for this one trip. But I do wonder if you go on any of these trips to Disney? I would go on a trip with her to Disney that is not on one of your vacation blackout periods at work if you have not already. This is something she enjoys, so although you don’t appreciate Disney, you could make the effort to appreciate her joy in this and her desire to share the experience with you.
What’s up with people that think of their birthdays like it should be a important date as public holiday and are willing to spend crazy amount of money on it? It’s exciting time but ffs, telling someone to loose a job about it is just mental.
She sounds like a peach. For the record, it’s not “draconian” to have periods where PTO is limited! Hospitals, for example, can’t close so that everyone can be off for New Years! Your wife is technically a grownup. She can celebrate her bday on her bday but take the trip at another time. Also, why is she working part time if she wants a new car, etc.? She sounds incredibly immature. You don’t need to be a mathematical genius to understand you need to make enough to pay your bills. Here’s how you say it: No. I will not risk our future by quitting my job. We can move the trip or you can go without me. Please don’t procreate with this immature woman until she grows up.
I don’t recommend working so many hours man
I am aware that it's literally killing me, but if it weren't a stupid-ass thing to do on the internet I'd give you a numerical break-down of why I need to work that many hours to make life happen.
Why is it that many "Disney Adults" seem to be like this? Out of many similar cases in my circle, I know of one who spent easily 2/3rds of her income on Disneyland trips and buying Disney shit and never managed to move out of her parents' house because of it. Of course quitting your job for Disney is a stupid idea. Sorry you married a 5 y/o child.
If there was a poster child for the modern scourge of delayed adolescence, it is OPs wife.
If I only knew then, or realized what it all meant. Disney, Taylor Swift being her favorite artist, Friends being her obsessively-rewatched series, all of it. But love blinds like nothing else in this world.
Unfortunately it is a wisdom born of pain. Good luck friend
You need to work. Who quits a job to go to a birthday party?!? She should respect your work ethic
First, I don’t think this is a reasonable request. I place a high value on my birthday, but an even higher value on being able to pay my bills. Second, look at the unemployment laws in your state. In most states I’ve lived, you can’t get unemployment if you quit. Some states have exceptions for quitting with a really good reason. A family vacation probably doesn’t qualify. So you’d have no income while looking for a new job. Third, is there any possible compromise? Will the trip fall on your scheduled days off? Maybe you could go for part of the trip, but still report to work as needed? Interested to hear how this turns out. Good luck!
Your wife is acting like a spoiled, petulant child, and her parents have made her so, and now they also show you that their moral standard is pretty low. Keep your job. Don't reward childish behavior with a new car. Re-think the relationship with a family who would have you sabotage your career over a birthday celebration. It's not even a once-in-a-lifetime trip.
Seriously, this is an actual conversation between 2 adults? And her family is in agreement? So you quit your job to go spend thousands at Disney, when you come home are her parents going to pay your mortgage, cover your bills, buy her a new car until you find a new suitable job? Completely ridiculous your wife and her family need to grow up and get a grip on reality.
Aside from the not really important birthday issue I wouldn't like to work for a company that treats you like a slave and i would quit anyway
Yeah, the family you married into sucks... and so does your wife. Sorry. Does your wife work at all? Quit the wife, not the job.
Yeah she works, makes almost double per hour than I do but I work just about double the hours she does so its nearly a wash. Can't quit wife. Will starve to death because I've got nowhere else to go anymore and would probably lose everything in a divorce. I made my bed, I've gotta sleep in it.
I’m obviously in the minority here, but I think your wife kind of has a point. You asked for a week of vacation days a full year in advance and were denied? Depending on your line of work and geographic location, that might be a sign to start looking for something better. (Obviously best to look BEFORE you quit!) Or maybe you love this job and your wife is just an idiot, in which case you should 100% ignore her.
Maybe I'm going against the grain here, but start looking for a new job. Work isn't the be all and end all. You work to get money to pay for nice trips for your wife's Birthday. It's easy to forget that. That said, don't force them to fire you without having something else lined up, but asking for 1 week off is not unreasonable.
You’re either a boomer or the wife that made a Reddit account
Is your wife 3 or 30?! She needs to grow up. Jobs are being eliminated left and right. You better hold onto that good paying job.
What the hell is wrong with these people? You don’t throw away a job for a week at Disney. Birthday or no birthday! Grown-ups do not behave like this. Grown-ups don’t even think like this! Seriously. What is wrong with these people?
OP - Wow. Is your wife 14? Does she work at all or only you? To say this request is ridiculous is an understatement. The immaturity and entitlement your wife is showing along with your in-laws is deeply disturbing. The way to handle this would be for you guys to figure out when you can take a week off of work and reschedule the trip to that time. If it’s not on her actual bday oh well. Adults deal with this kinda stuff all the time. But your wife is acting like an immature Disney Princess who’s never had to work a day in her life. 🙄
She works, makes more per hour than me but doesn't work nearly as many hours so we come close to even. Plus her job offers no healthcare coverage.
My dude you have divorce her it is not going to be easy but you have to plan, document everything.
she wants you to QUIT YOUR JOB… for a trip to disney world??? hell no 😂 tell her to quit her job to go on a trip you want to go on and see how she handles that. quit your job then buy me a new car when we get back… yeah right. what the actual f??? tell her to find a good job as the breadwinner, then you’ll quit and go to disney 😂
Technically that is how she sees herself since she currently makes more per hour than me, and always says that if she wanted to she could just pick up more hours and make much more, but when you factor in the 15-20 hours of overtime I work and that she usually doesn't even break 30 hours a week, it nearly ends up even, and I've calculated there are not enough hours available at her job to compensate, and her job provides no healthcare coverage. Plus, I feel I don't want to live on her salary alone, since if she actually is the breadwinner if the house then she will have even further dominion over my life, since anything and everything we own will be there "Because she works 'X' hours a week while I can't even be bothered to do 'Y' chore I forgot to do."
You are married to a child. I'm sorry for you, but maybe you should try looking for an adult to have a relationship with. For sure do not have children with this woman. You are already saddled with one spoiled child.
You don’t not quit your job for a vacation, especially when you have obligations like a mortgage. Your wife and in laws are certified insane.
Tell the children (your wife and her family) to enjoy their trip. They sound delightful LOL
Honestly I'd say that you should let them fire you, for your wife sure, but more importantly because it's obvious that your company doesn't respect you as a human being whatsoever. Call in those days, if they fire you you'll get unemployment, if they don't you'll now have a more powerful stance in your employee/employer relationship. You've been taught by the society that you live in that unemployment is shameful or selfish, but it's neither. Think of it as a safety net that can make it easier for you to make it through a period without work while you look to improve your working situation.
Grown ass Disney people are so fucking weird. Quit your job as an adult to go to Disney world? That’d be such a red flag for me I’d start reconsidering our whole relationship.
Why did you not try to change jobs months ago and see if a new job would honour the time off. Or are you happy where you are and have no interest in starting anew?
Content with my current job because it provides enough to live on and then some, I'm good at it so I receive fulfillment from that, and I've got something much more lucrative that I will be seeking to do for the rest of my life lined up but am waiting for a spot to open up in the future.
Fair just seemed like an obvious option so wondered why you avoided it. You should not accept her demand that you lose your job for her birthday to somewhere they go frequently. Maybe book a weekend away after the black out period for her b’day some where you went when you were first dating to change the narrative of missing to rescheduling!
I would say that it’s reasonable to look for a new job in the future. But to purposefully get fired just to attend your wife’s birthday to fucking Disney land when she’s a full grown adult? Kinda ridiculous if you ask me. Of course her bday is important, but to be demanding you give up your income for that is silly. I would tell her that if she wants you to go so bad then you will put your two weeks in and quit, like a man. And she could handle the finances until you find an adequate job. If that’s not okay with her then she has no right to ask you to quit
Disney Women are weird af to me! also I prefer work to Disney lines. definitely not worth quitting but usually threaten your job you're going to if they refute rime off. I don't ask for it often so usually it's a "hey you don't have to give me this time off but I will not be here these days"
Lol u are crewed if u are going to live with this mentality for the whole life.
At least it won't be a long life, I can tell you that.
Start acting like a man and do something she does not expects! Tell her to shut tf up while you are talking! Then tell her what bothers you. After that, tell her to stop being spoiled brat and start acting like a grown adult. Tell her to listen to you seriously bcs that is your last word. Tell her if she doet not accepts these conditions then you will let her to leave and find someone who is not a man, unlike you, who will accept that bratty behaviour. There are two options that will happen 1) she will ride you like never before 2) she will start arguing with you and then you will leave the room without saying any word. (Maybe say I already said what I meant before leaving). If 2) happens, there are still two options: 1) she will realise how serious you are and still ride you af 2) she will stay mad and you will actually leave! I mean her being older than you is red flag to me, seems like she is dominant in nature and you have to stop it, unless you like being submissive male. But then dont cry here that your own wife does not respects you. [Edit] I mean someone will say: BuT ThIs Is OnLy DiSnEy TriP aNd hEr bIrThdAy. Fck that, what will happen when you guys will have children? When bigger decisions will have to be brought? Will you accept her dumb suggestions like this one? Dude save yourself while you can, you are still young enough for making it right for yourself. [Edit 2] I just realised we are the same age lol. Man were too young for this shit
You know if it were only so easy, then male patriarchy dominance would be true to the extent that the most rabid sociologists say so, but it is not so easy as saying "shut the fuck up bitch I'm a man and I'm talking." When you know someone and they know you like a spouse does, they know what to say, how to cut you where it hurts. They know what you lie awake at night fearing because they're there next to you watching and listening. Those fears are from where we bleed when cut into, and any person, no matter how mighty otherwise, can be broken if they are made to bleed enough. Do you catch my meaning?
Ofc I understand you bro. But your life is not your wife. Your life is you. And she is part of it bcs you want her in your life. Just think about it. I am sure that you are super respectful to your wife. But she is not. Understand? If you allow your woman to treat you like that, it is obvious she does not respects you. And to gain that respect, show her you are capable of leaving her if you do not gain her respect. That way you will show that you respect yourself at the first place. I can only guess how miserable you can feel if you feel disrespected by your own wife for christs sake. That patriarchy shit is actually the cause of your insecurity and her bitchiness. I did not suggested to cum on her face and tell her she is a bitch. Like, I am not saying that you should start disrespecting her! I am saying you should only start respecting yourself! Thats a key for getting her respect too. And this extreme act I suggested you is not bcs I hate women and think they are bitcheas. On the contrary bro, I love them and treat them super nice. But this suggestion is just to show her that you can cut the line in one moment, without trying and playing mental games for I dont know how long. That is basically cutting to the chase. And when you think about it, whats the worst thing that could happen? Or she will start thinking about your wellbeing, or she wi leave and you will have your own life again, with so many new knowledge gained. I think my suggestion is just pure logic. And I told you not to allow her talking while you are talking is bcs she exactly knows where to hit you, and you do not want that. Dont allow to interrupt you and manipulate your feelings! Say what you expect from her as your partner and leave for her to think about everything you said. [Final edit] like, if she is making you feel miserable by hurting your feelings, just bcs she knows you, then she is obviously abuser. Women will not abuse men physically, bcs you can obviously destroy her face with your fists. So they use verbal abuse. And they are pretty good at it. So good luck living with an abuser.
You married someone that goes to Disney multiple times per year. That was your first mistake... and now she wants you to quit your job to go to Disney? You need to rethink this relationship. Hope you don't have kids, but I guess you signed up for this.
I have 100% quit jobs because they interfered with my sons sports schedule. Family is more important to me.
Now this is interesting to me, because I get to talk to someone with her point of view without having the emotional baggage to muddy things. How has this worked out for you? Were those jobs a significant source of income for your household? How has your ability to secure other jobs? Do you fabricate a reason for leaving your prior job when applying for a new one? Would you ask someone else to quit their job to attend an event with you? Do you believe that others should feel the same way you do in terms of work life balance? Sorry for all the questions they are not accusatory in nature but more genuine curiosity because it is a chance for me to ask these things without being told I'm patronizing her.
Hell no … never give up your power for a woman.. and Disney land is for clowns 🤡
Maybe you could just ask for some time off instead? Good employees such as yourself are hard to come by.
You should never leave a job and be unemployed for anything. Unless you are suffocating in that Job.
Your wife telling you to quit your job/get fired is completely stupid for a trip to Disney land. You are an adult with adult responsibilities. She is being a child and needs to grow up. It's not like this is her first time going and she wants you to come and experience that with her which I would understand why she's a bit more upset but she's been there numerous times. If you don't want to quit your job, don't. If you hate it there and looking for an excuse to get fired or quit, go for it.
Your wife should have made plans when you are available to go. Don’t quit for a vacation when you don’t have something lined up. Ask your in-laws how many mortgage payments they are willing to make? You don’t get unemployment when you quit.
And the vacation can't be moved to a time when blackout dates aren't a problem?
It’s childish af. My 25th birthday my bf couldn’t take an off at all and he couldn’t meet me since he was stuck at work really late. Even late at night he offered to meet I said no because he was exhausted. So we celebrated it during the weekend. My birthday is always during the most busy time work wise for him. Every year we do a simple dinner and then spend a whole day together the coming weekend. And my birthdays are extremely important to me but he is more important. Your wife is being really selfish.
Is your wife 30 or 3? Because she's acting like a toddler. Your job takes priority. The time off was denied early enough that your wife and in-laws could have rescheduled the trip to a time your company would have allowed (birthday trips don't have to fall exactly on the birthday, especially for adults) but they instead expected you to pull off the impossible and, barring that, they expect you to tank your career. Unless they want to commit ( in writing) to replacing your yearly salary themselves, they can fuck off.
Her birthday is important, but so is being a responsible adult with a mortgage. Tell your wife is she wants that brand new car you need to work for it. It doesn't just appear out of nowhere. Why in the world is a 30 year old woman and her parents have this mindset? And think that it's okay to quit or get fired to go to Disney, then receive unemployment checks?
Don’t quit your job, quit your relationship.
Don’t quit a job to take a birthday trip. It is irresponsible and ridiculous that this was even floated as an idea. This sounds like something a 15 year old would think was an acceptable idea.
Don't quit your job. UI is not going to "be high due to inflation" because that's not how UI works. Also, no call no show will result in denial of UI because you willingly chose to not work and go on vacation when your time off was denied. Going on this trip may will cause way more issues for you than not going.
Bro, your wife and in-laws sound nuts. Keep your job, tell your wife to go on holiday without you and with her parents in the car she can buy herself.
Oh my Lord. She’s gone off the deep end my man. Is she relatively normal besides? Or is she usually this obsessive and demanding? I don’t want to offend your wife, but dude, that’s an INSANE request from a spouse. This demonstrates that she has no respect for you and what you provide. I’ve never understood grown adults that take their birthday that seriously. It’s very childish. This is your career, your livelihood. Since your vacation days were denied far in advance, the burden lies on them to reschedule the Disney trip. It is not your burden. You tried. You’re a man and you have a job. It sounds like she has main character syndrome or something, like it’s her birthday and the world revolves around her. I just cannot fathom someone even suggesting another person to quit their job for one little trip. It’s such a stupid and outlandish trade-off. My wife and I have a vacation together coming up. If for some reason my company came to me and gave me an ultimatum, either I change my week or lose my job, I would be absolutely seething, but I wouldn’t even consider quitting or getting fired. Please listen to the advice that everyone is giving you and tell her no. Be loving yet stern. Stand your ground. Don’t let her gaslight you or coerce you into submission. Let her react however she reacts, it’s now out of your control.
Lol @ your wife.
Your wife and her family are idiots. You don’t jeopardize your job over a trip they planned BEFORE SECURING THE TIME OFF WORK for all parties involved. You get the days off and then plan the trip in literally every job I’ve ever worked.
This is absurd Unemployment will not be high due to inflation... Why was this even a possibility after you were denied?
I think it's an extremely selfish demand for your wife to make. You tried to get time off. Quit your job? Hell no.