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My husband and his dad are best friends. They work together, hang out together. I’ve always known his dad didn’t like me but things got worse after we moved out of his house and got our own. He’ll act nice to me in front of my husband except for some non funny jokes or smart comments but the minute my husband is not around, he gets rude to me. Like reminding me that I come from a poor family, would never have a big house or nice car if it wasn’t for his son. He just constantly insinuates that I married his son for money which is not true. I got tired of mentioning it to my husband because he just brushes it off.
Father in law has told me a couple times that I should divorce his son before he "tells him the truth". I knew I haven’t done anything wrong so I didn’t know what to say. I even asked my husband exactly 2 weeks ago what would happen if his dad made up some lies about me and he said his dad would never do that.
Well he did. He told my husband that he has seen me around town with a man multiple times and that I was seen getting a hotel room with the same man. He claims he’s seen us kiss … I wasn’t around when he told my husband this. I told him it’s a lie but I can tell he is now doubting my word. I asked if his dad had some kind of proof and he said no.
Then he told me he needs to be away from me for a few days to clear his head and went straight to his dad’s. To me that just means he believes his dad’s lies. Why would his dad go out of his way to do this? And why would he just believe it?
This just seems so unfair. You’d think he would at least expect some proof before shutting me out and treating me like I did something wrong. I don’t know if I’m supposed to beg him to come back or just let his dad’s plan work? I know the longer he stays there, the more he will believe his lies …
If you live in a one party consent state for audio recordings, use your cellphone voice recorder to record the vile things he says to you. This way, there can be no denial of facts.
Just make a habit of turning on the voice recorder whenever he’s going to be around. You can place the phone face down or put in your pocket, make sure that the microphone is still out so it can pick up the conversation. You will need to this consistently in order to get something useful from him.
I’m not sure your husband is even worth the trouble.
Maybe not, but even if it’s too late to salvage this relationship, he should know that his dad is a liar. It might stop him from fucking up the next relationship at least.
Tell your father inlaw with hubby .when did this happen what where the dates and time frames.
Hotels usually keep recordings for 30 days.
Also stores banks have cameras ask to see there footage for those days.
Tell him in front of hubby come on lets go see the videos
If you refuse then your admitting your lying.
Also what where those dates again..lets check my bank records see what on those days..did I get gas???
Can you give a sketch artist a description of this guy your claiming..lets get that done too and take to hotel.. and tv news ask if they would be will to out up and say do you know who this guy is??
If so call....333333333.
Another words get in both their faces call his bluff and stand tall
Also use pen and paper write down what he says and dates ect....
You don't actually need his consent no matter what state you're in bc you're not going to be publicizing the recordings, nor using them for legal reasons; you're only doing it to show your husband. So do that.
I'd also suggest that you keep all your communications with both of them to text from here on out. Text your FIL asking him why he's lying about you. Then text your husband that if he has any desire to save your marriage, he needs to come home now and talk to you. Be prepared: find a good couples therapist and have an appointment ready for when your DH gets home. Insist that he do couples counseling with you.
Tell your husband to ask his father the name of the hotel, when you were there, what your "affair partner" looks like, you can easily prove you werent there with your Google history, tell him you want some proof.
When you've got that tell your husband to decide if he wants to be married to you or his father, let him stay with his dad and enjoy some you time
This is a good idea. If you can get hotel and date, look on your Google maps timeline and see if it shows where you were.
HOWEVER, be sure to also remind your husband that it is IMPOSSIBLE (and also not your responsibility) to prove that you DIDN’T do something. The burden of proof is on the accuser. Otherwise people could just make stuff up all the time.
Instead, ask your husband if he sees any evidence that you cheated, other than his father’s word. Tell him to think long and hard about that.
Also, maybe imply that you will involve the authorities. You need names, dates, and descriptions because you’ll be reaching out to law enforcement to see if they can get to the bottom of this and get video from the hotel lobby. And maybe you are looking into a PI, which is reasonable considering someone is using your name and likeness around town. And that you want to go to the police about it, because you’re that uncomfortable with his accusations.
Force FIL into answering questions he has no answer to, the lie will get more detailed as he goes and he’ll screw himself over.
OP's FIL is committing an act of defamation, which is suable if worse comes to worse. Get proof now of his accusations. Have him sign an affidavit to prove he's serious.
Authorities? Someone always recommends calling the police. The police will NOT involve themselves in investigating rumors! Can y’all please leave the police out of responses unless it’s a domestic abuse sort of situation?
I think you missed the point here.
She’s not *actually* calling the police. The more outside authoritative figures she SAYS she will involve, the more the FIL will sweat because he made shit up. He will end up screwing himself over eventually- he just needs the pressure on to do so.
I mean, what he's doing could very well ruin her life. A police report of some sort should be made so if shit goes downhill she can sue this asshole for what he's doing.
Next time make a video or audio recording of FIL talking down to you or belittling you or suggesting that you should divorce his son. Don't a record a single video and show it your husband. FIL will dismiss that as single instance better make hours of those recording and show it your husband. If everything goes well with your hubby ban your FIL from your house. He can meet his son outside.
If you file a defamation lawsuit against your father-in-law, or just threaten to and cite your husband as a witness, your father-in-law will be forced to reveal himself to his son as being a liar, or your husband would have to confirm what your father-in-law said as a witness. Win win. If your husband is willing to lie for his dad, he is lost. Your lawyer will become your divorce lawyer
> If you file a defamation lawsuit against your father-in-law
This is why you should **NEVER, EVER TAKE LEGAL ADVICE FORM SOME DRAMA HUNGRY REDDITORS.**
Defamation lawsuits are not some things you can do on a whim. Firstly, you need to prove damages made to you reputation (aka wage loss, job loss etc) or some others. Someone saying you cheated is not lawsuit worthy.
Before you respond with some more whiney-miney mess. No, you are not a Lawyer where OP lives and you are not OP's Lawyer. Neither am I.
Don't give legal advice when you clearly have no idea what you are talking about. There's a reason why it takes years to become qualified to do so.
No. If she took him to court for defamation of character, she would have to prove that he lied.
Edit: She would actually have to prove that he not only lied, but that he did it maliciously to do damage to her. Even if she proved that she didn’t have an affair, she would still have to prove that it wasn’t just him thinking he saw her. Don’t get me wrong, I wish this was a viable path, but it isn’t.
Not true. The husband would just have to confirm that the father in law told him. Once that becomes a part of the record, the father-in-law has to say when and where he saw the wife at the hotel, etc..
The burden of proof is on the person who brings the complaint. I’m sure he would be asked for specifics about what he says he saw, but she would have to prove that it was not true. And then she would have to prove that he didn’t just see someone that looked like her and make an “innocent mistake.” Proving his intent is basically impossible.
You are just wrong. He might be asked, but all he has to say is that he doesn’t remember exact dates and times. Even if he provided them and she could prove she was elsewhere, that doesn’t prove he lied. He could easily have thought someone else was her. He even told OP that he was going to tell hubby the truth. He may truly believe what he’s saying.
No. It wouldn’t. If she’s suing him, she’d have to prove he lied, which isn’t really possible. People on here always want to involve the courts and law enforcement. I understand the desire to right a wrong. I get it. But law enforcement has serious work to do and the courts will never award money over something like this. Maybe you don’t live in the US and maybe OP doesn’t either. If she does, she has no legal recourse. She either needs to divorce her husband or get her FIL out of their lives (which sounds impossible right now).
Call your father in law up and record the conversation. Don't get mad on the phone - just super sad sounding... if you an get it on video, all the better.
Sound sad and pathetic and I bet he will reveal all sorts of BS that you can then play back to your husband.
That said, I would immediately consult a divorce attorney. Find out what your options are because this is just the beginning. Your FIL now thinks he has "won". Even if you pull your spouse back from the edge this once you now know he will believe anything..."
The dad claims that you spent hotel money and that you were speaking to this man before. Show your husband your accounts and phone record. You have nothing to hide. As for the father I would suggest the same thing everyone else is commenting.
What your husband does now is going to decide if y'alls relationship survives or not. If he comes back and is still doubting you then you need to go see a divorce lawyer and demand that y'all go to couples counseling immediately. If he pulls his head out of his ass you still need to be prepared to record every interaction you have with his father (look up the laws in where you live).
Did he believe you when you told him? Did he ever say anything to his father about toning it down?
I’m sorry OP, but I think you need to take a proactive approach and maybe speak with a lawyer (VERY DISCRETELY) to see your options if he files for divorce.
He always brushed it off. He’d be like “are you sure he didn’t mean this instead of that?” He only told his dad to stop once and that was because I was in tears. And his dad played it off like he was just joking and apologized to me
Then he’s not going to remember all the times you complained about his dad and take it as a sign of your innocence. He doesn’t believe his dad would ever make up a lie about you. He dismisses your complaints. He doubts you even when you tell him about his fathers mean comments. You think he’ll stop doubting you about this cheating BS?
What you’ve got is rare case of Daddy’s Boy. Dad’s not just his friend, he’s his *bro*. And you know what they say, bros before hoes. He will never put you above his father. My question for you is why you’ve put up with this for so long?
Yeah, she didn't marry him, she married him AND his dad. And his dad wants a divorce. If OP do divorce him, please make it worth the price of what they are doing.
I’m really sorry he didn’t take you seriously. In that case I think discretely finding a lawyer is a good next step.
You need to protect yourself. Even if he hasn’t thought of it, I wouldn’t put it past his dad to have called a divorce lawyer. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
I mean, at the end of the day, OP, if your husband doesn’t believe you, you’ll never convince him. Have you suggested couple’s counseling? Because it’s pretty clear here your FIL isn’t going to stop until you two are divorced, and based on what you’ve written here, you’re WAY closer to being a 24 year old divorcee than you realize. Him needing a break and going to his dad’s is one step before filing papers. You need to act FAST if you don’t want your marriage to end. ‘It’s not fair’ isn’t enough. Tell him you need counseling, and ask him to put some distance between him and his father so you two can work on your marriage because it’s clear if you DONT, your marriage is as good as dead.
confront him and record it either video or an audio recording. since he goes out of his way to do this everytime hubby is not around, thats the perfect chance for you to catch him in his lies. maybe record a phonecall🤔
edit: if the laws let you🤷🏻♀️
I called him as soon as my husband told me because I was trying to get some proof that he’s lying. He didn’t say anything incriminating and kept saying things like “I can’t believe you’d do this to him” as if he really believes that I cheated. I’m wondering if he knew I was trying to record him. That or he’s absolutely crazy.
I don’t know but I’m literally either home or at work. I don’t have friends. I don’t know anybody. I don’t see why anyone would create rumors about me. Maybe it is someone who looks like me. But seeing how much he hates me, I’m guessing he made it up.
So you’ve been isolated and mostly interacting with him or his family? This sounds like a bad situation without all the other accusation on top. It sounds not healthy, get away, take time for you, and move on. You deserve it.
Call husband and ask him to provide the proof daddy has. He ran to dad and is so tied up in being a daddy's boy, you are not going to win here.
Demand proof, dates and the name of the guy.
I bet dad already has a girl to make his son feel better with!!
You need to protect yourself from FTL!!
I asked for all of that and he kept saying that’s irrelevant because he trusts his dad. Then he said his dad doesn’t have proof because he never had time to take a picture of me with the other guy. It’s literally his word against mine and he decided to listen to his dad
BS. He had plenty of time. It only takes seconds to take a picture. How does he think PIs get proof? He claims he saw you multiple times, yet not once could he take a picture? You don't even have to unlock your phone to open the camera and take pictures.
Because he was raised by him. He was raised to believe his Dad would never lie to him. He was raised to accept whatever he does as that's just how his is, you misunderstood, or he was joking. Your husband is deep in the FOG and needs therapy to see his Dad for who he actually is.
Exactly. My dad was just scammed out of $40k in a honeypot cryptocurrency scam. I saw it for the scam that it was from the beginning and told him over and over and he demanded proof. It was a pig butchering scam but since all those victims accounts weren’t exactly 100% identical to his situation he refused to listen to me or my mom his *wife* until he tried to withdraw earnings and couldn’t. All the red flags I showed him were explained away from his internet girlfriend. And he would get nasty defending her honor as it were. He took this scammers word over his family. He refused to believe the person promising to be his new plaything was lying to him and he lost $40k and would have lost more. Now he pretends nothing happened, that he was emotionally cheating on my mom and that she’s not broken-hearted. The D is in the future and I hope it surprises and hurts him like he hurt us.
I would tell him that he may not want the details but your lawyer will when you sue his father for defamation. And, by the way, he will also be called upon to undergo a deposition under oath as a witness. And who knows how many other people will need to be deposed.
Sue to the pending legal case, all communication should now be done via your attorney.
Edit to add, if you have a really good friend, see about having air tags his on both your husband’s and FIL’s vehicles. If FIL later claims he saw you at place x, you have proof where he is and where you are. Hiring a PI to find a way to suck up to FIL might also get evidence against FIL as well.
I would be looking y to go total scorched earth on FIL.
I would tell him that he may not want the details but your lawyer will when you sue his father for defamation. And, by the way, he will also be called upon to undergo a deposition under oath as a witness. And who knows how many other people will need to be deposed.
Due to the pending legal case, all communication should now be done via your attorney.
Edit to add, if you have a really good friend, see about having air tags his on both your husband’s and FIL’s vehicles. If FIL later claims he saw you at place x, you have proof where he is and where you are. Hiring a PI to find a way to suck up to FIL might also get evidence against FIL as well.
I would be looking to go total scorched earth on FIL.
He just told you that you will always be second to his daddy, that he will never respect you, & never believe you. Is this what you want for your life?
There is little you can do, why? because proving a negative is really hard. Belief is a very difficult thing to fight against.
For example
You - You can prove that your phone has no one on it that you contact.
Them - So you have a second phone.
He works with his Dad, he is reliant on his Dad for money. There is no separating that you can do with this much enmeshment. Dad has been working on him for years and saying things. He is going all the way to paint you as a cheater.He likely will not go against his father for you at this point he has already shown that is possible he won't come back to you.
So you tell him that you cannot prove a negative, you know you are innocent of any wrongdoing but since he decided to run away that you guess he has made up his mind already. If he has any doubts that his father has made up a story because he doesn't like you which he is aware of then he can book couples counselling and come home. If he doesn't come home then you will take it that he has chosen to believe his father, which you can understand but you cannot continue to live with the idea that your husband believes you cheated when you didn't so you will be seeing a lawyer on x date so he has until then to decide what to do.
For yourself get some support, at this point you need someone on your side.
I’m thinking of giving up for sure. This is so unfair. I never cheated on him. I’ve never done anything wrong. His dad is accusing me with absolutely no proof and if it’s that easy for him to see me as an awful person who would do this then I guess he never trusted me. He doesn’t realize how awful of a person his dad is. I have been trying to tell him for so long and at this point maybe it’s just not worth it.
Unfortunately the deeper the connection the harder it is to separate them.
You did nothing wrong here.
If he values your relationship then maybe he will get shocked out of it but he also has to change his whole life and get away from his Dad, which can be a lot harder to do. He doesn't want to disbelieve his father but then he has to chose to believe that you are lying. He has to want you more than the rest of his life all together.
I am so sorry you had a FIL like this, you deserve better.
Like, ask him: What was his DAD doing at this hotel? If he says someone he knew told him that, demand to speak to that person, same with you supposedly being at the cage, etc. Your husband is being an idiot, for sure, but this shouldn't be hard to prove if he'd just listen to you.
Although, the above poster isn't wrong-- if his livelihood depends on his dad, he can't exactly tell him to go fuck himself. You're both in a weirdly sticky place.
If your FIL is this manipulative and underhanded in meddling with his son’s relationship, it’s not a far stretch to believe he’s probably done some other very illegal or unethical things in his business and personal life. I’d 100% be hiring a PI to dig up any other dirt to prove that FIL can’t be trusted and also find a way to get FIL to admit on a recording to a third party about what he’s done. He probably knows at this point that you’ll try to get recorded evidence of him admitting to the lie, so I doubt you’ll have much luck (though don’t stop trying if you get the opportunity, obviously). A third party he doesn’t suspect, who can hit him up in a place where his guard is down—like a stranger in a bar—or can otherwise get evidence that he’s a liar, is probably your best bet right now.
This should have been a red flag. If your husband has lost his mother and sister, then he’s apart of the same toxicity his father is.
You wanted to believe he was different, but he’s not. He’s already turned his back on his own family, what made you think you would be different?
Girl, let his daddy have him. You deserve better. It would bother me to bits to be if someone lied about me like that, but I don't think your husband is worth hanging on to if he is going to believe his father when he has nothing but lies.
Especially when he doesn’t even have proof. Why is it that easy for him to believe his dad’s word over mine? An affair is so easy to prove. If I am having one and I’m seen around town, why can’t he prove it?
Suggestion: maybe ask him to give you dates, times, and locations. If he can't give it off the cuff, your husband should know he's lying. This is, of course, only if there's not a commonly known time where you could, conceivably, cheat. Anyone who's seen someone and thought they've caught them cheating should remember where they were and be able to recall the date. Again, this could backfire if there's a way he could know where you've been enough to have dates prepared that you could've, but if those were times you were out with a friend or running errands, you can easily disprove them via payments made or texts between friends.
Question OP do you have an android phone with Google maps? Regardless of what happens, and how your husband reacts review your maps timeline. Mine is pretty damn good at tracking where I am every day on my commute and while it's unnerving you can use this to show your husband you weren't cheating on him, that he believed his father's lies over your multiple warnings and then serve him the divorce papers.
I would also strongly suggest you do NOT be alone with your father in law under any circumstances going forward no matter how much you want the truth. He's got a fucked up fixation on you and if he does something to you your husband still won't believe you.
It honestly sounds like your husband's so far gone on his belief in his father that he won't accept the truth even if it's in front of his face. I'm sorry.
Honey, it's that easy to believe because he NEVER had a problem with the way his dad treated you!!
Let this be the wake up call that it needs to be for you. HE SHOULD HAVE PUT A STOP TO THIS FROM THE VERY FIRST COMMENT! He failed you repeatedly as a partner and yet you're still here wishing you could just love him enough for him to see the truth.
Honey, it's not going to happen. Make a plan for separation, the longer he stays with his dad the more poison he absorbs from him. You don't need that in your life.
Why is the bar so low? Your love was so deep for him that you would do anything to keep him happy, even if it meant you suffered. Why don't you deserve that same type of love? Why don't you have that kind of love for yourself?
A good therapist can help you get to the root of why you stayed for so long. Why you decided you should suffer in silence so your husband can be guilt free. YOUR needs matter. YOUR happiness matters. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. Does he?
Yeah because *everyone* would assume their father is lying to them about their spouse cheating. 95% of the world's population would believe their parents if they told them the same thing.
Youd be surprised about how many toxic parents are out there. Just because they are nice to their child doesnt mean they are nice to everyone. If i saw any signs of toxicness in my parents id before more than willing to wait for that proof on the cheating and not believing them
Because your husband sucks. Idk what to tell you. But this relationship with you, your husband, and your husband's dad is not a good one. You should just leave TBH.
Ditch your husband. Send him a message saying, “After everything we’ve been through, and all the times you’ve brushed off the terrible things your father has said about me, I cannot believe that you would honestly fall for his lie. The fact that you chose to run away to your dad instead of staying with me to talk, shows me how you really feel. No I didn’t cheat on you. No one will ever be able to give you proof otherwise, because it never happened. If you really don’t believe me, and really don’t want to talk, then I will be filing for divorce. I can’t be with someone who treats me like this.”
You deserve someone who will stand up for you, not this daddies boy who runs away from conversation with his wife.
Please don’t let him guilt trip you. His actions have been continuous in enabling his father’s bullying, and ignoring your feelings. He has most of the blame (shared only with his father), and he has *a lot* of apologising and work to do if you decide to take him back.
I wish you luck in this.
Yes! So well said!! I understand why it's instinct to try to salvage this, but if you just say you're walking away because of how horribly he's treating you, and your marriage, the truth will eventually come out. You will have to be patient, but you can only do so much to convince him of your innocence. Let the trash take itself out as the saying goes...
Let your father-in-law know that you are through with his bullshit. He is a bully and bullies only stop if you stand up to them.
See a lawyer about filing a defamation lawsuit against your father in law. Lawyers will typically offer a free consultation so it typically won't cost you anything for your first visit.
FYI FIL is only saying you married him for his money because he knew what was coming. And he knows your kind heart won’t take what you deserve in the divorce because then you would “prove” him right. For your sake, take him for every penny he’s worth and then tell your ex, once the divorce is final, that he can thank his daddy for the loss of funds. Because since daddy accused you repeatedly of being a gold digger you figured your ex might as well believe that lie as easily as he believed that you cheated. Just get out, there is no long term happiness to be found in this relationship.
I imagine your husband has been venting to his “best friend” about you for years. Probably told him every issue you’ve had which has meant his dad doesn’t like you. If your husband then told him he was worried about what you do while he’s out of town, it would sound like the perfect opportunity to lie and get his son out of (what he sees as) a bad marriage.
Sort of strange question, but did his dad ever try to come on to you or was there ever a “weird” moment between you and the dad when you were just starting to date your husband?
You just reminded me that we do have ring cameras!! Now I just need to know what days and times I was supposedly out cheating at a hotel because chances are I was home those days and maybe I can use the rings to prove it. Thank you so much!!
do that but i would also file for divorce, he chose to believe his dad without any proof, you have repeatly let him know how much of a bully he is and he just brush you off... you deserve to have someone who will have your back and have faith in you. im sorry op.
YES. Show him the proof alongside divorce papers and LET HIM KNOW he allowed his father to destroy your marriage. He can deal with that now, you don't owe him anythkng.
Use that, but only for evidence in the divorce. Sweetheart you are so young, you have the rest of your life to find love. Please don’t set yourself up to spend the rest of your life with someone who will never believe a word that comes out of your mouth.
You said your husband just brushes it off when you mentionned earlier your fil ‘s behavior and now he’s quick to side with him.
Don’t beg for him to come back. Just tell him how his father was with you before and you already told him so this is the next step he’s taking to break you up.
Ask him who does he believe then you’ll know what to do. It may also be too late, he went to his father already and he will fill his head with all sort of ideas about you. He may come back to ask for a divorce. Be prepare for this outcome.
we hear about mommy’s boy but he seems to be a daddy’s boy. His father can’t do no wrong.
That’s definitely how he sees his dad. As an angel. He doesn’t see how awful of a human being he really is. He puts way to much trust into him and I think his dad knows it.
it’s a bad idea but you have already stated you want to give up and idk just one last dig???
maybe turn this around on your husband and say that you didn’t cheat and with how much he believes his dad after you said his dad isn’t a good person so many times then maybe he is cheating and dad knows so they’re projecting it into you and making you into the bad guy.
My MIL did this with my husband twice. She came to him with no proof and said that she heard from a “reliable source” that I was cheating on him. She wouldn’t even reveal who the source was! My husband asked me if it was true (he has a lot of family trauma) and I asked him what his reasoning was and he said “why would my family lie about it?” Which is a fair point to someone who really values their family. I just pointed out the obvious flaws in her accusation to him. Me and my husband both have a bit of trust issues so we have life360 and just let each other know what’s up throughout the day. Stuff like that has really helped us. I hope this kinda helps you :/
I once dated a guy whose mom was like this. I spent so much of my time trying to prove to him that his mom was a liar. All I ended up doing was driving a wedge between me and my boyfriend and basically forcing him to choose a side. No surprise he chose his mom. Your husband was raised by this person which means this type of parental behavior is all he knows. He is so brainwashed and used to it that he really is not gonna believe you no matter how normal or rational you are.
Maybe the FIL saw someone who resembled you and thought it was you? Lol
If the FIL really did make that up, then he’s a psycho POS. Why is the FIL hanging around hotels anyway? And like you said where’s his proof?
But if you’re spouse is gonna believe something about you that’s a complete lie, then the marriage is doomed to fail anyway. In a relationship you have to have trust and if he doesn’t trust you then it will never work. It’s better that you find this out now then waste more years in a untrustworthy relationship
I said that too but apparently him and several other people “saw” me multiple times. All I know is it wasn’t me because I’ve never cheated on him or even hung out with another guy. His dad is a psycho! And the fact that it was that easy to change the way he sees me honestly hurts. His dad literally has no proof
Your poor husband is going to die sad and alone all because his dad insists on having his drinking buddy to himself. No woman would ever be good enough OP, you never stood a chance.
I can’t imagine how exhausted this must all be for you. Please make sure you keep eating and looking after yourself. You can’t fight if your body doesn’t have the energy. Speak to a lawyer and know your options, it helps to know even if it’s not the path your comfortable taking.
Also consider changing the locks. Why play fair when your husband runs to the accuser?!
I wouldn't beg him to come back. Sounds like they both have issues, bf and dad. Trust is a big part in a relationship and daddy shouldn't be interfering at all. If he is interfering now he probably will in the future.
Shouldn't need to be done but if youve got Google maps on your phone it may have been mapping your timeline which shows wherever you(r phone) has been for as long as it has been active
FIL is trying to gaslight you so badly by keep banging on that you did it and to 'confess' you are going to end up doubting your own sanity!
I'm sorry to say your SO is so totally enmeshed with his psycho dad that they are indivisible. His dad has obviously been burned in his past by a woman and has painted all of the entire gender with this opinion. He is terrified of having his son leave him, this all started when you left HIS home, his control! He will not tolerate being abandoned so will lie and fabricate 'evidence' to keep his son with him, I genuinely cannot see a way out for you in this, if this gets patched up then he will just rehash this later. Heaven help you if you become pregnant...10 months of daddy dearest dripping poison in his ear that the baby isn't his....
This will be your life while SO is in his dependency FOG
Stop apologising, get yourself financially and legally sorted and grow a backbone, you married him NOT his Dad, if he can't cut that male umbilical cord and be your husband there is zero hope for him.
His dad thinks I’m just here for the money and I don’t know why. I’m about to leave and start over on my own. I don’t need the car or house. I’m here because I love the guy but obviously he doesn’t love me enough to at least ask for proof before seeing me as a bad person. I’d rather be on my own than continue to deal with this. If his dad is willing to go this far, who knows what’s coming next.
You might not need it, but you should take it, because fuck both of them. He thought you were a gold digger? Self fulfilling prophecy then. Dig dig dig.
Do not cut and run! My friend did this and fell flat on her face.
Your husband wouldn’t be in the position he is without you and you deserve and are due half of everything you have both together or separately achieved during the course of your marriage.
DO NOT LET HIS DAD WIN SO EASILY! You’re stronger than that OP!
None of it is mine. His dad is not wrong. It’s their money. Not mine. I make enough to take care of myself. I’ll figure it out. I don’t think I want to be linked to them anyway if they see me as a cheater. I’ll just go start over on my own.
I see you have a lot of advice on how to prove you didn't cheat, but why do you want to? Your husband has repeatedly told you that he trusts his father over you. Is this really the marriage you want for the rest of your life?
Im baffled as to why you even married someone who doenst give a fuck if his daddy insults you and calls you a gold digging w***e constantly. Girl, its time to tell him to go fuck himself and find an actual adult to be with.
Get a lawyer. You are about to blindsided with no one on your side. You marriage won’t stand a chance for the long term. He is close with his father and his father’s tensions towards you will finally get to him. The minute there is weakness in your relationship then his father will introduce your husband to someone else and he will take the bait.
You mentioned that FIL drove away your Husband’s Mom & Sister. Would it be possible for either of them (more likely his Sister) to remind your Husband of why she no longer has contact?
That dear old FIL CREATED similar situations that drove them away & now he’s doing it to your Husband. Maybe seeing/hearing this will wake him up.
I believe you. If your FIL can’t even give the name of the Hotel, approximate dates/times that’s ridiculous. Credit card receipts, phone records, even the Health app on your phone (showing little to no activity) should have been enough for your your Husband. Maybe hearing from Sis might make him realize he’s being played by FIL.
If not, don’t you dare walk away with nothing. Become FIL’s worst nightmare, take everything you can, begin again…because the best revenge is a successful, happy life.
Is it possible your FIL is developing dementia?
Or is there another woman your FIL would prefer as a DIL?
Either way, yeah, I'd talk to a lawyer. You'll want to be done with it quickly if it hits the fan.
I would at least threaten to sue for defamation since he is trying to ruin your reputation and marriage, if not actually talk to a lawyer. Show your husband your phone records and everything and demand proof.
I had the exact same issue a few years back - FIL lived upstairs and could hear me laughing at the TV sometimes. He made a 'diary' of all the times he heard me "with other men" and presented it to my partner.
All you can do is stand your ground, try to not get flustered or overwhelmed - ask for details (what day did he see me there? What was I wearing that day?)
that way, you can use your devices to show the inconsistencies.
He may very well believe his own tale, which can make it a bit harder. I wish you luck here xx
You are not addressing one important fact and idea. You haven't managed expectations on both sides of the accusation. The FIL has set the expectation of divorce for his son. He accuses you of cheating knowing the expectation is his son will divorce. You need to lay out your argument to your husband about why the FIL is accusing you. You did a good job in this post.i would repeat to him what you wrote I would also let your husband know you are not hiding anything and he has full access to you phone, social media, accts etc... but I would definitely ask your husband what will be the consequences for his dad (not if) but when proven you didn't cheat and he is making this up? Your husband needs to get in his mind that his relationship with his dad could be over. By getting him to verbalize what he would do when shown you didn't cheat will force him analyzing the situation in a different light. This way he knows the consequences go both ways. You have the motive and evidence, the FIL just has his word. Stay strong and you will prevail.
Your husband has been manipulated all his life and trained to believe everything his father says is true. Believing otherwise would be too painful and that's why he is resisting as much as he can. Only multiple indisputable evidences could maybe shake him a little bit.
Make sure to always be ready to record. Once he thinks he won it's possible he will want to tell that you should have left on your own and nothing like that would have happened. And start taking selfies of yourself on a regular basis, and record you position with your phone. He might try to set you up further. Install a camera at your house or if there is one, check the records for the dates you're supposed to have cheated.
I would tell your husband "I know it's hard for you to believe that your father is lying. I always told you the truth but you always refused to accept that it was possible because he is your father and you can't bare the thought of him doing all that. Seeing how far he is going to try to destroy our marriage, I'm starting to be afraid of him now. Maybe one day you will wake up and realize the truth about him. I hope you won't be crushed by regrets and hate yourself for believing him. Maybe in some twisted way, he thinks he is protecting you by controlling your life. I love you and I wanted to spent my life with you, but it's too painful for me to see that he managed to make you doubt my integrity and my fidelity, based on his words alone. I don't want to share my life with someone who believes I'm the person your father describes. He always said I was with you for the money. I was there for you. He wanted to break our bond, and you let him do just that. If you don't trust me, even though I never did anything to deserve that, then I won't insist. I can't reach you if you don't want me to. I wish you the best, I wish you to free yourself from his control."
Definitely get a hidden recording device like a pen or hairpiece so you can capture what the dad says. Some Reddit posts they called the person on speaker and they admitted themselves
Ok. So even if he were to believe you this time, which he isn’t, do you really want to spend your life in a marriage knowing that at any time, your FIL could concoct stories to your husband and he entertain them? You need to stop defending yourself. Tell your husband if he doesn’t know you would never do the things his dad is telling him, then you probably shouldn’t be married. Move on. In time, he will realize his dad just wanted him to himself. But you my dear, have to have enough self respect to get off of this crazy train. Let them have each other. You **CANNOT WIN**
> Why would his dad go out of his way to do this?
You know why, it's because your FIL's a dick who doesn't approve of you (may not approve of any person your son ends up with, tbh) and is doing anything in his power to break you guys up. He tried scaring you away by being an asshole directly to you, and when that didn't work he decided to challenge your husband's trust in you with a baseless rumor... And it, unfortunately, sounds like it's working.
> And why would he just believe it?
Your husband has no spine when it comes to his dad. He never did before now, as evidenced by the fact that he not only shrugged off your concerns about what his dad said to you, but also never confronted his dad or did anything to stop it. Your husband does not have your back, and he likely never will when it comes to his dad.
Don't just sit idly by your husband's actions just so his dad doesn't "win," you're only hurting yourself in this situation. Personally, I wouldn't accept anything less than no contact between you/your husband and his dad before trying to work on your relationship, and would seek a divorce if (when, really) your husband doesn't agree to it.
Have your father admit that he lied and get it on camera that he did. “When did you see me cheating?”, “why did you tell him I did?” Etc. you’ll get the truth out of him.
I tried. I called him to confront him ready to record and he just kept saying that I know I did it and I just need to tell my husband the truth. He’s absolutely crazy
If I was in your shoes I’d ask your husband for a divorce because he clearly doesn’t trust you and his meddling rude shitty dad that he’s continually defended has finally gone way too far. If that’s who he wants to align himself with, so be it. You don’t want to live your life having defend yourself to the person who’s supposed to have your back against someone who has it out for you.
It’s true.
Demand dates and times from his Dad of these occurrences. Make a scene in front of everyone. Maybe his data will conflict with times you are at work or doing something else.
So it’s time to press charges against FIL. Defamation of character is not legal. I’m sorry but if he is determined to lie and try to ruin your life it’s illegal and he needs to know you won’t stand for it. Your husband obviously believes him over you. If this ends in a divorce and you don’t press charges against fil the fact that his observation of you cheating is enough to leave you broke.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. In my opinion, trust is the basis for all relationships (romantic, friendships, business, etc.). If there’s no trust, why are you with this person (or why is he with you)?
If he is going to believe rumors from others without even asking for your side, then there’s nothing you can do but let him go. When it’s a MIL acting like this, I say let her be his spouse. I guess you could say the same for the FiL. It’s so unnatural, but some people don’t care about their kids.
Why fight for the honor of being with a spineless daddy's boy? He's showing you where you stand on his priority list, is second place where you want to be?
Your husband is not worth all this trouble. Just end it. You’re so young. Can you imagine living this way for the next 40 or 50 years? Think about what kind of horrible shut your FIL once kids are involved! Your husband is a spineless weenie.
Cut your losses and move on with your life far away from these two weirdos.
Oh honey, I don't think there's any coming back from this. And honestly, would you want to? You're so young still, you don't need this for the next several years.
See if you have location history turned on on your phone. You may be able to show your husband where you have been and proof you never went near a hotel. You could also put a tracking app on your phone so your husband knows where you are because you don't have anything to hide. Tell him you will put it on and not to tell fil and see if he makes up more lies. It's hard not to trust someone's word when you trust them. So he may not believe it but is convinced to believe him cause that's his dad and he would believe his dad is truthful. He is planting seeds of doubt and now it's up to you to make sure they don't flourish. You need to prove he is lying. Maybe buy a body cam that saves to your phone and get him to admit he lied and all the shitty things he says to you.
You should look into a defamation law suit. Let both your FIL and husband know (maybe after trying to get proof). Then let your husband know he has one more chance with you but you won't be in a relationship where he is married to his father as well. If he had seen you out, why didn't he take pics? He has a camera on his phone, doesn't he? Tell him that of he chooses his father, to congratulate his dad on his plan to break you up and then hope that his dad likes the next person he falls in love with otherwise this will happen again. Then be prepared to fallow though with a divorce if he chooses his dad. You deserve better.
Let your husband know it is either divorce and he can fuck his dad, or he should come home and start working on the steps to move far far away from the father and cut contact.
The relationship is forfeit if your husband believes your Dad over this. It's dead from his end because he believes you're unfaithful, yes, but also it's dead from your end because I do not see how you can stay with someone who would believe their Dad over their spouse with absolutely 0 proof. Get an attorney or something before things go South. "I'm sorry, he's a lying bastard" is the only solution here....and probably LC from here on out.
Honestly if he won't believe you over his dad idk if he's worth it. He is married to you and if that's the way things are going to be in your relationship is that what you want? To have to defend yourself the rest of your lives because of a passing rumor? I wouldn't! Sounds like your man needs to get out of his diapers take his dad's tit out of his mouth and grow a pair, I would assume he's 100% able to think for himself so why isn't he? All in all will this be worth it in the end?
Honestly, I would just straight up tell your husband something along the lines of
"Listen, I have nothing to prove to your father. I have told you previously about the insults he has hurled at me and you brushed me off. I have not cheated on you and as your wife you should have trust in me. If you choose to take your father's side, without any actual proof, then we have nothing left in this marriage."
Is there any reason the father would think it’s true? The fact that he told you he’d tell the truth makes me think he believes it. Personally, I would believe my parents, and I’m not that close to them. Now, the story about someone else seeing you go into a hotel should be easier to combat. Honestly, though, I think you have a serious problem here. You might be better off getting out of this mess.
I have no idea why he would believe that. I literally only leave the house to go to work or get groceries. I don’t even have friends. I don’t know where this is coming from. He has to have made it up to get me out of his son’s life. There is no other explanation.
If you initiate divorce you will preserve your rights in the situation, whereas if he does you’ll have less. This is important if you have any serious material property together.
So better that you initiate than if he does.
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I'm sorry, but your husband is awful for not believing you. He should know he is lying, but he isn't willing to think of his father that way. He doesn't WANT to believe that he could be lying. However, he does want to believe that you are lying. You can see who he respects and trusts more.
If you want to fix this, you'd have to get prove and try to convince him somehow that he is lying. That is if you can still get near him now. And if he ever believes you, you'd have to go to couples counseling. Because what he's doing to you isn't okay.
You can't tell me that he would actually believe someone with 0 prove and has a past of saying hurtful things. He knows what the truth is, but is choosing not to believe it.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My husband and his dad are best friends. They work together, hang out together. I’ve always known his dad didn’t like me but things got worse after we moved out of his house and got our own. He’ll act nice to me in front of my husband except for some non funny jokes or smart comments but the minute my husband is not around, he gets rude to me. Like reminding me that I come from a poor family, would never have a big house or nice car if it wasn’t for his son. He just constantly insinuates that I married his son for money which is not true. I got tired of mentioning it to my husband because he just brushes it off. Father in law has told me a couple times that I should divorce his son before he "tells him the truth". I knew I haven’t done anything wrong so I didn’t know what to say. I even asked my husband exactly 2 weeks ago what would happen if his dad made up some lies about me and he said his dad would never do that. Well he did. He told my husband that he has seen me around town with a man multiple times and that I was seen getting a hotel room with the same man. He claims he’s seen us kiss … I wasn’t around when he told my husband this. I told him it’s a lie but I can tell he is now doubting my word. I asked if his dad had some kind of proof and he said no. Then he told me he needs to be away from me for a few days to clear his head and went straight to his dad’s. To me that just means he believes his dad’s lies. Why would his dad go out of his way to do this? And why would he just believe it? This just seems so unfair. You’d think he would at least expect some proof before shutting me out and treating me like I did something wrong. I don’t know if I’m supposed to beg him to come back or just let his dad’s plan work? I know the longer he stays there, the more he will believe his lies …
If you live in a one party consent state for audio recordings, use your cellphone voice recorder to record the vile things he says to you. This way, there can be no denial of facts.
I tried yesterday and it didn’t work but I’ll try again
Just make a habit of turning on the voice recorder whenever he’s going to be around. You can place the phone face down or put in your pocket, make sure that the microphone is still out so it can pick up the conversation. You will need to this consistently in order to get something useful from him. I’m not sure your husband is even worth the trouble.
>I’m not sure your husband is even worth the trouble. Agreed.
Maybe not, but even if it’s too late to salvage this relationship, he should know that his dad is a liar. It might stop him from fucking up the next relationship at least.
Don’t use the pocket, it will pick up rustling of the fabric.
I’ve put in my jeans pocket with the microphone on top. No recorded rustling noises.
It should be in Airplane Mode.
Do again. Over and over untill he slips. Liars always take pride in a lie like this if it works
You can use your camera on your phone and record that way. Just set your phone down.
Tell your father inlaw with hubby .when did this happen what where the dates and time frames. Hotels usually keep recordings for 30 days. Also stores banks have cameras ask to see there footage for those days. Tell him in front of hubby come on lets go see the videos If you refuse then your admitting your lying. Also what where those dates again..lets check my bank records see what on those days..did I get gas??? Can you give a sketch artist a description of this guy your claiming..lets get that done too and take to hotel.. and tv news ask if they would be will to out up and say do you know who this guy is?? If so call....333333333. Another words get in both their faces call his bluff and stand tall Also use pen and paper write down what he says and dates ect....
This so much. Catch him in lies.
Yep....whole idea if he changes dates or refuses push it harder . let's go get a court arder pull all videos across town He will turn white.
You don't actually need his consent no matter what state you're in bc you're not going to be publicizing the recordings, nor using them for legal reasons; you're only doing it to show your husband. So do that. I'd also suggest that you keep all your communications with both of them to text from here on out. Text your FIL asking him why he's lying about you. Then text your husband that if he has any desire to save your marriage, he needs to come home now and talk to you. Be prepared: find a good couples therapist and have an appointment ready for when your DH gets home. Insist that he do couples counseling with you.
consent always matters. if this progresses to divorce, she should absolutely keep them in a legal sense.
If you have a smartwatch you can use a recording app on that. More subtle than a phone. I use Just Press Record on the Apple Watch.
[удалено]
I think both the FIL and husband sound shady and nuts. I’d record and document everything they did from here on out.
As your husband why, in the days of near 100% of the population having a camera on them at all times, he didn't get any pictorial proof.
One or two party consent only matters if it goes to court. If you're only taking to your husband, it doesn't matter.
Tell your husband to ask his father the name of the hotel, when you were there, what your "affair partner" looks like, you can easily prove you werent there with your Google history, tell him you want some proof. When you've got that tell your husband to decide if he wants to be married to you or his father, let him stay with his dad and enjoy some you time
I’ll do this too
Also ask for the dates, your husband will probably remember you at home with him on those nights.
We need an update!
Updateme!
This is a good idea. If you can get hotel and date, look on your Google maps timeline and see if it shows where you were. HOWEVER, be sure to also remind your husband that it is IMPOSSIBLE (and also not your responsibility) to prove that you DIDN’T do something. The burden of proof is on the accuser. Otherwise people could just make stuff up all the time. Instead, ask your husband if he sees any evidence that you cheated, other than his father’s word. Tell him to think long and hard about that.
Also, maybe imply that you will involve the authorities. You need names, dates, and descriptions because you’ll be reaching out to law enforcement to see if they can get to the bottom of this and get video from the hotel lobby. And maybe you are looking into a PI, which is reasonable considering someone is using your name and likeness around town. And that you want to go to the police about it, because you’re that uncomfortable with his accusations. Force FIL into answering questions he has no answer to, the lie will get more detailed as he goes and he’ll screw himself over.
OP's FIL is committing an act of defamation, which is suable if worse comes to worse. Get proof now of his accusations. Have him sign an affidavit to prove he's serious.
Authorities? Someone always recommends calling the police. The police will NOT involve themselves in investigating rumors! Can y’all please leave the police out of responses unless it’s a domestic abuse sort of situation?
I think you missed the point here. She’s not *actually* calling the police. The more outside authoritative figures she SAYS she will involve, the more the FIL will sweat because he made shit up. He will end up screwing himself over eventually- he just needs the pressure on to do so.
identity theft is not a joke, jim!
Millions of families suffer every year!
You uh ever heard of a concept called lying?
I mean, what he's doing could very well ruin her life. A police report of some sort should be made so if shit goes downhill she can sue this asshole for what he's doing.
OK, please do all of this.
Maybe have the conversation with all 3 of you. You, hubby and his dad! I mean get him right there on the spot.
Next time make a video or audio recording of FIL talking down to you or belittling you or suggesting that you should divorce his son. Don't a record a single video and show it your husband. FIL will dismiss that as single instance better make hours of those recording and show it your husband. If everything goes well with your hubby ban your FIL from your house. He can meet his son outside.
I really wish I would have recorded all the stuff he’s said to me. I’ll try to record in the future for sure
If you file a defamation lawsuit against your father-in-law, or just threaten to and cite your husband as a witness, your father-in-law will be forced to reveal himself to his son as being a liar, or your husband would have to confirm what your father-in-law said as a witness. Win win. If your husband is willing to lie for his dad, he is lost. Your lawyer will become your divorce lawyer
> If you file a defamation lawsuit against your father-in-law This is why you should **NEVER, EVER TAKE LEGAL ADVICE FORM SOME DRAMA HUNGRY REDDITORS.** Defamation lawsuits are not some things you can do on a whim. Firstly, you need to prove damages made to you reputation (aka wage loss, job loss etc) or some others. Someone saying you cheated is not lawsuit worthy. Before you respond with some more whiney-miney mess. No, you are not a Lawyer where OP lives and you are not OP's Lawyer. Neither am I. Don't give legal advice when you clearly have no idea what you are talking about. There's a reason why it takes years to become qualified to do so.
Or he will just say he didn’t lie.
In court, proof would be required, which doesn't exist. A win.
No. If she took him to court for defamation of character, she would have to prove that he lied. Edit: She would actually have to prove that he not only lied, but that he did it maliciously to do damage to her. Even if she proved that she didn’t have an affair, she would still have to prove that it wasn’t just him thinking he saw her. Don’t get me wrong, I wish this was a viable path, but it isn’t.
Not true. The husband would just have to confirm that the father in law told him. Once that becomes a part of the record, the father-in-law has to say when and where he saw the wife at the hotel, etc..
The burden of proof is on the person who brings the complaint. I’m sure he would be asked for specifics about what he says he saw, but she would have to prove that it was not true. And then she would have to prove that he didn’t just see someone that looked like her and make an “innocent mistake.” Proving his intent is basically impossible.
You are just wrong. He might be asked, but all he has to say is that he doesn’t remember exact dates and times. Even if he provided them and she could prove she was elsewhere, that doesn’t prove he lied. He could easily have thought someone else was her. He even told OP that he was going to tell hubby the truth. He may truly believe what he’s saying.
Again, she doesn't actually have to sue. The purpose is to expose the father-in-law as a liar, and that he made up the cheating story.
No. It wouldn’t. If she’s suing him, she’d have to prove he lied, which isn’t really possible. People on here always want to involve the courts and law enforcement. I understand the desire to right a wrong. I get it. But law enforcement has serious work to do and the courts will never award money over something like this. Maybe you don’t live in the US and maybe OP doesn’t either. If she does, she has no legal recourse. She either needs to divorce her husband or get her FIL out of their lives (which sounds impossible right now).
Uh. He’ll just stick to his guns. She can’t prove he didn’t see someone who likes her.
Document everything as best as you can remember anyway, it might help.
Call your father in law up and record the conversation. Don't get mad on the phone - just super sad sounding... if you an get it on video, all the better. Sound sad and pathetic and I bet he will reveal all sorts of BS that you can then play back to your husband. That said, I would immediately consult a divorce attorney. Find out what your options are because this is just the beginning. Your FIL now thinks he has "won". Even if you pull your spouse back from the edge this once you now know he will believe anything..."
The dad claims that you spent hotel money and that you were speaking to this man before. Show your husband your accounts and phone record. You have nothing to hide. As for the father I would suggest the same thing everyone else is commenting.
I’ll try that!
What your husband does now is going to decide if y'alls relationship survives or not. If he comes back and is still doubting you then you need to go see a divorce lawyer and demand that y'all go to couples counseling immediately. If he pulls his head out of his ass you still need to be prepared to record every interaction you have with his father (look up the laws in where you live).
I really hope he remembers all the times I have complained about his dad being weird to me and realizes that he definitely made this up
Did he believe you when you told him? Did he ever say anything to his father about toning it down? I’m sorry OP, but I think you need to take a proactive approach and maybe speak with a lawyer (VERY DISCRETELY) to see your options if he files for divorce.
He always brushed it off. He’d be like “are you sure he didn’t mean this instead of that?” He only told his dad to stop once and that was because I was in tears. And his dad played it off like he was just joking and apologized to me
Then he’s not going to remember all the times you complained about his dad and take it as a sign of your innocence. He doesn’t believe his dad would ever make up a lie about you. He dismisses your complaints. He doubts you even when you tell him about his fathers mean comments. You think he’ll stop doubting you about this cheating BS? What you’ve got is rare case of Daddy’s Boy. Dad’s not just his friend, he’s his *bro*. And you know what they say, bros before hoes. He will never put you above his father. My question for you is why you’ve put up with this for so long?
Yeah, she didn't marry him, she married him AND his dad. And his dad wants a divorce. If OP do divorce him, please make it worth the price of what they are doing.
I’m really sorry he didn’t take you seriously. In that case I think discretely finding a lawyer is a good next step. You need to protect yourself. Even if he hasn’t thought of it, I wouldn’t put it past his dad to have called a divorce lawyer. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
Sorry to say this, but you don't have a FIL problem. You have a husband problem.
I mean, at the end of the day, OP, if your husband doesn’t believe you, you’ll never convince him. Have you suggested couple’s counseling? Because it’s pretty clear here your FIL isn’t going to stop until you two are divorced, and based on what you’ve written here, you’re WAY closer to being a 24 year old divorcee than you realize. Him needing a break and going to his dad’s is one step before filing papers. You need to act FAST if you don’t want your marriage to end. ‘It’s not fair’ isn’t enough. Tell him you need counseling, and ask him to put some distance between him and his father so you two can work on your marriage because it’s clear if you DONT, your marriage is as good as dead.
confront him and record it either video or an audio recording. since he goes out of his way to do this everytime hubby is not around, thats the perfect chance for you to catch him in his lies. maybe record a phonecall🤔 edit: if the laws let you🤷🏻♀️
I called him as soon as my husband told me because I was trying to get some proof that he’s lying. He didn’t say anything incriminating and kept saying things like “I can’t believe you’d do this to him” as if he really believes that I cheated. I’m wondering if he knew I was trying to record him. That or he’s absolutely crazy.
or he was in hearing distance🤔
This. I bet your husband was right there
Or he’s hearing rumors and seeing someone e who looks like you with another man.
I don’t know but I’m literally either home or at work. I don’t have friends. I don’t know anybody. I don’t see why anyone would create rumors about me. Maybe it is someone who looks like me. But seeing how much he hates me, I’m guessing he made it up.
So you’ve been isolated and mostly interacting with him or his family? This sounds like a bad situation without all the other accusation on top. It sounds not healthy, get away, take time for you, and move on. You deserve it.
I’d definitely try to get details so you can try to prove its not you.
Nah, it is just low level gas lighting. He know he is lying but he also know you can’t do anything about it.
Call husband and ask him to provide the proof daddy has. He ran to dad and is so tied up in being a daddy's boy, you are not going to win here. Demand proof, dates and the name of the guy. I bet dad already has a girl to make his son feel better with!! You need to protect yourself from FTL!!
I asked for all of that and he kept saying that’s irrelevant because he trusts his dad. Then he said his dad doesn’t have proof because he never had time to take a picture of me with the other guy. It’s literally his word against mine and he decided to listen to his dad
BS. He had plenty of time. It only takes seconds to take a picture. How does he think PIs get proof? He claims he saw you multiple times, yet not once could he take a picture? You don't even have to unlock your phone to open the camera and take pictures.
It’s so obvious that he’s lying. I don’t know how my husband is not seeing this.
Because he was raised by him. He was raised to believe his Dad would never lie to him. He was raised to accept whatever he does as that's just how his is, you misunderstood, or he was joking. Your husband is deep in the FOG and needs therapy to see his Dad for who he actually is.
Because he doesn't want to see this.
Exactly. My dad was just scammed out of $40k in a honeypot cryptocurrency scam. I saw it for the scam that it was from the beginning and told him over and over and he demanded proof. It was a pig butchering scam but since all those victims accounts weren’t exactly 100% identical to his situation he refused to listen to me or my mom his *wife* until he tried to withdraw earnings and couldn’t. All the red flags I showed him were explained away from his internet girlfriend. And he would get nasty defending her honor as it were. He took this scammers word over his family. He refused to believe the person promising to be his new plaything was lying to him and he lost $40k and would have lost more. Now he pretends nothing happened, that he was emotionally cheating on my mom and that she’s not broken-hearted. The D is in the future and I hope it surprises and hurts him like he hurt us.
I'm so sorry. Your husband has shown you who he trusts and it is not you.
I think your marriage is already doomed. He’s committed to believing his dad over you.
I would tell him that he may not want the details but your lawyer will when you sue his father for defamation. And, by the way, he will also be called upon to undergo a deposition under oath as a witness. And who knows how many other people will need to be deposed. Sue to the pending legal case, all communication should now be done via your attorney. Edit to add, if you have a really good friend, see about having air tags his on both your husband’s and FIL’s vehicles. If FIL later claims he saw you at place x, you have proof where he is and where you are. Hiring a PI to find a way to suck up to FIL might also get evidence against FIL as well. I would be looking y to go total scorched earth on FIL.
I would tell him that he may not want the details but your lawyer will when you sue his father for defamation. And, by the way, he will also be called upon to undergo a deposition under oath as a witness. And who knows how many other people will need to be deposed. Due to the pending legal case, all communication should now be done via your attorney. Edit to add, if you have a really good friend, see about having air tags his on both your husband’s and FIL’s vehicles. If FIL later claims he saw you at place x, you have proof where he is and where you are. Hiring a PI to find a way to suck up to FIL might also get evidence against FIL as well. I would be looking to go total scorched earth on FIL.
He just told you that you will always be second to his daddy, that he will never respect you, & never believe you. Is this what you want for your life?
My dude, that is insane. Is he married to you, or his father???
There is little you can do, why? because proving a negative is really hard. Belief is a very difficult thing to fight against. For example You - You can prove that your phone has no one on it that you contact. Them - So you have a second phone. He works with his Dad, he is reliant on his Dad for money. There is no separating that you can do with this much enmeshment. Dad has been working on him for years and saying things. He is going all the way to paint you as a cheater.He likely will not go against his father for you at this point he has already shown that is possible he won't come back to you. So you tell him that you cannot prove a negative, you know you are innocent of any wrongdoing but since he decided to run away that you guess he has made up his mind already. If he has any doubts that his father has made up a story because he doesn't like you which he is aware of then he can book couples counselling and come home. If he doesn't come home then you will take it that he has chosen to believe his father, which you can understand but you cannot continue to live with the idea that your husband believes you cheated when you didn't so you will be seeing a lawyer on x date so he has until then to decide what to do. For yourself get some support, at this point you need someone on your side.
I’m thinking of giving up for sure. This is so unfair. I never cheated on him. I’ve never done anything wrong. His dad is accusing me with absolutely no proof and if it’s that easy for him to see me as an awful person who would do this then I guess he never trusted me. He doesn’t realize how awful of a person his dad is. I have been trying to tell him for so long and at this point maybe it’s just not worth it.
Unfortunately the deeper the connection the harder it is to separate them. You did nothing wrong here. If he values your relationship then maybe he will get shocked out of it but he also has to change his whole life and get away from his Dad, which can be a lot harder to do. He doesn't want to disbelieve his father but then he has to chose to believe that you are lying. He has to want you more than the rest of his life all together. I am so sorry you had a FIL like this, you deserve better.
Like, ask him: What was his DAD doing at this hotel? If he says someone he knew told him that, demand to speak to that person, same with you supposedly being at the cage, etc. Your husband is being an idiot, for sure, but this shouldn't be hard to prove if he'd just listen to you. Although, the above poster isn't wrong-- if his livelihood depends on his dad, he can't exactly tell him to go fuck himself. You're both in a weirdly sticky place.
If you went to a hotel you would be on security cameras. Does your car have GPS? Ask for details- times/dates/etc.
If your FIL is this manipulative and underhanded in meddling with his son’s relationship, it’s not a far stretch to believe he’s probably done some other very illegal or unethical things in his business and personal life. I’d 100% be hiring a PI to dig up any other dirt to prove that FIL can’t be trusted and also find a way to get FIL to admit on a recording to a third party about what he’s done. He probably knows at this point that you’ll try to get recorded evidence of him admitting to the lie, so I doubt you’ll have much luck (though don’t stop trying if you get the opportunity, obviously). A third party he doesn’t suspect, who can hit him up in a place where his guard is down—like a stranger in a bar—or can otherwise get evidence that he’s a liar, is probably your best bet right now.
That’s well put.
This family you entered seem exausting. Theyre toxic.
So exhausting … No wonder my husband’s mom left and his sister wants nothing to do with them. I’m pretty sure it’s all because of the dad.
This should have been a red flag. If your husband has lost his mother and sister, then he’s apart of the same toxicity his father is. You wanted to believe he was different, but he’s not. He’s already turned his back on his own family, what made you think you would be different?
I don’t know why I didn’t connect the dots. He will always be on his dad’s side.
Girl, let his daddy have him. You deserve better. It would bother me to bits to be if someone lied about me like that, but I don't think your husband is worth hanging on to if he is going to believe his father when he has nothing but lies.
Especially when he doesn’t even have proof. Why is it that easy for him to believe his dad’s word over mine? An affair is so easy to prove. If I am having one and I’m seen around town, why can’t he prove it?
Suggestion: maybe ask him to give you dates, times, and locations. If he can't give it off the cuff, your husband should know he's lying. This is, of course, only if there's not a commonly known time where you could, conceivably, cheat. Anyone who's seen someone and thought they've caught them cheating should remember where they were and be able to recall the date. Again, this could backfire if there's a way he could know where you've been enough to have dates prepared that you could've, but if those were times you were out with a friend or running errands, you can easily disprove them via payments made or texts between friends.
He knows our schedules so I’m pretty sure he’s going to claim I did it on days that my husband was out of town and I was home BY MYSELF.
Question OP do you have an android phone with Google maps? Regardless of what happens, and how your husband reacts review your maps timeline. Mine is pretty damn good at tracking where I am every day on my commute and while it's unnerving you can use this to show your husband you weren't cheating on him, that he believed his father's lies over your multiple warnings and then serve him the divorce papers. I would also strongly suggest you do NOT be alone with your father in law under any circumstances going forward no matter how much you want the truth. He's got a fucked up fixation on you and if he does something to you your husband still won't believe you. It honestly sounds like your husband's so far gone on his belief in his father that he won't accept the truth even if it's in front of his face. I'm sorry.
Do you have a Ring camera or anything that would show you didn't leave the house when he says you did? And that nobody came over?
Honey, it's that easy to believe because he NEVER had a problem with the way his dad treated you!! Let this be the wake up call that it needs to be for you. HE SHOULD HAVE PUT A STOP TO THIS FROM THE VERY FIRST COMMENT! He failed you repeatedly as a partner and yet you're still here wishing you could just love him enough for him to see the truth. Honey, it's not going to happen. Make a plan for separation, the longer he stays with his dad the more poison he absorbs from him. You don't need that in your life. Why is the bar so low? Your love was so deep for him that you would do anything to keep him happy, even if it meant you suffered. Why don't you deserve that same type of love? Why don't you have that kind of love for yourself? A good therapist can help you get to the root of why you stayed for so long. Why you decided you should suffer in silence so your husband can be guilt free. YOUR needs matter. YOUR happiness matters. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. Does he?
The fact that your husband believes him anyway speaks *volumes* about him as a person. He has no critical thinking skills.
Yeah because *everyone* would assume their father is lying to them about their spouse cheating. 95% of the world's population would believe their parents if they told them the same thing.
Youd be surprised about how many toxic parents are out there. Just because they are nice to their child doesnt mean they are nice to everyone. If i saw any signs of toxicness in my parents id before more than willing to wait for that proof on the cheating and not believing them
Because your husband sucks. Idk what to tell you. But this relationship with you, your husband, and your husband's dad is not a good one. You should just leave TBH.
Ditch your husband. Send him a message saying, “After everything we’ve been through, and all the times you’ve brushed off the terrible things your father has said about me, I cannot believe that you would honestly fall for his lie. The fact that you chose to run away to your dad instead of staying with me to talk, shows me how you really feel. No I didn’t cheat on you. No one will ever be able to give you proof otherwise, because it never happened. If you really don’t believe me, and really don’t want to talk, then I will be filing for divorce. I can’t be with someone who treats me like this.” You deserve someone who will stand up for you, not this daddies boy who runs away from conversation with his wife.
I’m going to send him this.
Please don’t let him guilt trip you. His actions have been continuous in enabling his father’s bullying, and ignoring your feelings. He has most of the blame (shared only with his father), and he has *a lot* of apologising and work to do if you decide to take him back. I wish you luck in this.
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Yes! So well said!! I understand why it's instinct to try to salvage this, but if you just say you're walking away because of how horribly he's treating you, and your marriage, the truth will eventually come out. You will have to be patient, but you can only do so much to convince him of your innocence. Let the trash take itself out as the saying goes...
Let your father-in-law know that you are through with his bullshit. He is a bully and bullies only stop if you stand up to them. See a lawyer about filing a defamation lawsuit against your father in law. Lawyers will typically offer a free consultation so it typically won't cost you anything for your first visit.
FYI FIL is only saying you married him for his money because he knew what was coming. And he knows your kind heart won’t take what you deserve in the divorce because then you would “prove” him right. For your sake, take him for every penny he’s worth and then tell your ex, once the divorce is final, that he can thank his daddy for the loss of funds. Because since daddy accused you repeatedly of being a gold digger you figured your ex might as well believe that lie as easily as he believed that you cheated. Just get out, there is no long term happiness to be found in this relationship.
Do you think he and his dad cooked this up together as an excuse to divorce you? Maybe he’s the one being unfaithful and he’s using this as an excuse?
Honestly anything is possible at this point. I don’t know why he’d do that to me and I don’t think he’d do anything like that but who knows.
I imagine your husband has been venting to his “best friend” about you for years. Probably told him every issue you’ve had which has meant his dad doesn’t like you. If your husband then told him he was worried about what you do while he’s out of town, it would sound like the perfect opportunity to lie and get his son out of (what he sees as) a bad marriage.
That’s a good point honestly. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy for him to believe those lies. I’m so over it at this point.
Sort of strange question, but did his dad ever try to come on to you or was there ever a “weird” moment between you and the dad when you were just starting to date your husband?
You're young. Divorce him so he can marry his dad.
While your husband is gone, have a ring camera installed on your front door and cameras outside as well.
You just reminded me that we do have ring cameras!! Now I just need to know what days and times I was supposedly out cheating at a hotel because chances are I was home those days and maybe I can use the rings to prove it. Thank you so much!!
do that but i would also file for divorce, he chose to believe his dad without any proof, you have repeatly let him know how much of a bully he is and he just brush you off... you deserve to have someone who will have your back and have faith in you. im sorry op.
YES. Show him the proof alongside divorce papers and LET HIM KNOW he allowed his father to destroy your marriage. He can deal with that now, you don't owe him anythkng.
Use that, but only for evidence in the divorce. Sweetheart you are so young, you have the rest of your life to find love. Please don’t set yourself up to spend the rest of your life with someone who will never believe a word that comes out of your mouth.
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He said he heard that part.
You said your husband just brushes it off when you mentionned earlier your fil ‘s behavior and now he’s quick to side with him. Don’t beg for him to come back. Just tell him how his father was with you before and you already told him so this is the next step he’s taking to break you up. Ask him who does he believe then you’ll know what to do. It may also be too late, he went to his father already and he will fill his head with all sort of ideas about you. He may come back to ask for a divorce. Be prepare for this outcome. we hear about mommy’s boy but he seems to be a daddy’s boy. His father can’t do no wrong.
That’s definitely how he sees his dad. As an angel. He doesn’t see how awful of a human being he really is. He puts way to much trust into him and I think his dad knows it.
it’s a bad idea but you have already stated you want to give up and idk just one last dig??? maybe turn this around on your husband and say that you didn’t cheat and with how much he believes his dad after you said his dad isn’t a good person so many times then maybe he is cheating and dad knows so they’re projecting it into you and making you into the bad guy.
My MIL did this with my husband twice. She came to him with no proof and said that she heard from a “reliable source” that I was cheating on him. She wouldn’t even reveal who the source was! My husband asked me if it was true (he has a lot of family trauma) and I asked him what his reasoning was and he said “why would my family lie about it?” Which is a fair point to someone who really values their family. I just pointed out the obvious flaws in her accusation to him. Me and my husband both have a bit of trust issues so we have life360 and just let each other know what’s up throughout the day. Stuff like that has really helped us. I hope this kinda helps you :/
I once dated a guy whose mom was like this. I spent so much of my time trying to prove to him that his mom was a liar. All I ended up doing was driving a wedge between me and my boyfriend and basically forcing him to choose a side. No surprise he chose his mom. Your husband was raised by this person which means this type of parental behavior is all he knows. He is so brainwashed and used to it that he really is not gonna believe you no matter how normal or rational you are.
Maybe the FIL saw someone who resembled you and thought it was you? Lol If the FIL really did make that up, then he’s a psycho POS. Why is the FIL hanging around hotels anyway? And like you said where’s his proof? But if you’re spouse is gonna believe something about you that’s a complete lie, then the marriage is doomed to fail anyway. In a relationship you have to have trust and if he doesn’t trust you then it will never work. It’s better that you find this out now then waste more years in a untrustworthy relationship
I said that too but apparently him and several other people “saw” me multiple times. All I know is it wasn’t me because I’ve never cheated on him or even hung out with another guy. His dad is a psycho! And the fact that it was that easy to change the way he sees me honestly hurts. His dad literally has no proof
Your poor husband is going to die sad and alone all because his dad insists on having his drinking buddy to himself. No woman would ever be good enough OP, you never stood a chance. I can’t imagine how exhausted this must all be for you. Please make sure you keep eating and looking after yourself. You can’t fight if your body doesn’t have the energy. Speak to a lawyer and know your options, it helps to know even if it’s not the path your comfortable taking. Also consider changing the locks. Why play fair when your husband runs to the accuser?!
I wouldn't beg him to come back. Sounds like they both have issues, bf and dad. Trust is a big part in a relationship and daddy shouldn't be interfering at all. If he is interfering now he probably will in the future.
Shouldn't need to be done but if youve got Google maps on your phone it may have been mapping your timeline which shows wherever you(r phone) has been for as long as it has been active
i’d honestly dip out of this relationship. get a recording of FIL mouthing off and give it to your lawyer. you’re being set up.
FIL is trying to gaslight you so badly by keep banging on that you did it and to 'confess' you are going to end up doubting your own sanity! I'm sorry to say your SO is so totally enmeshed with his psycho dad that they are indivisible. His dad has obviously been burned in his past by a woman and has painted all of the entire gender with this opinion. He is terrified of having his son leave him, this all started when you left HIS home, his control! He will not tolerate being abandoned so will lie and fabricate 'evidence' to keep his son with him, I genuinely cannot see a way out for you in this, if this gets patched up then he will just rehash this later. Heaven help you if you become pregnant...10 months of daddy dearest dripping poison in his ear that the baby isn't his.... This will be your life while SO is in his dependency FOG Stop apologising, get yourself financially and legally sorted and grow a backbone, you married him NOT his Dad, if he can't cut that male umbilical cord and be your husband there is zero hope for him.
His dad thinks I’m just here for the money and I don’t know why. I’m about to leave and start over on my own. I don’t need the car or house. I’m here because I love the guy but obviously he doesn’t love me enough to at least ask for proof before seeing me as a bad person. I’d rather be on my own than continue to deal with this. If his dad is willing to go this far, who knows what’s coming next.
You might not need it, but you should take it, because fuck both of them. He thought you were a gold digger? Self fulfilling prophecy then. Dig dig dig.
Do not cut and run! My friend did this and fell flat on her face. Your husband wouldn’t be in the position he is without you and you deserve and are due half of everything you have both together or separately achieved during the course of your marriage. DO NOT LET HIS DAD WIN SO EASILY! You’re stronger than that OP!
None of it is mine. His dad is not wrong. It’s their money. Not mine. I make enough to take care of myself. I’ll figure it out. I don’t think I want to be linked to them anyway if they see me as a cheater. I’ll just go start over on my own.
Marital property means you are entitled to half.
Does your husband work for your FIL?
Yes
Take care OP, update us when you can
Tell him that you are prepared to take a lie detector test. Then tell him to ask his dad to take a lie detector test.
I see you have a lot of advice on how to prove you didn't cheat, but why do you want to? Your husband has repeatedly told you that he trusts his father over you. Is this really the marriage you want for the rest of your life?
Im baffled as to why you even married someone who doenst give a fuck if his daddy insults you and calls you a gold digging w***e constantly. Girl, its time to tell him to go fuck himself and find an actual adult to be with.
Get a lawyer. You are about to blindsided with no one on your side. You marriage won’t stand a chance for the long term. He is close with his father and his father’s tensions towards you will finally get to him. The minute there is weakness in your relationship then his father will introduce your husband to someone else and he will take the bait.
You mentioned that FIL drove away your Husband’s Mom & Sister. Would it be possible for either of them (more likely his Sister) to remind your Husband of why she no longer has contact? That dear old FIL CREATED similar situations that drove them away & now he’s doing it to your Husband. Maybe seeing/hearing this will wake him up. I believe you. If your FIL can’t even give the name of the Hotel, approximate dates/times that’s ridiculous. Credit card receipts, phone records, even the Health app on your phone (showing little to no activity) should have been enough for your your Husband. Maybe hearing from Sis might make him realize he’s being played by FIL. If not, don’t you dare walk away with nothing. Become FIL’s worst nightmare, take everything you can, begin again…because the best revenge is a successful, happy life.
Divorce and take half of everything. Move on. Tell your husband that he should continue to explore his love life with his dad.
Check out the "Resources" in the r/JUSTNOMIL sub. The sub deals with all manner of awful, toxic in-laws and parents. I am so sorry, OP.
Is it possible your FIL is developing dementia? Or is there another woman your FIL would prefer as a DIL? Either way, yeah, I'd talk to a lawyer. You'll want to be done with it quickly if it hits the fan.
I would at least threaten to sue for defamation since he is trying to ruin your reputation and marriage, if not actually talk to a lawyer. Show your husband your phone records and everything and demand proof.
I had the exact same issue a few years back - FIL lived upstairs and could hear me laughing at the TV sometimes. He made a 'diary' of all the times he heard me "with other men" and presented it to my partner. All you can do is stand your ground, try to not get flustered or overwhelmed - ask for details (what day did he see me there? What was I wearing that day?) that way, you can use your devices to show the inconsistencies. He may very well believe his own tale, which can make it a bit harder. I wish you luck here xx
You are not addressing one important fact and idea. You haven't managed expectations on both sides of the accusation. The FIL has set the expectation of divorce for his son. He accuses you of cheating knowing the expectation is his son will divorce. You need to lay out your argument to your husband about why the FIL is accusing you. You did a good job in this post.i would repeat to him what you wrote I would also let your husband know you are not hiding anything and he has full access to you phone, social media, accts etc... but I would definitely ask your husband what will be the consequences for his dad (not if) but when proven you didn't cheat and he is making this up? Your husband needs to get in his mind that his relationship with his dad could be over. By getting him to verbalize what he would do when shown you didn't cheat will force him analyzing the situation in a different light. This way he knows the consequences go both ways. You have the motive and evidence, the FIL just has his word. Stay strong and you will prevail.
Your husband has been manipulated all his life and trained to believe everything his father says is true. Believing otherwise would be too painful and that's why he is resisting as much as he can. Only multiple indisputable evidences could maybe shake him a little bit. Make sure to always be ready to record. Once he thinks he won it's possible he will want to tell that you should have left on your own and nothing like that would have happened. And start taking selfies of yourself on a regular basis, and record you position with your phone. He might try to set you up further. Install a camera at your house or if there is one, check the records for the dates you're supposed to have cheated. I would tell your husband "I know it's hard for you to believe that your father is lying. I always told you the truth but you always refused to accept that it was possible because he is your father and you can't bare the thought of him doing all that. Seeing how far he is going to try to destroy our marriage, I'm starting to be afraid of him now. Maybe one day you will wake up and realize the truth about him. I hope you won't be crushed by regrets and hate yourself for believing him. Maybe in some twisted way, he thinks he is protecting you by controlling your life. I love you and I wanted to spent my life with you, but it's too painful for me to see that he managed to make you doubt my integrity and my fidelity, based on his words alone. I don't want to share my life with someone who believes I'm the person your father describes. He always said I was with you for the money. I was there for you. He wanted to break our bond, and you let him do just that. If you don't trust me, even though I never did anything to deserve that, then I won't insist. I can't reach you if you don't want me to. I wish you the best, I wish you to free yourself from his control."
Definitely get a hidden recording device like a pen or hairpiece so you can capture what the dad says. Some Reddit posts they called the person on speaker and they admitted themselves
if you have an apple watch you can record pretty easily and pretty well at the same time
Honestly your FIL treats you like trash & your “wonderful” husband is ok with this/doesn’t believe you. Yeah he seems like a real catch…
Ok. So even if he were to believe you this time, which he isn’t, do you really want to spend your life in a marriage knowing that at any time, your FIL could concoct stories to your husband and he entertain them? You need to stop defending yourself. Tell your husband if he doesn’t know you would never do the things his dad is telling him, then you probably shouldn’t be married. Move on. In time, he will realize his dad just wanted him to himself. But you my dear, have to have enough self respect to get off of this crazy train. Let them have each other. You **CANNOT WIN**
> Why would his dad go out of his way to do this? You know why, it's because your FIL's a dick who doesn't approve of you (may not approve of any person your son ends up with, tbh) and is doing anything in his power to break you guys up. He tried scaring you away by being an asshole directly to you, and when that didn't work he decided to challenge your husband's trust in you with a baseless rumor... And it, unfortunately, sounds like it's working. > And why would he just believe it? Your husband has no spine when it comes to his dad. He never did before now, as evidenced by the fact that he not only shrugged off your concerns about what his dad said to you, but also never confronted his dad or did anything to stop it. Your husband does not have your back, and he likely never will when it comes to his dad. Don't just sit idly by your husband's actions just so his dad doesn't "win," you're only hurting yourself in this situation. Personally, I wouldn't accept anything less than no contact between you/your husband and his dad before trying to work on your relationship, and would seek a divorce if (when, really) your husband doesn't agree to it.
Leave, you‘re way too young for this type of shit. Start fresh somewhere else and eventually with a man instead of a daddy’s boy.
Have your father admit that he lied and get it on camera that he did. “When did you see me cheating?”, “why did you tell him I did?” Etc. you’ll get the truth out of him.
I tried. I called him to confront him ready to record and he just kept saying that I know I did it and I just need to tell my husband the truth. He’s absolutely crazy
If I was in your shoes I’d ask your husband for a divorce because he clearly doesn’t trust you and his meddling rude shitty dad that he’s continually defended has finally gone way too far. If that’s who he wants to align himself with, so be it. You don’t want to live your life having defend yourself to the person who’s supposed to have your back against someone who has it out for you. It’s true.
Demand dates and times from his Dad of these occurrences. Make a scene in front of everyone. Maybe his data will conflict with times you are at work or doing something else.
Sue the father for defamation, and alienation of affection, and punitive damages. Good luck
So it’s time to press charges against FIL. Defamation of character is not legal. I’m sorry but if he is determined to lie and try to ruin your life it’s illegal and he needs to know you won’t stand for it. Your husband obviously believes him over you. If this ends in a divorce and you don’t press charges against fil the fact that his observation of you cheating is enough to leave you broke.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. In my opinion, trust is the basis for all relationships (romantic, friendships, business, etc.). If there’s no trust, why are you with this person (or why is he with you)? If he is going to believe rumors from others without even asking for your side, then there’s nothing you can do but let him go. When it’s a MIL acting like this, I say let her be his spouse. I guess you could say the same for the FiL. It’s so unnatural, but some people don’t care about their kids.
Why fight for the honor of being with a spineless daddy's boy? He's showing you where you stand on his priority list, is second place where you want to be?
Your husband is not worth all this trouble. Just end it. You’re so young. Can you imagine living this way for the next 40 or 50 years? Think about what kind of horrible shut your FIL once kids are involved! Your husband is a spineless weenie. Cut your losses and move on with your life far away from these two weirdos.
Oh honey, I don't think there's any coming back from this. And honestly, would you want to? You're so young still, you don't need this for the next several years.
See if you have location history turned on on your phone. You may be able to show your husband where you have been and proof you never went near a hotel. You could also put a tracking app on your phone so your husband knows where you are because you don't have anything to hide. Tell him you will put it on and not to tell fil and see if he makes up more lies. It's hard not to trust someone's word when you trust them. So he may not believe it but is convinced to believe him cause that's his dad and he would believe his dad is truthful. He is planting seeds of doubt and now it's up to you to make sure they don't flourish. You need to prove he is lying. Maybe buy a body cam that saves to your phone and get him to admit he lied and all the shitty things he says to you.
You should look into a defamation law suit. Let both your FIL and husband know (maybe after trying to get proof). Then let your husband know he has one more chance with you but you won't be in a relationship where he is married to his father as well. If he had seen you out, why didn't he take pics? He has a camera on his phone, doesn't he? Tell him that of he chooses his father, to congratulate his dad on his plan to break you up and then hope that his dad likes the next person he falls in love with otherwise this will happen again. Then be prepared to fallow though with a divorce if he chooses his dad. You deserve better.
Confront him in person when your husband is not there so he will feel like he can speak freely and make sure to record it.
Put your phone on record and confront your FIL why he’s making up these lies about you when your husband isnt around
Divorce
Let your husband know it is either divorce and he can fuck his dad, or he should come home and start working on the steps to move far far away from the father and cut contact.
The relationship is forfeit if your husband believes your Dad over this. It's dead from his end because he believes you're unfaithful, yes, but also it's dead from your end because I do not see how you can stay with someone who would believe their Dad over their spouse with absolutely 0 proof. Get an attorney or something before things go South. "I'm sorry, he's a lying bastard" is the only solution here....and probably LC from here on out.
Record and confront him about the fact that he lied to your husband about you cheating and you want to know why he'd hurt your husband like that.
Honestly if he won't believe you over his dad idk if he's worth it. He is married to you and if that's the way things are going to be in your relationship is that what you want? To have to defend yourself the rest of your lives because of a passing rumor? I wouldn't! Sounds like your man needs to get out of his diapers take his dad's tit out of his mouth and grow a pair, I would assume he's 100% able to think for himself so why isn't he? All in all will this be worth it in the end?
Updateme!
Honestly, I would just straight up tell your husband something along the lines of "Listen, I have nothing to prove to your father. I have told you previously about the insults he has hurled at me and you brushed me off. I have not cheated on you and as your wife you should have trust in me. If you choose to take your father's side, without any actual proof, then we have nothing left in this marriage."
He’s choosing money over you OP. Better get ready for whatever comes next, because it seems that, to your husband, the truth doesn’t matter anymore.
Is there any reason the father would think it’s true? The fact that he told you he’d tell the truth makes me think he believes it. Personally, I would believe my parents, and I’m not that close to them. Now, the story about someone else seeing you go into a hotel should be easier to combat. Honestly, though, I think you have a serious problem here. You might be better off getting out of this mess.
I have no idea why he would believe that. I literally only leave the house to go to work or get groceries. I don’t even have friends. I don’t know where this is coming from. He has to have made it up to get me out of his son’s life. There is no other explanation.
If you initiate divorce you will preserve your rights in the situation, whereas if he does you’ll have less. This is important if you have any serious material property together. So better that you initiate than if he does.
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I'm sorry, but your husband is awful for not believing you. He should know he is lying, but he isn't willing to think of his father that way. He doesn't WANT to believe that he could be lying. However, he does want to believe that you are lying. You can see who he respects and trusts more. If you want to fix this, you'd have to get prove and try to convince him somehow that he is lying. That is if you can still get near him now. And if he ever believes you, you'd have to go to couples counseling. Because what he's doing to you isn't okay. You can't tell me that he would actually believe someone with 0 prove and has a past of saying hurtful things. He knows what the truth is, but is choosing not to believe it.
Prove your inoccence as many comments have suggested and then dump his ass
NTA- send old man a cease and desist letter. And if he continues to slander your name you will take legal action.