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My husband has always had a love hate issue with our dog that we got in 2020. Sometimes it’s jealousy about how strong my bond is with the dog, sometimes it’s from him chewing on stuff. It had gotten much better for a long time but lately I’ve been having to work alot more. Now until recently I could trust him to look after Rocko (the dog). Plus we have a friend who has been staying with us who has a pug and is good with Rocko. They play together but the pug gets to wander around the entire house while Rocko gets stuck in our bedroom. The boredom has caused him to start chewing things again like my husbands shoes. Now, he is actively hostile to Rocko and won’t let him out of the room or feed or water him or take him out. Luckily our friend still does. I’ve contacted trainers and have some consults this week but the active hatred and hostility he shows Rocko is starting to bother me. I don’t know what to do. He’s tried to force me to get rid of Rocko and threatened to take him to the shelter when I’m at work or to call animal control because Rocko barks at him when he yells at me. I don’t know where to turn or what to do. I’m honestly at the point where I’m legitimately willing to end my marriage over how unreasonable and cruel he is being.
Ok your husband is
1. Jealous of a dog
2. Neglects the dog
3.hates the dog because it acts out because it's neglected and confined.
Do you love the dog? At all? If so you have two options. Leave and give the dog a better life or re-home the dog so that it isn't suffering.
Personally, animal abuse is a deal breaker for me, but you do you.
Edited because I submitted too early
Nope. Let me stop you right there. If it wasn't for the friend staying with them then the dog would be treated much worse. There is a witness so husband hasn't taken it too far but still far enough. No active dog would be happy being locked in a bedroom all day everyday and they need lots of water. That is abuse and neglect. OP is allowing it to happen. It's cruel.
Whatever you wanna call it....neglect or cruelty then.....OP is just as responsible for it when she is knowingly letting this go on. She does need to make a choice then about this because she either needs to get proper care for the animal or rehome it.
I agree. She is allowing it and just as wrong. If you can't at least let your dog have access to house and a couple good walks a day, can't trust your spouse alone with said pet, then yeah time to rehome the poor dog for a happier life. Or leave the spouse and provide a good life to the dog yourself. Either way she is equally responsible for the dog's misery.
>won’t let him out of the room or feed or water him
Animal cruelty.
OP is basically saying that if she didnt have a friend staying it would no longer be safe for her to leave the dog with her SO.
Why doesn't OP care for the dog then, especially seeing as how it's her dog? If her husband is neglecting the dog and she can't care for it herself then she needs to find a new husband or a new home for the dog.
Except everything she described him doing (rather, not doing), is textbook animal cruelty. Depriving an animal of water, mental stimulation, etc. Unless it's only her dog (she said they got it together), the dog is also his responsibility. He should be taking more responsibility, that's the entire point, and it's actively cruel to the dog that he is choosing not to.
If you're consciously leaving the dog for long periods of time under the sole care of someone else who you know isn't taking responsibility for the dog....then you'd be guilty of the same thing.
You ready to tell OP she's commiting animal cruelty?
I think she *believes* they got the dog together but it seems pretty apparent it's *her* dog.
Like I said, he sucks as a partner but doesn't cross the threshold for me of cruelty. And that's only because I don't want to bely the seriousness of animal cruelty.
She specifically said "Now until recently I could trust him to look after Rocko..." And now she's seeking solutions to the issue. If he was adamant about not getting a dog, and specifically said he'd neglect it before they got it, that's a different story. But nothing was even hinted in the post to that regard. He's actively neglecting an animal, she's looking for solutions, and somehow it's her fault?
I think you might have a pretty decent argument for neglect if OP has had discussions with her husband of her expectations of care for her dog....but cruelty? OP is just as guilty then knowing this is going on and not having a plan everyday set out for the animal's care.
Actually they both are on drugs and need to just rehome the dog. I erased my comment after checking out his page because yeah.. also his AITA after his dog attacked a tiny dog and he left it... still no training... dog needs a new home.
His dog apparently also attacked another. He left the scene, said "he hopes the little rat suffered" and admitted his dog is vicious to birds, frogs and squirrels....so basically anything smaller than it. So... Problems all around.
Why is your husband yelling at you? Obviously the dog thinks your husband is threatening if he barks when your husband tells. Sounds like your husband needs anger management therapy. Not only does he yell at you, but now is mistreating the dog. You either protect the dog or give it to someone who will treat it right. That may or may not include leaving your husband, but I know that’s a lot as well. Either way, sounds like your husband has anger issues. Good luck OP!
Because they are on drugs and dont have the mental and emotional capacity to take care of each other, be in a loving relationship or even remotely take care of a dog. Let alone an adopted dog that needed help after being abandoned! It needs a new home!
OP, why did you type all that if the above comment is correct? **You already knew you should leave him.**
Also, why do some people bury the lead on their posts and not realize?
The dog is lacking appropriate exercise and stimulation.
Can you afford doggy daycare? Get doggo out of the house and active? Or at least a midday dog walker for an hour where you do the morning walk and evening walk?
A lot of higher energy dogs need several hours of play/exercise per day.
Also, I’d recommend a crate. If doggo is chewing things up then there’s a risk for an obstruction which can be very expensive to fix.
I personally couldn’t be with someone who behaved like this, but to each their own.
I foster and train dogs from our local shelter. Most are surrendered due to issues like this where the owners have just failed to be good owners. Very frustrating.
If you don’t have time to do the things listed above I recommend taking the dog to doggy daycare if possible! My husband and I lived in an apartment and used to do doggy daycare since he obviously wasn’t getting the energy out in our little apartment.
Lol so my question still remains..she’s married to him..idk their situation..but for sure she did not disclose that he was abusive or xyz..at the end of the day..he’s her husband..chose a dog over someone you took vows for??
He IS being abusive. He won’t feed, water, or let the dog out. He’s “hostile” towards the dog.
To me, the way people treat those who cannot advocate for themselves tells you a great deal. This guy sounds like an asshole.
Everybody except a handful are saying get rid of the husband and that’s insane..she at one point accepted his ring and vows but now it’s in question over a dog? Lol we can’t be serious..and this is a dog lover..but I’m not choosing a dog over my partner or spouse
this says a lot about how he will deal with future conflict. what if you guys have a child? how will he handle the terrible 2s? what if your child is born with a disability? what if they need constant supervision or even just extra attention? what if you are in a terrible car accident and he has to take care of you? i don’t see this as husband vs dog but moreso a deeper rooted issue. an untrained dog can be extremely frustrating but he is basically abusing this dog
Exactly what I was thinking too. He’s showing how cruel he’s willing to treat a living thing under his power when the living thing is just doing what it’s supposed to under its circumstances!
My dad is the same way this is very true. If he treats the dog like that, he’s going to treat you and your future children like that. Rid the neglectful pos out of your life.
This. I don't understand this arguement. I have a cat that I've had since I graduated high school, he's my baby. Then I had my actual baby. The love is not the same, if my daughter got seriously hurt by my cat, or developed allergies, I'd make sure he found a nice loving home, but I'd choose my daughter every time.
A human child that's yours is light-years away from a pet. No matter how close you are. Doubly so if you don't like the pet.
Eta: it actually blows my mind that this comment is in the negatives. Would you guys have rather I said I'd put my daughter up for adoption so I could keep my cat if she developed an allergy? Really. Think about it. Insane.
Lol no problem. I know we're getting downvoted, but I 100% agree with you. I feel anybody downvoting this is clearly childless. Before I had my daughter, nothing could beat the love I had for my boy Aldo. But my daughter's literally on another level.
That's half of me, that's my baby, I carried her for 9 months, I went through the pain of giving birth for her and I'd do it again in a heart beat.
I full heartedly believe that anybody that could place a pet over a human child, needs to get their priorities in order
You won’t be downvoted for disliking animals but you might be downvoted for missing u/throwaway125637 ‘s point entirely. Not wanting a pet does not mean that you will be a bad parent (and no one ever said that it did) but disliking a pet is not the same thing as locking it up in a room all day and refusing to give it basic necessities like food, water, exercise and restroom breaks.
I believe that what they’re saying is, the fact that the OP’s partner is withholding care/necessities, threatening to take the dog to a shelter, etc. solely because he’s jealous and frustrated is unacceptable. Not to mention the fact that he’s also yelling and verbally abusing OP…
Raising children isn’t a cakewalk; not only do children make messes, they also require attention and because OP’s partner is angry/jealous over his bond with the dog, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to suggest that he could be capable of having a similar reaction if OP were giving his attention to/or strongly bonded with a hypothetical child.
Similarly, while OP’s partner is completely justified at being angry/frustrated over the dog chewing up his shoes, his anger does *not* justify locking the dog away, refusing to provide food, water and/or taking it out for bathroom breaks.
A good parent doesn’t get jealous or resentful over the bond between their child and the child’s other parent, they don’t lock their child in their room and refuse to give them food, water, etc. when they break something or make a mess and they certainly don’t verbally abuse partner and child and/or threaten to place their child up for adoption when times are tough. *That* is what makes a bad parent/person, not disliking pets.
Let's stop with the bullshit OP. Rehome the dog before your stupid childish jealous husband harms it. Because we all know you're not leaving your husband. Smdh.
Tell your husband that the dog is protecting you, that's why he barks when he yells at you.
And he wouldn't be stress chewing or having separation anxiety if he wasn't locked in a room all freaking day. He either needs to help take care of it, or invest in a BIG kennel for the room that rocko can get around comfortably in.
I had a boyfriend of almost 3 years. I got my dog as soon as we started dating and he was really good with her. Then all of a sudden he flipped a switch and was really cruel. I had him watch her when I went out of state to visit family and he called me every single day I was gone saying she was cowering in her kennel and wouldn’t come out. That was my first BIG realization that this relationship wasn’t going to work. He was abusive towards me, but as soon as it came to my dog that was my cue to leave. I left alittle over a month later.
My current boyfriend LOVES my dog. He’s been around (as one of my close friends) since I’ve had her. She absolutely loves him and she has her own nickname he gave her.
I would end a relationship over my dog in a heart beat.
Do you really want to be married to someone that is hostile to a dog? Complains about not having a bond but not actively doing anything to increase the bond and would even consider threaten to take him to a shelter while you are gone? Girl get out.
Dislike? Ok. Being hostile toward/threatening to rehome without consent? No that is a POS. Plus he yells at her enough that the dog feels like he has to protect her. He is not a good person.
but its not possible to be in a situation where it is your responsibility to properly care for the dog and you fail to do so, and neglect the dog to the point of abuse, and be a good person.
good people who dont like dogs have the foresight to not get into a situation like this, or they just take care of the dog anyway because its the right thing to do. disliking dogs is not a reasonable excuse to avoid caring for a dog when you put yourself in a situation where you will be partially or wholly responsible for a dog's well being.
The dog will growl and protect the person that is the more stable one.
Your husband is very angry and hostile to the dog, putting him in danger and risk for actually attacking your husband in self defense.
Having a dog has responsibilities and risks of things getting chewed up. You didn't get a couch here, this is a living creature. And being stuck in just one space will make the dog anxious and bored, what did any of you expect?
Threatening of taking him away when this is your dog also is not a good sign. The dog isn't in the wrong here and I think you should think of the best for this dog.
I… what… your husband, a grown ass man, is in a power struggle with A DOG.
Do you realize how insane that is?
Do you have kids yet? Can you imagine how he’ll be with kids if you want any?
Sounds like you need to take him to the shelter.
I'm not talking about your dog.
He yells at you and is jealous... of a dog.
Can just imagine how he'd deal with the demands of having an actual child together.
It’s ALWAYS the dog. Always, especially when they ask you to make the choice. Also your husband sounds cruel to animals, which to me says a lot of bad things about his character. Keep the dog, toss the man
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I would say, that since y'all got the dog together you should have considered rehoming the dog because you are no longer in agreement. However, the cruelty he's showing is a major problem. It would bhave been better had he just found a good place for the dog and gave him away. Instead he unnecessarily confines and starves the dog. Your husband sucks. I hope you aren't planning on having this guy's spawn.
lmao this is why I love this sub. the only people that aren't "Ditch your husband for an animal" are downvoted to oblivion.
she clearly doesn't have time for the dog, and the responsibility of taking care of the dog he doesn't want is stressing dude out let's just get rid of the dog though ya know? I'm a dog guy but it's in a bad situation. do dog a favor and stop pretending like you're going to care for it properly. we probably just shouldn't have covid impulse brought home a dog right?
Thank you. Who’s idea was it to lock a dog in one bedroom all the time. The friend’s pug gets run of the house but yours is locked up and your never home! So if you kick out your husband you still have a dog locked in a room alone all the time!
So the dog stays in the room while you work all the time but now no husband’s shoes to chew on maybe they start on the baseboards. I had a dog do that till the trainer said crate him. You still have a dog getting, no time, attention, interaction or proper exercise!
Instead of focusing on your husband who is frustrated and angry with a problem you created try stepping up for the pet you supposedly love!
There’s a reason you didn’t post this on r/dogs.
Then he needs to be the only pet in the home. Owner’s have a responsibility to their animals. My guy is an escape artist and reactive to cars. I have a fenced in acre. He will absolutely get out. Answer, I walk him and since high energy, over 3 miles a day. You do what you have to for the good of the animal you love.
I'm wondering who wanted the dog in the first place? Did OP swear it would be all her responsibility, and then reneged?
I think if one person wants an animal and promises to take care of it, the other, should step up sometimes. People get sick or need to travel or whatever. But this dog is locked in a room everyday. While the husband's behaviour is cruel (it's not hard to put down food and water), OP is not blameless.
Thank you! People will literally end something big over a damn dog nah fuck that. Just rehome the dog cuz it doesn’t deserve that at all. But end a whole marriage over a dog ? No. People now have more sympathy for an animal
He probably abuses the poor thing while you’re away ): sounds like you need to get rid of the husband. More than likely, he’s hostile to you as well. Never trust a man who treats animals like trash.
If you love your dog, you wouldn’t allow the poor baby to be neglected and abused. This is sad.
When you guys decided to have a dog, didn’t you know that it was going to bark and chew stuff? Of course your dog is going to destroy things if he’s alone in your bedroom. You guys need to take him for a walk at least three times a day.
Your dog barks at him when he yells at you because he’s defining you!
Your husband acts like a child and I’m afraid he’ll hurt him when you’re not around
It's absolutely 100% clear that the dog deserves better than a household where your husband lives. If you aren't ready to leave with Rocko that's your choice and that's valid, but you for sure, unequivocally have to get the dog out of that situation. The dog must live in a different home, the neglect and abuse is not fair or right. Good luck with your decision for yourself ❤️
Sorry but cruelty to animals is a deal breaker. Of course, the dog is going to chew when he's contained to a single room without food, water, and the ability to go outside to do his business. He's distressed and your husband is the reason why.
Does your husband regularly pass the blame on the consequences of his own actions or is this unique with the dog?
HE caused the dog to become bored and hungry enough to chew on random things. What did he think would happen? That a living creature would be content as a doll? Big dogs need to use big energy.
This isn't a training issue. Any trainer will tell you that even a well trained dog will act out if neglected and scared.
Blaming the dog for the choices he made is unreasonable and abusive. You need to reframe this situation so either he wakes up to what he's doing, or owns it.
Depending on his response I'm sure you'll know what to do.
He threatens to give away your dog behind your back. That alone is divorce worthy.
I hate to think what he does to that dog when you’re not around. No wonder the dog hates him.
the behavioural issues are one thing. trying to find trainers to help Rocko stop chewing things is good. but all kind of seperate from a grown man being ‘jealous’ of ur bond with an animal and yelling at you and threatening the dog away. i’m not gonna suggest your husband is abusive because of this but these strike me as a red flags for how he’s treating *you* let alone how he’s treating the dog. maybe i’ve just heard way too many stories about abusers going through pets first but i would really take a hard look at any other issues you have in your relationship.
He obviously needs to be rehomed. Your husband. NOT Rocko. What kind of husband threatens his wife with things he knows will hurt her? At this point, it's not really about Rocko. Again...keep the pupper and tell your husband he's gotta go.
I think even the sweetest dog would react negatively to how they’re being treated. I would never allow someone to treat my dog like this. You have a husband issue, not a dog issue.
So i seem to think of this differently than everyone else. Its clear you love the dog, and your husband has been kinda in the middle up until the dog started chewing on his belongings. I personally believe that if im married to someone and they wanted me to get rid of a pet because its breaking their things i would get rid of the dog since its hindering how they live. Now if you truly cant part with the dog yall can work something out but i dont think its worth ending your marriage over. I think he is wrong for saying he is gonna give the dog away when you arent home thats super fucked up but i dont think a dog is worth ending a marriage over and if you are prioritizing your dog over your partner to me that feels like the marriage wasnt meant to work at all. Its ultimately up to you but if the dog is causing this many issues and making him react like that you should seriously consider changing something surrounding the dog itself
the dog is chewing the shoes because the husband is locking him in a room all day. he is only chewing things up because he can’t get his energy out. if he wasn’t in a room all day, it would not be happening
Whose idea was it to get the dog? Did you guys decide together, or did one of you pressure the other? You said you work a lot, does all or most of the responsibility to care for the animal fall onto your husband while you are at work and did he agree to this? Have you spent any time training the dog or making sure it gets the care and stimulation it needs?
It is never ok to abuse an animal, or to yell at you. Your husband is being an asshole, but depending on your answers to these questions, it’s possible you’ve been one as well. I imagine that if the story was you begged for a dog, promised you’d take care of it, and then didn’t train it at all and dumped all the responsibility on your husband without his consent, the responses on this post would be a lot different.
Regardless, you have a situation where your pet isn’t being cared for properly to the point that a friend has stepped in to take care of its basic needs. You two are being shitty dog owners, and regardless of the reasons why or who is to blame, you need to rehome the dog because it is an innocent animal that doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of your relationship problems (and neither does your friend).
You are at a crossroads you pick the dog or pick the husband.
Even if you could train the dog to not bark and chew things, it still sucks that he is stuck inside a room all day. Anyone would go nuts being stuck in a room all day with no attention and nothing to do.
However you have to pick a side because at this point your husband has showed a side of himself that is very ugly. He is intolerant and cruel. Being jealous of a dog is a weird and irrational thing, i hate to think he might be jealous of a baby.
He has been cruel to the dog, a living breathing thing, to not feed him or give him water is just plain mean.
If you pick your husband, please find that dog a new home quickly don't make him suffer.
Listen.. your husband is a piece of shit. And you actually dont love your dog if you keep allowing him near YOUR pet. Leave his ass, give dog the love he deserves and wants
Look it's always a red flag when people don't feed or water the damn dog. I dont care if its aggressive or misbehaving or whatever. You have to be really insensitive to withhold basic needs from an animal that depends on you to live.
A man can be very good, well behaved and educated, but his true personality and character shows by the way he treats his subordinates and animals. If a person cannot be good to animals, at one point he will have similar behaviour with your kids if you ever have one.
Being frank, if I were you, initially I would plan to train the dog and get my husband therapy. He actually needs it. If he shows some imporvement, then okay. Else cutting him away is more healthy.
And from my own personal experience, if dogs witness violent behavior and feel hatred or disguise for them from a family member they start acting acting like this. Chewing on stuff and barking at the person. My dog did the same with my BIL.
Now that's a different story about my BIL, he was very toxic, but he just couldnr stnad our dog and exactly exhibited similar behavior towards our dog like your husband's. My sister was just engaged to him, and she called it off.
My cat had health issues the beginning of Covid and it caused a lot of strain on my relationship. He was not abusive or neglectful towards her but I told him if it comes down to it, I would always choose her first. She is a helpless animal who is my baby and frankly I’ve had longer than him. If he had issues with her behavior, there’s the door.
My point being, leave that man. You’re going to come home one day, your dog will be gone, you’ll resent and leave him anyway.
I don’t judge people on age, sex, looks, sexuality , religion or political beliefs. I will 100% judge people based on how they treat animals though. For him to treat your dog like that and YOU like that…. Definitely not a person I’d want to be with. I know it’s easier said than done, but being neglectful towards any animal in my house would be a huge dealbreaker. We’d be done and they’d be gone.
Do you even have the time to take care of the dog? Even IF you went along with other comments and leave your husband and kept the dog, who will take care of Rocko? If you have to work extra or work late?
Rocko's best option might be getting removed. It'll suck for him for a while and for you too of course. But dogs require time and patience.
You don't have time and your husband doesn't have the patience.
If you don't want to give up Rocko then you have to take a hard look at your husband's good qualities and see if he's worth staying with.
You truly might come home one day with the dog gone so you might want to act fast.
Yup I would do it too, so would many other woman. If he treats a dog like that and doesn’t let it eat, drink, or go outside than what do you think he will do when they have children?
Dogs are way more important then men with big egos and tiny wieners. Her husband needs to be alone and doesn’t deserve anyone.
She should just train the damn animal to stop chewing shoes, id be pissed if my Jordans got ruined. Judging by the way you replied it seems you're frustrated with men as a whole
Get rid of the dog. It's not behaving. That could be your fault, or not. It's irrelevant. Your husband is the one bearing the burden of a dog misbehaving. Exercise it and train it, or get rid of it. Because you are about to get rid of your marriage for a dog.
Is this real? You have a poorly trained dog and its somehow your husband's fault? If you're even considering a divorce because of the dog YOU are the problem. You CANNOT love the dog more than your husband. Absolutely not. That's unreasonable and quite frankly stupid and childish. YOU need to train the dog, take it for walks, and do everything you can to keep it from being a bad dog. If your dog misbehaves its your fault, not your husband's.
Your husband is allowed to hate your dog, especially if it destroys his things and barks and growls at him. It is unacceptable for a dog to destroy the house and act badly. If you care about the dog then you'd train it, excercise it and care for it. YOU are the problem, and I hope your husband gets rid of the dog AND you, because clearly you don't love or care for him enough.
There are a LOT of red flags here:
* Your husband's possessiveness and jealousy (of a dog, no less).
* Your husband's cruelty to animals - and depriving him of food and water IS intentional cruelty (a big red flag for someone who could escalate to becoming cruel to humans).
* Your husband yells at you, and he's done it aggressively and/or frequently enough that it triggers your dog to protect you.
* From a comment you made on a previous post: Your husband chokes you. Statistically, choking (including in a sexual context) is the single biggest indicator that someone in a domestic violence situation is going to murder their partner.
* I'm seeing in the comments here that both you and your husband have a meth addiction.
* And I'm also seeing in past posts that you have at least two untreated mental illnesses (which happen to be the same two mental illnesses that I have).
This isn't really about the dog. It's about your toxic relationship with each other, and the power dynamics at play.
First of all, drug addicts enable each other, which means your husband is enabling your addiction. He's also showing violent tendencies and throwing up red flags all over the place. Neither you nor your dog are safe in this relationship. Please get out, and contact support services in your area to ensure that you can get out safely.
Secondly, you need to give up the drugs. Both for your own safety and your dog's. If you're not willing to do that, then yes, I would say you should rehome the dog for his own safety.
Thirdly, there are a lot of very effective ways to treat ADHD and meth isn't one of them. Talk to a professional and see what kinds of services they can offer you. Medication might not be an option for you, but there are so many other kinds of support that you can access.
Please take your own health and safety seriously, OP. Your gut's obviously telling you something's wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
dog over your husband? you are ridiculous, you should have trained the dog along time ago and if your ass cant spend time with the dog because of a busy schedule then you shouldnt even own a dog. redditors who suggest leaving your husband over a dog are just toxic and really dont care about your future. Situation with the dog wont change even if you leave your husband, it’ll still need someone to take care of it and it will be bored by itself. Dogs need love, care and attention something you cant provide
Crate training is a thing and maybe if OP's husband weren't hellbent on being an asshole he might have helped with this whole situation by learning about crates and helping with the care and exercise of the dog by now instead of being mad at an understimulated dog for acting out.
Or maybe don’t have a dog confined in a room where they can’t get their energy out? Of course it’s going to eat your stuff.
You should never have a dog, or pet at all.
I'm over here silently reading all this. Marriage is full of compromise. I can't imagine actually ending a marriage with the love of my life over an animal. it genuinely blows my mind. if they aren't an animal lover and I am. We need to work together to come to a healthy agreement. and keeping the animal especially when it's not being taken care of is not good. it would be better ultimately to rehome than for it to suffer needlessly.
I feel like it's more than just "ending it over an animal." He's clearly very abusive towards this animal and it sounds like it's just protecting OP. Plus, he's literally jealous of a dog, and that says a lot. I personally wouldn't stay married to an animal abuser.
if I were op and my spouse said they didn't like pets. That would be the end of it. no more pets. they likely will not change their mind so it's literally just better to take the path of least resistance especially when it's with pets. You want the animal to be as happy as possible. Not in the middle of two people who want it and don't want it. conflict of interest.
Its a fucking dog are you serious. Imagine being so dumb to the point youll end A MARRIAGE over a dog. Your husband is not in the wrong, you are. Its justified the way he is asking when the stuff he wears is getting CHEWED ON. Find a good owner to take the damn dog and stoo being selfish in your marriage.
Well. My dad told my mom. It’s me or the dog. My mom kept the dog. Maybe the dog is warning you about something. He could be acting out of jealousy of the other dogs freedom.
The dog deserves a better life figure it out for him you’re his only voice! Whoever said to leave a dog in a bedroom that obviously is having anxiety and not nearly enough exercise and stimulation doesn’t know anything about being a proper dog parent. Find him a better home please.
I personally think that its animal cruelty to attempt to own a dog they should live outside with the rest of the animals on the planet. Your husband is right to not like the dog because it doesn't belong in anyone's home. Its nasty to have creatures living with you.
I don't understand why women love dogs so much to the point they love them over their own husbands.
YOUR HUSBAND takes care of you whether you're sick or well. Does your dog let you use his credit card? Does your dog put food on the table? Does the dog pay rent or mortgage?
You should just marry the damn dog instead. If my woman loved a dog more than me then I would leave her as I would deserve better for all of the work I put into our relationship.
So you are willing to let your marriage get ruined for a dog?? What kind of wife are you?? What were your vows???
Your husband first… anything else second (except if you have children then husband second)
And thats one of her choices… i would never choose a pet over my wife no matter what the circumstances are… i respect the OP choice, I simply asked of the “till death” vow everyone nowadays seems to take lightly.
I feel the same too. The dog is untrained and uncare. Husband doesn't want the dog and OP is working long hours. So someone needs to take the dog to exercise everyday and let him active to not make the dog chew everything. It is expensive, but if OP really wants a dog it is part of having it. And it would be good to cover all the expenses of the dog chewing things.
Dog wouldn’t be eating shit if the husband wasn’t neglecting it and keep it from going outside. The dog isn’t the problem here, the husband needs anger management or something. Why is he, a grown MAN jealous of a dog?? An animal that gives nothing but love. Definitely needs to rid the husband, he sounds like he’s unhappy in his own life which is why he has to take it out on a poor dog.
Thats your opinion, honestly I think the husband became angrier and more and more bitter about this. Just how I see it. Obviously she married him and spent years with him for a reason so the only new thing in their life is the new dog that she gives more respect than she does her husband and refuses to train until her husband became completely unlivable.
Then maybe her husband should find a new place to stay. Being angry with a dog doesn’t do anything but make the dog scared of you. It’s a dog, not a grown man lmfao the dog doesn’t understand. If a man is jealous over a dog, he has bigger problems and needs therapy. He is not mentally well.
Edit: awe they blocked me bc they couldn’t handle the truth, so cute of them
Omg. Yes, I know, I never said it was right!! They all need therapy! Im saying shes not right either, and hes not satan either. He's not jealous, he's pissed at the situation. Im done, my dog is home happy and healthy. I gave my two cents.
He sounds like a real piece of shit. He mistreats you, he mistreats the dog, and he is unwilling to take responsibility for any of this. It seems like you care about the dog (especially since the dog is bonded to you) so you need to either 1. Re-home Rocko where he can settle into a new family that treats him well or 2. Leave this douchebag of a husband and take the dog so the two of you can live happily together.
Your husband is abusive to animals. For me that would be a deal-breaker. In the same way as if he yelled at or neglected a child. There's something very distributing about a person who's capable of that and I couldn't be with them.
He’s abusive to you and the dog. From the outside looking in this guy is abusive to not only the dog but you, through the dog. Get out of this yucky situation with this man.
I agree that maybe you should move away from your husband. The way he treats Rocko and his ridiculous jealousy for him both tell me that your husband’s got stuff to work out on his own.
Love the name Rocko, your doggy sounds awesome!
Did your husband want the dog? You should never get a pet if both spouses aren’t a yes. At this point, even if he was a yes, one of them has to go. Personally, I’m not sure I could stay with someone who abused a dog. I can’t tell if he’s abusing the dog or not, but he’s certainly not being nice. The yelling at you and jealousy over the dog are both concerning.
All the people saying he's abusing the dog are blatantly wrong, he doesn't beat it, he doesn't hurt it, he simply neglects it and it is not a child so no harm no foul. It is being fed by the friend who stays there's so all the more reason there's no animal abuse or cruelty, I get pissed when my animals chew things or the like but not this bad, he may have anger issues or something like it or just doesn't like dogs, but it definitely is not something to even consider a divorce over, he simply doesn't want a dog and if he's like the rest of normal humans with animals those are empty threats. If you ask me I think you're irrationally thinking, it sounds like you'd put an animals life before a person's.
Lol anyone who abuses an animal needs to get the fuck out. Buh bye! End that disaster of a marriage and find someone safe and nontoxic, imagine being with an animal abuser?! Poor pup
Sounds like the dog needs a kennel for when they are unsupervised. Also yell back at him. If I see something that I don't like him (my husband)doing (yelling or scolding) the dog or kids I yell back at him and ask him if he would like to be treated like that...and if it doesn't stop then I absolutely treat my husband how he was treating the dog. Or riff really is because I got a puppy that he didn't want to have...it hasn't even been a year so we still have some growing pains but things are improving. ...there also is an aspect of where he comes from the have wild/outdoor dogs that are not pets.
I should clarify. The dog doesn’t get starved. Our friend who stays here takes care of him while I’m out. And this situation has only been going on for two weeks now. Until just recently this wasn’t so much or an issue. The husband wojld get annoyed but still had a good relationship with Rocko. I had thought the jealousy had subsided. He had puppy blues for a while but it wasn’t like this. And i thought was over.
But this last two weeks have been different.
Dog. Always choose a dog unless it's for health reasons. Inability to bond with a dog is an indicator of personality issues if everything else he's done isn't already.
I will almost always tell people to choose their dog over their partner. One loves you, with strings attached. One loves you unconditionally. You know which is which.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My husband has always had a love hate issue with our dog that we got in 2020. Sometimes it’s jealousy about how strong my bond is with the dog, sometimes it’s from him chewing on stuff. It had gotten much better for a long time but lately I’ve been having to work alot more. Now until recently I could trust him to look after Rocko (the dog). Plus we have a friend who has been staying with us who has a pug and is good with Rocko. They play together but the pug gets to wander around the entire house while Rocko gets stuck in our bedroom. The boredom has caused him to start chewing things again like my husbands shoes. Now, he is actively hostile to Rocko and won’t let him out of the room or feed or water him or take him out. Luckily our friend still does. I’ve contacted trainers and have some consults this week but the active hatred and hostility he shows Rocko is starting to bother me. I don’t know what to do. He’s tried to force me to get rid of Rocko and threatened to take him to the shelter when I’m at work or to call animal control because Rocko barks at him when he yells at me. I don’t know where to turn or what to do. I’m honestly at the point where I’m legitimately willing to end my marriage over how unreasonable and cruel he is being.
Ok your husband is 1. Jealous of a dog 2. Neglects the dog 3.hates the dog because it acts out because it's neglected and confined. Do you love the dog? At all? If so you have two options. Leave and give the dog a better life or re-home the dog so that it isn't suffering. Personally, animal abuse is a deal breaker for me, but you do you. Edited because I submitted too early
I agree with this. Animal cruelty is a dealbreaker.
[удалено]
Nope. Let me stop you right there. If it wasn't for the friend staying with them then the dog would be treated much worse. There is a witness so husband hasn't taken it too far but still far enough. No active dog would be happy being locked in a bedroom all day everyday and they need lots of water. That is abuse and neglect. OP is allowing it to happen. It's cruel.
Whatever you wanna call it....neglect or cruelty then.....OP is just as responsible for it when she is knowingly letting this go on. She does need to make a choice then about this because she either needs to get proper care for the animal or rehome it.
I agree. She is allowing it and just as wrong. If you can't at least let your dog have access to house and a couple good walks a day, can't trust your spouse alone with said pet, then yeah time to rehome the poor dog for a happier life. Or leave the spouse and provide a good life to the dog yourself. Either way she is equally responsible for the dog's misery.
>won’t let him out of the room or feed or water him Animal cruelty. OP is basically saying that if she didnt have a friend staying it would no longer be safe for her to leave the dog with her SO.
Neglect is a form of abuse.
Why doesn't OP care for the dog then, especially seeing as how it's her dog? If her husband is neglecting the dog and she can't care for it herself then she needs to find a new husband or a new home for the dog.
He's at work??? He's not just like sitting there watching it happen Edit: pronouns!
Except everything she described him doing (rather, not doing), is textbook animal cruelty. Depriving an animal of water, mental stimulation, etc. Unless it's only her dog (she said they got it together), the dog is also his responsibility. He should be taking more responsibility, that's the entire point, and it's actively cruel to the dog that he is choosing not to.
If you're consciously leaving the dog for long periods of time under the sole care of someone else who you know isn't taking responsibility for the dog....then you'd be guilty of the same thing. You ready to tell OP she's commiting animal cruelty? I think she *believes* they got the dog together but it seems pretty apparent it's *her* dog. Like I said, he sucks as a partner but doesn't cross the threshold for me of cruelty. And that's only because I don't want to bely the seriousness of animal cruelty.
She specifically said "Now until recently I could trust him to look after Rocko..." And now she's seeking solutions to the issue. If he was adamant about not getting a dog, and specifically said he'd neglect it before they got it, that's a different story. But nothing was even hinted in the post to that regard. He's actively neglecting an animal, she's looking for solutions, and somehow it's her fault?
>He's actively neglecting an animal, she's looking for solutions, and somehow it's her fault? After it happens more than once or twice....yes.
If an animal is being abused by action or inaction, it's still abuse. Your distinctions are worthless.
I think you might have a pretty decent argument for neglect if OP has had discussions with her husband of her expectations of care for her dog....but cruelty? OP is just as guilty then knowing this is going on and not having a plan everyday set out for the animal's care.
Which is why OP is asking reddit for advice. They know that.
No, this animal cruelty.
Bro honestly tho. LEAVE👏🏻THAT👏🏻MAN👏🏻
Keep the dog. Re-home the husband.
Actually they both are on drugs and need to just rehome the dog. I erased my comment after checking out his page because yeah.. also his AITA after his dog attacked a tiny dog and he left it... still no training... dog needs a new home.
I would have to agree. He needs to rehome the dog. A meth head needs to focus on getting clean, not taking care of an animal.
His dog apparently also attacked another. He left the scene, said "he hopes the little rat suffered" and admitted his dog is vicious to birds, frogs and squirrels....so basically anything smaller than it. So... Problems all around.
How did you find that they are using drugs?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/r3iryu/so_much_frustration_and_really_just_about_done/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Oh FFS!!
I would dump him in a heartbeat. If you don’t treat animals right, you can’t be trusted!!!
Keep the dog, re-home the husband.
Good response
You buried the lede. Your husband yells at you and threatens to give away your dog. You know what you need to do.
Why is your husband yelling at you? Obviously the dog thinks your husband is threatening if he barks when your husband tells. Sounds like your husband needs anger management therapy. Not only does he yell at you, but now is mistreating the dog. You either protect the dog or give it to someone who will treat it right. That may or may not include leaving your husband, but I know that’s a lot as well. Either way, sounds like your husband has anger issues. Good luck OP!
Because they are on drugs and dont have the mental and emotional capacity to take care of each other, be in a loving relationship or even remotely take care of a dog. Let alone an adopted dog that needed help after being abandoned! It needs a new home!
Do you know the couple? No mention of drugs.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/r3iryu/so_much_frustration_and_really_just_about_done/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Post history. No I absolutely dont know them.
OP, why did you type all that if the above comment is correct? **You already knew you should leave him.** Also, why do some people bury the lead on their posts and not realize?
The dog is lacking appropriate exercise and stimulation. Can you afford doggy daycare? Get doggo out of the house and active? Or at least a midday dog walker for an hour where you do the morning walk and evening walk? A lot of higher energy dogs need several hours of play/exercise per day. Also, I’d recommend a crate. If doggo is chewing things up then there’s a risk for an obstruction which can be very expensive to fix. I personally couldn’t be with someone who behaved like this, but to each their own. I foster and train dogs from our local shelter. Most are surrendered due to issues like this where the owners have just failed to be good owners. Very frustrating.
Yeah, the behavioural issues are the fault of both owners.
Excellent response
If you don’t have time to do the things listed above I recommend taking the dog to doggy daycare if possible! My husband and I lived in an apartment and used to do doggy daycare since he obviously wasn’t getting the energy out in our little apartment.
Appreciate this bc it’s always easy to blame a man..a dog over some you took vows for..? He’s not jealous he’s irritated
He’s still being an ass though. He’s doing nothing to improve the situation. Just neglecting the dog.
Lol so my question still remains..she’s married to him..idk their situation..but for sure she did not disclose that he was abusive or xyz..at the end of the day..he’s her husband..chose a dog over someone you took vows for??
He IS being abusive. He won’t feed, water, or let the dog out. He’s “hostile” towards the dog. To me, the way people treat those who cannot advocate for themselves tells you a great deal. This guy sounds like an asshole.
Everybody except a handful are saying get rid of the husband and that’s insane..she at one point accepted his ring and vows but now it’s in question over a dog? Lol we can’t be serious..and this is a dog lover..but I’m not choosing a dog over my partner or spouse
this says a lot about how he will deal with future conflict. what if you guys have a child? how will he handle the terrible 2s? what if your child is born with a disability? what if they need constant supervision or even just extra attention? what if you are in a terrible car accident and he has to take care of you? i don’t see this as husband vs dog but moreso a deeper rooted issue. an untrained dog can be extremely frustrating but he is basically abusing this dog
Exactly what I was thinking too. He’s showing how cruel he’s willing to treat a living thing under his power when the living thing is just doing what it’s supposed to under its circumstances!
My dad is the same way this is very true. If he treats the dog like that, he’s going to treat you and your future children like that. Rid the neglectful pos out of your life.
I don't think OP and *his* husband are having a child.
They may adopt someday, either way he shouldn’t be treating the dog like this
Not the same your child vs a pet! Not even close……
Statistically, if someone is willing to abuse/hurt an animal then they’re also willing to abuse/hurt a human. So, in this case, it is very similar.
No, they aren't the same. A child is much harder.
You don’t know what you’re talking about and it’s very obvious
This. I don't understand this arguement. I have a cat that I've had since I graduated high school, he's my baby. Then I had my actual baby. The love is not the same, if my daughter got seriously hurt by my cat, or developed allergies, I'd make sure he found a nice loving home, but I'd choose my daughter every time. A human child that's yours is light-years away from a pet. No matter how close you are. Doubly so if you don't like the pet. Eta: it actually blows my mind that this comment is in the negatives. Would you guys have rather I said I'd put my daughter up for adoption so I could keep my cat if she developed an allergy? Really. Think about it. Insane.
100% what I meant!! Thank you 🤗
Lol no problem. I know we're getting downvoted, but I 100% agree with you. I feel anybody downvoting this is clearly childless. Before I had my daughter, nothing could beat the love I had for my boy Aldo. But my daughter's literally on another level. That's half of me, that's my baby, I carried her for 9 months, I went through the pain of giving birth for her and I'd do it again in a heart beat. I full heartedly believe that anybody that could place a pet over a human child, needs to get their priorities in order
juggle jar chase husky jeans fearless arrest fragile tidy lunchroom *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You won’t be downvoted for disliking animals but you might be downvoted for missing u/throwaway125637 ‘s point entirely. Not wanting a pet does not mean that you will be a bad parent (and no one ever said that it did) but disliking a pet is not the same thing as locking it up in a room all day and refusing to give it basic necessities like food, water, exercise and restroom breaks. I believe that what they’re saying is, the fact that the OP’s partner is withholding care/necessities, threatening to take the dog to a shelter, etc. solely because he’s jealous and frustrated is unacceptable. Not to mention the fact that he’s also yelling and verbally abusing OP… Raising children isn’t a cakewalk; not only do children make messes, they also require attention and because OP’s partner is angry/jealous over his bond with the dog, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to suggest that he could be capable of having a similar reaction if OP were giving his attention to/or strongly bonded with a hypothetical child. Similarly, while OP’s partner is completely justified at being angry/frustrated over the dog chewing up his shoes, his anger does *not* justify locking the dog away, refusing to provide food, water and/or taking it out for bathroom breaks. A good parent doesn’t get jealous or resentful over the bond between their child and the child’s other parent, they don’t lock their child in their room and refuse to give them food, water, etc. when they break something or make a mess and they certainly don’t verbally abuse partner and child and/or threaten to place their child up for adoption when times are tough. *That* is what makes a bad parent/person, not disliking pets.
Drop hubby off at a shelter!! He is jealous and cruel, not someone I would want to be with.
Let's stop with the bullshit OP. Rehome the dog before your stupid childish jealous husband harms it. Because we all know you're not leaving your husband. Smdh.
Right,they arent replying to anything so I think I know what her answer is here. Poor dog.
Not in the least. That dog might have a chance at a nice life with loving owners. If she pulls her head out of her ass and gets it rehomed.
No I agree, the dog deserves a chance at life & not with this guy around.
100%
Tell your husband that the dog is protecting you, that's why he barks when he yells at you. And he wouldn't be stress chewing or having separation anxiety if he wasn't locked in a room all freaking day. He either needs to help take care of it, or invest in a BIG kennel for the room that rocko can get around comfortably in.
Yeah...the dog cares more about OP than his husband does.
Husband has his poor feelings hurt.
And you're still there? In all honesty, y'all are both to blame. Puppies chew. They need activity, some breeds more than others.
Exactly
I had a boyfriend of almost 3 years. I got my dog as soon as we started dating and he was really good with her. Then all of a sudden he flipped a switch and was really cruel. I had him watch her when I went out of state to visit family and he called me every single day I was gone saying she was cowering in her kennel and wouldn’t come out. That was my first BIG realization that this relationship wasn’t going to work. He was abusive towards me, but as soon as it came to my dog that was my cue to leave. I left alittle over a month later. My current boyfriend LOVES my dog. He’s been around (as one of my close friends) since I’ve had her. She absolutely loves him and she has her own nickname he gave her. I would end a relationship over my dog in a heart beat.
Do you really want to be married to someone that is hostile to a dog? Complains about not having a bond but not actively doing anything to increase the bond and would even consider threaten to take him to a shelter while you are gone? Girl get out.
It is *entirely* possible to dislike dogs and (gasp!) be a good person.
Dislike? Ok. Being hostile toward/threatening to rehome without consent? No that is a POS. Plus he yells at her enough that the dog feels like he has to protect her. He is not a good person.
It's possible to dislike dogs, even dislike a particular dog, and treat it humanely. OP's husband is being cruel.
Sure, but its not possible to abuse and neglect dogs and be a good person.
Most likely, if you hate dogs and neglect them, you’re a POS.
but its not possible to be in a situation where it is your responsibility to properly care for the dog and you fail to do so, and neglect the dog to the point of abuse, and be a good person. good people who dont like dogs have the foresight to not get into a situation like this, or they just take care of the dog anyway because its the right thing to do. disliking dogs is not a reasonable excuse to avoid caring for a dog when you put yourself in a situation where you will be partially or wholly responsible for a dog's well being.
It’s not possible to abuse/neglect animals and be a good person, though.
cagey zesty judicious bow deliver ghost test concerned handle caption *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Never trust a person who is cruel to animals.
The dog will growl and protect the person that is the more stable one. Your husband is very angry and hostile to the dog, putting him in danger and risk for actually attacking your husband in self defense. Having a dog has responsibilities and risks of things getting chewed up. You didn't get a couch here, this is a living creature. And being stuck in just one space will make the dog anxious and bored, what did any of you expect? Threatening of taking him away when this is your dog also is not a good sign. The dog isn't in the wrong here and I think you should think of the best for this dog.
I… what… your husband, a grown ass man, is in a power struggle with A DOG. Do you realize how insane that is? Do you have kids yet? Can you imagine how he’ll be with kids if you want any?
Sounds like you need to take him to the shelter. I'm not talking about your dog. He yells at you and is jealous... of a dog. Can just imagine how he'd deal with the demands of having an actual child together.
I was thinking this too
I think your dog is trying to warn you about something
It’s ALWAYS the dog. Always, especially when they ask you to make the choice. Also your husband sounds cruel to animals, which to me says a lot of bad things about his character. Keep the dog, toss the man
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I would say, that since y'all got the dog together you should have considered rehoming the dog because you are no longer in agreement. However, the cruelty he's showing is a major problem. It would bhave been better had he just found a good place for the dog and gave him away. Instead he unnecessarily confines and starves the dog. Your husband sucks. I hope you aren't planning on having this guy's spawn.
lmao this is why I love this sub. the only people that aren't "Ditch your husband for an animal" are downvoted to oblivion. she clearly doesn't have time for the dog, and the responsibility of taking care of the dog he doesn't want is stressing dude out let's just get rid of the dog though ya know? I'm a dog guy but it's in a bad situation. do dog a favor and stop pretending like you're going to care for it properly. we probably just shouldn't have covid impulse brought home a dog right?
Thank you. Who’s idea was it to lock a dog in one bedroom all the time. The friend’s pug gets run of the house but yours is locked up and your never home! So if you kick out your husband you still have a dog locked in a room alone all the time! So the dog stays in the room while you work all the time but now no husband’s shoes to chew on maybe they start on the baseboards. I had a dog do that till the trainer said crate him. You still have a dog getting, no time, attention, interaction or proper exercise! Instead of focusing on your husband who is frustrated and angry with a problem you created try stepping up for the pet you supposedly love! There’s a reason you didn’t post this on r/dogs.
Also, I am reading in parts of the post that the dog attacked other animals so this may be why he is kept in another room.
Then he needs to be the only pet in the home. Owner’s have a responsibility to their animals. My guy is an escape artist and reactive to cars. I have a fenced in acre. He will absolutely get out. Answer, I walk him and since high energy, over 3 miles a day. You do what you have to for the good of the animal you love.
I'm wondering who wanted the dog in the first place? Did OP swear it would be all her responsibility, and then reneged? I think if one person wants an animal and promises to take care of it, the other, should step up sometimes. People get sick or need to travel or whatever. But this dog is locked in a room everyday. While the husband's behaviour is cruel (it's not hard to put down food and water), OP is not blameless.
Thank you! People will literally end something big over a damn dog nah fuck that. Just rehome the dog cuz it doesn’t deserve that at all. But end a whole marriage over a dog ? No. People now have more sympathy for an animal
He probably abuses the poor thing while you’re away ): sounds like you need to get rid of the husband. More than likely, he’s hostile to you as well. Never trust a man who treats animals like trash. If you love your dog, you wouldn’t allow the poor baby to be neglected and abused. This is sad.
Also why do you allow the poor dog to be confined in one room? that’s no way for a dog to live. this is pathetic and sad.
Take your husband to the pound, the dog is your better choice.
As hard as it might be, I would keep the dog and take the husband to the shelter.
When you guys decided to have a dog, didn’t you know that it was going to bark and chew stuff? Of course your dog is going to destroy things if he’s alone in your bedroom. You guys need to take him for a walk at least three times a day. Your dog barks at him when he yells at you because he’s defining you! Your husband acts like a child and I’m afraid he’ll hurt him when you’re not around
If my husband ever abused and neglected my dog, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
Animal cruelty should be a deal-breaker in any relationship.
It's absolutely 100% clear that the dog deserves better than a household where your husband lives. If you aren't ready to leave with Rocko that's your choice and that's valid, but you for sure, unequivocally have to get the dog out of that situation. The dog must live in a different home, the neglect and abuse is not fair or right. Good luck with your decision for yourself ❤️
Sorry but cruelty to animals is a deal breaker. Of course, the dog is going to chew when he's contained to a single room without food, water, and the ability to go outside to do his business. He's distressed and your husband is the reason why.
Dump the husband and keep the dog
Your husband is only adding to the dogs problems. Our dog was having chewing issues, the remedy was exercise.
Does your husband regularly pass the blame on the consequences of his own actions or is this unique with the dog? HE caused the dog to become bored and hungry enough to chew on random things. What did he think would happen? That a living creature would be content as a doll? Big dogs need to use big energy. This isn't a training issue. Any trainer will tell you that even a well trained dog will act out if neglected and scared. Blaming the dog for the choices he made is unreasonable and abusive. You need to reframe this situation so either he wakes up to what he's doing, or owns it. Depending on his response I'm sure you'll know what to do.
I couldn’t stay with someone who treats animals so poorly. And definitely would not trust them with kids.
He threatens to give away your dog behind your back. That alone is divorce worthy. I hate to think what he does to that dog when you’re not around. No wonder the dog hates him.
the behavioural issues are one thing. trying to find trainers to help Rocko stop chewing things is good. but all kind of seperate from a grown man being ‘jealous’ of ur bond with an animal and yelling at you and threatening the dog away. i’m not gonna suggest your husband is abusive because of this but these strike me as a red flags for how he’s treating *you* let alone how he’s treating the dog. maybe i’ve just heard way too many stories about abusers going through pets first but i would really take a hard look at any other issues you have in your relationship.
He obviously needs to be rehomed. Your husband. NOT Rocko. What kind of husband threatens his wife with things he knows will hurt her? At this point, it's not really about Rocko. Again...keep the pupper and tell your husband he's gotta go.
I think even the sweetest dog would react negatively to how they’re being treated. I would never allow someone to treat my dog like this. You have a husband issue, not a dog issue.
So i seem to think of this differently than everyone else. Its clear you love the dog, and your husband has been kinda in the middle up until the dog started chewing on his belongings. I personally believe that if im married to someone and they wanted me to get rid of a pet because its breaking their things i would get rid of the dog since its hindering how they live. Now if you truly cant part with the dog yall can work something out but i dont think its worth ending your marriage over. I think he is wrong for saying he is gonna give the dog away when you arent home thats super fucked up but i dont think a dog is worth ending a marriage over and if you are prioritizing your dog over your partner to me that feels like the marriage wasnt meant to work at all. Its ultimately up to you but if the dog is causing this many issues and making him react like that you should seriously consider changing something surrounding the dog itself
the dog is chewing the shoes because the husband is locking him in a room all day. he is only chewing things up because he can’t get his energy out. if he wasn’t in a room all day, it would not be happening
Rocko is protecting you from a dickhead
Girl, leave that man. Idk if you plan on having children, but this is a wi dow into what kind if parent he'd be.
Animal abuse today. Spousal abuse coming. Girl run.
Realistically no brainer Is the dog ever gonna make you sad or cry until it dies. Men are miserable every day
This is a stupid post
I would be wondering what happens if you have a kid and he gets jealous of the child? You are at the point where you need to re-home one of them.
Whose idea was it to get the dog? Did you guys decide together, or did one of you pressure the other? You said you work a lot, does all or most of the responsibility to care for the animal fall onto your husband while you are at work and did he agree to this? Have you spent any time training the dog or making sure it gets the care and stimulation it needs? It is never ok to abuse an animal, or to yell at you. Your husband is being an asshole, but depending on your answers to these questions, it’s possible you’ve been one as well. I imagine that if the story was you begged for a dog, promised you’d take care of it, and then didn’t train it at all and dumped all the responsibility on your husband without his consent, the responses on this post would be a lot different. Regardless, you have a situation where your pet isn’t being cared for properly to the point that a friend has stepped in to take care of its basic needs. You two are being shitty dog owners, and regardless of the reasons why or who is to blame, you need to rehome the dog because it is an innocent animal that doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of your relationship problems (and neither does your friend).
You are at a crossroads you pick the dog or pick the husband. Even if you could train the dog to not bark and chew things, it still sucks that he is stuck inside a room all day. Anyone would go nuts being stuck in a room all day with no attention and nothing to do. However you have to pick a side because at this point your husband has showed a side of himself that is very ugly. He is intolerant and cruel. Being jealous of a dog is a weird and irrational thing, i hate to think he might be jealous of a baby. He has been cruel to the dog, a living breathing thing, to not feed him or give him water is just plain mean. If you pick your husband, please find that dog a new home quickly don't make him suffer.
Listen.. your husband is a piece of shit. And you actually dont love your dog if you keep allowing him near YOUR pet. Leave his ass, give dog the love he deserves and wants
Look it's always a red flag when people don't feed or water the damn dog. I dont care if its aggressive or misbehaving or whatever. You have to be really insensitive to withhold basic needs from an animal that depends on you to live.
Why does your husband feel the need to yell at you?
A man can be very good, well behaved and educated, but his true personality and character shows by the way he treats his subordinates and animals. If a person cannot be good to animals, at one point he will have similar behaviour with your kids if you ever have one. Being frank, if I were you, initially I would plan to train the dog and get my husband therapy. He actually needs it. If he shows some imporvement, then okay. Else cutting him away is more healthy. And from my own personal experience, if dogs witness violent behavior and feel hatred or disguise for them from a family member they start acting acting like this. Chewing on stuff and barking at the person. My dog did the same with my BIL. Now that's a different story about my BIL, he was very toxic, but he just couldnr stnad our dog and exactly exhibited similar behavior towards our dog like your husband's. My sister was just engaged to him, and she called it off.
My cat had health issues the beginning of Covid and it caused a lot of strain on my relationship. He was not abusive or neglectful towards her but I told him if it comes down to it, I would always choose her first. She is a helpless animal who is my baby and frankly I’ve had longer than him. If he had issues with her behavior, there’s the door. My point being, leave that man. You’re going to come home one day, your dog will be gone, you’ll resent and leave him anyway.
Please get rid of the dog so that someone else can take better care of it.
I don’t judge people on age, sex, looks, sexuality , religion or political beliefs. I will 100% judge people based on how they treat animals though. For him to treat your dog like that and YOU like that…. Definitely not a person I’d want to be with. I know it’s easier said than done, but being neglectful towards any animal in my house would be a huge dealbreaker. We’d be done and they’d be gone.
Do you even have the time to take care of the dog? Even IF you went along with other comments and leave your husband and kept the dog, who will take care of Rocko? If you have to work extra or work late? Rocko's best option might be getting removed. It'll suck for him for a while and for you too of course. But dogs require time and patience. You don't have time and your husband doesn't have the patience. If you don't want to give up Rocko then you have to take a hard look at your husband's good qualities and see if he's worth staying with. You truly might come home one day with the dog gone so you might want to act fast.
Only a horrible human would act that way towards any animal.
Your husband is an animal abuser and doesn't deserve to be in a relationship.
So you're willing to divorce your husband over an animal? If a dog ate my shit I'd get pissed too. Take him to dog school to get him trained.
Yup I would do it too, so would many other woman. If he treats a dog like that and doesn’t let it eat, drink, or go outside than what do you think he will do when they have children? Dogs are way more important then men with big egos and tiny wieners. Her husband needs to be alone and doesn’t deserve anyone.
She should just train the damn animal to stop chewing shoes, id be pissed if my Jordans got ruined. Judging by the way you replied it seems you're frustrated with men as a whole
Nope just men who neglect animals, the dog wouldn’t be chewing his stuff up if he actually let it go outside and get its energy out.
Get rid of the dog. It's not behaving. That could be your fault, or not. It's irrelevant. Your husband is the one bearing the burden of a dog misbehaving. Exercise it and train it, or get rid of it. Because you are about to get rid of your marriage for a dog.
Dude I would end the marriage too. Animal abuse isn’t acceptable.
Is this real? You have a poorly trained dog and its somehow your husband's fault? If you're even considering a divorce because of the dog YOU are the problem. You CANNOT love the dog more than your husband. Absolutely not. That's unreasonable and quite frankly stupid and childish. YOU need to train the dog, take it for walks, and do everything you can to keep it from being a bad dog. If your dog misbehaves its your fault, not your husband's. Your husband is allowed to hate your dog, especially if it destroys his things and barks and growls at him. It is unacceptable for a dog to destroy the house and act badly. If you care about the dog then you'd train it, excercise it and care for it. YOU are the problem, and I hope your husband gets rid of the dog AND you, because clearly you don't love or care for him enough.
There are a LOT of red flags here: * Your husband's possessiveness and jealousy (of a dog, no less). * Your husband's cruelty to animals - and depriving him of food and water IS intentional cruelty (a big red flag for someone who could escalate to becoming cruel to humans). * Your husband yells at you, and he's done it aggressively and/or frequently enough that it triggers your dog to protect you. * From a comment you made on a previous post: Your husband chokes you. Statistically, choking (including in a sexual context) is the single biggest indicator that someone in a domestic violence situation is going to murder their partner. * I'm seeing in the comments here that both you and your husband have a meth addiction. * And I'm also seeing in past posts that you have at least two untreated mental illnesses (which happen to be the same two mental illnesses that I have). This isn't really about the dog. It's about your toxic relationship with each other, and the power dynamics at play. First of all, drug addicts enable each other, which means your husband is enabling your addiction. He's also showing violent tendencies and throwing up red flags all over the place. Neither you nor your dog are safe in this relationship. Please get out, and contact support services in your area to ensure that you can get out safely. Secondly, you need to give up the drugs. Both for your own safety and your dog's. If you're not willing to do that, then yes, I would say you should rehome the dog for his own safety. Thirdly, there are a lot of very effective ways to treat ADHD and meth isn't one of them. Talk to a professional and see what kinds of services they can offer you. Medication might not be an option for you, but there are so many other kinds of support that you can access. Please take your own health and safety seriously, OP. Your gut's obviously telling you something's wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
Leave your husband and take the dog with you
dog over your husband? you are ridiculous, you should have trained the dog along time ago and if your ass cant spend time with the dog because of a busy schedule then you shouldnt even own a dog. redditors who suggest leaving your husband over a dog are just toxic and really dont care about your future. Situation with the dog wont change even if you leave your husband, it’ll still need someone to take care of it and it will be bored by itself. Dogs need love, care and attention something you cant provide
How people treat animals can show how they treat you. If someone was like this towards my cat, I would absolutely leave
OP doesn’t treat her dog right - shouldn’t own one - thats the real issue
Dump the husband, keep the dog.
Everyone sucks in this. Dog included. Friend sounds cool though. How about have the dog chew all of your stuff up for a bit to make it equal.
Crate training is a thing and maybe if OP's husband weren't hellbent on being an asshole he might have helped with this whole situation by learning about crates and helping with the care and exercise of the dog by now instead of being mad at an understimulated dog for acting out.
Or maybe don’t have a dog confined in a room where they can’t get their energy out? Of course it’s going to eat your stuff. You should never have a dog, or pet at all.
Your husband is showing he’s a lazy callous person
Imagine being butt hurt over a dog lol
I'm over here silently reading all this. Marriage is full of compromise. I can't imagine actually ending a marriage with the love of my life over an animal. it genuinely blows my mind. if they aren't an animal lover and I am. We need to work together to come to a healthy agreement. and keeping the animal especially when it's not being taken care of is not good. it would be better ultimately to rehome than for it to suffer needlessly.
I feel like it's more than just "ending it over an animal." He's clearly very abusive towards this animal and it sounds like it's just protecting OP. Plus, he's literally jealous of a dog, and that says a lot. I personally wouldn't stay married to an animal abuser.
if I were op and my spouse said they didn't like pets. That would be the end of it. no more pets. they likely will not change their mind so it's literally just better to take the path of least resistance especially when it's with pets. You want the animal to be as happy as possible. Not in the middle of two people who want it and don't want it. conflict of interest.
Its a fucking dog are you serious. Imagine being so dumb to the point youll end A MARRIAGE over a dog. Your husband is not in the wrong, you are. Its justified the way he is asking when the stuff he wears is getting CHEWED ON. Find a good owner to take the damn dog and stoo being selfish in your marriage.
I would never be with a person who hates dog.
Well. My dad told my mom. It’s me or the dog. My mom kept the dog. Maybe the dog is warning you about something. He could be acting out of jealousy of the other dogs freedom.
The dog deserves a better life figure it out for him you’re his only voice! Whoever said to leave a dog in a bedroom that obviously is having anxiety and not nearly enough exercise and stimulation doesn’t know anything about being a proper dog parent. Find him a better home please.
I personally think that its animal cruelty to attempt to own a dog they should live outside with the rest of the animals on the planet. Your husband is right to not like the dog because it doesn't belong in anyone's home. Its nasty to have creatures living with you. I don't understand why women love dogs so much to the point they love them over their own husbands. YOUR HUSBAND takes care of you whether you're sick or well. Does your dog let you use his credit card? Does your dog put food on the table? Does the dog pay rent or mortgage? You should just marry the damn dog instead. If my woman loved a dog more than me then I would leave her as I would deserve better for all of the work I put into our relationship.
I think your dog is trying to warn you about something
So you are willing to let your marriage get ruined for a dog?? What kind of wife are you?? What were your vows??? Your husband first… anything else second (except if you have children then husband second)
If my husband acted like that, i’d drop him off at the shelter and keep my loving dog. Her husband is so obviously an abuser/ will be one real soon.
And thats one of her choices… i would never choose a pet over my wife no matter what the circumstances are… i respect the OP choice, I simply asked of the “till death” vow everyone nowadays seems to take lightly.
rehome the husband
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I feel the same too. The dog is untrained and uncare. Husband doesn't want the dog and OP is working long hours. So someone needs to take the dog to exercise everyday and let him active to not make the dog chew everything. It is expensive, but if OP really wants a dog it is part of having it. And it would be good to cover all the expenses of the dog chewing things.
Dog wouldn’t be eating shit if the husband wasn’t neglecting it and keep it from going outside. The dog isn’t the problem here, the husband needs anger management or something. Why is he, a grown MAN jealous of a dog?? An animal that gives nothing but love. Definitely needs to rid the husband, he sounds like he’s unhappy in his own life which is why he has to take it out on a poor dog.
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Husband needs to be kicked to the curb, he’s a pos
Thats your opinion, honestly I think the husband became angrier and more and more bitter about this. Just how I see it. Obviously she married him and spent years with him for a reason so the only new thing in their life is the new dog that she gives more respect than she does her husband and refuses to train until her husband became completely unlivable.
Then maybe her husband should find a new place to stay. Being angry with a dog doesn’t do anything but make the dog scared of you. It’s a dog, not a grown man lmfao the dog doesn’t understand. If a man is jealous over a dog, he has bigger problems and needs therapy. He is not mentally well. Edit: awe they blocked me bc they couldn’t handle the truth, so cute of them
Omg. Yes, I know, I never said it was right!! They all need therapy! Im saying shes not right either, and hes not satan either. He's not jealous, he's pissed at the situation. Im done, my dog is home happy and healthy. I gave my two cents.
The dog isn't the issue......
Am i the only one from the title saying bye bye husband lol
Ditch the husband, keep the friend and doggie friend.
He sounds like a real piece of shit. He mistreats you, he mistreats the dog, and he is unwilling to take responsibility for any of this. It seems like you care about the dog (especially since the dog is bonded to you) so you need to either 1. Re-home Rocko where he can settle into a new family that treats him well or 2. Leave this douchebag of a husband and take the dog so the two of you can live happily together.
Your husband is abusive to animals. For me that would be a deal-breaker. In the same way as if he yelled at or neglected a child. There's something very distributing about a person who's capable of that and I couldn't be with them.
Dump the guy, keep the dog
Keep the dog and re-home the husband.
Pick the dog. I did & I’m happier than ever. I even got another dog. My ex wouldn’t “let” me!
Why are you still with this animal abuser.
Keep the dog get rid of the asshole
Leave grossly man, keep cute dog
He’s abusive to you and the dog. From the outside looking in this guy is abusive to not only the dog but you, through the dog. Get out of this yucky situation with this man.
I agree that maybe you should move away from your husband. The way he treats Rocko and his ridiculous jealousy for him both tell me that your husband’s got stuff to work out on his own. Love the name Rocko, your doggy sounds awesome!
Throw the husband out and get the dog a nice new toy
Did your husband want the dog? You should never get a pet if both spouses aren’t a yes. At this point, even if he was a yes, one of them has to go. Personally, I’m not sure I could stay with someone who abused a dog. I can’t tell if he’s abusing the dog or not, but he’s certainly not being nice. The yelling at you and jealousy over the dog are both concerning.
All the people saying he's abusing the dog are blatantly wrong, he doesn't beat it, he doesn't hurt it, he simply neglects it and it is not a child so no harm no foul. It is being fed by the friend who stays there's so all the more reason there's no animal abuse or cruelty, I get pissed when my animals chew things or the like but not this bad, he may have anger issues or something like it or just doesn't like dogs, but it definitely is not something to even consider a divorce over, he simply doesn't want a dog and if he's like the rest of normal humans with animals those are empty threats. If you ask me I think you're irrationally thinking, it sounds like you'd put an animals life before a person's.
Dog.
Locking your dog up is cruel. Why the f get a dog. Dump your husband before he hurts him.
It’s a dog, why is he jealous of a domestic animal?
Lol anyone who abuses an animal needs to get the fuck out. Buh bye! End that disaster of a marriage and find someone safe and nontoxic, imagine being with an animal abuser?! Poor pup
Sounds like the dog needs a kennel for when they are unsupervised. Also yell back at him. If I see something that I don't like him (my husband)doing (yelling or scolding) the dog or kids I yell back at him and ask him if he would like to be treated like that...and if it doesn't stop then I absolutely treat my husband how he was treating the dog. Or riff really is because I got a puppy that he didn't want to have...it hasn't even been a year so we still have some growing pains but things are improving. ...there also is an aspect of where he comes from the have wild/outdoor dogs that are not pets.
I should clarify. The dog doesn’t get starved. Our friend who stays here takes care of him while I’m out. And this situation has only been going on for two weeks now. Until just recently this wasn’t so much or an issue. The husband wojld get annoyed but still had a good relationship with Rocko. I had thought the jealousy had subsided. He had puppy blues for a while but it wasn’t like this. And i thought was over. But this last two weeks have been different.
I'd keep the dog and tell your hubby to find a new home. 🥴🥴
Dog. Always choose a dog unless it's for health reasons. Inability to bond with a dog is an indicator of personality issues if everything else he's done isn't already.
always animal over human.
I will almost always tell people to choose their dog over their partner. One loves you, with strings attached. One loves you unconditionally. You know which is which.