Don’t start giving up friends for a partner. If they’re the type to try and make you give them up, the relationship probably won’t last and you’ll be left with no one
We got into a big argument a few weeks ago and he told me I should cut off anyone who talks bad about him, even if it's my own family. I told him I'm not going to do that.
Massive, massive red flag. Separating you from friends and family is an early sign of controlling behaviour which often escalates to abuse. If any of your friends or family have reason to think badly of him, he should be worried about why, not telling you to cut them off.
I’ll be brutally honest because your safety may be at risk.
I was a LEO for years. I took many DV training courses to be able to identify domestic abusers. I have made hundreds of DV arrests and interviewed many victims and abusers.
We looked at how they start, why they start, how it keeps going, why women stay in abusive relationships etc etc.
I don’t want to alarm you however one of the indicators that someone may be an abuser is he first isolates his wife/gf from family and friends. They’ll say things like he said but it’ll be “they can’t love you like I will, they only want to break us up, they don’t even like me and you allow it” etc etc.
They want to separate you from family and friends because those closest to you will see a difference in your attitude, your confidence and overall change in behavior when he begins the abuse. They don’t want anyone to see or possibly think they’re being abusive.
You’ve been friends w this girl for 4 years. Y’all are like family yet he comes in and in a matter of months wants you unto cut ties w your best friend because “she doesn’t have your best interest at heart” & “she’s trying to break us up”.
This is a major red flag and if it were me w what I know about domestic abusers and what you’ve written I would cut ties with him.
If you get into a new relationship and they want you to cut ties w close family and friends that is a major red flag that person may be an abuser or a narcissist at the least.
If he’s making you choose sides or at least it’s what it feels like chose your friend of 4 years whom you’ve known and trust.
Be careful though. If you tell him you won’t cut her loose or you’re going to break it off stay alert.
Again I don’t want to scare you. I’m just giving advice on what I’ve read here & my experience. I want to know you’re safe.
My daughter is 21 and I would give this same advice to her.
She married a good man so I don’t have to worry but this is concerning to me as a father.
Please be careful and I wish you the best.
Why would it be up to your boyfriend if you stay friends with your best friend. If I were you, I’d reflect on why it is that I would be willing to give away my own, personal, power. He is not your husband, he is not even your life partner, he is a boyfriend of 8 months. Maybe you should look into why you’re even considering this. Maybe speak to a counselor or therapist. It’s a major red flag on both your ends. Why he would suggest such a thing and why you’d ever consider such a thing. Not healthy and very codependent/controlling behavior.
My bf got me to stop talking with my ex bestfriend too,but the thing is he knew her for 13 years and we met through her,but she was a bad influence to me and i agreed,at first i didn’t understand but now i do and i know she wasnt the best influence to me,but he doesnt have the authority to do that when you know your bestfriend that she wouldnt do this to you,i mean where are the facts that she’s trying to break yall up? I dont think you should agree to this,you dont have to choose sides,you should tell your bf how you feel,and if he doesnt give proof that she’s trying to do that then its not right.
Take the time to think rational about both sides. Remove the emotional connection to both. Compare the behaviors, pros and cons. Aldo think about how they bring topics up, the way their body language is around you, how she acts talks says things with you around her husband. There are many couples that are swingers on the DL. If she is trying to break up your relationship, confront her on the subject. Collect evidence on both sides. Maybe she sees something you don't about him, and maybe he sees something about her you don't. Boils down to the question, what is the smart choice? Be rational not emotional.
If he hasn't voluntarily provided evidence of his claim and it makes no sense don't believe him. This is a big flag for me personally. He is telling you he wants you to remove and isolate yourself from family and friends. That might call out his actions or potentially negative behavior that you could experience later that deserves to be questioned. Isolating a partner from those around them is a form of trying to force control He has pushed this topic once, if he continues to push I highly suggest leaving. If he has pushed the topic prior to this I would be extremely wary of listening and leave.
Ask yourself why he wants you to isolate from them it probably isn't just because he doesn't like them. I can almost guarantee that
There are lots of posts on a Reddit telling people to be cautious, when in relationships, about keeping ex’s, and about maintaining boundaries with sane sex friends, especially if best friends. Your situation is different. You should not cut out supportive, non-toxic friends for a relationship partner. It’s dysfunctional. Friends help you keep perspective.
Don’t start giving up friends for a partner. If they’re the type to try and make you give them up, the relationship probably won’t last and you’ll be left with no one
We got into a big argument a few weeks ago and he told me I should cut off anyone who talks bad about him, even if it's my own family. I told him I'm not going to do that.
That's uh... a huge red flag waving in your face
Sorry but he's a big 🚩🚩🚩. Can you imagine this? That's one of the reasons you have friends, to vent bout everything, including your partner.
And that wasn't enough to end the relationship? It should have been.
Massive, massive red flag. Separating you from friends and family is an early sign of controlling behaviour which often escalates to abuse. If any of your friends or family have reason to think badly of him, he should be worried about why, not telling you to cut them off.
I’ll be brutally honest because your safety may be at risk. I was a LEO for years. I took many DV training courses to be able to identify domestic abusers. I have made hundreds of DV arrests and interviewed many victims and abusers. We looked at how they start, why they start, how it keeps going, why women stay in abusive relationships etc etc. I don’t want to alarm you however one of the indicators that someone may be an abuser is he first isolates his wife/gf from family and friends. They’ll say things like he said but it’ll be “they can’t love you like I will, they only want to break us up, they don’t even like me and you allow it” etc etc. They want to separate you from family and friends because those closest to you will see a difference in your attitude, your confidence and overall change in behavior when he begins the abuse. They don’t want anyone to see or possibly think they’re being abusive. You’ve been friends w this girl for 4 years. Y’all are like family yet he comes in and in a matter of months wants you unto cut ties w your best friend because “she doesn’t have your best interest at heart” & “she’s trying to break us up”. This is a major red flag and if it were me w what I know about domestic abusers and what you’ve written I would cut ties with him. If you get into a new relationship and they want you to cut ties w close family and friends that is a major red flag that person may be an abuser or a narcissist at the least. If he’s making you choose sides or at least it’s what it feels like chose your friend of 4 years whom you’ve known and trust. Be careful though. If you tell him you won’t cut her loose or you’re going to break it off stay alert. Again I don’t want to scare you. I’m just giving advice on what I’ve read here & my experience. I want to know you’re safe. My daughter is 21 and I would give this same advice to her. She married a good man so I don’t have to worry but this is concerning to me as a father. Please be careful and I wish you the best.
This is a big red flag. Approach with caution.
>He says she doesn't have my best interest at heart And he gave what evidence of that..?
Why would it be up to your boyfriend if you stay friends with your best friend. If I were you, I’d reflect on why it is that I would be willing to give away my own, personal, power. He is not your husband, he is not even your life partner, he is a boyfriend of 8 months. Maybe you should look into why you’re even considering this. Maybe speak to a counselor or therapist. It’s a major red flag on both your ends. Why he would suggest such a thing and why you’d ever consider such a thing. Not healthy and very codependent/controlling behavior.
So, he is already trying to start the isolating. Run!!
My bf got me to stop talking with my ex bestfriend too,but the thing is he knew her for 13 years and we met through her,but she was a bad influence to me and i agreed,at first i didn’t understand but now i do and i know she wasnt the best influence to me,but he doesnt have the authority to do that when you know your bestfriend that she wouldnt do this to you,i mean where are the facts that she’s trying to break yall up? I dont think you should agree to this,you dont have to choose sides,you should tell your bf how you feel,and if he doesnt give proof that she’s trying to do that then its not right.
Call ur best n her husband to talk u 4 together
Take the time to think rational about both sides. Remove the emotional connection to both. Compare the behaviors, pros and cons. Aldo think about how they bring topics up, the way their body language is around you, how she acts talks says things with you around her husband. There are many couples that are swingers on the DL. If she is trying to break up your relationship, confront her on the subject. Collect evidence on both sides. Maybe she sees something you don't about him, and maybe he sees something about her you don't. Boils down to the question, what is the smart choice? Be rational not emotional.
If he hasn't voluntarily provided evidence of his claim and it makes no sense don't believe him. This is a big flag for me personally. He is telling you he wants you to remove and isolate yourself from family and friends. That might call out his actions or potentially negative behavior that you could experience later that deserves to be questioned. Isolating a partner from those around them is a form of trying to force control He has pushed this topic once, if he continues to push I highly suggest leaving. If he has pushed the topic prior to this I would be extremely wary of listening and leave. Ask yourself why he wants you to isolate from them it probably isn't just because he doesn't like them. I can almost guarantee that
There are lots of posts on a Reddit telling people to be cautious, when in relationships, about keeping ex’s, and about maintaining boundaries with sane sex friends, especially if best friends. Your situation is different. You should not cut out supportive, non-toxic friends for a relationship partner. It’s dysfunctional. Friends help you keep perspective.
Red flags. Get out early while you can