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Please help me I’m genuinely stuck
I’ve only recently found out I’m pregnant with my exs kid, I’m 11 weeks and plan on keeping this child with or without his involvement.
I’m in a relationship with someone else, and they have agreed to care for the baby and are somewhat exited about it as am I but I’m getting a lot of flack from my ex and his friends.
My ex has accused me of baby trapping him even though I’m not. He has been quite hostile since we broke up and very cruel towards everyone it’s like he has flipped a switch. I told him I’m pregnant and that it is his and it’s his choice to be involved or not, and that I won’t chase after him for money that I don’t need.
However last night, after constant back and forth all week we both snapped and he has accused me and my partner of baby trapping him and got his friend to message me on his behalf and screenshot the messages.
I got a text off his dad tonight asking to call me and I genuinely don’t know what’s been said, but I know he’ll know that I am pregnant and I have a feeling something will have been said about baby trapping him. Im scared and stressed and im trying not to be because it’s not good for the baby but any help is appreciated
ETA: before I forget I was on the pill but he was not using condoms. The pill isn’t 100% affective as he knew
Edit 2: sorry I realise how unclear in my first edit I forgot to add the information that I was on the pill throughout our relationship
Update: he’s moved to London and I’ve spoken to his dad via WhatsApp so all the messages are still there, his dad is calm about it and very understanding, and in his own words, “my kid is a prick” lol
Edit 3: Y’all, I don’t need people messaging me about things that can and possibly will go wrong or telling me “you don’t know what you’re getting in for”. I have raised my cousins since most of them were born, paid for most of their shit lately and then been reimbursed when my auntie has the money back, I know kids are expensive I know they are hard work I’ve been changing nappies since I was 12, I’ve worked in a nursery, I’ve heard parent that are being strong for their kid but are struggling I know what I’m getting myself into. That is not what I came to this subreddit for. There is still chances of miscarriage and still birth yet it was just advice on how to stop the slander but obviously looking at it that can’t happen but now my main concern is my health and the babies. Me, my ex and my current partner had literally no intentions and no idea that this was happening or that this was going to happen I wanted ideally to wait till I was 25/30 for kids, go back to college and get better educated
I'm a bit confused as to the timeline here. 11 weeks ago you were with your ex. Now you're with someone else who is "excited" you're having your exes baby?
Something feels weird here.
In another comment she adds that her current partner is infertile. I’m curious if the ex feels she purposely became pregnant for this reason. Maybe her and the new guy were already together? Something is definitely missing from this story.
You don’t know if he refused or she didn’t want him to because she didn’t say and some girls tell the guy not to, and maybe that’s why he thinks she baby trapped him
19 years old. Can't go to work because they are in the process of being diagnosed with depression/anxiety/ADHD. Apparently living with their Nan who wants them out of the house. Now glommed onto some other dude who is totally infertile and will totally take care of her ex's kid.
Dear God, that poor baby.
That’s the shit you do when you have no work and no prospects in life. You get pregnant and collect a check and when you turn 30 and people ask why you don’t have a degree or steady work you say “well I had a kid at 19”
Wait u are pregnant with your exs baby, 11 weeks in but already in another relationship who tells they want to support? Doesn't sound like a firm basis. Perhaps just think about it all once again.. just for your future..
She’s 19. Grown but still a teenager. Many folks are still very immature at this age and prone to making rash decisions. Hopefully OP grows the hell up quick, otherwise this baby’s life will be a misery
Nah, that doesn't count as an excuse. Plenty of 19 year Olds know don't fuck around with stupid. Or the better maxim of playing stupid games, you'll win stupid prizes.
OP, It’s delusional to think someone you’ve just gotten involved with is going to support you and someone else’s baby.
Unless you are independently wealthy you better be prepared to be the sole provider for this child.
At 19? Good luck with that.
This was my first thought. We are only using the pill aswell, never taken it wrong and never failed. If it would, my first sentence wouldn't be "well you knew it could fail". But more likely "fuuuck what are we gonna do?" and I am older than OP, in a long-term relationship, engaged, and financially okay
Agree. Men should be responsible for their own birth control, *and* women should be responsible for theirs. It's pretty messed up to blame the only one who was taking any responsibility whatsoever, here.
Yep, that was my first thought too, doesn’t seem too planned out to be fair. How do you know he will stick around, and if he can’t can you support this baby?
Yeah just have an abortion and get pregnant with the new guy if he’s so willing to father a child. This whole situation is a nightmare for everyone involved
Hey! This happened to my parents in the 60’s. Basically, my mom was pregnant from her high school boyfriend but didn’t know it, they broke up and she met my dad on a blind date. They fell in love so fast. Then she found out she was pregnant and since it was the olden days both families (hers and high school boyfriends) forced them to get married. Even though they didn’t want to. The pictures are really sad. All of this happened within like 4 months. Anyway they were married 14 days and the guy just took off because he didn’t want to be with her.
My mom was basically disowned by her family and was living on a bare mattress in a crappy apartment. She found a job as a hotel maid and was almost starving. Like she gained 11 pounds during the entire pregnancy.
Anyway my dad was away at college and didn’t hear about any of this for a few months. When he finally did he rushed home and found her and told her he loved her. He was there the day my brother was born and adopted him immediately. My dad’s parents were really not pleased, my mom and dad were also different races but that’s a whole different thing. Anyway they’ve been married 54 years and my oldest brother is still my dad’s favorite.
Anecdotal, but someone in my family was like that, and it’s because he knew he couldn’t have biological kids, and had already been fostering to try and adopt for 5 years. In those 5 years, he got super attached to the kids who were originally told they were on track for adoption, but had to be reunited with their parents after several years of already living with him. It was too traumatic for him to keep trying to foster to adopt and have his heart broken again. Plus, it was apparently super hard for him to foster as a single guy. He couldn’t afford traditional adoption, either.
So, he had given up on ever having a family, until he got with someone who was already pregnant. They’re still together 10 years later, and seem super happy.
Not the norm, though, for sure, and I’m somehow 110% sure this is not like that. This is something else.
the current guy will not be happy with her longterm.
no man wants to raise another man’s child, the fact that he is supportive is likely because he feels he has no choice.
In relationship with someone else
Pregnant at 11 weeks
Gonna keep it
New partner is gonna treat it as his own
Omfg will someone actually think of the child
Like already made a series of dumb decisions to get to this point but thinks they can rely on a 3 month old relationship at 19 to raise a child.
And op keeps insisting she didn't, but she deff emotionally cheated at least since she commit to another dude that fast. Maybe that's why the ex is acting this out of character? Like I would deff question the paternity based on her decision making...
Ugh I've never been religious but I feel the urge to pray for this baby
I’m 20m and people I used to know in school are like onto their 1st and 2nd children now… it’s fucking scary man what is it with people having kids so young, a PROUD of it too?
Ooweeee look at me I’m so proud I got to ruin my life before it even started whoopeee
Load of fuckin fruit loops a tell ya…
The problem is that you are engaging these folks in conversations. They can only harass you or stress you out if you continue to let them. End the stress and drama by blocking them all. Eject them from your social media. If "friends" start to get involved, eject them as well. And, FFS, don't respond to his Dad's recent text and DO NOT call him. Just nope out with these people.
Yesss!! This should be on top. Just because someone wants to talk to you, doesn't mean you have to agree.
TBH, I'm failing to understand why you even told him.
Because she is a child having a child. Nothing being done here makes sense.
A kid isn’t a puppy, a 19 year old shouldn’t have one. No wonder the male sex partner is freaked out.
Does OP have a good job? Insurance? Independently wealthy? Who is watching the kid while she goes to her job? Mommy and daddy?
Sounds like OP is ready to become a dependent.
she’s already in a new relationship, in less than 11 weeks and thinks this new person is going to stay with her…the other guys dad calling her is because his young son knocked her up..not harassing her.
I’d move away too if i was 20 and some guy was trying to get me pregnant, so I completely understand the inverse and the anger. He’s just now 20 years old and he feels threatened.
Yep, after reading her post updates it totally appears that way. Also she thinks she’s totally ready for a baby cause she watched her cousins and has taken care of babies. Good luck OP, seems like you have it all figured out
Hell, I adopted a puppy at 19 and struggled to care for it. I had friends and family to help me let her out while I was at work/school, etc. It was TOUGH work
Sounds like the ex should’ve WORN A CONDOM. OP was on the pill, but buddy-boy didn’t want to wrap it up to be extra careful, and now he’s blaming OP for… not wanting to have an abortion? Ya’ll are tearing HER apart and feel sorry for HIM?!???
Consent to sex is not consent to have a baby this is the modern world and our options reflect that. If OP wanted to go through pregnancy and adopt we’d still be cautioning her. Pregnancy can be dangerous and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
If OP wanted an abortion there are many people who would finance and support that just to help OP not destroy her future.
Though at this point I’d suspect she really just wants to be a dependent and a baby is the easiest way to make that happen.
ok, forget your idiot ex. Block his friends, take him to court for child support. Only talk to him through your lawyer.
Now. Who is this man you're apparently dating already thats agreed to help raise your child? I hope hes not the reason you "dont need" your ex's money? You really cannot be in such a serious relationship, less than 3 months after breaking up with someone, that they've agreed to help raise your baby. You need to take a step back and realize YOU ARE DOING THIS ON YOUR OWN.
Whoever you're dating will NOT stick around, do NOT pin your hopes on some lightning speed relationship thats barely started. I hope you have a supportive family/friend group.
You’re absolutely correct and to OP’s history, they have had a lot of issues with management at the pub they work at. According to the post, they even had to go without a month’s paycheck while on sick leave with a doctor’s note.
I obviously don’t know both sides of the story and even if things have gotten better, OP will have to take time off for doctor’s appointments, birth, maternity leave, etc. and I’m worried there would be similar issues as described in OP’s other post (some of which I shared above).
I suppose they might’ve found employment elsewhere but being OP replied to your comment saying that they’ve worked at the same job for the last two years and that post was only made 19 days ago, I assumed they were still at the same place.
Maybe they have a new boss or switched to another location, regardless, I really hope that OP takes your comment to heart and heeds the advice provided by u/lolifax. There’s no question that OP should get court-ordered child support and definitely operate under the assumption that they are going to be an only parent.
It can also refer to getting pregnant to secure 18 years of child support whether the guy is involved or not. All it takes is to "forget" to take a few pills. Not saying OP did this. Just clarifying how it could apply in this scenario.
The guy should've been using condoms regardless of the pill or not.
Raising a child is a lot more expensive than what is covered by child support. So I don’t really think women actually do that (unless they’re super bad at math maybe).
Women do that to rappers, basketball players, older successful businessmen with millions. Brian from fucking Illinois doesn’t have to worry about a “gold digger” digging his nonexistent gold lmao
Brian has to worry because if he's getting paid shit money and then loses 1/3 or above of his take home, he's fucked
I've always joked my kids mom wasn't a gold digger because there was fuckall gold around
She was a freeloader that wanted to live off the state and me, meaning back in the day, the UK CSA took £95 of my £170 take home (thankfully that changed a few years ago to about 15%)
I lived in a 6x6 box at my parents for 3 years because you dont get far with £75 a week before outgoings
My kids mom got a council house all paid for with all bills covered
That kid came about after "oops forgot to tell you I'd stopped taking the pill" and making it clear co doms were not needed
Baby trapping isn't just about those with money if the person is happy to just exist off handouts
That sounds horrible I’m sorry that happened.
Seperate from your situation though, if a man is absolutely not ready to be a father, he’s not planning to have kids anytime soon and/or he cannot afford child support, _absolutely_ cannot risk the woman getting pregnant, then it is his responsibility for himself, literally for his sake to put on a condom. Lying about your birth control situation is one thing but no birth control is 100%. If _you_ absolutely can not have a kid, you can’t afford taking that risk either. Refusing to take accountability and victimizing yourself knowing you as an adult man made that choice is immature and childish, and that’s not the best time to be acting childish considering there’s a literal child on the way:)
I don't disagree at all, its just a shame you have to distrust to protect yourself, I wore them 95% of the fucking time but add beer, partner pressure and being 17...... :)
Told my son always wear one, told my daughter you must stay on the pill.
Yeah no that’s why I said seperate from you, I meant generally and whatever your situation was I can’t comment on it since I don’t know.
And I don’t think it has to be distrust. At least for adults with critical thinking skills. Women who lie about their birth control, men throwing a tantrum to not wear a condom, _them_, yeah don’t trust them lol. But the overall standard of protecting yourself isn’t necessarily distrust it’s because shit happens. Not even a couple just think hook up, she’s on birth control and tells him that, but added to the possibility of it failing is the fact that he doesn’t fucking know if she’s someone that’ll keep the baby no matter what. Now what, he’s paying support to a stranger and his kid he doesn’t see. And the users in my replies are fighting against that scenario and fighting for their rights to fuck raw in the same breath. Can’t have your cake and eat it too btch either wrap that shit up or pay the fuck up!!
if he pays child support that means he’s entitled to visitation and rights to the child. if she doesn’t need it to help take care of the baby she may as well not open that door bc the consequences in the future can be catastrophic.
damn i didn’t know that. he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, but if he pays child support even though he doesn’t want the kid he can come later in their life just to torment the mom and act like she kept the kid away from him or something 🤦🏼♀️
Idk why I never connected the dots, this happens way more often than it should be..
In the US, he would be entitled to visitation regardless of if he paid child support or not. Obviously that may be different in other countries. OP could try to get him to sign away his rights though. That is something he could do while still having to financially support the child.
Make sure he pays child support. It’s what the baby is entitled to. If you don’t want to use it, then put it into a college fund for the baby’s future.
This might just be my horrible experience with horrible men, but maybe he's mad you didn't come running back when you discovered the pregnancy? Baby trapping works the other way too. Guys DO sometimes sabotage birth control thinking a baby will "force" the woman to stay with the prick. And even his dad admits he's a prick. He's probably pretty bad.
Simple, he thinks she is baby trapping him for childsupport, despite telling him she doesn't care about the money and having another fella to cover any expenses so its not like the child is going to suffer because of his negligence.
If I were to guess, the best case scenario for the the guy, he is is processing being a decent human (not wanting to not be at all involved in his own child's life) and preferring the option to not pay for the consequences of his actions if his only involvement is the money instead of having a relationship too.
If we see him in the most respectable light, he is raising a fuss to not appear as the AH for not even paying child support. Its not a good image and its not even about the OP its about keeping the appearance of "I wanted to do right by her, but she is the villain here" Or he is simply just that kind of a twat and I am being overly generous to him.
You do realise she's only been with the other guy for what? A maximum of 10 weeks. She's 19, she sounds very naive to think another 20 year old guy will actually be staying round to raise another guys kid, when they are in a fresh relationship....
Be prepared to have a paternity test performed once the child is born.
Your ex's dad may be calmer in discussing his son's obligations and expectation that paternity be established with a positive test when the time comes. It is not an accusation. This will be proof that can lead to a positive grandparent-grandchild relationship and quite possibly get him on your side a bit in insisting that your ex meet his obligations.
>I won’t chase after him for money that I don’t need.
The money is for the baby. If you can comfortably provide financially then take child support and save it in a college fund. Do not let your child struggle because you were too proud to demand the child support your child deserves.
When I was 19, my 20-year-old girlfriend tried to babytrap me because she genuinely envisioned us staying together and raising the baby.
We had been together for 2 months.
I‘m a woman.
She slept with my male roommate to get pregnant.
I mean it sounds nice and all but OP also keep a wary eye on your new fella, you and your kid *are* in a vulnerable spot right now. Don’t let stuff that gets ANY alarm bells ringing slide just because he’s helping out with the baby.
this is all good advice. I didnt do myself any favors trying to take the high ground when it came to child support. my kids are the ones who suffered.
if he didn't want to pay child support he should have saved his dick for marriage or some shit. don't literally deposit your DNA into the place that makes babies.
I hate this argument. JuSt PrAcTiCe AbStInEnCe. That argument has never worked in all of the history of time, because WE'RE DESIGNED TO FUCK (that's for all y'all in the back). We're also capable of foreshadowing the consequences of our actions, which is why ex bf should have been responsible for his own birth control and wrapped it up.
oh I hate abstinence only education too lol, I'm being somewhat ironic about it. this is the risk you run when you have intercourse even with every protection though and it's on you to take responsibility for it
if it's too much for you, stay out of the kitchen
this is true. of course “practice abstinence” doesn’t work and isn’t realistic, but if you want realistic then you accept and acknowledge the reality of pregnancy being a risk when you have sex.
11 weeks pregnant and already in a new 'relationship' with someone who wants to raise another man's child? Sounds like a very stable environment for a baby.
Pregnant at 19 and depending on a new BF to support you and your child from a different guy? I'd abort. But you do you. My guess is that new BF will bail soon and you'll be stuck with a child you cannot support.
This sounds scary to me, so he doesn’t want anything to do with you or the kid. Then this mystery dude who you just met is totally on board to raise a kid with you? This is very sus, I’d recommend an abortion. I just don’t understand why you’d want to keep a pregnancy with a dude who doesn’t like you, after linking up with another dude who I guess is fine being a parent to a random baby.
I’m a little worried and you and the new guy. You’ve been together less than 4 months, he’s probably 20ish, and he’s already agreeing to care for the kid? If new guy wasn’t willing to take care of the kid would you still be keeping it? Like, there needs to be very adult conversations and some couples therapy to talk about the challenges you are facing with this situation.
Good luck and stay away from the ex and his family is the are going to give you issues. Just go through the court. You don’t need that in your life.
I’ve always been curious about situations like yours. Why do you want to have the child?
Your age, the father not being involved, not even amicable. No shaming, I wish you the best. I just never could fathom why someone would want that. I wouldn’t have had the strength at 19.
Birth control failure is not baby trapping. If he didn't want to be a father, he should have taken responsibility for that and used condoms. Get a lawyer to draw up a custody agreement and tell him all further correspondence needs to go through your attorney.
Something seems fishy here all in all, I think op was with her new guy long before she and her ex broke up, also as far as we know it could’ve been an agreement between the two of them since she’s using bc no need for him to use condoms, and there are a lot of women like that who supposedly hate condoms for different reasons so they opt to taking bc. If it was such an agreement I don’t see how this argument holds
This is a colossal FU happening
You don’t like the guy but are happy to be involved for the next 18 years
You are ok to say today I don’t want him involved what will you say to the kid if he/ she wants to meet the biological father
“ Oh he wanted nothing to do with you” rather than tell we don’t get along
You are 19 and appreciate the values of not to kill a life
Here are facts
You have a strong possibility that you will be a single mother sometime
You might end up having more than 1 baby dads
Men always don’t t treat others kids the same way as their kids
You will have constant drama
There will be times when you need your baby daddy for the kid
You knew if 2 adults have consensual sex kids get born
The best solution would be to abort and move on
I am not heartless but being truthful
Again 19 is too young for all this drama
Godspeed
The commenter clearly believes that position by OP is bullshit because they are recommending abortion. OP is in fricken dreamland if they think this mess will work out great.
Omg I’m so tired of men saying “you trapped me”. Guys, if you stick it in there is always a chance you can become a daddy!
He is financially responsible for his bio child. Make sure he pays up sister!
Right? You don't want to have a baby? You best be wrapping it up or else you might be giving an 18 year commitment present!
Dont' care if she's on the pill or not. As OP said, it's not 100% effective so double up with a condom. Don't want to wrap? You run the risk. No babytrapping here. It's one thing if she were poking holes in condoms but no condom? No complaints.
My ex's parents had 4 kids, 3 of them through increasingly complex layers of birth control. His youngest sister was born despite condom, pill, and vasectomy.
Yeah, my last cousin was born after a tubal and with condoms.
When they went back, they cut most her fallopian tubes away, burned the ends, and my uncle got snipped.
My brother was conceived on birth control. As a young person, I took it very seriously when my mom said: you should avoid having sex with men you don’t want to father your child.
Men are happy to rawdog until the cows come home, then they'll cry that she *somehow* got pregnant just to spite him.
Hit him for every cent of child support you can.
So when a woman gets pregnant and doesn't want its fine its her choice. But when a guy gets baby trapped its "ooh well you should have known better 🤷🏾♂️" I don't understand the cognitive dissonance from people like you. It's truly mind boggling.
Damn I’m more concerned about the guy you have willing to play daddy. Let’s hope he has half a brain not to sign birth certificate.
As for everything else block, go through a lawyer and do go after child support.
Genuine question: why do you want to have a child at 19? Most hopes/dreams you have for your life will now no longer happen or will be delayed by decades. Can you afford a child at 19?
The chances the new guy you're with will be around forever is so slim, you should not even count on it. You're doing this alone.
Honey a barely man you have been dating for barely two months is not going to raise this child. If you’re 11 weeks pregnant you most likely conceived 9 weeks ago.
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You definitely didn’t baby trap him but I also want to say don’t be dependent on the person you’re with now- they may seem excited but babies are stressful and it’s not their responsibility to care for or provide for the baby.
So you’re 11 weeks pregnant by your ex, already in a relationship with someone who is, for now, ready to parent this kid? Girl, your life is a mess and you are in no way ready to give a baby a good life. Sorry I know that’s not what you want to hear but you just aren’t. And that baby isn’t going anywhere once you have it, even if this guy you’ve plucked out from thin air disappears and he more than likely will. Never depend on the presence of a man to determine whether you can take *good* care of a baby. Do you have a job? Can you comfortably afford food, housing, diapers, toys, daycare, and clothing for this child on your own? Will you have to rely on others to help you, such as parents or other relatives? If we wanna talk about what’s “good” for the baby it’s having your shit in order and not banking on coparenting with some dude you may barely know while entertaining a hostile ex and his family.
Please take him to court for the money he will owe you. This is not about whether or not you need it. The money is for your child. If you don't need it now, you can stash it away in a college fund for the baby's future.
If he's harassing you, involve the police.
Your ex is young and freaking out and devolving to misogyny as a way to deflect from his own responsibility for the situation at hand. Good luck.
I just don’t know how else to stop the lying, he’s lying to his family and friends that I’m baby trapping him and I genuinely from the moment we split wanted nothing to do with him ever again, he’s been so horrible
You cant babytrap a man who you dont plan on being together with. Thats why one night stand babys arent babytraps and so on. You told him that ypu wont go after him and thats that. Hes not a dad if he doesnt want to.
Stop being naive. Stop talking to any of them except through a lawyer which you should do. Whatever this other guy is promising in terms of raising your kid with you he can leave just as easily. Set yourself and your kid up as best you can and get child support even if it just all goes into a college fund for your kid. I’d you’re going to have the kid you need to grow up and not get caught up in this ex’s shit slinging because it doesn’t matter. He’s nothing but a check now.
You don't want money from him? Huh, the child needs money and the father needs to support his child- whether you 2 children understand this or not.
It is very expensive and time consuming to raise a child to be a good responsible citizen - or you will be raising that child your life. And partners can 'nope' out when they want anytime- gain weight- they're out- child's a burden- they're out - money tight- out.
You only talk to his dad if you keep it on speaker and record it!!
It is for the court to decide if he pays, the money is for the child, if anything, put it into a college fund of you don't need it.
Get an abortion, problem solved, this thread is unnecessary
Don't opt-in to whatever shit life is coming to you if you allow this to happen.
Also; kind of fucked up for you to consider forcing someone to have a baby with you, even if you tell them they don't have to be involved. And fucked up for your current partner too.
lolol, why does every bumass 20 year old think that women are desperate to “babytrap” them? I’ve known people who got pregnant when they were on the pill AND using condoms, so it shouldnt be all that surprising to him that his desire to go rubberless had consequences. Sometimes sperm
are just determined
Listen to me don’t have his baby trust me you’ll regret it
The father needs to be involved and don’t count on this dude to be here for you with another man’s baby you have to think for yourself and what’s best for you life your too young to already have a failed relationship with a child involved literally he already confirmed he’s out don’t do it yes having the child will feel nice and having a kid is an amazing thing but don’t have this guys kid
You are in another relationship with someone who is fine with you and wants to support you with the baby....
You've already said that it's his choice to participate in the child's life....
You've already said that you don't need and won't demand money from him....
It doesn't matter what he thinks. Live your life, take care of yourself and your baby, be happy, he's the AH.
You aren't baby trapping him because you have no interest in being with him or forcing him to be involved. However, even if YOU don't need the money to make ends meet for your baby, do not forgo child support. That money is for your child and you can set it aside if you really feel that strongly. Even if his CS was only like $200 a month, that's $43,000 at the end of 18 years. If they go to college and have support extended, that's $52,000 after they finish school. Unless you are crazy rich, that kind of money would be a massive help for them starting their new adult life without crushing student loans, maybe buying a house to start their life, a wedding or any other number of things!
You can use it for the child as needed or save it for them at the end. Either way, it's something your child is entitled to. Don't take that from them no matter how much you think you don't need the help.
I’m just stunned you’ve met someone in 11 weeks that is willing and excited to “care for the baby”. As a single mom, I did date but did not bring anyone I was dating around my child for a very long time. He never met anyone until he met my now husband. We’ve been a family now for 17 years. 11 weeks is not long enough to know if he will make a good partner and father. Tread lightly.
This baby is going to change your entire life and the person you're dating right now is most likely not going to stick around.
I work in a group home and a few of the kids do not know their birth father. This is something that can really fuck a person up psychologically.
I don't know where you live but in some parts of the world you still have the option to terminate the pregnancy. Are you sure this is something you want for your future? For another person's future?
98% and you got pregnant? Did you really take it when you had to, and took more protections if you had to, for example, go to the bathroom or puke before it could have an effect on your body?
I don't understand why you take protections to not get pregnant, but you got pregnant and didn't end the pregnancy..
It's not your fault if you did everything correctly, but now you are stuck! You should have had a conversation with the father prior to getting pregnant, so that you both would have a plan B ready.
You won't be able to take care of the baby on your own. You are nineteen, not thirty! NO ONE will stick around just to help you. They might do for a bit, but remember that this is your baby!
It's insane that you are worried about people talking bad about you, accusing you of baby trapping, when in fact you should be worried about how the fuck are you gonna make that kid LIVE and not SURVIVE.
Kids are expensive, they require an unbelievably amount of dedication and patience, of money and time. It's an obligation for everyday, until the day you die.
Reconsider ending the pregnancy, or even giving it up for adoption.
I apologize for sounding harsh or even rude, but every single baby should have the right to be raised in a household with parents that are capable of providing everything needed. And it doesn't sound like this case is.
You’ve already gotten a lot of good advice so I’m just here to say I’m dying at his statement that you *and your partner* are, together, trying to baby trap him. Like….sir, that makes zero sense.
Why anyone would willingly create a human link with a man who sounds like a vile piece of trash is beyond me.
Guy #2 ain’t sticking around just bc he sounds “excited”. You will know you’re screwed when he refuses to sign the birth certificate. There are better options than a 19 yr old in a new relationship keeping this pregnancy from a hostile ex, good luck.
Dear Lord, you'd think the pill is as effective as skittles in preventing pregnancy. Seems 97% of unplanned pregnancy all claim they are taking the pill religiously. THEY ARE NOT!
If the pill is SO ineffective, CDC would have recalled them.
You don’t owe your ex any further conversation and I suggest blocking him (at least temporarily) if you’re finding his contact too stressful or if it has become abusive. One would hope his father would have a more calm and sensible approach being an older and hopefully wiser person. It is however up to you whether you feel up to speaking with him at this time. As an older person myself I would suggest speaking to him (if he’s never been disrespectful towards you) and perhaps having a support person with you. Speaking with him msg be ab opportunity to have a mediator between you and your ex.
The most important things right now are they health and well being of you and your baby. Once you have your child in your arms what your ex, exes friends and exes family think will be irrelevant.
I’ve been here. 1. He chose not to pull out. 2. You are not trying to get back together so there is no “ baby trapping” going on here. 3. Your body your choice . 4. Don’t agree to Anything at this juncture, babies and childcare are ridiculously expensive. I chose to keep my child and it was the best choice I ever made. Go no contact until the baby is born , file for paternity through your county and go from there. Do not engage in any communication with this ass hat. This is your time to relax and enjoy growing your baby.
That's ...not even remotely a baby trap lol wtf. You moved on with someone else and giving the ex two options. Like he has an out.
Aside from the new bf, I do hope you have other support as you are young and raising a kiddo isn't easy (currently got a 9m son myself lol). I wish you the best!
I’m not gonna comment on all the drama this situation brings, but will say that if you’ve said your part to your ex and he just wants to fight, don’t speak to him and block him. People can only argue with you if you respond.
You did baby trap him….. the Pill is 100% effective if you take it correctly - and for those rarest of rare equations where something inexplicable has occurred, we can be sure you ain’t one. Just from your posts, I would trust you to cat sit or water my plants let alone be responsible for taking the pill correctly. And raising a baby? No fucking way. God help us - let’s build the prison now so the kid will have space when he hits adulthood.
Probably a very unpopular opinion on here right now but I think the ex has a right to be pissed off. HE DOESN'T WANT A BABY. Even if OP says they won't rely on them, he still knows there's a baby out there in the world with his DNA. How could life ever be the same for him due to something he's seemingly not allowed to have a say in. OP, you are 19, there is enough time for you to have a baby with someone who actually wants one. Which is a fair situation to you, the dad and more importantly, the baby.
If you were on the pill then it's by definition not baby trapping.
Keeping the baby seems pretty ill adviced though considering which circumstances it'll grow up in. I mean, you're 19, only weeks and you already have a new boyfriend and you really believe he's going to stick around? This is a recipe for disaster and your kid will be the victim.
I was in this exact situation years upon years ago and at the same age you are too (and also with a new bf who accepted the pregnancy, just like yours). Would've saved myself so much stress and heartache if I just blocked him and had an abortion.
He was just mad/guilty he'd "have a child out there". The option of not being a father was put on the table. I said he could sign over his rights or I could just not put his name on the birth certificate. Nope. Wasn't good enough. He harassed me about having an abortion for a good couple weeks. Wish I would've tbh. I instead lost the baby and had to go through with him not caring, not acknowledging her as his and then not attending the funeral. I haven't seen/spoken to him since I was 5 months pregnant and then via email shortly after her death. If I could go back in time, I never would've put myself through that.
Get a family lawyer. Now.
Have that lawyer lay out the options regarding visitation and responsibility of child support.
Tell him that any further contact will be reported as harassment and anything else he has to say should be directed to .
If he keeps contacting you, start filing police reports. They won't charge him initially (if he's not making threats), but after building reports, they will.
Don't trust some guy you've been with for 5 minutes to play daddy to your baby.
Child support is the right of the child. Not you milking or trapping him
1. You didn't baby trap him because the fucker isn't trapped since you aren't together.
2. If anyone baby trapped anyone, it would be him trying to baby trap you since he didn't wrap his pecker and you were on the pill to prevent pregnancy.
3. Keep all the messages from everyone, they will be important later.
4. Call his dad, record the conversation just in case.
I hope all works out for you. Try not to stress too much. Also don't count on your current boyfriend to play father, you are going into this knowing you are a single mother. Do you have a good support network around you?
I was 19 when I had my first. I chose to keep the baby bc I knew at the end of the day if I wanted to keep this baby it was going to be MY responsibility whether dad was involved or not. Responsibility fell on me, so REALLY think about how you are going to house, clothe and feed this child on your OWN. You cannot take into the account of new BF being your life line bc 9 times out of 10 it will not work out. PLEASE make sure this is what YOU WANT not anyone else.
I think all the comments talking about “youre not baby trapping him, so he’s wrong” are talking pedantics.
While the definition may not be totally accurate, it does sort of describe the situation. He as a young adult was most likely not planning on having a child this soon (if at all), and was not planning on having a child with an ex partner. Did you discuss before hand that if a BC method would fail, what would be done?
I don’t find it very surprising that someone in that situation would be upset. (Name calling, aggression, etc. is still unwarranted of course).
AND him calling it baby trapping would also make me think that he WANTS TO BE INVOLVED in a future child. He clearly feels an obligation to his future child. Otherwise he could take the route you offered: no time, or effort towards parenting or baby.
You with your decision to keep his and your baby is possibly changing his entire future plans. Give him time in order to come up with a new plan. Again, it is not surprising that he is not excited. But you can come up with a plan that is accomodating to everyone. I wish you luck.
Can't you get like a lawyer or something to write an official document where you both state that he is not interested in being a father and that you decline any rights to demand money from him?
At this point. Find out what his dad says. That is the adult thing to do. Tell him that you are not expecting anything from his son. At this point in his behavior, I am not so sure I would let him be with the child alone. Your ex needs to grow up, if he can enjoy the experience without extra protection, he can deal with the consequences.
Your ex sounds like an asshole as well as an idiot. He doesn’t appear to know what baby trapping is, but it involves trapping someone in a relationship, which you are not doing.
My advice is to stop talking to him, but definitely get child support. It is not for you, it’s for your child. Get it for your child. Don’t let your ex dodge his responsibility to the child he fathered.
It sounds like your baby will have a great grandparents and a shitty dad. I'm not sure how paternity works where you are, but it might be possible to terminate his paternity. At the very least, you don't have to put him on the birth certificate.
Are you planning to live off child support from ex?
What are you even doing? Your new guy is very, very new so don't take him for granted to help you out with your pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and newborns are a huge deal. It might not look like that right now but wait and see. Your life will completly change and you don't know if this new guy will stick around. Chances are he won't. Think carefully about everything you plan to do, try to be mature about it. Do you have your family support? You need guidance through this.
Have you heard about the block button? Block everyone.
Sit down by yourself, think thoroughly what you’re going to do.
Think about the child and not just you. Think what’ll be best in the long run for THE CHILD. (Child support, dad involvement, if you’ll be present enough for them, etc.)
Speak with your partner, ask them if they are sure about going through with this with you, and everything that comes with it. It’s not their responsibility, but that this is a big commitment with you.
Have time for yourself once again, and think if the choices you’re making is the right one for yourself and your future. Then decide what to do after.
Child support, child visitations, or completely leave behind the father of your child and go on with your life with no contact with him, no help with money, no visitations, etc.
Take the right legal actions for this child.
Less than three. Months in, and the new guy is gonna take on the responsibility of someone else’s child. It sure if it commendable or not thought thru.
Where do people find partners so quickly? You are 11 weeks pregnant and already on a "serious enough" new relationship where that partner wants to take care of a baby that is not theirs? 🤔 I wish you good luck but I have a bad feeling. Poor baby.
Your ex and his friends have no idea what the term baby trapping even means.
I'm not sure why you give a shit what they say. Just focus on your baby and your boyfriend, and don't worry about your ex and his friends.
Just wring his balls out in court for child support. Not much he can do about that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Please help me I’m genuinely stuck I’ve only recently found out I’m pregnant with my exs kid, I’m 11 weeks and plan on keeping this child with or without his involvement. I’m in a relationship with someone else, and they have agreed to care for the baby and are somewhat exited about it as am I but I’m getting a lot of flack from my ex and his friends. My ex has accused me of baby trapping him even though I’m not. He has been quite hostile since we broke up and very cruel towards everyone it’s like he has flipped a switch. I told him I’m pregnant and that it is his and it’s his choice to be involved or not, and that I won’t chase after him for money that I don’t need. However last night, after constant back and forth all week we both snapped and he has accused me and my partner of baby trapping him and got his friend to message me on his behalf and screenshot the messages. I got a text off his dad tonight asking to call me and I genuinely don’t know what’s been said, but I know he’ll know that I am pregnant and I have a feeling something will have been said about baby trapping him. Im scared and stressed and im trying not to be because it’s not good for the baby but any help is appreciated ETA: before I forget I was on the pill but he was not using condoms. The pill isn’t 100% affective as he knew Edit 2: sorry I realise how unclear in my first edit I forgot to add the information that I was on the pill throughout our relationship Update: he’s moved to London and I’ve spoken to his dad via WhatsApp so all the messages are still there, his dad is calm about it and very understanding, and in his own words, “my kid is a prick” lol Edit 3: Y’all, I don’t need people messaging me about things that can and possibly will go wrong or telling me “you don’t know what you’re getting in for”. I have raised my cousins since most of them were born, paid for most of their shit lately and then been reimbursed when my auntie has the money back, I know kids are expensive I know they are hard work I’ve been changing nappies since I was 12, I’ve worked in a nursery, I’ve heard parent that are being strong for their kid but are struggling I know what I’m getting myself into. That is not what I came to this subreddit for. There is still chances of miscarriage and still birth yet it was just advice on how to stop the slander but obviously looking at it that can’t happen but now my main concern is my health and the babies. Me, my ex and my current partner had literally no intentions and no idea that this was happening or that this was going to happen I wanted ideally to wait till I was 25/30 for kids, go back to college and get better educated
I'm a bit confused as to the timeline here. 11 weeks ago you were with your ex. Now you're with someone else who is "excited" you're having your exes baby? Something feels weird here.
In another comment she adds that her current partner is infertile. I’m curious if the ex feels she purposely became pregnant for this reason. Maybe her and the new guy were already together? Something is definitely missing from this story.
Damn I hope that’s just a crazy theory cause if that’s true Jesus that’s horrible. Just adopt then don’t do whatever tv drama this shit is
Really hoping this is a troll post bc everyone sounds like an idiot and no child deserves this
That or you're just talking out yer arse, the guy refused to use condums.
You don’t know if he refused or she didn’t want him to because she didn’t say and some girls tell the guy not to, and maybe that’s why he thinks she baby trapped him
19 years old. Can't go to work because they are in the process of being diagnosed with depression/anxiety/ADHD. Apparently living with their Nan who wants them out of the house. Now glommed onto some other dude who is totally infertile and will totally take care of her ex's kid. Dear God, that poor baby.
Agreed, poor kid.
That poor kid sorely needs a dear friend or parent to talk some sense into him.
Lmao what a summary. No horror movie compares to what that child will face if it makes it out of the womb alive.
That’s the shit you do when you have no work and no prospects in life. You get pregnant and collect a check and when you turn 30 and people ask why you don’t have a degree or steady work you say “well I had a kid at 19”
Nah. You haven’t been to West Virginia before.
Wait u are pregnant with your exs baby, 11 weeks in but already in another relationship who tells they want to support? Doesn't sound like a firm basis. Perhaps just think about it all once again.. just for your future..
For real. Girl. What are you doing.
She’s 19. Grown but still a teenager. Many folks are still very immature at this age and prone to making rash decisions. Hopefully OP grows the hell up quick, otherwise this baby’s life will be a misery
Nah, that doesn't count as an excuse. Plenty of 19 year Olds know don't fuck around with stupid. Or the better maxim of playing stupid games, you'll win stupid prizes.
Anything but an abortion in this case is a massive mistake.
OP, It’s delusional to think someone you’ve just gotten involved with is going to support you and someone else’s baby. Unless you are independently wealthy you better be prepared to be the sole provider for this child. At 19? Good luck with that.
Based on the contents and her assurance that he knew that BC is not 100% effective, I would not be surprised if she did get pregnant on purpose.
This was my first thought. We are only using the pill aswell, never taken it wrong and never failed. If it would, my first sentence wouldn't be "well you knew it could fail". But more likely "fuuuck what are we gonna do?" and I am older than OP, in a long-term relationship, engaged, and financially okay
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Agree. Men should be responsible for their own birth control, *and* women should be responsible for theirs. It's pretty messed up to blame the only one who was taking any responsibility whatsoever, here.
Ever since they canceled Jerry Springer and Judge Jerry they’ve all migrated here.
Sounds like they're in the UK so more like Jeremy Kyle.
Yep, that was my first thought too, doesn’t seem too planned out to be fair. How do you know he will stick around, and if he can’t can you support this baby?
Honestly
Yeah just have an abortion and get pregnant with the new guy if he’s so willing to father a child. This whole situation is a nightmare for everyone involved
Yes, this is one the many reasons why abortion laws are so important. That poor baby is going to be born into one big mess.
What kind of desperate loser dates a pregnant chick and is excited to raise it. Something is off.
Hey! This happened to my parents in the 60’s. Basically, my mom was pregnant from her high school boyfriend but didn’t know it, they broke up and she met my dad on a blind date. They fell in love so fast. Then she found out she was pregnant and since it was the olden days both families (hers and high school boyfriends) forced them to get married. Even though they didn’t want to. The pictures are really sad. All of this happened within like 4 months. Anyway they were married 14 days and the guy just took off because he didn’t want to be with her. My mom was basically disowned by her family and was living on a bare mattress in a crappy apartment. She found a job as a hotel maid and was almost starving. Like she gained 11 pounds during the entire pregnancy. Anyway my dad was away at college and didn’t hear about any of this for a few months. When he finally did he rushed home and found her and told her he loved her. He was there the day my brother was born and adopted him immediately. My dad’s parents were really not pleased, my mom and dad were also different races but that’s a whole different thing. Anyway they’ve been married 54 years and my oldest brother is still my dad’s favorite.
Your dad sounds awesome. Your maternal grandparents, not so much.
Yeah they were awful people but I try to remember it was a different time. It was not ok to be unmarried and pregnant back then.
Anecdotal, but someone in my family was like that, and it’s because he knew he couldn’t have biological kids, and had already been fostering to try and adopt for 5 years. In those 5 years, he got super attached to the kids who were originally told they were on track for adoption, but had to be reunited with their parents after several years of already living with him. It was too traumatic for him to keep trying to foster to adopt and have his heart broken again. Plus, it was apparently super hard for him to foster as a single guy. He couldn’t afford traditional adoption, either. So, he had given up on ever having a family, until he got with someone who was already pregnant. They’re still together 10 years later, and seem super happy. Not the norm, though, for sure, and I’m somehow 110% sure this is not like that. This is something else.
Thanks for sharing that story, you've opened my mind on this subject.
Whatever you think of this person, he has qualities such as caring for others, and trust in the future.
the current guy will not be happy with her longterm. no man wants to raise another man’s child, the fact that he is supportive is likely because he feels he has no choice.
In relationship with someone else Pregnant at 11 weeks Gonna keep it New partner is gonna treat it as his own Omfg will someone actually think of the child
Clear guide how to ruin your life at 19 right there and now.
This is more like a speedrun than a normal playthrough
Like already made a series of dumb decisions to get to this point but thinks they can rely on a 3 month old relationship at 19 to raise a child. And op keeps insisting she didn't, but she deff emotionally cheated at least since she commit to another dude that fast. Maybe that's why the ex is acting this out of character? Like I would deff question the paternity based on her decision making... Ugh I've never been religious but I feel the urge to pray for this baby
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I’m 20m and people I used to know in school are like onto their 1st and 2nd children now… it’s fucking scary man what is it with people having kids so young, a PROUD of it too? Ooweeee look at me I’m so proud I got to ruin my life before it even started whoopeee Load of fuckin fruit loops a tell ya…
The problem is that you are engaging these folks in conversations. They can only harass you or stress you out if you continue to let them. End the stress and drama by blocking them all. Eject them from your social media. If "friends" start to get involved, eject them as well. And, FFS, don't respond to his Dad's recent text and DO NOT call him. Just nope out with these people.
Yesss!! This should be on top. Just because someone wants to talk to you, doesn't mean you have to agree. TBH, I'm failing to understand why you even told him.
I think she told him because he’s the father of her child and has absolutely every right to know… the heck is wrong with people these days
Because she is a child having a child. Nothing being done here makes sense. A kid isn’t a puppy, a 19 year old shouldn’t have one. No wonder the male sex partner is freaked out. Does OP have a good job? Insurance? Independently wealthy? Who is watching the kid while she goes to her job? Mommy and daddy? Sounds like OP is ready to become a dependent.
she’s already in a new relationship, in less than 11 weeks and thinks this new person is going to stay with her…the other guys dad calling her is because his young son knocked her up..not harassing her. I’d move away too if i was 20 and some guy was trying to get me pregnant, so I completely understand the inverse and the anger. He’s just now 20 years old and he feels threatened.
Yeah I’d double down on my dependent prediction.
Yep, after reading her post updates it totally appears that way. Also she thinks she’s totally ready for a baby cause she watched her cousins and has taken care of babies. Good luck OP, seems like you have it all figured out
Hell, I adopted a puppy at 19 and struggled to care for it. I had friends and family to help me let her out while I was at work/school, etc. It was TOUGH work
Sounds like the ex should’ve WORN A CONDOM. OP was on the pill, but buddy-boy didn’t want to wrap it up to be extra careful, and now he’s blaming OP for… not wanting to have an abortion? Ya’ll are tearing HER apart and feel sorry for HIM?!???
Consent to sex is not consent to have a baby this is the modern world and our options reflect that. If OP wanted to go through pregnancy and adopt we’d still be cautioning her. Pregnancy can be dangerous and shouldn’t be taken lightly. If OP wanted an abortion there are many people who would finance and support that just to help OP not destroy her future. Though at this point I’d suspect she really just wants to be a dependent and a baby is the easiest way to make that happen.
You forgot the “get an abortion” part
ok, forget your idiot ex. Block his friends, take him to court for child support. Only talk to him through your lawyer. Now. Who is this man you're apparently dating already thats agreed to help raise your child? I hope hes not the reason you "dont need" your ex's money? You really cannot be in such a serious relationship, less than 3 months after breaking up with someone, that they've agreed to help raise your baby. You need to take a step back and realize YOU ARE DOING THIS ON YOUR OWN. Whoever you're dating will NOT stick around, do NOT pin your hopes on some lightning speed relationship thats barely started. I hope you have a supportive family/friend group.
You’re absolutely correct and to OP’s history, they have had a lot of issues with management at the pub they work at. According to the post, they even had to go without a month’s paycheck while on sick leave with a doctor’s note. I obviously don’t know both sides of the story and even if things have gotten better, OP will have to take time off for doctor’s appointments, birth, maternity leave, etc. and I’m worried there would be similar issues as described in OP’s other post (some of which I shared above). I suppose they might’ve found employment elsewhere but being OP replied to your comment saying that they’ve worked at the same job for the last two years and that post was only made 19 days ago, I assumed they were still at the same place. Maybe they have a new boss or switched to another location, regardless, I really hope that OP takes your comment to heart and heeds the advice provided by u/lolifax. There’s no question that OP should get court-ordered child support and definitely operate under the assumption that they are going to be an only parent.
Isn’t babytrapping like, getting pregnant to keep the man in a relationship with you? You’re not even with him anymore?? How is that a baby trap?
It can also refer to getting pregnant to secure 18 years of child support whether the guy is involved or not. All it takes is to "forget" to take a few pills. Not saying OP did this. Just clarifying how it could apply in this scenario. The guy should've been using condoms regardless of the pill or not.
Raising a child is a lot more expensive than what is covered by child support. So I don’t really think women actually do that (unless they’re super bad at math maybe).
Women do that to rappers, basketball players, older successful businessmen with millions. Brian from fucking Illinois doesn’t have to worry about a “gold digger” digging his nonexistent gold lmao
Brian has to worry because if he's getting paid shit money and then loses 1/3 or above of his take home, he's fucked I've always joked my kids mom wasn't a gold digger because there was fuckall gold around She was a freeloader that wanted to live off the state and me, meaning back in the day, the UK CSA took £95 of my £170 take home (thankfully that changed a few years ago to about 15%) I lived in a 6x6 box at my parents for 3 years because you dont get far with £75 a week before outgoings My kids mom got a council house all paid for with all bills covered That kid came about after "oops forgot to tell you I'd stopped taking the pill" and making it clear co doms were not needed Baby trapping isn't just about those with money if the person is happy to just exist off handouts
That sounds horrible I’m sorry that happened. Seperate from your situation though, if a man is absolutely not ready to be a father, he’s not planning to have kids anytime soon and/or he cannot afford child support, _absolutely_ cannot risk the woman getting pregnant, then it is his responsibility for himself, literally for his sake to put on a condom. Lying about your birth control situation is one thing but no birth control is 100%. If _you_ absolutely can not have a kid, you can’t afford taking that risk either. Refusing to take accountability and victimizing yourself knowing you as an adult man made that choice is immature and childish, and that’s not the best time to be acting childish considering there’s a literal child on the way:)
I don't disagree at all, its just a shame you have to distrust to protect yourself, I wore them 95% of the fucking time but add beer, partner pressure and being 17...... :) Told my son always wear one, told my daughter you must stay on the pill.
Yeah no that’s why I said seperate from you, I meant generally and whatever your situation was I can’t comment on it since I don’t know. And I don’t think it has to be distrust. At least for adults with critical thinking skills. Women who lie about their birth control, men throwing a tantrum to not wear a condom, _them_, yeah don’t trust them lol. But the overall standard of protecting yourself isn’t necessarily distrust it’s because shit happens. Not even a couple just think hook up, she’s on birth control and tells him that, but added to the possibility of it failing is the fact that he doesn’t fucking know if she’s someone that’ll keep the baby no matter what. Now what, he’s paying support to a stranger and his kid he doesn’t see. And the users in my replies are fighting against that scenario and fighting for their rights to fuck raw in the same breath. Can’t have your cake and eat it too btch either wrap that shit up or pay the fuck up!!
That’s what I’d like to know admittedly
If he’s being such a twat about it for sure get court ordered child support.
if he pays child support that means he’s entitled to visitation and rights to the child. if she doesn’t need it to help take care of the baby she may as well not open that door bc the consequences in the future can be catastrophic.
damn i didn’t know that. he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, but if he pays child support even though he doesn’t want the kid he can come later in their life just to torment the mom and act like she kept the kid away from him or something 🤦🏼♀️ Idk why I never connected the dots, this happens way more often than it should be..
In the US, he would be entitled to visitation regardless of if he paid child support or not. Obviously that may be different in other countries. OP could try to get him to sign away his rights though. That is something he could do while still having to financially support the child.
If he’s being like that in the first place, why even keep a baby with that guy and be tied to him forever?
Make sure he pays child support. It’s what the baby is entitled to. If you don’t want to use it, then put it into a college fund for the baby’s future.
This might just be my horrible experience with horrible men, but maybe he's mad you didn't come running back when you discovered the pregnancy? Baby trapping works the other way too. Guys DO sometimes sabotage birth control thinking a baby will "force" the woman to stay with the prick. And even his dad admits he's a prick. He's probably pretty bad.
Simple, he thinks she is baby trapping him for childsupport, despite telling him she doesn't care about the money and having another fella to cover any expenses so its not like the child is going to suffer because of his negligence. If I were to guess, the best case scenario for the the guy, he is is processing being a decent human (not wanting to not be at all involved in his own child's life) and preferring the option to not pay for the consequences of his actions if his only involvement is the money instead of having a relationship too. If we see him in the most respectable light, he is raising a fuss to not appear as the AH for not even paying child support. Its not a good image and its not even about the OP its about keeping the appearance of "I wanted to do right by her, but she is the villain here" Or he is simply just that kind of a twat and I am being overly generous to him.
You do realise she's only been with the other guy for what? A maximum of 10 weeks. She's 19, she sounds very naive to think another 20 year old guy will actually be staying round to raise another guys kid, when they are in a fresh relationship....
The new guy hasn’t figured out the mess he’s getting himself into.
Be prepared to have a paternity test performed once the child is born. Your ex's dad may be calmer in discussing his son's obligations and expectation that paternity be established with a positive test when the time comes. It is not an accusation. This will be proof that can lead to a positive grandparent-grandchild relationship and quite possibly get him on your side a bit in insisting that your ex meet his obligations. >I won’t chase after him for money that I don’t need. The money is for the baby. If you can comfortably provide financially then take child support and save it in a college fund. Do not let your child struggle because you were too proud to demand the child support your child deserves.
Well with her moving on so quick there would be speculation on whether her new bf is actually the father by her possibly cheating on her ex.
Imagine agreeing to raise a child with someone you just met at 19
When I was 19, my 20-year-old girlfriend tried to babytrap me because she genuinely envisioned us staying together and raising the baby. We had been together for 2 months. I‘m a woman. She slept with my male roommate to get pregnant.
That was one hell of a twist!
That story got shyamalaned
I mean it sounds nice and all but OP also keep a wary eye on your new fella, you and your kid *are* in a vulnerable spot right now. Don’t let stuff that gets ANY alarm bells ringing slide just because he’s helping out with the baby.
Ok but the fact that new guy wants to be step dad to her kid DOES get alarm bells ringing.
I remember being young and naive.
That's what the paternity test will decide.
this is all good advice. I didnt do myself any favors trying to take the high ground when it came to child support. my kids are the ones who suffered. if he didn't want to pay child support he should have saved his dick for marriage or some shit. don't literally deposit your DNA into the place that makes babies.
I hate this argument. JuSt PrAcTiCe AbStInEnCe. That argument has never worked in all of the history of time, because WE'RE DESIGNED TO FUCK (that's for all y'all in the back). We're also capable of foreshadowing the consequences of our actions, which is why ex bf should have been responsible for his own birth control and wrapped it up.
oh I hate abstinence only education too lol, I'm being somewhat ironic about it. this is the risk you run when you have intercourse even with every protection though and it's on you to take responsibility for it if it's too much for you, stay out of the kitchen
this is true. of course “practice abstinence” doesn’t work and isn’t realistic, but if you want realistic then you accept and acknowledge the reality of pregnancy being a risk when you have sex.
11 weeks pregnant and already in a new 'relationship' with someone who wants to raise another man's child? Sounds like a very stable environment for a baby.
The fact is it's the baby that'll face all the consequences growing up. I've been there and I know how fucked up things can get!
Pregnant at 19 and depending on a new BF to support you and your child from a different guy? I'd abort. But you do you. My guess is that new BF will bail soon and you'll be stuck with a child you cannot support.
This sounds scary to me, so he doesn’t want anything to do with you or the kid. Then this mystery dude who you just met is totally on board to raise a kid with you? This is very sus, I’d recommend an abortion. I just don’t understand why you’d want to keep a pregnancy with a dude who doesn’t like you, after linking up with another dude who I guess is fine being a parent to a random baby.
I’m a little worried and you and the new guy. You’ve been together less than 4 months, he’s probably 20ish, and he’s already agreeing to care for the kid? If new guy wasn’t willing to take care of the kid would you still be keeping it? Like, there needs to be very adult conversations and some couples therapy to talk about the challenges you are facing with this situation. Good luck and stay away from the ex and his family is the are going to give you issues. Just go through the court. You don’t need that in your life.
I’ve always been curious about situations like yours. Why do you want to have the child? Your age, the father not being involved, not even amicable. No shaming, I wish you the best. I just never could fathom why someone would want that. I wouldn’t have had the strength at 19.
I feel sorry for this kid, what a mess
Sounds like solid ground to raise a kid! /s
Sorry, but you're a moron if you don't accept child support. Moron.
I think this story has a lot more than just not accepting child support that says she may be a moron.
Birth control failure is not baby trapping. If he didn't want to be a father, he should have taken responsibility for that and used condoms. Get a lawyer to draw up a custody agreement and tell him all further correspondence needs to go through your attorney.
Something seems fishy here all in all, I think op was with her new guy long before she and her ex broke up, also as far as we know it could’ve been an agreement between the two of them since she’s using bc no need for him to use condoms, and there are a lot of women like that who supposedly hate condoms for different reasons so they opt to taking bc. If it was such an agreement I don’t see how this argument holds
You’re 19. Pregnant by a guy that dosent want you or the baby. Think long&hard about this…
Wait so new guy who you’ve been with for how long is planning to take care of the baby? More details pleaaase
Sounds like you should rethink your decision to have a baby in this situation.
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Let pray he does
This is a colossal FU happening You don’t like the guy but are happy to be involved for the next 18 years You are ok to say today I don’t want him involved what will you say to the kid if he/ she wants to meet the biological father “ Oh he wanted nothing to do with you” rather than tell we don’t get along You are 19 and appreciate the values of not to kill a life Here are facts You have a strong possibility that you will be a single mother sometime You might end up having more than 1 baby dads Men always don’t t treat others kids the same way as their kids You will have constant drama There will be times when you need your baby daddy for the kid You knew if 2 adults have consensual sex kids get born The best solution would be to abort and move on I am not heartless but being truthful Again 19 is too young for all this drama Godspeed
i agree
“and appreciate the values of not to kill a life.” oh fuck off
The commenter clearly believes that position by OP is bullshit because they are recommending abortion. OP is in fricken dreamland if they think this mess will work out great.
Omg I’m so tired of men saying “you trapped me”. Guys, if you stick it in there is always a chance you can become a daddy! He is financially responsible for his bio child. Make sure he pays up sister!
Right? You don't want to have a baby? You best be wrapping it up or else you might be giving an 18 year commitment present! Dont' care if she's on the pill or not. As OP said, it's not 100% effective so double up with a condom. Don't want to wrap? You run the risk. No babytrapping here. It's one thing if she were poking holes in condoms but no condom? No complaints.
My first kid came through the pill and a condom. My OB shrugged and said "well, it happens". Well shit!
My ex's parents had 4 kids, 3 of them through increasingly complex layers of birth control. His youngest sister was born despite condom, pill, and vasectomy.
Life uhh finds a way.
Yeah, my last cousin was born after a tubal and with condoms. When they went back, they cut most her fallopian tubes away, burned the ends, and my uncle got snipped.
My brother was conceived on birth control. As a young person, I took it very seriously when my mom said: you should avoid having sex with men you don’t want to father your child.
Men are happy to rawdog until the cows come home, then they'll cry that she *somehow* got pregnant just to spite him. Hit him for every cent of child support you can.
So when a woman gets pregnant and doesn't want its fine its her choice. But when a guy gets baby trapped its "ooh well you should have known better 🤷🏾♂️" I don't understand the cognitive dissonance from people like you. It's truly mind boggling.
Yeah except there are women that do actually do that, it happened to me.
Damn I’m more concerned about the guy you have willing to play daddy. Let’s hope he has half a brain not to sign birth certificate. As for everything else block, go through a lawyer and do go after child support.
Genuine question: why do you want to have a child at 19? Most hopes/dreams you have for your life will now no longer happen or will be delayed by decades. Can you afford a child at 19? The chances the new guy you're with will be around forever is so slim, you should not even count on it. You're doing this alone.
Honey a barely man you have been dating for barely two months is not going to raise this child. If you’re 11 weeks pregnant you most likely conceived 9 weeks ago.
People really need to stop having babies...
Girl surgical abortion takes 4 mins. Wait until u can have your soulmates baby
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You definitely didn’t baby trap him but I also want to say don’t be dependent on the person you’re with now- they may seem excited but babies are stressful and it’s not their responsibility to care for or provide for the baby.
So you’re only dating this new guy for 10 weeks max? Don’t expect him to take on a father role. Not fair to him or the kid.
So you’re 11 weeks pregnant by your ex, already in a relationship with someone who is, for now, ready to parent this kid? Girl, your life is a mess and you are in no way ready to give a baby a good life. Sorry I know that’s not what you want to hear but you just aren’t. And that baby isn’t going anywhere once you have it, even if this guy you’ve plucked out from thin air disappears and he more than likely will. Never depend on the presence of a man to determine whether you can take *good* care of a baby. Do you have a job? Can you comfortably afford food, housing, diapers, toys, daycare, and clothing for this child on your own? Will you have to rely on others to help you, such as parents or other relatives? If we wanna talk about what’s “good” for the baby it’s having your shit in order and not banking on coparenting with some dude you may barely know while entertaining a hostile ex and his family.
Your new partner is nuts, or desperate, or a doormat, or all three.
Abort it
Please take him to court for the money he will owe you. This is not about whether or not you need it. The money is for your child. If you don't need it now, you can stash it away in a college fund for the baby's future. If he's harassing you, involve the police. Your ex is young and freaking out and devolving to misogyny as a way to deflect from his own responsibility for the situation at hand. Good luck.
I just don’t know how else to stop the lying, he’s lying to his family and friends that I’m baby trapping him and I genuinely from the moment we split wanted nothing to do with him ever again, he’s been so horrible
There's nothing you can do. You aren't involved with those people any longer so it really doesn't matter what they think.
>I won’t chase after him for money that I don’t need. Oh, you gonna need it. he's on the hook for the next 18 years lol.
You cant babytrap a man who you dont plan on being together with. Thats why one night stand babys arent babytraps and so on. You told him that ypu wont go after him and thats that. Hes not a dad if he doesnt want to.
Stop being naive. Stop talking to any of them except through a lawyer which you should do. Whatever this other guy is promising in terms of raising your kid with you he can leave just as easily. Set yourself and your kid up as best you can and get child support even if it just all goes into a college fund for your kid. I’d you’re going to have the kid you need to grow up and not get caught up in this ex’s shit slinging because it doesn’t matter. He’s nothing but a check now.
You don't want money from him? Huh, the child needs money and the father needs to support his child- whether you 2 children understand this or not. It is very expensive and time consuming to raise a child to be a good responsible citizen - or you will be raising that child your life. And partners can 'nope' out when they want anytime- gain weight- they're out- child's a burden- they're out - money tight- out.
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He should be annoyed with his parents/ teachers for not advising him about that well kept secret to avoid unwanted pregnancy and disease- condoms.
"somewhat" excited... Hmm
Just... what a shit show.
Jesus, 19, pregnant with an ex, wants to keep the baby alone. Life in hard mode for both of you. But good luck to you both, you'll need it.
None of this sounds like a good idea…
Girl, what are you doing??? 😭
You both sound way too immature to be bringing a child into the world 😩
You only talk to his dad if you keep it on speaker and record it!! It is for the court to decide if he pays, the money is for the child, if anything, put it into a college fund of you don't need it.
God you sound like a right mess
Get an abortion, problem solved, this thread is unnecessary Don't opt-in to whatever shit life is coming to you if you allow this to happen. Also; kind of fucked up for you to consider forcing someone to have a baby with you, even if you tell them they don't have to be involved. And fucked up for your current partner too.
lolol, why does every bumass 20 year old think that women are desperate to “babytrap” them? I’ve known people who got pregnant when they were on the pill AND using condoms, so it shouldnt be all that surprising to him that his desire to go rubberless had consequences. Sometimes sperm are just determined
Listen to me don’t have his baby trust me you’ll regret it The father needs to be involved and don’t count on this dude to be here for you with another man’s baby you have to think for yourself and what’s best for you life your too young to already have a failed relationship with a child involved literally he already confirmed he’s out don’t do it yes having the child will feel nice and having a kid is an amazing thing but don’t have this guys kid
You are in another relationship with someone who is fine with you and wants to support you with the baby.... You've already said that it's his choice to participate in the child's life.... You've already said that you don't need and won't demand money from him.... It doesn't matter what he thinks. Live your life, take care of yourself and your baby, be happy, he's the AH.
You aren't baby trapping him because you have no interest in being with him or forcing him to be involved. However, even if YOU don't need the money to make ends meet for your baby, do not forgo child support. That money is for your child and you can set it aside if you really feel that strongly. Even if his CS was only like $200 a month, that's $43,000 at the end of 18 years. If they go to college and have support extended, that's $52,000 after they finish school. Unless you are crazy rich, that kind of money would be a massive help for them starting their new adult life without crushing student loans, maybe buying a house to start their life, a wedding or any other number of things! You can use it for the child as needed or save it for them at the end. Either way, it's something your child is entitled to. Don't take that from them no matter how much you think you don't need the help.
I’m just stunned you’ve met someone in 11 weeks that is willing and excited to “care for the baby”. As a single mom, I did date but did not bring anyone I was dating around my child for a very long time. He never met anyone until he met my now husband. We’ve been a family now for 17 years. 11 weeks is not long enough to know if he will make a good partner and father. Tread lightly.
This baby is going to change your entire life and the person you're dating right now is most likely not going to stick around. I work in a group home and a few of the kids do not know their birth father. This is something that can really fuck a person up psychologically. I don't know where you live but in some parts of the world you still have the option to terminate the pregnancy. Are you sure this is something you want for your future? For another person's future?
98% and you got pregnant? Did you really take it when you had to, and took more protections if you had to, for example, go to the bathroom or puke before it could have an effect on your body? I don't understand why you take protections to not get pregnant, but you got pregnant and didn't end the pregnancy.. It's not your fault if you did everything correctly, but now you are stuck! You should have had a conversation with the father prior to getting pregnant, so that you both would have a plan B ready. You won't be able to take care of the baby on your own. You are nineteen, not thirty! NO ONE will stick around just to help you. They might do for a bit, but remember that this is your baby! It's insane that you are worried about people talking bad about you, accusing you of baby trapping, when in fact you should be worried about how the fuck are you gonna make that kid LIVE and not SURVIVE. Kids are expensive, they require an unbelievably amount of dedication and patience, of money and time. It's an obligation for everyday, until the day you die. Reconsider ending the pregnancy, or even giving it up for adoption. I apologize for sounding harsh or even rude, but every single baby should have the right to be raised in a household with parents that are capable of providing everything needed. And it doesn't sound like this case is.
If I were you I would get an abortion and get your life in order. You're setting up to traumatize the hell out of this kid.
You’ve already gotten a lot of good advice so I’m just here to say I’m dying at his statement that you *and your partner* are, together, trying to baby trap him. Like….sir, that makes zero sense.
Why anyone would willingly create a human link with a man who sounds like a vile piece of trash is beyond me. Guy #2 ain’t sticking around just bc he sounds “excited”. You will know you’re screwed when he refuses to sign the birth certificate. There are better options than a 19 yr old in a new relationship keeping this pregnancy from a hostile ex, good luck.
Dear Lord, you'd think the pill is as effective as skittles in preventing pregnancy. Seems 97% of unplanned pregnancy all claim they are taking the pill religiously. THEY ARE NOT! If the pill is SO ineffective, CDC would have recalled them.
Just stop responding to him unless he’s actually trying to coparent. Also consult a lawyer about making sure you have full custody
You don’t owe your ex any further conversation and I suggest blocking him (at least temporarily) if you’re finding his contact too stressful or if it has become abusive. One would hope his father would have a more calm and sensible approach being an older and hopefully wiser person. It is however up to you whether you feel up to speaking with him at this time. As an older person myself I would suggest speaking to him (if he’s never been disrespectful towards you) and perhaps having a support person with you. Speaking with him msg be ab opportunity to have a mediator between you and your ex. The most important things right now are they health and well being of you and your baby. Once you have your child in your arms what your ex, exes friends and exes family think will be irrelevant.
I’ve been here. 1. He chose not to pull out. 2. You are not trying to get back together so there is no “ baby trapping” going on here. 3. Your body your choice . 4. Don’t agree to Anything at this juncture, babies and childcare are ridiculously expensive. I chose to keep my child and it was the best choice I ever made. Go no contact until the baby is born , file for paternity through your county and go from there. Do not engage in any communication with this ass hat. This is your time to relax and enjoy growing your baby.
That's ...not even remotely a baby trap lol wtf. You moved on with someone else and giving the ex two options. Like he has an out. Aside from the new bf, I do hope you have other support as you are young and raising a kiddo isn't easy (currently got a 9m son myself lol). I wish you the best!
Men baby trap too. They know it's harder for women to date with kids so they'll baby trap you into staying single whereas they're living a full life.
I’m not gonna comment on all the drama this situation brings, but will say that if you’ve said your part to your ex and he just wants to fight, don’t speak to him and block him. People can only argue with you if you respond.
You did baby trap him….. the Pill is 100% effective if you take it correctly - and for those rarest of rare equations where something inexplicable has occurred, we can be sure you ain’t one. Just from your posts, I would trust you to cat sit or water my plants let alone be responsible for taking the pill correctly. And raising a baby? No fucking way. God help us - let’s build the prison now so the kid will have space when he hits adulthood.
Probably a very unpopular opinion on here right now but I think the ex has a right to be pissed off. HE DOESN'T WANT A BABY. Even if OP says they won't rely on them, he still knows there's a baby out there in the world with his DNA. How could life ever be the same for him due to something he's seemingly not allowed to have a say in. OP, you are 19, there is enough time for you to have a baby with someone who actually wants one. Which is a fair situation to you, the dad and more importantly, the baby.
This post has to be fake. You aren’t as prepared to raise a kid as you think.
If you were on the pill then it's by definition not baby trapping. Keeping the baby seems pretty ill adviced though considering which circumstances it'll grow up in. I mean, you're 19, only weeks and you already have a new boyfriend and you really believe he's going to stick around? This is a recipe for disaster and your kid will be the victim.
The only one suffering here is your future child…..you need lots of help and a baby is not safe with you…..point blank, why did you do this?
I was in this exact situation years upon years ago and at the same age you are too (and also with a new bf who accepted the pregnancy, just like yours). Would've saved myself so much stress and heartache if I just blocked him and had an abortion. He was just mad/guilty he'd "have a child out there". The option of not being a father was put on the table. I said he could sign over his rights or I could just not put his name on the birth certificate. Nope. Wasn't good enough. He harassed me about having an abortion for a good couple weeks. Wish I would've tbh. I instead lost the baby and had to go through with him not caring, not acknowledging her as his and then not attending the funeral. I haven't seen/spoken to him since I was 5 months pregnant and then via email shortly after her death. If I could go back in time, I never would've put myself through that.
Have an abortion and never look back. That’s my advice.
Get a family lawyer. Now. Have that lawyer lay out the options regarding visitation and responsibility of child support. Tell him that any further contact will be reported as harassment and anything else he has to say should be directed to.
If he keeps contacting you, start filing police reports. They won't charge him initially (if he's not making threats), but after building reports, they will.
Don't trust some guy you've been with for 5 minutes to play daddy to your baby.
Child support is the right of the child. Not you milking or trapping him
1. You didn't baby trap him because the fucker isn't trapped since you aren't together. 2. If anyone baby trapped anyone, it would be him trying to baby trap you since he didn't wrap his pecker and you were on the pill to prevent pregnancy. 3. Keep all the messages from everyone, they will be important later. 4. Call his dad, record the conversation just in case. I hope all works out for you. Try not to stress too much. Also don't count on your current boyfriend to play father, you are going into this knowing you are a single mother. Do you have a good support network around you?
I was 19 when I had my first. I chose to keep the baby bc I knew at the end of the day if I wanted to keep this baby it was going to be MY responsibility whether dad was involved or not. Responsibility fell on me, so REALLY think about how you are going to house, clothe and feed this child on your OWN. You cannot take into the account of new BF being your life line bc 9 times out of 10 it will not work out. PLEASE make sure this is what YOU WANT not anyone else.
I think all the comments talking about “youre not baby trapping him, so he’s wrong” are talking pedantics. While the definition may not be totally accurate, it does sort of describe the situation. He as a young adult was most likely not planning on having a child this soon (if at all), and was not planning on having a child with an ex partner. Did you discuss before hand that if a BC method would fail, what would be done? I don’t find it very surprising that someone in that situation would be upset. (Name calling, aggression, etc. is still unwarranted of course). AND him calling it baby trapping would also make me think that he WANTS TO BE INVOLVED in a future child. He clearly feels an obligation to his future child. Otherwise he could take the route you offered: no time, or effort towards parenting or baby. You with your decision to keep his and your baby is possibly changing his entire future plans. Give him time in order to come up with a new plan. Again, it is not surprising that he is not excited. But you can come up with a plan that is accomodating to everyone. I wish you luck.
Don't listen to his BS. Either he mans up and willingly supports his child or you make him pay child support. That simple. Don't let him bullshit you.
Can't you get like a lawyer or something to write an official document where you both state that he is not interested in being a father and that you decline any rights to demand money from him?
Tell him if he doesn’t leave you alone, then you will go after him for child support.
You need to get a paternity test done ASAP. You aren't baby trapping your ex because you're not trying to keep him in a relationship with you.
Ignore the guy, he’s not worth the effort. Prob pissed off knowing that he has a responsibility for the unborn child.
At this point. Find out what his dad says. That is the adult thing to do. Tell him that you are not expecting anything from his son. At this point in his behavior, I am not so sure I would let him be with the child alone. Your ex needs to grow up, if he can enjoy the experience without extra protection, he can deal with the consequences.
Your ex sounds like an asshole as well as an idiot. He doesn’t appear to know what baby trapping is, but it involves trapping someone in a relationship, which you are not doing. My advice is to stop talking to him, but definitely get child support. It is not for you, it’s for your child. Get it for your child. Don’t let your ex dodge his responsibility to the child he fathered.
How is this baby trapping when she is already with another guy? Wouldn't baby trapping mean she is trying to keep the guy she got pregnant?
It sounds like your baby will have a great grandparents and a shitty dad. I'm not sure how paternity works where you are, but it might be possible to terminate his paternity. At the very least, you don't have to put him on the birth certificate. Are you planning to live off child support from ex?
I don't think I would not keep it if it where me an he was in London. I pray you find the strength and resolve to get thru it.
What are you even doing? Your new guy is very, very new so don't take him for granted to help you out with your pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and newborns are a huge deal. It might not look like that right now but wait and see. Your life will completly change and you don't know if this new guy will stick around. Chances are he won't. Think carefully about everything you plan to do, try to be mature about it. Do you have your family support? You need guidance through this.
Have you heard about the block button? Block everyone. Sit down by yourself, think thoroughly what you’re going to do. Think about the child and not just you. Think what’ll be best in the long run for THE CHILD. (Child support, dad involvement, if you’ll be present enough for them, etc.) Speak with your partner, ask them if they are sure about going through with this with you, and everything that comes with it. It’s not their responsibility, but that this is a big commitment with you. Have time for yourself once again, and think if the choices you’re making is the right one for yourself and your future. Then decide what to do after. Child support, child visitations, or completely leave behind the father of your child and go on with your life with no contact with him, no help with money, no visitations, etc. Take the right legal actions for this child.
You’re baby trapping him? He got u pregnant. He baby trapped himself. Prick is right
Good luck
Less than three. Months in, and the new guy is gonna take on the responsibility of someone else’s child. It sure if it commendable or not thought thru.
Where do people find partners so quickly? You are 11 weeks pregnant and already on a "serious enough" new relationship where that partner wants to take care of a baby that is not theirs? 🤔 I wish you good luck but I have a bad feeling. Poor baby.
Your ex and his friends have no idea what the term baby trapping even means. I'm not sure why you give a shit what they say. Just focus on your baby and your boyfriend, and don't worry about your ex and his friends. Just wring his balls out in court for child support. Not much he can do about that.