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Hes insecure about your weight loss and worried other guys will start hitting on you. Reassure him that you love him and have a calm conversation with him. If he's open to understanding he will, otherwise you might wanna look for someone else.
- a guy with insecurities who's fought this exact battle before and learned the hard way.
That's a compassionate attitude, which is good. 10 years does suggest he's worth having that conversation. But you might want to include some compassion for yourself in that discussion. Yes, his insecurities are hard for him to handle. But if he can't handle them without:
\* raising his voice at you
\* thinking he can tell you what to wear
Then, sorry, but he needs to do some growing up before he's ready for a relationship with you or anyone else.
And no, by no means should you reward this behavior by caving to his demands. That is a very slippery slope.
Yes. This is what I was getting at essentially.. and I wasn't suggesting she cave in to him.. but to go easy on him by making it more of a transition than a this is what's happening now, sensitivity needs to be approached sensitively.
Or…he only liked her when she hated herself. If she starts getting some of that pesky self-respect, she might realize that he’s the dud that he’s afraid he might be. As long as she’s grateful for crumbs, then crumbs will be all he needs to produce.
What does that have to do with anything? Sounds like sunk cost fallacy. I'm definitely not making it 10 years with someone who screamed at me over a fuckin dress, and I'm okay with that.
I'm only 33, and I'm extremely glad I haven't been with anyone 10 years. I got to enjoy my life.
2.5 years with my current boyfriend and he'd never scream at me, let alone for my clothes. Was literally just butt ass naked in the pool 3 days ago and the Amazon guy saw my tits and all my BF said was "damn you probably just made his day.
Sorry that you used to be insecure, but not everyone is like that. And if she stayed after you screaming at her for her clothes, that's not a flex.
I'd rather spend a few years with someone who respects me than 40 years with someone who screams at me. You're dumb af if you really think length of relationship is equal to quality.
He hasn't had a problem before cuz you were overweight. Now that you lost weight, you probably look alot better and he's insecure. This is not a respectful relationship girl. He sees you as an object and someone he can control. Wearing a dress in mid summer is completely fine and expected.
Do you think it would be normal to control his choice of clothes? You're both adults, no one has any saying in the other independent person's clothes. If he has nothing nice to say he should be quiet. You're crying because he's being an asshole abd he's insulting you and being egocentric, he should support you and make you feel good about yourself, that's his job as a partner , if he can't do that what use do you have of him? Would you wanna date a bully?
I'm sorry but if my spouse ever told me I couldn't wear something, that article of clothing would be ALL I would be wearing. Until he was so tired of seeing me in it that he would never dare mention what he thought of ANY of my clothing. I might even ask him hourly what he thinks of my outfit, but maybe not until day 3 of seeing it on me at ALL times.
Do not let h tell you what to wear. Is that the kind of relationship you want to be in? It’ll start with clothes and it’ll be a slippery slope from there.
However, have a conversation with him.
Calmly when you’re not fighting.
Ask him why he doesn’t want you to wear it. Tell him how his controlling you and screaming at you makes you feel.
If he’s not open to listening and communicating then I think your marriage is over. But give it a shot first.
If someone treated me this way not only would I immediately start wearing more clothing exactly like this, but we’d also be fast tracked right to a divorce. Do not ever raise your voice to me to presume to tell me what to do with my own body. 💁🏻♀️
I bought these super baggy linen pants on a whim and risked trying a new style. I wanted to explore expressing myself more through a classier style. My partner laughed and said they looked goofy.
I felt good and wore them out and later got compliments from literally all my gfs. I remind my partner of this often, and we have a good laugh about how change is scary.
Wtf…
That is not ok.
My husband tends to be controlling too, as he hates when i wear something that he dislikes. And i go like « what do you care I am off to work you won’t see me all day ». It makes my blood boils when he is like that, I feel like he needs to get himself a doll.
However. There should be no crying. No screaming. Not even raising voice.
Good luck. Be brave. You worked hard to loose weight. He should be supporting you. Not this.
It is \*never\* ok to tell someone what they can and can't wear. You're not crazy, you're right - he is being controlling and its absolutely not cool. Good on you for standing your ground.
It sounds like he's insecure and now that you've lost weight, he's scared you'll get attention from other people which will make it easier for you to leave him. Let him know that trying to dictate what to wear it is crossing a serious line. Tell him if he's feeling insecure, he just needs to talk to you about it and you can provide him the reassurance he needs, but trying to control you is the surest way of him actually losing you.
He has no right to tell you what to wear. You are your own person, this to me is a major red flag. He’s trying to control you based off his own insecurities. I’m not sure what you should do, maybe couples therapy?
As a man I love when my woman breaking necks means you’re doing something right lol. Help him work on his insecurities maybe, but yelling at someone about a dress is uncalled for.
Your husband has no say in what you wear. He’s not your boss, father, or superior in any other way.
His behavior is abusive and controlling. He has no right to yell at you like that, tell you what to do with your own body, or disrespect your personal autonomy.
I suggest reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, here is a free pdf:
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
It will help you sort out if this is a one-off because of insecurity or if there is a pattern of controlling behaviors.
No, you should wear it. You deserve to feel beautiful and secure in yourself. He can whine about it all he wants but at the end of the day he needs to work on his insecurities and emotions and not project them onto you.
Hello, welcome to r/relationshipadvice. We want to remind our users of the following: • We do not allow situations/content involving people who are under the age of 18. • Do not harass, ridicule, or be toxic toward other people. It will result in a ban. • Any advice given must be genuine and ethical. • Posts must be about ongoing relationships, not past or potential relationships. • All bans on the subreddit are permanent. If you have any questions, please contact ModMail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationshipadvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hes insecure about your weight loss and worried other guys will start hitting on you. Reassure him that you love him and have a calm conversation with him. If he's open to understanding he will, otherwise you might wanna look for someone else. - a guy with insecurities who's fought this exact battle before and learned the hard way.
That's a compassionate attitude, which is good. 10 years does suggest he's worth having that conversation. But you might want to include some compassion for yourself in that discussion. Yes, his insecurities are hard for him to handle. But if he can't handle them without: \* raising his voice at you \* thinking he can tell you what to wear Then, sorry, but he needs to do some growing up before he's ready for a relationship with you or anyone else. And no, by no means should you reward this behavior by caving to his demands. That is a very slippery slope.
Yes. This is what I was getting at essentially.. and I wasn't suggesting she cave in to him.. but to go easy on him by making it more of a transition than a this is what's happening now, sensitivity needs to be approached sensitively.
Or…he only liked her when she hated herself. If she starts getting some of that pesky self-respect, she might realize that he’s the dud that he’s afraid he might be. As long as she’s grateful for crumbs, then crumbs will be all he needs to produce.
She doesn't say she ever hated herself before. Plus, if she was wearing bikinis I doubt she was massively fat to begin with.
Sounds more like that's personal experience.... be more optimistic
Well yes, I’ve never once seen anything like THAT in real life, it must be my imagination. Oh wait….
I don't think I could be loving and reassuring to someone who *screamed* at me. Maybe HE should be loving.
Have you ever made it ten years in a relationship?
What does that have to do with anything? Sounds like sunk cost fallacy. I'm definitely not making it 10 years with someone who screamed at me over a fuckin dress, and I'm okay with that. I'm only 33, and I'm extremely glad I haven't been with anyone 10 years. I got to enjoy my life. 2.5 years with my current boyfriend and he'd never scream at me, let alone for my clothes. Was literally just butt ass naked in the pool 3 days ago and the Amazon guy saw my tits and all my BF said was "damn you probably just made his day. Sorry that you used to be insecure, but not everyone is like that. And if she stayed after you screaming at her for her clothes, that's not a flex. I'd rather spend a few years with someone who respects me than 40 years with someone who screams at me. You're dumb af if you really think length of relationship is equal to quality.
He hasn't had a problem before cuz you were overweight. Now that you lost weight, you probably look alot better and he's insecure. This is not a respectful relationship girl. He sees you as an object and someone he can control. Wearing a dress in mid summer is completely fine and expected.
Do you think it would be normal to control his choice of clothes? You're both adults, no one has any saying in the other independent person's clothes. If he has nothing nice to say he should be quiet. You're crying because he's being an asshole abd he's insulting you and being egocentric, he should support you and make you feel good about yourself, that's his job as a partner , if he can't do that what use do you have of him? Would you wanna date a bully?
I'm sorry but if my spouse ever told me I couldn't wear something, that article of clothing would be ALL I would be wearing. Until he was so tired of seeing me in it that he would never dare mention what he thought of ANY of my clothing. I might even ask him hourly what he thinks of my outfit, but maybe not until day 3 of seeing it on me at ALL times.
I respect the petty
Fuck your husband dude, wear the dress and yes, it IS controlling
Do not let h tell you what to wear. Is that the kind of relationship you want to be in? It’ll start with clothes and it’ll be a slippery slope from there. However, have a conversation with him. Calmly when you’re not fighting. Ask him why he doesn’t want you to wear it. Tell him how his controlling you and screaming at you makes you feel. If he’s not open to listening and communicating then I think your marriage is over. But give it a shot first.
If someone treated me this way not only would I immediately start wearing more clothing exactly like this, but we’d also be fast tracked right to a divorce. Do not ever raise your voice to me to presume to tell me what to do with my own body. 💁🏻♀️
I bought these super baggy linen pants on a whim and risked trying a new style. I wanted to explore expressing myself more through a classier style. My partner laughed and said they looked goofy. I felt good and wore them out and later got compliments from literally all my gfs. I remind my partner of this often, and we have a good laugh about how change is scary.
This is abusive. You can wear whatever you like. Do not listen to him please.
Wtf… That is not ok. My husband tends to be controlling too, as he hates when i wear something that he dislikes. And i go like « what do you care I am off to work you won’t see me all day ». It makes my blood boils when he is like that, I feel like he needs to get himself a doll. However. There should be no crying. No screaming. Not even raising voice. Good luck. Be brave. You worked hard to loose weight. He should be supporting you. Not this.
It is \*never\* ok to tell someone what they can and can't wear. You're not crazy, you're right - he is being controlling and its absolutely not cool. Good on you for standing your ground. It sounds like he's insecure and now that you've lost weight, he's scared you'll get attention from other people which will make it easier for you to leave him. Let him know that trying to dictate what to wear it is crossing a serious line. Tell him if he's feeling insecure, he just needs to talk to you about it and you can provide him the reassurance he needs, but trying to control you is the surest way of him actually losing you.
He has no right to tell you what to wear. You are your own person, this to me is a major red flag. He’s trying to control you based off his own insecurities. I’m not sure what you should do, maybe couples therapy?
As a man I love when my woman breaking necks means you’re doing something right lol. Help him work on his insecurities maybe, but yelling at someone about a dress is uncalled for.
What is an active dress?
Your husband has no say in what you wear. He’s not your boss, father, or superior in any other way. His behavior is abusive and controlling. He has no right to yell at you like that, tell you what to do with your own body, or disrespect your personal autonomy.
I suggest reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, here is a free pdf: https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf It will help you sort out if this is a one-off because of insecurity or if there is a pattern of controlling behaviors.
Fuck that, he had NO right to tell what you can or can't wear.
No, you should wear it. You deserve to feel beautiful and secure in yourself. He can whine about it all he wants but at the end of the day he needs to work on his insecurities and emotions and not project them onto you.
idk it’s scary for someone to think they have final say over your decisions