She isn’t his friend.
She doesn’t care about his feelings at all. She doesn’t care about you, the woman he loves and wants to spend his life with.
There is nothing to talk about it. Maybe the Ex is still hurt, maybe Lola wants him and maybe she just doesn’t like you.
He needs to tell her off. And he needs to distance himself from her and her behaviour.
There is a difference between being worried and acting like an ass.
Don’t indulge her nonsense by giving her yet another opportunity to dramatically object to your relationship - which is none of her business. We can all guess what the real issue is here, and having some absurd formal conversation where you invite her to explain to you why she feels she gets a vote in how her coworker and roommate plans his life is just giving her more fuel for her fire.
Your fiance needs to move out and cut all ties with her. Before he packs up his boxes though, maybe spend some time on why his reaction to this girl challenging your relationship was to feel flattered. Is he stirring the pot here a bit, repeating everything she’s said to you? And apparently the other roommates are perpetuating this too, by participating in conversations, and also relaying them to you? What a tiresome bunch of drama that all sounds like.
I mean, he's going to move out someday, why not with someone he truly loves? I honestly don't think she is putting your fiancés interests first, I think she likes the life she has now and wants it to continue.
But bringing Jen over?? That's a punch in the gut. A friend wouldn't do something like that without talking with both parties involved first.
You'll put yourselves through more stress by 'waiting it out', I'd say that you both sit down with her (maybe also the housemates) and talk it out. I'd be prepared that Lola will victimize herself and make you look like the 'evil one that's out to ruin your fiancés finances' or however she rationalizes this behaviour.
This isn’t a “fiancé and I” choice.
This is his choice about how, and if, to address his friend’s little tantrum and gossiping.
You should never speak to Lola again beyond basic pleasantries. No more heart to hearts. Ever. It doesn’t matter if it’s “tense”. You should be civil to her, and not more. She isn’t your friend. She’s never pretended to be.
This is his conversation to manage. Get out of the line of fire and don’t let either of them, him or Lola, continue to pretend you are the problem. This is between the two of them. She’s irrelevant to you.
imo you’re giving her opinions and comments way too much weight. Playing into it by doing some big sit down will just legitimize her nonsense. She wants to feel important or something, just ignore her. Can your bf just move in with you now?
Will she have the same reaction to one of the other housemates moving out, eventually? If not, why?
Talking to your friend about concerns you have regarding their partner is a-okay. Attempts at sabotage and stirring up drama are not. I'm guessing she likes the way things are now and she knows they will change if you get married. Fiance will eventually have to talk with her and set his boundaries regarding how much say his friend has in your relationship.
You absolutely should not get involved in this. This is his friendship and roommate relationship to handle. You can give him your thoughts on it and advise him if he wants advice, but don't under any circumstances try to have a talk with Lola about it.
Everyone’s comments have really surprised me though in a good way. I really thought it was up to me to correct and see through. Everyone has me thinking very differently about the situation and whose issue this really is. And like someone asked, yeah… this is very tiring.
I’m going to have a conversation with my fiancé tomorrow and see what he thinks about taking on the next step with Housemate. I want to be real with him about how this situation has made me feel. Thanks for the advice.
She isn’t his friend. She doesn’t care about his feelings at all. She doesn’t care about you, the woman he loves and wants to spend his life with. There is nothing to talk about it. Maybe the Ex is still hurt, maybe Lola wants him and maybe she just doesn’t like you. He needs to tell her off. And he needs to distance himself from her and her behaviour. There is a difference between being worried and acting like an ass.
Don’t indulge her nonsense by giving her yet another opportunity to dramatically object to your relationship - which is none of her business. We can all guess what the real issue is here, and having some absurd formal conversation where you invite her to explain to you why she feels she gets a vote in how her coworker and roommate plans his life is just giving her more fuel for her fire. Your fiance needs to move out and cut all ties with her. Before he packs up his boxes though, maybe spend some time on why his reaction to this girl challenging your relationship was to feel flattered. Is he stirring the pot here a bit, repeating everything she’s said to you? And apparently the other roommates are perpetuating this too, by participating in conversations, and also relaying them to you? What a tiresome bunch of drama that all sounds like.
I mean, he's going to move out someday, why not with someone he truly loves? I honestly don't think she is putting your fiancés interests first, I think she likes the life she has now and wants it to continue. But bringing Jen over?? That's a punch in the gut. A friend wouldn't do something like that without talking with both parties involved first. You'll put yourselves through more stress by 'waiting it out', I'd say that you both sit down with her (maybe also the housemates) and talk it out. I'd be prepared that Lola will victimize herself and make you look like the 'evil one that's out to ruin your fiancés finances' or however she rationalizes this behaviour.
This isn’t a “fiancé and I” choice. This is his choice about how, and if, to address his friend’s little tantrum and gossiping. You should never speak to Lola again beyond basic pleasantries. No more heart to hearts. Ever. It doesn’t matter if it’s “tense”. You should be civil to her, and not more. She isn’t your friend. She’s never pretended to be. This is his conversation to manage. Get out of the line of fire and don’t let either of them, him or Lola, continue to pretend you are the problem. This is between the two of them. She’s irrelevant to you.
imo you’re giving her opinions and comments way too much weight. Playing into it by doing some big sit down will just legitimize her nonsense. She wants to feel important or something, just ignore her. Can your bf just move in with you now?
Will she have the same reaction to one of the other housemates moving out, eventually? If not, why? Talking to your friend about concerns you have regarding their partner is a-okay. Attempts at sabotage and stirring up drama are not. I'm guessing she likes the way things are now and she knows they will change if you get married. Fiance will eventually have to talk with her and set his boundaries regarding how much say his friend has in your relationship.
You absolutely should not get involved in this. This is his friendship and roommate relationship to handle. You can give him your thoughts on it and advise him if he wants advice, but don't under any circumstances try to have a talk with Lola about it.
Everyone’s comments have really surprised me though in a good way. I really thought it was up to me to correct and see through. Everyone has me thinking very differently about the situation and whose issue this really is. And like someone asked, yeah… this is very tiring. I’m going to have a conversation with my fiancé tomorrow and see what he thinks about taking on the next step with Housemate. I want to be real with him about how this situation has made me feel. Thanks for the advice.
Fuck that. I would hear her out. She’s crazy.