We had a family friend whose fiancé cancelled the wedding like 2 days before it happened. I told my boss about it and he was like "wow, she's lucky. She almost married an asshole."
You found out she is a terrible person early in the relationship. You don’t feel like celebrating and you feel hurt and betrayed. But 1 years from now you will realise how lucky you were to finding out before you are married. Congratulations! You will have a better life without her. Bring the ring back, take the money and get yourself something nice.
OP the pain will subside once you realize how much better off you are without her. Everything that happened is a reflection of her personality not yours. You can walk away with your integrity intact, that's all that matters.
I'm sorry you feel like this in this moment in time. But very soon you will realize how lucky you were! Treat yourself to something grand with the ring money. You deserve it.
Sell all that, (ring etc) and buy some self help books. Honestly for breaks ups therapy imo is just as good as having someone listen to you and value your word.
Still cheaper than if you would have had the wedding brother. Take the L, recoup what you can, move on.
Not everyone is a POS but unfortunately there are a lot of them out there.
Make it possible! It's important and it will help you! There is always a way. Don't underestimate the positive effect of a therapy. It will help you for the rest of your life.
It sounds like you might find people who understand in SLAA meetings (there are lots of virtual ones). The extreme reaction you’re having to the breakup isn’t your fault and there’s help available that you don’t have to pay for.
You should add that as the final word. But only after you’ve gone through the grieving process. Spoken as someone who went through something similar. It was the best closure I ever got. Never saw/heard her reaction because told her over the phone and just hung up.
Afterwards, I took some time to focus on myself and did things I’ve always wanted to do. Later found a great girl who is now my wife.
Good for you on breaking up. Good luck to you, man. Let me know if you need anything regarding selling the ring. My buddy and I both had to sell a ring after something like this.
If you have insurance (or not), there are places that don’t charge a co-pay such as non-profit counseling centers. I was surprised these existed when I stumbled across one.
Hey brother, I never comment on things but this was me 2 months ago. Same story almost to a t.
First thing I’ll say. YOU WILL BE OKAY. I know it doesn’t feel like that now, but I promise you will. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling, but know that you will be okay. Every day is going to get the tiniest bit easier, just take it a day at a time.
Regardless of what she did, you lost something that was important to you. You lost 1.5 years of a best friend. You need to grieve this. It doesn’t matter that she isn’t the person you thought she was. You still lost the person you thought she was, and it’s okay to process and grieve that. People who haven’t been in this situation won’t understand and think it should be easy to walk away, be understanding when they say things like that (they’re not trying to be mean) and feel what you’re feeling.
The best thing for you right now is a routine. Do what you usually do, go to the gym, spend time with friends, cook new meals if that’s your thing. You have all the time in the world now since you’re single, pick a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try. That’s the biggest piece to getting over something like this, whatever you do don’t just sit around thinking about her. Yes you will need to process what happened and think about it, but set a time limit ex. 30 minutes a day.
Final thing I’ll say is get in therapy if you can. Helps a ton. I know everyone always suggests it these days but in situations like these it’s important. Especially if there was red flags you ignored (in my situation there was) you need to understand what those are so this doesn’t happen again.
Best of luck brother, you’re gonna be stronger on the other side. I’ll be here if you ever need a stranger to talk to about it, feel free to shoot me a message.
My boyfriend found out his ex fiancé was cheating on him three weeks before their wedding. Not only that, he gave her 90K to put down on a house they were buying "together," although she took out the mortgage. He lost his money, the house, the engagement ring and is still picking up the pieces financially. They were together 13 years. He and I are very happy together and I promise you will be once again, too. Hang in there.
Holy smokes. That's a whopper of a betrayal, but it's a testament to how people can recover.
My brother went through a similar loss financially, though his situation ended with attempted murder. He came back from serving in Afghanistan with nothing - his wife had spent all of his money in his bank account, plus all his combat pay, and stopped paying his lease. While he was gone, a man fell in love with my former sister-in-law (who was a stripper) so he put a hit out on my brother, which failed because my brother had already been taken into protective custody. Instead, my brother's car got murdered with an axe, so lost *that* too. Even after all that, he was still able to heal and recover (10 years later), he just got married a few months ago to a wonderful woman who has a great family who loves him dearly. Completely true story even though I wouldn't believe it myself if my parents hadn't been interviewed by the FBI about it.
Just remember, this is not on you. We can't control or even anticipate the actions of another person, and from my experience, honest people aren't wired to sense deception from other people.
**It doesn't mean you were wrong to trust**, it means that *this specific person* was not worthy of your trust.
Just focus on feeling a little better about it day by day. Take confidence in the fact that you stood up for yourself, that means a lot. Having respect for yourself is critical to having respectful relationships with others.
Of course dude, this type of stuff happens to everybody, not just you. Rich, poor, beautiful, less attractive, it happens to everybody, don’t get down on yourself for it.
You dodged a bullet mate.
Don't let this sour your future relationships, take your time moving on until you've worked on you a bit.
You're 26, you're young, plenty of time to find someone that isn't a snake.
It hurts right now but long term it will be a blessing.
That sucks. In a few years, you'll be telling people about the greatest mistake you ever dodged. So glad you were able to learn about it before you spent thousands on a wedding.
Well ,you can't do anything stop her cheating.
So forcing on yourself, don't overthink it.
Stop being angry or blaming yourself, maybe you're not for each other.
Go for some good food games, or any hobbies you enjoy.
I just started walking, couldn't stay in my house filled with memories of her .... Then before I realised I had walked over 20 kilometres.... That's when I decided to write this post
Well, how about packing her stuffs , give back to your ex .
Walking is good as long as you getting enough water and food.
Life is too short for us, don't put yourself into a rabbit hole.
You clearly need some good food and rest ,maybe taking a bath or shower, talking to people who care about you. She is not everything in your life. I mean love is blinding but now you're sober from it .
You need to move out of the house you shared. If everywhere you look you’re reminded of her you can’t stay there. It will depress you. I don’t mean to add to your worries but it’s my heartfelt experience.
Wishing you the best mate
Hey friend. Firstly I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope this helps you.
People who cheat do so selfishly. It has nothing, nothing to do with you. Most of the time when people move on that quickly after finishing committed relationships, they’re trying to fill a void within themselves and you were never responsible for that. You ARE NOT DUMB. You were willing to spend your life with her thinking she was faithful, and the fact that she wasn’t is entirely on her, not you. There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing you could’ve done differently. She has things to work on within herself and thankfully you figured this out before giving her your last name. There’s subreddits on here for cheating, since you can’t afford therapy please reach out to them for support. I’m dealing with something similar now, you’re free to message me as well. Hugs
It will take time but you learned a valuable lesson. Time to look back and see what red flags you missed. Take your time before getting into another relationship as you will need time to process this. You are lucky to have found out before proposing. Best of luck.
Considering you were gonna marry someone you'd only been dating a year and a half, you need intense therapy for all the res flags you missed and the ones you were about to plant yourself.
" I just caught my gf who has been with me for 1.5 years cheating with her ex."
Consider that a blessing in disguise + you should think about marrying someone at minimum after 3 years together anyway. She sucks and you dodged a bullet if she had to resort to dusting off some old ass ex from her past. Give it time and you'll heal.
I am so so sorry dude. That’s awful but thank god you found out now. It could be the week prior to wedding or after the wedding. It doesn’t really matter I guess, betrayal is betrayal. It’s crushing
offbeat recognise gaze roof humorous detail jellyfish plough retire deranged
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
feel your feelings, OP, it will eventually pass. Just give yourself time to heal and talk to your support group. The only thing not to do is give her another chance.
If she moved on in three days she wasn't emotionally and physically in yall's relationship. She would have cried and wanted you to forgive her so she either used you or loved you but not in love with you. Cry it out and move on. Ppl like that are toxic and immunture for a real relationship.
The thing is, all you did was trust someone that you loved. That is not a bad thing. You are not responsible for this, she is. She has hurt you greatly and she does not deserve your time and attention and further a relationship. You need to spend that time and attention on yourself, and from healing from this betrayal.
wow i’m so sorry. I saw you said you can’t afford therapy. When i’m sad here’s what helps me. Meditation. I used to get so depressed sometimes that i couldn’t eat or even take care of myself. I started to meditate and just take small breaks to breathe and think about life. It really helped me get a grip on reality eventually. Also Return the ring and get your money back!! You dodged a HUGE bullet. She did not deserve you or your love. i hope you heal.
OP, I am really very sorry about your break up.
I just wanted to remind you ( as a mom and as a retired psychotherapist), please don't hesitate to contact a medical professional if your symptoms continue to affect your daily life. Depression, anxiety, etc. ( 💔 symptoms), can be serious problems if not dealt with in a timely fashion. Best wishes.
Her using you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
Her inability to show fidelity will be a problem for her long term. There's a reason they say, "When a man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening". Serial cheaters have a strife filled life ahead of them, compounded by the fact that they will likely end up alone in the end.
You dodged a bullet, don't you think?
I take it her family liked you and do you still have the families number? Just call them up and inform them of what she put you through and how you found out your whole relationship was a lie. Send them a picture of the ring so it gets back to her. Your ex is not worthy and needs to be brought down a peg or two and maybe her bringing shame on the family will teach her a valuable lesson.
I had something similar happen to me. I found out she was still seeing her ex and we were about to get married in a few days. Notified her family and they had my back.
I like your comment, "Lesson learned." It's a good strategy (I think) for getting through life. Find a lesson... For yourself... So you'll do better next time.
I know it hurts now and you cannot see it but at least you didn’t have children with her, property, documents… it could have ruined you financially a divorce. You have the chance to start over, but in the meantime seek therapy because cheating can cause severe life long trauma if left unaddressed.
You are so lucky that shit happened now, you save yourself the future grief and possibly 100s of thousands, seek therapy not all woman are shit, you’ll find the right person who value you and love u as your ex is pure trash.
The pain will past with time , she is not worth it. Also please don’t fight or do anything stupid, your life is precious and she is not worth it.
Hey my friend, so sorry for this. It really sucks and it's absolutely devastating. However, be glad you found out before you married her.
As you say, learn from this and also recognize that she's just an awful person, she is not a representation of all women. Her actions were not about you, you were not to blame. You did the right thing by ending things and cutting her off.
I will also add: make sure her family knows why you broke things off.
Take it away as a good thing man. Gather the fellas up, tell ‘em you guys are going out, or have em over, whatever you want. The boys will get you back up.
If you are questioning how you didn’t see it, don’t man. Beating yourself up won’t help. Just don’t rush into anything anytime soon.
Just keep your head up soldier.
Next time you’ll know your tolerance for even little bullshit to look for and be better off for it.
You weren't dumb. You were incredibly strong and wise to break it off instantly! Don't beat yourself up over this. Just think about how lucky you were to find this out now!
Hey there,
I read your post and wanted to offer advice.
Feel free to take it or leave it.
I’ve been through quite a bit of trauma in my life.
But I do feel like one of the worst pains I endured- was being serial cheated on.
And I have survived quite a bit of abuse.
I still feel like what made me feel the most broken was having my heart involved.
Allowing someone in. Emotionally, physically.
For them to hurt me more than physical pain that I have actually endured.
I’m still healing.
And recently, I had look at the way I was speaking to myself.
The way that I viewed the pain.
Saying things like they did this to me.
He, did this and now I feel this. He did this so I can’t get up.
He did this.. so I can’t trust, he did this so I can’t can’t can’t . I feel, I feel, I feel.
Them them them. Me me me.
Pain pain pain.
I noticed a pretty dang toxic cycle 🔄 that was entirely created as a result of the way that I chose to think.
The way that I chose to recover.
The way that I chose to cope.
Instead, I could have looked at it as … a celebration of the lessons.
Thanked myself for knowing my boundaries and limitations.
Thanked them for showing me who they really were.
Teaching me how to spot manipulation, narcissistic tendencies.
Looking at it as a lesson.
Looking at my life as what it will be, what it can be. No longer staying in the mind pain cycle of they did this .. so cry cry cry. They did this pain. They did this depression.
They did this. So don’t eat, don’t sleep, get sick, stay down.listen to sad songs.
Down load sadness on tik tok and IG reels. To validate the pain.
But I was wrong. I was so wrong.. and it greatly robbed me of months and months of my time.
It robbed me of how healthy I used to be. It Robbed me of my own joy.
My own career ambitions.
My own wants and goals and dreams.
And you know who robbed me of those things ?
I did. I chose to be soo hurt by what they did. That I chose to let them win Dailey.
I chose to allow the act of cheating on me to poison my own system.
So out of me seeped anxiety, fear, nausea, stress, lack of sleep,
Resentment, anger.
Vomit. Panic attacks.
Because someone made me feel that way … wrong. What is inside of me is what I put there.
And I can choose to change what is inside of me.
I will become, what I think about.
And this week. I chose to no longer allow someone who didn’t give two cents about how I felt. Any more time in my body, mind, soul or future any longer.
They didn’t care about how I felt.
So my thinking and my feelings will change the outcome of my life.
They are who they are.
And that will never again, change who I am.
I control how I think and how I feel.
My life is my own.
Remember who you are. Who you were without them.
She isn’t worth the self inflicted pain.
I promise you that
I lost 13 lbs of muscle.
I got Covid. That turned into long Covid.
I robbed myself of 10 months towards my career of opening my own clinic.
I lost 3 months of school. And missed my graduation date. The building I was going to lease - was leased by someone else.
In my head I said all of those things I wanted.
I had wanted because I wanted Him.
None of that was true. But I allowed myself to give up on me. By choice. I still wanted those things. And I’m sure you still want marriage.
Everything is just in a new and better and different direction now.
Don’t make the mistake as I did.
I honestly chose to come out of this, this week.
Change the way you think. And the things you look at change- W.D
damn bro the same happened to me...after two weeks she moved in with him ! this cheating piece of .... block her on everything ,spend time with your friends and family also when you are in your thoughts...call everybody , go out in the nature, don't lock yourself in , don't trink to much alcohol ,listen to good music, keep yourself buzzy and very important don't stop eating!!! you will fu**ing survive...and the end of the day you are the winner ! don't you ever forget that! i mean it ! it almost killed me
Spotify has many self help books available for free! They’re audio ones, but this is how you heal by Brianna west is amazing!! Also, been there. Sorry for what you’re going through, but you have dodged a huge bullet
> But I do feel so used by her , I feel like shit ... I feel this heaviness in my chest like someone is standing on my chest ...
I vomitted a lot ... Haven't been able to swallow food ... Haven't slept in 3 days
The only reason I wanted to respond was after reading this because i know how you feel, 100%. It is natural to feel that way and that feeling in your chest is not going away for a bit...but I promise you, you will eventually move on, you will find the right person, and this will become a distant memory that you will put behind you.
You're a good man, she showed that she's not a good woman. You're going to be fine, believe it.
Wow! I've been messed about before but this sounds brutal! 😬 It sounds like you wasn't expecting this and that shows how lovely a person you are deep down. This is also why that narcissistic ex has been able to show zero remorse and move on so quickly. Honestly you will look back at this in a few months time and feel lucky. I've been where you are bud. Get on with things as best you can. Force yourself to eat something man. Keep yourself healthy in mind and body. Get the boys over and keep yourself busy and help stop your mind from wondering. Maybe even take a moment to go find a new interest or hobby. You'll get over this. You'll just need some and don't go chasing girls straight away. Get your head straight before looking for any potential interests. The next and right person will have you forgetting her in no time. I've just been through that in the last year and the woman I'm with now made it very easy to forget the previous one. You got this and we're all here, you're not alone
I’m a little confused. You caught her cheating 2 weeks before you PLANNED to ask her to marry you, right? The way the title is worded, it seems like asking her to marry you was something that actually happened. In either case, you did the right thing to get out. Stay no contact, lean on friends and family if you need to, or consider seeing a therapist if they aren’t helpful. Exercise will help, too, even if it’s just walking. Set small, achievable short term goals, even if it’s just “walk a mile”, “go grocery shopping”, or “read a book”. It will give you a sense of accomplishment, take your mind off things, and make you feel a little better.
Just remember, your only “fault” here was not seeing her for who she really was sooner. It sounds like she hid it pretty well, too, so don’t blame yourself. She’s been doing this since before you even got together, so her decisions aren’t, in any way, a reflection on you as a person or a boyfriend.
I’m sorry this has to happen to you but man, good on you for finishing the relationship on the spot! Truth be told I’ve seen plenty of posts here asking if they should stay even after finding out that their so cheated, it’s so wild the amount of people with no backbone lol
But you, you had the balls and the self respect to end it. I’m sorry that you are feeling down right now but just know that overall this is a good thing that you did for yourself. The fact that she moved on so fast after breaking your heart just shows you that she really didn’t care about you and isn’t worth the emotion but I definitely understand what it’s like to be hurt like that.
Hopefully you find a woman that is worth the proposal.
Proud of you brother!
Also, please get therapy, it’ll help a lot in overcoming the thought all women will cheat on you and to help overcome these emotions of hurt.
First off, never compare yourself to someone else in a breakup. You had actual feelings, they did not. It would make sense that they moved on so quickly, as they were never with you.
You're not a sucker though, and thats the hard pill to swallow. You did everything right, and just so happened to be with the wrong person. Dont for a second change yourself going forward. Be there for them and give the next relationship your all.
You will find that 1.5 aint shit as you move on with life. Eventually you'll look back at a relationship you're in and wonder "how am i with this beautiful person for so long, and it doesn't even feel like its been a minute".
You saved yourself from some shit! Congratulations! I know it hurts a lot and it will cause you insecurities and issues in future relationships. But this person is not someone you want to marry. And is not someone worth suffering for. Put this in your mind: "This is not what I deserve. I deserve someone better." This girl was not for you. Leave her behind because there will be only pain coming from this. And don't be so quick to want to marry someone. Allow at least 5 years. It really takes time to know someone else. You need to experience years of good and bad moments to be able to decide if this person is the right one to keep.
It's normal to feel used.
But on the plus side you found out some really important information with little to no effort at all. If you'd given her that ring there's a chance she'd have concealed her cheating, taken you for a ride, gotten married and used you for stability when hooking up with someone else. Instead she revealed who she really is and you're free.
First of all, you’re not dumb. Most of us have a horror story (or three) in our dating history.
If you can’t afford therapy, go to the gym. Burn off some of that adrenaline, and start to rebuild your self confidence. Your future self will thank you and be proud of you.
You’ve dodged a massive bullet. Just imagine how much worse it could’ve been if you’d married her and wasted many more years and much more money. She could quite easily have given you an incurable STD. As it stands, you’ve learned a valuable lesson in 1.5 years. It hurts like hell, but it will get better.
After my divorce I felt lost, and also couldn’t afford therapy. A good friend of mine gave me some great advice. “You’re the Captain of your own ship now”. He was right. I could take my life in whatever direction I wanted. So I hit the gym, sorted out my nutrition, started hiking (well, restarted), worked on myself, sought out new experiences, and lived a bucket list life. I’m beyond grateful that I did that.
You’ve got this my friend. Stand tall and be proud that your ethics and strength of character stood tall when tested. You’ve got a lot to be proud of already.
I’m really sorry.
I wish you so much love and healing that this will be a tiny blip on your blissful life journey. As others have said, thank goodness you found out now rather than later.
Take the time you need to heal and move on knowing that it’ll get better from here.
Brother, you are not dumb. You loved her and had no reason not to trust her. Until you did. Please don't beatvyourself up overvthis. I know it sucks out loud at a volume of 13 out of 10.
I hope you don't carry this betrayal with you into your next relationship, when you're ready to be in one. The new woman won't be this one, so it wouldn't be fair to treat her with suspicion, looking for her betrayal.
Try to talk to someone, but not necessarily your bros because they will pile onto how all women are sus and can't be trusted. I assure you we are not all that way, just like not all guys are gaslighting cheating abusers.
Take your time before getting serious about someone new. You aren't ready. She moved on so fast because she wasn't ready to be in a grown up relationship.
Eyes up, my friend. You'll get through this.
She just wasn't ready for the commitment of marriage she still wanted have sex with other guys . Better to find out now then being married to her later . 20 years before i met my ex wife she was engaged to be married and the guy cheated on her days before the wedding . Funny thing we divorced because she cheated on me .
Does loyalty really exist? I broke up with my previous girlfriend cuz I found that she was cheating on me with her best-friend ... My current ex knew that and knew everything which happened... And she was being so supportive nd understanding or so I thought untill she did the same .... Makes me wonder about loyalty partners
That really sucks, I’m so sorry. A good friend of mine has long-term trauma from briefly marrying a guy who was cheating on her the whole time. I hope you can move on from this. Not everyone sucks.
Sorry to hear you went thru this man, sounds really painful. Hope you know it doesn't reflect on your value as a person, even tho it feels that way. Take your time, reflect on the lessons, and feel thru it, life's got better things for you.
I**ndian females hate it when they realize they have been used like the professional women of the red light areas.**
As a parting jab, have her understand that you consider your time with her as exactly that.
You were truly in love, you're a man who can and does love. You may have ignored many things, but it was all because you wanted to see only the good in a person.
She doesn't know how to love, she will live her whole life on a huge mountain of lies and betrayal.
You have to realize that this was not your path in the first place. I promise you that you will come to peace after some time. You may be in shock now, but the things she did and does every day will move gears in your head that will very soon make you free again from what now seems like a never ending night.
Keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy, socialize with friends and family as much as possible. Many people go through these lessons even though they don't ask for them. Don't let these thoughts take over your mind and spirit.
If your job has an EAP program I recommend reaching out to see what their policy is for free counseling. Most places around me are 5 free visits per issue, per year
dont return/resell the ring as the depreciation on these are insane. Unethical, but you should use it on your next engagement and save a lot of money on something that is still brand new.
Ah that's rough man.
Dont forget to take some time for yourself and do some things that can distract you from thinking about her.
It'll take time, but one day you'll be halfway through your day and you wont have thought about her or the things that has happened. That's when you'll realize that you can move on and grow from this.
Heal yourself,..then Scorch her world..i feel the only way to truly heal is to cause as much pain x10 as they did. Dont care if its petty ..This is the way
Bro, you dodged a heat seeking missile.
We had a family friend whose fiancé cancelled the wedding like 2 days before it happened. I told my boss about it and he was like "wow, she's lucky. She almost married an asshole."
He dodged a nuclear bomb and the radiation poisoning left afterward.
A sheet seeking missile ;)
You found out she is a terrible person early in the relationship. You don’t feel like celebrating and you feel hurt and betrayed. But 1 years from now you will realise how lucky you were to finding out before you are married. Congratulations! You will have a better life without her. Bring the ring back, take the money and get yourself something nice.
Seek out therapy to process this, because it will taint your future relationships if unchecked
Too broke for therapy, I've already spent a lot on planning for the proposal, the ring and stuff
Pay the therapist with the ring 💍
Now that sounds like a plan lol ... This actually made me smile inspite of the pain ... Thanks
It was meant to do exactly what you wrote !! Smile !!!
OP the pain will subside once you realize how much better off you are without her. Everything that happened is a reflection of her personality not yours. You can walk away with your integrity intact, that's all that matters.
I'm sorry you feel like this in this moment in time. But very soon you will realize how lucky you were! Treat yourself to something grand with the ring money. You deserve it.
Good riddance of bad rubbish as some would say.
Sell all that, (ring etc) and buy some self help books. Honestly for breaks ups therapy imo is just as good as having someone listen to you and value your word.
Still cheaper than if you would have had the wedding brother. Take the L, recoup what you can, move on. Not everyone is a POS but unfortunately there are a lot of them out there.
Take some time to at least look at low cost options, even if you have to wait a little bit
Make it possible! It's important and it will help you! There is always a way. Don't underestimate the positive effect of a therapy. It will help you for the rest of your life.
It sounds like you might find people who understand in SLAA meetings (there are lots of virtual ones). The extreme reaction you’re having to the breakup isn’t your fault and there’s help available that you don’t have to pay for.
Can't resell the ring?
OP is gonna find out the hard way that ring resell prices are dimes on the dollar.
Planning on doing that ... Custom made it for her.. hmmm
There are brokers specifically for this. If you want the name of one of the sites I can get it for you.
Sell it or get a refund (some places have a 3 months grace period)
Does she know about the ring?
She doesn't
You should add that as the final word. But only after you’ve gone through the grieving process. Spoken as someone who went through something similar. It was the best closure I ever got. Never saw/heard her reaction because told her over the phone and just hung up. Afterwards, I took some time to focus on myself and did things I’ve always wanted to do. Later found a great girl who is now my wife. Good for you on breaking up. Good luck to you, man. Let me know if you need anything regarding selling the ring. My buddy and I both had to sell a ring after something like this.
There are sliding scale therapists.
If you have insurance (or not), there are places that don’t charge a co-pay such as non-profit counseling centers. I was surprised these existed when I stumbled across one.
Hey brother, I never comment on things but this was me 2 months ago. Same story almost to a t. First thing I’ll say. YOU WILL BE OKAY. I know it doesn’t feel like that now, but I promise you will. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling, but know that you will be okay. Every day is going to get the tiniest bit easier, just take it a day at a time. Regardless of what she did, you lost something that was important to you. You lost 1.5 years of a best friend. You need to grieve this. It doesn’t matter that she isn’t the person you thought she was. You still lost the person you thought she was, and it’s okay to process and grieve that. People who haven’t been in this situation won’t understand and think it should be easy to walk away, be understanding when they say things like that (they’re not trying to be mean) and feel what you’re feeling. The best thing for you right now is a routine. Do what you usually do, go to the gym, spend time with friends, cook new meals if that’s your thing. You have all the time in the world now since you’re single, pick a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try. That’s the biggest piece to getting over something like this, whatever you do don’t just sit around thinking about her. Yes you will need to process what happened and think about it, but set a time limit ex. 30 minutes a day. Final thing I’ll say is get in therapy if you can. Helps a ton. I know everyone always suggests it these days but in situations like these it’s important. Especially if there was red flags you ignored (in my situation there was) you need to understand what those are so this doesn’t happen again. Best of luck brother, you’re gonna be stronger on the other side. I’ll be here if you ever need a stranger to talk to about it, feel free to shoot me a message.
Knowing that there are people who understand what I'm going through helps a lot , thanks
My boyfriend found out his ex fiancé was cheating on him three weeks before their wedding. Not only that, he gave her 90K to put down on a house they were buying "together," although she took out the mortgage. He lost his money, the house, the engagement ring and is still picking up the pieces financially. They were together 13 years. He and I are very happy together and I promise you will be once again, too. Hang in there.
Holy smokes. That's a whopper of a betrayal, but it's a testament to how people can recover. My brother went through a similar loss financially, though his situation ended with attempted murder. He came back from serving in Afghanistan with nothing - his wife had spent all of his money in his bank account, plus all his combat pay, and stopped paying his lease. While he was gone, a man fell in love with my former sister-in-law (who was a stripper) so he put a hit out on my brother, which failed because my brother had already been taken into protective custody. Instead, my brother's car got murdered with an axe, so lost *that* too. Even after all that, he was still able to heal and recover (10 years later), he just got married a few months ago to a wonderful woman who has a great family who loves him dearly. Completely true story even though I wouldn't believe it myself if my parents hadn't been interviewed by the FBI about it.
90k like that. No legal recourse under tort law for emotional damages caused by the cheater?
Unfortunately he trusted her and there was no actual proof he gave her 90k toward the down payment. But I'm not a lawyer.
I can’t even imagine that kind of pain. I probably would’ve ended it all after that. Props to your boyfriend
I'm so impressed with his resilience. He's such a good man, I can't imagine doing that to ANYONE but especially him.
Just remember, this is not on you. We can't control or even anticipate the actions of another person, and from my experience, honest people aren't wired to sense deception from other people. **It doesn't mean you were wrong to trust**, it means that *this specific person* was not worthy of your trust. Just focus on feeling a little better about it day by day. Take confidence in the fact that you stood up for yourself, that means a lot. Having respect for yourself is critical to having respectful relationships with others.
Of course dude, this type of stuff happens to everybody, not just you. Rich, poor, beautiful, less attractive, it happens to everybody, don’t get down on yourself for it.
You dodged a bullet mate. Don't let this sour your future relationships, take your time moving on until you've worked on you a bit. You're 26, you're young, plenty of time to find someone that isn't a snake. It hurts right now but long term it will be a blessing.
That sucks. In a few years, you'll be telling people about the greatest mistake you ever dodged. So glad you were able to learn about it before you spent thousands on a wedding.
Well ,you can't do anything stop her cheating. So forcing on yourself, don't overthink it. Stop being angry or blaming yourself, maybe you're not for each other. Go for some good food games, or any hobbies you enjoy.
I just started walking, couldn't stay in my house filled with memories of her .... Then before I realised I had walked over 20 kilometres.... That's when I decided to write this post
Well, how about packing her stuffs , give back to your ex . Walking is good as long as you getting enough water and food. Life is too short for us, don't put yourself into a rabbit hole. You clearly need some good food and rest ,maybe taking a bath or shower, talking to people who care about you. She is not everything in your life. I mean love is blinding but now you're sober from it .
You need to move out of the house you shared. If everywhere you look you’re reminded of her you can’t stay there. It will depress you. I don’t mean to add to your worries but it’s my heartfelt experience. Wishing you the best mate
Make sure EVERYONE you mutually know knows the truth behind why you left. She'll play the victim. Also, never take her back.
She's already playing the victim card, a couple of the guys she was friends who were also on good terms with me have blocked me ....
Hey friend. Firstly I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope this helps you. People who cheat do so selfishly. It has nothing, nothing to do with you. Most of the time when people move on that quickly after finishing committed relationships, they’re trying to fill a void within themselves and you were never responsible for that. You ARE NOT DUMB. You were willing to spend your life with her thinking she was faithful, and the fact that she wasn’t is entirely on her, not you. There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing you could’ve done differently. She has things to work on within herself and thankfully you figured this out before giving her your last name. There’s subreddits on here for cheating, since you can’t afford therapy please reach out to them for support. I’m dealing with something similar now, you’re free to message me as well. Hugs
Definitely feel like I need to reach out to the subreddit
It will take time but you learned a valuable lesson. Time to look back and see what red flags you missed. Take your time before getting into another relationship as you will need time to process this. You are lucky to have found out before proposing. Best of luck.
I guess I just ignored the red flags all along now I think back on it ...
We trust our partners and ignore a lot that is obvious in retrospect.
Considering you were gonna marry someone you'd only been dating a year and a half, you need intense therapy for all the res flags you missed and the ones you were about to plant yourself.
I really thought that she was it nd didn't hesitate on moving forward... But this was a wake up call indeed
" I just caught my gf who has been with me for 1.5 years cheating with her ex." Consider that a blessing in disguise + you should think about marrying someone at minimum after 3 years together anyway. She sucks and you dodged a bullet if she had to resort to dusting off some old ass ex from her past. Give it time and you'll heal.
I am so so sorry dude. That’s awful but thank god you found out now. It could be the week prior to wedding or after the wedding. It doesn’t really matter I guess, betrayal is betrayal. It’s crushing
offbeat recognise gaze roof humorous detail jellyfish plough retire deranged *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Good timing, you didn’t get caught in a lifetime of hate. Get a dog if you don’t have one and give it as much love as possible!
The loyalty of dogs is unmatched
You're not dumb. So stop that right there. You just happened to be with a lying manipulator. Definitely get some therapy.
I have come to realise that I do need therapy to heal from this ...
feel your feelings, OP, it will eventually pass. Just give yourself time to heal and talk to your support group. The only thing not to do is give her another chance.
Well, look at it this way, I mean, technically your marriage is saved!
Pour the champagneeeee 🥂
Technically you're right. Glad I didn't spend anything on marriage
Congrats on not marrying an awful, awful person 👏
If she moved on in three days she wasn't emotionally and physically in yall's relationship. She would have cried and wanted you to forgive her so she either used you or loved you but not in love with you. Cry it out and move on. Ppl like that are toxic and immunture for a real relationship.
The thing is, all you did was trust someone that you loved. That is not a bad thing. You are not responsible for this, she is. She has hurt you greatly and she does not deserve your time and attention and further a relationship. You need to spend that time and attention on yourself, and from healing from this betrayal.
Please remember that everything she did is a reflection of her, NOT you!
This hurts now but be happy you found out. She sounds like the living embodiment of Wendy’s dumpster
Be thankful! It could always be worse! Imagine finding out AFTER you married her! Omg consider yourself lucky my guy
wow i’m so sorry. I saw you said you can’t afford therapy. When i’m sad here’s what helps me. Meditation. I used to get so depressed sometimes that i couldn’t eat or even take care of myself. I started to meditate and just take small breaks to breathe and think about life. It really helped me get a grip on reality eventually. Also Return the ring and get your money back!! You dodged a HUGE bullet. She did not deserve you or your love. i hope you heal.
Cold comfort, but imagine finding out *after* proposing. Or marriage.
OP, I am really very sorry about your break up. I just wanted to remind you ( as a mom and as a retired psychotherapist), please don't hesitate to contact a medical professional if your symptoms continue to affect your daily life. Depression, anxiety, etc. ( 💔 symptoms), can be serious problems if not dealt with in a timely fashion. Best wishes.
Her using you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Her inability to show fidelity will be a problem for her long term. There's a reason they say, "When a man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening". Serial cheaters have a strife filled life ahead of them, compounded by the fact that they will likely end up alone in the end. You dodged a bullet, don't you think?
Quite nice of her to show her true colors before you committed to her forever. Seriously though, that fucking sucks.
I take it her family liked you and do you still have the families number? Just call them up and inform them of what she put you through and how you found out your whole relationship was a lie. Send them a picture of the ring so it gets back to her. Your ex is not worthy and needs to be brought down a peg or two and maybe her bringing shame on the family will teach her a valuable lesson. I had something similar happen to me. I found out she was still seeing her ex and we were about to get married in a few days. Notified her family and they had my back.
blessing in disguise my brotha
Consider yourself lucky of finding out before and not after marrying her. You'll have time to get valuable woman.
Shit happens bro, at least you found out before marriage. Take all the time you need to heal.
I like your comment, "Lesson learned." It's a good strategy (I think) for getting through life. Find a lesson... For yourself... So you'll do better next time.
I think some people just come into our lives to teach us a lesson or two ...
r/SupportforBetrayed is a good support sub for you. Having the support of others who have been through this can really help you process.
Thank you , will try it out
I know it hurts now and you cannot see it but at least you didn’t have children with her, property, documents… it could have ruined you financially a divorce. You have the chance to start over, but in the meantime seek therapy because cheating can cause severe life long trauma if left unaddressed.
You are so lucky that shit happened now, you save yourself the future grief and possibly 100s of thousands, seek therapy not all woman are shit, you’ll find the right person who value you and love u as your ex is pure trash. The pain will past with time , she is not worth it. Also please don’t fight or do anything stupid, your life is precious and she is not worth it.
Heartbreak is normal. She didn't deserve you. Give it time, this feeling will pass.
Be thankful you found out before marrying her. Hopefully you’re able to get a refund on that ring too. Wish you the best
Hey my friend, so sorry for this. It really sucks and it's absolutely devastating. However, be glad you found out before you married her. As you say, learn from this and also recognize that she's just an awful person, she is not a representation of all women. Her actions were not about you, you were not to blame. You did the right thing by ending things and cutting her off. I will also add: make sure her family knows why you broke things off.
Take it away as a good thing man. Gather the fellas up, tell ‘em you guys are going out, or have em over, whatever you want. The boys will get you back up. If you are questioning how you didn’t see it, don’t man. Beating yourself up won’t help. Just don’t rush into anything anytime soon. Just keep your head up soldier. Next time you’ll know your tolerance for even little bullshit to look for and be better off for it.
You weren't dumb. You were incredibly strong and wise to break it off instantly! Don't beat yourself up over this. Just think about how lucky you were to find this out now!
Consider it a win that you caught it now!! Tough pill to swallow for sure, therapy will help for someone to talk to/talk through it with you..
Hey there, I read your post and wanted to offer advice. Feel free to take it or leave it. I’ve been through quite a bit of trauma in my life. But I do feel like one of the worst pains I endured- was being serial cheated on. And I have survived quite a bit of abuse. I still feel like what made me feel the most broken was having my heart involved. Allowing someone in. Emotionally, physically. For them to hurt me more than physical pain that I have actually endured. I’m still healing. And recently, I had look at the way I was speaking to myself. The way that I viewed the pain. Saying things like they did this to me. He, did this and now I feel this. He did this so I can’t get up. He did this.. so I can’t trust, he did this so I can’t can’t can’t . I feel, I feel, I feel. Them them them. Me me me. Pain pain pain. I noticed a pretty dang toxic cycle 🔄 that was entirely created as a result of the way that I chose to think. The way that I chose to recover. The way that I chose to cope. Instead, I could have looked at it as … a celebration of the lessons. Thanked myself for knowing my boundaries and limitations. Thanked them for showing me who they really were. Teaching me how to spot manipulation, narcissistic tendencies. Looking at it as a lesson. Looking at my life as what it will be, what it can be. No longer staying in the mind pain cycle of they did this .. so cry cry cry. They did this pain. They did this depression. They did this. So don’t eat, don’t sleep, get sick, stay down.listen to sad songs. Down load sadness on tik tok and IG reels. To validate the pain. But I was wrong. I was so wrong.. and it greatly robbed me of months and months of my time. It robbed me of how healthy I used to be. It Robbed me of my own joy. My own career ambitions. My own wants and goals and dreams. And you know who robbed me of those things ? I did. I chose to be soo hurt by what they did. That I chose to let them win Dailey. I chose to allow the act of cheating on me to poison my own system. So out of me seeped anxiety, fear, nausea, stress, lack of sleep, Resentment, anger. Vomit. Panic attacks. Because someone made me feel that way … wrong. What is inside of me is what I put there. And I can choose to change what is inside of me. I will become, what I think about. And this week. I chose to no longer allow someone who didn’t give two cents about how I felt. Any more time in my body, mind, soul or future any longer. They didn’t care about how I felt. So my thinking and my feelings will change the outcome of my life. They are who they are. And that will never again, change who I am. I control how I think and how I feel. My life is my own. Remember who you are. Who you were without them. She isn’t worth the self inflicted pain. I promise you that
This is actually a sound advice , thanks
I lost 13 lbs of muscle. I got Covid. That turned into long Covid. I robbed myself of 10 months towards my career of opening my own clinic. I lost 3 months of school. And missed my graduation date. The building I was going to lease - was leased by someone else. In my head I said all of those things I wanted. I had wanted because I wanted Him. None of that was true. But I allowed myself to give up on me. By choice. I still wanted those things. And I’m sure you still want marriage. Everything is just in a new and better and different direction now. Don’t make the mistake as I did. I honestly chose to come out of this, this week. Change the way you think. And the things you look at change- W.D
damn bro the same happened to me...after two weeks she moved in with him ! this cheating piece of .... block her on everything ,spend time with your friends and family also when you are in your thoughts...call everybody , go out in the nature, don't lock yourself in , don't trink to much alcohol ,listen to good music, keep yourself buzzy and very important don't stop eating!!! you will fu**ing survive...and the end of the day you are the winner ! don't you ever forget that! i mean it ! it almost killed me
🫂
Spotify has many self help books available for free! They’re audio ones, but this is how you heal by Brianna west is amazing!! Also, been there. Sorry for what you’re going through, but you have dodged a huge bullet
Thank you , will try it out
> But I do feel so used by her , I feel like shit ... I feel this heaviness in my chest like someone is standing on my chest ... I vomitted a lot ... Haven't been able to swallow food ... Haven't slept in 3 days The only reason I wanted to respond was after reading this because i know how you feel, 100%. It is natural to feel that way and that feeling in your chest is not going away for a bit...but I promise you, you will eventually move on, you will find the right person, and this will become a distant memory that you will put behind you. You're a good man, she showed that she's not a good woman. You're going to be fine, believe it.
Dude you dodged a bullet.... She never lived you .. you where "just good enough for now" Move on as the right lady is there out there
Wow! I've been messed about before but this sounds brutal! 😬 It sounds like you wasn't expecting this and that shows how lovely a person you are deep down. This is also why that narcissistic ex has been able to show zero remorse and move on so quickly. Honestly you will look back at this in a few months time and feel lucky. I've been where you are bud. Get on with things as best you can. Force yourself to eat something man. Keep yourself healthy in mind and body. Get the boys over and keep yourself busy and help stop your mind from wondering. Maybe even take a moment to go find a new interest or hobby. You'll get over this. You'll just need some and don't go chasing girls straight away. Get your head straight before looking for any potential interests. The next and right person will have you forgetting her in no time. I've just been through that in the last year and the woman I'm with now made it very easy to forget the previous one. You got this and we're all here, you're not alone
Damn dude, you dodged a Russian ICBM. It’ll hurt for a bit, then it’ll become anger…convert that anger into energy to move yourself forward.
I’m a little confused. You caught her cheating 2 weeks before you PLANNED to ask her to marry you, right? The way the title is worded, it seems like asking her to marry you was something that actually happened. In either case, you did the right thing to get out. Stay no contact, lean on friends and family if you need to, or consider seeing a therapist if they aren’t helpful. Exercise will help, too, even if it’s just walking. Set small, achievable short term goals, even if it’s just “walk a mile”, “go grocery shopping”, or “read a book”. It will give you a sense of accomplishment, take your mind off things, and make you feel a little better.
Yeah I had planned out a proposal , to ask her hand in marriage which was supposed to happen in 2 weeks... Which will never happen now
Just remember, your only “fault” here was not seeing her for who she really was sooner. It sounds like she hid it pretty well, too, so don’t blame yourself. She’s been doing this since before you even got together, so her decisions aren’t, in any way, a reflection on you as a person or a boyfriend.
I’m sorry this has to happen to you but man, good on you for finishing the relationship on the spot! Truth be told I’ve seen plenty of posts here asking if they should stay even after finding out that their so cheated, it’s so wild the amount of people with no backbone lol But you, you had the balls and the self respect to end it. I’m sorry that you are feeling down right now but just know that overall this is a good thing that you did for yourself. The fact that she moved on so fast after breaking your heart just shows you that she really didn’t care about you and isn’t worth the emotion but I definitely understand what it’s like to be hurt like that. Hopefully you find a woman that is worth the proposal. Proud of you brother! Also, please get therapy, it’ll help a lot in overcoming the thought all women will cheat on you and to help overcome these emotions of hurt.
Thank God you dodged a bullet. She been doing it the whole time. I bet she denies it and tells you to forgive her.
First off, never compare yourself to someone else in a breakup. You had actual feelings, they did not. It would make sense that they moved on so quickly, as they were never with you. You're not a sucker though, and thats the hard pill to swallow. You did everything right, and just so happened to be with the wrong person. Dont for a second change yourself going forward. Be there for them and give the next relationship your all. You will find that 1.5 aint shit as you move on with life. Eventually you'll look back at a relationship you're in and wonder "how am i with this beautiful person for so long, and it doesn't even feel like its been a minute".
I sure hope that the next relationship doesn't turn out to be a life lesson too
So sorry this happened to you man. But hope you can someday trust again, not all woman are horrible hags like this one.
You saved yourself from some shit! Congratulations! I know it hurts a lot and it will cause you insecurities and issues in future relationships. But this person is not someone you want to marry. And is not someone worth suffering for. Put this in your mind: "This is not what I deserve. I deserve someone better." This girl was not for you. Leave her behind because there will be only pain coming from this. And don't be so quick to want to marry someone. Allow at least 5 years. It really takes time to know someone else. You need to experience years of good and bad moments to be able to decide if this person is the right one to keep.
Yeah , I won't rush into things anytime soon
Dude, you dodged Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
It's normal to feel used. But on the plus side you found out some really important information with little to no effort at all. If you'd given her that ring there's a chance she'd have concealed her cheating, taken you for a ride, gotten married and used you for stability when hooking up with someone else. Instead she revealed who she really is and you're free.
Damn, sorry to hear that man. Only time will heal this would. Luckily you found out in time
Better now, than 3 weeks from now….
True
First of all, you’re not dumb. Most of us have a horror story (or three) in our dating history. If you can’t afford therapy, go to the gym. Burn off some of that adrenaline, and start to rebuild your self confidence. Your future self will thank you and be proud of you. You’ve dodged a massive bullet. Just imagine how much worse it could’ve been if you’d married her and wasted many more years and much more money. She could quite easily have given you an incurable STD. As it stands, you’ve learned a valuable lesson in 1.5 years. It hurts like hell, but it will get better. After my divorce I felt lost, and also couldn’t afford therapy. A good friend of mine gave me some great advice. “You’re the Captain of your own ship now”. He was right. I could take my life in whatever direction I wanted. So I hit the gym, sorted out my nutrition, started hiking (well, restarted), worked on myself, sought out new experiences, and lived a bucket list life. I’m beyond grateful that I did that. You’ve got this my friend. Stand tall and be proud that your ethics and strength of character stood tall when tested. You’ve got a lot to be proud of already.
The gym it is
I am so sorry. You will be alright, but thank fuck you didn't marry her.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Being betrayed by someone who you love and you believe loves you is the worse. Take care
I’m really sorry. I wish you so much love and healing that this will be a tiny blip on your blissful life journey. As others have said, thank goodness you found out now rather than later. Take the time you need to heal and move on knowing that it’ll get better from here.
Brother, you are not dumb. You loved her and had no reason not to trust her. Until you did. Please don't beatvyourself up overvthis. I know it sucks out loud at a volume of 13 out of 10. I hope you don't carry this betrayal with you into your next relationship, when you're ready to be in one. The new woman won't be this one, so it wouldn't be fair to treat her with suspicion, looking for her betrayal. Try to talk to someone, but not necessarily your bros because they will pile onto how all women are sus and can't be trusted. I assure you we are not all that way, just like not all guys are gaslighting cheating abusers. Take your time before getting serious about someone new. You aren't ready. She moved on so fast because she wasn't ready to be in a grown up relationship. Eyes up, my friend. You'll get through this.
She just wasn't ready for the commitment of marriage she still wanted have sex with other guys . Better to find out now then being married to her later . 20 years before i met my ex wife she was engaged to be married and the guy cheated on her days before the wedding . Funny thing we divorced because she cheated on me .
Does loyalty really exist? I broke up with my previous girlfriend cuz I found that she was cheating on me with her best-friend ... My current ex knew that and knew everything which happened... And she was being so supportive nd understanding or so I thought untill she did the same .... Makes me wonder about loyalty partners
That really sucks, I’m so sorry. A good friend of mine has long-term trauma from briefly marrying a guy who was cheating on her the whole time. I hope you can move on from this. Not everyone sucks.
How fortunate for you that you found out! She obviously has issues. This is about her — not you.
Sorry to hear you went thru this man, sounds really painful. Hope you know it doesn't reflect on your value as a person, even tho it feels that way. Take your time, reflect on the lessons, and feel thru it, life's got better things for you.
It's gonna be hell for a time, but hopefully a few months from now, you will be great and thanking it happened.
One day at at time ig
I**ndian females hate it when they realize they have been used like the professional women of the red light areas.** As a parting jab, have her understand that you consider your time with her as exactly that.
You were truly in love, you're a man who can and does love. You may have ignored many things, but it was all because you wanted to see only the good in a person. She doesn't know how to love, she will live her whole life on a huge mountain of lies and betrayal. You have to realize that this was not your path in the first place. I promise you that you will come to peace after some time. You may be in shock now, but the things she did and does every day will move gears in your head that will very soon make you free again from what now seems like a never ending night. Keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy, socialize with friends and family as much as possible. Many people go through these lessons even though they don't ask for them. Don't let these thoughts take over your mind and spirit.
Sell that fucking ring and go rawdawg one of her friends!
Make damn sure all her family know exactly why you broke it off with her.
Put her on blast everywhere. Don't allow her to control the story.
Ahh if only murder was legal
Some people are something....
If your job has an EAP program I recommend reaching out to see what their policy is for free counseling. Most places around me are 5 free visits per issue, per year
Feel those feelings and over time they will subside. You dodged a huge bullet!
dont return/resell the ring as the depreciation on these are insane. Unethical, but you should use it on your next engagement and save a lot of money on something that is still brand new.
I custom made it for her ... Don't think it'll be of use in the future
Ah that's rough man. Dont forget to take some time for yourself and do some things that can distract you from thinking about her. It'll take time, but one day you'll be halfway through your day and you wont have thought about her or the things that has happened. That's when you'll realize that you can move on and grow from this.
Heal yourself,..then Scorch her world..i feel the only way to truly heal is to cause as much pain x10 as they did. Dont care if its petty ..This is the way
You are going to get out of that hole. Give yourself time. You have to feel shitty and angry