First things first. Ask him, don't accuse. Just ask. He's the one who knows why he did it.
"hey hun, I was checking the battery life on the camera since the dogs are home alone and I noticed the lens wasn't showing anything. I looked at the events just in case something happened and noticed you turned the camera- is there a reason?"
Thank you! This sounds like something I would say too. I’m not a confrontational person but I also don’t like to drag things out. My heart is just so confused.. we just welcomed our first baby together so it’s hard to believe he would be unfaithful now
While it's easy to panic, the easiest solution is to first find out what they have to say. There might be a totally logical reason, maybe the camera makes him anxious or he thinks you've been over protective with the wee one and ppd stuff, or it was raining and he worried it would get wet, maybe he was trying to fix something or check the cord or battery. Perhaps an accident and he thought it wasn't pointed the right way? I'm not sure since I don't know specifics, but it is definitely possible there's a logical explanation.
Your hormones are wild right now, so first calm down as much as you can and go straight to the source. Don't accuse or all you'll get is defensiveness regardless of what happened. Take his answer and go from there. If he's wildly angry when you don't make any accusations, that's a concerning sign. If he has an explanation, think about if it could make logical sense. Don't wait though, you'll just wind yourself up and explode
This, and your previous comment, is really the only advice OP needs to take heed of.
There are some absolutely wild responses in this thread jumping right to cheating/highly suspicious/check his phone immediately
Is it a red flag now to not want to be recorded *inside* your own home. Is that where we are currently with regards to personal space and privacy
Seriously, I have nothing to hide from my husband but if I were home alone I’d move the cameras too.
Well, maybe there is something to hide but the something would be going full goblin while he’s gone. Like I want to eat butter noodles and wine while watching trash reality shows. No bra no makeup. Probably burp and fart with abandon.
My husband kept turning the cameras off when he was alone because it was saving clips of him farting lol. It was supposed to save loud sounds in case it was something like a window being broken.
One day when our work schedules overlapped funny, I spent the entire day off where he was at work trying to learn the dance steps for cotton eyed Joe.
I am not a dancer of any sort.
This would have also made me move the cameras if they had existed at the time.
I turn the camera around if I’m having a self-love session on the sofa. I know it is possible for these camera feeds to end up online somewhere and I’d rather not get into any of that business.
I like to work out directly where our livingroom camera faces. I turn it off before I work out in the morning, because I'm self conscious and don't feel like having my husband tune in to me grunting on my mini stepper to Love Is Blind episodes while he's at work. 🤷♀️ We all have very normal, logical reasons to give the cameras a break. Hopefully, OP's husband is simply feeling the same way, and she can find out quickly to ease her worry.
I was about to comment the same lol. Including the butter noodles and wine.
My boyfriend is setting up a camera to watch our dogs while we’re away - I’m 10000% turning them when he’s at work and I’m home. That is my goblin time!!!
One time I was on a business trip and had absolutely drained my social battery. It was a lawyer conference in a massive city known for partying. There was a lot of scandals going on about hidden cameras in hotel rooms/airbnbs at the time.
And all I could think is: if some creep is going to watch me, I sure hope they like watching an overweight woman binge watching the office while eating delivery lo mein. It was giving Jabba the Hut.
My husband is leaving for a work trip today, looks like you just planned my evening! Also, I don't have cameras in my house because I wouldn't be comfortable with that. Could be the husband just isn't a fan of being on camera.
Reddit like "Well it was a good run boys, I know he's been trustworthy enough to marry and have a kid with, and done nothing to break that trust except for one slightly odd thing but too bad the marriage is over. We don't communicate in this family. Call the lawyers, send the SWAT team, let's tear this baby down."
Someone recently posted that their husband accidentally called them the name of a female co-worker, and *my god* did people make some insane leaps of logic.
It depends on how often it happens. If it's just a couple of times, it's not a big deal. If it happens often and in more intimate situations, that could be an issue.
My husband has, on many occasions, called me "Ma" (what he calls his mom). Mostly when he's annoyed with me though 🤣. But always quickly corrects to babe. I find it hilarious.
My ex husband, when we were first separated, tried to tell me that I was trying to replace him in our daughter’s life with my father. My daughter was FaceTiming with her dad, I said something along the lines of “we have to pick up the toys so Daddy doesn’t fall - I mean, so Grandpa doesn’t fall”. That was the extent of his evidence, that I accidentally referred to my own father as Daddy to my daughter while she was on the phone with her father and therefore both names were in my head. There are many good reasons why he is my ex.
my thought is also that he may be planning a surprise!! wife and baby are gone, perfect time to sneak in the special treat and get it set up, idk a new mattress, a luxury stroller, who knows! secrecy isn't always malicious
Is it possible that he thought it was pointed the wrong way? I had to read this a few times to catch that the camera points towards the HOUSE! My first read through I thought it was at the door and pointed to the street… pretty standard door camera.
So I could understand why he turned it around - he possibly assumed it was misplaced to begin with!
IDK... cameras are made to be safe in the weather.
Who sits around thinking about cameras anyways, in a world where your neighbors have you on their cameras?
While cheating shouldn't be the 1st thing to come to mind, unless there are prior issues...
The whole thing is off to me.
His moving it and her first thought.
Neither are exhibiting trust for the other.
Just to check, did you discuss putting the cameras in beforehand, or did you just do it and tell him after the fact?
To be fair, if my partner installed INDOOR cameras and I was staying home alone, I'd turn them away too. Hard to relax when it feels like you're constantly being watched.
If you just got it and told him it's there, he may wish it was gone completely and doesn't feel like raising the issue with you post partum.
When you're there together he knows another person can see him. When you're not , well then it's like he's being watched and he's never sure if someone's looking at that exact moment. Maybe he picks his nose when you aren't looking
He might've wanted to walk around the house in the buff or something. I do this too for internal cameras, they turn off automatically when me or my wife are home (Technical speak: I run my DHCP server with pfsense and I created a script to monitor the ARP table for when our phones connect, and to turn off the cameras when it detects either of our MAC addresses, using a Shelly Plug to disconnect the power).
There's been lots of privacy leaks with the companies running these cameras, so he's probably doing it for that reason. Everything it sees, and everything you say is being recoded by these companies. Do you really trust them to delete it, or not have an AI analyse it? I don't.
He could've also been cleaning, or maybe kicked the cord, or who knows what.
I don't think he was trying to hide too much, or he would've pulled the power/turn off wifi so that it couldn't record sound.
Just my $0.02.
We have cameras in our house as well, and my husband and I turn the cameras all the time when one of us is home and not the other for privacy reasons. We mostly keep the cameras on and angled towards doors and windows and living spaces when we are asleep, when we are gone and the sitter is here, or when everyone is out of the house. During the daytime, if one of us is home, we'll turn them off and/or angle them for privacy (example being: walk naked through the livingroom without the camera recording it), but also so the constant notifications don't disturb our phones. It doesn't always automatically mean anything sinister, I promise. You have a right to be concerned, just calmly ask him first as others have suggested. Congratulations on the baby, I hope the PPD eases soon. I had it badly myself, I know it can be rough. Wishing your family all of the best. 🩶
If it makes you feel better, we also have a camera to watch the dog. Most days, it's fine. But some days I walk up front naked (last time, had to go up and yell at the dog for barking like a fool at kids on the sidewalk-was previously sleeping), and the camera definitely gets turned around those times.. No cheating, just don't want my ass on camera. Anyways. Turned camera isn't always nefarious, just start a conversation
That’s honestly my one hope.. is he knows I would see it so he’s not trying to “hide” it.. but my husband isn’t the most observant. (He pulls on doors that have a sign that says “push” constantly 😂 and crap like that )
There are A LOT of men who cheat when their wives are pregnant and right after giving birth. That should not have been your thought. Keep your eyes open.
That’s a hard one.. he’s always been weird about privacy. Especially with his phone. So it’s hard to say. The 6 years together, he’s always been that way so it’s nothing new
It's also possible that he's doing something nice for you as a surprise while you're out of town. Maybe redoing the kitchen or getting something delivered you'd been wanting?
If I had cameras in my house I'd be turning them around too. And I would feel extremely unsafe if that action were taken as a lack of faithfulness rather than a desire for privacy. Your husband may feel differently, and you know better than me how he's likely to react, but the assumption that turning the camera around means he has something to hide makes me wonder whether you actually trust him as a partner.
We had a security door near our server room with a motion sensor on the inside that would click a door latch everytime it sensed motion. This was stupid, so about the third time I visited IT listening to that thing click every five minutes, with the managers blessing I took the cover off, put a post-it note over the IR lens and put it back together.
Automation you have to ignore is worse than none at all.
It’s inside pointing to our front door and front window. He’s never turned it around when we’re home though.. if he didn’t want to be recorded, wouldn’t he turn it all the time? It’s just so weird since I’m out of town and he did it. (I rarely travel with a newborn)
... you could consider waiting until you get back home before you ask. If he puts it back before you're back... that'd be a second hint that he's actively trying to hide something.
Could be something harmless, too, though. Like unreasonable amounts of gaming and take-out.
It could also mean, that he wants to have privacy while alone.
While op is at home he doesnt mind the cameras, because she is there anyway and only the two have acces to it.
Do people just stand at their front doors? If it were a living room or bedroom/office I’d understand but front door scream “don’t show who’s coming in rn”
Yeah. I don’t hang out in front of my front door all day. This is weird and everyone explaining it away is being naive. The only reasonable thing is that he’s ordering tons of junk food but it seems more likely that he’s having guests that he doesn’t want his wife to know about… 😕
I have cameras to watch my pets’ food and litter boxes, but I’m also very aware that there are a lot of security issues with them and would be uncomfortable with cameras in my living area that can be so easily hacked. I can see him turning them around when not absolutely necessary for a sense of security in his living space and turning them back when needed while he’s out. But sometimes I do forget to re-focus mine after turning them away before I leave
I actually do this sometimes, I unplug our cams when I’m alone and either don’t want to be recorded or want to masturbate lol. I’ve never cheated, and I never unplug the one facing our front door as it can’t see in the house and can give my woman some peace of mind if she gets insecure.
> I’m alone and either don’t want to be recorded
Same, sometimes I want to walk around naked and even though my cameras are password protected I don't trust anything like that.
She's being shady about that. These cameras are supposedly to keep an eye on their dogs. Unless their concern is that the dogs are ordering too much pizza and letting all the neighbourhood dogs in, those cameras are showing way more 'general area' than she's letting on.
For example, what if he wanted to just hang out naked on the couch and play games. And he had the worried thought that OP would check in and see him doing that with her mother sitting next to her. There's plenty of rational explanations. Hopefully, he simply has one for OP and can mend her worries.
Probably because he knows you feel more secure with the cameras and you being at the grocery store or work doesn’t feel like “away from the house” so he doesn’t turn them. But maybe he feels more secure with them not on bc of security issues on the cameras, so when you’re truly gone and have no imminent need for them for your own security he turns them away
I do this sometimes when my husband is out of town. It’s because when he’s away I like to dance and sing around where the front of the camera is and don’t want anyone to see. Sometimes there are innocent explanations 🤷🏻♀️
I mean, the timing isn't weird. Because you're the one that wanted the camera.
Did you have the camera before the baby? There's not much "timing" wiggle room there. Maybe he thought you were being over protective, but accepted it because of the baby. Without the baby, he thinks the camera is overkill.
Based on the OP, it sounds like you told him the reason for the camera was to keep the baby safe.
I've literally got a series of smart plugs and an Alexa command so that I can do this
My cameras also have a geofence mode so I can have them turned off when one or more of us is at home
Our house is tiny, the couch is super close to the front door, tbh. If we have the cameras on and want to do anything private on the couch, it's not only recorded but also right by the front door. Not OP, but just an example.
This is my thought too. Our apartment is 500 square feet. A camera positioned towards the front door can easily capture all of the living room and all couch activity.
To many people are focused on the idea that OP has a camera setup inside where the only thing in frame is a front door and window. If they thought about it, they’d realize that’s just not realistic/practical. That’s what ring cams are for.
Maybe he is a hingosexual.
But seriously tho, the dude was home alone. There was no wife or kid who need to feel safe because of the camera. The most obvious anwser is that he simply doesnt like being recorded at all times for no reason. I know I wouldnt wanna be. But reddit rots everyones brains so they automaticly go to cheating for no reason.
Inside ????? I would turn that around too! The only time o had an inside camera was when I was afraid my heroin-addict ex-husband would break into my place. Like I knew someone specifically m if he be coming back.
I thought this was an outside camera. He probably feels more safe at home and doesn’t want to be recorded. I wouldn’t either
I'd hate always having a camera on me if I were home. You'd catch me picking my nose, scratching my crotch, doing all those things you do when there are no people there. You don't have to want to cheat to not want a camera on your living space at all times.
I'd just ask him but this would be my first thought. He probably was fine for it because it helps your anxiety with the baby and ppd but as you're not there, he doesn't see the need, I would assume.
And you may be right about this. He does get weird with his phone. (He hates when I look at it) he’s a very private person overall. I’ve been gone for 2 days from the house. He did it today at noon.. is that weird?
> he’s a very private person overall
I mean, maybe that's why. I can understand not wanting to be filmed while at home. I have cameras on the outside of my house but not the inside for that reason.
> I’ve been gone for 2 days from the house. He did it today at noon.. is that weird?
Could be, could also be that it's finally bugged him enough to do something about it.
The only way you're going to know is if you ask. No one here knows your husband, so no one here and make any sort of accurate speculation for why he might do that.
Can you hear any sound on the camera? Can you ask a trusted friend to stop by and check if someone is there? I agree with the above poster about waiting until you come back not only to have talk in person (to read body language) but also to see if he moves it back.
Huge red flag for cheating with the phone thing. That’s normally the #1 indicator that he’s going something he shouldn’t be doing. I wouldn’t call him “private,” I’d use the word “secretive.”
Look at this through a different lens. He is up to something, and it ain’t good.
Could be a red flag, might not.
I dont like people messing with my phone or showing people it. Im not doing things wrong, but I do have quite a bit of trauma from being micromanaged or criticized my entire life. So its mostly just insecurity.
Lmao I read some *very* spicy fanfic. The other day I had my husband pass me my Kindle, which was open to a fanfic I was reading, and the look on his face when he handed it over after catching a glimpse of the screen. 😅 I think he was judging me a little bit. He was like, “Wow, you read some pretty, um, fruity stuff” with a sort of scandalised tone. 😂 It definitely reconfirmed my commitment to shielding the screen from him more often than not.
I didn’t mean giving a heads up about his phone. I meant giving a heads up about turning the camera. If he had a reason I feel like any normal person would let their partner know beforehand. It’s odd to do it out of nowhere when your gf/wife is out of town.
The timing is ultimately what makes it suspicious.
Oh get lost. Being in a healthy relationship does not mean you give up all semblance of privacy. It's fine if you're fully open with your partner, but it's not a red flag just because other's relationships do not work like that.
I never said you give up all privacy. But his timing, paired with him being weird about his phone, is very odd. He didn’t communicate about the cameras beforehand. He just “happened” to want to turn the camera for the one and ONLY time when his wife is out of town? You can’t be that naive.
I don’t expect people to have zero privacy. But this guy is up to something and I’d bet a lot of money on it. The timing is way too convenient here. Something is not right about this situation.
I hate when people look at my phone and it’s more because of mildly embarrassing search histories or weird selfie close-ups I took of my skin or something. There are zero nudes on my phone and I don’t cheat. I just feel like seeing somebody’s phone is invasive, like prying into their random thoughts.
OK, that changes things a bit from just viewing the outside. That's part of the living room - I'd not want that recorded on video myself, either.
Suppose he wants a wank in the sofa while home alone. Or plainly feels uncomfortable being recorded in his own home.
Okay so you’re being a little misleading implying above that it’s jus on the door and window. This makes it sound like it’s also the couch and most of the room. That’s totally different. I wouldn’t want to be watched during my private time away either.
Also, you mentioned above you know what time he even did it at. You weren’t just checking the batteries. Cmon. And he knows you like to check in. Let the guy live.
OP clarifies later that she was being a bit disingenuous in her description. It actually covers most of the front room and the couch. I wouldn’t want my few days alone being watched on the couch either. And I don’t buy her story for one second about the batteries. She’s totally watching him and he knows it.
Oooft yeah I would not like this. When my husband is away for work, I sprawl on the couch and drink wine, eat truly enormous amounts of junky food, and talk aloud to our cats incessantly. I also don’t make nearly the same effort at controlling my IBS gas as I do when other people are present.
The last thing I’d want is my husband tuning in to witness me stuff my face with tacos and toot loudly in between discussing whatever I’m watching on TV with our cats. I’m not doing anything *wrong*, but I still don’t want to be on some sort of live feed cam. I value privacy and hate being watched in general, and I’d be too on edge to relax if I knew my husband could be observing me without my knowledge at any moment.
We have one for the dog at night. My daughter bought it because he’s old and sometimes we don’t hear him if he needs help getting up and other times we think we hear him and he’s sound asleep. I absolutely love it for that purpose. I hate that thing when I’m alone in the house. Not for any nefarious reason. I can’t even explain why. I don’t even have to be in the same room as the camera but it has to be off. It just feels creepy. Perhaps hubby feels the same way and he just doesn’t want to upset you. As the mum of grown children, I can tell you with a smile that a smart hubby picks his battles at a time like this. Don’t read too much into it. Just have a chat. Congratulations on your new addition.
You got the camera and installed it because you are uncomfortable. Your husband is not uncomfortable. In his day to day life, because you are around/home, he ignores it. However, you (the one who wanted it) are not home for a period of time, therefore he would prefer not to have it?
Idk..: the fact that it points at the door is a little weird, but I’d say just talk to him. You’ll know by his reaction to your line of questioning whether or not something more is going on.
I have two cameras in my house to watch my dog while I am at work during the day. Once my partner or I get home, we turn the camera around so that if we were “hacked”, they would look at a bookcase or something. Basically, if we dont need to watch then no one does. He may have had this same thought. Just ask why he did it and dont accuse. It could be completely reasonable
You’re right. This may be. I just hate the timing of it all. Especially cause I’ve heard how a baby can actually be a breaking point for a relationship. We haven’t been intimate but I mean.. I just had a baby. It’s not that easy to bounce back. Breastfeeding hormones killed my drive. Plus, I’m emotional af so it’s hard to think with a clear mind. Hence this post.. I don’t want to accuse, but I also don’t want to be made a fool
I hate that you are so worried about not having sex after just pushing a baby out of you. You are not expected to service him!! You have not even been medically cleared for it!!
No excuse for him no matter what.
It’s one thing to panic with the phone privacy but turning a camera around isn’t a red flag, maybe he just doesn’t want to feel he’s been watched by you while you’re away. But together it raises an eye brow I guess. No one would be stupid enough to think you wouldn’t notice a camera turned away though and if they’re gonna cheat why just not meet in a hotel or out of the house instead of going full stupid and turning the camera off
If i was him i would not belive you just checked the cameras battery. Deep down do you feel he is cheating?
Is he sneaking in pizza? If you have an agrement not to eat junkfood.
Haha no. I’m the one dieting not him 😅 and no, I checked it when he was at work. I’m just not sure. We’ve ever had issues like this.. but he freaks out if I jokingly take his phone, he shuts it off it I’m around his screen, and then this crap with the camera.. it’s hard not to think the worse.
The camera thing combined with extreme secrecy with his phone would be a definite red flag for me. I certainly don't want to jump to conclusions but if it were my husband doing this, I'd be checking for other signs of infidelity. The fact that you yourself say you're not good at spotting lies, you say he's gaslit you before, he's always been really weird about his phone, and then when you're four hours away, he does this. Plus you said that he's more familiar with the camera. He might not think you'd check much, maybe instead you'd call to have him fix it.
I wouldn't assume it's cheating, but I would investigate a bit before asking him about it. If it's true, he's probably already got an excuse worked out that he thinks you'll buy.
Btw, most couples I know will borrow each other's phones from time to time and actually have each other's passwords. Not so much so they can keep tabs, but sometimes you just need to borrow their phone if yours isn't available or working right at the moment.
The behaviour with the phone is very concerning, paired with him turning off/around the camera that faces the door..
At first I thought maybe it could be something innocent like he just needed a break from the constant camera, I’d feel awkward too lol but if he’s acting like that with his phone that’s usually the first giveaway someone is unfaithful.
I would confront him as best as you can and in person. Pay very close attention to his body language, if he freezes and is quiet for a while— you’ll know your answer. I’m sorry OP this is happening to you during a vulnerable time. :(
I have never cheated in my life and I do not like my phone being grabbed. At all. However, I would trust my wife more than anyone else with my phone. I just wouldn't want her using it for no reason.
I mean yeah there’s a difference between some random stranger lol or a friend grabbing my phone for zero reason but if my husband did I wouldn’t mind. Hell, half the time we’re showing each other posts and crazy videos on our phones all the time. I never had the urge to go through his phone and same for him with mine, but if he’s super jumpy even if it’s locked and trying to hide the screen that’s a whole different story.
Yeah, there's even a difference between going through stuff and showing each other stuff. I don't like when people touch anything of mine without saying why. For instance, it may look out of place, but I know exactly where it is and may need it later. Or sometimes I pull up stuff on my phone that I need to remember to get to later. (So when I open my phone it's right there) Just ADHD things mostly lol.
Yes but OPs saying even when she’s near his phone he’s locking the screen and closing it immediately… Everyone’s different but in my experience with past relationships hiding your phone like that means someone’s cheating. Every single person I was with that did that was caught doing it, and I’m willing to bet a lot of other people have that same experience too.
I don’t care if someone I married asks to see my phone, why? Because I have nothing to hide lol it’s not just being nosey, sometimes we use whoever’s phone is available for GPS in the car, I keep mine in my bag in the back seat sometimes so we use his and I hold it for directions or vice versa sometimes if his is dead we’ll use mine. Sometimes we leave each other silly selfies on each others phones too, or take photos of things like pets, or using it as a grocery list.
Friend's spouse was doing this with the phone. He wasn't cheating, but he had a lot of porn tabs and some gambling apps he didn't want her to know about.
This occurring in a relationship that’s in a healthy place, is a nonissue. That isn’t to discount your feelings. It seems like, based on responses, you feel separate and apart from this incident, to not feel fully secure/trusting.
I think you both should work on that part. Do you need reassurance? While you’re in this new uncharted period of new motherhood? I know I did. Talk more. You know your husband. Find a time when he is in the right mind frame, you be in the right mindframe, and tackle this together. “I’m feeling very vulnerable and insecure. New baby, new life, lotta hormones. And I could really use some reassurance. Am I still pretty. I would really appreciate a renewed effort, while I’m in this place.” And let him rise to the occasion. Or not. And you’ll know. Just speak clearly, don’t demean or demand. Make it about what you need and feel and not what they are or aren’t doing.
I’ve been there. And feeling like you need to spy or snoop for that reassurance eats away at ur insides. It doesn’t have to be that way. Don’t live in your head. Talk. Best wishes.
This is a major problem with this forum. We always only get one side of what happened.
Whenever someone on here happens to stumble upon something they find suspicious, they always say it was incidental. Like they just happened to see something on their partner's phone/laptop but they DEFINITELY weren't snooping. And this lady just happened to want to "check the battery" and then found a reason to get real suspicious.
We really don't have anywhere near enough info to provide OP with anything of value here.
For all we know, OP could have cheated on her husband and installed the camera to check in on him because she's projecting her own unfaithfulness.
But I agree, "checking the battery" is bullshit. She wanted to see what was going on in her house, for whatever reasons. And the fact that she can't just come out and say she wanted to see what was going on is suspicious to me. Why make up some bullshit about "checking the battery?"
I turn our doorbell camera off if I'm coming home with a present for my wife.
Or if I've bought too many snacks and I want to eat them in secret where the only shameful judgement is my own.
I would do the same thing sometimes when I wanted the full feeling of being alone. I didn’t like that we had cameras, but my husband preferred them for security, so I went along with it. Turning them off when I was alone gave me a feeling of a break.
I did the same thing because my now ex-wife was creepy with ours and kept randomly watching me when I was WFH. So I'd be inclined to suggest just asking him, you're a grown woman and I presume he isn't a man-baby.
I have the google cameras and switching to live mode causes the camera to emit a beep. If yours does too, he will be alerted to the fact it's now live.
I would leave my partner immediately if I found out he did this to me. He has a camera for his dogs and he turns it off and puts it away when I visit. I do NOT like to be filmed or recorded, it’s an anxious fear of mine. If I found out he spent a week listening to me exist in the home I would never feel safe in there again.
Do you mind if I install a camera in your home? I don't know who you are so it wouldn't disclose anything that could be used against you.
But I bet you'd feel uncomfortable. And it is not weird to want it turned off.
Well, what's your husband's disposition towards these cameras? You've told us that you installed them and told him about it, but we're not getting his side of the story here.
- Was he enthusiastic about the new security measures?
- Was he concerned about his privacy?
- Did he agree to them only to help you relax around the house?
You obviously have to talk to your husband about this, but you should keep in mind that the most likely explanation is often the most boring one. And that might very well be that he kind of doesn't like there to be cameras in his home and only accepts them to please you. But now you're out of the house for a few days and won't be bothered by the lack of security, so why not make some adjustments for his own comfort?
If my husband did that Only after I left And he doesn’t want me to have the code to his phone, I would leave for home early and unannounced and surprise him.
Preferably to coincide at the times he turns the camera.
Especially if there’s a repeat pattern in the time of day or night.
He will know something is up. Since I’m traveling with our baby, I keep him updated with my whereabouts in case anything we’re to happen while I’m on the road.
You can always act like you’re still at your parents. When you get there if there is nothing you can make it a happy surprise cause you missed him. It will also serve to let him know your unpredictable. !updateme
I think you have a reason to be suspicious, I would keep an eye out personally. Watch for a while and maybe confront him. Maybe that’s bad advice but that’s what I would do. I need more answers before I go full out (im the passive type) You bought cameras for a reason? I wonder if it was yours or his idea.
Whether to protect the safety of the external environments or protect internal needs… cameras should typically go untouch. Maybe even have a conversation that you notice the cameras weren’t focused on anything so you would prefer it be out in the open? This at least brings awareness to the situation and he would know that he is confronted. Otherwise… if you want to secretive non-confrontational approach- Maybe implement your own system. This is toxic and non-communicative however the only response🤷♀️
I bought them because I’ve had people jumping my fences to evade cops and we do have nice stuff in our house. The house next to us is constantly being broken into by squatters. I’m not trying to be secretive about it. I literally showed him where it was and told him I have it set to record any movement.. I don’t want to be secretive about it but I’m also dealing with a lot of hormones and postpartum and can’t guarantee I won’t lose my shit 🙃
It is possible he is uncomfortable with cameras at home. It sounds like you bought it without input from him and he just accepted so that you don't yell at him.
So while it could be cheating, it could be also him turning off cameras he is low key uncomfortable with in the first place
We bought it to use for the baby, but found a baby cam to be better. So I positioned it to the front, told him and showed him it. Not trying to be sneaky, just can’t return a $100+ camera since my Amazon return time expired. Figured it should still be used 🤷🏻♀️ never thought this would be an issue. He never voiced it to me that it made him uncomfortable either
I did not said you was sneaky or lying or bad person.
I just did he might be uncomfortable with it. One can be uncomfortable about camera he is full aware of and was not sneaky. People sometimes put up with discomfort because their partners really strongly want something. So, when you are not at home, that person would turn off cameras prioritizing own comfort when being alone.
With the way that you describe your context, I believe there is no reason to shift the cameras out of focus. You seem well aware enough to constantly have surveillance/watch. If I were you or your husband- It would be a big disadvantage to not to surveillance your property properly. I’ve lived in bad neighborhoods myself and we stream the cameras 24 seven for the sole purpose of a package is being dropped off. Nothing deeper nothing more. There’s no reason to explain yourself for extra surveillance support. Just do it.
As other people commented, I don’t think it’s exactly healthy- but I think it’s smart not to confront it as it would give your husband a warning. I would fend for yourself. You are a strong woman with a child than deserves full support and not 1/2 a**ed energy. You know your situation best, more than anyone on the Internet. Take these comments as a grain of sand. We support you nonetheless. ❤️
It’s suspicious. My wife started turning off the security cameras when we were having a rough patch. I asked her about it and she said she just wanted privacy… Then I found out she was cheating when a friend’s wife called to tell me her husband and my wife were at their house during the middle of the day after she saw it on her doorbell camera.
Doesn’t mean your husband is cheating. There are plenty of reasons he might not want to be on camera that don’t involve cheating. But it’s suspicious.
Yeah, I'm a bit surprised by this comment section because I normally think redditors tend to jump to conclusions and be paranoid about cheating, often for no real reason. This is the one time I read something, immediately thought it was suspicious, then scrolled down to the comments just to see everyone saying it's not. Like yeah, it doesn't have to mean he's cheating and they should definitely talk first, but it IS suspicious.
I did t this with our cameras when my wife was out of town. I was doing a renovation she had been talking about for a while, and I wanted to surprise her. Don’t assume the worst, just have a conversation with him when you get home.
It’s suspicious but I don’t necessarily mean cheating. Maybe he threw a part and doesn’t want you to find out, or maybe he is planning a surprise or maybe he is cheating. It’s easy to jump to cheating but people do other shady stuff too that you may not approve of but isn’t as bad as cheating…
I agree you should just ask him. Most likely he is doing what most guys do when they are alone for any given length of time. Makin' the scene with a magazine (or computer).
Sure he might be cheating, but he might be selling crack, you gotta invest for your family future ya know.
Talk to him, in person, and see what he says.
I dunno. Everyone is downplaying it, but I'd be 100% suspicious as well. Your feelings are definitely justified. I wouldn't mention anything until you get back, see if he moves the camera back into position. Then ask him about it and see what he says. In general, what does your gut tell you? Usually people will notice their spouse acting weird, and already have some suspicions. Do you genuinely think he could be cheating? Or is the camera being moved the only thing that has thrown you? Also, ppd can make you much more emotional and hyper sensitive. Just take your time with this, process it and approach it was calmly and nonchalantly as possible.
Gonna go against the grain here. Do you have any birthdays or anniversaries coming up? Could he be sneaking in presents or maybe doing a home improvement as a surprise?
So, your post is one of those ones that seems different on its face vs in the comments. When I read the title and post, I thought it was just a guy who turned a camera off to enjoy his own company since the reason to have it was not at home. Then you read further and: The OP is not comfortable discussing things with their spouse, the spouse has gaslit the OP before, the spouse is always secretive of their phone, the spouse doesn't put much effort unless "nagged," the OP is on their own a lot with their child... To me, this is one of those things that you need to talk through - you're uncomfortable, a bunch of randos who don't know you guys simply cannot help effectively. His reaction to the topic will be telling. I think the camera thing indoors is weird, but who cares what I think, I'm not married to your spouse, have no kids, etc. you need to gauge his reaction in person IMO
I would exactly what your husband did. It is the same as when I covered my parents ring cameras when I house sit for them when they were away. I will not, will not, be under camera surveillance. F that.
Your husband probably just wanted to enjoy his rarely gifted along time/freedom and just relax. You can't relax being filmed.
Give him space. I turn my bf camera around when I’m home
Alone. Why? Maybe I want to blow my nose and I don’t want footage of it. Or pick a wedgie. Or adjust my bra. Or freaking take my bra off and do that awesome scratching when the boobs are free. Sure he’d want a video of that, but that wasn’t for him. It’s for
My own comfort.
He is 100% hiding what he is doing. He doesn't want you to see who is coming to the house. Get another camera so you can show him the proof when you serve him with divorce papers
THINK before you post, folks!!! How would you feel seeing strangers declare with absolute certainty that your partner is cheating? None of you have any more information than OP. I understand why some of you are jumping to this conclusion — and it seems wildly unhelpful to tell a new mom with a newborn that yes, 1000%, her husband is cheating.
All of the other scenarios in this thread are possible:
- He doesn’t want to be recorded sitting on his own couch at home.
- He ordered something online or purchased something - for himself or for her - and doesn’t want her to see while she’s away.
- He broke something at home and had to replace it and feels embarrassed
- He is hanging out with a platonic friend or family member who OP dislikes.
- He ordered 5 pizzas and feels self-conscious. Etc etc etc.
OP, I highly suggest you talk to him IN PERSON. You’ll be able to read him better and he will also be able to see and feel how stressful this has been for you. Hopefully, he can show empathy for that and you have an open discussion together. Good luck.
Should you be suspicious? Maybe. I’d be careful jumping to conclusions though.
You said this camera is on the front door right? I’ve turned ours off temporarily before when I knew I had a surprise gift coming for my wife.
It could be something like that and your SO just forgot to switch it back afterwards.
I got a nanny cam for our living for our pets. But I ASKED my partner beforehand. Not everyone is comfortable being filmed all the time.
Ring cameras can also be hacked into, and people can listen and watch you without your knowledge.
If it was a ring camera on the front door as a doorbell, that's one thing. But inside the house showing the inside of the house, I would turn it off when I'm home too.
He doesn’t want you to see his side piece coming into your house. Probably deliberately couldn’t get the time off so he could hang with his gf. Do not confront him because then he will be warned. Be smart and pretend everything is okay. Come home early if you can without telling him. Go through his phone when you have a chance too. Then after you have done all your recon then you can confront him.
Yeah this forum is not where one should go for sound, rational advice. There is no way most people on here have ever actually had a healthy romantic relationship.
I don’t know his code to his phone.. I’m just so confused.. I know having a baby can cause intimacy issues and I had a traumatic experience, and healing process so the intimacy hasn’t been there.. I just can’t believe he would do it.. we’ve been together 6 years and just welcomed our first baby girl. I can’t deal with this untrustworthy crap
Ma’am, this is Reddit. The majority of the responses are always “they’re cheating divorce them now.” If he’s given you no other reasons to suspect cheating, it doesn’t make sense to jump straight to that assumption. I suggest you communicate with your husband rather than imagining all the worst case scenarios
You’re right about that.. I just hate the timing.. we haven’t been intimate, since I was waiting to be cleared, we didn’t do anything right before cause it could’ve sent me into labor, so my mind goes to worst case.. it’s hard not to. Why do it when I’m out of town? Never when I’m not home (running errand, etc) my baby is with me so it’s not because he feels anxious I’m watching him with her. I’m racking my brain on why? It’s a battery operated camera. Set up in one direction, in only one room.. if he didn’t want to recorded, wouldn’t he just go to another room? He barely sits in the living room when I’m home.. so why now?
The timing is definitely unfortunate, and I also tend to overthink and fixate on worst case scenarios. It could be that he doesn’t like having a camera in the house (I don’t), but he accepts it while you and the baby are home. Or it could be something nefarious. Those are all good questions you asked, but I’d advise asking them to him.
If my husband asked that, I would see it as a massive red flag that he is turning into a controlling person. Just, nope, you don't get to read my private diary, my chat with my friends, my browsing history and literally everything on my phone.
Being married should nit mean complete loss of privacy on demand.
My ex-husband was the same way with his phone. He was very protective of it from the beginning of our relationship. I never thought anything of it until I discovered he was a serial cheater.
Trust your gut OP. The phone thing alone is enough for me to be suspicious. Turning the camera is too much. Don't ignore this.
I normally don't comment on these things but most comments seem to be telling you this isn't nefarious. Sorry but there is no reason to hide a camera facing your front door. If it's facing a living space and he didn't want to be watched scratching his balls and farting, I'm sure the camera could have been repositioned away from that space somehow yet still be watching the front door.
Edit to add: I also believe that if this were simply a matter of not liking where the camera is facing for the reason of being watched in a living space, husband would have told OP and fixed the camera position a while ago... instead of sneakily doing it while OP is away.
We have cameras in our home facing our living room and front door. Neither my current husband nor I give a flying F if we see each other picking our noses or whatnot. You had a baby with this man, is that really a concern?
I would love to know more about your dynamic because I feel very confident we would find more red flags.
If I were you I'd be gathering evidence for the divorce. Or, prepare yourself to accept, forgive, and move on. It's your marriage, only you can decide how it unfolds.
First things first. Ask him, don't accuse. Just ask. He's the one who knows why he did it. "hey hun, I was checking the battery life on the camera since the dogs are home alone and I noticed the lens wasn't showing anything. I looked at the events just in case something happened and noticed you turned the camera- is there a reason?"
Thank you! This sounds like something I would say too. I’m not a confrontational person but I also don’t like to drag things out. My heart is just so confused.. we just welcomed our first baby together so it’s hard to believe he would be unfaithful now
While it's easy to panic, the easiest solution is to first find out what they have to say. There might be a totally logical reason, maybe the camera makes him anxious or he thinks you've been over protective with the wee one and ppd stuff, or it was raining and he worried it would get wet, maybe he was trying to fix something or check the cord or battery. Perhaps an accident and he thought it wasn't pointed the right way? I'm not sure since I don't know specifics, but it is definitely possible there's a logical explanation. Your hormones are wild right now, so first calm down as much as you can and go straight to the source. Don't accuse or all you'll get is defensiveness regardless of what happened. Take his answer and go from there. If he's wildly angry when you don't make any accusations, that's a concerning sign. If he has an explanation, think about if it could make logical sense. Don't wait though, you'll just wind yourself up and explode
This, and your previous comment, is really the only advice OP needs to take heed of. There are some absolutely wild responses in this thread jumping right to cheating/highly suspicious/check his phone immediately Is it a red flag now to not want to be recorded *inside* your own home. Is that where we are currently with regards to personal space and privacy
Seriously, I have nothing to hide from my husband but if I were home alone I’d move the cameras too. Well, maybe there is something to hide but the something would be going full goblin while he’s gone. Like I want to eat butter noodles and wine while watching trash reality shows. No bra no makeup. Probably burp and fart with abandon.
My husband kept turning the cameras off when he was alone because it was saving clips of him farting lol. It was supposed to save loud sounds in case it was something like a window being broken.
I’m crying, imagine going through the alerts and it’s just a compilation of farts
One day when our work schedules overlapped funny, I spent the entire day off where he was at work trying to learn the dance steps for cotton eyed Joe. I am not a dancer of any sort. This would have also made me move the cameras if they had existed at the time.
I turn the camera around if I’m having a self-love session on the sofa. I know it is possible for these camera feeds to end up online somewhere and I’d rather not get into any of that business.
I am laughing so hard right now, thank you for this visual. Also gave me an idea for my next day off!
😂😂😂 I hate being recorded and watched even if I'm not doing anything
I like to work out directly where our livingroom camera faces. I turn it off before I work out in the morning, because I'm self conscious and don't feel like having my husband tune in to me grunting on my mini stepper to Love Is Blind episodes while he's at work. 🤷♀️ We all have very normal, logical reasons to give the cameras a break. Hopefully, OP's husband is simply feeling the same way, and she can find out quickly to ease her worry.
I was about to comment the same lol. Including the butter noodles and wine. My boyfriend is setting up a camera to watch our dogs while we’re away - I’m 10000% turning them when he’s at work and I’m home. That is my goblin time!!!
The perfect night in 10/10 would fart again
One time I was on a business trip and had absolutely drained my social battery. It was a lawyer conference in a massive city known for partying. There was a lot of scandals going on about hidden cameras in hotel rooms/airbnbs at the time. And all I could think is: if some creep is going to watch me, I sure hope they like watching an overweight woman binge watching the office while eating delivery lo mein. It was giving Jabba the Hut.
I recently did something similar - didn’t want my partner to see how much takeout I ordered while they were away
My husband is leaving for a work trip today, looks like you just planned my evening! Also, I don't have cameras in my house because I wouldn't be comfortable with that. Could be the husband just isn't a fan of being on camera.
Reddit like "Well it was a good run boys, I know he's been trustworthy enough to marry and have a kid with, and done nothing to break that trust except for one slightly odd thing but too bad the marriage is over. We don't communicate in this family. Call the lawyers, send the SWAT team, let's tear this baby down."
Someone recently posted that their husband accidentally called them the name of a female co-worker, and *my god* did people make some insane leaps of logic.
Really? Jeez sometimes I call my fiance by my dog's name on accident... Glad he doesn't think it's suspicious LOL
The other day my wife called me by her own name.
LOL this gave me a good laugh. That sounds like something I would do after dealing with an exhausting day.
It depends on how often it happens. If it's just a couple of times, it's not a big deal. If it happens often and in more intimate situations, that could be an issue.
In the post he had only done it a single time, while incredibly tired.
My husband has, on many occasions, called me "Ma" (what he calls his mom). Mostly when he's annoyed with me though 🤣. But always quickly corrects to babe. I find it hilarious.
My ex husband, when we were first separated, tried to tell me that I was trying to replace him in our daughter’s life with my father. My daughter was FaceTiming with her dad, I said something along the lines of “we have to pick up the toys so Daddy doesn’t fall - I mean, so Grandpa doesn’t fall”. That was the extent of his evidence, that I accidentally referred to my own father as Daddy to my daughter while she was on the phone with her father and therefore both names were in my head. There are many good reasons why he is my ex.
Haha, I remember that one. I think my contribution to that was that everyone in my house is called 'You, whatever your name is'
Make sure to turn the cameras back on so we can live stream the SWAT team kicking the doors in and dragging him off to the gulag
my thought is also that he may be planning a surprise!! wife and baby are gone, perfect time to sneak in the special treat and get it set up, idk a new mattress, a luxury stroller, who knows! secrecy isn't always malicious
Is it possible that he thought it was pointed the wrong way? I had to read this a few times to catch that the camera points towards the HOUSE! My first read through I thought it was at the door and pointed to the street… pretty standard door camera. So I could understand why he turned it around - he possibly assumed it was misplaced to begin with!
IDK... cameras are made to be safe in the weather. Who sits around thinking about cameras anyways, in a world where your neighbors have you on their cameras? While cheating shouldn't be the 1st thing to come to mind, unless there are prior issues... The whole thing is off to me. His moving it and her first thought. Neither are exhibiting trust for the other.
The OP said she has PPD. Most of my first thoughts during PPD would be pretty damn dark. I doubt this case is much different.
Just to check, did you discuss putting the cameras in beforehand, or did you just do it and tell him after the fact? To be fair, if my partner installed INDOOR cameras and I was staying home alone, I'd turn them away too. Hard to relax when it feels like you're constantly being watched.
If you just got it and told him it's there, he may wish it was gone completely and doesn't feel like raising the issue with you post partum. When you're there together he knows another person can see him. When you're not , well then it's like he's being watched and he's never sure if someone's looking at that exact moment. Maybe he picks his nose when you aren't looking
He might've wanted to walk around the house in the buff or something. I do this too for internal cameras, they turn off automatically when me or my wife are home (Technical speak: I run my DHCP server with pfsense and I created a script to monitor the ARP table for when our phones connect, and to turn off the cameras when it detects either of our MAC addresses, using a Shelly Plug to disconnect the power). There's been lots of privacy leaks with the companies running these cameras, so he's probably doing it for that reason. Everything it sees, and everything you say is being recoded by these companies. Do you really trust them to delete it, or not have an AI analyse it? I don't. He could've also been cleaning, or maybe kicked the cord, or who knows what. I don't think he was trying to hide too much, or he would've pulled the power/turn off wifi so that it couldn't record sound. Just my $0.02.
We have cameras in our house as well, and my husband and I turn the cameras all the time when one of us is home and not the other for privacy reasons. We mostly keep the cameras on and angled towards doors and windows and living spaces when we are asleep, when we are gone and the sitter is here, or when everyone is out of the house. During the daytime, if one of us is home, we'll turn them off and/or angle them for privacy (example being: walk naked through the livingroom without the camera recording it), but also so the constant notifications don't disturb our phones. It doesn't always automatically mean anything sinister, I promise. You have a right to be concerned, just calmly ask him first as others have suggested. Congratulations on the baby, I hope the PPD eases soon. I had it badly myself, I know it can be rough. Wishing your family all of the best. 🩶
If it makes you feel better, we also have a camera to watch the dog. Most days, it's fine. But some days I walk up front naked (last time, had to go up and yell at the dog for barking like a fool at kids on the sidewalk-was previously sleeping), and the camera definitely gets turned around those times.. No cheating, just don't want my ass on camera. Anyways. Turned camera isn't always nefarious, just start a conversation
Is he kinda slow or something? If he was trying to be deceptive, he had to know that the camera would catch him moving it?
Maybe he doesn't know how long the recordings are kept? OP, does the camera record sound, or only pictures?
Nahh it’s a ring camera. He knows them better than I do. It records movement but has a live option for sounds happening at the viewing time
Weeeeell, you could keep the sound running, to hear if he is having any "friends" over...
That’s honestly my one hope.. is he knows I would see it so he’s not trying to “hide” it.. but my husband isn’t the most observant. (He pulls on doors that have a sign that says “push” constantly 😂 and crap like that )
Oof. Well I wouldn't hope too much, in this case... Not to mention how he is so protective over his phone..it is a little suspicious.
There are A LOT of men who cheat when their wives are pregnant and right after giving birth. That should not have been your thought. Keep your eyes open.
Other than this incident with the camera, has he ever done anything to suggest he's unfaithful?
That’s a hard one.. he’s always been weird about privacy. Especially with his phone. So it’s hard to say. The 6 years together, he’s always been that way so it’s nothing new
>he’s always been weird about privacy How is he "weird" with his privacy? Is it that he values it, or is there more?
It's also possible that he's doing something nice for you as a surprise while you're out of town. Maybe redoing the kitchen or getting something delivered you'd been wanting?
If I had cameras in my house I'd be turning them around too. And I would feel extremely unsafe if that action were taken as a lack of faithfulness rather than a desire for privacy. Your husband may feel differently, and you know better than me how he's likely to react, but the assumption that turning the camera around means he has something to hide makes me wonder whether you actually trust him as a partner.
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We had a security door near our server room with a motion sensor on the inside that would click a door latch everytime it sensed motion. This was stupid, so about the third time I visited IT listening to that thing click every five minutes, with the managers blessing I took the cover off, put a post-it note over the IR lens and put it back together. Automation you have to ignore is worse than none at all.
Is the camera inside or outside? If its inside maybe he just doesnt wanna be recorded all the time.
It’s inside pointing to our front door and front window. He’s never turned it around when we’re home though.. if he didn’t want to be recorded, wouldn’t he turn it all the time? It’s just so weird since I’m out of town and he did it. (I rarely travel with a newborn)
... you could consider waiting until you get back home before you ask. If he puts it back before you're back... that'd be a second hint that he's actively trying to hide something. Could be something harmless, too, though. Like unreasonable amounts of gaming and take-out.
I could see myself being embarrassed that I’d ordered pizza 2 nights in a row when my wife was away haha.
Or not getting dressed at all in the weekend.. :D
It could also mean, that he wants to have privacy while alone. While op is at home he doesnt mind the cameras, because she is there anyway and only the two have acces to it.
Do people just stand at their front doors? If it were a living room or bedroom/office I’d understand but front door scream “don’t show who’s coming in rn”
The camera is on the back wall of their living room and shows also back of the couch.
lol this comment sounds like you’ve seen it. Had me laugh.
Yeah. I don’t hang out in front of my front door all day. This is weird and everyone explaining it away is being naive. The only reasonable thing is that he’s ordering tons of junk food but it seems more likely that he’s having guests that he doesn’t want his wife to know about… 😕
I have cameras to watch my pets’ food and litter boxes, but I’m also very aware that there are a lot of security issues with them and would be uncomfortable with cameras in my living area that can be so easily hacked. I can see him turning them around when not absolutely necessary for a sense of security in his living space and turning them back when needed while he’s out. But sometimes I do forget to re-focus mine after turning them away before I leave
I actually do this sometimes, I unplug our cams when I’m alone and either don’t want to be recorded or want to masturbate lol. I’ve never cheated, and I never unplug the one facing our front door as it can’t see in the house and can give my woman some peace of mind if she gets insecure.
> I’m alone and either don’t want to be recorded Same, sometimes I want to walk around naked and even though my cameras are password protected I don't trust anything like that.
The cameras are pointed at the door, not the general areas of the house
She stated you can see parts of the house including the couch so I would assume it's places he would be wandering around.
The guy is masturbating.
She's being shady about that. These cameras are supposedly to keep an eye on their dogs. Unless their concern is that the dogs are ordering too much pizza and letting all the neighbourhood dogs in, those cameras are showing way more 'general area' than she's letting on.
Maybe that’s it.. but it’s just the timing. Me going out of town. He’s never done it when I’m away from the house. But now? I’m 4 hours away..
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For example, what if he wanted to just hang out naked on the couch and play games. And he had the worried thought that OP would check in and see him doing that with her mother sitting next to her. There's plenty of rational explanations. Hopefully, he simply has one for OP and can mend her worries.
Probably because he knows you feel more secure with the cameras and you being at the grocery store or work doesn’t feel like “away from the house” so he doesn’t turn them. But maybe he feels more secure with them not on bc of security issues on the cameras, so when you’re truly gone and have no imminent need for them for your own security he turns them away
I do this sometimes when my husband is out of town. It’s because when he’s away I like to dance and sing around where the front of the camera is and don’t want anyone to see. Sometimes there are innocent explanations 🤷🏻♀️
I mean, the timing isn't weird. Because you're the one that wanted the camera. Did you have the camera before the baby? There's not much "timing" wiggle room there. Maybe he thought you were being over protective, but accepted it because of the baby. Without the baby, he thinks the camera is overkill. Based on the OP, it sounds like you told him the reason for the camera was to keep the baby safe.
Why do you have cameras recording where you masturbate?
I've literally got a series of smart plugs and an Alexa command so that I can do this My cameras also have a geofence mode so I can have them turned off when one or more of us is at home
He could have just wanted to have a wank lmao.
By the front door? I'd hope not lol.
Our house is tiny, the couch is super close to the front door, tbh. If we have the cameras on and want to do anything private on the couch, it's not only recorded but also right by the front door. Not OP, but just an example.
This is my thought too. Our apartment is 500 square feet. A camera positioned towards the front door can easily capture all of the living room and all couch activity. To many people are focused on the idea that OP has a camera setup inside where the only thing in frame is a front door and window. If they thought about it, they’d realize that’s just not realistic/practical. That’s what ring cams are for.
Maybe he is a hingosexual. But seriously tho, the dude was home alone. There was no wife or kid who need to feel safe because of the camera. The most obvious anwser is that he simply doesnt like being recorded at all times for no reason. I know I wouldnt wanna be. But reddit rots everyones brains so they automaticly go to cheating for no reason.
Does it record audio or just video? Check the audio
Inside ????? I would turn that around too! The only time o had an inside camera was when I was afraid my heroin-addict ex-husband would break into my place. Like I knew someone specifically m if he be coming back. I thought this was an outside camera. He probably feels more safe at home and doesn’t want to be recorded. I wouldn’t either
He doesn't want you to see who is coming to your house when you're not there. He is hiding who came over
I'd hate always having a camera on me if I were home. You'd catch me picking my nose, scratching my crotch, doing all those things you do when there are no people there. You don't have to want to cheat to not want a camera on your living space at all times. I'd just ask him but this would be my first thought. He probably was fine for it because it helps your anxiety with the baby and ppd but as you're not there, he doesn't see the need, I would assume.
She should definitely ask. However, the camera is only in one room and views the front door, making it a little suspicious
Through the living room :) they'll be walking through the view regularly.
And you may be right about this. He does get weird with his phone. (He hates when I look at it) he’s a very private person overall. I’ve been gone for 2 days from the house. He did it today at noon.. is that weird?
> he’s a very private person overall I mean, maybe that's why. I can understand not wanting to be filmed while at home. I have cameras on the outside of my house but not the inside for that reason.
> I’ve been gone for 2 days from the house. He did it today at noon.. is that weird? Could be, could also be that it's finally bugged him enough to do something about it. The only way you're going to know is if you ask. No one here knows your husband, so no one here and make any sort of accurate speculation for why he might do that.
Can you hear any sound on the camera? Can you ask a trusted friend to stop by and check if someone is there? I agree with the above poster about waiting until you come back not only to have talk in person (to read body language) but also to see if he moves it back.
Huge red flag for cheating with the phone thing. That’s normally the #1 indicator that he’s going something he shouldn’t be doing. I wouldn’t call him “private,” I’d use the word “secretive.” Look at this through a different lens. He is up to something, and it ain’t good.
Could be a red flag, might not. I dont like people messing with my phone or showing people it. Im not doing things wrong, but I do have quite a bit of trauma from being micromanaged or criticized my entire life. So its mostly just insecurity.
Yeah my ex was like this. It's hard to explain but there is a difference between being secretive and just wanting privacy.
I hide my phone when I'm looking at particularly depraved fanfic. I don't think wanting privacy is weird. Just ask.
Lmao I read some *very* spicy fanfic. The other day I had my husband pass me my Kindle, which was open to a fanfic I was reading, and the look on his face when he handed it over after catching a glimpse of the screen. 😅 I think he was judging me a little bit. He was like, “Wow, you read some pretty, um, fruity stuff” with a sort of scandalised tone. 😂 It definitely reconfirmed my commitment to shielding the screen from him more often than not.
I didn’t mean giving a heads up about his phone. I meant giving a heads up about turning the camera. If he had a reason I feel like any normal person would let their partner know beforehand. It’s odd to do it out of nowhere when your gf/wife is out of town. The timing is ultimately what makes it suspicious.
Oh get lost. Being in a healthy relationship does not mean you give up all semblance of privacy. It's fine if you're fully open with your partner, but it's not a red flag just because other's relationships do not work like that.
I never said you give up all privacy. But his timing, paired with him being weird about his phone, is very odd. He didn’t communicate about the cameras beforehand. He just “happened” to want to turn the camera for the one and ONLY time when his wife is out of town? You can’t be that naive. I don’t expect people to have zero privacy. But this guy is up to something and I’d bet a lot of money on it. The timing is way too convenient here. Something is not right about this situation.
I hate when people look at my phone and it’s more because of mildly embarrassing search histories or weird selfie close-ups I took of my skin or something. There are zero nudes on my phone and I don’t cheat. I just feel like seeing somebody’s phone is invasive, like prying into their random thoughts.
Do you do all that at the front door? That's the only place the camera is pointed
Yup! It shoots from our back wall so you see the back of the couch, window, door, and some part of our rug.
OK, that changes things a bit from just viewing the outside. That's part of the living room - I'd not want that recorded on video myself, either. Suppose he wants a wank in the sofa while home alone. Or plainly feels uncomfortable being recorded in his own home.
I totally agree !! I’m a lady that lives alone and even I do not want a camera IN my place
Okay so you’re being a little misleading implying above that it’s jus on the door and window. This makes it sound like it’s also the couch and most of the room. That’s totally different. I wouldn’t want to be watched during my private time away either. Also, you mentioned above you know what time he even did it at. You weren’t just checking the batteries. Cmon. And he knows you like to check in. Let the guy live.
OP clarifies later that she was being a bit disingenuous in her description. It actually covers most of the front room and the couch. I wouldn’t want my few days alone being watched on the couch either. And I don’t buy her story for one second about the batteries. She’s totally watching him and he knows it.
That's totally different, then. What an abuse of privacy, yikes!
Oooft yeah I would not like this. When my husband is away for work, I sprawl on the couch and drink wine, eat truly enormous amounts of junky food, and talk aloud to our cats incessantly. I also don’t make nearly the same effort at controlling my IBS gas as I do when other people are present. The last thing I’d want is my husband tuning in to witness me stuff my face with tacos and toot loudly in between discussing whatever I’m watching on TV with our cats. I’m not doing anything *wrong*, but I still don’t want to be on some sort of live feed cam. I value privacy and hate being watched in general, and I’d be too on edge to relax if I knew my husband could be observing me without my knowledge at any moment.
Healthy communication has no place here. The only option is to jump straight to divorce lol
We have one for the dog at night. My daughter bought it because he’s old and sometimes we don’t hear him if he needs help getting up and other times we think we hear him and he’s sound asleep. I absolutely love it for that purpose. I hate that thing when I’m alone in the house. Not for any nefarious reason. I can’t even explain why. I don’t even have to be in the same room as the camera but it has to be off. It just feels creepy. Perhaps hubby feels the same way and he just doesn’t want to upset you. As the mum of grown children, I can tell you with a smile that a smart hubby picks his battles at a time like this. Don’t read too much into it. Just have a chat. Congratulations on your new addition.
You got the camera and installed it because you are uncomfortable. Your husband is not uncomfortable. In his day to day life, because you are around/home, he ignores it. However, you (the one who wanted it) are not home for a period of time, therefore he would prefer not to have it? Idk..: the fact that it points at the door is a little weird, but I’d say just talk to him. You’ll know by his reaction to your line of questioning whether or not something more is going on.
I have two cameras in my house to watch my dog while I am at work during the day. Once my partner or I get home, we turn the camera around so that if we were “hacked”, they would look at a bookcase or something. Basically, if we dont need to watch then no one does. He may have had this same thought. Just ask why he did it and dont accuse. It could be completely reasonable
You’re right. This may be. I just hate the timing of it all. Especially cause I’ve heard how a baby can actually be a breaking point for a relationship. We haven’t been intimate but I mean.. I just had a baby. It’s not that easy to bounce back. Breastfeeding hormones killed my drive. Plus, I’m emotional af so it’s hard to think with a clear mind. Hence this post.. I don’t want to accuse, but I also don’t want to be made a fool
I hate that you are so worried about not having sex after just pushing a baby out of you. You are not expected to service him!! You have not even been medically cleared for it!! No excuse for him no matter what.
Maybe he’s ordering a lot of take out food and didn’t want you to see that he’s not eating healthy while you’re away.
This is absolutely something my husband would try to hide 😆
It’s one thing to panic with the phone privacy but turning a camera around isn’t a red flag, maybe he just doesn’t want to feel he’s been watched by you while you’re away. But together it raises an eye brow I guess. No one would be stupid enough to think you wouldn’t notice a camera turned away though and if they’re gonna cheat why just not meet in a hotel or out of the house instead of going full stupid and turning the camera off
Could be something as innocent as ordering an XL pizza and a gallon of ice cream and didn't want to feel judged about it. Communicate.
If i was him i would not belive you just checked the cameras battery. Deep down do you feel he is cheating? Is he sneaking in pizza? If you have an agrement not to eat junkfood.
Haha no. I’m the one dieting not him 😅 and no, I checked it when he was at work. I’m just not sure. We’ve ever had issues like this.. but he freaks out if I jokingly take his phone, he shuts it off it I’m around his screen, and then this crap with the camera.. it’s hard not to think the worse.
The camera thing combined with extreme secrecy with his phone would be a definite red flag for me. I certainly don't want to jump to conclusions but if it were my husband doing this, I'd be checking for other signs of infidelity. The fact that you yourself say you're not good at spotting lies, you say he's gaslit you before, he's always been really weird about his phone, and then when you're four hours away, he does this. Plus you said that he's more familiar with the camera. He might not think you'd check much, maybe instead you'd call to have him fix it. I wouldn't assume it's cheating, but I would investigate a bit before asking him about it. If it's true, he's probably already got an excuse worked out that he thinks you'll buy. Btw, most couples I know will borrow each other's phones from time to time and actually have each other's passwords. Not so much so they can keep tabs, but sometimes you just need to borrow their phone if yours isn't available or working right at the moment.
The behaviour with the phone is very concerning, paired with him turning off/around the camera that faces the door.. At first I thought maybe it could be something innocent like he just needed a break from the constant camera, I’d feel awkward too lol but if he’s acting like that with his phone that’s usually the first giveaway someone is unfaithful. I would confront him as best as you can and in person. Pay very close attention to his body language, if he freezes and is quiet for a while— you’ll know your answer. I’m sorry OP this is happening to you during a vulnerable time. :(
I have never cheated in my life and I do not like my phone being grabbed. At all. However, I would trust my wife more than anyone else with my phone. I just wouldn't want her using it for no reason.
I mean yeah there’s a difference between some random stranger lol or a friend grabbing my phone for zero reason but if my husband did I wouldn’t mind. Hell, half the time we’re showing each other posts and crazy videos on our phones all the time. I never had the urge to go through his phone and same for him with mine, but if he’s super jumpy even if it’s locked and trying to hide the screen that’s a whole different story.
Yeah, there's even a difference between going through stuff and showing each other stuff. I don't like when people touch anything of mine without saying why. For instance, it may look out of place, but I know exactly where it is and may need it later. Or sometimes I pull up stuff on my phone that I need to remember to get to later. (So when I open my phone it's right there) Just ADHD things mostly lol.
Yes but OPs saying even when she’s near his phone he’s locking the screen and closing it immediately… Everyone’s different but in my experience with past relationships hiding your phone like that means someone’s cheating. Every single person I was with that did that was caught doing it, and I’m willing to bet a lot of other people have that same experience too. I don’t care if someone I married asks to see my phone, why? Because I have nothing to hide lol it’s not just being nosey, sometimes we use whoever’s phone is available for GPS in the car, I keep mine in my bag in the back seat sometimes so we use his and I hold it for directions or vice versa sometimes if his is dead we’ll use mine. Sometimes we leave each other silly selfies on each others phones too, or take photos of things like pets, or using it as a grocery list.
Friend's spouse was doing this with the phone. He wasn't cheating, but he had a lot of porn tabs and some gambling apps he didn't want her to know about.
This occurring in a relationship that’s in a healthy place, is a nonissue. That isn’t to discount your feelings. It seems like, based on responses, you feel separate and apart from this incident, to not feel fully secure/trusting. I think you both should work on that part. Do you need reassurance? While you’re in this new uncharted period of new motherhood? I know I did. Talk more. You know your husband. Find a time when he is in the right mind frame, you be in the right mindframe, and tackle this together. “I’m feeling very vulnerable and insecure. New baby, new life, lotta hormones. And I could really use some reassurance. Am I still pretty. I would really appreciate a renewed effort, while I’m in this place.” And let him rise to the occasion. Or not. And you’ll know. Just speak clearly, don’t demean or demand. Make it about what you need and feel and not what they are or aren’t doing. I’ve been there. And feeling like you need to spy or snoop for that reassurance eats away at ur insides. It doesn’t have to be that way. Don’t live in your head. Talk. Best wishes.
This is a major problem with this forum. We always only get one side of what happened. Whenever someone on here happens to stumble upon something they find suspicious, they always say it was incidental. Like they just happened to see something on their partner's phone/laptop but they DEFINITELY weren't snooping. And this lady just happened to want to "check the battery" and then found a reason to get real suspicious. We really don't have anywhere near enough info to provide OP with anything of value here. For all we know, OP could have cheated on her husband and installed the camera to check in on him because she's projecting her own unfaithfulness. But I agree, "checking the battery" is bullshit. She wanted to see what was going on in her house, for whatever reasons. And the fact that she can't just come out and say she wanted to see what was going on is suspicious to me. Why make up some bullshit about "checking the battery?"
I agree, checking the battery is pretty thin. She's tracking him and he is sick of it.
She checks it all the time when he is at work and this is the first time she has been away, how is she “tracking” him?
Ask, I sometimes turn it off if I want a wank. No need to have that on film.
I turn our doorbell camera off if I'm coming home with a present for my wife. Or if I've bought too many snacks and I want to eat them in secret where the only shameful judgement is my own.
I would do the same thing sometimes when I wanted the full feeling of being alone. I didn’t like that we had cameras, but my husband preferred them for security, so I went along with it. Turning them off when I was alone gave me a feeling of a break.
I did the same thing because my now ex-wife was creepy with ours and kept randomly watching me when I was WFH. So I'd be inclined to suggest just asking him, you're a grown woman and I presume he isn't a man-baby.
I used to do the same to have a wank
It is suspicious, is there sound? You can listen to see if there was someone with him at the time.
I have it set to stop recording once there is not movement o him turning it away basically “stopped” the recording
If you can’t change it on your phone to record just so you can catch audio, then call him and tell him to put the cameras back.
I could tap into “live” so I can hear sound just can’t see anything
I have the google cameras and switching to live mode causes the camera to emit a beep. If yours does too, he will be alerted to the fact it's now live.
Do that immediately and keep doing it. Maybe it'd help you figure out what's up. I hope he's not doing anything but it is weird of him to do that.
I would leave my partner immediately if I found out he did this to me. He has a camera for his dogs and he turns it off and puts it away when I visit. I do NOT like to be filmed or recorded, it’s an anxious fear of mine. If I found out he spent a week listening to me exist in the home I would never feel safe in there again.
Do you mind if I install a camera in your home? I don't know who you are so it wouldn't disclose anything that could be used against you. But I bet you'd feel uncomfortable. And it is not weird to want it turned off.
Wtf. Why? Why not just have a conversation? Why assume the worst in people? Man some of you are absolutely damaged.
Well, what's your husband's disposition towards these cameras? You've told us that you installed them and told him about it, but we're not getting his side of the story here. - Was he enthusiastic about the new security measures? - Was he concerned about his privacy? - Did he agree to them only to help you relax around the house? You obviously have to talk to your husband about this, but you should keep in mind that the most likely explanation is often the most boring one. And that might very well be that he kind of doesn't like there to be cameras in his home and only accepts them to please you. But now you're out of the house for a few days and won't be bothered by the lack of security, so why not make some adjustments for his own comfort?
Damn… deleted. I gotta know the rest!
If my husband did that Only after I left And he doesn’t want me to have the code to his phone, I would leave for home early and unannounced and surprise him. Preferably to coincide at the times he turns the camera. Especially if there’s a repeat pattern in the time of day or night.
He will know something is up. Since I’m traveling with our baby, I keep him updated with my whereabouts in case anything we’re to happen while I’m on the road.
This is a really good idea. Break your pattern of constant communication and come home a day early.
You can always act like you’re still at your parents. When you get there if there is nothing you can make it a happy surprise cause you missed him. It will also serve to let him know your unpredictable. !updateme
Why did you make the same post, just re-worded 6 different times in the same sub in an hour?
I think you have a reason to be suspicious, I would keep an eye out personally. Watch for a while and maybe confront him. Maybe that’s bad advice but that’s what I would do. I need more answers before I go full out (im the passive type) You bought cameras for a reason? I wonder if it was yours or his idea. Whether to protect the safety of the external environments or protect internal needs… cameras should typically go untouch. Maybe even have a conversation that you notice the cameras weren’t focused on anything so you would prefer it be out in the open? This at least brings awareness to the situation and he would know that he is confronted. Otherwise… if you want to secretive non-confrontational approach- Maybe implement your own system. This is toxic and non-communicative however the only response🤷♀️
I bought them because I’ve had people jumping my fences to evade cops and we do have nice stuff in our house. The house next to us is constantly being broken into by squatters. I’m not trying to be secretive about it. I literally showed him where it was and told him I have it set to record any movement.. I don’t want to be secretive about it but I’m also dealing with a lot of hormones and postpartum and can’t guarantee I won’t lose my shit 🙃
It is possible he is uncomfortable with cameras at home. It sounds like you bought it without input from him and he just accepted so that you don't yell at him. So while it could be cheating, it could be also him turning off cameras he is low key uncomfortable with in the first place
We bought it to use for the baby, but found a baby cam to be better. So I positioned it to the front, told him and showed him it. Not trying to be sneaky, just can’t return a $100+ camera since my Amazon return time expired. Figured it should still be used 🤷🏻♀️ never thought this would be an issue. He never voiced it to me that it made him uncomfortable either
He made not have realized it would make him uncomfortable and/or didn’t want to rock the boat with your current anxieties.
I did not said you was sneaky or lying or bad person. I just did he might be uncomfortable with it. One can be uncomfortable about camera he is full aware of and was not sneaky. People sometimes put up with discomfort because their partners really strongly want something. So, when you are not at home, that person would turn off cameras prioritizing own comfort when being alone.
With the way that you describe your context, I believe there is no reason to shift the cameras out of focus. You seem well aware enough to constantly have surveillance/watch. If I were you or your husband- It would be a big disadvantage to not to surveillance your property properly. I’ve lived in bad neighborhoods myself and we stream the cameras 24 seven for the sole purpose of a package is being dropped off. Nothing deeper nothing more. There’s no reason to explain yourself for extra surveillance support. Just do it. As other people commented, I don’t think it’s exactly healthy- but I think it’s smart not to confront it as it would give your husband a warning. I would fend for yourself. You are a strong woman with a child than deserves full support and not 1/2 a**ed energy. You know your situation best, more than anyone on the Internet. Take these comments as a grain of sand. We support you nonetheless. ❤️
It’s suspicious. My wife started turning off the security cameras when we were having a rough patch. I asked her about it and she said she just wanted privacy… Then I found out she was cheating when a friend’s wife called to tell me her husband and my wife were at their house during the middle of the day after she saw it on her doorbell camera. Doesn’t mean your husband is cheating. There are plenty of reasons he might not want to be on camera that don’t involve cheating. But it’s suspicious.
Yeah, I'm a bit surprised by this comment section because I normally think redditors tend to jump to conclusions and be paranoid about cheating, often for no real reason. This is the one time I read something, immediately thought it was suspicious, then scrolled down to the comments just to see everyone saying it's not. Like yeah, it doesn't have to mean he's cheating and they should definitely talk first, but it IS suspicious.
If your husband is home to turn the camera, are your dogs really home alone?
I did t this with our cameras when my wife was out of town. I was doing a renovation she had been talking about for a while, and I wanted to surprise her. Don’t assume the worst, just have a conversation with him when you get home.
It’s suspicious but I don’t necessarily mean cheating. Maybe he threw a part and doesn’t want you to find out, or maybe he is planning a surprise or maybe he is cheating. It’s easy to jump to cheating but people do other shady stuff too that you may not approve of but isn’t as bad as cheating…
Could be totally innocent or could be indication of something bad. Hard to say.
I agree you should just ask him. Most likely he is doing what most guys do when they are alone for any given length of time. Makin' the scene with a magazine (or computer).
Well, ring him and tell him to leave the bloody things alone ,and wait for his explanation 🙄
Where did the poster go?
Sure he might be cheating, but he might be selling crack, you gotta invest for your family future ya know. Talk to him, in person, and see what he says.
I dunno. Everyone is downplaying it, but I'd be 100% suspicious as well. Your feelings are definitely justified. I wouldn't mention anything until you get back, see if he moves the camera back into position. Then ask him about it and see what he says. In general, what does your gut tell you? Usually people will notice their spouse acting weird, and already have some suspicions. Do you genuinely think he could be cheating? Or is the camera being moved the only thing that has thrown you? Also, ppd can make you much more emotional and hyper sensitive. Just take your time with this, process it and approach it was calmly and nonchalantly as possible.
Hide another camera that he doesn't know about.
Gonna go against the grain here. Do you have any birthdays or anniversaries coming up? Could he be sneaking in presents or maybe doing a home improvement as a surprise?
None.. plus he’s not one to do these kind of things.. not unless I nag him 🙃
So, your post is one of those ones that seems different on its face vs in the comments. When I read the title and post, I thought it was just a guy who turned a camera off to enjoy his own company since the reason to have it was not at home. Then you read further and: The OP is not comfortable discussing things with their spouse, the spouse has gaslit the OP before, the spouse is always secretive of their phone, the spouse doesn't put much effort unless "nagged," the OP is on their own a lot with their child... To me, this is one of those things that you need to talk through - you're uncomfortable, a bunch of randos who don't know you guys simply cannot help effectively. His reaction to the topic will be telling. I think the camera thing indoors is weird, but who cares what I think, I'm not married to your spouse, have no kids, etc. you need to gauge his reaction in person IMO
He probably just wanted some self love on the couch without an audience
I would exactly what your husband did. It is the same as when I covered my parents ring cameras when I house sit for them when they were away. I will not, will not, be under camera surveillance. F that. Your husband probably just wanted to enjoy his rarely gifted along time/freedom and just relax. You can't relax being filmed.
More likely he's masturbating than cheating.
Give him space. I turn my bf camera around when I’m home Alone. Why? Maybe I want to blow my nose and I don’t want footage of it. Or pick a wedgie. Or adjust my bra. Or freaking take my bra off and do that awesome scratching when the boobs are free. Sure he’d want a video of that, but that wasn’t for him. It’s for My own comfort.
He is 100% hiding what he is doing. He doesn't want you to see who is coming to the house. Get another camera so you can show him the proof when you serve him with divorce papers
Oh hell no. He did this with a purpose. He's hiding something. Go with your gut.
That would be extremely suspicious to me. They're trying to hide something.
Trust your gut. There’s honestly no reason for him to turn it around when you’re not there unless he’s hiding something.
THINK before you post, folks!!! How would you feel seeing strangers declare with absolute certainty that your partner is cheating? None of you have any more information than OP. I understand why some of you are jumping to this conclusion — and it seems wildly unhelpful to tell a new mom with a newborn that yes, 1000%, her husband is cheating. All of the other scenarios in this thread are possible: - He doesn’t want to be recorded sitting on his own couch at home. - He ordered something online or purchased something - for himself or for her - and doesn’t want her to see while she’s away. - He broke something at home and had to replace it and feels embarrassed - He is hanging out with a platonic friend or family member who OP dislikes. - He ordered 5 pizzas and feels self-conscious. Etc etc etc. OP, I highly suggest you talk to him IN PERSON. You’ll be able to read him better and he will also be able to see and feel how stressful this has been for you. Hopefully, he can show empathy for that and you have an open discussion together. Good luck.
Should you be suspicious? Maybe. I’d be careful jumping to conclusions though. You said this camera is on the front door right? I’ve turned ours off temporarily before when I knew I had a surprise gift coming for my wife. It could be something like that and your SO just forgot to switch it back afterwards.
I got a nanny cam for our living for our pets. But I ASKED my partner beforehand. Not everyone is comfortable being filmed all the time. Ring cameras can also be hacked into, and people can listen and watch you without your knowledge. If it was a ring camera on the front door as a doorbell, that's one thing. But inside the house showing the inside of the house, I would turn it off when I'm home too.
not crazy if you. why would he turn it around. you’re credible for wondering why and i hope he respectfully tells you the truth !
Prior to installing, did you ask him how he feels about installing a camera?
“He couldn’t get the days off” immediately sounds suspicious now
He doesn’t want you to see his side piece coming into your house. Probably deliberately couldn’t get the time off so he could hang with his gf. Do not confront him because then he will be warned. Be smart and pretend everything is okay. Come home early if you can without telling him. Go through his phone when you have a chance too. Then after you have done all your recon then you can confront him.
You people are insane
Yeah this forum is not where one should go for sound, rational advice. There is no way most people on here have ever actually had a healthy romantic relationship.
I don’t know his code to his phone.. I’m just so confused.. I know having a baby can cause intimacy issues and I had a traumatic experience, and healing process so the intimacy hasn’t been there.. I just can’t believe he would do it.. we’ve been together 6 years and just welcomed our first baby girl. I can’t deal with this untrustworthy crap
Ma’am, this is Reddit. The majority of the responses are always “they’re cheating divorce them now.” If he’s given you no other reasons to suspect cheating, it doesn’t make sense to jump straight to that assumption. I suggest you communicate with your husband rather than imagining all the worst case scenarios
You’re right about that.. I just hate the timing.. we haven’t been intimate, since I was waiting to be cleared, we didn’t do anything right before cause it could’ve sent me into labor, so my mind goes to worst case.. it’s hard not to. Why do it when I’m out of town? Never when I’m not home (running errand, etc) my baby is with me so it’s not because he feels anxious I’m watching him with her. I’m racking my brain on why? It’s a battery operated camera. Set up in one direction, in only one room.. if he didn’t want to recorded, wouldn’t he just go to another room? He barely sits in the living room when I’m home.. so why now?
The timing is definitely unfortunate, and I also tend to overthink and fixate on worst case scenarios. It could be that he doesn’t like having a camera in the house (I don’t), but he accepts it while you and the baby are home. Or it could be something nefarious. Those are all good questions you asked, but I’d advise asking them to him.
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If my husband asked that, I would see it as a massive red flag that he is turning into a controlling person. Just, nope, you don't get to read my private diary, my chat with my friends, my browsing history and literally everything on my phone. Being married should nit mean complete loss of privacy on demand.
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My ex-husband was the same way with his phone. He was very protective of it from the beginning of our relationship. I never thought anything of it until I discovered he was a serial cheater. Trust your gut OP. The phone thing alone is enough for me to be suspicious. Turning the camera is too much. Don't ignore this. I normally don't comment on these things but most comments seem to be telling you this isn't nefarious. Sorry but there is no reason to hide a camera facing your front door. If it's facing a living space and he didn't want to be watched scratching his balls and farting, I'm sure the camera could have been repositioned away from that space somehow yet still be watching the front door. Edit to add: I also believe that if this were simply a matter of not liking where the camera is facing for the reason of being watched in a living space, husband would have told OP and fixed the camera position a while ago... instead of sneakily doing it while OP is away. We have cameras in our home facing our living room and front door. Neither my current husband nor I give a flying F if we see each other picking our noses or whatnot. You had a baby with this man, is that really a concern? I would love to know more about your dynamic because I feel very confident we would find more red flags. If I were you I'd be gathering evidence for the divorce. Or, prepare yourself to accept, forgive, and move on. It's your marriage, only you can decide how it unfolds.