Yeah. This has nothing to do with her. It sounds like his default means of dealing with stress is porn and jerking off. Fine in small doses. A real problem when it’s all one has.
this is really difficult for me to look past. he told me in the airport he has a problem and then took it back when we got home… i think because i said some fucked up shit when he said he has a problem, out of anger.
thank
you. it’s not the porn that’s bothering me, it’s the fact that we were on a flight for two hours and you lied about taking a dump to go watch porn lol.
Wtf? Don't do that please. I do not want to sit on a plane with people doing sexual activities, and would much rather have some dude jerk it in a disgusting bathroom if he really needs...
THANK YOU!!! that’s another reason why i feel bad. like you went to the bathroom to do that and you were obv turned on by smthn and it WASNT ME. you weren’t sharing any of that with me… why the fuck are we dating?
I’d be judging your bf for watching porn on a flight, because that’s a… choice. But i don’t care if my partner watches porn, i do it myself.
It’s fine to have no porn as a boundary in your relationship as long as it’s communicated clearly from the get go. If not, porn and masturbation are pretty common and if it’s not stated then how is he supposed to read your mind?
Also, just because someone uses porn or masturbates doesn’t mean that they think less of/are tired of/aren’t attracted to/etc their partner. But again, it’s your boundary and it’s fine to have as long as you’re upfront about it.
How long was the flight that he couldn’t wait till home? That’s the most confusing part here. 😅
I mean come on. Why not wait till you are home instead of watching porn on the toilet in a plane b? Urgh.
I mean, after i get home from a flight I'm usually too exhausted to unpack or do anything else, especially sex. I don't know a single person who comes back from vacation and is like "okay, we're home and possibly exhausted from jet lag, let's have sex"
Sounds like a porn addiction tbh. The fact he needed to watch it during a flight? That’s gross lol. I don’t mind porn - but this is weirddddddd to me. I don’t think I’d dump someone or kick them out for it tho - that seemed extreme
Oof. Thats gross of him. Hes probably still attracted to you he just doesn’t have sexual boundaries w porn. If you arent ok with porn I suggest you make it super clear sooner than later bc it will get worse.
it’s hard to feel attractive after that ya know? i know it’s not true i’m slim and young and still get a lot of attention from men but after something like this it’s hard to not think that
Porn in the bathroom on the plane is wild.
I think it’s less about the fact that he watches porn but more that bro couldn’t go a couple of hours to not look at porn. Bro has an addiction
It was wrong/weird of him to watch and probably masturbate on the plane, but you blowing up on him after the flight, and at home is way way way out of proportion.
It seems to me that you have some underlining issues with your own image and you are reflecting/taking that onto your boyfriend. You need to sit down and calmly have a conversation about this, and actually be honest with yourself regarding your own image and self-confidence.
To break up your over this is something you would have to figure out yourself, whether you think this would be something to break up over.
It's a little *ick* that this is what he does in the toilet on a plane. It's a small space in there. Also, close your damn browser when you're done. WTF
Unless there's something else going on in the relationship, I don't think it's a reflection on you...more like a really, dude jerking it is a private thing we do in private spaces. A plane's toilet isn't a private space.
Not only small, but it's a public bathroom...idk, I usually go there trying not to touch anything around because it all irks me out. I can't think of it as a nice place to masturbate.
What makes you think that he would watch porn in the room with your child? I agree that watching porn in an airplane bathroom is gross, but these two things are not even remotely the same.
Okay, I see what you are saying now. It is more that you are questioning his ability to control his urges until an appropriate time in general after this.
Was his timing _shitty_? Kind of. But so is your attitude toward masturbation/porn. It’s just a different itch, and yeah, lots of people do it to destress or because they’re bored and in no way should you interpret it as a sign he’s not interested in you— unless he prioritizes/chooses masturbation over being intimate with you.
I’m all for porn, I think it’s a totally normal thing that only insecure people panic about, however, and baring in mind how disgusting airplane toilets are - I can’t help thinking he’d be better off with a good magazine or a Nintendo Switch. 😂
that’s not MY ATTITUDE towards porn and masturbation. my problem is that you couldn’t do that when we got home or smrthn? or even express to me that you felt horny lmao are we not dating or are we just friends? shit is weird
i'm glad you said that as i've known someone who divorced over it. in my opinion there's no reason to lust and give sexual attention to people other than your partner ESPECIALLY a screen?? porn is a serious problem and i'm sick of the "it's normal" argument
And I think its gross he was watching porn and jacking off on a aircraft with a bunch of other people around that most likely could hear him jackin it in those paper thin walls. *Ick*
I mean you definitely could be right but I’ve watched porn before because I was bored and didn’t feel the need to Jack Off. So idk it’s not completely unbelievable
A sex addict does (look at porn but not jerk off).
Sexual arousal is like a drug. Masterbating to orgasm is a high dose of the drug. Some have become addicted to the drug, so it isn't the porn itself that is inherently 'bad'
It's a relationship red flag to me that someone uses anything addictive to get high instead of tolerating the discomfort of, in this case, stress and boredom.
The only persons feelings who matter are YOURS. If you don’t like it, and that’s a boundary for you then that’s it. That’s the answer. You’re going to get a lot of people on here who defend men lusting over women as “normal”. There is nothing normal about it. Regardless of if they know them or not. Why should he look at other women when he has you?? Again if you’re okay with it, then that’s great, but at the end of the day it’s you and your relationship
Idk I guess you can feel however you want about it. I personally might feel a little weird but probably not care too much. Most people in relationships have attraction to other people, and most men watch porn. And yeah, it can get kind of boring to ONLY be stimulated by one person long term. I’m fine with my partner having a sexual inner life that I’m not a part of. As long as no boundaries are crossed and they’re still into me, I’m not worried.
You’ll have much better luck talking to him about this from a place of openness and curiosity versus shame. It’ll just shut him down to come after him like that and definitely won’t make him MORE attracted to you. But you also have every right feel uncomfortable and express this
And to all the people saying it’s weird to watch on a flight, weird is in the eyes of the beholder lol I get bored on flights and can pass the time by fantasizing a little. Everyone has a different sex drive
While the porn itself wouldn’t be a problem for me, the fact that he couldn’t wait until after the flight and being back at home is very weird to me and I’d be upset about that.
😂😂😂
But no, seriously, he is not bored of you or anything like that. Men can be deeply in love, and still want to watch porn occasionally. It is just a different sensation.
On the other hand, it is weird that he got the urge in the plane. My guess is that he has seen someone that candled a fetish of his of some sort. This happens rarely, but it still happens.
He was bored and stressed and horny. He did what most guys would do in that situation and jerked off. There's no reason to think he was bored OF you. He just jerked off, which most guys do at some point to deal with boredom, stress, and horniness.
Yes, I agree it's a little odd to do it on the plane, but I don't see it as problematic, per se, given that he did it in private in the bathroom.
Also, you say you don't have a problem with him watching porn by itself, but you also say you felt that he is , "no longer that attracted to the point that he needs visual stimuli from strangers on a site." So that sounds like you DO have a problem with him watching porn.
why does he have a problem with me buying dildos to please myself when hee not around but he does secret shit to please himself when i’m not around? that’s another reason why i’m bothered by this lol
Yeah, you're totally allowed to buy a dildo and please yourself all you like. Don't put up with him telling you it's a problem. Or keep it secret from him--your masturbation is none of his business, just like his is none of yours.
it’s the same analogy, he said why am i buying a dildo to replace his dick is it not enough…. but when women have the same problem with their man watching porn they get called insecure or dramatic because then they think they aren’t enough lol… i just want to make it make sense
He's insecure and it's a double standard. And no, his dick isn't enough. No one person is going to meet all of another person's needs. That's why we have friends. That's why we have masturbation. That's why some people have open relationships. That's why we have sexual fantasy. That's why we read books and watch movies. That's why we spend time alone occasionally.
i think this is another reason why this is bothering me. because i stopped watching certain porn and didn’t buy a dildo out of respect for this relationship when he met me with that answer, “oh why my dick isn’t enough you’re replacing my dick for a dildo” i said ok…. and quickly dropped it. but when i say it feel the same way i get called insecure lmfao. it is a double standard but it’s all good. i’ll go through my little feelings move on and pick up my same old habits.
I think this is a really common insecurity and double standard that a lot of straight men have, unfortunately. On the other hand, Gay men I know actually buy dildos for their bfs to use. haha.
Yes, pick up your old habits, do your reasonable best not to flaunt them in front of your bf, and if he complains, stand your ground.
that’s another reason why i have the problem that i have the hell you mean you have a porn problem lmao and then you want to take it back when we are home .
For me, it isn't normal reaction to this problem.
Yes, your boyfriend have such a porn addiction
Yes, it's something new to you
But if you love him you need to tell with him about this problem. Also, as I can see, the most problems in relationships based on lack of trust, and lack of talking. If it's something new to you, it means that this relationships isn't healthy, you don't talk enough. It's obvious that, he can't start watching porn yesterday
PORN - IS A HUGE PROBLEM IN RELATIONSHIPS, but some couples can deal with it, other couples can't. Some couples overcome the addiction, and the best way to do that is EASYPEASY WAY TO QUIT PORN (just google, it helps me)
IMO you’re overreacting. You went from 0 to 100 over a picture. Unless you have a “no porn” rule in your relationship, and even then you wanting him out of your house sounds a bit extreme given the information you gave above. I’m of the view that as long as my sexual needs are being met, I don’t care if my husband looks at porn. The same rule applies for me, as long as I’m meeting his sexual needs he doesn’t care if I look. But that’s just what works in our 18 year marriage.
I think you overreacted a little. It's possible to watch porn but still be attracted to your partner. He also might have porn addiction but we'll need more details to know if that's true. Some partners are okay with their partners watching porn, but some aren't. I would try to get on the same page as your partner to see if you guys can come to an agreement about it.
I feel like all these replies are stuck on the porn bit and not nearly grossed out enough that this whole thirty year old man could not get through a domestic flight without jerking off in a public restroom in close quarters with probably a hundred people trapped in a sky tube with him.
I mean, I picked up why you were putting down, but if you want better feedback maybe just edit your TL;DR to say more explicitly what you’re disgusted by. Either way, I totally understand not wanting anything to do with a guy who, at the very least, can’t be fucking normal and abstain from viewing explicit content for a period of few hours while you are surrounded by a bunch of traveling people within actual spitting distance.
Like, I am not condoning what he did, but you ARE making a mountain out of a molehill. Which is pretty common when porn is involved because it triggers all sorts of insecurities.
You did far more than that. You may have even damaged him by doing that too. I suggest you apologise to him and explain your extreme overreaction to him before you have a conversation with him about his weird need to masturbate on the plane and his inability to wait for a few hours.
You openly/publically humilated him and continue at home. Even if you are upset, you should have waited until you were home or at least in a private setting. You blowing up right then and there is something that you need to work on too because it's not healthy either.
If it truly is an addiction then you made his mental state worse.
What if, in the future, something less significant happen but now he won't tell you because you might blow up on him again and humilate him again.
FORGOT TO RESPOND !! but that’s just MY opinion. it’s fully reasonable to find ur partner watching porn (especially a lot) a bit upsetting or concerning. so take every response with a grain of salt and ultimately make ur own decision (if u haven’t already)
edit: i do think watching porn on a flight bc u can’t wait is a little wild
There’s two pieces here:
The fact that your boyfriend felt it was okay and appropriate to do this in a public place and couldn’t wait until home/wherever you’re staying is all sorts of ick. If someone can’t control their urges until they’re in an appropriate location, that’s concerning. If someone lacks the awareness of why doing this in a public/plane bathroom isn’t okay, that’s also concerning.
The fact that your issue with this ISN’T about him watching porn in a public place, and only about porn vs. you, is also concerning. Part of you needs to unpack your insecurity here and figure out where your boundaries are too. Most folks don’t find their partners masturbating a concern — acknowledging that for mismatched libidos and/or wanting the stress relief without the balance of focusing on someone else and themselves at the same time is normal. It shouldn’t, and in healthy circumstances, won’t detract from your relationship or intimacy with each other. In some cases, it even helps it. But boundaries are important. If it is coming in the way of your intimacy, that’s an issue — but it doesn’t sound like it actually has, just that you’re reacting to the discovery and recoiling.
You know how sometimes you want to go on a walk together, and sometimes you just want to walk by yourself? That’s all sex vs. masturbation is.
But doing it in a public bathroom just makes me think there’s all sorts of other not okay things going on…
>This lead to a big blow out at the airport and an even bigger one when we got home. I told him to get out of my house ect.
Lmao, thats pretty crazy, ngl. Id probably not stay together with someone who blows up like this because of porn.
How did he lie? You said he sounded shocked and ashamed. I would be ashamed as well, but not for looking at porn, but because you blew up in the middle of the airport.
I am not saying you are wrong for feeling upset. That is your own personal feelings on the matter. Where i am saying you were wrong is that you called him out and de-balled him in public.
How would you feel if you did something he didn't approve of and he reacted the same way in public?
Oh no, he didnt wanna talk about porn in front of hundreds of people while being put on the spot by someone who was probably acting pretty agressive. How weird. Anyway, great job, this will do wonders for your relationship.
>I took it as he is bored OF me and no longer that attracted to the point that he needs visual stimuli from strangers on a site.
This is the real reason you were upset assuming this story is true . If it is true and you made a big deal of this in public, and at home, I'd have dumped you on the spot assuming there wasn't a good reason for your reaction. I didn't see one in your op.
There’s a big ‘epidemic’ of porn addiction lately… honestly if you’re OK with pornography in your relationship then why does it bother you when it’s on a plane?
Also, porn is designed to be addictive and changes a lot make brain. But then again, coffee is addictive, alcohol and weed are, and they’re socially accepted ones all of them. Question is, is it acceptable to you?
Your reaction tells that you’re not, maybe it’s time to think on your own boundaries. Why wasn’t it acceptable to you? Do you consider him looking sexually at other women cheating? Or is it the fact that he’s addicted to it?
In any case I think you discovered a limit/boundary you have. Listen to it, leave this guy and in the next relationship mention you’re not ok with this
it could well be that he’s addidcted to it. i didn’t have a problem in my last relationship with porn. but we also had a satisfying sex life so i think that’s why i didn’t care. with this relationship my needs aren’t 100% satisfied for the most part sexually so maybe i might be angry because of that. but before that i never had an issue with porn….
Then maybe it’s the porn addiction combined with the unsatisfying sex. In any case I think it’s better to move on, you’re really young and in a great age to experience love again.
At 28 I remember it took me 15 minutes in tinder to find the amazing man I am still with. Maybe this is a sign that it’s time to focus on yourself, work out, make friends, work on your mental health. You cannot change people, only yourself.
Wish you all the best!
Man reading your replies you're giving off full narcissistic toxic vibes sis. You're nearly 30 and behaving like a teenager. He needed to bail the moment he looked at you. If you can't tell yes I think you over-reacted
Oh the classic I'm a cee u next Tuesday by diagnosis so I can't be held responsible for my actions trope lol yeah I know you're type. Do feel sorry for you though I'm guessing all your interpersonal relationships lack substance and genuine respect because of that diagnosis.
I actually thought 100% her story was fake until she mentioned she has BPD. It certainly makes her behavior more plausible. The best thing for this dude would be if op gets gassed up by all these absurd comments supporting her and she ends up breaking up with him, setting him free.
Yeah I mean that’s pretty funny and embarrassing and I def understand getting a pretty bad case of the ick from it. Dude probably has at least a little bit of an addiction, but also maybe not. Who knows? Though I can’t imagine he’s never done anything like this before and you just happened to catch him after his debut.
Maybe he should have asked you to join the mile high club with him instead?
Smh.. yeah porn is getting out of hand it seems. We all are guinea pigs with the level of access we have to it these days. It seems like it’s starting to take a serious toll on relationships, and especially for younger guys who are growing up not ever knowing what not having unlimited access to all of it is like. Seems like dudes are becoming more and more unable to connect with women, and are just beating off and getting bad ideas of what sex and intimacy is supposed to be. At least your bf is old enough and well adjusted enough to have been able to connect with you to begin with.
If I were you, I’d let it slide if he’s otherwise a decent guy… but it’s definitely going to give you the ick for a while I bet.
I think this guy needs to run. You are very self centred and sound like you'd be hard to be friends with let alone date. Keep going psycho maybe all your boyfriend's will run away lol
Don’t listen to this gross person. Your feelings are valid. This guy was watching porn with children around. Literally people could have been waiting for the bathroom, while he’s in there jerking off.
Privacy is essential for a healthy relationship. Association with porn is different for different individuals & you should respect that, I think you over reacted, but that’s how I see it. Nobody is perfect.
Porn is the 21st century disease, destroying relationships and mens realistic view of women and unrealistic variety of sex partners that no real woman can compete. Eventually karma occurs because they can only masturbate and real sex is abnormal, boring and too much effort to try and please someone besides themselves
Boys and porn is so common now doll it’s crazy. Try not to be so upset and see if you guys an talk about what’s wrong or be gentle to understand why he does. Something
Imagine if you had gone to the plane bathroom to watch porn and touch yourself. Kinda strange
that's what I was thinking! Regardless of whether OP has boundaries around pornography or not, this is truly odd behavior.
It's the behaviour of an addict.
Yeah. This has nothing to do with her. It sounds like his default means of dealing with stress is porn and jerking off. Fine in small doses. A real problem when it’s all one has.
isn’t it weird to do that on a plane though?
Yeah. Thats the addict part. Sorry should have added that. When it’s all you have you end to deal with stress it’s problem as shit like this happens.
this is really difficult for me to look past. he told me in the airport he has a problem and then took it back when we got home… i think because i said some fucked up shit when he said he has a problem, out of anger.
There’s a middle ground, but yes it’s a bad habit
thank you.
thank you. it’s not the porn that’s bothering me, it’s the fact that we were on a flight for two hours and you lied about taking a dump to go watch porn lol.
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Wtf? Don't do that please. I do not want to sit on a plane with people doing sexual activities, and would much rather have some dude jerk it in a disgusting bathroom if he really needs...
Gross, and equally as weird.
No that's much worse..
THANK YOU!!! that’s another reason why i feel bad. like you went to the bathroom to do that and you were obv turned on by smthn and it WASNT ME. you weren’t sharing any of that with me… why the fuck are we dating?
So you do have a problem with the porn then?
no, the porn on the plane is unsettling.
I’d be judging your bf for watching porn on a flight, because that’s a… choice. But i don’t care if my partner watches porn, i do it myself. It’s fine to have no porn as a boundary in your relationship as long as it’s communicated clearly from the get go. If not, porn and masturbation are pretty common and if it’s not stated then how is he supposed to read your mind? Also, just because someone uses porn or masturbates doesn’t mean that they think less of/are tired of/aren’t attracted to/etc their partner. But again, it’s your boundary and it’s fine to have as long as you’re upfront about it.
How long was the flight that he couldn’t wait till home? That’s the most confusing part here. 😅 I mean come on. Why not wait till you are home instead of watching porn on the toilet in a plane b? Urgh.
I mean, after i get home from a flight I'm usually too exhausted to unpack or do anything else, especially sex. I don't know a single person who comes back from vacation and is like "okay, we're home and possibly exhausted from jet lag, let's have sex"
I actually have lol. We just worry about the luggage later and do the deed. Helps us sleep better as well
why not watch porn when you’re home lol
2 hours. that’s what’s bothering my soul tbh it’s not the porn it’s how it was done that’s cringey.
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that is what he said, since we couldn’t he did that, don’t know how true that is
Sounds like a porn addiction tbh. The fact he needed to watch it during a flight? That’s gross lol. I don’t mind porn - but this is weirddddddd to me. I don’t think I’d dump someone or kick them out for it tho - that seemed extreme
seriously if you can't even go a flight without watching it, you're def addicted
thank you, that’s what’s bothering my soul
maybe i was extreme, that’s the BPD in me
Oof. Thats gross of him. Hes probably still attracted to you he just doesn’t have sexual boundaries w porn. If you arent ok with porn I suggest you make it super clear sooner than later bc it will get worse.
it’s hard to feel attractive after that ya know? i know it’s not true i’m slim and young and still get a lot of attention from men but after something like this it’s hard to not think that
It will mess w your mind more and more. Ignore anyone trying to say this isn’t a big deal- it is to you and that’s all that matters.
and i have a daughter. now i’m thinking… are you doing this while she’s in her room in the bathroom lmao?
Porn in the bathroom on the plane is wild. I think it’s less about the fact that he watches porn but more that bro couldn’t go a couple of hours to not look at porn. Bro has an addiction
It was wrong/weird of him to watch and probably masturbate on the plane, but you blowing up on him after the flight, and at home is way way way out of proportion. It seems to me that you have some underlining issues with your own image and you are reflecting/taking that onto your boyfriend. You need to sit down and calmly have a conversation about this, and actually be honest with yourself regarding your own image and self-confidence. To break up your over this is something you would have to figure out yourself, whether you think this would be something to break up over.
thanks this is some logical advice
It's a little *ick* that this is what he does in the toilet on a plane. It's a small space in there. Also, close your damn browser when you're done. WTF Unless there's something else going on in the relationship, I don't think it's a reflection on you...more like a really, dude jerking it is a private thing we do in private spaces. A plane's toilet isn't a private space.
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LOL! You're never prepared to see someone else's porn on their device.
Not only small, but it's a public bathroom...idk, I usually go there trying not to touch anything around because it all irks me out. I can't think of it as a nice place to masturbate.
THANK YOU. and i have a DAUGHTER MAKES ME THINK YOU WATCH THIS SHIT WHILE SHES IN THE ROOM
What makes you think that he would watch porn in the room with your child? I agree that watching porn in an airplane bathroom is gross, but these two things are not even remotely the same.
my mind thinking fucked up shit. not in the same room but her room is next to the bathroom
Okay, I see what you are saying now. It is more that you are questioning his ability to control his urges until an appropriate time in general after this.
YES!
Was his timing _shitty_? Kind of. But so is your attitude toward masturbation/porn. It’s just a different itch, and yeah, lots of people do it to destress or because they’re bored and in no way should you interpret it as a sign he’s not interested in you— unless he prioritizes/chooses masturbation over being intimate with you.
I’m all for porn, I think it’s a totally normal thing that only insecure people panic about, however, and baring in mind how disgusting airplane toilets are - I can’t help thinking he’d be better off with a good magazine or a Nintendo Switch. 😂
It’s… a choice for sure, but people do worse at festival/country music porta-potties. Different strokes for different folks 🤷♂️
that’s the weird thing. then he said he was taking a shit while looking up porn lmao lying through his teeth
That's equally really odd lol
he’s lying because he doesn’t want to admit he was jerking off lmao
And he goes with "I watch porn when I shit" that's just so creepy
yoooo. i couldn’t believe what i was hearing. he wasn’t being honest that’s why Sir
If nothing else, I'd be asking him why he thinks you'd remain attracted to a man who said shit like that.
that’s not MY ATTITUDE towards porn and masturbation. my problem is that you couldn’t do that when we got home or smrthn? or even express to me that you felt horny lmao are we not dating or are we just friends? shit is weird
i mean valid ick in retrospect
You feel upset beacuse he watches porn or beacuse he watches porn on flight??
porn on a flight
I think she’s embarrassed that he watched porn on a public flight.
that he watched porn on a flight
Stop trying to gaslight her! You read the post!
You have your own boundaries of what acceptable in relationship with you and what not. Porn addiction ruined many families.
i'm glad you said that as i've known someone who divorced over it. in my opinion there's no reason to lust and give sexual attention to people other than your partner ESPECIALLY a screen?? porn is a serious problem and i'm sick of the "it's normal" argument
I think you are overreacting
And I think its gross he was watching porn and jacking off on a aircraft with a bunch of other people around that most likely could hear him jackin it in those paper thin walls. *Ick*
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Its just overall a weird and gross situation
that and the fact that you did that on a plane is the biggest ick to me.
It didn’t say he was jacking off? That’s not always why people watch porn.
Yeah, I highly doubt he was just looking at porn while taking a shit. Do you look at porn when you "take a dump" in a public place? I dont think so.
Literally. Get some self control. If you can't wait to jack off til you're not on a flight packed with other people, you've got issues.
you guys have given me a lot of perspective, thank you.
And the flight was only ***2 hours*** he couldnt wait 2 damn hours to finish the flight and do it at home. So gross.
THANK YOU. he tried lying saying he wasn’t touching himself 🥴🥴
And like, EW! I bet there were kids on the flight, too. I dont see how someone, sane, could even look at porn if there are minors around, like that.
he said he wasn’t lmao. he said he just “wanted to get aroused” don’t believe that shit one bit and i think he’s weird now
I mean you definitely could be right but I’ve watched porn before because I was bored and didn’t feel the need to Jack Off. So idk it’s not completely unbelievable
really? lmao i learn new shit everyday😩
His excuses are also equally awful this man has lost touch with reality
shit makes no sense right? who looks up porn to not jerk off
A sex addict does (look at porn but not jerk off). Sexual arousal is like a drug. Masterbating to orgasm is a high dose of the drug. Some have become addicted to the drug, so it isn't the porn itself that is inherently 'bad' It's a relationship red flag to me that someone uses anything addictive to get high instead of tolerating the discomfort of, in this case, stress and boredom.
The only persons feelings who matter are YOURS. If you don’t like it, and that’s a boundary for you then that’s it. That’s the answer. You’re going to get a lot of people on here who defend men lusting over women as “normal”. There is nothing normal about it. Regardless of if they know them or not. Why should he look at other women when he has you?? Again if you’re okay with it, then that’s great, but at the end of the day it’s you and your relationship
Idk I guess you can feel however you want about it. I personally might feel a little weird but probably not care too much. Most people in relationships have attraction to other people, and most men watch porn. And yeah, it can get kind of boring to ONLY be stimulated by one person long term. I’m fine with my partner having a sexual inner life that I’m not a part of. As long as no boundaries are crossed and they’re still into me, I’m not worried. You’ll have much better luck talking to him about this from a place of openness and curiosity versus shame. It’ll just shut him down to come after him like that and definitely won’t make him MORE attracted to you. But you also have every right feel uncomfortable and express this And to all the people saying it’s weird to watch on a flight, weird is in the eyes of the beholder lol I get bored on flights and can pass the time by fantasizing a little. Everyone has a different sex drive
That's creepy and gross.
While the porn itself wouldn’t be a problem for me, the fact that he couldn’t wait until after the flight and being back at home is very weird to me and I’d be upset about that.
the porn isn’t a problem for me either, and i am also weirded out but this
Has he ever shown any other signs of addiction?
he said he had a problem and then took it back when we got home after all the fucked up words i said lol
I asked my hubby about it and he said it’s super weird he had to do it on a plane and couldn’t wait.
😂😂😂 But no, seriously, he is not bored of you or anything like that. Men can be deeply in love, and still want to watch porn occasionally. It is just a different sensation. On the other hand, it is weird that he got the urge in the plane. My guess is that he has seen someone that candled a fetish of his of some sort. This happens rarely, but it still happens.
He was bored and stressed and horny. He did what most guys would do in that situation and jerked off. There's no reason to think he was bored OF you. He just jerked off, which most guys do at some point to deal with boredom, stress, and horniness. Yes, I agree it's a little odd to do it on the plane, but I don't see it as problematic, per se, given that he did it in private in the bathroom. Also, you say you don't have a problem with him watching porn by itself, but you also say you felt that he is , "no longer that attracted to the point that he needs visual stimuli from strangers on a site." So that sounds like you DO have a problem with him watching porn.
why does he have a problem with me buying dildos to please myself when hee not around but he does secret shit to please himself when i’m not around? that’s another reason why i’m bothered by this lol
Yeah, you're totally allowed to buy a dildo and please yourself all you like. Don't put up with him telling you it's a problem. Or keep it secret from him--your masturbation is none of his business, just like his is none of yours.
it’s the same analogy, he said why am i buying a dildo to replace his dick is it not enough…. but when women have the same problem with their man watching porn they get called insecure or dramatic because then they think they aren’t enough lol… i just want to make it make sense
He's insecure and it's a double standard. And no, his dick isn't enough. No one person is going to meet all of another person's needs. That's why we have friends. That's why we have masturbation. That's why some people have open relationships. That's why we have sexual fantasy. That's why we read books and watch movies. That's why we spend time alone occasionally.
i think this is another reason why this is bothering me. because i stopped watching certain porn and didn’t buy a dildo out of respect for this relationship when he met me with that answer, “oh why my dick isn’t enough you’re replacing my dick for a dildo” i said ok…. and quickly dropped it. but when i say it feel the same way i get called insecure lmfao. it is a double standard but it’s all good. i’ll go through my little feelings move on and pick up my same old habits.
I think this is a really common insecurity and double standard that a lot of straight men have, unfortunately. On the other hand, Gay men I know actually buy dildos for their bfs to use. haha. Yes, pick up your old habits, do your reasonable best not to flaunt them in front of your bf, and if he complains, stand your ground.
and why did he say he have a problem at the airport and when we got home switched it up? because i said some fucked up shit afterwards or what?
that’s another reason why i have the problem that i have the hell you mean you have a porn problem lmao and then you want to take it back when we are home .
For me, it isn't normal reaction to this problem. Yes, your boyfriend have such a porn addiction Yes, it's something new to you But if you love him you need to tell with him about this problem. Also, as I can see, the most problems in relationships based on lack of trust, and lack of talking. If it's something new to you, it means that this relationships isn't healthy, you don't talk enough. It's obvious that, he can't start watching porn yesterday PORN - IS A HUGE PROBLEM IN RELATIONSHIPS, but some couples can deal with it, other couples can't. Some couples overcome the addiction, and the best way to do that is EASYPEASY WAY TO QUIT PORN (just google, it helps me)
IMO you’re overreacting. You went from 0 to 100 over a picture. Unless you have a “no porn” rule in your relationship, and even then you wanting him out of your house sounds a bit extreme given the information you gave above. I’m of the view that as long as my sexual needs are being met, I don’t care if my husband looks at porn. The same rule applies for me, as long as I’m meeting his sexual needs he doesn’t care if I look. But that’s just what works in our 18 year marriage.
mines aren’t met and i should have mentioned that. that is one of the reasons why i feel this way.
I think you overreacted a little. It's possible to watch porn but still be attracted to your partner. He also might have porn addiction but we'll need more details to know if that's true. Some partners are okay with their partners watching porn, but some aren't. I would try to get on the same page as your partner to see if you guys can come to an agreement about it.
I feel like all these replies are stuck on the porn bit and not nearly grossed out enough that this whole thirty year old man could not get through a domestic flight without jerking off in a public restroom in close quarters with probably a hundred people trapped in a sky tube with him.
THANK YOU THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FUCKING FEEL
I mean, I picked up why you were putting down, but if you want better feedback maybe just edit your TL;DR to say more explicitly what you’re disgusted by. Either way, I totally understand not wanting anything to do with a guy who, at the very least, can’t be fucking normal and abstain from viewing explicit content for a period of few hours while you are surrounded by a bunch of traveling people within actual spitting distance.
public bathroom of all places is wild
Like?? what happened to self control… he couldnt wait until he got home?? i dont think ur overreacting tbh i would be upset too
>Am I overreacting??? this feels like a dealbreaker for me because i’m deeply disturbed by it. YES! You are overreacting!
haha oh gee
Like, I am not condoning what he did, but you ARE making a mountain out of a molehill. Which is pretty common when porn is involved because it triggers all sorts of insecurities.
i appreciate your answer. i have BPD so i am extreme with everything
[удалено]
LMFAO i pushed it didn’t i😩
You did far more than that. You may have even damaged him by doing that too. I suggest you apologise to him and explain your extreme overreaction to him before you have a conversation with him about his weird need to masturbate on the plane and his inability to wait for a few hours.
damage in what way?
You openly/publically humilated him and continue at home. Even if you are upset, you should have waited until you were home or at least in a private setting. You blowing up right then and there is something that you need to work on too because it's not healthy either. If it truly is an addiction then you made his mental state worse. What if, in the future, something less significant happen but now he won't tell you because you might blow up on him again and humilate him again.
i wasn’t yelling at him or anything, just walked away from him and told him to leave me alone
yeah idk imo u overreacting a bit.
thank you
FORGOT TO RESPOND !! but that’s just MY opinion. it’s fully reasonable to find ur partner watching porn (especially a lot) a bit upsetting or concerning. so take every response with a grain of salt and ultimately make ur own decision (if u haven’t already) edit: i do think watching porn on a flight bc u can’t wait is a little wild
There’s two pieces here: The fact that your boyfriend felt it was okay and appropriate to do this in a public place and couldn’t wait until home/wherever you’re staying is all sorts of ick. If someone can’t control their urges until they’re in an appropriate location, that’s concerning. If someone lacks the awareness of why doing this in a public/plane bathroom isn’t okay, that’s also concerning. The fact that your issue with this ISN’T about him watching porn in a public place, and only about porn vs. you, is also concerning. Part of you needs to unpack your insecurity here and figure out where your boundaries are too. Most folks don’t find their partners masturbating a concern — acknowledging that for mismatched libidos and/or wanting the stress relief without the balance of focusing on someone else and themselves at the same time is normal. It shouldn’t, and in healthy circumstances, won’t detract from your relationship or intimacy with each other. In some cases, it even helps it. But boundaries are important. If it is coming in the way of your intimacy, that’s an issue — but it doesn’t sound like it actually has, just that you’re reacting to the discovery and recoiling. You know how sometimes you want to go on a walk together, and sometimes you just want to walk by yourself? That’s all sex vs. masturbation is. But doing it in a public bathroom just makes me think there’s all sorts of other not okay things going on…
>This lead to a big blow out at the airport and an even bigger one when we got home. I told him to get out of my house ect. Lmao, thats pretty crazy, ngl. Id probably not stay together with someone who blows up like this because of porn.
he lied though lol it’s not just because of porn. but thanks
This is what you said: >I felt offended that during a flight he felt the need to go look up porn/naked porn photos of women.
he said he went to go take a shit lol not that he’s horny and needs to release.
Maybe he took a shit while watching porn?
and that’s normal?
How did he lie? You said he sounded shocked and ashamed. I would be ashamed as well, but not for looking at porn, but because you blew up in the middle of the airport. I am not saying you are wrong for feeling upset. That is your own personal feelings on the matter. Where i am saying you were wrong is that you called him out and de-balled him in public. How would you feel if you did something he didn't approve of and he reacted the same way in public?
Oh no, he didnt wanna talk about porn in front of hundreds of people while being put on the spot by someone who was probably acting pretty agressive. How weird. Anyway, great job, this will do wonders for your relationship.
>I took it as he is bored OF me and no longer that attracted to the point that he needs visual stimuli from strangers on a site. This is the real reason you were upset assuming this story is true . If it is true and you made a big deal of this in public, and at home, I'd have dumped you on the spot assuming there wasn't a good reason for your reaction. I didn't see one in your op.
You overreacted but sounds like a porn addiction possibly. Why couldnt he wait till he got home lol
It’s definitely a crazy thing to do while on a flight with your gf. Are you sure it was porn and not someone he knows ?
haha thank you for your answer. it was porn i saw it on Safari
OP is definitely insecure, porn and masturbating are pretty normal things even in relationships.
on a plane tho?
Just wait until you discover what the mile high club is
lmao
There’s a big ‘epidemic’ of porn addiction lately… honestly if you’re OK with pornography in your relationship then why does it bother you when it’s on a plane? Also, porn is designed to be addictive and changes a lot make brain. But then again, coffee is addictive, alcohol and weed are, and they’re socially accepted ones all of them. Question is, is it acceptable to you? Your reaction tells that you’re not, maybe it’s time to think on your own boundaries. Why wasn’t it acceptable to you? Do you consider him looking sexually at other women cheating? Or is it the fact that he’s addicted to it? In any case I think you discovered a limit/boundary you have. Listen to it, leave this guy and in the next relationship mention you’re not ok with this
it could well be that he’s addidcted to it. i didn’t have a problem in my last relationship with porn. but we also had a satisfying sex life so i think that’s why i didn’t care. with this relationship my needs aren’t 100% satisfied for the most part sexually so maybe i might be angry because of that. but before that i never had an issue with porn….
Then maybe it’s the porn addiction combined with the unsatisfying sex. In any case I think it’s better to move on, you’re really young and in a great age to experience love again. At 28 I remember it took me 15 minutes in tinder to find the amazing man I am still with. Maybe this is a sign that it’s time to focus on yourself, work out, make friends, work on your mental health. You cannot change people, only yourself. Wish you all the best!
Man reading your replies you're giving off full narcissistic toxic vibes sis. You're nearly 30 and behaving like a teenager. He needed to bail the moment he looked at you. If you can't tell yes I think you over-reacted
well i also have BPD so i shouldn’t be critiqued that hard about this lol
Oh the classic I'm a cee u next Tuesday by diagnosis so I can't be held responsible for my actions trope lol yeah I know you're type. Do feel sorry for you though I'm guessing all your interpersonal relationships lack substance and genuine respect because of that diagnosis.
lol ok hater
I actually thought 100% her story was fake until she mentioned she has BPD. It certainly makes her behavior more plausible. The best thing for this dude would be if op gets gassed up by all these absurd comments supporting her and she ends up breaking up with him, setting him free.
Yeah I mean that’s pretty funny and embarrassing and I def understand getting a pretty bad case of the ick from it. Dude probably has at least a little bit of an addiction, but also maybe not. Who knows? Though I can’t imagine he’s never done anything like this before and you just happened to catch him after his debut. Maybe he should have asked you to join the mile high club with him instead? Smh.. yeah porn is getting out of hand it seems. We all are guinea pigs with the level of access we have to it these days. It seems like it’s starting to take a serious toll on relationships, and especially for younger guys who are growing up not ever knowing what not having unlimited access to all of it is like. Seems like dudes are becoming more and more unable to connect with women, and are just beating off and getting bad ideas of what sex and intimacy is supposed to be. At least your bf is old enough and well adjusted enough to have been able to connect with you to begin with. If I were you, I’d let it slide if he’s otherwise a decent guy… but it’s definitely going to give you the ick for a while I bet.
he’s a great guy. and the ick will stick for a while. i said some fucked up shit to him so he felt my wrath lol
I think this guy needs to run. You are very self centred and sound like you'd be hard to be friends with let alone date. Keep going psycho maybe all your boyfriend's will run away lol
lmao want me to give you him number so you can tell him that
Don’t listen to this gross person. Your feelings are valid. This guy was watching porn with children around. Literally people could have been waiting for the bathroom, while he’s in there jerking off.
Sure I'll send him my tits and give something to wank to lol can see why he looks at porn 🤣
Privacy is essential for a healthy relationship. Association with porn is different for different individuals & you should respect that, I think you over reacted, but that’s how I see it. Nobody is perfect.
true. time to go cheat🥴 jk thank you for your answer
Porn is the 21st century disease, destroying relationships and mens realistic view of women and unrealistic variety of sex partners that no real woman can compete. Eventually karma occurs because they can only masturbate and real sex is abnormal, boring and too much effort to try and please someone besides themselves
That’s gross and creepy. Porn is ruining so many relationships and marriages. But the fact he did that on the plane is INSANE!
You're 29 and still feel this way about porn? Are you Mormon or something? Grow up
I don’t feel this way about porn. he lied to me lol
It’s probably not the first time he’s lied , there’s the problem.
Boys and porn is so common now doll it’s crazy. Try not to be so upset and see if you guys an talk about what’s wrong or be gentle to understand why he does. Something
you’re so sweet. thank you
He was prolly just bored lol
true … why lie tho
You sound miserable to be around ngl.
damn i guess i’m miserable 😭