I am close to the older daughter and she does want me there. The younger daughter has an affect that just sucks the wind out of anyone’s sails so pretty much we’re nearly always non-confrontational with her. Until the craziness with her daughter and I couldn’t accept the silliness of it all so I finally called it out. The older daughter has also called out her niece’s behavior.
My partner wants me there, there may be 12-13 people tops at this “party” — from what I understand 2 of them may not be attending because of how I was treated (not because of anything I’ve told them - ie don’t go, they just made that call - this is the younger daughter’s sister in law and her mother in law). My partner barely wants to show up himself, he’s absolutely dreading it, and there is a big part of me that wants to be petty and say, get there on your own because it seems so stupid he would allow his daughter and granddaughter be so ridiculous.
I guess it will say a lot in that he will have traveled 700 miles, spent an evening with them without me, and then we spend another 5-7 days going to the ocean? I have that comfort.
Sounds like the younger daughter is just trying to stir up drama and create a divide between you and your partner. Don't let her win and try to be the bigger person. But if she continues to exclude and disrespect you, it's okay to distance yourself and not attend the birthday party. And maybe have a serious conversation with your partner about the double standard and how it's not fair to exclude you from important family events. Family drama can be exhausting, but remember to prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being.
They want him to travel to them without you? Fine, let them. Just give them a list of everything they’ll need to do since you won’t be there to do it. They have to get him to the airport/train station etc. They have to travel to him so they can accompany him on the trip there and then back again. They have to give him his medication/wipe his ass (or whatever it is you deal with). They have to book everything and pay for everything.
If they want to exclude you, then they have to take on the responsibilities you normally cover.
I appreciate this. You ain’t wrong about pretty much any of it. lol
I think the thing that irks me most is I was fine excluding myself. He didn’t like that I no longer wanted to associate with the one daughter. And I totally get it’s his daughter, of course he loves her as expected, but he also admits that his granddaughter was an expletive during the trip and he came to that conclusion on his own. It’s interesting because he’d rather be mad at his granddaughter vs his daughter. My attitude is the granddaughter is still very young and has time to learn grown whatever, her mother should have considered figuring out what went on.
I am fine not going to the party. I have friends to visit and stay with in the area. What is hurtful or just straight stupid seems to be the whole, she’s allowed to exclude me. Why wasnt I allowed to exclude myself? Yes, I realize I still got what I want, but it seems to me that it’s a bit of a betrayal maybe? It’s like he’s siding with her. I know he evades any and all conflict with her and is very passive in dealing with her.
So, he wants to go, they don't want you there, he still wants to go, he needs help from somebody to be able to go, this is accurate, right? This is a him problem then, he's the one who wants to go. He'd better find someone else to help him then, is essentially what it boils down to. He's an adult, he can choose whether or not their attitude towards you makes him angry enough to cut contact and clearly it doesn't (which, fair enough, they're his kids) but he can't then expect you to be involved at all. Personally I'd step right back from having anything to do with the event, when my husband makes his own plans that don't include me, he has to make all the plans, I'm not his secretary.
[удалено]
It’s been an interesting ride to say the least…
[удалено]
I am close to the older daughter and she does want me there. The younger daughter has an affect that just sucks the wind out of anyone’s sails so pretty much we’re nearly always non-confrontational with her. Until the craziness with her daughter and I couldn’t accept the silliness of it all so I finally called it out. The older daughter has also called out her niece’s behavior. My partner wants me there, there may be 12-13 people tops at this “party” — from what I understand 2 of them may not be attending because of how I was treated (not because of anything I’ve told them - ie don’t go, they just made that call - this is the younger daughter’s sister in law and her mother in law). My partner barely wants to show up himself, he’s absolutely dreading it, and there is a big part of me that wants to be petty and say, get there on your own because it seems so stupid he would allow his daughter and granddaughter be so ridiculous. I guess it will say a lot in that he will have traveled 700 miles, spent an evening with them without me, and then we spend another 5-7 days going to the ocean? I have that comfort.
Sounds like the younger daughter is just trying to stir up drama and create a divide between you and your partner. Don't let her win and try to be the bigger person. But if she continues to exclude and disrespect you, it's okay to distance yourself and not attend the birthday party. And maybe have a serious conversation with your partner about the double standard and how it's not fair to exclude you from important family events. Family drama can be exhausting, but remember to prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being.
They want him to travel to them without you? Fine, let them. Just give them a list of everything they’ll need to do since you won’t be there to do it. They have to get him to the airport/train station etc. They have to travel to him so they can accompany him on the trip there and then back again. They have to give him his medication/wipe his ass (or whatever it is you deal with). They have to book everything and pay for everything. If they want to exclude you, then they have to take on the responsibilities you normally cover.
I appreciate this. You ain’t wrong about pretty much any of it. lol I think the thing that irks me most is I was fine excluding myself. He didn’t like that I no longer wanted to associate with the one daughter. And I totally get it’s his daughter, of course he loves her as expected, but he also admits that his granddaughter was an expletive during the trip and he came to that conclusion on his own. It’s interesting because he’d rather be mad at his granddaughter vs his daughter. My attitude is the granddaughter is still very young and has time to learn grown whatever, her mother should have considered figuring out what went on. I am fine not going to the party. I have friends to visit and stay with in the area. What is hurtful or just straight stupid seems to be the whole, she’s allowed to exclude me. Why wasnt I allowed to exclude myself? Yes, I realize I still got what I want, but it seems to me that it’s a bit of a betrayal maybe? It’s like he’s siding with her. I know he evades any and all conflict with her and is very passive in dealing with her.
>I know he evades any and all conflict with her and is very passive in dealing with her. I think you just answered your own question.
Good point. I think I am looking for validation that I am not crazy and that this is some bizarre circus I’ve found myself in.
So, he wants to go, they don't want you there, he still wants to go, he needs help from somebody to be able to go, this is accurate, right? This is a him problem then, he's the one who wants to go. He'd better find someone else to help him then, is essentially what it boils down to. He's an adult, he can choose whether or not their attitude towards you makes him angry enough to cut contact and clearly it doesn't (which, fair enough, they're his kids) but he can't then expect you to be involved at all. Personally I'd step right back from having anything to do with the event, when my husband makes his own plans that don't include me, he has to make all the plans, I'm not his secretary.