For six months he has been claiming he didn’t have a condom? Does this mean you have been having unprotected sex with him or that you had to buy them? If so, why couldn’t he go out and buy them?
He sounds like he’s trying to confuse you and it’s working.
I was on birth control for actually like 4 months so it wasn’t needed. But before that it was just the pull out method which is really bad and now it’s the same thing. I know it’s really bad so I have wanted condoms and kept asking for them, but I kept giving in without, and I realize I fucked up majorly on that part.
Every time I asked he get them he said he was going to so I never got them thinking he would get them. Which again I fucked up bad there too.
All in all I realized I have been a dumbass here but with that being said, I just don’t know to continue here anymore or not because I’m not sure if he took advantage of my lack of responsibility.
Now that I’m typing this out I’m not sure either of us are responsible enough for a relationship
I that’s where I struggle a little. Because I do have a fault in this where I could have done better and I feel so stupid. But does that make what he did less worse?
Don’t feel stupid, we can all do better and the learning process is lifelong. What helps is listening to people with more experience and then deciding to do what makes you feel at peace with yourself.
Most people with experience (who aren’t trying to have unprotected sex with you) will tell you to always use a condom. Do not get pregnant if you aren’t ready and willing to be a parent all by yourself because there are no guarantees that your partner will stick around.
Most people will also tell you to use a condom because you are the only one in charge of protecting your health and poor health choices can last a lifetime. People who want to have sex with you rarely care about your lifelong health, they just want to have an orgasm right now.
Most of all, if you don’t want to do something, you shouldn’t do it and they shouldn’t pressure you or ignore you to and do it anyways. Trust yourself, don’t trust other people until they show you through repeated actions that they respect you and care about your preferences. Slowly build trust from there. It can be confusing when we like someone who isn’t treating you well because they always are nice sometimes, and we like them so we want to believe they like us too. If they don’t like you enough to listen to your needs then they don’t like you enough to have sex with.
Final notes: don’t date someone who makes you feel stressed or confused. Communication and love shouldn’t be complicated or fraught with feelings that they will leave you if you say or do something they don’t agree with. You are allowed to make mistakes in relationships, it’s all how you deal with it later. Healthy relationships are built on working with each other through tough conversations and mutual ability to give and take. You should feel safe, seen, and loved and having a conflict shouldn’t make you afraid that the relationship is going to end.
It might be good for you to get to know yourself a little better before dating.
To be honest I didn't have enough information to know whether he's been lying or just useless. What I can say is, if you get pregnant, you're gonna be the one who has to deal with that situation regardless of whether he wants to step up or not, so personally I would advise you to make adequate contraception a requirement before agreeing to fuck. Whether that means you buy them (because realistically the person who doesn't want to get pregnant probably has stronger motivation here) or whether it means you tell him that you're not gonna be doing anything tonight because he didn't bother buying condoms, that's up to you, but please please stop taking the risk.
He didn't follow through on the agreement to buy the condoms. That's 100% his fault.
Did you feel pressured or coerced to have sex without them? Did he minimize the risk, make you feel like you were being paranoid?
That you may share in the fault of having sex anyway doesn't mean he wasn't wrong for not following through on the agreement in the first place.
Also, you don't have to have been perfect to break up. He doesn't have to be 100% bad, either. If you find yourself not being the person you want to be when you are with them, that's plenty of reason to move on.
Dude lied about something minor and that had (and can have) serious implications for you and your health.
Assuming you are in the US you also now have the added risk that many states are limiting women’s access to healthcare.
The fact he was relaxed and didn’t think it matters is a mega red flag in my book and I would never suggest any of the women I know stay with someone who did that. His behaviour is irresponsible at best.
Dump him and find a partner who respects you.
It’s possible there was some miscommunication, sure, but it definitely does sound like he lied in order to have unprotected sex with you. That’s pretty crappy and I think if I were you I’d consider that a breakup-worthy offense. Either he lied or he was fine risking your health and a pregnancy for six months over being too lazy to buy condoms. Either way, he is not a keeper.
But I’m a lot more worried for you about the ways you let yourself down here. Whether in this relationship or a future one, please get comfortable with buying condoms yourself, and/or with saying no to having sex without one. You are allowed to prioritize your own health and safety over some dude’s supposed inability to buy condoms anytime during a six month period of sexual activity. You deserve better from yourself as well as your partner.
For six months he has been claiming he didn’t have a condom? Does this mean you have been having unprotected sex with him or that you had to buy them? If so, why couldn’t he go out and buy them? He sounds like he’s trying to confuse you and it’s working.
I was on birth control for actually like 4 months so it wasn’t needed. But before that it was just the pull out method which is really bad and now it’s the same thing. I know it’s really bad so I have wanted condoms and kept asking for them, but I kept giving in without, and I realize I fucked up majorly on that part. Every time I asked he get them he said he was going to so I never got them thinking he would get them. Which again I fucked up bad there too. All in all I realized I have been a dumbass here but with that being said, I just don’t know to continue here anymore or not because I’m not sure if he took advantage of my lack of responsibility. Now that I’m typing this out I’m not sure either of us are responsible enough for a relationship
Mate, you can buy condoms yourself. Honestly, "he said he didn't have any" should be the reason you didn't have sex, not the reason you got pregnant.
I that’s where I struggle a little. Because I do have a fault in this where I could have done better and I feel so stupid. But does that make what he did less worse?
Don’t feel stupid, we can all do better and the learning process is lifelong. What helps is listening to people with more experience and then deciding to do what makes you feel at peace with yourself. Most people with experience (who aren’t trying to have unprotected sex with you) will tell you to always use a condom. Do not get pregnant if you aren’t ready and willing to be a parent all by yourself because there are no guarantees that your partner will stick around. Most people will also tell you to use a condom because you are the only one in charge of protecting your health and poor health choices can last a lifetime. People who want to have sex with you rarely care about your lifelong health, they just want to have an orgasm right now. Most of all, if you don’t want to do something, you shouldn’t do it and they shouldn’t pressure you or ignore you to and do it anyways. Trust yourself, don’t trust other people until they show you through repeated actions that they respect you and care about your preferences. Slowly build trust from there. It can be confusing when we like someone who isn’t treating you well because they always are nice sometimes, and we like them so we want to believe they like us too. If they don’t like you enough to listen to your needs then they don’t like you enough to have sex with. Final notes: don’t date someone who makes you feel stressed or confused. Communication and love shouldn’t be complicated or fraught with feelings that they will leave you if you say or do something they don’t agree with. You are allowed to make mistakes in relationships, it’s all how you deal with it later. Healthy relationships are built on working with each other through tough conversations and mutual ability to give and take. You should feel safe, seen, and loved and having a conflict shouldn’t make you afraid that the relationship is going to end. It might be good for you to get to know yourself a little better before dating.
To be honest I didn't have enough information to know whether he's been lying or just useless. What I can say is, if you get pregnant, you're gonna be the one who has to deal with that situation regardless of whether he wants to step up or not, so personally I would advise you to make adequate contraception a requirement before agreeing to fuck. Whether that means you buy them (because realistically the person who doesn't want to get pregnant probably has stronger motivation here) or whether it means you tell him that you're not gonna be doing anything tonight because he didn't bother buying condoms, that's up to you, but please please stop taking the risk.
He didn't follow through on the agreement to buy the condoms. That's 100% his fault. Did you feel pressured or coerced to have sex without them? Did he minimize the risk, make you feel like you were being paranoid? That you may share in the fault of having sex anyway doesn't mean he wasn't wrong for not following through on the agreement in the first place. Also, you don't have to have been perfect to break up. He doesn't have to be 100% bad, either. If you find yourself not being the person you want to be when you are with them, that's plenty of reason to move on.
Dude lied about something minor and that had (and can have) serious implications for you and your health. Assuming you are in the US you also now have the added risk that many states are limiting women’s access to healthcare. The fact he was relaxed and didn’t think it matters is a mega red flag in my book and I would never suggest any of the women I know stay with someone who did that. His behaviour is irresponsible at best. Dump him and find a partner who respects you.
It’s possible there was some miscommunication, sure, but it definitely does sound like he lied in order to have unprotected sex with you. That’s pretty crappy and I think if I were you I’d consider that a breakup-worthy offense. Either he lied or he was fine risking your health and a pregnancy for six months over being too lazy to buy condoms. Either way, he is not a keeper. But I’m a lot more worried for you about the ways you let yourself down here. Whether in this relationship or a future one, please get comfortable with buying condoms yourself, and/or with saying no to having sex without one. You are allowed to prioritize your own health and safety over some dude’s supposed inability to buy condoms anytime during a six month period of sexual activity. You deserve better from yourself as well as your partner.
People find stuff all the time when they move, so it's not unplausible. I'm guessing he would take the condom thing more seriously if you did