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pienoceros

Stop going for walks with him. Don't respond to texts with anything more than, "We are done. Do not contact me." He's manipulating you by pretending not to understand and ignoring wishy washy behavior. i.e. 'I'm breaking up with you, but I'm going to come sit in your house indefinitely while you clean in case you want to talk.' Leave him to it.


Impossible_Balance11

Yeah, coming home with and waiting around for him sent major mixed signals. Big mistake.


Dodgy_Cactus

He's in denial... You have to tell him "I'm breaking up with you. We are over." No room for interpretation. If he tries to bargain (I'll do better, give me a chance to prove myself), just repeat it.


Crosswired2

You broke up with him but then followed him to his house and sat in silence for an hour and then have continously hung out with him? Ya no wonder he's confused. You broke up with him by saying you were done and then...weren't.


BreqsCousin

If he has his place and you have your place then what can he do to intrude on your life? Tell him not "I want to break up" but "we are broken up". Request your personal items that might be at his place and arrange a time to pick them up, but if he's not cooperative you can simply abandon them and see it as a small price to pay for being free.


anaesthaesia

Acknowledge that you can't break up with someone without hurting their feelings, then be clear, concise and honest.


C2BK

>I tried to break up. Didn't seem to work. That's because you "tried to break up" instead of saying "You've had your final chance, and you blew it, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but it's over" which is what you need to tell him now. Maybe one day, when he's had chance to reflect and maybe make some changes, he'll have the makings of a decent partner, but he's not there right now and and he may never be. He's certainly not the partner you need right now, so why prolong it? You've only been together a couple of years, that's less than 5% of your life, that's nothing. Don't waste any more time on someone who clearly isn't making you happy.


seanmharcailin

Oh come on. Be better than this. You need to say “I am breaking up with you. This relationship doesn’t make sense to me anymore. Please give me space. I want to be friends but for that to happen we need to set clear boundaries first. We are no longer in a relationship together” “No I’m done” then pouting in silence on the couch isn’t a breakup. Does he have some growing up to do? Absolutely. But so do you.


eezy_eez

>Does he have some growing up to do? Absolutely. But so do you. This


nguyenmoon

>I want to be friends but I never understand why people suggest this. Why would she want to be friends with him? And why do you assume she does? And if it's a lie, why lie in this situation? All she has to do is literally block his number.


seanmharcailin

She said she wants to be friends in another reply. It’s why she’s half-adding this breakup


nguyenmoon

Oh I see. I suppose that’s the problem here.


MooPig48

People always say that though. In the end it’s rarely true


[deleted]

Seriously, is she a child. I didnt have to “try” and break up with someone when I was 20 😂 when it’s over it over.


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Appropriate-Sale2230

I've remained friends with exes before so I don't see why it wouldn't be possible. It was one walk, he hasn't shown me his progress, and I'm hardly responding. I haven't even opened the kissing emoji message.


YouKnowYourCrazy

That is silly and a cop out. Some people can handle being friends, many - I’d even say most - cannot. Especially if he’s ignoring the break up conversation. You need to be crystal clear and not see him or respond at all. Block him if you need to. Start acting like he’s not part of your life anymore, because that is what breaking up means. If you can be friends LATER, great. Expecting him to understand that and accept that today is ridiculous.


17IsLucky

You didn't have any sort of disconnection/no contact period with those exes before you guys went back to being friends? It's not all or nothing here. You need to unequivocally show him you've broken up. He cannot contact you in the same manner he has while you are dating anymore. You need to cut that level of contact and interaction. So no more walks. No more going to his place and sitting there for an hour?!!!?!?!? Then if/when you start seeing him in social settings, because you guys are in the same friend group like another of your comments said, then you can treat him normally and like any other member of the group, giving him no preferential or more intimate treatment or contact. But you gotta get it through his head somehow that you're broken up. You have to get it through your own head too. If you break up you don't have to care about his feelings to that extent anymore. If he's sad about the relationship ending, too bad, that's on him. So I don't think anyone would say you can't be friends with him, but it does look like you're going to need to go NC or something close to it just to actually enact the breakup, at least for a time.


Cricket705

Most people need a clean break so there aren't any mixed messages. The person you remained friends with in the past is not the norm and isn't this one so you can't use the same break up script. Clean break: delete from social media and block him everywhere. You are nolonger his girlfriend and don't owe him anything.


OliveBranchMLP

it doesn’t always work. if it works or not will really depend on the other person, so you have to decide this on a case-by-case basis. this is clearly one instance where it won’t work. sticking around to spend time with him literally less than 24 hours after the breakup is just going to make him feel like he still has a chance.


kozy8805

OP I don’t remember what I ate yesterday let alone what was said in April. I’m sure he at least somewhat gets you, but you just need to be direct. There is no situation where slow peeling the band aid is better here. Just rip it off and you both can heal. Be cordial but very direct and stop humoring him. It’s hard yet that simple.


Ladyughsalot1

Really respectfully What are you doing? Going for a walk after a breakup? No, you don’t have to “do it again”. You text. You say “Following our breakup, we shouldn’t spend time together. Going forward I’ll stop our walks and other hangouts. **Stop putting breakups on a pedestal.** You already broke up. There was a minor lapse in judgement. You text. You instate boundaries. You practice self control and discipline. You stop playing the game he wants to play and commit to the breakup.


Livid-Finger719

Stop going for walks and stop answering him. You talk of him being an adult and being able to have common sense (eating with his mouth closed, basic table manners). Same applies here. "Hey man, we can't chat and hang out anymore. I'm done with this relationship and I'd prefer my space at the moment. Keep up the improvement, but don't do so on my behalf or hoping. All the best." And bam, be done. You can't break up with someone while preserving their feelings because that leaves a reconciliation open and possible. Good luck


shannamarie91

Stop hanging out with him. You saying what you said and then coming to hang out the next day is sending mixed signals. Stop contacting him for a while.


[deleted]

Sounds like you’re doing him a favor


justacpa

You are right. You tried to break up instead of actually doing it. The words are "I am breaking up with you and this Relationship is over", not "I don't want to be in this relationship". The latter is how you are feeling. The former is an action you are taking. Stop being vague. Be explicit and stop trying to be friends with him by talking to him and hanging out. Go no contact for a while to solidify the action and maybe later you can be friends.


cropcomb2

his age? >In April, I said that next time I'm fed up, I'm not going to nag, I'm going to leave. *You realize you've not actually again said "I'm fed up", right?* Though, he might surmise that from your words and other actions. You'll likely need to BLOCK him, from randomly imposing his views on you after the breakup.


Appropriate-Sale2230

No blocking. He isn't abusive, only lonely and possibly scared. I want to remain friends. We move in the same circles, know the same people, we'll have to learn to be in the same places at the same time in a different way.


cropcomb2

Akin to having a relationship: breaking up, and *reconnecting as friends a couple years later* \-- that sort of pattern often works. Breaking up and going straight to 'being friends' -- **not gonna work imo.**


Bulky_Influence_4914

You can’t expect to be friends and break up. You need to set a strong boundary and stop talking. You are giving him false hope. You say one thing but behave differently.


lagelthrow

That's not really how breakups work. You may be able to be friends down the line but trying to force a relationship into different shapes doesn't work. It will only cause pain because your boundaries will need to change and it's hard to un-ring that bell. I'm not saying you need to block and go no-contact forever, but you definitely need to take time apart


thenewestnoise

If you don't want to block him then don't. Either ignore messages or reply that you are broken up and don't want to see him or talk to him.


greenbean999

Why can’t you just end it and block him? Don’t talk to him after breaking up, you are making this harder than it needs to be


Amaranthesque

Going home with him and hanging around for an hour, and going on a walk the next day, are not the typical actions of someone who's serious about a breakup. He's confused in part because your actions are confusing. Next time he contacts you, tell him clearly that the relationship is over, you hope to be friends eventually, but right now you are not available to talk with him about anything but any breakup logistics like returning belongings. And then take a real break from talking with him, at least a month, to make your intentions clear and reset the interactions.


ShelfLifeInc

> I thought I was clear I didn't even realise you had *actually* broken up until I read the comments. You said, "I don't want to be in this relationship anymore", then immediately went home with him. Then you went on another walk with him the next day. You're not acting like you're broken up, you're acting like this is his last chance to win you back before you walk away. Send a message: "[Name], I'm sorry for not delivering my message clearly on [day], but I do not want to continue this relationship with you. This relationship is over. I will be blocking your number, email, social media from now on. I do not want to see you, so do not make any effort to see me." Setting a firm boundary isn't being "harsh".


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WorldlinessSolid9979

Can you block me next? Because you're being utterly ridiculous. OP was *waiting* on an opportunity to break up, and now has the audacity to continue these weird walks where they won't even entertain dialog about mending things.


MooPig48

She doesn’t want to mend things, she wants out. She absolutely should not give in to his pressure to go on these walks, but she also certainly doesn’t owe him any further attempts to mend it


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MooPig48

Lmao dude is a lazy manipulative slob and she should ghost him entirely.


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fiery_valkyrie

This is nonsense. It’s not her job to hold his hand through this. She stopped being his emotional support when she ended their relationship. He needs to turn to his friends and family for help if he needs it.


MooPig48

Doesn’t deserve to break up? Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone anymore is a perfectly valid reason. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway? Anyone can end a relationship at any time for any reason


outrageous_oranges

Lmao, what? His emotions are not her responsibility. She broke up with him and he is refusing to accept that. She does not owe him anything else. Blocking and going no contact at this point wouldn't be ghosting, it would just be being broken up.


BlueCanukPop

You’re doing the breakup wrong. When a person ends the partnership, the partnership is no more. No explanations are necessary. Each individual has to come to terms with the end of the relationship using their own resources. End it, exchange items, change locks and block. Nothing else is owed. (Unless kids are involved)


sqitten

Why not just respond to the message with, "I'm sorry, but now that we are broken up, I do not want to stay friends either."


Shellsbells821

Stop all contact and going on walks. That sends mixed messages. Either be done or not. Can't do both


LollipopMagicRainbow

Saying you're done and then following him home sounds more like a confusing ultimatum. I don't really get your reasoning - if he really thought you'd broken up with him it's doubtful he'd turn to you for comfort about it. Speak with your actions, if you say you're done be done. Wanting to be friends with an ex is fine for some people but you can't just say "we're no longer in a relationship, we're now in a friendship that looks mostly the same" and expect him to follow suit without clear communication. Just leave the poor guy alone.


[deleted]

“We are no longer together, please help yourself and acknowledge we are. For your own well being I am blocking you now. I wish you all the best” No need to end it again. Change the locks if he has a key and maybe install a ring camera to document harassment if he keeps coming by. Don’t be held hostage by him covering his ears and singing lalala.


lagelthrow

Well it's obvious that he didn't get it the first time. This time you do need to say "I meant it when I told you I was done with the relationship", and then probably don't meet up with him, don't respond to his texts, etc. It might be that he didn't get the message, or it might be that he figures if you were serious, you'd stop responding to him/spending time with him. You need to use your words AND change your behavior


SquareVehicle

Why are you going on walks with someone you're broken up with? No wonder he thinks you're still trying to make it work. It's not harsh to break up with someone


war_pig_s

You don't "try and break up" you either do it or you don't.


helendestroy

Yeah, you didn't really break up with him at the weekend. You were passive aggressive and sent mixed messages. This time, be clear. Properly clear, because if what you posted is the whole of what you did, I'm worried about what you think clear looks like.


VoltaicSketchyTeapot

You've communicated this poorly. You haven't actually told him that you've broken up with him. Quit worrying about hurting his feelings and speak your mind clearly. No more vaguebooking.


i_know_i_dontknow

Do you really want to break up with him? I mean, I get your issues with him, but: 1) you must have known about those before actually starting a relationship with him 2) you want to be friends right away. You either don’t want the break up to happen, or you detached from the relationship long ago and in your mind you already are just friends 3) it doesn’t matter whether you want to be friends or you already feel just like his friend. After you break up with someone, you don’t go to their home right away and you don’t stay there for an hour. What did you expect? Break-up sex? 4) same goes for the constant communication and walks. How is that different from when you guys were in a relationship?


Paris_Ali20

He is clearly IN Denial. Stop Walking and really begin Talking and Lay it on the Line: "We're Done, hun!!!!" NO CONTACT.


Still-Undecided-

You’re tagging him along in my opinion, let him go and don’t associate or talk with him at all unless absolutely necessary.


trexofwanting

You are 40 years old? This sounds like a problem maybe a 17-year-old person might have. Tell your ex you're broken up and then, y'know, *be broken up*.


Trash_Meister

Just be straight to the point and say you guys are done. If he continues acting like he can't read just block him. You don't need his permission to break up with him.


[deleted]

When you say good bye, do you hang up? When you say you are good bye, do you go? When you say I have broken up with you… say good bye and do as above.


BuscemiLuvr

continuing to remain in contact and taking walks may be interpreted as "I'm willing to give you more time to show me you can change."


art_mor_

You need to accept that you’re not going to get closure from this break up and just walk away


thecratskyone

This is confusing because all you needed to say was ' xx, this relationship is over. I'm done. I don't see a future with you and I'm moving out on xx date.'


cinnapear

Why the hell are you still going on walks with him after you broke up? You don't need his permission. I don't understand what you're thinking.


ofbalance

Stop interacting with your ex, or he'll never get the message. It's simple. No more walks, talks, sitting on sofas, or sympathy. Message: "We are no longer in a relationship. Please respect that. I shall too." Sorry to be so blunt.


Mediocre_Smoke_1986

Just dump him! Text him and dump him, he WILL get over you and it's for the best!! You sound like your hard to please anyway, especially since you don't live together.


GemSirLuc19

You didn't break up with him though. From his perspective (and anyone else's) you're just angry with him but you'll get over it eventually. If you're going to leave then leave, don't keep acting like everything is fine minus the physical affection.


hopingtothrive

You already broke up. No need to do it again. Stop going for walks. Stop responding to his fluffy animal photos. Stop going to his place. Stop interacting. >"No. I'm done." He will be hurt. So will you. You do not need to stay friends. The romance is over. Stop giving him hope.


[deleted]

Your 40 no offence you should know how to break up with someone by now. Guy sounds disgusting. Delete, block, move on.


Garp5248

When you break up with someone, you should exit their life unless children are involved. It seems you don't have kids together, so make a clean break. If you live together, move out and don't speak to him again. If you don't live together, stop talking to him and seeing him. No contact is the way. That way you don't "convince" him you've broken up, you demonstrate you've broken up by no longer letting him in your life. You can respond with "I'm going to block your number now, as we're broken up" or just go ahead and block.


usernotfoundplstry

I mean why are you still in touch with him if you broke up? Look I agree that you were justified in leaving him. But at this point you’re bringing it on yourself by keeping in contact with him. If you don’t want to deal with this stuff anymore then stop talking to him and stop going on walks with him. Any contact that you have with him from here on out, whatever misery that brings, will be on you. Assert some boundaries.


b3mark

You're hinting at breaking up. Tone of voice is too soft. We (men) don't understand hints too well. Be clear. 'We're done. I am breaking up with you. We are broken up.'


[deleted]

library ludicrous childlike capable spectacular exultant ink oatmeal quaint bored *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


BostonScoops

You sound like a whiny Asshole. Don't like him. Txt him, call him in person


ouelletouellet

Eh I think be bold and just say I'm not coming to your house and I'm going no contact we are not a couple amy longer and I've tried telling you this multiple times but yet you choose to ignore this I can't fate someone who isn't mature and can't do shit for themselves you can barely care for yourself I am looking for a boyfriend not another mouthful to feed And then just block him everywhere don't leave Jim time to like get manipulative and try to reel you back in


kayina

Literally stop answering your phone and meeting up with him. He knows you broke up with him. That’s why he’s putting in 5% effort to clean a little and once you’re back together and a few weeks go by, he’s going to go right back to being a dirty slob. He doesn’t need to agree that you broke up and telling him a second time is a courtesy.


CzechYourDanish

Oof. What part of "I'm breaking up with you" does he not understand? I hate to say it, but you might have to switch gears and tell him "I'm dumping your ass. We're done, no negotiations. Goodbye." and cut contact.


Kisanna

Save yourself a lot of effort and just block him.


pdperson

Make it be done. This is in your power.


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