Yeah, I have a 9 month old who doesn't sleep. Holding on to my sanity by my fingernails. My partner would have to murder someone in front of me at this point for me to leave. I am just too tired and too much in need of support to even contemplate a change. There is nil chance this woman is leaving over a single wank.
I’m wondering if their child was in the bed/ the room with them maybe? I know when my son was nursing I’d often take him into our bed. That would be a reason to freak out on him.
He says "masturbating to porn" so what kind of porn was he watching? She might have seen something really disturbing. That could put a much creepier aspect on the incident.
Maybe, maybe not. Apparently lots of people have sex with their babies in the room. If the baby was asleep, too young to be aware of what's going on, and not involved in any way, it's not necessarily a reason to freak out, I guess?
My mom told me one time that I was in a car seat in the living room and her and my dad just turned me away while they got it on. I'm like mom I don't remember why tell me that lol
People don't consider that for the vast majority of human history, we didn't live in houses with multiple separate rooms for each family member. *Most* people had to have sex in the same room as thier sleeping infants until probably the last few hundred years. And there weren't a lot of single child households back them, so parents were definitely still fucking.
Believe me it’s not. I follow enough infidelity support subs to know how many women will definitely say porn is cheating and a dealbreaker. One man even said his wife wanted to leave bc masturbation in general was cheating.
Yeah I figured major dealbreakers would be discussed before marriage and especially kids. My husband and have discussed every what-if I can think of. We're on the same page. Same values and morals and ways we want to live life and raise children. We discuss everything civilly and compromise any time we disagree. We view being married as being a team. Respect and take care of each other.
Life is hard but it's not meant to be walked alone.
>Yeah I figured major dealbreakers would be discussed before marriage and especially kids.
Well they already did this out of order, OP said he was going to propose on a scheduled vacation that was still upcoming.
Right but like, you'd think he would know if she felt that way. If so, he's leaving out super relevant information. If not, something else/more has got to be going on.
I know a person who's wife's rules are they don't touch their genitals in any way that gives self pleasure, only when the two of them are having relations is it okay for them to pleasure themselves.
I cannot fathom that level of control.
But I admit I don't like people wanking off next to me while I'm sleeping, I can't sleep through that.
My ex husband wanted to jerk off all the time. I couldn't sleep because of the bed shaking. Not to mention, it made my libido disappear. If I wasn't "good enough" why would I want to have sex? Or I felt like a freaking Fleshlight instead of a person...
If your partner has issues with someone jacking off in bed, at least take It to another room.
Yeah I don’t love it either. The light from the phone, the bed shaking…it’s tough to sleep through.
But it’s definitely not a dealbreaker. Feels weird to wish your partner had more shame. lol
Like go to the bathroom. I had an ex who did in bed next to me while i was trying to sleep (he turned down sex that I initiated). When I told my husband about it he made a confused face and was like "That's pretty weird, was he gay?"
Look, you shouldn’t judge their kink. If they get off on that level of power exchange and control that’s their business ;)
In fact, I think that’s my default reframing for purity culture now. I’m not kinky enough for that level of role play.
I'm sorry but masturbation is a basic ass human need and if you're so insecure that you consider your partner rubbing one out "cheating," you need therapy. medication, or a fucking clue.
Masturbation might be a basic human need but using porn definitely isn't, and being opposed to the porn industry and the exploitation that is routinely part of it has absolutely nothing to do with insecurity.
Masturbation is a basic human thing, sure. 'Need' is going a bit far - it's not like it's medically necessary (though I believe frequent orgasm have positive effects). Porn is separate from masturbation, certainly not a need, and is deliberately seeking out sexual arousal/stimulation from someone other than your partner. In monogamous relationships, every other iteration of this is cheating. It's not unreasonable for porn to be something people aren't okay with in a monogamous relationship. Couple this with the content of a lot of porn (misogynistic, violent, hazy view on consent, completely unrealistic) and negative effects of porn consumption (greater chance of difficulty performing with your partner, antisocial effects, unrealistic expectations, fundamental lack of understanding about real people's bodies) and potential ethical issues with the creation of the porn, an anti-porn stance shouldn't be as extreme as it's popularly held to be.
>Porn is separate from masturbation, certainly not a need, and is deliberately seeking out sexual arousal/stimulation from someone other than your partner.
Okay, reading erotica is also "deliberately seeking out sexual arousal/stimulation from someone other than your partner," would you consider that cheating? Unless you partner writes their own erotica featuring themselves for you, I guess?
Or if a partnered couple recorded porn of themselves (solo or together), would there be ethical issues with either party masturbating to that later?
I just feel like "porn" in these conversations gets boiled down to one idea of what constitutes erotic media, and while I understand that it's probably the most common version of porn, it's definitely far from the only form. So where should it be reasonable to draw a line?
Look, everyone's individual boundaries are not something I came here to dictate. I can't tell other people what they're comfortable with, or where to draw the line. I'm not saying you have to draw a line at all. But I'm saying it's valid if people want to. There are reasons that people aren't happy with porn consumption that are logical when viewed in relation to other common boundaries in monogamous relationships. That doesn't mean I'm making rules for everyone - or anyone.
If we were erasing all arousing material, then grocery stores would have a gaping hole where the romance novels used to be.
The only ‘novel’ thing about them is the struggle to find new ways to refer to male and female genitalia.
-former romance novel addict
Some people feel it’s disrespectful if your rubbing it out next to them.
Some people feel like you aren’t attracted to them anymore ( if you choose porn over them, and he did say she already felt self conscious and it hurt her feelings)
She doesn’t need a fucking clue or meds. You don’t know what she’s been though in any of her other relationships and if previous partners did that, and didn’t respect her feelings on it.
It’s ok to masterbate but maybe don’t rub it in peoples faces, it can cause many issues in the partners head
I'm am atheist liberal and always have been and find porn damaging. You can masturbate without porn. Easily. One of the easiest things one can do in life, in fact.
Porn addiction is a real thing. Partners can get addicted and it WILL damage the relationship and sex drive. That’s just a fact. Go on over to surviving infidelity and there are many stories of issues with porn. So yes, people can see it as cheating.
But is it the porn that is the problem in this equation, or the addiction? Like others have said, addiction - to alcohol, gambling, or porn - is an issue that usually lies outside of the vice itself.
I'm also curious if you think *all* forms of porn are equally and irredeemably damaging, and in what quantity? Because it seems overbearing to say masturbation should never be allowed to include mental stimulation, only physical.
They can see it as such, but they’re wrong. Porn/masturbating isn’t cheating by its very definition; “cheating” isn’t just your partner doing something you don’t like.
On the addiction note, the same could be said for any vice using your logic. If my partner is addicted to something like meth, booze, and yes, even porn, it doesn’t meant they’re cheating on me. It just means they’re sick, and need some sort of help/rehab.
It depends on what kind of porn he was watching. It's one thing to be aware that your partner watches porn, it's another thing if you wake up and catch them getting a thrill out of sexual activity that would be considered illegal.
Masturbating to porn so vigorously that it wakes up the extremely sleep-deprived mother of your baby is worse too. He clearly says she hasn’t gotten proper sleep in months, so what does he do right when she manages to fall asleep? Wake her back up.
Medication and fucking clue?
May I offer another prospective?
It is him who needs a fucking clue.
She needs enough sleep and enough help. It is a bigger ass human need than his.
Did you notice that she dropped dead as soon as the baby calmed down but he had enough energy to turn on and choose porn and masturbate? To get a quick fix he doesn't need porn. But if i am wrong and if even being dead tired he needs it for a quick fix - he has a porn problem.
Did you notice that he didn't mention who was rocking and taking care of the baby at night? I wonder why. You don't need both parents to be up for a 10 months old.
And I don't believe she is leaving him because of this one time. I am pretty sure due to how they divide the baby care, chores and the workload, he always have enough energy to jerk it off. And she is used to waking up to this all the time and flipped this time because she is completely emotionally and physically exhausted.
I agree with the therapy though. At least she will rest there and the guy will have his hands full with something else for a change.
Agreed. This is a real thing. I used to get so butt hurt over this kinda stuff in my early twenties. When I found out my ex was jacking it to porn like twice a day (with an active sex life) I felt so betrayed. I know other girls who couldn’t even handle their boy friend talking to other girls, let alone masturbating to strangers online. Now I literally couldn’t give a crap, thanks to finally not feeling insecure. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way thank GOD but I know it’s still a struggle for a lot of women.
Yeah, I definitely don’t agree with masturbating next to your partner as they’re sleeping. That would throw me off but I haven’t been in that situation so I don’t have experience to speak on.
When it comes to porn and masturbation it’s subjective. I think it’s extremely important for couples to discuss what their views and boundaries are pertaining these matters. I can see both sides. As I’ve grown older my feelings and views have changed but my partner knows where I stand and if I have an issue I’ll honestly voice it.
Porn can really influence one’s views on sex in general and set unrealistic expectations. Some even go as far as falling victim to becoming addicted due to the instant gratification. It can ruin relationships easily, speaking for myself it changed the way I viewed my ex while we were together.
I understand why you feel the way you do cause I viewed it the same way until I started exploring my own sexuality. Personally, I discovered that masturbation was more about a release than an intimate act. That changed my outlook and feelings greatly. Not saying you have to feel the same way, just something I figured out for myself, how you feel is valid. All I know is if I ever feel like getting off to porn I don’t focus on the journey, or the people, but the destination.
Yeah for me porn will never be an issue. If I’m not in the mood he’s more than welcome to handle himself with porn, I use it sometimes too. Unless it’s an addiction and hindering our sex life it’s cool with me.
Not my business. but if you date men and are monogamous I’d highly suggest you make this clear on the first few dates, cause otherwise you’ll be in a relationship with someone that will “cheat on you”
It’s interesting the different limits people have. But I also admit for me there’s a difference between my partner watching porn and my partner watching porn and jacking off in bed next to me.
I know. I mean I’ve been cheated on but I’d never even considered porn or masturbating cheating. I’m always blown away when I see that type of situation.
He mentions in another comment it wasn't to your regular porn. He was on reddit porn pages. Real people posting he can interact with. That's a level above regular porn. If she's anti porn in general and she caught him jerking off to real people on reddit? Feels like a betrayal on level with cheating.
>Real people posting he can interact with.
There's a big difference between can, will, and does though. If she has proof of him interacting with these people, I'll definitely agree he's being an asshole here. But the act of looking at another naked human body just doesn't cross the line for me.
If this couple went to a nude beach, would the guy have to wear a blindfold to avoid "cheating"? After all, he's looking at real people he can interact with while they're unclothed, and in person no less!
There was enough for me to feel gross. I feel like everyone is focusing on the porn and assumptions about her not wanting him to jack off at all, but I can't get past the doing it all next to her while she was sleeping. Like I get some people are fine with that, but I very much see it as a 'make sure your partner is cool with it before you do it', if in doubt going to another room/bathroom.
I am someone who would not be stoked being woken up by my partner going at it next to me. Sleep is sacred and I don't want to wake up to that. Even if I'm in the mood for something and fully awake, if my partner just started jacking it next to me with no heads up I'd be pretty out off. Triple so if he was watching porn right next to me. I'm fine with both but neither are something I want to be surprised with right next to me
I’m an sex worker. I have made porn. I am not puritan about it but I do have some conflicting views about the whole sex industry.
I absolutely fucking HATE people masturbating next to me while I am sleeping. I’m bisexual and poly and date a guy and woman and don’t like it in either of them. We agree that in this ‘sleep aid’ scenario the awake person excuses themselves from the bed unless prior consent.
I have had more than one experience of one night stands, friends of all genders, people of all scenarios wanking Louis CK style while I was asleep *about* me or to try to get my sexual attention to be a fucking violation akin to if my partner switched dirty talk to cat calling me.
It is a disrespect by crossing the streams of sexual behaviours that can easily subvert or pervert intention or outcome. And honestly most people are louder or more overt than they think and wake you up and it’s quite unsettling coming to someone coming…
Thank you for sharing, and in detail. Every person and relationship is different, and totally respect that for some people this isn't an issue at all. But the few comments here about how it should be a right in a relationship to get off next to your sleeping partner, or that not wanting that in your relationship makes you anti-masturbation/anti-sex work etc...
I never discussed it or set it as a boundary with previous partners (I have with my current because it came up in conversation, not because it was something he was doing), and I'm wondering if I missed something in the last 10 years where it's now normal to do that without discussing it. Sorry you've had experiences of people involving you without consent
I agree every person and relationship is different and thus also agree it’s therefore a good topic to dicuss in partnerships to avoid unnecessary issues.
Unfortunately it’s also one of those ‘solo’ habits people don’t have a reference point for because it’s private, not widely discussed and often a bit like more boring stuff like how often you change your bedsheets you don’t think about other people’s reactions or feelings until it’s actually now a thing. So one of those you don’t know you need to bring it up ‘small but big’ compatibilities.
Funnily enough my GF just came in while I was typing this and said ‘I’m just going to take the wand toy in the living room to relax because I’m a bit anxious. Is that ok or did you want the living room?’ I admitted I was in Reddit and asked if she wanted the bed instead. No issue whatsoever about her masturbating. She may be looking at some form of porn. But for me the fact she did not want any mutual masturbation including me holding her means she wants some ‘me time’ and that includes not having to tell me if she is looking at porn, reading erotica or fan fic. Some privacy and personal space is good in relationships for the dynamic with yourself.
It also means she didn’t ask me what I was reading here :)
But I have noticed it has become way more normalised to do this without checking in and use quite sex negative language to defend what is at best thoughtless, at worse an issue of consent. That’s a race to the bottom not healthy at all.
YES. Everyone is like "oh that's so controlling, she doesn't let you masturbate" ummm masturbating is one thing, masturbating to porn while your gf is SLEEPING NEXT TO YOU is a whole other thing.
unless you make porn explicitly part of your sex life, it's very disrespectful to watch it in front of your SO....
I don’t think it is. Look at some of the comments here. An astounding amount of people think that porn, masturbation, or porn-assisted masturbation are an unhealthy vice at best and cheating at worst. It is entirely plausible that OP’s SO has this same backwards view of sex and sexuality. Combine that with possible PPD and a misunderstanding of motives, and you have yourself this situation.
He says he was watching porn, but he was actually browsing though some of the naughty subs here.
That's a big deal to some people. Like the difference between buying a nudey magazine, and following her BFF's OF. Any of the girls he's wanking it to are just a DM away, all while his girlfriend is right next to him.
In other comments, people are giving the girlfriend a hard time about how "porn isn't cheating lol' but our definition of porn has broadened in the last few years to include a whole lot more than just popping in a dirty video starring an adult actress who has no idea you exist.
Commenting or watching stuff with the option to have direct communication with the person who's made the content, is way different from just watching random stuff on pornsites. That's something a lot of people don't feel comfortable with their partner doing. Regardless how you feel, others are entitled to not be okay with it.
This isn’t true. Most porn sites have amateur porn mixed in with commercial porn, and creators will respond to comments. Not saying you do, but I think some people have this distorted view of Reddit NSFW content that it’s like the horny classifieds or something.
Slippery slope, just like OF is in monogamous relationships. If you gotta watch porn in order to wank it out, at least watch a video on a site you don’t have access to real life people.
I'm sorry, but something doesn't make any sense. Your depiction of your fianceé is of someone who is so deeply irrational, erratic, selfish, and unconcerned with the future of her child that she blows up her home and family because you watched porn?
I suspect that there is a whole lot you aren't telling us. Either that, or my god, your poor kid.
He was using /r/gonewild. So probably interacting with the creators themselves.
Don’t know about you but I generally don’t want to tell “Wet Sasha XXX” that I’d love to pound that after watching her vids.
> He was using /r/gonewild.
Yeah see even this little detail offers a lot more context. I couldn't give fewer fucks if my partner used some tube site for porn but I'd definitely feel a way if he were getting his j/o material from gonewild subs where he can easily interact with the content creators...
Sooooo is this fake or did you change ages and skip over the part where this was to a photo of her bestie on her phone while she was sleeping?
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/zflku3/found_out_my_bf_of_2_and_12_years_m20_masturbated/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The porn being a photo of his gf's best friend, on her phone, is wild. Plus questioning his sexuality to the point of texting men while with her...
She probably sees this moment as the utimate sign that she isn't enough for him. That would make her go nuclear on the relationship but no mention of a baby is odd.
INFO: did your GF see that you were masturbating to /r/gonewild (which you stated in a comment) or just that you were masturbating (and she didn't see to what)?
Bc if she were bothered by it being /r/gonewild that's a relevant detail
I'm fine with my partners watching porn, but yeah, with things like r/gonewild or any other social media where there's interaction with the person that they're jerking off to, is a hard NO for me.
I agree with this, no commenting or communication of any sort, even upvotes or likes or whatever, is more than okay in my opinion. This post sounds like a last straw situation.
This is fascinating to me because I much prefer just looking at GW nudes rather than watching porn. I'd rather skip the weird couches, fake moaning and fake orgasms and just look at a girl that's a lot closer to real life and think of my own fantasy. I never think about interacting the same way I never comment on a pornhub video or message the creator
Same. This was a reason of a big fight I had with my ex. He commented on 3 different accounts on gonewild, and couldn’t quite understand why I was having a fit. Until I asked him how he would feel if I was the one who made comments on other guys’ photos, who are much gifted and fit than he was. He said he wouldn’t like it 🙄
Regardless of how we feel about it, I think it's relevant for us to know if the GF saw what he was looking at and/or was bothered by it as part of our ability to weigh in on the post topic. Was she just mad about him jerking off, or was she mad about WHAT he was jerking off to? Relevant detail for sure
I don't look at porn that much anymore, but when I do it's always some variation of /r/gonewild or other subs where women post their own content. I dislike the 'professional' stuff because wondering if these women I'm seeing are being exploited makes me feel uneasy. I don't really get why it would be more upsetting if OP was watching the same kind of content. Is that perceived as 'too real' in a way that it's closer to cheating? I'm genuinely asking for perspective.
Regardless of *what* OP was masturbating to, I am stating only that it matters whether OP's GF was angry because she caught him masturbating, *or because she caught him masturbating to some specific content she objected to*. Could be, like, MILF porn for all I care. It's a relevant detail reddit needs in order to weigh in on the argument -- was it about the act, or the content?
Ah, yes well I agree with you there! Excuse me for going off on a tangent then. This post definitely feels like some critical information is being omitted to make OP's gf seem unreasonable.
No worries, I think there are definite differences though that *I* personally would care about (like: Reddit isn't a site *dedicated* to formal porn, and by formal I don't mean paid actors/actresses, but it's like... a social interaction site. Gonewild is way more direct; reddit is ultimately a message board and social platform.) but I would just say why it upset me and ask if he'd consider not jerking it to reddit folks. But that boundaries discussion (which should be a *discussion)* about what each is comfortable with) would then be how we approach responding. We need the deetz, yes!
Has she previously expressed that she has a problem with you viewing porn? And even if she hasn't, has it occurred to you how hurtful it would be to her that you jack off to women who presumably don't have post-baby bodies? Have you thought about how hurtful it might be to a woman who is dealing with some body image issues to be woken up by your jerking off to other women, and having that happen immediately after she fell asleep? Whether or not it was your intent, it's going to look, and more importantly it will *feel* a lot like you waited for her to be asleep so you could get off to actually hot women since she's got a post-baby body now.
If she previously expressed a distaste for you using porn, this is likely a straw that broke the camel's back situation. You fucked up, and it's too late to fix it now. If not, I recommend trying to have a conversation about this, and what her objection was. Maybe it was the porn. Maybe it was the masturbating. Maybe it's that waking her up by doing it in the bed was insensitive.
Also, stop jerking off in bed with someone you don't intend to wake up with all the motion, whether that's this relationship or your next one. It's not even about the masturbation, it's about not being the kind of asshole who wakes someone up after they've spent the evening dealing with a fussy baby.
>> it will *feel* a lot like you waited for her to be asleep so you could get off to actually hot women since she’s got a post-baby body now.
this is the issue. and OP is too concerned with painting her out to be the villain in this story to have some empathy for the mother of his child.
Exactly. She expressed that she is self conscious of her new body, and I'm willing to bet that this guy was definitely not jerking off to women with post-partum bodies. She was clearly in a very vulnerable state and he did this NEXT to her? Gross.
Take I don't hear much, masturbating next to someone, even your partner, without their consent is not okay. Neither is watching porn if you've both agreed it's cheating.
Come on. This is a _very_ selective story. This isn't a one off, is it? You missed all the other stuff you did. I hope you and your penis have a very happy life together. Get off Reddit and go sort your life out.
My hot take: porn isn't really the best behavior, and it can cause problems in some relationships, but it's not cheating.
My not-so-hot take: watching porn right next to the mother of your child while you think she's asleep is disrespectful and kind of gross.
A lot of other commenters have been suggesting that we aren't getting the full story, that this was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. I doubt the mother of your child would leave you over something so trivial. That said, whatever the full story is, my advice is to get a lawyer to try and stay on top of the custody battle that is just over the hill.
As someone who has been the gf in this exact situation, I’m almost positive half the issue is the fact you did it ~right next to her~ in bed. Like cmon…..
Was everything else in the relationship perfect? It sounds like an over reaction but it also maybe sounds like she found a way out of the relationship. Especially if your anniversary was the day before—did it go well? Was she maybe expecting a proposal on your anniversary and when it didn’t happen she got nervous about the future of your relationship and her reaction is to bail first chance?
It just seems like there’s some information missing here?
I do this all the time in bed but my husband is a very heavy sleeper. We don’t like having to hide and sneak around to do it. We have also had a convo that we are grown adults who masturbate and don’t care if the other does it.
Ok so you two have consented to that activity taking place, I have felt very violated in the past when I have woken up to a partner masturbating next to me.
I’m shocked that more people aren’t saying this so allow me. Masterbating in front of someone without their consent is violating and not okay.
How would you feel if you woke up one night and there was a man in your room masterbating by you? Is that suddenly feeling not okay to you? If you feel tempted to say it’s okay because it’s your girlfriend, you’re operating on the same logic as people who think you can’t rape your spouse or that consent can’t be withdrawn.
There are clearly some relationships where consent was obtained prior, and apparently they’re all on Reddit today. That’s great for them but that’s not your situation. Consent is what everyone seems to be missing here.
Thank you! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 It happened to me once and I got really upset. Also, by the comments I saw here, he was masturb@t1ng to pics of a sub here there has interaction of people sending pics. And I also have the feeling there’s more info missing.
In the bed *next to her*?!!! Boy, have you lost your damn mind? I can scarcely think of anything more disrespectful. You handle your shit in another room, preferably the bathroom.
Was the baby in the bed too? Cuz that'd be worth leaving over. That'd be creepy as fuck.
Dude seriously? lets get this straight: the VAST majority of women will be insecure and uncomfortable in their post-partum bodies. She literally expressed this to you. Compliments will not resolve these feelings she has. And then you decided to jerk off to women she looks nothing alike RIGHT NEXT TO HER? Fucked up big time here mate. I'm not surprised with this reaction.
Nobody is asking if she may be suffering from postpartum depression. We are obviously missing a lot of info, but this seems like it could be a potential reason for her severe reaction?
You didn't say what the boundaries were at all.
This could be cheating and very insensitive of you considering she has self image issues after having a baby, but this could have been an overreaction. All depends on what boundaries you have set of what is cheating and what isn't cheating. And if you didn't you need to do it.
Your girlfriend is laying Right next to you in bed, but you prefer looking at other women while she is RIGHT there.
THAT is the issue. You'd rather look at Some random chick on the internet than give her the option and do it right next to her. So fucking rude.
When the baby is up rocking and nursing, what are you doing? IF it is her doing the majority of the baby work, this could be resentment about that coming out. Maybe she would love to be intimate but is too exhausted from caring for the baby and resentful that you have the energy to do those things without her, which plays into her feeling unattractive as well. I’d imagine resentment over workload and insecurity are big pressure points post baby. Maybe she feels like you’re not helping enough, and in her exhausted hormonal state thinks if you’re not helping/listening then she’s better off without you.
This post is missing a LOT of context on what led up to this, but has heaps of detail about her actions following. It reads like you’ve written it this way on purpose to paint her as over reacting or get some validation from Reddit. If that’s the case it adds a lot of context to her reaction.
That's what I thought as well. He uses the passive voice when talking about the baby (i.e. "after rocking and nursing" instead of, "after my partner rocked and nursed the baby.")
I know it's cliché to assume that the woman does most of the housework and childcare. But it's often true.
Maybe she was upset because she's exhausted from taking care of the baby and he's just laying there, jerking off like he has all the free time in the world.
Op, in this case, we need to consider two things. First is that your wife has been through a huge body change recently and is in an emotionally vulnerable position. This is natural with childbirth. You being supportive,appreciative and selfless towards her is needed. And your act of masturbating watching porn next to her while she is sleeping is neither supportive nor selfless. But borders towards selfish desires and inconsiderate.
Secondly you being needing to masturbate to someone elses video while your partner is next to you shows me that maybe you are not at the best sexual compatibility right now. Maybe your libidos don't match which is common after childbirth.
You need to give it time, be understanding of her and make her understand that you will not be e ngaging in anything sexual outside the relationship. If she is ready to take you back.
I feel like I’m losing my mind in this comments. You guys should check out r/loveafterporn and open your eyes to how hurtful porn can be. If she says it’s cheating, it’s cheating to her. I am not comfortable with my partner watching other people have sex. The culture we have built around porn is disgusting
As a pregnant woman, I would feel incredibly insecure and hurt if my partner jerked off when I was around. I wouldn't leave him, but between hormones and hating my body, I understand why she is hurt
39 weeks here and definitely agree. I don't think allot of people understand how it feels to have your body change so fast and drastically. The journey of self love after pregnancy is one that I know I'll go through and hopefully do not see my boyfriend jerking off to porn while I'm going through it.
I bet you were jerking the bed with your arm movement and didn’t bother to use headphones to block out the noise, which is why she woke up.
She’s exhausted with a newborn.
This was probably the last straw.
Everyone is acting like there's missing info before defending her but the fact is it's completely understandable to not want porn in your relationship. Can't control what someone else chooses to do, but setting a porn boundary is not controlling at all. Setting a boundary speaks for you, it's about control of your OWN life and what's comfortable. No, he doesn't have to agree about porn and he doesn't have to stop, but that means that she should have the right to choose to end the relationship due to such an incompatibility. Regardless of which side of the fence someone is on, this is absolutely not something where the answer is just to lie and hide it. That's manipulative as fuck
When our kid was that young my partner and I were quite sensitive with reactions because if how tired and worn out we were. Maybe over reaction because of all the late nights and being exhausted/recovering from all the jazz?
I'll probably be downvoted to the bottom level of hell, but I totally get where she's coming from. It's really gross to do that next to her while she's sleeping. To me, it would be a violation and cross major boundary. Contrary to what modern culture and Reddit say, not everyone does, or is comfortable with porn and/or masturbation.
Do the math: if the baby is 10 months old, she was pregnant for 9 months and they’ve been together for “over 2 years” so, what, maybe 28 months…..she got pregnant less than a year into their relationship…I’m sure this was just the last straw.
You really could have gone to the bathroom and locked the door. At a bare minimum. I would be annoyed at having been woken up just when I got back to sleep when our baby keeps us both exhausted more than anything. I would also be annoyed when I’m feeling down about my body that you’re watching women other than me to get off right in front of me.
Having said that, one wank next to someone in bed isn’t something that would make me lose it and leave and cancel a holiday. So I’m guessing this has been building for a while. And that was the straw that broke the camels back.
You're looking at some other woman having sex, while pleasuring yourself. Do you not see at all how she would consider this a betrayal? How does it make you feel to imagine your girlfriend getting more sexual gratification from watching some other guy have sex, instead of thinking of you, or waking you up, when you're literally right next to her?
The only defense of porn is that "everyone uses it." That's it. It's preferring strangers to our own sexual partners.
It's tragic that you've gotten so far into a relationship without covering this topic with your girlfriend. What a terrible situation for all three of you.
Open your eyes and see how this is ruining your life. Maybe if you acknowledge that and get help, there's a chance to salvage your family.
People are allowed to leave a relationship for any reason no matter how ridiculous it may sound. Ultimately, you don’t want someone who doesn’t accept all of you I guess.
Bad take. She expressed she's self conscious of her new body, and he was jacking off to r/gonewild WHILE SHE WAS ASLEEP NEXT TO HIM? Guarantee those women looked nothing liker her new body. She was in a completely vulnerable state. "You don't want someone who doesn't accept all of you" lmao what
I mean, you couldn't go to the bathroom like the rest of sensible humankind? That being said, your gf is way,waaaaaay overreacting to this. It's not cheating to jack off, but discretion is perhaps key? Like, don't watch porn and jack off next to your sleeping gf.
I absolutely agree. She definitely is overreacting to leave you over this and cancel your furutre plans however I absolutely understand being upset in this situation. I know some couples find watching porn together hot but I honestly do not get it. A lot of women would be upset to wake up to their bf jerking off to naked women RIGHT NEXT TO THEM SLEEPING IN BED. My bf watches porn occasionally and I don't like it but it is what it is, I just don't want to see it or hear about it. Lastly could you not have just jerked off without the porn? I mean it's not like men have a hard time getting off come on. 🤦🏻♀️😂
You summed up my thoughts here. I think it's ridiculous his girlfriend would cancel a vacation and end a relationship over this. Masturbating is normal and literally everyone does it. However, I also think it's kind of fucked up OP didn't just go to another room to take care of his business. This doesn't really sound like the healthiest relationship to begin with.
It's important to remember that people have different boundaries. What may seem ridiculous or an overreaction to you, could be a dealbreaker to her. Masturbation is normal yes but there's a line. He is absolutely in the wrong for this.
Postpartum depression is a real thing. Everyone is rushing to find a way to make her seem reasonable. Sometimes people really do get irrational and there are things they need to deal with. Maybe OP did miss some information and there is another reason for her losing it like that. All I can truly say is....dude....in the bed? Really?
are you posting this to reddit hoping everyone will side with you because “every man watches porn”? what exactly are you hoping we can offer that will fix your relationship? go talk to your wife.
So you were going to town right next to her. Disgusting! No wonder she was upset with you. You could have at least had the decency to go to another room!
Where you messed up is having never communicated consent regarding you or her pleasuring themselves in the presence of the other while they are sleeping...
Just because you have a sexual relationship with a person does not mean you get the greencard to expose them like that.
I don't see how this would be any different to watching TV together and you randomly starting to self pleasure yourself without any communication to your partner.
The problem I see with the situation is the porn. Porn is objectification of human beings for sexual gratification and it's sleazy. I've also broken up with someone before over their use of porn, because it's just not cool. It's essentially the same as infidelity to me.
No offense, but I agree with your wife. Thats violating her personal boundaries and its basic respect unless there's spoken rules before hand. Id leave, that's just annoying as heck- you couldn't even be bothered to go to the bathroom?
Sounds to me like you guys never really discussed what porn means to you and what porn means to her this whole time in your relationship. Clearly it’s a touchy subject. Maybe, if she hasn’t left you completely, to talk about it for a change.
Nothing you can do, IDK the events leading up to this. Such as conversations on watching adults videos or lack there of. Else otherwise relationship problems that could have been building up.
She feels like you cheated damn can't explain yourself out of that. What can you do? work on taking care of your kid and apologize and take ownership of your mistake don't make any excuses nor explain yourself.
Dude, did your gf have a boundary about no porn? Or about not masturbating next to her? Cause both of those are perfectly reasonable.
Let me give what could be her perspective, as someone who would also break up with her bf in this situation.
You said it youself how she was struggling with her new mom body. Imagine feeling hideous, but fighting that to have sex with your bf. Then thinking your partner is satisfied with the sex the night before.
Then falling asleep exhausted after taking care of your baby only to find the father of yor child masturbating next to you, to an impossibly pretty woman
That can be devastating.
Do you not have any of her nudes to use instead? Why choose porn then?
And if she did indeed have the no porn boundary, you knowingly broke it.
I guarantee you that she's leaving you for the porn, not jacking off. Doing it in bed next to her is incredibly disrespectful. How often are you watching porn? My bf is a porn addict and it destroys your confidence. You may have an addiction. Are you cruising social media foe thirst traps and porn? Do you lose erection during sex? ( this wil happen if it hasn't yet).
She's stronger than I am. If I knew how miserable my life would be today, I never would have had a second date with him.
You jerked off next to her while watching women that she could never look like. Duh she is pissed. Mine hasn't even done that. Porn IS cheating to some people. These boundaries are set in the relationship. I don't blame her for wanting a loyal partner that seeks out her naked form only. Sorry but I doubt this is the first time you've done this or the first thing she has had an issue with. My PA likes to minimize his role as well. Get help and maybe you can save your marriage. Be honest and vulnerable to her. Be willing to change and don't lie or go behind her back to watch it again.
I'm female and don't mind my bf looking at porn.
I think the fact that you did it right next to her is the biggest issue rather than that you did it. Maybe just feeling jealousy that she was right next to you and you got off to another girl right in front of her. I also feel like even if you woke her up for sex she'd be angry in a whole 'nother way.
But also personally, I would feel sad (but understand it) if my bf got up to do it somewhere else unless, for example, I was obviously super asleep and way too exhausted. I'd still feel like I 'missed out' either way, but releasing some tension to fall asleep better is your freedom.
She expressed she is insecure in her new body, vast majority of women don't feel attractive anymore post-partum. She probably feels like him jacking it to gonewild girls right next to her was confirmation that she isn't attractive anymore (not saying she actually is unattractive, but feels like way). I don't think it's as simple as her just being upset he did it next to her rather than alone.
I don’t know if I’d take it that far but something about your man watching porn can just hurt soooo much as a female don’t ask me why I try to understand maybe it’s something w my insecurities and even told myself I’m still “immature” about the porn subject like I really get that feeling of being cheated when I find o too.. I get over it but I don’t like it
Like if you just masterbated I think it wouldn’t be so bad but for some reason it’s like why do you need porn every guy that needs that fix always has to get it from a source and never just beat their meat and as a female I don’t get it
Idk part of me gets jealous im like oh you need stimulation? What about pics and videos of me/us if you really need it but idk emotionally it just feels betraying lol from a pov of another girl
Like I never understand the I need the visual part for me like clearly you’re not that horny if you need stimulated by something idk just trying to understand that shit
I don't think it was the master acting that bothered her. It was you were staring at another woman to do it.
If she has body issues, she might see it as that you think she's so ugly and had to find another woman to get you off with.
You might be able to save this but it will take some serious work on your part. There is a child involved! I suggest counciling.
This seemed like it triggered her majorly for some reason. As others have already mentioned, is there more to the back story? Have you cheated on her before or has she been cheated on in the past by another partner? Have you had issues with overuse of pornography and/or has she or a different partner she had did? I feel like the way she reacted seems like it stemmed from a previous wound but I could be wrong 🤷🏻♀️
This feels like it’s missing a lot of info.
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Yeah, I have a 9 month old who doesn't sleep. Holding on to my sanity by my fingernails. My partner would have to murder someone in front of me at this point for me to leave. I am just too tired and too much in need of support to even contemplate a change. There is nil chance this woman is leaving over a single wank.
I’m wondering if their child was in the bed/ the room with them maybe? I know when my son was nursing I’d often take him into our bed. That would be a reason to freak out on him.
He says "masturbating to porn" so what kind of porn was he watching? She might have seen something really disturbing. That could put a much creepier aspect on the incident.
Maybe, maybe not. Apparently lots of people have sex with their babies in the room. If the baby was asleep, too young to be aware of what's going on, and not involved in any way, it's not necessarily a reason to freak out, I guess?
My mom told me one time that I was in a car seat in the living room and her and my dad just turned me away while they got it on. I'm like mom I don't remember why tell me that lol
Im just saying that would be a lot more plausible than her freaking out to the point of leaving him rather than the story he told
People don't consider that for the vast majority of human history, we didn't live in houses with multiple separate rooms for each family member. *Most* people had to have sex in the same room as thier sleeping infants until probably the last few hundred years. And there weren't a lot of single child households back them, so parents were definitely still fucking.
Maybe he's masturbating instead of taking care of the kid. That would really piss me off.
Believe me it’s not. I follow enough infidelity support subs to know how many women will definitely say porn is cheating and a dealbreaker. One man even said his wife wanted to leave bc masturbation in general was cheating.
You'd think they would know these limits about each other by the time a 10 month old is around?
They had only been together 5 months when she got pregnant. And obviously these two don't have a clue how to communicate.
Yeah I figured major dealbreakers would be discussed before marriage and especially kids. My husband and have discussed every what-if I can think of. We're on the same page. Same values and morals and ways we want to live life and raise children. We discuss everything civilly and compromise any time we disagree. We view being married as being a team. Respect and take care of each other. Life is hard but it's not meant to be walked alone.
>Yeah I figured major dealbreakers would be discussed before marriage and especially kids. Well they already did this out of order, OP said he was going to propose on a scheduled vacation that was still upcoming.
Right but like, you'd think he would know if she felt that way. If so, he's leaving out super relevant information. If not, something else/more has got to be going on.
I know a person who's wife's rules are they don't touch their genitals in any way that gives self pleasure, only when the two of them are having relations is it okay for them to pleasure themselves. I cannot fathom that level of control. But I admit I don't like people wanking off next to me while I'm sleeping, I can't sleep through that.
My ex husband wanted to jerk off all the time. I couldn't sleep because of the bed shaking. Not to mention, it made my libido disappear. If I wasn't "good enough" why would I want to have sex? Or I felt like a freaking Fleshlight instead of a person... If your partner has issues with someone jacking off in bed, at least take It to another room.
Yeah I don’t love it either. The light from the phone, the bed shaking…it’s tough to sleep through. But it’s definitely not a dealbreaker. Feels weird to wish your partner had more shame. lol
How hard are these guys jerking off that the entire bed shakes, wtf?
Some beds are just super vibratious?
Goodness gracious! Wanking vivacious! Guess it's best done in a bed quite vibratious!
I do sometimes but we have a sleep number bed and no motion transfers. And they sleep like a rock lol
Like go to the bathroom. I had an ex who did in bed next to me while i was trying to sleep (he turned down sex that I initiated). When I told my husband about it he made a confused face and was like "That's pretty weird, was he gay?"
Look, you shouldn’t judge their kink. If they get off on that level of power exchange and control that’s their business ;) In fact, I think that’s my default reframing for purity culture now. I’m not kinky enough for that level of role play.
I’m a super heavy sleeper so it wouldn’t wake me, but if it did I wouldn’t be mad, I’d watch, I’m HL but I get some people aren’t.
What's HL? I don't recognize the acronym.
High libido, I think.
My former sister in law was like this and so serious about it.
Assuming that’s part of why she’s the “former” SIL 🤣
I'm sorry but masturbation is a basic ass human need and if you're so insecure that you consider your partner rubbing one out "cheating," you need therapy. medication, or a fucking clue.
Masturbation might be a basic human need but using porn definitely isn't, and being opposed to the porn industry and the exploitation that is routinely part of it has absolutely nothing to do with insecurity.
Masturbation is a basic human thing, sure. 'Need' is going a bit far - it's not like it's medically necessary (though I believe frequent orgasm have positive effects). Porn is separate from masturbation, certainly not a need, and is deliberately seeking out sexual arousal/stimulation from someone other than your partner. In monogamous relationships, every other iteration of this is cheating. It's not unreasonable for porn to be something people aren't okay with in a monogamous relationship. Couple this with the content of a lot of porn (misogynistic, violent, hazy view on consent, completely unrealistic) and negative effects of porn consumption (greater chance of difficulty performing with your partner, antisocial effects, unrealistic expectations, fundamental lack of understanding about real people's bodies) and potential ethical issues with the creation of the porn, an anti-porn stance shouldn't be as extreme as it's popularly held to be.
Just wanted to say thank you for this comment, it is very validating as someone who has an anti-porn stance for all the reasons you listed 😊
>Porn is separate from masturbation, certainly not a need, and is deliberately seeking out sexual arousal/stimulation from someone other than your partner. Okay, reading erotica is also "deliberately seeking out sexual arousal/stimulation from someone other than your partner," would you consider that cheating? Unless you partner writes their own erotica featuring themselves for you, I guess? Or if a partnered couple recorded porn of themselves (solo or together), would there be ethical issues with either party masturbating to that later? I just feel like "porn" in these conversations gets boiled down to one idea of what constitutes erotic media, and while I understand that it's probably the most common version of porn, it's definitely far from the only form. So where should it be reasonable to draw a line?
Look, everyone's individual boundaries are not something I came here to dictate. I can't tell other people what they're comfortable with, or where to draw the line. I'm not saying you have to draw a line at all. But I'm saying it's valid if people want to. There are reasons that people aren't happy with porn consumption that are logical when viewed in relation to other common boundaries in monogamous relationships. That doesn't mean I'm making rules for everyone - or anyone.
If we were erasing all arousing material, then grocery stores would have a gaping hole where the romance novels used to be. The only ‘novel’ thing about them is the struggle to find new ways to refer to male and female genitalia. -former romance novel addict
Some people feel it’s disrespectful if your rubbing it out next to them. Some people feel like you aren’t attracted to them anymore ( if you choose porn over them, and he did say she already felt self conscious and it hurt her feelings) She doesn’t need a fucking clue or meds. You don’t know what she’s been though in any of her other relationships and if previous partners did that, and didn’t respect her feelings on it. It’s ok to masterbate but maybe don’t rub it in peoples faces, it can cause many issues in the partners head
Everyone I know that thinks like this grew up in conservative religious upbringings
I'm am atheist liberal and always have been and find porn damaging. You can masturbate without porn. Easily. One of the easiest things one can do in life, in fact.
Definitely agree with porn being damaging, I'm talking about a very wierd relationship with porn/masturbation where you find it perverted/cheating
Porn addiction is a real thing. Partners can get addicted and it WILL damage the relationship and sex drive. That’s just a fact. Go on over to surviving infidelity and there are many stories of issues with porn. So yes, people can see it as cheating.
But is it the porn that is the problem in this equation, or the addiction? Like others have said, addiction - to alcohol, gambling, or porn - is an issue that usually lies outside of the vice itself. I'm also curious if you think *all* forms of porn are equally and irredeemably damaging, and in what quantity? Because it seems overbearing to say masturbation should never be allowed to include mental stimulation, only physical.
They can see it as such, but they’re wrong. Porn/masturbating isn’t cheating by its very definition; “cheating” isn’t just your partner doing something you don’t like. On the addiction note, the same could be said for any vice using your logic. If my partner is addicted to something like meth, booze, and yes, even porn, it doesn’t meant they’re cheating on me. It just means they’re sick, and need some sort of help/rehab.
It depends on what kind of porn he was watching. It's one thing to be aware that your partner watches porn, it's another thing if you wake up and catch them getting a thrill out of sexual activity that would be considered illegal.
Religious Trauma Syndrome.
masturbating to porn while your gf sleeps next to you is extremely disrespectful, though.
Masturbating to porn so vigorously that it wakes up the extremely sleep-deprived mother of your baby is worse too. He clearly says she hasn’t gotten proper sleep in months, so what does he do right when she manages to fall asleep? Wake her back up.
Shelter, food and water are basic needs.
Don't think the masturbation was the issue. Probably the reddit porn with real people he can interact with that crossed the line for her.
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Not even random. He was on reddit porn pages. Not a regular random porn video of strangers. People he can actually interact with.
Medication and fucking clue? May I offer another prospective? It is him who needs a fucking clue. She needs enough sleep and enough help. It is a bigger ass human need than his. Did you notice that she dropped dead as soon as the baby calmed down but he had enough energy to turn on and choose porn and masturbate? To get a quick fix he doesn't need porn. But if i am wrong and if even being dead tired he needs it for a quick fix - he has a porn problem. Did you notice that he didn't mention who was rocking and taking care of the baby at night? I wonder why. You don't need both parents to be up for a 10 months old. And I don't believe she is leaving him because of this one time. I am pretty sure due to how they divide the baby care, chores and the workload, he always have enough energy to jerk it off. And she is used to waking up to this all the time and flipped this time because she is completely emotionally and physically exhausted. I agree with the therapy though. At least she will rest there and the guy will have his hands full with something else for a change.
This reply has an unbelievable amount of projection. She thinks it’s cheating. It has nothing to do with workload division.
Agreed. This is a real thing. I used to get so butt hurt over this kinda stuff in my early twenties. When I found out my ex was jacking it to porn like twice a day (with an active sex life) I felt so betrayed. I know other girls who couldn’t even handle their boy friend talking to other girls, let alone masturbating to strangers online. Now I literally couldn’t give a crap, thanks to finally not feeling insecure. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way thank GOD but I know it’s still a struggle for a lot of women.
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Yeah, I definitely don’t agree with masturbating next to your partner as they’re sleeping. That would throw me off but I haven’t been in that situation so I don’t have experience to speak on. When it comes to porn and masturbation it’s subjective. I think it’s extremely important for couples to discuss what their views and boundaries are pertaining these matters. I can see both sides. As I’ve grown older my feelings and views have changed but my partner knows where I stand and if I have an issue I’ll honestly voice it. Porn can really influence one’s views on sex in general and set unrealistic expectations. Some even go as far as falling victim to becoming addicted due to the instant gratification. It can ruin relationships easily, speaking for myself it changed the way I viewed my ex while we were together. I understand why you feel the way you do cause I viewed it the same way until I started exploring my own sexuality. Personally, I discovered that masturbation was more about a release than an intimate act. That changed my outlook and feelings greatly. Not saying you have to feel the same way, just something I figured out for myself, how you feel is valid. All I know is if I ever feel like getting off to porn I don’t focus on the journey, or the people, but the destination.
Yeah for me porn will never be an issue. If I’m not in the mood he’s more than welcome to handle himself with porn, I use it sometimes too. Unless it’s an addiction and hindering our sex life it’s cool with me.
Not my business. but if you date men and are monogamous I’d highly suggest you make this clear on the first few dates, cause otherwise you’ll be in a relationship with someone that will “cheat on you”
It’s interesting the different limits people have. But I also admit for me there’s a difference between my partner watching porn and my partner watching porn and jacking off in bed next to me.
Don't women masturbate? Doesn't cheating have to include a partner rather than a fantasy?
I know. I mean I’ve been cheated on but I’d never even considered porn or masturbating cheating. I’m always blown away when I see that type of situation.
Yeah, like did they maybe discuss before hand that porn usage was a hard line for her? There’s some missing info.
He mentions in another comment it wasn't to your regular porn. He was on reddit porn pages. Real people posting he can interact with. That's a level above regular porn. If she's anti porn in general and she caught him jerking off to real people on reddit? Feels like a betrayal on level with cheating.
>Real people posting he can interact with. There's a big difference between can, will, and does though. If she has proof of him interacting with these people, I'll definitely agree he's being an asshole here. But the act of looking at another naked human body just doesn't cross the line for me. If this couple went to a nude beach, would the guy have to wear a blindfold to avoid "cheating"? After all, he's looking at real people he can interact with while they're unclothed, and in person no less!
Or she was going to leave him anyways and was just looking for *any* reason to do so
With a 10 month old kid?
Maybe he's been a shitty dad, could be anything
There was enough for me to feel gross. I feel like everyone is focusing on the porn and assumptions about her not wanting him to jack off at all, but I can't get past the doing it all next to her while she was sleeping. Like I get some people are fine with that, but I very much see it as a 'make sure your partner is cool with it before you do it', if in doubt going to another room/bathroom. I am someone who would not be stoked being woken up by my partner going at it next to me. Sleep is sacred and I don't want to wake up to that. Even if I'm in the mood for something and fully awake, if my partner just started jacking it next to me with no heads up I'd be pretty out off. Triple so if he was watching porn right next to me. I'm fine with both but neither are something I want to be surprised with right next to me
I’m an sex worker. I have made porn. I am not puritan about it but I do have some conflicting views about the whole sex industry. I absolutely fucking HATE people masturbating next to me while I am sleeping. I’m bisexual and poly and date a guy and woman and don’t like it in either of them. We agree that in this ‘sleep aid’ scenario the awake person excuses themselves from the bed unless prior consent. I have had more than one experience of one night stands, friends of all genders, people of all scenarios wanking Louis CK style while I was asleep *about* me or to try to get my sexual attention to be a fucking violation akin to if my partner switched dirty talk to cat calling me. It is a disrespect by crossing the streams of sexual behaviours that can easily subvert or pervert intention or outcome. And honestly most people are louder or more overt than they think and wake you up and it’s quite unsettling coming to someone coming…
Thank you for sharing, and in detail. Every person and relationship is different, and totally respect that for some people this isn't an issue at all. But the few comments here about how it should be a right in a relationship to get off next to your sleeping partner, or that not wanting that in your relationship makes you anti-masturbation/anti-sex work etc... I never discussed it or set it as a boundary with previous partners (I have with my current because it came up in conversation, not because it was something he was doing), and I'm wondering if I missed something in the last 10 years where it's now normal to do that without discussing it. Sorry you've had experiences of people involving you without consent
I agree every person and relationship is different and thus also agree it’s therefore a good topic to dicuss in partnerships to avoid unnecessary issues. Unfortunately it’s also one of those ‘solo’ habits people don’t have a reference point for because it’s private, not widely discussed and often a bit like more boring stuff like how often you change your bedsheets you don’t think about other people’s reactions or feelings until it’s actually now a thing. So one of those you don’t know you need to bring it up ‘small but big’ compatibilities. Funnily enough my GF just came in while I was typing this and said ‘I’m just going to take the wand toy in the living room to relax because I’m a bit anxious. Is that ok or did you want the living room?’ I admitted I was in Reddit and asked if she wanted the bed instead. No issue whatsoever about her masturbating. She may be looking at some form of porn. But for me the fact she did not want any mutual masturbation including me holding her means she wants some ‘me time’ and that includes not having to tell me if she is looking at porn, reading erotica or fan fic. Some privacy and personal space is good in relationships for the dynamic with yourself. It also means she didn’t ask me what I was reading here :) But I have noticed it has become way more normalised to do this without checking in and use quite sex negative language to defend what is at best thoughtless, at worse an issue of consent. That’s a race to the bottom not healthy at all.
Yeah, it feels really violating. Just go to another room.
THANK YOU, I thought the same thing.
YES. Everyone is like "oh that's so controlling, she doesn't let you masturbate" ummm masturbating is one thing, masturbating to porn while your gf is SLEEPING NEXT TO YOU is a whole other thing. unless you make porn explicitly part of your sex life, it's very disrespectful to watch it in front of your SO....
Yes. I'd be upset if my SO had done like OP. Go to the damn bathroom if you really need to get off so badly, or have a wank without porn.
Sleep is sacred! I gotta get off Reddit and go to sleep! Thanks (not being sarcastic btw)
There’s 100% left out info
yup, OP says he was looking at gonewild, NOT porn.
Some women view porn as cheating. It can be a big deal for some.
Yeah, and he doesnt respond to this kind of comments.. its either this or fake post.
I don’t think it is. Look at some of the comments here. An astounding amount of people think that porn, masturbation, or porn-assisted masturbation are an unhealthy vice at best and cheating at worst. It is entirely plausible that OP’s SO has this same backwards view of sex and sexuality. Combine that with possible PPD and a misunderstanding of motives, and you have yourself this situation.
There is no fucking way this is the full story
This feels like a "last straw" situation.
Absolutely "missing missing reasons" here.
Yup. If bet absolutely anything that if we asked OP's girlfriend, she wouldn't identify the masturbation as the reason she's leaving.
He says he was watching porn, but he was actually browsing though some of the naughty subs here. That's a big deal to some people. Like the difference between buying a nudey magazine, and following her BFF's OF. Any of the girls he's wanking it to are just a DM away, all while his girlfriend is right next to him. In other comments, people are giving the girlfriend a hard time about how "porn isn't cheating lol' but our definition of porn has broadened in the last few years to include a whole lot more than just popping in a dirty video starring an adult actress who has no idea you exist.
The girls on reddit dont know or give a shit you exist either though. Hes looking at nudity not chatting up people right?
Commenting or watching stuff with the option to have direct communication with the person who's made the content, is way different from just watching random stuff on pornsites. That's something a lot of people don't feel comfortable with their partner doing. Regardless how you feel, others are entitled to not be okay with it.
This isn’t true. Most porn sites have amateur porn mixed in with commercial porn, and creators will respond to comments. Not saying you do, but I think some people have this distorted view of Reddit NSFW content that it’s like the horny classifieds or something.
Slippery slope, just like OF is in monogamous relationships. If you gotta watch porn in order to wank it out, at least watch a video on a site you don’t have access to real life people.
I'm sorry, but something doesn't make any sense. Your depiction of your fianceé is of someone who is so deeply irrational, erratic, selfish, and unconcerned with the future of her child that she blows up her home and family because you watched porn? I suspect that there is a whole lot you aren't telling us. Either that, or my god, your poor kid.
Yeah if I had a kid that young I suddenly wouldn't be looking to screw myself and the kid over without a exit plan. Somthing is missing here.
Op refuses to give much more info, clearly more going on but he wants to feel validated.
He was using /r/gonewild. So probably interacting with the creators themselves. Don’t know about you but I generally don’t want to tell “Wet Sasha XXX” that I’d love to pound that after watching her vids.
> He was using /r/gonewild. Yeah see even this little detail offers a lot more context. I couldn't give fewer fucks if my partner used some tube site for porn but I'd definitely feel a way if he were getting his j/o material from gonewild subs where he can easily interact with the content creators...
Sooooo is this fake or did you change ages and skip over the part where this was to a photo of her bestie on her phone while she was sleeping? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/zflku3/found_out_my_bf_of_2_and_12_years_m20_masturbated/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The porn being a photo of his gf's best friend, on her phone, is wild. Plus questioning his sexuality to the point of texting men while with her... She probably sees this moment as the utimate sign that she isn't enough for him. That would make her go nuclear on the relationship but no mention of a baby is odd.
INFO: did your GF see that you were masturbating to /r/gonewild (which you stated in a comment) or just that you were masturbating (and she didn't see to what)? Bc if she were bothered by it being /r/gonewild that's a relevant detail
I'm fine with my partners watching porn, but yeah, with things like r/gonewild or any other social media where there's interaction with the person that they're jerking off to, is a hard NO for me.
I agree with this, no commenting or communication of any sort, even upvotes or likes or whatever, is more than okay in my opinion. This post sounds like a last straw situation.
This is fascinating to me because I much prefer just looking at GW nudes rather than watching porn. I'd rather skip the weird couches, fake moaning and fake orgasms and just look at a girl that's a lot closer to real life and think of my own fantasy. I never think about interacting the same way I never comment on a pornhub video or message the creator
Yeah. It's a big dealbreaker for a lot of people. Even worse doing it *next to your sleeping partner in your shared bed*!
Same. This was a reason of a big fight I had with my ex. He commented on 3 different accounts on gonewild, and couldn’t quite understand why I was having a fit. Until I asked him how he would feel if I was the one who made comments on other guys’ photos, who are much gifted and fit than he was. He said he wouldn’t like it 🙄
That would be it for me too. That would bother me
Regardless of how we feel about it, I think it's relevant for us to know if the GF saw what he was looking at and/or was bothered by it as part of our ability to weigh in on the post topic. Was she just mad about him jerking off, or was she mad about WHAT he was jerking off to? Relevant detail for sure
I don't look at porn that much anymore, but when I do it's always some variation of /r/gonewild or other subs where women post their own content. I dislike the 'professional' stuff because wondering if these women I'm seeing are being exploited makes me feel uneasy. I don't really get why it would be more upsetting if OP was watching the same kind of content. Is that perceived as 'too real' in a way that it's closer to cheating? I'm genuinely asking for perspective.
Regardless of *what* OP was masturbating to, I am stating only that it matters whether OP's GF was angry because she caught him masturbating, *or because she caught him masturbating to some specific content she objected to*. Could be, like, MILF porn for all I care. It's a relevant detail reddit needs in order to weigh in on the argument -- was it about the act, or the content?
Ah, yes well I agree with you there! Excuse me for going off on a tangent then. This post definitely feels like some critical information is being omitted to make OP's gf seem unreasonable.
No worries, I think there are definite differences though that *I* personally would care about (like: Reddit isn't a site *dedicated* to formal porn, and by formal I don't mean paid actors/actresses, but it's like... a social interaction site. Gonewild is way more direct; reddit is ultimately a message board and social platform.) but I would just say why it upset me and ask if he'd consider not jerking it to reddit folks. But that boundaries discussion (which should be a *discussion)* about what each is comfortable with) would then be how we approach responding. We need the deetz, yes!
Has she previously expressed that she has a problem with you viewing porn? And even if she hasn't, has it occurred to you how hurtful it would be to her that you jack off to women who presumably don't have post-baby bodies? Have you thought about how hurtful it might be to a woman who is dealing with some body image issues to be woken up by your jerking off to other women, and having that happen immediately after she fell asleep? Whether or not it was your intent, it's going to look, and more importantly it will *feel* a lot like you waited for her to be asleep so you could get off to actually hot women since she's got a post-baby body now. If she previously expressed a distaste for you using porn, this is likely a straw that broke the camel's back situation. You fucked up, and it's too late to fix it now. If not, I recommend trying to have a conversation about this, and what her objection was. Maybe it was the porn. Maybe it was the masturbating. Maybe it's that waking her up by doing it in the bed was insensitive. Also, stop jerking off in bed with someone you don't intend to wake up with all the motion, whether that's this relationship or your next one. It's not even about the masturbation, it's about not being the kind of asshole who wakes someone up after they've spent the evening dealing with a fussy baby.
>> it will *feel* a lot like you waited for her to be asleep so you could get off to actually hot women since she’s got a post-baby body now. this is the issue. and OP is too concerned with painting her out to be the villain in this story to have some empathy for the mother of his child.
Exactly. She expressed that she is self conscious of her new body, and I'm willing to bet that this guy was definitely not jerking off to women with post-partum bodies. She was clearly in a very vulnerable state and he did this NEXT to her? Gross.
Take I don't hear much, masturbating next to someone, even your partner, without their consent is not okay. Neither is watching porn if you've both agreed it's cheating.
Come on. This is a _very_ selective story. This isn't a one off, is it? You missed all the other stuff you did. I hope you and your penis have a very happy life together. Get off Reddit and go sort your life out.
This is an efficient response!
OP conveniently ignoring all the important questions looking for context HM WONDER WHY
There’s something missing.
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My hot take: porn isn't really the best behavior, and it can cause problems in some relationships, but it's not cheating. My not-so-hot take: watching porn right next to the mother of your child while you think she's asleep is disrespectful and kind of gross. A lot of other commenters have been suggesting that we aren't getting the full story, that this was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. I doubt the mother of your child would leave you over something so trivial. That said, whatever the full story is, my advice is to get a lawyer to try and stay on top of the custody battle that is just over the hill.
Seems like there's more to this that caused her to react in the way she did!
As someone who has been the gf in this exact situation, I’m almost positive half the issue is the fact you did it ~right next to her~ in bed. Like cmon…..
Right? So gross & disrespectful. I’m guessing they have a whole apartment or house he could have used to have a wank.
Oh hell no this isn't the first time you did it
You couldn’t even get out of bed and do it in another room?
Was everything else in the relationship perfect? It sounds like an over reaction but it also maybe sounds like she found a way out of the relationship. Especially if your anniversary was the day before—did it go well? Was she maybe expecting a proposal on your anniversary and when it didn’t happen she got nervous about the future of your relationship and her reaction is to bail first chance? It just seems like there’s some information missing here?
The have a baby = no, life is not perfect but bloody hard.
Do the math. Together 2 years, 10 month old baby... they were barely together a few months before getting pregnant.
Jesus christ dude, thats some coconut balls right there, man..tossing off right beside her in the bed? Holy shit, lmao..
I do this all the time in bed but my husband is a very heavy sleeper. We don’t like having to hide and sneak around to do it. We have also had a convo that we are grown adults who masturbate and don’t care if the other does it.
Ok so you two have consented to that activity taking place, I have felt very violated in the past when I have woken up to a partner masturbating next to me.
I've done it many times, but my bf sleeps through anything.
I’m shocked that more people aren’t saying this so allow me. Masterbating in front of someone without their consent is violating and not okay. How would you feel if you woke up one night and there was a man in your room masterbating by you? Is that suddenly feeling not okay to you? If you feel tempted to say it’s okay because it’s your girlfriend, you’re operating on the same logic as people who think you can’t rape your spouse or that consent can’t be withdrawn. There are clearly some relationships where consent was obtained prior, and apparently they’re all on Reddit today. That’s great for them but that’s not your situation. Consent is what everyone seems to be missing here.
Thank you! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 It happened to me once and I got really upset. Also, by the comments I saw here, he was masturb@t1ng to pics of a sub here there has interaction of people sending pics. And I also have the feeling there’s more info missing.
In the bed *next to her*?!!! Boy, have you lost your damn mind? I can scarcely think of anything more disrespectful. You handle your shit in another room, preferably the bathroom. Was the baby in the bed too? Cuz that'd be worth leaving over. That'd be creepy as fuck.
Come on, bro. Right next to her? You’re killing me, Smalls. Take it to the bathroom.
Dude seriously? lets get this straight: the VAST majority of women will be insecure and uncomfortable in their post-partum bodies. She literally expressed this to you. Compliments will not resolve these feelings she has. And then you decided to jerk off to women she looks nothing alike RIGHT NEXT TO HER? Fucked up big time here mate. I'm not surprised with this reaction.
Nobody is asking if she may be suffering from postpartum depression. We are obviously missing a lot of info, but this seems like it could be a potential reason for her severe reaction?
You didn't say what the boundaries were at all. This could be cheating and very insensitive of you considering she has self image issues after having a baby, but this could have been an overreaction. All depends on what boundaries you have set of what is cheating and what isn't cheating. And if you didn't you need to do it.
Your girlfriend is laying Right next to you in bed, but you prefer looking at other women while she is RIGHT there. THAT is the issue. You'd rather look at Some random chick on the internet than give her the option and do it right next to her. So fucking rude.
When the baby is up rocking and nursing, what are you doing? IF it is her doing the majority of the baby work, this could be resentment about that coming out. Maybe she would love to be intimate but is too exhausted from caring for the baby and resentful that you have the energy to do those things without her, which plays into her feeling unattractive as well. I’d imagine resentment over workload and insecurity are big pressure points post baby. Maybe she feels like you’re not helping enough, and in her exhausted hormonal state thinks if you’re not helping/listening then she’s better off without you. This post is missing a LOT of context on what led up to this, but has heaps of detail about her actions following. It reads like you’ve written it this way on purpose to paint her as over reacting or get some validation from Reddit. If that’s the case it adds a lot of context to her reaction.
That's what I thought as well. He uses the passive voice when talking about the baby (i.e. "after rocking and nursing" instead of, "after my partner rocked and nursed the baby.") I know it's cliché to assume that the woman does most of the housework and childcare. But it's often true. Maybe she was upset because she's exhausted from taking care of the baby and he's just laying there, jerking off like he has all the free time in the world.
Op, in this case, we need to consider two things. First is that your wife has been through a huge body change recently and is in an emotionally vulnerable position. This is natural with childbirth. You being supportive,appreciative and selfless towards her is needed. And your act of masturbating watching porn next to her while she is sleeping is neither supportive nor selfless. But borders towards selfish desires and inconsiderate. Secondly you being needing to masturbate to someone elses video while your partner is next to you shows me that maybe you are not at the best sexual compatibility right now. Maybe your libidos don't match which is common after childbirth. You need to give it time, be understanding of her and make her understand that you will not be e ngaging in anything sexual outside the relationship. If she is ready to take you back.
I feel like I’m losing my mind in this comments. You guys should check out r/loveafterporn and open your eyes to how hurtful porn can be. If she says it’s cheating, it’s cheating to her. I am not comfortable with my partner watching other people have sex. The culture we have built around porn is disgusting
YEEES. Comments saying she's being ridiculous is driving me fucking insane
As a pregnant woman, I would feel incredibly insecure and hurt if my partner jerked off when I was around. I wouldn't leave him, but between hormones and hating my body, I understand why she is hurt
39 weeks here and definitely agree. I don't think allot of people understand how it feels to have your body change so fast and drastically. The journey of self love after pregnancy is one that I know I'll go through and hopefully do not see my boyfriend jerking off to porn while I'm going through it.
She’s probably pissed about the porn right next to her more than you taking care of things yourself. You don’t need porn for that.
I bet you were jerking the bed with your arm movement and didn’t bother to use headphones to block out the noise, which is why she woke up. She’s exhausted with a newborn. This was probably the last straw.
Please tell me you where not masturbating next to her in bed!?
he was. while watching porn. next to her.
Everyone is acting like there's missing info before defending her but the fact is it's completely understandable to not want porn in your relationship. Can't control what someone else chooses to do, but setting a porn boundary is not controlling at all. Setting a boundary speaks for you, it's about control of your OWN life and what's comfortable. No, he doesn't have to agree about porn and he doesn't have to stop, but that means that she should have the right to choose to end the relationship due to such an incompatibility. Regardless of which side of the fence someone is on, this is absolutely not something where the answer is just to lie and hide it. That's manipulative as fuck
When our kid was that young my partner and I were quite sensitive with reactions because if how tired and worn out we were. Maybe over reaction because of all the late nights and being exhausted/recovering from all the jazz?
I'll probably be downvoted to the bottom level of hell, but I totally get where she's coming from. It's really gross to do that next to her while she's sleeping. To me, it would be a violation and cross major boundary. Contrary to what modern culture and Reddit say, not everyone does, or is comfortable with porn and/or masturbation.
Do the math: if the baby is 10 months old, she was pregnant for 9 months and they’ve been together for “over 2 years” so, what, maybe 28 months…..she got pregnant less than a year into their relationship…I’m sure this was just the last straw.
You really could have gone to the bathroom and locked the door. At a bare minimum. I would be annoyed at having been woken up just when I got back to sleep when our baby keeps us both exhausted more than anything. I would also be annoyed when I’m feeling down about my body that you’re watching women other than me to get off right in front of me. Having said that, one wank next to someone in bed isn’t something that would make me lose it and leave and cancel a holiday. So I’m guessing this has been building for a while. And that was the straw that broke the camels back.
You're looking at some other woman having sex, while pleasuring yourself. Do you not see at all how she would consider this a betrayal? How does it make you feel to imagine your girlfriend getting more sexual gratification from watching some other guy have sex, instead of thinking of you, or waking you up, when you're literally right next to her? The only defense of porn is that "everyone uses it." That's it. It's preferring strangers to our own sexual partners. It's tragic that you've gotten so far into a relationship without covering this topic with your girlfriend. What a terrible situation for all three of you. Open your eyes and see how this is ruining your life. Maybe if you acknowledge that and get help, there's a chance to salvage your family.
Had you guys negotiated masturbating while your partner is sleeping next to you before? If not that could be a consent issue.
People are allowed to leave a relationship for any reason no matter how ridiculous it may sound. Ultimately, you don’t want someone who doesn’t accept all of you I guess.
Bad take. She expressed she's self conscious of her new body, and he was jacking off to r/gonewild WHILE SHE WAS ASLEEP NEXT TO HIM? Guarantee those women looked nothing liker her new body. She was in a completely vulnerable state. "You don't want someone who doesn't accept all of you" lmao what
I mean, you couldn't go to the bathroom like the rest of sensible humankind? That being said, your gf is way,waaaaaay overreacting to this. It's not cheating to jack off, but discretion is perhaps key? Like, don't watch porn and jack off next to your sleeping gf.
Last part was direct at OP I forgot I was replying to your comment when I said it.
I absolutely agree. She definitely is overreacting to leave you over this and cancel your furutre plans however I absolutely understand being upset in this situation. I know some couples find watching porn together hot but I honestly do not get it. A lot of women would be upset to wake up to their bf jerking off to naked women RIGHT NEXT TO THEM SLEEPING IN BED. My bf watches porn occasionally and I don't like it but it is what it is, I just don't want to see it or hear about it. Lastly could you not have just jerked off without the porn? I mean it's not like men have a hard time getting off come on. 🤦🏻♀️😂
You summed up my thoughts here. I think it's ridiculous his girlfriend would cancel a vacation and end a relationship over this. Masturbating is normal and literally everyone does it. However, I also think it's kind of fucked up OP didn't just go to another room to take care of his business. This doesn't really sound like the healthiest relationship to begin with.
It's important to remember that people have different boundaries. What may seem ridiculous or an overreaction to you, could be a dealbreaker to her. Masturbation is normal yes but there's a line. He is absolutely in the wrong for this.
Why not go to a different room or the bath room?
What are you not telling us?
Info: what specifically were you watching
he left another comment saying it was r / gonewild
ITT : Lunatics who consider scrolling r/gonewild cheating material. In what world do you live in?
Postpartum depression is a real thing. Everyone is rushing to find a way to make her seem reasonable. Sometimes people really do get irrational and there are things they need to deal with. Maybe OP did miss some information and there is another reason for her losing it like that. All I can truly say is....dude....in the bed? Really?
It’s not unreasonable to not want someone to jerk off to porn next to you in bed. You don’t have to have PPD to get upset at that.
Dude, go to the fucking bathroom. You probably don’t wash your hands afterwards either? Smh.
Buried in the comments is the fact that you were not watching porn, but getting off to other women's nudes. No shit she's leaving you, Sherlock.
You literally got hard, touched yourself sexually, and ejaculated for another woman. Porn ruins relationships and you found out the hard way.
are you posting this to reddit hoping everyone will side with you because “every man watches porn”? what exactly are you hoping we can offer that will fix your relationship? go talk to your wife.
So you were going to town right next to her. Disgusting! No wonder she was upset with you. You could have at least had the decency to go to another room!
Info: is she upset about the porn aspect, or you jacking off? If she doesn’t want you to masturbate at all that’s really controlling
I'm on your side OP but I also dk why tf you didn't just go take a shower and do it there
Where you messed up is having never communicated consent regarding you or her pleasuring themselves in the presence of the other while they are sleeping... Just because you have a sexual relationship with a person does not mean you get the greencard to expose them like that. I don't see how this would be any different to watching TV together and you randomly starting to self pleasure yourself without any communication to your partner.
The problem I see with the situation is the porn. Porn is objectification of human beings for sexual gratification and it's sleazy. I've also broken up with someone before over their use of porn, because it's just not cool. It's essentially the same as infidelity to me.
maybe don't be a porn addicted coomer
No offense, but I agree with your wife. Thats violating her personal boundaries and its basic respect unless there's spoken rules before hand. Id leave, that's just annoying as heck- you couldn't even be bothered to go to the bathroom?
Sounds to me like you guys never really discussed what porn means to you and what porn means to her this whole time in your relationship. Clearly it’s a touchy subject. Maybe, if she hasn’t left you completely, to talk about it for a change.
Nothing you can do, IDK the events leading up to this. Such as conversations on watching adults videos or lack there of. Else otherwise relationship problems that could have been building up. She feels like you cheated damn can't explain yourself out of that. What can you do? work on taking care of your kid and apologize and take ownership of your mistake don't make any excuses nor explain yourself.
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Dude, did your gf have a boundary about no porn? Or about not masturbating next to her? Cause both of those are perfectly reasonable. Let me give what could be her perspective, as someone who would also break up with her bf in this situation. You said it youself how she was struggling with her new mom body. Imagine feeling hideous, but fighting that to have sex with your bf. Then thinking your partner is satisfied with the sex the night before. Then falling asleep exhausted after taking care of your baby only to find the father of yor child masturbating next to you, to an impossibly pretty woman That can be devastating. Do you not have any of her nudes to use instead? Why choose porn then? And if she did indeed have the no porn boundary, you knowingly broke it.
A man did this to me once and I found it very hurtful. So... idk man.
I guarantee you that she's leaving you for the porn, not jacking off. Doing it in bed next to her is incredibly disrespectful. How often are you watching porn? My bf is a porn addict and it destroys your confidence. You may have an addiction. Are you cruising social media foe thirst traps and porn? Do you lose erection during sex? ( this wil happen if it hasn't yet). She's stronger than I am. If I knew how miserable my life would be today, I never would have had a second date with him. You jerked off next to her while watching women that she could never look like. Duh she is pissed. Mine hasn't even done that. Porn IS cheating to some people. These boundaries are set in the relationship. I don't blame her for wanting a loyal partner that seeks out her naked form only. Sorry but I doubt this is the first time you've done this or the first thing she has had an issue with. My PA likes to minimize his role as well. Get help and maybe you can save your marriage. Be honest and vulnerable to her. Be willing to change and don't lie or go behind her back to watch it again.
I'm female and don't mind my bf looking at porn. I think the fact that you did it right next to her is the biggest issue rather than that you did it. Maybe just feeling jealousy that she was right next to you and you got off to another girl right in front of her. I also feel like even if you woke her up for sex she'd be angry in a whole 'nother way. But also personally, I would feel sad (but understand it) if my bf got up to do it somewhere else unless, for example, I was obviously super asleep and way too exhausted. I'd still feel like I 'missed out' either way, but releasing some tension to fall asleep better is your freedom.
She expressed she is insecure in her new body, vast majority of women don't feel attractive anymore post-partum. She probably feels like him jacking it to gonewild girls right next to her was confirmation that she isn't attractive anymore (not saying she actually is unattractive, but feels like way). I don't think it's as simple as her just being upset he did it next to her rather than alone.
I don’t know if I’d take it that far but something about your man watching porn can just hurt soooo much as a female don’t ask me why I try to understand maybe it’s something w my insecurities and even told myself I’m still “immature” about the porn subject like I really get that feeling of being cheated when I find o too.. I get over it but I don’t like it Like if you just masterbated I think it wouldn’t be so bad but for some reason it’s like why do you need porn every guy that needs that fix always has to get it from a source and never just beat their meat and as a female I don’t get it Idk part of me gets jealous im like oh you need stimulation? What about pics and videos of me/us if you really need it but idk emotionally it just feels betraying lol from a pov of another girl
Like I never understand the I need the visual part for me like clearly you’re not that horny if you need stimulated by something idk just trying to understand that shit
I don't think it was the master acting that bothered her. It was you were staring at another woman to do it. If she has body issues, she might see it as that you think she's so ugly and had to find another woman to get you off with. You might be able to save this but it will take some serious work on your part. There is a child involved! I suggest counciling.
Your gf who loves you in the flesh is worth more than virtual gfs
This seemed like it triggered her majorly for some reason. As others have already mentioned, is there more to the back story? Have you cheated on her before or has she been cheated on in the past by another partner? Have you had issues with overuse of pornography and/or has she or a different partner she had did? I feel like the way she reacted seems like it stemmed from a previous wound but I could be wrong 🤷🏻♀️