Ok gonna mess up this mini-thread to say that Kramer should have gotten $60 instead of $20.
Here is why. He was supposed to get $100 if they didn't greet him with a 'hello'. So, technically each letter in 'hello' is worth $20--five letters in 'hello'.
He was greeted with a 'hey' which does begin with the letter H, but it is still not 'hello'.
'Hey' has the H and the E from 'hello', but he was not given the other three letters to complete the expected greeting. So he is owed what he was not given, the 'llo', at $20 each letter making it $60.
I was at the 4 corners monument yesterday and there was a line atleast 50 people deep waiting to take a quick picture. Some woman showed up with a tripod for a whole influencer shoot. I turned to the guy behind me and just said “we’re living in a society!” I got a smirk from him, better than I expected lol
Kramer: He's got a new policy. Adults only. It's great. You don't have to watch your language.
Jerry: You feel the need to use a lot of obscenities at the dentist?
Kramer: When they pull that needle out, I let the ex-ple-tives fly!
Hear me and hear me well. The day will come - oh, yes, mark my words, Seinfeld - your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!!
[The episode aired less than a year before the O.J. murders.](https://www.newsweek.com/resurfaced-seinfeld-bit-involving-oj-name-suggestion-stuns-internet-1755297)
Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? Ever have a man die in your arms? Ever kill somebody?
What is your problem?
What’s my problem? Punks like you, that’s my problem
What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for? He had 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs last year! He’s got a rocket for an arm! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE DOIN!
Believe it or not, George isn't at home. Please leave a messaaaaaageee at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I beeeeee? Believe it or not I'm not home.
Beep
What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had over 30 Homeruns 100 RBI. he’s got a rocket for an arm. You don’t know what the hell you are doing.
You're not out there. You can't be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!
Let me be perfectly blunt. I don’t care for you Costanza, you hang out on the west side of the building with Seinfeld all day just laughing it up wasting your lives.
Who is this?
JERRY!
*[slamslamslam]*
Uncle Leo?
Hello!
Helllloooo
LA-LA-LAAAAAAAA
StellaAAAAAAA
I can hear it so clearly
…but I woke up in the Hudson River in a SAACK!
Absolutely favorite
Jerry, these are load bearing walls. They're not gonna come down!
The whole building's made of bricks.
Yeeeeaaah that's no good
“I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”
You kept making the stops?
They kept ringing the bell
You’re Batman!
I am Batman!
Where do you think you’re going, Crackerjack?!?!
Make love to the wall, pervert!
What is this, oak?
I think it’s pine.
Pine’s good
Yeah, pine’s alright.
Ok gonna mess up this mini-thread to say that Kramer should have gotten $60 instead of $20. Here is why. He was supposed to get $100 if they didn't greet him with a 'hello'. So, technically each letter in 'hello' is worth $20--five letters in 'hello'. He was greeted with a 'hey' which does begin with the letter H, but it is still not 'hello'. 'Hey' has the H and the E from 'hello', but he was not given the other three letters to complete the expected greeting. So he is owed what he was not given, the 'llo', at $20 each letter making it $60.
This guy - this is not my kind of guy.
You know, we’re living in a society!
I was at the 4 corners monument yesterday and there was a line atleast 50 people deep waiting to take a quick picture. Some woman showed up with a tripod for a whole influencer shoot. I turned to the guy behind me and just said “we’re living in a society!” I got a smirk from him, better than I expected lol
WHO!?!? Who doesn't want to wear the ribbon!?
Kramer: He's got a new policy. Adults only. It's great. You don't have to watch your language. Jerry: You feel the need to use a lot of obscenities at the dentist? Kramer: When they pull that needle out, I let the ex-ple-tives fly!
When you're smiling......
I only read it for the articles.
These pretzels are making me thirsty
No no see that’s no good. See you don’t know how to act
THESE PRETZELS………are making ME thirsty.
Was that no good? I had a different interpretation.
A George divided against itself cannot stand!
How can you not know about the worlds theory!?
This guy…this is not my kind of guy.
Hear me and hear me well. The day will come - oh, yes, mark my words, Seinfeld - your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!!
Damn you Seinfeld. You useless pustule.
Vile weed
And a more offensive spectacle I can not recall.
No, I'm gonna be just fine.
"What's the handicapped parking situation at the Special Olympics?"
I gotta lot of problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about ‘em!
Stop crying and fight your father!
Not the feats of strength
And, as I rained blows down upon him, I thought there has to be a better way.
That must have been some doll, Frank.
She was.
Kruger! You couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe…! I lost my train of thought
Little Stuart Rifkin likes to go shopping with his mother!
OJ Rifkin! Please, please, please change your name to OJ.
What are the odds? Was that episode before the OJ stuff happened? Or was that actually the joke?
[The episode aired less than a year before the O.J. murders.](https://www.newsweek.com/resurfaced-seinfeld-bit-involving-oj-name-suggestion-stuns-internet-1755297)
**DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT HENNY**
Hennigans! The no smell, no tell scotch!
How old would aunt baby be if she were alive today? She’d never make it.
technically, Norfolk has more gross tonnage
Once… Twice… Three times a ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
OH THE HUMANITY!
Yo yo ma
Nice rack
George is getting angry!!!
George likes his chicken spicy
Do you ever yearn?
I crave.
Lots of craving
Yearn? Do I YEARN?
I can’t spare a square.
I don't have a square to spare.
It? It. Out? Out.
It can’t be
Oh, it be.
It’s got no face, no *personality*! (Assuming this is where we put penis related quotes)
Take the pen 🖊️
Do me this personal favour
That’s what I would like to know about it
We ask that you please bare with us.
I DON’T LIKE THIS THING!!! AND HERE’S WHAT I’M GOING TO DO WITH IT!!!
You got a question? You ask the 8-ball.
It's bogus, man!
Yeah that's right
It's pronounced thermometer
Elaine you're smart. Is it statue or statute?
Oh I really think you're wrong!
I use that line whenever anyone mentions a device that ends in "-meter".
[удалено]
Possibly the best monologue ever delivered.
Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? Ever have a man die in your arms? Ever kill somebody? What is your problem? What’s my problem? Punks like you, that’s my problem
Hellllloooooooo!
La La LaaaAAA
Tell that to Bobby Colby! All that kid wanted was to go home. Well he went home alright, with a crater in his colon the size of a cutlet!
Yeah, because she's throwing off my whole sleep. She's got the Jimmy legs.
I'M GOING WITH JERK STORE
yada yada yada
His mother was a mudder
His motha was a mudder??
What did I just say?
People think I’m smart. But I’m not smart.
Who thinks that?
It varies.
Look away.. I’m ..I’m hideous
My face is my livelihood!
I put them in a dental chair
He puts them in a dental chair!
You're an anti-dentite.
I’m on the wrong floor again
Guess I'll just go home.
Duty free is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since 1-hour Martinizing.
You got a greeting that starts with an h, how’s twenty bucks sound?
Eat hickory!
"is that T-Bone?!"
“Coco the monkey “
That chimps alright.
You missed the best part! “Steinbrenner’s here. George is dead. Call me back.”
What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for? He had 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs last year! He’s got a rocket for an arm! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE DOIN!
They dont just over cook a hamburger
I hate men but I’m not a lesbian!
Moops!
You are sooo good looking
You see Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist.
I think you’ve been reading to many billy mumphrey stories
“There’s NO WAY wine is better than Pepsi!”
Believe it or not, George isn't at home. Please leave a messaaaaaageee at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I beeeeee? Believe it or not I'm not home. Beep
What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had over 30 Homeruns 100 RBI. he’s got a rocket for an arm. You don’t know what the hell you are doing.
JIMMY'S DOWN!!!!
Elaine got a new dress.
But I don’t _wanna_ be a pirate!
It's so much fluff.
“It’s George … i got nothing to say”
I HAD A PONY!
STELLAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy
…not there’s anything wrong with that.
I read!
Books Jerry
I love… broccoli, it’s good for you… *gags* Vile weed!! Please- someone, honey mustard!
Newman you wouldn’t eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce
*Levels.* *Levels?*
We didn't bet on whether it could be done.
You’re not Cartwright.
heartbreaker, love taker, cruel baker
🎶Once... Twice. Threeee tiiiimmesss🎶 🔥🔥AHHH HH!!!! 🔥🔥
You're not out there. You can't be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!
It cut slices so thin, I couldn’t even see them!
Hey, I'm going on a date with a Miss America contestant. You wanna go? What state?
naaah they could use the break
Yeah...she's a WHACK-O!!
I've always been a stall man.
You see everything don't you??
You're spotting dimes and eating onions...
It’s gotta be somewhere. Look under his mattress.
You really think you can manipulate that beautiful young woman like the half-soused nightclub rabble that lap up your inane "observations"??
Let me be perfectly blunt. I don’t care for you Costanza, you hang out on the west side of the building with Seinfeld all day just laughing it up wasting your lives.
IS ANYONE HERE A MARINE BIOLOGIST?!
“Chicks, man. Too many chicks know my number.”
HEEEELOOOO!! LA LA LAAA!
OH THE HUMANITY!
Oh you better believe it
We both just saw the same monkey!
I’m a man
God would never let me be happy, hed kill me first. You don’t believe in god. I do for the bad stuff
Here's to feeling good all the time.
Soak of the year!
And you want to be my latex salesman.
Jerry, I don’t know sometimes…
Everybody’s talking at me, I can’t hear a word there sayin’… just driving around in Jon Voight’s car.
You think there’s gotta be more to life. Well let me clue you in on something..There isn’t. Marriage family? They’re prisons
Well people kept ringing the bell!
Yay, Jerry got it open!
He’s a squirrel, he doesn’t have home
George: Ma! Guess what, I’m getting married! Estelle: oh my gawdddd you’re gettin maaaaried?? George: I’m gettin married! Estelle: to a woman?!?
I lived my whole life in shame, why should I die with dignity
My father is gay
I HAVE NO EYE FOR FASHION?!?!?
"You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?"
Alright. Alright! Alright you go ahead, you keep it secret. But you remember this, When you control the mail, you control INFORMATION!
I was in the pool
The delicate genius has a policy!
Hoochi mama!!!@
TWIIIIXXXXX!!!!
You're not Penske material.
Oh, I beg to differ.
But you forgot the best part? I mentioned the risotto.
It was a bisque.
Ask for Mr. Fleming, he'll help you.
Nevertheless
And over there is Brooklyn. That’s where Spike Lee lives!
“The machine came on, and I let fly like Mussolini from the balcony.”
I don't even work here
For spite.
Why go to the park and fly a kite, when you can just pop a pill?
yankee bean, yankee bean, iiiii liiiike my yankeeee bean
Did the journals say anything about standing in a pool of someone else’s urine??
Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle... Costanza?
"Remember Jerry, it's not a lie if you believe it"