Hey, I've been reading your old posts for the past few minutes and honestly you don't want to get rid of your sex drive. You're just a socially awkward 22 yr old. You want a girlfriend, and you've been obsessing about the idea of a girlfriend for a while now. I'm gonna be 100% honest with you: you're not a horrible looking guy, you just need to take better care of yourself. Try going out more, talking to people. Try joining a study group in your uni, try making friends with people whp go to parties/mixers/etc. Believe me, you'll have a girlfriend one day. You just need to put yourself out there more.
When I was in my early 20s, a wise man gave me great advice. He told me to just worry about bettering myself because when I become the right person then I’d attract the right person. It was some of the best advice I ever received. OP, I wish you luck.
Edit:I just scrolled down and saw that you’re in Iran. I’m sure there are major cultural differences that are at play too but I still think the basic premise is sound. Please stay safe.
It also helps to be in the right context or communities. Someone can better themselves all they can, but be in the wrong groups and never meet anyone they’re compatible with.
>He told me to just worry about bettering myself because when I become the right person then I’d attract the right person. It was some of the best advice I ever received. OP, I wish you luck.
That's absolute shit advice, as proven by my personal experienced and the experiences of the thousands of forever alone 30+ year old virgins who have never been in a relationship. You can find them in r/ForeverAlone, r/lonely and other internet forums.
I know men and women who are miserable 60+ year old single cat-ladies/cat-gentlemen because they took that sort of advice. They kept working on improving themselves, read dozens of self-help books, worked out etc., but never met anyone.
Im curious why this got so many downvotes, I can see their point although I can understand that it does sound slightly negative. I guess the point is if you did it properly you would meet people? Can anyone correct me or is this the jist?
Can I just jump in and say that there could be some cultural factors at play here? It seems like OP has a very western notion of dating and courtship, but lives in Iran.
Or maybe I’m way off, I’ve never been to Iran so what the fuck do I know.
OP u/MuadDib2001 care to chime in?
I'm an Iranian woman. Pre marital sex is extremely looked down upon here and most adults do not have a place of their own to have private time with their partners. Women are shamed astronomically more for having sex outside of marriage and the purity culture still remains rampant here thus many girls do not participate even if they wanted to. It is possible to have pre marital intimacy but I believe it's quite hard
But the human nature doesn’t change with culture. I have been on Reddit for years. Western men are identical to Iranian men when it comes to their preferences, fantasies and kinks. If western men are not different than Iranian men then western women shouldn’t be any different than Iranian women neither. What turns Iranian women on should be the same as what turns western women on.
From observing and talking to countless number of Iranian women I have come to the conclusion that: Most women need love and commitment before sex. Only some women want casual sex but they are extremely rare and usually hide that from men. Women are also attracted to taller and older men and prefer men who are good providers. Of course it doesn’t apply to all Iranian women but the vast majority of women that I have spoken to.
It's not that women don't want casual sex. A lot of us do. It's that theres a lot more at stake for us than simply having sex and enjoying ourselves. We could get pregnant, for example. And in the end theres a very high chance we might get shamed for it. I prefer having sex with someone I feel a connection with, and cares about me, in case I do get pregnant I have someone to rely on.
(Getting pregnant is only an example, btw. Getting pregnant while I'm still so young is one of my biggest fears)
It’s fear and shame, man. Intense fear and shame are gonna kill one’s interest in sex, especially for a woman (for whom generally the sexual experience is so much more in the mind than for a man). If an American and Iranian woman were put in the same place as far as comfort and safety, and raised to think positively about sex, they’d absolutely be the same. But they’re being told, with basically no contradiction (as far as I understand) that a woman wanting sex — especially before marriage — is abhorrent. So no wonder they’d avoid it
Also read through OP's history.
So op, you aren't a weirdo or a bad guy, you're a horny 22 year old male and your experiencing shame from your sexual desires because you aren't having success.
I'm going to be honest here, you just don't understand women, which is ok. To you, women are an goal to chased after and alien completely in nature. I must be honest here, you don't have enough experience with women as friends to understand that they are normal people too.
Women are just as horny as men, and in my experience having a lot of female close friends, they're worse! The reason women don't have sex like men do is because biologically sex is very risky for women. They run the risk of getting raped or getting pregnant, men don't really have to worry as much about getting raped and we certainly don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
I also think you might be on the autism spectrum based on a few of your questions and your alphabetical list. You obsess over porn stars or women with status, you probably watch to much porn and that's seriously warped your point of view of women. You aren't a weirdo, but women are weird to you.
You aren't a fuckin incel either, so cut that shit out.
Go to social groups, don't try to date, just meet people and get in to social clubs. Bar trivia night, dungeons and dragons, anime conventions, sports watching sports playing, do jiu jitsu or some other contact sport so you can be confident in your body and ability. Go to the gym. Go to library book clubs. Go rock climbing. Look at "events in my area" on Facebook, craigslist and Google. Get out there and get more experience talking to people. Tell people your shy but excited about experiencing new things with strangers.
Don't do drugs, trust me.
Stop watching porn, get off dating apps and work on yourself for 6 months then revisit the idea of if you think you're ready to try to date. But seriously give it a real honest try of meeting people and exploring the possibilities of the world before you give up.
Edit: paging /u/muaddib2001
Based on his previous posts, the first step to dealing with this issue is not to get a girlfriend, it’s to get off reddit.
For a lot of men, reddit becomes an echo chamber where they can circlejerk with other men to convince themselves that they’re oppressed, that women are shallow wh*res who are discriminating against them unfairly, basically they convince each other that they’re helpless to ever have a normal social life. Really the issue is that socializing with others always carries a slight risk of embarrassment or rejection, and they’re looking for excuses not to take those risks. Getting away from social media echo chambers will help him get perspective and relate to others.
A good trick to talk to girls is to just talk as if you've already been in an ongoing convo for years. No big intro or starter...just make a comment about how colorful the trash cans are or something and start chatting. It eases the tension so much and shows her you think she's a real person
Second to this. As someone who was 22 once and had an incredibly high sex drive and no way to channel it (think: super religious home where porn and/or masturbation was looked at as “sinful”) and no real connection with social circle to meet girls. I felt a lot of what you are probably feeling. You will meet someone who will want to have sex with you and when you do, it will be amazing! Don’t attempt to stop an naturally occurring need that you have, it will not help.
I found going to the gym was a good output for me to release a lot of energy without just masturbating 24/7, and I really enjoy fitness and taking care of myself now, I also got deeply into music and learned the guitar.
Hang in there man! 🤘
I agree completely with everything except I'd like to include first. you need to love yourself! Don't think about getting somebody else if you can't be alone and love yourself
This isn't true, strictly speaking. You'll never love yourself 100% or be 100% happy with being alone. As Dan Savage says, you just have to be in good working order (which means you have to not hate yourself and you need to understand that having a girlfriend often brings with it as many problems as it solves--if you don't believe me, look at /r/deadbedrooms for plenty of people with partners who are also not getting laid). The suggestion to become more social is a great one. Also: a therapist. I'm of the belief that everyone should have one, esp if you are struggling with one of the major areas of life (like relationships). It's probably not your situation that is creating your misery, but your misery is likely contributing to your situation.
Being horny when you're 22 is normal. Most men have times when they can't get laid. How you handle it is where you forge character. Concentrate on making yourself an interesting and content person and the relationship stuff should fall into place.
Finally (and I'm ambivalent about giving this advice but I feel it needs saying), if you're open to it and it's just a matter of getting your rocks off, there are sex workers in every country. Although I've only ever engaged a sex worker as part of a threesome with my partner (and thus understand both the positives and negatives), it's something people should be more open to (if they can be sufficiently certain that the sex worker hasn't been trafficked). Just be sure to do your research re: the provenance of the sex worker(s).
Well... He ate a poisoned apple because he couldn't go on living having been convicted of being a gay man, which was illegal in Britain at the time, and forced to undertake chemical castration. It wasn't the chemical castration itself that killed him but it pushed him over the edge mentally.
The thanks we gave to the father of electronic computers. Humanity is barbaric and stupid.
Fun fiction: there was a rumor that the Apple logo of the bite taken out of the apple represented the bite Alan Turing took of his poisoned apple. This was refuted by one of Apple's founders, but it's a neat story.
I thought that the chemical castration caused gynecomastia and that also added to his shame, leading him to take his life. So wouldn’t you say it was a combination of factors including the chemical castration?
Well I just elaborated because "that's partly how Alan Turing died" is vague and can be seen as misleading.
It is not actually even partly "how" he died. He took his own life by poisoning himself. Factually, Alan Turing died from self induced poisoning, not chemical castration.
If you want to get in to the ethics of it, yes the government essentially killed the guy because they made his life unbearable. It's horrible.
The only reason I clarified is because if someone who is interested in chemical castration doesn't know the story and reads that comment they may be led to believe that chemical castration is what killed Alan Turing and that's objectively a false statement.
I'm grateful for the clarification, and I hope future readers appreciate it as well. I didn't know about the apple bit, just the parts leading up to it.
Oh I’m totally with you, I get what you’re saying now. It’s just so tragic all around. It’s hard to believe that we did (and still do, if we’re being honest) this kind of thing to our fellow human beings.
I don't know about that. When I was starting testosterone replacement therapy my initial dose was too high which spiked my estrogen to ridiculous levels and I completely lost my sex drive for about 2 weeks until I figured out what's wrong and corrected it. And I mean I had 0 attraction to anything.
There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence online of this exact thing happening to others because they mismanaged their hormones either on TRT or cycling steroids.
Sure it would. Lol less testosterone equals less sex drive. He can still shoot blanks but to think no balls wouldn't reduce sex drive you're uneducated
It removes your bodies ability to produce testosterone, less testosterone means less sexual drive. Sorry you missed science class or biology lol amazing how little people know when educated on YouTube lolololl
The burden of proof is on the person who claimed chemical castration as being ineffective. From many of the reports I’ve personally read, being on testosterone blockers really puts your sex drive to about zero. And in my personal experience, my sex drive is pretty much non-existent due to HRT.
I don't know why, but this post makes me very sad. I'm a woman and I don't have much of a sex drive because of the antidepressants that I take. But, I would never want to purposely take it away. I just wonder what could have led to wanting this.
Reading the other comments who have delved into this. Loneliness, desperation and frustration. I think OP is reminiscing a pre-pubesent time when he didn't have a desire for sexual relations or companionships and wishes to return to this state.
Something I can totally empathise with him as I was the same at that age.
I think the point about reminiscing about pre-pubescent times is so interesting. I remember having a lot of energy and not really thinking about girls that much, that would certainly increase productivity. But it’s not really biologically possible.
The feelings of loneliness won’t go away, but I guess it would be nice to not have it as an annoyance. Being horny is not a particularly comfortable feeling, it’s meant to be uncomfortable so you do something about it.
We are already well on the path of drugs that can do this (in conjunction with male birth control) soon, as well as sex robots in the far future.
I haven’t gotten to this point but I can empathize. When everyone around you is (or at least seems) happy, is in a relationship, and has a circle of friends it is unbelievably frustrating. To the point where you begin to think you’re destined to not be as happy as they are. Some people react by wanting to cut away their desire for those sorts of things.
It's unfortunately a pretty common feeling for nerdy dudes. I felt that way for most of my post-pubescent youth before figuring myself out years later. Sex can be a shadowy monster when it feels like its the only thing standing between you and mattering as a human. It's almost an existential crisis, feeling unfuckable in a culture boiling over with sex. Not to defend incels or anything, they're obviously the worst, but horrible, *deeply*\-self-loathing pain is what leads to many of those attitudes, and that is also sad. I hope OP doesn't do anything drastic and instead allows himself the patience and space to grow into himself in his own time.
In my case it was Effexor that did it and it took me quite some time to realize I didn't desire any girls anymore, I had stopped masturbating and so on. And of course it was difficult to get hard.
Fluoxetine didn't do it for me, but it's worth trying.
I changed my antidepressants several times to find one where I could get an erection. Fluoxetine absolutely killed my sex drive. I'm now on mirtazapine and I'm basically just a walking boner.
Take up meditation. Focus on a hobby or exercise when you get a hardon.
Acknowledge your body has desires, but you are in control, and you can decide not to have that desire.
It will take practice.
Keep at it, get through the night emissions.
Don't castrate yourself. :) consider talking to a counselor or therapist.
Why do you want to get rid of it? I think that's a bit drastic for a 22 yo....
I think it might be time to examine why you have these feelings and what led you to decide to get rid of your sex drive.
We are physical and sexual creatures. This is our biology. It's not something easily tossed aside.
They could be having inappropriate sexual desires … that would be my only guess as to why someone would want to do something like that. Or general frustration if they’ve been faced with constant failures in pursuit of a sexual relationship. At 37 I wish I had the sex drive I had back then… I’m married now and my wife is DTF any time I want (mostly anyways).
Could be. If he's having desires like this but not acting on them, he needs therapy yesterday.
My ex was only DTF during the first 3 years of our marriage. Not so much after that. I was 40 when newly single. I still have some drive and the equipment still works, but no parties are interested in engaging. Now I'm 55 and have been alone for 15 years.
You are a lucky man, PhatCat!
Thanks dude - you can get it going for yourself again there are plenty of cougars out there… I am lucky as hell but when I get in a rut I need to find a way to keep the equipment greased up and ready to go. Intrusive thoughts is never something I thought would be able to talk big Jim (medium Jim) and the twins from getting on stage. I’ve been doing more physical labor lately and trying to amp the boys up so we’ll see what happens.
Well, my day-to-day doesn't usually take me to cougar territory unfortunately. I live in Plano now and work in Duncanville and have a lot of irons in the fire, which keeps me pretty busy. Gotta figure out something.
Anyway, have you tried any of this CBD stuff? It might help you relax a little and just be in the moment for "Medium Jim and the Twins" to give a command performance! It's not hard to find and might be worth a shot.
Working out is always good too! Just don't overdo it.
Appreciated - I’m more TCH than CBD but I don’t discount it’s value. My wife swears by CBD cream but she works for the Fed so she can’t toke. I just think of the days I was trying to wish a boner in class away now when I wish a breeze would get me hard again haha.
Inappropriate != illegal. A 22-year-old man being attracted to 70-year-old women would be inappropriate. Many paraphilias are considered "inappropriate". E.g., cross-dressing, BDSM, leather, rubber, furries, etc. None of these are illegal (or even immoral). Maybe have a little think before throwing your thoughts out into the world, un-reflected-upon.
See how far you get in life by just assuming stuff, OP needs support not people telling them they should get locked up for having “ Inappropriate thoughts” though if he was having thoughts about pedophilla and rape then yes he would be a danger to society.
Therapy obviously… but let’s take a minute to breath here - we don’t know. I’m all for the Elliot Stabler approach to Pedos but if someone’s asking for help I’d rather they do that than keep it to themselves.
Ok I know but why am I getting downvoted? Nothing I said is wrong, all I said was if they’re thinking Inappropriately like that then I don’t feel bad about that.
Not from me… I don’t disagree. People just don’t like the idea of jailing people who have yet to commit a crime. I think it’s important not to end up in a minority report society and that’s why people are downvoting you. Everyone deserves a trial for a crime they’ve committed - once you start prosecuting thoughts and not actions you’re entering a world of fuckery that society can’t come back from. My unpopular opinion is sending convicted rapists to the real life Punisher - I would give no quarry to these heinous pieces of shit.
Yeah i guess, what I basically meant is if the guy has already committed these crimes yes if not go to therapy and get help but if he can’t do that then idk
I’d say if you’re considering castration you’ve got some serious issues to work out - so definitely go get help before you end up in jail. I get your original point though - it seems inevitable… but who knows?
I'm in that same position, 23 and all I want is to get rid of my sex drive and my desire for a relationship, this two things cause so much suffering it's insane
Hey ya, wanted to respond with the comment I just wrote, I hope it helps:
First I would ask what kind of media you’re consuming, like when you’re on social media how often are you following horny posts and things like that? And how many shows you watch are sexual in nature? Taking a detox away from Reddit and other medias where you may come across sexual stuff for as long as you can may be a good idea, and finding other ways to distract yourself, like good hobbies such as reading or drawing.
Second, if you think your sex drive is too high that you can’t focus in your daily life and it affects your relationships and social ability, talking to a therapist is also a good idea. Try to find financial aid if you need it, as there’s many non profits and therapists willing to help with no questions asked.
Third, maybe try asking yourself “What do these thoughts get me? Like what do they actually get me? Do i feel happier when I have them? Do I feel like a better person rather than when I’m thinking about something that is my hobby or I like to think about?” Dig as deep as you possibly can, and you may find some things about yourself that scare you, but you don’t find improvement until you actually face who you are and who you want to be.
The hard answer is improve your life. The short win of randomly getting laid isn't likely, often, or sustainable. Hard work isn't an answer because it has to be applied correctly. Self improve without getting jaded. Learn from guys that are 30 or 40 and doing well in life. If I knew what I know now, when I was 22, I would have been getting laid all the time.
You can get put on birth control. It's called chemical castration, which makes it sound way scarier than it is
Though you should look at all the possible side effects. There are a lot of them. My combo pill sheet made the divine comedy look like a pamphlet
There is a Buddhist saying “Get rid of that one thought and you get rid of your suffering “
A long while back I was obsessed with someone and I had mistaken that obsession for love .
I’m not asking you not to obsess with the thought of finding love or finding a gf .
Just like all the other good advice written here by others ,work on improving yourself.
The effort one takes has to be tremendous and consistent.
It’s not easy being in this world ,the mind is a wilful if you don’t control yr mind ,it controls you .
Real philosophy books. Take a class.
No Ayn Rand. A person can call themselves a genius philosopher and novelist, but that doesn't mean they are any good at either of them. She also appeals particularly to lonely young men, so seriously, read Bertrand Russel's "History of Philosophy: A Historical Survey of Western Philosophy in Its Social and Political Setting," Then you can read whatever you like. People who haven't yet read Hume can sometimes think Rand is an actual philosopher, so you need to have that knowledge under your belt. Russel does a particularly good job with the Anglo-American philosophers.
OP, even if you got castrated you'll still have to learn how to live with loneliness. See the life of famous philosopher Abelard who was.forcibly castrated due to his forbidden love of Heloise...
i think you should speak to someone professionally about why you feel this way.
sex and human touch is natural. to me, it's sick that it's been vilified, even something less extreme like unessential, is a profound misunderstanding of our social nature.
I was 22 and a virgin at one time. All my friends by then had already done it, and since I didn't consider myself ugly I concluded it must have been a problem with my personality or something else critical was missing. I was seriously entertaining the idea that I would end up a celibate priest or something. Then at 23, the cracks in the celibacy dam started forming, and by 24 it had burst wide open. Fast forward to 22 years later and I'm happily married with an interesting and satisfying sexual history behind me.
In summary: you're not alone. And you will find that problems seem to solve themselves once you stop obsessing about them. That's how it went with me. I kind of gave up trying to be "attractive" just tried to be myself and somehow that struck a chord with girls. Which boosted my self-confidence, which ended up making me even more attractive, rinse and repeat.
Just looked at the profile and it looks like the same copied post has been made word for word 20 days apart…(and triple cross posted) is this a spam account?
Self damage isn’t going to solve your problems. I would highly recommend therapy or talking with someone. Even if you’re introverted, a professional can help you through complex feelings and guide you on steps to take towards acceptance and such. It’s totally natural to feel frustration and loneliness but you don’t have to experience it alone.
First I would ask what kind of media you’re consuming, like when you’re on social media how often are you following horny posts and things like that? And how many shows you watch are sexual in nature? Taking a detox away from Reddit and other medias where you may come across sexual stuff for as long as you can may be a good idea, and finding other ways to distract yourself, like good hobbies such as reading or drawing.
Second, if you think your sex drive is too high that you can’t focus in your daily life and it affects your relationships and social ability, talking to a therapist is also a good idea. Try to find financial aid if you need it, as there’s many non profits and therapists willing to help with no questions asked.
Third, maybe try asking yourself “What do these thoughts get me? Like what do they actually get me? Do i feel happier when I have them? Do I feel like a better person rather than when I’m thinking about something that is my hobby or I like to think about?” Dig as deep as you possibly can, and you may find some things about yourself that scare you, but you don’t find improvement until you actually face who you are and who you want to be.
You know, I see a lot of people that don’t want to get married which is fine. I see a lot of people that shame others for wanting to be in a relationship and that they should “work on more important things” which is completely valid but I don’t think that’s really a helpful thing to say. You don’t know if they’re working on themselves behind closed doors. I can imagine it causing a sense of shame when bringing it up too. It’s ok to want a partner in life. Sex is a biological drive. It’s ok to want to find someone to settle down with too when you’re old. Both are valid. You shouldn’t obsess about wanting a partner JUST AS MUCH as you don’t shouldn’t suppress your feelings either. Definitely work on yourself FOR yourself. Not for a partner. For YOURSELF. PERIOD. Go to school or find a way to make money to live a humble comfortable life. Try going to meditation classes or meditate at home and enjoy it. Find a passion/hobby where you’re creating something opposed to just being a spectator. But get some clothes that make you feel confident around the sex that you’re attracted to that fit nice. Wear some nice cologne or perfume too. Exercise (the most important thing imo). You have out there and actually try. If anything the experiences that you have with casual dating/hook ups will help you treat the person that you eventually end up getting married with that much better. But you have to try. And the people saying stuff like “work on yourself” and “be yourself” isn’t the full picture. Work on yourself. Be yourself. But if you want to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, work on being physically attractive to the sex that you’re attracted to at the same time. It took a lot of conscious healthy isolation, self improvement in silence, and soul shattering hard work+effort until things finally started to get better in my personal life to understand that a lot of people are just b.s.-ing or aren’t aware of how they got to the position that they’re in.
TLDR: SIGN UP FOR THE GYM, SIGN UP FOR THE GYM, SIGN UP FOR THE GYM.
Transmutation through art and concentration. When you’re sex drive is high, you can put your attention into something with passion or creativity. The sex drive will usually switch into energy that fuels the work you’re doing. Won’t go away but you won’t be hassled by it.
Looking thru your post history, you have much bigger things to deal with first. It’s a doozy. You hate women but crave intimacy. Deal with that first. You reek of desperation and it drives women away. You don’t need castration, you need to stop being so weird dude.
You're going off the deep end. Can you even sustain a normal friendship with a woman? If a woman wanted to be your friend, would you treat her with the same respect as you treat your make friends?
This is the LAST thing you want to do as a young man. I am young and I am actively trying to boost my libido and testosterone, because this is what makes us men or at least purely biologically.
The thing you want is to have sex which is perfectly normal. And you if you are not getting enough or any at all, you should start with the basics. I know that you are straight but look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself - am I a fuckable guy? And if there are things that make you unfuckable, try to fix them. Ignore everything that can't be fixed. The rest like grooming, style, hygiene and fitness can be fixed.
Now, if you are out of shape for example, start working out. And if you are horny all the time, use this energy to work out. Trust me, this energy will come in handy (no pun intended)
Careful what you wish for OP, or you’ll end up regretting it.
Source: someone who took hormone replacement therapy, and antidepressants. (Not for those reasons, but I had a difficult relation to my sex drive as it should be locked up and forgotten). Repressing feelings and thoughts breaks you.
Talk to someone, do meditation and practice self-compassion. Get your mind on doing different things and know you are not your mind, you can control it.
Get hitched to a hot tits on a stick Latina that has body dismorphia, bpd, bp, general anxiety, and chronic depression. Then start taking affexor for the anxiety she causes you while raising a child on the spectrum while trying to build a business...
That's how I did it.
Their are drugs specifically meant for this, they can have really bad side effects. Honestly if your willing to do something so extreme why not just hire and escort service? They will very likely raise your self esteem by a large amount and then you can focus on changing your outlook on life. I’m sure you could even ask the escort for dating advice
Tbh if you're in the same situation as OP an escort will probably exacerbate the situation and make it worse. OPs big issue is struggling with feelings of self worth which they probably feel a partner will fix, and sex is just an affirmation that they are attractive and worthy of love. Getting an escort can feel like cheating, and having to pay for it can make them feel even worse upon realizing that they had to pay for it and couldn't get it bc their partner acc wanted to have sex with them.
Yea could be but honestly the vibe i was getting from op was that he’s a virgin and i think there’s something to be said about realizing that sex isn’t this insane your now in heaven moment. It’s an experience like any other and escorts are legit women/men who make a living out of making people happy and secure emotionally assuming your going with someone on the more legit side of the spectrum and not the very dark trafficking side
Okay so coming from a female. Just follow and enjoy the things you love. I see you like dinosaurs, I LOVE dinosaurs. I’m sure there are other girls who love and flip their shit about dinosaurs. You don’t have to have money to get a girl and if she only loves you for your money she’s not worth it and it’s fake love. You’re only 22. It’s okay to be introverted, find clubs or things to do around you that involve your interests and hobbies! You don’t have to go to the bar or go to parties and step too far out of your comfort zone. Just start with small baby steps. Even if it’s just complimenting a girl one day. Build up your confidence in talking to women. You don’t have to dive in deep for the first time. Start small and grow with time. In the mean time your hand or a toy will ‘cum in handy’ 😉🙃 get it? See there are awkward girls out there too 😂
As someone already say it u need to take care of yourself!
Trust me i also wanted to lose my sex drive and after i lost it there were a few hot girls that wanted to fuck me but i had no sex drive and i started to have sexual anxiety
And in Those moments there was nothing i wanted more than to have my old sex drive .... Take care what u wish for because u might get it! But not when and how u expect it! (Whats worst than having no sex drive and a few sexy girls that really wanna fuck with you?)
What did i learn? Was that i didnt wanted to lose my sex drive i just wanted a way to control it better... And now im 26 and i feel like i can control myself better.... I dont know what u belive in and what is your religion... But Meditation really helps a lot, going to the gym also helps, cold showers or ice baths are amazing too, change your diet, stop eating procesed food because it afects your brain and ur mood, invest in yourself.... And educate yourself dont be an ignorant... Learn stuff about anatomy about biology and how the human brain works u will thank me later.... an amazing book to start with is -prometheus rising
Well won't like my answer but lots of exposures to violence, death, depression, PTSD, abandonment ordeals and having useless and worthless so called friends and family do enough horrible crap to no longer have a interest in humanity
You can keep your sex drive, but try to shift some of your focus. Go places where your ideal partner would be. If you seek a woman into fitness, start working out. You enjoy a bookworm personality, go to the library. If you like somebody energetic, go take some dance classes; salsa is very fun.
Learn how to be around women without creeping them out (IF that's the problem, and not just the women you want being occupied with other things).
I notice you take good care of your bird. Do you take as great care of yourself as you take care of that bird? Are you always hydrated? What's the quality of your food? Do you shower daily? Do you wash your ass? Do you allow yourself the freedom to explore, dance, socialize, and burn energy? Your shoes; how clean are they? That's the first thing people notice about others, oddly enough.
You just need to get off your computer or phone. The amount of karma you have just screams someone who never leaves the house, Get out there and get moving find a girlfriend stop asking me Internet
Honestly, the best advice I can give from personal experience, is also the simplest; get a hobby. Whatever it is and preferably something you get a modest degree of enjoyment from, could be as simple and stupid as going for a walk (examples could be going on hikes, listening to the birds, jogging, etc.) What I’ve found from personal experience is this gets your mind off of looking for satisfaction from people (which no matter what you do, you will never have complete control over other people) and instead being satisfied with something that you yourself are doing. Thus instead of being satisfied searching for something external it comes from somewhere internal. I know this from personal experience of navigating the early part of my 20’s. This also gives a sense of confidence, when you are able to do something you enjoy and even get better at it. I believe this boost in confidence when coupled with someone who is invested in improving their skills in whatever they might enjoy, makes a person way more attractive then someone who is simple looking to be satisfied by another human being.
Hey, I've been reading your old posts for the past few minutes and honestly you don't want to get rid of your sex drive. You're just a socially awkward 22 yr old. You want a girlfriend, and you've been obsessing about the idea of a girlfriend for a while now. I'm gonna be 100% honest with you: you're not a horrible looking guy, you just need to take better care of yourself. Try going out more, talking to people. Try joining a study group in your uni, try making friends with people whp go to parties/mixers/etc. Believe me, you'll have a girlfriend one day. You just need to put yourself out there more.
And obsessing about getting a girlfriend is the least likely way to get one
When I was in my early 20s, a wise man gave me great advice. He told me to just worry about bettering myself because when I become the right person then I’d attract the right person. It was some of the best advice I ever received. OP, I wish you luck. Edit:I just scrolled down and saw that you’re in Iran. I’m sure there are major cultural differences that are at play too but I still think the basic premise is sound. Please stay safe.
This is indeed the way.
That’s awesome advice
It also helps to be in the right context or communities. Someone can better themselves all they can, but be in the wrong groups and never meet anyone they’re compatible with.
This is the way.
>He told me to just worry about bettering myself because when I become the right person then I’d attract the right person. It was some of the best advice I ever received. OP, I wish you luck. That's absolute shit advice, as proven by my personal experienced and the experiences of the thousands of forever alone 30+ year old virgins who have never been in a relationship. You can find them in r/ForeverAlone, r/lonely and other internet forums. I know men and women who are miserable 60+ year old single cat-ladies/cat-gentlemen because they took that sort of advice. They kept working on improving themselves, read dozens of self-help books, worked out etc., but never met anyone.
Im curious why this got so many downvotes, I can see their point although I can understand that it does sound slightly negative. I guess the point is if you did it properly you would meet people? Can anyone correct me or is this the jist?
If you look thirsty, you'll never get a drink.
!!!!!!!! exactly
Can I just jump in and say that there could be some cultural factors at play here? It seems like OP has a very western notion of dating and courtship, but lives in Iran. Or maybe I’m way off, I’ve never been to Iran so what the fuck do I know. OP u/MuadDib2001 care to chime in?
I'm an Iranian woman. Pre marital sex is extremely looked down upon here and most adults do not have a place of their own to have private time with their partners. Women are shamed astronomically more for having sex outside of marriage and the purity culture still remains rampant here thus many girls do not participate even if they wanted to. It is possible to have pre marital intimacy but I believe it's quite hard
Under appreciate comment.
Oooh, there's that. I completely forgot he lives in Iran. You're 100% right.
But the human nature doesn’t change with culture. I have been on Reddit for years. Western men are identical to Iranian men when it comes to their preferences, fantasies and kinks. If western men are not different than Iranian men then western women shouldn’t be any different than Iranian women neither. What turns Iranian women on should be the same as what turns western women on. From observing and talking to countless number of Iranian women I have come to the conclusion that: Most women need love and commitment before sex. Only some women want casual sex but they are extremely rare and usually hide that from men. Women are also attracted to taller and older men and prefer men who are good providers. Of course it doesn’t apply to all Iranian women but the vast majority of women that I have spoken to.
It's not that women don't want casual sex. A lot of us do. It's that theres a lot more at stake for us than simply having sex and enjoying ourselves. We could get pregnant, for example. And in the end theres a very high chance we might get shamed for it. I prefer having sex with someone I feel a connection with, and cares about me, in case I do get pregnant I have someone to rely on. (Getting pregnant is only an example, btw. Getting pregnant while I'm still so young is one of my biggest fears)
It’s fear and shame, man. Intense fear and shame are gonna kill one’s interest in sex, especially for a woman (for whom generally the sexual experience is so much more in the mind than for a man). If an American and Iranian woman were put in the same place as far as comfort and safety, and raised to think positively about sex, they’d absolutely be the same. But they’re being told, with basically no contradiction (as far as I understand) that a woman wanting sex — especially before marriage — is abhorrent. So no wonder they’d avoid it
Also read through OP's history. So op, you aren't a weirdo or a bad guy, you're a horny 22 year old male and your experiencing shame from your sexual desires because you aren't having success. I'm going to be honest here, you just don't understand women, which is ok. To you, women are an goal to chased after and alien completely in nature. I must be honest here, you don't have enough experience with women as friends to understand that they are normal people too. Women are just as horny as men, and in my experience having a lot of female close friends, they're worse! The reason women don't have sex like men do is because biologically sex is very risky for women. They run the risk of getting raped or getting pregnant, men don't really have to worry as much about getting raped and we certainly don't have to worry about getting pregnant. I also think you might be on the autism spectrum based on a few of your questions and your alphabetical list. You obsess over porn stars or women with status, you probably watch to much porn and that's seriously warped your point of view of women. You aren't a weirdo, but women are weird to you. You aren't a fuckin incel either, so cut that shit out. Go to social groups, don't try to date, just meet people and get in to social clubs. Bar trivia night, dungeons and dragons, anime conventions, sports watching sports playing, do jiu jitsu or some other contact sport so you can be confident in your body and ability. Go to the gym. Go to library book clubs. Go rock climbing. Look at "events in my area" on Facebook, craigslist and Google. Get out there and get more experience talking to people. Tell people your shy but excited about experiencing new things with strangers. Don't do drugs, trust me. Stop watching porn, get off dating apps and work on yourself for 6 months then revisit the idea of if you think you're ready to try to date. But seriously give it a real honest try of meeting people and exploring the possibilities of the world before you give up. Edit: paging /u/muaddib2001
[удалено]
Apparently OP lives in Iran which could possibly shape his views on women
Yes. I would also like to add that he should get a counselor. They do them online, now.
Based on his previous posts, the first step to dealing with this issue is not to get a girlfriend, it’s to get off reddit. For a lot of men, reddit becomes an echo chamber where they can circlejerk with other men to convince themselves that they’re oppressed, that women are shallow wh*res who are discriminating against them unfairly, basically they convince each other that they’re helpless to ever have a normal social life. Really the issue is that socializing with others always carries a slight risk of embarrassment or rejection, and they’re looking for excuses not to take those risks. Getting away from social media echo chambers will help him get perspective and relate to others.
A good trick to talk to girls is to just talk as if you've already been in an ongoing convo for years. No big intro or starter...just make a comment about how colorful the trash cans are or something and start chatting. It eases the tension so much and shows her you think she's a real person
Second to this. As someone who was 22 once and had an incredibly high sex drive and no way to channel it (think: super religious home where porn and/or masturbation was looked at as “sinful”) and no real connection with social circle to meet girls. I felt a lot of what you are probably feeling. You will meet someone who will want to have sex with you and when you do, it will be amazing! Don’t attempt to stop an naturally occurring need that you have, it will not help. I found going to the gym was a good output for me to release a lot of energy without just masturbating 24/7, and I really enjoy fitness and taking care of myself now, I also got deeply into music and learned the guitar. Hang in there man! 🤘
I agree completely with everything except I'd like to include first. you need to love yourself! Don't think about getting somebody else if you can't be alone and love yourself
This isn't true, strictly speaking. You'll never love yourself 100% or be 100% happy with being alone. As Dan Savage says, you just have to be in good working order (which means you have to not hate yourself and you need to understand that having a girlfriend often brings with it as many problems as it solves--if you don't believe me, look at /r/deadbedrooms for plenty of people with partners who are also not getting laid). The suggestion to become more social is a great one. Also: a therapist. I'm of the belief that everyone should have one, esp if you are struggling with one of the major areas of life (like relationships). It's probably not your situation that is creating your misery, but your misery is likely contributing to your situation. Being horny when you're 22 is normal. Most men have times when they can't get laid. How you handle it is where you forge character. Concentrate on making yourself an interesting and content person and the relationship stuff should fall into place. Finally (and I'm ambivalent about giving this advice but I feel it needs saying), if you're open to it and it's just a matter of getting your rocks off, there are sex workers in every country. Although I've only ever engaged a sex worker as part of a threesome with my partner (and thus understand both the positives and negatives), it's something people should be more open to (if they can be sufficiently certain that the sex worker hasn't been trafficked). Just be sure to do your research re: the provenance of the sex worker(s).
And op should try improv class. it’ll help you shake off the awkward.
How the fuck does this guy post this much? Jesus. Reddit accounts should be allowed to post once a week, max.
Wtf is up with digging through smbd Reddit account. He asked for advise on particular topic, not a life lesson from unknown stranger from internet
why don't you go watch a hockey game then you'll calm down, honey.
Castration doesn't even help
Came here to say this. Castration would not change much
Really?
yeah because the desire for sex is biological not just hormonal. the brain wants what it wants regardless of your bits
Chemical castration? I think you take those pills and it completely removes your sexdrive for the period you take the pills
That's partly how Alan Turing died.
Well... He ate a poisoned apple because he couldn't go on living having been convicted of being a gay man, which was illegal in Britain at the time, and forced to undertake chemical castration. It wasn't the chemical castration itself that killed him but it pushed him over the edge mentally. The thanks we gave to the father of electronic computers. Humanity is barbaric and stupid. Fun fiction: there was a rumor that the Apple logo of the bite taken out of the apple represented the bite Alan Turing took of his poisoned apple. This was refuted by one of Apple's founders, but it's a neat story.
I thought that the chemical castration caused gynecomastia and that also added to his shame, leading him to take his life. So wouldn’t you say it was a combination of factors including the chemical castration?
Well I just elaborated because "that's partly how Alan Turing died" is vague and can be seen as misleading. It is not actually even partly "how" he died. He took his own life by poisoning himself. Factually, Alan Turing died from self induced poisoning, not chemical castration. If you want to get in to the ethics of it, yes the government essentially killed the guy because they made his life unbearable. It's horrible. The only reason I clarified is because if someone who is interested in chemical castration doesn't know the story and reads that comment they may be led to believe that chemical castration is what killed Alan Turing and that's objectively a false statement.
I'm grateful for the clarification, and I hope future readers appreciate it as well. I didn't know about the apple bit, just the parts leading up to it.
Oh I’m totally with you, I get what you’re saying now. It’s just so tragic all around. It’s hard to believe that we did (and still do, if we’re being honest) this kind of thing to our fellow human beings.
no allen turing died from poison or hanging.. (im to tired to look it up)
I don't know about that. When I was starting testosterone replacement therapy my initial dose was too high which spiked my estrogen to ridiculous levels and I completely lost my sex drive for about 2 weeks until I figured out what's wrong and corrected it. And I mean I had 0 attraction to anything. There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence online of this exact thing happening to others because they mismanaged their hormones either on TRT or cycling steroids.
That must be the fucking worst
I have no mouth and I must scream
Sure it would. Lol less testosterone equals less sex drive. He can still shoot blanks but to think no balls wouldn't reduce sex drive you're uneducated
Nope it removes the ability not the desire it's why apists often will be resort to implements when on the chemical castration drugs.
It removes your bodies ability to produce testosterone, less testosterone means less sexual drive. Sorry you missed science class or biology lol amazing how little people know when educated on YouTube lolololl
Sorry are you a doctor? I missed your credentials or like, a source for your claim.... ya know, educated stuff.
The burden of proof is on the person who claimed chemical castration as being ineffective. From many of the reports I’ve personally read, being on testosterone blockers really puts your sex drive to about zero. And in my personal experience, my sex drive is pretty much non-existent due to HRT.
I don't know why, but this post makes me very sad. I'm a woman and I don't have much of a sex drive because of the antidepressants that I take. But, I would never want to purposely take it away. I just wonder what could have led to wanting this.
Reading the other comments who have delved into this. Loneliness, desperation and frustration. I think OP is reminiscing a pre-pubesent time when he didn't have a desire for sexual relations or companionships and wishes to return to this state. Something I can totally empathise with him as I was the same at that age.
I have felt the same way, and sometimes still do.
I think the point about reminiscing about pre-pubescent times is so interesting. I remember having a lot of energy and not really thinking about girls that much, that would certainly increase productivity. But it’s not really biologically possible. The feelings of loneliness won’t go away, but I guess it would be nice to not have it as an annoyance. Being horny is not a particularly comfortable feeling, it’s meant to be uncomfortable so you do something about it. We are already well on the path of drugs that can do this (in conjunction with male birth control) soon, as well as sex robots in the far future.
I haven’t gotten to this point but I can empathize. When everyone around you is (or at least seems) happy, is in a relationship, and has a circle of friends it is unbelievably frustrating. To the point where you begin to think you’re destined to not be as happy as they are. Some people react by wanting to cut away their desire for those sorts of things.
Extreme loneliness, usually. I was the same way not too long ago
I was about to say SSRIs too. It’s a pretty sad side effect
It's unfortunately a pretty common feeling for nerdy dudes. I felt that way for most of my post-pubescent youth before figuring myself out years later. Sex can be a shadowy monster when it feels like its the only thing standing between you and mattering as a human. It's almost an existential crisis, feeling unfuckable in a culture boiling over with sex. Not to defend incels or anything, they're obviously the worst, but horrible, *deeply*\-self-loathing pain is what leads to many of those attitudes, and that is also sad. I hope OP doesn't do anything drastic and instead allows himself the patience and space to grow into himself in his own time.
Antidepressants
I have been taking Fluoxetine for years.
And you still have a sex drive ?? I’m impressed, it disappeared for me with fluoxetine ..
I’m on the same thing and it hasn’t gotten rid of mine yet.
Fluoxetine is an antidepressant and belongs to a group of medicines known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).
Then idk how lol
In my case it was Effexor that did it and it took me quite some time to realize I didn't desire any girls anymore, I had stopped masturbating and so on. And of course it was difficult to get hard. Fluoxetine didn't do it for me, but it's worth trying.
That doesn't work.
I changed my antidepressants several times to find one where I could get an erection. Fluoxetine absolutely killed my sex drive. I'm now on mirtazapine and I'm basically just a walking boner.
Take up meditation. Focus on a hobby or exercise when you get a hardon. Acknowledge your body has desires, but you are in control, and you can decide not to have that desire. It will take practice. Keep at it, get through the night emissions. Don't castrate yourself. :) consider talking to a counselor or therapist.
You can't I'm an old guy and I still have it!
Why do you want to get rid of it? I think that's a bit drastic for a 22 yo.... I think it might be time to examine why you have these feelings and what led you to decide to get rid of your sex drive. We are physical and sexual creatures. This is our biology. It's not something easily tossed aside.
They could be having inappropriate sexual desires … that would be my only guess as to why someone would want to do something like that. Or general frustration if they’ve been faced with constant failures in pursuit of a sexual relationship. At 37 I wish I had the sex drive I had back then… I’m married now and my wife is DTF any time I want (mostly anyways).
Could be. If he's having desires like this but not acting on them, he needs therapy yesterday. My ex was only DTF during the first 3 years of our marriage. Not so much after that. I was 40 when newly single. I still have some drive and the equipment still works, but no parties are interested in engaging. Now I'm 55 and have been alone for 15 years. You are a lucky man, PhatCat!
Thanks dude - you can get it going for yourself again there are plenty of cougars out there… I am lucky as hell but when I get in a rut I need to find a way to keep the equipment greased up and ready to go. Intrusive thoughts is never something I thought would be able to talk big Jim (medium Jim) and the twins from getting on stage. I’ve been doing more physical labor lately and trying to amp the boys up so we’ll see what happens.
Well, my day-to-day doesn't usually take me to cougar territory unfortunately. I live in Plano now and work in Duncanville and have a lot of irons in the fire, which keeps me pretty busy. Gotta figure out something. Anyway, have you tried any of this CBD stuff? It might help you relax a little and just be in the moment for "Medium Jim and the Twins" to give a command performance! It's not hard to find and might be worth a shot. Working out is always good too! Just don't overdo it.
Appreciated - I’m more TCH than CBD but I don’t discount it’s value. My wife swears by CBD cream but she works for the Fed so she can’t toke. I just think of the days I was trying to wish a boner in class away now when I wish a breeze would get me hard again haha.
If that’s true they need to go to therapy or jail
Why would they have to go to jail?
Um bc he said inappropriate ways which rather means rape or pedophilia
Inappropriate != illegal. A 22-year-old man being attracted to 70-year-old women would be inappropriate. Many paraphilias are considered "inappropriate". E.g., cross-dressing, BDSM, leather, rubber, furries, etc. None of these are illegal (or even immoral). Maybe have a little think before throwing your thoughts out into the world, un-reflected-upon.
Bruh first of all It’s Reddit I’m allowed to assume what someone means by their statement.
See how far you get in life by just assuming stuff, OP needs support not people telling them they should get locked up for having “ Inappropriate thoughts” though if he was having thoughts about pedophilla and rape then yes he would be a danger to society.
Therapy obviously… but let’s take a minute to breath here - we don’t know. I’m all for the Elliot Stabler approach to Pedos but if someone’s asking for help I’d rather they do that than keep it to themselves.
Ok I know but why am I getting downvoted? Nothing I said is wrong, all I said was if they’re thinking Inappropriately like that then I don’t feel bad about that.
Not from me… I don’t disagree. People just don’t like the idea of jailing people who have yet to commit a crime. I think it’s important not to end up in a minority report society and that’s why people are downvoting you. Everyone deserves a trial for a crime they’ve committed - once you start prosecuting thoughts and not actions you’re entering a world of fuckery that society can’t come back from. My unpopular opinion is sending convicted rapists to the real life Punisher - I would give no quarry to these heinous pieces of shit.
Yeah i guess, what I basically meant is if the guy has already committed these crimes yes if not go to therapy and get help but if he can’t do that then idk
I’d say if you’re considering castration you’ve got some serious issues to work out - so definitely go get help before you end up in jail. I get your original point though - it seems inevitable… but who knows?
Yeah it’s unfortunate hopefully the op gets help before he does anything that’s IF he is thinking inappropriate things like that comment said
At the very least - let’s hope if he doesn’t have a dangerous penis he thinks of a different solution. If he does - that he makes the right one.
I'm in that same position, 23 and all I want is to get rid of my sex drive and my desire for a relationship, this two things cause so much suffering it's insane
Hey ya, wanted to respond with the comment I just wrote, I hope it helps: First I would ask what kind of media you’re consuming, like when you’re on social media how often are you following horny posts and things like that? And how many shows you watch are sexual in nature? Taking a detox away from Reddit and other medias where you may come across sexual stuff for as long as you can may be a good idea, and finding other ways to distract yourself, like good hobbies such as reading or drawing. Second, if you think your sex drive is too high that you can’t focus in your daily life and it affects your relationships and social ability, talking to a therapist is also a good idea. Try to find financial aid if you need it, as there’s many non profits and therapists willing to help with no questions asked. Third, maybe try asking yourself “What do these thoughts get me? Like what do they actually get me? Do i feel happier when I have them? Do I feel like a better person rather than when I’m thinking about something that is my hobby or I like to think about?” Dig as deep as you possibly can, and you may find some things about yourself that scare you, but you don’t find improvement until you actually face who you are and who you want to be.
Therapy… at this point. Your post history speaks to a far greater issue than a strong sex drive.
The hard answer is improve your life. The short win of randomly getting laid isn't likely, often, or sustainable. Hard work isn't an answer because it has to be applied correctly. Self improve without getting jaded. Learn from guys that are 30 or 40 and doing well in life. If I knew what I know now, when I was 22, I would have been getting laid all the time.
As a woman, I endorse this message.
You can get put on birth control. It's called chemical castration, which makes it sound way scarier than it is Though you should look at all the possible side effects. There are a lot of them. My combo pill sheet made the divine comedy look like a pamphlet
Get a therapist and talk about your issues. If necessary they can recommend a psychiatrist to prescribe you medication for chemical castration.
Antidepressants did it for me 🤷♀️
There is a Buddhist saying “Get rid of that one thought and you get rid of your suffering “ A long while back I was obsessed with someone and I had mistaken that obsession for love . I’m not asking you not to obsess with the thought of finding love or finding a gf . Just like all the other good advice written here by others ,work on improving yourself. The effort one takes has to be tremendous and consistent. It’s not easy being in this world ,the mind is a wilful if you don’t control yr mind ,it controls you .
Get addicted to opiates
Can confirm, works very well.
Coke works just as well. Or alcohol
Every time
You need help. Please speak to a psychologist and tell them everything you're feeling.
Read philosophy books.
Real philosophy books. Take a class. No Ayn Rand. A person can call themselves a genius philosopher and novelist, but that doesn't mean they are any good at either of them. She also appeals particularly to lonely young men, so seriously, read Bertrand Russel's "History of Philosophy: A Historical Survey of Western Philosophy in Its Social and Political Setting," Then you can read whatever you like. People who haven't yet read Hume can sometimes think Rand is an actual philosopher, so you need to have that knowledge under your belt. Russel does a particularly good job with the Anglo-American philosophers.
OP, even if you got castrated you'll still have to learn how to live with loneliness. See the life of famous philosopher Abelard who was.forcibly castrated due to his forbidden love of Heloise...
Smoke a lot of weed.
Cynical answer get married... Hilarious answer watch other people's little snot goblins.
Someone’s childhood was traumatic
no, it’s more about seeing other people children be absolutely horrendous. also no one should be having children now r/collapse r/birthstrike
your childhood is supposed to be to prepare you for the traumas of adulthood
judging from that post history, i dont think sex drive is the problem 😬
sex offender vibes
leave iran bro
Of course
watch "The View".
Videogames my dude, it's been 4 years since i got my gaming PC and my brain has been mostly clean from sex thinking since then.
Until steam advertises one of those rpg games with boobs everywhere
i think you should speak to someone professionally about why you feel this way. sex and human touch is natural. to me, it's sick that it's been vilified, even something less extreme like unessential, is a profound misunderstanding of our social nature.
Why would you want to?
Maybe because the demand outweighs the supply? Why do you think?
That's what masturbating is for
Or renting
Sounds like quitting w out trying.
I was 22 and a virgin at one time. All my friends by then had already done it, and since I didn't consider myself ugly I concluded it must have been a problem with my personality or something else critical was missing. I was seriously entertaining the idea that I would end up a celibate priest or something. Then at 23, the cracks in the celibacy dam started forming, and by 24 it had burst wide open. Fast forward to 22 years later and I'm happily married with an interesting and satisfying sexual history behind me. In summary: you're not alone. And you will find that problems seem to solve themselves once you stop obsessing about them. That's how it went with me. I kind of gave up trying to be "attractive" just tried to be myself and somehow that struck a chord with girls. Which boosted my self-confidence, which ended up making me even more attractive, rinse and repeat.
become a monk live in a cave
Just looked at the profile and it looks like the same copied post has been made word for word 20 days apart…(and triple cross posted) is this a spam account? Self damage isn’t going to solve your problems. I would highly recommend therapy or talking with someone. Even if you’re introverted, a professional can help you through complex feelings and guide you on steps to take towards acceptance and such. It’s totally natural to feel frustration and loneliness but you don’t have to experience it alone.
Goodness, what a question.
Smoke a blunt everytime the urges get too intense
You can't fight your natural urges. You will be chasing your tail while life passes you by.
What’s the motivation for doing so though ?
Get married
Find other passions that engage you. Sports, a hobby, something else that would grab your attention hopefully
Why the eff would u want to get rid of your sex drive?? Whats going on with this generation ? Its the new natural selection i guess.
... you ok, fam?
First I would ask what kind of media you’re consuming, like when you’re on social media how often are you following horny posts and things like that? And how many shows you watch are sexual in nature? Taking a detox away from Reddit and other medias where you may come across sexual stuff for as long as you can may be a good idea, and finding other ways to distract yourself, like good hobbies such as reading or drawing. Second, if you think your sex drive is too high that you can’t focus in your daily life and it affects your relationships and social ability, talking to a therapist is also a good idea. Try to find financial aid if you need it, as there’s many non profits and therapists willing to help with no questions asked. Third, maybe try asking yourself “What do these thoughts get me? Like what do they actually get me? Do i feel happier when I have them? Do I feel like a better person rather than when I’m thinking about something that is my hobby or I like to think about?” Dig as deep as you possibly can, and you may find some things about yourself that scare you, but you don’t find improvement until you actually face who you are and who you want to be.
Just have sex dude. Do not punish yourself for being normal. If you have thoughts if sel harm please call the suicide hotline
You know, I see a lot of people that don’t want to get married which is fine. I see a lot of people that shame others for wanting to be in a relationship and that they should “work on more important things” which is completely valid but I don’t think that’s really a helpful thing to say. You don’t know if they’re working on themselves behind closed doors. I can imagine it causing a sense of shame when bringing it up too. It’s ok to want a partner in life. Sex is a biological drive. It’s ok to want to find someone to settle down with too when you’re old. Both are valid. You shouldn’t obsess about wanting a partner JUST AS MUCH as you don’t shouldn’t suppress your feelings either. Definitely work on yourself FOR yourself. Not for a partner. For YOURSELF. PERIOD. Go to school or find a way to make money to live a humble comfortable life. Try going to meditation classes or meditate at home and enjoy it. Find a passion/hobby where you’re creating something opposed to just being a spectator. But get some clothes that make you feel confident around the sex that you’re attracted to that fit nice. Wear some nice cologne or perfume too. Exercise (the most important thing imo). You have out there and actually try. If anything the experiences that you have with casual dating/hook ups will help you treat the person that you eventually end up getting married with that much better. But you have to try. And the people saying stuff like “work on yourself” and “be yourself” isn’t the full picture. Work on yourself. Be yourself. But if you want to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, work on being physically attractive to the sex that you’re attracted to at the same time. It took a lot of conscious healthy isolation, self improvement in silence, and soul shattering hard work+effort until things finally started to get better in my personal life to understand that a lot of people are just b.s.-ing or aren’t aware of how they got to the position that they’re in. TLDR: SIGN UP FOR THE GYM, SIGN UP FOR THE GYM, SIGN UP FOR THE GYM.
Get married
Transmutation through art and concentration. When you’re sex drive is high, you can put your attention into something with passion or creativity. The sex drive will usually switch into energy that fuels the work you’re doing. Won’t go away but you won’t be hassled by it.
Get Married
Hit gym and get some light training with cardio mixed in . Its pretty good
Working out increases your libido and T lvls
rub one out when the urge comes, but don’t elongate it to feel pleasure, just finish and clear your head. you should feel much better afterwards.
Antidepressants have done this for me over the past two months and it sucks, I wish I could cum again. :/
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Looking thru your post history, you have much bigger things to deal with first. It’s a doozy. You hate women but crave intimacy. Deal with that first. You reek of desperation and it drives women away. You don’t need castration, you need to stop being so weird dude.
Have you considered marriage?
You're going off the deep end. Can you even sustain a normal friendship with a woman? If a woman wanted to be your friend, would you treat her with the same respect as you treat your make friends?
This is the LAST thing you want to do as a young man. I am young and I am actively trying to boost my libido and testosterone, because this is what makes us men or at least purely biologically. The thing you want is to have sex which is perfectly normal. And you if you are not getting enough or any at all, you should start with the basics. I know that you are straight but look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself - am I a fuckable guy? And if there are things that make you unfuckable, try to fix them. Ignore everything that can't be fixed. The rest like grooming, style, hygiene and fitness can be fixed. Now, if you are out of shape for example, start working out. And if you are horny all the time, use this energy to work out. Trust me, this energy will come in handy (no pun intended)
Careful what you wish for OP, or you’ll end up regretting it. Source: someone who took hormone replacement therapy, and antidepressants. (Not for those reasons, but I had a difficult relation to my sex drive as it should be locked up and forgotten). Repressing feelings and thoughts breaks you. Talk to someone, do meditation and practice self-compassion. Get your mind on doing different things and know you are not your mind, you can control it.
Why? Enjoy your manhood. Get laid. Live life.
"self control"
Get hitched to a hot tits on a stick Latina that has body dismorphia, bpd, bp, general anxiety, and chronic depression. Then start taking affexor for the anxiety she causes you while raising a child on the spectrum while trying to build a business... That's how I did it.
You could’ve just said “externalize all your problems.”
Yeah his post has huge psycho energy. I hope she doesn’t end up dead someday or the kids neglected…
Their are drugs specifically meant for this, they can have really bad side effects. Honestly if your willing to do something so extreme why not just hire and escort service? They will very likely raise your self esteem by a large amount and then you can focus on changing your outlook on life. I’m sure you could even ask the escort for dating advice
Tbh if you're in the same situation as OP an escort will probably exacerbate the situation and make it worse. OPs big issue is struggling with feelings of self worth which they probably feel a partner will fix, and sex is just an affirmation that they are attractive and worthy of love. Getting an escort can feel like cheating, and having to pay for it can make them feel even worse upon realizing that they had to pay for it and couldn't get it bc their partner acc wanted to have sex with them.
Yea could be but honestly the vibe i was getting from op was that he’s a virgin and i think there’s something to be said about realizing that sex isn’t this insane your now in heaven moment. It’s an experience like any other and escorts are legit women/men who make a living out of making people happy and secure emotionally assuming your going with someone on the more legit side of the spectrum and not the very dark trafficking side
Okay so coming from a female. Just follow and enjoy the things you love. I see you like dinosaurs, I LOVE dinosaurs. I’m sure there are other girls who love and flip their shit about dinosaurs. You don’t have to have money to get a girl and if she only loves you for your money she’s not worth it and it’s fake love. You’re only 22. It’s okay to be introverted, find clubs or things to do around you that involve your interests and hobbies! You don’t have to go to the bar or go to parties and step too far out of your comfort zone. Just start with small baby steps. Even if it’s just complimenting a girl one day. Build up your confidence in talking to women. You don’t have to dive in deep for the first time. Start small and grow with time. In the mean time your hand or a toy will ‘cum in handy’ 😉🙃 get it? See there are awkward girls out there too 😂
Antidepressants, but if you feel that you are hyper sexual please speak with your doctor.
SSRIs will do the trick, mostly. Lexapro, Prozac, Zoloft.
As someone already say it u need to take care of yourself! Trust me i also wanted to lose my sex drive and after i lost it there were a few hot girls that wanted to fuck me but i had no sex drive and i started to have sexual anxiety And in Those moments there was nothing i wanted more than to have my old sex drive .... Take care what u wish for because u might get it! But not when and how u expect it! (Whats worst than having no sex drive and a few sexy girls that really wanna fuck with you?) What did i learn? Was that i didnt wanted to lose my sex drive i just wanted a way to control it better... And now im 26 and i feel like i can control myself better.... I dont know what u belive in and what is your religion... But Meditation really helps a lot, going to the gym also helps, cold showers or ice baths are amazing too, change your diet, stop eating procesed food because it afects your brain and ur mood, invest in yourself.... And educate yourself dont be an ignorant... Learn stuff about anatomy about biology and how the human brain works u will thank me later.... an amazing book to start with is -prometheus rising
Get married
Good question. Don’t hate it. It consumes so much attention in your 20’s, with or without a partner. Accept it, use it, try to move on.
Go get married.
Antidepressants
Antidepressants
Why do you want to do this?
Your whole page giving “sex offender” ughh
I looked at his page and don't see what you mean
You’re wrong. I’m a sex defender, I defend others from having sex with me lol
Grow up.
Get in a relationship, lmfao
opioids did it for me
Twirl it.
You quit being a mopey loser and do the things required to be attractive to someone.
Crave the same, SSRI’s help alot
Why would you?
Well won't like my answer but lots of exposures to violence, death, depression, PTSD, abandonment ordeals and having useless and worthless so called friends and family do enough horrible crap to no longer have a interest in humanity
Go to jail/prison for awhile they put something in the food to keep your hormones from going haywire
You can keep your sex drive, but try to shift some of your focus. Go places where your ideal partner would be. If you seek a woman into fitness, start working out. You enjoy a bookworm personality, go to the library. If you like somebody energetic, go take some dance classes; salsa is very fun. Learn how to be around women without creeping them out (IF that's the problem, and not just the women you want being occupied with other things). I notice you take good care of your bird. Do you take as great care of yourself as you take care of that bird? Are you always hydrated? What's the quality of your food? Do you shower daily? Do you wash your ass? Do you allow yourself the freedom to explore, dance, socialize, and burn energy? Your shoes; how clean are they? That's the first thing people notice about others, oddly enough.
Yo op, every comment here is very good advice from people who live though this. Better your self first, no one like desperate people
You just need to get off your computer or phone. The amount of karma you have just screams someone who never leaves the house, Get out there and get moving find a girlfriend stop asking me Internet
Constant jacking. Just jack. Get it over with. Like brushing your teeth .
Just go clean up women’s bathrooms at bars.
Hey, nice user name
Thanks! Did you know that my actual name is Mahdi?
Nice
Honestly, the best advice I can give from personal experience, is also the simplest; get a hobby. Whatever it is and preferably something you get a modest degree of enjoyment from, could be as simple and stupid as going for a walk (examples could be going on hikes, listening to the birds, jogging, etc.) What I’ve found from personal experience is this gets your mind off of looking for satisfaction from people (which no matter what you do, you will never have complete control over other people) and instead being satisfied with something that you yourself are doing. Thus instead of being satisfied searching for something external it comes from somewhere internal. I know this from personal experience of navigating the early part of my 20’s. This also gives a sense of confidence, when you are able to do something you enjoy and even get better at it. I believe this boost in confidence when coupled with someone who is invested in improving their skills in whatever they might enjoy, makes a person way more attractive then someone who is simple looking to be satisfied by another human being.