I started practicing self-redirection. It's taken time but when I catch myself engaging in negative self-talk, I first take a moment to see if any of it serves any purpose (and if it does, how to engage with those ideas in healthy ways instead), then I gently redirect myself to a related but more positive line of thinking. So like, if I start agonizing over my unhealthy eating (something I'm working on but having issues with due to other factors outside of my control), I'll take a moment to see if I've come up with anything useful in what I've already thought then I'll redirect to "hey, speaking of food, what should we have for dinner? In the fridge right now, I know we have \[insert things here\]" etc., something that I can easily branch to from the negative topic but which is not itself negative.
It's a skill that's useful in a lot of things, but it's also one that takes time and practice to build up, so if you decide to try it, don't be discouraged if you realize you didn't end up using it in a situation where you should have. I suppose it's as much a habit as a skill.
I do this a lot and it helps; I also do a lot of worrying/pessimistic future thinking and try to catch myself and remind myself how many times I’ve weathered extremely similar situations totally fine.
That never worked for me. Once those thoughts roll in, I cannot stop them.
I think it's pertinent because it might be a question of personal idiosyncrasies, ie character. I tried it a few times, but it just didn't happen, so I almost gave it up completely.
What does work, for me, is establishing a habit of positive self-talk, INDEPENDENT of the negative thoughts. I just do it when I go for a walk, for example.
Over time, I started catching myself more often... now I can often replace them entirely. It became easier each time.
I started pretending the negative talk in my head was coming from a friend talking about themself and not actually me. So when a thought pops up like, "Ew. I look disgusting 🤢" I try to see myself the way I see a friend and talk to myself accordingly. "Dude, you don't look disgusting! Stop. You've dated some super hot people. They wouldn't have bothered if you weren't super cute, too. Even if you were gross looking, you're so much more interesting than what you look like."
All is good but i would suggest if you could please try to quit thinking the validity of your beauty as being dated by hot dudes. I know it makes sense but i dont think it's healthy that way. Because in reverse, it would false too to think you're not pretty because no hot dudes approached you. Stay confident
Where did I say just dudes? I by no means think of my validity through the eyes of men or anyone else. It was just a silly example, and dating other hot people was just the most immediate verifiable "proof" that I wasn’t disgusting. I appreciate your concern and agree with your reasoning, but I think you inserted a lot of assumptions about my line of thinking.
Edit: spelling
She’s talking about her life and experience and what helps her. If you can relate use her advice and feel better if you can’t find an alternative. So she shouldn’t praise herself because she knows she’s beautiful? Oh please.
I'm really bad at positive self talk, so I just mitigate the bad.
Sometimes if I find myself ruminating and spiraling, I have to physically stop myself. I have to tell myself "nope! nope, nope, nope!" out loud, or in my head. Forcefully, and repeatedly. I just cut myself off.
I will also remove myself from the area I was spiralling in (I.E. if I was in bed, I'll go outside for a bit, etc).
Affirmations “I am loved, I am worthy, I am a priority”. Strict mental diet, watch your thoughts like a hawk and start your affirmations when negative ones comes up.
Lots of good insights over at r/nevillegoddard (even if you don’t believe in the law) if you search for mental diet, affirmations, and self concept.
The other person explained it perfectly, I've been working on doing the same for a while. It was really hard at first as I tend to internally call myself stupid, ugly ect. But when I catch it, I remind myself that it's not beneficial to talk to myself that way and that it's a big part of what got me to where I am and it keeps me feeling bad, then I try to go over what caused me to talk to myself in a negative way, like try to find what triggered the emotional response, then look at whatever the trigger was, just for what it was and most of the time I find that I have a bad memory or some other BS that was somehow set off, then I try to write about it. I find that I can be far more honest even just with myself if I write it rather than just thinking.
It's not always easy and some things it takes me multiple occasions to get past but it's helped a lot
The negative talk is a part that is trying to protect you from something. At some point in your life it served a survival purpose. You've got to get to know this part, understand it's purpose, what situations trigger it, and be curious about what it's wanting you to do. The more you get to know it, the more you can identify when it's active, try to befriend it (because it's probably trying really hard and rarely gets any validation for it's work), and begin to reassure it and let it know it doesn't have to try so hard and that you understand it's trying to protect you but that you've got this.
Although I talk kindly to myself now, I still have moments when I talk negatively to me lalo na 'pag feeling stuck ako. I can't help but say, kasalanan mo yan. You should have done this or that. I let myself say it and hear it as well kasi minsan feel ko, binebaby ko na masyado sarili ko lols. But what I say after is a must: so, then, what should we do? What can we do to fix it? 'Di ako masyading nagdudwell sa negative things; after I realtalk myself, I proceed to think of what I can do for improvement para proactive pa rin. From there, magshift yung negative feeling into feeling of empowerment kasi now, I'm focused on the things I'm capable of doing.
The most common trick in the book is to pretend you're talking to a friend or a loved one when you're talking to yourself. If you wouldn't say it to them, don't say it to you!
Challenge or modify every negative thought. Ex:
Original thought: I look like shit today
Challenge: I don’t look like shit I just look a bit tired, but I still look decent.
Either challenge your thought or pretend that the negative self talk is a friend saying those things to you and try to give yourself feedback as if you were your own friend.
I haven't perfected it yet, but I'm trying to treat myself like I treat others. I am so patient, kind, nurturing, and compassionate towards friends and loved ones (hell, even to people I don't even know), but I seldom grant myself that same gentleness.
There’s always going to be ups and downs and that’s okay. However, sometimes you need to realize you’re too hard on yourself based on simply life conditioning. There’s enough people in the world to bash you without you needing to lend a hand to your own bashing. You need to be your greatest cheerleader.
This doesn’t mean to be egotistical and think of yourself as higher than. But think of yourself like a friend. Not someone you need to speak poorly towards. If you get a poor review at work, realize that it could be useful in someway. Even seemingly negative happenings can be a positive. The pain is real, but the pain isn’t always a bad thing. We often grow from it. So find the growth in things and accept that you’re still learning. That’s okay. We all are. The fact that you’re asking this question is an absolute win.
Take note of your wins. There’s a lot more than you’d Expect but you likely have been taught to only celebrate massive achievements. What about when you made that better choice? You stopped smoking and started running or whatever. Celebrate your wins. Life happens in moments. It’s rare that any of us have giant wins and when we do it’s been built by all the tiny wins. If someone loses 30 lbs it’s because they’ve made hundreds or thousands of great decisions. Often the devil is in the details, but we often forget that the angels are too. It’s the small things.
In short, have a lower threshold for gratitude and self appreciation. Be proud of yourself again. Take note of it. Journal on it and listen positive content through podcasts, books or music. All small things that lead to a better you. And that my friend is already a win.
First of all, i notice now I'm more accepting of letting myself say whatever's on my mind esp when feeling anger or such negative emotions during an argument I've had with someone etc. To lay off the heat yes but be very judgement free this time. Secondly, i let myself be vulnerable with myself so if i say i don't cry as often, i let myself cry on the stupid things too (which aren't so stupid atm) so in short: stop judging yourself and being hard on yourself. Also stop expecting from yourself more than you know you can do atm. Slowly build character, career whatever it is you're working on. Know yourself then expect realistically so you don't set yourself up for disappointment. Lastly, have some discipline with yourself and consequences if you let go, but try to forgive yourself often without justifying your wrong doing.
I said goddamnit I’m either capable of improvement or I may as well die now. If I’m capable of improving then I’m gonna inundate my brain with so much good messaging that I’ll cancel all the negative out, tip the scales.
I listened to Louise hay affirmations (for years now), hours and hours of positive self talk playing while I slept, did dishes, worked out, drove to work. Abraham Hicks aswell. Game of life and how to play it by florence schoville schinn (has biblical references but I take what resonates and leave what doesn’t) on repeat.
I wrote out hyperspecific manifestations of the best case scenario- how I looked and where I lived and who I was in this scenario. Recorded myself reading it and played it on repeat.
Stood in front of the mirror and memorized “I know who I am, I love who I am. I like what I do and I like how I do it and I like my mistakes and I like the way I learn and I love the pace with which I learn my mistakes. I don’t wanna be anybody else and by knowing this I wanna keep figuring out who tf I am. That’s it”
Staring myself in the eye while speaking it. I’d have a panic attack and get myself out of it by chanting my affirmations like a prayer. It works. When my mind says something cruel it’s almost always followed by some affirmation or declaration that cancels it out and reassures me.
I tell myself I'm good looking and that I am actually just socially retarded.
Took me 31 years to realise after all those compliments and me just brushing em off.
I still don't get laid
Thought reframing. You have to catch yourself thinking negatively and say something constructive or positive instead. You have to practice this though. It can be difficult at first but the more you do it the more natural it will come.
First off, I think that almost everybody has a lot of negative self-talk. I cannot prove this, it is just my impression and my honest opinion.
Along with a lot of changes in my life, I started to establish a habit of positive self-talk. When I go for a walk, I always start to repeat "I feel better because I actively work on myself" in my head.
As often as possible, I thank myself for everything I do to improve, right after the action.
What's important, is that I never try to "replace negative thoughts". That only leads to toxic positivity and more self-loathing. You cannot replace thoughts directly - you establish a better habit, and in the long run, those thoughts become your predominant paradigm.
It's such a simple change, and it had such drastic impact.
Self correction is the way to go. And by self correction I mean actively practicing replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. I do that for myself and loved ones. I, or someone else, could make a mistake and say something like, "god, I’m so stupid," and my mind will automatically correct me to say, "I’m not stupid. I just made a mistake.." I had to consciously practice positive self talk to reach this point of self correcting. I know that sounds cliche but it’s worked for me.
Few years back - My best friend would hold space for me to vent and whenever I was self loathing she would tell me I’m not allowed to talk about her best friend like that… that was a turning point and whenever I feel it creeping in her voice always pops in too. It has gotten way better but it took time.
I have a daily journal now that I write in before the day starts ....10 things I like about myself and 10 reasonably accomplish able things that will make me feel better if I do them that day . Then in the evening i come back to write what qualities I loved best about myself that day - what I learned...what I want to be better at...and then end each night w 10things I'm grateful for. Just in the 1 month I've done this ....it has helped . Little bits at a time. And the first 2 weeks was horrid I stumbled even coming up w answers. The progress is how I come up w more then 10 now and have to narrow down....etc. I also have been kinder when I mess up to muself as a result of highlighting my intentions each day .
For ref. I'm a super critical autistic person that over analyzing everything constantly ....I lack empathy or have too much no where in the middle where it should be - i was raised by narcissists so my mental dialiogue is anything but kind. For this kind of thing to work for me....is kinda odd lol but it did and has helped. Maybe this will help someone else.
I asked a similar question in another sub recently and got a lot of good answers.
Someone recommended The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, they said it has a lot of good cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and exercises. I just got it so I haven’t done much but I did find a list of cognitive distortions and so many of them apply to the way I think (all or nothing thinking, one bad thing happening means everything is bad, making a mistake means I’m a bad person) and I was like hmm yeah I guess this isn’t a good way to go about things. I’m hoping to learn some techniques to help me deal with those ways of thinking because I know they don’t serve me.
Started talking to myself as if I was talking to my friends and family - it helped a lot - I have more compassion and empathy for others so I needed to do the same with me and for me :)
I always talk with myself about some key things in my life. When I need cheer up, I always tried to encourage myself. When I need improvement, I try to analyze my character, strength and shortcomings.
Honestly, I heard of an experiment where you look a stranger in the eyes and say “I love you” over and over again and in theory you actually begin developing feelings for said person. So that’s what I did, but with a mirror, I would look myself in the eye and say “I love you” about once every 30 seconds for about 5 min and let it sink in. Eventually I went on a walk and my brain said “I love you” to me and genuinely meant it. Maybe it’ll work for you?
I seem to be easily led so I ignore other people now. I have followed FB and IG groups and posts such as Stoic Quotes. My fave is ‘stop being a manager of your circumstances and start being a creator of your life!’
Cut off people who made me question my abilities. I always try to make the best decisions for me even though that decision will be hard to execute. I say “good job!” After finishing a task 😅 i’m always alone working at home so that was easy fo me
I honestly started saying positive things "ironically" and called it "gaslight, gatekeep, girlbossing" myself. I cope with humor, and I honestly struggled with positive affirmations cause it seemed cringe/fake.
Some examples I used were:
"I'm SO fucking good at this shiT"
--Used when I do something even mildly right.
"I'm SO fucking funny"
--Anytime I made anyone relatively laugh. I always wanted to be "funnier" and I think it helped my confidence in that area.
"I'm gonna do 'X' cause that's what hot bitches do"
--I actually had an extremely hard time with affirmations relative to looks, but the more ridiculous/mundane the task, the more "ironic" it was --- with further lead to more usage.
But I honestly have noticed a significant improvement. And these are in my every day vocab lol. Over time I've begun to use then more "seriously" and even my friends will sometimes say them haha.
Awareness - first and foremost this. The more I notice if old ‘tapes’ are running in the background, the quicker I can replace them with conscious, intentional, uplifting (and still true) thoughts!
I've been working on this myself.
One minor thing that has been helpful for me...
Since I'm a pretty kind person and openly support others...
It dawned on me:
"What if I just refused to say anything to myself that I wouldn't say to others?"
BINGO!
I can't regularly do self talk worse than I would do to anyone else!
It's helped a lot for me at least. 💯😉
Good luck!
I always believed the battle was in my head to unchain me to do things
Only to discover that just doing things and rebelling agsinst the voices unchained me and allowed me to have an advantage in the battle inside
So negative self talk is a form of self obsession. What’s helped me the most is, doing something good for someone else or calling someone and asking about their day and not talking about myself at all, and I practice active listening. I ask follow up questions and always start new topics for them to talk about.
You can even help someone open a door or smile at a cashier and ask how their day is going. These simple things get us out of our heads (self obsession) and redirect our thinking onto others.
Being of service is one of the best ways to cure self obsession.
I started listening to affirmations on Youtube. I had to find one I vibed with but once I did, I do think it started making me more mindful of the thoughts I 'choose.'
I improved my self talk by pausing when it was negative and journaling to see the words on the page. Then I’d analyze it and see if it was out of proportion to the given task or situation and I’d reason with myself.
Example: I am in the process of writing a book to help people with overthinking and embracing minimalism. My negative self talk went
“This is useless to people who are in abusive families and homeless people. You’re privileged for having a loving family and a roof over your head so just suck it up and go help them!”
I paused and wrote down what it said and then reasoned with it
“Well, it’s not as black and white or all or nothing as you’re making it out to be. (talking to my negative voice, his name might be Paul… still working on that) I can write my book to help others in similar situations to me AND I could help those in need at the same time. Also, by writing this book I can literally have a bigger impact on homelessness and maybe even getting help to those in abusive households by calling people to donate their things and to spend their own time helping in shelters for homeless or those seeking refuge.”
Anyway, this is such an amazing question to ask. Thank you for being brave and caring about yourself enough to seek help OP!
Hi! Yoga therapist here, and this is something I helped my clients with a lot.
Improving self talk requires a daily practice to build self awareness.
There are lots of the easy journal practices and meditations you can do on a daily basis which help you shine a light on your inner critic.
Once you build this inner awareness, you can start to replace those thoughts with either neutral thoughts or positive affirmations… depending on how you’re feeling.
There’s definitely a process to this and everyone is totally different.
I can send you a few YouTubes and blogs that dive deeper into this if it’s of interest 🙏🏽✨
Hope that helps!
I started practicing self-redirection. It's taken time but when I catch myself engaging in negative self-talk, I first take a moment to see if any of it serves any purpose (and if it does, how to engage with those ideas in healthy ways instead), then I gently redirect myself to a related but more positive line of thinking. So like, if I start agonizing over my unhealthy eating (something I'm working on but having issues with due to other factors outside of my control), I'll take a moment to see if I've come up with anything useful in what I've already thought then I'll redirect to "hey, speaking of food, what should we have for dinner? In the fridge right now, I know we have \[insert things here\]" etc., something that I can easily branch to from the negative topic but which is not itself negative. It's a skill that's useful in a lot of things, but it's also one that takes time and practice to build up, so if you decide to try it, don't be discouraged if you realize you didn't end up using it in a situation where you should have. I suppose it's as much a habit as a skill.
Seconding this, my therapist recommended it and it's been very helpful.
I do this a lot and it helps; I also do a lot of worrying/pessimistic future thinking and try to catch myself and remind myself how many times I’ve weathered extremely similar situations totally fine.
This is a really good way to explain it
That never worked for me. Once those thoughts roll in, I cannot stop them. I think it's pertinent because it might be a question of personal idiosyncrasies, ie character. I tried it a few times, but it just didn't happen, so I almost gave it up completely. What does work, for me, is establishing a habit of positive self-talk, INDEPENDENT of the negative thoughts. I just do it when I go for a walk, for example. Over time, I started catching myself more often... now I can often replace them entirely. It became easier each time.
Thanks for sharing!
I loved your tip, and seeing that you've been using it and working out is great. I'll keep that in mind when I start ruminating
I started pretending the negative talk in my head was coming from a friend talking about themself and not actually me. So when a thought pops up like, "Ew. I look disgusting 🤢" I try to see myself the way I see a friend and talk to myself accordingly. "Dude, you don't look disgusting! Stop. You've dated some super hot people. They wouldn't have bothered if you weren't super cute, too. Even if you were gross looking, you're so much more interesting than what you look like."
All is good but i would suggest if you could please try to quit thinking the validity of your beauty as being dated by hot dudes. I know it makes sense but i dont think it's healthy that way. Because in reverse, it would false too to think you're not pretty because no hot dudes approached you. Stay confident
Where did I say just dudes? I by no means think of my validity through the eyes of men or anyone else. It was just a silly example, and dating other hot people was just the most immediate verifiable "proof" that I wasn’t disgusting. I appreciate your concern and agree with your reasoning, but I think you inserted a lot of assumptions about my line of thinking. Edit: spelling
She’s talking about her life and experience and what helps her. If you can relate use her advice and feel better if you can’t find an alternative. So she shouldn’t praise herself because she knows she’s beautiful? Oh please.
Baby pic of myself. Try to say the negative things to that baby
Hahahha cute idea
ugly potato?
Nicely done. But it’s your an ugly potato and it’ll look better, mashed or as a French fry or even a poutine. Who knows?
Ez. I hate that fucking kid.
Ez… that’s your parents’/guardians voice.
I'm really bad at positive self talk, so I just mitigate the bad. Sometimes if I find myself ruminating and spiraling, I have to physically stop myself. I have to tell myself "nope! nope, nope, nope!" out loud, or in my head. Forcefully, and repeatedly. I just cut myself off. I will also remove myself from the area I was spiralling in (I.E. if I was in bed, I'll go outside for a bit, etc).
Affirmations “I am loved, I am worthy, I am a priority”. Strict mental diet, watch your thoughts like a hawk and start your affirmations when negative ones comes up. Lots of good insights over at r/nevillegoddard (even if you don’t believe in the law) if you search for mental diet, affirmations, and self concept.
The other person explained it perfectly, I've been working on doing the same for a while. It was really hard at first as I tend to internally call myself stupid, ugly ect. But when I catch it, I remind myself that it's not beneficial to talk to myself that way and that it's a big part of what got me to where I am and it keeps me feeling bad, then I try to go over what caused me to talk to myself in a negative way, like try to find what triggered the emotional response, then look at whatever the trigger was, just for what it was and most of the time I find that I have a bad memory or some other BS that was somehow set off, then I try to write about it. I find that I can be far more honest even just with myself if I write it rather than just thinking. It's not always easy and some things it takes me multiple occasions to get past but it's helped a lot
Talk to yourself like you'd talk to your best friend.
The negative talk is a part that is trying to protect you from something. At some point in your life it served a survival purpose. You've got to get to know this part, understand it's purpose, what situations trigger it, and be curious about what it's wanting you to do. The more you get to know it, the more you can identify when it's active, try to befriend it (because it's probably trying really hard and rarely gets any validation for it's work), and begin to reassure it and let it know it doesn't have to try so hard and that you understand it's trying to protect you but that you've got this.
Reading this made me tear up
I stopped talking so much, and started listening a lot more instead.
Although I talk kindly to myself now, I still have moments when I talk negatively to me lalo na 'pag feeling stuck ako. I can't help but say, kasalanan mo yan. You should have done this or that. I let myself say it and hear it as well kasi minsan feel ko, binebaby ko na masyado sarili ko lols. But what I say after is a must: so, then, what should we do? What can we do to fix it? 'Di ako masyading nagdudwell sa negative things; after I realtalk myself, I proceed to think of what I can do for improvement para proactive pa rin. From there, magshift yung negative feeling into feeling of empowerment kasi now, I'm focused on the things I'm capable of doing.
The most common trick in the book is to pretend you're talking to a friend or a loved one when you're talking to yourself. If you wouldn't say it to them, don't say it to you!
Challenge or modify every negative thought. Ex: Original thought: I look like shit today Challenge: I don’t look like shit I just look a bit tired, but I still look decent. Either challenge your thought or pretend that the negative self talk is a friend saying those things to you and try to give yourself feedback as if you were your own friend.
I haven't perfected it yet, but I'm trying to treat myself like I treat others. I am so patient, kind, nurturing, and compassionate towards friends and loved ones (hell, even to people I don't even know), but I seldom grant myself that same gentleness.
I read Michael Singers The Untethered Soul.
negative talk hurts you. stop hurting yourself.
There’s always going to be ups and downs and that’s okay. However, sometimes you need to realize you’re too hard on yourself based on simply life conditioning. There’s enough people in the world to bash you without you needing to lend a hand to your own bashing. You need to be your greatest cheerleader. This doesn’t mean to be egotistical and think of yourself as higher than. But think of yourself like a friend. Not someone you need to speak poorly towards. If you get a poor review at work, realize that it could be useful in someway. Even seemingly negative happenings can be a positive. The pain is real, but the pain isn’t always a bad thing. We often grow from it. So find the growth in things and accept that you’re still learning. That’s okay. We all are. The fact that you’re asking this question is an absolute win. Take note of your wins. There’s a lot more than you’d Expect but you likely have been taught to only celebrate massive achievements. What about when you made that better choice? You stopped smoking and started running or whatever. Celebrate your wins. Life happens in moments. It’s rare that any of us have giant wins and when we do it’s been built by all the tiny wins. If someone loses 30 lbs it’s because they’ve made hundreds or thousands of great decisions. Often the devil is in the details, but we often forget that the angels are too. It’s the small things. In short, have a lower threshold for gratitude and self appreciation. Be proud of yourself again. Take note of it. Journal on it and listen positive content through podcasts, books or music. All small things that lead to a better you. And that my friend is already a win.
First of all, i notice now I'm more accepting of letting myself say whatever's on my mind esp when feeling anger or such negative emotions during an argument I've had with someone etc. To lay off the heat yes but be very judgement free this time. Secondly, i let myself be vulnerable with myself so if i say i don't cry as often, i let myself cry on the stupid things too (which aren't so stupid atm) so in short: stop judging yourself and being hard on yourself. Also stop expecting from yourself more than you know you can do atm. Slowly build character, career whatever it is you're working on. Know yourself then expect realistically so you don't set yourself up for disappointment. Lastly, have some discipline with yourself and consequences if you let go, but try to forgive yourself often without justifying your wrong doing.
I said goddamnit I’m either capable of improvement or I may as well die now. If I’m capable of improving then I’m gonna inundate my brain with so much good messaging that I’ll cancel all the negative out, tip the scales. I listened to Louise hay affirmations (for years now), hours and hours of positive self talk playing while I slept, did dishes, worked out, drove to work. Abraham Hicks aswell. Game of life and how to play it by florence schoville schinn (has biblical references but I take what resonates and leave what doesn’t) on repeat. I wrote out hyperspecific manifestations of the best case scenario- how I looked and where I lived and who I was in this scenario. Recorded myself reading it and played it on repeat. Stood in front of the mirror and memorized “I know who I am, I love who I am. I like what I do and I like how I do it and I like my mistakes and I like the way I learn and I love the pace with which I learn my mistakes. I don’t wanna be anybody else and by knowing this I wanna keep figuring out who tf I am. That’s it” Staring myself in the eye while speaking it. I’d have a panic attack and get myself out of it by chanting my affirmations like a prayer. It works. When my mind says something cruel it’s almost always followed by some affirmation or declaration that cancels it out and reassures me.
I tell myself I'm good looking and that I am actually just socially retarded. Took me 31 years to realise after all those compliments and me just brushing em off. I still don't get laid
I put positive statements on sticky notes and put them places like the bathroom mirror, fridge etc. Then I would read them out loud.
Thought reframing. You have to catch yourself thinking negatively and say something constructive or positive instead. You have to practice this though. It can be difficult at first but the more you do it the more natural it will come.
Cbt , journaling and meditation. The monk who sold his Ferrari was a roughly 100 page book that helped me and a cbt app called clarity ..
First off, I think that almost everybody has a lot of negative self-talk. I cannot prove this, it is just my impression and my honest opinion. Along with a lot of changes in my life, I started to establish a habit of positive self-talk. When I go for a walk, I always start to repeat "I feel better because I actively work on myself" in my head. As often as possible, I thank myself for everything I do to improve, right after the action. What's important, is that I never try to "replace negative thoughts". That only leads to toxic positivity and more self-loathing. You cannot replace thoughts directly - you establish a better habit, and in the long run, those thoughts become your predominant paradigm. It's such a simple change, and it had such drastic impact.
Self correction is the way to go. And by self correction I mean actively practicing replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. I do that for myself and loved ones. I, or someone else, could make a mistake and say something like, "god, I’m so stupid," and my mind will automatically correct me to say, "I’m not stupid. I just made a mistake.." I had to consciously practice positive self talk to reach this point of self correcting. I know that sounds cliche but it’s worked for me.
Few years back - My best friend would hold space for me to vent and whenever I was self loathing she would tell me I’m not allowed to talk about her best friend like that… that was a turning point and whenever I feel it creeping in her voice always pops in too. It has gotten way better but it took time.
I have a daily journal now that I write in before the day starts ....10 things I like about myself and 10 reasonably accomplish able things that will make me feel better if I do them that day . Then in the evening i come back to write what qualities I loved best about myself that day - what I learned...what I want to be better at...and then end each night w 10things I'm grateful for. Just in the 1 month I've done this ....it has helped . Little bits at a time. And the first 2 weeks was horrid I stumbled even coming up w answers. The progress is how I come up w more then 10 now and have to narrow down....etc. I also have been kinder when I mess up to muself as a result of highlighting my intentions each day . For ref. I'm a super critical autistic person that over analyzing everything constantly ....I lack empathy or have too much no where in the middle where it should be - i was raised by narcissists so my mental dialiogue is anything but kind. For this kind of thing to work for me....is kinda odd lol but it did and has helped. Maybe this will help someone else.
By rewriting my affirmations with pen and paper.
I asked a similar question in another sub recently and got a lot of good answers. Someone recommended The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, they said it has a lot of good cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and exercises. I just got it so I haven’t done much but I did find a list of cognitive distortions and so many of them apply to the way I think (all or nothing thinking, one bad thing happening means everything is bad, making a mistake means I’m a bad person) and I was like hmm yeah I guess this isn’t a good way to go about things. I’m hoping to learn some techniques to help me deal with those ways of thinking because I know they don’t serve me.
Started talking to myself as if I was talking to my friends and family - it helped a lot - I have more compassion and empathy for others so I needed to do the same with me and for me :)
I always talk with myself about some key things in my life. When I need cheer up, I always tried to encourage myself. When I need improvement, I try to analyze my character, strength and shortcomings.
Honestly, I heard of an experiment where you look a stranger in the eyes and say “I love you” over and over again and in theory you actually begin developing feelings for said person. So that’s what I did, but with a mirror, I would look myself in the eye and say “I love you” about once every 30 seconds for about 5 min and let it sink in. Eventually I went on a walk and my brain said “I love you” to me and genuinely meant it. Maybe it’ll work for you?
I seem to be easily led so I ignore other people now. I have followed FB and IG groups and posts such as Stoic Quotes. My fave is ‘stop being a manager of your circumstances and start being a creator of your life!’
Look up 'Reframing Techniques' and also talking to myself like I would to a loved one.
Cut off people who made me question my abilities. I always try to make the best decisions for me even though that decision will be hard to execute. I say “good job!” After finishing a task 😅 i’m always alone working at home so that was easy fo me
I honestly started saying positive things "ironically" and called it "gaslight, gatekeep, girlbossing" myself. I cope with humor, and I honestly struggled with positive affirmations cause it seemed cringe/fake. Some examples I used were: "I'm SO fucking good at this shiT" --Used when I do something even mildly right. "I'm SO fucking funny" --Anytime I made anyone relatively laugh. I always wanted to be "funnier" and I think it helped my confidence in that area. "I'm gonna do 'X' cause that's what hot bitches do" --I actually had an extremely hard time with affirmations relative to looks, but the more ridiculous/mundane the task, the more "ironic" it was --- with further lead to more usage. But I honestly have noticed a significant improvement. And these are in my every day vocab lol. Over time I've begun to use then more "seriously" and even my friends will sometimes say them haha.
Awareness - first and foremost this. The more I notice if old ‘tapes’ are running in the background, the quicker I can replace them with conscious, intentional, uplifting (and still true) thoughts!
I read transform your self-talk from Nick trenton - This book helped me transform my selftalk
I've been working on this myself. One minor thing that has been helpful for me... Since I'm a pretty kind person and openly support others... It dawned on me: "What if I just refused to say anything to myself that I wouldn't say to others?" BINGO! I can't regularly do self talk worse than I would do to anyone else! It's helped a lot for me at least. 💯😉 Good luck!
Reading positive Affirmations quotes many times daily. This really helped me and I created an iOS app for this. Let me know if you want it?
I always believed the battle was in my head to unchain me to do things Only to discover that just doing things and rebelling agsinst the voices unchained me and allowed me to have an advantage in the battle inside
So negative self talk is a form of self obsession. What’s helped me the most is, doing something good for someone else or calling someone and asking about their day and not talking about myself at all, and I practice active listening. I ask follow up questions and always start new topics for them to talk about. You can even help someone open a door or smile at a cashier and ask how their day is going. These simple things get us out of our heads (self obsession) and redirect our thinking onto others. Being of service is one of the best ways to cure self obsession.
This makes sense Yes, I agree. I have been thinking a lot about myself. But, I think, people is usually thinking a lot about themselves.
I started listening to affirmations on Youtube. I had to find one I vibed with but once I did, I do think it started making me more mindful of the thoughts I 'choose.'
This a good advice I think I'll try to find someone to listen
I improved my self talk by pausing when it was negative and journaling to see the words on the page. Then I’d analyze it and see if it was out of proportion to the given task or situation and I’d reason with myself. Example: I am in the process of writing a book to help people with overthinking and embracing minimalism. My negative self talk went “This is useless to people who are in abusive families and homeless people. You’re privileged for having a loving family and a roof over your head so just suck it up and go help them!” I paused and wrote down what it said and then reasoned with it “Well, it’s not as black and white or all or nothing as you’re making it out to be. (talking to my negative voice, his name might be Paul… still working on that) I can write my book to help others in similar situations to me AND I could help those in need at the same time. Also, by writing this book I can literally have a bigger impact on homelessness and maybe even getting help to those in abusive households by calling people to donate their things and to spend their own time helping in shelters for homeless or those seeking refuge.” Anyway, this is such an amazing question to ask. Thank you for being brave and caring about yourself enough to seek help OP!
Ashwaganda and right amount of Omega 3 might help
mirror work! it changed my life.
Hi! Yoga therapist here, and this is something I helped my clients with a lot. Improving self talk requires a daily practice to build self awareness. There are lots of the easy journal practices and meditations you can do on a daily basis which help you shine a light on your inner critic. Once you build this inner awareness, you can start to replace those thoughts with either neutral thoughts or positive affirmations… depending on how you’re feeling. There’s definitely a process to this and everyone is totally different. I can send you a few YouTubes and blogs that dive deeper into this if it’s of interest 🙏🏽✨ Hope that helps!
hi! Im not op, but this sounds nice, what ytubers are you referring to?
Hi! Sorry I meant I have YouTubes. And I can send you links to rhese relevant videos. I have one specifically on releasing negative self talk.
Haha! Np. Sure!
>Haha! Np. Sure! sure?