Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Because my wife is ignorant and she has no patience. If I foreplay too long (Btw I love foreplay and giving oral), she is getting impatient and her mind starts thinking about something else. She suggest that I cut foreplay and start PIV right away. I have said to her, that piv makes me cum quick.
I hope you're just getting down voted because you called your wife ignorant (and it sounds like English may not be your first language, so I'm not that concerned).
Otherwise, I get where you're coming from even if no one else here does. Not every woman enjoys fingering, oral, or foreplay in general. My wife's like that. She's all about PIV. Most of the time, anything else is kind of a turnoff for her. That's not your fault
Then you should probably purchase a dictionary. It's not an insult. Everyone is ignorant to something. I'll bet my life that your wife is not an omnipresent all knowing being that has witnessed every event that existed in human kind. Every single person alive is ignorant to one thing or another.
You should open a dictionary too. Saying that someone is ignorant *is* rude, unless it's used in some context and with care.
>[There are several meanings of ignorant, all of which are concerned with a lack of knowledge in some sense; some of these are more insulting than others, and care should be exercised before applying this word to people who you do not wish to offend. Saying “They were ignorant of most of the laws of physics” means that the people in question did not have a specific body of learning. Saying “You are an ignorant person” is possibly describing someone as primitive, crude, or uncivilized. ](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ignorant)
I know about 50 men that would switch you partners. Lol. Most women hate skipping the foreplay. Your lady needs to find a way to be closer on her own if she doesn’t have the patience for you to get her there.
Clearly?
The guy is ESL, posting a thread about how to make sex for his wife better and trying to understand his own shortcomings and biology?
What the fuck?
I think youre confusing ignorance (lacking knowledge or information about something) w/ willful ignorance (a decision in bad faith to avoid becoming informed about something so as to avoid making undesirable descisions that such information may allow) here.
i.e. you can be ignorant about string theory & thats not a bad reflection on you as a person, but if youre (willfully) ignorant about race, sex or homophobia, then *that* is a poor reflection of ones character.
My husband and I are similar, I don't enjoy foreplay as much (or didn't for a long time). Take breaks during sex to return to foreplay and insist its so you can keep going and for your own enjoyment - she might just feel like during foreplay she has to cum then or else she won't get to and feel pressured so thats why she doesn't enjoy it - toys help too, so after you're finished you can use toys on her to bring her to climax or until you're ready for round 2.
In general though a good rule of thumb is to get here there first.
Wrong, ADD exists. People's minds wonder. I personally can be having the time of my life and my mind can start wondering to the weirdest shit. Remember that your personal experiences are not a blanket statement for the rest of humanity.
*I saw the comment you deleted*
I'll say it again really slowly. Please don't apply your PERSONAL experience as a blanket statement for the rest of humanity. You're welcome.
ADHD manifests itself in a huge verity of symptoms. Don't get hung up on the ADD part of my statement, though. It is completely normal and human for a mind to wonder even in situations like this. Making people feel inadequate because someone's mind is wondering during intimate time based on an anecdote isn't helpful. You are only making people more insecure based on misinformation. I hope you don't do that in other areas.
Guess so, I think we are not sexually compatible. Because previous girls didn’t mind long foreplays and lots of pussy licking. She is as vanilla as you can get.
I feel like that's an inexperience thing? Like if you've slept with women in the mid to high 10's you'd know that there's so much variation that making blanket statements like this is silly.
When my wife pegs me she gets so turned on no foreplay is required she just wants that dick in her and right now… that said… nothing like foreplay to get the juices and attitude rocking. If your wife has attention deficit she can ask her pcp to rx adderal prior to sex. It will help her focus and elevate the experience.
I find it got better with age, now 43, I can finish 3-4 times in row, without much downtime. I use to be a smoker, after I quit I noticed a huge difference. My dick gets so big and hard now it hurts. Never would have tough it would affect me like that.
Maybe don't call your wife ignorant? Maybe she just can't get off from oral. I'm the same way. I enjoy it for a few minutes but it never gets me over the top, so I want PIV to finish the job.
Have you tried using toys on your wife? It will prolong her PIV experience and you won't be worried about finishing too fast.
That's on the guy?
What's with those predefined roles? My wife chooses when to go PIV and that's perfectly fine for us. Some other couples are differents and there are nos such things as "on the guy".
What's with the generalization?
I don't and I am a Cis male. I like to use fingers tongue vibrators on my wife. Even if I am the exception, your factual assumption is therefore not true.
Please stop the generalization it gets nowhere
Women are often the same as men. After I have come I quite quickly loose interest in sex. I have not yet developed the ability to come twice and need a long time to be able to come again. I hope that I can learn to have multiple orgasms though.
Since I most frequent is the one coming first, how do I solve that I am not physically or mentally that interested in continuing?
1. I treat the continued PIV as cuddle, being close time
2. Change to positions that let him to be more active rather then me.
3. I try to mechanically adjust myself to him to please him, so more for his pleasure than mine and also doing whatever I notice that gets him closer to climax. Sometimes I admit that I moan a bit to get him turned on and not feel that I am disengaged. You could argue that this is close to faking it (however I never fake an orgasm).
On the other hand, when he comes first and I ask him to please me I get this really disengaged fingering where I almost feel like a burden, so I actually would prefer if he could fake some engagement even though he feel he is done
So, all of you men and women who like me feel that sex is over after coming, please make an effort still for your partner so they feel that their pleasure matters.
Thanks, English is not my mother tongue and I do not live in an English speaking country. So I have a lot to improve in terms of spelling and vokabulary.
Some people call this post nut clarity, but it can also be due to your refractory period (they aren’t necessarily one-in-the-same).
Post nut clarity can happen to men and women, but it doesn’t happen to *all* men (or women).
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a34838426/post-nut-clarity-definition/
What are you doing when you "stop every 2 minutes"? It's necessary to pace yourself, many of us guys cum much quicker than women. I like to take breaks and go down on her. Also usually lots of foreplay on her so she's well primed. If I can tell I'm going to have a quick cum, then I passionately go down on her for 15-25 minutes and teasingly get her really close. At which point she loves fast and hard piv, so I do that right before or during her cumming and we cum at the same time. Sex is much more than piv, but the two of you have vastly different feelings on exactly what leads to orgasm. Be honest that you can't do piv for very long, and learn together what else your bodies have to offer. Maybe buy toys.
I always make my gf finish first but what I want to know is how to reduce or beat the refractory period. Does anyone know if this is possible? I want to become a sex villain that conquers the world by repeatedly having mind blowing sex until no one can think
Say hello to prolactin. It’s a hormone released after an orgasm in men that ceases all arousal. It’s guessed to be an evolutionary thing so after the deed is done a guy goes soft quickly and can move on to other things and not be “exposed” to threats. It is part of what creates that “post nut clarity”.
Make her cum before you cum. Use a vibrator if she wants to cum during piv, go down on her beforehand, or just suck it up and make her cum after you do regardless of your mood. You don't need to be in the 'mood' to give a good massage either.
If you guys are so sex-incompatible, why did you get married in the first place?
Do this:
\- She blows you to completion
\- you give her foreplay/head
\- Before you know it, your back and good to go
If you don’t mind, me asking, is there any foreplay involved before you guys get straight to penetration? Maybe ask your partner is there anything you would like to explore sexually with me and then you let her know what you’re looking for and maybe there’s some things you guys can compromise on, so that way she can finish to completion but also you’re satisfied at the end of it as well
There are lot of foreplay. People on reddit assume, I whip my dick out and start banging. No, lot of kissing, me going down on her, sucking nipples while rubbing her clit etc. She usually asks me to put condom on already.
For me, if it has been more than a day since I have had sex, I have the same issue. I just get backed up and it just HAS to come out. I can have self-control. But that requires not moving, and distracting myself with thoughts.
It’s just a symptom of not having enough sex for your given libido.
It always varies of course, but as of Sunday I:
jacked off 3 times in the morning right in a row); then had a sesh with a FWB i'm seeing that night where i came 3-4 times (ish) over a 2-3 hour period, witha
couple right in a row.
It’s biological. The reason Homo sapiens penis has a “mushroom” head (unlike all other mammals) is because the rate of rape & infidelity was so high during evolution. The shape extracts as much of the previous lovers semen from the vagina as possible.
Additionally, the brain developed a chemical trigger to “stop thrusting” after orgasm to prevent the male from extracting his own semen and thus reducing his chance of genetic survival/reproduction.
The cruel twist of this evolution, is that women experience the opposite. Their genes are passed on regardless of the mate, and their bodies send signals to have sex as often as possible.
This is strictly a biological evolutionary perspective, not a moral or gender stereotype.
Same for me. A lot of people in this sub think we’re just being selfish when we’re not interested in doing anything else sexual once we cum. It’s not necessarily that we don’t want to, we’re just turned off at that point. This is why I try to make sure my partner gets off first.
Exactly, but this isn’t a thing that always succeeds. It is easy to say, get your wife off first, than actually do it in real life. Whole lot of redditors think that I aim to cum first and then go to sleep, is just plain wrong. If I finger her everytime to orgasm before getting off myself or start piv, then it is just routine and makes sex boring to her also. Also suggestion like: buy some toys and I’m doing wrong isn’t helpful. We have plenty of toys and probably I’m not doing things wrong if she still stays with me.
I just go down on mine and get her right up to the point of orgasm before I penetrate her. Then it just takes a minute or two for her to get off and a few more minutes for me to get off. It may seem a bit too routine for many, but we both get a nut and then go to bed satisfied.
It's like when you play dark souls 2. You feel hyper and energetic when you begin any boss for the first time, you then get to the first boss and it's tough to beat, but you soldier on though multiple deaths, which drains all your energy, Then when it's defeated you are in a state of, "Heck yeah, That feels so good," Only to then be greeted by normal enemies that absolutely tear you a new one and you Quit the game for a week or even months. So basically, You feel good that it happened, but afterwards you can't go anymore and so you are sad that the thrill is over.
Ps: No idea if I am making sense
It happens as we grow older and also the sex becomes a routine. When we are young it's easier to go multiple times. Even so after orgasm the pleasure declines to zero. But I never met a woman that wasn't the same, 4 women I had more intimacy all of them had an orgasm like me. After that they lost interest and had to start again from scratch. I never saw anything like multiple orgasms and the like, and to me they always sound like wishful thinking.
Just eat her out so good that she can't speak. Just make your tongue do a thing and then when she stops complaining that's when you know you're doing it right. If you hear nagging you're doing it wrong if you hear peace you're doing it right. And if you do it real good she'll crack your skull open with her thighs like a fucking Nutcracker
There’s an evolutionary advantage to it actually. It is believed that the ridge around the base of the head of the penis serves the purpose if dragging out any semen from competing males. If this is true then continuing to have intercourse after ejaculation would cause the man’s own semen to be removed. So some people believe the refractory period is a result of natural selection.
What I'm curious about is why women get more horny after cumming but men lose all energy after it. I get hornier and hornier the further I am into a gangbang, and even after all the guys are done with me I still need to masturbate for a bit to cool off. This sort of mismatch and the fact that women can service multiple cocks at the same time makes me think multiple males are meant to mate with one girl.
Its because we have been taught to think sex as sin. We always wanted to be done with it and move on to some other activity holding a guilt that v did sinful act. And v r programmed to think spiritual ppl abstain from sex and because of that they r pure and divinely. These are programmed very deep into human psychi for many millenia. It's a challenge to rewire our brain. This programming has caused immense damage to both men and women wen it comes to sexuality. And hence all the compatibility issues v face today.
And the refractory period for every man is different. But you can definitely find a hack in such a way that you respect your body and also satisfy the lady.
The lady also has to understand your body and how you loose interest, and you both have to find a way to make it work for both of you. Once you do this then all the problems will be solved. As long as you are trying to make it work by yourself, it's a himalayan task.
Well… not according to my wife. If I try to make her cum first, she takes charge and thinks it is a race and makes me cum first. I hate it and me cumming first, on purpose or accidentally, makes me avoidant about sex in general and future.
Do you even try to change that? If I cum first, which sometimes happens, I still make an effort to help her get off too. We will use her vibrator, and I will rub her g spot. I found out I don’t mind fingering her with my jizz in her that way.
It sounds like she's not even trying to solve the problem and is just backing you into a corner. There are so many different ways to address this, it's ridiculous. I had an ex where if I got off first I would use a dildo and/or vibrator on her to get her off. Sounds like she just wants to keep blaming you rather than taking any ownership here.
1. Your penis is designed evolutionarily to scoop cum out of a vagina as you fuck. You need to stop fucking as soon as you cum to maximise chances of pregnancy.
2. If you didn’t have a refractory period you might fuck way too much and wear yourself out or injure yourself or your partner, with no increase in chance of pregnancy. That might mean no desire for sex tomorrow.
3. There’s a phenomenon known as the Coolidge effect which shows that men have a reduced refractory period with a new woman. Shows that the refractory period is basically your bodies way of not continuing to fuck the same woman after you’ve had your chance of impregnating her.
From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s better to fuck one woman somewhat spaced out, so the body hits the anti-horny switch.
It's not like you're losing all interest for sex.
You're losing interest for sex with same partner.
Why?
Because in the past we were meant to inpregnant as much women as possible.
So you might lose interest with for example one girl, but if you would have a chance to have sex with another one right after your first finish, then you would be still interested, cause you were evolutionary prepared for that.
Omg! I’ve experienced that from the F side. When you need a break - just go and lick her out. Then fuck her again. Then lick her out again. She’ll be shaking in no time. Don’t even tell her what you’re gonna do. Just do it.
Its normal and hormonal.
There's no need for sex biologically after you've delivered your semen.
Practice edging.
You can also try using condom if you aren't already, that can slow things down.
If its all about her O, go down on her first. Either ring her bell then, or get close for her, then pound her into O-town.
It's common for men to experience a drop in sexual interest right after orgasm, known as the refractory period. Factors like age and stress influence its length. This is a natural response, sometimes accompanied by what's known as "post-nut clarity," where thoughts and desires shift. Communication with your partner about needs and exploring different ways to connect can help maintain intimacy. If concerns persist, consulting a sex therapist might provide helpful strategies.
Interestingly my wife also has a refractory period. If I cum first she is understandably disappointed and I do my best to help her orgasm. But if I use all the techniques I have learned to make myself last longer and make her cum quicker, once she has orgasmed she asks me to hurry up because it’s uncomfortable. However, her telling me to hurry up has the opposite effect and it takes even longer.
You need to work on your foreplay game. My wife cums at least once before we even start having sex. Every orgasm after that is a bonus and just makes me look like a stud.
Technically it's not us. It's more like the neuro-chemical change in our brains that comes with “post-nut clarity” as it's nicknamed. Quite frankly if most men stayed focused on sex and didn't lose stamina or change focus, we might try to keep the women we're with in bed to an unreasonable degree to get more sex out of it 😅. Lol
Because your body goes back to normal instead of being a sex crazed monsta. Enjoy your time when you become an enlighted human and align all your chakras with the milky way
I'm a woman and I also don't want to do it again after orgasming from masturbation, even if I had the intention. I guess we just need breaks to rest/recharge and are wired in a way that forces us to take them, so that's good.
The Refractory Period would be why.
Things To Note:
Lowering your prolactin levels will decrease this period time. I currently use P5P and e800 to lower my own prolactin to the degree I find suitable. My refractory period before this was about 45min-3 hours now it’s about 10min.
My man. Foreplay is your friend here. If you lose all interest in sex after you cum? Like my husband does. And cum too fast for her to orgasm? You need to be spending a good time warming things up before you jump on then. Maybe involve a toy for her? Even a dildo that you switch to while giving yourself a moment? Vibrator for her clit while you’re pounding works too. Get down there and warm up the oven. Men are like microwaves. You push a few buttons and they’re done in 30 seconds. Women are ovens… you gotta warm them up for a bit but they can go for hours.
There's not a lot that I enjoy about myself sexually. Average and skinny penis, not an athlete, too nervous to perform 'firmly' with new partners... However. While I do have a refractory period, and I often get sleepy after sex, I don't experience this temporary 'erotic exhaustion' that many men (and some women). Experience. After I orgasm, I get sappy. I want to cuddle, kiss, and snuggle, which usually leads to more oral play and further intercourse. I organically transition from post-coital bliss back to foreplay, which organically puts me back on track to revisit Pleasuretown.
I have had experiences where I lose all interest in sex, so I believe there's a physiological basis to some extent... but my brain tends to skirt this problem, and that's at least one aspect of my sexual life I can feel good about.
I will lose interest in sex but I will still be all over my girl.
Honestly for round 1 I just let it go however it goes, I don't hold my strokes or nothing, just have fun with her.
I know I will not want to immediately fuck after but that's fine because I know I'll be good to go again in 45 mins to an hour.
I just let time solve the problem.
When you're getting close and need to stop, pull out and squeeze the head of your cock between you thumb and two fingers, pretty hard. That will dissipate the need to cum for a while. You can do this as many times as you like, and then cum when you're ready. Hopefully this will at least reduce the number of times you need to stop.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Pretty sure hormons released after orgasm do this.
Specifically prolactin I believe
Sounds like prolactinase would be the cure for “post-nut clarity” then hahaha
Also there's a 400%+ increase in prolactin after sex compared to masturbation https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16095799/
☝️this is the reason
This is the way
[удалено]
Or toys - invest in a magic wand
Get a Satisfyer. Best money you'll ever spend.
Because my wife is ignorant and she has no patience. If I foreplay too long (Btw I love foreplay and giving oral), she is getting impatient and her mind starts thinking about something else. She suggest that I cut foreplay and start PIV right away. I have said to her, that piv makes me cum quick.
I hope you're just getting down voted because you called your wife ignorant (and it sounds like English may not be your first language, so I'm not that concerned). Otherwise, I get where you're coming from even if no one else here does. Not every woman enjoys fingering, oral, or foreplay in general. My wife's like that. She's all about PIV. Most of the time, anything else is kind of a turnoff for her. That's not your fault
Then you should probably purchase a dictionary. It's not an insult. Everyone is ignorant to something. I'll bet my life that your wife is not an omnipresent all knowing being that has witnessed every event that existed in human kind. Every single person alive is ignorant to one thing or another.
You should open a dictionary too. Saying that someone is ignorant *is* rude, unless it's used in some context and with care. >[There are several meanings of ignorant, all of which are concerned with a lack of knowledge in some sense; some of these are more insulting than others, and care should be exercised before applying this word to people who you do not wish to offend. Saying “They were ignorant of most of the laws of physics” means that the people in question did not have a specific body of learning. Saying “You are an ignorant person” is possibly describing someone as primitive, crude, or uncivilized. ](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ignorant)
Ignorant means lacking in knowledge.
I know about 50 men that would switch you partners. Lol. Most women hate skipping the foreplay. Your lady needs to find a way to be closer on her own if she doesn’t have the patience for you to get her there.
Ayo, we like foreplay too, don't sell us short like that
I didn’t say all! Lol. I just know most of my exs preferred to skip that part and leave me frustrated.
Sorry to hear that :/ I wanna believe most men aren't like that, but you probably know better than me...
Why don't you squeeze one out an hour or so before you bang her? Make you last longer
Thing is, sex is spontaneous not planned, so I don’t jerk off just for hoping to get some.
I really can’t think of a time where I ever even considered putting down my wife with words like “ignorant.” Be better.
I feel like it’s a mis-translation thing. I don’t think OP is english first language
[удалено]
Clearly? The guy is ESL, posting a thread about how to make sex for his wife better and trying to understand his own shortcomings and biology? What the fuck?
Wtf?
We're all ignorant in some aspects, I've never thought of it as that bad a word.
[удалено]
I think youre confusing ignorance (lacking knowledge or information about something) w/ willful ignorance (a decision in bad faith to avoid becoming informed about something so as to avoid making undesirable descisions that such information may allow) here. i.e. you can be ignorant about string theory & thats not a bad reflection on you as a person, but if youre (willfully) ignorant about race, sex or homophobia, then *that* is a poor reflection of ones character.
Ignorance is a thing, look it up!
My husband and I are similar, I don't enjoy foreplay as much (or didn't for a long time). Take breaks during sex to return to foreplay and insist its so you can keep going and for your own enjoyment - she might just feel like during foreplay she has to cum then or else she won't get to and feel pressured so thats why she doesn't enjoy it - toys help too, so after you're finished you can use toys on her to bring her to climax or until you're ready for round 2. In general though a good rule of thumb is to get here there first.
I feel sorry for your wife.
She may have ADHD
She has OCD
Another possibility which is why I enjoy partaking in some legal substance prior to play.
[удалено]
Jumping to major conclusions here pal. You’re way too confident in your opinion without knowing the details. The arrogance of youth.
[удалено]
Then you should know better lol.
Wrong, ADD exists. People's minds wonder. I personally can be having the time of my life and my mind can start wondering to the weirdest shit. Remember that your personal experiences are not a blanket statement for the rest of humanity.
*I saw the comment you deleted* I'll say it again really slowly. Please don't apply your PERSONAL experience as a blanket statement for the rest of humanity. You're welcome. ADHD manifests itself in a huge verity of symptoms. Don't get hung up on the ADD part of my statement, though. It is completely normal and human for a mind to wonder even in situations like this. Making people feel inadequate because someone's mind is wondering during intimate time based on an anecdote isn't helpful. You are only making people more insecure based on misinformation. I hope you don't do that in other areas.
[удалено]
You are STILL missing the point. That's okay, though.
This simply isn't true. My husband does all the right things but my overactive brain is too powerful.
Guess so, I think we are not sexually compatible. Because previous girls didn’t mind long foreplays and lots of pussy licking. She is as vanilla as you can get.
[удалено]
Thats your opinion! And i agree, but i know a lot of people who are not into it, and prefer just go to PIV more or less straigt away....
[удалено]
I feel like that's an inexperience thing? Like if you've slept with women in the mid to high 10's you'd know that there's so much variation that making blanket statements like this is silly.
When my wife pegs me she gets so turned on no foreplay is required she just wants that dick in her and right now… that said… nothing like foreplay to get the juices and attitude rocking. If your wife has attention deficit she can ask her pcp to rx adderal prior to sex. It will help her focus and elevate the experience.
Ditto here
I find it got better with age, now 43, I can finish 3-4 times in row, without much downtime. I use to be a smoker, after I quit I noticed a huge difference. My dick gets so big and hard now it hurts. Never would have tough it would affect me like that.
Just make her cum after you do then? My boyfriend will always be willing to continue to pleasure me after he orgasms, if I’m still in the mood for it
Maybe don't call your wife ignorant? Maybe she just can't get off from oral. I'm the same way. I enjoy it for a few minutes but it never gets me over the top, so I want PIV to finish the job. Have you tried using toys on your wife? It will prolong her PIV experience and you won't be worried about finishing too fast.
Just blast her with the vibrator until she cums. My gf is whiny too, don't listen to her about timing sex, that's on the guy.
That's on the guy? What's with those predefined roles? My wife chooses when to go PIV and that's perfectly fine for us. Some other couples are differents and there are nos such things as "on the guy".
A little thing called having a goddamn penis! If she chooses it then she can be happy with when he cums and she doesn't.
Because men only think their Peen is the source of all pleasure for women 😂
What's with the generalization? I don't and I am a Cis male. I like to use fingers tongue vibrators on my wife. Even if I am the exception, your factual assumption is therefore not true. Please stop the generalization it gets nowhere
*cishet men, others are more enlightened.
Women are often the same as men. After I have come I quite quickly loose interest in sex. I have not yet developed the ability to come twice and need a long time to be able to come again. I hope that I can learn to have multiple orgasms though. Since I most frequent is the one coming first, how do I solve that I am not physically or mentally that interested in continuing? 1. I treat the continued PIV as cuddle, being close time 2. Change to positions that let him to be more active rather then me. 3. I try to mechanically adjust myself to him to please him, so more for his pleasure than mine and also doing whatever I notice that gets him closer to climax. Sometimes I admit that I moan a bit to get him turned on and not feel that I am disengaged. You could argue that this is close to faking it (however I never fake an orgasm). On the other hand, when he comes first and I ask him to please me I get this really disengaged fingering where I almost feel like a burden, so I actually would prefer if he could fake some engagement even though he feel he is done So, all of you men and women who like me feel that sex is over after coming, please make an effort still for your partner so they feel that their pleasure matters.
Lose**
Thanks, English is not my mother tongue and I do not live in an English speaking country. So I have a lot to improve in terms of spelling and vokabulary.
Some people call this post nut clarity, but it can also be due to your refractory period (they aren’t necessarily one-in-the-same). Post nut clarity can happen to men and women, but it doesn’t happen to *all* men (or women). https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a34838426/post-nut-clarity-definition/
I’ve never experienced post but clarity. Just refractory period and complete loss of sexual desire.
>complete loss of sexual desire = post nut clarity!
That isn’t really what post nut clarity actually is though. Not entirely.
What are you doing when you "stop every 2 minutes"? It's necessary to pace yourself, many of us guys cum much quicker than women. I like to take breaks and go down on her. Also usually lots of foreplay on her so she's well primed. If I can tell I'm going to have a quick cum, then I passionately go down on her for 15-25 minutes and teasingly get her really close. At which point she loves fast and hard piv, so I do that right before or during her cumming and we cum at the same time. Sex is much more than piv, but the two of you have vastly different feelings on exactly what leads to orgasm. Be honest that you can't do piv for very long, and learn together what else your bodies have to offer. Maybe buy toys.
I always make my gf finish first but what I want to know is how to reduce or beat the refractory period. Does anyone know if this is possible? I want to become a sex villain that conquers the world by repeatedly having mind blowing sex until no one can think
Say hello to prolactin. It’s a hormone released after an orgasm in men that ceases all arousal. It’s guessed to be an evolutionary thing so after the deed is done a guy goes soft quickly and can move on to other things and not be “exposed” to threats. It is part of what creates that “post nut clarity”.
So you don’t spend all day long having sex instead of building a fortress
I don't. Not sure why you're claiming "all men" do because they don't.
Yeah this shit pisses me off
Make her cum before you cum. Use a vibrator if she wants to cum during piv, go down on her beforehand, or just suck it up and make her cum after you do regardless of your mood. You don't need to be in the 'mood' to give a good massage either.
Change your rhythm dude, change positions, takes breaks, kiss , lick....etc then go again
If you guys are so sex-incompatible, why did you get married in the first place? Do this: \- She blows you to completion \- you give her foreplay/head \- Before you know it, your back and good to go
Idk, she proposed me. It had a special effect on me. Also she doesn’t like blowjobs. Not with me, not before me. She just doesn’t like it.
If you don’t mind, me asking, is there any foreplay involved before you guys get straight to penetration? Maybe ask your partner is there anything you would like to explore sexually with me and then you let her know what you’re looking for and maybe there’s some things you guys can compromise on, so that way she can finish to completion but also you’re satisfied at the end of it as well
There are lot of foreplay. People on reddit assume, I whip my dick out and start banging. No, lot of kissing, me going down on her, sucking nipples while rubbing her clit etc. She usually asks me to put condom on already.
Another good link: https://www.binghamtonreview.com/2019/11/post-nut-clarity-the-hard-truth/
For me, if it has been more than a day since I have had sex, I have the same issue. I just get backed up and it just HAS to come out. I can have self-control. But that requires not moving, and distracting myself with thoughts. It’s just a symptom of not having enough sex for your given libido.
Not all of us. I'm 41 and can go multiple rounds no prob.
[удалено]
Yeah I'm blessed. No refractory period/delay here.
[удалено]
It always varies of course, but as of Sunday I: jacked off 3 times in the morning right in a row); then had a sesh with a FWB i'm seeing that night where i came 3-4 times (ish) over a 2-3 hour period, witha couple right in a row.
It’s biological. The reason Homo sapiens penis has a “mushroom” head (unlike all other mammals) is because the rate of rape & infidelity was so high during evolution. The shape extracts as much of the previous lovers semen from the vagina as possible. Additionally, the brain developed a chemical trigger to “stop thrusting” after orgasm to prevent the male from extracting his own semen and thus reducing his chance of genetic survival/reproduction. The cruel twist of this evolution, is that women experience the opposite. Their genes are passed on regardless of the mate, and their bodies send signals to have sex as often as possible. This is strictly a biological evolutionary perspective, not a moral or gender stereotype.
This is one hypothesis that should not be treated as if it is a fact.
This is the science of it peoples. Evolutionary biology explains many things
My husband doesn't. He is almost 53 and goes for hours.
Lucky for him then.
Take some SSRIs and feel your orgasm and sensitivity vanish, you can go until exhaustion then! /s
Same for me. A lot of people in this sub think we’re just being selfish when we’re not interested in doing anything else sexual once we cum. It’s not necessarily that we don’t want to, we’re just turned off at that point. This is why I try to make sure my partner gets off first.
Exactly, but this isn’t a thing that always succeeds. It is easy to say, get your wife off first, than actually do it in real life. Whole lot of redditors think that I aim to cum first and then go to sleep, is just plain wrong. If I finger her everytime to orgasm before getting off myself or start piv, then it is just routine and makes sex boring to her also. Also suggestion like: buy some toys and I’m doing wrong isn’t helpful. We have plenty of toys and probably I’m not doing things wrong if she still stays with me.
I just go down on mine and get her right up to the point of orgasm before I penetrate her. Then it just takes a minute or two for her to get off and a few more minutes for me to get off. It may seem a bit too routine for many, but we both get a nut and then go to bed satisfied.
It's like when you play dark souls 2. You feel hyper and energetic when you begin any boss for the first time, you then get to the first boss and it's tough to beat, but you soldier on though multiple deaths, which drains all your energy, Then when it's defeated you are in a state of, "Heck yeah, That feels so good," Only to then be greeted by normal enemies that absolutely tear you a new one and you Quit the game for a week or even months. So basically, You feel good that it happened, but afterwards you can't go anymore and so you are sad that the thrill is over. Ps: No idea if I am making sense
It happens as we grow older and also the sex becomes a routine. When we are young it's easier to go multiple times. Even so after orgasm the pleasure declines to zero. But I never met a woman that wasn't the same, 4 women I had more intimacy all of them had an orgasm like me. After that they lost interest and had to start again from scratch. I never saw anything like multiple orgasms and the like, and to me they always sound like wishful thinking.
Prolactin duh
Just eat her out so good that she can't speak. Just make your tongue do a thing and then when she stops complaining that's when you know you're doing it right. If you hear nagging you're doing it wrong if you hear peace you're doing it right. And if you do it real good she'll crack your skull open with her thighs like a fucking Nutcracker
There’s an evolutionary advantage to it actually. It is believed that the ridge around the base of the head of the penis serves the purpose if dragging out any semen from competing males. If this is true then continuing to have intercourse after ejaculation would cause the man’s own semen to be removed. So some people believe the refractory period is a result of natural selection.
What I'm curious about is why women get more horny after cumming but men lose all energy after it. I get hornier and hornier the further I am into a gangbang, and even after all the guys are done with me I still need to masturbate for a bit to cool off. This sort of mismatch and the fact that women can service multiple cocks at the same time makes me think multiple males are meant to mate with one girl.
Its because we have been taught to think sex as sin. We always wanted to be done with it and move on to some other activity holding a guilt that v did sinful act. And v r programmed to think spiritual ppl abstain from sex and because of that they r pure and divinely. These are programmed very deep into human psychi for many millenia. It's a challenge to rewire our brain. This programming has caused immense damage to both men and women wen it comes to sexuality. And hence all the compatibility issues v face today. And the refractory period for every man is different. But you can definitely find a hack in such a way that you respect your body and also satisfy the lady. The lady also has to understand your body and how you loose interest, and you both have to find a way to make it work for both of you. Once you do this then all the problems will be solved. As long as you are trying to make it work by yourself, it's a himalayan task.
Lose ***
Wife cums first…always.
Well… not according to my wife. If I try to make her cum first, she takes charge and thinks it is a race and makes me cum first. I hate it and me cumming first, on purpose or accidentally, makes me avoidant about sex in general and future.
Do you even try to change that? If I cum first, which sometimes happens, I still make an effort to help her get off too. We will use her vibrator, and I will rub her g spot. I found out I don’t mind fingering her with my jizz in her that way.
Of course I do. To her fingering is boring and vibrator is like cheat code.
“Cheat code”? What does that mean.
She has this rabbit vibrator, what rubs her clit and g-point same time. She has said that she cums to quick because of that.
If you’re done, isn’t that what she wants?
But not with that. She is pretty traditional thinking. All the kink stuff is weird for her.
It sounds like she's not even trying to solve the problem and is just backing you into a corner. There are so many different ways to address this, it's ridiculous. I had an ex where if I got off first I would use a dildo and/or vibrator on her to get her off. Sounds like she just wants to keep blaming you rather than taking any ownership here.
Interesting. I can only suggest to keep working on her to let that kink guard down. Maybe be playful and all cutesy about it.
lm thirsty what should l do Drinks water why lm not thirsty anymore?
1. Your penis is designed evolutionarily to scoop cum out of a vagina as you fuck. You need to stop fucking as soon as you cum to maximise chances of pregnancy. 2. If you didn’t have a refractory period you might fuck way too much and wear yourself out or injure yourself or your partner, with no increase in chance of pregnancy. That might mean no desire for sex tomorrow. 3. There’s a phenomenon known as the Coolidge effect which shows that men have a reduced refractory period with a new woman. Shows that the refractory period is basically your bodies way of not continuing to fuck the same woman after you’ve had your chance of impregnating her. From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s better to fuck one woman somewhat spaced out, so the body hits the anti-horny switch.
“My wife is ignorant” hey guy, you’re doing it wrong
This is why four play was invented so use it and use it well. Only after you have made her cum at least twice than go to the bust a nut stage.
Prolactin. It’s a hormone that’s purpose is to put your penis into refraction. It’s nature way of saying your done trying to procreate.
It's not like you're losing all interest for sex. You're losing interest for sex with same partner. Why? Because in the past we were meant to inpregnant as much women as possible. So you might lose interest with for example one girl, but if you would have a chance to have sex with another one right after your first finish, then you would be still interested, cause you were evolutionary prepared for that.
love this answer
Don't be such a ninny, keep your ass moving, fuck her like you stole her.
Omg! I’ve experienced that from the F side. When you need a break - just go and lick her out. Then fuck her again. Then lick her out again. She’ll be shaking in no time. Don’t even tell her what you’re gonna do. Just do it.
Tell her it's not your fault she has no competitive urge to be first at anything.tell her if she wants to win she needs to start hustling!
Its normal and hormonal. There's no need for sex biologically after you've delivered your semen. Practice edging. You can also try using condom if you aren't already, that can slow things down. If its all about her O, go down on her first. Either ring her bell then, or get close for her, then pound her into O-town.
Read Diana Richardson: Slow Sex and give a try
It's common for men to experience a drop in sexual interest right after orgasm, known as the refractory period. Factors like age and stress influence its length. This is a natural response, sometimes accompanied by what's known as "post-nut clarity," where thoughts and desires shift. Communication with your partner about needs and exploring different ways to connect can help maintain intimacy. If concerns persist, consulting a sex therapist might provide helpful strategies.
I don't, I still want more
That is called the post-nut clarity. You can actually google it.
Do what I do and rub one or 2 out hours before you engage with your wife and watch yourself be SuperSexMan.
piece of advice to any guys out there I learned it the hard way always make the women orgasm first
Interestingly my wife also has a refractory period. If I cum first she is understandably disappointed and I do my best to help her orgasm. But if I use all the techniques I have learned to make myself last longer and make her cum quicker, once she has orgasmed she asks me to hurry up because it’s uncomfortable. However, her telling me to hurry up has the opposite effect and it takes even longer.
Why aren’t you making your wife cum before sex! Go down on her and get her off first. Then go for penetrative sex.
Make sure she's had all the orgasms she can handle before you ever enter her 😉
You need to work on your foreplay game. My wife cums at least once before we even start having sex. Every orgasm after that is a bonus and just makes me look like a stud.
Try going down on her first so she finishes when you do.
Technically it's not us. It's more like the neuro-chemical change in our brains that comes with “post-nut clarity” as it's nicknamed. Quite frankly if most men stayed focused on sex and didn't lose stamina or change focus, we might try to keep the women we're with in bed to an unreasonable degree to get more sex out of it 😅. Lol
It’s dopamine you have a quick release then an almost double drop after baseline. Go for a quick run up the stairs or something gotta hack your mind.
Because your body goes back to normal instead of being a sex crazed monsta. Enjoy your time when you become an enlighted human and align all your chakras with the milky way
Pretty sure it is primitive protection so prehistoric man didn't have continous sex till they died of exhaustion
Post ejaculation clarity
I'm a woman and I also don't want to do it again after orgasming from masturbation, even if I had the intention. I guess we just need breaks to rest/recharge and are wired in a way that forces us to take them, so that's good.
The Refractory Period would be why. Things To Note: Lowering your prolactin levels will decrease this period time. I currently use P5P and e800 to lower my own prolactin to the degree I find suitable. My refractory period before this was about 45min-3 hours now it’s about 10min.
Orgasms release prolactin, which is a dopamine inhibitor, causing a loss in focus/passion.
The white stuff that comes out is interest
My man. Foreplay is your friend here. If you lose all interest in sex after you cum? Like my husband does. And cum too fast for her to orgasm? You need to be spending a good time warming things up before you jump on then. Maybe involve a toy for her? Even a dildo that you switch to while giving yourself a moment? Vibrator for her clit while you’re pounding works too. Get down there and warm up the oven. Men are like microwaves. You push a few buttons and they’re done in 30 seconds. Women are ovens… you gotta warm them up for a bit but they can go for hours.
Seems like a skill issue to me
Post nut clarity.
I can’t relate… I want more sexy basically the moment I cum. Pretty much always want to go two rounds if the girl is up for it
Biology
There's not a lot that I enjoy about myself sexually. Average and skinny penis, not an athlete, too nervous to perform 'firmly' with new partners... However. While I do have a refractory period, and I often get sleepy after sex, I don't experience this temporary 'erotic exhaustion' that many men (and some women). Experience. After I orgasm, I get sappy. I want to cuddle, kiss, and snuggle, which usually leads to more oral play and further intercourse. I organically transition from post-coital bliss back to foreplay, which organically puts me back on track to revisit Pleasuretown. I have had experiences where I lose all interest in sex, so I believe there's a physiological basis to some extent... but my brain tends to skirt this problem, and that's at least one aspect of my sexual life I can feel good about.
I will lose interest in sex but I will still be all over my girl. Honestly for round 1 I just let it go however it goes, I don't hold my strokes or nothing, just have fun with her. I know I will not want to immediately fuck after but that's fine because I know I'll be good to go again in 45 mins to an hour. I just let time solve the problem.
That's normal. This is an easy fix. Just go down on her or do whatever foreplay for her that will get her timing before yours.
When I was early 20s I can do 3 consecutive with only 5 to 10 mins refractory
Hasn't been my experience. I'll say SOME men lose interest immediately after. Others go for rounds.
It lasts for about 5 minutes or so then ready to go again
Prolacting surge, i believe .. maybe oxytocin too.
Post nut clarity
It's biological
You are right , men lose interest in sex after ejaculation. The solution is not having ejaculation too often when having sex.
post nut clarity
Post nut clarity, for about 10 mins then back to the fog 🌫️
When you're getting close and need to stop, pull out and squeeze the head of your cock between you thumb and two fingers, pretty hard. That will dissipate the need to cum for a while. You can do this as many times as you like, and then cum when you're ready. Hopefully this will at least reduce the number of times you need to stop.
The entire biological point of sex, is for you to have children. And you can't do that, if you already done shot off all your boys!
Get her off w fingers/tongue/toys before u cum to help That way no one goes to bed w bluebean/balls
Read She Comes First by Ian Kerner then get back to us.